Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

     MePhone4 was…happy, after his powers were taken. He would have never guessed his otherworldly powers came from an egg. He never questioned it before. He never questioned a lot of things back then.

     He was made to fulfill tasks, as were many before him. But now, without his powers, he found life to be much harder. No longer could he just will something into existence. He had to work for whatever he wanted.

     It was annoying, but he didn’t complain. He already looked bad enough as it is. If he wanted to prove that he had changed, he needed to suck it up. He’s great at that.

     He allowed his “creations” (which felt weird to say) to go wherever they wanted, assuring them their lives were no longer dictated by him. But a few still stuck around, much to his surprise. Orange Juice, Suitcase, Toilet, Paper, and Taco all stayed nearby. The others he knew nothing about.

     The ones who stayed would regularly visit them, and sometimes give MePhone4 updates on how they were doing. He was grateful for that. And though sometimes he yearns to call them, he resists that urge.

    “They left for a reason,” he tells himself. “They deserve their privacy.” But it doesn’t make him feel any better. For now, he has to make do with what he’s got.

     MePhone4 would be lying if he said some of his creations weren’t him venting. When he created them, he didn’t think of them as living things. So he added whatever he wanted to their personalities, even if it was horrible.

     He was selfish; he knows that. His creations know that. And even now, perhaps he still IS selfish, because he wants them to himself. He doesn’t want them to leave him, despite them having every reason to do so.

     He didn’t talk much anymore, just a few words here and there when he was spoken to. (Which was rare in and of itself). He hadn’t felt this alone in a long time.

    “MePhone4.” A stern voice grabs his attention. Oh right, he had been talking to Ballpoint Pen. The pen has a paint job of grey and yellow, as well as glasses. It had been a last-minute decision when MePhone4 created him.

     At the time, he was still desperate for Steve Cobs’s approval. But he couldn’t get it from the man himself, so he created a sort of substitute. Even the way the two spoke was eerily similar. Another decision he had made last minute.

     It’s something that makes him want to curl up and fade away. Something that forced him to acknowledge how naive he was. Making a father figure for himself, HA! What a joke.

     He hears a cough, and he realizes he had spaced out again. What’s wrong with him today?

    “I’m sorry, Mr. Pen,” he scrambles to explain himself. “Not all there, I guess.” He chuckles as Ballpoint Pen narrows his eyes.

    “I can see that.” He drawls, clearly unimpressed. Unimpressed. Oh, that’s not good. “I AM rather curious to know how your progress with the cleanup is going.” After the show ended, he now needed to clean up the extra junk left behind. He couldn’t just make it disappear, after all.

    “Oh, um, It’s going good.” Was that a voice crack? Why the hell did Steve program that?! “A few more days, and It should be all gone.” Ballpoint Pen nods.

    “That’s good. Now, how are the others doing?” MePhone4 frowns across his cracked screen.

    “Isn’t this…”therapy session” supposed to be about me?” He asks. “Not that I don’t care about them, but why are you concerned?” Ballpoint Pen grimaced slightly when he described their meetings as “therapy sessions.”

    “Environment is everything.” He said calmly. Steve always sounded so calm, so collected. Until he wasn’t. “How those around you are feeling mentally can also affect YOU mentally. Much more than you’d think.” Oh…I guess that makes sense.

    “I…they’re doing good, I think.” He says. “They seem…happy.” Without you. “And I guess that makes…me happy?” It’s a question, not a statement. Ballpoint Pen clearly notices this, raising a brow.

    “Clearly, something is still troubling you.” He says bluntly. As if he would rather be doing anything else. “It would probably help to share what that is, yes?” MePhone4 shifts, feeling uncomfortable.

    “I’d have to go in alphabetical order.” He muttered, crossing his arms. Ballpoint Pen purses his lips, saying nothing for a moment.

    “Perhaps you could start with what you…consider the least bad?” He suggests, and MePhone4 shrugs.

    “I guess…the least bad would be…when I saw him badmouthing me on the phone.” He turns his eyes to the floor as Ballpoint Pen nods for him to continue. “I had created a boat, and I wanted to show him. He didn’t even seem to notice it. Just told me to keep improving.” He clenches his fists.

    “And the show…you created it to rebel against Steve, correct?” He nods.

    “I wanted to prove to him that I could survive without him, that I didn’t need nor want him.” He shakes his head, placing a hand to the crack on his screen. “But in the end I was still doing things for him, in a way. And at the end, I was still wooed by his words, 100% ready to just follow him all over again.”

     Ballpoint Pen moves out of the corner of his vision, and he jolts. The pen stops, looking him over. MePhone4 slowly calms down, feeling rather embarrassed by his actions.

    “It’s clear to not only me, but to your friends, that you craved after Steve Cobs’s approval. Even if you acted out to try and remove yourself from him, you still…feared him—ah, don’t give me that look—it’s true.” MePhone4 sighs, listening to the words that told nothing but the truth.

    “He was your creator, your…father, in a sense. And despite what your voice says, you are a child. You may not sound or act or think like one, but you are still a child nonetheless.” He takes his glasses off, cleaning them as he continues talking. “Steve clearly took advantage of that.”

     MePhone4 shrugs, trying to appear indifferent. “Yes, I know that.” He snaps. “But he’s gone now, isn’t he? So why are we still talking about him?” Ballpoint Pen’s expression changes slightly.

    “Yes, he IS dead. But his presence in your life greatly affected the choices you made to get here.” He told him. “He’s the big issue behind your mental state. But if we break it up into small, attackable pieces, I believe we can tackle it.”

     MePhone4 nods, not saying a word. “We can start today, or anytime you want.” Ballpoint Pen says. MePhone4 opens his mouth but finds it hard to get words out.

    “I…I’m sorry.” He places his hands to his screen.

    “What are you sorry for?” Ballpoint Pen asks calmly. Still so calm. Until he’s not.

     He grunts, feeling something wash over him. It’s not anger, but he doesn’t like it. “What’s it to you?” He snaps, and Ballpoint Pen blinks, taken aback. “Nobody’s forcing you to talk to me, to do all of this…”feelings” talk. So why do you keep coming back?”

     Ballpoint Pen frowns. “I am here on my own volition, not from any outside force.” He says firmly. It only fuels the fire.

    “You don’t honestly think I believe that, do you? You must want SOMETHING.” He accuses. “Everyone does. So why don’t you stop wasting BOTH of our time and just leave?!” For extra measure, he slams his hands down on the desk.

     Ballpoint Pen’s expression turns stern and serious. But still calm and collected. “MePhone4…I will not continue talking to you when you’re like this. You are not in the right emotional state—I’M NEVER “RIGHT!” He interrupts, throwing his hands up.

    “NOTHING IS EVER “RIGHT,” WHEN IT COMES TO ME, IS IT?!” He’s shouting. “CAN’T MAKE THAT TREE RIGHT, CAN’T DO THE SHOW RIGHT, CAN’T FOLLOW ORDERS RIGHT, CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!”

    “MePhone…” Ballpoint Pen says, still as calm as ever. MePhone4 groans, tapping his foot rapidly.

    “Stop doing that!” He demands, and Ballpoint Pen frowns, confused.

    “Stop doing what, MePhone?” That damn voice. So calm, so…understanding, so…patient. He hates it. He wants it.

    “Talking like that! You’re so…so calm! It’s annoying!” Ballpoint Pen looks slightly amused.

    “You’re angry because I’m not also angry? Or sad?” MePhone4 grumbles under his breath.

    “YES! I’m yelling at you, being rude!” Ballpoint Pen pauses, tilting his head.

     “I see…” He closes his eyes for a moment before standing. MePhone4 stiffens, expecting a smack or hurtful words. But none of that happens. “It’s obvious you are no longer…” He seems to search for a word. “In…a stable, state of mind to continue with this. I shall give you time to cool off. I also have some things to think over.”

     He leaves the door open slightly, and MePhone4 wilts, ignoring the urge to call out, to beg him to stay. He exhales deeply, waiting for him to return.

Chapter Text

     He’s impatient, insanely so. His foot taps anxiously as he waits for the door to open. Maybe he left? He wouldn’t blame him, with how he had been acting. Maybe he’s wasting his time by waiting here.

     But what if he’s not? What if Ballpoint Pen hadn’t been lying, and was just thinking some things over? He wrings his fingers, frowning. He then notices that Ballpoint Pen had accidentally left a piece of paper behind. It was lying on the floor, having escaped from the stack of paper he was holding when he walked out.

     Gingerly, he stands and picks it up, going to sit back down to read it. His fingers crinkle the delicate paper as his eyes scan it.

     Name: MePhone4

     Gender: Male

     Pronouns: He/Him

     Notes: Seems to dissociate a lot, nervous, people-pleasing. PTSD is highly likely. Awaiting the most appropriate response.

     MePhone4 crumples the paper, gritting his teeth. Great, so now he’s defective! He was stupid to have agreed to this. Things are only getting worse! He jumped as the door opened.

    “I apologize for the wai—“ he stops, taking in the scene in front of him. MePhone4 averts his gaze, placing the paper on the table. Ballpoint Pen says nothing, retrieving the crumbled-up paper.

    “Is there something you don’t agree with?” MePhone4 frowns, feeling apprehensive. Steve used to ask that as well, and he knew there was only one correct answer.

    “N-no. Not at all.” Ballpoint Pen hums, clearly not believing him. He needs to work on his acting skills.

    “I’m not going to be angry if you do.” MePhone4 scoffs, and Ballpoint Pen sighs, running a hand down his face. “It’s only natural that you would have…doubts,” he says slowly. “You have been deceived and manipulated by those you trusted and looked up to. I will try to be more patient in the future.”

     MePhone4 leans back on the chair, his technological body feeling heavier than normal. “I’m…sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” Ballpoint Pen huffed.

    “It hardly offended me, I can assure you.” MePhone4 gulps. “Now, would you allow me to share my thoughts on something?” That was odd. Why was he asking?

    “I can’t stop you,” he shrugged. Ballpoint Pen frowned again. Did he say something wrong?

    “I suppose I could tackle that now,” he mumbles to himself. “I want you to know that you DO have control over this. If you feel uncomfortable, you’re allowed to tell me.” MePhone4 crosses his arms.

    “I’m fine, you can talk.” Ballpoint Pen paused before nodding.

    “Very well. I believe I…have an idea of why you got so angry.” MePhone4 curled into himself in embarrassment. He just wanted to ignore it. “You expect me to act like Steve Cobs, but you aren’t completely sure of that yet. So you purposely tried to push boundaries, to attempt to make me “show my true colors”.

     MePhone4 refused to meet his eyes. “You wanted to get the upper hand before I…hurt you. You are accustomed to such treatments, and you find it hard to trust others.” There’s silence.

    “Again, I do not think any less of you due to this. It simply means we have something else to work on.” MePhone4 sighed, deflating as his arms went limp.

    “I just wish I still had my powers,” he mumbled. “Then I could fix all this.” Ballpoint Pen tilted his head, curious.

    “And how would you have fixed this, MePhone?” He asks, and the phone thinks it over.

    “Probably erased it from everyone’s memories, including mine…I don’t know.” He mutters, and Ballpoint Pen writes something new down. He doesn’t like that.

    “And you know that that wouldn’t have done you any good, right?” MePhone4 shrugs, bouncing his leg.

    “It’s always worked before.” He says. “I did it to make myself forget about Steve Cobs.” Ballpoint Pen nods.

    “Yes, you did. But while you may have made yourself forget, the emotional and mental effects are still there. Just because you forgot doesn’t mean your body did. For example, how nervous you were around me.” MePhone4 points at him.

    “Hey, I had every right to be nervous. You’re a critic, of course I was scared of my show’s future!” He protests.

    “Perhaps. But you also disregarded your own preferences for what you thought I would like.” He points out helpfully. “You still had that urge to please, which undoubtedly came from Cobs.”

     MePhone4 scowled as Ballpoint Pen continued. “And then you started to remember again. All at once, after you lost your powers. What happened after that?” MePhone4 blushed.

    “I went completely nonverbal for two weeks.” He mumbled, and Ballpoint Pen nodded.

    “Exactly. Not to mention that’s what sparked these…”sessions,” in the first place.” He states. “Clearly, you have grown to use that as a coping mechanism.” He wants to disappear.

    “Stop talking.” He snaps irritably, and to his surprise, the man does.

    “Alright,” he says simply, as if MePhone4 hadn’t just disrespected him. “We will have to come back to that at some point, though.” MePhone4 nods, still shocked.

     He clears his throat. “Is there anything else you wish to speak about? It doesn’t even have to be about you.” MePhone4 perked up, smiling slightly.

    “Uh…I made a story,” he says, and Ballpoint Pen seems surprised, but that expression morphs into tightly contained happiness.

    “Oh, so you listened to one of my suggestions?” It had been a week ago when Ballpoint Pen gave a list of things MePhone4 could do to help his mental health and self-esteem. One of them had been writing.

    “Yeah…it’s not completely finished, though.” He pauses. “Do you…want it done at a certain time?” Ballpoint Pen shakes his head with a frown.

    “No. I suggested this because it seemed like something you may enjoy, and I want it to stay that way.” He tells him. “Putting a deadline on something that’s meant to be enjoyable for you will without a doubt make you incredibly stressed. If you’re not having a ball, then what’s the point?”

     MePhone4 huffs, grinning, before the grin becomes more sad and withdrawn.

    “Is something wrong?” Ballpoint Pen asks, and MePhone4 swallows, shaking his head.

    “Nothing, I’m just…not used to prioritizing myself, I guess.” He admits. Ballpoint Pen’s grip on his notepad gets tighter, but he seems to force himself to calm down.

    “Well, there’s plenty of time to break that habit, yes?” He offers a rare smile. MePhone4 feels giddy, smiling from ear to ear.

    “Although…we do still need to go over your self-esteem issues.” He muses, and MePhone4’s smile deflates. “It doesn’t have to be today,” he says quickly, noting the change in demeanor. “I simply want to keep you up to date on what we’ll be discussing.”

    “We can do it today, I guess.” He mumbles. “It’ll be quick, anyway. My self-esteem’s not that bad.” Ballpoint Pen’s lips twitch as though he wants to say something.

    “Very well. Again, we can stop at any time. You’re the one in control here.” MePhone4 scowled, shivering involuntarily.

    “Don’t say it like that,” he grumbles.

    “Like…what?” He sounds genuinely confused.

    “Control, I don’t know!” He snaps, crossing his arms. “I don’t…want to be?” Ballpoint Pen hums.

    “You…don’t want to be in control?” MePhone4 shrugs, feeling embarrassed.

    “I said I don’t know,” he repeats. “Bad things happened when I…was in control.” Ballpoint Pen makes a sound of realization.

    “You are aware that you no longer have the power to control everyone, correct?” MePhone4 nods gloomily. “What I meant is that you are in control of whether we talk about that today or at some other time.” He clarifies. “And might I add, you are not entirely to blame—“ MePhone4 narrows his eyes.

    “You would justify what I’ve done?” He says slowly. “What I’ve done to them? There is NO justification for that.” Ballpoint Pen holds up a hand, and he shuts his mouth, still glaring.

    “Perhaps you are right that there is no actual justification for such things, but you can try.” He clasps his hands together. “You ARE responsible for your past actions, and they WERE, far from moral, but I believe you acted that way because you simply didn’t know any other way.” MePhone4 winces, averting his gaze.

    “As I said before, environment is key. Steve Cobs refused to treat you like an actual person, so why would you, again, a child, feel compelled to think past that treatment? What you did was wrong, yes, but you were only doing what you knew, what was done to you.”

     MePhone4 scoffs. “Right. I’m sure it feels that way to them.” He sneers, and the man sighs.

    “MePhone4, do you know of the concept of heaven and hell?” He pauses before he nods. “A big controversy is the fact that one cannot be truly happy when they die, as it’s highly likely you will be separated from those you care for.” MePhone4 listens intently, trying to figure out how this connected to what they had been talking about.

    “But in a way, life itself is the same way, isn’t it? And yet there are people around us who are genuinely happy despite having lost so much. Because they choose to focus on what brings them joy rather than what brings them sorrow.” He says firmly. “If such a place like heaven does exist, then I believe that’s what it’s going to be like. To learn to let go of control, to respect one another’s decisions.”

     He smiles. “You’ve hurt those people in many ways, but it’s up to you whether you allow them to distance themselves or not—to allow them the freedom you yourself were denied for so long. They may reach out to you someday; they may not, but that is entirely up to them.” MePhone4 stares, his mouth agape.

    “You have had some control stripped away from you, but that does not define you, only your choices do. However, it CAN define you if you let it do so.” He says softly. “It can be difficult to not let our traumas define who we are. It’s difficult not to fall into a loop of generational abuse. But what matters now is, well…exactly that, the NOW.”

     MePhone4 nods mutely, thinking the words over. “I…I guess that makes sense.” Ballpoint Pen looks at the clock and stands up, closing his notepad.

    “I do believe our time is up for today.” He says. “I thoroughly enjoyed it. We made good progress.” MePhone4 frowned, picking at one of the cracks on his screen.

    “Progress? We just talked.” Ballpoint Pen nodded.

    “Yes, we did. I’d say that’s progress.” He replied. MePhone4 smiles, shaking his head. This is all still so surreal to him.

Chapter Text

     MePhone4 didn’t like charging. He didn’t like being unaware of the things around him. Even though he could stay awake while charging, he was groggier than usual because of it. Yes, he knows it’s not healthy, but hardly anything he does is. What’s one more thing going to do?

    “O-oh, hello MePhone4.”  He startles as he hears MePhone3GS speak. He forces a smile onto his screen.

    “Heh…hey 3GS.” The greeting is weak, mostly because he didn’t put any actual thought into it. He felt bad for the phone, yes, but he also made him feel highly uncomfortable. He doesn’t like staring at him for too long; it’s like looking into a mirror.

   “A-are you going to see Mr. Pen?” MePhone4 had hoped he would drop it at the simple hello, but never mind.

    “Yes. Why do you ask?” MePhone3GS stares at his feet, almost looking…embarrassed? He was wringing his fingers nervously.

   “I think it would be good for me if I also talked to him,” he explains. “I’ve seen your improvement, and I’m hoping he can help me as well.” MePhone4 breathes in deeply before nodding.

    “I’ll bring it up to him. I can’t promise anything, though.” MePhone3GS beamed, his grey screen practically blinding.

    “Thank you, truly. This means a lot.” MePhone4 grunts.

    “No problem.” He’s quick to leave, to ignore the feeling in his stomach. He just makes him feel so uneasy! Although he knows it’s not his fault. He opens the door, and Ballpoint Pen raises his head from the notepad.

    “You’re here early.” He says knowingly. “May it have to do with a certain MePhone3GS?” MePhone4 rolls his eyes, sitting down.

    “Don’t start,” he warns. Ballpoint raises his hands in surrender.

    “I wasn’t starting anything,” he assures him. “Now, we left off on your self-esteem, right?” He nods. “It’s to be expected that you would have some self-esteem issues, and in small amounts, it CAN be good.”

     MePhone4 raises a digital brow. “Good? How is that good?” He says incredulously, and Ballpoint Pen chuckles.

    “It’s a natural thing for everyone to have. In my opinion, no one should think of themselves as perfect, and it’s normal, and even healthy, to have certain degrees of imperfect self-esteem.” He explains. “Take, for example, listening to your voice on a recording. It’s a common reaction to feel uncomfortable or to cringe away, and that is completely normal. However, it’s when you begin to obsess over those things that it becomes a problem.”

     MePhone4 nods, starting to understand. “Whereas someone like Steve Cobs, who was clearly a narcissist, thought of himself as perfect in every way. Where do you think YOU fit on that scale?”

     MePhone4 frowned, tapping his screen. “I…I’m not sure.” He says softly. “I know my self-esteem could use a little work, but I don’t feel…horrible.” He shrugs.

    “Yes, but you do have episodes, don’t you?” MePhone4’s face scrunched up. “Which is why it’s important to try and remedy them as quickly as possible before another one happens.”

     “The episode wasn’t THAT bad,” he muttered under his breath. Ballpoint Pen blinked, raising a brow. He sighed. “Fine, it WAS pretty bad.”

    “You locked yourself in your room for days.” Ballpoint Pen said bluntly. “We had to practically break down the door so we could get you to charge before you died.” MePhone4 had the humility to look a bit ashamed.

    “Sorry about that,” he murmurs.

    “Depending on how this goes, we could be talking about self-esteem for days,” Ballpoint Pen declared. “Although we can always switch up in between if you need a break.”

     MePhone4 smiled. “What would we even start with?” He shakes his head. There’s far too many things he could think of, and for each one he could come up with at least two more.

    “Perhaps we could talk about how you feel about MePhone3GS?” Ballpoint Pen prompted. “There’s a lot to unpack there, I can tell.” MePhone4 blanched.

    “I don’t…hate him, ok? I just…feel uncomfortable around him, and I don’t know why.” He muttered, feeling angry with himself.

    “That’s also normal,” Ballpoint Pen responded. “Contrary to popular belief, it’s very likely that an abused individual will feel a variety of emotions, not all of them good, when confronted with someone who’s gone through something similar to them.” MePhone4 didn’t necessarily like being described as “abused.” But he supposes there’s no softer way to put it.

    “One of those emotions, as you said, is unease. It’s possible you are dissociating from him in order to protect yourself.”

     MePhone4 grimaced. “Why do you always have to be right?” He muttered, and the man chuckled.

    “You made me this way.” He rebukes. MePhone4 lowers his gaze, sighing heavily.

    “I guess I can try and get to know him better. He clearly wants to hang out with me.” Ballpoint Pen smiles.

    “That’s great to hear. Now, how would you feel about drawing?” MePhone4 blinks, unsure if he had heard him correctly. Drawing?

    “Um…I like drawing…” he says shyly. “Are we going to draw?” Ballpoint Pen shrugs.

    “If that’s what you want. It’s simply a suggestion. If it’ll make you feel any better, I can also draw at the same time. Although I should warn you, I’m not that great at it.” MePhone4 nods, not saying a word.

     He’s handed about five pieces of blank paper, a clipboard, a pen, a pencil, and some coloring tools. “Just draw whatever you want; I’ll be doing the same.” He tells him. MePhone4 gulps, staring at the paper.

     He’s drawn before, although mostly when he was creating the contestants or drawing a happy family. He picks up the pencil and begins to sketch. It’s a bunch of small individual drawings of the contestants, and he soon finds himself lost in the drawing, holding the paper on his knees.

     He can hear the birds chirping, but he continues sketching. He hears a cough. “I hate to interrupt you; you look so relaxed doing that.” The man says. “Could I see?” MePhone4 reluctantly hands it over, watching his expression for any signs of disapproval or anger.

     But instead, he smiles brightly. “Well, these are certainly delightful, MePhone4. You’ve definitely captured their personalities quite well! Especially with…Knife attempting to kill Marshmallow.” He hums, tilting his head.

    “I can definitely tell you enjoyed it, and that’s what I was hoping for. At the very least, we have a new pastime.” He chuckles. “Would you like to see mine?” MePhone4 nods eagerly.

     Ballpoint Pen passes him his piece of paper. On it is a rather poorly drawn dog…or is it a bear? “Uh…not trying to sound rude, but what is it supposed to be?” He asks as kindly as he can.

    “A hippopotamus.” MePhone4’s eyes widen as he looks back down at the drawing. Now that he looks at it, it does sort of look like he tried to make it look like one but then gave up halfway through.

    “I told you I couldn’t draw.” He says bluntly. MePhone4 smiled slightly, handing the paper back.

    “Yeah, but usually when someone says that, the art ends up being really nice.” He jokes, and Ballpoint Pen snorts.

    “Well, you know what they say about assuming, don’t you?” MePhone4 blinks, thinking for a moment.

    “It makes an “ass” out of “u and me?” He tries, and Ballpoint Pen opens his mouth and then shuts it and then does the same thing again.

    “I…guess that works.” He says to himself. “But no, that’s not what I meant.”

    “Oh…” MePhone4 mumbled in embarrassment. Well, he tried, didn’t he?

    “Carrying on,” he’s swift to switch the topic, something MePhone4 is very grateful for. “As I said, your drawing is very nice and shows how you care for them. We just need to learn how to make you care for yourself.”

     MePhone4 winces, rubbing his arm. “Would it be bad if I…never truly like myself?” He whispers, almost fearing the reaction. But again, it’s not what he expected. Ballpoint Pen sends him a pitying look.

    “No, it wouldn’t be bad. To be honest, I’m not expecting anything like that from you. As long as you’re improving, that’s good enough for both of us.” MePhone4 allows himself to smile.

    “We do still have some time left,” Ballpoint Pen tells him. “What would you like to do?” MePhone4 startles, stuttering for a moment

    “Uh…I…” he gulps. Why does it feel so wrong? To be given the chance to make his own decisions? He should be happy!

     “I know it’s hard for you to have your own preferences,” Ballpoint Pen speaks calmly. “You’re used to abiding by what others around you want, not what YOU want.” MePhone4 hangs his head, nodding along with him.

    “I know that,” he says hastily. “But I’m getting better, aren’t I?” His smile wanes, and Ballpoint Pen works his jaw.

    “Yes, you are improving. But we need to get you used to doing what YOU want. You’re still uneasy and scared when doing that.” He explains. MePhone4’s mouth hangs open slightly before he forces himself to blink back tears.

    “Will it ever get better?” He whispers, staring down at his hands. “Does this feeling ever go away?” He’s nearly shaking. From anger or from sadness, he doesn’t know.

    “It…gets better,” Ballpoint Pen says quietly. “You never truly move on from things like that, MePhone. But you CAN improve.” MePhone4 scowls, finally feeling a familiar emotion: anger.

    “I hate him…” he seethes, clenching his fists. “I could have been happy…maybe I could have been, years ago, but I chose NOT to be…I WANT to blame him, but then that just means I’d blame him for EVERYTHING, and then that just sounds like I’m overreacting!” He took a deep breath, forcing his body to relax.

    “Everything’s just so…confusing. I feel like I’m one bad moment away from just…” he inhales sharply, gritting his teeth as his hands flex, desperate for some sort of outlet. Maybe he could smash that lamp against the floor…but Ballpoint Pen wouldn’t like that.

   “There’s nothing wrong with placing blame where it is deserved,” Ballpoint Pen soothes. “You’re worried about seeming as though you’re pointing fingers. You don’t have to worry about that. Nearly everything that has happened is because of, or was influenced, by him.”

   “I know that, but…I still feel…responsible.” He admits, and Ballpoint Pen frowns, inclining his head.

    “And why is that?” MePhone4 wants to hide in shame, but he doesn’t allow himself to. He forces himself to keep going.

    “Steve Cobs wouldn’t have had to do everything he did if it weren’t for me,” he states. “If I hadn’t been so…rebellious, then would any of them have suffered so much? If I had just listened to him, they would have been so much more better off—“

    “And you would have been miserable, even more so than you already were,” Ballpoint Pen interrupted. “I am not at all saying this to hurt you, MePhone, I’m not,” and dammit, he really does sound like he doesn’t mean to. He hates how different he is compared to Steve. And yet something tells him to trust him. “But during your last year of working with Steve Cobs directly, the year before you started the show, you had a concerning increase of injuries.”

     MePhone4 stops breathing, feeling dread begin to claw away at him. No. He doesn’t want to talk about that. No.

    “They all seemed to be rather close together. Not to mention, the injuries seemed oddly placed, showed no signs of a struggle.” He narrows his eyes further as he tries to ignore the situation. “MePhone4…” He reluctantly looks up, seeing the man’s face. He looks sad.

    “You did these to yourself, didn’t you?”

Chapter Text

    “You did these to yourself, didn’t you?” MePhone4 can only try to make himself seem less visible, the world around him slowly becoming unrecognizable. He knew this would come back to haunt him someday.

    “I…” He gulps, tapping his foot rapidly as his breathing quickens. He feels like he’s about to pass out.

    “MePhone…deep breaths…you’re not in trouble.” Ballpoint Pen attempts to soothe, but it has no effect, not this time.

    “No…” He nearly whimpers but stops himself just in time. “I-I’m sorry.” He hears a heavy sigh.

    “MePhone, I’m not angry at you, but you need to take deep breaths with me, ok?” MePhone4 nods, just wanting this to be over. “Breathe in…and out…in…and out…” This repeats at least seven times until MePhone4 feels mostly back to normal, and he’s able to place his feet back on the floor steadily.

    “I’m sorry…” He says again because he can’t think of anything else to say. No other words seem to make sense to him. His mind still feels so hazy…as though he’s not even there.

    “You’re fine,” he reminds him. “I should be the one apologizing, anyway. I had become so worried after finding this out that I rushed things. That’s my fault.” MePhone4 rubs his two index fingers together nervously.

    “Can we not talk about it?” He whispers, and Ballpoint Pen pauses before he responds.

    “If that is what you truly want, then yes. Although I don’t see any positive outcomes from simply ignoring it.” He tells him. “But I cannot force you.” MePhone4 frowns, thinking it over deeply.

     He knows that ignoring it won’t do any good; it would only get worse with time. And besides, wasn’t he trying to become more trusting of those around him anyway?

    “It’s completely up to you. But do know that it is inevitable that it will come up again.” He reminds him. MePhone4 sighs before nodding sadly.

    “Alright…what do you want to know?” He mumbles, holding his face in his hands. He can hear some papers rustling.

    “They WERE purposeful, correct?” MePhone4 nods slowly, shame biting away at every inch of his core. “That’s what I feared…has this stopped, or is it still ongoing?”

     He shakes his head quickly. At least that’s ONE thing he can be proud of. “It’s done. I haven’t done it in years, trust me.” Ballpoint Pen nods stiffly, looking even more serious than usual.

    “Were you doing it as a way of control? Did you feel like it was the only thing you could control at the time?” MePhone4 shrugs numbly.

    “I guess so,” he mutters. “My memory from that year isn’t that great. But I remember being really bored and tired all the time. So…maybe?” He rambles on anxiously.

    “I see…” Ballpoint Pen hums before continuing. “It’s very likely that you were sensory seeking.” MePhone4 blinks, not understanding. “Ah, let me explain; due to a lack of stimulation, people may try to find that stimulation through other means, even if it’s not necessarily the most healthy. Did you feel bad about yourself during this?”

    “I…I knew I was doing something wrong, so I did feel a bit guilty…but I don’t think I…disliked myself back then.” He admits, tapping his finger against the wood of the table. “I think I was just doing it because I was bored or curious.”

     Ballpoint Pen nods. “You were often ignored unless you did what was expected of you. You were “left to your own devices,” so to speak,” he says. “There’s nothing wrong with what you INTENDED to do, which was to try to lessen your boredom and stress, but it’s the WAY you did so that is of concern.” He writes something down on a piece of paper.

    “Can I trust that you no longer have the urge to harm yourself?” MePhone4 opens his mouth and then closes it, frowning deeply. DID he still have the urge?  He finds himself unable to answer.

    “If you do, there are other means to help you that don’t include harming yourself, if you’d like to hear of them.” MePhone4 nodded eagerly. Despite how much…easier life became during his time of self-mutilation, he never really enjoyed doing it.

    “There are many ways to gain stimulation without harming yourself,” Ballpoint Pen began. “For starters, going outside can help one feel more relaxed. I’m sure your imagination will make it easy to have fun. Perhaps use the swing outside; I’ve seen that that can help.”

     MePhone4 blinked, smiling slightly. “You’ve “seen” that it can help? Have you been using the swing?” Ballpoint Pen dips his head in an almost bashful way.

    “Heh, yes, I indeed have.” He seems to shake himself back to professionalism. “I find it rather comforting. It wouldn’t hurt to try it out yourself.” He prompted. MePhone4 nodded, making a note on the Notes app so he would remember.

    “I was also thinking…uh…” MePhone4‘s voice peters out, but Ballpoint Pen simply nods for him to continue, giving him the time to find the correct words to use. “Could I suggest one?” He asks meekly, feeling rather excited at the possibility of sharing an idea.

     Ballpoint Pen smiles, perhaps wider than he means to. “Of course! In fact, it’s even better if it DOES come from you! What did you have in mind?”

     MePhone4 blushed slightly at the praise before pulling himself together. “What about stress toys?” He blurts, his eyes struggling to find a fixed spot to stay, as they seem to look all over.

    “Stress toys are an excellent way to relieve stress!” Ballpoint Pen says cheerfully, and MePhone4 has a feeling the man is purposely ignoring the clear awkwardness of his struggles with eye contact. He’s not happy that it’s THAT obvious, but he knows when to be grateful.

    “Although the term “stress toy” is rather vague,” he drawls. “Do you have a preference?” MePhone4 pauses before snorting as he tries to stifle a laugh.

    “What’s so funny?” Ballpoint Pen sounds amused, not annoyed or bored. “Please share; I’m dying to know.” MePhone4 chuckles, shaking his head.

    “I have the humour of a five-year-old!” He wheezes, gripping the end of the table tightly. “Oh, I’m sorry; my thoughts are impulsive.” Ballpoint Pen’s lips twitch, clearly trying to hide a smile of his own.

    “It’s nothing to worry about, MePhone. I’ve had my own fair share of intrusive thoughts.” MePhone4 breathes in deeply before chuckling once more. He felt…hysteric in a way. But he could still think properly.

    “You said “what’s your preference?” and my mind immediately went to sexualities. I don’t know, my mind’s weird,” he mumbled, feeling embarrassment start to creep upwards.

     “Everyone’s sense of humour is different,” Ballpoint Pen said seriously. “It’s subjective. What one finds funny, another might not. At the very least, I’m glad I was able to make you laugh.”

    “Now, what were we talking about?” He raps his fingers against the table. “Ah, right! Stress toys! Which kind do you prefer?”

    “I definitely like slinkies! Slime is also very good, but I don’t like any add-ins…” He’s rambling now. “Magnets can also be one, though I’m not entirely sure they count as stress toys…OH! I don’t like poppets. I know a lot of people do, but it’s so much work to push them in, and then you pop them, and it’s so underwhelming! On the other hand, fidget spinners are amazing! They really…uh…”

     He stops abruptly, realizing how much he had been yapping. He settles down, kicking his legs. “Uh…anyway, yeah. I like those.” He mumbles, and Ballpoint Pen grins.

    “I’ll be sure to look into getting you some.” MePhone4 knew this was a promise; he created him that way, after all. “Though do let me know if you think of any other possible ways to relive stress.”

    “Ok, Mr. Pen.” He looks over at the clock, and his shoulders slump as he sees the time. Still an hour of time left in the session. Ballpoint Pen seems to notice his train of thought.

    “Would you prefer to end this session early?” He offers, and MePhone4 startles, forcing a wry smile onto his face.

    “O-oh, no, that’s fine!” His voice cracks ever so slightly. He hates that part of his programming. “I’m not saying I’m bored or anything…” he trails off, narrowing his eyes.

    “I never had that impression,” Ballpoint Pen assures him calmly. “It’s understandable that you would be worn out after today. We talked about some rather heavy subjects, after all.”

    “So…I…CAN go?” He makes sure, but Ballpoint Pen just nods with a tentative smile. “Thank you, Mr. Pen.” And he means it, because this man has truly helped him these last few weeks.

     He knows that things are far from perfect as he walks out of the room, but he’s fine with that. Because he knows with full confidence that Ballpoint Pen will still be there next session, ready for him to share his feelings, and eager to give positive feedback.

Chapter Text

     MePhone4 made sure to get up early the day of the next appointment, wanting to be fully prepared for whatever went down. As he gathered a few of his things, he heard a faint sound of music coming from the living room.

     He paused, listening intently. “Jump up, kick back, flip around, and spin—“. MePhone4 frowned, carrying his things up in his arms and going to investigate. There he found MePhone3GS sitting on the couch, watching TV.

    “What are you watching?” He asked, trying to make sense of the show. It looked like Lego. MePhone3GS smiled, looking a bit sheepish.

    “Lego Ninjago: Masters Of Spinjitsu,” he murmurs, his glitchy voice barely audible. “It came out in 2011, and I started watching it recently.” MePhone4 hums, regarding the characters on the screen.

    “What’s happening right now?” He asks, and MePhone3GS seems to relax, clearly eager to share.

    “This Ninja named Zane just found out he’s a robot—er, Nindroid. I think his creator forcefully made him forget that.” MePhone4 says nothing before abruptly standing up.

    “I’ll have to watch it myself.” He begins to leave, but MePhone3GS grabs hold of his arm and then immediately releases it, looking slightly panicked.

    “Uh…sorry, that was rude of me. But did you speak with Mr. Pen?”  MePhone4 gives him a smile and a nod.

    “He said he’ll look into meeting with you.” MePhone3GS beams, as though he had just told him they got a puppy.

    “Oh , thank you, MePhone!”  He finds himself unsure of what to say. He wasn’t used to praise or thanks, after all. He simply nods once more and walks out the door. He does have a good feeling about today, though.

     He’s actually starting to look forward to seeing Ballpoint Pen. He supposes it’s always nice to have a change of routine. He’s lost in thought the entire way there, unsure of even his own thoughts.

    “MePhone! Right on time.” Ballpoint Pen greets him, and MePhone4 finds a smile making its way to his screen, cheerfully sitting down. “It’s been a while since our last meeting, especially since our last one got canceled. But how are you doing?”

     MePhone4 sets his things down beside him. “Good, actually. I’ve been trying some of those things you recommended.” Ballpoint Pen nods with approval, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

    “That’s excellent news.” He pulls out a small box. “Now, I promised you those stress toys, did I not?” MePhone4 gaps, staring at the box filled quite literally to the brim.

     He nearly squeals but fights against it. Ballpoint Pen chuckles, pushing the box towards him. “Go on, they’re yours.” He picks up the box and begins to take out each one by one.

    “You’d be surprised how well they work; I’m afraid to say I am reluctant to give some of them away,” he admits. “But it definitely seems like you’re enjoying them.” MePhone4 smiled brightly as he bounced a slinky up and down.

     “Thank you so much, I’m never going to get tired of these!” He squeezed a stress ball tightly, his entire focus on the toys in front of him.

    “It should definitely help you if you find yourself anxious,” Ballpoint Pen tells him. “Now, I’ve been looking into what you said about MePhone3GS,” MePhone4 perked up. “I’m happy to say that I can begin seeing him next month.”

     MePhone4 smirked. “Well, at least I can finally tell him so he’ll stop asking.” He rolled his eyes sarcastically. Ballpoint Pen huffs.

    “Well, I must have my work cut out for me if he asks more questions than you.” MePhone4 scowls, fixing him with a mock glare.

    “Don’t start,” he warns, and Ballpoint Pen shrugs.

    “Well, you started it; I was simply following with the vibe.” He reasons. “Have you had any negative thoughts as of late?” MePhone4 pauses before making a “so-so” gesture.

    “Not about me, but about others.” Ballpoint Pen clicks his…well, pen, and gets ready to write something down. “I guess I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff on the internet about the show. It’s not always good.”

    “Which you cannot control,” Ballpoint Pen reminds him. “Although being upset because of bad reviews is normal, as long as you don’t begin to obsess over it.” MePhone4 nods in agreement.

    “I know; you taught me that.” Ballpoint Pen’s expression shifts ever so slightly, looking rather proud. “I just ignored it, but I guess I still had negative thoughts.”

    “That’s very good,” he congratulates. “I must say, I’m very impressed with how far you’ve come, MePhone.” He shifts, feeling both happy and uncomfortable at the praise.

    “It’s not THAT big of a deal,” he murmurs, and Ballpoint Pen shakes his head firmly.

    “Maybe not to others, but to you it absolutely is. I’ve been guiding you to water this entire time, ready for the possibility that you would refuse to drink. Only you can change yourself, MePhone4. And I am incredibly proud of your resilience.”

     MePhone4 smiles shyly. “Well, I don’t think I would have WANTED to change if it weren’t for you and the others,” he whispers. “Don’t give me all the credit.” Ballpoint Pen laughs.

    “Really? You sure you don’t want to take the fame?” He teases good-heartedly. MePhone4 rolls his eyes playfully.

    “It wouldn’t be worth it if it were stained by you.” Ballpoint Pen shakes his head, snickering to himself.

    “Well, at the very least, you can be proud of yourself.” MePhone4’s cheeky smile turns into a genuine one as he nods slowly.

    “Yeah…I can. Thanks to you.” He looks out the window, the sun reflecting off the wet grass. Even though it’s so damp…it’s still so beautiful. He glances back at Ballpoint Pen, who’s smiling warmly, pride gleaming in his eyes.

     And for the first time in a long time…MePhone4 knew that everything would be alright.