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Chapter Text

The last thing she remembered was the flames.

Scorching hot, beautiful in all its vibrancy and destructive power. They creep up from haystacks below, consuming everything they touch. She remembers the sensation when it started to reach the stake she was tied to.

She remembered the people who were present to watch the spectacle. To watch her burn.

White and blue. Green and black. Golden. The Lan, the Nie, the Jin; who praise themselves for their righteousness, are now witnessing the execution of a wicked witch.

She does not begrudge them their hatred. Not when the people she shared a name with had destroyed their homes, taken their loved ones away, and burned everything in pursuit of conquering everything the sun shone down on.

She does not begrudge them their hatred.

But, she thinks she may hate them. A little–no, a lot. She may not be innocent, but the rest of her family did not deserve it.

Popo, Uncle Four. Her A-Ning.

She may have deserved this death, but her family did not deserve to be seen as irredeemable villains, not when they did not do anything to earn the hatred of the world personally…

Hah.

Since when was the world fair?

But among the crowd–

She realized she couldn't see a single person wearing purple. He, especially, was not here.

She was not surprised. His sister was widowed so suddenly; he should be with her to give her comfort, instead of witnessing this gruesome scene.

But if he was here, what expression would he wear?

…would he hate her?

They must do. When she took such a big part of their hearts away.

I'm sorry.

A-Yuan. She hopes, at the very least, he and Popo and Uncle Four and Wei Wuxian would…

Thank you.

Even if it's a miserable existence from here on out. Even if they had to hide for the rest of their lives.

At the very least, maybe they can survive.

Please, live.

She remembers smoke covering her eyes. She couldn't breathe –and the flames engulfed her whole.

The next thing she knew, she woke up.

It wasn't anywhere that she recognized. Not the wooden ceiling in her old infirmary from her Sect, nor the stone ceiling of her quarters in the Burial Mounds.

The ceiling was…of a lighter color, as if it was painted on. There was a strange orb at the center of it, too.

"Cahaya!"

An unfamiliar voice. Commotion, followed by many more voices that are all equally unfamiliar. It hurts her ears.

And then an unfamiliar face appeared within her vision. "You're awake!!"

With that, she could only stare.

She thought, who…are you?

She thought, where am I?

At the very least, she could move her body. And yet–her body right now.

It's not one she recognizes. Hands smaller than her own, much much smaller, was what she could see. As if this pair belongs to a child rather than a maiden.

Her clothes are also strange. Wearing only one layer, not even covering all of her arms…

And she wondered.

Who am I?

That was the last thought she managed before her head tried to split itself into two.

==

Reincarnation is a fickle thing.

It is believed that a soul would live again once all their previous sins and knowledge are erased by the deity Meng Po. The soul’s life they lived in their past life would determine their fate in the next life based on the karma they accumulated.

She did not recall meeting Meng Po, nor drinking her soup. Did she even make it to Diyu?

As it is, she can hardly ignore reality.

She–

He is Cahaya Tengku, the youngest brother of a set of octuplets. 

But he had been Wen Qing, once—a healer, a leader…an older sister.

Wen Qing has no idea why she lives again. If she even deserves it. This must be Wei Wuxian’s work somehow–that’s the only explanation that made sense, that idiot.

She didn’t know what that idiot did. She didn’t know what happened. What did he give up for this to work?

But, since she was already here, she supposed she had no choice but to accept it.

Was she still Wen Qing? Yes. But, also no.

He’s still Cahaya Tengku. A genius, a prodigy, the youngest child.

Though using the term youngest may be a stretch, considering that he and his siblings were born on the same day. He was just the last to come out.

Still, he's the smartest among his siblings; capable of memorizing entire texts and understanding complex topics way more advanced than what an average kid his age should be able to grasp.

"How are you feeling?"

"Huehue~? Cay-Cay must be so bored by now~! Poor you!"

"Angin, it's not the right time to tease him. Do you want him to bite your face off? Cahaya, are you hungry? Tanah's soup is almost done."

It was–a strange feeling, for Wen Qing. She's hardly used to this.

"Haya, I brought Chicky!! Do you want to hug him?"

"Of course he doesn't, put it back. He'll like my Moby Whale better."

"Wha–says who –!!"

Being fussed over. Being taken care of.

"Stupid! Idiot! Meanie!"

"Daun, save the insults for later. Help Tanah bring the medicine and soup here, will you?"

Looking around at this small gathering of children with eerily similar faces, Wen Qing could see no trace of hate or dark pleasure in her current body's weak state at the present.

Not even from the one insulting her.

Only worry. 

…truly strange.

"Cahaya", the warmth of a hand placed itself on his forehead. It made him flinch, despite himself. "Do you want to rest a bit more?"

Turning her head, she sees an elderly man wearing a blue long-sleeved shirt. The man's eyes were warm, continuing to caress her head.

Wen Qing doesn't recognize this man. This was a stranger.

But Cahaya wrestles to recognize, to find the memories, label people with their names, and– 

"T-Tok…"

Tok Aba's smile deepened.

It hurts to think. It's not quite merging, and it's not quite a separation of two either. A kaleidoscope of thoughts, memories, emotions–they all swirl inside him in a violent and convoluted mix. It's easy to get lost in it all.

Naturally, the newcomer has an easier time–like a clueless parasite. Wen Qing barely had a break from the flames that burned her into ashes, and even before that, so she's used to chaos.

Much more used to managing chaos, that is. Hasn't she lived with its physical embodiment for three years? Both her savior and the place that was not quite sanctuary yet still home.

Regardless, Cahaya could be very persistent. And stubborn.

He pushes to raise his head again, trying to recognize the people in the room. They all…have the same faces, mostly, so they sorted to wearing certain colors to differentiate between each other.

And so he scans the room and identifies each color of clothing from each brother with a name.

Dark red, Petir. Blue, Angin. Light red, Api. Light blue, Air. 

And orange, Boboiboy, who went beside Tok Aba to get close to him. "Cahaya?"

Cahaya takes a deep breath.

"G-get out", he tells them all, with as much firmness as he can muster. "Out."

His siblings gaped at him. They exchanged looks with each other, worried and perplexed at that.

Raising his hand felt like trying to hold up a giant boulder, yet Cahaya still moved–placing a hand on his grandfather's own. 

Silver met brown.

"P-please."

Tok Aba takes a moment. Then, leaning in to kiss Cahaya on the forehead, he says. "Tanah will bring you food soon. Get some rest in the meantime, okay?"

Cahaya nods. He watches them all leave, feeling a strange loss at watching them go–though, maybe he shouldn’t have to wonder for long. With what he just had…

He would have to chalk it up as simply a dream, but–it felt too real. He was literally awake and walking through the hallway when the memories hit him like a truck.

He doesn’t remember falling, at least?

But he must have fallen. There’s no way he went into his bed by himself, especially with his brothers crowding inside his room with Tok Aba the moment he woke up.

Not to mention that–

He doesn’t feel like he’s completely himself, not really. When the new memories rear up, he could feel his thoughts turn sharper, cautious, curious. Foreign.

Wen Qing was her name. She wasn’t Cahaya, except. It also felt like she was always supposed to be here. 

Whatever that means.

The work of remembering a past life, who you were before you were reborn again. This was what she had deduced before Cahaya forcibly reclaimed his own identity…

A hand rubbed at his face.

How annoying this was. Reincarnation was never proven by scientific methods, only propagated through unreliable hearsay, and yet.

He closed his eyes shut. Opened them again, to the ceiling above him.

It wasn’t like Wen Qing meant for this to happen. She was ready to burn to ashes, to give the life of her and her family’s savior back to him.

Cahaya could feel her thoughts, her feelings, with those memories. It was hard to separate. His head is splitting itself into two, a whirlwind of sensations spinning and tangling irreparably if he wasn’t careful.

…frankly, this was baffling to him. How did this even happen? He can’t quite understand it.

That’s not good.

==

It was easy to reminisce if you had nothing else to do with your time other than lying in bed all day.

Cahaya could try to sit up and walk. It wasn’t like he fought a great battle to render him in this state, after all. He just. Reawakened his past life.

Hm.

But if he stands now, he is pretty sure he’ll die from the agony his head will give him when he tries. So.

The wise thing to do here is to continue lying down and try to find a way to get the pain to lessen. Obviously. He’s trying, okay?

So far? Compartmentalizing works; which memories are from Wen Qing, which ones are from himself, he separates them both.

But it’s a hard thing to do when so many things of his life now as Cahaya Tengku are so similar to many things from (his)her life as Wen Qing.

Major details are easy to identify and organize, at the very least.

Wen Qing was a maiden who lived in a world where a lot more people held supernatural powers. These powers stem from a gathering of energy called golden cores that are cultivated from childhood. 

The people who practice this belong to organizations called Sects–made up of disciples taken in to have them learn the techniques and swear loyalty to the Sect, the inner Clan which shares the bloodline of the Sect Leader, and the Sect Leader himself that governs the lands their Sect protects. 

Typically, Sects fight evil made from resentful energy–dark energy originating from the grudges of the dead–to protect the citizens under their protection. And yet, her own Sect wasn't so well-meaning.

The Wen Sect, whose motto is; compete with the sun for radiance, match the sun in longevity. The Sect Leader had ambitions to swallow the whole world, which led to her life and the life of the rest of her family becoming collateral damage in such greedy ways.

There was a war. The Wen Sect lost.

The remaining Wen, soldiers and civilians alike, stopped being considered human in the eyes of the rest of the cultivation world. Just Wen-dogs.

Wen Qing burned to death at 19 years old. Then she woke up as Cahaya Tengku.

Cahaya Tengku, who is currently just 12 years old. However, the current world he’s living in is a world where most of the people are civilians. Aliens exist in this world, occasionally visiting and sometimes causing trouble for the sake of it. The culture is different between Wen Qing and his world, too; since Cahaya resides in Malaysia, while her language and her culture resembled more like what Ancient China used to be. In a way.

Honestly, he's lucky he didn't forget Malay and started to speak Mandarin all the time. But anyway.

He, his brothers, and their friends are the main line of defense when intergalactic threats show up, having been given powers by a yellow robot sphere named Ochobot. For Cahaya, he received the ability to control the element of Light. In other words–the sun.

How ironic, if one thinks about it. It hardly matters right now, though.

So, organizing that part was easy enough.

Other details, though…

The bed she was lying on now was comfortable. Not the level where she'd sink into the mattress due to its softness like her bed in Nightless City, nor is it her hard makeshift bed in the Burial Mounds, but like the kind she could easily sleep in just by lying down when she was–still a student in the Cloud Recesses.

Where she met Wei Wuxian, Jiang Yanli…and him.

There were differences, of course, which Cahaya forced himself to focus on. Wen Qing's bed in Nightless City was never one she could get a good night's sleep in, as even the slightest mistake–like oversleeping–could cost her own life. Or, much worse than that; her A-Ning's life.

Ironically, she could only sleep soundly within the Burial Mounds. Yes, the bed is less than ideal but–her family was safe. She was safe, even when her days were numbered.

It always was, ever since the war ended. Bearing the name Wen became a curse, and–

What a bleak life you've led, Cahaya sighed to himself. Or, I guess, what I've led.

Wen Qing was a skilled doctor. The most proficient doctor within the entire cultivation world, and yet she was never happy.

--well, that wasn't entirely accurate. Even if it had been fleeting, she was happy. There were moments where she could smile.

“Cahaya?”

Those moments were always because of others. That includes…

“How are you feeling?”, a gentle hand placed itself on his forehead, as hazel brown eyes gazed at him with concern associated with a soft smile. “I brought soup. Do you feel like eating?”

Cahaya's silver eyes looked at Tanah, at this older brother. Then he blinks and (s)he sees amber in place of hazel brown.

A gentle reassuring smile, with long, flowy black hair tied up in a half-ponytail by a pin adorned with the elegant image of a lotus.

“I'm glad I met you, Qing-guniang”, Wen Qing remembered her words, the hands holding her own. “You’re like my sister.”

Unbidden, she feels her eyes sting.

Jiang Yanli. Jiang-guniang.

Even when Wen Qing couldn't see her again, she had always wanted that kind soul to be happy. To remain happy.

And yet…

I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry.

“...I’m going to get a glass of water for y–”

Before s(he) knew it, Cahaya latched onto the hand leaving his head so abruptly. Tanah’s eyes widened, shocked by it.

“S-stay”, Cahaya pleads, anyway. He can’t… “ Stay .”

Tanah observes him for a little bit. Then, gaze softening, Cahaya’s third older brother returns by Cahaya’s bedside, clutching Cahaya’s hand in return.

“I’ll be here, Haya”, another hand returned to his hair. “I won’t go anywhere.”

Cahaya swallows. He lets his eyes flutter close.

It’s alright. Tanah would be here.

He won’t lose anything.

==

Cahaya has seven older brothers in this life. They all make up a set of octuplets–which just makes him wonder how their mother even gave birth to all of them.

As it is, they’re all here living. Thriving. With their own sets of personalities and talents. Powers, too, are bestowed on them.

Petir. Angin. Tanah. Boboiboy. Api. Air. Daun.

Lightning. Wind. Earth. Energy. Fire. Water. Leaf.

From his own memories, Cahaya couldn’t help but think that the powers given to them fit them all.

“I told you to sleep!”, a pouting face greeted him, forest green eyes narrowed. “Now, look. You’re stuck here! And we’re going to miss Intramurals! Hmph!!”

Okay, scratch that. Shouldn’t leaf– nature –be gentle and peaceful?

This is just annoying. His head’s already killing him, and Daun’s trying to make it worse. Not like it wasn’t deserved, but…

A memory surfaces, of his own past life. In the middle of a land that’s practically a desert, where only the dead usually thrive, her savior was constantly tinkering and inventing. Often forgetting to sleep most of the time.

“What do you think you’re doing? It’s late!”

“Ah, Qing-jie should relax a little. I’m almost done, don’t worry!”

Cahaya exhales forcefully.

That idiot. Making her worry. Wen Qing hoped he survived and got back to his own siblings and family, or else she’ll– she’ll –

“I should sleep now, then”, he says to no one in particular. “Wouldn’t want to be a hypocrite.”

Daun blinked at him.

Cahaya closes his eyes and tries to drown out the next words that will surely come with that.

==

The next time he woke up, there were stuffed plushies on his side, of a chicken and a whale.

Api. Air. This is...thoughtful of them, knowing how they both love their respective plushies. They must have been really worried, huh.

At his bedside, there was a bowl of soup, a glass of water, and medicinal pills for a fever. Tanah was here, too, who must have fallen asleep while watching over Cahaya.

He tries to sit up. The web threatens to break apart, but he forces it together much like grabbing each string to stop them from snapping. It hurts.

But he keeps going long enough to grab the glass of water and drink the medicine.

It's bitter.

Yet it helps him keep it together a little bit more, at least enough to drink the soup prepared for him. It's not as delicious as Jiang Yanli's delicious soups she tried a few times--but this feels like home. Like the comfort of a home that would always be here, rich and flavorful.

The food was warm. Did Tanah prepare this recently? Cooking the meat must have taken a long time, too...

Soft, even breathing was felt, as his gentle third brother slept on. This position doesn't look that comfortable and yet.

...Cahaya feels himself smile, just a little. He reaches out, gently brushing Tanah's bangs away from his face.

"I'm sorry", a whisper sounded. "Thank you."

There was no one to hear such sincere sentiments. Cahaya still meant it with all his heart.

==

It took four days before he could sit up without his head feeling like it was being stabbed with multiple knives when he didn't take the medicine. Then one additional day to be sure he can safely walk around and go back to school without his head self-destructing.

Separating himself with Wen Qing took quite a bit of effort. Of sorting through memories and feelings, of dividing and identification. Having great control of your own mind is a virtue, huh?

It wasn’t all bad, though.

Having your past life reawakened lets you gain access to a wealth of knowledge only possessed by that life.

This meant when Api fell from the tree and hurt himself, Cahaya was sure of his actions when he turned to Air. "Give me some ice. Put them inside a towel. Any kind of cloth will do."

Air blinked. Api scowled at him from the floor. "What are you doing, lightbulb? 

"Shut up", Cahaya sits down right beside where Api fell on his feet. There was a visible dislocation on his ankle; that needed to be fixed first. "Stay still."

"What are you--"

Cahaya grabbed his fiery brother's leg and swiftly put the dislocated bone back in place.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

(When the nurse reappears from where Api was placed in the infirmary, she frowns at Cahaya. "Since when did you learn this? Your brother Daun said you weren't interested in medicine."

Five days before today, that may have been true. Cahaya would rather dabble in Chemistry and Physics than look at Biology and Pharmaceutics.

And yet.

Being Cahaya Tengku has its perks. Since his reputation as a genius child prodigy was well known, all it took was for him to say, "I've had a change of heart", for the nurse to drop it. No additional questions needed.)

This also meant that when he sees Boboiboy struggle to master his power and try to apply more mastery to his Second Tier, Cahaya actually has something truly helpful to say.

"Take a deep breath", he tells Boboiboy, tapping his older brother's chest sternly with a finger. "It's all about visualization; imagine the energy in your surroundings to flow into you in little streams first. Then dispel it into what you want it to do."

Wen Qing's world had power determined through the strength of one's golden core; at least, that was how it was in the Wen Sect. The more powerful the golden core of a cultivator is, the more skilled they are in wielding Spiritual Energy--the world's natural energy. Which means that a person will be more efficient in dispelling evil if their cores are very strong.

The highest level of Spiritual Energy cultivation will lead to someone retaining eternal youth and immortality. Wen Qing was never really sure if that was even possible, since according to legend, only the ever elusive Baoshan Sanren reached to that point.

No one was ever able to meet with the Immortal, despite Wei Wuxian's claims to his little brother. The mountain Baoshan Sanren resided in was never really found, and the disciples who came down from said mountain were never permitted to return.

So.

Regardless, this was the point; Wen Qing developed her own golden core. She belonged to a separate family branch called the Dafan Wen, who specialized in all kinds of medicine.

Even before Sect Leader Wen took her and her brother in after most of the Dafan Wen was massacred by the wrath of the goddess deliberately placed in her home, she had her own spiritual powers. However, they never grew beyond what is needed to cure ailments caused by resentful energy.

Now, all their powers in this current world are contained in contraptions called power watches. Each power is divided into First and Second Tiers. A Third Tier may exist, but its existence has yet to be confirmed.

Boboiboy's power was different than the rest of their brothers, including Cahaya. More like what Gopal, Fang, Ying and Yaya have.

But his power was similar to how people cultivate golden cores, just a lot stronger. To turn energy to increase his physical capabilities in his First Tier, and create weapons he can wield while he holds it in the Second Tier.

Boboiboy's biggest problem was making the weapons stay stable, not have it waver at the edges. This was the solution; just imagine the source continuously fuelling it.

And it works. When Boboiboy closes his eyes and manifests a sword from the energy, it stays a sword even when he spins it around. It does start to glow more, though.

"Do you want it to have more power?", Cahaya makes sure.

Boboiboy shakes his head.

"Then imagine the energy to be contained in a box. All are inside but nothing comes out."

"Nothing?"

"Not even heat or light. Remember the lesson in Science about Systems? Imagine...an Isolated System established around the energy you gathered."

Just like how spiritual energy is contained in the golden core once it's formed. So the energy stays there and it won't get lost unintentionally.

This time, Boboiboy struggles to follow. Instead of the glow staying the same, it just grew brighter and brighter until it warped into shape and Boboiboy had to drop it.

Disappointing. But not unexpected. "You'll get it eventually."

At least this was progress than the dissipating mist it ended up being earlier, so.

Brown eyes not unlike that of chocolate looks at silver for a bit. A bright smile greeted Cahaya in turn. And then a hand ruffles his hair rather cheerfully. "Thank you, Haya. I owe you!"

Cahaya huffs. "Keep your stupid debt, it's not needed."

There's no debt between family.

==

He tries to search for names he's known, too. Whenever he can, he uses the data on his phone to scour through Google using the important information Wen Qing knew about her own life.

Sunshot Campaign.

Demonic Cultivation.

Chifeng-zun.

Nothing important shows up. So he tries other things.

Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Yanli.

Wen Qionglin. Wen Ning.

Wen Sect. Lan Sect. Jiang Sect.

His fingers pause on the keyboard for a bit.

...Jiang Wanyin.

There was nothing, either. Nothing connected to her life, or the things she went through before.

That was.

Hm.

==

He tries one last thing.

Wen Qing.

There was nothing, too, which was to be expected. When Wen Qing was burned, she expected all her achievements and contributions to be destroyed and forgotten.

But, really? Nothing at all? Not from everyone else?

Wen Qing doesn't know what happened after she died. To A-Yuan, Popo, and the rest of her family.

To Wei Wuxian.

Did they live long lives? Did they live the rest of their lives in peace? Were they hunted and miserable for the rest of their lives? Were they all captured and tortured shortly after Wen Qing burned?

She can't--take the thought of the last possibility. A-Yuan was still so young...

Did Wei Wuxian see his sister and brother again, at least?

...was her sacrifice worth it?

Here, she can't know the answers. There was nowhere to find it; either she had been reincarnated in another world, or in a time thousands of years after the cultivation world fell with their history destroyed.

Either way, it was. It was maddening.

It was the worst thing, to not know.

==

There was no choice but to keep going.

Wen Qing's life was over, after all. Cahaya Tengku's life was just beginning, and this child deserved to live it to the fullest.

Wen Qing has no idea why she's still even here, to be honest. Perhaps this is a reward? Or a curse; to let her know what she couldn't have in her world. A life lived in relative peace, where she doesn't have to be the one shouldering all the burden. Where she doesn't have a younger brother she's trying desperately to cure, where s(he) was healthy and everyone else was in good shape as well.

Of course, some things should never be forgotten.

"Is that really how you think this is?", honey brown eyes stare at him, pink hijab adorned with a flower hairpin. Yaya squints. "A debt to repay?"

"Is that not what it is?", Cahaya says steadily, not letting himself falter.

It's easier to see it that way—a favor for a favor, an eye for an eye. All kindness is repaid. 

All kindness should be repaid.

That was one of the values the Dafan Wen lived by, the values Wen Qing grew up with.

That was also the right thing to do, Cahaya knows. Boboiboy would agree to that, right?

"...you've changed."

"Have I?"

Yaya gives him a scrutinizing look.

And Cahaya feels himself smile. He tells her, not unkindly. "Don't think too much of it."

"Sounds like you're the one that shouldn't overthink", Petir slides in next to Cahaya, poking Cahaya's cheek. "It's just chocolate."

Silver eyes blinked. "...aren't all chocolate given to you important?"

Yaya hands Petir a pouch of chocolates, identical to what she gave to Cahaya. Petir accepted it without looking.

Instead, Petir chose to look at Cahaya like his youngest brother said, I want to eat a really smelly shoe. "It's. It's friendship chocolate."

"So?"

Aggressively, Cahaya's eldest brother gestures at the huge pile of chocolates given to him. "Are you going to repay all that!?"

"I might need a large batch of flour. Some practice may help, too."

Fed up, Petir covers his face.

"Oh, let him be, Petir", Tanah, who received quite a bit of chocolate as well, giggles a little as he pats Cahaya's head gently. "It's good to want to repay someone for their kindness. Plus, isn't White Day a day to return what's given to you on Valentine's Day?"

"Still."

"When's White Day?", Cahaya asks, just to keep it in mind. Yaya was giving him a weird look for it, which he just ignored entirely.

It was a foreign thing for Wen Qing, to have Valentine's Day. There was no such thing when she still lived, after all. Not like she cared for such things, choosing to spend what time for herself she gathered to find the right medicine for her A-Ning's ailment.

From the illness given to him by the goddess, before Wen Ruohan took her, her A-Ning, and the instrument inside the goddess to Nightless City for his own gain.

It was a foreign thing, too, to be given so much. Because she was. Admired?

Because Cahaya was admired, by the girls and some of the boys in this school.

It was a curious thing.

Within her life, the good things she received were only from the people she held dearest to her. A protection talisman for her and her A-Ning coming from Wei Wuxian, her fire headpiece crafted lovingly by Popo, the values and methods of medicine from her late parents, a lotus bracelet from Jiang Yanli--

"If anything happens to you in the future...come to me and I'll help you again."

A comb. From him.

Of what could have been, what could never be.

Wen Qing, why did you take that comb? Your debt to him, and his debt to you have already been repaid.

It would have been kinder to you if you never held on to it.

"What would you do if you receive romantic chocolate, Cay-Cay?", Angin barrels in with a wide smile, his enthusiasm ever so endless. "I mean~ the day is still far from over! It's still morning! There's bound to be some who are intending to do it."

Is that right?

Such chocolates would be a declaration of love. Of affections that are not platonic, of the desire to hold close and...

Cahaya closes his eyes. It sits bitter on his tongue.

"We're still children", he tells them. "It's better to return those foolish things."

"Ehh..."

That's all it is. And, anyway. "Why are you guys thinking about romance? It's annoying. Especially you, Angin, can't you try to stop failing Math first?"

Angin gawked. "So mean!"

It's called stating facts, but whatever.

==

"You're not being bullied, are you?"

His brothers have noticed that Cahaya has changed, and he knows it. He was aware that he was much quieter, that he flat-out rejected any compliments given to him, and that he spent knew medicinal techniques he shouldn't know.

The last one could honestly be explained away by him simply finding books and stuff. Still.

"What makes you think that?", Cahaya shoots back at his brother. "I'm not."

"Really? But you're so tense all the time now."

"...am I?", Cahaya sighs. He supposed it couldn't be helped.

There are admirers, yes. And there are also inconveniences where people are being menaces to him. But none of them bother him too much.

It wasn't comparable with having to live under a tyrannical Sect Leader for most of her life as Wen Qing. There was nothing he could do that would get him executed, not like what Wen Qing had to go through.

This was a time of peace.

And it was jarring to live in it, after going through such a life. After getting used to the constant danger that threatened his(her) everything.

Stepping away from the stove, silver met forest green. Daun was frowning, though now it was because of worry instead of anger.

"Jiejie", coal-black eyes sighed. "I'm okay. As long as you're here, I'll be fine."

Cahaya could feel his eyes soften.

He and Daun...among the octuplets, the two of them are the closest. That may be a surprise, since Cahaya's a genius with a mature personality and Daun's a happy-go-lucky kid who easily gets emotional.

But they really just--click. They have different interests, Daun preferring gardening and Cahaya preferring experimenting and reading, but Cahaya had always preferred to be by Daun's side. Bickering, reading together, having fun.

And so he offers the ladle to his seventh brother, smiling slightly. "Do you want to join me? I'm trying to create cough medicine out of rosemary plants."

Wen Qing smiles at his words. She caresses his hair gently, her resolve strengthening.

"It hasn't changed, A-Ning", she tells him. "One day...I'll cure you. Then I'll take you away from Nightless City and show you everything. I promise."

Wen Qing's main purpose in life had only been her brother. Her A-Ning, who needed her, who is the last person left of her father and mother after the goddess' rampage.

"You're not doing a good job, I think", Daun takes the ladle. "It smells awful."

Cahaya smiles.

It would be a lie to say that any one of his brothers is the center of his own life. Because he loves them all, and he wants them to always stay with him. Even if he'll never admit it out loud.

But...

"Come on", he guides his older brother towards the stove again, to the pot that's about to boil. "Once it starts boiling, you need to stir and keep stirring. It starts to smell nice soon, I promise."

"How long?"

"Can't you find out for yourself?"

"Can't you just tell me?"

Silver eyes rolled in exasperation, though a small smirk played on his lips. "Just do it."

Daun salutes mockingly. Cahaya shoves him away a little.

Like this, it...feels better. Spending time with Daun, with the others, like this. It feels like he's really living and not just surviving.

He hopes it will never change.

==

They have this one nemesis. A square-head named Adu-Du is just hell-bent on grabbing Ochobot to start World Domination or whatever.

Most of the time, their lives were peaceful. Adu-Du's antics hardly did anything to them all, so they mostly just give fun side-quest vibes to go through.

His brothers have noticed how Cahaya has changed. He was much quieter, he dislikes bragging about the things he does now, he knows things he shouldn't logically know, and he spends a bit more time making medicine than conducting experiments.

But this might be the most striking change:

Adu-Du's servant robot, Probe, was transformed into another giant form again. In the ensuing fight that happened, Daun was thrown away. Cahaya heard a crack--and a scream.

A-Ning? My A-Ning--he was taken away from me!

Wei Wuxian, I can't find him, I can't find my brother--

Qing-guniang, calm down. I promise I'll help you find him--

Petir might end up yelling at him for it. Tanah might be disappointed in him. Boboiboy might scold his ears off.

But Cahaya abandons his place in their agreed plan to find Daun. Find him, find, he needs to be there, he needs to be okay--

It was a place of death. Jin cultivators hung back, intimidated by Wei Wuxian's presence, but she could hardly care about it.

Her A-Ning. Popo was here with A-Yuan, so her precious, kind, soft-spoken, brave little brother couldn't have left them on their own. Where is he, where is he?

If he was here, if he was still alive--that's okay! Wen Qing can simply heal him. She has the ability, can stop the blood from flowing, can mend the injury.

"A-Ning!"

"Daun!"

He's okay. Right? The vines must have cushioned his fall, so it's fine.

It's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fi

A-Ning is fine. He's--somewhere.

Just please. Please, please--

Daun was on the ground. Vines tried to cushion his fall. But he's not moving.

His arm was bent at an unnatural angle. It's not supposed to--

It was her worst nightmare. The face in this body, a flagpole pierced through his stomach, was pale and gaunt and so lifeless.

Wen Qing knows him.

Hurriedly, she went to check on his pulse. The part of his body the pole pierced didn't hit anything vital. It wasn't taken out, so her A-Ning is still alive, he must be--

Cahaya shakily went to check on Daun. He made it, he can assess what's wrong, there must still be a heartbeat--

And then a purple robotic arm was suddenly in front of him.

She checked once. Twice. Nothing.

There wasn't a heartbeat.

There was...

(S)he can't breathe. He can't breathe, he can't breathe--

He hears a mocking laugh. "Your turn, Cahaya! Get ready!"

Cahaya turns.

And the next thing he knows, there was a giant hole where the robot's chest had been.

It wasn't enough. They need to disappear, they need to be gone, gone--!

The only thing she could do was scream. Scream, and cry, and curse the world for it all.

She found him too late.

It was always too late.

"Cahaya!"

And then, arms wrapped around him--bigger, made out of rock and stone.

"Haya, calm down--it's over, they're gone", Tanah's voice whispered in his ear. Shakily, fearfully. "Daun's fine, Daun's fine--"

Silver eyes flickered back.

Hazel eyes were wide, filled with unshed tears. "S-so, come back...to us..."

...Cahaya puts his hand down. He noticed that they feel sore, that his whole body felt strained and taut.

Tanah immediately turns him around and hugs Cahaya properly, a small sob stuck in his throat. Cahaya could feel his older brother tremble in his hands.

Ah.

Tanah's scared. Of him? No--if that's true, Tanah wouldn't be hugging him right now. Tanah would just stay away.

But it's certainly related.

What did I do?

==

One of the values of Dafan Wen had been the most important; that they should never take a life, for all lives are important and valuable.

And try as she might, Wen Qing had always failed to uphold that value.

She healed those she could, but she also watched as innocent people were tortured by Sect Leader Wen to test the powers he'd gained over the years. The people who died in agony and became corpse puppets bidding the will of the Sect Leader, all happened because she didn't do anything. Because if she did try anything, her A-Ning would die.

That was no excuse, though.

But the worst thing was a secret she kept. Of Wei Wuxian and him, and what she did to them both.

Now, as Cahaya Tengku...

Hah.

She just can't escape it, can't she?

“Why me?”, (s)he told it. “You’re a weapon. Made to hurt, to harm, to annihilate. What am I supposed to do with you?”

The power watch did not answer. How could it? 

It was simply just an inanimate object. A conduit of a power too powerful to be given to little hands.

Even so, Cahaya didn't take it off.

Because he had hurt, harmed, and torn apart important things. Immaterial things. Priceless things.

As Wen Qing. And he might be starting to do that, too, as himself.

What kind of karma is this supposed to be?

Letting his head fall over the bed, he sees an orange shirt and brown pants upside down.

"How's Daun?", he asks Boboiboy. "How's his arm?"

"He'll have difficulty moving it for a while. His powers let him rapidly heal to the point he doesn't need a cast, though", Boboiboy replies, sitting down beside Cahaya. "Of course, I helped speed the process up."

"Mhm."

"...it's good that you acted quickly, Cahaya. You got rid of the threat before they can do more damage."

Silver eyes shut tightly. Boboiboy fell silent, sensing the somber mood that never broke even once.

Silence passed for a while. They could hear the gentle ruffle of the tree leaves outside, the flutter of the clothes hung to dry nearby.

"Compete with the sun for radiance, match the sun in longevity", Cahaya murmurs. "It's a nice motto, isn't it?"

Boboiboy looked so confused, when Cahaya turned to look at him. Still, his fourth older brother replied. "It is. Sounds ambitious, though."

"Because it is ambitious. And it's so easy to twist it's meaning."

"Haya--"

"Competing with the sun could mean using all that they can, including cheating and destroying everything in the way with no regard to others", he looked at his power watch again. "I should have controlled myself better. No--I shouldn't have been so impulsive."

Tanah had been so scared of what Cahaya had done. The rest of his brothers were wary and tense around Cahaya because of his actions, too.

What had Cahaya taken away? It was unneeded; Daun wasn't inflicted with an injury that threatened his life. He just landed wrong on his arm, and it was an easy fix with his powers.

Whatever it is, he shouldn't have reacted that way.

"I promised shijie I would help her hold the most splendorous wedding in the world", a quiet drawl, followed by a broken chuckle. "But now I can't even attend the wedding..."

Wen Qing paused, her hands stilling from the cups she was gathering.

Wei Wuxian laughed without joy, tears visible in his voice. "I'm useless...so useless..."

Even in this life...

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Cahaya."

--at that, Cahaya raises his head.

Boboiboy grabs his hand, pulling him upright. Cahaya lets him, stunned, as Boboiboy grabs Cahaya's shoulders.

"You did your best", he then says. "It turned out well. That was enough."

But-- "I didn't need to."

Wen Qing stole Wei Wuxian from his life because they needed his protection and his power. Cahaya didn't need to almost grind Probe to dust, Daun was alive.

"Yes, I admit it was. Excessive", Boboiboy says. "But if you didn't do it, Probe would have done much worse damage. Daun would most likely have to deal with more than just a broken arm."

Cahaya pressed his lips together.

"So it's not something you should be upset over. Instead, we should thank you. You're the only one that reacted quickly enough to save our brother", a hand pats his cheek. "And you're not hurt, are you?"

"No..."

"Then it's a good thing!"

Cahaya stares. An amused huff escaped his lips. "Are things really that simple for you?"

Boboiboy gave him a lopsided smile. "Isn't it?"

Maybe not. Maybe Cahaya shouldn't overthink this. It's a hero's job to defeat a villain, after all. He's not a doctor anymore.

He's not--he was never--

...

"Boboiboy", he tugs his older brother's sleeve. "Hug me."

His head hurts. Again.  It's not to the point that it's tearing itself apart but still. That's--still probably a bad thing.

But it helps, when Boboiboy obliged his request. Wrapping his arms around Cahaya, letting Cahaya rest his head on Boboiboy's shoulder.

It's warm.

It doesn't feel as painful as before.

==

"I'm sorry."

Daun, who was already running around trailing after Api and Angin, raises an eyebrow at him. "What are you saying sorry for?"

Cahaya exhales.

His seventh older brother walks over, nudging his shoulder. Cahaya nudges back.

"I just felt like saying it", he then says.

"Then I'll tell you you don't need to", Daun huffs. After a pause. "Thank you."

Something in his heart eases, a little bit.

That was probably why he let Daun tug him after Angin and Api. "Now, come on! Let's play soccer!"

It doesn't really interest Cahaya.

But he'll join in. Just this once.

(He promptly regrets it not long after, when they accidentally bumped Air in his sleep and Air doused them with water reflexively. All of them.

He makes Api and Angin clean up his lab for dragging him and Daun into this.

Is it fair? No. But it's funny, so he decides to be petty just this once, too.)

==

He is Cahaya Tengku, the youngest brother of a set of octuplets. 

But he had been Wen Qing, once—a healer, a leader…an older sister.

He doesn't know why he remembers. Even when he tried his hardest, he doesn't know where the line between Cahaya Tengku and Wen Qing is drawn. Not quite merging, and not quite separation either.

It hurts. He can't tell who he is, if he's always been this way, or if he's changed completely.

But he lives. Wen Qing lives with him, in a way

It's confusing, yes.

But it has to count for something. It has to.

It's not all bad, anyway.

Chapter Text

The Wens have an affinity to fire.

The Jin may possess 'wisdom', the Lan may be beholden to righteousness and their wall of discipline, the Nie may wield the resentment of beasts, and the Jiang may have found home within the water--but that doesn't compare to the Wen, who can wield fire under their command whenever they want to.

Of course, it is a good thing and a bad thing. It was easier to make medicine and make sure the Burial Mounds are warm during the coldest of nights lest they all freeze to death in the past with this blessing.

But it was a bad thing, when this same blessing was used to burn innocents to ashes in the name of conquering everything under the sun.

As it is, the ability itself was neither good nor evil. It only depends on how it was wielded.

But when Wen Qing burned, she could have redirected the flames away from her, ensured that she gets to live. She didn't.

She made sure the flames would hurt, before she died. Cahaya could recall how it stung her(his) skin, how it ate away at her flesh and bone.

It was lucky she lost consciousness quickly due to the smoke. It's likely she suffocated before she was fully consumed.

Either way...

"Haya!", caramel-colored eyes brightened, as a certain someone barrelled across the room to get to him. "Look at this!"

His brother, Api, was grinning ear-to-ear as he opened his palm and--a burst of strong flame erupted.

Cahaya took a step back, suddenly unable to breathe. He knows, logically, that Api would never hurt him.

But he's endured burning to death for one lifetime. He's not exactly keen on repeating that experience.

He must be acting weird again, though. Api's grin had faltered the second Cahaya backed away.

"Api."

And then Tanah goes near as if on cue, placing a gentle hand on Api's arm. Cahaya's heart leapt initially, seeing his third older brother's palm so close to the flames...

But of course Api would never hurt him, nor Cahaya. Of course Api would shut off his flames without hesitation after just one look from Tanah and registering the look on Cahaya's face.

Of course. Cahaya knew that.

Why was he reacting this way? He knew why.

It was ridiculous.

Api was not Wen Xu. Api was the farthest person to be Wen Xu. He really shouldn't be like this.

That was in another life. S(he)'s not there--

"Anyway, Haya!!"

And his ridiculous fourth older brother jumped on him, regardless. At least there really were no flames this time.

"Let's play soccer again!", Api chirps, laughing. "Or maybe we could climb trees? I bet I'm faster at climbing than you!"

Cahaya blinked. It feels warm, this embrace. Even if Api puts his whole weight on Cahaya's back. "Why would I need to climb trees?"

"Uh. Just because?"

A giggle sounded beside them. Tanah's happiness at this means Cahaya must not have panicked that badly.

As (s)he thought, there was still a long way to go before Wen Qing could properly adjust to this new life.

==

Wen Qing was born to a family of humble medicine-makers and healers.

Well, as humble as a branch family of the Sect Leader of the most powerful sect in the cultivation world could be.

Of course, she doesn't remember her own birth. But Third Aunt keeps telling her about it: how she had the strongest set of lungs as a baby and that the midwife's ears almost bled from how loud she screamed. It was the opposite of how her little brother, her A-Ning, was like when he was born.

Quiet and soft from day one, her A-Ning.

She doesn't...remember much of who she was before everything. When she was still living with her family in Dafan Mountain. Was she rambunctious and carefree, like Wei Wuxian? Was she observant and serious like...like Jiang Wanyin?

Was she always strict and cold, even back then?

She was a little girl. That little girl always responded from being called A-Qing, Qing-er, or Qing-jie. Because that's just who she was. 

Just the beloved eldest daughter of the village chief. Just A-Ning's jiejie.

Then the Wen Sect Leader, Wen Ruohan, paid a visit to their humble settlement. Wen Qing couldn't remember why, exactly. She couldn't remember what excuse that sect leader gave.

Not like it matters much; Sect Leader Wen clearly had a hidden agenda, that day.

Little Qing-er was identified to be a prodigy in the healing arts. She developed her golden core earlier than normal kids, on her own, purely because she just followed instructions in a cultivation manual diligently.

A day after, Sect Leader Wen came.

And the day after that, Sect Leader Wen leaves the mountain with only a few of the Dafan Wen still surviving, and A-Qing freshly orphaned with her half-dead brother.

With her own eyes, A-Qing saw that the Dancing Goddess Statue was responsible. That damned parasite god had sucked her family's souls and crushed them all to bits with no warning.

With her own mind, A-Qing knows that the Goddess Statue had never moved before that night. It never moved until Sect Leader Wen came.

This does not change anything.

Her parents were still dead. A-Ning was all she had left of her direct family.

She and her brother were brought to Qishan, to Nightless City, and was told to basically get over her parents' death.

"You will have the honor of personally serving me", Sect Leader Wen had told her, almost kindly. "I will ensure you and your brother are taken care of, and you will want for nothing."

Those words came true.

Wen Qing personally served the sect leader as his healer. She wants for nothing, because even a single hair out of line will cost her A-Ning's life.

There was nowhere to go. It was a very secure gilded cage.

She was...

She could never be A-Qing or Qing-er, anymore. Now, she was just Wen Qing, Wen-daifu, Wen-guniang.

Her A-Ning calls her jiejie.

...Wen Xu calls her airen, and she could never refuse the advances he made to her. Even when he starts to burn her skin and clothes to beat her to submission when she refuses as much as she could.

She stopped being a child, being a person, the second she was brought in this monstrous place.

Just a tool to be used.

Just a piece of meat to be coveted.

But she can't falter. She can't show weakness. Her only remaining family...depends on her to survive.

A-Ning needs her to cure him.

She raises her head high. She was Wen Qing. She was Wen Qing.

If she needs to be as prideful and arrogant as the rest of the royals of this sect...

So be it.

==

When that square-head Commander offered Cahaya to join this organization that rescues power spheres, he almost declined on the spot.

Frankly, he couldn't quite remember Commander Koko Ci. Not for the lack of trying; Wen Qing's memories, along with trying to adjust to living with such additional knowledge, made it very hard to recall people who hadn't even been present for very long in his life.

Daun made a weird expression when Cahaya revealed his lack of recognition, though. Was it really that strange?

Even Wen Qing forgets, and no one bats an eye. Of course, crucial information like poisonous herbs or medical treatments, resentment-caused or otherwise--s(he) would never forget. She wouldn't dare.

Lives could be lost unnecessarily if she loses such knowledge even if the patients she treated would still die anyway, to...other causes.

But not names. Forgetting names could be forgiven.

It's safer to not know names, actually. To not acknowledge your patients as people. Certainly makes it easy for her to handle their deaths that way.

So, yes. It's unnecessary to remember names. Truly not a big deal.

Nonetheless.

The way the Commander went about persuading them was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. Does this dwarf truly expect them to fold after just a quick song and dance?

...apparently so, considering that Gopal was actually buying into this.

"Don't look at me like that!", Gopal protests when Cahaya gives him a look. "Seriously! Stop with that scary face!"

Scary face? Hm.

"I have scarier things", Cahaya states blandly. He brought out the silver needles he just bought today.

Gopal shrieked immediately and hid behind Boboiboy.

"Haya, be nice", Tanah told him. Cahaya hardly cared, but since it was Tanah himself asking...he supposed he needed to relent and put his needles away. Gopal should count himself lucky, really.

It's been two years since Cahaya regained memories of his past life and has this strange amalgamation of consciousness with said past life named Wen Qing. In that time, he's grown and he figures himself out little by little.

But make no mistake. The contrast in memories and experiences is jarring at times.

Especially about puberty. Wen Qing certainly has experience growing from a young girl into a young woman, complete with--ahem. Growth in the chest area, and bleeding. Women don't use dried grass tied in fabric anymore, but there are still variations that do seem more convenient even if they're a lot more wasteful.

As s(he) is now a man, Wen Qing does not need it anymore.

However, being raised in an environment where one has to be ready at all times to prevent ruining the face of the Sect you represent, especially when the slightest mistake can cost you your life and the lives of your loved ones, means the habit of preparation is extremely hard to shake off.

This does bring some positives, though. He was the only one of their class that could tell Yaya went to the bathroom due to...bleeding. The pad he prepared was certainly very useful for her. 

Even if she gave him a weird look for it.

Even if the vendor gave him weird looks for buying more pads.

Even if now girls knew to ask him for extra pads if they forgot to bring their own. Thankfully those times weren't that frequent somehow, and that his brothers are too preoccupied with their own business to notice this little thing about him.

Even so. It's...very strange, to be a man when he's been a woman before. There's something between his legs, for one.

His voice also started to go deeper. His limbs feel like they should be shorter, while he's grown like a weed.

...still shorter than Fang and Gopal, though. How infuriating.

Those were the changes so far. Cahaya was well aware that there were surely more to come.

It just. Adds to the feeling. That this body does not belong to him at all.

Peculiar, isn't it?

No one else sees anything wrong, though. This is understandable, since to them, he's just...Cahaya. The youngest Tengku, the genius prodigy who switched from Chemistry to Medicine, the light elemental user.

Yet that hardly matters.

What matters now is the fact that this half a foot tall square-head is trying to make them join this group that only seems fun on the surface.

Saving power spheres? Sure. He doesn't mind helping out lost souls that are like Ochobot.

But...it feels an awful like recruiting for a war. Like grabbing soldiers to fight in a conflict like the Sunshot Campaign.

The illusion of choice is present this time, but still recruitment all the same.

Couldn't it wait until they're at the age when Cahaya died in his past life before springing this on them? Seriously.

At least Boboiboy had some sense. "I'm sorry, Commander. This sounds...fun and all, but Earth might still need us. We don't want to leave Tok Aba alone, too."

Commander Koko Ci's eyebrows furrowed. "Half of you could stay here, then."

They all immediately cut that suggestion down. There was no way they were all separating for so long and so far away??

It was either they all stay on Earth, or they all go on adventures in outer space.

Cahaya wasn't really all that enthusiastic about the idea. Going to space?? When there's already so much to learn here?

Not to mention that they'll all be alone, a group of teenagers, within an organization that may or may not have their best interest at heart. Knowing how vicious humans could be, what more are aliens capable of?

At worst, they'll all be weapons to be used and discarded once they start thinking outside of orders or questioning the way things work, like what happened to Wei Wuxian, who was branded a pariah even before he saved Wen Qing and her family.

So, no. Cahaya would rather stay here on Earth.

Unfortunately, the situation escalates when Tanah, Petir, and Angin are drugged while they are closing up Tok Aba's cocoa shop.

And that statement was not a joke; Cahaya went back to check on them, only to find all three of them unconscious on the floor. There was no indication of blunt force used, there were no signs of them being poisoned, and they couldn't be woken no matter what anyone did.

Well, up until the drug in their system ran its course. The sheer relief Cahaya felt when Petir's eyes fluttered open was immeasurable. Angin's scream was a good source of laughter from Daun and Api, too.

"I feel...dizzy", Tanah says weakly, holding his head. He lets Cahaya grab his other arm to check his pulse. "I think there was...a green gas? I don't know..."

Cahaya's just happy they're still alive. Had they slipped into a coma or even died, none of them would be merciful to Adu Du when they see that alien again.

Still, after getting themselves sorted out, they went after Adu Du. They also got motorbikes from Motorbot.

They got the power spheres back, too.

That whole adventure convinced Boboiboy to join in, unfortunately. The rest of their siblings followed.

Daun—sweet, childish Daun—practically jumped at Cahaya because of his excitement about the news. "Yay! We're going to space!"

Cahaya felt he needed to point out the obvious first. "We're all going to die."

"We're going to save many lives!!"

"As if we're not saving lives here already?"

Daun leans on his shoulder, as happy as a clown. "We'll be intergalactic heroes!"

At this, Cahaya stops. A breath of air escapes his lips.

I'm not a hero, he almost says. He settles with patting his older brother's head instead. "Sure."

He could just be the person who keeps everyone else from getting themselves killed. Yes, he could do that.

==

Nightless City was her own personal hell.

One of the values of Dafan Wen had been the most important; that they should never take a life, for all lives are important and valuable.

And try as she might, Wen Qing had always failed to uphold that value.

No, that's not quite right. Rather; the only one allowed to live after her treatment was Sect Leader Wen himself. So he can continue experimenting on innocent people; including men, women, and children.

So he can give people close to death for Wen Qing to miraculously treat, only to destroy them all completely and turn them into undead puppets.

Sect Leader Wen had this ancient artifact in his hands. Two pieces of this, called Yin Iron, was being used by him even before Wen Qing was first brought into Nightless City.

Countless people have lost their lives to this vile weapon, as she grew from a small girl to a young woman.

She's wrought so much death.

But it would have been one thing if those lives were purely evil. If they are all criminals, murderers, thieves, and things like that.

"Qing-guniang!"

Wen Qing made a mistake when she let someone get close.

An airheaded, carefree little miss who was two years younger than her. Wen Lijuan, maiden name Bai Lijuan, was brought in as Wen Chao's wife--but only in name.

First Young Master Wen Xu and Second Young Master Wen Chao were pieces of work. Then again, it's almost expected, since they are Sect Leader Wen's sons.

The former is sadistic and unbearably possessive, the latter arrogant, lazy, and unfaithful. Wen Xu derives pleasure in causing hurt to those he deems his enemy and his toys.

Wen Chao sleeps around with women and claims achievements that are certainly not his.

And Wen Lijuan is made to wed the latter. There was no love lost, however; it was purely a political match, and she was perfectly happy not being her husband's object of affection.

Instead, she sought affection from this cold royal doctor that treated her scrape when she stumbled in a hallway. In Wen Lijuan's spare time, she would always come for Wen Qing in the infirmary and just have fun chatting with her.

She'd ask what Wen Qing was doing, and would just stare until Wen Qing got fed up and asked her to help make the medicine. Just like that, the doctor gained another helper in her abode...

Wen Qing knew she shouldn't have. She can't afford to care for anyone else, not when she could barely protect her A-Ning already.

Even now, she didn't know if she would let Wen Lijuan close or not when given the chance to do it all over again. Wen Qing herself was just twelve years old, Wen Lijuan was ten, and it does seem like the younger lady wouldn't survive in the palace for long without anyone in her corner.

So, Wen Qing let her get close. She taught Wen Lijuan how to defend herself, how to treat herself for injuries, and how to properly behave in front of her husband and the sect leader.

There was one lesson that just refuses to stick, though.

"You need to control your temper", Wen Qing repeatedly warned her, many, many times. "You can't afford to be angry around here."

"Why not?", Wen Lijuan would always refute. "Servants shouldn't get hurt for no reason!"

The girl was young. Therefore, she has the morality of black and white that hasn't been shaken yet. The temper she shows for it does prove she fits right into the Wen Sect, however. Even if it causes her to challenge important allies of the main family as a result.

A little bit from QishanWen. But mostly DafanWen, since her anger comes from care.

She'd fit right into her old family, Wen Qing had thought. Her mother would have loved Wen Lijuan--

"You love that girl, don't you?", Wen Xu asks one night, when he suddenly showed up while she was restocking the medicinal herbs and supplies.

The very next day, Wen Lijuan does not come visit her.

That same day, Wen Qing decides to visit Wen Lijuan herself, and.

There were a lot of things you can tell about a person's heartbeat. You could tell someone is dying through reading their pulse.

You could also tell that someone was pregnant through the same method.

Wen Lijuan couldn't tell Wen Qing what happened by that point. Whatever rendered her to this state could be the reason why her very mind was also stolen from her.

She couldn't speak. Couldn't register much of anything; reduced to a mindless doll that you can move around every which way, but lacking...a soul.

Wen Xu had grabbed Wen Qing countless times before. Hurt her, cornered her, forced her to let his flames burn her skin. She slowly became immune to all the ways he hurt her.

That did not matter.

He found a way, regardless.

Sect Leader Wen ordered Wen Qing to take care of Wen Lijuan, ensure that the baby her friend is carrying would be carried to full term. Because the baby is the future heir to QishanWen.

Sect Leader Wen knew well that Wen Chao never visited Wen Lijuan's chambers.

There was a black ribbon left by Wen Lijuan's bed.

That ribbon belonged to Wen Xu.

Wen Qing cannot act. No matter what her emotions are telling her, she cannot act because acting will get her A-Ning killed, and her Popo, and the other aunts and uncles left in her village will swiftly follow.

She does what she could.

She assists with the birth of the baby. She gets to name the heir.

Another infant was handed to her earlier that day. Close to death, having difficulty breathing.

She could have performed a miracle. Figured out what was wrong, let it live a bit longer.

...Wen Lijuan's child cannot stay here.

"What do we name him, miss?", the midwife asks.

Cradling the crying baby in her arms while gently swaddling it in soft fabric, Wen Qing made the first unforgivable choice in her life.

"Nothing", Wen Qing replies. "The heir did not survive."

She presents a corpse of an infant to the sect leader, reporting the cause of death as disease. Sect Leader Wen hardly reacts.

Wen Lijuan was bleeding out. Wen Qing acted swiftly after the baby was born--and she was stabilized. 

Wen Qing saved her, at least. Just this once, she saved someone--

Sect Leader Wen ordered a servant to bring Wen Lijuan in front of the throne room. He had the younger girl's throat slit in cold blood.

Wen Qing watched, as her body hit the floor. As that cursed artifact made a mockery of life onto her friend's body.

...no, it was a mistake after all. Getting close.

She was not making the same mistake again. But--at the very least.

In a rare instance she was permitted to visit DafanWen, Wen Qing had gone straight to Popo. To the baby she had switched out for the other baby that she let die.

One of the values of Dafan Wen had been the most important; that they should never take a life, for all lives are important and valuable.

Wen Qing should never be forgiven.

And yet, she couldn't bring herself to mind as she held the little one close once more. The little one, who stared up at her with bright eyes.

Grey. The same color as her mother's.

Wen Lijuan had told her, once. If the younger girl ever had a child, she wanted to give this name to them.

"Welcome, A-Yuan", Wen Qing smiles through tears. "To this cruel, hopeless world. We're glad to have you."

The infant, A-Yuan, looks up at her and gives a toothless smile.

==

Cahaya built a shrine somewhere no one else knows. A secluded place, though still near enough to their home that (s)he can walk into there and back in fifteen minutes if you know the way.

The shrine was just a carved tree with a few items that substitute for memorial tablets. For the family that...s(he) will never see again.

She still doesn't know what happened to them after she died. So, she...hoped.

She hoped that Wei Wuxian gets to live the rest of his life with his sister and brother. That he got to be happy with that person he called his zhiji.

She hoped that Popo was able to live the rest of her life in peace with the others. She hoped A-Yuan got the chance to grow into the fine young man she knows he is, stubborn and headstrong and kind.

She hoped...Jiang Wanyin was able to find happiness and a wife of this own. A wife that is certainly better than her...

Cahaya sighs. More than that--

"I'm going on a vacation", he informs the memorial, rubbing his arm. He feels ridiculous about it. "Do you want to come with me? Ah, but. That won't be a good idea."

They were going to outer space. What is he going to do with this display, just leave it wherever someone else could see it and ask questions?

It's wiser to just leave this right here on Earth. Right?

Maybe? That would make sense. Plus, it's not like he'll never come back--

A soft crunching of leaves caught his attention immediately. Cahaya instantly had his guard up, pointing a Light Shot just in case.

Who was it? Was it Adu Du and Probe again? Or a new enemy? "Show yourself!"

Silence passed for a few minutes. A breeze passed by for a few seconds, cool to the touch. Nothing spoke.

Was it just a bunny? Maybe Cahaya is just overreacting.

Except, no, he wasn't. Out from the bushes revealed a guy in light blue clothes, wearing a hat with the symbol of a water droplet.

"I", Air starts.

Cahaya sighs, putting his hand down.

He figured--it's only a matter of time until one of his siblings finds this place. Even so.

"Did you follow me?", Cahaya asks.

Air shook his head. "I was looking for Api."

...that doesn't really make sense. Unless Api got lost here before.

Ah, but knowing Api, that probably happened more than once with no one else knowing about it. Hm.

Silver eyes gazed at aquamarine blue. Then they shift back to the hidden carved spot inside this hollow tree, filled with items.

A butterfly, a flute, a ceramic jar, a bow-and-arrow charm and many others.

And Cahaya makes a choice. "I might as well let you meet them."

"...ah?"

He leads Air down to face the display, before handing over a candle for his older brother to light up.

Air probably finds it weird, but he copies Cahaya lighting the candle and bowing before the hollow tree.

It would have been incense sticks, but...well, he doesn't know how to tell Tok Aba his reasons on why. So.

Cahaya didn't mind it. This will all make sense soon, anyway.

"Popo. A-Ning, everyone", Wen Qing starts. "This is one of my older brothers in this life."

Air's eyes widened a fraction.

"It's still strange for me", s(he) continues. "I've always been the one taking care of you, after all, A-Ning. I've always been the...older sibling. Being the youngest still feels weird after all this time."

"Haya..."

Cahaya smiles.

It certainly feels strange, but, well. The worst thing that could happen is for his brother to think he's not right in the head.

Which is. Technically right. Even so.

He turns to Air. "Air, it's...not ideal, but."

Air stares at him. He turns back to the memorial.

"Hello", he then starts. "I...I don't know any of you. But...nice to meet you, I suppose."

Something in Cahaya's chest loosened, hearing this.

They both sat there for quite a while. Eventually, Cahaya let his head fall on Air's shoulder.

"...you're confused, aren't you?", he then says. "You can ask away."

Air paused for a bit. "This isn't some sort of pretend, is it?"

"No."

"Figures. I...you knew them?"

Knew. So Air can catch on quick, huh. "Yes."

It's frankly a long story. But, yes.

Silence again.

Then Air starts. "Can you tell me about them?"

Cahaya turns his head.

Air's gaze was steady. Completely serious. "I know it's--not possible to meet them personally. But I still want to know about them."

Know...

Cahaya swallows.

"I knew them once in a dream", he then says. "It was a really long dream. It was sad...and a bit happy, too."

Air listens. He nods. "Tell me."

"It doesn't have a happy ending. No one gets to be happy in that dream--"

"Cahaya."

He lets out a shaky breath.

What would it matter? This story's been lost to time. The people involved are long gone by now.

She doesn't deserve anythin

"That butterfly", Cahaya found himself starting. "That...that belonged to a little child. A-Yuan, that was his name..."

==

Her second mistake was going to Gusu Lan.

However, it wasn't like she had a choice. Sect Leader Wen himself personally ordered her to go, so she had to go. No matter what she felt about it.

She felt that it was an opportunity, though.

When the Dancing Goddess attacked, it killed her family by eating their souls first before crushing them to bits. Her A-Ning, only half of his soul was taken when she managed to tear him away from the hostile entity. This allowed her brother to live--but it also made him sickly, and his lifespan was greatly shortened.

If he wasn't cured, her A-Ning would die before he even reached 18 years of age.

She was too late, then. She will not be too late now.

As it is, scouring records and books in Qishan hardly helped. The Dancing Goddess was a rare case, and so there's next to nothing about information about her--just that it was originally stone that faintly looked like a woman. People believed it was a deity, so they prayed to it.

The prayers granted her power. The Yin Iron piece being sealed in her granted it even more.

The records told Wen Qing of this. But it did not tell her how to return half a soul. None of the written text in Qishan spoke of how to heal the damage the Dancing Goddess wrought.

However...Gusu Lan was a sect of knowledge as much as righteousness. Their library was rumored to be the greatest in all the land, containing written records that date even as far back as when Baoshan Sanren herself was still just a mortal. If the information she needed to cure her little brother was there, she had to get it.

If she had to steal a Yin Iron piece from this sect to allow her the chance, so be it.

But of course, Wen Chao had to embarrass and humiliate Wen Qing as much as possible. The Lan Sect conducts Lectures for every generation of chosen young people. Those that are considered prodigies or have the capability to mold the world to their liking, they are all invited here to learn under the famed teacher that taught the generations before; Lan Qiren, the acting sect leader of this sect.

Wen Qing was a prodigy. She was invited.

This was the opening Sect Leader Wen was hoping for. What Wen Qing admittedly also hoped for.

But from the very second they got there in the remote mountain Gusu Lan resides in, Wen Chao had burned the guards of the gates of Cloud Recesses--the name of the mountain--just because the guard asked to see their passes. The Second Young Master Wen had also barged in uninvited when it was still another sect's turn to salute the esteemed teacher, telling the head disciple of that sect off when they had rightfully protested.

Yunmeng Jiang, this sect proclaimed their name proudly.

The carefree Great Sect who mingles with the common folk, Wen Qing remembers. Even such people have their pride, it seems.

Wen Chao absolutely does not stop. Swords were drawn, both sides threatening to slit each other's throats--and someone intervenes.

"Young Master, today is the Ceremony Day of Cloud Recesses", bronze eyes stared straight at grey as white robes descended down the small steps. The young man smiled, yet it was not a kind one. "I hope you can restrain yourself."

Wen Qing recognized him. This was Lan Xichen, the heir of the Lan Sect.

This is bad.

She shouldn't let any animosity linger, not when she needs to access the library. Not when there's still such a long way to go.

Acting quickly, she gives her greetings as respectfully as she can. "I am Wen Qing of the QishanWen. I am under orders of His Excellency to attend the lectures. I am here with Wen Ning, my little brother, and we are unfortunately new here in Cloud Recesses and therefore are not familiar with the rules. We hope that Grandmaster Lan and Young Master Lan can forgive us."

A-Ning, always following her lead, steps forward and presents the gift they brought with them.

The esteemed Lan Qiren gives them looks of consideration, before inclining his head. "Welcome to Cloud Recesses, Wen-guniang."

And that was that. With one problem solved, all that's left is to find the Yin Iron piece and the information needed to cure her little brother--

Silver eyes spot something shiny in her grip, and immediately sparkles as if belonging to a child. His hand reflexively reached out. "Woah! Your silver needle looks so cool!"

"Did anybody ever tell you not to touch the needle of a doctor?", she snapped, hurriedly hiding the needle in her sleeve.

The teenager laughs, bright and warm as the rays of the summer sun. Then he bows, introducing himself. "This one is Wei Wuxian, of Yunmeng Jiang. What's a pretty lady like you doing out here?"

Wei Wuxian is...a lot of things. He is arrogant, shameless, loud-mouthed, and a troublemaker. But.

He is a prodigy, in a different way from Wen Qing. She witnessed this herself when Wei Wuxian intercepted a misfired arrow that would have killed her and destroyed a whole boulder that fell from the top of a waterfall, all in one shot.

He was a master of the six arts: rites, music, archery, charioteering, literacy, and numeracy. He was beloved by the majority of the student body, and his peers regarded his words as gospel. Additionally, he's also rumored to have one of the strongest golden cores of their generation, likely strong enough to let him cultivate to immortality.

And, for some reason, he wants to be friends with A-Ning.

Naturally, Wen Qing was wary. What if this was a scheme? What if they were setting A-Ning up for a cruel prank and making her little brother miserable?

"I have a feeling Wei-xiong isn't l-like that, jiejie", A-Ning had said when she asked him about it. "T-trust me?"

A-Ning's choice hadn't been misplaced.

Wei Wuxian may be arrogant and loud, but he is shameless when it comes to the people he has decided to love. At every opportunity, he grabs the chance to hug A-Ning or just run up to him. They do archery together, even encourage the others to befriend her A-Ning, and make A-Ning feel included.

Wei Wuxian showers A-Ning with a surplus of affection. Her little brother couldn't be happier.

Then when an incident happened during one of the times Wei Wuxian let A-Ning tag along, where an amalgamation of sea ghosts showed up in the middle of a lake, A-Ning's illness had acted up.

If Wei Wuxian hadn't been there to carry A-Ning to safety, her little brother would have died.

Even so, no matter what she did after that...

Wen Ning won't wake up. Wen Qing was afraid he wouldn't wake up again.

"This is for you."

Something was tossed in Wen Qing's direction, just then. She caught it in her hand, revealing it to be a protective charm talisman. "What...is this?"

Turns out, it was Wei Wuxian who gave it. He had a small grin on his face. "A charm talisman. To protect Young Master Wen."

"Protect him?"

"I have my own experience with magic arts", the boy shrugged, waving his sword around. "Wen-guniang..."

Wen Qing steadily met his eyes.

What he was about to say, he held it in. Wei Ying bowed, earnestly expressing instead. "No matter what you're here for, I'd like you to keep this. I wish for the talisman to protect him." 

Wen Qing studied his face for a minute. She shifted her gaze to the talisman in her hand.

She should have thrown it away. She didn't. She gave it to A-Ning when A-Ning finally stirs from his slumber.

That was the mistake.

Hadn't she not allowed her heart to open, Wei Wuxian would not have found his way in. 

Neither would his siblings, too.

Not Jiang Yanli, who had quietly knocked on her quarters one day, telling her of how Wei Wuxian constantly talks a lot about A-Ning and about the scary doctor with the needle.

Wen Qing couldn't even be mad about that, not when Jiang Yanli had offered her some tea and brought in books of medicine from Yunmeng for her to look through.

"I heard about his illness, too", Jiang Yanli had said softly when she brought the books out. "I...I have a weak body, so I also fall ill often. These books help me feel better whenever it happens. I don't know if it would provide a cure, but I hope it helps you and your brother."

Jiang Yanli was the opposite of Wei Wuxian, on the surface. Where that boy was arrogant, she was humble. Where that boy is loud, she was quiet.

But there was a firm strength to her. Wen Qing should have expected it, really, since this was the eldest daughter of the Jiang sect and the daughter of the famed Violet Spider.

The woman who had the second highest kill count for resentful beasts in the previous generation, harnessing the power of lightning itself inside her ring. That is the Matriarch of the Jiang Sect.

Jiang Yanli wasn't like that. As the other girl said, her body was too weak to handle too much stress. She falls ill all the time; even had to be Wen Qing's patient at one point, since she almost passed out and fell in one of Gusu Lan's waterfalls.

But that does not mean the inherited strength is not there. It just manifested somewhere else.

In how Jiang Yanli keeps her head high despite the pains she experiences. How she treats her brothers so gently, even when they're at their most rambunctious. How she doesn't mind the demeaning whispers about her that look down on her soft ways and weak constitution, continuing to excel in all the things she's good in.

There was almost nothing outside cultivation that Jiang Yanli wasn't good at.

She was a prodigy in her own way; every song she plays on the qin renders even the strongest of men to weep. One taste of her cream soup made all the other food Wn Qing had tasted before feel like trash in comparison. She could calculate numbers in an instant, and she was unmatched in go, just as much as she was brilliant in finances and accounting. She's even very good at persuading, managing to convince the librarian of the Lan Sect's library to let them have access for several days.

All those abilities apparently didn't matter to the cultivation world, preferring to focus on her incredibly frail golden core and her average looks. Which Wen Qing thoroughly disagree on; Jiang Yanli was very beautiful.

She was the perfect wife to have. Anyone would be an idiot to take her for granted.

"I'm glad I met you, Qing-guniang", Jiang Yanli reached out one afternoon, taking Wen Qing's hands into her own. "You're like my sister."

She could never really figure out how to respond to such sentiments. If she could...she would have reciprocated. Told this kind soul that she was like a sister to Wen Qing, too.

Wen Qing couldn't. Every time he thought of trying, Wen Lijuan's corpse would flash in her mind and she'd pull back from the sheer horror of it.

Part of Wen Qing wished she did try. The other part wished she wasn't this weak-willed.

Hadn't she learned her lesson?

And. Jiang Wanyin.

The Jiang Sect Heir himself. She, admittedly, didn't take notice of him at first. He was always in the background, either as one of Wei Wuxian's companions or attending to Jiang Yanli.

But when he started to approach her, too...

Oh, that boy. Stubborn, always with a scowl on his face. Overly concerned about reputation and how his actions represent his clan and sect. Hardworking, always comparing himself to Wei Wuxian, and shows great care and loyalty for all the disciples with him.

"Qing-guniang", and yet he smiled at her, that day by the waterfall. "It would be an honor if I could see you every day."

He feels like a puppy, really. Following her with wide eyes, absorbing everything she does like she was an encyclopedia he was very interested in...

The gifts she receives from him are all very practical. Needles that are brand new and high quality, herbs that can cure rare illnesses but are only found in dangerous spots in Cloud Recesses...

"How did he get these?", she had squinted at one such herb--a purplish red flower with leaves like vines--and shut the lid of the container immediately. "Was this why he came in covered in scrapes? Why would he do this to himself?"

Why, indeed?

Wen Qing wasn't oblivious, not like some people. She knew what love looks like, even if it was a different kind than what she was used to. Soft and admiring, instead of selfish and controlling.

And she was only just a young maiden. Receiving such attention felt--nice. Strange, but nice.

If she was a normal girl...

If only she was just a normal girl...still just A-Qing...

Kindness should always be repaid. That was one of the values the Dafan Wen lived by, the values Wen Qing grew up with.

So, she tried to repay the kindness the Jiang siblings gave to her and her brother. When all the debts have been repaid, they can all go their separate ways. Like how it should always be.

"Qing-guniang!", and yet, Wei Wuxian hollers at her window for one reason or another. "I caught some pheasants! Want to eat with us? Shijie will cook!"

Jiang Wanyin will always follow with an aghast "Wei Wuxian!" and drops off a gift or tries to talk to her in that earnestly clumsy way that somehow became endearing. Then Jiang Yanli will join Wen Qing, and they make breakfast together before they all leave for the Lectures or Wen Qing goes to do her duties. What she came here to do.

This was...one of the happiest periods of her life. One of the only three periods where she was happy, really.

But of course, this happiness had an end.

It's end started with a Jin Sect servant gushing over her friends. "Young Master Jin is surely happy to have such a wonderful fiance!"

The end started with Jiang Yanli's fiance revealing his true colors. What would that be?

An idiot who clearly don't realize how lucky he is. "Listen, MianMian. I don't want this marriage. Don't mention it again."

Naturally, once heard, there was no way that Wei Wuxian was ever letting it go.

"What do you mean. Don't mention it again?"

They all stopped at the dangerous tone of the usually happy-go-lucky head disciple. The fiance just glared back. "Does it have something to do with you?"

Wei Wuxian took a step. And another. And another. "What do you mean by don't mention it again?"

The fiance's servant raised her hands. "Zixuan. Young Master Wei. This--"

"Is it that difficult to understand?", the idiot went forward, to face the other teen. "Don't. Mention it. Again."

A sneer. "You...what is it about Young Lady Jiang that you're unsatisfied with? Huh?"

Others rushed into the scene. Jiang Cheng and Nie Sect Heir stumbled to the front, seeing the hostile tension between the two. Wen Qing lingers near the back, spotting Jiang Yanli trying to get close.

As Wen Qing went for her, Jiang Yanli's fiance chose to respond with the worst answer. "Is there anything about her that I could be satisfied with?"

Wei Wuxian's face darkened immediately.

The next thing everyone knew, he had punched the idiot on the face.

Naturally, this has consequences; Jiang Yanli's fiance wasn't just any idiot mouthing off. He was the Jin Sect Heir, the heir to the richest sect in the cultivation world.

As a result, Wei Wuxian was punished for defending his sister's honor and was sent away from Cloud Recesses entirely.

To add insult to injury, Jiang Yanli's engagement to the Jin Sect Heir was broken off.

It devastated the girl. For some reason, Jiang Yanli was truly in love with that guy, and...

"I'm sorry", was the only thing Wen Qing managed. She couldn't imagine how much pain Jiang Yanli must be feeling right now.

And yet, Jiang Yanli shook her head.

"I'm--I'm glad you're here", she tries a smile. "Just...being here with you already helps so much."

Wen Qing couldn't say anything.

That same night, a message was delivered to her. By Sect Leader Wen himself.

She and her brother were to come back to Nightless City immediately, and to bring the Yin Iron piece held by the Lans or any information about it.

Unable to refuse, she went.

What else could she do?

"Do you have everything, A-Ning?", she had asked, when they were packing up to leave. "We'll be gone before the sun rises."

So they can avoid the Lans. So no one will ask questions about their departure.

A-Ning had answered her question with confirmation. He was also staring at the talisman Wei Wuxian gave.

Oh, A-Ning.

Her wonderful little brother noticed her staring. He immediately got up to hug her tight.

"Jiejie", coal-black eyes sighed. "I'm okay. As long as you're here, I'll be fine."

Wen Qing smiles at his words. She caresses his hair gently, her resolve strengthening.

"It hasn't changed, A-Ning", she tells him. "One day...I'll cure you. Then I'll take you away from Nightless City and show you everything. I promise."

Happiness like that. It could last, for them.

She can make it last.

==

It was almost infuriating, how fun things ended up being.

Going to outer space turned out to be the right choice; being on Earth now felt more boring than being here taking intergalactic missions. He was still relieved when they can go back over and over to Earth, though.

Especially because of what is waiting on this planet.

Make no mistake, though; Cahaya still thinks it was all stupid.

However.

("I brought my cookies!", Yaya chirps.

Petir and Daun immediately went behind Tanah, who tried and failed to keep his composure at the sight of the heart-shaped cookies in a pack.

Cahaya didn't pay that any mind. He was confident he could make the best dish, even if his teammates are Angin and Api. Having Angin was an advantage, anyway...at least for the baking part.

Now, if only he could be sure if this brown thing is the alien equivalent of a radish.)

Everything was.

("My, my", Tanah purrs. He's purring, what? "How naughty you all are!"

Api looked like he'd been slapped across the face. Angin doubled down laughing so hard, Cahaya was partially convinced his second older brother is going insane.

"Okay, so Tanah is useless now", Air tries to keep a level head. "Anyone else that hasn't been shot by Emotibot?"

Daun perks up. "Where's Petir?"

They found Petir next. Somehow, their eldest brother was wearing makeup. And had put on colorful nails. And was batting their eyelashes at them.

Angin was now rolling on the ground laughing. There he goes...

"Should we stop Angin?", Api wondered. "He might suffocate from so much laughter."

Cahaya sighs, before rolling up his sleeves. Time to find a way to get his older brothers back to normal using his(her) knowledge in medicine, then.)

It all just feels so strange.

(Boboiboy barged into his and Daun's shared room, grabbing Daun's shoulders. His eyes were wide like a madman. "Time loop."

Daun blinked. "Huh?"

"We're. In a. Time Loop. And I need you to help me, or I swear I will kill a bi--"

"Language", Cahaya stopped his fourth older brother right there. "You don't want to pay in the swear jar."

They get to beat up Adu Du again, though.

Sweet.)

It feels so light. So happy. Sure, there were lots of villains, but they hardly mattered much.

(Captain Vargoba laughs maniacally in evil. The TAPOPS members cower.

They stopped cowering when the behemoth of an alien pirate flinched and dropped onto the floor before even getting the first word out. All eyes stared at the body, and found a distinct silver needle made of light at the back of the man.

Slowly, they all turned to Cahaya.

"What?", Cahaya twirled his fingers, summoning another needle. "He's not dead. Just paralyzed."

They stare.

"Unless you want him dead? I can move the needle to the right if you guys want."

They all stare.

Cahaya wasn't actually going to move it. He already had too much blood on his hands as Wen Qing, after all. But it was nice to stop trouble before it gets too big, for once.

Everyone else was also afraid of him now.

Eh, a little fear wouldn't hurt anyone.)

Entertaining, fun days. Days that feel like it would never, ever end.

And Cahaya felt like he was falling into a trap, by enjoying such days. By indulging. It feels so foreign to him.

He's had two years to get used to this peaceful world. One would think he'd be well-adjusted by now.

"Everything alright in that huge brain of yours?"

Cahaya looked up at that sudden voice. Reddish brown meets silver, as chaos continued to go on behind them.

"Dude, it's! A haunted! House!", Gopal's voice echoed.

"Big deal", Fang huffs. "There's no such thing as--Boboiboy, are you hiding behind Gopal?"

Boboiboy sounds genuinely distressed. "It's a haunted house!"

"You walked into a haunted house and barely flinched before! What's different in this one!?"

Petir studies Cahaya for a moment. Then he sits down, looking at where Cahaya was looking at. The stars look different in a spaceship than it does on Earth.

The youngest then sighs. "Did Tanah send you to tell me off? I'm not interested."

Of course, he knew Tanah wouldn't let Petir do so. His third older brother can pack quite a punch (and has destroyed a brick wall with just a fist with no gloves) but he's often gentle and soft when it comes to his brothers. Therefore, the accuracy is unlikely.

But. Tanah likely did send Petir anyway. To comfort Cahaya while Tanah can't be there? Hm.

"Hypothetically", Petir brought up. "If I were having these dreams where I'm a different person, would that make me strange?"

Oh.

He didn't expect that.

Silver eyes glanced at the eldest, before turning back to gaze at the stars. "They don't mean anything. They're just dreams."

"And yet I'm always the same stranger every time in there."

An exhale. Cahaya turns to him fully.

But now Petir's gaze is fully at the stars. "Dreams where I'm--some sort of king? But I wasn't a very good one. You could even say I'm the worst king in existence...I had fabulous long hair, though."

"...you're focusing on the hair?"

Petir punched his arm lightly. "Point is, no matter how ridiculous you think the reason is--the fact that the look in your eyes is there still matters. Even if it's as stupid as moving images our brains made up in our sleep."

The look in his eyes?

"What look do I have in my eyes?", Cahaya had to ask.

"Guilt. And something I don't understand--pain? But Tanah said you're hurting, even when you're laughing along with the Trio Troublemaker. I guess we just...got worried."

"Wow. You admitting that? Must have been hard for you."

"Shut up. It's not hard compared to cleaning up after the troublemakers."

The youngest Tengku managed a small laugh. Yes, well. Daun, Angin, and Api were always ridiculous when they were together. It's like all their braincells leave their body when they team up...

Regardless.

Silver eyes look up at the stars again. "I'm really that transparent, aren't I? I should work on that again."

Build up that facade of coldness like Wen Qing had done. He should do that.

He could feel Petir look at him, though. Ridiculous older brothers, they are. At least Air had the decency not to tell anyone about what he found.

Cahaya sighs again.

...just this once. It wouldn't be so bad, wouldn't it?

He leans on Petir's shoulder. "Tell me. Who am I?"

Petir was deeply confused by that answer, and it shows. "What's that supposed to mean."

"Just tell me."

A moment passed. Petir could have told him any other answer, but his eldest brother is actually taking the time to think it through. Cahaya...finds that he appreciates that.

It took a bit, and of Boboiboy and Gopal screaming bloody murder while Fang tried to drag them away, before Petir finally settled on an answer.

And that answer is this. "You're our little brother. Our genius of a brother that's way in over his head sometimes."

Huh. And--that was all?

Cahaya flinched when something moved. It was only just a hand ruffling his hair, though.

"But honestly, what I think doesn't really matter", Petir then says. "Who do you think you are? Or rather, who do you want to be?"

Who he wants to be...?

Chapter Text

As always, the worst moments of one's life start with a choice.

Boboiboy took one look at the situation and, despite Commander Koko Ci's orders not to, said. "We're going there. We don't leave them behind."

The situation was dire. The Commander had called them in the middle of a breach, specifically telling them to go to this obscure planet named Quabaq for their safety.

But by the look of things, TAPOPS was currently being obliterated to bits. Screams of pain and terror had been in the background while Commander Koko Ci gave them the orders.

Naturally, opinions were torn between them.

"We're usually the ones in the front lines", Ying points out. "If Commander is telling us to leave, we probably have an insanely strong enemy in our hands."

"We can't just leave them there!", Daun shot back. "Whatever's happening sounds--really bad!"

"Yeah, but what if we just end up adding to the casualty numbers?", Petir adds. The rest of them stare at him.

Air points out another thing. "We'll all be tortured by our conscience if someone dies."

That earned him stares, too.

Still, everyone was genuinely in a conflict about it. When in doubt, they all turned to Tanah.

Unfortunately, Tanah was unsure as well. "I don't want you to lose your lives in a losing battle, but...I know it'll also kill you inside if they die without even trying to save them..."

So, then Boboiboy declared those words. Deciding for them.

Cahaya didn't agree, naturally. "Boboiboy..."

"No. Listen", his fourth brother was insistent. "It doesn't matter what planet the Commander tries to send us to. We need to help them in TAPOPS! We can't just leave them!!"

Fang's jaw clenched. He's already voiced his protest earlier, telling them they need to follow instructions.

Ochobot hovered near the console. "...what's the decision? I'm ready to teleport."

Boboiboy hesitated. Cahaya saw him hesitate.

The youngest octuplet could have done something in the moment. Could have moved to take control.

Cahaya did start to move, summoning a needle made of light using his power.

But he sees silver eyes filled with tears, begging, let me go! Let me go! Don't you dare say that, don't you dare--!!

He couldn't go through with it.

A cowardly move, a foolish choice. How ironic, when (s)he had no problem doing this before.

And yet the window of opportunity had passed by then. Boboiboy made up his mind. "No. We have to help them! Get ready to teleport to TAPOPS! All hands on deck!"

When Boboiboy used that tone, everyone automatically follows before they properly think about it. Even Fang and Petir.

Though that wasn't without grumbling from Fang, along with the pointed way he was dialing a number on his phone. "I'm making sure you idiots don't get yourselves added as additional casualty counts by calling my brother. Because you all suck."

Angin sobbed. "Dude, you care about us that much!?"

"Can you shut up!? I'm trying to make myself look good here!"

Boboiboy giggled at this, giving a thumbs up. "Yeah, awesome."

It was enough to return some levity in this situation. Enough for Cahaya to hope that, perhaps, they could do this. They'll defeat the villain and then go home with everyone alive.

He should have known.

"Cahaya! NOW!"

TAPOPS station was destroyed, with only a few survivors. Daun tried to heal Commander Koko Ci upon arrival, then helped try to restrain this Voldemort-looking guy with fire-shaped hair. Of course, that failed.

Ying, Yaya, and Fang tried to help. The villain took Ying and Fang down with one hit.

Boboiboy only managed to push Yaya out of the way, so she was safe--but Boboiboy wasn't. He'd been knocked out cold upon hitting the far metal wall, too.

They can't take any chances.

So, now Tanah's Earth Golem was holding the villain in place. Long enough for Cahaya to stick two needles into this man's back. Long enough for paralysis.

Cahaya didn't hesitate.

But he made one big mistake; he got too reliant on his Solar powers.

The villain had dropped down to the ground. They all thought that was it--until the needles literally melted into this man's body like it was being absorbed.

"This is new. Concentrated gamma rays?", chuckles sounded, as if savoring the sensation. "Not the one I'm counting on, but it'll do."

Before anyone could blink, the villain had grabbed Cahaya by the throat. Faintly, there were shallow screams of his name.

His brothers.

None of that mattered. There was only once in his life (s)he'd been strangled by her throat like this.

Wen Qing found herself sneering down at this man. "Wh-what...now? You're going--to kill me?"

It wouldn't be the worst way to go. At least it'll be quick.

Or at least, s(he) thought it would be.

What actually happened was way worse.

"Gamma Drain!"

He didn't even feel himself scream. Something was ripped out of him, tearing, like a limb being torn in half. It hurts, it's hurting, stop, stop--!

The last thing he knew was hitting the ground, dropped like a discarded toy. The villain had abandoned him, going after the others. 

Petir, Angin. Daun. Api, Air. Tanah. Boboiboy.

He tried to move. None of his limbs obeyed him.

That's all he could ever do.

I'm sorry. I'm...so...

==

Punishment waited for her when she returned from the lectures in Gusu Lan.

Wen Qing didn't feel it right away. First, she was made to give a report to Sect Leader Wen about Cloud Recesses.

That there was nothing of note that occured inside. That she sensed a warded mountain but failed to enter--the moment she first met Wei Wuxian.

Of course, she didn't share that part. No need to give ammunition to an enemy that can kill her twice over already.

She did bring something, though. Notes from the books she copied about different cultivation styles.

The Lan Sect library was a treasure trove of knowledge; therefore, special cultivation methods and facts about other styles are documented there. Not just from the Lan, but also the Jin, the Jiang, and the Nie.

This was no Yin Iron piece, but she hoped to pacify the Sect Leader with it.

And for some time, she dared to believe so. The Sect Leader dismissed her right away after giving the notes.

Then Wen Qing was put to work right after a sichen of rest. Treating patients doomed to die to the Yin Iron, providing supplements to strengthen Wen ranks...

And then Wen Chao marched into her clinic like he owned the space. "Hey. Wen Qing. Father said to take you with me."

She never liked Wen Chao, even from the beginning. Pompous, callous, arrogant, doesn't care about anything other than what he can get. It's only natural.

But she never hated him--not until Wen Lijuan. Until this sorry excuse of a human being discarded her friend like she was nothing but a broken toy, taking another wife without looking back. Wen Lijuan wasn't even dead yet when the wedding happened.

It didn't stop there. Wen Chao took a mistress to add to that. Wang Lingjiao, another pretty face with a prettier body and larger. Assets. 

All before A-Yuan was even born. All before Wen Lijuan...

Disgusting.

It's so. Disgusting.

She doesn't trust herself around him, just as much as she doesn't trust how far she can throw this man--but it was Sect Leader Wen'd will.

She had no other choice. She went.

It was then that she found the full extent of the punishment in store for her.

Here were the facts; Wen Qing discovered that Wei Wuxian ended up being one of Wen Chao's targets by hanging out with Second Young Master Lan. She helped ensure the head disciple will be safe as much as she can without Wen Chao knowing.

Here were the facts; Jiang Cheng listened to her when she told him to go to Mount Dafan, where she saw the pair heading to that direction.

Here were the facts; all her family by blood--except A-Ning--were turned into corpses there.

The uncles. Aunts. Even Popo. None were spared.

"Father wanted to show you", Wen Chao said about it, after she returned to his side while barely keeping it together. "Living humans can now be turned into puppets. All... temporary, of course. It lasts as long as Father wants to."

A warning.

A threat.

Fail to uphold expectations, and she'd...

"If something is wrong, you can count on us, Lady Wen", Wei Wuxian said later on, when she meets them again outside Mount Dafan. When they were safe once more. "You can tell us anything."

Perhaps Wen Qing should have said something. Asked for help in this moment. Maybe then...she and her family would've been spared.

But then, she saw Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng playing with a chicken with another teenager. Nie Huaisang, she believed that guy's name is.

The three of them, terrorizing a chicken like little children.

Unburdened. Free. Still yet to grow into men.

Wen Qing was a coward.

"Chief Cultivator, Sect Leader Wen, raised me and is the reason I am who I am today", she found herself replying like this. "I am happy. Content. Grateful for his kindness."

Silver eyes stared at her.

It wasn't the owner of those eyes that spoke up. "Are you really?"

Jiang Cheng's amber eyes were soft, furrowed, worried. So painfully earnest.

It doesn't belong in her world. Especially when even the living can be puppeteered.

After all, honor does not exist for those powerful enough.

"You've made my A-Ning feel safe and happy in the lectures. I returned the favor", so Wen Qing says. A door closed, a finality. "All debts are repaid. We won't have anything to do with each other anymore."

It's better this way.

==

Rather disconcerting, to find yourself waking up in a hospital bed instead of being in an audience with Meng Po.

Which was a good thing. It means he's not dead yet. Not to the path of reincarnation once more.

Not like Wen Qing remembered being dead. Regardless.

Everyone looked...alive. Angin waved at him from the cot he woke up in. Daun was crying silently but wiped away all his tears when he saw Cahaya looking.

And Petir.

Cahaya waddled over to him like he wasn't feeling his bones grinding to dust at every step. "You look dead."

"Good afternoon to you, too", Petir states dryly. He's clearly been awake for a while, since he's handing over a cup of warm tea that's clearly been newly brewed. "Drink this. You don't want to pass out later."

Petir's eyes didn't have that red tint. Angin's eyes were completely brown. Daun's eyes, too.

Cahaya glimpsed himself in the mirror and saw that his eyes were brown, too.

...huh.

But he can't feel his own power. His element. His power watch doesn't show anything at all, like it's broken.

He feels--cold. As if a block of ice had replaced his stomach inside him.

His power was gone now. This sensation solidifies that fact...

"I should probably fill you all in", Petir suddenly spoke up. "What happened after we got knocked out."

According to his eldest brother, Fang informing his brother of the situation saved them from the explosions that should have killed them all. Because of course the villain and his minions planted bombs, why not?

Petir woke up after one day. Angin woke up after one and a half. Daun woke up an hour before Cahaya. And Cahaya...had been sleeping for two days.

That explains quite a bit. Like how this room seemed lived in, why Daun was crying uncontrollably. The fact that Petir wasn't wearing his usual clothes. They're all wearing hospital gowns, for that matter.

Cahaya took a moment to breathe, process his thoughts. Then he asks. "What happens now?"

Petir looks back, before looking away just as quickly.

Apparently, what happens next is to attend this war council meeting with all the commanders from organizations like TEMPUR-A. To agree with what to do and all. But.

Fang went with Kaizo, the older brother who saved them, to provide aid for the planet Gurlutan.

When they got there, nothing was left to save.

"All the Gurlutan soldiers", Kaizo swallows, as if unable to stomach the report he was giving through a holographic communicator. "They're all dead."

"WHAT!?"

The commanders and leaders react appropriately. Shock, anger, grief.

Cahaya stays still.

He knew this will eventually happen, what with having Wen Qing's memories in his mind.

Where there are heroes, there are soldiers. Where there are soldiers, war is always inevitable.

This time, it's only against one person instead of a megalomaniac with a magic cursed artifact and an army. Even so.

Patterns were repeating. Which was precisely why Cahaya wasn't surprised; (s)he lived through war, after all. Saw the misery, devastation, lives lost in foolish pursuit of power--civilian and soldier alike.

She also saw the tides shift when a weapon entered the battlefield, during the Sunshot Campaign.

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation. The dead bows to his tune and will, even without the Yin Iron. Friend turns to foe in the blink of an eye, death is a sentence of servitude to the enemy.

An inferno fighting a bonfire.

Or--well. That's not quite accurate, is it?

Irrelevant.

What was relevant are the roles in this pattern. Whether s(he) likes it or not, Cahaya and his older brothers are what Wei Wuxian was to the war.

Weapons. Overwhelmingly powerful ones.

It's why they were recruited to TAPOPS. Forces able to command nature you can't even grasp, why won't you want that on your side?

And now four out of seven elemental-based forces of those weapon were stolen away. What a strange feeling.

Cahaya was more fascinated by it. This must have been what losing a golden core feels like.

That emptiness.

This must be what Jiang Cheng--

This must be what she did to Wei Wuxian--

"Let's set the stage."

Eyes turned to Cahaya, even Yaya and Ying. Brown eyes met them all with a steady demeanor.

Cahaya lived through a war, in another life. Wen Qing was imprisoned, starved, beaten down until she was rescued, yes. 

But that was only for a mere portion of the war.

She was still a doctor who lived most of her life in war, danger, oppression. She knew how to prioritize and delegate. She was the leader of her own clan, after all.

Sure, that may mean not having experience fighting in the front lines.

But what s(he) can contribute is much more valuable. "What are the conditions required for citizens of planet Bayuga to live?"

Yaya blinked. She quickly searched in the hologram database and found results in seconds. "The citizens thrive in environments with fertile soil and atmospheres rich in Nitrogen."

"How do they react to oxygen and carbon dioxide?"

"There's no record of any adverse reaction so far."

"Okay. How about food?"

Yaya scrolled down. "Says here they can eat just about anything."

Hm. Cahaya tapped his chin. "That doesn't guarantee potential poison for their systems, so...we should start evacuating the citizens along with their herbs and crops. Earth is rich in Nitrogen, they can stay there. The crops should be planted in pots with their soil, too, just in case they'll stay longer than planned."

The one with the silver mask looked at him, before exchanging looks with Commander Koko Ci. None of them spoke to contradict him or cut him off.

Good.

Cahaya keeps going. "Once all the citizens are out, we can use Bayuga as a trap for this overlord-wannabe. Captain Kaizo can form attacks from a cesspool of energy, right? Do we have a cesspool that can form an indefinite cage? Or even cover the whole planet for that matter."

From his own memories, he can clearly remember Fang's brother use that energy source as a threat. Sure, Ying hated him for that. Cahaya hates him, too.

But it was undeniably effective. At fearmongering...hopefully in practice, too. It did cut down Petir back then, without any effort.

"I'll do it", Kaizo said immediately, still in the call. "No matter how big it is--"

The leaders all started to plan. Cahaya stepped back, let them take care of the technicalities.

A tap appeared on his shoulder.

"Our little genius strikes again", Angin looked proud, beaming brightly. Petir and Daun, too. Pride and hope at once.

He could have said something.

I've lived through something like this before, Cahaya could have said. Told them everything.

"I just read a lot", Cahaya settles.

Maybe someday.

Just. Not now.

Not when the patterns are still repeating.

==

The news came next.

Cloud Recesses burned down, the handmaidens and soldiers said. Second Young Master Lan is now in Nightless City as a hostage.

Sect Leader Wen also decided that the other three Great Clans had become too arrogant and must be shown their place, so the Qishan Wen Clan ordered twenty junior disciples, including one member of the main family, to attend indoctrination in Qishan. Everyone knew it was just a nice way of saying that they're taking several people from each clan as hostages.

Including Jiang Wanyin. If Jiang Wanyin is there, Wei Wuxian will also be there.

Wen Qing closed her eyes and heeded the order when the sect leader told her to accompany Wen Chao and his mistress to the indoctrination. The rot is surely spreading now.

She can't stop it. Of course she can't; she's just a mere doctor.

Unless...

"Qing-er."

She almost flinched at the familiar nickname. Sect Leader Wen never called her that; only Wen-daifu or daifu. Girl, if he's in a particularly demeaning mood.

Her parents called her that. Qing-er. Before.

"Yes, Your Excellency?", she says, keeping her voice even. Her needles are carefully placed within pressure points on the chest and back, designed to make the flow of spiritual energy smoother in the Sect Leader's core and meridians--veins circulating said energy instead of blood. So that the resentful energy from the Yin Iron won't cut his life short prematurely.

She could have ended their misery right then and there. Just a little to the right, and she could have induced a spiritual heart attack--a qi-deviation. She could have.

"You like that boy from the Jiang Sect, don't you?"

Those words made her stop. "Sect Leader?"

"Wei Wuxian. Or--no. Not him. Jiang Wanyin, yes?", Sect Leader Wen mused. "Just say the word and he'll be yours."

Her breath caught. 

Not, we'll send a dowry.

Not, we'll prepare for a wedding if you wish it.

He'll be yours. As if they're not people. As if they're just property to be possessed.

...she almost wanted to laugh.

What did she expect, really?

The hostages got out eventually. She didn't admit to the involvement of their escape, not when her own family was still at stake--but she left Jiang Wanyin a medicine pouch. She saved that girl who was about to be branded the Wen Slave Mark by Wen Chao's prostitute mistress.

She did all that she could.

War was inevitable, regardless. The next to fall was YunmengJiang, the Jiang Sect. Her A-Ning snuck in to confirm.

He could only bring back the dead bodies of the Sect Leader and his wife. Jiang Fengmian. The Violet Spider, Yu Ziyuan. Everyone else was dead. Except--the children of the Sect Leader and the Head Disciple.

Jiang Yanli was violently shaking from grief. Wei Wuxian was stuck in attack-first-ask-questions-last mode. And Jiang Wanyin...

"Get out!!"

There was a feral look in Jiang Wanyin's eyes.

"I don't need your mercy. Wen-dogs!"

It hurt more than she cared to admit. Not that she could blame him when his soul had been torn out.

Wen Zhuliu. Formerly Zhao Zhuliu, who was saved by the Sect Leader when his clan was wiped out. He could melt golden cores--ensure that they will never form one again. For a cultivator, that was equivalent to having your soul destroyed.

And this boy--who smiled at her like she was just a maiden worthy of admiration, who went to great lengths to give her trinkets and herbs he knew she needed and liked--had his core destroyed on top of losing everything.

She really couldn't blame him at all. Had she lost her parents at her current age instead of early on in life, she may have acted worse.

"Remember, A-Ning", she tells her little brother later. "We're not warriors. We're healers. We're different from them."

At this point, that was the only line separating her branch of the family from the rot of the main one. Could that truly hold true?

==

"Wen Qing. Please!"

"What about you!?" Please don't make me do this. Please don't. Please don't. "Huh!? What about you?"

Silence. Even with the fire burning at the hearth, she feels cold.

Silver eyes looked back. Steady, unwavering, reflecting her own eyes so much she hates it.

"I can live without it", Wei Wuxian says. "So, please. I beg you. Please."

That week, she got to hold a golden core in her hands. Her greatest achievement.

One of her greatest sins.

==

The plan didn't work because of course it didn't. It's been going too well that the universe decided to slap them across the face at full force.

The reason why it failed so bad was because Fang was there.

Flawed as Wen Qing was, she understood how it feels to be an older sibling. Especially an older sibling left to raise their younger sibling alone.

Therefore, it really wasn't that farfetched that Kaizo would completely abandon his position to shield Fang. Even if it's still such a shock to see.

Hadn't he knocked Fang around during that time he was testing Kokotaim? Acting like a terrifying villain and all.

(S)he could clearly recognize the emotions on Kaizo's face, though. Fear, shock. Relief at hearing a still-beating heart. Worry.

Love.

Despite it being so strange to feel--or to see it in another person.

Even so, this is very much not favorable for them here.

Luckily, Cahaya managed to grab needles. Not ones made of light, but actual surgical needles from the infirmary. Sure, he didn't have super speed anymore...

That didn't stop him from putting one in a pressure point. And another. And--

Sharp pain on his side. He didn't even see it to be able to dodge.

THWACK!

At the moment, the world zeroed in on the sheer agony felt on half of his body and his spine. Later, Angin would tell him that Retakka's blow sent him careening down three buildings and a tree.

At the moment, he couldn't focus on anything else.

"Cahaya--!!"

Hearing Daun's voice was nice, though. And feeling Petir's hands over his face, his body, trying to mitigate the damage.

Then crystals materialized--and the tide of the battle was turned, just like that.

Only for a few moments, anyway.

==

Her hands were cold.

They were still cold, even when the chains were taken away. She didn't really have the energy to do much of anything, now.

Her family was the priority. After making sure Jiang Wanyin left unscathed, she made sure the rest of her family are relocated somewhere else. Somewhere the QishanWen can't reach, somewhere Popo and A-Yuan and the aunts and uncles can hide without being turned into corpse puppets again.

Of course, Wen Qing and her little brother wasn't so lucky. They were shoved into a cell together for the sin of helping the enemy. Not to kill them--Wen Qing was incredibly useful alive than dead.

They let her see her A-Ning in a wounded state, covered in bruises and bleeding, trapping them in somewhere she couldn't use anything to treat him. Then when she managed to tear off her own robes to stop the bleeding, they took A-Ning away.

And so she was stuck here. No food, her water was dirty and in a bowl like she was a dog...

What did she expect, really.

But then--the remnants of the Jiang came. On the start of the war, she heard Jiang Wanyin gathered forces from survivors of Yunmeng and the disciples that weren't in the Sect when the massacre happened. They must have been what had finished the guards, what helped Jiang Wanyin open her cell to guide her out.

His hands were warm. The core was spinning safely inside.

Wen Qing felt something loosen in her chest, albeit slightly. At the very least...this wasn't in vain, too.

"Come with me", he offered to her, like a fairytale prince in a childhood story with a happy ending. "I'll give you safety. I'll vouch for you. Protect you."

Such things weren't enough. "And what of my family?"

He couldn't offer anything. Of course he couldn't.

All the Great Sects hate the Wen right now, and not for no reason. It would be one thing for Jiang Wanyin to shield one Wen, but to extend that generosity for an entire branch family, too?

It's unrealistic.

The other Great Sects will turn on the Jiang just as quickly, and Jiang Wanyin won't likely have any manpower or ability to stop them. Not when most of the Jiang Sect's power and prowess died the moment the Violet Spider was slain.

So, she made the choice for him.

"Young Master Jiang, thank you for saving me", she tells him softly. "We have saved each other once. Now...now we are even."

That would've been the end of it.

That should have been the end of it.

And yet this infuriating, earnest man, reached into his pocket and pulled out a red cloth. That cloth carried a comb.

Sentiment. A romantic promise.

A young man giving this to a young maiden would essentially mean, I want to be with you until we get old together.

She remembered seeing that comb and feel her heart stutter.

"If anything happens to you in the future...", he said. "Come to me and I'll help you again."

He didn't even hand it to her. He just left it on the table and walked away--leaving the choice to her. To take it or to leave his heart in the cold.

Wen Qing wasn't a normal maiden. She's the sort of person who will never deserve happiness.

So why did she take that comb?

None of it mattered, in the end.

After the war, the Jin made no Wen escape the consequences of their clan's actions. Cultivator, non-cultivator. Ill, healthy. As long as they bore the name Wen--they were marked for capture.

Wen Qing and the DafanWen had no involvement in the Sunshot Campaign after Wen Qing was freed. This was fact.

They found a remote area to live in. Was happy and content for a while. However...their crops eventually ran out. The seeds didn't take well in the land they took refuge in. An unmistakeable oversight on Wen Qing's part.

Leaving the sanctuary became inevitable after that. Their other option was to starve to death, so of course they didn't want that to happen.

So, it was then that the Jin took them.

These men in golden robes separated her from her A-Ning. Took the boys from the girls, put them all in concentration camps.

Wen Qing didn't have to wonder why the girls didn't get separate clothes and were put in individual rooms for long. Not even minutes after she was put in her own tight chambers, one of those Jin men came.

The look on that guy's face told her all she needed to know.

Wen Qing had control over fire. She set that camp on fire.

She hoped the other girls had the sense to run away. She couldn't be bothered to really help them beyond that.

...and yet.

"My A-Ning--he was taken away from me!", she found herself kneeling in the middle of the street. "Wei Wuxian, I can't find him, I can't find my brother--"

"Qing-guniang, calm down", the young man in red and black robes assured her. "I promise I'll help you find him."

The war changed Wei Wuxian, though she can't say it was for the better. The scent of sulfur clung to his bones; resentful energy clinging. He was practically skin and bones.

But he was the only one who helped her. Marched into the banquet where the cultivators were gathered to ask where A-Ning was.

Once he got it, they didn't waste any time.

What she found when she got there was--

It was a place of death. Jin cultivators hung back, intimidated by Wei Wuxian's presence, but she could hardly care about it.

Her A-Ning. Popo was here with A-Yuan, so her precious, kind, soft-spoken, brave little brother couldn't have left them on their own. Where is he, where is he?

If he was here, if he was still alive--that's okay! Wen Qing can simply heal him. She can...

She found him half-buried in the flood formed on the ground from the water, surrounded by piles and piles of corpses thrown like discarded toys.

It was her worst nightmare. The face in this body, a flagpole pierced through his stomach, was pale and gaunt and so lifeless.

Wen Qing knows him.

Her A-Ning.

The only thing she could do was scream. Scream, and cry, and curse the world for it all.

She found him too late.

It was always too late.

==

Having Boboiboy's power seep into skin felt like relief. Like drinking a mug of warm chamomile tea on a quiet afternoon.

Cahaya let it run through him...up until he realized Boboiboy wasn't supposed to be here. Yaya said Tanah was holding him when Gopal picked him, Api, and Air to the ship. That Yaya tried to take the others to the ship, but Retakka hit her next and she didn't get to dodge.

Boboiboy was with the others. Not here.

The realization had Cahaya shooting up--and arms immediately steadied him when searing pain went down his back. "Woah. Easy there, Haya. I'm not done healing you yet."

No. This doesn't-- "Why are you here? How are you here?"

Chocolate brown eyes stared back, before flicking to the side. Cahaya followed his gaze to see--crystals. So many green crystals.

There was a little man in crystal armor fighting that Retakka jerk. And probably winning.

What.

"That's Tok Kasa", Boboiboy explained. "He's what was on planet Quabaq when we arrived. He trained us, but..."

Cahaya's eyes wandered. There was Kaizo holding Fang close. Yaya was nearby helping Ying stand. Gopal was getting closer to Cahaya's vision.

Said teen was holding a certain yellow robot. "Cahaya! Boboiboy!"

Retakka slammed a few crystals back to the that Tok Kasa man. Tanah suddenly came in with no warning, no rock arms for some reason, and kicked the crystals so hard it shattered on impact, so. That's a thing.

Air and Api double-teamed the guy immediately after, taking the element of surprise to their advantage. They were holding their own.

Cahaya didn't feel like moving, not when everything hurts so much. But the sheer relief that slammed itself onto him... "Hi."

They're okay. They're alive.

Ochobot clung to his stomach. Cahaya let him.

Boboiboy smiles at them, before raising his hands again. "Now let me finish healing you. Okay?"

Boboiboy's ability was versatile in nature. By converting Energy itself, he can boost his own body to an inhuman degree or make weapons to fight with.

He didn't realize this fourth brother in his current life could also magically put bones back in place. Or mend tissue to heal injuries. "How...?"

"I discovered it while training. I'll tell you the details later."

And Cahaya was certain there will be a later. Things seem to be finally looking up, after all.

Even when Tanah was uncharacteristically grumbling when they all reconvened. "That Tok Kasa jerk stole my power."

Wait what. What.

But if Tanah's power is gone, how did Tanah break those crystals!? With just the strength of a normal human?

What a scary thought.

"...You're not a hero."

This could mean a lot of things. Cahaya doesn't have his powers back just yet. He's just a civilian trying to play at being a hero right now, figuring out how to get an old man from death's door while Api and Air are powered by whatever this guy had told them as motivational speech.

None of them knew they could do fusion before. Air and Api recklessly showed it was possible by fistbumping and letting their powers do all the work. So--two brothers were one now. Literally.

He calls himself FrostFire.

It's fascinating as much as it is unnerving.

Regardless.

"No", Cahaya agrees. "I'm not."

(S)he's let far too many lives suffer for her own selfish wishes. Let an infant die to pull an effective switch. Corpses piled high in the palace as she trails blood with every step she takes, uncaring of the gore that paints her because now her family is somewhere safe.

Even if it's a false paradise. Living on borrowed time, they were.

And yet.

She knows what a real hero looks like. A real hero is someone with silver eyes that turn red, wields power--no matter how forbidden--to protect and defend those he can, despite being family or two-faced enemy, and stands for what is right even when the whole world calls out for his death.

That was a real hero.

And so Wen Qing looks Hang Kasa in the eye and says. "Neither are you."

Not this man who does the same thing the villain just did and frames it as a good cause. Who only acted when so many people are already dead, when he's been so capable before, when he had Tanah in the same place for all that time.

A hypocrite trying to dress up his shortcomings with pretty framing.

Then again, Wen Qing can't say she's any different, either.

"Stay still. My brothers need to see you alive", and so Cahaya rips his jacket. More and more of it, ensuring enough material for a makeshift bandage to stop the bleeding. "Boboiboy can finish healing you after the villain is dead."

So it came to be. Albeit not in the way they were all expecting.

Cahaya simply used his needles to paralyze the man once FrostFire trapped Retakka in place. Boboiboy conjured up chains afterwards, then a giant metal box where he put the guy inside and locked the door. Only after they took back the rest of the powers he stole, of course.

Anticlimactic.

Yet, only fitting. Scum like this one don't deserve a grand death.

==

Her A-Ning didn't deserve such a humiliating death.

I should've died in his place, Wen Qing remembered thinking, back then. He should be the one still alive. I should've been the one put down like a dog.

It was raining when her family--or what was left of it--was led away to the Burial Mounds by Wei Wuxian. A place of death and destruction where the abandoned and forgotten were left to rot, where no one returns alive.

They weren't going there to die, though. 

Because Wei Wuxian survived that place while beaten and broken, and so he came to turn hell on the mortal realm into something livable.

In addition to that, Wei Wuxian promised to bring her A-Ning back to life. It was considered evil in proper society, to bring someone back from the dead. Especially using demonic cultivation.

Wen Qing was desperate enough not to care.

And for a time, they carved out a life inside. They didn't have much, but they made do with what they had. 

...Jiang Wanyin visited, once. To beg for his older brother to come back even if it meant leaving the rest of them to die. Even if it meant her A-Ning never comes back.

"Wei Wuxian! Don’t you understand?!", the young sect leader exclaimed, among tense rooms and an echoing chamber. "When you’re standing on their side, you're the bizarre genius, the miraculous hero, the force of the rebellion, the flower that blooms alone. But the second your voice differs from theirs, you’ve lost your mind, you've ignored morality, you've walked the crooked path."

"Jiang Cheng--"

"You think you can be immune to all those condemnations as you stay outside of the world and do whatever you want? No such precedent has happened before!"

Wei Wuxian roared at that one. "Then I'll be the precedent!"

"Have you really not realized what the situation at hand is like? Do you seriously need me to spell it out for you?", Jiang Wanyin marched forward, grabbing Wei Wuxian's shoulders. “If you insist on protecting them, then I won't be able to protect you!”

And that was certainly true.

Just like how Jiang Cheng couldn't take her family in back then, he still can't do so now. The prejudice against all the people named Wen is still too strong.

They were all set to die in those camps before Wei Wuxian saved them. But if Wei Wuxian continued to stand with them--

The Jiang Sect can't follow along. If that happens, the whole cultivation world will condemn the Jiang Sect of being the next Wen Sect and another war will start.

YunmengJiang will not survive a war where the rest of the world deems them the enemy.

Wen Qing understands. No matter how painful it is, no matter how much she wants to scream, she understands.

If only she was the only one punished. If only her A-Ning was spared, if only it wasn't like this, if only.

In the end, she returned the comb back to him. He asked her why she didn't come to him first.

She really could have. If she sought aid to the Sect Leader first instead of the Head Disciple, maybe a different narrative could've been spun.

However...facts were still facts. He wouldn't have survived it. He wouldn't have helped them.

She wouldn't have let him, this earnest boy with shoes too big to fill.

Guilt and anger were practically old friends of hers, as she lived through the next years. Despite that, she couldn't help feeling...calmer. At peace.

Popo was smiling more. Dear A-Yuan could really roam around and just...be a kid.

Uncle Four can brew his wine to all his heart's content with the radishes and crops they managed to grow out here. Aunties two, three, and five could gossip as much they want to, too. Plentiful of crops grew in a place that barely had anything.

In a place of death, Wei Wuxian...carved out life and laughter in it's depths.

Of course, the Jiang Sect helped as much as they could. Their funds were all gone because the Wen Sect took them after killing everyone, so they barely have enough to spare for Wei Wuxian and the others.

But Jiang Wanyin tried. Kept trying, even when Wei Wuxian never acknowledged it after their fallout

Things seem to be looking up as much as it could, though.

When Second Young Master Lan visited, A-Ning finally woke up as well. He went on a rampage at first, and if it weren't for the young master's presence...

"Jiejie", she heard him whisper, when she could finally hold him in her arms. "I can't...cry..."

His skin was cold. There was no heartbeat. No signs of breathing. Of life.

Yet Wei Wuxian did the impossible, just like he promised; her brother was here.

She found she couldn't let go at all.

After giving A-Ning some time to adjust, Wen Qing and the others planned a celebration. A small banquet to celebrate A-Ning's resurrection and Wei Wuxian himself. Their savior.

It took plenty of time, since Wei Wuxian milked every second he could get out of Second Young Master Lan while escorting him out.

When the surprise was already ready, Wen Qing saw them approach. A-Yuan and Wei Wuxian.

Little four-year-old A-Yuan held Wei Wuxian in one hand and a butterfly toy in the other. The child was saying. "Brother Xian, will Brother Rich come here again?"

Wei WuXian frowned at that. "Who's Brother Rich?"

"The rich brother is Brother Rich."

"Wha--then what about me?"

As expected, A-Yuan answered. "You are Brother Xian. Brother Poor."

She surprised herself at the laugh that bubbled up her throat. She didn't think she could even do that anymore...

The shacks had been cleaned. The aunties hung red lanterns and adorned a few flowers here and there.

She suppose it could be forgiven, to give into this indulgence for once.

"Don’t just stand there", Wen Qing said, stepping forward. She didn't know she was smiling. "Hurry! It’s time for dinner!"

"Qing-gugu, here!"

"Yes, yes, Qing-jie."

Qing-gugu. Qing-jie.

Something warm appeared in her chest. She let it spread throughout her whole body.

Yes. This will certainly do just fine.

==

The banquet wasn't as grand as the ones Sect Leader Wen conducted, but it was more jovial. Comfortable.

"You've worked hard, these past few days", Wen Qing commented when Wei Wuxian sat down.

"What's this?", he gawked in response. "You're being nice to me! Should I be scared?"

She rolled her eyes. Glad to see this guy didn't change in the slightest.

Chaos ensued. Uncle Four kept goading Wei Wuxian to drink his wine, up until he was tipsy. By then, everyone was drunkenly laughing and singing, too.

Only Wen Qing abstained from the alcohol. She didn't really like it in the first place.

It was only when the party died down, when she was cleaning up while A-Ning tool the others back to their shacks, that Wei Wuxian opened his mouth and told her why Second Young Master Lan was there.

"I promised shijie I would help her hold the most splendorous wedding in the world", a quiet drawl, followed by a broken chuckle. "But now I can't even attend the wedding..."

Wen Qing paused, her hands stilling from the cups she was gathering.

They both had crossed paths. Second Young Master Lan took the opportunity to tell Wei Wuxian the news.

Such a happy occassion, even when her savior can't attend the wedding of his most beloved sister.

If it weren't for Wen Qing, that kind person wouldn't have a brother missing, too...

Wei Wuxian laughed without joy, tears visible in his voice. "I'm useless...so useless..."

Oh, yes. Guilt and anger were practically old friends of hers.

If only she was the only one to bear the weight of it all. If only A-Ning was spared. If only at least Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli were spared, too.

If only.

==

He liked the aftermath better.

Cahaya got to make sure Air and Api didn't drown themselves from passing out, got to be in charge with his medical knowledge.

His eyes are back to silver, too. He looks better like this.

The teen also made a splint for Fang, got to slap Kaizo to stop the older man from dissociating, and made sure Boboiboy's power doesn't start eating him from the inside out.

After all, even spiritual energy is harmful when handled improperly. If Cahaya didn't have such knowledge, who knew what would have happened to his brother?

So, yes. Life was good.

It was only when they got home that Cahaya's sense of safety shattered.

They got home fine. Petir and Angin absolutely refused to let go of Tanah, clinging to him like overgrown limpets.

"You're spoiling them", Ochobot points out.

"Let me be", Tanah mused sweetly, patting his older brothers on the heads. "It's cute." 

"They're older than you?"

"Still cute. My cutie-patooties."

Air and Boboiboy decided to knock themselves out cuddling on the couch right after giving their greetings to Tok Aba. Daun promptly went to draw on their faces.

With the way things were for them, it's for the best they pretend nothing happened. At least until it catches up to them with teeth.

There are more important matters, anyway. Like entertaining Api's musings. "You know so much, huh? It's weird, do you really know what you're doing?"

"Of course I know what I'm doing, I'm the one who fixed your leg a few years ago. Remember that?", Cahaya huffs. "I know lots of useful things. For example, I can know someone's well-being just by listening to their heartbeat. For example, if someone is dying or not."

"Ehh", Api looked unconvinced.

"Yes, really", he goes over to Tok Aba, gently grabbing his wrist. "Tok Aba, can I?"

Their grandfather chuckled, patting Cahaya's cheek before nodding. With that, the youngest octuplet takes the older man's pulse--