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2020-05-25
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2024-05-19
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31/?
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My quirk is one gun, zero fucks.

Summary:

Midoriya Izuku was quirkless. In the eyes of many, he was weak. Nothing.
But Izuku Midoriya was more than that. He was Serpent - the moraled hitman for hire. He was the son of Hisashi Midoriya, a dorky and lovable father.
He had guns, and no fucks to give.
He would be a hero. Society be damned.

Notes:

Hey guys! Just... a new fic I started. I made the decision to post this at three am so lets see how that works.
Are you guys interested in this concept? Maybe?
Heres a discord from a few of my other fics:
https://discord.gg/8mE9jXR

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: A born marksman

Chapter Text

Hisashi Midoriya knew what stress was. After all, he was a government-sanctioned and hired hitman. He had been in so many life or death scrapes it was funny. But raising a kid was something of its own. 

Hisashi Midoriya reached out, cursing as his arms trembled, to gently touch the face of his beautiful baby son, Izuku. His wife, Inko, lay in the hospital bed, exhaustion plain in the deep eyebags and the slack face. But she radiated sheer joy as she cradled the tiny baby, one of her green locks gently falling onto the child's arm.

“Inko… may I hold him?” Hisashi asked quietly. His hands drew back, intertwining as he fidgeted nervously.

If anyone had seen him, the feared Dragon, in a cheesy medical mask with baby tigers on them, they would have fallen over laughing. If they had the guts to, they would probably point out that the mask, or the bright yellow hair cap he had, did not match the expensive-looking black suit he wore, or the red dragon designs on the arms and sides. They probably would have snickered as they took in his tie, secured around the fluffy black curls that the hair cap couldn’t contain.

“Hisashi dear, please take your pistol out and put it away. I don’t know how you got the thing in here.” Inko said firmly, before giggling as little Izuku held onto her thumb. “Hello, Izuku. Are you happy to see Mommy and Daddy?” She continued to coo at the baby as Hisashi hurriedly took off the ridiculous amount of weapons he had on him. Thankfully, she didn’t notice the machete or the collapsable bow. She would have had Hisashis head if she did.

“Ok, love, no more weapons,” Hisashi said, holding his arms out to prove it. Eyes widening as his wife held out the tiny, forest green bundle of blankets, Hisashi reached out with trembling arms.

Unbeknownst to him, a light trickle of smoke rose from his nose, causing Inko to chortle lightly. But he was too distracted by the shocking, vibrant green of his son's eyes. Emerald and so wonderfully elaborate, Hisashi felt as if he could look at his son forever.

“I love him…” he sniffled, hugging the child softly. Soot-black tears began to roll down his face as he started bawling. “Inko he has your eyes! I love him!” He slowly sunk to the floor, back pressed against the wall as he cradled his son and wept black tears.

“Hisashi, you’re more of a crybaby than I am…” Inko sighed. But inwardly, she was capturing the image. Her husband, looking ridiculous and frankly like an insult to fashion, crying like a baby over the somehow sleeping Izuku. (She pointedly ignored the pile of weapons in the corner of the room)

“I love him so much though!!” Hisashi Midoriya, feared assassin, wailed. “He’s so cute!”

_________

Six months old

Hisashi Midoriya loved his son. He really did. He was the best thing to happen to him since Inko.

But why did he have to cry at two in the morning?!

Groaning as he slid out of bed, Hisashi padded over to his son's room. He figured little Izuku would be crying due to needing a diaper change, or maybe a little company. As he twisted the doorknob, Hisashi could hear his wife's sleepy mumble of “Thank you love you” from his room and smiled softly. Anyone who said that taking care of children was the wife's duty could eat a bullet. 

To his surprise, Izuku had stopped crying the instant he stepped into the room. The tiny baby, in a slightly creepy display, was sitting in his crib, staring right. At. Hisashi. Happy gurgling could be heard from his crib.

“Hey little guy.” Hisashi groaned as he checked his son's horrific All Might diapers. Nothing. (why his wife chose the loud and obnoxious hero he would never know.) “Did you just want company?”

To his surprise, little Izuku nodded - or, what seemed like nodding. So, Hisashi lifted his son out of the light green crib, holding him as he sat down on the floor. He could feel the handle of the crib side table pushing unto his back as he leaned backward, but didn’t particularly care. “Ha, you're awfully smart little guy. You take after your Mum in that aspect.” Hisashi mumbled quietly, rocking Izuku. The baby looked up at him, a curious glint in his eyes. 

“Yeah, your mums a smart one…” Hisashi chuckled, watching as Izuku tried to grab hold of the embroidered HM on Hisashi’s pajamas. The baby settled for grabbing the pocket that it was embroidered on, resting his tiny head, already with a soft green fluff, on Hisashis chest. “Aw. You're too cute…”

Hisashi sat like that for a while, rambling on about various things - Inko mostly, but also random statements like “God I love you, you adorable bean.”. He also threw in a couple of his work stories - it was a baby, he couldn’t understand what his father was saying. He would probably forget it by morning.

Eventually, Hisashi felt the deep allure of sleep, pulling him in. His voice eventually trailed into barely distinguishable mutters, before turning into soft snores. His head dropped onto his chest, and a slight heat came from his breath, warming the little baby Izuku. His arms remained wrapped around Izuku, and in return, the baby refused to let go of his father's shirt.

That was how Inko found the two of them in the morning, sitting on the floor, both sound asleep. 

And if she took a picture, well, what Hisashi didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

__________

One year old

Where was Izuku?!  

Hisashi wanted to scream. His son had somehow disappeared from the kitchen, where he was playing as Hisashi cooked (burnt) dinner. Inko had to work an extra shift, meaning it was just him and Izuku for the night, so she didn’t have him so where was Izuku?!

“I turn around to cook the pork for two seconds” Hisashi mumbled, dropping to his knees and scanning underneath all the furniture (at around eight months Izuku got the nasty habit of crawling underthings.) No Izuku. “I don’t get it! He can’t walk yet, so how did he disappear!”

Hisashi clutched his head in distress as he ran through all of the rooms of the apartment. “Izuku!” He called frantically. Did someone steal him? Was he tracked back home after the latest Dragon mission? If anyone had laid a finger on his son he would make sure they never laid a finger on anything else.

Hisashi flung open his weapons room door, scanning the floor although the door had been closed. No Izuku.

Hisashi crawled on the floor, searching everywhere for his son. He opened closets, checked underneath beds, even checking the drawers. No Izuku.

Finally, Hisashi sank to the floor in despair. He had lost his son. Guilt and shame running through his mind, he dragged a hand through his hair. “Inko is going to kill me.” He murmured, before flopping over onto the ground. His “I’d take a bullet for a burger” apron (Inko did not approve) flapped onto his stomach. 

Hisashi let out a low, keening whine as he lay there, before dramatically draping an arm over his eyes. The smooth and quite expensive fabric of his dress shirt cooled his eyes, and he simply groaned. “Kill me now. There’s no point in going on. Oh, woe is me! Woe is me!” He muttered.

Suddenly, a small, young voice emitted from beside him. “Dada? Wot’s wronged?” The voice, melodious and smooth, came from beside him.

Hisashi leapt to his feet. His child, as he recalled, could not talk or walk

And yet stood in front of him, hair ruffled to one side, after inquiring what was wrong.

Hisashi said a quick prayer to whatever gods there were, before kneeling in front of his son. “Izuku?”

“Dada!” Izuku gurgled happily, before waving his arms in the typical ‘up! Up!’ Gesture. Hisashi, shocked, complied.

“Hey, I, I, uh, I didn’t know you could, um, talk .” Hisashi stuttered. Izuku didn’t reply, instead placing his head into Hisashi’s neck and shoulder area. “Uh, squirt?”

“Want to talky and happy mommy and you” Izuku muttered, which Hisashi translated to ‘i wanted to surprise and make you and mommy happy’

“Aw, Izuku…” Hisashi cooed, patting the soft head of his son gently. He could feel his heart almost burst with sweetness.

“I wuv you Dada…” Izuku said as he drifted off to sleep.

Hisashi, unsurprising, burst into tears.

Wait.

He…

He forgot to film it .

Inko was going to murder him.

__________

Age two

“HISASHI MIDORIYA!” The thunderous yell of Inko caused Hisashi to flinch sharply, the knife he was holding flying and embedding itself into a nearby wall. It had slid into the wall easily, showing off the quality of the blade - which Hisashi would have been happy about, if not for the fact that Inko was standing in the doorway… glaring at him. 

“Hisashi fucking Midoriya” His absolutely terrifying wife glared at him with enough venom to murder ten men. And oh boy, he knew that whatever he did, he fucked up. Times ten if she was cursing.

Some people would laugh - Dragon, the assassin, trembling under his wife? Pathetic.

Yeah, that was until you got served one of her spoon whacks. Hisashi could swear that she had a strength quirk, not a telekinesis quirk. 

“Yes honey?” He said, trembling as he hid his knives behind his back. He cast an eye towards the knife in the wall, hoping she wouldn’t notice it. “What-whats wrong?”

“Hisashi Midoriya.” She repeated - and oh god, she noticed the knife. Hisashi practically wilted underneath her harsh stare. Marching over to the knife, she yanked it out of the drywall and stalked towards him. “Go into your weapons room.” He hesitated. What was going on? “Now!”

Scrambling around his furious spouse, Hisashi nearly tripped over his too-long slacks. 

Feeling quite like he was being marched at gunpoint, Hisashi walked towards his closet of “Doom and Gloom” (Inkos words)

When he arrived, Hisashi Midoriya, the man who was never surprised, stopped dead and let his jaw hit the floor.

“WHY DOES IZUKU HAVE A GUN?!”

“AND HOW DID HE HIT A BULLSEYE?!”

“Hisashi”

“HE’S TWO”

“Hisashi”

“I’M SO PROUD”

“Hisashi he has a gun”

“YOU’RE JUST LIKE PAPA!”

“The child has a gun

Izuku gurgled with joy, as the target with three bullseyes sat on the wall opposite them.

Izuku Midoriya, indeed.