Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Quantum Masks thought they were punishing Neo Cortex by sending him to the end of the universe. But for him, lying in the soft sand under quiet stars was bliss. He could at last empty his mind because he had complete confidence that nothing was expected of him. Nothing was about to explode without his attention, no one was coming to kill him, no world mocked him for that it was unconquered. For the first time since he couldn’t remember when, he simply could be .

Then with that awful, terrible laugh, Uka Uka showed up and tore Cortex away from his empty paradise. The mask seized and unceremoniously dumped him back in his present, in his castle, and barked at him to get back to work. At work on what? Nothing, this was Uka Uka returning all pieces to the game board. When Cortex thought of everything he’d been through since the Time Twister had malfunctioned- spending decades in the past, hopping across dimensions, dipping into the past again and then failing again to defeat Crash Bandicoot- that Uka Uka could simply shout “reset!” and snap all his pawns back in a row made him want to scream until his lungs burst.

He wanted out. Oh God, did he want out of this endless nightmare!

There was no way out. He got back to work.

* * *

In his lab, Cortex looked at his computer screen and snarled in frustration. What was wrong with these numbers? What was wrong with this tea, for that matter? It left an odd taste in his mouth, but he was thirsty and getting up to make another cup was too much of an annoyance, so he drank it down. He scrolled through the lines of equations again. No, no, this wouldn’t work. Not unless you didn’t mind your super soldier being super dead in under twelve hours.

He lay his head down on the desk. He hated this. There used to be joy, passion in his work. In his life. Now…

Cortex thought he had shut his eyes for only a moment. But when he opened them, he had a crick in his neck and the clock revealed that late afternoon had become mid evening. What was wrong with him? He never fell asleep in the lab!

He stood up and stretched. Although he’d missed dinner entirely, a full meal felt like a bit much. He set off down to the kitchens for a snack. Being ambulatory was enough to shake off his fatigue. Returning to the lab would obviously be a waste of time, but no need to go straight to bed. Perhaps a little self-care, a nice bath. That was what Cortex had in mind as he opened his bedroom door.

There was someone in his room, standing in front of Cortex’s large four-poster bed. There shouldn’t be anybody in his room and this somebody in particular was one of the last people Cortex expected to see. He pulled out his blaster.

“N. Tropy! Oh, by all means, let yourself in!”

“Hello to you, too, Neo,” Tropy answered dryly.

“Don’t ‘Neo’ me!” Cortex snapped. “The last time we saw each other, you were trying to erase me from existence!”

“My goal was to remake all of creation to my liking, yes. Erasing you would have resulted from that, but it was not my primary intent.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t get so huffy when I merely would have been a small part of the cosmic genocide!”

Tropy sneered. “You always let your ego get in the way of seeing the bigger picture.”

“Says the jackass who would be God! Let’s not forget who backstabbed whom!”

“You would have done the same in my place!”

“You mean propositioned and fucked myself? No, I would not!” Cortex snapped. “We did all read the room correctly, right? You did fuck yourself, yes?”

Tropy laughed, a deep, hearty, satisfied sound accompanied by the smuggest of his grins. “You put it so crudely, Neo, as if I should be ashamed for having found the true and actual twin of my soul. Yes, Nefarious and I have made love. Many, many times in many, many ways.

Well, that was… a lot of mental images. They wouldn’t actually be so terrible if Cortex weren’t a geneticist who knew what a tire fire those two combining DNA would be. “Congratulations, she’s tall and I imagine you get tired of people having to climb you. Why are you in my bedroom and not hers?”

Tropy sat down on the bed and patted the edge for Cortex to join him. Cortex crossed his arms. He didn’t think so. It was his bed in his room in his castle on his island. Where the hell was Tropy getting off inviting him to do shit? Tropy sighed and spun onto his side, now lying sideways on the bed. It still seemed he wanted Cortex to come to him.

“Whatever you want, you’re going to have to spell it out,” Cortex said.

“Are you stupid?”

“No, but you’re insane and, despite what we call the local beach, I’m not fluent in crazy.”

“I would like us to spend the night together.”

Cortex was beginning to wonder if he weren’t still asleep in the lab- or if N. Brio had slipped something hallucinogenic in his tea and that was why it had tasted so weird. “A little clarification. Did you not a moment ago rhapsodize about your beyond incestuous relations with your quantum duplicate- now you want to cheat on her?”

“Oh for the love of- she knows I’m here!” Tropy snarled, clawing at the sheets. “We have an open relationship!”

Something about this struck Cortex as completely hysterical. He lowered his gun and burst out laughing. “You… you have her… that murder goddess… and yet you still want… and you expect me to believe that she’s okay with it … Oh my God, she’s going to kill you someday, Nefarious… ah ha ha…”

With a roar, Tropy launched himself off the bed. He scooped up Cortex into his arms, pinned him against the wall, and forced his lips against his.

Old habits died hard. Whether it was right or not, it was familiar. Moaning, Cortex opened his mouth and kissed backed.

It had always been this way between them. Fighting until finally they took what they really wanted. And yet it might never have been this way if they hadn’t been trapped together, imprisoned in the past all those decades with only each other and Uka Uka, and the mask barely counted as company. There had been no quick fix, neither for escaping time prison nor from being blasted back to infancy. Cortex had had to suffer through puberty twice- and the second time had been worse because he’d gone through it with Tropy.

Of course they’d had sex. Because there had been nothing else to do in that hell hole but plot and have sex. Because there had been no one else to have sex with. Because they hated each other but were intelligent enough to know they each needed the other alive. Because sometimes they desperately needed the physical comfort of each other. Cortex had had more sex with Tropy than anyone else in his life- and at this point, it was probably beyond his stamina to change that. As much hate and fury as there was between them, there was also that for decades they had each been the other man’s person- and while that had been by default, it meant something. It did.

But Cortex wanted to be free of it. He didn’t want this link to become a chain, defining his life. If Tropy was here to work something out, fine. And if that bullshit about an open relationship really was bullshit, all the better. Let the Lady Doctor Nefarious learn of her counterpart’s treachery. The thought of her taking vengeance upon her stupider male self put a smile on Cortex’s face.

“You can have me, Nefarious,” Cortex said, “but this is the last time I’ll say yes. After tonight, don’t come back.”

“That was my intention.”

“Good. Now take off your stupid hat.”

* * *

When Cortex woke the next morning, Tropy was already gone.

Good , Cortex thought spitefully. I don’t ever want to see you again.

He turned on his side, curling up in the sheets. He didn’t want Nefarious. He truly didn’t. But the man’s face now felt like yet another memento of rejection and he was tired of collecting those.

Chapter Text

Cortex decided to banish thoughts of Tropy by throwing himself into his work. While he found success, a week later he was face down on his desk again. What the hell? Twice in less than a month? He often worked long hours, but he never fell asleep in the lab- he was better than that! And yet his fatigue persisted, compelling him to go to bed early and take naps in the afternoon. Along with it, he found himself hungrier than usual. Not by much, but he really wanted an extra bagel.

This could be nothing- well, nothing special, that was. After all Cortex had recently been through, he was well overdue for a vacation. But he was also part of a community of mad scientists with chronic backstabbing syndrome, it would behoove him to take note in case this was something.

A few weeks later, Cortex woke up and ran straight into the bathroom to puke.

Okay. Okay, damn it, this was something .

Not bothering with breakfast, he went to his lab, calibrated all his equipment for human, and scanned himself. He should have done this two or three weeks ago, but it was such a pain in the ass. At least he’d get answers now.

Answers he did receive. They were enlightening and enraging. Only two people in the castle- possibly in the world- could have done this to him. The first was himself and obviously not. He admitted he had toyed with the idea for shits and giggles- and possibly solidarity with the trans community- but he never would have been his own test subject. As for the second-

Cortex slammed his fist down on the holographic PA system.

“N. BRIO!!!”

That ingenious little cretin! He’d gone too far this time! Cortex was going to make him drink every elixir in his dungeon until one of them made his intestines explode!

Cortex flew from his lab and thundered down the stairs. As he passed the engineering workshop, the door burst open and Dr. N. Gin rocketed out.

“Ohmygawd, what did he do this time?” Gin’s voice rang with glee.

“Defied the sanctity of nature and ME!” Cortex roared. “Do you have a weapon?”

“My body is a weapon! Of love!”

“No! Go get an actual weapon and meet me at Brio’s lab!”

N. Gin raced back to his workshop. Cortex’s slow march allowed him time to meet up with him outside Brio’s chemistry lab. He was carrying a rocket launcher.

“N. BRIO!” Cortex banged on the door. “What did you do to me! No, don’t you dare deny it- I know what you did to me, now give me the antidote!”

“Uh…” Brio’s voice wavered from behind the door. “Master? You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“Really? I am? How many potions have you slipped me in the past four weeks?”

“Master, uh…” Brio sounded painfully flustered. “It’s… uh… more than you think, but… a lot of them don’t work, so… I need to know… exactly your condition…”

“Oh my God!” Cortex roared. He turned to N. Gin. “Cover your ears.”

N. Gin nodded and held his hands very loosely over the sides of his head.

Through grit teeth, Cortex seethed at the door, “Brio, I am pregnant.”

N. Gin gasped. “Oh my God! Doctor Cortex, congratulations! Science is amazing!” He squished his face between his hands, smiling sweetly. “We’re breaking down the gender barrier! Soon there will be no more glass ceiling or wage gap-”

“Shut up!” Cortex snapped at him and then turned back towards the lab. “And as for you, N. Brio, I- I… What the fuck? What diabolical scheme could this possibly play into?”

“Honestly? I just wanted to fuck with you. It’s not always that deep.”

Cortex screamed at him, but after that last venting of rage he felt exhausted. He merely wanted this done with. “Fine. Mission accomplished, asshole! You’ve had your fun, now-”

“Wait,” Brio interjected. “You said four weeks? You’re four weeks along, you’re sure?”

Cortex rolled his eyes. “Yes. Why? Does that matter for the antidote?”

“Well, it’s just… my formula didn’t make you pregnant. It made you capable of being pregnant. I didn’t expect you to get that way so soon. I gave it to you about four weeks ago, which means you slept with someone in a very specific way-”

N. Gin nudged Cortex with his elbow. “I bet I know what way he means.”

Cortex rubbed his eyebrows. “We all know what way he means.”

“-on or near the same day that I doused you. Master, you really are a whore.”

“Hey, slut-shamming isn’t cool!” N. Gin protested. “This is a sex positive workplace! You’re just mad I won’t let you use the Red Room.”

“Congratulations, you know I’m bisexual and enjoy anal- everybody knows that, I’m not a prude!” Cortex bellowed. “Brio, I want the antidote, now!”

“There isn’t one! Your body will revert back to normal once you’re no longer pregnant! So if you don’t want to be, go take care of it yourself!”

“How is that supposed to work when your damn concoction didn’t give me a-” Cortex huffed in aggravation. “Never mind. I’m going back to my lab to create an abortifacient that doesn’t require a vagina. N. Gin! If I die trying, kill N. Brio.”

Brio squawked, “What!” while N. Gin snickered to himself and patted the side of his rocket launcher.

* * *

“Can’t believe this is how I’m spending my fucking day…” Cortex grumbled, shoving a bagel into his mouth. He probably shouldn’t be eating like he was pregnant when he didn’t intend to stay pregnant, but he needed the brain fuel.

The first thing he did upon return to his lab was pull up N. Brio’s formula. All computers in the castle were slaved to his, granting him access to all of his employees’ work. He could have seen from the start what Brio was doing had he any idea he’d needed to check, that was the irony here. Cortex looked it over twice to make sure he hadn’t missed anything, but unsurprisingly, it was good- he wouldn’t have hired Brio if the man’s science were sloppy. Cortex could safely carry to term on this, which… was scientifically interesting to note.

“And now to undo this Christmas miracle.”

Since he lacked the typical orifice from which material was usually ejected in an abortion, his first approach was to find a way to dissolve the embryo within him without also dissolving any of his quite necessary internal organs as well. It proved a hell of a lot trickier than he’d hoped. By mid afternoon, he was fishing out of his own range of expertise, pulling files from the nanotech division to see if he could program something to target the strange new cells and eliminate them. Early evening, he’d looped back around to pure biochemistry. The embryo only shared some of Cortex’s DNA. Perhaps he could he make something that would attack anything that wasn’t 100% Neo Cortex.

Cortex squinted at his computer screen.

“Tomorrow. I need sleep. Again.”

These symptoms would go away very soon, he reassured himself, heading to his bedroom. As he changed for the night, he looked down at his stomach. Was he a little bloated?

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Neo!” he growled at himself. “Knock it off! Whatever’s in there is microscopic!”

Wait, was it? He worked with animals, not humans, so he didn’t know this off the top of his head. He grabbed his tablet and looked it up. At four weeks, the developing human baby was the size of a poppy seed. So while incredibly tiny, it was hardly microscopic.

“Aww, that’s cute. A little poppy-” He raised his hand to his face. “I’m losing my mind.”

If he didn’t get some sleep, he’d be utterly stupid, and getting rid of this poppy seed would kill him. He turned off the tablet, tossed it back in the drawer, and went to bed.

Chapter Text

Miserably, Cortex clutched the edge of the toilet bowl and let it all out. When he was done, he slid down to the floor.

“If you were going to argue for your continuity, this isn’t making a very good case, poppy seed,” Cortex groaned. “I’m going to kill N. Brio. God, am I going to kill him.”

After a few minutes he got up and got dressed to attempt to eat something of a breakfast. With it, he drank a large cup of coffee, feeling strangely guilty about it- and infuriated about that. Oh why, because caffeine was bad for the baby that he wasn’t having? This was beyond stupid. He needed this thing gone yesterday, but since he wasn’t N. Tropy, he’d have to settle for today.

Back to the lab, back to work brewing up a medicament he could take that would dissolve anything inside him not 106% himself and give him nothing worse than mild indigestion.

“Sorry, poppy seed, but trust me, you’re burrowing inside a dumpster fire right now. My life is-”

Oh God, he wasn’t kidding. His life was a dumpster fire. He hardly cared about taking over the world anymore. Ambition was no longer his primary motivator- it was knowing that if he stopped, he would have to answer to Uka Uka. Meanwhile every relationship he’d had had turned to shit. It wasn’t just Tropy, whose desire for Cortex had never gone beyond necessity. It was Crash and Coco. He had named them- in spite of himself, he had loved them. And they had turned on him. No, if he was being honest, they had turned on each other, standing on either side of a line they could not cross. But while Crash and Coco had each other, Cortex was alone.

I don’t want to be alone.

But did he want… this?

No! Of course not! This was crazy! This was pathetic! He hadn’t even done this himself , he’d been pranked by N. Brio of all people! He was having a moment, that was a terrible reason to drive the rest of his life off a cliff!

Except it didn’t feel like that would be the outcome. If he let this run his course, he would have a child. An heir. A legacy. What was growing inside him didn’t have to be a mistake or a joke or someone else’s experiment. It could be his. Right now, from the very start- and forever after.

He stood up in his chair.

“I am Doctor Neo Cortex and I do what I want!”

* * *

N. Gin didn’t seem to mind that Cortex had left him to guard N. Brio overnight. The engineer had fetched one of his drum kits and was currently banging away at it while also wailing out selections from his most recent concert tour.

“Stop that racket!” Cortex shouted.

“It’s not racket! It’s Rawkit-”

“I do not pay you for this and if you don’t stop I won’t pay you at all!”

N. Gin put down his drumsticks and huffed. “You have no sense of art. But you’re also not dead! So, what are we doing to Nitrus? At first I thought we should make him drink his own formula, but then I realized two things. First, someone has to volunteer to do the deed. Not gonna be me! Second, don’t want to see the result. It would be more of a punishment for us than him. I think the best thing would be good old fashioned torture. The classics are classic for a reason!”

“I appreciate the thought you’ve put into this, but I will not be punishing N. Brio.”

“What?” N. Gin looked shocked. “Not trying to encourage a hostile work environment, but… this was a bold move. It’s not the worst thing he’s ever done, but-”

“This was a prank, not a power play. Anyone who thinks otherwise, well...” Cortex smirked. “It will my pleasure to correct them. But as for N. Brio, punishing him doesn’t feel right when I’ve decided…” He bit his lip- then shook out his shoulders and preened, holding his head high. “I’ve decided, why not?”

N. Gin gave a happy gasp. “You’re going to have the baby?”

“I am.”

“Metal. We should still punish Brio though, he was being a little shit.”

“Yes, but I am choosing to be merciful. It’s my prerogative.”

Cortex knocked on the door of Brio’s lab.

“N. Brio! Open up!”

Brio cracked the door open. Dark circles were under his eyes. No doubt N. Gin had been serenading him all night.

“Master, you are… alive.”

“I am.”

“And you seem… pleased. What does this mean?”

“We need to discuss one of the terms of your employment,” Cortex said. “According to your contract, anything that you invent, along with any by-products thereof, belong to me. You remember this, of course.”

“Wait, what, you didn’t negotiate that clause out?” N. Gin squawked. “Now I understand why you’re broke all the time.”

Cortex growled in annoyance, but continued as if Gin hadn’t spoken. “I bring this up because I want to disabuse you right now of the notion of laying any claim to my child, whether proprietary or parental. If you try, I promise, I will annihilate you. Financially, legally, physically, atomically- I will obliterate you. Do you understand?”

“Your… what?” Brio blinked. If he weren’t sleep-deprived, he might have gotten it right away. As it was, it took him a few seconds. “You’re still pregnant?”

Cortex slow-clapped for him.

“Master, why are you still pregnant?”

“Wow, that’s none of your business,” Cortex said flatly. “But before I excise you from this conversation permanently, I want to know there won’t be any more nasty little surprises. I don’t have to edit out any of your regressive DNA from my baby, do I?”

If anything, N. Brio looked even more horrified at this suggestion than Cortex felt. “No, no, absolutely not! I made certain no DNA of any type contaminated the formula I gave you! What is growing inside you is the product of you and whomever you fornicated with- not me!”

“Fornicated…” N. Gin snickered. “You are so Catholic.”

“You really are,” Cortex agreed. “What else have you got? Going to call me a ‘sodomite’? Draw a red ‘A’ on my lab coat?”

Brio curled back his lips in disgust. “Why, was he married?”

Cortex snorted. Yes and no, and he doubted in any case that N. Brio would approve given that whom N. Tropy was committed to was-

Oh. Oh shit.

Of course, Cortex had known, but it hadn’t truly sunken in until this moment. The child he was carrying… it was Tropy’s. The buoyancy that Cortex had felt up until a moment ago was snuffed out in a sense of nightmare. He could not imagine explaining this to Tropy. How was he going to tell the other man-

No. Wait. Fuck that! Why should he tell N. Tropy anything? Never mind that Cortex didn’t have the first idea how to get in contact with Nefarious, the man was an absolute dick. Even if Cortex could show up on his doorstep to announce his condition, Tropy would only laugh in Cortex’s face about it. He’d would want nothing to do with this, he was too busy screwing himself- while his other self, the Lady Nefarious, might take the news of Cortex’s child less than kindly. In fact, Cortex could see her taking it quite murderously. No, there was no reason at all to tell Tropy anything ever. This baby would be Cortex’s and Cortex’s alone.

“Doc?” N. Gin was looking at Cortex with concern. “Doctor Cortex, are you okay?”

Not about to explain himself to his minions, Cortex said, “Of course. I’m simply making a list of everything I need to do now. It’s… a lot. A lot of things. To do.”

“This is so exciting, Doctor. You’re gonna be a mom!”

“Father!” Cortex snapped. “I am going to be a father!”

N. Gin smiled. “Of course. Father. Thank you for correcting me. Here at Cortex Castle, we respect all gender identities.”

“It’s my castle and I am cis!”

“And you are valid!”

Cortex groaned. “I knew it was a mistake to let you star in HR’s orientation videos.”

Leaving Gin and Brio to continue heckling each other, Cortex retreated to his bedroom. He sent a message to the kitchen, redirecting lunch from the lab to there and changing his usual order to something more nutritious- salad and mahi mahi ought to be a good balance of nutrients and protein. He was going to have to take far more care with his diet from now on. Meanwhile he took out his tablet to place an express order for prenatal vitamins and other supplements. Then…

Cortex looked down at his middle and sighed. Poppy seed wasn’t going to stay a poppy seed. He composed a message to his tailor, saying he needed new clothes- not just a few pieces, an entire wardrobe, lab wear, casual, formal, everything- and gave his best guess at measurements. He winced as he hit send.

A few minutes later, he received a reply saying, “Possible error with the measurements you sent. You’d never need something this size. Please confirm and/or revise these numbers.”

“No, they’re correct,” Cortex responded and then decided to just lie. “Not for me.”

A minute later, his tablet pinged. “Confirmed. Order processing. Thank you for your continued patronage, Doctor Cortex!”

Cortex groaned. Great. Fantastic. He wasn’t going to get through this if he was going to be living in denial and shame over it. He stood up and walked over towards his full length mirror. Looking himself over, he took in his reflection one last time.

“Bye bye, tiny waistline. Bye bye, perfect waist-to-hip ratio. At least I’ll still have my face,” Cortex sighed. He consulted his tablet. “But next week poppy seed will be orange seed. Oh, the things I do for love!”

He put his hand over his middle. It was flat- for now.

Chapter Text

Being skinny worked against Cortex. If he were plush like N. Gin, his body might have concealed its transformation a little longer. A few weeks later, he found himself having to loosen his belt simply due to water retention. This wasn’t baby, not yet, but he was bloating because of the baby- a preview of what fun there was to come.

At eight weeks, which Cortex found obscenely early, he was sporting the obvious start of a bump- and he was getting stares. From N. Gin and N. Brio, who knew what was going on, he got cooing and snickering respectively, but everyone else’s looks were speculative and Cortex knew what their best guess was: he was going to seed. The very thought made him homicidal, but since murdering the staff en masse wasn’t feasible, he got on the holographic PA system to address the issue.

“Hello, minions! Some of you have noticed that I look different. Very good, observation is the hallmark of science. I want to reassure all of you that I remain in the peek of physical health. I am… pregnant! Yes, that’s right! Now, you might be thinking, ‘Wow, Doctor Cortex, how did that happen?’ All I have to say is… we do extreme science here, people, draw your own conclusions!

“Ahem. Alright, listen up, you reprobates, I’m only going to run through this once! I don’t want to hear a peep about my appearance, whether it’s making fun of me or sucking up. I am not fat and I am not cute. I am handsome, I am terrifying- I am not cute! Stop making googly-eyes at me, N. Gin, it’s weird! And do not touch me! It’s creepy the way people grope at pregnant women without their consent, you really think I’m going to put up with that bullshit? Try it and I’ll rip your arm off! That isn’t covered under our dismemberment policy. You’ll have to pay for a cyborg replacement out of pocket! This means you, N. Brio! I know you’re thinking it, I know you want to- just you try, you will regret it to your grave!

“That is all. Carry on.”

* * *

From there, Cortex’s growth seemed to snowball. Approaching three months, he had a strawberry inside him and an obvious tummy, straining against his lab coat. Was he really going to have to swap to maternity wear already?

Meanwhile, he decided he wasn’t going to wait until second trimester to learn his child’s sex. Presently, strawberry’s placenta was shedding DNA into his bloodstream- now that was weird to think about- in just the right amount for Cortex to get a good sample from himself without having to disturb the baby. He drew a few vials of his blood and analyzed them. Nothing to suggest any chromosomal abnormalities, good. And he was carrying a girl.

“Aww, a girl! I guess it’s not too soon to start thinking about names,” he mused, rubbing his middle. “Don’t worry, strawberry, I’m not going to name you anything common! Your name will be special and dignified, like the princess you are.”

Cortex managed to squeeze into his original clothes through lime, lemon, and orange- but by the time she was a pear, the battle was lost. His belly had finally taken on the fuller roundness of pregnancy. He was hardly spherical yet, but the promise of that inevitability taunted him whenever he looked at himself. Resigned, he donned the first and smallest of his new lab uniforms. Up top, his new clothing was identical to what he had worn before, but below his chest it flared generously, hanging loosely around his middle. Cortex cinched his belt high, above his belly, instead of low.

Then he unclasped his belt and threw it on the floor.

“What’s the point? I can’t conquer the world while I’m like this!”

He was crying. Goddamn it, he was crying! He felt fat, but he didn’t care that he was fat! That was fine by him if meant his pear was doing well, because that was all he cared about- not taking over the world! He didn’t want that, not anymore! But he had to keep grinding at it and grinding at it because if he didn’t…

“What if I didn’t? What if I stopped?”

He knew the answer to that. Fear rushed through him, remembering the sound of Uka Uka’s voice in fury. His hand reached down to cup his belly. He’d been a fool not to think of this before- the fact that Uka Uka would all too eagerly seize upon his baby as something to exploit against him, a new vulnerability to threaten.

Cortex balled his fists. He couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t . Somehow, he had to break free of being Uka Uka’s pawn. Of this stupid, endless cycle-

This endless cycle…

He’d tried “breaking the cycle” before- rather recently, in fact. Thinking of it brought to mind other painful things. Crash. Coco. His baby had siblings, of a sort. Would they ever meet? Surely they would- and inevitably, they would be enemies.

But why should they be? If I stopped trying to take over the world… if Crash and Coco had no reason to fight me…

There was still the problem of Uka Uka- and yet, Crash and Coco didn’t fight that infernal mask because he commanded Cortex. As they were bound to Aku Aku, the bandicoots would remain champions against that demon even without Cortex as part of the equation.

Cortex laughed and rubbed his belly soothingly. “What do you know, little pear? I may have found a way to get us everything I want.”

Chapter Text

Cortex eased himself into the conference room chair. He could pull up to the table without feeling too much like his belly was in the way, but it definitely created a gap between him and the edge.

From across the table, N. Brio looked at him with a smirk. “You’ve quite taken to eating for two, Master.”

Cortex snarled. “Think what you want, but this is purely baby, N. Brio! Next year, I’ll be trim as I ever was!”

“Your hips will never be the same.”

“Your face won’t be the same if you don’t shut up!”

“Just providing a friendly word of warning. I am a doctor.”

“You’re not a medical doctor! Nobody here is a medical doctor!” Cortex snapped. He rubbed his temples and looked around at his gathered employees, most prominent of whom were Brio and Gin. “I’ve summoned you here to announce a change in direction. I am retiring from super-villainy.”

The table burst in exclamations of surprise, alarm, confusion. Cortex banged his fist down.

“Shut up, people, I wasn’t finished! I didn’t say I was going to start being nice, I’m simply tired of the game. A long time ago, I had a dream- a dream of world domination. But all that’s done is given me headaches, embarrassment, second puberty… and what would ruling the world even get me? More headaches! Bureaucracy! Quitting today, I still have my castle, my islands, my absurd financial wealth- what more do I really want?”

Nods and murmurers of agreement traveled the room.

“And I’m not giving up mad science. We’re still going to make abominations of nature and spit in the eye of God. But for the foreseeable future I personally will be prioritizing this,” he acknowledged, patting his belly. “In conclusion, no need to panic or adjust your 401K contributions. There will be no layoffs, furloughs, or salary cuts. But if scaling back your ambition is something you simply can’t swallow, the door is that way.”

N. Gin waved his hand in the air.

“You have something you’d like to say, Dr. Gin?”

“Honestly? This is cool by me. My day job is building bitchin’ rockets and my night job is heavy metal rock star. The take-over-the-world crap has been getting in the way of the good shit for awhile now,” said N. Gin. “But we’ll still be packing heat in the lab, right?”

With a flourish, Cortex pulled his ray gun from its holster, spun it in the air, and shot one of the lab technicians across the room. The lackey squealed as, in a sudden poof, he transformed into a tiny warthog. The employees around him gave a start, but nobody panicked. They all knew he’d revert back to normal within the hour.

“Oh, yes. As I said, I don’t plan on becoming nice. Where’s the fun in that?”

N. Gin grinned. “Hell, yeah, I’m staying! Best workplace ever!” He shot Brio a look across the table. “What about you, Nitrus? You moan about the boss all the time, but this is as good as it gets for you, too.”

Brio answered, “This isn’t the first time Master’s tried denying the lure of power. This resolve won’t last. Besides…” His gaze shifted from Gin to Cortex. “I’m enjoying his current expansion plans.”

“That is it, I have had it!” Cortex scrambled onto the table and launched himself at Brio, who shrieked as Cortex’s weight hit him. They toppled over backwards together in N. Brio’s chair, Cortex attempting to choke him, Brio trying to slap him away.

“Yes, yes, fight!” N. Gin exclaimed, jumping onto the conference table. “Bite him, Doctor Cortex! Raw human flesh is good for the baby!”

“Master, stop! I was only teasing!”

“I’m going to make a sippy cup out of your skull! A baby carrier from your rib cage!”

“Aww!” N. Gin cooed. “You’ve already picked out a theme for the nursery. Autopsy chic, I like it.”

There was only one way Brio ever escaped from Cortex when he was in a rage like this. He bit down on an emergency capsule in a false tooth in the back of his mouth. The potion it released poofed him into a frog and he hopped away from between Cortex’s hands.

“Get back here, you worm!” Cortex screeched.

Then, to the absolute petrifaction of everyone present, Cortex burst into tears.

N. Gin scampered towards the end of the table, jumped down, and patted his shoulder. “It’s alright. You’ve got a lot of funky hormone stuff going on and it’s stressing you out. You want a cookie?”

“I… I…” Cortex sniffled. “Okay.”

* * *

Cortex lay back on his bed, both hands on his belly. He was enormous and he didn’t care- she was moving! Of course, she’d been moving all along, but he could feel her now! Little flutters as she swam around inside him. Well, that explained why he was huge, he was lugging around an entire swimming pool for her. But she was moving!

A knock came from his door. Cortex pulled down his shirt, covering himself, and sat up. “Something expensive had better be on fire!”

“Um… I could set something on fire,” came the reply. It was N. Gin. “Yeah, Doctor? I know we’re not supposed to bother you when you’re in here, but I looked for you in your lab and... it’s important...”

If it were anyone else, Cortex would have assigned them a punishment on the spot for even touching his bedroom door. But N. Gin normally showed a heightened sense of discretion compared to his other minions, so he said, “You can come in.”

“Really? I thought you would come out. This is your-”

“I’m dressed, you can come in.”

N. Gin opened the door. He looked around nervously as he stepped inside. Closing the door behind him, he said, “I am here in an official capacity as your minion. I don’t want this to turn into a sex thing.”

“And why do you feel the need for this disclaimer?”

“I just entered your bedroom, you’re pregnant and most likely horny.”

“Fair, but you’re not my type.”

“Fair, you’re not mine either,” N. Gin said with a shrug.

Cortex gestured towards a chair near his bed. “Have a seat.”

N. Gin scampered up to the chair. “You feeling alright, Doctor? Any reason you weren’t in the lab?”

“I’m fine, I just wanted some bonding time,” Cortex confessed, returning a hand to his belly. Suddenly, he didn’t want to keep it to himself. Smiling- probably stupidly, but he didn’t care- he said, “She’s moving.”

“Aww! That’s rad! We’ve got to throw you a baby shower. It’ll be wild!” N. Gin declared. “Hey, wait, you said ‘she’. You know it’s a girl?”

“I’ve known for awhile. I did an NIPT, but I’ll still check by ultrasound next week.”

“Metal. Girls are tougher than us. You ever thought about menstruation?”

“God, no!” Cortex exclaimed.

“My point exactly. It’s amazing they don’t kill us over that alone,” said N. Gin. “I’m going to get you ‘The Care and Keeping of You’ books one and two. It’s about girl stuff. Sounds like you need it.”

Cortex rolled his eyes. “I know how a woman’s body works, N. Gin.”

“You know how to pleasure a woman, Doctor. That’s not the same thing.”

Cortex was about to snap a retort- then stopped and groaned. “Damn it, you’re right. Who’s the author?”

“American Girl. Don’t worry about it, I’ll get them for you as a baby gift.”

“Huh,” said Cortex. “Are any of the historical line into science?”

Gin shrugged. “Dunno. I stopped paying attention after Addy. You’re never gonna get more hardcore than Addy. You strike me as a Samantha anyway.”

“I’ll look into it. I’m not against dolls. Anyway, you needed something?”

N. Gin raised his shoulders, inhaled- and then exhaled slowly. His entire body seemed to deflate in the chair, as if he dreaded the subject he had to broach. “Look, I meant what I said in the boardroom last week. I’m totally down for ditching world domination. It’s one of those things that sounds cool in theory, is fun to kick around, and then completely sucks if you get it. But I didn’t want to bring up in front of the whole crew-”

“Uka Uka,” said Cortex.

“That asshole. Do we have a plan for dealing with him? Where is he right now?”

“I don’t know and I have no idea when he’ll be back. I’m hoping to make it to term before it happens,” Cortex admitted. He didn’t want to know what Uka Uka would make of his pregnancy. He was certain it would be something horrific. “But I do have a plan- in fact, I could use your assistance, N. Gin.”

“Oh? Rockets or robots? Or both?”

“Neither, actually, but I still think you’ll like this.”

Chapter Text

It was another beautiful day on N. Sanity Beach. After spending the morning water-skiing, Crash and Coco were now trying to give Polar a bath. The task made Coco grateful she could count on Pura to clean himself. Wrestling the bear into the tub, when he thought it was a game, got them wet all over again. Crash laughed as Coco’s hair started frizzing up, which meant of course Coco had to splash him, and then-

More than Polar got cleaned as a result of their water fight. Late afternoon, they sat on the beach, enjoying grilled wumpa for lunch. So far, it had been a perfect, idyllic day. Just like yesterday, and the day before, and the week before, and the month before, and…

“Much longer can this really last?” Coco wondered. “It’s been almost half a year since we’ve seen Cortex or Uka Uka or anybody. Isn’t that weird?”

Crash put his arm around her. Don’t let the bad spoil the good while we’ve got it, he mimed.

“Aren’t you worried?”

What’s worrying going to do?

Coco huffed, “Crash.”

He shrugged. Right now, Aku Aku’s off doing Aku Aku things somewhere else. That means nothing bad is going to happen soon or he’d be here to warn us.

“Okay, that makes sense. Thanks, big bro.”

Yet sometimes, speaking of an ill had an eerie way of conjuring its presence. A rumbling sounded in the distance, then a shadow fell over N. Sanity Beach. The sky was filled by the dark, purple blot of Cortex’s airship.

“No,” Coco moaned. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean I wanted Cortex to come!”

Crash and Coco jumped to their feet. Whatever was about to happen wouldn’t be subtle, but then it never was with Cortex. The airship landed and its cargo hatch opened. Down the ramp, a roofless, violet car with white flames on the hood rolled out, kicking up sand as it wheeled towards Crash and Coco. They saw N. Gin driving with Cortex in the passenger seat beside him. The vehicle came to a halt before them.

N. Gin honked the horn and waved. “Hi, Cat!”

Neither scientist exited the vehicle as Cortex merely turned to address Crash and Coco.

“Crashworth! Cocobella! How are you?” he asked.

Crash and Coco looked at each other in confusion, then back at Cortex with hostility.

“Cocobella? As if!” Coco snapped. “You haven’t used my full name since I was your lab rat!”

“And you are so right to take me to task for that, it is a such a lovely name,” Cortex said, pressing his hand to his chest. “I brought wumpa treats!”

Now N. Gin did leave the car. He came out with a covered silver serving plate and lifted the domed lid, revealing sugared wumpa, wumpa-filled pastry, and wumpa tarts. Crash looked at the plate with heart-eyes, his mouth watering.

“Don’t even think about it!” Coco warned. “They’re probably poisoned.”

“They’re not. I’d eat one myself to prove it, but you know, my allergy,” said Cortex.

“I’ll have one,” said N. Gin, popping a tart into his mouth.

“That proves nothing!” Coco snapped. “You’re a cyborg! I don’t think you can be poisoned anymore!”

Crash whimpered. But they look so good! Sighing, he turned to Cortex. Why are you here?

“I know we haven’t been on the best of terms lately-”

“Ha!” Coco laughed.

Cortex cringed. “I’d like to change that. I was hoping you’d consider… coming home?”

“Home? This is our home! Crash built it!” Coco pointed at the house behind her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but the lab where you ran us through your deadly obstacle courses was never-”

She stopped as she looked at Crash’s face. He wanted to say yes. The longing was in his eyes. Cortex didn’t even have to try to persuade him. All the mad doctor had to do was ask.

“No, not the lab! Of course not!” Cortex said. “I’ve prepared rooms for you, right by my own, as I should have done in the first place-”

He was making her angry, angrier than she would have thought possible- because him being nice was worse than him being mean for one simple reason. It was getting Crash’s hopes up.

“Just spit out what you really want!” she demanded.

“I want us to be a family. At the very least, I want us to no longer fight. I’ve gotten out of the supervillain business, so perhaps we can start there? I understand this might seem a bit hard to believe-”

“Good! Because I don’t! What would make you have such a change of heart?”

Cortex took in a deep breath. “Oh, well, as to that… allow me to show you.”

He opened the car door.

* * *

Carefully, Cortex stepped down from the vehicle and onto the beach. At twenty weeks, his belly was high and prominent, unmistakable for what it was. Not to mention he was larger than average- he had been so far at every damn point in this pregnancy thanks to his small frame and, if the ultrasound he had recently taken was any indication, sweet potato’s strikingly large head. Looked like princess would be inheriting his big brain. Intellectually, this delighted him. Physically, his pelvis and back were screaming.

“You’re getting a little sister,” he said. “Hurray!”

Crash tossed up his hands and shrieked in delight. Coco just shrieked.

“Is this an Uka Uka thing or a quantum timeline flux thing or a got too funky with biochemistry thing?” she demanded, staring at him in horror.

Cortex sighed. “The latter. It’s a long story. Actually, it isn’t. I thought we could kill N. Brio as a family bonding exercise.”

“It’s N. Brio’s kid?!”

“Oh, God, no! I have never been that desperate!” He rested his hand over his belly. “My condition has prompted me to reevaluate my life choices. That’s why I’m here. Crash, Coco- I know I’ve treated you badly, but I can’t make amends if you don’t give me the chance. And if that never happens, you’ll never get to know this child once she’s outside of me.”

“I… ugh…” Coco flinched, sticking out her tongue and squinting her eyes shut. “I can’t with… this… never unsee…”

Crash stepped forward. He looked at Cortex, directly in the eyes. Cortex met his look back, trying to keep his own expression open. He wasn’t sure what Crash was seeking in his gaze or precisely what the bandicoot was wrestling with inside his own mind. But at last, Crash gave an answer.

I’ll go with you.

“No!” Coco cried. “Don’t be stupid, this is obviously a trick!”

“You think this is a trick?” Cortex demanded, pointing at his stomach.

“How do I know that’s not a pillow you stuffed under your lab coat?”

“I had to pee five times this morning, she is not a pillow!”

“And you don’t want to be evil anymore because you’re going to be a mom? That is a lame, sexist story trope-”

“Father, not mother, and I wanted to stop before-”

“Who is the father anyway?”

“I AM!” Cortex bellowed.

Then he fell onto his knees in the sand and burst into tears. This was not how this was supposed to go! He had thought they might reject him, that it might take several tries- but he didn’t think he’d get into a shouting match with Cocobella! Now she was never going to come back to the castle with him and why would Crash want to come if Coco wouldn’t? His brilliant plan was ruined and he was never getting them back! He hiccuped as he sobbed into his hands.

Some minutes passed before he felt a hand pat his back. He looked up and saw N. Gin shaking his head.

“These mood swings really getting the better of you, huh?” He handed Cortex a tissue.

“These… what?” Cortex took the tissue. “Oh no. Oh crap. Please kill me.”

“Pfft.” N. Gin flopped his hand down dismissively. “It’ll be fine. If anything, you convinced Coco you’re really pregnant.”

Fantastic, all it took was Cortex mortifying himself. If only N. Sanity Beach would open up and swallow him. “Where are they now?”

N. Gin waved his hand towards the side of the house, where Crash and Coco were clearly having an argument. “He’s not happy she made you cry.”

“I don’t want him to be mad at her! Siblings should get along!” His voice hit a strangely high note and his eyes began to tear again.

N. Gin patted his arm. “Okay, you’re still riding this out. Why don’t you get back in the car and I’ll get you a snack?”

“All we have is wumpa. I can’t eat wumpa!”

“We have other food on the airship. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

Cortex climbed back into the car and stroked his belly, trying to sooth himself more than the baby. A few minutes later, N. Gin returned with a granola bar and a juice box. Food made him feel better and sweet potato reacted to the sugar, swimming about. Feeling her move lifted his spirits quite a bit.

Crash and Coco approached the car. They both were frowning- Crash in concern, Coco angrily with her arms crossed. To Cortex, this did not bode well.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Cortex said hastily. “I-”

“Save it,” Coco snapped. “I don’t care. Crash insists he’s going with you, so I’m going with him. But I don’t trust you, so I’m not bringing Pura and I won’t let him take Polar. You have to let us come back here to take care of them.”

“Your pets. Of course, that won’t be an issue. You’re free to come and go as you like, and you can borrow whatever vehicles you need-”

“I will hold you to that.”

Her hostility was a slap in the face, but he could hardly complain. He’d tried to kill both of them more times that he could count, never mind betray them and attempt to erase them from time. Trust would have to be earned.

* * *

“…I guess you would know the layout of the castle,” Cortex conceded, leading Crash and Coco through the corridors. “But I don’t think you’ve ever been in this wing.”

He opened the door to the hall leading the bedroom suites. Until today, the only occupant had been himself.

“This one’s mine. Knock whenever you need me. This will be your little sister’s. Still decorating! These, right across from each other, are yours!”

Both rooms were large and painted in a bright, cheery purple. Currently, their only furnishings were a bed and desk with a computer.

“I know they’re rather bare bones, but that’s because I thought you’d want to decorate them yourselves. Credit card numbers are programmed into the web browsers. Purchase whatever you’d like.”

Crash gave a little squeal of glee, dancing on his feet. Coco raised an eyebrow. “Challenge accepted.”

“Now, of course you have free reign of the castle, but I do ask that you not go into any of the labs unaccompanied. Our work here can be very dangerous-”

“We know.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to show you what I do-”

“We know what you do.”

“As a matter of fact, I’d love it if-”

“Nope.”

Crash interrupted. Coco, please. I would like to see.

Cortex beamed. “I’ll give you a tour tomorrow! I can show you everything!”

Crash clapped his hands.

“Fine,” said Coco. “I’ll go to make sure you don’t put Crash in a cage.”

She went in her room and slammed the door shut.

Crash winced and turned towards Cortex. She’ll come around.

“She came. You came. That’s a big step,” Cortex acknowledged. And more than he had expected for a start. It ought to be enough. It ought not to hurt.

So, asked Crash, what do I call you now?

The question took Cortex by surprise. He fidgeted with his hands. His answer felt too presumptuous, yet he knew this moment was too important to let pass. “Father… Dad- eventually! I’d like that, but I know it will take time-”

Crash smiled. Okay. Dad.

“What, wait!” Cortex exclaimed. “You don’t have to call me that now! I want you to be comfortable-”

I am comfortable.

“How? I haven’t earned it! I haven’t done a single dad thing for you in your life!”

You made me. You named me.

“As an experiment! And then I tortured you, tried to kill you, tried to erase you from time… After all that, you can’t simply start calling me ‘Dad’! Not until I’ve been through some sort of redemption arc!”

I don’t need that, Crash said.

“Crash…” Cortex found himself at a loss for words.

Crash held out his hand questioningly. May I…?

“May you… Oh!” It took Cortex a moment to register what he wanted because up until this point, no one else had asked. No one else had dared- but then, to whom else would Cortex grant the privilege? “Yes, go ahead.”

He rested his hands on his back and allowed Crash to palm his belly. Truthfully, he was nervous. No one had touched him here at all but himself since sweet potato had started growing. He didn’t know how this would feel, how it should feel. Would it be awkward, would it be invasive- would it be nothing, only a simple touch?

Crash’s hand on his middle was gentle and warm. The bandicoot leaned in close and cooed- and sweet potato kicked against his hand. Cortex gasped at the sensation.

Dad! Dad, did you feel that?

“Oh, yes. I feel all of those.”

Crash had the doofiest smile on his face- and Cortex couldn’t help but mirror it back at him. Then Crash hugged him tightly, nuzzling his belly.

Cortex ran his hand through Crash’s hair. “You are a sweet boy.” And I do not deserve you .

* * *

Not bothering to kick off her shoes, Coco pounced on top of the bed and curled her knees close to her chest. Quietly, she started to cry. She hated fighting with Crash! Nothing in the world made her feel more alone than when she was at odds with her brother.

There was a knock at her door.

Her head snapped up. “What!”

“Coco,” Crash warbled.

Quickly, Coco wiped her eyes dry. “Oh, what do you want? I thought you and Cortex were going out for frozen yogurt!”

Crash opened the door and meekly slipped into the room. Maybe you should go back to N. Sanity Beach? he suggested.

“What?” Coco gasped. “You don’t want me here?”

It’s not that. I always want you with me. But I can tell being here hurts you.

Coco threw her head back down into her arms as she burst again into tears. He was right- it did! She hated this castle, hated everything about it, but she wasn’t going to abandon him!

She felt Crash’s arms close tightly around her. He held her until at last she had stopped crying. She looked up at him and said, “I came here for you and I am not going to leave you behind. You would do the same for me, you always have! If I can find proof that Cortex is using you, that this is an evil scheme after all, will you go home?”

Crash nodded. But…

“But what?”

But if it’s not, Coco, then what will you do?

Chapter Text

“If you’re not building an army, what’s the point of hyper-intelligent, genetically modified animals?” Coco asked, flipping through the mockups on Cortex’s computer.

“Many animals are far better suited to certain tasks than humans are,” said Cortex. “For example, marine exploration and salvage, mining, high altitude construction, even space-”

“Okay, so a company hires you to make an animal worker for whatever they need…” Coco swiveled around in his office chair and smiled at him nastily. “Congratulations, Doctor, you just sold them a slave.”

Cortex winced. “I will tell HR we need an ethics consultant.”

Crash gave Cortex the thumbs up, which prompted Coco to flash her brother a look of disbelief.

He’s trying! Crash shot back at her.

“Perhaps we should move on,” Cortex suggested.

As they left his lab, Crash fell into place behind Cortex, one hand resting on the doctor’s back, as if trying to help him support the baby as he walked. It made Coco want to scream. They hadn’t yet been at the castle a full twenty-four hours, but already Crash had made insane headway making up for every missed childhood hug and pat on the head by hovering inside Cortex’s personal bubble, nudging little touches out of the man. It was sad- and even worse, Cortex was aware and responding to it. He would pet Crash’s arm or shoulder in return and smile, acting like he hadn’t held standing attack-on-sight orders against the bandicoot siblings for years. Coco couldn’t look at them. It was worse than looking at Cortex’s baby bump and she couldn’t look at that either.

Their next stop was N. Gin’s workshop. Here Coco couldn’t help but give in to her enthusiasm. This place was more her speed! The entrance fed them straight onto a platform overlooking the workshop floor. Coco leaned over the railing and looked down at the giant robots, rockets, and tanks being assembled below her.

“Cat!” N. Gin zoomed up to the platform and swung himself over the railing. “About time you came by to say hello.” He turned to Crash and, pointing, snapped. “You! Don’t touch anything!”

“Mmm, don’t touch anything,” Cortex repeated mildly.

Crash held up his hands innocently.

“I’m not a cat,” Coco said, laughing at N. Gin’s old nickname for her. “What are you working on in here?”

“The stuff third-world dictators’ dreams are made of! First-world dictators, too,” said N. Gin. “Join in! Grab a wrench, grab a keyboard, see what you can make go boom! It’ll be like old times.” He waved his hand encouragingly.

She wanted to. She really wanted to. But it would mean leaving Crash alone with Cortex. And she had to remember, N. Gin wasn’t on her side- he was Cortex’s minion before he was her friend.

“Maybe some other time. We’re in the middle of something.”

“Of course. My workshop’s always open for you, Cat. Have fun! Don’t drink anything Nitrus gives you.”

As she followed Crash and Cortex out of the engineering workshop, Coco felt torn. She hadn’t thought anywhere in the castle would hold the least bit of temptation for her. She was wrong. Suddenly, she understood why Crash wanted to believe Cortex might truly be as nice as he was acting now. The life they could have here at the castle seemed wonderful, worth the risk to try even with a mountain of past experiences suggesting Cortex was merely laying yet another trap.

* * *

“Okay, big bro, you said if I found proof…” Coco muttered to herself, getting ready.

Her room was still empty save for the bed, desk, and computer Cortex had provided. She had put in online orders- a lot of orders- after the tour, but it would be a few days before anything arrived. Fortunately, she had plenty of stuff she’d brought from home. Dressing out of her suitcase, she put together an outfit for stealth- which here meant dusky lavender more than black or camo. Cortex’s middle name wasn’t Periwinkle for nothing. She secured her tablet and stowed a few other miscellaneous electronics and other spygear in her cargo pants before heading out.

Upon leaving her room, she went straight into the vents. They led to everywhere around the castle and- much as the idea of hacking Cortex’s ultra-fancy high tech door locks made Coco smile- were the fastest way into Cortex’s lab. She crawled her way there, swiftly and silently. When she arrived, she heard voices below her.

“-tell me how to run my own castle?”

It was Cortex! He sounded angry. Wondering if she’d had the luck to stumble into the middle of something juicy, Coco quickly pulled out her tablet and started recording.

“Somebody has to! Consider this an intervention, Master. You’re turning this place into a petting zoo!” N. Brio retorted.

“I’m fine with them being here, especially Coco,” a third voice said. It was N. Gin. “Doctor, maybe you should explain why we brought them to the castle?”

Yes! Perfect! This was exactly what Coco needed!

Petulantly, Cortex snapped, “I don’t have to tell him shit! You want to leave, N. Brio? Fine! Why should I care, considering you’re the reason there’s a cannonball crushing my bladder? Or do you want to work for Uka Uka? Is that it?”

“Just because you’ve given up all ambition-”

“Nitrus, don’t be an idiot,” N. Gin cut in. “You want your genius to be recognized. No road paved by Uka Uka offers that.”

“I don’t want to work for Uka Uka! But I’m not the one who brought that mask into our lives!”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Cortex morosely. “Uka Uka considers you his. If you want to stay evil, go independent or join N. Tropy, but otherwise, remaining here is your best chance.”

“Master, normally I would not stoop to such language, but fuck you!”

Suddenly, N. Gin snapped, “No, fuck you! Fuck you both! You two were the ones screwing around with mystical forces, thinking it couldn’t possibly screw you back- and how did I get wrapped up in this stupid devil’s bargain? You sent me a job offer, failing to mention anything about malevolent ancient spirits in the benefits package!”

“Maybe I will join Doctor N. Tropy!” Brio threatened.

N. Gin giggled hysterically.

“What?”

“Tropy is a physicist. He has no interest in what you do,” N. Gin said. “Of all of us, he’d be most likely to hire me, and, no. I don’t like the way that asshole runs things. Besides, you really don’t know what happened to him? Doctor Cortex didn’t tell you?”

“N. Brio never asked,” said Cortex.

Gin snickered. “Can I tell him then? Please let me tell him!”

“You wouldn’t be laughing if you’d met her!” Cortex snapped. “Once again, we are wandering wildly off subject! Uka Uka will return one day and when he does, he will come for all of us- starting with me and working his way down to the two of you! But you know who will be there to stop him when he does? Crash and Coco! They’ve always beaten him- and that was when we were on his side! Leave if you want to, N. Brio- but if you want to live, my castle is now the safest place in the world!”

Coco had heard enough- and more importantly, had recorded enough. But even if something happened to her tablet, she knew Crash would take her word for it. They never lied to each other- unlike some people! It was all she could do not to skid through the vents and reveal herself, she was so anxious to return to Crash. Once she was back in the bedroom wing, she knocked on his door.

“Crash! Crash, it’s me! I’ve got to talk to you, right away!”

Crash didn’t leave her waiting long before opening the door and ushering her in. Coco kicked the door shut behind her and ran over to his bed, plopping down her tablet.

“Listen to this!” she said. “It will explain everything!”

She played the recording, watching Crash’s face as he listened. He looked concerned. Worried, but not devastated. He was taking this well, at least. When it was done, he looked at Coco and held out his hands.

What does this mean?

“Cortex doesn’t want us to be his family! He wants us to be his bodyguards! He knows that whenever Uka Uka returns, the mask is going to be furious at him and he can’t take on Uka Uka himself, so he’s trying to trick us into doing it for him!”

Crash put his hand to his chin and thought for a long pause. Then… Okay. I wish Dad had told us. But at least we know now.

“Don’t call him ‘Dad’! He doesn’t feel that way about us!”

We don’t know how he feels. Not really.

Coco looked at him in disbelief. “Are you serious?” She picked up her tablet and shook it at him. “I found proof , Crash! Proof he asked us here because he has an ulterior motive! How can you defend him?”

He’s scared of Uka Uka, that’s reasonable. He has trust issues, that’s not surprising.

“Whatever, we can argue this at home! Are you still packed? If we leave now-”

Crash made a T with his hands. Leave?

“Yeah! Cortex is using us, so we’re bouncing, like we agreed-”

I agreed if this was an evil scheme. But Dad is afraid Uka Uka will hurt him because he doesn’t want to be evil anymore. Crash’s eyes lit up. So, we’re part of a not- evil scheme!

No. Oh, no no no no no! Coco felt sick. She could see where Crash was getting his interpretation, but he was wrong! Even if Cortex was scaling back his ambitions, he still only cared about himself! He was a terrible, selfish person who’d done horrible things and he deserved whatever was coming to him. He didn’t deserve Crash.

“He lied to get us to come here! He does not think of us as family!” Coco cried again.

We don’t know that, Crash protested. And if he doesn’t now, maybe he will someday. He’s trying to be good.

“And so what? So after every awful thing Cortex has done, you’re going to let him use you, protect him from Uka Uka, so that he’ll love you?” she demanded. “It’s not going to happen, Crash!”

He looked at her sadly and shook his head. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t love me. As long as he’s not being the bad guy, I’m going to protect him because I love him. It’s the same reason I protect you.

“But I do love you!”

I know. Crash smiled. It’s okay. I’m okay with this.

“I’m not!”

Crash put his hands on Coco’s shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. At his touch, she started crying. She couldn’t stand this. She wanted to hug and shove him at the same time. Somehow he was being so understanding and completely unreasonable simultaneously. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to leave- but she knew if she did, Crash wouldn’t come with her. She was trapped because right now, he was.

How do I get us out of this now?

Chapter Text

A week later, Coco lay on her stomach on her bed, reviewing information on her tablet. Her room was still bare- annoyingly, none of the things she had ordered had arrived, although some of Crash’s stuff had started to come in.

What was Cortex up to? She understood the role she and Crash were meant to play- they were to spare the mad doctor and his minions from Uka Uka’s wrath after turning their backs on the mask- but that information alone hadn’t been enough to convince Crash they should leave Cortex Castle. Crash was still convinced Cortex was turning over a new leaf, so Coco had to find proof the tree was as rotten as ever. And how did the baby fit into all this? Cortex had admitted he’d gotten dosed with N. Brio’s formula as a practical joke and gotten pregnant by complete accident. Honestly, that seemed way too bonkers and embarrassing for Cortex to be making up, plus some of the sniping Coco had heard him direct towards Brio backed up that story. Apparently he really had unexpectedly found himself knocked up and decided to roll with it.

Okay, but Coco didn’t have a hard time picturing Cortex running and gunning with a baby carrier strapped to his chest, meaning she and Crash had about four months before he went back to conquer-the-world schemes- sooner if he decided to be hands-off and delegate.

Suddenly, over the PA system, Cortex’s voice sang out, “Cocobella! Oh, Cocobella Cortex! Please report to my office.”

Coco snapped her head up and screamed, “Really? Really? My last name isn’t Cortex!”

Fine, she’d go and see what he wanted. She marched out of her room and down to his office, which was next to his lab. More of a library than a workspace, it was tidy, although crammed with bookshelves and cabinets that loomed over an ornate wooden desk, where Cortex sat. Coco was grateful for that desk as it did something to hide his swelling belly, which she still found too bizarre to look at for more than a few seconds. She wished he wouldn’t keep petting his baby bump, that make it even harder to ignore.

“Hi,” she said sassily, plopping into the chair across from him. “You called?”

Cortex smiled. “I did. Now, we could go through a whole song and dance where I say why do you think I asked you here, and you pretend you don’t know what this could be about, but we’re both intelligent people, so I’ll cut to the chase. You’ve been having fun with my credit card, haven’t you?”

Coco smiled back. “You said we could buy anything.”

“And indeed you have. Let’s see, your purchases include… a platinum-plated PlayStation, diamond-studded cat ear headphones… ooo, an Aston Martin with a custom paint job in periwinkle!” Cortex gave her a flat look. “Had to pick a British car, didn’t you?”

“Uh… what does that have to do with anything?”

“Let’s be honest here, young lady. You don’t want any of this stuff, you’re testing my limits.”

“I’m testing your credit limit!” she said brightly. “And those cat ears are cute!”

“You’re not getting them.”

“Oh, I think I am,” she replied innocently. “They’re not returnable.”

Cortex smiled. “Too bad almost none of your transactions were completed.”

“What?”

“You didn’t think I wouldn’t reserve final approval for all your purchases myself? I never got the chance to teach you or your brother fiscal responsibility, so I had to make sure I could trust you with this power.” He chuckled. “Nice try.”

“But… but… that’s not how credit cards work!”

“They work however you want when you’re rich,” he said. “Now, I don’t want to vet every little purchase you make, Coco. I, too, have expensive tastes and understand the allure of fashion. So, from this point forward, I’m giving you a monthly allowance. Use this to buy games, clothes, jewelry, toys, collectibles- whatever you want, I won’t question it. As for hardware, I understand that is an investment. You may come to me, ask me to purchase that for you, and it will not count against your allowance.”

She protested, “You’re not a gamer! You don’t understand my needs!”

“If you feel I have refused a request unreasonably, you may appeal to N. Gin and he can explain it to me to attempt to change my mind. Is that fair?”

Coco exhaled, blowing a strand of her hair out of her face. “It’s fair. Can I leave the principal’s office now?”

By way of an answer, Cortex put a small box on the table and slid it towards her.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“I didn’t cancel all your purchases. This seemed like something you actually wanted. Was I right?”

Coco opened the box. Inside was a pair of jeweled butterfly hair clips. They were real gold, adorned with actual gemstones, and while they had cost a pretty penny, expensive was relative in Cortex’s world. They had been only a few hundred dollars, quite cheap compared to everything else she’d added to her cart during her online spending spree. She’d simply thought they were lovely.

She looked up at sweet, sappy smile on Cortex’s face and could not stand it. She grabbed the box and rushed out of the room.

* * *

“Oh. Okay. I was wondering when this was going to happen,” Cortex growled, looking down at his belly. “Thanks, papaya!”

His navel was sticking out. He grimaced in distaste and dressed to make sure it wasn’t too obvious under the layers of his lab uniform. The person most likely to remark upon it was N. Brio- and if he said anything, Cortex decided he was just going to deck him.

Once he felt presentable, he left his bedroom and crossed the hall to Crash’s room. Most of Crash’s purchases had arrived and Cortex wanted to see how he was getting situated. He knocked on the door.

“Crash? It’s me! Just wanted to check in on you, if now’s a good time.”

The door opened, Crash’s smiling face behind it. Eagerly, he waved Cortex inside.

Crash certainly had made himself at home. He had transformed the room Cortex had given him into a beachy retreat- a luxury hammock for a bed, sand and surf painted on the walls, glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on the ceiling, a big comfy couch in front of a television with a few game consoles, a mini-fridge in one corner, and a boombox with stacks of CDs. There were more personal touches as well. On a shelf were pictures of Coco, Tawna, even Cortex, leaving the Doctor puzzled as to how and when Crash had acquired those.

“Very nice,” said Cortex, smiling. Crash had made a place for himself here and that made Cortex happy. Now if only Coco would do the same. She had made some new purchases since their discussion in his office, but he doubted she felt anywhere close to considering the castle home.

Crash pointed towards the ceiling. What’s up, Dad?

“Nothing really. Just… this is embarrassing. All this years we’ve spent, me experimenting on you, us chasing and fighting each other, I never got to know your hobbies. What do you do for fun?”

Crash beamed and raised a finger. He went over to the boombox and hit play. Pop music- Cortex didn’t recognize the artist, but he knew it was from the ’90s- started playing and Crash grooved along to the beat. He turned from side to side, swinging and thrusting his arms in a different motion each time.

“You like to dance!”

Crash nodded emphatically and waved for Cortex to try.

Cortex smirked. “Oh no, let me show you something. Is your computer on?”

Given the popularity of the song, he was able to pull up Earth, Wind & Fire’s “September” on the first hit. As the music started, he began shaking his hips and shoulders to the rhythm, then started snapping his fingers.

“Do you remember…” he sang along, “The twenty-first night of September…”

Crash jumped in beside him, gyrating along with him.

“Only blue talk and love, remember…” Cortex leaned back and arced his arm in a circle. “The true love we share- Shit! Shit, shit-”

He stopped dancing and started hopping backwards frantically as he lost balance. His foot lost contact with the floor- but it didn’t matter because Crash caught him in his arms. Cortex breathed in heavily, shaken by his near miss.

“God, that was stupid of me!” he admitted. Caught up in the music, it had escaped his mind that his center of gravity was completely different right now thanks to papaya. “Thank you, Crash. That could have been… bad.”

Crash led Cortex to the sofa. Truly Cortex was fine, but he took a few moments to calm himself, steadying his breath and rubbing his belly. Inside him, papaya shifted.

“I’m fine,” he assured Crash, who was giving him a concerned look. “It probably wouldn’t have been that bad. I’m not fragile, you know.”

I’d rather not test that, said Crash.

“Really? You’ve bounced on my head enough times.”

Those days are past us, right?

“Yes, they are. And I’m fine.”

A few more moments passed, then Crash held out his hand, asking if he could touch. Cortex nodded and took Crash’s hand to guide it.

“She’s here right now.”

Cortex needn’t have bothered. Crash had a knack for getting the baby to respond to him. He never failed to raise a kick out of her. She seemed to like his cooing. Cortex sighed, closing his eyes in contentment.

Crash nudged him.

Opening one eye, Cortex asked, “Yes?”

N. Brio’s formula.

“What about it?”

Is there a version for bandicoots?

Cortex jolted straight up. “ What! No! Why on Earth are you asking?”

Thinking ahead.

“To what? Why do you think I made Tawna?”

Crash gave him a stern look. That’s not fair to Tawna.

“No!” Cortex repeated. “No! No, no, no, don’t even think about it!”

Crash gave him the saddest, most pathetic look he’d ever seen.

“Ugh. When you are older and if it is relevant, then I will talk about it. When you are older!”

Crash nodded. Okay.

He went back to snuggling Cortex’s belly.

Chapter Text

“Knock knock! I know you’re in there, Cat!”

Coco pulled off her headphones. She’d been chilling on her bed, which she’d upgraded to a large, four-poster canopy that she’d hung with rainbow netting and fairy lights. All of her furniture purchases she’d had to run past Cortex, but he had approved them.

She opened the door. Behind it was N. Gin, waving a game case temptingly.

“Mario Kart!” he declared.

“Mario Kart!” Coco repeated, laughing. “But hey, I thought employees weren’t allowed up here?”

“We’re not, but if I don’t do it too often, Doctor Cortex lets me get away with it. He knows I respect your privacy. Cool if I come in?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said, stepping aside.

N. Gin entered. Looking at her gaming rig, he whistled. “Very nice.”

“Thanks.”

She’d done as Cortex had instructed as far as her desktop tower, monitors, and television were concerned, asking him to order them for her, but hadn’t bothered with her other equipment. She could have, but with the generous allowance he’d given her, it was honestly a waste of time not to simply go ahead and buy the other stuff herself. She’d still been able to purchase top-of-the-line everything, even if it wasn’t all platinum-plated or diamond-encrusted.

N. Gin set up the game. Coco picked Cat Peach, Gin chose Ludwig, and they started the Special Cup.

“Haven’t seen you in the workshop,” N. Gin remarked. “Haven’t gotten shy now, Cat? It’s been over a month since you got here.”

“Oh yeah. I’ve been…”

She’d been avoiding him precisely because she didn’t want to avoid him. Because she wanted to trust him and she knew it was a bad idea. She wouldn’t say that Gin was her Cortex, but they had been close.

“Busy sneaking around? Trying to hacking into the Doctor’s secret files?” N. Gin suddenly asked. “You’re not going to find anything. He isn’t lying to you.”

Coco’s eyes widened. She slammed pause on her controller and stood up. “What the hell, Uncle Gin?”

“Coco, you’re obviously still not happy to be here. You’re too smart to sit on your hands and do nothing. Of course, you’ve been attempting espionage. Not that I blame you. All of us here, we tried to do some pretty nasty things to you and Crash. You’re within your rights not to trust us.”

Coco squeezed her controller in fury. What kind of crazy, reverse psychology bullshit was this? Being nice and understanding about the fact that she knew he was a threat to her and her brother? That this whole situation was a horrible trap and was going to end with Crash brokenhearted?

“Did Cortex send you?” she asked. “He knows I won’t listen to him, so he thought you’d have a better chance at tricking me?”

“The Doctor did not send me. I’m a physicist, not a psychologist. Listen, Cat, I’m not going to-”

“Apologize?” she snapped. “You’re not sorry?”

“I’m not going make excuses. You’re old enough that I should explain how it was and who I am. Who I really am,” he said. “Doctor Cortex and N. Brio, I don’t know the full story, but they found Uka Uka and made some sort of pact. Or the Doctor did, but Nitrus was a lot more his groupie back then, so he didn’t complain at the time. As for me, at that time I didn’t believe in the supernatural. But I’d just been fired from the Department of Defense because… uh, if you ever want to visit the United States, I better not say. So I find out the Doctor Neo Cortex is looking for an engineer. Now, of course, I’ve heard of this guy. Does insane animal experiments, owns three islands, is disgustingly rich- usually, someone like that is all money and no brains, but Doctor Cortex is the real deal. Sure, I’ll build rockets for him! I apply, get hired- and then I find out about Uka Uka. Oh, but then it’s too late because ‘my minion is your minion’, apparently. Thanks! Thanks a lot! Was I asked? No. When corporate America hires you, they think they own your soul- but at Cortex Castle, they actually do!”

Coco had heard the short version of this before, but now it really sunk in, and she was horrified. “You mean you didn’t opt in? That… How does that work?”

“Uka Uka’s an evil spirit. How should I know how it works? I’m a scientist, not a psychic. Or a priest.”

“That doesn’t seem right… but you’re not innocent!” Coco shouted. She had, for a moment, started to feel bad for N. Gin, but then she remembered why she was angry. “You’ve tried to kill Crash and me plenty of times!”

“Yeah, I have. I said I wasn’t going to make excuses, so I’m not. We were on opposite sides. You were the enemy. Therefore, I tried to kill you- and yeah, I like you, Cat. I never stopped liking you,” N. Gin said. “But that didn’t mean I was going to put my neck out for you. Most people won’t. Most people aren’t heroes. They’re either cowards or they’re selfish. On top of that, I’m not a nice person. I didn’t pledge myself to Uka Uka, but I do fit in with the crew.”

Coco balled her fists. “Why are you saying all this? It’s like you want me to hate you!”

“I’m just being real.”

“No, you’re being awful!”

“I’m being real.” N. Gin growled, but he didn’t seem frustrated with her, rather frustrated in general. “Coco… I fought you because I was ordered to fight you, but I didn’t struggle with it. You need to decide if you can live with that.” He sighed. “And for what it’s worth, although I doubt it’s worth anything, I’m sorry.”

For a moment, Coco didn’t know what to do. A part of her wanted to scream, because she felt like what she ought to do was yell at N. Gin to leave her room and never come back. Yet even though that seemed like the course of action she should take, she knew it wasn’t what she wanted and that scared her.

Coco sat down. “Let’s just get back to the game.”

* * *

Cortex looked around N. Brio’s laboratory. It really was a dark and dank dungeon of workshop. A cauldron wouldn’t have felt out of place.

“I’m not here because I want to be. Of the two of us, I’m the more experienced and skilled surgeon. But I can hardly perform a Cesarean section on myself,” he said. “I’ve reviewed your qualifications and I am confident you can conduct the procedure to the standard of excellence I require. Will you do it?”

The sinister gleam that flashed in N. Brio’s eyes didn’t surprise Cortex in the slightest. “Master, this is no small thing you ask of me-”

“Just name your price,” he said tiredly.

“I want to be second-in-command again.”

Cortex put his hands on his belly to support himself as he burst out laughing. “Ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha, that’s rich! Go blow yourself.”

“Oh? Good luck in fourteen weeks then!”

Cortex wiped his eyes and shook out the last of his snickering. “Let me make something clear. Much as I’d prefer to keep this in house, there isn’t an obstetrician in the world who wouldn’t crawl through my death traps to oversee the first pregnant cis male’s delivery. You have less bargaining power than you think.”

N. Brio stared at him. Apparently, he thought this was a bluff.

“Fine.” Cortex shrugged and headed for the door. “Doctor N. Cision is next on my list. I’ll give her a call-”

“No!” N. Brio shouted. “Wait!”

Cortex turned.

“Cision’s a hack and you know it. I want a raise. One million. Annually.”

Cortex snorted. “Five million as a one-time bonus, paid in full when both the baby and myself are given a clean bill of health post-surgery.”

Brio squinted and pursed his lips as he thought it over. “Done.”

“But you better not get cute while you’re inside me or sewing me shut,” Cortex warned. “If when this is done, I don’t get back to my original shape and size-”

“I’m not going to do anything weird to you surgically!” he protested. “I’m a professional! I take pride in my work! But you will never get back to the exact shape you were, Master. That’s not how pregnancy works!”

“Then enjoy your bonus. Because for every centimeter my hips haven’t lost by this time next year, I’m taking ten thousand off your salary!”

Cortex left the chemistry lab, slamming the door shut.

Chapter Text

It was afternoon and Coco was alone in what Cortex called the “family dining parlor”, enjoying a simple lunch of plain wumpa slices. Breakfast and dinner she inevitability got roped into sharing with Crash and Cortex- of course she didn’t mind eating with Crash, it was Cortex’s presence that bothered her- but lunch she usually managed to dodge. Her live-streaming schedule or returning to N. Sanity Beach to take care of Pura and Polar were ready excuses for her absence. Some days it wasn’t even a lie.

She was finishing her meal when the door opened and, much to her displeasure, Cortex walked in. He carried a thin, square box under one arm and, as usual lately, he looked round and ridiculous. The bandicoot siblings had been at the castle about two months now and in that time, Coco swore Cortex’s belly had doubled in size. She had no idea if that was normal or not for a human pregnancy. It might be- it probably was- but she still could not get over his appearance.

“Good afternoon, Coco,” he said, approaching the table.

“Afternoon,” she sang and swung out her plate towards him. “Care for some wumpa?”

Cortex smiled, then picked up a piece and crushed it in his hand, letting the juice drip between his fingers. He leaned forward and inhaled the scent. “Mmm. You know I don’t have a contact allergy, right? I have to eat wumpa to get sick and even then, it’s not serious. I throw up, not go into anaphylactic shock.”

She scowled. “So you’re really not scared of the stuff.”

“Nope. I’ve been eating meals every day in this room with you and your brother. Do you really think I’d take such a risk in my condition?”

Okay, Coco should have picked up on that. “Do you have any serious allergies?”

“Not that I know of,” said Cortex. With a napkin, he wiped the juice and pulp off his hand. “Or that I would tell you. You did just try to poison me, Cocobella.”

“Look at this way, if we’re keeping score on how many times one of us has tried to kill the other, you’re still well in the lead!” she said brightly.

Cortex raised an eyebrow. “Touché.” He set the box on the table. “If you’re amenable to it, I thought we could play a game. I know you like games.”

“I like video games.” She glanced at the box. “You’ve brought checkers.”

He smiled. “You like challenges , Coco. You’re more like me than you want to admit. So here is what I propose. For each piece that one of us captures, the other has to answer a question- fully and truthfully. And we can ask whatever we want.”

Trap. This was a trap. He’d get her to give away information and feed her only lies- unless she turned the tables on Cortex and did that to him instead. Who said that what she told him had to be the truth? What sort of questions he asked might reveal his concerns, hint at the shape of his plans. There was still a lot she could learn, even if she couldn’t take any of Cortex’s answers at face value.

“You’re on.”

They set up the board, Cortex black and Coco red. It was a few moves before anyone took a piece, the first capture going to Cortex.

“What’s your favorite color?” he asked.

What? Seriously? “Pink.”

Giving as good as she got, Coco captured a checker next. Cortex might be trying the strategy of going easy on her at first, but she saw no reason to hold back.

“What will you do if Crash and I decide not to protect you from Uka Uka?”

Cortex’s eyes slowly rose from the board. “Who said anything about Uka Uka?”

“It’s my question, not yours.”

He froze, clearly not knowing what to say. His hand twitched. Then, “I… I suppose it was foolish not to realize you’d figure that out, that I’m hoping you’ll help me deal with him. But I swear, that’s not the only reason I asked you and your brother to live with me. It’s not even the first-”

“You’re not answering my question,” Coco insisted. She didn’t want to hear Cortex’s excuses.

Cortex took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Whatever I have to, I suppose. I don’t want to go back to trying to take over the world- but we both know that Uka Uka will have something new he can hold over me if I don’t comply.” He splayed his hands across his belly.

“You’re scared for the baby?”

“Of course I am. I haven’t been able to find my own way out from under his domination, now I have to do it for two?” Cortex closed his eyes, wincing. “But I swear, Coco, I didn’t invite you and Crash here as simply a means to that end. I missed you. I really did.”

I don’t believe you.

“Whatever,” Coco said. “Let’s keep playing.”

Although he seemed badly shaken by Coco’s question, Cortex’s strategy remained on form. He took not only one piece, but two- a double jump Coco was annoyed she left open for him.

“What’s your favorite dessert?”

“Wumpa-flavored ice cream with strawberry sauce and sprinkles in a waffle cone.”

“And your favorite film?”

“The Matrix.”

The next capture went to Coco, who again went for the jugular. “Do you feel guilty for manipulating Crash?”

“Eh, not really,” Cortex said, shrugging. “Lying to Crash that I wanted crystals to save the world when I was really trying to enslave it was a jerk move, sure, but that was how I operated back then.”

“I’m not talking about that!” she snapped. “I mean now! Manipulating Crash now!”

“Oh.” He sighed and said patiently, “I’m not manipulating Crash. I’m glad you’re here. I really do hope that someday you will consider the castle your home.”

Cortex’s questions weren’t ruthless, but his play was. Coco started bleeding pieces and yet everything he asked continued to be basic, getting-to-know-you fluff. She wasn’t dumb. She saw his objective. The real game here was to convince her that he cared about her, but she wasn’t having it.

By the time Coco finally got another one of Cortex’s pieces, she was angry enough to ask it.

“Who’s your baby’s other father?”

Cortex stood up.

“I forfeit,” he said.

Without further explanation, he turned his back on Coco and left the room.

* * *

“He flat out refused to tell me. That’s really suspicious, don’t you think?” Coco asked. She was sitting cross-legged in Crash’s hammock.

Crash, who was assembling a puzzle on the floor, looked up and answered, No. You were being mean.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t very nice to the megalomaniac who tried taking over the world and then the multiverse last year. Can we focus on the bigger picture? Why won’t he say who the father of his baby is?”

Is it any of our business? Crash asked.

“Of course it is! It’s Cortex we’re talking about here! Whoever else is involved, it isn’t somebody normal. It’s someone dangerous. For all we know, the baby is the take-over-the-world plan! I mean, Cortex is a geneticist, if anyone could make an evil super baby, it would be him.”

Crash raised three fingers. One, there is no take-over-the-world plan. Two, N. Brio made the formula that got Dad pregnant, so this was never part of a scheme. Three, maybe Dad doesn’t know who the other father is?

Coco blinked. “What? How could he not?”

Do I really have to explain?

“Augh! How could there be that many people who’d want to sleep with him?”

I don’t see why you’re skeptical.

Coco shook her head. “No, I don’t think that’s it. The way he reacted, it was hostile. He knows who fathered his baby. He knows, Crash, and-”

Crash waved his hands.

“Yes?”

Unless Dad himself wants to tell us, I don’t care.

She dropped her head into her hands and growled in aggravation. “I knew you were going to be like this! I came here to tell you I’m on the verge of discovering something, but you won’t listen! You’re too happy here, but it’s a lie!”

Crash stood up and walked across the room to where Coco sat. He put his hands on her shoulders.

I am listening. But are you? We’ve been here two months. You still haven’t found any proof that Dad has anything evil planned.

“What about how he wants us to fight Uka Uka for him?”

That’s not evil of him to want. And he admitted it when you asked.

“Crash…”

He looked into her eyes, resolved. Coco, I am staying. If you are staying, you need to be gentler with Dad.

Crash would never give her an ultimatum, that wasn’t the kind of person he was- but Coco recognized this for as close as he would come. She couldn’t leave him. Whatever Cortex had planned, when it would begin was obvious: after he gave birth, when he would again be physically capable. That was still many months away, but Coco knew Crash would outrun lava for her. So if she had to stick around Cortex Castle for that long to save her brother from himself, she would.

She exhaled loudly and said, “Okay, I’ll try, Crash. I’ll try .”

* * *

“Doctor N. Tropy speaking… Oh hello, Doctor N. Brio. You’re lucky you caught me, I don’t return to this dimension much anymore… No, I’m not looking for an assistant at this time and I don’t need a biochemist… A new scientific break-through, really? Go on… Good lord, man, why would I want a potion that does that? How do you even know it works, you sick freak?… Oh goodness, really? That’s disgusting, anyone I know?… Cortex? Ah ha ha ha ha ha, you are joking! Please tell me you have photographs, this I must see. When is he due?… Wait, are you certain? You are absolutely, beyond a shadow of doubt… Never mind why! You are under consideration for hire, so long as not a word of this conversation gets back to your current employer, do you understand?… Good. I shall be in touch.”

Nefarious slammed down the phone.

“She’s going to kill me.”

Chapter Text

“Why did I agree to this?” Cortex groaned.

He had thought he had been large before. That was a joke. At thirty-two weeks, he was legitimately huge, his belly chasing his toes. And he was heading into a party for everyone to ogle him in this state? Brilliant idea. They should revoke his doctorate.

Crash gave him the thumbs up. Looking good, Dad. Very handsome.

“I’m almost as fat as my head.”

Not fat. Sweet. Crash mimed a globe with his hands. Like a ripe juicy wumpa.

Cortex growled. Not a comparison that thrilled him, when his feet and ankles were swollen and he felt bloated all over. The clothes he’d donned for the occasion were comfortable- a purple silk smoking jacket with raspberry sash and trim- but something about how the sash was tied in a bow over his belly made him feel a little too much like a present in need of unwrapping.

“Let’s get this over with.”

With that, Crash opened the double doors in front of Cortex and led him into the dining hall, decorated for his baby shower. Immediately, he was impressed. N. Gin had done well. The walls were festooned with pink streamers, runners, and balloons, but this was by no means a sleepy pastel tea party. Dark fuchsia and magenta were the dominant tones, with shades of purple thrown in for accent. The only thing that could possibly be described as baby pink was the glittering disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Cortex stepped inside and the crowd cheered.

“Alright, the guest of honor has arrived!” N. Gin announced from the DJ station. “Congratulations, Doctor Cortex! Have a seat, this day is all about you- so you don’t have to do anything! For the rest of us weirdos, we’ve got food, we’ve got games, I’ve got the music, so let’s have fun! Let’s get down, get freaky- not too freaky, there are kids here, I don’t just mean the baby, we got to keep it E for Everyone, folks, but hey, let’s have a party!”

Crash smiled and linked his arm through Cortex’s to escort him towards the rear center of the hall. The bandicoot was dressed rather spiffy himself, in black jeans and a raspberry-colored shirt that matched Cortex’s jacket. At the place of honor awaited Cortex nothing less than an actual throne, outfitted in plush red cushions, with an accompanying ottoman for his feet. Coco stood beside it, wearing a flouncy pink dress, her arms crossed.

“Are you serious?” he asked, laughing as he inspected the throne.

“He’s serious,” Coco said flatly. She and Cortex hadn’t interacted much since that unfortunate checker match about a month ago. If space was what she needed, he would give it to her.

Crash produced another pillow. Resting on top of this one was a crown.

“No, no, let’s not take this too far now,” Cortex said. “I like the chair. Thank you.”

He sat down and then raised his feet for Crash to scooch the ottoman underneath. Over the speakers, disco music started playing.

If you want to dance, I’ll make sure you don’t fall, Crash offered.

“I’d rather relax,” Cortex said, rubbing his belly. “Some food would be nice though.”

Be right back!

And Crash spun off.

“Huh,” Coco remarked. “Guess you got what you wanted after all. Crash isn’t general of your army, but he’s still taking your orders.”

Cortex sighed heavily. “Coco…”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not worried. I know my brother. The moment you show your true colors, Crash will do the right thing. He’ll drop you on your head exactly like you deserve.”

She walked away.

Cortex shuddered, trying to shake off her words. He couldn’t blame Coco for not trusting him. It was amazing, a goddamn miracle, that Crash already trusted him. He’d earn the place he wanted in Coco’s heart, he would. After all he’d done to her and Crash, he could hardly expect a few months to have been enough time.

Crash returned with a plate of fruit, tiny sandwiches, and a cupcake, as well as a sweet mocktail. It was all scrumptious and it got pineapple’s approval as well. Cortex wasn’t surprised when he felt her wriggle after he’d eaten the cupcake. Pineapple- he could hardly believe she was that big! Sometimes, it still felt like yesterday she’d been a poppy seed.

In spite of his doubts before entering, Cortex found he was enjoying himself. Colleagues came up to chat, catching him up on the latest scientific developments and gossip, the music was great- and sometimes it was more entertaining to watch other people dance. Crash and Coco grooving to the rhythm, laughing and obviously having a great time, was a heartwarming sight. On the other hand, N. Brio’s pathetic attempts to shuffle-step in some sort of pattern, completely out of sync with the beat, made Cortex cringe.

Then came time to open presents! There were the usual gifts, of course: baby clothes, bottles, and diapers that seemed endless now but wouldn’t be by the time they were called into service. Cortex was pleased to also receive several items he’d requested, including baby’s first chemistry set, multiple infant-sized lab coats, and a picture book about genetic resequencing. While he hadn’t asked for any weaponry, the broad selection of tiny handhelds many guests had included as extras were welcome.

“Where did you register?” Coco hissed, popping up at his side.

“Infant Infernal,” Cortex answered smugly. “It’s on the Dark Web.”

“Of course it is,” she said, dropping a tube in his lab and disappearing into the crowd.

Cortex opened the tube and was surprised at the thoughtfulness of Coco’s gift. It was a high-quality print of the periodic table of elements, embellished with whimsical illustrations that would encourage any child to commit it to memory.

“One gift left!” N. Gin announced. “This is from big brother-to-be! He made it himself, so you think twice before messing with this bandicoot!”

Crash wheeled up to Cortex’s throne a cart on which rested something wide and oblong wrapped in shiny pink and gold paper. Feeling the least he could do was get up, Cortex hoisted himself off his throne and walked over to the present.

“What’s this?” he asked, tugging on the paper.

The gift wrap fell away, revealing a wooden baby cradle. Around the top were carved the silhouettes of different animals- a bandicoot, dingo, crocodile, kangaroo, cat, and bat, among others, all ones that Cortex had at one point or another successfully experimented upon.

“Crash…” Cortex couldn’t help it and he couldn’t stop it. He started crying. “Crash, it’s beautiful.”

The crowd went “aww”. Cortex had himself a good, happy cry back on his throne, Crash handing him tissues, while a few lab assistants loaded the baby’s gifts into the cradle and wheeled it out of the hall. A few minutes later, after he’d calmed down, he found N. Gin beside him, holding up a microphone.

“Wanna give a speech?” Gin asked.

“Oh!” said Cortex. “Okay, sure.”

“Cool. Hit that button when you’re ready.”

Cortex wiped his eyes and then tapped the mic. When he felt he had the crowd’s attention, he started.

“I want to thank you all for coming to this party. I never thought I’d be having a baby shower, or if I did… I had a more traditional view of where the baby might be located. But it has always been my ambition to lead a life bold and uncommon. And this-” He chuckled, sheepishly patting his belly. “This certainly qualifies. This has been weird and awkward and embarrassing and insane- but also sort of wonderful. And you have been very understanding and supportive, and I thank you for that. Thank you, because… I am happy.”

“You’re welcome!”

“Shut up, N. Brio! Anyway, in about an hour I’m going to leave and take a nap, but from where my room is, you could set off a warhead in here and I wouldn’t hear it. I’m giving everyone the next three days off, so party as long as you want.”

The crowd erupted into cheers.

“Aw, yeah, give it up for Doctor Cortex!” N. Gin called. “Hey, who wants to see if I can get my band to come over? Impromptu Rawkit Hëd concert!”

Cortex turned the mic back on. “No!”

The music played on and the dance floor filled again. All was well- for about fifteen minutes more. Then a line of jagged white light cut through the center of the room.

Cortex bolted upright in his seat. He knew that light. He knew what was coming. Oh God, not now, not yet- he’d hoped pineapple would be out of him before Uka Uka returned!

Crash sped up to his side and laid a hand on his arm. Dad, it’s going to be okay.

“No, no, it won’t!”

Yes, it will. You’ve got me.

The light split, renting a hole in space. Laughter poured through- but it wasn’t Uka Uka. It was two voices, from the same person. Cortex stood up.

“Oh, shit.”

Through the dimensional rift and into Cortex Castle together stepped the Doctors Nefarious Tropy.

For one incredibly stupid moment, Cortex considered grabbing something to conceal his middle- but there was no such object large enough that wasn’t also furniture and if Tropy were here, crashing his baby shower, that meant the man already knew his condition. Great. Fucking fantastic. What moron had told him?

“Hey!” N. Gin barked over the loudspeakers. “You aren’t invited to this! I know you aren’t, because I was specifically told not to invite you!”

“Oh, but I simply had to see this for myself,” Tropy drawled, taking an exaggerated survey of Cortex. “Neo, you look-”

“Shove it, N. Tropy! You came, you saw, now get the fuck out of my castle.”

He sneered. “Is hostile really the way you want to play this, Cortex? It won’t go well for you.”

“Oh, let him.” The other Dr. N. Tropy smirked. “It will be more fun this way.”

Cortex clenched his fists. “Last time you were here, we agreed you were never coming back.”

Tropy smiled. “Thank you for bringing up last time. I wouldn’t have agreed to such terms had I known you were fertile. I have every right to be here. After all, this little party is to celebrate the fact that you’re carrying my child.”

The room popped with assorted exclamations of surprise- including a shrill “ N. Tropy?! ” from Coco. Cortex burst with fury.

“You fucking asshole! Of course you’re one of those men who thinks the subpar orgasm you gave me is somehow equivalent to the nine months of work my body has to do-”

“So it is his,” the other Tropy said.

Cortex’s breath hitched. Shit. He really had admitted to it- or had he? “Maybe. Possibly. I don’t know, I don’t want know! I was with more than one person-”

“Oh, that’s a lie,” Tropy retorted, laughing. “You have no one else, Neo, and even if you did, you expect me to believe that you of all people didn’t analyze our baby’s DNA backwards and forwards? You know that child you bear is mine.”

“Must you be such a creep about it?” Cortex snapped. “Why did I ever sleep with you? Oh, that’s right, because at the time we were the only two people on Earth!”

The other Dr. N. Tropy tilted her head towards her male counterpart and smiled. “If that’s how he feels about you, you must have been holding back.”

His Tropy grinned at her devilishly in return and said, “Oh, I have done much to you that I never have to him.”

The two of them laughed and Cortex tried not to gag.

“Fine, here’s the whole story,” he snapped. “I got spiked with a potion by N. Brio right before you showed up begging for a goodbye fuck. I didn’t know! If I had, I would have kicked you to the curb- obviously, that’s not what happened. So fine, fine, you got me pregnant! You’re my baby’s sperm donor! I didn’t want you to know, I didn’t want anybody to know, because I despise you, Nefarious. But you have shown up here, announced it to the heavens, and thoroughly ruined my day. Now, will you fucking leave?”

Tropy stepped forward, raising an eyebrow. “Do you honestly believe that is all I want? That I came here merely to demand you admit to the truth?”

“I believe I give the same amount of shits towards your wants as you do towards mine.”

Taking another step, Tropy thrust his staff towards Cortex and declared, “I want my child, Neo!”

Fear trilled up his spine. Instinctively his hands went to his belly, yet firmly- resolutely- he said, “That is never, ever going to happen.”

“I am the father!” N. Tropy raised his clenched fist. “You have no right to deny me!”

“Right? How about duty?” Cortex snapped. “You’re the most arrogant dick I’ve ever met and that’s saying a lot! You’re a complete narcissist incapable of loving anyone but yourself- you are in love with yourself, she’s standing right back there! The only reason you’d ever want a child is egotism. You’ll be a shitty father who will rip a gorge of psychic trauma a mile wide in your offspring. I wouldn’t hand you an orphan off the street, much less my own flesh and blood. So no. Absolutely not. You are not getting my baby!”

“Bold words coming from a lemon cream puff!” Tropy snarled. “You’ve gone soft and not only in shape! Don’t want to take over the world anymore? Not even interested in building death rays? What kind of extreme scientist are you- you’re pathetic! And on top of that, you invited those fleabags to live with you, treating them like your children- as if they’re equals to my heir? They’re not even human, Cortex!”

“It’s not about humanity. It’s about soul. Crash and Coco each have one, but you?” Cortex said. “You replaced yours with a clock a long time ago!”

Tropy slow-clapped. “Been sitting on that one, haven’t you?”

It may have been his baby shower in his own castle, but that didn’t mean Cortex hadn’t come armed. From inside his jacket, he pulled out his ray gun.

“Do not fuck with me, N. Tropy! Not about this! You are not now or ever getting my child!”

“Are you really going to shoot me?” Tropy’s voice dripped with skepticism.

“It would be my shower present to myself.”

“Darling, don’t take another step further!” the other N. Tropy suddenly called out. “This is the third time I’ve been through the last hour and a half and if I have to do this again, we’re not coming back here!”

“What?”

“You step forward, he shoots you, you die, so I go home, use the Time Twister to jump back-”

“Wait, what?” Cortex cried. “I kill him, so you reset time to resurrect him? How is that fair?”

She smiled smugly. “Time travel. So much better than animal hybridization. Anyway, critical moment’s passed, carry on.”

Looking rather pale, Tropy asked, “Dearest, how many times have you done this for me?”

“I told you, twice.”

“I don’t mean today, I mean… overall.”

“About as many as you have for me, I assume,” she answered.

“I’ve never had to reset time to save you.”

“Oh, that’s sweet of you to lie.” She pursed her lips and blew him a kiss.

“I don’t think he’s lying,” said Cortex.

“Shut up!” his Tropy snapped. “Out of consideration for your role in ushering my child into the world, I’m giving you a choice. Agree to surrender her to me after she’s born and I’ll let you give birth on your own terms. Refuse-”

Cortex aimed for the face- unfortunately, both N. Tropys knew it was coming, so not only did his swerve, the Lady Nefarious shot out an arc of lightning towards him, forcing him to duck.

Over the speakers, N. Gin screamed, “Code Red! Defend Doctor Cortex! Lethal force authorized! Go people, fight! Rumble!”

Before Cortex, N. Tropy rose into the air. “I’m so glad you picked the hard way. I have everything prepared-”

A whirling disc of gold struck Tropy full on in the face, snapping his head back. Cortex recognized it as the crown he had refused earlier, a mere moment before a firm arm secured him by the waist and whisked him off. Cortex found himself behind the throne, which had been knocked over and turned backwards as a makeshift barricade.

Crash smiled at him. Stay here. Stay safe, Dad.

He kissed Cortex’s forehead and then sprung back into battle.

“No, Crash-” Cortex began and stopped himself. It was fine. It was fine, it would be fine! He’d built Crash for this and knew well that the bandicoot could handle himself, but-

I don’t want you to fight!

“Fuck this, I still have a ray gun.”

He peered over the back of the throne. Crash had engaged N. Tropy- his N. Tropy- directly and was taking up his full attention, whirling around the scientist as he dodged lighting surges from the man’s tuning fork. Cortex tried tracking Tropy with his blaster, but Crash was an unpredictable fighter. Too many times the bandicoot crossed into Cortex’s line of sight for Cortex to dare pull the trigger.

Cortex turned his attention to the other N. Tropy and almost wished he hadn’t. She seemed to be having the time of her life, laughing maniacally and tearing through the party decorations as she fought off not only Coco and N. Gin, but somehow everybody else in the room. Maybe it was a case of too many numbers creating a bottleneck, but Cortex had the awful feeling that the Lady Nefarious was just that terrifying.

“What do I do, what do I do…”

He wasn’t a physical fighter. Even if had he been, he had all the grace of a bowling ball right now. But was there truly nothing he could do but cower?

“Guess you got what you wanted after all…”

Here he was with his throne, Crash and an army fighting for him- no, this wasn’t what he wanted! When this was over, somehow, he’d make it up to Crash, because he knew he didn’t deserve that sweet boy’s devotion-

A yelp of pain shattered his thoughts.

Cortex bolted to his feet. N. Tropy was no longer in the air. He was standing on the floor- and pinned underneath him, splayed flat on his stomach, was Crash.

Grinning in triumph, Tropy raised his staff high. Its prongs sparked with deadly electricity as he adjusted his aim. Its arc would bring it down on the back of Crash’s head.

“My, my, what perfect symmetry,” he mused. “So it was in my quantum twin’s universe, so it shall be in mine. This is my destiny…”

“No…” Cortex’s heart lurched in his chest. It pressed against his ribs, as if it wanted to burst out. “Nefarious, NO!”

He raised his ray gun and time slowed. He had the shot. He could pull the trigger and blast N. Tropy away. He had the shot- but his hands were shaking. God damn him, why were they shaking? Why was he crying? Why did he have to be like this? If he shot, he was going to miss, he knew it, and he could not afford to miss-

Cortex swung his aim upward and shot the disco ball hanging from the ceiling. It exploded into a shower of glittering pink shards, raining jagged glass down on N. Tropy. The light and sound seized the attention of everyone in the room all at once.

I cannot afford to miss.

So again, Cortex turned his gun where he knew he could not possibly fail to hit and screeched, “ Nefarious! ”

Reactions were varied. More than one person gasped or even shrieked. N. Gin sputtered, “Holy shit!” But by far the worst response came from Crash, who quietly warbled, “No, no.”

Cortex, who had stepped out from behind the throne, had his blaster pressed against his own head.

“Get off my son. Now!”

“Aren’t you being a tad dramatic?” Tropy asked, but even his voice was shaky.

“I have earned dramatic!” Cortex bellowed. “You came here for my baby? There won’t be a baby if you don’t get off my son!”

From somewhere in the back of the hall, atop a pile of dark pink party rubble, the other Dr. N. Tropy laughed. “There truly is no party like a Cortex party! I’m so glad we came! I’d be happy with the murder-suicide, but go ahead and negotiate an alternative if you’d like, sweetheart.”

Tropy straightened himself and glared at Cortex with open distaste. “Fine. I don’t kill your… ‘son’ and you don’t blow out your brains. Then what? Fighting recommences? Bring this to an end, Cortex- the only end there can be if you want anyone here to live.”

Cortex squeezed his eyes shut. Tropy would accept nothing less than his surrender- his submission. As a sacrifice, it would have been unfathomable had he not known exactly what he was saving. He opened his eyes and looked at Crash, who still was shaking his head, begging Cortex no.

Sadly, Cortex smiled at him. “I don’t know why you still love me. Every time I manipulated you, hurt you, insulted you, called you a failure… You’re the best thing I ever made. You’re worth a hundred of me, Crash, and I’ve always been proud of that.”

Looking back at Tropy, he lowered his weapon.

“I’ll go with you. Of my own free will, I’ll walk into whatever dark and nasty little dungeon you have prepared for me. There. Will that make you happy?”

N. Tropy smiled. “Very much so.”

Cortex approached him. “How are we doing this?”

“The bandicoot will remain on the floor. You’ll drop your weapon beside him and come with me.”

“No,” Crash whimpered.

“You can control him now, can’t you?” Tropy drawled.

“You can be something other than an ass now, can’t you?” Cortex snapped. “He’s not my minion. I don’t tell him what to do. But… I don’t want him hurt. So I’m hoping he’ll stay down.”

Tropy made the first move, floating off Crash’s back and landing on the floor next to him. Cortex dropped his ray gun. He winced at the clatter it made against the floor- he would rather have lowered it gently, but kneeling or bending over wasn’t easy for him with pineapple in the way.

“Through the rift?” he asked.

“Through the rift,” Tropy confirmed.

At the hole in the space, the other Dr. N. Tropy was waiting for them, a cruel and satisfied smile twisting her face. Cortex turned, taking one last look back. Crash’s green eyes met his, wide and pleading.

“No,” he warbled again.

Cortex didn’t know if he meant it yet, not fully. But he was certain that, in time, he would- so he would say it now, just in case.

“I love you.”

Tropy grabbed his arm, yanking him into the rift. As it began to close, Crash sprung onto his feet and started running. Cortex’s last sight of his home dimension was Crash’s hand reaching for him as the N. Tropys’ rift sealed itself shut.

Chapter Text

Coco ran towards Crash as her brother fell onto his knees, his hand still extended in the air towards where the rift had been.

“No, no…”

“Crash!”

She threw her arms around him, but he didn’t seem to register her presence.

“No, no…”

“Holy shit!” N. Gin jetted towards them. “Are you alright? Holy crap, I can’t believe that just happened!”

Coco pulled back from Crash to look at N. Gin. His hair was more disheveled than usual, same as hers, and the fancy suit jacket he’d put on for the party had a nasty, charred rip from where Lady Dr. N. Tropy had gotten a good swipe at him, but otherwise he seemed fine.

“I’m okay, I think,” she said. She probably had some bruises she wasn’t feeling yet and her dress was a tattered mess now, but she didn’t care. “I’m more worried about Crash.”

Suddenly, she felt Crash’s arm tighten around hers.

“Coco.”

She turned back towards her brother. Crash was crying.

“Oh, no, no, Crash.” She squeezed his shoulder. “It’s-”

Going to be alright? No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t alright. How very not alright it was came crashing down on her like a waterfall and she was crying, too.

“I was so mean to him! I thought he was lying! I thought he was using you! But he was telling the truth- he was telling the truth about everything!” she sobbed. “He really wanted us to be a family!”

Never, never in a million years would she have imagined that Dr. Neo Cortex would make a sacrifice for anything or anyone but himself. Not for her, certainly not for Crash. But he had given himself up and he hadn’t even hesitated- as if doing anything else was simply unthinkable.

Coco knew someone else who operated that way. She never would have thought that it was from Cortex that Crash got his determination.

She and Crash hugged each other tightly, sobbing into each other’s shoulders. Coco didn’t know how long they spent crying, but eventually she started to feel something more than despair- she started feeling angry. Their lives had been just fine, even if Coco hadn’t known it. Now N. Tropy had dropped into the middle of it all and ruined everything. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair- and it could not stand.

“We have to get him back,” Coco declared. “We have to rescue Cortex!”

Crash looked at her. So you’ll come with me?

“Of course! I’m with you all the way.”

“Aw, hell yeah!” N. Gin cheered, slamming his cyborg fist into his hand. Then he yelped and shook his left, flesh hand in pain. “Yeowch! Normally I remember not to do that.”

Coco stood up. “Okay, um, so without Cortex, who’s in charge? He never made it clear who’s second-in-command.”

“Yeah, he prefers keeping that hazy to not encourage power-grabbing, but it’s me,” said N. Gin. “I set up the castle’s weapon system and I’ve never backstabbed him, ’cause I know being at the very top of the pyramid sucks ass. Of course, you two can give whatever orders you want. If anyone pushes back- and by anyone, I mean N. Brio- let me know and I’ll put them in their place.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean what am I-” A look of realization came over N. Gin’s face. “Oh! Oh, he never told you!”

“Told us what?”

“Doctor Cortex legally adopted both of you. With him gone, you guys own this place.”

Crash looked as if he were going to faint.

“What?” Coco exclaimed. “How is that possible? We may be sapient, but we’re still bandicoots. What court signed off on this?”

“Okay, maybe he illegally adopted you. Your birth certificates are works of epic fiction- but you’re locked in now. And I know he updated his will, too. He was worried about giving birth, which… when I think about it, my brain screams for three minutes,” N. Gin said. “Both by legal default and his express wishes, you two are the heirs of Neo Cortex.”

Coco put her hand to her forehead and paced. This was too much at once. She couldn’t process this, not at this moment.

“This doesn’t matter, not now- getting him back, that’s what important!” she declared. “Did you know? Did you have any idea N. Tropy was his baby’s other father?”

“Real talk, I thought Doctor Cortex didn’t know who the other father was. I mean, he can get it.” N. Gin clicked his tongue suggestively. “But in hindsight? Makes sense. The two of them got trapped in the past together for a long time. I mean a really long time. You know that hypothetical question, ‘What if you and this guy were the only two people on the planet’? It wasn’t hypothetical for them.”

“Ugh! But that was then! Now Tropy’s with… Tropy. So how did this happen?”

“You heard them screaming at each other. Everyone in this room did. Do they seem like two mature, well-adjusted individuals who have moved on?” N. Gin bit his lip. “Cat, not gonna lie. The sooner you can get the Doctor away from Tropy, the better.”

* * *

The rift took Cortex and the Doctors N. Tropy to another place of vaulted ceilings and dark stone corridors. Unlike Cortex Castle, this fortress was in obvious disrepair. Windows were cracked, statues broken and crumbling, banners and carpets tattered and rotten when present at all.

“I didn’t think you would literally take me to a dungeon,” Cortex remarked.

“Haven’t you been paying attention?” Tropy sneered. “We’ve been going up, not down.”

Cortex bristled at the other man’s tone, but Tropy wasn’t wrong to rebuke him. His thoughts had been consumed with the last thing he’d seen as the rift had closed- the pain and determination on Crash’s face- but he needed to observe his surroundings, because he couldn’t count on Crash to get him out of here. He’d crossed dimensions, something only N. Tropy had fully worked out the technology to do safely. He was on his own.

Once he began taking notice, it wasn’t long before he recognized the place. It wasn’t simply familiar, it was uncanny. Some of the details were off- certain colors were different, shapes and motifs altered- but the layout was exactly the same. It was a wonder he hadn’t realized where they were even without trying.

“This is another version of my castle,” he said. He turned to the female Tropy. “Your Cortex?”

“I didn’t own her. She wasn’t mine, not the way you seem to be his,” she answered, nodding towards her counterpart. “But yes, we are in my universe’s Cortex Castle.”

“Why is it such a wreck?” he asked, but he had the awful feeling he already knew.

“It was abandoned after she died. I didn’t want it, too bulky and crude for my needs.”

“Did you kill her?” he whispered. Was this why the other N. Tropy’s presence filled him with such dread?

“Not directly. After I dispatched your marsupial mutants, your other self went mad with grief. Started ranting that I’d killed her daughter, even though before she’d never called her experiment that. She launched a very poorly planned assault on my fortress and it went as one would expect. I would have been quite happy to strike the killing blow…” Dr. N. Tropy shrugged. “But she succumbed to my defenses before I could reach her.”

Cortex wrapped his arms around his belly. In this universe, he’d learned to love Crash too late- and right now, he wasn’t sure he hadn’t made the same mistake in his own.

They kept walking, Cortex now keeping an eye out for statues and portraits. He was curious, what had his other self looked like? But all he spotted was the bottom half of a statue featuring the trailing hem of a slinky gown and a pair of legs in high heel shoes.

They continued, onward and upward. Presently, his own N. Tropy remarked, “Don’t worry, we’re almost there. I know you must be getting exhausted, carrying all that extra weight on you.”

You just had to start , Cortex seethed. Forcing a broad smile on his face, he responded brightly, “Oh, I don’t mind, considering most of it is her head. Yes, the ultrasounds have shown quite clearly she takes after me when it comes to cranial size. Anyone who looks at her is going to know right away she’s a Cortex!”

Through grit teeth, Tropy responded, “A well-made hat can hide many sins.”

“A hat that large would be its own sin.”

“You would know! At least you’re finally something more than a light bulb on a short stick.”

“Excuse me?” Cortex replied, more in confusion than anything else.

“Your dedication to our child has filled you out quite nicely. It’s intriguing to see you like this.”

“What the fuck?”

It wasn’t Cortex who had clapped back with that flat remark. It was Tropy- the other Tropy, her eyes flashing.

N. Tropy came to a dead halt and turned towards her.

“Dearest?” he said nervously.

“Do you like this?” she demanded, pointing at Cortex. “Is this what you want? Because I am never going to be in this state!”

What the hell am I in the middle of? Cortex wondered. And was he going to survive the crossfire?

“God, no! Nefarious, I’m just fucking with him!”

“Yes, you’ve certainly fucked with him. He’s well and truly fucked!” She huffed. “Darling, the party was fun. I attacked people and had a great time. That doesn’t mean I am happy.”

Oh. Cortex thought he could piece it together. She wasn’t pleased that her man had knocked up somebody else, but in public she was being a supportive partner.

“I’m sorry,” he interjected, not in the least apologetic, “but has my pregnancy disrupted your own family planning?”

The look that she gave him made him instantly regret opening his mouth.

“Do you want to die?” she asked.

Awkwardly, his N. Tropy said, “Nefarious and I had not planned on children.”

“Correction, we had planned on absolutely never having kids,” she snapped. “I do not even want a dog.”

“Thank God,” said Cortex. “Because genetically, the two of you-”

“We know!” his Tropy snapped. “We’re not idiots, we would have done cloning if anything at all! But the point was moot until I discovered that you were apparently fecund-”

Cortex shuddered. “Ugh, there’s a word. Did you look up ‘fertile’ in the thesaurus for every creepy variation you could find before you kidnapped me?”

“I’m starting to wonder that myself,” muttered the other N. Tropy.

“And what about you?” Cortex asked her. “If you don’t want kids, why are you going along with this?”

To his surprise, she burst out laughing- a harsh, mocking sound. “Is that what you think is happening here? He wants something, I give it to him? Oh no, no, no. When one of us wants something, we take it.” She clenched her fist, raising it high. “He wants this, fine, he can have it- but I want nothing to do with it. I helped him crash your little party because I thought it would be fun and I was right, but this is as far as I go.”

Cortex blinked. “I don’t follow.”

Stiltedly, his Tropy answered, “Nefarious is… not going to take part in raising my child. It is not her wish.”

“His oopsie, his responsibility,” she agreed. “I may dart in now and again if she proves interesting- you’re having a girl, so there’s hope- but this is his project. I don’t do children.”

“But wait,” Cortex protested, “you’re still a couple?”

“Of course we are!” his N. Tropy snapped. “There is nothing in any universe that could part us!”

“That is really fucked up for raising a kid. Do I honestly need to explain that?”

“Nefarious and I live above the petty societal expectations of regular mortals. I do not expect you to comprehend us.”

They’re insane , Cortex thought. The two of them are completely insane.

He had to get out of here. He couldn’t possibly leave his child under N. Tropy’s influence.

They reached they reached the bedroom wing and here Cortex finally got a look at himself- or rather herself- in this universe. If the statues here were anything like the ones he had commissioned- and he was betting they were- he knew the features weren’t too far from reality. This Dr. Neo Cortex hadn’t had too much more in the way of curves than he had pre-pregnancy, but she highlighted her angles the same way he did, wearing a lab coat with a tightly cinched waist that flared stylishly. Her lip shape was better defined than his, but he assumed that was makeup- as obviously was the dramatic flare around her eyes, which he thought was a nice touch. And damn , her hair! She had a tower of it!

“Alright, starting to understand why you slept with yourself,” Cortex said. “But I think I would only do it once.”

“Silence!” N. Tropy snapped.

Cortex rolled his eyes. “I’ll talk when I want to. You’re not going to gag me. You want my mouth open.”

He’d meant because if he didn’t eat, the baby didn’t, and he knew Tropy didn’t want that- but of course that wasn’t what it sounded like and everyone realized it.

“Oh my God,” the other Tropy groaned, pressing her hand against her face. “That’s it. I don’t need to be here. I’m done. Fuck him if you want to, I honestly don’t care-”

“Nefarious…” His Tropy sounded on the verge of pleading.

“I do not care. If this is something you need to do, then do it! That’s why we have an open relationship.” She crossed her arms. “I’m going home.”

She started to walk away.

“But what about the time lock?” his N. Tropy called. “You set it!”

She turned back to him and shrugged. “What is the problem? Anything I can do, you can do.” She glanced at Cortex’s belly. “And there are some things you can do that I can’t.”

With that, she left.

“We are not going to fuck,” said Cortex. “If you even think about touching me-”

“Why would I be- why would anyone right now?” Tropy snapped. “Do you imagine people dream of fornicating with beach balls?”

“Do you never go on the Internet? Besides, you were the one complimenting me on how well I’ve ‘filled out’. Subtle.”

“Enough! I need to concentrate!”

“This time lock you mentioned?” Cortex guessed.

Tropy didn’t answer. He turned his attention towards one of the doors. If room assignments were the same in both castles, Tropy was looking at the entrance to Cortex’s bedroom. Cortex noticed an odd flux of light that rippled up and down the door. The time lock, he presumed, whatever that was.

“I see what she did,” Tropy murmured. “That’s nasty.”

He lifted his staff and brought its prongs almost to the door’s surface. The light began to swirl around its tips.

Cortex didn’t bother asking Tropy what he was doing, he knew he wouldn’t understand it any better than Tropy would a lecture on the intricacies of gene splicing. Instead, he questioned, “Nefarious, what happens if you mess this up?”

“We age thirty years.”

“We- what? Wait, does that include the baby?!”

“Please,” Tropy scoffed. “This is child’s play.”

“Maybe you should ask your other self to come back and do this?”

“Anything she can do, I can do.”

“No, you can’t! She’s smarter than you!”

A brilliant flash blinded Cortex. He cringed, expecting to feel his stomach being ripped open, but- nothing. He breathed a loud sigh of relief and when his vision cleared, he saw the light in front of the door had formed a placid whirlpool around Tropy’s staff.

“I don’t know what you were so worried about, you idiot,” Tropy griped. “I am the master of time.”

“Nobody calls you that. I bet she’s never called you that, you’ve never pleasured her that well-”

“Walk in or be thrown in, Neo, I have had enough!”

Cortex took the first option, shuddering as he passed by Tropy and underneath the tuning fork. He swore he felt a frizzle of energy in the air as he crossed the threshold of the room- and maybe he did, because it was apparent there were other temporal shenanigans going on as well. Unlike the rest of the castle, this room wasn’t in a state of decay and dilapidation. It was bright, fresh and new. Given that he was dealing with N. Tropy, it was an easy guess that this room was temporally out of sync with the rest of the castle and that by entering Cortex had stepped back in time.

He glanced over the bedroom. Where he favored purples, it seemed his counterpart had preferred reds, but he liked her taste- it really was the same as his. They had the same bed, the same bookshelves- and mostly the same books, although her ratio of fantasy to science fiction was the inverse of his- and the same style of furniture. The differences were things that didn’t surprise him, like the vanity mirror, jewelry box, shoe collection… yes, he could see himself valuing such items if he had a female body to adorn.

And then there were additions to the room he felt quite certain had never belonged to his counterpart, but had been added for him. There were a table and chairs, suitable for dining, that didn’t match the other furniture, with a refrigerator plugged in nearby and a cabinet next to it. Stacked on the bed were a variety of pillows in odd shapes and sizes that obviously didn’t match the bedding. Cortex didn’t like this.

Tropy sauntered into the room behind him. “Do inspect this place thoroughly. I must know if there’s anything else you need before I leave.”

“You’re serious? This is where you’re holding me? In other me’s room?”

“It is available, convenient, and made to all but your own specifications. You should be grateful to enjoy such comfort.”

Cortex was creeped out more than anything, but there was no point in protesting. He did as Tropy asked and took a closer survey of the suite, going into the bathroom, opening cabinets and drawers. The wardrobe had been cleared of his counterpart’s clothes and stuffed with his own maternity wear- either Tropy had stolen it from his bedroom back home or commissioned duplicates from his tailor. Cortex wasn’t sure which idea bothered him more, but at least he wouldn’t have to fashion togas out of the bed sheets for modesty. The refrigerator had a good supply of meals, snacks, and drinks, which was unsurprising as Tropy seemed sincere in his concern for the baby. He wanted Cortex to eat.

“I can’t think of anything else I need,” Cortex said. He really couldn’t. Today had been exhausting. At this point, he felt so tired.

Tropy nodded. “Some last points of note then. This will allow you to contact me.” He indicated a speaker box on the wall. “I expect you to inform me of any and all needs. If is a reasonable request, it shall be fulfilled.”

“What does ‘reasonable’ mean?”

“Food. Creature comforts. Not chemical components or weapons. You have one job, Cortex. Lie back and let your body do it.”

“Can I use the Time Twister? I need to go back and slap myself for mistaking you for fuckable.”

“You just don’t stop!” Tropy cried- which was ironic, because Cortex had been thinking the same thing about him. “Moving on! The time lock isn’t a lock as you might understand it. You can freely pass through it- though you will regret doing so, assuming you survive the experience. As I said, it will age you thirty years and, given your condition, also rapidly age our child within you. I expect that would kill you both.”

“Thanks for the warning. That’s now on my rotating list of nightmares.”

“The lock isn’t simply on the door. It completely surrounds this suite. So don’t get cute and try crawling through the castle vents- although I doubt you can still fit in the vents.” Suddenly, Tropy smiled to himself and laughed.

“Oh, what?” Cortex snapped, certain he was going to regret asking.

“It occurs to me that in both this universe and ours, I am master of your destiny,” he answered. “Here, I took all life from you. And in our universe, I filled you with it.”

Cortex almost gagged. “You did not ‘fill’ me with life. You stuck your dick up my ass and blew your load. It’s my body that’s been doing the work making something of it!”

“Fine, take all the credit if you want-”

“What credit is there to give you? N. Brio has more to do with this baby’s creation than you! N. Gin’s been feeding me moral support and cookies when I need them! You’ve done fuck all until today, when you showed up to kidnap me. What is the plan here anyway, Tropy? Keep me in this room until I pop?”

“You’ve already ‘popped’.”

“Oh, ha ha, you know what I mean! After the baby is born, then what?”

“Then you will have outlived your usefulness.”

“Stop posturing! It’s only us here and not only have I seen you naked from all angles, I’ve seen you fifteen and pimply! What the fuck does that mean, Nefarious?”

“It means you die, Neo!” Tropy snapped. “After you have given birth, I’m going to end you! Because at this point, it seems that’s the only way I truly can be done with you!”

Silence crashed down on Cortex. Even with all the hate, all the fury, all the bitterness between them, he still had not expected this.

“You really despise me that much?” he asked softly.

“Do you honestly need to ask?” Tropy sneered. “I care nothing for you- but your final months I will keep you in the utmost physical comfort. Any food, any drink, any absurd petty craving, demand it. You want another pillow? You’ll get it. It’s for my child, after all. If I were you, I’d make the most of it.”

Chapter Text

It was turning out to be one of the worst days of Coco’s life. She couldn’t recall the last time she had felt this miserable. She was haunted by more than her guilt for her attitude towards Cortex and her fear she might not get to give him a real second chance. Never before had she seen Crash so depressed. She and her brother lay side by side on the carpet in her room, holding hands and staring at the ceiling. Right now, N. Gin was getting the castle organized, making sure everyone and everything was in place to operate in Cortex’s absence- he had said that afterwards he would get them whatever equipment they needed for their rescue mission. In the meantime, there wasn’t much for Coco and Crash to do. She hadn’t wanted to leave Crash by himself and she hadn’t wanted to be alone either.

“We’re going to get him back,” Coco said.

Crash squeezed her hand.

Another half hour passed, then there was a knock on her door.

“You guys in here? It’s me,” N. Gin called. “You want to come out or you want me to come in?”

Coco sat up and, after looking at Crash, answered, “You can come in.”

N. Gin opened the door. He had circles under his eyes that hadn’t been there hours ago. Eagerly, he plopped down on the floor beside them.

“People are dumb. They are so, so dumb.” He sighed heavily and shook his head. “Anyway, I decided against placing the castle under lockdown. The Tropys aren’t coming back here for round two and nobody on the outside knows anything’s wrong, so no reason to tip someone off and encourage an attack. As for production, Doctor Cortex already wound down his development projects, so- Oh my God, I’m so sorry, you don’t care about this crap, I don’t know why I’m going on about-”

Crash rested a steadying hand on N. Gin’s arm. Gin stopped and took a deep breath.

“Everything is fine, everything is under control, now we can get to the stuff that actually matters,” he concluded. “What do you need?”

In spite of herself, Coco almost laughed. “I don’t know. We aren’t used to having access to real equipment.”

“Yes, I remember you’ve destroyed many of my robots by jumping on them.” From the note of irritation in his voice, these weren’t fond memories. “I still don’t want to let you go without at least a rocket launcher.”

“There’s something else we’re worried about. Crash and I think there’s a mole in the castle. Someone spying for N. Tropy,” she said. “Someone told him Cortex is pregnant. That same person could tell him we’re coming, sabotage our stuff, if we don’t find out who they are!”

“I thought about that, too- not necessarily that there’s a spy, but how did Tropy learn about the Doctor’s baby- and I did some digging,” N. Gin said. “It might not be that bad. It’s not good, but maybe not that bad. I was going to deal with this tomorrow, but I’d rather not leave you hanging, Cat. Up for a field trip?”

And so Coco and Crash followed N. Gin back downstairs to the main laboratories- past Cortex’s office, Gin’s workshop, down, down, down… to N. Brio’s mixing station.

“No,” Coco moaned as they reached Brio’s door. “Him?”

“Let’s just find out what’s going on,” N. Gin said. “With Nitrus, you never know if it’s deliberate or idiocy.”

“We can fire him, right?”

“You can fire him out a canon if you want, but now’s not a great time to cut anyone loose.” N. Gin knocked on the door. “Nitrus? Mind coming out here?”

From the other side, Brio called, “Can it wait? I am in the middle of something.”

N. Gin rolled his eyes, and sang back, “No, it can’t. It’s important.”

“It might have to. Come back tomorrow, I-”

N. Gin slammed his fist against the door and screeched, “N. Brio, I’m pulling rank, get your ass out here now!”

A heavy sigh, followed by, “As you wish.”

Moments later the door opened and N. Brio stepped out, looking disgruntled.

“Well, well, well. Master hasn’t even been gone a day and already you’re finding his shoes quite comfortable! I wonder how his children feel about this.”

“Yeah, well, if you’re thinking about spiking me with the same stuff you gave Doctor Cortex, it won’t work. I’m straight. The only thing that ever goes in my backdoor is a dildo,” N. Gin said. “I ain’t having no baby.”

“Uncle Gin!” Coco exclaimed at the same time as Crash covered her ears.

“We are a sex positive workplace. And I know you know this stuff already, Cat, you’re on the Internet,” he said. He returned to N. Brio. “Back to business. We’re trying to figure out how Doctor Tropy learned about Doctor Cortex’s condition. We usually do a better job than this keeping our secrets to the islands. As leaks go, this was a big one.”

Brio blinked. “I… I have no idea. Master has been purchasing many things for the specimen- I mean, baby. Perhaps that made Doctor N. Tropy suspicious.”

“Well, that is certainly a theory. But you know what’s weird? About a month ago, someone used one of the castle’s landlines to call the UK. One of my duties is to monitor our phone logs- CIA, MI6, the acronyms try to hack us all the time- and I didn’t think anything of it back then. The purchasing department makes a lot of international orders. But if someone were to contact Doctor Tropy at his research laboratory in London, it would be really dumb of them to use one of the castle’s numbers instead of their cell phone.”

N. Brio swallowed. “I… suppose it would be.”

Gin smiled and then waved his arm out towards Coco and Crash. “Anything you want to share with your current employers, Doctor Nitrus Brio? Maybe confess?”

Brio’s eyes darted back and forth. “What do you mean?”

“Oh my God, how do you have a Ph.D?” N. Gin snapped. “I know it was you! Did you mean to stab Doctor Cortex in the back or were you just being a petty gossiping shit?”

“Me? What makes you think it was me, you don’t know it was me!”

“Of course it was you! You’re the one who’s dumb enough and you’re also the one who was whining that you were going to ask Tropy for a better job- you don’t think I wouldn’t think maybe you’d followed through on that?” N. Gin shouted. He shook his fist. “What did you tell him about Doctor Cortex?”

“I didn’t betray Master! Not this time!” N. Brio protested. “I told Doctor N. Tropy that he was pregnant- but it came up in my interview, it’s part of my curriculum vitae, I had every right to mention it! How was I supposed to know that he and Master had ever engaged in coitus?”

“How do you never read the room?” Gin exclaimed. “It was obvious something had gone down between them when they got back from the past! Hello, an ‘only two people on Earth’ situation? Of course, they slept together! Anyone would, unless they were stuck with you!”

Brio recoiled. “Now that’s just mean.”

Suddenly, N. Gin screamed and launched himself at N. Brio. The two of them rolled around on the floor, N. Gin beating his fists against N. Brio, while Brio tried to curl into a ball to deflect them.

“Do you know what a day I have had? Do you know? I have never wanted to be in charge! It was supposed to be you! You were second-in-command when I got here! But nobody can trust you because you pull stunts like this all the time! And now Doctor Cortex has been kidnapped and it’s not even for a good reason- it’s all because you had to be a whiny little bitch!”

“Language, language!” N. Brio protested. “There are children here!”

“Children who have kicked our asses more times than I can count and I’m gonna let them at yours if there’s anything left when I’m through with you!”

Coco would have been fine letting N. Gin knock the tar and anything else he could manage out of N. Brio, but Crash wasn’t. He pulled Gin off of Brio. Gin struggled in the air for a few minutes before he realized he had been extracted, then he huffed and went slack in Crash’s arms.

“Get back in your lab and don’t come out- don’t you dare come out- until I give you permission!” he screeched. “You are in deep, deep shit, Nitrus! And you bet I’m telling Doctor Cortex about this, I cannot wait to see what he decides to do with you when he gets back!”

Brio scrambled backwards into his lab, hastily throwing the door shut behind him. Coco heard it lock.

“That asshole!” N. Gin shouted one last time, then deflated. “Okay, you can put me down. Please. How are you able to lift me anyway? How strong are you?”

Crash put him down and then shrugged.

“I am sorry you had to see that, kids. I don’t like to be so aggressive towards my coworkers. A hostile workplace benefits no one.”

“Is that how things usually operate around here?” Coco asked.

“Not in my department. But Doctor Cortex’s management style is… mood-based and he was an emotional Rolodex even before he got pregnant,” N. Gin admitted. “All that’s really changed is now he cries sometimes.”

Crash whimpered.

“You really care about him,” N. Gin said. “I gotta admit, I don’t get you, Crash Bandicoot. In your place, if the Doctor had done all that weird shit to me, I’d probably hate his guts. But I am really, really glad you don’t, because I want to get him back, damn it!”

Crash raised his head, resolute and proud. I am Crashworth Cortex I.

“Yeah, that’s right. Legally, you are. Don’t you forget it when you sign my paycheck this week.”

“Uh…” Coco squirmed and raised her hands. “That’s great and I support you, bro, but I’m still Coco Bandicoot. But I am completely on board with saving Doctor Cortex! And our sister.”

Crash gave her a hug.

“No judgment, Cat,” said N. Gin. “All of us here did a lot of messed up stuff to you. I’m happy you haven’t told me to go screw myself.”

They looked at each other, smiling somewhat awkwardly, but warmly.

N. Gin sighed. “I know you guys want to get started on a rescue plan right away- I do, too- but I am exhausted. When I’m this tired, things go boom that I don’t intend. I think we should sleep on this.”

Coco looked at Crash, worried he would object, but her brother nodded and lowered his head. Even though he agreed, he seemed to be bowing to necessity. The decision clearly left him dejected.

“Call me in the morning when you’re ready. I’ve got an idea how we can get to the Doctor,” N. Gin said, then yawned. “But I gotta go over my math again first.”

“Okay,” Coco agreed. “Thank you, Uncle Gin. For everything.”

“It’s my job. But when you get your dad back, I want a raise- and a vacation.”

“He’s not my…”

Coco stopped. Was he? Today, more than ever, N. Gin felt like her friend- really and truly her friend, despite what he had said about this being his job. If it were only a job, he wouldn’t be so upset about Cortex’s kidnapping or the troubled past between him and Coco. If N. Gin could be her friend, could Cortex be her family?

She and Crash climbed back upstairs to the bedroom wing- the family wing. Four doors, four rooms, meant for her, Crash, Cortex, and the baby. Now half of them were empty and Crash was staring mournfully at the entrance to Cortex’s room.

“Hey.” Coco took Crash’s hand. “Think we should stay in his room tonight?”

She had planned on inviting Crash to sleep over with her- he shouldn’t be alone at the present, neither of them should- but this idea made sense. It was closeness to Cortex that Crash needed most in this moment.

Crash balked. Dad’s room? I’ve never been in there.

“I don’t think he’d mind. It’s like… we had a nightmare. Kids always get to stay in their parent’s bed after a nightmare.”

Though usually the nightmare was over and their parent was in the bed to hold them.

After changing into pajamas and brushing their teeth, they regrouped again outside Cortex’s room. Coco opened the door. Cortex’s bedchamber had something of the same grand and imposing persona that the Doctor did- more towering bookshelves like his office, a globe of the world suspiciously covered in markers- but like him, there was warmth here, too. The haphazard pile of the books he was actually reading. Baby fashion catalogs, with a few items circled. And oddly enough, some travel brochures. The one for Japan had a post-it note on it that said, “Check w/Coco, probably has dream itinerary already.”

“Oh my God.” Coco started crying.

Crash held her tightly. We will get him back.

“We will get him back,” she repeated. “And we’ll be a family. Just like he wanted.”

* * *

Cortex lay in curled in the bed- her bed. He couldn’t think of it as his, even if it had belonged to his quantum duplicate. She was dead and he was so scared that in a few months he would share her fate- and that wasn’t even the worst of his fears.

“I won’t let Nefarious take you,” he whispered, running his hands over his belly. “He won’t love you, not truly. He won’t care about what you want to know or be or explore- he’ll only want to twist you into another mirror of him and he already has one of those! I won’t let it happen!”

Pineapple shifted, giving him a jab under the ribs as she rolled around inside him. She didn’t know anything was wrong. Cortex intended to keep it that way.

He wondered how alternate dimensions were arranged. What was the logic to them? Were they in a lattice, like a crystalline structure? In a row, one after another, like a string of beads? Or were they all superimposed, one on top of another? If it was the latter, in a way he was practically in his bed at home and that meant he wasn’t too far from where Crash and Coco were sleeping in their rooms. A comforting thought, but not one he should cling to that tightly. He knew Crash would want to rescue him, but he also knew Crash lacked the means to get to him. Yes, the Quantum Masks were out there- no way they’d help after the stunt Cortex had pulled with Kapuna-Wa last year. Cortex was on his own.

“I love you,” he told pineapple. “I promise you, I will get us out of this!”

Chapter Text

Coco and Crash met N. Gin outside his workshop the next morning. Even at a distance, Coco could see dark circles under the engineer’s eyes as he approached.

“Sorry I’m late. I had to put out some fires- figuratively and literally,” he said. “I’m starting to understand why Doctor Cortex spent half his time running around screaming. How can people with so much higher education be this stupid?”

“I’d give you a raise, but I don’t know how much you make,” she said.

“It’s fine. I plan to steal the breakroom Keurig and watch everyone freak out when they can’t remember how the old Mr. Coffee works.” He sighed. “Anyway, we need to get you kids to the dimension next door.”

Crash nodded.

“Yeah, we’re not sure what to do,” said Coco. “We were really hoping Aku Aku would show up so we could ask the Quantum Masks, but apparently this isn’t a save-the-world level crisis. Without him…”

“Is he like Uka Uka?” N. Gin asked. “Do you have some sort of deal with him?”

“What? No! I don’t even know what you mean by ‘like Uka Uka’! Aku Aku’s our friend. Yeah, he appears when evil needs to be stopped, but that’s not the only time he does. Sometimes he checks in on us or just wants to hang out,” she answered. “If he’s not here right now, he’s busy! And it’s horrible timing.”

“So, not like Uka Uka. That jerk only pops up when he wants something,” said Gin. “Fortunately for us, I wasn’t counting on supernatural intervention. Follow me. I’m going to take you to the junk shop.”

They followed N. Gin down, down almost into the dungeons of the castle, a few floors above nitro processing. The area looked like it housed mostly storage. N. Gin stopped before a locked door and produced a key.

“As you know, we’ve collaborated with N. Tropy a few times. He always leaves stuff behind and I have to deal with it because I’m the resident physicist. Behind this door is the closest thing Cortex Castle has to a temporal research lab.”

The lock clicked and N. Gin pushed the door open.

“Gotta warn you, it’s not pretty.”

N. Gin wasn’t kidding. The room looked more like a scrap yard than anything else. Disassembled- or perhaps, dismembered was the proper term- machines were strewn around the room, along with assorted piles of random wires, bolts, and beams. Coco wouldn’t have been able to identify what field of study these devices were meant for had she not already known.

“This looks like junk,” she said.

“That’s ’cause it’s mostly broken down steampunk set dressing and Tesla coils,” said Gin. “N. Tropy’s either completely full of shit or knows more than he lets on. Probably both. The Time Twister and Rift Generator both worked, that’s for sure.”

“You mean some of what he builds is for show to hide the real tech? I can’t decide if that’s really smart or really dumb.”

“He has money, but not crazy money like Doctor Cortex. He has to apply for grants. Or he used to, he seems well past that phase of his career,” N. Gin said. “Sometimes to get by, you gotta do research somebody else wants you to do and sneak in your own stuff on the sly.”

“Poor, poor Tropy. Let me get out a tiny violin.”

“Now that I think about it, I bet that’s something about our doctor that makes Tropy furious,” N. Gin mused. “Doctor Cortex went straight from getting his Ph.D into doing his own research since he could fund himself.”

“What about you?” Coco asked, curious. “You weren’t born rich. How’d you start out?”

“Me? Pfft!” N. Gin laughed. “I was born in the United States and studied how to build weapons of mass destruction. The US government always wants to make things go boom. So does every other government. I’ve never had a problem finding an employer who will let me do what I want, but working for Doctor Cortex is a lot more fun. Other than the whole evil mask owns me thing.”

Crash touched N. Gin’s arm. We’ll take care of Uka Uka. I promise.

“I will gladly hold you to that, buddy, but let’s take care of the Doctor first.”

Coco asked, “If this stuff is useless, why did you bring us here?”

“It’s not all useless. There’s some real machinery buried in the set pieces- either N. Tropy missed it or he’s too arrogant to think anyone else would find it. And a lot of it won’t work without his tuning fork,” Gin confessed. “About a year ago, Doctor Cortex assigned me a special project. I wanted to scream when he did because it is not my field, but… whatever. Uka Uka wanted it. Then we decided we weren’t working for Uka Uka, but the Doctor never canceled my project. I think he forgot about it. I could have brought it up, but I didn’t because… I wanted to keep working on it. I thought I could crack it- and I did! So… viola!”

He kicked aside a bent sheet of metal, revealing a hidden recess. Inside was a sleek, blue device that looked almost like one of N. Gin’s jet packs, but lacked the wings and boosters. A digital interface on the back flashed Arabic numerals and Greek letters.

Proudly, he announced, “Presenting the portable Rift Generator, backpack form! Suck it, N. Tropy! I didn’t even study quantum mechanics.”

Crash jumped up and started shuffling his feet back and forth, doing a happy dance. Coco laughed. “Uncle Gin, how?”

“I’ll admit, I couldn’t’ve done this from scratch. I saw enough of the original to miniaturize it. Besides, I’m a physicist, too. Start going fast enough, speed and time do the horizontal mambo. Heh heh.”

“This is great! We can pop over to the universe next door, kick Tropy-butt, and have Cortex back home for dinner.”

“In theory. Never that simple though, is it?” N. Gin said. “Quantum signatures linger around for a bit, so I was able to grab the one from yesterday’s rift and also the other Tropy. They were a match, so yeah, Doctor’s probably in her dimension. This universe is programmed into the generator’s memory, but if you lose it, you can always scan yourself. Let me show you how to operate it.”

N. Gin ran them through the controls, until he was satisfied they both knew how to work the generator. Then Crash slid the pack over his shoulders.

“Whoa, what are you doing?”

No time like the present.

“You’re just gonna jump right in?”

“That’s how these things usually go for us,” said Coco. “What else is left?”

“I don’t know, I mean…” N. Gin fiddled with his hands and then growled in frustration. “Cat, I don’t want you to go! This is dangerous! I know I’m being stupid! You’ve fought them and all of us before… but it feels wrong that I’m not going with you!”

“If you don’t stay here, N. Brio will try to take over. And even if he doesn’t, the castle might still fall apart without you in charge,” she said.

Beside her, Crash nodded emphatically.

“I hate this,” N. Gin said. “Alright, but as soon as you leave, I’m starting work on another backpack and when it’s done, if you haven’t returned, I’m coming after you.”

“And how long is that going to take?” she teased him.

Despite her jesting tone, N. Gin looked scared. “You better be back before that happens, Coco. Because by then, it’ll be too late for Doctor Cortex.”

Coco threw her arms around him, nearly knocking him over as she gave him a hug. “Crash and I have never not come back. And we aren’t going to start now. You’re worrying over nothing, Uncle Gin. I promise.”

She let him go and turned to Crash. “Ready?”

Resolute, Crash nodded.

Coco activated the generator and a hole in space appeared in front of them, full of stars. There was no way to tell by sight where it led, but the console on the Rift Generator promised it was an opening to the other Dr. N. Tropy’s universe.

“Okay, kids. Kick names and take butt!” N. Gin cheered.

“Yeah, I’ll bring you back one!” she replied.

“You do that, KickassCoco! Make sure it’s blue!”

She took Crash’s hand and together they jumped through the rift.

* * *

Morning came. Cortex awoke in the bed that was and was not his and wondered what sort of timeline he faced.

With how N. Brio’s formula worked, he wasn’t going to experience contractions. Brio had said there was no point in encouraging his body to shove the baby out a birth canal that didn’t exist. She would remain inside him until she was removed- although, of course, keeping her in the womb too long almost as unwise as pulling her out too soon. Cortex and Brio had agreed that, as long as Cortex’s vitals remained stable, he would carry his daughter for forty weeks: a nice, full term.

Unless Brio had ratted him out- always a possibility- Cortex didn’t see how Tropy could know this. Of course, Tropy had to know he’d be giving birth via Cesarean, but Tropy probably anticipated some sort of labor pangs to herald Cortex’s time. Which meant that if Cortex were stuck here long enough, he would be in the awkward position of having to tell Tropy to take the baby out already.

He would be consulting with N. Tropy to schedule their daughter’s birth and his own death.

Cortex closed his eyes. It wouldn’t happen. He’d get out of here well before it got to that and give birth in his castle, exactly as planned. Right now, the only thing he was overdue for was the start of his day.

He washed up in the bathroom, wondering why Tropy had left all of his other self’s makeup palettes and kits on the countertops. Laziness, he presumed, and made a note to put them away himself later- after he checked their ingredients. Even the most mundane products sometimes had useful chemicals.

“What colors did she wear?” he wondered, popping open one of the lipstick tubes. Purple, made sense. Definitely went with their skin tone. He read the shade’s name on the bottom. “Slay the Day. Like it!” Then he put down the tube and shook his head. “This is weird! It’s weird because it’s weird, but it’s not weird, which makes it weird again! And Nefarious lives like this? They’re insane!”

He left the bathroom. Breakfast! He didn’t know if he was truly that hungry, but pineapple wasn’t going to suffer on anyone’s account. Scrambled eggs and waffles were in the fridge, a microwave was hidden in the pantry. Cortex might disassemble it later, but for now he used it to warm his meal.

After eating he dressed, thankful that he got to wear his own clothes. This situation was almost completely unbearable, but at least he could feel right about what was closest to his skin- he could still feel like himself.

“Now to work.”

He intended to take stock of absolutely everything in the room. Tropy was a fool if he thought he had Cortex neutralized simply because he was outside of a formal laboratory. After all, acid was as close as the nearest orange. Conductive materials were on hand even without tearing into the wall. And any idiot could start a fire.

Around noon- no, exactly at noon- and halfway through his inventory, there was a knock at the door.

“Hello?” Cortex questioned.

Came N. Tropy’s muffled reply, “Neo, it’s me. Are you decent?”

“We both left decency behind years ago.”

“Oh, for the love of- are you clothed?”

Cortex almost retorted what did it matter- Tropy had seen him naked plenty of times- but it occurred to him that Tropy had never seen him naked while he was like this and it wasn’t an idea he wanted to plant in the other man’s head.

“Yes.”

Tropy entered. He had with him a dome-covered serving tray, which he carried straight past Cortex and set on the dining table.

“I’ve brought you lunch,” he said. “How are you?”

Cortex raised his middle finger.

“Really? You’re going to be juvenile about this?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You’ve kidnapped me and intend to steal my baby and murder me in two months, but you have brought me lunch. How rude of me not to thank you. What do you want, N. Tropy?”

“I’m here to check on you. You can expect it to be a regular occurrence, so I’d reconsider that attitude if I were you,” he answered sharply. “This doesn’t have to be unpleasant.”

“I am vastly curious what you think would make this pleasant. I could use a laugh.”

“Cortex, shut up!” Tropy snapped. “You think there are things I won’t do to you for the sake of my child, but you are wrong. You don’t need your limbs to grow a baby.”

“Bullshit. You’re not going to cut off my arms and legs. You’d have to feed me and carry me to the toilet. Make a real threat or get the fuck out, Nefarious.”

“Lord, you are so obnoxious. If it weren’t a certainly that our child will be a genius, I don’t know that I’d bother,” Tropy huffed. “And for that little genius’ sake, I am going to make certain you continue to eat well and stay healthy. For her, I shall endure the company of you.”

“What a sacrifice you’re making! Mine pales in comparison to yours,” Cortex said. “I’ve only been growing her completely from scratch inside of me.”

“Yes, you’re growing, all right. Did you get bigger overnight?” Tropy questioned, eyeing him.

This again? Cortex was going to lose it. He really was. No, to hell with that. He was going to make Tropy lose it.

Smiling, he asked, “Do you want to talk about it? Because it seems like you really want to talk about it.”

“You’re delusional! But clearly you are well off enough to survive until tomorrow.” Tropy headed for the door. “I shall see you then.”

“Bring a tape measure! You know you want to check my growth!” Cortex called after him as he reached the door. “Freak.”

He went to the table and removed the lid from the tray. Beneath was salmon on a bed of brown rice with steamed greens. Fish, excellent. He’d been trying to eat more of it lately, it was good for pineapple’s brain. A bit troubling that Tropy might have had the same thought, but at least Cortex wouldn’t have to struggle to secure his baby’s needs on top of everything else while trying to escape.

He finished his meal, then looked at his fork and knife contemplatively. Would Tropy notice if these utensils weren’t on the tray when he came to collect it? No time like the present to find out. Cortex wiped them clean and started considering hiding places. As luxurious as this room might be, it was a prison. He liked the idea of stabbing Tropy with a shiv, although perhaps he might find a more elegant and clever use for these tools first.

Chapter Text

“This is not the other Tropy’s universe.”

At first, Coco had thought the rift had dropped her and Crash in the middle of a cool, retro-future amusement park. A bunch of armored knights riding cyborg horses fighting robot dragons that breathed not only fire, but also ice and acid, seemed like the makings of a pretty sweet video game or stage act, and if this weren’t a dire family emergency, she would be down for taking in the show. But amusement parks had entrances, ticket booths, kiosks with maps and souvenirs, and after traveling for an hour, she and Crash hadn’t encountered any of those. Instead, they’d run smack into a castle- a fortress with laser canons and a scar-faced woman wearing a plumed helmet, demanding to know what manner of creature they were and from which duchy did they hail. That was when Coco had gotten the sinking feeling this planet was just like this. She did what she should have done in the first place: checked the read out on Crash’s backpack.

Despite that the portable Rift Generator had clearly shown the coordinate string for Lady Dr. N. Tropy’s dimension upon leaving their home universe, now the backpack gave a completely different output. Coco was right, they were somewhere else.

“Okay, must be a glitch,” she said. “Let’s try this again.”

She punched in the code for Lady Tropy-verse. A new Rift opened and she and Crash jumped through it.

A blaring honk filled Coco’s ears. She and Crash screamed and scrambled out of the way before they were mowed down by a pizza truck. Despite the alarming transition, she recognized their new location quickly. They’d been here before.

“Oh, what, Neon City? This isn’t where we’re supposed to be either!”

Crash gave her a look of concern. This is weird. N. Gin’s stuff usually works.

“Yeah, but he’s also not a quantum physicist. And it is generating rifts. You’re not thinking of giving up, are you?”

No way.

“Third time’s the charm, right?”

Third time was not the charm. Not unless Lady Dr. Tropy’s Earth was a place where daffodils and tulips sang a cappella power ballads protesting global warming- which was valid and kind of cool. Coco made a note of the universe code to come back and take recordings later. But N. Gin had been right, apparently this wasn’t going to be simple.

Why couldn’t they get where they were trying to go?

* * *

The most significant impediment to any escape attempt was Tropy’s so-called time lock. Cortex needed to know if it really worked. He needed to test it.

He opened the bedroom door. Hazy light covered the opening. Gently, he tossed an apple towards the hallway. It completely disappeared.

“Okay…”

The next thing he threw was a tampon. He’d found a box of them under the sink in the bathroom. Most of it disintegrated, all except the plastic applicator, which lay on the carpet misshapen and discolored. Cortex snickered. He wondered what Tropy would make of that next time he came by with lunch.

“Bet he won’t even know what it is. Alright, enough fooling around…”

He picked up one of his other self’s high heel shoes. It was bright satiny red, with a sharp stiletto heel- if Cortex’s own feet weren’t swollen and his sense of balance currently shot to hell, he’d be tempted to try it on himself.

“I’m sorry, lovely, but this is for science.”

He tossed it through the light. It landed on the carpet of the hallway worn and brittle, its cloth exterior browned with age. The next shoe he threw was a leather boot. It came out the other side cracked and peeling.

Science demanded repetition. It pained Cortex- these were such beautiful, expensive shoes- but he had to know if the time lock could handle the stress or not. Particularly if the answer was not. He started rapid firing Manolo Blahniks and Christian Louboutins into the hallway, until a small fortune had decayed in under five minutes, amassed in a pile of high couture waste that mocked Cortex from beyond the threshold of his room.

“Well, fuck.”

He’d tried. And aggravatingly, Tropy was going to know he tried. Cortex wondered how that bastard was going to react to seeing this. No doubt, he was going to be smug about it.

Cortex got his answer the next morning. When he awoke, every single shoe that he’d tossed out the door was lined up at the foot of the bed. All of them had been restored to pristine condition, as if they had never passed through the time lock.

“What the fuck?”

Creepy. It was goddamn creepy. But Cortex thought about it as he ate breakfast and considered that spooking him probably wasn’t Tropy’s goal. More likely Nefarious was trying to send a much more pompous message, something along the lines of, “Nothing you do matters, for it is within my power to undo it, mwa ha ha ha.” What a dick.

And what an idiot, too. Tropy had made a critical miscalculation. Yes, Cortex chucking shoes into the hallway had proved futile. But it took a lot less effort for him to do that than for Tropy to manipulate their state to an earlier time frame.

Cortex waited until after lunch and once again tossed all of his alternate self’s fancy footwear out into the hall.

The next morning, like clockwork, the shoes were back.

Cackling, Cortex did it again. And again. And again for close to a week, until at last Tropy got fed up and stopped rearming him.

Chapter Text

Coco was trying not to show it- she didn’t want to alarm Crash, who she knew was in a worse mental state then she was- but she was starting to panic. They’d been bouncing between dimensions for over a week now, every time entering the female Dr. N. Tropy’s universe code, every time ending up some place completely different.

This didn’t make any sense! She knew N. Gin- he didn’t make junk! His robots always worked, his rockets blew up when he wanted them to. Why was this the exception?

Are we sure it’s the Generator? Crash asked.

The definition of insanity was trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Instead of again putting in the string for the other Tropy’s universe, Coco entered Neon City’s code.

And just like that, they were back in the culinary capital of the multiverse, ice cream cones smiling from above and giant tacos zooming by on the highway. This was Neon City, no question.

“It worked,” Coco said, uncertain whether to feel good or awful about this success. “Another try. We have to know it’s not a fluke.”

Singing flower universe. They arrived to a bed of petunias serenading them about the dangers of microplastics. They tested a few more codes after that. Each and every rift led precisely to where Coco had inputted.

The problem wasn’t the portable Rift Generator. Something weird was going on with the other N. Tropy’s dimension specifically.

“What do we do now?” Coco asked. “We’re not going to get there opening random rifts and hoping for the best. We need someone who knows more about this stuff than we do! Maybe we do need to find the Quantum Masks after all.”

Crash took something out of his pocket, an envelope stuffed with a letter. He handed it to Coco.

“What’s this?”

He tapped the envelope. Read.

Coco pulled out the letter and scanned it quickly. It was from Tawna- not their Tawna, but the other Tawna, whom they had met last year and helped them defeat the Doctors Tropy. For the past few months, she had been traversing dimensions herself in the company of the Quantum Masks, but they were looking forward to taking another long rest, so she was searching for means to travel without their assistance.

“I didn’t know you two were writing to each other! Hey, why did you just happen to have Tawna’s letter in your pocket?”

Folding his hands behind his back, Crash shuffled one foot behind the other. No reason.

“This is great, but what do we do with it?”

Crash pulled out the tiny wand attached to the generator. Scan it. Get the quantum signature.

“No good.” Coco shook her head. “Tawna’s from the same universe as the other Tropy.”

Tawna is. But the letter isn’t.

“Oh! You’re right- if she sent this from another dimension, maybe it’s written on stationary that she got there. And even if the paper’s not, the postage stamp should be- how does interdimensional mail work anyway?”

Coco held the letter up to the scanner wand. The backpack beeped and she ran around behind Crash to check its display.

“It’s a different universe code!” she exclaimed. “Yes! This might work!”

Crash turned and smiled at her. Let’s go!

They opened another rift, one to an entirely new universe. Hopefully it was a friendly one, where they would find Tawna and she could answer why they couldn’t go to her universe directly. Cortex had been waiting for his rescue long enough.

* * *

Staggering towards the wall, Cortex slammed the call button on the speaker box. “Nefarious! Nefarious, please tell me you’re there!”

“Neo? What’s wrong? It’s too soon for-”

“I need a bone cutter. And cauterization tools. Actually, I can’t do this myself, you better send a medical crash team-”

“What did you do?”

“I may have, uh, fucked around with the time lock and found out?”

Tropy screeched, “You did what?”

“Do you really care?” Cortex cried out in panic. “Would you just get here and cut off my arm before whatever the shit is happening to me reaches the baby? Please!”

* * *

“This is so cute!” the other Dr. N. Tropy cooed. She held up a dining fork, the middle prongs removed, wrapped in copper wire. “You really had no idea what you were doing, did you?”

“I’m a zoologist and a geneticist, I have no background in theoretical physics, so no, short answer, I didn’t!” Cortex cried. “I was experimenting!”

“How is that the short answer?” his Tropy snapped.

“Darling, give credit where it’s due. I’m impressed he’s not dead,” the other Tropy replied. “Whether it’s intuition or dumb luck, it bodes well for your baby.”

“That’s great, that’s really great!” Cortex cried. Hysteria still seemed like a valid choice, so he had decided to not yet calm down. “Are you going to cut off my arm or not?”

He was lying on the bed, with his right arm extended as far away from the rest of his body as possible, in case that made a difference. It might not- but it might, he didn’t know how any of this time crap worked. After a week and a half of exploring the room, taking stock of the materials and means available to him, he’d reached the conclusion that his only way out was to get around Tropy’s so-called time lock. So, yes, he’d cobbled together a shitty little tuning fork and stuck it through the doorway, never expecting it would rebound some temporal nastiness back on him. Naturally, he’d freaked out when his right hand had become withered, wrinkled, and age-spotted. Then he noticed the changes starting to creep past his wrist and continue onward towards his elbow. At that point, there was nothing to debate- he’d called Tropy to confess what he’d done. He couldn’t let this affect the baby.

“I’d remove your arm with pleasure, but it wouldn’t help,” his N. Tropy said. “That’s not how this works. Your temporal aura has been infected and needs to be cleansed.”

“Aura? Aura! Are you a scientist or a witch?”

“Rather rich coming from the man who bound his soul to a malevolent spirit mask!”

“Ahem!” The other Tropy’s staff crackled with lighting to catch their attention. “Are we going to fix him or do you want to hate-fuck him one last time before he dies and we use the Time Twister to prevent this from happening altogether? Either option is valid, but if you choose the latter I’m going to leave the room.”

N. Tropy sighed heavily. “I have no interest in that!”

“At one point you did, and now I understand why you were surprised nothing happened between me and this universe’s Doctor Cortex. Seems I dodged a bullet there.”

Cortex screeched, “Are you going to help me or not?!”

“Fine, to business then,” she said. “I’ll stabilize, you re-sync. I did the lock, you share quantum signatures, so that gives the best odds.”

“Excellent suggestion,” his N. Tropy agreed.

“Odds?” Cortex cried.

“Don’t worry,” she said pleasantly. “Yes, if this doesn’t work, your death will be violent and excruciating, but you won’t remember it. We’ll go back to before this ever happened.”

“He’ll only do it again,” his Tropy grumbled.

“Then we’ll try this again. Science is repetition!” she sang. “It’ll be fun.”

The other Tropy held her tuning fork near Cortex’s head, his Tropy touched his staff to Cortex’s arm. Cortex cringed. He wondered if the Doctors Tropy hadn’t already tried fixing him once or twice or ten times before and weren’t telling him. Fuck him, he couldn’t have gotten himself knocked up by any random sociopath, he just had to go and pick a time traveler. He closed his eyes. Something like an electrical surge shot down the length of his arm. He whimpered and peeked one eye open, daring a glance at his hand. It was smooth again.

“Dear, you overshot,” the other Tropy remarked.

“Only by a year or so. Who cares if his right hand is technically fifteen months younger than his left?”

“It’s sloppy.”

“It’s fine.”

“It is not fine, if it spreads and he de-ages fifteen months, what happens to your offspring inside him, hmm?” She stepped back, leaning against the wall with a smirk. “You want it, you fix it.”

“Oh my God!” Cortex felt like he was going to puke from sheer terror. “Fix it, I’m begging you!” He looked to the other Tropy. “I will do anything-”

“You are mistaking me for someone who cares.”

“Stop sniveling!” his N. Tropy snapped at him. He grabbed Cortex’s arm and rammed it between the prongs of his fork. Another jolt- not as strong as the first, but maybe that was because Cortex’s bone stung from the impact of hitting Tropy’s staff. “There! Are both of you satisfied?”

The other Dr. Tropy raised an imperious eyebrow. “Don’t include me in this tantrum. I’m the only one who isn’t here because I was dicking around, quite literally in your case, Nef! Explain to me again why you didn’t use a condom?”

N. Tropy cringed. “Dearest, I’m sorry. It was an oversight-”

“It is inexcusable! I concede you could not have foreseen this-” She waved her staff at Cortex’s swollen belly. “-but you’re supposed to be protecting me from venereal diseases when you go out and play! That I still have not forgiven!”

She marched from the room, electricity practically crackling in her wake.

“You know,” Cortex said, “if you weren’t her, I don’t think she would put up with you.”

“Shut up!”

“I have never shut up in my life, I’m not going to start now.”

Tropy whirled upon him, murder in his eyes. “You are rapidly becoming more trouble than you are worth! Can we agree that you are done trying to circumvent the time lock or do I chain you to this bed? I swear if I see another shoe out in the hallway-”

“I promise,” Cortex said quickly. Not because of Tropy’s threat- Tropy always made threats, Cortex made threats, it was their hate language- but because this experience had been harrowing enough. Without Tropy’s intervention, he would have killed not only himself, but his daughter. He wrapped his arms around his belly. “I didn’t realize I was risking her.”

Tropy’s nostrils flared. “Is she well?”

“Yes. Yes, she’s fine.”

“Good,” he said. “See that she stays that way.”

With that, Tropy left him.

Chapter Text

“Last stop!” the hoverbus driver called.

Coco, who had been leaning on Crash’s shoulder for a pillow, groaned and shook herself awake. She hoped this really was their last stop.

Tawna’s letter to Crash had given them a starting point, a fancy resort called Shangdu Springs, which had some connections to an archaeological dig. That was on the other side of the world from where they were now. Since arriving, they’d been two or three steps behind Tawna the whole time. Coco was so afraid this search was going to end with them discovering that Tawna had already found what she wanted and left this dimension without a trace.

Normally, she would share her fears with Crash, but this time she was keeping them to herself. She knew he was ten times more worried about Cortex than she was. Coco might feel guilty and afraid she wouldn’t get a chance to make amends, but Crash loved Cortex. Her brother’s heart was already broken over what N. Tropy had done- and what further horror Tropy still might inflict.

The hoverbus left them at the edge of a thick, tropical jungle. It was nothing Coco and Crash hadn’t run and spun their way through before, but they lucked upon something of a trail in the form of recently hacked-down foliage. Tawna’s work? They followed the path and it eventually opened into a wide clearing of stepped pyramids and flowering terraces. Under better circumstances, the view alone would have been worth the trip, but they didn’t have time to spare on sightseeing. They’d spent weeks already trying to find a way to get to Cortex.

Crash grabbed Coco’s hand and pointed excitedly. At the base of one of the pyramids was something- someone- orange and blue.

They ran towards the figure, Coco shouting hopefully, “Tawna? Tawna!”

The figure turned around. It was Tawna! She had a notebook in one hand and pen in the other, and she looked very surprised- and happy- to see them.

“You guys!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here- how are you here?”

“Oh my gosh, it is such a long story!” Coco said, bending over to rest her hands on her legs.

“And I want to hear it! But can you give me a moment to finish copying this?” Tawna asked, nodding her head towards the pyramid wall. It was covered in glyphs. “I’ve been searching for this clue for months. It’ll only take a second, promise.”

“Sure, sure, go ahead.”

“Thanks.”

Coco sat on the ground. Crash flopped down beside her and both of them sighed in relief. They had found Tawna! Finally, things were going right again!

Tawna shut her notebook and joined them, sitting cross-legged in the grass in front of them. “I can’t believe you’re here! I thought the next time I saw you, it’d be because I’d hopped to your dimension.” She frowned. “The fate of the multiverse isn’t at stake again, is it?”

“No, but-”

Crash whimpered.

“-it’s a personal crisis,” Coco said. “Doctor Cortex has been kidnapped. And he’s…”

Crash held out his hands in front of himself, miming a round belly.

Tawna did a double take, rapidly shaking her head. “Cortex is what ?”

“Like I said,” Coco began, “it’s a long story.”

* * *

After they had finished explaining, Tawna summarized, “So Cortex is pregnant and it’s N. Tropy’s baby- which, I gotta say, terrible taste in partners-”

“No argument here,” Coco agreed.

“-but he’s also a good guy now and for real this time, because he gave himself up to Tropy to save Crash’s life.” Tawna exhaled slowly. “Wow. That’s a lot. But it does sound like he might really be changed.”

“He is,” Coco insisted, “and we have to save him. Can you help us?”

Crash looked at Tawna pleadingly.

“Oh, quit with the puppy eyes. Of course, I’ll help. Even if I didn’t believe you about Cortex, I’d still do it for you guys,” she said. “First off, I can explain why you haven’t been able to get to my dimension. The Tropys did… something to stop cross-dimensional travel into it. Of course, they can get in and out, but they wanted to prevent any surprises like what you’re trying. That’s why whenever you think you’re opening a rift to my universe, it takes you somewhere else.”

“Ugh!” Coco huffed. “Of course, it’s the Tropys’ fault! They’re the worst!”

“Now, what they did doesn’t stop the Quantum Masks. It’s a bit hard to explain, but the supernatural tends to trump science,” Tawna said. “Tends to. The Tropys’ original Rift Generator was a problem for them and we all saw how Cortex hijacked Kapuna-Wa.”

“Yeah, but considering what went down afterward with Crash preventing his own brainwashing in the Cortex Vortex, I wonder if Kapuna-Wa might have let him,” said Coco. “Stable time loop.”

Crash traced a circle with his nose, looking dizzy.

“So if we can find the Quantum Masks again-”

“Not gonna happen,” Tawna said. “They already peaced out for their next long nap after they dropped me off in this universe and they aren’t going to wake up again for anything less than a multiversal crisis.”

Wait! Crash flapped his arms and then thrust his hands at Tawna. You can’t get home either!

“Honestly, that doesn’t bother me. Not much left for me back there without… you. Other you.” She sighed. “You’re not my Crash and Coco. I don’t mean that in a bad way! Only that you’re different from them. But that just makes things interesting, right?”

“Different how?” Coco asked mischievously.

“Let’s put a pin that? I should tell you, but we’ve got more important things to talk about right now- like how we’re going to sneak you into my dimension,” she said. “You are in luck, because I have a lead on that, too. Kapuna-Wa told me a story. Millennia ago, in this universe, a wise, kickass queen helped the masks defeat a great evil. As thanks, the Quantum Masks charged a crystal with their energy-”

“No!” Coco wailed. “No, not another crystal hunt!”

Tawna laughed. “Okay, stop. I know what you’re thinking, but no. It’s only one crystal and it’s tiny. And it’s in a piece of jewelry. Good for me to go on?”

Crash waved for Tawna to please continue.

“The Quantum Masks charged a small- very small, absolutely nothing any mad scientist would use as a power source- crystal with their energy as a gift for the queen and she put it in a bracelet. With this bracelet, she could travel freely between dimensions, which she did to go on awesome vacations and have lots of adventures. It was a great honor to have this power. Anyway, Kapuna-Wa said that after how we helped them save all the universes, if I can find the bracelet, the masks are cool with me using it. So I’ve spent the better part of last year hunting it down- and not only because dimension-hopping sounds fun. I miss you.”

Crash pressed his hand to his chest. We miss you, too.

Tawna smiled. “I think the bracelet is somewhere in one of these temples. And when we find it, the first thing we’re going to do is rescue your pregnant dad.”

* * *

“Hello, honeydew,” Cortex murmured, looking down at his belly. “Goodbye, feet.”

Here he was. At last, at the phase of pregnancy he’d truly been dreading. His little girl’s weight gain had accelerated these past few weeks. Excellent for her- not so thrilling for him. He had turned into an orb.

Everything ached. His ankles, his back, his hips- he didn’t want to move, but he made himself get up and walk around the room at regular intervals. Exercise was still important, for however long he could keep it up. If he was this big now, what would he be dealing with in six weeks?

He had to get out of here, but fooling around with the time lock had proved disastrous and he believed Tropy when the man said it completely encased the room. So what options did he have? Fake labor and try making a run for it when they moved him to a medical facility? It was something to consider, but that could backfire if he tried it too soon- honeydew could be brought into the world before she was ready.

At noon- it was always noon precisely- the door opened and N. Tropy entered with lunch. Cortex sat up from the bed where he had been lying and snarled.

“Afternoon, you bastard.”

Tropy sighed. “Must you always be so unpleasant? Wait. Is it hormonal?”

He sounded genuinely concerned, as if he honestly thought that was the reason Cortex was always so pissed off to see him. Unbelievable!

“Other than irascible, how are you feeling?” Tropy asked, setting the usual tray on the table.

“Why do always ask? It’s not as if you care. Look at me! Take a wild guess how I’m feeling!”

Tropy turned around and drew his gaze over Cortex slowly. Then he smiled and broke into laughter.

“What?” Cortex snapped.

“I can’t be sure, but it looks like your belly perfectly counterbalances your head,” said Tropy. “You’re an hourglass.” And he laughed again.

Cortex balled his fists, feeling all the more furious for Tropy’s comment. “You like that, don’t you! Why don’t you have me preserved like this? Add me to your collection of timepieces!”

“Oh, calm down. These histrionics can’t be good for the baby,” Tropy retorted. He sounded irritated. “Since you can’t be the adult here, I’ll leave. Good day, Cortex.”

Without further word, he departed.

* * *

After N. Tropy left, Cortex realized that acting out his anger had been a foolish choice. Lately, he’d taken to identifying rage as one of the few powers he had while trapped here. Yes, he’d successfully chased Tropy away, but it had gained him nothing. He remained captive, remained helpless- and he was growing. Honeydew still had a bit larger to get, but once she became a pumpkin, Tropy would remove her. Cortex wondered if when that happened, Tropy would murder him properly or simply let him bleed out on the operating table.

He couldn’t defeat the time lock. Physically, he was huge, clumsy, and next to useless. And as much as hated Tropy’s daily visits, pissing off Nefarious wasn’t accomplishing anything, not even Cortex’s own satisfaction anymore. It was time to try something new.

What did he have going for him? He looked like an hourglass. And Tropy had a thing for timepieces.

Hell, Tropy seemed to have a thing for Cortex’s current state even without other bizarre comparisons. It was past time he weaponized that.

When Tropy visited the next day, Cortex kept his tone mild. He answered the other man’s questions without resistance. Tropy raised an eyebrow at this, but did not comment one way or another upon Cortex’s sudden compliance. The day after that went much the same, as did the next- except that Cortex watched Tropy in the mirror as he left and caught Nefarious staring long and hard at his backside. Right now, Cortex’s shape had almost the same revealing curves from behind as in front. Cortex pretended not to notice and saved his shuddering for after Tropy had left.

“Alright, Neo,” Cortex said to himself once Tropy had gone. “You fucked your way into this. Let’s see if you can fuck your way out of this, too.”

Chapter Text

Tropy liked the scent of rose, although Cortex had to wonder which of the Doctors Nefarious had provided the soap for his bathroom. It didn’t seem like either of them would have wanted to deliberately perfume him. They must have simply given him what they had on hand. Whatever, it worked to his advantage. He soaked in the tub, steeping in the fragrance.

“Ready for this, coconut?” he asked, rubbing the peak of his belly. “I don’t think I am. Hourglass… I am an hourglass. Ugh, is this really necessary? I’ve seduced Nefarious before!”

But had he? Seemed more like in the past they had screamed at each other until they couldn’t stand to not fuck- or if they had been feeling particularly mature, skipped the screaming and went straight to fucking. A lot of feelings, but none of it standard flirting. In a way, what Tropy had with himself looked almost normal by comparison.

Cortex sighed heavily. “Hourglass it is.”

From the other room, he heard the door open and N. Tropy call, “Neo? Where are you?”

Shit. Showtime.

“Oh! Nefarious, you’re here!” Cortex answered. “I’m in the bath. I must have lost track of time.”

“That’s alright. You need your rest.”

“What do you care, you plan to kill me in five weeks,” Cortex grumbled.

“Pardon me? I didn’t catch that.”

“I’m so sorry! I- I…” Cortex had to stop and take a breath as his voice suddenly hitched. Damn hormones! Now was not the time to start crying! At least he could pretend it was water from the bath. “I’ll be out in a moment!”

Wiping his eyes, he got out of the tub. His hair was already dried and he’d been carefully keeping his head above water while waiting for Tropy to arrive. Gently he patted himself dry. He reached for the bathrobe. This garment was N. Tropy’s one oversight. It hadn’t been made for someone in Cortex’s condition and its ends just barely came together over his belly- which for his purposes at the moment was perfect.

“Hourglass.” He reached up and fluffed his hair. “You are an hourglass.”

Opening the bathroom’s double doors, he stepped out into the bedroom. Tropy was standing next to the dining table, where there was a tray with tikka masala. Cortex had put in a request for the dish yesterday. Tropy seemed surprised at Cortex’s state- and somewhat lack- of dress, but remained composed.

“I thought you didn’t like spicy food,” he remarked.

“It’s not really for me, you know,” Cortex said, running his hand over his belly, all the way from the top to the very underside of its curve. “What baby wants.”

Tropy blinked, rapidly.

He sat down and began to eat. Tropy started in on his usual, inane questions, how do you feel, do you need anything that you don’t already have, what do you want for your next meal. In the minutes this took up, the spice began to do its job. Inside Cortex’s womb, coconut began kicking up a storm. He gasped and he held his stomach.

Tropy leaned forward. “Are you well?”

Cortex laughed softly. “Oh, yes. She’s very active all of a sudden. It’s quite exhilarating, really.”

“Exhilarating?”

“Would you like to feel? Her kick, I mean.”

Tropy hesitated, as if fumbling for what he was supposed to say- Cortex didn’t give him a chance to figure out whatever that was. He grabbed Tropy’s hand and slipped it between the gap already falling open in his robe, right over where he knew coconut’s feet to be. She was a very good girl and did her part, jabbing against N. Tropy’s palm. The hands on his chest’s clock face each jumped up a number.

Yes, that’s it. I’m carrying your child. Give in to your primal instinct to claim and protect me, you monster.

Tropy’s hand started rubbing the side of Cortex’s belly, encouraging coconut to strike again. To Cortex’s pride, she didn’t give into his wheedling- yet that didn’t stop Tropy. His hands began roving, slowly reaching across to the other side of Cortex and then coming back around to tease the protrusion of his navel. This really was turning Nefarious on, the freak. God, it was actually doing something for Cortex, too, which was probably a good thing. He was going to have to fake less of this than he’d anticipated. When was the last time he’d had sex? It had been… oh God damn it, it had been with Tropy, the night they had conceived coconut. When Cortex wasn’t as big as his airship, he was going to go out and get himself properly laid by someone he didn’t want to stab through the eye.

Tropy lifted Cortex from his chair and whirled him onto the bed. Cortex’s bathrobe fell away, which had always been the idea. Tropy unlatched his armor, removing it, and Cortex’s breath hitched. This was happening.

And then it started getting weird. Alright, it already had been weird, but now it was uncomfortable. Tropy’s mouth on Cortex’s neck was nice, but Tropy’s hands seemed glued to Cortex’s belly, on a futile quest to contain its circumference. Cortex wanted to scream at him to please please please go lower, but he knew from past experience that in bed Tropy always did whatever the shit he wanted, leaving Cortex to make the best of it he could. Previously, Cortex had been much more capable of working with that. Right now? This was going to be sticky and lackluster.

Fine. I’m your hourglass. Shake me.

Unfortunately, having Tropy on him was starting to hurt.

“Nefarious, wait a moment,” he groaned. “I need to be on top.”

“Never,” Tropy declared, only pressing down on him harder. “I will have you most thoroughly, Neo.”

Cortex whimpered involuntarily and then snapped, “I’m not being cute, asshole! I need to be on top for the baby!”

Startled, Tropy pulled back. There was a glazed look over his eyes, which abruptly cleared and he sprung off the bed.

“Fuck!” he shouted. “Shit! Shit, shit- she… she!” He spun around. “She isn’t-”

God damn , Nefarious! No need to ask who she was. Somehow, Cortex wasn’t surprised. He sat up, wrapping his arms around himself. Straight-up seduction wasn’t going to work, not when the other Dr. N. Tropy apparently loomed large within the room. He wasn’t out of ideas yet, but this next tact was one he was going to have to play very, very carefully.

Softly, he said, “She doesn’t mind if you keep pets.”

Turning back around, Tropy said, “Excuse me?”

“She doesn’t mind that you want to keep our baby. She doesn’t mind that you have your own projects, your own partners separate from her. Why not me?” Cortex asked. “You could keep me. Even keep me like… this.”

Don’t throw up. Do not throw up...

Oh, no, he had thrown up. But only in his mouth. He swallowed.

“What do you mean ‘like this’?” Tropy asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It would be child’s play for me to recreate N. Brio’s formula. I want you, Nefarious. If this is the only way I can have you, then I… I…”

Cortex stopped, not for the dramatic power of suggestion, but because if he continued talking, he would start screaming instead. Damn it, he wanted to live! That was what he wanted, not this! But if this was the only way-

“...I will take it.”

Tropy would have to give Cortex time for his body to recover before a second pregnancy. Okay, maybe Tropy would be an absolute bastard and demand Cortex prime himself for spawn immediately, but even during his next first trimester, Cortex would still be more capable than he was now. He would lie back and think of N. Sanity Beach and then get the fuck out of here. Then he would come back with some really nasty ray guns- he would come back with Crash- and save his daughter from this rancid hive.

Suddenly N. Tropy grinned. “Oh, I want to. Not because I believe you, but because it would be so much fun to watch you go through this again and again…”

“I don’t care why you say yes! Let me prove to you-”

“Stop embarrassing yourself. Almost a month ago, you threatened to blow your own head off if I didn’t do as you wanted, now your fondest wish is for a soft life with no greater ambition than incubating my offspring? Neo, if the decades you and I spent trapped together in prehistory didn’t break you, somehow I doubt three weeks of bored luxury would.”

He had humiliated, absolutely abased himself before Tropy for cause of saving his own life and Tropy was mocking him for it as if he were pathetic. But he wasn’t, he was desperate. And he was furious.

“Why do those decades mean nothing to you!” he roared. If it weren’t for coconut, he have launched himself at Tropy to punch him straight in the face. Instead, he started grabbing pillows and throwing them one after another at Tropy’s head. “We had nobody but each other! And yes, most of the time I hated you and you hated me- but we had no one else and no one will ever understand what that was like, not even her! And yes, I get that I’m not her! I don’t care that you left me for her! But why do you pretend that I was nothing?”

“Because you should be nothing! Because those decades were never supposed to happen!” Tropy snapped. “It was a failure- because of you, just like you-”

Cortex couldn’t help it. He started laughing and weeping both. “Crash. We got sent back in time because Crash defeated us. And I made Crash, so you blame me.”

N. Tropy seethed. “It was your fault! Everything has been because of you and now I want only to forget you!”

“It didn’t happen to her, did it? Getting trapped in the past. The things we went through. When you look at me,” Cortex realized, “you’re afraid you’re not as good as her and you’re scared she’s going to realize it someday.”

He was right- but he shouldn’t have said it. The next moment, he found himself pinned to the headboard with Tropy’s tuning fork around his neck.

“If I killed you right now, I bet the baby would still come out just fine!” Tropy snarled.

“Oh, a war crime, how very British!”

“Show some gratitude, you bulbous pest! She wanted you dead! Procreating with you violated the rules of the arrangement between myself and Nefarious. She agreed that I couldn’t have anticipated your fertility, so she forgave me- but she wanted you dead on the spot. I negotiated for your stay of execution so you at least could give birth!”

“My hero! ‘Darling, he means nothing to me, just let him have my baby and then you can taxidermy him for your collection!’ She’s going to see through you, Nefarious- she probably already has. Someday, she’s going to kill you and your last words will be ‘thank you’!”

“You don’t understand! You couldn’t understand. She is the mirror of my soul made manifest!” Tropy declared. “All that I am, everything that I am- that also she is!”

Tropy wrenched his staff out of the headboard, freeing Cortex, who slid back down to the bed.

“You could have been something, once,” said Tropy. “What’s going to happen to you, it’s a mercy. She is right about that. She is always right.”

* * *

The next day, Tropy did not come. Cortex’s afternoon meal and pantry restock were delivered by a robot servitor.

He couldn’t eat. He knew should, knew he needed to, but the fate that loomed ahead- oblivion for himself, upbringing under a cold and warped parody of paternal affection for his child- left him too sick for it. He sat huddled over on top of his bed, arms wrapped tightly around his belly.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered to her. “I love you, I’m so sorry, I love you…”

A month. He still had a month left to figure something out, yet it felt like almost no time at all.

Chapter Text

“What if it’s not here?” Coco asked.

“It’s here,” Tawna insisted. Her voice, through her grit teeth, sounded particularly irritated. She held up her torch to read the inscription over the doorway. “Somewhere here.”

“But what if it’s not! This is the last pyramid-”

“So it has to be this one! Coco, stop. It’s here.”

Coco bit down on her lip to keep from screaming. Why was everything taking so long? They’d been scouring these ruins for forever! Her hair was a mop of cobwebs and dust, and if Tawna hadn’t told them her story had come straight from Kapuna-Wa, she would have doubted this elusive, dimension-hopping bracelet even existed. How long ago had she told N. Gin that she and Crash would have Cortex back in time for dinner? Thinking about it, she wanted to cry.

Crash came over and rubbed Coco’s shoulder. I believe in Tawna.

That meant nothing, Coco almost snapped. Crash was always an optimist. He would always believe, either because he wanted to or because he had to. She balled her fists and shook. She wouldn’t let herself say what she was thinking. She wouldn’t take that away from him, especially not when she wanted him to be right.

She needed a distraction. Maybe they all did.

“When we get to your universe, do you think that your Doctor Cortex will help us?” she asked. “The Tropys get along, so maybe they’ll have quantum twin solidarity, too?”

Tawna sighed. “She’s dead, Coco.”

“What?”

“After N. Tropy killed you and Crash, she went nuts and retaliated- and she didn’t make it. My Neo Cortex is dead. So are Doctors Nitra Brio and Natalie Gin. They went down in the same assault.”

“Uncle Gin?” Coco squeaked.

“Auntie Gin,” Tawna corrected softly. “Yeah. She wrote your name on the side of the largest rocket that got launched in the attack. Well, not your name, but… you know…” Tawna rubbed her eyes. “Can we talk about something else?”

Coco sat down in the middle of the stone floor. N. Gin… dead. It wasn’t her Gin, yet an echo of that loss reverberated through her, leaving an awful, noxious feeling in her stomach.

Tawna looked over at her. “You okay?”

“No, I- Sorry! I’m sorry, I’m fine!” Coco insisted hastily, in a burst of self-awareness. She hadn’t lost anything and anyone, she was only contemplating the possibility. It was Tawna who had been left without anyone she might call family, friends and enemies alike. “I don’t know what to say. I didn’t realize…”

“I didn’t tell you,” Tawna said. “I wasn’t on speaking terms with Cortex when it went down or I might have gone with her- in which case, I probably wouldn’t be here now. So I’m not a big fan of the past.”

Crash went to Coco and tugged on her arm, drawing her up from the floor. He dragged her towards Tawna and pulled them both into a hug. It made Coco feel a little better.

“Can I ask you about us? You said my name was something else? Not Cocobella?” Coco questioned. She thought that might be okay, Tawna had said she wanted to tell them about the differences between them and their counterparts at some point.

“Your full name’s Cocobella? That’s really pretty. What about you?” Tawna asked Crash.

Crash straightened himself proudly. My father named me Crashworth Cortex I.

“Wow. Okay, that checks out. Cortex is Cortex is any universe,” she said. Then she grimaced. “This is awkward. You may have noticed how all my universe’s mad scientists were ladies?”

Coco answered, “Yeah. I’m trying to picture Cortex with a full head of hair, but it’s not easy.”

“Hey, I’m trying to picture your Cortex with a baby bump, that’s even harder,” Tawna retorted. “Anyway, my Crash and Coco weren’t Crashworth and Cocobella. They were Crashandria and Ricoco.”

Crash and Coco looked at each other in surprise. Crashandria and Ricoco? But those names were…

“You were a girl!” Coco exclaimed to Crash. “And I was a boy! That’s wild.”

Crash giggled. Cool. I always wanted to wear a skirt.

“Then wear a skirt. Nothing’s stopping you now, you goof!”

“You looked good in skirts, though you still mostly wore pants,” Tawna confirmed.

“This is so funny!” said Coco. “Everyone between our dimensions is flipped except you. Wonder why you’re the exception.”

Tawna crossed her arms behind her back and looked down. “Yeah, about that… it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you… It’s that…” She huffed in frustration. “I thought you would already know !” She threw her hands in the air. “I am the exception, but not like you think!”

“Huh?”

“I’m trans,” she said. “Everyone is flipped, right? So I assumed that your Tawna was… I thought she would be a trans man. That’s what I thought, alright? I thought I wouldn’t have to come out to you because I thought she would be a he who would have done that for me!”

Oh. Oh. Crap. In light of that, what Coco had just said about it being funny that both universes’ Tawnas were women wasn’t funny at all.

“I’m sorry!” Coco said hastily. “I didn’t mean-”

Tawna waved her hand dismissively. “You didn’t know. You couldn’t have known. I’m pissed because you should have known, but that’s not your fault. It’s… it’s the stupid multiverse’s fault!”

Crash approached Tawna. Are you okay?

She laughed harshly. “Not really. I mean, I’m dealing, but it’s not fucking fair. I almost lost it when I learned about your Tawna. She’s always been what she’s supposed to be. She never had to figure it out, never had to work at it, she’s perfect-”

Crash took Tawna’s hands between his own. You’re perfect.

To Coco’s great surprise, Tawna snapped her hands free of his hold and punched him in the shoulder.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about! You might mean it, but you don’t get it! So you don’t get to say that!”

Crash’s gaze never wavered from hers. You’re right. I don’t get it. But I want to get you.

Tawna’s eyes went wide. A moment- a very long moment- passed and then her gaze softened.

“You are obnoxiously impossible to stay mad at, you know that?” she said quietly. “Tell you what, someday if we ever aren’t saving the world or going on rescue missions, sure. That’s why I was trying to find this bracelet in the first place.” She sighed. “We should get back to it. We’ve got to find this thing before your dad’s due date, and I’m sure he’d appreciate it if we showed up with some time to spare.”

* * *

The last thing Cortex remembered was falling asleep. It had been difficult for him lately- fear for one’s life had a way of interfering with a full night’s rest- but he could usually soothe himself by focusing on his daughter’s movements as she wriggled and turned inside him.

When he awoke, he wasn’t in his bed. He wasn’t even lying down. He had been seated upright in a wheelchair and strapped in place. If Cortex hadn’t already known he was in hell, he might have screamed, but he imagined that whatever fresh horror this was, shouting would only make it worse. He inhaled deeply and caught hold of himself to assess his circumstances. His legs were bound to the footrests, okay. His arms were tied down, but he had enough wiggle room to slide his hands towards his belly. Coconut was kicking, but she didn’t know anything was wrong, naturally. His head was unrestrained, allowing him to get a good look around.

Where he was- or rather, what kind of place he was in- he recognized quickly. He would have gotten a hint if he’d realized sooner that his clothing had been changed. This was a waiting room- for patents. And he was wearing a hospital gown.

“Oh shit. Oh shit, shit, shit…”

Where was this going? Not delivery. It couldn’t be delivery, Cortex wasn’t due for a month yet.

The room had one door and it opened- and she entered. Cortex’s mouth went dry. He had never been alone with her before and it sent a completely new spike of terror through him.

Dr. Nefarious Tropy looked at him with irritation. “You’re awake- and he’s not here. The man has a clock on his chest the same as I do, how is he late?”

“I…”

“You look truly uncomfortable. I don’t mean the straps.” She frowned. “Why did you want to go through with this? I’ve never understood the urge. He wants the baby, but then he’s not gestating it, is he? I always did wonder if I would feel differently if I were a man. I suppose I have my answer now, but…” She shook her head. “No, no, it’s still too much. One must raise the creature after it has left the womb. I do not understand why he wants to do this!”

“What is happening?” Cortex asked, utterly bewildered.

“I get chatty when I’m annoyed and what you think isn’t going to matter very soon.” She turned away from Cortex and paced. “Where is he? Why am I even here?”

N. Tropy- Cortex’s N. Tropy- had said this woman wanted him dead. That she would not suffer him to live past their child’s birth, that Tropy had had to convince her to permit even that. And yet here she was, alone with Cortex, free to enact upon him whatever vicious impulse she so desired- and she seemed largely apathetic towards him.

Maybe Cortex was reading her wrong. He knew she was different from his Tropy. She had had different experiences, she was deadlier- perhaps she was more mercurial. Perhaps she was insane and flipped moods like a switch, he’d simply never witnessed it happen. Whatever the explanation, this could be his only chance to throw himself on her mercy.

“Please…”

“I’m not fetching you anything, so don’t bother asking.”

“Spare me, I beg of you!” Cortex cried. “What can I do to make you change your mind?”

She turned towards him. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m no threat to you. He wants only you, I couldn’t take him from you if I tried- and I did, I really did…”

“You what?” she said. The she laughed. “I’m not sure what’s greater, your arrogance or your stupidity, but I’m worried about the intelligence of that child if you believe I feel threatened by you.”

“But he said you wanted me dead! That you insisted upon it!”

“I told him you’re a sad, pathetic little man for whom death would be a mercy and asked if he intended to kill you, but that’s entirely his choice. You’re his Neo Cortex, not mine. Either you misunderstood or he’s fucking with you.”

Cortex’s heart sank straight into his stomach. He had the terrible, awful certainly that his N. Tropy had not been fucking with him nor had Cortex misunderstood- rather it had been Tropy himself who hadn’t realized that his counterpart’s suggestion had been only that, not a subtle warning. For one thing was clear: N. Tropy was both obsessed with and afraid of his apparently better self.

The door opened once more and in waltzed Tropy. His eyes lit up as they fell upon his counterpart.

“Forgive me, my dear soul, final preparations ran longer than expected,” he said. He went over to her and drew her in for a kiss.

“Augh, would you mind not doing that in front of me!” Cortex shouted. “I’m a geneticist!”

They ignored him.

“Big day for you,” she said, but Cortex detected a note of irritation in her voice. “What do you need me to do?”

“Oh, dearest.” N. Tropy took her hands between his and raised them to his lips. “This is all I need for the moment to be perfect.”

She took a deep breath- and snapped her hands free of his hold. “Did you really call me here just to watch?”

Tropy gave a start. “My love-”

“Have I not made my stance on this matter clear?”

“Nefarious, we are quantum twins. That makes this child yours in the same way it is mine,” he insisted. “We are identical! Temporally, spiritually, genetically-”

“Genetically?” She laughed harshly. “No, we are not! There is a significant chromosomal difference between us.”

“That is not enough to make us different!”

“I wish that were true, but this…” She gestured to Cortex in his wheelchair. “It’s more than that I could not have done this. I would not have done this. Heart, as soon I was an adult capable of giving medical consent, I found a lovely doctor to yank out my uterus- and you’ve never even thought about a vasectomy, have you?”

“I don’t understand what that matters. Why would-”

A dangerous look flashed in Dr. N. Tropy’s eyes. She twirled her staff. It sparked as she landed it, tilting it- not quite aiming it, but most definitely tilting it- in her counterpart’s direction. “You were raised as a boy . I raised as a girl . Do not tell me it was the same . You didn’t grow up with our parents constantly nattering, ‘Oh, you’ll change your mind about children, all women do’. I have not, I will not, I will never !”

She spun away from Tropy, her cape snapping as she marched towards the door.

“I have no reason to be here,” she said.

She slammed the door behind her.

“Wow. What kind of a feminist are you?” Cortex asked.

“Shut up!” Tropy snapped.

“You’re an idiot. And you think you can raise a daughter? Not that it matters, because she’s going to kill you-”

“You are fixated upon that thought, but it is absurd!” Tropy snapped. “She is the reflection of my soul, as I am hers-”

“You say crap like that about her a lot, but does she ever say it about you?” Cortex questioned.

“Among ourselves, there is no need. We inherently sense-”

“So, no, then.” Cortex breathed in deeply. He had one more hand to play. “Nefarious… do you really think you can do this? Be a single parent while also a life partner to someone who will despise your child?”

“She won’t ‘despise’ our child, she-”

“She will. She’s told you over and over again she does not want this and there’s only one way that ever goes!” Cortex insisted. “The one who suffers the most is always the child! If you really care at all about this baby, then let me go!”

Tropy growled, “Oh, what is your gambit this time?”

“I am rich, I am educated, our daughter will want for nothing! She will have access to every luxury, go to the best schools- everything you want for her, she’ll have and-”

“And she’ll grow up to be weak and sniveling like you!” Tropy snapped. “Wasn’t it just last week you offered to be my pet?”

“That was a trick and you called me out on it! I’d rather shove a broken bottle up my ass then let you back there again!”

“Fortunately for you, you won’t have to do either. It’s over, Cortex. You have no more choices left to make.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

Tropy gestured around him. “You notice we’re at a medical facility?”

“I have and I’ve missed several pre-natal checkups since you’ve kidnapped me, by the way,” Cortex retorted. “Thanks for that, asshole, I wasn’t stressed out about it at all!”

“No, you haven’t. Your suite is equipped with scanners that have been recording biometric data ever since you arrived.”

“What the- You didn’t think to tell me that?!” Cortex screeched at him.

Tropy sneered. “There was no need. Dr. Nitrus Brio, much as it pains me to admit, is to be applauded for his work. Aside from that you’re a man, your pregnancy has been the picture of normalcy. The baby is about six pounds.”

Cortex blinked at this information, rubbing his belly. He was still pissed- even if he couldn’t do the scans personally, he would really have liked to go over the data- but he said, “Good. That’s… good. Wait. If I don’t need a checkup, then why am I here?”

“Because I can’t stand you any longer! Even confined and cossetted, you still find ways to be a menace. You are grit between my gears and I can abide no more!” Tropy declared. “So I shall be done with you! It’s time for delivery.”

A hammer to the face couldn’t have smashed Cortex harder between the eyes.

“Are you insane!” he cried. “I am at thirty-six weeks! That’s early, Tropy! You never induce early without a fucking good reason-”

“She will be fine,” Tropy insisted coldly. “We have analyzed all the data. She is healthy and ready.”

“No, she is not! Her lungs are still-”

“Good lord, man. This isn’t the Dark Ages.” It was chilling how unconcerned Tropy sounded about this. “If there is a problem, she will be given the appropriate care.”

“If there is a problem, it will be because you created one!” Cortex was hysterical and he didn’t care. This was literally his baby’s life on the line. “The best place for her right now is still inside me! God damn it, Nefarious! Full term at its earliest is only one week away- can you give me that? Can you give me one fucking week?”

“No.”

The firmness, the unreasonableness- the brutality of that one simple word left Cortex speechless.

Tropy continued, “Maybe if you had learned how to shut up sooner, we wouldn’t be here now. Be quiet or I will have you sedated for the birth, making these the last moments of cognizance you shall ever experience! Is that what you want?”

And just like that, it was over. There was nothing left to say, no clever scheme, last ditch ploy, or satisfying quip. The hands on Tropy’s chest were moving, but Cortex’s own, invisible clock had come to a halt.

In answer, Cortex shook his head. No.

Tropy turned away. “Here is how it shall work. So long as you remain cooperative, you may stay awake and will be given localized anesthesia for the Cesarean section. The child will be removed, you will be stitched back up-”

“Stitched up?” he questioned softly.

Tropy chuckled. “What, do you think I’ll have you bleed out on the table?”

“Yes?”

“She would, most likely,” Tropy acknowledged. “But she didn’t have any sort of relationship with her Neo and I suppose I do owe you something. So yes. You will be stitched up and then permitted some time alone with the baby.”

Cortex’s eyes began to tear. He was going to get to hold her! Touch her little cheek, feel her tiny hand wrap around his finger, actually whisper into her ear how much he loved her. This was more than he expected. This was-

This was not a fucking gift . Tropy was stealing everything from him. Her laugh, her smile. Her first word. Her every word. Every step, every song, every birthday and day in between- and not just hers. Whatever he still could have had with Crash and with Coco- gone. All gone.

“And after that?” He somehow managed to get out the question without a sob.

“For you, there is no after that,” Tropy said. He raised his hand, revealing a syringe. “I will make it painless.”

So that was it. How it ended for the great Dr. Neo Cortex. He’d never imagined it would be like this. So quiet, so deliberately cruel.

“Will you tell her about me?” Cortex asked softly.

“No,” Tropy said, still not turning to look at him. “That would defeat the point of getting rid of you, wouldn’t it?”

Cortex cringed. By God, had Tropy always been this absolute of a monster? Or had Cortex himself been so akin Tropy back then that he hadn’t noticed?

“Will you let me name her?”

Tropy did not answer immediately. A few moments passed before he said, “What did you have in mind?”

What Cortex wanted for a first name, he knew Tropy would never accept. But her middle name, maybe that he’d allow.

“Nova.”

Cortex held his breath. “Nova” meant in Latin the same thing in that “Neo” did in Greek. He was hoping Tropy would overlook that.

“Nova,” N. Tropy repeated. “Like a star. Nova Tropy. That is acceptable.”

Cortex pressed his arms against his belly and lowered his head. There was so much he had assumed without question he would be giving his child, but he would only be able to bequeath her these: his name and whatever from his genetics had passed into her. Good things, he hoped.

Don’t be like him. And don’t be like me. If I have one wish for you, little Nova, please, please be like Crash.

The one thing that somehow, in spite of himself, he’d gotten right.

The supernatural existed. Uka Uka proved that. That didn’t tell Cortex whether or not there was an afterlife- but he supposed it didn’t matter. If he had a soul, he was going to Hell. They weren’t going to let him watch his children from there.

Chapter Text

N. Tropy himself wheeled Cortex into the operating room. There were five medical professionals- Cortex presumed at least one of them was a doctor- in surgical scrubs, masks, and caps waiting for them. Cortex said nothing, made no protest, as they unstrapped him and lifted him onto the operating table. Tropy had made it clear what the cost of non-compliance would be and it was too high. If these were to be the final hours of his life, Cortex would spend them awake and aware- and his last moment would be with Nova in his arms.

They didn’t warn him when they jabbed the needle for the anesthesia into his spine. The lower half of his body went numb. Cortex’s eyes started to tear. They weren’t going to tell him what was going on, what they were doing to his body- it was simply going to happen to him.

“You’re such a bastard,” he murmured, catching Tropy’s eye. “I deserve better than this.”

“Be quiet, Neo,” was all Tropy said. “I want to watch.”

Silently, Cortex cried. One of the surgeons lifted up his hospital gown. They weren’t quite ready to begin and he strained to listen to their conversation. It was the only way he’d know when they were about to cut into him- he wasn’t going to feel it. Even in his original birth plan, he wouldn’t have felt it, but at least N. Brio would have told him what was going on. He would have had this moment. He wouldn’t have simply been a vessel to everyone else in the room.

He wouldn’t have been treated as nothing.

I love you, Nova , he thought, in these last moments that his body still held her. I love you so much-

And then something impossible happened.

Cortex felt something. The lower half of his body ought to be completely numb, yet his entire skin- crown to toes and everything in between- was wrapped in warmth like the sun-baked sands of N. Sanity Beach. That same warmth radiated from him in a golden light that repelled away the surgeons and their scalpels- they could not touch him, not while the light held him.

“What the fuck is this?” Tropy demanded. “I warned you, Cortex! Sedate him! Immediately!”

Another voice spoke over Tropy’s raving. Though loud and deep, it was even and gentle as it asked, “Neo Periwinkle Cortex, do you accept my protection?”

“Aku Aku?” Cortex sputtered. No, no way. This wasn’t happening. This was either a panic-induced hallucination or they’d fucked up his epidural, slipping in some of the really good drugs by mistake. But in case it wasn’t, he wasn’t going to sneer at the kindness of the universe when he needed it most. “Yes! Yes, I accept!”

Aku Aku manifested above Cortex’s face and descended upon him. Cortex braced himself. He’d been worn by Uka Uka more than once and each time had been horrible- trapped within himself, clawing to regain control of anything beyond his own thoughts. He expected possession by Aku Aku would be much the same. After all, the masks were twin brothers.

The clasp of Aku Aku was nothing like Uka Uka. Uka Uka claimed, his grip was a shackle. Aku Aku embraced. Cortex felt as if he were floating within the mask’s light. He could pull free- he sensed it would take very little effort were he to try- although at the moment that was obviously a stupid idea. For now, he was content to remain in the cocoon that Aku Aku provided, sheltering Cortex and keeping Nova fast within him.

Why are you doing this? Cortex asked. He could feel Aku Aku’s presence in his mind, although unlike Uka Uka he politely kept to the surface layer of Cortex’s thoughts. Did Crash ask you to protect me?

Aku Aku laughed gently. You do not believe you could yourself be worthy?

No. I am your brother’s servant. And I am a coward. I’ll continue serving him if that’s what I have to do to protect my child.

Would you? Aku Aku asked. Or would you find another way? Have you not already done so?

The mask vanished. The warmth and the light encasing Cortex’s body disappeared with him, leaving Cortex again exposed and numbed. This had been a test- Cortex had given the wrong answer and had failed. He felt that in the pit of his stomach as Tropy sneered down at him in fury.

“You are the worst sort of wonder! Just when I think I’ve found your limit, you exceed yourself again- I have had it! You are never going to see our child’s face!” Tropy screamed.

Then the door to the operating room smashed open- and barreling through the wreckage was Crash Bandicoot.

* * *

Most days, if someone asked him, Crash would say that he was a happy guy and he had a great life. He had an awesome little sister, a cozy house he’d built himself on picturesque beachfront property, and he’d been on several cinema-worthy adventures saving the world. Who could ask for more?

Crash had never asked for more. But he wanted more. He’d never forgotten from where he’d come. He’d never forgotten the hand that had reached out to him, feeding him wumpa scraps as a baby. He’d never forgotten the voice on the speakers, ringing with delight at his progress as he’d jumped through obstacle courses.

He’d never forgotten that once, even though he’d been an experiment, Neo Cortex had loved him. He’d never forgotten what that had felt like.

And he’d never stopped feeling it in return, even when Cortex had pulled his own love away, even when Cortex had tried again and again to maim, murder, and temporally erase Crash. Crash had remembered.

Whenever Cortex asked for another chance, Crash never turned him away. Not because Crash was a pushover or a fool- and certainly not because he was in denial about the sort of person Cortex was or the things Cortex did. In fact, it was the opposite. Cortex lived about as dangerously as someone could, running with the roughest crowd there was and consorting with the literal forces of evil. Crash always gave him another chance because he was afraid that someday, there wouldn’t be any chances left for Cortex.

Then, a few months ago, something out of his most fervent dreams had happened. Cortex had invited Crash home. He’d told Crash to call him “father”.

At last, he had called Crash his son. He had told Crash he was proud.

Cortex had told Crash that he loved him.

And it had happened on the worst day of Crash’s life. The day Crash had always feared: when someone finally came to end Neo Cortex and shut down the last hope of his redemption.

Crash had always thought it would be Uka Uka. Instead, it was N. Tropy.

But hope wasn’t gone. Crash’s father was still alive. And N. Tropy was about to learn very painfully not to mess with Dr. Neo Cortex again- because who had busted through his door wasn’t simply Crash Bandicoot. Not anymore.

He was Crashworth Cortex I and he was not here to fuck around.

* * *

“How!” N. Tropy cried. “How are you here, you flea-bitten pest? We sealed off this dimension!”

Cortex could only just lift his head. He turned toward Crash, overwhelmed with both hope and fear. The last time his son and Tropy had faced off, it had been Tropy who had won.

“Crash, no!” he called out. “I’m not worth it!”

“Well, at least we can agree on that!” Tropy snapped.

But there was a look of determination in Crash’s eyes such as Cortex could not quite remember seeing before. Then Crash was off, spinning in a familiar orange blur around the surgical table. Equipment clanged as it went flying through the room, the doctors shrieked and ducked for cover. By the way they hit the floor, rather than grabbing for weapons, Cortex guessed they truly were no more than medical doctors, not doctors the way he and Tropy were, versed in madness and mayhem as well as science. They didn’t have a clue what to do with Crash.

“You,” Tropy seethed, taking to the air. “I’m going to turn your pelt into a burial shroud for your dear Doctor Cortex to wear to the morgue!”

Crash slammed feet first into Tropy, smashing him against a metal cabinet with a satisfying crunch.

“Kick his ass!” Cortex screamed. “He wants to kill me!”

More footsteps ran into the room. He turned his head again and saw Coco and Tawna- other Tawna, not the one he had created- rushing towards him.

“What’s going on?” Coco asked. “Are you okay?”

Urgently, he answered, “They gave me anesthesia. I can’t move!”

“Anesthesia? Why?”

“Tropy wanted to remove your sister early so he could kill me sooner rather than later, that’s why! Thank God you’re here, you stopped a premature C-section!”

“The fuck?” Tawna blurted. “I’m sorry, what the absolute fuck? What is with N. Tropys? It’s like every universe said, ‘Hold my wumpa, I can do you one worse’!”

“I know, right? At least you didn’t sleep with yours.”

Tropy threw Crash off him and waved his staff. An arc of lightning forced Crash back. Tropy laughed and pressed his advantage. He sailed forward, tossing orbs of crackling energy in front of him, making the bandicoot dance to avoid electrocution.

“Pathetic. Weak. But then, you’re not Doctor Cortex’s soldier after all, are you? No, you’re his child-”

Crash lunged forward and grabbed Tropy’s staff. Tropy went wide-eyed in surprise a moment before screaming in rage. They tussled, Tropy spinning in air, trying to shake Crash off, but Crash held on fast- then he pushed off from the center of Tropy’s clock face. Tropy flew backwards, screeching his disbelief, and hit the floor with a thud. Crash, who had maneuvered into a backflip, landed expertly on his feet. With both hands, he raised Tropy’s staff above his head- and then snapped it into two pieces like a twig.

Crash threw the two halves of the tuning fork into Tropy’s lap.

“Leave,” Crash said. “Leave us alone. Don’t come back.”

Tropy stared at Crash, not saying anything. Then he snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Coco looked at the doctors still huddled on the floor and shouted at them, “The rest of you, get out, too! Now!”

With satisfaction, Cortex watched the five of them scramble on their hands and knees through the rubble and sharp, scattered equipment on the floor to crawl out the wreckage of the operating room door. Assholes.

“Is that it?” he asked, relieved. “Is it over?”

The lights in the roof flickered. The building trembled. The ceiling vanished, revealing a vast void of chaotic stars- and from the depths above came the rumbling voice of Cortex’s nightmares.

“Brother! How dare you interfere with one I have claimed! Neo Cortex is mine!”

Uka Uka.

“No! No!” Cortex screamed.

After all this, after everything, he was still going to die without ever having held Nova in his arms.

In an instant, Crash was by his side. I’ve got you, Dad.

“Crash, Coco, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, for everything-”

“Stop it,” Coco insisted. “This fight’s not over, it’s just starting-”

“He wears me, Coco!” Cortex cried. “Even at my best, I can barely throw him off and I am not at my best! You’ll have to attack me and if you do, what happens to your sister? No, you have to run. You have to leave me behind-”

Gentle, golden light streamed down upon the four of them as Aku Aku reappeared in a shimmer. He looked at them, patient and unafraid.

“Go. I will take care of my brother. This is only a tantrum- it does not need to be your fight.”

“Are you sure?” Coco asked.

“Yes. There are rules even Uka Uka must obey. Now, go. It isn’t safe for you here.”

“Thank you!” Cortex called to the mask, as Crash scooped him into his arms and rushed him out the door.

Outside of the operating room didn’t seem much safer than within. While the rest of the hospital facility still had its ceiling, it was shaking, lights strobing and plaster raining down.

“I’m a little unclear on how we’re getting out of here,” Cortex said. “Of course, I’m also unclear on how you got here-”

“Ha ha!” Tawna declared, pumping her fist. Around her right wrist was a thick gold bracer with a flat, purple gem set inside it.

“Is that a crystal?”

“Not at all surprised you recognize it. Let’s get you home,” she said.

She waved her hand and, like magic, a rift appeared.

Chapter Text

Tawna’s rift dropped them in the middle of Cortex Castle’s main conference room- right on top of the table. The timing, depending on one’s perspective, was either awful or perfect, with a meeting in session and all departmental leads present, N. Gin seated at the head of the table in what normally was Cortex’s place.

“Doctor Cortex?” N. Gin jumped out of his chair. “Cat? Oh my God, Cat! You’re back!”

He flipped himself onto the table and threw himself at Coco, squeezing her in a tight hug.

“Cat, Cat, Cat, I was so worried! You took so long! I was going crazy!”

Cortex was suddenly very aware that he and his enormous belly were on display before his employees covered by nothing more than a thin hospital gown. Snapping at the head of the purchasing department, he ordered, “You, grab me that tablecloth now!”

She jumped to it, pulling the sheet off a serving cart and sending trays of snacks and drinks spilling to the floor. Cortex tied it off around his middle.

He was so tired- physically, emotionally, he had hit all of his limits and then some. He wanted to cry, he needed to sleep, but he couldn’t. Even here, he and his family weren’t yet safe.

“The castle needs to go on lockdown, effective immediately! Whatever inter-dimensional shielding we have, implement it. We’re facing possible invasion by N. Tropy and Uka Uka-”

“You have no cause to fear them within the walls of your home, Neo Cortex.”

That voice, again. Firm and patient, steady and soothing. For yet a third time, Aku Aku appeared before Cortex. His minions seated at the table reacted poorly, pulling out a variety of laser and ray guns, all of which they aimed at the mask.

“Stand down, stand down!” Cortex barked at them. “Put those away! We don’t work for the other side anymore, remember?” He addressed Aku Aku. “Sorry about that. And I believe I owe you thanks. You bought time for Crash to get to me- you saved my life. But what is that going to cost me?”

Gently, Aku Aku laughed. “You are too accustomed to how my brother conducts his affairs. My protection was and is always a gift.”

Cortex turned away, closing his eyes. He couldn’t help it, he still felt afraid. “I’m grateful, I am. But I worry you’ve made things worse for me. You’ve pissed off your brother and you heard what he said. I belong to him.”

“That once was true. It no longer is. Uka Uka cannot lay claim to those whose actions are committed out of love.”

“What?” Cortex’s head snapped back towards the mask. “What are you saying?”

“You are not the same man you once were. Your nature has changed. By the choices you have made, you have undone the pact that bound you and your people to Uka Uka.”

“Wait, what?” N. Gin interjected, eyes wide with awe. “We’re free? Are you telling us that we’re free?”

Dazed, Cortex insisted, “This doesn’t make any sense. I haven’t done anything! I… I’m not a good person! I’m still me! I haven’t even begun to make up for all the terrible things I’ve done, not to anyone!”

“Yes, you have!” It was Coco who answered him. She was crying- but she was also laughing and she sounded joyful. “At the baby shower, when you gave yourself up for Crash, that was an act of love. Whether or not you’re a good person yet, you want to be, and I know you’re going to be. I believe in you, Dad.”

“Dad?” Cortex repeated wonderingly. His heart fluttered in his chest. “Cocobella, do you mean it?”

“Of course, I do.” She hugged him tightly. “We’re family.”

Cortex held her close and started crying into her hair. “You know, you’re my little girl, too. Don’t think I’m not going to spoil you as well as your little sister!”

She giggled. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Cortex sniffled, taking a moment to collect himself, and looked back at Aku Aku. “I don’t know what to say. What happens now?”

“Remain committed to this path and Uka Uka will be unable to possess you ever again. In the future, should you face him, it will be because you have chosen to fight against him. I would welcome you as an ally, Neo Cortex, but the decision is yours,” Aku Aku said. “As for N. Tropy, I will see to it that no rifts can be opened on your islands- excepting, of course, any created using the power of the Quantum Masks.” He winked at Tawna.

“Thanks, buddy,” Tawna said and Crash cheered.

“Family is not always loving and true.” For a moment, Aku Aku sounded regretful. “But when it is, then it is the most precious gift. Be with yours now and be well.”

In a flash of gold, he was gone.

Cortex gave Coco a loving squeeze. After all the terrors they had been through today, it felt like a miracle that they were here now- together, safe, happy. And they were going to stay that way.

“I don’t believe it,” N. Gin said. He jumped up and down. “Everybody! We’re free! We never have to worry about Uka Uka again! We are free!”

Jubilant shouting rang out around Cortex. Papers flew up in the air and came raining down like a corporate graduation day.

Asked Gin, “Does this mean we’re good guys now?”

Crash nodded, but Cortex shrugged and said, “I still plan to cheat on my taxes.”

N. Brio crossed his arms and grumbled, “I still want to be evil.”

“Oh my God, Nitrus, read the room!”

“Nobody asked you!”

“N. Brio, shut up!”

* * *

Cortex sat on the examination table. Considering that a few hours ago he’d been on an operating table, another medical facility was the last place he wanted to be- but after everything he’d been through, he needed to know absolutely that both he and Nova were completely well.

No, he suddenly realized, coconut’s name didn’t have to be Nova. Tropy’s threats of taking his daughter from him were now banished forever. He could again name her what he wanted. So, not Nova. That would still be her middle name, but for her first name, he had something very special planned.

Crash and Coco held Cortex’s hands, helping him remain calm while N. Brio poked and prodded him, taking scans and samples. Normally he wouldn’t be so tense during a medical exam, but this was simply too soon after the nightmare N. Tropy had put him through.

“Everything seems fine,” N. Brio at last remarked. “Better than fine. While you were in captivity, N. Tropy certainly kept you well fed, Master.”

“Ha ha,” Cortex said flatly. He wasn’t in the mood. “Am I still on track for delivery at week forty?”

“I believe so, although considering your size now-”

Cortex growled.

“Master, I am not taunting you!” Brio protested. “I merely wish to point out that as the specimen will continue to grow, you may find yourself in increasing discomfort-”

“I have been in ‘discomfort’ since the very moment I became pregnant, I can handle it!” Cortex snapped. “And I want to revise the timeline.”

N. Brio raised his eyebrows. “Revise? Thirty-nine weeks would also be-”

“No! Forty-one.”

Crash and Coco both gave a start, while N. Brio blinked.

“Master, that would be overdue.”

“Not necessarily,” Cortex said. “Delivery at forty-one weeks isn’t uncommon and the extra time is beneficial for the baby.”

Coco leaned forward. “Uh, Dad, if this is about what N. Tropy tried to do-”

“Cocobella, hush!”

“Jeez, okay!”

N. Brio rolled his eyes. “You know what? I don’t care. If you want to be pregnant longer than necessary, that doesn’t bother me.” Then he smirked. “Good thing you live in a castle, because you’re going to be as big as a house.”

* * *

After all they’d been through, Cortex, Crash, and Coco were naturally feeling a bit clingy. They invited Tawna to use Coco’s room while the three of them piled into Cortex’s gigantic purple canopy bed to sleep.

Crash drifted off almost instantly, his hand on Cortex’s belly and coconut elbowing towards him, keeping Cortex himself awake. He sighed. His little, not-so-little one was probably more a winter melon now and he ought to enjoy this while it lasted. Before he knew it, he’d be holding her on the outside.

“Oh, ew,” Coco said suddenly. “You and Tropy had sex in this bed, didn’t you?”

“Not on these sheets,” Cortex retorted, although he didn’t actually know. “Those sheets will be burned.”

“Why him anyway?”

“That is a very personal and adult question, young lady.”

“I’m precocious,” Coco replied. “And you could do better. A lot better.”

Quietly, Cortex answered, “Not back then. There was no one else. Literally no one. It was less about who he was than what I needed…” Even so, Cortex was still surprised how little Tropy had turned out to care about him.

“Well, you don’t have to settle anymore, Dad. You’ve got us and we love you.”

It wasn’t quite the same thing, but he knew what she meant. He knew what she was trying to say.

It had been a long, long time since anyone had told him he was loved.

“I love you, too, Coco.”

Chapter Text

After breakfast the next day, Cortex cornered Tawna in the dining room.

“I understand a lot of your hard work into my rescue,” he said.

“Aw, nah,” she answered. She tapped her bracelet. “I was already looking for this beauty when Crash and Coco found me. It was good timing on their part. They went through a lot to get to you.”

“The way they tell it, you didn’t hesitate when they asked you to help.”

“I’d do anything for them. But don’t take that the wrong way.” She smiled at him warmly. “I’m really glad it worked out. And I’m glad you’re one of us now. I must say, Doctor, you look very sweet.”

Cortex smiled back at her and rubbed the top of his belly. “Thank you. It’s been quite an experience, but mostly a good one. You ever thought about kids?”

“Thought about it. It’d be nice, but…”

“I’m aware you have a somewhat limited species pool,” he said. “I made your counterpart specifically for my Crash to… well. As Crash has pointed out, that reveals somewhat primitive and patriarchal thinking on my part.”

Tawna snorted a laugh. “You think you ending up pregnant might be karma?”

“Huh. Maybe,” he conceded. “I need to reach out to my Tawna and apologize. And I imagine you didn’t have the best relationship with your Doctor Cortex either. It would make me very happy if our relationship could be different- especially if you would feel comfortable asking me for assistance. Not as experiment and creator, of course. As one friend to another who happens to have a vast amount of oddly specific knowledge about your biology.”

She crossed her arms. “That’s… a tall ask. It’s going to take some time. I have bad memories of this place and you- other you. Believing in you now doesn’t make those go away.”

“I know. It means a lot that you’re even considering it. Regardless, you will always have a place here at my castle.”

“Thank you,” she said. “And for the record, you will be seeing more of me. Wouldn’t want to let Crash down.”

“Oh?” Cortex gave her a sly look. “You know, I do want grandchildren.”

“You are unbelievable. Finish growing this generation!”

And she walked off, muttering something about Cortexes being the same in every universe.

* * *

N. Gin handed the reins back to Cortex gladly and with little fanfare. Much to Cortex’s pleasure, he found quite little needed to be done to put things in order- Gin had kept operations running smoothly and Brio well pinned.

Crash and Coco popped over to N. Sanity Beach to fetch Polar and Pura and bring them to Cortex Castle. Cortex made an announcement to the staff explaining that they were pets, not lab specimens, and God help any intern who mistook them otherwise, any offenders would be volunteered to test N. Brio’s potions. In case that warning wasn’t enough, Cortex gave Polar and Pura special, bejeweled collars to signal their status as members of the family.

With his kids, Cortex finished setting up winter melon’s nursery. After putting Coco’s periodic table poster on the wall, he noticed that Element 117, Cortexrulestheworldium, was spelled incorrectly.

“Oh, whoops!” Coco laughed. “I’ll get a replacement.”

“You had it printed like this on purpose, didn’t you?”

“I might have… but that was then! You’re not mad, are you?”

“No.” Cortex chuckled and ruffled her hair. “You really are my daughter.”

With preparations complete, Crash proposed that Cortex ought to have a babymoon. Cortex retorted that was completely unrealistic- at thirty-eight weeks, he wasn’t going anywhere- until Crash suggested the three of them simply relax for a few days at the Bandicoot house on N. Sanity Beach.

At his size, Cortex wasn’t going to parade himself around in any sort of bathing suit or swim trunks, even if only his kids would see him. Fully dressed, he lay out in the sand, enjoying the sun and the snacks Crash and Coco brought him in between splashing around in the water. When Aku Aku popped up, Cortex almost screamed. His first assumption was that some earth-shattering calamity was imminent, but apparently Aku Aku just wanted to hang out. Cortex wasn’t used to that. Certainly, Uka Uka had never shown up at his castle to chill and watch movies. He guessed they were friends now? This was going to take some getting used to.

Winter melon became watermelon. Cortex, Crash, and Coco returned home. As much as possible, Cortex tried staying on his feet- but that truly wasn’t much anymore. He napped everywhere- in his chair in the lab, on Crash’s couch, on Coco’s bed while she streamed. The few times he tried poking around other departments, actually being lord of his castle, all of his minions looked at him as if he were crazy to be up and about. As if he didn’t know he was currently a blimp- he could feel it, every damn pound of watermelon’s massive head and then some!

“Two weeks,” he told himself, as he slowly climbed the stairs to his room. “Only two more weeks. I can make it.”

* * *

A loud knock clanged on Coco’s door and N. Gin shouted, “Emergency!”

Coco hit pause on the game immediately. Yeah, that much was obvious if Uncle Gin was in the family wing.

“Come in!” she called.

N. Gin entered. Looking at Coco and Crash, he said, “Good, you’re both here. Does Doctor Cortex listen to either of you? I mean, can you talk to him if he’s doing something stupid?”

“What’s this about?”

Crash shook his head. I know what this is about. I’m not butting in.

“Oh, come on!” N. Gin exclaimed, waving his arms. “If he falls over, he won’t be able to get up! I’m not sure how he gets up anyway. Be honest, do you help him out of bed in the morning?”

Crash looked at him without amusement.

Coco groaned. Not this again. “Why is everyone obsessed with Dad’s pregnancy?”

“Because it has gotten weird,” N. Gin said. “Okay, it started weird. But now it’s really weird. It’s like he doesn’t want to give birth! That’s super weird.”

You don’t know what happened with N. Tropy, Crash insisted. Dad is being extra careful. One more week.

“It could have been last week! He’s ready-”

Crash held up his finger. One. More. Week. Not your decision.

“What if he falls over?”

Pick him up.

“Hell, no,” said N. Gin. “I’m calling you and you can pick him up.”

Crash shrugged. I don’t mind.

“Of course you don’t.” N. Gin huffed. “I’m going back downstairs. If Doctor Cortex won’t pop today, I’m settling for rockets.”

* * *

Week forty, day six.

Cortex didn’t know who started it. It could have been N. Brio in a fit of spiteful gloating. It might have been N. Gin, who seemed to have cracked a little under the weight of command in Cortex’s absence. It may even had been Crash, meaning only well and genuinely wanting to celebrate. Whoever was responsible, there was a goddamn countdown party going on in the dining hall for Cortex’s pregnancy hitting forty-one weeks.

“I am going to murder them all!”

Ray gun in hand, he shoved open the hall doors. Before he could take aim and start shooting, the room erupted into cheers.

“Aw, yeah, you made it!” N. Gin ran up to Cortex and handed him a baseball bat.

“What is this? What’s going on?” he demanded.

“Your baby shower’s rocking afterparty got wrecked, so we’re making up for it. This…” N. Gin pointed at the bat. “…is for that.” And he pointed towards a long row of lined up clocks- grandfather clocks, wall clocks, coco-clocks, anything with a clock face. “Figured you should get first crack at them.”

“Oh my God.” Cortex shook his head. “You assholes. Fine, I won’t get mad, but after today we don’t bring this up again.”

And he ran towards the grandfather clock, swinging.

The carnage wrought would have brought N. Tropy to his knees weeping. The only timepiece that escaped destruction was a digital timer on the wall, counting down to midnight. The rest of the day Cortex spent lounging in an arm chair, chatting and snacking while others danced to N. Gin’s set list and played party games.

The hours passed. N. Gin made an announcement when the timer hit one hour, then again at thirty minutes. Then again at ten minutes. Then at one minute. Then…

“Three… two… one!”

Like it was New Year’s, bombs of confetti burst, showering magenta glitter down from the ceiling. Noise makers went off through the room.

“Go, go, Doctor Cortex!” N. Gin declared. “You are officially forty-one weeks pregnant!”

Grabbing the microphone from him, Coco announced, “Let’s hear it for bandicoots who have a gestation period of only half a month, woohoo!”

Cupping his hands around his mouth, Cortex called back, “I wouldn’t count on enjoying that, sweetie, you’re genetically modified!” He flumped backwards into his armchair. “Thank God, I can’t take this anymore. I think I might explode.”

N. Brio sauntered up towards him and looked down, a smug expression on his face. “Not considering extending your term to forty-two? It isn’t unheard of.”

“You wish. No, go ahead, Doctor Brio, it’s your moment.” With flourish, Cortex extended his arms. “Cut me open.”

Brio smiled. “No.”

Cortex lifted his head. “No? What do you mean ‘ no ’?”

“I’m exhausted. Staying up late for this party has worn me all out.” Theatrically, N. Brio stretched out his arms and yawned. “Surgery is such delicate work. I really must be at my best. I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow.”

Humming to himself, he began slowly to walk towards the door.

Cortex rolled himself upright in his chair and screeched, “You mean I have to stay like this? I’m going to pop , N. Brio, and if I do-”

Brio stopped and turned. “You’ll be fine. What’s twelve to eighteen more hours? After all, Master, you’ve made it forty-one weeks.”

“N. Brio, I am revoking your bathroom privileges!”

The threat didn’t seem to faze Brio, who resumed his merry humming as he left the room. Cortex dropped back down. “God, I can’t. Someone take down a note to kill him after my C-section, and someone else… roll me to my bedroom.”

Crash walked up to his chair, shook his head at Cortex, and scooped him into his arms.

“You can still lift me? Damn, I did a good job constructing you.” Cortex rested his head against his son’s chest and closed his eyes. “Thank you, Crash.”

Chapter Text

After that, everyone else went to sleep as well and slept in. Upon waking, they enjoyed a hearty brunch- all except Cortex, who had to stick to fruit juice out of consideration for his upcoming surgery.

After his liquid breakfast, he met in the conference room for final instructions with his department heads before officially starting maternity leave.

At the end of the meeting, Brio stood up and announced, “I’m going to prepare and then, Master, you can step into my parlor.”

“If you’re trying to creep me out, it’s not going to work,” said Cortex. “The first time someone tried taking out this baby was a literal nightmare that was then hijacked by cosmic deities. Whatever you have planned is at best a Halloween fun house.”

“Excuse me!” Brio put his hand to his chest, indignant. “I am a professional! You are going to have the best medical care of your life!”

He left the room and N. Gin approached Cortex.

“Guess I’m back in charge for the next few months?”

“Don’t look so glum about it,” Cortex remarked. “You did an excellent job last time.”

“It suuuuucks,” he hissed. “Can’t you find somebody else?”

“Crash isn’t ruthless enough and Coco might be too ruthless. I need you, for now at least.”

“I wonder what this kiddo’s going to be like,” N. Gin said. “What are you naming her? Neo Junior? Neo Neo? It kinda works.”

“Nope. You’ll find out in a few hours.”

Outside in the hall, Crash and Coco were waiting for him. They each took one of his hands and helped him to the medical wing of the castle. There, they sat in the waiting room.

Cortex ran his hands over his belly, feeling pumpkin move inside him for what was the last time. Soon, this would be over. He would no longer be this size, she would be in his arms- and the rest of his life would finally begin.

If everything went as planned. Nothing ever went as planned.

“Crash, Coco. I need to tell you something.”

He offered each of them one of his hands again. They took them and squeezed. Cortex smiled. Crash and Coco had no way of knowing it, but they’d done so at precisely the same time.

“I do trust N. Brio to do this properly. It’s his professional pride on the line and he wants to be able to boast he orchestrated the world’s first fully successful cis male pregnancy. But if something does go wrong, he’s been instructed to prioritize your sister’s life over mine. And he will. She’s proof of his accomplishment, not me.”

Crash and Coco both went wide-eyed. “Dad-”

“It’s not going to happen! But if it does… I’ve left instructions. Of course, you will be her guardians. So you need to know, your little sister’s name is Cherrebellum.” Cortex smiled. This was the first time he’d said her name aloud to anyone but himself. “Cherry, for short. Cherry Nova Cortex.” He sniffled, his eyes starting to tear. “I know you probably thought I was going to give her a first name that started with ‘N’, but I want her name to be like yours because… because the three of you…”

Crash put a hand on his shoulder. The four of us.

Coco was sniffling, too. “Crash is right. The four of us, Dad. You’re going to get through this just fine and we are going to have so much fun together…”

“I hope so. I…” Cortex shook his head. “I know so. I’m nervous. I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything and I’m not used to getting what I want.”

Crash smiled broadly. Get used to it, Dad. You’re on our side now.

The operating room door creaked open. Wearing scrubs and surgeon’s hairnet, N. Brio stepped out.

“Ready whenever you are, Master.”

Cortex smiled again and squeezed Crash’s and Coco’s hands before releasing them. “Alright. See you again soon. I love you.”

With some difficulty, he hoisted himself out of his chair and walked into the delivery room.

* * *

The next few hours were the most tense of Coco’s and Crash’s lives. Everything should go fine. They had no reason to think everything wouldn’t go fine. But what if everything didn’t go fine? Crash had wanted Cortex back in his life for so long- and Coco had only begun to realize what kind of bond she and Cortex could have now. And both of them had fallen in the love with the promise of Cherry. Losing either- or both- was too grim to consider. Crash paced, Coco fidgeted with her tablet, waiting.

At last, the door to the delivery room opened. N. Brio stepped out. There was blood on his sleeves, all the way up to his elbows.

“Oh my God!” Coco cried. “What happened?”

With a broad, self-satisfied smirk, Brio raised his arms and declared, “The miracle of life! This was triumph, the operation a complete success- no complications whatsoever! Test subject and specimen are resting, they’re in the other room. Master’s asking for you.” He pointed to an adjacent door.

Crash flopped down onto the floor in relief, then just as quickly jumped back up and swung his arm, gesturing for Coco to follow.

Inside the room, resting upright in a rather luxurious hospital bed, Cortex was holding a surprisingly large bundle in his arms, close to his chest. He looked up as they entered and smiled, bright-eyed.

“Come meet your little sister,” he said.

Little Cherrebellum was quite clearly a Cortex. She had her father’s lemon complexion and was more head than anything, her crown covered in thick tufts of springy black hair. She looked up at her siblings with sleepy brown eyes.

“She’s so big!” Coco exclaimed. “How did this come out of you?”

“I certainly did not push. And yet somehow I’m still exhausted.”

Crash cooed at Cherry and offered her his finger, which she took.

“Look at how smart she is! She likes you already,” Cortex said. He kissed the top of Cherry’s head and murmured softly to her, “Yes, this is Crash. And that’s Coco. Your big brother and big sister. Yes.” Then he lay back and sighed. He really did seem spent.

“You okay, Dad?”

He nodded. “I am. Just tired.”

N. Brio came up, rolling in front of him a hospital cradle. “Of course, you’re tired! Never mind giving birth, don’t you remember what I told you are the start of this?”

“Believe it or not, I’ve had something of a day, N. Brio, so spit it out.”

“That your body would revert back to its original composition once you’re no longer pregnant. The process has probably started and you’ll conk out soon. But when you wake up, you won’t have a uterus anymore, among other things. Although if you wish to repeat this experience-”

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.”

“As you wish, Master. I won’t complain, I got what I wanted and very much more,” N. Brio said, with a full-toothed grin.

Cortex ignored him. “Crash, will you put Cherry to bed for me?”

Handling his newborn sister like the precious thing she was, Crash lifted Cherry from Cortex’s arms and gently placed her on her back in the cradle. He cooed goodbye to her and then Coco did the same, both of them giving her little waves from the edge of her bed.

“We’ll be back,” Coco promised Cortex, Crash nodding in agreement.

“I won’t be here too much longer. Tomorrow I should be cleared to return to my bedchamber,” said Cortex. He put both his hands to his lips and blew them a kiss. “I love you.”

Crash, with his hands, formed a heart in return.

Chapter Text

For the first month of Cherry’s life, it seemed she and Cortex spent most of it alike sleeping- and not at the same time. Cortex didn’t know how he would have gotten through it without Crash and Coco to help out with feeding and changing. Most of the diaper duty fell to Crash, because he minded it the least. Coco was, initially, very nervous about holding Cherry. The first few times, she did so with Cortex or Crash supporting her arms. After that, she felt comfort carrying Cherry around on her own.

Yes, Cortex was exhausted. But happy. Cherry was a tiny wonder. She looked up at him with her big brown eyes and he was amazed that she was even possible.

“Sweet little berry,” he murmured, cradling her close. “Anything in the world can be yours. Ask me, I’ll show you how.”

* * *

“You’re cleared for normal physical activity,” N. Brio said. “And you could do with some.”

Cortex rolled his eyes. Two months post-delivery, his stomach was no longer puffy from surgery; now it was merely puffy from the weight he’d gained carrying Cherry. He was still wearing his maternity clothes, albeit in the early, smallest size.

“My body made an entire other person. What has yours done?” he retorted and was pleased to see Brio frown. “Besides, if I can’t shed these extra pounds soon, it will be reflected in your salary.”

“You’re not seriously going to go through with that threat!” N. Brio protested.

“You outed my pregnancy to Tropy, which got me kidnapped and almost killed! You’re lucky I don’t hang you from the parapet!” Cortex’s snapped. He dropped down from the examination table. “Five million will be transferred to your account this afternoon, as we agreed.”

“Fine,” Brio agreed sulkily.

“And one more thing.”

N. Brio looked at him nervously.

Cortex gave him a dark look. “Don’t think I don’t know you’re still calling Cherry ‘the specimen’. That stops now or my exercise regimen will include kick-boxing your head!”

* * *

Cortex wasn’t at all surprised when Cherry proved precocious. Her first laugh came right before her third month, provoked by a light tickle from Crash.

“She is amazing!” Cortex gasped.

Crash scooped Cherry from her cradle and put her into Cortex’s waiting arms. He and Coco gathered beside Cortex, who seated himself in the nursery’s rocking chair.

“Oh, who is a cute little scientist?” Cortex cooed at her. “You are! You are!”

Coco laughed. “What if she wants to be a poet?”

“Then she will be poet laureate! Whatever she wants to do, we will be behind her 106 percent!”

Coco shook her head. “I guess the Cortex legacy isn’t something anyone gets to live down, is it? At least we’re in the clear on one thing. She doesn’t look a bit like N. Tropy.”

Cortex sighed. He could see hints of Nefarious in Cherry, but they were obscured, buried under what Cortex himself had bequeathed his daughter. He wasn’t going to tell Coco or anyone else how to find them. And he wasn’t going to hold them against Cherry, not now or ever.

“We need to talk about this,” he said. “How we will be handling information about Cherry’s… other father.”

“I think calling him that is way too generous,” Coco said hotly.

Crash nodded in vehement agreement.

Cortex looked down at his daughter, gurgling placidly in his arms. She was sweet and perfect- and innocent. She probably deserved better than him. She certainly deserved better than whatever hell Nefarious would have made of her life- and still could.

“I need you both to promise me something,” he said. “From this point forward, no one- not you or me, not anyone- is to mention the name Doctor Nefarious Tropy or anything related to his work inside this castle again.”

Crash and Coco gave a start.

“I don’t ask this for myself. Cherry does have a right to know her origins- but not until she is much, much older. N. Tropy is a monster. He wanted to remove her from me prematurely so he could kill me sooner rather than later! What child needs to hear that horror story?” Cherry started to fuss and Cortex gave her a gentle jiggle, calming her. “Cherry will be told the truth when she’s mature enough that it won’t be traumatic for her. Until then, do I have you word to keep this a secret?”

Coco didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Crash nodded. But what will you tell Cherry in the meantime?

“I’m not sure yet. But we have some time before she starts asking questions. I’ll figure something out, something plausible and not too far from the truth.” Cortex stroked Cherry’s soft little cheek. “If she can’t have the other father she deserves, I’ll at least make damn sure she gets the childhood that she does.”

* * *

When Cherry was four months old, the other three Cortexes decided they had earned a break. Trusting the baby with N. Gin, the Doctor and Coco were staying in for the night, while Crash was going out. Coco had set up her dance pad, promising to introduce Cortex to Dance Dance Revolution after dinner. In the meantime, Cortex had brought out his tablet and was flipping through fashion web sites.

“The other me had this amazing shoe collection, easily worth twenty thousand,” Cortex said as he pulled up Christian Louboutin’s online shop. “There! She had those! Oh, I know it’s stupid, but I want them!”

“Get them!” Coco squealed. “They are so chic!”

“What would I do with them?”

“Wear them, of course!”

“Wear them where?”

“The lab, the club- you go out, don’t you? Who’s going to say anything, you’re Doctor Cortex, you own these islands and everyone on them!”

“I do. But it feels silly.” As they were speaking, Crash entered the room. Cortex flipped the tablet towards him and called, “Crash, what do you think?”

Crash raised a skeptical eyebrow. You’d break your neck, Dad.

“Wow!” Coco exclaimed. “This is a first. I’ve never seen him disapprove of anything.”

Cortex waved his hand. “You just don’t get it. I’m going to buy them. Coco, do you want anything? My treat.”

“Really? Ooo, these! They’re so cute!”

“They’re yours.”

“Thank you!”

Cortex looked back up at Crash. “Where are you going, by the way?”

Crash was dressed nicely, in black pants and a polo shirt. He had a date. With Tawna.

“Which Tawna?” Cortex asked.

Other Tawna. Crash was excited, but also nervous. Because this Tawna was the same but not the same as the Tawna he’d been with before, and what if that got in the way-

“You are overthinking it, son. You’ve got good instincts and a good head on your- why didn’t I give you a neck? Oh whatever, you’re still handsome. You’ve got this.”

Thanks, Dad.

“Alright, have fun. Use protection!”

Not necessary. This was their first date. That meant holding hands, a kiss goodnight if she let him. Crashworth Cortex I was a gentleman.

“Good. Treat her like a lady.”

Of course. She is a lady.

As Crash walked out the door, Cortex shouted after him, “But don’t take things too slow! Remember, I want grandchildren!”

Coco groaned and dropped her head on the table. “Dad, you’re the worst.”

Chapter Text

Twelve years later…

“I’ve got it this time, I know it!”

There was a knock at the door. “Cherry? Cherry-pie, are you in there?”

Cherry glanced at the clock. Oh no, she’d completely lost track of time! Throwing the tarp over her workbench, she called, “Coming!”

She jumped out of her chair and darted to the door. Opening it, she found her father outside. His arms were crossed, but his expression was amused.

“It’s bedtime, little berry, and you don’t look ready at all.”

“I know, I know, fifteen more minutes, please!”

“Oh, alright, since I know you get it from me…” He smiled. “But you need your sleep if you want to get any taller than you already are.” Dad dropped his arms and stood on tiptoe to kiss the “c” on her forehead. “Now I will be back to check on you, young lady, so clean up!”

“I will! Thanks, Dad.”

He gently shut the door as he left her to work.

Cherry wasn’t an only child- in fact, she was the youngest of three- but she was the only human child of Dr. Neo Cortex and that gave her something of a legacy both to live up to and down. Her dad had been upfront about his past, that he used to be a supervillain, but expected that very much to be a path Cherry would not follow. Yet he’d always been into extreme science and that was where Cherry knew her own future lay. In fact, Cherry owed her existence to mad science, another thing her father had been honest about with her. She knew that her dad had carried her and that she hadn’t exactly been planned, the result of an ingenious prank by Uncle Nitrus. But Dad had decided early on that the real joke was on N. Brio, because Dad had liked it- and he was grateful for all the ways that Cherry had changed his life.

Still, it was obvious to Cherry that her genetic code couldn’t be purely Cortex. Her height, for one thing. She had an inch on her father and he insisted she wasn’t done growing. She’d asked Dad, and he’d said that when he’d tested her DNA, he couldn’t find a match- but he also hadn’t found any worrisome genetic issues either, so while it might be a mystery, there wasn’t any cause for concern. So she’d asked N. Brio next, but he didn’t have any of the original batch of the formula that had caused her conception. She’d even asked Aku Aku, but he’d laughed and said, “Child, when you get down to it, science is the mumbo jumbo. It’s spirit that counts! You’re Cherry Cortex and don’t you forget it!”

If Aku Aku said don’t worry, she wouldn’t worry. But she was curious and she was a scientist. She would figure it out someday. But for now…

Cherry cleared off the tarp, revealing her secret project, a mechanical glove she had built herself. She picked it up and slipped it over her right hand. With her left, she hit the start button on her voice recorder.

“This is C. Nova Cortex. Test run 18 of the Good-as-Nova Glove. Test subject, one English tea rose in advanced state of decay.”

She placed on her workbench the withered flower, its petals browned and curling backwards. It was still beautiful its own way, but dry and dead. Cherry had bought a few dozen of these especially for her experiments. While she had a large collection of preserved flowers, those she had gathered over the years adventuring with Crash and Coco. Crash liked picking flowers and putting them in Cherry’s hair. She always saved them and she didn’t want to use them as test subjects in case something went wrong. They were too special to lose.

“Now we activate.”

She reached out her gloved hand towards the rose. Embedded in the back of the glove was a watch face. Three times, she tapped it, speaking to herself as she did so.

“Tick, tick, tock!”

The hands on the watch spun backwards. Energy flowed from her fingertips and before her eyes the rose returned to bloom, bright and fresh and dewy as if it were newly plucked.

“Yes!” Cherry exclaimed. “Oh, yes, I knew I could do it! Dad is going to be so impressed!”

Dad was into bioengineering, making animals stronger and smarter and all around better. What he did was cool, but Cherry wanted to be different. Nature was already good at making things, the problem was those things didn’t last- but they could, if you could turn back the clock. So why not combine biology with temporal physics? It was an approach that would be uniquely hers. After all, no one else in Cortex Castle messed around with time.

“Experiment a success! This is C. Nova Cortex reporting that I have mastered entropy.”