Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

        “What are my results?”
        “Inconclusive.”
        “That’s possible?”
        “It’s possible, but rare. It’s called Divergent. It’s nothing big, it just means you aren’t naturally drawn to any one path. You still pick a faction as normal, but it feels more like a decision you have to think about than an obvious choice. Your results showed you have an aptitude for Abnegation, Erudite, and Dauntless, so pick whichever one you want to define you the most. You don’t have to abandon the others, but you still have to commit to a faction. You could decide to be factionless, but you seem like the type that thrives on a bigger community, rather than a small one out past the city line.”
        “Huh…so I really do have a choice to make.”
        “Yup. But here.” She handed me a card, with her name and an intricate logo on it. “If you want, come visit me over in the Dauntless compound. My brother is Divergent, so he can give you some advice if you want. I think one of our initiate trainers is too, but I don’t know him that well.”
        “Thank you,” I said genuinely, and I didn’t have to wipe my hands on my pants before taking her card. “Really.”
        “Don’t worry about it. And, wherever you do end up,” she gave me a conspiratorial grin. “Even if it’s Abnegation, stop by my shop if you want a tattoo. You Stiffs all cover up enough, no one will ever see it.”
I laugh, and pocket the card. It feels good to laugh, without worrying if it’s too loud or too raucous or not appropriate. Maybe my Abnegation tendencies are just from my parents…maybe they’re not actually what I have an “aptitude” for. I think I will talk with her brother.
        “I think I am going to take you up on that, thank you.”
        “Yeah, no worries. We’re always around, and if we’re not, someone will know us. So come with a parent– yes, come with a parent.” She must have noticed my expression upon her mentioning bringing one of my parents. Who would I even bring? I couldn’t picture my mother or my father in the dark, formless “compound” in my mind. She continued, before I could protest. “Some of the people are mean, and until you’re one of us, you should come with a parent. And in general, you shouldn’t explore unknown areas of the city completely alone, no matter who you are, if you’re still a kid. And yes, you’re still a kid. I’d be saying the same thing to the Dauntless your age, the only difference is I wouldn’t expect them to listen to me.”
        She made a good point. I thanked her for the advice, and the offer, and went back out to the cafeteria with my brother and the other Abnegation. We aren’t “supposed” to talk about our results, but there is no punishment for doing so. When I see my brother’s troubled expression, I know better than to ask right now, but we will arrive at home well before our parents, and I can ask him then. Tori’s card feels heavy in my pocket, heavy with the weight of the decision ahead of me.
        Abnegation, Erudite, or Dauntless?
        I suppose Amity and Candor aren’t ruled out officially, if I can pick any of them, but I lied to that man’s face, and had no empathy for the harm that would become of him, so I wouldn’t want to be there anyway, surrounded by the people who would make those choices.

When my brother and I split off from Susan and Robert, I broached the question.
        “So…what did you get?”
        “We’re not supposed to talk about it.”
        I waited. I knew him.
        “I…don’t know if I want to talk about it.” He admitted, eventually.
        “I’ll tell you mine first if that helps. I bet it can’t be more confusing than that.” I meant it as a joke, but it fell on deaf ears as per usual. Caleb couldn’t be more Abnegation if he tried, and he didn’t have to try at all. He would live a long, happy life marrying Susan and raising a small, classic, Abnegation family together.
        “Please.” He looked like he was choking on something, but he hadn’t had anything to drink and we didn’t have anything like snacks, ever.
        “I am inconclusive.” He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to me.
        “Inconclusive? Is that even possible? What does that mean? How does it work?”
        “Wow, what happened to asking questions is bad and evil?” I once again tried to joke, and once again he took it seriously.
        “Right- I- I’m sorry. You’re right.”
        “Caleb, I was teasing,” I tried to reassure him. “And I don’t know. Tori, my administrator, said I showed signs for Erudite, Dauntless, and Abnegation. She said it’s called ‘Divergent’, and that her brother is Divergent too. She said it’s rare, but not impossible, and it just means I have to pick what I want to define me, that it won’t come naturally like with most everyone else.”
        “Huh,” was all he replied, and he looked lost in thought.
        “Huh? That’s all? You had like a million questions before, you know I don’t mind.”
        “You don’t, do you? You never have, Beatrice.”
        “And you do, it’s okay. It just means we’re different, and now we know why.” He still looked pale, like he was trying to decide the rest of his life right now at this moment. Was he Divergent too? His surprise before seemed too genuine to be fake, and why would he fake it? It wasn’t a secret, just not common.
        “Caleb are you alright? Do you need to sit down?” I didn’t want to sit down on the dirty, uneven concrete but I felt like that’s what I was supposed to do, supposed to offer.
        “No, I…” He took a deep breath, stopped again, and turned fully to face me. “I got Erudite.”
        My jaw dropped. My perfect, selfless brother, Erudite? The one who never hesitates, never drags his feet, never does anything wrong or imperfect ever? Him?
        Suddenly his questions before make sense. It got me thinking, if he was the perfect act, who else could be? Robert? Susan? My parents? I couldn’t picture them in the Dauntless compound, or anywhere but here, but until three seconds ago I would have said the same thing about my brother. Here he was, having me question everything. I suddenly realized he was waiting for me to talk.
        “I- but- but you’re perfect!” was all I managed to squeak out. He somehow looked like he was almost about to laugh at my reaction.
        “Sorry, sorry,” I tried to recover, “I just- you do everything right, it always looked so effortless to you! The way you gave your seat up for the man this morning, like you didn’t even think about it!” We were nearing home now, but I still wasn’t worried, since even with our delays we were always home long before our parents.
        “Mhm…I always try to be. That’s what we’re supposed to do, isn’t it? But… it isn’t what I want.” He seemed like he had been waiting to say those words for a really long time. He had gone back to staring aimlessly ahead of us but again he quickly turned to me again. Thankfully, he kept walking this time. “Is it what you want?”
The answer came out of me before I was ready for it.
        “No.”
        It wasn’t definitive, or harsh, or even confident. Passive, almost. Casual.
        “I- didn’t mean that.”
        “You didn’t?”
        “I…I don’t know. When I think about us, about dinner. All of us moving in perfect harmony, living to help others. It sounds perfect.”
        “But does it sound like you, Beatrice?”
        “It… it…” Eventually, I had to be honest. Not with him, but with myself.
        “N…No… not really. I love it, I love the thought of it, I love to look at it, but…living it? I- I don’t think so. I don’t think I can do that for the rest of my life. I want to be able to, but…but I don’t think I can.”
        He nodded. At some point, we had arrived home, and we sat in the living room together in a way we never had before. I began to wonder what it would have been like growing up with him in a different faction, or even just with our home but without this one. Would we have hung out more? Would we have done fun things together? Would we have helped each other study, or walked around the town together?
We could still have that, I realized. He got Erudite, and with my memory of his room the few times I’ve seen it, he had books everywhere. He would go to Erudite tomorrow, and our parents would have one less child in the house. Two, if I went with him. Or went to Dauntless. I knew my father didn’t like them, but maybe he would if I were there. Would he still love me? The panic began to rise up in me and Caleb, ever the selfless one, noticed immediately.
        “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? You don’t have to stay here, you could leave with me, or pick any of them I guess.”
        A laugh bubbled up in my chest, despite myself. Or maybe because of the panic. “I’m not worried about anything, I just- I’ve already ruled out Candor and Amity. And Abnegation, as much as I love our parents. I…I just started thinking about…Dauntless.” The change in my brother was immediate. Not anger, like our father, or resignation, like my mother, but…fear. No, not fear, concern. He was worried for me. He didn’t think I could do it.
        “No, you’re right, it’s stupid,” I continued before he could say anything. “It’s stupid, I’ll just pick- I’ll just–” I tried to say I’ll just pick Erudite with you. It would be easy, I know what to expect, rigorous studies and all that, but…I realized with a start that my decision was already made.
        “You want to be Dauntless,” Caleb said gently, concern still lacing his voice.
        “I…I want to be Dauntless.” I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders, only to be immediately replaced by another one. “I want to be Dauntless,” I repeated, my own fear now creeping into my voice like Caleb’s.
        “You want to be Dauntless,” he repeated after me, taking my hands in his and giving them a reassuring squeeze.
        “That’s terrifying.”
        “I think that’s kind of the point,” he said with a small laugh. It’s a rare treat to hear Caleb laugh, and it makes me feel better just being in its presence.
        “Will you come with me?”
        “What- come with you where?”
        “To-” oh god, was I really about to ask this? “To the Dauntless compound.”
        “Beatrice are you- what is- you’re not an initiate yet, they’ll pound you to the ground!”
        “No! Probably not! Tori said most of them were nice!”
        “Who is Tori?” His concern had definitely turned to panic now, although I was sure it was just at my new inquiry, and possibly my sanity.
        “She’s- I’ll start over, she’s the woman who tested me, the one who described what Divergent is to me. She said her brother is Divergent too, and that I could visit them today if I wanted to, if I was confused about my decision, or about being Divergent.” I pulled the card out of my pocket to further prove my sanity. “She said I could go there and ask around if I didn’t see her, and most people would at least vaguely know who she is or where to find her. I…even though I don’t need help making my decision, I want to learn more about the Dauntless.” Before I commit to it, the mean, cowardly voice in my head said. Shut up, I replied back to it. No, it said back. That’s when I started ignoring it.
        “Beatrice…I support the idea, I just…I’m not even a year older than you. This is insanity, she just- She just said to go? On your own?” He didn’t bother masking how incredulous he was that a strange woman would suggest this. Or maybe that the Dauntless would be so brazen in projecting their way of life onto someone outside of their faction.
        I gave myself away with my hesitation.
        “Beatrice, what is it?”
        “She…may have told me to bring a parent.”
        “So she’s not crazy!”
        “She’s not, I–”
        “But you are.” He rounded on me in a split second. “Why would you want to go there of all places without one of our parents!”
        “I just didn’t think they’d be comfortable!”
        “And you thought I would be?”
        “I thought I would be more comfortable asking you,” I explained, exasperated with his lecturing. “And going with you.”
        He sighed, understanding, but still unmoving in his resolve. “Let’s ask them when they get home, together,” he added before I could protest. “I’ll help you. I don’t think I should go with you, that…really feels like a recipe for disaster, but I’ll help you ask when they get home.”
        “Thank you, Caleb,” I said, and I meant it. He smiled, said “you’re welcome,” and we settled into a silence that wasn’t really comfortable or uncomfortable. Just…there. After a moment, I asked him why he wanted to go to Erudite, and he lit up like I had just turned on a bright light. He started talking about knowledge with a passion I had never seen from him before, talking about how fascinating the world we live in is, and how he wanted to know more about it. He went on until our parents arrived home, and I listened to him intently for the whole hour. Normally I would have tuned an Erudite kid out by now, but this was Caleb. This was my brother, and I love him. Sitting there, just the two of us, I felt like I could listen to him go on for hours.
        Once our parents came home, it was like they could sense we had something to tell them. Maybe it was just the way we both looked at them expectantly as soon as they came in the door. Our mother sat down, and our father remained standing. She spoke first, asking “What news do you two have for us?” She looked between both of us, until Caleb looked at me. I swallowed hard, and wiped my hands on my pants.
        “I…was wondering if- if one of you could come with me tonight to the Dauntless compound?” My father’s reaction was immediate. My mother’s was too, but more subtle. Before he could rage at the thrillseekers downtown, I quickly explained my situation the same way I had with Caleb. The Divergent result, Tori, her offer, all of it. I left out how I had pretty much already decided, figuring my father would be more likely to agree if he didn’t think the only reason I was going was to find out more about the Dauntless specifically. Eventually, with my mother’s encouragement, he agreed with her. She volunteered to come with me, which was the biggest surprise I had all day. My mother? My lithe, conservative, willowy mother? She looks like the dauntless would break her like a twig. But, my father didn’t want to go, and having one of them volunteer was more than I dared hope for. We agreed that I would help with dinner tomorrow night instead, and that my father and Caleb could take care of dinner for just themselves. My mother, when I asked, assured me we would get dinner somewhere, though she didn’t say where. When she asked if I wanted to leave now, I surprised everyone, including myself, by giving an immediate “Yes.” She kissed my father goodbye, a rare token of displayed affection, and we were off.
        Only then did I wonder what I should have been thinking the whole time. How would we ever get there?

Chapter Text

The walk with my mom starts off quiet. I’ve just realized we don’t know where we’re going, but she hasn’t seemed to yet, and I don’t know how to tell her. I look at her and start to ask, but one look at her face makes the words catch in my throat. She looks…resigned? Serious? …Unhappy?
        “Mom, are you okay?”
        She seemed to snap out of a daze, coming back to awareness and looking at me with the kind, open expression I know so well.
        “Yes, honey, I’m sorry. I…guess there are some things about me it’s about time you should know.”
        “Um…okay, like what?” Was it the reason she seemed on edge, even while trying to forget herself and be completely calm?
        “I…was not originally Abnegation.” My mind spun. My mother? Not Abnegation? She always said there was an art to losing herself, and she did it so well. Not as well as my father, but still. There were times we talked, chatted, existed without a purpose. They were rare treats, and I always thought they were to give me a taste of the other factions, so I would have even a small experience of life outside of our faction in case I found myself drawn to it. But maybe, this whole time, it was really for her. It was to keep herself sane, in a faction where she didn’t wholly belong. Then the second part of the puzzle clicked into place.
        “You were Dauntless!”
She laughed a high, sweet though short laugh and nodded. “I was. And I never thought I’d leave that life.” She looked almost wistful, and I wondered if she often wished for the life she once had.
        “What happened?” I asked the question before I remembered I’m not supposed to, but to my surprise my mother smiled at me, and answered.
        “I met your father.” And there was the love I so rarely see displayed. Abnegation never display physical touch, and if ever we do it’s within the privacy of our home. “And I fell in love. He would never have left Abnegation, and I didn’t even think about asking. He would never have enjoyed the Dauntless life, and it would have broken both of us to make him choose it despite.”
        It made sense, all of it. But I had one more question that I wanted to test my luck with. “Is your…is she still alive?” My father’s parents, in Abnegation, had died when we were very young. I remember the funerals vividly, because there wasn’t much to them. People made us food, we put the bodies underground for some reason, and that was it. My mother’s parents never had Abnegation funerals, and I always assumed they were dead before Caleb and I had been born. Now, I realized the truth. If they were still alive…maybe I could meet them. I had never thought about having a grandparent before. Now the thought wouldn’t leave my head.
        “I think so. We write letters on occasion, but I haven’t heard from her in a little while. We can see,” she added, seeing me open my mouth to ask just that. “At a later time. Whatever you choose tomorrow, we can make the visit sometime after your initiation, or on visiting day. If you do pick Dauntless, you could visit her sometime without me.”
        “Can we see her today?” I know she said another time, but why wouldn’t she want to go see her own mother? Was she bad? Were they not on good terms?
        “Not today, Beatrice, I…I have not been here in a long time. I am a very different person now, and…I need to take these things one step at a time.”
Once again, I was shocked. This time, it was because my mother’s answer was definitively selfish. Not even in any way that sounded bad, she just…knew I wanted to do something, and said no, because of what would be best for her.
I had never seen my mother do that before.
        “Uh- yeah, of course.” I managed to stammer out. I then added, “Thank you.”
She looked at me, confused. “For what?”
        “For doing what’s best for you. For showing me that.”
She smiled, and it filled me with a familiar comfort. “I’ve always wanted to show you that.”

        We reached the Dauntless compound a couple miles of walking later. My feet grew more and more sore as we went, but my excitement blocked the feeling out. It was surprisingly normal, I thought as we approached the entrance to the…admittedly daunting Dauntless compound. The entrance to the home of all who live without fear was just…a door. A line of glass-paned doors, like you’d find anywhere else. My mom must have noticed my confusion, or it was just that obvious, because I received a very small, if a little tense, smile.
        “You won’t be using this door if you choose it for initiation.”
        Her response filled me with more questions and only one answer, but I could tell she didn’t want to elaborate beyond that, so I nodded. She opened the door for me and I went in first. Entering the compound, the first thing I noticed was just how dark everything was. There was adequate lighting, especially with the sun coming in through the doors behind us, but looking out I couldn’t see that far. I saw a new side of my mother as she took a deep breath and began walking forward with the confidence one could only describe as Dauntless. She took my hand and led me through a series of even darker tunnels, a terrifying path across a chasm, and into the base of a giant…
        “The Pit,” my mother explained. “You can get to most everything from here.” I looked around in awe, letting her guide me through the moderate crowd, as she did yet another thing I never thought she’d ever do, and began going up to random strangers and asking if they knew a Tori, and showed the card. She got a few dismissive looks, and many confused ones, but it took only three askings for her to reach someone who could point us exactly where we wanted to go. When we reached the shop, I saw it was her tattoo shop and got excited, though I didn’t know why. I had never thought about getting a tattoo before.
We entered the shop and there was only a man there. My mother asked for Tori, and he said she was working on someone right now but he’d be happy to help. He said that before looking up at us, and gave a confused “Or not…?” once seeing our all-grey Abnegation clothes. My mother explained that I had been invited to stop by, and Tori had said we could come in anytime today. He told us that we’d have to wait about an hour for her to wrap up, but he would let her know we were here and we could get food or something in the meantime. It was clear he didn’t want us to stay in the shop and get in the way, but he was nice enough to not say that. And we were nice enough to do it anyway. My mom said they internally operate on a points system, but some of the food shops would take common money. The system of money always confused me. Each faction had their own internal way of regulating resource allocation, but then somehow a common system kept track of any between-faction transactions like this. I know the Erudite set it up, the common one at least, but I never understood why we wouldn’t all be on the same system, and use it internally too. Maybe it would be unfair to the Abnegation, who handle money as little as possible, or the Amity, who did not have much need for it, but I still don’t understand how the common money is tracked or what it is even represented by.
        Apparently, it is represented by a little card that my mother takes out of her pocket and gives to someone serving food with a smell that makes my mouth water, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. There are long, rectangular tables behind us arranged in loosely straight lines with gaps every few tables for people to walk through. It was dinnertime, so there was not much space, but we found a place to sit easily enough, though we got weird looks from the rest of the table. My mother appeared not to notice, and I tried to act the same.
        “Don’t tell your father,” she said in a tone that made me unsure if she was fully joking or a little bit serious. “This was one of my favorites growing up. It is absolutely more indulgent than we are supposed to have.” My mother just kept surprising me. I took a bite of the food, hot with steam to make me blow on it a bit first. It’s food I couldn’t keep track of wrapped up in a soft casing I recognized but didn’t know the name of. My mom was eating hers like it was the first good thing she’d eaten in her life. I knew that was an exaggeration, but maybe…she could eat more like that if I were here. Or if I went to Erudite, we could still come here but it would be harder to find an excuse. No matter the exaggeration, I could tell she seriously missed this. If she had to give it up for someone she loved, maybe she could have it again for someone she loved too. If she was visiting me here, and I said I wanted her to eat it with me, would that ease hers and my father’s consciences? If I had not already decided, this would have helped my decision a lot.
        After we finished it had only been about thirty minutes so my mother offered to show me around. I immediately answered yes, and next thing I know I’m getting a tour from a woman I thought never would set foot in this place. She showed me the training rooms, dormitories, and warned me that if I did choose Dauntless I would be rooming with boys and girls in one big room together. This surprised me, but my mother simply said privacy was not handled the same in every faction, and that did make sense. Food, money, privacy, what else would be completely different? Could I even handle it? She thought about showing me more, but realized that by the time we got back to “The Pit” it would have been a bit over an hour, so we should head back now so as not to keep Tori waiting too long. I wanted to see more but I still agreed, as that is what I am supposed to do for the next sixteen or so hours. I am not Dauntless yet.
        We reached the Pit, which had a significantly smaller crowd now as apparently the dinner rush had ended. I saw Tori before she saw us, but didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself by shouting her name or waving. We walked over calmly, my mother no longer holding my hand since we could walk unimpeded. She saw us when we were a bit of a ways away, and smiled at me warmly. She then looked to my mother to give her the same courtesy, and her face fell slack with shock. A glance at my mother showed less surprise, but still a decent amount. I kept looking between them, but neither of them said anything.
        “What?” Eventually I blurted out, impatient and confused. Then I noticed their expressions had changed, familiarity replacing most of the shock. My mother also looked hesitant, like being caught by surprise like this made her unsure what to do. Tori, on the other hand, just smiled.
        “You look good, Nat.”
        What? Who looked good? Who was Nat? My mother let out a stressed laugh, and replied with some polite greeting and that was when I realized my mother was “Nat.” I so vividly thought of her as just my mother, and Nat felt like such a far cry from Natalie, that I am surprised it did not take me longer to make the collection.
        “I recognized the name, Prior,” Tori continued, looking only at my mother. “But I thought it was just from the council. Like daughter like mother, it looks like, if she’s considering ending up here. That mean I’ll get to see you more than twice a decade?”
        “She hasn’t decided yet, as far as I know, but if that’s the case, yes after initiation I’d be visiting more often.” More often? She’s been visiting at all??
        “Well that’s good to hear, but that is more pleasantries I’ve exchanged since…the last time you were here–”
        “It always is,” my mother cut in with a small smile. My mother? Interrupting someone? To make a joke??
        “Exactly! You keep me sharp. Well, come with me, we’re headed to my brother’s. I don’t know if you two already ate but I’m starving and you’re welcome to eat again with us.”
        Hospitality wasn’t something I expected either, but maybe it’s just because they knew each other. Either way, it was not long of a walk to Tori’s brother’s…apartment? House was not the right word, and “hole in the wall” seemed the most apt but least polite. When we got inside, the apartment actually was a very good description, as it looked like any other living space I had seen, in person or in pictures. If you ignored the lack of windows it felt very normal.
        “Johan, they’re here!” Tori called deeper into the apartment, then dropped herself down on the couch and gestured for us to do the same. He came out not long after, and I started out being polite while they were eating. The ingrained reflex of rotating dialogue, eating modest portions, and never taking more than you were expected or given ruled my manners even in this drastically different environment. I took my cues from my mother at first, who was following our Abnegation lifestyle as she would at home, with the exception of engaging in a much more open style of conversation. Tori tried to jokingly reprimand her for not eating her fill, but she reminded Tori that we already ate. She added that even if we hadn’t, she still chose the Abnegation lifestyle and adhered to it as much as she could outside of the faction. The surprise came when she turned to me, and told me that she knew I hadn’t transferred yet, but in “the spirit of education, and learning about the other factions,” I could eat irregularly if I wanted to. My first reaction was to jump at the chance, but the food from before was honestly really filling. I ended up taking some of the green side dish, which logically I knew was brussel sprouts, because that was what they resembled the most. They had a golden-brown coloring to them though, had all this seasoning, and were drizzled in an excessive amount of oil.
        They were amazing.
        I almost forgot where I was, and half tuned out the conversation just enjoying the new way to eat vegetables. I zoned back in when I heard my name, just in time to hear Tori say:
        “You let her get a taste of the other side, now you really lost her to us.”
My mother laughed in response, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to hearing it. “I had a feeling I already did, or she wouldn’t have asked to come. Isn’t that right, Beatrice?”
        My sheepishness gave me away, and with my mouth full, all I could do was nod. I imagine it was the sight of my guilty look, combined with the topic of discussion (my mouth full of food), and the complete honesty of my affirmation that made the three of them break out into varying amounts of laughter, with my mother’s being the most moderate, and Tori’s brother being the loudest. I finished chewing and when my mouth was clear I gave an embarrassed “Kinda…yeah.”
        “You conveniently didn’t mention this when your father was here,” my mother astutely pointed out.
        “I..know, I didn’t think he would let me go if he knew I’d decided. Caleb and I talked about it before you both came home, and on the walk home from school.”
        “Ooh, what’s he thinking?” Tori cut in, but my mom gave her a look and her brother elbowed her. She gave a defensive “What?” which made me smile.
        “I think that something my brother would want to discuss with my mom before I tell her, if at all.”
        “Okay,” she said long and drawn out like there was something obvious there. She looked at my mom, and began to make a shoo-ing motion with both hands. “You can stand in the hallway for a few minutes, go be selfless so I can be nosy.”
        I was astounded by the directness, but had a certain respect for it. My mom, to everyone’s surprise, still declined. “It’s Caleb’s subject, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want you gossipping about it behind his back. You can tell her tomorrow, after the ceremony, once it’s made public.”
        I knew she was right, but I didn’t have to like it.
        I…wouldn’t have to like it. In less than a day. I wouldn’t have to like it anymore. I didn’t know if that would ever feel real, even when it was.
        The rest of the dinner passed with more talking, eating, and, on Tori and her brother’s side of things, drinking something my mother told me was “whiskey.” I asked if I could try some, but she just smiled and said “Tomorrow.” I guessed that whatever it was, it was strictly against Abnegation policies, in a way that the flavorful food wrap and casual conversation were not. I was having so much fun, I forgot why I came there in the first place.
        “So Beatrice,” Johan said, once there was no more dinner food on the table, and dessert had taken its place. My mother advised me towards waiting another day for that, too.
        I looked up at him with attention, not saying a word. I wasn’t optimistic about habits like that being changed tomorrow as well.
        “What are your questions?”
        I…had so many. In that moment, I was at a loss. I started to stammer something out, looking for any of the questions I’d thought about since Tori gave me the news earlier today. Everyone understood what was going on, and Tori and Johan started to laugh. My mother rested a hand on my back and encouraged me to take my time and think about it before answering, and said it was okay. I got out the first question that I could fully muster, which ended up being kind of a stupid question:
        “What’s Divergent?”
        I immediately followed it up with an embarrassed “Sorry…”
        Still laughing a bit, though it didn’t feel mean-spirited, he replied. “It’s alright, it’s a confusing situation to be in. I remember I ran crying to our parents and Tori because I didn’t want to be factionless, which I thought was my only option. I genuinely appreciate the life they lead, but I didn’t want to be so far away from my family. We figured it out, our dad found a friend in Amity for me to talk to, and here we are. To answer your question, divergent, in general, means something is moving away from what is expected, or moving away from a path or route. Divergent, the proper noun, means for whatever reason, you aren’t drawn to one option above all. You have multiple priorities.”
        “Wouldn’t that be a bad thing?”
        “Maybe, if we treated it like that. There was some discourse when it was first discovered, a Divergent in Candor, who they wanted to kick out because ‘they could lie’. The Abnegation got it dismissed, as the person had passed the trials, and had been accepted. The Erudite pointed out that technically all of them could lie, they just all agreed not to, and reaffirmed Abnegation’s point that the kid had made that vow too. The Candor weren’t satisfied, and Amity spoke up, sensing the disturbance brewing. They suggested Erudite study the Divergent, to see if they posed any threat to the Candor, and that satisfied them.”
        “And the Erudite found nothing wrong?”
        “Not necessarily. They did what they do, and they found information. They presented it without morals, basically just saying that Divergent people have apparently existed for a while, but none as different as the one who was discovered in Candor. Eventually they came out saying they were finding new Divergent people every day, even within their own ranks, and there was no evidence to suggest they posed a threat, as they hadn’t yet. They also found a significant population of Divergent in the factionless, all of who said the same thing, that they couldn’t, or didn’t want to choose. It’s not super public yet, since the Erudite want to gather more conclusive evidence before making a formal publication of it, but yeah. The more we found Divergent people everywhere, already living and working with the system, the more Candor settled down.”
        “Huh…how do you know all of this?”
        “I–” he started, but Tori butted in.
        “This man somehow got the worse combination of the two, Candor and Erudite. Honesty and smarts, a truly horrible combination.”
        “You just don’t like that I can tell when you’re lying and I never let you off the hook when you complain your stomach hurts.”
        “Who just spouts off all the food someone’s eaten in the last day that would lead to their stomach upset!”
        “It would only be bad if I wasn’t right.”
        “Why do I stand you again?”
        “Wait– I’m sorry–” I had a burning question bubbling up, and I couldn’t hold it any longer. I shot an apology look to my mother, who gave me the nod to go on, but I could tell she didn’t want me to do it again. With her permission now, I continued.
        “You didn’t get Dauntless? Can I ask why you picked it?”
        “Oh that’s easy! I wanted to be with my sister.”
        “Not your parents?”
        “Ah- sorry, I forgot to mention. Our dad is from Amity, that’s where I was raised. I can tell you want to ask, and yes, they had us fairly young. The faction divides hadn’t set in yet, they were both in their early 20’s, and they decided that our dad was in a better place financially to raise a kid. Two years and one promotion later, they proved they hadn’t learned their lesson and they were having another kid. This time, our mom was in a good spot too, and they spent pretty much the whole pregnancy figuring out how to not make our dad carry the full brunt of the child raising, while not making us too separate. They made sure to enroll us in every class together, and made as much time as they could for us to spend time as a family. The Dauntless were a good deal less forgiving about frequent visitors, but with your grandmother to vouch for them, they–”
        He was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat, and I stared with my mouth open as I realized it had been my mom. She interrupted someone? I didn’t know she could do that.
        “I…haven’t told her about my mother yet. I’ll appreciate you respecting that until I tell her. I don’t want it to affect her decision, and it’s a rather big conversation for me.”
        I could tell he was about to have an aneurysm at having to withhold information. The Candor and Erudite really was a deadly combination, I joked to myself.
        “Mhm– yup– I- yes. So. I. They could do it. They coparented us, and it surprisingly worked out really well. I tested into Candor and Erudite, but I had spent a life seeing my family through limited scheduled visits, and I honestly didn’t want to anymore. I figured, if it already didn’t matter, I could make the Dauntless life work, and I did. I get along really well with the representatives that come, and I’ve done a lot of work revamping the initiation system to be more inclusive of different types of people and bravery. Eric, the asshole, is still lobbying for making elimination a thing, the whole “you chose us now we get to choose you” kind of thing. I continue to point out that rejecting someone since they don’t fit your idea of how things should be is a coward’s way out and he didn’t like that!” He laughed, and Tori slapped his arm.
        “What a way to say he tried to kill you.”
        “It would be serious if it hadn’t been such a shitty attempt at it! He’s like five years younger than me, I beat him and all his friends. Somehow he got it in his head that since I didn’t test into Dauntless, it gave him enough of an edge to beat me. Ignoring the fact that I’ve been living as a Dauntless for years, and I could beat his ass in arm wrestling when I was half asleep and he was using two hands.”
        I couldn’t help but give a burst of a laugh at that, though I tried to stifle it.
        “I can’t argue with that, but still.”
        “And the reprimand he got from Max was a sight to see. ‘Only a coward uses abuse to make a point. Only a coward hides behind three others in a fight he starts. A brave person relies on allies, but it is not bravery to pick a fight you know you will lose, and stupidity to think you would have won.’ Max is good with words. Anyway, what else do you want to know?”
        In the end, he wouldn’t tell me more about Eric, not wanting me to have too much of an edge in training. He did tell me that I would be trained by Four, the trainer that Tori suspected was a bit Divergent, but neither would tell me more about him either. I could tell Johan wanted to. Desperately. Wherever he started to, though, Tori elbowed or hit or otherwise aggressively nudged him. Apparently he was really closed off, and wouldn’t like people just talking about him, especially when he wasn’t there. I did learn he and Eric were only a year older than me, and it caused a stir to have them training new recruits when they were recruits last year. Apparently, the other two trainers were getting old, and they had too many people dropping out in initiation. Eric didn’t see the issue, but again, he’s stupid. Top of his class under Four, though, in initiation. They wouldn’t tell me anything about initiation, but that’s fair. It wouldn’t be that brave to choose it just because I know what’s going to happen.
        I asked more about what happened to make people not scared of Divergents, and why Divergents didn’t make their own faction. From what he knew, people with that thought pattern didn’t want to make more separations. They were more focused on the unity of the factions together, and making another faction would just be more divides. They also, largely, weren’t interested in dissolving the faction system all together. Most people, Divergent or otherwise, recognized that most people find comfort in like-minded individuals. What a lot of Divergent people reported wanting in their interviews with the Erudite were more connections, and communication between the factions. Apparently it was originally a Divergent person from Erudite who suggested a money system independent from factions, though no one knew they were Divergent at the time, even themself. They were in Amity, and pitched enough of a case to it. Some thought at the time the Abnegation should handle it, but they countered that they wouldn’t know how to run and operate it. That’s how it became a joint function between them and Erudite.
I wanted to ask so much more, but it had gotten really late, which my mother pointed out. We had already stayed longer than we should, if we were being courteous to my father and brother, who likely were staying up to make sure we were home safe. I hadn’t even thought about that, another reason why I shouldn’t choose Abnegation.
        We said our goodbyes, and both of them told me they’d look forward to seeing me tomorrow. “At the Choosing Ceremony, of course!” Tori defended, when my mother gave her a look.
        It was a nice walk back, in the cool Spring air still turning to Summer. I knew my mother didn’t want me to ask about her family, so I didn’t, and I knew as well that she really appreciated it. We talked about other things though, and I joked that when I was in Dauntless, I’d get her to have ice cream by saying I really wanted to share it with her and my dad, and then they’d have to. She said she didn’t know if it would work on my dad, but that I was welcome to try. It seemed like half a joke when she said it; like she found it funny, but meant it genuinely that I could try. I hoped he would, for me. And Caleb too. We could all go out together. I smiled to myself at the thought.
        Sure enough, they were both awake and sitting on the couch when we got home. I could tell from their faces that my brother had used the time to breach the conversation of his transfer with my father, who seemed like he was accepting of it now, although I imagine it had taken a while for Caleb to get him to this point. I was glad we can still visit our parents, and they us, even after we transfer. The motto of the city used to be “Faction before blood,” and it still is to a degree. The only difference is that we don’t have to cut all contact like we did a few generations ago. I couldn’t imagine having to go through all of this and decide whether or not I wanted my parents to be my parents anymore. Now that I thought about it, that was probably something else that was pioneered by a Divergent person.
        My mother and I thanked my father and Caleb for waiting up, and gave a brief, concise reflection of the visit. My father asked if it helped me make a decision, and I told him it did, and it helped me feel much more comfortable with myself too. I asked if I could tell him something else, as my answer wasn’t supposed to be much longer than that, and with his all clear, I told him how Divergent people were more common than people thought, across all factions. He thanked me, and told me he was already aware. He had dealings with them on a regular basis, in various factions.
        After that, it was time for sleep, all of us. I did feel bad at how late they stayed up, and expressed that. They both assured me it was no trouble, as they should, but I could tell they were all tired. We all went to our rooms, and before Caleb went into his, I took his hand, gave it a squeeze, and smiled. He’d taken mom aside to tell her, and I’d overheard her say she was proud of him. I could tell he was going to cry from relief as soon as he shut the door.
        “Here’s to us, yeah? Making our own paths.”
        He smiled back.
        “Yeah. Here’s to us.”

Chapter Text

        In the Choosing Ceremony, there are no gasps of scandal when both Prior children transfer. All choices are given a small, courtesy applause.
        There is a brief time after, to reconcile with your families. While you are allowed contact afterwards, it is still discouraged during initiation to ease the transition from relying on your parents. However, this is also the case for non-transfers.
        Her mother gives her children each a tight hug. Her father gives them each his best wishes. Surprising them both, he says he is proud of them.
        Tris still barrels down the staircase with the rest of the Dauntless, completely unsuspecting of what comes next.

        I couldn’t believe the rush I felt when I joined the Dauntless in a full tilt pace down the same stairs I had just calmly walked up just a couple hours ago. The last time I really ran was when I was a kid, and I felt little me laughing with joy as I felt the ground come up quickly under me, and moved with the mass of mostly black-clad people around me. It took me a minute to realize it wasn’t just little kid me who was laughing–I was too. One of the people next to me, a Dauntless who looked around my age, but maybe a little older or younger than me, elbowed me and gave me a wide grin. I decided in a split second that it was probably meant to be friendly, so I grinned back and elbowed him back too. This seemed to be the right choice, because he gave a whoop and punched both my shoulder and the air.
        I heard the doors at the bottom of the stairs slam open loudly, and it struck me how close to the front of the group I was. The sunlight was glaring, coming from the dark staircase so fast, and I started to stumble into people. I felt a hand on my arm, pulling me in the right direction, and keeping with the flow of the group. When my eyes adjusted, I saw it was the boy from before. He pumped his fist again and cheered, and something took over me. I mimicked the gesture and shout without hesitation, and I was even making the same furrowed-eyebrow, wide grin face as him.
        “Woooo!! Alright Stiff, get ready to climb!”
        I didn’t even have time to process the climbing part, too stuck on the way he said “Stiff.” It was the first time I’d heard the slang with something positive behind it, rather than at best neutral and at worse derogatory. Most people thought the Abnegation were pretty boring in practice, and didn’t understand the lifestyle. He probably felt the same way, but in that moment, he seemed like he was using “stiff” as a term of…admiration? Familiarity? Maybe friendship?
Before I had time to finish working through that in my head, I was face to face with one of the beams that supports the elevated train. The boy shouted something else at me that I couldn’t hear, or maybe just couldn’t process, and waved me up.
        Oh right– “get ready to climb.” Without letting myself think about what I was doing, I put one hand over the other until I was hoisting myself up onto a platform level with the tracks. It wasn’t narrow, but it felt too narrow for all of us at once. Everyone around me started to run along the edge, and before I knew it I’d started to run too.
        All around me were whoops and cheers and shouts and screams. I pumped my fist in the air again like the boy had before and cheered, resulting in about six people around me doing various versions of the same thing.
        For the first time, I felt like I was a part of something. I am so happy I picked Dauntless.
        That was all I could manage to think before I realized what we were really doing up on the tracks. A part of me thought we were just going to run to the compound, but when I heard the tracks rattling and felt the platform vibrate under my feet, it processed that the compound was way too far away for that. We had to jump on the train. That must be the first test.
        I doubled down on my pace. Everyone had gotten a good bit more spread out now, and there were still plenty of people behind me. I wasn’t worried about missing it completely, but I was worried about proving myself to my new faction around me. The vibrations under my feet grew and grew, until I dared to look behind me and I saw the first car of the train barreling full speed at us. It seemed to slow down a bit as it approached us, thank goodness, but I realized quickly it was still coming up too fast. There were handles. I just needed to grab one.
        Run.
        Run.
        Run.
        Reach out.
        And…
        Jump.
        My hand closed around the cold handle and my body slammed into the car. I heard people shouting at me to get in, and I managed to reach my hand around the edge of the open car. I counted to three to myself, and pulled hard.
        The next thing I knew, I was sprawled on the floor of the train car, gettin punches and pats and shoves from the people around me. I heard voices saying to get up, and realized as I did so that it wasn’t just at me. A few other disoriented transfers needed reminders about making room for everyone else too. I couldn’t see the boy from earlier, but I was getting looks from the other Dauntless around me. Like they couldn’t believe a stiff could do what I just did, but they were pleasantly surprised. Some just kind of looked at me and moved on. I got one dirty look, but that was fine.
        One of the other transfers saw me and started making her way over. She was pretty, with darker skin and short black hair. Once she got closer, I saw she was dressed in black and white, a hallmark of Candor.
        “Hey, I’m Christina. I saw your clothes and wanted to be next to at least one other transfer. Didn’t think you guys would ever be into this. What made you switch?”
        It was so much at once, I needed a second to process.
        “Uh…I wanted to.”
        “Huh. I mean me too. Can’t wait to get to the compound, and really–”
        “Shut it, Candor!” A Dauntless yelled from across the car. I hadn’t realized how loud she was talking.
        “Not a Candor anymore, smartass!” She called back, and my jaw dropped at the audacity she had talking like that. I guess I wasn’t the only one with habits that would have to change. Although, there was bravery to it. Maybe she’d stay like that.
        “Not a Dauntless yet either, initiate!”
        “Can’t argue with that,” she said at a more normal volume to me. “Guess there is the possibility of me failing out, isn’t there? Do you know what’s coming?”
        I shook my head. I made the mistake of looking out the hole where the train car door should be, and my head was spinning a bit.
        “Yeah, you wouldn’t. I don’t either. Doubt any of these big lugs will tell us.”
        There was a chorus of laughs and no’s to that. I tried to muster a smile, joking that “Well the one thing I know is that we’re going to have to get off the train. And we’re probably gonna have to jump.”
        Someone said something along the lines of “oh, a smart stiff!” but I couldn’t really hear. I made my way to the end with Christina in tow, our clasped hands for both her support and mine.
        “Keep me steady,” I called over the wind, and she clutched my jacket for dear life in response. In what would probably be the dumbest thing I had ever done, I held onto one of the inside bars and took a look out. There were too many buildings for me to really tell which one we’re supposed to jump from.
        “This is why the initiates normally go in the back cars, transfers.” I should’ve taken this as an intimidation, but I couldn’t help but notice the pattern.

        Stiff. Initiate. Transfer.

        I wondered how many other things people would find to call me besides my own name.
Then I had the thought that maybe I preferred that to my name. “Beatrice” doesn’t have a very Dauntless ring to it. Whatever, that was a thought process for a not-on-a-moving-train-I’ll-have-to-jump-off-at-any-second kind of thing.
        My only indication it was coming up was when the Dauntless around us started congregating at the door. I didn’t know if I squeezed Christina’s hand first or if she squeezed mine, but we were holding on tight.
        “On the count of three?” I shouted over the wind, and she nodded. We both saw where the others were looking, and luckily, we were at the second of the two doors. We got a half a second’s warning. There wasn’t going to be enough time for a countdown and she knew it too.
        “THREE!”
        We had the same idea apparently, both shouting at the same time and leaping for our lives. I hit the ground hard, and ended up falling over. I held onto her hand as long as I could, but once we started to land we were going in two completely different directions and I had to let go. I got the wind knocked out of me to a degree I didn’t know was possible, but forced myself to get back up onto my feet anyway. I would not look weak in front of all the Dauntless here. I had the deck stacked against me, not just from my faction itself but from how I was raised. They’ll see me as weak, because compared to them, I am. I won’t let them. I won’t let them.
        I was so focused on making sure I looked the part, I almost didn’t realize I was one of the first transfers up on my feet. I don’t think I was the first one, and obviously the Dauntless and Dauntless-born knew what they were doing, but I was proud of myself even for just this. Christina was still getting up, so I went over to help her. She was panting heavily, and I realized I was too.
        “That was crazy,” she managed to get out between breaths, and all I could do was nod in agreement. She looked over my shoulder and pointed. Everyone was congregating around the opposite wall once they’d recovered. I nodded again, and she understood what I meant. I didn’t take her hand this time, but who knew? I might need to in a few minutes.
The other end of the building, where I expected to see another building, I just saw a gap. I started to walk forward more, but Christina pulled me back with a hand on my arm. ”Are you crazy?” She whispered, looking between me and the ledge.
        ”Come on, aren’t you curious?”
        “I mean yeah, but…okay- fine- fuck we’re crazy, fine!”
        Together we walked up to the ledge and peered over. There was a space the size of a building, and then a pitch black hole. It looked like a building used to be there but it just collapsed into the ground and no one bothered with it. “You won’t be using this door if you choose it for initiation,” my mother’s words rang in my ears.
        Oh.
        “Alright listen up!” An authoritative voice called to the crowd, most of which had dispersed to the sides. I gathered that all that was left in the middle was the initiates, all of us, lumped into one. No “transfer vs Dauntless-born” division this time. Christina and I joined the group again, and the man who spoke, a shorter, burly man with close-cropped hair, watched us as we did. It felt like he was judging us, but the way they teach us that predators in the wild before the fallout would judge which of the prey in a herd was the easiest target.
I walked a bit quicker back to the group.
        “Congratulations. Those of you who didn’t chicken out or die a bloody death on the pavement next to the building have passed the first test in your initiation process. For the next six weeks, we’ll see if you have what it takes to be a permanent member of our ranks.” My mind reeled. Died? What does he mean some people died?? I was immediately glad I was one of the ones to go first. I could feel my stomach turn just thinking about it.
        “For some of you, that was expected.” He didn’t smile, but there was respect in his expression as he looked through the crowd to all the Dauntless-born. “For some of you, I’m pleasantly surprised.” His eyes skirted over some of the transfers. “And for some of you, I’m just surprised.” He stared right at me. I knew this was coming, treatment like this, but I still felt the embarrassment rush to my cheeks. There were snickers coming from around me, but there weren’t as many as I expected, and it was easy not to look at them.
        “So. Step two of initiation,” he said as he grinned for the first time. I wished instantly that he would put it back away. “Get in.”
It didn’t take a genius to look around and realize even the resident members didn’t know this was coming. I wasn’t sure why, but it washed me with relief. Very, very brief relief. Before I remembered I still had to jump. He said something else that I missed, and my only context was everyone looking around at each other, the others on the sidelines, anywhere but at the man in front of us. I turned to Christina.
        “What did he say?”
        “He asked who wants to go first.”
        I didn’t have a response to that. No one wanted to be first. Neither did I. I thought back to everyone who didn’t make the first jumps, bloodied and dead on the pavement, and was about to go down that spiral before I realized, this wasn’t about who was jumping first. We already all jumped twice. This is just another jump. Just another jump.
        I stepped forward. No one could call me stiff now.
        He did his best to keep his stone-stoic expression from turning into genuine shock at who stepped forward.
        “The stiff. Alright then.” Well…I guess they still could. Either way, I walked back up to the ledge and looked over again. I tried to ignore the venomous whisper from the man, telling me I could still back down and go live outside the wall with the “others who couldn’t cut it.”
        I stepped up onto the lip, barely a foot high, and was the last barrier between me and this fall. I could turn around and fall backwards, but not looking and making gravity do all the work felt like the easy way out. I tried to jump once, but my muscles were frozen. Wasn’t there something about the body’s natural reflex preventing this kind of thing? I think I learned about that in class once. Panic mode, they called it. How did I get through it?
        “Any day now, Stiff.”
        Breathing. Ignore him. Ignore all of them. Close my eyes, focus on taking deep breaths, and…
        Holy shit I’m falling.
        I opened my eyes and saw the buildings rushing up around me. I had no idea what was coming next, but I realized that at this point I had no control. I’d jumped. If there was something to catch me I’d live, and if not I’d die. In that moment, all I felt…all I felt was freedom. A laugh escaped me that wasn’t like any sound I made before. Not stifled, not ashamed, not secretive. It felt like it was pulled out of me by the very air around me. Like the fall itself sucked the air from my lungs and the sound that came with it was the most open and free thing I’d ever heard. I felt like I’d just laughed for the first time in my life.
        My carefully braided hair flew out of its orderly hold, and I could see it flying up in the corners of my vision. For a moment I forgot the buildings, and all I could see was sky.
        Then, I landed. The ground itself seemed to wrap around me like a cradle, and I realized there was a net. Hah! A net! So they really weren’t trying to kill us. I once again had the wind knocked out of me, but I still managed a “Whoo!” like I’d done and heard on the train. I hoped they heard it from the roof.
        The net then sagged in one direction and I started to fall off. A couple of people were there to help me down, and none of them tried to hide their surprise like the guy before had. Another guy looked at me and asked me something, but I was still too exhilarated to really focus. I didn’t have to say anything for him to know I didn’t hear him, and he said it again.
        “What’s your name?”
        Oh no. I didn’t know this would come this soon. I really didn’t want to say Beatrice.
        “You can pick a new one if you want. But choose wisely. You won’t get to pick again.”
        No pressure.
        I’m not sure how it came to me, but the next thing I knew, my new name was rolling right off my tongue.
        “Tris.”
        He nodded, and turned to the rest of the decently big room, which I hadn’t noticed before.

        “First Jumper: Tris!”

Chapter Text

        My mom had warned me about the rooming situations, and I’m glad she did, because it let me seem nonchalant when all the other transfers were in disbelief. One of the Erudite transfers who kept running his mouth, asked if I was still so stiff that I didn’t show any emotion. I surprised even myself when I scoffed at him, and responded “It’s not how I was raised, but I didn’t come here to keep living like my old faction. Did you?”
        He didn’t say anything to me after that.
        I didn’t realize how loud I said it, but the whole room heard, even Four, Eric, and the smattering of other Dauntless who were assisting with training. Oh, yeah, I learned that the “Eric” guy Tori was talking about was the guy who was talking to us on the roof. I hoped I at least impressed him a little bit. Like she said, us transfers were getting trained by someone else, and that someone else turned out to be Four. He was apparently a transfer himself, and I was surprised that both him and Eric were just a year older than us. That explained the other people though, they were probably there to oversee the two 17 year-olds, and make sure they don’t go overboard or slack off. Maybe this was as much a test for them as it was for us.
While they were leading us out to show us the training area, I gave Christina my theory. Also listening were Will and Al, two other transfers who we’d made friends between the net and the dorms. There was general agreement, though Will asked how I knew their age. I decided to leave out my mom, just shrugged and said “I had a really chatty test giver.”
        “A chatty Dauntless?” Christina looked at me with disbelief.
        “Yeah, her name’s Tori, she has a brother named Johan from Amity who transferred here and she has a tattoo shop in the Pit. She even gave me her card,” I added, brandishing the card like it was the coolest thing on earth in the hopes that it would distract them from the fact that I knew an awful lot about her for one test session. I was trying to prove what I knew about her, but I may have taken it too far. Luckily, Al seemed to buy it.
        “Huh, yeah we should go later. We have those points right?”
        “You know what, yeah! Let’s get some tattoos!” Christina replied. Will just smiled and nodded along, for once deciding not to contribute. He gave me a knowing look though, and I had a feeling I would have some questions to answer later.
Al had originally said “later,” but we ended up going right then. We didn’t have anything else to do for the day, and Christina was really excited to get a tattoo. When we got there, I didn’t see Tori, but the other artist there, who talked with me and my mom before, grinned at me when he recognized me.
        “So you actually committed! I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty surprised. My name’s Tyler, I imagine you’re here for Tori? She just went back, but you can start looking if you want, it should be under an hour. And thanks for bringing your new friends around, good for business.” All I could do for a second was just stare in shock at how talkative he was before compared to now.
        “Uh- yeah, thanks.” I managed to return his smile and turned back to my friends. Christina whispered how cool it was that people already knew me, and Will joked that it was like they knew me before. I mouthed “Later” at him, and he rolled his eyes, but I could tell from his stifled laughter he was being lighthearted about it.
        We started flipping through tattoos, and Christina wanted flames that danced around her arm like a cuff. She went back with Tyler to get it done since he was free, and said he had time before his next appointment. I had picked out this bird, which I decided I wanted three of, one for each member of my family. Will picked out an odd hammer, which he said was used to forge metal. He wanted to be forged in Dauntless, and he wanted a reminder of that. It seemed pretty extreme to me, being “forged” like a piece of metal that’s been stuck in fire, but it definitely seemed like a Dauntless thing. It looked really cool, so I said as much and he said he liked why I picked the birds. Al had pretty much decided not to get one after seeing the machine for it, which I couldn’t blame him for. Tori came out soon after we’d made our decisions, and I introduced Will and Al, saying Christina was back with Tyler. I offered for Will to go first, but he said he didn’t mind going with Tyler when Christina was done. He gave me a high-five, though I’m not sure what for, and I went back to get my tattoo done.
        “So Beatrice, how’s orientation going so far?” After only a few hours, it was already so strange to hear my full name.
        “Good! Really good actually. The train was terrifying but I made it, and then I was the first jumper!”
There was a moment for her to put together “Beatrice” and “Tris,” but then she had a big smile. “Oh, Tris! I didn’t realize that was you, congratulations. I like the new name too, very fitting. And you got friends, that’s good, that’ll get you through the training.” We talked some more throughout the tattoo, she asked if I wanted some numbing stuff and I said no at first, but kind of wanted it by the end. She ended up putting it on without me asking, because “I was twitching too much,” and yeah, I definitely wasn’t twitching after that, since I couldn’t even feel her hand resting on my collarbone.
        After a couple hours, we were all done, and we were leaving the shop with an invite from Tori to come over and have dinner sometime. We decided we’d do it in a couple nights, and would meet her at her shop, since I had to admit I didn’t remember the way back. She did, however, ask me if I knew the way back, to which all my friends turned to me with various expressions ranging from surprise from Christina, to confusion from Al, to Will’s “I knew you were hiding something” smug smile. On our way back, I ducked through some darker hallways with them, and eventually found a spot for us to sit where most people we know or care about probably wouldn’t hear. There, I told them everything. Divergents, the test, my visit. I told them how her brother didn’t even test into Dauntless a little bit, and still passed initiation, still is living here happily. I told them that I was Abnegation and Erudite in addition to Dauntless, and Will said that tracked. When I asked him what he meant, he just shrugged and said I “seem the type.”
        Al seemed put really at ease when I mentioned Johan not having tested into Dauntless, and part of me wondered if Al had even tested in himself. It would “track,” as Will put it. I casually tossed out that Al can ask Johan more about his decision, seeing as how he’s part Candor and would probably love to talk about it.
        After a little while, Will realized the time and we all hurried back. We’d spent the rest of the dark-alley-meeting just shooting the shit, talking about our families, talking about the other transfers, and just in general having a good time. I learned a lot about their homes, and they learned about mine too. I talked about our dinners growing up, and how different things were here, but nice. I told them a conversation like this would never happen, and Christina said people talked over each other all the time in Candor. When asked how anything gets done ever, she shrugged and said upper management never interested her. Will was baffled about how someone could not know something, or want to know something, and Al made a joke about this is why they keep the factions separate, we wouldn’t be able to contain ourselves at other people living their lives differently than us. It felt like the joke hit too close to home, but I didn’t think he wanted to talk more about it, so I didn’t ask. Maybe I also didn’t totally want to hear about it, and that’s why I didn’t ask either. I was glad I wasn’t still in Abnegation.
        The next day training started, and it was far from what we’d expected.

        “Alright, listen up. This first day of initiation will be together, but the majority of your initiation will, up until the second half, be separate. This is because we know you come in on different standings, Dauntless born versus transfers, and we wouldn’t expect the ex-stiff for example to be on the same level as one of our top Dauntless-born students. Maybe the weaker ones, but still.” There was a chittering of laughter, and some elbowing between the Dauntless-born at this remark, but Four kept going like there was no reaction. “The point stands, that if you’ve lived here, you have more experience. You have training. So, while we are focused primarily on physical training, you won’t be ranked together. Yes, ranked. These ranks will be for your own motivation, and our analysis only. If you want to be here, we want you to be here. That being said, if you ever don’t want to be here, let us know as soon as you do. We’ll get you situated with the factionless beyond the gates, and that’s not a threat, they’re good people. We just don’t want you wasting our time if you’re not gonna follow through, and I bet you don’t want to be wasting your time too. So, transfers with me, Dauntless-born with Eric. We’ll be overseeing your training, and we’ll be overseen the whole time as well. This is all our first turnaround for this, so feel free to let us or the fellow Dauntless leadership know for anything that you think is or isn’t working.”
        “Or keep your mouth shut and let us do what we’re doing,” Eric cut in at the end.
        “Or you could make Eric think he’s never done anything wrong in his life, yeah. But I know all our Dauntless-born won’t be to scared to tell you when you’re screwing up.” I could tell a number of us transfers tensed up at that clear challenge, myself included, but the Dauntless-born were punching each other’s arms, joking around, and giving Eric shit. They clearly were comfortable around him, and I realized with a start that this was likely the first time any of them had seen him in a real position of power. Maybe that was why he was acting like a big guy so much.
        After a few more remarks, we split up as they’d said. I noticed there were more transfers now than there were on the roof, but listening in I couldn’t tell why. Christina, Will, Al, and I, went with the other transfers, Peter and Molly and some others, with Peter being the smartmouth Erudite who had teased me about not showing emotion. He’d been very vocal about a number of things, including someone who he’d assumed was a transfer but was actually a Dauntless-born. She had beat him up, but that just stopped him from running his mouth about her.
        I hoped I’d get to fight him soon.
        Soon after, I changed my mind. Once we saw him fight Will, and absolutely wipe the floor with him, I figured I could wait a bit to fight him. Maybe beat someone else first. Anyone else, if I was lucky. I was suddenly really glad they weren’t doing cuts yet like Eric wanted them to. Maybe I’d rank well enough in the end to run the training instead of Eric and we wouldn’t do cuts, period. That’s a thought. With a start, I realized it wasn’t just a thought; it was something I was looking forward to. I didn’t really know the last time I had something in the future, like the distant future, to be excited about. I couldn’t wait to bring my family here.
It was good that we could still have some contact with our families, because Visiting Day was going to be in a couple weeks, and over the course of the first week we established a plan. Most people didn’t have two kids to visit, since it was uncommon to have two kids in the same year. Anyone with twins, or “Irish twins” as my mother called us sometimes, needed to take some extra steps. We decided we’d all visit at Erutite in the morning, and after lunch we would switch to Dauntless, and stay there for dinner. I had made the joke that this was me making up for my missed dinner preparation, when my mother and I went to visit Dauntless. Caleb laughed, and my mother I could tell was smiling when she spoke. I don’t know if my dad found it funny, but it was nice to be able to make a joke in front of him without feeling like I needed to apologize for it. After a moment, he said he appreciated the thought. I felt like he meant it. I smiled for the rest of the day.
Until I could see my family, however, I needed to make it through the initiation in the meantime.
        It was grueling, and in my opinion bordered on torture. I thought with Four we would get off easier than the Dauntless-born with Eric, trying to prove himself. It seemed the opposite–I could swear Four was trying to prove himself just as much, and we were all paying the price. I kept my head down, and gave it my all. Peter and his cronies kept antagonizing Will, Christina, Al and me. I’m sure it was mostly at myself and Al, with Will and Christina getting caught in the crossfire, but he was being a dick to everyone so a fair amount of it was just because they existed and didn’t kiss up to him. The bullying only got worse when Christina beat Molly in a fight. She beat both Christina and me easily the first times we were put up against each other, and I had to tap out twenty-seven seconds in. (Will timed it, and wouldn’t let me live it down.) Christina lasted longer, but still needed help walking after. We were eating more, I knew that much, and Will had referred to it as “bulking up.” He helped us pick out what foods to eat more or less of, to try and help build muscle, and I could see he was trying to do the same for himself. He looked like he was about to make meal plans for the four of us, based on our body types or whatever. He was talking about it and I tried to follow along, I really did, but I didn’t remember much of it by the time a day had passed. Either way, after a few weeks, it felt like it was working. Who’s to say if someone should be proud of losing, but the next time I fought Molly, I only lost to her after a full two minutes (and seven seconds). If I kept this up, I might actually beat her by the time we went to the next phase of training.
In the time between the Choosing and Visiting Day, I started to make friends with some of the Dauntless-born as well. Uriah and Marlene were really nice, and began inviting me to some of the Dauntless-born events. They also explained to me the nets system below the train tracks that get set up during initiation, which explained why there were more people after we were let down off the roof. It’s good to know Eric was just trying to scare us, but I was mad that it worked. I was too anxious to go with them to the Dauntless-born events at first, wanting Christina or Will to go with me. I would have asked Al but…it was pretty clearly not his scene. He hadn’t taken me up on my offer to introduce him to Johan either, even though Christina, Will, and I had been twice for dinner, and a third time with Uriah. Apparently Uriah knew of Tori and Johan through his mother, who was friends with Tori growing up. It was a bit awkward when it came up at dinner, since Tori looked right at me and said “She was friends with your mom too, us and some other girls all hung out together pretty much since we were born.” Everyone just stared at me. Tori and Johan realized pretty quickly what was going on.
        “You…weren’t keeping that secret were you?”
        A nervous laugh escaped me, as I tried not to make too much eye contact with any of my friends. “I…I hadn’t lied about it or anything, it just didn’t really come up? Honestly guys, would you believe me if I said I just kind of…forgot?”
        “Forgot??” Christina spoke up first.
        “I only just found out! I thought she was raised in Abnegation, and asking personal questions is kind of frowned upon, and it never came up, so we both–my brother and I I mean–both just kind of assumed-”
        “Wait and you have a brother?” Will interrupted this time.
        “I- yeah I mean- wow I guess that hasn’t come up either. Well my brother went to Erudite, and he loves it there, we weren’t twins but still in the same year so we both chose a couple weeks ago. And yeah, my mom was raised here I just didn’t know so it’s still weird to think about. I mean…honestly guys I don’t really know much about your families either, I didn’t want to bring up anything you didn’t want to talk about so…”
        “Well I’m an open book,” Uriah chimed in, “my brother was born here, so were both my parents, I’ve got a little sister that’s taking to books a lot but we’re 80% sure she’ll grow out of it, but she’ll be a menace either way.”
        “I don’t have any siblings, but I wish I did.” Will gave a smile, and I could tell he really did wish that. “My parents wanted to ‘put all their attention to me’, but it didn’t really do much. They couldn’t be my friends, you know?”
Christina hit his shoulder with her own. “Well you have us now. I had four siblings, two older, one younger–”
        “Makes sense.”
        “Shut up smartass. The oldest one went to…Erudite? I think? He was a lot older than me and I never saw him. The next oldest stayed in Candor, then there’s me. My youngest sibling is probably gonna either stay in Candor or honestly? I woudln’t be surprised if they went to Abnegation. Picked up where you left off, Tris.”
        “Well it really is great when it’s what you want, good for her honestly.”
        We talked about our families and growing up until well after we were supposed to be back in the dorms for the night. There wasn’t a formal curfew, but there was a “if you’re not back by this time you’ll regret it trying to wake up in the morning” curfew. Tori and Johan didn’t say anything, even though they probably needed to get to sleep too, and I had to stop myself a couple of times from excusing all of us for their sakes. Every time I tried, I had Johan’s voice ringing in my ears saying “my house my rules, and my rules state you don’t have to leave until I tell you to leave.” I had a sneaking suspicion they liked having us there, for whatever reason. When Uriah finally noticed the time, it was past one in the morning.
        “We are gonna be so screwed tomorrow.” Christina gave us all a worried look.
        “You said it,” was all Will could reply. We thanked Johan and Tori for dinner, and all sprinted back. We had to say goodbye to Uriah shortly before reaching our dorms, and once we were back, it didn’t take us long to pass out. None of us even bothered changing or taking off our clothes, and I was asleep before I could even take off my shoes.

Chapter Text

        The next morning, all three of us were presented with the choice to smell a little bit but wear the same clothes, or shower and change but have to get up earlier. Uriah wasn't rooming with us, but Christina and I chose the first option at Will’s advice. He made the correct assumption that everyone would smell bad anyway, and no one would notice us. We worked even harder that day than the days before, and I was even able to beat Christina and one of the other transfers in a fight. Molly, Peter, and their third crony who I recently learned was named Drew, still eluded me. I was scheduled to fight Drew the next day though, so we would see soon. Will fought Molly today, and knocked her down almost as fast as she’d gotten me. His hard work, natural talent, and meal plans really paid off it seemed, and it was hard to not be envious. So hard, that I actually was failing. I was very envious. Why couldn’t it be that easy for me too? Progress is progress, I had to remind myself forcibly. Everyone kept saying that, and it kind of felt like an empty comfort sometimes, but I was actually making progress, so it helped a bit. Tomorrow came too quickly though, and I felt completely unprepared to fight Drew. Will had beaten her the day before, and I’d been practicing with the elbow/knee technique that Four was helping me with. He said it was easier to pack a punch like that until I could build up some muscle. During that training I had tried to ask about him being a transfer, but all I got was “And what made you think we were friends?” which, yeah fair. I had thought that him being close to our age might make him be more familiar with us, especially if he was a transfer too, but he was being annoyingly professional about all of it. Reasonably, but annoyingly.
        I tried to remember everything I’d learned in the past week, about elbows and knees and moving quickly. One of the training supervisors had helped me refine my techniques like Four was, when he was busy with another transfer. She said her name was Kima, and she told me that my best bet was to dodge, dodge, dodge. I’m short, and that apparently means I can be quick, but I get knocked down easily too. If I can keep without getting hit long enough to get my own jabs in, I’ll last a lot longer, and eventually start to win. All of this, running through my mind at lightning speed. I was sure I would forget it all as soon as I stepped in the ring.
        Today must have been my lucky day.
        “Alright, listen up. Winning your fight is about knowing yourself as it is your enemy. Now, you can get metaphysical with this but we’re gonna save that for phase 2 of this training. Right now, you just need to be worried about the people we put in front of you.” The woman in front of us talking was someone new. For whatever reason, we were also joined by the Dauntless born today. I was sitting with Uriah and Marlene now, in addition to Will and Christina. Al had seen us, and Christina and I waved him over, but he just looked at us, kind of awkwardly, and sat down apart from anyone we really knew. Weird. I wasn’t given much time to think about this though, since whoever had come in was still talking.
        “You’ve all been spending this time improving yourselves. Training up, studying, practicing, and pushing your bodies to new physical limits. But fighting isn’t all about training, and it’s not all about sparring either. Fighting, and winning, is about understanding and accommodating. You need to understand your opponent, and accommodate your strategy for what they’ll do. The most flexible always wins in the long run. You can beat people down all you want, but unless you have a method to beat down the person who dodges faster than you can punch, you’ll be screwed when that person comes along. Likewise, if you dodge every punch, you’re gonna run into someone who punches faster than you can get your clumsy ass out of the way. With that being said, we’re gonna put a pause on the fights for this morning and spend the time before lunch learning about each other.”
        Learning about each other? I thought, confused. Was it really that important that it would disrupt our whole training schedule?
        “Pick your friend, pick the person you’re most comfortable fighting, pick the person you’re most scared to fight, I don’t care. But you’re all getting sheets of paper, and you’re all starting off picking one singular person to analyze. Go.”
        Go? That’s it? Will, Christina, and I all looked at each other clueless. Will spoke up first, with his “professional” (Erudite) opinion.
        “We should pick some of the Dauntless born, or the initiates we don’t know. I feel like doing each other, or Peter and his crew, would be too easy. We’ll learn more by putting ourselves into something unfamiliar.” Yeah, his opinion was pretty reliable.
        “Definitely,” Christina added, “but we should still do these with each other. She didn’t say we had to do it independently, strength in numbers, right?”
        Will and I agreed, because yeah, she hadn’t said we couldn’t, and it would definitely help. I picked Uriah, because I hadn’t seen him fight, but I wouldn’t be going in totally blind. Will picked a Dauntless born at random, since he’s a masochist (a word I didn’t know before coming here, but learned quickly how to use it), and Christina set her sights on the more attainable goal of Peter. To defend her decision, she pointed out that she hadn’t really seen him fight like we had (she’d been fighting someone else when I was watching Will fight him), and he was definitely stronger than Molly, so he’d still be a challenge. Will pointed out, concerned, that we were probably going to be made to fight the people we picked. Christina said he could “fucking try her”, and I shared a look with Will that amounted to “yeah, and he probably will.” Regardless, we weren’t trying to change her mind, and we all put our heads together while mingling with the other initiates, and getting advice or pointers from the trainers when we asked. Uriah came up behind me after one of said conversations with Kima, and slung an arm around my shoulders.
        “Ballsy move, asking for help. Admitting defeat already?”
        “You wish,” I replied, laughing as I elbowed him lightly in the ribs. “I was getting advice on how to kick your ass, and Kima said using all the resources we have at our disposal was a good strategy for knowing our enemies. Also-” I ignored his shocked expression as he saw his own name on my paper, and the decent amount of notes I’d written already. “-it was ballsy, it was terrifying and I did it anyway, and I’ll be proud of that.”
        “Thinking and talking like a Dauntless already! You are ruthless, I hope I don’t have to fight you later.”
        “Oh please, even with this you’ll win.”
        “Yeah, but you’ll go down fighting, and nothing is scarier than someone fighting even though they know they’ll lose.”
        “When you put it like that, I sound terrifying, thank you!” I grinned, and that was when I caught a glance at his sheet. My jaw dropped. “You’re doing Four?”
        “Shhhhh! Yes! But don’t spread it around, I feel stupid enough about it already.”
        “No, I think it’s cool!” I try to make sure my assurances are quiet, or at least not drawing attention. “She said she didn’t care, you’re thinking outside the box like we are!”
        “Speaking of, do you mind if Marlene and I come join you with some of the other Dauntless-born tagging along? It’s a good idea, putting our heads together.”
        This sounded incredibly daunting. But, I reminded myself, that was kind of the point.
        “I don’t see a problem with it, but let me double check with Will and Christina.”
        “Not Al?”
        “No, he didn’t want to sit with the rest of us, I’m not sure why but we’re not really pushing it.”
Uriah looked over at Al for a moment, thoughtful, but didn’t say anything else. Of course, Christina and Will said yes, so there were quickly seven of us working on all of this together. I was initially surprised that none of the Dauntless-born had picked me, mainly because I was an easy target, though I thought pretty quickly after that it would be very un-Dauntless to pick me for that exact reason. Marlene and one of the Dauntless-born I hadn’t met yet, who introduced themself as Sayeen, were impressed that I and Will had both picked Dauntless-born initiates. We learned Will’s pick’s name was Tiff, and we offered to have her join in, but the Dauntless-born all thought it would be funnier if they all helped Will with his sheet without her knowing. The other Dauntless-born who joined us was named Ashiro, and he was apparently best friends with Tiff, overjoyed to be able to help Will get one over on her. Marlene and Sayeen helped me edit and add to my sheet about Uriah, while Sayeen also, along with Uriah, helped Christina flesh out her sheet on Peter. By the end of the two hours, all of us had needed additional sheets, and we’d attracted quite the crowd. It was pretty much just Peter and his gang, Al, and a couple of more self-righteous Dauntless-born that weren’t participating in our group study.
        The training leaders looked impressed.
        Tiff had heard Ashiro helping Will, and had nearly wrestled him on the spot about it, something I was quickly coming to learn could be a sign of affection just as much as actual anger. It seemed like most things I would have taken as strictly aggressive before were freely and frequently used as gestures of endearment. It would be another couple weeks before I realized that I had already started doing it, from before initiation, and it felt just as natural as breathing.
When the time was up, we were all tasked with presenting what we had. No one was surprised to find out that we were going to have to fight the person we analyzed, except for Uriah who looked like he might get sick at the thought of fighting Four.
        We had to present our findings one by one, starting with who was ranked highest. Will was ranked highest in transfers, and Qiara, who’d joined the group study pretty quickly, was top of the Dauntless-born. Will gave a really good assessment, and you could tell from the way Tiff’s cocky smile turned into shock, then half-joking fury towards Ashiro. He’d told Will about a childhood accident that made her weak stepping back onto her left leg, and apparently it would make her lose her balance pretty quick if he managed to put her in that position. The fury turned into a smug expression once she locked eyes with Ashiro though, and I had a feeling she’d told someone else a deep dark secret of his.
        One by one we went up, alternating Dauntless-born and transfer. Peter picked Will, Drew picked Peter, and Molly picked Qiara. Peter’s and Drew’s felt pretty half-assed, but Molly’s actually sounded pretty thorough. Qiara seemed to think so too. She was nodding along, and actually waved Molly over after she was done to give her some pointers, and tell her some things she’d missed. Molly seemed shocked that her chosen prey was helping her, but it was hard to tell how she felt about it beyond that. About halfway through, it was Uriah’s turn. Uriah, a bit pale and clammy, walked up to the front with as much confidence as he could muster. It wasn’t much. The trainers who hadn’t helped him with his sheet were clearly confused, and I couldn’t blame them. This was the opposite of how Uriah usually acted.
        “So…I fucked up,” he started, which caused the crowd of initiates to break out in barely concealed laughter, myself included.
        “Yeah, yeah, shut up, all of you. I did, but I’m sticking to it. The person I chose to analyze was…” He took a deep breath. “Four.”
        Four’s eyebrows shot up, making no effort to hide the fact that his supervisors kept that information from him. He looked at Uriah with what clearly looked like respect, with maybe a little pity. “Bold choice. Continue.”
        Uriah nodded and swallowed again.
        “I chose Four because, of all the people in this room, he’s the one I know the least about, and that seemed to be the point. He’s very calm, and doesn’t socialize with us initiates a lot, which shows professionalism, since just last year I know for a fact he started a food fight that my big brother got the fall for.” He cracked a smile at that, seeming to get more comfortable as he went on. “But poor taste in friends doesn’t tell me much. Dodging the damage, though, does tell me a bit. He’s smart when he fights, and he knows how to make you take the hit, even when you think he’s got it coming. He has a lot of muscle, clearly, and was top in his initiate class, so he definitely has the skills to back it up. He chose to get into training new initiates though, and he’s good at it, which tells me that he’s good at analyzing fighting styles on the spot and critiquing them, something you don’t want to have in an enemy. He also…”
        He went on for a few more minutes, giving a really detailed profile that ended in him admitting that in conclusion, he’s gonna have his ass kicked, but at least he’ll get advice on how to do better after every punch he failed to block.
        “I have a lot of respect for Four, and I look forward to sparring with him later.” He gave four a nod, which was returned, and sat back down on the floor with the rest of us. There was a smattering of applause, slightly bigger than the courtesy ones a lot of the others had gotten. We all knew he’d need it.
        Christina went after Uriah, and read Peter “to filth”, as she called it. Her Candor tendencies lended themselves to this exercise perfectly, as body language and close examination are the primary skills of someone trying to detect a liar. From what she said, it seemed like she had a pretty good grasp on how to beat him. It included some things she wanted to work on, building certain muscles, training her punching speed, to get the edge on him. The trainers seemed to like that she wasn’t claiming to be able to beat him right away, and had then taken the exercise a step further and addressed how she’d need to improve. She’d advised me and Will to do the same, and we both had, but Will hadn’t focused on it in his presentation. I was glad she got to get credit for being the first one to present like that.
        After her there were a few others from each group, and then it was me. I took a deep breath, and decided to ease my own anxieties by opening with a joke. This was, coincidentally, a page taken out of Uriah’s book.
        “So for this I picked Uriah, like most of you know. I know I have a couple pages here, but it seems like the only thing I need to do to win is step into the ring wearing a mask with Four’s face on it.” And it got the desired reaction! Success! I spent the time until everyone quieted down focusing on my breathing more, and then I jumped right in. It was a blur, and I talked for longer than I expected. I sat down after trying not to look at any of the trainer’s faces, planning on asking my friends about them later. One last Dauntless-born to go, then we’d be done. We ended up having to double-up some of the Dauntless-born in between transfers, since there were more of them than us. One of the initiates I’d just met, Charlie, was last to go. Or so I thought.
        “And lastly, Al.” How could I forget about Al? Appearance-wise, he’s hard to miss, but I couldn’t remember hearing him say a word since the activity started. I had no idea he was at the bottom of the rankings, though, and most of all, I had no idea how. I wracked my brain trying to remember his fights, and he had won a couple, but…had he done any more than that? There were a couple times transfers had to be re-paired, or fight twice in one day. Was he choosing not to fight? It took a second for me to notice the silence. He’d been cued to start, but kept nervously fiddling with the inside of his pocket with one hand, a single sheet of paper in the other.
        “I uh…I picked Triss.”
        He what?
        “When she pulls through in a fight, it’s usually either by tripping someone or dodging until they’re tired. She can get in with her elbows and knees, but she isn’t great at it yet, and she usually gets hit when she does it. I can take a punch, and if she gets close, she won’t last long, but she won’t win if she doesn’t get within her own reach, which is shorter than mine. I don’t think it’d be a long fight.”
        What had gotten into him? He starts out nice, then starts ignoring us, and now this? Part of me wondered if we should’ve tried harder to make him feel welcomed, but giving him more space could just as easily have been the solution. It wasn’t like he’d bothered communicating at all with any of us, and we all were looking to feel welcomed; he wasn’t the only one far from home. Why did it seem like he was the only one taking it badly?
        For the moment, it kind of didn’t matter. There was only one thing I was focused on as all the other thoughts raced through my mind. I would have to fight Al.
        And I was going to lose.