Chapter Text
Kai knew he might never heal
For the longest time, he had only seen the darkness. Only felt the every-dying peace that life had to offer for him. For the longest time, he just sat, thought and simply never moved on. And for the longest time, he looked at the graves and only saw the stone.
Didn't see the name
Didn't go over their life's story
Because in a sense, he was too numb for that already
When Skylor came over, she had tried her best. Holding him into the later parts of the night, rubbing his back in only someone who could relate felt. She wiped away his tears, gave him food, but eventually had to leave.
She said she would return
But Kai didn't know if he believed her
So here he was, sitting at the cemetery in front of Lloyd's grave. Trying to feel any kind of emotion, trying to be human. He was deep in thought that he didn't notice someone sitting down next to him.
"Fancy, isn't it? I thought it would be more….simple."
Kai looked over and gasped, his hands flying to his mouth. Lloyd – in whatever form – was sitting next to him, smiling. His form flicked, as if it wasn't real. More like a spirit kind of way, that only someone who was visiting from the great beyond could attain.
"Wha..Wh…How…you…here?" Kai stuttered, shocked beyond words.
Lloyd smiled. "I know, you probably have a lot of questions."
"…I..I do"
"Well, first off. How am I here? Well, my grandfather pulled some strings for me to come visit you. Said that you needed to see me." Lloyd's face darkened. "Kai, you seem really down."
Kai furiously wiped away his tears. He thought that he ever got to see his dead brother again, he would be happy beyond anything. But now, now all he felt was anger. His brother suddenly showing up, saying he was down. Which was true, but that didn't make matters better.
Lloyd didn't have to go through losing all his brothers
Losing his sister
Losing all his joy, happiness
How dare Lloyd come here and say he was a little down, say that it wasn't reasonable to be sad. Even if he didn't say it, Kai knew. He always knew.
"Yes, yes Lloyd, I'm a little down! You want to know why? Because I've lost everything, I lost you, I lost Cole and Jay, I lost my own gosh darn sister. And Zane. So yes, Lloyd, I'm a little down."
"Kai…"
"And you come here, all happy to see your depressed older brother. Well Lloyd, you don't know! YOU DON'T KNOW!" By the end of his speech, Kai was out of breath, his breaths coming out in pants.
His anger was quickly resolved, turning into a heart-wrenching sadness. It was back to where it started, a hopeless cause. Lloyd didn't say anything, he just sat, his form flickering ever so slightly. His face was as calm as it could ever be. Making the fiery ninja a little jealous.
Then he stood up
"Kai, could I say something?"
A pause
Then a nod
Lloyd smiled. "Kai, I'm proud of you. For being so strong, even though all this."
"But…but I'm not strong," Kai whispered, tears falling down his cheeks. "I didn't save you, or Cole. Not Jay, Zane. I couldn't even save my own sister."
A familiar tightening in his throat, as his eyes stung from all the years of losing those he loved. His heart clenched, his hands resting aimlessly by his sides. His pain ran deep down to his bones, evicting all happiness from residing in his system.
Kai didn't know where to go next
He felt so lost, so forgotten. Everybody was gone, moving on without him. He didn't save any of them, he didn't even try.
How could Lloyd say he was proud of him when he did nothing to be proud of
"Kai, you couldn't control it…"
He knew
And yet it didn't change anything
"What do I do next?" He whispered. "How do I wake up every morning pretending that I'm truly happy?"
The rest was unspoken
Pretending that he wasn't exhausted, fatigued with the burden of knowing they were gone. It wasn't as simple as that.
It wasn't as simple as a 'it wasn't your fault'
"How do I heal?" Tears ran down his cheeks, as sobs rang out of his throat. He grabbed at the dirt, and the weeds. Pulling them as he furiously threw them.
With every piece of grass thrown was another regret he had yet to see
He felt it before he saw it
Lloyd had gotten up and wrapped him in the warmest, most tender hug he had ever been given. It had the strength of ten sun's, the meaning running even deeper. Kai grabbed at him, pulling him closer. It was the only thing he could mentally grasp at in that moment.
His hands trembled against Lloyd's back, as sobs continued to run their course. Hearts pumping, eye's closed. Kai almost felt whole again.
Then he opened his eyes
And Lloyd was gone
To anyone, it would've seemed like a wild dream from all the tears shed. But to Kai, he knew. He had always known. But just hadn't allowed himself to see it yet.
In the world of building blocks, a falling out day by day. Kai finally saw it. That day, he had turned around.
Cole
Jay
Zane
Nya
And Lloyd all waved. Their forms flickering. Kai gasped, tears flowing down his pale cheeks. He smiled. For the first time in weeks, he laughed with joy. Wetly he might add. But it did the job. Then they disappeared, just like Lloyd.
At first, it was a little sad to see them all go. But Kai finally felt whole once again, knowing that his siblings were finally happy. And one day, he would join them.
But today was not that day
Time doesn't heal all wounds
For some, it might take years. Kai could personally testify to that. For some, some wounds might never heal.
But there is hope, in every corner. Sometimes, all you need to do.
Is look
And just maybe, you'll find something that wasn't there before