Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nagi doesn’t believe his eyes when five pregnancy tests stare back at him with two faint pink or blue lines. Sure this is something you wouldn’t exactly expect, the percentage for men to end up pregnant is extremely low, but not zero. Now at the very least, he can admit that some things make sense now. When he found himself hunched over the toilet expelling out contents he had just eaten not too long before wasn’t really a cause for concern, though he’s not one to get sick often. At the same time, he assumed it was just a stomach bug he somehow managed to catch. He also realized that his energy levels had decreased but again– he didn’t think too much about it since it’s not something out of the ordinary. 

So, as his eyes continue to switch between each pregnancy test that each now has two bold lines in front of him… he doesn’t know what else to think. Clearly he has to tell Reo, that should be the first step. He’s been concerned for him since the first day he was sick. Nagi was insistent that it wasn’t a big deal, but now that he’s wrong he doesn’t know how to tell him. Will he be excited? That sounds like him, but there’s still a chance that wouldn’t be the case. He doubts it though if he knows the love of his life enough. Nagi flinches, when there’s a knock on the door. 

“Seishirou? Are you feeling sick again?” Reo’s voice shows his concern when he asks. Nagi switches his attention back to the pieces of plastic that show how their lives will be changing in eight to nine months. Nagi swallows when there’s another knock on the door.

“Uh…” he pauses, lips forming into a thin line, eyebrows furrowing in uncertainty. He doesn’t want to lie, but he doesn't know exactly what to tell him. 

“Seishirou?” He calls again.

Nagi takes a deep breath before making his way towards the door. When he opens it, Reo’s standing in front of him, his expression showing nothing but concern. He immediately puts a hand to his forehead with a frown, “You don’t feel warm,” he notes. He puts his hand down, his face pinched in confusion. He continues to look over Nagi’s face for any hint of an answer, but is unable to find one. His mind soon goes blank when the most unexpected words come out of Nagi’s mouth.

“I’m pregnant.” 

He blinks a couple times as he processes Nagi’s words. His eyes shoot down towards Nagi’s torso before looking at his face again, “Pregnant?” Nagi only nods, averting his gaze away from him and starting to rub at the back of his neck in a nervous manner. Reo shakes away the shock before looking at him in disbelief, “You’re pregnant?” He repeats. Nagi nods again. 

“Is that…bad?” 

Reo’s eyebrows raise, moving to take Nagi’s hands into his, “No, of course not!” he gives him a lopsided smile that screams nervous , “Just a little… thrown off is all,” he chuckles with a half shrug, “But, we’ll get through this together,” Reo’s smile soon turns genuine, giving Nagi’s hands a light squeeze, “It should be pretty easy, right?”

****

Nagi and Reo were wrong. Pregnancy was not easy at all . Nagi especially has found out the hard way. In his mind, being pregnant meant he could sit back and slack off or use it as an excuse to get him out of everything… oh how wrong he was to think that. Instead, he’s had to suffer through his body changing, causing body aches that even make sitting uncomfortable. Mood swings he’s never had to experience before and worst of all, morning sickness. Don't let the name fool you, it’s not just during the morning, it happens all day. All of it has been more of a pain than when he wasn’t pregnant.

The first trimester had been rough. His appetite increased, making him hungry a majority of the day, only to hurl it back up within the next hour. Poor Reo has been the victim of his mood swings even if it’s over the smallest thing but has been supportive throughout the whole process otherwise. It wasn’t uncommon to find Nagi in Reo’s arms, crying his eyes out at the end of the day. 

Reo has also been doing his best to make Nagi as comfortable as possible since they had found out. He needs a massage? He’s picking out the best oils and lotions to help with his dry skin. Nagi’s having an interesting craving for lemons and jalapeños? Reo’s making sure he’s picking out the perfect peppers and lemons to satisfy him. No matter how small the request or complaint may be, Reo always finds a way to fix it.

Nagi’s now just about halfway through his second trimester. It’s not as difficult as the last— especially now he doesn’t have morning (all damn day) sickness anymore. However, he has started to become more sensitive to different smells. Mainly Reo’s shampoo, which he’s changed for the time being. The aches and pains that now revolve more around his hips and lower back haven’t subsided as his body continues to adjust for the growing baby, now forming a bump. Reo hasn’t stopped fawning over it ever since he was the one to point it out one night while helping Nagi out of the bath.

*

Reo comes walking into the bathroom with two fresh warm towels in hand, smiling at his pregnant lover where he’s half asleep in the bath. His fatigue had worsened since the start of his pregnancy. Nagi lifts his head where it had been resting on his arm when he hears the sound of Reo’s footsteps getting closer. His half lidded eyes follow him until they’re eye to eye when Reo kneels in front of him. His expression remains soft, tilting his head when he smooths back Nagi’s bangs. The action has Nagi nearly fall asleep right there and then.

“Sei, think you can stand for me?” His voice is hushed and gentle to not ruin the calming atmosphere created from the bath. Nagi nods, but pouts at having to leave the warm water now. Reo presses a kiss on his forehead, standing to hold the towel open for him. Nagi pushes himself up, shivering immediately from the sudden change in temperature before Reo wraps the towel around his shoulders, starting to rub his arms to warm him up quicker. He looks down ready to help Nagi out of the tub, but when he does, his eyes widen in surprise with a gasp, looking up at his lover again, “Sei, you’re showing!”

Nagi furrows his eyebrows with a confused hum before he looks down at his torso where his previously flat stomach is now slightly distended where their little genius is growing. If you didn’t know he was pregnant, it’s easy to assume he was just bloated. The sight makes him feel both excited and exhausted. He’s over this pregnancy, but the smallest of smiles still adorns his lips despite everything he’s going through. He wraps his arms around Reo’s waist nuzzling into his neck as he pulls him closer with another hum. Reo chuckles before removing Nagi’s grip or else he won’t be able to escape for a while.

“Let’s get you dressed before you get cold again.” He holds his hands out for Nagi to take, helping him out of the tub. Reo dries him off with the other towel, putting clothes on him after then sitting him on the closed toilet seat. Nagi blinks slowly as he watches Reo starting to massage his legs. He will never get over all the pampering. It’s not much different from before, but he still loves it all the same.

 Reo puts his other foot down when he’s finished, moving closer to sit between Nagi’s legs. He rests his head against the small bump, listening to the steady thump of the baby’s heartbeat. Both of them are content in the peaceful silence, especially when they just saw visual proof of their baby’s existence. It didn’t exactly last long until Nagi’s stomach growled.

“Reo, I’m hungry.” Nagi says as if it weren’t obvious.

He stands, ruffling Nagi’s hair, “You’re lucky I just got more jalapeños today.” 

*

It’s been another slow day for the two of them. Nagi had been up for half of the night, tossing and turning and getting little to no sleep, resulting in him requesting to stay in bed for the day. Reo had tried to convince him that they move to the living room, but Nagi was set on staying in their softer and much more comfortable bed. Their lovers’ quarrel resulted in Reo being locked out of the room for some time (only to be let back a few minutes later).

Nagi turns over with another annoyed huff as he continues to struggle getting comfortable. All he wants is some sleep, but it’s hard now that his ever growing bump limits any and all comfortable positions. To make matters worse, within the last week, he had felt their baby’s first movements which now means he had started feeling small kicks at random making his comfort levels go well below zero. Reo loves it, but he’s not the one that has to feel it from the inside so he can’t say the same. He takes a deep breath, letting his body relax and hugging the body pillow Reo bought for him closer. He’s as comfortable as he can get, so he hopes now he can fall asleep and stay asleep for longer than five minutes. 

He hears the sound of the door open then close, which he doesn’t think much of until he starts to hear rustling behind him. It continues for a while resulting in Nagi unable to fall asleep. He opens his eyes, glaring at nothing in front of him while he continues to listen to Reo doing who knows what. He clenches the fabric of his pillow when the bed dips behind him and a much too warm arm wrapped around his waist while Reo gets comfortable behind him. His hand rests on his bump, starting to run thumb over the skin and now Nagi can’t tell if he loves it or still hates it.

“Are you comfortable?” Nagi gives Reo a sideways glance. Wordlessly, he closes his eyes again and moves his foot out from under the duvet letting it hang off the bed. Reo doesn’t know exactly what to make of that answer, “Do you want me to move?” He’s even more confused when Nagi shakes his head. 

Reo sighs, resting his chin over Nagi’s shoulder continuing his ministrations that must have been the final push for his lover to fall asleep. He listens to his breathing, as he starts thinking. If you were to ask him his feelings about their situation, he wouldn’t be able to give one answer. He, for one, never expected something like this to happen. He doesn’t hate it, per say, but he never expected Nagi to want this too. They never really talked about kids in their future and when they have it’s always been about plant siblings for Choki. Though to him, the idea of being a parent in general is both exciting and scary. 

His main fear being, becoming anything like his parents. Being scared of being a bad parent is common, but to be anything like his parents and raise this child like his and Nagi’s puppet makes him sick to his stomach. He doesn’t want them to think they’ve had their whole life planned out from the beginning. In fact, his parents don’t even know Nagi’s pregnant so as to not expose them to any pressure of making them a future heir. Reo especially doesn’t want that stress on Nagi– he doesn’t need it, he’s going through enough already. All Reo can say is their child will have the expectations any other parents have for their children. To do their best and be themselves. No matter what, they’ll be loved either way. 

However, ever since Nagi got pregnant, it’s been nothing but rough. From an outsider’s perspective, Reo can see how exhausted Nagi looks all the time– he thinks part of it isn’t just from the pregnancy since so much change in what feels like a short amount of time can do a lot on one's mental health. Physical health too. In the beginning, Nagi struggled gaining weight. He had a hard time keeping anything down which resulted in Reo sitting by a closed bathroom door, listening to Nagi dry heaving on the other side, multiple times day and night. It was heartbreaking and Nagi would never let him in to help either. So to make things as easy as possible, he had been doing what he’s always done, pamper Nagi but to a whole other level. It’s always been in his nature, so it wasn’t like it was anything out of the ordinary for them. He can tell Nagi’s been appreciating which makes him feel like he’s doing a good job. 

Now that Nagi’s not as sick often anymore, seeing his mood swings has been quite the sight. The sudden shifts in emotion is something Reo is not used to. One minute Nagi’s content, playing his games while sometimes muttering to himself (Reo thinks it's his version of talking to their genius which he finds endearing) then the next minute he’s pissed off and completely ignoring Reo just because he opened his mouth. Other days Nagi will be attached to him, following Reo around until he gets too tired to stand and the next he’s avoiding him like the plague. Speaking of which, Reo’s shocked Nagi hasn’t pushed him off a while. Reo looks towards Nagi when he feels him shift.

“Reo?”

The man in question immediately sits up to check on Nagi. Just from what he can see, nothing looks wrong, but his breathing pattern makes it hard for him to believe he’s okay if he tries to play it off. He frowns when Nagi takes an especially big breath in, his breath shaking as he exhales.

“Sei? Is something wrong? Do you need anything?”

Reo’s eyes study the side of Nagi’s face the longer he stays silent. He continues to stall, hugging the body pillow closer to himself, most likely still thinking to the point he’s overthinking. Nagi had developed that habit within the last couple months. Reo brings the hand that had been resting on his waist up to push back some of his hair behind his ear the longer he stays silent. When Nagi finally turns his head enough for Reo to see him, his eyes are glassy and full of hesitation.

“Do you think I’ll be a good parent?” 

The doubt and how small and vulnerable his voice sounds breaks Reo’s heart. 

“What’s making you think you won’t?” 

Nagi (with Reo’s help) sits up, leaning against him, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. Reo brings a hand to the back of Nagi’s head, scratching at his scalp lightly while he waits. Patience has been something he’s had to learn these past months. Especially during moments like this.

When he feels a couple tears against his neck, he speaks up again, “Seishirou, what’s making you think this?” Nagi shrugs then sniffles. 

“I’m not fit to be a parent.” 

The way he says it as a statement breaks Reo’s heart once more. 

“You weren’t sleeping, were you?” The silence that follows is more than enough for Reo to know the answer. No wonder he didn’t push him off, he wanted comfort and was too stubborn to say anything.

He runs his fingers against Nagi’s arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps, interlacing their fingers. He wasn’t expecting Nagi to have such a tight grip on his hand, maybe it’s worse than he thought. He runs his thumbs over his knuckles while he rests his cheek against the top of Nagi’s head. He scrunches his face when his hair tickles his nose. His actions must have not been enough to relax Nagi like it has in the past.

“Well, I think you’ll be a good parent.” Reo states. He feels more tears fall against his neck. 

“Why?” Nagi’s voice cracks, “I don’t get it.”

“Why?” Reo echos. He smiles to himself as he looks at their interlaced fingers, “There are things that come naturally to some of us and you just happen to be one of those people.” He lets the words hang in the air to let Nagi process his words. 

“But I'm scared. This is different compared to anything else we’ve done.” 

Reo hums, “Being scared and being fit to be a parent are two separate things. It’s going to be hard at first, every other first time parents have the same struggles,” he brings their joined hands up to his lips, kissing Nagi’s knuckles, “but it won’t be like that forever and you aren’t alone. I think you may have forgotten that.”

He can feel Nagi blink, along with a couple more tears. His voice remains small as he asks, “Are you scared, Reo?”

Reo snorts, “Of course I’m scared, who wouldn’t be?” Nagi gives Reo a comforting squeeze to the hand this time, “But I also have confidence in us. We’re a team, remember? There’s nothing or no one that can stop us.”

Reo lifts his head when Nagi moves. When their eyes meet, Nagi’s are red and glassy while Reo’s filled with nothing but adoration, a smile spreading on his lips.

“So, I think we’ll be okay as long as we have each other, alright?” Nagi sniffles, a couple more tears falling which Reo swipes away resting his hand on his cheek,“Feeling a bit better now?” Nagi nods, leaning into the touch with his eyes closed. He soon rests his head against Reo’s shoulder again.

“I am excited though, especially finding out the gender! What do you think it’ll be? Or what it’ll look like? I hope it—“ Reo soon doubles over when he feels Nagi’s elbow connect to his ribs. He can feel his glare burning into the side of his skull.

“ She, Reo,” Nagi corrects, “Not it.” 

Reo rubs at his side with a groan, “You sound pretty confident… Is it some type of motherly instinct or something?” He teases. Nagi rolls his eyes with a pout. He looks too cute.

Nagi crosses his arms, “I want to wait to find out for sure, but we also need to set up the nursery.”

Reo shakes his head, “ I need to set up the nursery. You just sit back and look pretty,” Nagi’s eyes trail away from him and Reo already knows what he’s thinking. He wraps an arm around him, pulling him to his side once again, “You’re not ugly, you’re just as beautiful as ever.” He presses a kiss on the side of his head as if to solidify his claim. 

Nagi yawns, pushing Reo away to lay down again, “Too hot,” He complains. Reo lets go, waiting in case Nagi needs help, “G’night Reo,” he mutters, already hugging the body pillow once again, “Love you.”

Reo runs his fingers through Nagi’s sweaty hair. He’ll definitely need a bath later, “Love you too.”

Chapter Text

As if pregnancy wasn’t already hard enough, labor had absolutely no mercy on Nagi. After seventeen long excruciating hours of waiting for their little genius, Nyoko Nagi-Mikage was brought into the world with powerful lungs that let out ear piercing screams. Nagi watched the nurses move in and out of the room taking her vitals and measurements even in his haze of exhaustion until they had presented her onto his chest, her full head of dark purple hair tickling his neck as she nuzzled into his warmth. Nagi was uncomfortable, covered in sweat and who knows what else drained to the point he felt like he could sleep for the next month. He flinches when fingers glide through his hair untangling his sweaty knots then moving his bangs out of his eyes. He swore he could hear a voice but everything was muffled, his brain feeling like mush.

Nagi brings a protective hand to the back of Nyoko’s head, glaring in the direction of the offending hand before letting himself relax when his eyes focus on Reo, exhaling deeply, melting into his touch. The corner of his lip quirks up in a small smile knowing Reo’s beaming even if he can’t see behind his mask. When their eyes meet, Reo caresses Nagi’s cheek as tears well up in his eyes resting his forehead against his.

“You did it.” He tells him softly. Reo kisses his forehead resting there for a moment, “I’m so proud of you.” 

Another wave of emotions surges through Nagi from those simple words. He tightens his grip on Reo’s other hand that had been in an iron hold for the last hour in hopes it’ll convey his feelings as he lets out a wavering breath. So much has been happening Nagi can’t tell where to start. With nurses running around talking to each other, then Reo talking to him— the words he’s saying not even processing in his melted brain, it feels like everything is slowed down and flying by all at once it makes him feel dizzy. He hums, looking down at the infant on his chest, the hand that’s still protectively holding her smoothing back her wild hair. His heart feels ready to explode as Nyoko’s facial expressions remind him of Reo and thinking about how the pain he endured the last almost ten months was definitely worth it. 

Reo rests his hand on top of Nagi’s caressing the soft skin of her cheek with his thumb, “She’s beautiful Sei,” His voice comes out low and watery from holding back his tears. He chuckles when her face scrunches up from the unfamiliar touch, “I can’t believe she’s finally here.” Almost too enamored with Nyoko, Reo almost misses his poor lover starting to fall asleep, the grip of Nagi’s hand starts to loosen as his body starts to go lax. Reo looks at Nagi’s face again, once again moving his bangs out of his face, “Let me take her so you can sleep.”

He takes her carefully, struggling a bit from the strength of Nagi’s hold even in his weakened and tired state, cradling her small body in his arms close to his chest. The entire time, Nyoko squirms, her face morphing to show her discomfort from the amount of movement before it settles as Reo sits on one of the chairs near the bed. Another smile spreads across his lips, although once again hidden under his mask while he takes in the anxiously awaited little girl that’s physical proof of his and Nagi’s love for each other. The only thought running through his mind as she opens her big curious eyes taking in her father for the first time being;

Welcome to the world, little treasure.

****

Life with a newborn was an adjustment. The nursery Reo spent hours working on was left abandoned for the first months of Nyoko’s life. Nagi’s increased anxiety would tend to take over not allowing her to be out of his sight for too long before he’d panic and soon be on the verge of an anxiety attack. The majority of his days were spent with a sleeping infant on his chest, changing and feeding when necessary, reluctantly let Reo take her occasionally then ending his day watching her sleep in her bassinet on his side of the bed with an irrational fear she’d be ripped away from him in the blink of an eye. Reo often woke up in the middle of the night having to spend his time not only coaxing Nyoko to sleep, but also reassuring a sleep deprived Nagi she’d be there in the morning while he would weakly spout excuses until his exhaustion eventually won out. That cycle lasted nearly three months. 

However as each day went by and Nyoko continued to grow, it was easier to see both Reo and Nagi’s features. Thick purple hair with heterochromia eyes, one a deep purple and the other split between both the same shade of each of their own eyes. Nagi proudly stated she has Reo’s smile the first time she laughed, a wide gummy smile that will grow blinding white teeth when she’s older. Reo loves to pinch her chubby cheeks, taking in those same giggles that he believes are the most adorable melody he’s ever heard. He’s taken many videos to keep it in his mind forever. It didn’t take long for Nyoko to become Reo and Nagi’s pride and joy. 

Though many bumps have been hit as the two of them navigate their way through the new world of parenthood. Many sleepless nights trading off to do their best to calm Nyoko down when they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. More dirty diapers than either could count– Who knew so much could come out of such a tiny body? Sometimes they found themselves tripping over a stray toy that had been forgotten to be put away. But it’s all worth it in the end whenever they see their little girl happy. 

Until personal struggles strike. 

****

Parenting is hard. Nagi knew this from the start, but now that he’s really experiencing it for himself? He doesn’t think it’ll get any easier. So far he’s struggled with everything; The water to formula ratio is confusing (not to mention the small bottles compared to his large hands) changing diapers have been seen as a common struggle, not missing when Reo sometimes adjusts Nyoko’s diaper right after he just changed it. It’s just not fair . Reo seems like a natural at this so why can’t he be the same? 

Ever since Nagi found out he was pregnant it’s like he’d been trapped in a constant downward spiral. Fear drowning him as he sunk deeper into the unknown of what was to come with dread pulling him further at the simple thought and title of officially being a parent. A title he feels he doesn’t deserve. He’s always been one to move on instinct but since she’s been born, he feels at a loss. Like his supposed ‘maternal instincts’ he should have never kicked in. Each time he watches Reo take her when she won’t stop crying, it feels like physical proof he’s unable to care for her meanwhile Nagi thought after giving birth everything would get easier having his focus shift solely to take care of his daughter. 

Not only had he been wrong but it’s as if somewhere in between he lost himself in a way. 

He’s back in the bathroom, much like the day he found out he was pregnant studying himself in the mirror– or at least he thinks it’s him. Physical changes were to be expected throughout the pregnancy, although he never got the “pregnancy glow” as other people call it even if Reo claimed he did but now the aftermath doesn’t faze him any better. Dark circles sit under fatigued impassive eyes that accentuate his sickly pale skin, cheeks starting to hollow out showing his self neglect. It’s hard to take care of yourself properly when you’re still learning how to juggle taking care of both yourself and another human that is unable to care for themselves just yet let alone find the energy to do so. It’s even worse when he sheds the thick, baby vomit covered hoodie that hides the ugly jagged marks littering the extra fat he’s yet to lose between his hips. Nagi had never been one to be insecure about his looks, he’s even been told if he put in effort he could be considered attractive but he never cared to do anything about it which makes this feeling new territory for him. Recently more times than not he has to force himself to look away before he nitpicks himself too much and now is one of those moments. His shoulders slump forward, throwing the hoodie on the floor to step into the shower. His first one in nearly a week. 

Turning on the water, steam rises above and around him hiding him away from any present thoughts. He doesn’t move, choosing instead to stand frozen in place despite the scalding heat that hits his skin while he stares at the drain where water disappears below. He almost wishes it were him if that meant he could temporarily escape his responsibilities for longer than twenty minutes knowing once he steps out of the room, he’ll have to go back to caring for Nyoko. A supposed easy task as it’s her scheduled nap time, but lately has been something she’s been fighting against. If he tries hard enough he can hear her faint crying through the walls, imagining Reo rocking her as he sings a lullaby to calm her down. He instantly regrets it when that single thought creates a crack into his temporary safe haven, his ears now zeroing in on the high pitched sound that seem louder than they really are causing him to cover his ears, fingers digging into the sides of his head to roughly tug at his hair as if he could somehow rip out the heartbreaking (annoying) noise. He shuts his eyes tightly, clenching his teeth as he curls into himself slowly falling towards the floor. He can’t take it anymore. He’s tired–so tired, he just wants a break. Is that so hard to ask? 

His eyes shoot open when a sudden choked sob manages to break past his lips, he closes them again smacking a hand over his mouth in an attempt to suppress anymore of the embarrassing sound. He can’t have Reo worry, he’s already taking care of a stubborn Nyoko– he can’t have a repeat of the first few months where he had to take care of them both because his anxiety ridden brain manipulated him into thinking someone would break into their home and take their baby away as they claim; She’s better off with someone more suitable to care for her . Unfortunately luck doesn’t seem to be in his favor when he hears rapid knocking, the door swinging open not long after before he could try and convince Reo he’s fine and to leave him alone. Nagi’s flinches and heart stops as the door hits the wall, anxiety spiking further up at the thought of Reo seeing him in such a vulnerable state even if this isn’t their first rodeo under different circumstances. 

Reo’s eyes look over the entirety of the room before they settle onto Nagi. His eyebrows shoot upwards, his jaw falling slightly agape, something akin to horror present in his expression as he doesn’t waste any time getting closer to him. He turns the shower off, uncaring of his clothes getting wet, kneeling next to Nagi to take his hand away from his mouth, his other guiding his head in his direction as his thumb caresses the bright red scratch marks around his lips. 

“Sei– hey baby, what happened?”

Nagi barely opens his eyes when he looks at Reo, his breathing quickening instead when his blurred vision meets concerned eyes with a hint of panic and confusion. He shuts them again, feeling Reo squeeze his hand, shushing him in an attempt to provide some comfort while also searching Nagi’s face for any sort of clue to what could have triggered this. Before he could ask anymore questions, Nagi rests his head on Reo’s shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. A clear sign he can’t talk yet. He’s silently thankful when he feels arms wrap around his still naked and damp body closer while his shoulders continue to shake with each silent sob that racks through him. 

Reo continuously switches between whispering sweet nothing in his ears to rubbing Nagi’s back until his crying starts to subside switching to quiet drawn out sniffles. He takes his time moving them off the bathroom floor to the comfort of their bedroom, dressing Nagi at the very least in a new pair of boxer briefs and his robe. He tries to hide his disappointment when Nagi refuses to meet his eyes the entire time, ashamed at his current state which only furthers Reo’s concerns. Once they’re in bed Reo pulls Nagi onto his lap, hugging him close as Nagi goes back to hiding in his neck now gripping the hem of Reo’s shirt as if he’d disappear at any moment. 

Reo turns his head enough where his lips meet Nagi’s temple, pressing a long kiss there murmuring against the skin, “What happened?” 

Nagi takes his time to answer while his mind still tries to catch up to him. Eventually he speaks, voice nearly inaudible when he asks. “Where’s Nyoko?” 

Reo has to hold back from sighing. He hates when Nagi does that, attempting to switch the topic to anything else in order to avoid talking about himself. He blames his parents for developing such a habit. He runs his hand down Nagi’s back, feeling each bump of his spine. “She’s okay. She’s asleep in her room and the baby monitor is on my bedside table.” He brings his hand up to Nagi’s nape nails scratching lightly at the bottom of his scalp, feeling some of the tension leave Nagi as he leans more of his weight against him. He tries again, “Sei, can you please tell me what happened?” 

Nagi hesitates. What does he say? How could he put everything he’s feeling into proper words that won’t come out a jumbled mess or make him feel like an idiot? He grips the hem of Reo’s shirt tighter, he could rip the fabric if he wanted to, “I don’t… I don’t know.” 

Reo hums, nodding. He assumes he knows the direction Nagi could be heading. Ever since their conversation while Nagi was still pregnant, it became a common topic which meant they had the conversations many times. “You know we’re doing our best. It’ll get easier–”

“It’s not just that, Reo.” 

Reo’s taken back when Nagi finally looks at him, distress written all over his face, “It’s been months , Reo and I–I still haven’t gotten the hang of this,” his breath stutters, chest heaving, “I know I’ve been stressing you out and–and I know it’s probably getting annoying for you to take care of us both, but I feel like I’ve been all over the place and I–” He hangs his head low, voice slowly starting to crack, “I’m not cut out for this. Too much has changed and I can’t keep up. I’m sorry Reo, I’m so sorry that I’m not good enough for this and–”

“Woah–hey,” Reo takes Nagi’s face in his hands, his touch gentle yet cautious like one wrong move and he would shatter like glass. Nagi slowly lifts his head to meet Reo’s eyes, lips wobbling as he poorly holds back another silent sob, mouth opening and closing occasionally like he wants to continue despite the interruption. Reo takes in Nagi’s expression how his eyebrows are turned up, cheeks splotched from crying. His thumb swipes over the dried tear tracks that start to become damp again, voice coming out tender and firm, “Seishirou, I will never and I mean never get tired or annoyed of taking care of both you and Nyoko.” 

“But what if you do?” Nagi asks, his voice a little over a whisper, “I wouldn’t be able to do what you do.” 

Reo furrows his eyebrows, confused but curious by what he means, “What do I do exactly?” 

“Everything.” Nagi shakes Reo off as his eyes trail away from him looking towards the baby monitor, “You’ve done everything so easily even though we were both prepared, but–” he shrugs, now unsure, “I don’t know. ‘S stupid now that I’m saying it out loud.” Nagi mumbles, crossing his arms while shrinking into himself. 

Reo frowns, “It’s not stupid,” Nagi’s eyes flick towards him for a moment, unconvinced. Reo sighs softly, understanding. “There’s more isn’t there?” It comes out as a question but in actuality is a clear statement. He brings his hands to Nagi’s hips, rubbing soothing circles, feeling him stiffen. From the touch or the question, Reo couldn’t tell. Soon Nagi sags, shoulders falling enough his robe exposes part of his pale skin, arms still wrapped around his middle. From here his dark circles look worse. 

“I’m tired.” 

Reo hums, fixing his robe, “Want to sleep? I’ll run you a bath after your na–”

“That’s not what I meant.” Nagi snaps, voice sharp. Reo pauses his movements at the tone. Nagi continues, “I'm tired of not feeling like myself… or not feeling like the genius you always say I am.” 

“Seishirou…”

“You don’t get it, Reo.” Nagi sighs, the weight of it making him fall forward to rest on Reo’s chest. He doesn’t fight when he wraps his arms around him.

“You’re right that I don’t, but don’t be so hard on yourself,” Reo looks towards their open bedroom door where Nyoko’s door can be seen as he starts to run his fingers through Nagi’s hair, “You do realize you went through a lot to have her right?” He feels a nod against his chest, ,“So it’s okay to feel like this, just because you’re not perfect at everything on the first try doesn’t mean you’re not a genius, it means you’re human. Everyone isn’t perfect.”

“You are.” Nagi attempts to rebuttal. Reo couldn’t help but feel a bit flattered at Nagi’s words; he almost has to remind himself why they’re in this position.  

“No I’m not and you know that.” Reo rubs his back with a heavy sigh, “I’ll admit, this hasn’t been easy for me either but as long as you and Nyoko are happy then that alone makes me think I’m doing something right.”

“But I’m not used to this feeling of– I don’t even know what to call it– insecure maybe?” 

“With your looks?” Reo asks. He continues to stroke Nagi’s unkempt hair until he feels a long slow nod against his chest. “Oh Sei, you will always be beautiful to me and I’ll keep on telling you until you believe me and even then I still won’t stop.”

“You’re weird.”

Reo chuckles, “I know you love it, don’t get shy on me now,” he teases before kissing the top of his head. He untangles another knot, “Sleep love, I know you need it. I’ll still be here when you wake up.” 

Reo continues to talk, the sound of his voice and the vibration from his chest chasing away any and all of Nagi’s thoughts luring him to the full feeling of relaxation he's been craving this entire time. His eyes slowly fall shut when Reo starts to rub his back again, swallowed by the security and warmth from the love of his life.

*

Nagi stretches his arms with a wide yawn as he leaves the bedroom feeling lighter now that the shackles of his worries have been released, feeling clean and well rested. He could almost say he feels like a whole new person. When he enters the living room, Reo looks in his direction, smiling at him as Nagi settles next to him, interlacing their arms together, laying his head on Reo’s shoulder. Reo takes his hand, running his thumb over his knuckles resting his head against Nagi’s.

“Feeling better?”

“Mhm, for now.”

“That’s good.”

They watch Nyoko, the little girl sitting on top of a pink blanket filled with chibi cats, toys surrounding her as she tries to stack some blocks. She looks around for her next block, finding one in particular that’s a bit out of reach from where she’s sitting. Focused, she scrunches her tiny eyebrows and nose leaning forward to reach for the toy frowning when her hand doesn’t get close enough. When she tries again, her expression nearly matches Reo when he’s frustrated. Wiggling her fingers, she managed to finally touch the block instead pushing it further out of her reach. She stops, arm and face dropping before she sits up looking towards Nagi and Reo with a look of betrayal and disbelief as if the block offended her by the tiniest of movement. The two hold back their laughter until tears start to well up in her eyes, arms up now wanting her parents. 

Reo stands to take her into his arms, wiping away her tears that fall down her chubby cheeks, “It’s okay little treasure, you’ll get em’ next time!” He sits back on the couch, soothing Nyoko as she continues to cry into his chest. A few seconds pass by before she sits up, whimpering as she reaches for Nagi. 

Nagi feels frozen for a moment. He’s not used to Nyoko seeking him out for comfort since she hasn’t been one to cry over trivial things like this– he almost feels like he’s being tested. He looks at Reo, unsure of what to do until he nods encouragingly, still carefully balancing her on his thigh. Nagi’s moves, gingerly taking her into his arms, hugging her close, starting to rub her back while she nuzzles into his neck, one hand gripping the shoulder of his shirt as small whimpers and hiccups continue to come for her small body.   

“That was mean, hm?” Nagi cringes at the question, but he must be doing something right when he gets a garbled response in return which earns a thumbs up from Reo. “It’s okay Nyoko, don’t cry. Here,” He moves to sit on the floor mindful of the stack of blocks near him, setting her between his legs. He reaches for the toy, placing it at a decent distance from where they’re sitting, “try again.” 

She sniffles a few times, looking at the offensive block. Staying in place she only continues to stare at the toy as if she could figure out a way to move it telepathically. When it doesn’t work, she looks up at Nagi, tilting her head to the side. He runs his fingers through her thick purple hair with a hum. 

“You can do it.” 

Nyoko looks back at the toy, furrowing her eyebrows, focusing on grabbing the block again. She once again reaches for the toy, grunting as she struggles, finally getting it close enough for her to grab. Her small hand takes the toy, holding it up to Nagi with a big and bright proud smile on her face, starting to giggle at her accomplishment. 

Reo claps, sitting next to them, “Good job little treasure!” She claps with him then reaches over Nagi’s leg to place the block on top of the others. Reo sighs as she watches Nyoko now knock them down. He doesn’t understand the mind of his child. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t just crawl or scoot when she wants something close enough for her to reach.” He nudges Nagi’s side, “She really is your kid, lazy but adorable.” 

Nagi side eyes him, nudging him back, “Don’t be mean.” 

Reo raises his hands in surrender, “Hey, I’m not being mean, just being honest.” He leans back in, “But see? You’re doing a good job, there shouldn’t be anything to worry about.” He smacks a kiss on his cheek, holding back his laughter when Nagi’s cheeks go pink. 

Parenting is hard, but definitely is easier when you have the right support