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An Unfortunate Occurrence

Summary:

The chat that 1-A has been using instead of just talking to each other like normal people can be summed up in one short sentence from Jirou;

 

Kyouka: You either die a Midoriya or live long enough to see yourself become a Bakugou

 

A day does not go by without someone attempting to escape the chat, but they always come back eventually.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter Text

Ochako: GUYS

 

Ochako: OH M GOD

 

Ochako: GUESS WHO DEKU THINKS IS HOT

 

Izuku: th

 

Tenya: URARAKA THIS IS AN INAPPROPRIATE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION FOR THE CLASSROOM GROUPCHAT

 

Shouto: tell m

 

Shouto: tell m e

 

Katsuki: WHO THE FUCK IS IT ROUNDFACE

 

Tsuyu: Isn’t this private?

 

Tsuyu: ribbit

 

Ochako: NO ITS FUNNY I PROMISE

 

Izuku: thank you for being the only one who actually cares about me, Tsuyu

 

Tsuyu: No problem Izuku

 

Shouto: tell me now please

 

Izuku: thanks Todoroki

 

Eijirou: I WANNA KNOW

 

Denki: ME TOO

 

Izuku: T HANKS YOU GUYS

 

Katsuki: SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT

 

Ochako: AIZAWA SENSEI

 

Shouto: oh

 

Iida: NOW I CANNOT REPORT THIS CONVERSATION TO OUR INSTRUCTOR

 

Iida: URARAKA A REPRIMAND MUST BE PUT INTO PLACE

 

Shouto: I

 

Shouto: I don’t know how to feel about that

 

Katsuki: THE FUCKING T E A C H E R

 

Denki: ME AND KIRISHIMA ARE SHITTING OURSELVES AHAHAHA

 

Ochako: I KNOW RIGHT HES LIKE 35

 

Izuku: OKAY NOW I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF

 

Katsuki: SHUT UR FUCKIN FACE

 

Katsuki: THATS FUCKING ILLEGAL

 

Katsuki: AND IMMORAL WHAT THE FUCK

 

Denki: THE NICEST ONE IN THE CLASS HAS THE DARKEST SECRET LMAOOOO

 

Izuku: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT

 

Izuku: FUCK YOU BAKUGOU HE’S A TILF GET OUT OF MY FACE

 

Eijirou: THE ONE TIME MIDORIYA STANDS UP FOR HIMSELF AND ITS OVER THIS ARGUMENT

 

Katsuki: DID OYU FUCKIGH CALL ME BAKUGOU

 

Izuku: YEAH IM MAD OVER THIS

 

Izuku: U KNO WHAT?????

 

-Shinsou Hitoshi has been added to the group!-

 

Izuku: Shinsou, isn’t Aizawa Sensei hot? :) pls dont lie

 

Hitoshi: H

 

Hitoshi: hes

 

Hitoshi: he

 

Izuku: its okay take your time

 

Hitoshi: He could strangle me with his scarf things and I would say thank you

 

Izuku: SEE!?

 

Katsuki: WHO THE FUCK EVEN IS THIS

 

Ochako: IM. CRIYING

 

Ochako: blease tell me who else you’re interested in

 

Izuku: You’ll just say something else :(

 

Ochako: I PR OMISS I WONT

 

Shouto: my body is actively decaying as this conversation continues, I just want you guys to know that

 

Katsuki: SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

Katsuki: FUCKING

 

Katsuki: ICYHOT

 

Denki: IM SEIZING

 

Kyouka: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 

Kyouka: Midoriya please tell us who else you think is hot

 

Izuku: that one really, really (really) tall detective with the short dark hair

 

Ochako: I cannt breathe

 

Ochako: deku hes like thirtyh

 

Ochako: Oh my goh

 

Izuku: YOU SAID YOUWOULDNT SAY ANYTHING!!!

 

Hitoshi: I would let him raw me

 

Izuku: Shinsou understands me I’m moving to the gen ed course

 

Izuku: he’s a better friend than any of you are

 

Denki: KIRISHIMA IS HYPERVENTILATING AHA

 

Shouto: I’m very sad

 

Kyouka: It’s okay lol just be over 28 and it looks like Midoriya will be interested in you

 

Izuku: What???

 

Shouto: ah,

 

Kyouka: LOL OH NO

 

Izuku: I thought officer Tsukauchi was 32????

 

Ochako: hhh

 

Ochako: hhhoh

 

Ochako: that hurt s

 

Kyouka: I just witnessed a fucking death

 

Katsuki: I almost feel fucking bad for this guy

 

Denki: this kid just got straight curved and he wasn't even trying to finesse

 

Izuku: WHAT WAS I WRONG ABOUT THE AGE???

 

Ochako: just sit there and look pretty Izuku it’ll be okay

 

Shouto: no it won’t

 

Eijirou: oh my goD

 

-

 

Ochako: deku, I have a question

 

Ochako: other people can answer this but it’s mostly for you Deku

 

Izuku: yeah?

 

Ochako: Do you think present mic is hot?

 

Izuku: uh, no not really I guess

 

Ochako: wait what

 

Katsuki: Deku are you fucking lying

 

Eijirou: what??

 

Izuku: no not really

 

Ochako: What’s different about him!? He’s handsome!

 

Izuku: I don’t really know! I guess I don’t really like his hair?

 

Ochako: hmm, do you like any other teachers?

 

Izuku: WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED?

 

Izuku: also I like how you guys think I’m immediately interested in every man that’s over the age of 20 it’s really flattering and doesn’t make me feel like a degenerate at all

 

Shouto: Uraraka these conversations just make people hurt, I want you to know that

 

Ochako: TODOROKI HUSH AND IZUKU IM JUST REALLY CURIOUS BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS REALLY FUNNY

 

Ochako: you don’t even have to tell me teachers!! Any hero will do!!! :D !

 

Izuku: I will literally get dragged so hard for this

 

Izuku: I don’t think I can handle it

 

Katsuki: yeah you fuckin will

 

Shouto: my heart hurts but still I read on

 

Momo: Todoroki, please

 

Shouto: I am a masochist, it seems

 

Momo: TODOROKI PLEASE

 

Ochako: EVERYONE STOP IZUKU PLEASE TELL ME

 

Izuku: I REALLY DONT WANT TO

 

Katsuki: FUCKING DO IT

 

Eijirou: PLEASE

 

Ochako: PEER PRESSURE ALWAYS WORKS

 

Izuku: INGENIUM IS REALLY HANDSOME

 

Izuku: LIKE REALLY REALLY HANDSOME

 

Ochako: AAAAAAAAAAA AA

 

Izuku: IIDA I WAS JEALOUS OF YOU FOR A WHILE BECAUSE YOU DIDNT APPRECIATE IT

 

Tenya: MY. BROTHE R

 

Tenya: IF I APPRECIATED MY BROTHER LIKE YOU APPRECIATE HIM, I WOULD BE A VERY IMMORAL INDIVIDUAL

 

Denki: IS THAT A EUPHEMISM I SMELL

 

Ochako: IM HOLLERING SO LOUD THIS IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER CONVO

 

Katsuki: DONT TALK ABOUT DEKU LIKE THAT

 

Katsuki: ITS MAKING MY HEAD HURT WHAT THE FUCK THATS GROSS

 

Eijirou: don’t hide ur true self,,

 

Katsuki: FUCK OFF

 

Katsuki: I DONT WANT TO FUCKING THINK ABOUT DEKU HAVING A FAT FUCKING CRUSH ON FOUR EYES’ BROTHER

 

Izuku: KACCHAN ST OPP

 

Denki: okay but is literally no one going to talk about the fact that Todoroki is in the living room being a sad boi

 

Hanta: I think it’s real funny

 

Ashido: wildin’

 

Izuku: Todoroki is upset??? Why?? :(

 

Eijirou: I feel real bad for Todoroki man,

 

Denki: yeah fuck dude this is almost painful

 

Izuku: what????? Is he sick or something??? :((

 

Eijirou: I’m sweating rn

 

Tenya: The only thing I am truly curious about is why no one is talking about Midoriya liking my older brother.

 

Tenya: He is twelve years older than us.

 

Izuku: I’m sorry Iida, but he’s really handsome. It’s not my fault

 

Tenya: Why does it seem as if you are not being genuine?

 

Katsuki: BECAUSE HES AN IMMORAL PIECE OF SHIT

 

Katsuki: I BET YOU HAVE A FUCKING HARD ON FOR ALL MIGHT

 

Izuku: NOT REALLY

 

Izuku: I DUNNO WHY BUT HE SEEMS REALLY FATHERLY SINCE HE STARTED TEACHING US. PLUS I NEVER LIKED HIM LIKE THAT BEFORE

 

Katsuki: IM FUCKING CALLING UR BLUFF

 

Shouto: Midoriya I just think that you don’t like blonds

 

Izuku: TODOROKI!!!! :D YOU’RE BACK AND YOU’RE ALSO RIGHT!!!!!!!

 

Izuku: THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT INTO WORDS :DDD

 

Katsuki: TF U MEAN U DONT LIKE BLONDS

 

Katsuki: BLOND HAIR IS BETTER THAN GREEN HAIR WHAT THE FUC K

 

Kyouka: I’m screenshotting all of this

 

Izuku: alright, that’s fair

 

Izuku: Also Kacchan I’m sorry but your hair is kind of gross

 

Katsuki: W HAT. THE. FUCK. D. E. K. U.

 

Shouto: I feel a lot better now for some reason

 

Shouto: I have no idea why

 

Momo: Todoroki you’re not subtle at all

 

Izuku: What would he have to be subtle about???

 

Ochako: I’m choKING

 

Ochako: IIDA IS IN MY ROOM AND HES UPSET

 

Izuku: AW TELL HIM IM REALLY SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO ACTUALLY MAKE HIM UPSET

 

Katsuki: IM FUCKING UPSET

 

Izuku: okay.

 

Katsuki: FUCK YOU

 

Shouto: I’m feeling real good

 

Denki: I’m literally shitting my pants right now

 

Eijirou: that’s hot

 

Denki: thanks bro, I try

 

Ochako: Okay wait Deku, this is the last question. Do you think anyone of our age group is hot?

 

Izuku: ah,

 

Eijirou: CONDEMNED

 

Izuku: there’s a few????

 

Ochako: TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL MEEE PRETTY PLEASE

 

Shouto: I am intrigued

 

Momo: SELF LOVE TODOROKI WE TALKED ABOUT THIS

 

Shouto: that can wait for later

 

Izuku: Tetsutetsu, Juzo and Yosetsu from 1-B are all really handsome! Same with Yo Shindou and Yoarashi from the hero license tests!

 

Izuku: Hatsume from support is really pretty too! Tsunatori Pony and Kendou from 1-B are cute too :D

 

Shouto: I feel a visceral betrayal

 

Shouto: Yaoyorozu you were right

 

Ochako: No 1-A boys???? Or girls?????

 

Izuku: I just thought it would be weird to say over text!

 

Shouto: There’s a chance !

 

Ochako: that’s real cute

 

Eijirou: Literally such a good guy

 

Eijirou: Midoriya ur my favorite

 

Izuku: :D

 

Katsuki: Is everyone fucking forgetting the fact that he likes men 10+ years older than him

 

Eijirou: Bro we all have our vices

 

Ochako: don’t kinkshame Bakugou >:(

 

Katsuki: Literally I hate all of you so fucking much, especially you Deku

 

Katsuki: Tell me who the fuck you think is hot in 1-A and I might fucking forgive you

 

Eijirou: HIS STRATEGY REVEALS ITSELF

 

Denki: IM SHAKING HES LITERALLY NOT SLICK AT ALL

 

Denki: MIDORIYA BAKUGOU WANTS TO FUCKIN EAT UR DICK LOL

 

Katsuki: You’re going to die now.

 

Shouto: Bakugou I will kill you

 

Shouto: With my actual hands

 

Izuku: Haha no! I’m sure he just wants to know like the rest of you!

 

Izuku: Besides I don’t think Kacchan likes boys

 

Katsuki:

 

Shouto: I’ll kill you

 

Eijirou: I’m going to jump off the school roof because the secondhand embarrassment that’s coming from my phone screen is making me feel sick

 

Ochako: this was supposed to be fuNNY

 

Ochako: BUT INSTEAD ITS HILARIOUS

 

Izuku: KACCHAN DO U LIKE BOYS

 

Katsuki: It depends on who you find hot in 1-A

 

Shouto: I’m with Jirou and Momo and Jirou wants you to know that she thinks you’re as smooth as sandpaper

 

Katsuki: Tell earphone bitch to fuck off

 

Shouto: She said to tell you that she thinks you’re a bitch who can either put up or shut up

 

Shouto: 100% her words and not mine I promise

 

Izuku: uh, I think Iida is really handsome! And Kirishima you too! :D Everyone in 1-A is really handsome, it’s actually kind of intimidating

 

Izuku: And with the girls I think Tsuyu-chan is really cute! Ochako, you’re really pretty too! And Ashido is really beautiful!

 

Ashido: Literally im gonna give you a fat fuckin smooch at school tomorrow

 

Eijirou: oh my god Ilove you

 

Eijirou: this is such an honor

 

Eijirou: I want a medal

 

Ochako: I want you to know I literally teared up really hard right now and Iida says thank you too

 

Tsuyu: Thank you, that means a lot to me

 

Tsuyu: ribbit

 

Katsuki: Is it because of my hair

 

Denki: “babe I can change I promise”

 

Shouto: I’m hurting again

 

Izuku: Kacchan, you’re handsome too! I said everyone is handsome

 

Izuku: Okay except for you Todoroki

 

Shouto: Literally why though

 

Katsuki: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

 

Ochako: FCK

 

Denki: IM SCREENSHOTTING

 

Izuku: Because you’re pretty! You’re more of a pretty boy! :D

 

Izuku: Oh no the message was late!

 

Izuku: Todoroki I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings!

 

Izuku: Todoroki???

 

Izuku: Oh no! :0 I hope I really didn’t hurt his feelings :(

 

Eijirou: It’s alright dude he’ll be fine

 

Izuku: :(

 

Katsuki: okay but why am I not the hottest

 

Izuku: I think it might,, actually be the hair,,, maybe ,,

 

Katsuki: fuck you

 

Denki: u wish lol

 

Katsuki: If homicide was legal you would be fucking dead

 

Shouto: I’m back. I just wanted to say thank you a lot. Thankyou I like feeling pretty

 

Izuku: You’re the prettiest!

 

Shouto: you’re my best friend

 

Izuku: AWW

 

Eijirou: I’m crying alone in my dark ass room literally this has been the nicest ten minutes of my life because when Midoriya compliments you u know that it’s true

 

Izuku: :D

 

Eijirou: This whole conversation radiates pleasant feelings

 

Katsuki: I don’t feel good

 

Izuku: Aww Kacchan :( I really do think you’re handsome though!!

 

Katsuki: wow thanks nice to know I’m fucking ugly

 

Izuku: Kacchan no!

 

Katsuki: don’t lie to my fucking face Deku. Say i'm fucking ugly

 

Izuku: You’re not ugly!!!!

 

Shouto: You’re ugly

 

Izuku: you’re not ugly

 

Katsuki: tell my im fucking ugly or I’ll kill the electric asshole

 

Denki: WHAT DID I DO

 

Izuku: Kacchan! You’re not ugly! >:(

 

Shouto: you’re really ugly

 

Shouto: when you do the lip thing it makes my stomach hurt

 

Katsuki: Deku tell me I’m fucking ugly

 

Ochako: what’s h appening

 

Eijirou: I DONT. KNOW

 

Izuku: I don’t think that though!

 

Katsuki: THEN FUCKING LIE

 

Izuku: okay :(

 

Izuku: Kacchan you’re fucking ugly

 

Shouto: Wow. I feel the same way !

 

Katsuki:

 

Katsuki: I think I need to go to recovery girl

 

Izuku: Kacchan!!! I’m sorry!!!! You told me to!! :(((

 

Katsuki: don’t talk to me I’m ugly

 

Izuku: KACCHAN YOURE NOT FUCKING UGLY OH MY GOD

 

Izuku: STOP FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS IM FUCKING TURNING MY PHONE OFF IM SUCH OF THIS SHIT

 

Izuku: YOU GUYS BOTHER ME ABOUT THE GUYS I LIKE WHAT THE HELL THIS CONVERSATION WAS ONLY ABOUT MY TASTES FUCK. LITERALLY FUCK YOU GUYS WHAT THE HELL

 

Izuku: FUCK THIS IM GETTING FOOD

 

Izuku: IF YOU TEXT ME IM BLOCKING UR FUCKING NUMBERS

 

-Midoriya Izuku has left the group message!-

 

Ochako: OH NO

 

Shouto: Is it bad that I liked that

 

Katsuki: fuck

 

Fumikage: I took a single, one (1) hour long nap and I wake up to this

 

Fumikage: What a mad banquet of darkness

 

Eijirou: Look what we turned him into. He doesn’t deserve this.

 

Denki: I just like making fun of Bakugou this is literally all on you guys

 

Shouto: I’ll track him down, give me thirty minutes

 

Hitoshi: This is why Monoma hates 1-A

 

Kyouka: You either die a Midoriya or live long enough to see yourself become a Bakugou