Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kyoya had assumed that in the process of making a fresh start some ties would get cut. He knew the threads binding him to the people around him were already fraying and decided to cut his losses the moment he dropped out of the hopeless battle for his father’s favour.

He never declared or announced it: there was no point in telling people you just couldn’t maintain a relationship with them. As his messages got less frequent, the calls stopped coming. Invites to events trickled to a halt and even life updates turned to radio silence.

Four years had passed when he shuffled haphazardly through his mail and caught sight of a name he hadn’t heard for a while.

He’d stopped messaging him more to ease the ache of guilt he felt when he saw his message notifications each time than because of leaving. He should have known that Tamaki wouldn’t be so easy to shake. He’d always been able to read Kyoya like an open book. If anyone would have realised what he’d done wasn’t personal but was for his own sake, it was Tamaki.

The wedding invitation inside still caught him off guard. He wondered, as he scanned the page, how much he’d missed between the pair. They were tumultuous from the moment they got together, barely making sense to anyone but their immediate friends. Still, they mustn’t have hit too many road blocks while Kyoya was elsewhere.

Double checking the dates, he pulled up his calendar app and blocked the week off. Purple for old times.

xxx

It’d been a while since he’d been back to Japan. A meeting here or there to finalise transfers to Boston were his only experience with the gruelling thirteen hour flight. Two years since he last suffered it, he felt like he’d gotten more impatient.

By the time he landed, he had sufficiently embarrassed himself. Between glaring at a crying baby hard enough to make the cries worse and realising half an hour in that he’d grabbed his ex’s book from the nightstand rather than his own, he wanted to shrivel away.

Covered in sweat and ready to crawl into a hole, the last thing he needed was the tall blond figure that ran at him as he left the terminal. He was moments away from starting a fight when he remembered where he was and why he was there. Over the blond’s shoulder he could just make out a crudely drawn sign covered in sharpie roses with his name in the middle.

The embarrassment was perhaps the worst yet. It somehow got worse.

“Mommy!” Tamaki howled, blubbering into his chest.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel slightly warmed by it. There was a reason he could never truly stay away from the man clinging to him: he loved him with his whole chest without an ounce of insincerity. Over the years, Kyoya was beginning to learn that he was right to cherish that.

“Now, now,” he comforted, falling back into character smoothly, “let’s not cause a scene. What would your lovely fiancé think?”

Tamaki’s head snapped up to meet his eye. He was a mess of tears and snot (which he’d been kindly rubbing all across Kyoya’s shirt) but Kyoya smiled fondly at the image. The wonder in his eyes never seemed to disappear as he grew.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” he said, voice quiet and soft as he glanced over to Haruhi battling through the crowd. “It finally happened.”

“I never doubted it would,” he whispered back, surprising himself with his own sincerity. Tamaki tended to bring it out of him.

“Hey!” Haruhi called, pulling them out of their moment.

Tamaki pulled away and turned to her, his smile like the sun. A few years ago, he’d have had to look away from fear of being blinded. It didn’t hurt anymore.

“He made it,” Tamaki announced excitedly.

“I gathered,” she said, clearly exhausted from fending for herself with the sign in hand.

“Thanks for coming all this way. You really didn’t have to collect me,” Kyoya said in lieu of a greeting.

“Nonsense!” Tamaki exclaimed as Haruhi rolled her eyes.

“We thought we’d be collecting Kaoru too until we were about to head off,” she said, thrusting the sign in Tamaki’s direction.

He took it, pouting all the while and started to whine about how Kyoya deserved to be picked up. Kyoya was more occupied with Haruhi’s words than their antics.

“Why would Kaoru be flying in?” he asked.

The couple paused, side eying each other silently. Despite quickly composing themselves, the pair were stiffer than before as they turned back to him.

“You really didn’t hear?” Haruhi asked.

“Let’s assume, going forward, that I’ve heard about nothing in the past four years,” he said, holding back a sigh.

He assumed he would have to catch up when he came back but he’d hoped it would be minimal. Usually he would have kept tabs on the others but cutting ties meant forcing himself out of the habit. Before he knew it there was so much to parse through it wasn’t even worth trying.

It wasn’t that he didn’t miss them, not that he’d let them know that. Quite the opposite: he missed them so much he couldn’t bare to look. Just typing their names into Google was the first step towards booking a flight and throwing away all the time he’d spent burning those bridges.

So he found new friends and partners. They rarely stuck around long but they were exciting and open and unlike anything he’d been allowed to experience before. As time passed, he narrowed his circle down to just a handful and between them he was occupied enough to stop looking back so desperately.

He supposed it was all for nothing now that he’d had a glimpse of Tamaki’s adoration again. It had always been an addiction he knew he’d relapse on.

“Well, you’ve practically been neighbours without realising,” Tamaki said, clearly trying for a chuckle but faltering partway.

“He’s in Boston?” he asked.

They nodded.

“He left not long after you did,” Haruhi explained. “Went to New York for a year and then moved over to Boston for some brand.”

“He’s not working for the Hitachiin label?” he asked, brow creasing as he tried to work out what he was missing.

“Look, Kyoya, it’s complicated,” Haruhi said. “Too complicated for the middle of arrivals.”

He nodded, taking the cue to leave. Haruhi lead them out and towards a waiting car. Tamaki excitedly clambered into the back with him, practically buzzing just for the proximity. The driver sped off without waiting for instructions as soon as they were loaded in.

“Are the others here already?” he asked, assuming they’d all be staying in the hotel the couple had practically booked out for the week.

“They should be. They’re meeting us there for lunch,” Haruhi said.

“I’ll help you unpack so we can be extra speedy,” Tamaki said, smiling innocently.

Kyoya could feel himself pale.

“There’s no need,” he said, straightening his glasses by habit. “I imagine your energy would be better spent elsewhere.”

“Not at all!” he argued, honest smile telling Kyoya he thought he was just being polite. “The others will all be waiting.”

Reluctantly, he nodded. What could possibly go wrong? He knew the answer all too well to even try and joke.

xxx

The hotel was as grand as he’d expected. It wasn’t one he was familiar with so likely a new build but it made its expense known. He was almost surprised Haruhi allowed it.

Towering marble columns lined the entry with a matching stone adorned the floors of the receptions. The room itself was excessive for an entryway, sporting lounge spaces along the full length windows opposite the desk. Between the two areas was metres of empty space filled only with a chandelier far above their heads.

Kyoya was taken aback by his own awe. It struck him, as he took in the sound of shoes against the hard floor, how long he’d been removed from this world. Was this place even that fancy for them? Would it have been for him just a few years prior?

They signed into his room swiftly, with Haruhi seemingly knowing the process by heart. As the staff handed over his keycard and they made their way to the lift, Kyoya was reminded of the very embarrassing problem resting on the very top of his suitcase.

“I’ll go and find our reservation for the hotel restaurant,” Haruhi said, as they parted on their way up to his room. “I’ll call up when I know.”

They agreed and continued up to his room. The awkward air might have been less obvious if the lift weren’t so spacious. Without proximity to blame, Kyoya’s nervous energy was undeniably his own.

“Really,” Kyoya said for what felt like the hundredth time. “I will be fine to unpack on my own.”

Once again, Tamaki brushed him off.

“Come on,” he said, “it’ll be so much easier and we don’t want to keep the others waiting at lunch.”

“I can always unpack after,” he argued, though his heart wasn’t in the fight anymore.

“But then I don’t get to spend more time with you before we see the others,” Tamaki said with a pout.

Kyoya was weak to his pout and found himself nodding along.

Tamaki moved on easily and chattered excitedly about wedding planning but Kyoya couldn’t help but drown him out. He should have tried to pay attention but the anxiety that, at a squint, his problem might be visibly outlined from the outside of his bag took its toll.

By the time they got to his door, he was ready to sleep off the flight along with this anxiety and could feel his tired snappiness begin to boil over. He opened the door as Tamaki continued to talk absentmindedly and let him carry in the luggage while he activated the lights.

Before he had time to stop him, Kyoya heard the sound of a zip from the bedroom. Dashing round the corner, he was greeted with exactly what he’d been hoping to avoid.

Tamaki stood staring wide eyed at the two dildos front and centre of the open suitcase in front of him. Usually he wouldn’t have bothered but, last minute, he realised that he’d have little other stress relief while there. He’d haphazardly thrown them on top without thinking twice as he rushed to leave.

To his horror, Tamaki reached out and took a hold of the larger of the two. His eyes roamed the textured silicone curiously.

“Is this…” he started, trailing off as he seemed to realise it was exactly what he thought.

“Tamaki,” he started, pinching his bridge, unsure what to say.

“It’s okay if you’re into that,” Tamaki said suddenly, turning to him with a look of concern.

“I know-“

“No, really Kyoya!” he continued, raising his voice to cut him off. “You don’t have to be ashamed.”

He failed his arms in what were clearly supposed to be calming gestures but the dildo in his hand just made Kyoya cringe more. He tried to hide his discomfort but clearly was rusty at his stoic act.

“I’m really not-“

“I mean everyone has something. Sometimes Haruhi and I-“

“I don’t want to know!” he said, turning physically away, unable to look him in the eye. “I really don’t.”

“All I’m saying is wanting a woman to-“

Kyoya covered his ears at this point, throwing his image to the wind, as he found himself somewhere between disbelief and horror. This was easily the worst case scenario and he refused to come out to his first love over a dildo.

“Tamaki,” he all but shouted. “I don’t want to talk to you about my sex life after four years without seeing you. I’m not ashamed of anything but you seeing that is embarrassing.”

He suddenly heard the muffled sound of laughter for the doorway and scrambled to rip the toy from Tamaki’s hand and throw it under the bed, slamming down his suitcase lid in the same motion. As he did, a mop of brown hair strolled into the room, barely concealing a laugh.

He didn’t recognise him at first with his hair dyed and ears scattered with piercings. He’d still been around when he first changed things up but his memory of Hikaru would always look like his twin. His face hadn’t changed at all.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you so flustered,” he chuckled. “I suppose the great US of A’s been making you soft.”

“You’re lucky you don’t have context,” he said.

“Oh, we were unpacking and-“

He glared cold enough to freeze Tamaki mid sentence.

“Don’t.”

“Or maybe not so soft,” Hikaru said, leaning against the wall casually. “Our reservation’s in twenty so either hurry or leave it.”

“We’re leaving it,” he said, giving Tamaki a pointed look.

The blond scurried out of the room, tail between his legs. Hikaru raised a brow but Kyoya couldn’t tell him anything.

xxx

Lunch was painful. As soon as the initial excitement of seeing Honey and Mori died down there was nothing to distract from the way Tamaki failed to meet his eye.

There was only so much he could take. He was sure he’d gotten good at this years ago. Back when they were in high school, he’d sit through family meals with a silence more grating than this every other day.

Maybe Hikaru had a point about softening his skin. He just didn’t have the energy for playing upper-class anymore.

“So, Kaoru lives in the US too?” he asked, trying to find any topic he could.

The quiet, though, persists. Over the table, an icy chill takes hold as Hikaru slowly lowers his cutlery. Tamaki finally meets his eye but his gaze is frantic.

“He moved there not long after you,” Haruhi said simply, glancing to Hikaru as she spoke.

His expression gave away nothing but his silence was palpable. He expected the warmth he’d always seen between the two of them to light up the room at Kaoru’s mention. Something told him that light had blown out some time ago, while he wasn’t watching.

He struggled to imagine it. His attention stayed firmly in Hikaru but he gave no sign of explanation or even emotion.

“Excuse me,” he said suddenly, wiping his mouth and leaving the table.

His empty chair seemed to glare at him.

Beside him, Haruhi cleared her throat. Her face was set in an unnatural, strained half-smile.

“Kaoru should be arriving in the morning,” she said. “He promised to be here for Tamaki’s stag party but got held up with some business back in Boston.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “So the stag party is tomorrow?”

“It’s going to be great,” said Honey, with a saccharine enthusiasm Kyoya dearly wanted to believe. “Mori and I did all the organising so it’s all a big surprise. You’re gonna love it, Tama-chan!”

Tamaki smiled at him and nodded. It was strained.

They finished their food in silence.

Chapter Text

Kyoya hated waking up in someone else’s bed. He’d learnt this about himself very quickly as he started staying after hookups. Keeping his sexuality on the down-low for the first couple of years meant one night stands were his best option for a while. After about the third, he’d started sneaking out before even falling asleep, dredging out of the house with a fine layer of sweat and fluid still stuck to him. It was hardly his noblest endeavour but it was worth it for a good lay.

He shouldn’t have been shocked, of course. He knew his morning rage was infamous but he truly thought he had it in him to play it down for a sexual partner.

All that to say, he was utterly miserable when he peeled his eyes open to find a room other than his own. The moment of shock jolted him awake and he had no chance of drifting into consciousness pleasantly.

Shuffling off the bed with a groan, he wrangled on something somewhat presentable and glanced towards the alarm.

Ten. Great.

At least he’d missed the morning rush and could make his way down whenever he wanted without bumping into the others. He didn’t want to avoid his friends but, as much as he’d dropped the Shadow King act, he still felt a pressure to perform it to them. Rocking up in the jeans and jumper he felt comfortable in that morning… he’d have to explain himself even for just that.

He managed to get half way through breakfast before he saw any of them. He hoped his luck would last longer but at least it was Haruhi. She had more sense than to pry.

With a little wave she grabbed a bowl of rice in one hand and a banana in the other, and settled opposite him.

“Morning,” she said sweetly.

He really did understand why the others all fell for her. She was kind and soft but defiant and independent. Haruhi was a walking contradiction and, as a fellow walking contradiction, it put him at ease.

“Morning,” he said. “Sleep well?”

“Terrible,” she groaned. “Tamaki wanted to go over how the day had gone and plan today.”

“I’m sure that was fun.”

“Exhilarating,” she said, rolling her eyes as she dug into her food.

“Oh, I can imagine,” he said. “Our weekly host meeting were nothing if not erotic.”

Haruhi let out a loud laugh and covered her mouth quickly. The buffet wasn’t busy but there were enough retired couples to earn a few disapproving looks. He can’t imagine their matching loungewear helped.

She smiled brightly at him, eyes searching.

“What have you been up to the past few years? The Kyoya I knew would never.”

“Well,” he said, infected by her grin, “as much as I have to catch up on, I promise you’ve all missed just as much. I have a very exciting life.”

“Oh?”

“Let’s just say if I had someone I was extremely attracted to in my bed I wouldn’t be going over the day’s notes.”

Haruhi shook her head, trying not to laugh again.

“You sound like my father,” she said.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. I enjoy Ranka.”

“He’s coming for the ceremony, by the way.”

Kyoya smiled so widely he couldn’t stifle it at that. He’d hoped that would be the case so confirmation was very exciting. He wondered what it would be like to speak to him as an adult. Being out changed so much.

“I’m glad to hear it,” he said. “And Mr Suoh?”

“Is coming in the day. Tamaki didn’t think he would but he seems to be trying,” she explained. “We think he wants to repair the relationship before he becomes an estranged grandfather.”

Kyoya blinked dumbly at that, tracing his eyes up and down her small frame.

“Are you…”

“I’m not pregnant,” she whisper-shouted, swatting at him from across the table. “We aren’t planning to have children until I’m on a steady contract and we can count on Tamaki’s inheritance.”

He tried not to recoil at that. Somewhere in the back of his mind he’d assumed they were all getting out. It was naive, he knew, but he’d still thought…

Haruhi was never one to put up with rich person bullshit. She’d made that very clear. If anyone was going to rupture the cycle of wealth and throw the system in the air it was her.

He knew that it wasn’t that simple, of course. Raising a child meant compromise and prioritising things you may not want to. He knew that all too well.

“That sounds reasonable,” he said.

“And you?”

He squinted slightly, trying to decipher her question.

“We haven’t heard about any partners or the prospect of children or… inheritance?” she elaborated.

He smiled tightly. There were a million things he’d have to explain and one glaring elephant in the room that the whole group apparently just couldn’t see. It made things rather inconvenient. He knew that one person might but… he’d have to find out.

“No,” he said. “I just got out of a relationship but none have lasted longer than a year. No prospect of children. I don’t intend to torture them like that.”

“Oh,” she said, leaning back in her chair thoughtfully. “And… inheritance?”

“I haven’t spoken to my father in four years and have no intention of speaking to him again. I learnt two years ago that I’d been written out of his will. I’m completely financially independent and plan to remain that way going forward.”

She nodded along, as if this information wasn’t a shock. She seemed to take a minute to stew it over though.

“A lot really has changed,” she said.

“You don’t know the half of it,” he said.

As she opened her mouth to reply, she jumped at the sound of buzzing. Scrambling for her phone, she quickly pulled it from her back pocket and accepted the call.

“You’re so early!” she gasped. “Yes… okay can you wait for like half an hour? I’ll rush over now… no, it’s not an inconvenience don’t be silly… no, he’s not coming… I know… god, you should have seen him yesterday… worse… well, Kyoya- oh yeah, Kyoya is here and doing well… yeah… oh, stop… okay, I’ll see you in half an hour!”

She ended the call with a dramatic sigh and stared wistfully at her half finished rice.

“Kaoru?“ he asked.

She nodded.

“He was meant to have tons of delays but actually landed super early. Wanna come pick him up?”

He thought about it and very nearly agreed but decided against it. If things were as tense as they seemed, he’d rather not be trapped in a car with that.

He shook his head.

“I’d rather take some time and get ready for tonight.”

“Okay,” she said getting to her feet. “Have fun if I don’t see you before.”

“Will do,” he said. “And please go grab some more fruit to take with you. You look so sad it’s depressing me.”

“Shut up,” she laughed.

She grabbed two apples on the way out.

xxx

Back in his room, Kyoya threw himself onto the bed. It was already one by the time he finished breakfast and took a walk around the hotel.

The place was excessive. It was more of a resort than a hotel and a very nice one too. There was a pool outside and activities littered throughout. The sports area at the far side caught his eye immediately (more like the men playing sports, though he’d never tell).

When he finally got to his room, he was exhausted. He planned to flip through his phone for an hour until he had to start getting ready for the party but was quickly distracted by a text he’d missed.

Lucas: hey
Lucas: know you’re out of the country rn
Lucas: but I was wondering if I could get that book i leant you back?
Lucas: not immediately dw but just whenever you’re back

He sighed, dropping his phone into the covers beside him.

Lucas had been nice. Even now, after all was said and done, he was still painfully polite. Kyoya liked nice boys with a pretty face and a good nature. He felt like he was ruining them and some sick part of him enjoyed it.

A lifetime of being wrong and evil and bad made him crave that feeling. He wanted to defile and destroy but he fell in love so easily with men who softened his edges. Men who made him crave his own happiness. They gave him a sweet tooth.

Lucas had been just that. He wore down his walls and carved out a place for himself in Kyoya’s fortress heart. When he ended it, Kyoya wasn’t even as hurt as he thought he should be. Everything had been so easy it just felt like he was still floating.

It would have been easier if Lucas broke his heart. It would have been easier if any of the perfect romances he’d stumbled into broke his heart. Instead he was stuck with that one insidious teen heartbreak and a thousand emotionless hookups to chip away at him without letting him shatter and rebuild.

He’d stashed away so many half read books he wondered if he’d ever read one to the end.

He supposed it didn’t matter right now. It was no good lamenting the end of a relationship his companions couldn’t know about. All that work to create a life outside of the closet and here he was firmly back in it.

A knock at the door broke him away from his thoughts. He scrambled to open it and found Mori outside.

“Here,” Mori said simply, handing him an envelope and a sash reading ‘Team Tamaki’.

“Thank you,” he said.

“The party is on a yacht so it may get chilly. It’s black tie but it won’t be strict.”

Kyoya nodded and watched Mori give a single nod and walk away.

xxx

Giving himself a once-over, he headed downstairs. He could hardly remember the last time he’d worn a tux so he was glad he’d checked it still fit before he left Boston.

The others were already in the entryway, minus Tamaki. Immediately, he could tell the mood from dinner wouldn’t be shifting. If anything, it’d gotten worse.

His gaze locked onto Kaoru across the room, tucked away against the far wall. Unlike his brother, he hardly looked any different than when he left. Just his demeanour struck him as wrong. That boyish charm was gone and in place of his wolffish grin was a catlike smile. Time had craved out his soft edges until he looked sharp and regal; almost feline.

He tried to shake himself out of observing but it was hard. Years of working through that compulsion to watch and keep note and be on top of everything had hardly readied him for the people he found himself needing to monitor the most. This world of money and excess demanded a few cards up your sleeve and Kyoya’s only remaining weapon was spotting them. As in the dark as he was, he had to keep watching.

Kaoru seemed to spot him then. His gaze silently focused in on Kyoya, and the quirk of his animal smile flitted upward. Neither approached, breaking away after a moment of recognition.

The pair had never been particularly close but Kyoya knew the younger had noticed their unspoken kinship too. He’d always seen through him. He had a way of looking that caught him off guard on occasion. If Kyoya’s superpower was observing then Kaoru’s was sensing.

It didn’t take him long to realise Kaoru wasn’t interacting with the others. Honey and Mori would glance his way but, while the others mingled, Kaoru stayed stuck to the wall like a shadow. He’d chat idly with staff as they approached to refill his empty glass or tapped away at his phone. His performance looked strained even from his distance.

Just then, Tamaki came billowing into the entryway. He immediately let out a squeal and wrapped them up into a tight embrace.

“I can’t wait!” he shouted, earning a round of chuckles and nods.

xxx

Three things became clear as the party progressed.

The first was that the boat was very specifically decorated to Tamaki’s tastes. The whole deck was draped in pinks and reds, with hearts and roses over ever inch. It was garish and tacky, more valentines than stag.

He supposed he’d missed the organising committee. Though he’d hardly mourn the extra work, it felt like a slight to see his host club reduced to Tamaki’s tragic whims. For every great idea the blond had, Kyoya would mediate through about five layers of… this.

Presumably, Mori and Honey must have taken the whole job. The pair were resourceful and could work to a brief. He couldn’t fault them and wouldn’t say a bad word about the place but it didn’t stop it from looking like a twelve year old girl’s diary exploded.

The second thing that became clear was that Tamaki hadn’t spent much time away from Haruhi in the past months. He’d find it cute if it weren’t disconcerting. Of course Kyoya knew that married couples usually became joined at the hip. He was friends with plenty of married women back home who awed as their husbands clung like spider monkeys. It didn’t make it any less strange to see his friends fall prey.

A glass of wine in and Tamaki started pouting. Two and he spilled.

“But she might be worried,” he whined as Kyoya and Honey bought him away from the crowds.

“She trusts you,” Kyoya said.

“But men cheat on stag nights. I don’t want to. I love her so much,” he continued, running hands through his hair as he tipsily wriggled. “She should be here. It’s meant to be all my favourite people! She should be here cause she’s my favourite favourite.”

He sighed. Straightening his glasses in an old habit he thought he’d dropped.

“She needs her own night to celebrate how excited she is to marry you. You wouldn’t deprive her of her own celebration, would you?”

Tamaki seemed to mellow for a moment before deflating again.

“But what if she misses me?”

The last was more of a confirmation of what he already suspected: Kaoru was avoiding his brother.

As he was plied with wine and dance, Kyoya watched Kaoru begin to loosen up. He danced with Honey when he pulled him to the floor and laughed easily as Mori cut in. The tension seemed to flow out of him and he moved like the music was flooding through him.

Kyoya could see the moment he accidentally caught Hikaru’s eye, though. His shoulders stiffened like a kite-string in a gust, all pointed and rigid. He excused himself quickly after that and found himself another glass of drink.

Hikaru joined Mori and Honey as soon as he left, hardly batting an eye at his brother’s departure. Kyoya kept his eye on him as the night went on. He couldn’t hide his covert glances Kaoru’s way.

By the time they were given the okay to trickle back to the hotel, Kyoya was no closer to confidence. He liked to be in control and if knowledge was power then Kyoya was currently scrambling for leverage. He thought he could accept letting them all go but he’d never considered that just seeing them would drag that primal need for dominance back.

The party continued after he left. Only Mori and Kaoru had joined him in leaving early, with Mori citing exhaustion and Kaoru not even bothering with excuses. He clearly just wanted an escape and the concern in Tamaki’s eye as he bid them off made Kyoya wonder just what he was escaping from.

He tried to pace off the thoughts. His mind was still running a thousand miles per minute and he knew he’d never sleep with a hundred questions on his mind.

Crudely, he thought back on Tamaki’s assumptions the day before. If Tamaki had expected him to… have some fun on his stay, why shouldn’t he? The more he tried to shake the thought the more he began to think he might need it. The wedding stress was already taking a toll on his body so why shouldn’t he? It wasn’t often anymore he was treated to a bed as nice and a setting as anonymous as this for a playground.

Making his way down to the hotel bar, he let himself enjoy the night air. Summer in Japan was something he did miss. The heat there wasn’t the same as the heat in Boston and the summer traditions didn’t have the same nostalgia. Just feeling the sticky hotness of a summer night felt like high school. It felt like beach trips and club events and when his sister would bring down the big fan from the storage room for them to sit in front of while the staff worried they’d catch colds.

The cool air of the bar, by comparison, felt like stepping back into adulthood. It had been easy, when he first moved so far away from home, to gravitate to gay bars. It felt like the first step into the world he’d thrown himself at. Quickly it became a habit. Bad breakup, gay bar, hookup, romance, and repeat. Bars quickly went from an exciting window into a subculture he needed in on, to a tedious venture.

Regardless of how nice this bar was, with it’s suave layout and on-trend lighting features, he was sure the night would fall into the usual tedium. That was until he caught a familiar eye as he approached the bar.

“Ah,” Kaoru said, leaning casually against the bar as if he’d been expecting him, “my fellow black sheep.”

Taking that as an invitation, Kyoya took the seat beside him. He’d never liked sitting at the bar with the staff throwing looks their way, and another time he may have asked to move to a table. The stool wasn’t uncomfortable but he itched to fidget in his seat.

“I wasn’t sure I’d have the chance to chat,” he said. “You’ve kept yourself occupied.”

Kaoru huffed a humourless laugh, his gaze scanning over Kyoya. It was a familiar mannerism but not one he could remember seeing on Kaoru. Perhaps it was his ego that lead him to wonder if it was his own influence that trained the redhead to school his expressions so coolly. He didn’t want to give himself too much credit after so much time.

“I couldn’t miss today even if I wanted to.”

He didn’t have to explain for Kyoya to understand: he had wanted to miss it. Perhaps even planned to. Kyoya was almost sure it had come down to it being those two. They never could stay away; any of them.

“It’s strange, isn’t it,” Kaoru continued. “We’ve been in the same city for years, half way across the world, and it takes these two to force us to realise it.”

He hummed in agreement.

“Tamaki has always found ways to bring us together,” he nodded.

“I have to admit, I think I prefer a wedding to a host club.”

“I’m not so sure,” Kyoya said, swirling his drink absently. “I would certainly never take those hours back.”

“Easy for you to say,” Kaoru said with a lighthearted roll of his eyes. “The others may have missed you declining your bookings but you couldn’t get that past me.”

“And you never even thought to use it against me. I’m almost disappointed.”

Kaoru lent back in his chair, glass in hand and eyes relentless. He smiled like a fox and crossed his legs.

“You never gave me any reason to,” he shrugged.

Kyoya struggled to stifle his amusement as he watched the game present itself before his eyes. He knew this part like the back of his hand so it barely caught him off guard.

Something in the back of his mind was less happy. A muffled objection tried to scream at him not to risk this one: Kaoru was too close to everything else, he’d known him too long for anything good to come of it, and he barely knew if his chase could be honestly reciprocated.

Still, if Kyoya knew anything it was that those eyes were trained. It was almost hard to recognise the man in front of him as Kaoru when he was so clearly experienced in playing alluring. He easily performed an elegance Kyoya knew didn’t come naturally to him.

If anything the way Kaoru flirted surprised him more than the fact he had. If Kaoru had fallen into recklessness the way the others had implied then tipsily sleeping with an old friend was the least of his concerns. Chances are it was an adrenaline rush. At this point in his reclamation process, Kyoya knew that feeling well enough to fall biblically from his act of indifference.

“The devil twin has a heart after all.”

“Oh please,” he said with an eye roll. “Don’t be a hypocrite, ‘Shadow King’. Half the reason you bought those numbers down was you keep Tamaki ranking first.”

He couldn’t help the way his lip twitched up. Someone, it seemed, had payed more attention than he would admit.

“I imagine you also noticed that it was hardly a selfless act. Keeping Tamaki happy had its own benefits.”

Kaoru surprised him with a loud laugh. The bartender paused his cleaning to glance their direction at the sudden noise.

“Sure, I had my suspicions,” Kaoru smirked. “I never expected you to admit it, though.”

“I was a child. I’m shocked I haven’t been confronted on it more often. I was hardly subtle,” he said, downing his drink to hide his expression at the words.

“I doubt the others noticed.”

The bitterness laced in his tone didn’t pass Kyoya by. He ought to ask but once again he didn’t need to.

“So you had to tell them?” he asked.

Rather than answer, Kaoru sipped his drink, smirking into the glass.

“Not exactly. Word travels quick in my family and quicker between those five. Probably quickest of all in the press,” he explained vaguely. “I’m surprised you didn’t get a text about it.”

Kyoya could begin to piece together a picture of the fallout but the edges were still frayed. Tamaki could be ignorant but never maliciously so and Haruhi would never let him get far with bigotry. Mori and Honey too.

The real problem was obvious but he couldn’t picture it. Hours of the duo avoiding gazes and keeping distance still didn’t compute.

“I didn’t know at all,” Kyoya said. “Not until you just confirmed it.”

“And you never had suspicions?”

He gave a smirk to mirror Kaoru’s own.

“I had them,” he said. “Of course, I’d never have asked. That unspoken agreement was nice.”

“I’m glad you noticed it too,” Kaoru said, smirk morphing into a hazy smile.

Their drifting eyes met and neither looked away. The bartender filled their mutually empty glasses but neither acknowledged him. Kyoya mentally lamented his rudeness, assuring himself that bad behaviour was worth it to maintain the private world they were crafting for the night.

“You could never help yourself,” he said, leaning closer until their knees pressed together. “You’re quite a flirt.”

“I wasn’t the one parading his daddy kink,” Kaoru threw back, pushing his leg closer. “Don’t go thinking you got away with that one.”

He shrugged.

“I like pushing my luck.”

Kaoru licked his lips and pulled his leg away. He paused to down his drink.

“You know,” he said, as he finished the glass, “the bars in our rooms are fully stocked.”

“I imagine they’re costly, though,” Kyoya replied, playing coy as he slowly caught up on his remaining drink.

“Would that be a problem?” Kaoru asked.

The question pushed them to the end of their act. Kaoru reached over and placed an oh-so-casual hand on Kyoya’s thigh, his touch feather light.

“Perhaps not if we were to split the cost,” he said, the words a blatant offer.

“A bottle between us shouldn’t be so bad,” Kaoru agreed.

He got to his feet and Kyoya finished the last of his drink as he stood. Turning to go, he let his hand fall to the dip of Kaoru’s back, guiding him forward. They both knew what the action meant: a declaration of intent on full display as they left to make good on their unspoken promise.

Chapter Text

Kyoya wasn’t one for pillow talk but he should have assumed the same wouldn’t be true of Kaoru. Done and gone didn’t sound right for someone so careful with the people around him.

“That was great,” he said, smiling lazily into the pillow. “Why didn’t we do this before now?”

“When would we have?” he asked, earning him a hum.

“I don’t know. Feels like we wasted high school. Well, you did. I tried my best to flirt but you never budged.”

Kyoya shook his head and brushed him off but couldn’t hide the small smile he felt on his lips.

“You really are cute,” Kaoru continued, smiling fondly as they each recalled the last time he said so.

“As you’ve said before,” Kyoya said flatly, feeling the pout on his lips.

Kaoru laughed, curling into his shoulder. With one hand, he held his face and lightly squeezed his cheeks.

“You’re proving my point,” he said, shaking his grip. “So tsundere.”

Kyoya rolled his eyes.

“Remind me not to do this ever again,” he said.

“Oh?” Kaoru teased, wriggling forwards to plant his lips mischievously along Kyoya’s jaw. “Never?”

He hummed in agreement.

“Stop.”

Kaoru did the opposite, deepening the open mouthed kisses to nip at the skin. Kyoya could feel him bruise a particularly sensitive point on his throat.

Reaching down, he took Kaoru into his hand and squeezed, forcing him to draw back with a scandalised gasp. He stared up wide eyed.

“Don’t start something you aren’t prepared to finish,” he said coldly, watching how Kaoru’s lashes fluttered as his breathing became laboured.

“Oh, I intended to finish,” he said, grin pulling at his lips as he surged forwards.

xxx

He could feel the warmth of another body before he was even properly awake. Willing his heart to slow, he began to recall the night before and turned to check Kaoru was behind him. The younger man’s eyes fluttered open the moment he shifted.

“Oh shit,” he said, voice groggy but lethargic, rather than shocked. “Morning.”

Kyoya grunted in response, crashing back into the covers. His eyes were heavy and he had every intention of letting them drop.

Kaoru chuckles at this, the sound grating even through his cocoon of duvet. It ended abruptly though.

“Already?” he asks, spinning to check. “It’s twelve?”

“Probably,” he muttered, burying his face in his pillow.

Kaoru was silent for a moment before yanking the covers down from Kyoya’s face. He scrunched his eyes shut as the cool air hit his face.

“Why are you so calm? We have to help set up for tomorrow.”

He groaned and shuffled around until his face was buried flat against the pillow. He hoped it would suffocate him.

“If they haven’t come yet then they won’t,” he said.

“We have lunch reservations,” Kaoru insisted, grabbing Kyoya’s wrist before he can cover his ears. “Besides, they’re probably just too hungover to be up until now. They’re gonna show up any minute!”

Just then, a knock came at the door.

“Shit,” Kaoru gasped, scrambling to his feet.

He threw on a shirt and turned to Kyoya again. He seemed torn.

“You… shit, you just stay there,” he said as another knock came.

Kyoya watched as Kaoru rushed over, opening the door without removing the chain. On the other side, he could hear Tamaki complain.

“-can’t find him anywhere!”

“You know how he doesn’t like being woken up,” Kaoru sighed, glancing back at him uncertainly.

“I don’t know. Maybe when we were still kids-“

“There’s no reason he wouldn’t still be anti-mornings.”

“I just don’t know,” Tamaki said, vulnerability seeping into his tone. “Things are different now.”

“Yeah, you really don’t have to tell me that.”

“I know, I know. I’m just worried I might scare him off again. I just got him back. I just got you both back.”

Kyoya stayed rigidly still. He wasn’t the type to get emotional about the little things but maybe this wasn’t so little. He blinked back the wetness of his eyes, thanking the heavens for the dark of the room.

“Then you have to trust him. I’m sure he either slept through the knocking or just covered his ears and went back to sleep,” Kaoru said, his warm smile audibly shifting into a grin. “Who knows, he might have ended up sleeping elsewhere.”

“Oh,” Tamaki immediately gasped. “Well, he did have- I mean, he might have done that. That’s true.”

Kyoya cringed. God help him survive Tamaki’s loud mouth.

“Hmmm, okay I’m not gonna ask,” Kaoru said with a chuckle. “I’ll be down in a bit.”

“Okay. See you downstairs.”

Kaoru shut the crack of the door as he left and immediately spun to give Kyoya a curious look. Kyoya sighed and pulled the covers tight around him.

“What was that about exactly?” he grinned.

“He demanded to help me unpack and found some things,” he said simply.

“Some things?”

Kyoya just gave him a defeated look and Kaoru lost his composure. Amidst the laughter Kyoya picked threw a pillow over his head to groan into. And hopefully suffocate himself with.

“So he knows you…”

“He doesn’t know I’m gay he thinks I’m into pegging,” he said.

“Oh, that’s brilliant!”

They got ready quickly and left for lunch one at a time. Kyoya joined the lunch party a couple of brief minutes after Kaoru was awkwardly greeted by the group.

By the time he arrived, the tension was already mounting. Honey awkwardly tried to chatter away as the others sat in a heavy silence. From the doorway, he watched Kaoru push the food around his plate listlessly.

As he approached, the table immediately re-inflated. Tamaki welcomed him in like a scared child.

“Kyoya! Did you sleep okay? We tried to wake you but you didn’t answer.”

Kyoya forced a smile, avoiding the amused look he knew Kaoru was giving him.

“I slept perfectly fine, thank you. I had a… very good night.”

He gave Tamaki a pointed look which was met with confusion until he seemed to stop at the bruise blooming just at the edge of his shirt collar. Gasping, he looked around like the others were overhearing a private conversation and not a public one.

“Oh,” he said, not at all subtly. “I see. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

After a moment, a grin spread across Tamaki’s face. He shuffled forward in his seat.

“Speaking of enjoying yourself,” he said, turning to Kaoru, “I’m assuming the man in your bed earlier had a good night?”

Kaoru choked, spluttering through a mouthful of water. He flushed a rosy pink Kyoya thought only Tamaki could go. Kyoya could only imagine what he looked like as he tried to school his expression, hiding behind the glare of his glasses.

Across the table, Hikaru’s gaze stayed sternly on his food. His face twisted into a sour expression as he stabbed at the fish on his plate. He looked ready to run.

“I’m sorry?” Kaoru asked.

“You hid him pretty well but it was quite obvious,” he said, popping a spoonful of food into his mouth gleefully.

“I- well, if you must know,” Kaoru said, glancing devilishly to his brother, “he had a wonderful night. I made very sure of that.”

Hikaru seemed to hit his breaking point then. Slamming his cutlery down, he stood up and left. He didn’t spare a second glance back.

Tamaki sighed, eyes flicking between the two brothers. He seemed conflicted but stayed in place as Mori quietly excused himself to follow the twin. They had always been close, Kyoya supposed.

“Anyway,” Kaoru said, voice laced with venom. “I also had a very good night.”

“Well,” Haruhi interjected, “you’d better stay in your own beds and have a little less fun tonight because I don’t want anyone missing at the ceremony.”

“Yes, mother,” Kaoru teased, eyes flicking to Kyoya for just a fraction of a second.

xxx

After lunch, Tamaki fell straight into micromanaging. Every detail of the party was divided between the group as they entered the main hall. Site staff were already hauling in decorations and equipment as they started their work.

The hall was entirely distinct from the rest of the hotel: the clean, modern look of the marble entryway and chic aesthetic of the bar were replaced with something much more regal. Every surface was lined with delicate embellishments and the floor to ceiling windows on the far side cast the wooden floors a sunlit caramel. If nothing else, the space was a dream.

They found a fault in their plans immediately, though. Hikaru and Mori were still excused and nobody wanted to address the twin size elephant in the room. Even with all hands on deck, it was clear Kaoru’s job finalising decor wasn’t made for one person.

It was hard to watch Tamaki’s plans when they didn’t work out. Of course he’d try to force them together through art. He knew his club but he knew them at sixteen. He knew them as friends and companions and confidants. Tamaki didn’t know what to do with them as strangers.

As he watched Kaoru run a hand over his face halfheartedly, Kyoya gave in and approached Haruhi. They were each set up on stations across the vast hall, together enough to imply socialising but far enough to not even be able to talk.

He cleared his throat beside her, breaking her own of her concentration. She jumped, holding out her hands in a feeble attempt at self defence.

“Oh,” she said, lowering her clipboard. “Is there a problem with the numbers?”

“Not a single problem so far,” he said. “How many times have you run through them?”

“Eight?” she said, scrunching her nose in that way she does when she’s digging for a thought. “Maybe nine? I just don’t have the experience to know what I’m doing.”

“Haruhi,” hr sighed, pushing up his glasses in a tense habit. “I haven’t organised an event in years. Your numbers are better than mine could possibly be.”

“That’s not true-“

“Besides,” he continued, “I think I’d be of better use elsewhere.”

Pointing over to Kaoru, he watched her expression shift to defeat.

“His was meant to be a two person job,” she groaned.

“With Hikaru?”

“Bingo.”

“Tamaki’s idea?” he asked. “I’m assuming he’s at least two steps into a masterplan to fix their tragically fractured relationship.”

“Some things never change,” she shrugged. “You don’t sound impressed.”

“I’m sorry to say I’m falling unequivocally team Kaoru and can see little to be done in the way of helping things,” he said, glancing to the man as he spoke. “Of course, I’m quite in the dark but it feels somewhat… futile.”

“He has to try,” Haruhi said simply. “Go help Kaoru if you’re really sure about the numbers. But a single mix up and I’m telling Tamaki why you weren’t answering the door this morning.”

“Oh?”

“You two were frankly obscene at that lunch table,” she scolded. “You’re lucky you’re surrounded by idiots.”

He let his mouth twitch into the beginning of a smile.

“I haven’t a clue what you mean.”

“I’m sure.”

Kaoru gave him a curious look as he approached.

“I thought you may need some help here,” he explained.

“I can manage,” he said, knowing grin in place. “Don’t you have your own work to do?”

“I finished,” he lied.

“Okay.” Kaoru smiled. “You take the other half of the list.”

He fiddled with the clipboard in his hands for a moment before handing over the paper.

It was easy enough work, bordering on tedious. Kyoya was more invested in conversation as they fell into easy chat while inching across the display of decorations.

“You’re near Beacon Hill and haven’t been to Thinking Cup?” Kaoru gasped.

“I have a usual at George,” he said, “why would I change?”

“Not even for dates?”

“I’m a dinner date person,” he said. “If I even bother.”

“Hmm, a bar date maybe?”

“A bar encounter and a bedroom date,” he corrected, earning him a surprised laugh.

“Such a romantic!” Kaoru grinned, ticking off another item from his list. “How have we never bumped into each other?”

“Do you go to Jacque’s?”

“Yes!”

“That’s why,” Kyoya said, chuckling as Kaoru grabs his chest in hurt.

“Oh, sure. I’m sure…” he paused to think, “Alley! I’m sure you go at Alley and it’s just so lovely.”

“It is, actually.”

“I’m going as soon as I get back and when I hate it you’re gonna hear all about it.”

“I look forward to the review.”

“We’ve totally crossed paths without realising before, though,” Kaoru said, eyes on the task. “We’d never think to try and spot each other. Just wait. We won’t be able to get away from each other now.”

“You sound awfully sure.”

“We get coffee basically two streets away from each other every morning,” he said, glancing to Kyoya. “Pretty sure we’ll bump into each other.”

He smiled to himself, hyper aware of the tightness of his cheeks as he fought back a wider grin. It was easy. Kaoru was easy.

“Perhaps I’ll tag along to that Alley trip,” he joked.

Kaoru didn’t laugh. Instead, his eyes flashed for a moment with that predator gaze he’d kept on him the night before. Even just for a heartbeat, it was hypnotic in ways Kyoya hadn’t accounted for handling sober.

“You’d better,” he said. “I’m not dealing with a rich kid bar on my own.”

“You’re still a rich kid, you know,” Kyoya chuckled.

Pausing, Kaoru turned to throw him an exaggerated pout. He huffed.

“And here I thought we were friends,” he said, sighing dramatically.

“Whatever made you think so?”

“Well,” Kaoru said, “you generally need to be friends before the benefits.”

“And if you’re just a hookup?” he teased.

Kaoru shuffled closer, leaning into his face.

“I’m pretty sure a hookup with history is always a tragedy in some form,” he whispered. “I don’t intend to leave this with tears. Unless…”

As he ran his eye up his body, Kyoya breathed him in. He was too close. Nobody would see anything but two friends whispering to each other but he’d know. It was a dangerous game he was playing. If it were chess, he’d place himself down as the king but god knows the Queen holds the power.

“I don’t intend to leave you in tears. I can’t pretend I don’t need to bring you to them.”

Kaoru’s devilish smile morphed into something new. It was softer but Kyoya already knew it would be his downfall. That look in his eye settled into place.

“Just kiss me?” Kaoru asked.

“Anymore would be quite inappropriate for such a busy place,” he said simply.

Watching Kaoru’s brain fry as he pieces together what he meant made him feel so hot. It was suddenly sweltering. He felt like a dog in heat.

“I’m heading to the bathroom,” Kyoya said, placing down his clipboard as he turned and fled the room.

The bathrooms throughout the hotel were spacious and low lit, masquerading as miniature foyers. The particular bathroom beside the hall was decorated with gold framed mirrors and velvet seats. The moment he stepped inside he knew he was going to pin Kaoru to the chaise longue and make good on the promise of tears.

xxx

Around an hour before dinner, Ranka made his entrance.

As the pair shuffled out of their third bathroom excursion of the day, they didn’t bother to stagger their exits. The rush of sneaking only extended as far as the risk and with all their friends excused to change for dinner, there weren’t enough other guests staying over to worry over.

Or so they thought until a call of “boys!” ripped through the quiet drone of the foyer. They’d ducked into a room in the hall adjacent on their way back to their respective rooms, leaving them in clear view of the familiar face.

They jerked apart, struggling to detangle their twined arms and regain their balance from leaning against each other. Kaoru winced as the motion caused pressure that his tailbone was far too abused to handle comfortably.

Ranka continued to wave them over and they shuffled forwards, attempting for nonchalance they both knew was far gone. The older man barely stifled a grin, the twitch of his mouth readily apparent.

“I was just having trouble with my room but,” he got a scathing look at the poor receptionist practically cowering behind her desk, “I’ve been assured that we’ve resolved the issue. Would you two be darlings and give me a hand?”

They rushed to action wordlessly. All things considered, he didn’t have so many bags. Two for presents and last minute additions to the event, one for clothes, a handbag for makeup and another for practical use. Kyoya was sure he’d play up the luggage to onlookers for the reactions but he couldn’t blame him. If his daughter was getting married in a hotel he could never have afforded raising her, he’d play the heiress too.

“That everything?” Kaoru called behind him as they dropped the bags onto Ranka’s bed.

“That’s all, thank you,” Ranka said, shuffling between them to perch on the edge of the bed. “I don’t mean to be a diva but-“

“We understand,” Kyoya said.

Nodding lightly, Ranka smiled.

“Well,” he said. “Don’t let me keep you boys hanging about. I’ll have you on unpacking duty if you aren’t careful.”

“We’d be happy to.”

“Oh, shoo!” Ranka said, throwing them a swatting gesture as he chuckled to himself.

They were quickly planted im the hallway, door slamming shit behind them. Ranka had always been an enigma, built of contradictions and never around enough to truly crack. Add the pressure of a wedding and the man was erratic. Through the door, he crashed around the room, clearly unpacking via throwing.

“Did he just shoo us?” Kaoru said, blinking up at him.

“Like misbehaving kittens, yes.”

Shuffling out of the far wing, they made the slow decent down to Kyoya’s room. They hadn’t discussed it but as the turning to Kaoru’s room past in the easy flow of conversation, Kyoya found that he didn’t mind him inviting himself. He knew that if he told him no, Kaoru wasn’t the type to push, unlike certain Tamakis.

As soon as he crossed the threshold, Kaoru drifted towards the bed, stretching as he walked. He climbed on languidly, running his hands along the duvet before sinking forwards in a downward dog that quickly devolved into awkwardly laying on his legs. Flipping his body in a single motions, he sunk further into the bed as he made the springs of the mattress earn their keep.

“Comfortable?” Kyoya asked, hanging his jacket on a hook at the entryway.

“Tired,” he replied. “Too much work.”

“Oh, I’m sure work was the problem.”

“Absolutely. Nothing else I can think of.”

Kyoya chuckled, shuffling out of his shoes and perching on the bed. Kaoru sat upright and shuffled closer. Leaning his chin on Kyoya’s shoulder, he hung his weight from his back, arms wrapping loosely around his shoulders.

“You’re very dangerous, you know,” he said, tracing his lips over Kaoru’s upper arm.

“Glass houses.”

“Touché.”

“Besides,” Kaoru said, moving to press his nose into his jaw, “you seem to enjoy it.”

“Do I really? How peculiar.”

Letting go, Kaoru fell back with a bounce, shuffling his way up to the headboard. He kept his hands in his lap, twiddling his fingers.

The silence stretched on as Kyoya waited for him to break it. He seemed to stare into space. He’d been doing it intermittently throughout the latter half of the day. Any moment if quiet and his mind was elsewhere.

“You want something,” Kyoya said, shuffling around to better see him. “I know your tactics. What is it?”

“It’s not that…”

“Kaoru-“

“It’s not something I want,” he said, chewing at the inside of his mouth. “This whole thing has just got me thinking.”

“A dangerous thing to be doing.”

“Oh, shush,” he chuckled, swatting vaguely in Kyoya’s direction. “Weddings. Marriage. It all just seems so distant to me.”

“I’d have thought it would be up your alley,” he said. “What happened to the matchmaker I knew in school?”

“That’s different. I love love it’s just… so much. Forever. I can barely do a fortnight.”

“It is a lot. It’s something I can only imagine for Tamaki. The fact anyone else does it is ludicrous.”

“I’ve never dated much,” Kaoru said. “So I just can’t imagine it.”

“I date too much,” he replied. “So I can’t either.”

“Really? You don’t seem the type.”

“I don’t mean to do it. I don’t think I fall in love quite as easily as I fall into comfortable.”

“But you must feel something?”

Kyoya hummed, trying to find the words. He glanced around, eyes catching the bedside table.

“Books.”

“Books?” Kaoru asked, following his gaze.

“I read the books they lend me,” he explained, “or I try to. I like to learn about people in the things they love. Tamaki loved the host club so I learnt how to run a host club. Books are shorthand. I always say I’ll give them back but I can never bring myself to finish them. Those last couple of pages… It’s embarrassing but I need a little bit of something they each gave me or what was the point. So I keep their books.”

Kaoru nodded thoughtfully.

“Because you’ll never know the ending.”

“Sorry?”

“You can’t finish them because then you’ll know how it ends,” he said, holding out a hand above his face to frame a curling tile between his fingers. “If you never finish the book you never know how it ends and that question can stay with you longer than the answer. Answers kill questions and walk around in their skin suit until they keel over.”

“I almost followed until you said skin suit,” Kyoya said, not fighting the smile on his lips.

“Like, you think you want the answer but then when you get it it’s only satisfying for a couple days at best. The rest of the time it’s just not as exciting as what you can imagine. Questions create answers and answers make questions disappear.”

“You’re thinking a lot about this.”

“Someone has to,” he shrugged. “If nobody thinks about these things then everything is a question.”

“And that’s not good?” he asked.

He couldn’t help but enjoy the view of the younger man splayed in his bed talking nonsense with absolute confidence. Having hardly changed, the scene was all too familiar. It screamed of a high school memory he’d all but buried when he left: Kaoru tucked up in his bed ranting about the history of plaid while he tried to do his work. The sun has shined just onto him but now the window looked on to a setting sun.

“If everything is a question then questions aren’t exciting either. Imagine if you were served nothing but ramen for every meal, regardless of what you ordered. It would be tasty but eventually you’d be so over it you’d rather eat natto.”

“I like natto.”

“Of course you do, psychopath.”

xxx

Staggering their entrance to the dinner time and table Tamaki messaged them was tough. Trying to consider what the others assumed of them from the little they’d seen was a task. Haruhi knew too much but assumed too little while Tamaki read into every step and stayed absolutely in the dark.

They decided on Kyoya arriving a minute late and Kaoru arriving five minutes later. Everyone seemed to take no notice except Hikaru. He stabbed his broccoli with the intent of a bear with salmon.

Had Ranka not arrived, Kyoya doubted Hikaru would have come to dinner. The awkwardness of the morning seemed to bleed over, leaving the meal tense for all but Ranka. He seemed to be happily oblivious; why would he think anything was out of the ordinary? His daughter was getting married tomorrow it was time to celebrate.

“Remember,” he announced at the start of the meal, “I don’t want to see any hangovers tomorrow. So drink plenty of water and eat all you can without risking the seams tomorrow because Mr Suoh is paying!”

Tamaki laughed happily, clinking glasses with Ranka as Haruhi watched, visibly pained. It was a relief to see them bridge their differences, especially at the expense of Haruhi’s sanity. He wondered for a moment when and how it had come about, but he imagined the story was much more mundane than the chaos of their youth.

Everything seemed simpler now. Their wild teenhoods were far behind them and in their place was domesticity and occupational stress. It was depressing in some ways but in others it was pleasant. To see the people you love mellow with age was a privilege he couldn’t believe he’d almost given up.

“Fired?” Tamaki gasped as Ranka nodded along, clearly in the midst of recounting some tale.

“Can you even imagine what you have to do to get fired from a local right wing campaign?”

“Bad bad things,” Honey muttered.

“Luckily not,” Ranka chuckled. “Adultery. Seems you’re safe with the nationalists as long as you don’t pull a Kazuo Makima,” he laughed ferociously as their company fell into a deathly silence.

Perhaps years ago he’d have recognised the name and years ago he’d have obsessively uncovered the whole scandal. Infidelity clearly but something more to garner that notoriety. And that name… he couldn’t shake the suspicion he knew it. Or at least that he should.

“Oh,” Ranka gasped. “I’m so sorry-“

“Excuse me,” Kaoru said, as he raised from his seat and made his way out, offering a polite bow.

Hikaru silently followed once he was out of sight.

“Oh dear,” Ranka said. “I really wasn’t thinking.”

Finally, it clicked. Kazuo Makima, son of Ryuichi Makima and co-owner of MK Tech alongside his brother. It was easy to forget Hayato Hitachiin has a whole other life apart from his family but his brother was hardly a small presence.

Though, the little Kyoya knew about him had never implied he may be the sort to cheat. As far as he knew, the man had been happily married for decades, even before his brother. A loving housewife, a stable income and no children.

As Mori stood to make his exit, Kyoya followed. He caught his eye and shared a small nod.

“I’ll be back shortly,” he said to the group as he left.

He had a feeling he knew where Kaoru would be. As teens, Kaoru had always struck him as the sort to make his quiet moments big. He’d never bawl hysterically just wait until it passed but always mediated through sketches and costumes and theatrics. Beautiful things seemed to calm him.

Once, he found him alone in the club room, a single chair pulled to a single table in the centre of the hall. He never announced himself, just watched Kaoru slump over, head in hands silently sitting.

He wasn’t hard to find. Stood, blankly staring at the aisles, he looked so small in the magnitude of the hall. The space was undeniably stunning but in the nighttime, under the house light, it felt like an echo of something wonderful.

“You weren’t here when he did it,” he said, voice just carrying through the echoes of the room.

Kyoya approached slowly.

“I don’t know what he did.”

Kaoru scoffed.

“Nobody can change that much,” he said. “You have to know our business. It fuels you.”

“I have other people’s business to enjoy.”

Kaoru stared at him as he crossed the hall. He seemed angry in that quiet way he often was.

“You know it’s not the same,” he muttered when Kyoya was close enough to hear.

“You’re projecting.”

Kaoru shrugged with a dry humourless laugh like a dog toy squeezed of air.

“Maybe,” he said, immediately falling into a defensive snark that left Kyoya grinding his teeth. “Or maybe I just see right through you. Maybe we’re so alike you can’t bullshit me like you do with them. I know you’re lonely and scared and you miss them so bad it hurts because I do too.”

Kyoya rolled his eyes. He was projecting.

“Don’t throw this on me. I just asked what happened to your uncle.”

Kaoru’s jaw clenched as he stared. After a moment he turned away to sit down. Even as he curled into himself, head in his hands and eyes closed tight, made sure to leave a space on the pew beside him. The wood creaked suspiciously for such an expensive venue.

“You know,” he whispered, the accusation subsiding into doubt.

“Why would I lie?”

Kaoru glanced up to him and gave a huff.

“Fine,” he relented. “He cheated.”

Kyoya sighed.

“I gathered that. Why are you upset?”

“It was a takedown of the whole family. Anything they could dig up,” he explained, voice strained: weak from the strain of dredging through the memories. “My cousin cheated and the family were obviously mad. The whole fucking country was mad. But my uncle…”

“Has become the face of adultery?”

“He cheated with another man,” Kaoru said bluntly.

“Ah.”

“People hated him for it. He was a joke,” he said. “They’re still together and happy and have resolved it all but it doesn’t matter. He’s a monster to people. He was a monster to his own family.”

Kyoya watched him fight back a new wave of tears. It suddenly made sense for Kaoru to be the same and different. He seemed split in two in ways only grief forces. Not a grief of death but of trust and hope and all that childhood innocence he’d held onto during their teens. He was mature for his age but now he was cold beyond his years with the scars to match.

“And your family…”

Kaoru shook his head.

“They’ve never been the revolutionaries they pretended to be once they’re behind closed doors,” he shrugged. “Maybe it was the heat of the moment but I heard things from their mouths I’ll never forget. I’ll never forgive. Just- god, fuck them!”

Kyoya got to his feet, more out of a need move than a need to leave. He tried not to pace but quickly found himself tapping his foot neurotically. He fiddled with his glasses instead.

“I won’t pry.”

“Damn right you won’t,” Kaoru snapped. “I buried that shit a long time ago. It’s in the grave and laid to rest and I’ll be damned if I let the happiest day of my friends’ lives resurrect it.”

“Okay.”

“I left before the exposé on my exploits came out,” he continued. “A hundred ignored calls and even more half-assed attempts at accepting texts later and this is the first time I’ve seen anyone since.”

“Even-“

“Yes,” he snapped. “Yes, even my brother. He wasn’t exactly team Kaoru throughout all the shit I went through so fuck him if he thinks I’ll be team Hikaru for fucking anything.”

“Kaoru.”

“What?!”

“Let’s go get room service,” he said.

“I don’t want room service.”

Kyoya did his best to keep his composure from turning grim. He knew he tended to wear his anger on his sleeve but this was more than anger. It was confusion and sadness and concern all wrapped up in a five minute period. Kaoru didn’t deserve anger when all he really felt was sad.

“Kaoru,” he said again, pointedly. “You haven’t eaten in almost eight hours. I’m going to feed you whether you like it or not. I’m just giving you the option of choosing your food.”

“Not hungry.”

His stomach immediately protested, making itself known with a short burst of sound. Kaoru huffed.

“Fine, we can get room service,” he relented. “But I want to watch funny cat videos while we wait.”

“You know how to woo a man.”

Chapter Text

Kyoya woke with a start to a knock at his door. Kaoru was happily asleep in his own room, passing out almost immediately the moment he fell into bed.

Through the dark of his room, he scrambled for his glasses, barely able to decipher the numbers on the clock.

4:32 am.

He groaned and shuffled to his feet. Throwing open the door, he readied his best scowl.

As he took in Tamaki’s expression, he could feel his face softened. The blonde was practically shaking, eyes big and wet, and lip caught between his teeth as he chewed anxiously at the flesh.

“Come in,” he said, holding open the door as Tamaki scurried inside.

“Thanks,” he said as Kyoya closed the door and turned on the light, voice shaky.

He watched his friend collapse onto the bed, a muffled whimper escaping him.

He’d seen Tamaki in a bad space before. Years of friendship made it hard to avoid seeing your friends at their lows, but this was different. He was hesitant with his sadness.

Gone were the dramatics and theatricality he used to cloak his tears. For others it was hard to differentiate when Tamaki was genuinely upset but Kyoya had worked out a knack for it. It was all in the quiver of the bottom lip. But now, tearing at the flesh, the quiver became a full bodied shake.

Standing there in front of him, he did what he knew how. Taking his hands into his, he looked him in the eye, searching for some kind of answer.

“I’m sorry,” Tamaki whispered. “I shouldn’t have woken you. I know you hate that.”

“What happened?”

Tamaki swallowed. He looked like he’d rather Kyoya snapped at him, as if Kyoya ever could.

“My dad isn’t coming.”

He clenched his jaw, trying desperately to keep his reactions subdued. It wasn’t as if he was shocked, just disappointed that he’d waited until the night before to tell him. Tamaki would never have said it but Kyoya knew what it meant for him to have his father there after all they’d been through. For him to have even convinced Haruhi that Mr Suoh was trying, he must have honestly believed they were on a new path.

He’d been there one too many times himself. Missed ceremonies, cancelled plans, bigger priorities; eventually it all just amounted to a recurring absence you either had to keep pretending wasn’t cancerous or cut out entirely. He knew how badly those scars ached but he’d never choose differently. Tamaki might.

“He just called?”

Tamaki nodded.

“Okay,” Kyoya sighed. “Did he say why?”

“Work or a meeting or something,” he muttered, playing with Kyoya’s fingers in his hand.

The quiet intimacy was all consuming. Kyoya’s heart ached, knowing it took Tamaki being this hurt to return to it. He’d still come to him. Maybe he could still fix things.

“The last thing my dad missed was my 21st birthday,” Kyoya said. “I was devastated.”

“I was away. I’m sorry. I-“

“No,” Kyoya said. “You did nothing wrong. He was always too busy for me. You were just away for a few months. What really got to me was when I got to the end of the party and realised that I didn’t want him to show up. I had a good time regardless of him being there and then I realised that I had a good time because he wasn’t there.”

“I want my dad here, Kyoya.”

“I know,” he said, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. “But when you look back at today you’re going to remember your beautiful wife and your friends and Ranka and this gorgeous hotel and he won’t even be in the pictures to think about. You won’t remember that he wasn’t here because him not being here won’t change that you’re the luckiest man on earth today.”

“I don’t feel lucky,” he pouted.

“You will when Haruhi is walking down the aisle.”

Tamaki’s face lit up at the thought. His eyes sparkled just imagining her. If Tamaki was the luckiest man on earth then Haruhi was the luckiest woman.

“When did you get good at feelings?”

“Around the time I realised I had them.”

“So a week ago,” Tamaki teased.

“Count yourself lucky I want a copy of your pictures tomorrow,” he said. “Or that pretty face would be a new, bluer shade.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

“Dreadfully,” he said. “Now, go get the rest of your beauty sleep. You have a busy day ahead.”

Tamaki chuckled, scratching the back of his neck suspiciously.

“What?” Kyoya asked.

“So I may have sort of locked myself out of the room when I left.”

Sixteen year old Kyoya would have either killed him or died on the spot. Staring at his friend now, eyes still wet with tears, he couldn’t help the bleat of laughter that fell from his lips. Tamaki followed quickly and they both curled into themselves laughing at the absurdity of it.

He’d always hoped as a teen to share Tamaki’s bed on his wedding night. He supposed he could settle for the night before.

As they tucked in under the covers, Tamaki turned to face him.

“Can I ask you something?”

Kyoya nodded.

“Will you be my best man?” he asked, as casually as if he were asking the time.

“Don’t you already have one? The ceremony is today.”

“It had to be you,” he said and he was right; it did have to be him. “I kept the role open, I just couldn’t find the moment to ask. I didn’t even know if you’d come.”

“I didn’t leave because of you,” Kyoya said. “You know that, right?”

“I’m not sure what I know anymore.”

“Then just know that I love you, your beautiful fiancé loves you, and I’m gonna be stood right by your side tomorrow when she becomes your wife.”

xxx

If Kyoya was woken up by knocking one more time he was certain he would take up early morning drinking. He buried his head into his pillow and listened as Tamaki shuffled out of bed to deal with it.

“Oh,” he gasped. “Haruhi.”

“Is this where you’ve been? What is wrong with you? You can’t just disappear on our wedding day!”

“My dad isn’t coming.”

“Oh.”

“I came here cause I thought he’d get it. I didn’t want to worry you but I got locked out of the room.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I’m sorry I worried you.”

“You’re just lucky I found you. Can you imagine if it was my dad? He’d never let you live it down.”

“Why? What would Ranka say?”

“You heard him yesterday. Gay affairs are in vogue to joke about. He doesn’t care if you two are straight-“

“Not straight,” he muttered from the bed, voice still in the midst of waking up. It came out louder than he intended.

There was a beat of silence and then gasps.

“Huh?! But- but you were a host!”

“So was Kaoru,” he said, refusing to sit up for them.

“Yeah but… I would know! How did I not know?”

“Okay,” Haruhi said. “That’s the nonsense for the day. No more. Glad we got it out of the way at… 7:28. Now let’s go get married.”

xxx

The morning light poured into the high windows of the chapel, showering the room in light. They’d opted for a French style, with floral motifs reminding Kyoya immediately of traversing Paris backstreets by Tamaki’s side. The warm stone of the aisle was littered with red and white petals. It was cliche in all the ways Tamaki loved.

In all the beauty of the space, he couldn’t take his eyes off his friend. Even as guests poured in, he just watched and waited. They were stood close, practically pressed together at the end of the aisle, leaving him with little else to see past the groom. Tamaki was fretting quietly as he stared blankly towards the door. His fists clenched and his eyes welled with tears before his fiancé even arrived.

“God,” he could hear Tamaki mutter. “Oh god.”

“Calm down,” he whispered. “You want to look excited for her not scared.”

“But I am scared,” Tamaki whined under his breath.

“Of what?”

“Of-“

Just then, she finally entered the room, arms linked tight with a sniffling Ranka. The sight sent Tamaki immediately into a broken sob. His lips stretched into a smile and his whole body leaned toward her, as if pulled in by her gravity. He practically vibrated with the effort to stay in place and not run into her arms.

She looked admittedly beautiful. He was sure Ranka played some role in her pinned up hair and youthful makeup. The white of her dress offset the blooming red bouquet in her hands as she held it close to her chest. Kyoya was sure it was taking just as much effort for her to keep her slow pace instead of running to Tamaki’s arms.

He moved aside as far as he could, stepping down from the platform to watch across from Ranka. Haruhi’s smile was like nothing he’d ever seen as she slotted into Tamaki’s arms just for a moment. Gone was the panic and frustration earlier that morning and in its place was a love like Kyoya had never known. Just bearing witness was all too much.

The ceremony passed quickly, as the couple rushed through her promises, excitement pouring from their mouths. By the time they were halfway done, they’d shuffled close enough to embrace, pressing against each other as if they wanted to absorb one another.

With their final “I do”s, they were allowed to kiss. They melted into one another, kissing with so much fire it burnt to watch. It was not erotic or hot but intense. They pressed together so hard it had to hurt and all Kyoya could see was two teenagers in innocent and fragile love.

As he watched, his eyes drifted along the groomsmen to settle on Kaoru’s soft expression. He wondered if he thought the same.

xxx

“When are you cutting the cake?” Honey asked for the third time that evening.

The party started before the couple had even finished their recessional and the hours of dancing with champagne freely flowing was beginning to take its effect. Kyoya wouldn’t be surprised if Honey only made it another hour. Across the hall he could see Mori keeping one eye on Honey as he made polite small talk.

Mori seemed to have grown into his voice. Perhaps not talkative but he was surely more vocal than he had been in their youth. Kyoya couldn’t help but wonder what he talked about with Honey or Hikaru. He imagined Mori had a depth to him even Kyoya had never been able to intuit.

“If you ask me again I’ll bin it,” said Haruhi, sending Honey instantly into despair.

“Bin?!”

“Bin.”

He chuckled to himself, hiding his reaction behind a sip of champagne. The taste was citric and trickled down his throat in pin prick bubbles. While never much one for indulging, champagne was perhaps the rich-person thing he missed most. The tang of lemon curd and nectarine tasted of family and friends he’d long since foresworn.

Sensing a presence, he turned to find Ranka approaching to lean against the wall beside him. He planted himself at the edges of the room, opting against Kaoru’s party technique of thrashing wildly in the centre of to each and every song with a bpm above 110. The company was appreciated regardless.

“Doesn’t the father of the bride have anywhere else to be?” he joked, watching Ranka’s smile—Haruhi’s was just the same.

“Doesn’t the best man?”

“Touché.”

“I don’t mean to be a downer…”

Kyoya raised a brow.

“I doubt you could,” he joked.

Ranka huffed an amused breath. His eyes dragged over Kyoya, as if he’d adopted x-ray vision and forgot to mention it.

“Thank you for coming back,” Ranka continued. “I know they’ve likely said it but Tamaki was more worried than he’s playing it now. I think my Haruhi would have tracked you down and dragged you here herself if you hadn’t come.”

“I missed them more than I expected to,” he said, pressing his whole body weight into the wall. “I never meant for it to be such a clean break.”

“You’d prefer a rough one?”

“A rough one that left me some scraps.”

Ranka hummed.

“I’m sure you had your reasons,” he said. “If you do it again, though…”

Kyoya nodded along to the implied threat.

“I’ll stay in touch,” he said, leaving Ranka to join the party.

Kaoru waved him over immediately, stumbling towards him and breathing heavily. He draped himself over Kyoya with a sigh.

“Save some energy for later,” Kyoya said. “You know there’s still a few hours to go.”

Kaoru whined.

“I thought this would be hype,” he said. “It’s all rich people who wouldn’t party if they were held at gun point.”

“You seem to have perked up.”

Kaoru hummed.

“No point in dwelling on it,” he said, shrugging impassively. “I’ve already dwelled plenty.”

“And you’d rather dance than talk to our friends?”

“Seems less dangerous.”

Kyoya let himself lean into Kaoru, still hanging from his side. He was warm.

“You know, Tamaki asked me to be best man in the middle of the night,” Kyoya said, earning a raised brow. “Locked himself out of his room. A younger Kyoya would have struggled: sleeping in the same bed as him, hearing him blab about all his hopes and fears for hours, knowing he came to me and nobody else. After everything he came to me.”

“You’ll always be his best friend.”

“And they will never be your minefield.”

Kaoru’s lips tugged up at that. He chuckled lightly, delicate as birdsong.

“I know that,” he replied, “but it can be hard to feel it. I’m just too wound up.”

“And dancing helps?”

Kaoru paused, an expression morphing his face.

“No,” he said, “but I know some things that might. Make an excuse for us?”

“So demanding.”

xxx

They fell back into the mattress, sweaty and breathless. With a shared smile, they curled together under the sheets.

As they got familiar with each other, Kyoya began to pick up on what made Kaoru tick. It usually took him longer with his partners. He always struggled to get a sense of people and, loath as he may to admit it, that seemed to double when it came to sex. Too much performance and so little room to just stop and evaluate. He was a good lay it just took him a while to be a great lay.

He didn’t have that problem with Kaoru. Every touch seemed to make sense to them both as they moved together. Kaoru looked just how he fucked: he liked his hair pulled and his mouth occupied. He liked to be pinned into the bed, not roughly but firmly. He liked to beg and to earn it and to be praised for his work. Most importantly, he liked to kiss on the comedown into a languid makeout as if they weren’t both sticky and gross.

This time he’d crawled into Kyoya’s lap, still bare and spattered with fluid, as he kissed. Kyoya’s hands landed at his hair and hips, naturally feeling for a grip.

The kiss slowed to a gradual stop. Neither moved away, too invested in the feeling of breathing each other in. Lips against still lips, just brushing against each other as the air passes through them. They seemed to twitch, both wanting more and closer and all too much.

The thing they didn’t say—because they couldn’t—was the same as ever. That one unsaid thing in an ocean of muted agreements. They both knew it.

That line they rode had never been stable. A stray step and they’d go toppling down into feeling it all. And it all felt like so much.

Kaoru kissed him again like he didn’t care. He kissed hard, pressing their bodies together like he could merge them into one. The thought of it made Kyoya kiss back with ferocity that surprised himself.

By the time they pulled apart again, they were panting and lightheaded. Kaoru’s smile was crooked and his eyelids heavy.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Kyoya said, voice soft. “We have a wedding to go back to.”

“We’ve been gone forever,” he whined, immediately slumping forwards to rest against his collar. “They’ll make do.”

“You know that’s not true,” he sighed.

He felt Kaoru shrug against him.

“I don’t know.”

A knock came for only a moment before the door swung open. It was just enough time for Kaoru to scramble off and throw the sheets over Kyoya, just managing to wrap himself in the edge of the covers.

Under the thin sheets, light trickled in from the hallway. He couldn’t differentiate the shadows of the room from the figure in the doorway but the silence told him enough. The air felt like ice.

“Fucking seriously?” Hikaru asked, his voice severe and warbled with alcohol.

He could feel Kaoru shift to cover himself further. Neither twin made any move closer. Hidden away, he felt like a voyeur to a bloody standoff.

“Yes and yes,” Kaoru joked, though his coy tone trembled.

“Stop joking around!”

“What do you want me to do right now? Please, Hikaru, give me a minute.”

“No,” he snapped. “It’s our best friend’s wedding and you’re off screwing some stranger. This was meant to be about them. It was meant to be about all of us spending some fucking time together you selfish asshole.”

There was a beat of silence. Kaoru’s shaky breath was amplified in the static of the room.

“I’m the selfish asshole, huh?”

“Oh, don’t.”

“Don’t what? Don’t get upset? Don’t feel betrayed? Don’t wonder for just a moment why the one person—MY person—couldn’t put himself in my shoes for even a second?”

Kaoru was clearly on the verge of tears. There was something so wrong knowing that he was right there and yet so far away. That his warmth was resting against his legs and that’s all he got. Even worse was knowing Hikaru could just stand there across the room and watch. He hoped he hated every second as much as he did.

“You know that’s not fucking fair,” Hikaru said. “Not after what you did.”

“What I did?”

“Don’t-“

“Stop telling me what to do like you have any say anymore,” Kaoru practically shouted. “What the hell did I do? Seriously.”

“You know-“

“Then why the fuck would I ask?”

“You left!”

Kaoru sucked in a breath. The world seemed to stop turning for just a beat.

“That’s not true,” he muttered.

“Oh,” Hikaru said, the eye roll practically audible in his tone. “I’m sure. Throwing me under the bus and fleeing the damn country isn’t leaving.”

“I didn’t,” he said.

“You did,” he said. “You up and left without a word when I needed you.”

“You needed me?” Kaoru scoffed. “What were you going through that I wasn’t?”

“You know I was close with him-“

“Close enough to cut your ties the moment you find out he’s gay?” he asked sarcastically.

“It wasn’t like that-“

“Then what was it like?”

Hikaru scoffed.

“He was having an affair. It never mattered to any of us who that was with.”

The dry laugh escaping Kaoru’s throat sounded strangled and forced. It was utterly humourless.

“You really believe that?” he asked, continuing before Hikaru could reply. “One of our cousins was outed for ties to a sex trafficking ring and I saw him in the Christmas pictures still. Uncle Ryouma was embezzling under our mother’s name but all that took was a half baked apology and a watch for her birthday.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Oh,” Kaoru pressed, pulling the sheet tighter around him. “Really? How so? Enlighten me, please!”

“Stop that. You know he never apologised.”

“Neither did our cousin. Did he?”

Hikaru spluttered. He could practically hear the cogs turning as he ran through all the excuses he’d made over the years. All the shoes that didn’t quite fit and all the verdicts never settled in court.

“He never betrayed family,” he blurted out finally.

There was a beat of silence.

“Is that really it?” Kaoru asked.

“He betrayed his family. You know how we all feel-“

“Oh, blah. You really buy that? You’ve seriously bought that shit this whole time?”

Kyoya cringed hearing the quiver in his voice.

“It’s the truth.”

“Bullshit! You never noticed how dad’s letters stopped the moment the press started speculating about me? Get a fucking clue, Hikaru.”

Silence filled the room, leaving the air thick with tension, like cotton in his lungs. Keeping his breathing steady and quiet became a challenge as the two hit a standstill.

He felt the corner of the bed dip suddenly. Kaoru jolted as Hikaru’s hand came down on his shin over the covers.

“That’s not fair,” Hikaru sighed, voice as warped and caught in his throat as he knew his own would sound. “I didn’t…”

“You stopped messaging me too,” he said. “As soon as the rumours started you dropped me like trash. One ‘is it true? we don’t care if it is,’ and then nothing. You were my person and you just threw me away.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?” he snapped.

“You lied to me,” Hikaru said, voice soft as he rubbed Kaoru’s thigh. “All that time you kept it from me. It wasn’t fair.”

“You think I wanted that?”

“Stop!” Hikaru gasped out.

“No. Why didn’t you just try?”

“I don’t know!”

The silence between them was enough to draw his attention to the thump of Kaoru’s pulse at his thigh. It was erratic under his touch.

“So that’s it? You don’t know?”

“I didn’t- this isn’t what I thought-“

“No,” he sighed. “Because that would require having thought at all.”

Hikaru didn’t argue.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Kaoru huffed a humourless laugh.

“It’s gonna take a few more of those.”

He sighed.

“I want to- I need you to explain it all. Slowly. I need to understand what the fuck happened with us.”

“Where should I start?” Kaoru said, somewhere between a tense joke and an all too sincere question.

“I-“ he paused for a moment, lowering his voice. “Can he go?”

He stilled, feeling suddenly like a deer on a freeway. Even with his presence very clear, he still felt as if he’d partaken in something uncouth.

“Huh? Wh- oh!” Kaoru gasped, clearly forgetting about the mostly-naked body hidden under the sheets beside him. “Well, that depends on if you promise not to be mad at me.”

“Kaoru,” Hikaru said, tone bordering on warning.

“I want no part in this,” Kyoya said as he shuffled out from the covers.

Hikaru’s jaw dropped with an audible clack. It must have been painful but it seemed the least of his concerns just then.

“You- you- are you kidding me? Fucking shadow king. Of all the men on the fucking planet you slept with not only our friend but the scariest, moodiest, most unpredictable psycho in a group of psychos!”

As he ranted, Kyoya pulled on his clothes under the covers. The layers of fabric were hard to manoeuvre but he had plenty of time. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kaoru do the same, moving slowly enough that Hikaru wouldn’t be disturbed from his rant.

“I don’t care if you’re gay but this is so- why are you so- stupid stupid stupid! He’s our friend! How could you be so selfish? Did either of you even think about what this would do if things turned sour? Did you even consider what a thing like this would do to my brother you slimy fucking fuck?!” he continued. “What are you thinking?”

“Mostly something along the lines of ‘oh, so good’ and ‘more please’.”

“Kaoru!”

Fell back into his pillows with a groan.

“His favourite coffee shop only sells pastries shaped like bears,” he said softly. “We’ve never seriously fought even when the whole club was at odds. He knew I was queer before I knew it myself but he let me figure it out on my own terms. He’s a hopeless romantic with a stack of books he’s never given back to ex lovers and a stack of blackmail he’d rather incinerate than use. He’s interesting and I like him so let me have this.”

Hikaru huffed but didn’t argue.

“I’ll head down,” Kyoya said.

“See you tomorrow,” Kaoru said as he ducked out of the door.

“Tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

By the time Kyoya had straightened up his suit and made it back to the hall, the party was drawing to a close. The lingering figures stalked the edges of the room as Tamaki and Haruhi clung to each other, swaying in the centre of the dance floor. He watched as they tucked into each others gaps, slipping together like puzzle pieces.

Mori and Honey approached him as he traced along the walls of the hall. Honey’s slack body hung from Mori’s grip as he struggled to keep his cousin upright. He offered a small nod.

“Heading out?” Kyoya asked, watching the rise and fall of Honey’s chest as his eyes fluttered open and closed.

“Honey’s tired,” he said simply. “I hoped to talk more with you.”

“There will be time,” Kyoya said. “I’m not gone forever.”

Mori meets his eye searchingly. His eyes were always so dark Kyoya assumed there was nothing behind them to read: he wore his heart on his sleeve. Now, older and wiser and looking deeper than he’d bothered to before, he saw some quiet sadness in the creases of his gaze.

For a long time, he could remember thinking that he would be missed. He was a good student and a good son and his family would miss that when he left. It never occurred to him that those things weren’t him the way he’d realised that maybe those people weren’t his family.

His mother and father and brothers and sister would never mourn his rage. They would never miss his wit and never feel the loss of his laugh. They never heard it.

“I threw so much life away chasing my father’s shadow,” he found himself saying aloud, as Mori stood and looked through him. “I suppose I tried to make up for that by running back all the miles I chased him. I’m just tired of the running.”

Mori gave another short nod. The corners of his eyes softened just a little.

He turned back to the dance floor as they left. Tamaki had pulled back to dip Haruhi as she laughed and clung to his shirt. Her fingers bunched in the fabric like an anchor to the sea floor and he stared at her like he’d washed ashore in Atlantis.

For the first time, that feeling didn’t seem so unattainable. For the first time, Kyoya thought he knew what ambrosia might taste like and why men went to war for the love of a maiden. For the first time, he found a book he wanted to finish over and over again.

xxx

Kaoru was already in Kyoya’s bed when he arrived back in his room. He tucked his phone under his pillow nonchalantly and beckoned him toward the sheets. With a huff of laughter, Kyoya dropped his jacket by the door and slipped off his shoes as he crossed the room.

“How did you get in?” Kyoya asked, slipping beside him under the covers.

Kaoru shuffled closer. His hands came up to his throat, tracing the distension of his Adam’s apple, before carefully loosening his tie. His fingers unlaced the fabric, pulling it free from its knot and slipping it off entirely. His fingers continued down, unbuttoning his shirt carefully.

“Your key fell out of your pocket in my room,” he said, glancing up to give him a crooked smile. “I thought it would be better to wait here than try and find you downstairs.”

“You assumed I’d be inviting you in?”

“I knew you would be,” he smirked. “I’m psychic.”

“Oh, really?”

“Totally.”

Kyoya shuffled his shirt off as the last button came free. He pulled off his socks and threw them onto the makeshift pile beside the bed. His feet were warmer than Kaoru’s as he twined them together.

“What am I about to do then, psychic?”

“I can think of something you could do,” Kaoru whispered, lifting a hand to run delicately through Kyoya’s hair.

“Me too,” he said.

Kaoru leant in to kiss him but he dodged his lips. Dragging his tongue along the length of his cheek, he felt Kaoru recoil under him, letting out a shocked squeak. His eyes were blown wide as he stared up at a grinning Kyoya.

“You…” he started, shock quickly dissolving into giggles. “Fine. I didn’t guess that.”

“Perhaps you’re just good at reading people,” he said, beginning to fiddle with his belt buckle.

“You know I am,” Kaoru said, tucking back against his side.

He could feel the tickle of Kaoru’s breathing on his arm as he loosened his belt. Occasionally his breath faltered with the ghost of a laugh as he smiled into his skin.

“Could you do something for me?” Kyoya asked, lolling his head to the side so they were eye to eye. “If I ask you to?”

“With your hands around your belt like that and my clothes on the floor already, I like what I’m seeing,” Kaoru chuckled. “I think I’d do just about anything you asked me to.”

“Go on a date with me.”

Kaoru’s smile faltered for a moment. His eyes widened and his jaw fell slack. In an instant his smile returned, twice as wide and triply bright. He struggled to close his lips around the grin.

With a furious nod, Kaoru thrust his face into the pillow, rolling his body into the mattress. He peeked out of the corner of his eye to Kyoya, as if double checking his expression.

“You’re serious?” he asked, peeling himself away from the pillow and into Kyoya’s chest.

“You told Hikaru that my favourite cafe only sells bear cakes,” he said, scooping Kaoru closer. “They also sell cakes with little cat ears. I want to buy you one.”

Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Kaoru squeaked cutely. He seemed overwhelmed.

“You can’t just say those things,” he berated, smile never fading against Kyoya’s collar. “I really will tell people you’re secretly a huge nerd.”

“They won’t believe you.”

“Guess I’ll just have to get some evidence,” he said, pulling back to wiggle his brows cheekily.

Kyoya kissed him without a second thought. Then, he kissed him again. Kaoru melted into the touch, hooking a leg behind his knee to tangle their bodies.

“It’s late,” Kyoya muttered against the soft lips.

“It’s early,” Kaoru retorted. “Please.”

Kyoya wouldn’t be asked twice.

xxx

They had plenty of time to sleep in the following morning. The hotel handled cleaning up after the event and they didn’t have to be out of their rooms until mid-afternoon.

Kyoya slipped into consciousness to the feeling of the mattress moving beside him. He groaned, spinning to throw his head into the pillow. Kaoru’s laugh was piercing to his ears.

“Rise and shine, your highness,” he chuckled, petting Kyoya’s arm.

“What’s the time?” he asked, throwing the duvet over his head to a new wave of lighter.

“It’s ten,” Kaoru said.

“We have hours,” Kyoya groaned. “Fuck off.”

“Nope,” Kaoru said, snatching the duvet from his grip and tossing it from his head. “We have a final lunch left with our friends and if I bail then Hikaru will mope about it until forever.”

“Until forever?”

“Yep.”

“Sounds very serious,” Kyoya said, pulling the duvet back over himself.

He could just make out Kaoru’s huff through the sheets. There was silence for a few minutes, only punctuated by the shuffling of fabric. He almost dozed back to sleep.

“Oh god,” Kaoru gasped dramatically.

“What?”

“I got all undressed to have a shower but I don’t know how to use it,” he declared. “What should I do?”

Kyoya rolled his eyes, turning to sit up with a huff. Kaoru wasn’t exaggerating his nakedness, though his distress was quite transparently false. He stood at the end of the bed with a grin so devilish he might have mistaken him for a fox. The sparkle in his eyes gleamed in the dim light of the room.

“You’re not slick,” he mumbled.

“Shower with me?” Kaoru asked, holding out a hand towards him.

Kyoya huffed but quickly got to his feet. The water was warm enough to wake him up and the sight wasn’t bad either.

xxx

“Look who finally made it,” Hikaru scoffed as they made their way to the table their friends were occupying.

He seemed brighter. Gone was the bite to his words and the eerie quiet that seemed to haunt his presence, and in their place was a radiance Kyoya had almost forgotten. It seemed so silly that a smile could bring back a hundred more memories than a face alone.

“We were otherwise occupied,” Kaoru said, a foxy-like grin splitting his features.

Hikaru paused, freezing in place as he lifted a bit of food towards his lips. He glanced down to the slice of omelette, brows drawn, and lowered it to his plate. Brows drawn, he looked as if he’d carve out his ears if he could.

“You’re putting me off my food,” he said, grimacing. “No grossness at the table.”

“You don’t want your little brother to get laid?” Kaoru pouted dramatically, dropping into the seat beside his brother.

“I hate you,” Hikaru said, turning his gaze to Kyoya, as if to make clear the sentiment did not spare him.

Something warm ignited in him as he watched Kaoru cheerfully goad his brother into snapping at him. The two had always seemed to have their own language, implicitly knowing where the joke would go and where the punchline was hidden. As they sunk back into their roles, it appeared clunky and unrehearsed but so utterly right, like an animal in captivity released back into the jungle.

Across the table, Haruhi coughed into her fist, dragging their attention to the lovely bride. Her bridal makeup sat smudged and half removed across her face but the radiant glow of her cheeks made it seem almost editorial. Even in the sickly light of the dining hall, she seemed to sparkle.

“As happy as I am to see you two back to normal,” she said, “we have a lot to discuss.”

“So you are pregnant?” Kyoya joked, earning a gasp from a dazzled Tamaki.

“No,” she said sternly, turning to Tamaki. “No.”

He nodded, clearly putout by the fact.

“We leave to Fiji in the morning,” she continued, gesturing to Tamaki. “Before we go, I need a proper catchup. A refresher.”

“I think you’re entirely up to speed by now,” Kyoya said. “Probably more so than the rest of us.”

“Mori,” she said, ignoring him, “how is your fiancée?”

“Fiancée?” half the table gasped as Mori sat stoically.

His face flicked with emotion just for a moment. Something warm and soft seemed to settle at the corners of his mouth, tugging just lightly at his lips. Despite his build and cold exterior, Mori suddenly looked more like a well trained puppy than the bulldog he was used to.

“She’s well,” he said, appearing oblivious to the wild stares of his friends. “She did ask me to pass on her apologies. You can imagine how heartbroken she was to have to decline the invitation.”

“Oh, she’s so sweet,” Tamaki gushed. “Tell her it’s no problem. Work sucks.”

“I didn’t realise you were engaged, Mori!” Kaoru beamed. “Who is she? Do we know her?”

Mori shrugged.

“Probably not,” he said simply.

“Huh?” Kaoru gasped, seeming heartbroken by the prospect of missing out on key gossip.

Kyoya laughed easily, feeling the giggles rip out of him so naturally he wondered how long it had been since he’d really felt at ease. Probably as long as he’d been alive. He liked the feeling.

As they chattered amongst themselves, catching up on the details of their lives until they had each other memorised, Kyoya leant back and watched. Hikaru questioned every anecdote and Tamaki gasped at every twist and turn. Kaoru seemed the hardest to read as their friends caught them up on their missing pieces.

It didn’t matter. He had plenty of time to learn to read him.