Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She’s in Norway. 

“I can see everything.”

Bad Wolf

“All that was.”

She’s standing on a beach.

Bad Wolf

“All that could ever be.”

Bad Wolf

“All that should never be.”

He was in front of her.

Bad Wolf

“It hurts.”

Then he wasn’t.

Bad Wolf

“I think you need a Doctor.”

There were two of him.

BAD WOLF

“Rose Tyler.”

One left.

BAD WOLF

“ROSE TYLER.”

Everything was gold.

“ROSE.”

BAD WOLF

BAD WOLF

BAD WOLF

BAD WOLF

BAD WOLF

“ROSE?”

The world flashed gold, then her eyes opened to see a very worried looking Doctor above her. 

“Hi.” She managed, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Good, you’re awake! I got a little worried when you got shoved into that wall,” he laughed. “But I should have known you’d be fine! You’re Rose Tyler!”

Oh. 

The sudden memory of her skull fracturing hit her like- well- it felt like she’d run into the wall all over again, really.

She’d died lived.

“..’f course I’m fine!” She said, forcing as much confidence into the words as she could. “Not made of glass, me.” 

“Ain’t that right.” He grinned. His new regeneration kind of looked like a mad scientist, what with the fluffy hair and the long coat (and apparently the new teeth), but it especially looked so when he smiled.

He sprang to his feet, holding a hand out for her. “Allons-y, Rose Tyler!” 

She grinned back up at him, taking his hand and pulling herself up, stumbling into his arms. He caught her immediately.

“Allons-y!” 

—————

It was a new planet. They’d almost died, again. They hadn’t, again. 

Now, The Doctor stared at her, some unintelligible emotion in his eyes. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but didn’t. Finally, he spoke.

“How long are you going to stay with me?”

She looked up at him, giving a soft smile.

“Forever.” She said, and she meant it.

He could see it ; could feel that she was being wholly truthful. His expression softened, and the corners of his lips subtly moved upwards.

She held his gaze for a moment.

Forever, she thought.

That sounds pretty damn nice.

—————

This was not nice. 

No.

No.

No.

Tears filled her eyes as she stared at the wall in front of her. It was cold, so cold it hurt to the touch.

So, naturally, she banged her fists against the metal.

Like that would work.

“Take me back!” She cried between each pound. “Take me back! Take me back.”

She lost him.

Again.

Pete shook his head a little. “It's stopped working. He did it. He closed the breach.”

“No,” she sobbed. “No! No! No!”

Doctor.

Doctor.

Please.

She swore she heard his voice, saying her name, hushed and whispered the way he always did. 

“Rose.”

She closed her eyes as the tears continued to spill.

“I’ll find my way back,” she whispered, hoping he could hear, but knew he couldn’t. “You have my word.”

She said forever, and she meant forever.

And she’d be damned if she let the void stop her.

—————

Well, she’d sort of done it. 

The Holo-Doctor stared at her, smiling sadly as he spoke. She couldn’t remember what he’d said before. Just what he was saying now.

And god it hurt.

“Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth. You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead.”

She wanted to laugh. Or scream. Or both. 

Yeah, that’ll never happen.

“Here you are, living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.”

The sadness in his voice made her want to cry. She blinked, then realized she already was.

“Am I ever going to see you again?”

Please say yes please say yes please-

“You can't.”

That was almost enough to send her to the ground. Her knees buckled, and she forced another question out. “What're you going to do?”

“Oh, I've got the Tardis. Same old life, last of the Time Lords.”

The TARDIS.

Her mind was racing. Of course, she could build her own TARDIS! That sounded ridiculous, but it would be fine! She was the Bad Wolf, after all- she could figure something out.

But now, he was leaving. 

“On your own.” She looked up at him, staring him dead in the eyes. “I-…” her voice cracked. It made her want to vomit. “I love you.”

There, she’d said it. She’d never said it before, and now she was saying it, and then he was leaving.

He gave her a sad smile and a small, almost unseeable nod. “Quite right, too. And I suppose, if it's one last chance to say it, Rose Tyler, I-“

The holograph disappeared all too soon and then he was gone and she was on the ground, tears pouring down her face and hands clutching at her chest. As though that could fix her heart. 

Her mum raced over, hugging her in a feeble attempt at comfort.

Nothing could help right now.

Not even the pills she would down once they got back home.

Not the knife she’d use to slit her throat weeks later.

Not the poisoned drink she would down for a girl at a college party.

Not the bomb that would explode on her while she was trying to build a TARDIS.

No.

The only comfort was him.

And she didn’t have that.

Not right now.

—————

The ginger- Donna, she was sure her name was- spoke again, locking eyes with her.

“Why don't you ask her yourself?”

No sooner had the words been uttered, The Doctor turned around. His eyes widened as he saw her staring, and so did hers. She almost started crying right then and there because oh god it was him.

It was really him.

Her Doctor.

He was there.

He was real.

She’d done it.

She smiled, and then he was running towards her and she was running towards him and everything was okay for a single, blissful moment.

—————

Everything was not okay. 

She’d gotten him back- she’d finally, finally gotten him back!

And now he was leaving her.

Again.

“But he's not you.” She whispered, finally articulating the words she thought she couldn’t say. 

The Doctor smiled. “He needs you. That's very me.”

Break my heart, why don’t you? She thought bitterly. Not like I only have one.

Donna (who Rose had semi forgotten was there) gave a small, sad smile. “But it's better than that, though. Don't you see what he's trying to give you? Tell her. Go on.”

The Other Doctor turned back to her. Maybe he’d never looked away. “I look like him and I think like him. Same memories, same thoughts, same everything.”

It was…sort of him.

Sort of her Doctor.

He continued. “Except I've only got one heart.”

She blinked once. “Which means?”

“I'm part human. Specifically, the aging part. I'll grow old and never regenerate. I've only got one life, Rose Tyler. I could spend it with you, if you want.”

She could hear the fear in his voice, the fear that she would reject him, that she would say no. “You'll grow old at the same time as me?” 

No you won’t. 

You’ll die.

He smiled. “Together.”

I’ll live.

You won’t.

Her Doctor spoke again. “We've got to go. This reality is sealing itself off for ever.”

She shook her head. “But, it's still not right, because the Doctor's still you.”

He smiled. “And I'm him.”

She looked back at each of them before looking back at Her Doctor. “All right. Both of you, answer me this.” She took a deep breath. “When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it.”

His smile faltered. “I said, Rose Tyler.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “and how was that sentence going to end?”

The Doctor nodded sadly, tears pooling in his eyes. “Does it need saying?”

“And you, Doctor?” She turned to him- the other him. “What was the end of that sentence?”

He leaned forward, whispering in her ear.

“I want chips.”

A laugh bubbled up in her throat, but it died as the New Doctor leaned in, and suddenly she was pulling him to her and his lips were on hers.

She could hear the whirring of the TARDIS as it faded out of existence. He merely pulled her closer, placing one hand on her waist and the other on the small of her back. 

She would outlive him.

“I’ll find you, Doctor,” she mouthed against his lips. 

“I am yours,” she said aloud. “You are mine.”

He pulled back, staring at her with wide eyes.

She smiled, allowing a single tear to slip down her cheek.

“Forever.”

He nodded, smiling back, raising a hand to wipe the drop away. 

“Forever,” he echoed, not knowing he was lying right back to her.

—————

She’d started aging again.

Her hair had started graying ; her skin had wrinkles now. She looked like her mum.

Somehow she knew she wasn’t dying, though. If she looked close, she could see pulses of gold moving beneath her skin.

She would be okay.

—————

“I don’t understand.” John choked out. 

He’d chosen a human name- John Noble, then John Tyler-Noble. She called him The Doctor at first, but not often anymore. 

He’d chosen her, she’d chosen him.

She’d lied, so had he.

Only he hadn’t known.

She’d finally caved, finally decided to be honest. “We have to talk,” she’d said, and he’d immediately agreed.

“Y-you’re…” he hesitated, searching for the right word. “Immortal?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“You’ve died before.” Not a question this time. It was a statement.

“Yes.”

“With me- well, other me.” Another statement.

“I’ve died lots of times,” she mumbled. 

He sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know.” She whispered. “I just couldn’t make myself say the words.”

“Why say them now?”

“Because you’re going to age, and I am too. But I’m not going to die.” She felt the tears pool in her eyes as she looked at him. “And you are.”

He didn’t say anything, just simply scooted closer to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. It was enough to send her over the edge, and she released the tears into his shoulder. Her body shook with sobs, and it took her a moment to realize he was trembling too.

“It’s okay,” he finally murmured. “We’ll get through it.”

She nodded against his shoulder, somehow believing the words.

They would get through it.

Together.

—————

Her mum was dead. So was Pete. And Mickey.

John stood by her at their funerals and held her while she cried.

It hurt, knowing she’d outlive them.

It hurt more knowing that she’d never told them why.

—————

She was sitting next to him on the couch when he looked over at her.

“Rose Tyler,” he’d started, but the sentence broke off. He breathed once, and then he wasn’t.

She’d called paramedics, but it was far too late.

He was dead.

She wasn’t.

He’d still never finished that bloody sentence. 

And that’s how it was going to be.

—————

Rose Tyler was dying. 

She felt her body shutting down as she sat by the beach. Her heart slowed, giving one final beat, and she gave a small breath.

“I’ll find you.”

She looked down, watching as her skin began to glow. 

“Do your worst,” she whispered, closing her eyes. The world turned gold. 

She felt everything. 

All that was.

All that could be.

All that should never be.

The world was gold.

Burning.

But she wasn’t dying.

She was the Bad Wolf.

The Bad Wolf was her.

They were one.

They were alive.

…

..

.

The world was still gold when she opened her eyes. Sunlight hit her like a slap to the face. Drips of water splashed onto her skin. She crawled over to the water and stared down at herself.

She looked about the same. Her hair was a little bit curlier, but it was the same color as it was when she was nineteen. Her eyes were still brown, lips still pink. Her tongue moved around her mouth a bit, then she froze. A gasp escaped her as her jaw dropped, and she laughed.

“New teeth,” she muttered, shaking her head. “That’s fantastic.”

And it was.

It really, really was.

Her hands began to glow gold, wisps of energy emanating from her fingertips. She waved her hand and a portal appeared. 

The Vortex.

She grinned, standing up and walking to it.

Doctor, here I come.