Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Love language #2: Quality time
Giving another person your undivided attention.

Charlie Spring couldn’t really remember a time when he wasn’t in love with Nick Nelson.

He’d been head over heels for his best friend since he was old enough to know what love was, but even before then, when they were just kids playing hide and seek on the playground, he loved him. It was the effortless kind of love that could only exist between partners in crime, confidantes, soulmates. The love they had for each other was woven into the fabric of their friendship, an invisible thread that bound them together and made them inseparable for the sixteen years they’d known each other.

The problem was, at some point, that love had evolved for Charlie, and it happened around the same time he realised he liked boys.

Suddenly Nick was no longer just Charlie’s best friend. He became the source of all his pleasure, his pain, his pining. Charlie noticed every miniscule movement he made, acutely aware of the way his bottom lip poked out when they played scrabble, or the little piece of unruly hair that always fell over his forehead when he was doing his homework. If there was a time Charlie didn’t notice these things, he couldn’t remember. He could only remember being in love with Nick.

Obviously, however, Nick was not in love with Charlie. He’d have to be an idiot to think that was a possibility, and he was actually the furthest thing from an idiot. He was very smart, in fact. A nerd, some would say.

Well, one person in particular.

“You’re such a nerd, Charlie. How are you this good at everything?”

Nick shoved him, attempting to knock him off balance as they perched on the end of his bed. Charlie kicked him in the leg.

“Stop trying to cheat!”

“Ow, my bloody shin!”

“Serves you right.”

Princess Peach passed the finish line with flying colours, Charlie throwing his arms in the air triumphantly and letting out a smug “a-HA!”

Nick threw his controller over his shoulder, puffing out his cheeks. “I give up. The day I beat you should be made into a national bank holiday.”

Charlie lay back, stretching his arms above his head and grinning. “It would be a historic occasion, I agree.”

The bed sagged as Nick joined him, resting his head on his elbow. “You know, you could just let me win one time.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

Charlie smirked. “Because then you won’t learn.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “You mean then I won’t have at least one thing I’m better at than you.”

“Um, hello? Rugby?”

Nick waved his arm dismissively. “Doesn’t count, you’re still pretty good at running which makes you good at rugby. I’m just shit at Mario Kart, full stop.”

“Jeez, don’t get your knickers in a twist about it,” Charlie mocked, poking him in the arm. Nick grabbed his finger, grinning as Charlie tried to pull away. There was a playful look in his eyes that suggested he was about to try and start one of the wrestling matches they used to do when they were kids. Charlie had stopped partaking in those when he realised his overwhelming crush on Nick meant he had no control over his body whatsoever and would rather endure a slow, torturous death by flesh-eating piranhas than have to explain away a boner.

Luckily, Nick seemed to rethink the idea, his smile faltering as he let go of his hand. Charlie tucked it under his chin, trying not to feel a little bit disappointed that Nick wasn’t currently pinning him to the bed.

The sound of Nick’s phone ringing broke the silence and he rolled away, looking for it. Nick never seemed to have his phone on him when he hung out with Charlie. It was nice, knowing he had his full, undivided attention. Too many people these days would find it impossible to tear their eyes away from their screens long enough to have a meaningful conversation.

“It’s Otis.”

Charlie sat up, watching as he declined the call. “What’re you doing? Aren’t you gonna answer him?”

“Nah.” Nick returned to his spot on the bed, picking up his controller again.

Charlie poked him with his foot. “What if it’s important?”

“If it’s important he’ll call again.” Nick let his head loll to the side, shooting Charlie his trademark puppy dog grin. “Rematch?”

He really was unbearably cute. “Nick, I honestly think you should-”

His phone pinged, the screen lighting up with a message. Nick sighed heavily, leaning over to read it. “See? He’s just asking if I want to go to the cinema with that lot tonight.”

Charlie felt sharp disappointment unfurl in his belly, jabbing at his insides. The time they spent together was never enough, and it still pained Charlie to watch him leave. He knew it was silly, embarrassing even, but he was in love, okay? Lovesick people were gross.

“We can have a rematch another time,” Charlie offered, trying to hide the crestfallen look on his face with a tight smile.

Nick just raised an eyebrow, ignoring his phone. “Well clearly I’m not going.”

“Oh. Okay.” Charlie fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt. “Do you have to be somewhere else instead?”

Nick stared at him. “Yeah, here, obviously. With you.”

An olympic gymnastics tournament was taking place in Charlie’s stomach, and he didn’t know what to do with his face. “You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to.”

There was a smile playing at the corner of Nick’s mouth. “Have you considered the possibility that maybe I want to, Charlie?”

“Really? You're sure?” Charlie asked, biting his lip. Sometimes he felt like he hogged Nick, taking him away from his other friends. He would hate to think Nick was only here because he felt like he had to be.

“Why is that always a surprise to you?” Nick laughed, his voice as soft as his gaze. “You’re my favourite person.”

A little whoosh of excitement swept through Charlie’s body at the look Nick was giving him when he said that. They were lifelong best friends, so it’s not like he didn’t know all of that already. It just never stopped sounding like music to Charlie’s ears.

“What are they going to see?”

“Hmm?”

“At the cinema.”

“Oh, the new marvel film.”

Charlie’s mouth fell open. “Nick!” He reached over and grabbed the controller out of his hand, ignoring his surprised protest. “Don’t be daft, you’ve wanted to see that for ages.”

Nick tried to snatch it back, but Charlie yanked it away, holding it in the air behind his shoulder.

“Gimme!”

“Not until you give me one good reason for staying here and doing boring shit with me instead of going out.”

Nick launched himself at Charlie suddenly, the pair of them tumbling backwards onto the bed. Charlie shrieked, desperately trying to keep the controller out of Nick’s reach. They grappled with it for a moment, Nick’s elbow accidentally colliding with his ribcage.

“Ow, jesus Nick, get off!”

“I want a rematch!”

Charlie froze when he realised how close their faces were. This was his nightmare, the one thing he always tried to avoid. Nick Nelson and his bloody obsession with wrestling.

Nick paused too, looking down from where he was currently kneeling over him, one hand pinning a skinny wrist to the bed. His hair tickled Charlie’s nose as their breaths mingled together.

“Fine, I miss you, okay?”

Charlie blinked, his brain catching up to his body. “What?”

Nick’s lips were slightly parted as he stared down at him, eyes wide. “I miss you. We haven’t hung out properly like this in…”

Charlie raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh in case the residual smell of his lunch was still clinging to his breath. Not a good idea when they were only inches apart. “It’s been, like, a week.” He wriggled, trying to free himself before the dreaded teenage hormones reared their ugly heads again.

Nick loosened his grip, sitting back on his heels as Charlie pushed himself into a seated position. “My point exactly.”

They shared a long look, Charlie admiring the flush on Nick’s cheeks as he smiled shyly at him. “Hang on, let me just clarify then.” He linked his fingers under his chin, the controller dangling from them. “You’re choosing me over marvel?”

Nick shrugged. “Like you even need to ask that question? Always, Charlie.”

Heat prickled the back of Charlie’s neck, drawing out goosebumps. This was so unbelievably unfair. Why did he have to fall so hard for his best friend? Unrequited love was such a bitch.

Charlie chucked the controller at Nick before he noticed how red his ears were. “Fine. But I get to be Yoshi this time.”

Nick laughed, eyes sparkling. “No chance.”

Chapter Text

Love language #4: Acts of service
Selfless, thoughtful acts that make a person’s life easier.

Charlie was painfully aware of the fact that everyone else at the table had finished eating.

He, on the other hand, still had most of his meal left and was pushing it around his plate, trying not to let the anxiety show on his face. His mum was oblivious as usual, and Tori had already disappeared upstairs, Olly on her heels. That just left Nick, who had only just swallowed his last bite. He’d eaten at an unusually slow pace tonight, glancing at Charlie every couple of minutes.

His mum checked her watch, sighing.

Internally, Charlie was screaming. His mum didn’t know about his…problem. No one did except Nick, and that was only because he’d guessed something was wrong when he noticed Charlie never ate his lunch at school. He couldn’t remember when it had first started, but at some point the simple act of eating had become something that filled him with dread. Being alone with his mum and a plate of food was his worst nightmare. Thank god Nick was here to offer some comfort.

“Sorry boys, I can’t wait any longer. Julio’s due any minute now.” She stood, pushing her chair back. “Charlie, will you do the dishes when you’re finished please?”

His relief at her departure was short lived, the icy grip of fear tightening around his chest at her request. He hated doing the dishes. Something about the leftover food on the plates made him nauseous, especially when he’d just spent forty minutes forcing himself to eat.

He dropped his fork as Jane left, putting his head in his hands. “I can’t do it,” he said softly.

Nick didn’t reply straight away, just scooted his chair a bit closer and rested his elbow on the table. “Remember last week, when you ate that whole bowl of rice krispies?”

Charlie raised his head. “Yes.”

“Do you remember what happened after?”

Charlie furrowed his brow in confusion, turning his head to face Nick. “Um. I don’t know. Nothing?”

Nick smiled slowly. “That’s right. Nothing.” He picked up Charlie’s fork and offered it to him, his gaze direct, but gentle. “Nothing bad is going to happen if you eat a bit more of this. I promise.”

Charlie swallowed down the lump in his throat as he took the fork from his best friend. He was so in love with him. “I’m struggling with...” He waved it at his broccoli and mash, unsure how to finish. Was it the texture? The smell? He honestly didn’t know. All he knew was that he couldn’t eat it. “I don’t know Nick, I just can’t manage it tonight, I mean it.”

Nick nodded like he understood. “Wait here.” He stood and cleared the table, scraping the plates into the bin, including Charlie’s almost untouched one. They clattered as he stacked them in the sink, turning on the hot tap. Then he opened the top cupboard above the kettle and pulled out a box of rice krispies, shaking them into a bowl and topping it up with milk from the fridge. Charlie watched him, feeling his anxiety ebb away. It was a weird type of therapy, watching Nick manoeuvre around his house like it was his own.

“Try this,” Nick said as he placed the bowl and a spoon in front of him. Then he turned away, knowing Charlie found it easier to eat without someone hanging over him.

Charlie stared into the bowl, poking at the cereal with his spoon. He attempted a mouthful, then another. His shoulders relaxed slightly.

Nick silently washed the dishes behind him, quiet splashing noises the only thing puncturing the silence as Charlie slowly ate. His frayed nerves started to repair themselves, bit by bit.

“Thank you,” he murmured as he brought his empty bowl to the sink.

Nick shrugged, scratching his nose and accidentally getting fluffy white suds on it. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You’ve got…” Charlie laughed as he reached out to wipe off the soap currently sliding down his face. He swore he heard Nick suck in a breath when his thumb grazed his skin. He pulled his hand away sharply, feeling like an idiot. “Sorry.”

Nick turned away, his ears pink. “S’okay. Thanks.”

“You’re too good to me, you know that?” Charlie asked as he leaned against the kitchen counter, watching Nick stack the last plate on the drying rack. “Like, what did I ever do to deserve you as my best friend?”

Nick smiled as he shed the rubber gloves and ran a hand through his hair. “You do lots of things for me too, Char.”

Normally he might have argued, but he didn’t have the energy tonight. They’d planned to curl up in front of the TV and do a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon, and Charlie’s food issues had already delayed that by an hour. “I’m tired,” he yawned into his sleeve.

“Oh, I brought you something actually.”

“Oh?”

They went through to the living room, Nick opening his bag. He pulled out his favourite blue hoodie, which also happened to be Charlie’s favourite, and held it out. “I thought this might make you feel better, seeing as you’re always stealing it.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “You seemed quiet today at school. So I thought you might be having a bad day.”

Charlie blushed as he stared at him. How did he always know exactly how he was feeling, and more importantly, exactly what to do about it?

He brushed his fingers over the soft, well-worn fabric as he took it from him. “Today hasn’t been the best.” He chewed his lip nervously. “Sorry if I ruined tonight.”

Nick’s hands curled around his upper arms. “You didn’t.”

“Sometimes I feel like such a…” he hugged the hoodie to his chest. “...a burden.”

Nick reached up and touched one of the curls that had flattened against Charlie's forehead when he'd had his head in his hands earlier. Charlie stopped breathing when he felt his knuckle brush against his forehead.

“You’re not a burden to me...” Nick’s mouth moved like he was going to say something else, then he stopped himself, fighting an internal battle. Eventually, he spoke again.

“I’d do anything for you, Charlie.”

Little sparks skittered out from under Nick’s fingers and down Charlie’s chest and arms as their eyes met, and he had to remind himself that this was Nick - his best friend Nick, who cared for him in a purely platonic way. A once-in-a-lifetime-friendship kind of way. And just as importantly, in a please-don’t-let-my-stupid-feelings-fuck-that-up type of way.

Charlie’s words seemed to be stuck somewhere near his tonsils, so he made a little noise in the back of his throat instead. It was the best he could do, given the circumstances.

He settled into the opposite end of the sofa to Nick, his legs tucked into the hoodie as he made sure no part of their bodies were touching. It was unusual for them to sit so far apart, their ease and comfort with each other usually leading to someone’s socked feet ending up draped over someone’s lap, but Charlie was a ticking time bomb right now and needed to rein it in before he did something stupid. His emotions were high and scattered today. The last thing he needed was to lose his mind over an accidental brush of Nick’s hand over his knee and blurt out that he was in love with him.

Still, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over to Nick’s face while he was deep into the movie. The glow of the TV illuminated the smattering of freckles across his cheeks and his slightly swollen mouth from where he’d chewed on it during his favourite scene. Charlie watched as he licked his lips, wondering what they’d feel like against his temple.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Nick said softly, his voice tinged with amusement as he turned his head. Charlie snapped his head forward, feeling foolish.

“Shut up.”

Chapter Text

Love language #5: Receiving gifts
Tangible tokens of love and thoughtfulness.

“Hi Charlie - Nellie, get down! Oh my god, sorry, hey, don’t - Nicholas, what are you doing? ”

Charlie couldn’t help but laugh as every member of the Nelson household seemed to answer the door at the same time, Nick immediately shoving his mum and dog out of the way so he could launch himself into Charlie’s arms.

“I missed you too,” Charlie giggled as his hands curled around Nick’s shoulders. Nick said nothing, just buried his face in Charlie’s neck and let out a contented hum.

“Let him in, Nick, honestly!”

Sarah was smiling fondly at both of them as Nick eventually let go, pulling Charlie over the threshold and into the house.

“How was Menorca Sarah?” Charlie asked as he shrugged off his light jacket. It was one of those weird British weather days, when it didn’t seem to know if it was going to chuck it down or scorch the earth with sunshine.

“Oh, just lovely wasn’t it Nicky? I can’t say I did much, I won’t lie.”

“We did a cookery course on a boat,” Nick gushed, grinning. God, he was so cute.

“Oh! Yes, we did do that. Too much sun has fried my brain!” Sarah chuckled, turning away to put the kettle on.

“Oh really? What did you make?” Charlie was biting down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing.

“All sorts. Paella, tapas, seafood. I ate a lot of cheese, too.”

Charlie really did snort then, turning away because the excited look on Nick’s face was too much for his feeble heart to handle.

“Cup of tea Charlie?”

“Yes please, thanks Sarah.”

They carried their steaming mugs upstairs to Nick’s room in silence, Charlie admiring the slight sunburn on the back of Nick’s neck as he nudged his door open with his foot.

“I know it’s a bit pathetic but I really did miss you heaps.” Nick grinned as he put his tea down on his bedside table. “One of these days I will convince mum to let you come.”

Charlie let out a breathy laugh. “You mean convince my mum. I’m sure Sarah has no problem with me coming, but good luck convincing Jane Spring, Ruiner of Good Times.”

Nick screwed up his face. “Right.” He brightened slightly as a metaphorical lightbulb seemed to go off above his head. “Well soon we’ll be old enough to go on our own holiday, so that’ll be fun.”

“Again, not sure what kind of mum you think I have Nicholas.”

“Looks like we’ll have to start planting the seeds early. Like two years early?”

Charlie sat on the bed next to him, tilting his head. “I’d say don’t get your hopes up, but I think I’m too late.”

Nick smiled behind his mug. “I just want to see you in the sea.”

There was an awkward silence as Charlie wondered what on earth he meant by that, and Nick went bright red in the face.

“I - I mean…because I think you’d enjoy it.” Nick ducked his head. “Not that you’ve never been in the sea, I know you’ve been in the sea obviously, just not - not with…” He trailed off, and Charlie wondered if he’d caught the sun on his face too. “You know what I meant.”

Charlie was quite sure he had no idea, but he thought it was probably a good idea to change the subject because now he was thinking about Nick in the sea, which meant he'd be topless, and that was not where he wanted his mind to go right now.

“Well, there’s no harm in asking,” Charlie said, lifting his mug to his mouth. “Maybe she’ll surprise us.”

They got comfy, Charlie stealing all the blankets because he remained constantly cold even in the summer. Nick was in a t-shirt and gym shorts and was radiating heat like a furnace, probably due to the sunburn. Charlie tried not to look at the soft, light hairs on his thighs too much as he settled against his pillows and turned on the TV.

Charlie didn’t get a chance to say it earlier, but he’d missed Nick too. Even if they had to wait a week in between hangouts, usually they at least saw each other in school. Holidays were the hardest, especially when Nick’s phone contract didn’t include free roaming. They’d only texted a couple of times a day when Nick was in the hotel room, and that just wasn’t enough.

He was glad Nick had used the word pathetic, because that’s exactly how he felt. Was it normal to want to spend practically all his free time with his best friend? The line between friend and crush was so blurred in Charlie’s head at this point that he couldn’t even attempt to answer that question. Maybe there was a buzzfeed quiz on it somewhere on the internet. He made a mental note to check later.

“I got you a present, by the way.”

Nick’s voice pulled him out of his reverie. He turned to him, surprised. “What?”

Nick was staring at his feet. “Nothing big, just…I saw it and thought of you.”

Charlie tucked his legs under himself so he could angle his body to face him. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

“Okay. Well…thanks.”

Nick laughed, poking him in the leg. “You haven’t even seen what it is.”

Charlie wanted to grab his hand and hold on to it. Forever. “Yeah, but you know I’ll like it anyway.” Because you bought it for me.

“Let me go get it.”

Only the sound of the TV playing in the background filled the quiet as Charlie watched Nick rummage through his still-not-unpacked suitcase. Typical. 

Nick returned to his place on the bed, holding out a little square of tissue paper. Their fingers brushed when Charlie took it from him, sending a little jolt up his arm. Even Nick seemed to jerk at the contact, and Charlie wondered briefly if there’d actually been an electric shock between them, and it hadn’t just been a figment of his imagination.

He pulled at the tape that held it together and unfolded the paper, revealing a bracelet made of different coloured threads. It was exactly like the kind of stuff they sold everywhere on holiday, except this one had a small yellow puzzle piece charm attached to it.

“It’s a friendship bracelet,” Nick said quietly, his eyes searching Charlie’s face. “I thought it was a bit weird that we didn’t have them, actually, considering how long we’ve been best friends.”

Charlie was struggling to hear him. It wasn’t even that big of a deal, and probably cost next to nothing, but the thought of Nick wandering down the shady streets, trying to get some relief from the sun and stumbling across it, made his throat close up.

He blinked, looking up. “...We?”

“Yeah.” Nick held up his hand, revealing a similar bracelet on his wrist. How had Charlie not noticed that before? He spent so much time gazing adoringly at Nick that it was almost impossible for him to miss something so obvious. “I have one too, except -”

He took Charlie’s hand, dragging it over to his wrist so the bracelets were side by side. The skin of his arm was fully fizzing with electricity now. “Look, mine’s blue.”

He slotted the jigsaw pieces together. They fit perfectly. Charlie felt his mouth go dry.

“Nick.”

The way that one syllable slipped so breathlessly through his lips surprised even Charlie. He hadn’t even meant to say anything, he’d just been thinking about how much he loved this boy.

There was a stray strand of hair falling into Nick’s eyes as they looked at each other. “Yeah?”

Was he holding his breath? Charlie was sure neither of them was breathing. He could see Nick’s pulse in his throat, quick and steady. He watched as he audibly swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

“I…”

Nope, Nick was definitely not breathing right now, his eyes wide and his fingers still tangled in Charlie’s. Charlie had a moment of weakness, his gaze flicking down to his lips. He’d never seen a mouth he wanted to kiss more in the entirety of his existence. As long as Nick was in his life, how could he ever want anyone else?

He caught himself, breaking their eye contact suddenly. They were friendship bracelets. This was not a confession. He needed to get a grip.

“I think they’re great Nick, thank you.” He pulled his hand away, and the puzzle pieces came undone. Charlie’s heart did too.

“Oh. You’re welcome.” Nick’s hand seemed to chase his fingers for a second, before he quickly moved it to the back of his neck.

It wasn’t until Charlie tried to put the bracelet on his own wrist that he realised it was a two person job. “Can you..?”

“Of course.”

The skin on skin contact was driving Charlie insane. Nick’s fingers were calloused from rugby and rough against the soft pulse point on the underside of his wrist as he tied a double knot there. Charlie watched his face as he did it. His hair had flopped over his forehead and his tongue stuck out the corner of his mouth adorably, like it always did when he was concentrating on something.

“There you go.”

Charlie shook his arm out, admiring the way it looked on him. Feelings for Nick aside, it was a beautiful gift.

“You’re the best, in case you didn’t know.”

Nick’s smile went all the way to the crinkled edges of his eyes.

Chapter Text

Love language #1: Words of affirmation
Verbal expressions of love, appreciation, and encouragement.

Charlie dropped onto the bench, exhausted. It had been a truly terrible match, bordering on embarrassing really. He knew he’d let the team down today, and could see it in Harry Greene’s eyes that he was a huge disappointment. He looked like he might’ve said something, if Nick hadn’t already shot him such a burning glare that any snarky comments he’d planned to throw Charlie’s way evaporated in his throat.

Nick and Charlie sat side by side, unlacing their muddy boots. “You okay?” Nick asked quietly as the other boys clattered and shouted around them.

Charlie shrugged. “What do you think?” He shot another furtive glance at Harry, who had opted to simply sneer fiercely at him instead. “Everyone wishes I’d never joined the team.”

“No they don’t,” Nick said, helping Charlie pull off a particularly stubborn boot. “We’re a team, whether we win or lose.” He smirked, the curve of his mouth reaching up to touch the spatter of mud on his cheek. “And it's not like you haven't seen Harry play some absolutely shocking matches before.”

Charlie chuckled to himself, remembering the time Harry had played so badly he cried and blamed his allergies. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Don’t let him get to you, Char. You’re just as much a part of this team as everyone else.”

Charlie sighed heavily, casting his eyes to the floor. “I wish I could believe you.”

Nick turned his body fully towards Charlie’s, his dirty socks now in his direct eyeline. “I really mean it. You’re the fastest on the team, not to mention the best at dodging tackles. And -” he paused, checking Harry was out of earshot - “you don’t have an ego, like some of the lads, which means you actually contribute to our plays and make sure we win.”

Charlie burned hot under the compliments, rolling his eyes affectionately. “You mean I help you score tries.”

“Exactly!” Nick laughed, shaking his head. “D’you think I’d be able to do that without you? Scoring tries is only one part of the game, Charlie.”

Charlie smirked. “Are you saying I’m your sidekick, Nicholas?”

“Absolutely not. I’m saying you’re my partner.”

The word echoed around Charlie’s head for an embarrassingly long time after it had come out of Nick’s mouth. It had so many different meanings, most of them platonic, but still. His heart skipped a beat under Nick’s tender look.

“You’re brilliant, Char,” Nick smiled, his eyes even brighter than usual as they gazed at him through a coating of dirt and sweat. “At rugby, and at everything else.”

“Stop it.”

“Never. I’ll never stop reminding you how amazing you are, so you’d better get used to it.”

A couple of the lads slapped Charlie on the shoulder as they headed for the showers, jolting him out of his stupor.

“Chin up Spring, there’s always next time,” Christian said, smiling at him. Charlie offered him a weak smile in return.

“You really should see yourself through somebody else’s eyes, y’know,” Nick murmured after the rest of the team had disappeared and could be heard yelling at each other over the sound of water running. Charlie felt Nick’s soft touch against his temple and tried not to jump at the unexpected contact. Nick pushed some of his hair away from his face, stiff with dried mud. “I wish…” he trailed off, seeming to consider his words for a second. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

Charlie’s eyes met Nick’s automatically.

Okay.

It was time to acknowledge that this had been happening a lot recently, and it was not the norm. Their friendship had always been the soft, loving kind, and one of the things Charlie adored the most about it was that nothing seemed to change after Nick found out he was gay. They remained comfortable around each other, and just as happy to be in one another’s space. Charlie knew how rare this was, which was probably why he became so bloody awkward around Nick after he hit puberty and all these crazy thoughts started going through his head. It was why he tried to maintain at least a modicum of distance between them even if Nick seemed determined to close the gap every time. It was why he worried, constantly, that if he allowed Nick to see any part of the earth-shattering crush he had on him, he would lose him.

It was like a set of rules in his head - keep it in check, keep it to himself, keep it hidden. He repeated it like a mantra every time he was in Nick’s presence.

But this was new. Nick never used to touch his hair all the time, or let his hand linger on Charlie’s, or gaze at him for this long even after Charlie caught him. He never used to adopt that tone of voice when he spoke to him, which seemed to amplify whenever they were alone.

Charlie swallowed, keeping his eyes on Nick. It was like a test. He wanted to see if Nick would look away. He didn’t.

“And how-” Charlie felt his heart stutter to a stop. “How do you see me?”

The sound of the showers and the rest of the team’s laughter faded into nothing. Charlie was transfixed, watching the way Nick’s mouth moved, trying to form an answer. His eyes were wide and full of…fear? Anticipation? Yearning?

“No hot water left,” Sai announced as he wandered back into the room, instantly breaking whatever moment they’d been deeply immersed in. Charlie jerked away from Nick, feeling his whole body heat up.

Sai seemed to notice that they hadn’t moved from their place on the bench, still spattered with mud, but he said nothing, just dressing silently and leaving with a hasty goodbye. Charlie stood up, a million thoughts going through his head.

“We should shower before they get too cold,” he heard himself saying into the quiet. His voice sounded weird.

He took a step forward, in the direction of the showers, but Nick’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. Nick closed the space between them, his chest against Charlie’s back, and wrapped a strong arm over his chest. The other snaked around his waist, resting on Charlie’ stomach and squeezing slightly. Charlie’s lungs pretty much collapsed, the embrace knocking him off balance. Nick held on tightly, his face coming to rest in the crook of Charlie’s neck.

“N-Nick?”

Charlie was so overwhelmed by how it felt that he had to grip Nick’s wrist with both hands to steady himself, their friendship bracelets sliding over one another. Nick’s nose brushed against the sensitive skin under Charlie’s ear and he bit back what he was sure was about to be an extremely mortifying noise.

“Differently.”

It took Charlie a moment to absorb what Nick had said. “Huh?”

Nick sighed against his ear. “You asked me how I see you.” He raised his head, his grip loosening. Charlie wanted to grab him, keep him in place. It was warm and heady and smelled like sweat and grass and Nick. “That’s my answer, Charlie.”

It was like putting a puzzle together. What had he asked him? What was his answer?

Differently.

How do you see me?

Differently.

What does that mean?

Does it mean…?

Oh.

He pulled out of Nick’s arms, turning to face him. That sounded like -

“Fuck me, the showers are freezing,” Harry declared, way too loudly, and Charlie snapped out of it, crashing back down to earth for the second time in as many minutes. They were coming back in droves now, the temperature of the water finally kicking them all out. Nick stared at Charlie, looking equal parts terrified and relieved.

“Oi, how come you two are still in your kit?”

“What have you been doing?!”

“Good luck getting a shower mate, it’s like a penguin’s arsehole in there.”

Nick’s phone pinged, and he finally broke their eye contact to check it.

“Mum’s here,” he said quietly. “I don’t have time to shower anyway.”

Charlie wanted to seize him, pin him against the lockers and ask him what he meant. In what way did he see him differently? In a good way? Surely it was in a good way, or he wouldn’t have just hugged him from behind in the least platonic way humanly possible?

He couldn’t ask, though. Not with other people around. So he watched him leave instead, opening and closing his mouth like the world’s most clueless goldfish.

Either his brain had fabricated a completely different set of events, or it was quite possible that over the course of the last ten minutes, and perhaps the last couple of weeks as well, Nick had been trying to say he had a crush on him too.

Chapter Text

Love language #3: Physical touch
Connection through appropriate physical touch (nonsexual or sexual).

Charlie could swear the air was different.

Before the day of the rugby match, the air was something Charlie didn’t notice. And why would he? It was invisible, tasteless, something you couldn’t feel. Everyone went about their lives forgetting it was there.

But then Nick put his arms around Charlie, breathed in his ear and uttered that one word, differently, and everything changed. The air became thicker, fuzzier, buzzing with an undercurrent, like little crackles and sparks of electricity. Only when Nick was around, of course. Because Charlie wasn’t stupid. He knew the air hadn’t actually changed. It was their relationship that had shifted. It was the unspoken words and tentative thoughts hanging in the air that was making it so hazy. All Charlie could see now, when he looked at Nick, was his hands, his arms, his mouth. All he wanted to do was wade through this new air and close the space between them.

This was the first time they’d been alone since that day, and fifteen minutes had passed since they sat down on the floor of Charlie’s room and pulled out their homework. Nick was chewing the end of his pen, one particularly aggressive bite away from an ink explosion. Charlie watched him, wondering if he was as distracted as his own whirring brain currently was.

Either Nick was oblivious to the tension, or he was deliberately ignoring it. Charlie knew in the sensible part of his brain that it made sense for him to hold back, after getting pretty much no response from Charlie in the changing rooms. It hadn’t been his intention to snub him, he just wasn’t prepared for any kind of confession, especially one so confusing. He’d had time to think about it since, and now knew for certain that Nick had been trying to get some sort of point across about his feelings. What that point was, Charlie still wasn't one hundred percent sure, but he was so desperate to know that it was consuming his every waking thought.

There was only one way to find out.

“Nick,” Charlie said, his voice coming out lower than usual. He cleared his throat.

Nick didn’t look up, scribbling something down in his book. “Mmm?”

“I’ve been thinking.”

“Shit,” Nick cursed, throwing his pen down, which was now a pulverised mess. “Sorry. What did you say?”

Charlie raised one eyebrow. “Are you alright?”

“Fine, I -” Nick sighed heavily, putting his head in his palm. “I’m feeling a bit…stressed, if I’m being honest.”

“About school?” Charlie sat up, crossing his legs and folding his hands in his lap. His thing could wait.

“Yeah, with AS levels coming up I’m worried about my results, you know I’m not very good at exams and I’m also wondering if I should drop a subject too? Like, realistically can I really do four subjects next year? I know it’ll help with uni applications but what if I do worse at everything else because I took on too much?”

Nick drew in a deep breath, then dropped his head onto the carpet. “Urgh, I wish I was as smart as you. Then I wouldn’t feel so bad.”

Charlie laughed. “I get stressed too, don’t worry. You think my mum is ever happy with my results?”

There was a bit of fluff stuck to Nick’s forehead when he raised it. “Hmm, good point.”

“Just think, one day all of this will be over and you’ll be living it up at some uni, getting drunk and ignoring my calls.”

Nick scoffed, the fluff dislodging and floating off somewhere. “It’s physically impossible for me to ignore your calls. Besides, I thought we were going to uni together?”

Charlie blushed at that, and he didn’t know why. Maybe because things were different now? They’d always planned to go to the same uni, but that was when they were just silly kids talking about the future. It wouldn’t really have mattered if they went to different unis. If they’d made it this far without growing apart, three years was nothing.

That was before, though. Now, going to the same uni seemed like a higher priority somehow. How was Charlie meant to go three years without feeling Nick brush his fingers through his hair or press himself into his neck?

“Well…yeah, of course we are.” Charlie bit his lip. “Why don’t you take a break? Then I’ll help you with it if you want.”

Nick tilted his head to the side, and Charlie saw how pink his ears had gone. “Uh, okay.” He sat up, picking at his fingernails. The room went weirdly silent, neither of them able to pretend to be busy anymore.

Now the air was pressing in on all sides, filling Charlie’s lungs. There was a huge elephant in the room, and Charlie couldn’t stand it any longer.

“The other day…” Charlie started, trying to breathe normally when Nick looked up at him, eyes wide. “...That thing you did. Um - the hug?”

Nick looked like he was having a hard time summoning words. “Y-yeah.”

Charlie didn’t know what he was doing. He’d planned to be more clear and concise, make some sort of confession before Nick started stressing. Now, he was just saying whatever popped into his head instead. This wasn’t going to plan.

“Do you wanna do it again?”

The words seemed louder in the silence, Nick staring at him in disbelief.

Charlie coughed awkwardly. “I mean…it might help. With…the stress.”

Nick seemed to lean forward instinctively before he’d even said anything. “Okay.”

“Stay there,” Charlie said quietly. His brain still hadn’t quite caught up to his mouth. What was he doing? It was like his body was acting of its own accord.

He shuffled forward on the rug until he was face to face with his best friend, only inches apart. Nick drew in a short breath, eyes flickering to Charlie’s mouth. Charlie would probably have kissed him right there and then if he hadn’t knelt painfully on Nick’s pen.

“Ow, god.” He reached down and pushed Nick’s work away, before turning around to sit facing away from him, between his legs. His brain was literally screaming at him in confusion, but it wasn’t the one driving anymore. He was operating purely on instinct.

“How…um. How’s this?” Charlie asked when he was sitting comfortably. He could feel Nick’s laboured breathing on the back of his neck.

“It’s…good.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

There was a beat of awkward silence when Charlie didn’t know what to do, so he leaned back slightly, his shoulders hitting Nick’s chest. “You can touch me, y’know.” He blushed furiously at his boldness.

“Oh. Right.” Nick’s voice was dangerously close to Charlie’s ear. He felt his arms slide around his waist. “Like this?”

Charlie felt a giggle bubbling up his throat. This was absolutely absurd. “However you want, Nick. This is meant to relieve your stress, remember?”

Nick seemed to relax a bit at that, a soft laugh escaping his lips too. “Oh, yeah.”

He pulled Charlie against him, shoulders finally loosening. Charlie could feel the tension draining out of him as he let his head drop to that place under his jaw, nuzzling slightly. One of his hands drifted upwards, coming to rest on Charlie’s chest, fingers splayed over his heart.

Charlie had never felt so safe in his life. It was like coming home.

He leaned into the embrace, his hand finding Nick’s and covering it. “Does this-” he had to pause and suck in a quick breath, calming his wildly beating heart that Nick almost certainly could feel. “Does this feel better?”

They were so tightly wrapped up in each other that Charlie wasn’t sure where Nick ended and he began. Nick had always been touchy-feely, his hugs lasting longer than normal and his hands always needing to rest somewhere on Charlie’s body when he talked to him - his shoulders or his arms when they were kids - now his hands or his face. Charlie had always known Nick had this need to be touched. It was how he felt love. How he showed it too. That’s why he’d reached for Charlie in the changing rooms, enveloping him in his arms and his smell and his presence. He was trying to tell him in the best way he knew how.

Now it was Charlie’s turn to show Nick he loved him in a way that Nick would truly understand.

Nick hummed against his skin. “I feel better already.”

“Good. That’s good.” After a moment’s hesitation, Charlie reached up with a shaky arm and threaded his fingers through the hair at the base of Nick’s neck. He felt, more than heard, Nick’s little gasp against his collarbone. Taking it as a good sign, he ran his fingers gently up and down his scalp.

“Nick.” Charlie swallowed heavily, every nerve ending in his body on fire. “Can I ask you a question?”

Nick burrowed his face deeper into Charlie’s neck, melting against him. “Anything.”

“What would you do if…if you had a friendship that had been there your whole life, through everything you’ve ever done, and you feel like without it you’re not really you …and then something changed, and you realised you might have to - to…risk that friendship to get what you really want?”

He could feel Nick’s heartbeat even through their clothes, pulsing heavily against his back.

“I - I don’t know. I guess it depends how much you want the…other thing.”

Remember to breathe. In and out.

In.

Out.

“If you wanted the other thing more than anything else in the world…what would you do?”

Time stopped. Nick raised his head slowly.

“Charlie,” he breathed, and his voice sounded pained. “Are you talking about what I think you are?”

Charlie untangled their arms, twisting around to face him. “Are you?”

Their faces were really close. Nick laughed, and it tickled his cheek.

“I don’t know, you’re the one who started this conversation.”

“I think you do know,” Charlie shot back, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. He was so nervous his insides had pretty much liquefied. If he’d got this wrong, that was it. Their friendship could be over. Everything hinged on whatever Nick said next.

Nick swallowed heavily. “I would…” he faltered, his breath coming in shallow bursts. His eyes darted over Charlie’s face, coming to rest on his lips as he exhaled shakily. “...I would risk it.”

Charlie blinked once, twice, three times. “Yeah?”

Nick was fully staring at Charlie’s mouth now. “I think it’d be worth it.”

Charlie didn’t need any more convincing. He was drawn forward by an almost invisible pull, his lips finding Nick’s so easily he wondered if that’s where they were meant to be all along, and he’d just been resisting it his whole life. His fingertips fizzed with heat and electricity as they reached out to caress the freckled skin of Nick’s face and neck, desperate to feel more of him.

Nick let out a longing sigh, his hands moving to Charlie’s hair as soon as he felt his mouth touch his own. He tugged gently on the curls at the back of Charlie’s head before resting his fingers on the nape of his neck, leaning eagerly into the kiss. Charlie almost laughed into his mouth when he realised Nick definitely had a thing for his hair. How could he have been so blind before now?

Goosebumps sprang out across Charlie’s skin as he cupped the side of Nick’s face with one hand, grazing his cheek with his thumb and trying to regulate his breathing every time Nick moved to capture his lips at a different angle. The last thing he needed was to pass out mid-kiss from lack of oxygen because he was too wrapped up in Nick to remember to breathe. He was completely unaware of the awkward way their limbs tangled together on the rug as they clung to each other, Nick pulling Charlie as close as he could and letting out a little yearning noise in the back of his throat.

It was nothing but euphoric relief. Charlie had waited years to know what Nick’s lips felt like as they pressed fervently against his, and never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined it possible. Yet here he was, chasing Nick’s mouth as he pulled away and letting out a whiny sound that he wasn’t even embarrassed about.

Nick shook his head, dazed. “Char, I like you so much. I’ve liked you for ages.” He blushed. “Just, uh…wanted to make that clear, in case it wasn’t already obvious.”

Charlie laughed delightedly, his fingers tangling in Nick’s hair. His mind was still half-floating in the air somewhere above them, so it took him a second to reply. “I think I’ve probably liked you longer.” He had the self-control to at least bite back “and I’ve loved you forever.”

There was time, later, to say the L word. Because they did love each other, Charlie knew that. He could see Nick’s love in the stolen looks, the soft gazes, the gentle smiles as he washed dishes or helped with his rugby boots. He could hear it in the whispered words of encouragement, the laughs, the shaky breaths. He could feel it in the way Nick held him, and the way he kissed him like he’d been waiting to do it his whole life.

They had time. They had all the time in the world.

They both broke into a shy grin, fingers stroking soft circles wherever they rested on each other’s skin. 

“Well then…I’m sorry it took me so long to realise,” Nick said, still slightly out of breath and flushed all the way down to his neck.

Charlie groaned, dropping his head. “I’m sorry for being such a bloody idiot. The changing rooms…”

Nick smirked. “Yeah, for someone so smart, you’re not very good at picking up on hints.” He suddenly gasped, face lighting up. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Charlie asked, panicking instantly.

Nick drew back and poked a finger right into the middle of Charlie’s chest. “I’ve finally found something you’re not good at!”

Charlie let out a whoosh of breath. “Nick, jesus christ, don’t do that to me right now!”

There was a glint in Nick’s eyes that didn’t go unnoticed by Charlie. “Oh yeah? Do you not like hearing about your flaws, Charlie Spring? Can you not bear to face the fact that you might not be amazing at everything?”

Charlie rolled his eyes, and just like that, they were back to their old ways. He couldn’t believe he’d ever been worried about losing their friendship. Turns out, you can make out with your best friend. Who’d have thought?

“Shut up,” Charlie murmured as he surged forward, kissing him again. He folded into Nick’s arms effortlessly, like he belonged there, the pads of Nick’s fingers pressing into the small of his back, his shoulder blades, the underside of his jaw. How had they managed to keep their hands off each other this whole time? The thought was frankly ludicrous now.

“Oh you’re gonna go down that road, Nelson?” Charlie teased in between kisses, running his fingernails down Nick’s scalp and enjoying the way it made him absolutely weak. “Now, really?” Nick tried to kiss him again, but he pushed him away playfully. “Shall I start, then?”

Nick gazed down at him, eyes shining with mirth and mischief and maybe a little bit of love.

“Be my guest, Spring.”

Charlie smirked, raising his hand to count on his fingers. “Flaw number one, terrible at Mario Ka - NICK!”

He didn’t get to finish, because Nick suddenly pressed forward, lifting Charlie at the waist and depositing him on the rug. “I’m sorry, what was that?” he asked, ignoring Charlie’s yelp of laughter and flailing limbs as he tried to pin him down and tickle him. 

Nick Nelson and his bloody obsession with wrestling.