Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She felt a pleasurable shiver down her spine, goosebumps exploding down her arms.  

This feels..... good. 

It was a new sensation for Mitsuri. Her whole body felt warm and cozy, like she wanted to envelope everyone into a big hug. The conversations around her felt louder and she felt giddy and more talkative than normal. She glanced over at Sanemi who looked back at her with glazed over eyes and a lazy smile, his white hair even more disheveled than usual. She was aware she was drunk and Sanemi was following close behind her. 

They had talked for what felt like hours about everything under the sun. They were both the eldest of their families. Sanemi learned about her large family who lived in the city and of her cats and Mitsuri learned about how he was the only one of his family left, aside from his beloved dog. They learned they both had a sweet tooth, with Mitsuri promising him that she would make him pancakes one day to try. Sanemi promised to take her to his favorite stall that sold the best ohagi. Drunk promises but still promises.  They compared facial scars, with Sanemi assuring Mitsuri she should wear it with pride, but that it would also fade away with time, as many things do. 

Maybe they did have more in common than they thought. 

She felt a wave of loneliness inside of her, she had felt this for months but the alcohol only intensified the feeling. It came in waves, alternating between the giddiness she felt and the  yearning of a human connection. She looked around the room and saw groups of friends and lovers. She wanted to feel something. Anything. 

Her vision felt a bit fuzzy but she turned to focus again on Sanemi, who was in the middle of a funny story when once again she got the urge to reach out and touch him, or rather, she wanted to feel him. The thought overcame her, she had zoned out from the story he was telling, instead focusing on his face as he talked.  She never really noticed how... handsome he really was. He was always an intense person and that intensity showed on his face, every scar adding to his features. 

Once again she slowly reached out as he talked and held his hand gently. 

He stopped mid sentence, and instead of pulling away like the previous time, he kept his hand still. His heart was pounding in his chest, he could feel it in his throat and swore it was going to jump out of him then and there. He looked down at his large hand in hers as she traced his scars with her thumb. It felt comforting much to his surprise, he hadn't felt the touch of another person, much less a woman in ages. He looked up and caught her eyes, something about them looked different. They had darkened with emotion and looked mesmerizing to him, he couldn't look at them for too long without feeling like he would lose control. Her beauty hurt. Sanemi looked away from her. 

"I'm sorry, is this alright?" Mitsuri asked, her voice as sweet as ever, he never noticed how much he liked her voice. 

"Yes”, he managed to choke out, embarrassed that he sounded like a crackly teenage boy.

 " Ahem , I mean, yes it is." 

Sanemi snuck a look at Mitsuri once again as she looked at everyone else. Her hair looked so soft, he longed to reach out and run his hands through it. He felt dizzy but wasn't sure if he was drunk from the alcohol or drunk off of the sweet smell coming from her mane as she tossed it over her shoulder. He smelled the faint scent of sakuras. His fingers twitched as he thought about the soft curve of her cheek, how he would like to gently brush his fingertips over it and cup her face. 

What the hell was going on. 

"Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt your story! Please go on!" 

"Stop apologizing so much. It's ok, I forgot what I was talking about." he replied honestly, a bit gruff. He had other things on his mind. 

A simple touch grounded him, he was overly aware of everything now. The sights around them, every person, every conversation.... her.  

The mood had shifted. She sat closer to him and he let her without complaint, maybe it was the alcohol induced false confidence of his that made him reach over and place his arm over her shoulders. They continued to converse for the sake of talking but they both weren't paying attention to any of that. The electric buzz around them felt palpable.

 Mitsuri laid her head in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes. She was tired. Sanemi's strong heartbeat was a comforting and soothing sound. The blood rushing in him reminded her that he was alive, she was alive, and here they were together. She placed a delicate hand on his chest and ran her fingers over his scars. Each scar was a story that she wanted to hear. He held her tight, afraid to let go of the warmth he felt, who knows when he would feel that again. They were deep into the night, the tavern had a few stragglers left but it was almost time to close. 

"Mitsuri..."

She looked up at him through heavily lidded eyes. His expression was hard to read. 

"Mitsuri, what are we doing?" Sanemi asked in a husky voice as he pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. It was hard not to stare at her, her beauty radiated brightly, he felt like he would hurt his eyes if he looked at her for too long. 

"I don't know." She mumbled back to him. 

"I don't know." he repeated back to her. What a lie. They both knew what was happening . 

"We're both trying to feel something." she muffled into his neck, he inadvertently shivered as he felt the light kiss of her lips touching his skin, leaving a burning trail. 

"You're drunk and I'm drunk" Sanemi weakly protested. He knew what he wanted and was sure she felt the same. 

"We both stopped drinking a while ago, didn't we?" she replied.

She's right, he thought. 

"This isn't right." he stated, feeling guilt stir in his stomach. 

"I know." She felt the same way. 

"Do you want to stop?" 

"No..." he answered truthfully. He ran his fingers through her hair. It was soft and silky as he imagined it. He rested his chin on the top of her head as she melted into his arms. He held her tight, as if she were to disappear in an instant. 

Mitsuri thought about the last time she felt the touch of another person. It was the last time she saw Obanai alive. They were both heavily injured but he managed to use the last of his remaining strength to hold onto her desperately as they both fervently confessed their love for each other. She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked back tears. The thought of him caused her pain, she loved him to the point of madness and now she was a shell of the person she was before. She had come to peace and accepted her fate as damaged. 

And here she was now, wrapped in the arms of her beloved's best friend. She was a horrible person, fated to live in self imposed loneliness for surviving when everyone else died. Maybe the alcohol influenced her actions, or maybe she reached the point of no longer caring. Maybe someone could provide much needed warmth for her, even if it was only temporary. 

Sanemi felt the same. He felt ill, knowing he was holding on to the woman his best friend loved, but somehow he was unable to let go. He needed this. 

Sanemi planted a soft kiss on the top of Mitsuri's head and smoothed her long tresses. 

"Would you like to come to my home?" He asked her, feeling  awkward, not knowing how else to ask that. They had to leave eventually, either together or separate. It was late and he worried about were she would go 

She shook her head yes, heartbeat quickening. He was a respectful man and she knew that. The tension was thick but she knew Sanemi would never do anything she did not want to. 

"It's a short walk. I'll lead the way. Stay close ok? It can be dangerous at night with drunks stumbling about." 

They stood up and Mitsuri walked behind him when he suddenly turned around to face her. The abrupt movement startled her a bit. 

He reached out and grabbed her hand. 

She was surprised. It felt unexpected of him but she gladly held his hand. He clenched it tightly as they walked out hand in hand into the dark. 

This was wrong and they both knew it. May the Gods forgive them but they were only human.