Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Suddenly, I am falling… I wait and wait for the end, but I never hit the ground…

There is softness below me, a warmth in the air around me, no lingering smell of death. I open my eyes, and for a moment, I do not know where I am; then I sit straight up in bed and look around my room. I search the darkened corners for the stranger, but he is not here.

How long was I asleep? I look to the clock on the wall and see that it is close to midnight. My heart races and my fingers curl into tight fists as the dream replays in my mind…

But no, it wasn't a dream. It couldn't have been just a dream… it was a warning…

A warning about what?

Raphael…

Jumping to my feet, I sprint to Raph's room. His bed is empty, he is no longer seated in the corner. I see marks on his wall that were not there before… blood where he has been punching the plaster. I run through the lair, searching for him… I check the kitchen, the bathroom, the infirmary… when I get to the living room, I look to the table by the door and I freeze.

His sai are gone. He did what I feared… he disobeyed my direct order, left to seek out the enemy on his own. I should have known he would do this… I should have stayed awake… I should have tried harder to make him listen… why didn't he listen?

How long has he been gone? It can't be too late, the warning can't have been for nothing…

I rush to Mike's room and throw open the door. "Come on!"

Mike jumps, roused from his sleep. "What?" he asks, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong?"

I head towards the door to the lair without answering, and as I grab my swords Mike comes up behind and touches my shoulder.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"Raph took off," I say, sheathing my still-bloody katanas. "We have to find him!"

Mike takes up his own weapons and follows me into the tunnel. "Where do you think he went?"

"I don't know," I admit, fighting for my breath as we race towards the surface. "All I know is what I saw!"

"What do you mean saw?"

I resign myself to sounding like I have gone mad. "The man I saw before Donnie died… I saw him again," I tell him. "He warned me that something is going to happen to Raph!"

"How did he warn you?" Mike asks. "What did he say?"

Does he actually believe me? After what happened to Donnie, maybe he feels that he must.

"He didn't say anything! He showed me Raph's sai!"

I can't say more… I fear that if I do I will be unable to stop myself from telling him everything about that horrible place… about Donatello being there, dying… dying still…

We get to the street and I stop. Where do we go from here? Where should we look? I search my thoughts, my memories of what was shown to me, trying to parse out any details, any clues…

I see the puddle, Raph's sai, the overarching concrete reflecting in the surface of the water… I recognize it somehow. I know, I know…

"The culvert…" I say out loud.

I run on ahead as Mike follows. It seems to take forever before we get to the river, and there we slow our pace. We draw our weapons and step along carefully, following my silently bestowed directions, watching all the while for the enemy to appear.

We come to the culvert and I halt on the shore. I cannot see past the shadows at the entrance from here… I can't take another step forward. My feet are fixed in place, I hold my breath… looking down, I find many footprints and the signs of something being dragged across the sand. 

From the corner of my eye I watch as Mike looks at me, then he turns towards the culvert and steps close, peering inside. He lets out a yell as he drops his chucks and collapses onto his knees in the shallow water, reaching into the darkness…

My own knees weaken and I stumble back, my swords falling from my grip…

This can't be real… I must be still dreaming…

I close my eyes… I listen for Raphael's voice somewhere beyond this nightmare. The only voice I hear is Mikey's… wavering, desperate…

"Leo… help me! Help me get him out!"

My eyes open and I see Mike still reaching into the darkness. I step near, kneel down… I can barely see Raph… he is lying face-down, motionless in the murky water. I close my eyes again and reach in blindly, wrapping my hand around his cold wrist.

I hesitate, still hoping that I will awaken… then Mike and I pull Raphael into the frail light. We drag him to the sandy bank and Mikey places a finger on his throat… searching for a pulse, for some sign of life… but as I stare into Raph's wide-open eyes, I know that he will find none… that there is no life to find… that we are too late.

Mike lowers his head and he begin to shake. He falls across Raphael's chest and his fingers clutch at the sand, then he wraps his arms around our brother's neck, holding him tightly…

I force my gaze to Raph's arms, his legs, his face. His pale skin is unmarred by blade or blunt, save from the battle of yesterday. I don't understand… how did they best him? How did they defeat him without leaving a mark?

There is only one sai on his belt. Where is the other one? I turn back around to the culvert, making my way to the shadows on weakened legs. I crouch down and look within, seeing there the same reflection of cracked concrete as in my dream… and there, too, Raphael's sai in the water.

Reaching inside, I pull out the weapon, then I look again to the one that is still on his belt. He hadn't gotten a chance to draw them… to even begin defending himself. The footprints on the shore tell me a story that I do not want to know… that Raphael had tracked the enemy here, that they had found him first… that he had been outnumbered, held under… drowned in the river, then dragged to the culvert and left behind…

Screams of the enemy's lack of honor echo through my mind, but they do not make it to my lips. I cannot speak at all, can barely breathe. People like Raph don't die like this… not without a fight…

But I know he did fight…

He could hold his breath for so long… so damn long. The minutes must have crept by as they held him under… his lungs must have burned, he must have stopped struggling at some point… to save his energy, to save his breath… maybe to try to trick the enemy into thinking that he was already dead… until he could not hold it anymore, until he drew in a gasp, until he felt the water fill his lungs…

I grip Raph's sai so tightly that I feel the skin on my knuckles pull taut, then I ease my hold and slide the weapon into my belt. I know that Mikey will not be thinking about his nunchaku, so I reach down and pick them up, easing them into place beside the sai. My feet then drag along the shore as I make my way to my own swords, and I look to the sand that is clinging to the sticky blood before I slide them into their scabbards… I do not care if the sand damages the blades… what does it matter, after all?

Walking over to Mike, I place a hand on his shoulder. He jumps, then looks up at me. He is gasping, scarcely drawing half-breaths. I nod to him… it's time to go. We cannot stay, cannot take too long getting Raphael below ground… we cannot grieve for him here, in the open… where the enemy still might be lurking about, searching for the next of us to claim…

Mike gives me a hesitant nod back, then he eases his arms under Raph. As he lifts him, river water runs out of our brother's mouth… and more tears course down Mike's cheeks. I keep lookout as we make our way slowly back towards the sewers, and still all my thoughts repeat, why, why, why…?

Why was I was warned before Donatello died? Why was I warned before Raphael died? Why was I warned at all, if there was nothing I could do to stop it? If there was nothing I could do to save them?

I turn to look at Mikey, watching his shoulders heave as he stumbles forward with his burden… and I fear now that any further warnings I am given might also come just a moment too late…