Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

 The moon shone over empty stores in Regency Plaza. Most Jacksonvillians were heading to bed, but Showbiz Pizza Place was still buzzing with activity. Within its walls, an organ played a bouncy tune.

Oh Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!

A cluster of hands, padded and furry, broke out into applause.

"Thank you, thank you!" Mitzi Mozzarella exclaimed, giving a dramatic bow. "I think that was my best take yet!"

"You really nailed that song, Mitzi." Billy Bob said kindly.

Beach Bear sang,

Oh Mitzi, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind!
Hey Mitzi! Hey Mitzi!

The Rock-afire Explosion laughed.

Fatz Geronimo set a colander with bananas and fake human ears on his head. "As the Grand Poohbah of Crazy Colander Night, I'd say this is the finest colander anyone has ever seen!"

"Very stylish, Fatz." Mitzi said.

"You know, Fatz, I think Colander Night is such a great idea," Billy Bob told the gorilla, who smiled proudly. "It gets our guests thinkin' creatively, and it's a whole lotta fun!"

"It gets us thinkin' creatively, too." Dook LaRue added.
The brown mongrel was doodling tiny red stars on his rim of his colander, which was also fitted with a striped rocket smashing into puffy cotton balls that resembled smoke.

"And it helps us get back the money we spent on stuff for our colanders." Beach Bear added.

"I think it's beyond stupid to put a spaghetti strainer on your head!" the ever pompous Rolfe de Wolfe said with a tight cross of his arms. "I won't have my fan club seeing me with one of those ridiculous things!"

Earl Schmerle the puppet said something, his voice muffled by his friend's arm. When Rolfe raised him he quipped, "You're beyond stupid, yet the 'fans' see you every day!"

Fatz turned to the others. "Well, what do y'all think we should do?"

"We've already decorated the colanders." Dook pointed out, setting his marker down.

"And I seriously doubt any spaghetti's slipping out of this thing!" Beach Bear added.

His colander was piled high with black and colorful feathers.

"I think water is supposed to come out, not pasta." Mitzi corrected him with a chuckle.

"I love my colander!" Looney Bird said while energetically moving up and down in his blue barrel. "I wanna wear it every single night forever!!"

"I think the event's just in March, Looney Bird." Billy Bob reminded his feathered friend.

"Ohhh! Forever in March, then!"

"It's settled," Fatz declared. "Crazy Colander Night is a-go!"

Rolfe rolled his eyes. "You're all crazy for even thinking about participating! The only good thing about this whole thing is that free vacation."

"I wish I could be the winning family," Dook said. "I'd take a trip to the moon!"

"I'd see my family up in Tennessee," Billy Bob added. "But it's silly when there are so many other fun places to go."

"Naw, I don't think it's silly. If the moon's not available, maybe I'd go see my mama in Louisiana."

"I'd see my mama, too," Fatz (a fellow Louisianan) agreed. "Mmm, I know she'd have the finest feast in the world all done up for me!"

"I'd hang ten in California," Beach Bear said. "The Atlantic's cool and all, but the waves hit different in the Pacific!"

"I'd go to Las Vegas and win lots and lots of money," Rolfe said with a smirk. "I'd go to all the hotels and win even more money!"

Beach Bear scoffed. "Figures."

"Yes, I'd have six figures of cold, hard cash. Buckets full!"

That made Beach Bear laugh. He said, "Yeah… six pennies!"

Rolfe glared at him. "Where would you go, little Earl?"

"Anywhere but here!" Earl replied.

Mitzi gave a dreamy sigh. "I'd take that vacation to see Michael Jackson perform his new songs! Ooh, you think he'd give me the scoop on the rest of his album?"

She broke out into an enthusiastic performance of the King of Pop's latest single, Billie Jean.

"That's marvelous singin', Mitzi, but I think we'd better focus on our next song." Fatz reminded her.

"Oh, right!" Mitzi exclaimed before straightening her sweater and giving her green and white pom poms a shake.

"Here we go with Strain Your Brain. Get ready, everyone!" Fatz told the Rock-afire. "One, two, three!"

Beach Bear played an electrical chord on his guitar and Dook quickly followed with the drums. After a while of them jamming together, Fatz's smooth bass voice joined in.

Nooo brakes, nooo brakes, nooo brakes!

Then everyone sang,

Don't sit back
Here comes an attack
Get ready, friend
Better keep it on your head!

Fatz sang next. Beach Bear and Dook chimed in with some exclamations.

Use your protector
Yowza bowza!
It's a fallout reflector
Yeah, yeah!

As the Rock-afire sang of becoming an atom bomb, Rolfe trudged backstage, the metallic rainbow steamers of his stage fluttering.

"What ridiculous lyrics! We're not literally an explosion!" he muttered. "Or they're not. I, the superior Rolfe de Wolfe, will have no part in this!"

"I have an advertisement on the showtape, stupid!" Earl reminded him. "And if you can't get on the stage, neither can I!"

Rolfe groaned. "How can you even think of being in this cheap propaganda? I thought you knew better than this!"

"I do… but you don't! Besides, it ain't cheap, it's free! The Colander Gazette's gonna have a picture of you in it, you know."

A wave of haughtiness passed through Rolfe. He asked, "…It does? Me? Earl, tell me… did they get my good side?"

"Nah, they got your face!"

Rolfe rolled his eyes while striding to the storage room, where a big poster board attached to a stick was waiting on a table. With a marker in one hand and Earl in the other, he wrote 'D', 'O'-

"Your sign's crooked, man." Earl pointed out.

"I thought you were a supporter!" Rolfe said.

"I am, I just don't want you to look even more stupid than you already do."

Rolfe grumbled. He used Earl's head to rotate the poster board, causing the puppet to ask, "Hey, what are you doin' man?" and a fluffy of muffled protests. Once the board was straight, Rolfe finished writing.

"'Down with Colanders'," Earl read. "Shouldn't it be 'Down with Colander Night'?"

Rolfe scoffed. "I'm not redoing the sign. Honestly, can't they think of something better to do? Something like… like…"

The wolf was quiet for a solid half minute.

"Ha! You can't even top 'em!"

"Small Appliances Night!" Rolfe exclaimed with a snap of his claws. "Yes, everyone would go to Kmart and pick up a shiny, beautiful appliance to put on their head," He gave a cocky smile. "A much better idea than some colander."

"I ain't puttin' no dishwasher on my face."

"I said small appliance."

"Meh, it's all big to me."

"Like a… a…" Rolfe lowered his head to think. "Oh, like toasters and crock pots and Mix Master blenders! It's gonna be a national movement! The president will strap a toaster to his face! We'll have national ambassadors and it's gonna be incredible! Don't you see, Earl? We're gonna have history on our hands!" He frowned as he suddenly realized, "Hmm. Well, a mixer would be a little dangerous. And a mini fridge is even stupider than a colander! But I'm not going back on the crock pot!"

"And you thought you were the smart one."

Rolfe rolled his eyes. He held up his sign, picturing the guests at Showbiz heartily agreeing with him.

'Down with Colander Night, Down with Colander Night!'.

Then multiple people would say, 'Rolfe has the right idea.' 'Oh, of course he does. He always has the right idea.' 'Wait, who's Rolfe?'  'Only the coolest member of the band. He should take center stage and kick those other guys out on the curb!' 'Who need a colander when you could put a pot on your head? I'm allergic to spaghetti, anyways.'  'I'm gonna go to Kmart tomorrow and buy out all the pots they have. Then we'll all take part in Crock Pot Night!'

'Yay, Crock Pot Night!' everyone would cheer. 'Boo, Colander Night!'

'That wolf is such a genius for coming up with that. He should get a big, fat raise!'

Then the crowd of adoring fans would say, 'Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe!'

"Rolfe… ROLFE!"

Earl had cut into the crowd's cheers.

Rolfe blinked back to reality, giving his yellow friend a look as he asked, "What was that for? I was universally beloved!"

Earl scoffed. "The only way you'll get the world to love you is if you quit Showbiz! And don't think about wormin' your way into regular showbiz."

Rolfe rolled his eyes. He suddenly realized that Billy Bob was singing,

Maybe baby, I'll have you somedayyy…

"Ladies and gentlemen, the music of Buddy Holly!" he said as Fatz played out the song on his keyboard.

Rolfe and Earl stepped out on stage.

"What does Buddy Holly have to do with colanders?" Rolfe asked.

Billy Bob smiled. "We want to make everybody happy here at Showbiz! The parents really get a kick out of rock n' roll. And I've loved Buddy Holly since I was a bitty lil' cub, so it's special for everyone!"

Mitzi leaned against Beach Bear and yawned. "How much more of the set do we have? I'm tired."
"And how much more until she turns me into a pancake?" Beach Bear added.

Choo Choo seemed to agree, for the little bear fell back into his tree trunk and gave a sleepy sigh. Birthday Bird flew off of Billy Bob's guitar, descending into the trunk. Antioch the spider traded his birthday hat for a nightcap before raising himself to his spot behind the stage's valance.

Fatz chuckled. "We'll wrap it up for tonight, folks. But tomorrow, we have to get through the rest of the set! It's gotta be finalized and recorded by Wednesday. Got it?"

"Got it!" everyone except Rolfe said.

"Oh, shut it!" he scolded Earl.

"You shut it!" Earl replied.

Rolfe moved the puppet so he was right in front of his face. "No, you!"

"No, you!"

"I'm not the one participating in this ridiculous excuse of a show-"

"Well, I'm not the one comin' up with something even more ridiculous!"

"Let's get out of here before their arguing keeps us up!" Dook said.

The rest of the band nodded and put their instruments away, leaving Rolfe and Earl to argue in… well, the furthest thing from peace!

As Billy Bob pushed open the double doors of Showbiz, the Rock-afire was met with a brisk mid-February breeze. A car honk sounded through the parking lot.

"That's my dad," Mitzi said. "See you tomorrow, guys!"

She gave a little wave before crossing the street to meet up with her dad.

Half of the moon lit the night sky as everyone else went to the parking lot on the side of the building.

"G'night, y'all!" Fatz said before opening his car door. "See ya bright n' early for practice."

Chapter Text

 The clock ticked just past seven when the Rock-afire arrived at Showbiz.

"Hey, Fatz, I was thinkin', uh, how about we add Pretty Woman to the set?" Dook asked, coming up beside the gorilla as they crossed the game room.

Fatz smiled. "I think that song would suit you nicely, Dook. We'll try it out after Down in New Orleans."

Dook's tail wagged excitedly. He bounded up to the stage in the showroom and took his seat at his drums, his foot tapping.

"Cool your jets," Beach Bear told him. "You won't get to play until after Rolfe gives some big speech on why we should still consider dropping Colander Night."

"Where's Rolfe, anyway?" Mitzi wondered.

"Like I said, writing the speech! Why else would he be late?"

Billy Bob set Looney Bird's barrel on the floor and went to the front of the store. He peered out the window. Rolfe's old Pinto wasn't driving past the closed Woolco nearby.

"Let's hold off practice for a few minutes," he called to the band. "Just 'til Ro-"

A strange, warbly sound interrupted him. More chaotic noises followed.

"Huh?" Billy Bob asked, absolutely baffled.

"What in Banana Hill is goin' on here?"

Billy Bob rushed back to the stage. "What's wrong, Fatz?"

"My organ's broken!" Fatz exclaimed, his brown eyes filled with worry.

"Broken?" Billy Bob asked with a cock of his head. "That's funny. It's never broken!"

"Yeah, it was workin' just fine yesterday." Mitzi remembered, touching the colorful front panel.

Beach Bear cracked a smile. "Guess we'll call ourselves The Broken Organ Explosion now."

Fatz knelt down as he said, "It better not come to that. Hand me a screwdriver, Beach Bear."

"Sure thing, Fatz." Beach said.

A few moments later, Fatz frowned at the thing in his hand.

"Dook's drumstick ain't a screwdriver."

Beach Bear snickered. "Whoops. Sorry, man, I don't know where a screwdriver is."

"It's a good thing I keep plenty of tools in my barrel!" Looney Bird exclaimed before diving in.

Numerous bonks and crashes could be heard as he tossed things around.

"No, that's not it… Not that either. Hey, I was looking for that last week! What's that doing in here? No… No… Pretty sure that's expired… Ah ha!" Looney Bird rose from the barrel. "Here ya go, Fatz!"

"Thank you for knowin' what a screwdriver is, Looney Bird."

"Yer welcome!"

The screwdriver twisted around the corners of the organ's panel, freeing the back. Amid a jungle of electrical wires was a big battery. Fatz carefully took it out, which took more work than usual.

"Why is this sticky?" he wondered.

"Maybe it's old," Dook guessed. "My lunch gets that way when I leave it out too long."

"I know batteries get corroded from time to time, but I sure haven't seen one get like this. And it hasn't even been three years since I started usin' it!"

Mitzi gasped as Fatz turned the battery over. "It looks like blood's on there!"

"Wait, what? This ain't some horror movie! It's probably just paint," Fatz blinked. "Which leads to a whole lotta other questions."

"It’s almost like Jason's been here!" Mitzi said with a shiver.

Fatz chuckled. "That's a little ridiculous, don't you think?"

"I guess, but you never know…"

"I didn't know we had a guy named Jason workin' here." Dook remarked.

Beach Bear's claw swiped at the red stuff, which he popped in his mouth. "School never taught us that blood was made of pizza sauce."

"Wha- pizza sauce?" Mitzi took a little taste. "Hey, he's right! There's sauce all over this thing. …And I think I taste a bit of Coke?"

"So someone took out the battery out to dinner!" Dook figured out.

"No… I think someone purposefully messed this up!" Fatz said. "Someone's tryin' to sabotage the show!"

Gasps rose up.

"Dun dun dunnn…" Beach Bear sang in a low voice.

"Now who would think of doin' such a terrible thing?" Billy Bob wondered.

Before anyone could guess, the front doors of Showbiz swung open.

"Sorry we're late," Rolfe apologized. "Earl got a little carried away during breakfast-"

"From what I remember, you were the one dancin' to stupid disco records while I nearly suffocated on the kitchen floor!" Earl squeezed his little eyes shut. "Gah, I couldn't stand to look at you!"

"You couldn't look at me any-"

"ROLFE!" Fatz growled, daggers in his eyes. "I SAID I'D BREAK YOUR NECK BEFORE, BUT NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!!!"

Rolfe squealed as the gorilla charged at him. He hid behind Looney Bird's barrel while asking, "What did I do?"

"You know exactly what you did! You ruined my organ's battery!"

"I- I'm pretty sure we're not electronics-"

"This is the battery!" Fatz held it up. "You dunked it in soda and pizza sauce."

Rolfe scoffed as he swiftly rose. "Now why would I do that?"

"We all know it was you. All of us left the buildin' last night… but you stayed behind."

Rolfe looked around, seeing glares from each member. Even Billy Bob's kind blue eyes looked sour!

"I Didn't Break The Thing That Has A Prominent Part in Colander Night, Somethin' My Bandmates Know I Really Stinkin' Despise and Want Cancelled: by Dook LaRue. Or more pacific- um, specifically, by Rolfe de Wolfe."

"I-"

"You can't deny it, man," Beach Bear came out from behind the stage holding Rolfe's sign. "You literally made a sign saying 'Down With Colanders'."

"It wasn't me, it was Earl!"

"Bruh! I live on your hand!" Earl pointed out. "I'm nothin' without you, man!"

"Oh, don't get all sappy on me-"

"You know I ain't movin' one stuffed muscle without you!"

"Must be hard." Dook remarked.

"It is… Hard livin' with this ugly mug of a liar!"

Rolfe gasped. "You watch your mouth, mister!"

"Hey, you watch your mouth! You just accused a puppet of sabotage!"

They were about to argue when Mitzi put a hand up.

"Hold on guys, let's get the truth out there before y'all start goin' at each other. Same goes for you, Fatz," She folded her paws together. "Earl, what happened last night?"

Earl blinked nervously.

"Come on, you were with Rolfe the whole time," Mitzi smiled. "If you tell, I'll let you have your very own song in the next showtape."

"Really?" Earl asked. "All to myself? Without some big geek hangin' around?"

"Yep, all to yourself!"

"Don't do it, Earl," Rolfe said to his little friend. "What about your dear, precious Rolfie?"

Earl gave Rolfe a good, long look, gazing into the wolf's pleading brown eyes…

"Rolfe filled a large Coke just to dunk the battery in it and took a pizza out of the freezer just to roll the battery around in it!"

Everyone gasped, including Rolfe.

"Earl!"

"Wastin' perfectly good food all because you hate colanders…" Billy Bob shook his head. "I knew you weren't the freshest grape in the bunch, but that's going way too far!"

"He doesn't look anything like a grape." Dook remarked softly.

"Rolfe! You know how valuable that organ is to our shows!" Fatz told him, the anger in his eyes fading into desperation. "We don't just need it for Colander Night, we need it every night!" He ran a hand through the fur on his head. "We gotta send out a completed showtape to over a hundred n' forty Showbiz locations. If the organ's broke… I don't know how we'll be able to do it!"

"Easy, we just take it to the hardware store." Beach Bear said.

"The hardware store? Now- Now Beach Bear, lemme ask you this- Do you really think a hardware store is goin' to have the exact part for this exact organ that only one other band has?"

Beach Bear shrugged. "Yeah, most likely."

Fatz rolled his eyes.

"Whaddya mean by 'one other band'?" Billy Bob asked. "There are hundreds of other organs like yours!"

"Not exactly. The Wolf Pack 5 has the only other organ like this."

"The Wolf Pack 5?" Dook asked, his ears visibly perking up.

"Yeah. All those organs with the Rock-afire logo on 'em, they're powered by some fancy pneumatic thing. But theirs still electric-"

"I love The Wolf Pack 5! Or, just Dingo," Dook's ears started flapping. "I saw him on TV as a kid, and seein' him drumming… Why, I was so inspired that the next day, I went right to the band room at school and signed up!" He chuckled sheepishly as he looked down at his drum set. "Or, I tried to. I didn't realize that it was the last day of school."

"From what I remember, they perform full time in Kansas City."

Beach Bear chuckled. "Wonder if they've ever met Dorothy."

"Kansas City's in Missouri, Beach Bear."

"…Wait, what? But it's Kansas City. You know, like Kansas the state."

"Kinda like how Oklahoma City is in Oklahoma." Mitzi remarked.
"And Circuit City's in… well, I've never seen Circuit on a map." Dook added.

Mitzi chuckled. "Not quite the same thing, Dook."

During the trio's conversation, Looney Bird had glugged some Goofy Gas and dove into his barrel. Beeps could be heard from within. He popped up now to report, "If my calculations are correct, it should take us forty-six hours to drive there! That's a little under two days."

"Then we'd better hurry," Dook said. "There are only three days before that showtape's due."

"But we have families to entertain!" Billy Bob pointed out.

"And they can't hear most of the songs without a full orchestra." Fatz pointed out.

"That's true…" Billy Bob touched the organ. "The kids sure love this!"

"I wouldn't mind a day off." Beach Bear said.
"And I wanna see Dingo!" Dook added, excitedly bouncing in his seat.

"I'd like to go too, but I have school tomorrow…" Mitzi said with a frown.

Since the other members were in their twenties (and thirties for Fatz!), they hadn't considered that.

"Well, it's alright, Mitzi," Billy Bob reassured her. "Education is more important than-"

"Just ditch class!" Beach Bear said. "I did it all the time back in the olden days of yore."

Mitzi giggled. "Well… an adventure would be fun… And I'm sure the work will be easy to make up! Y'all can help me out."

"Ugh, like I want to do math problems." Rolfe grumbled with a scoff.

"8675-309!" Earl sang.

"We have three days to make things right," Billy Bob said, smiling as he added, "And we'll make them count! Let's go, gang!"

Chapter Text

 It was just past ten when the Rock-afire began their journey.

"I can't believe my parents are lettin' me do this!" Mitzi exclaimed, setting her overnight bag down beside Dook and the other bags. "I've rarely left Florida."

"And now we're gonna see Dingo!" Dook added. "…Or, The Wolf Pack 5. They must've seen this as a great operatunity for you."

Mitzi giggled at Dook's pronunciation. "I guess they did!"

Fatz scratched his head, walking along the sidewalk while asking, "Where did Beach Bear run off to? He better not have gone without-"

*BEEP BEEP!*

Startled, Fatz's hand dropped to his side. He, Dook and Mitzi looked to the left, seeing a light blue VW surfer bus drive past the strip mall. Judging by its faded, chipped paint, it had certainly seen better days! It sputtered to a stop in front of Showbiz.

Beach Bear hopped out of the van. "Ta daaa!" he sang, grandly gesturing as Dook ran up to him.

"Wow, this thing's a beaut, Beach Bear!" he said.

Beach Bear gave a proud smile. "The only good thing about divorce."

Fatz frowned. "Does this van, er… run?"

"Of course it runs! Do you need your glasses?"

"All I'm sayin' is that thing jerked an' sputtered so much that I thought it would run outta gas right then and there!"

Beach Bear waved a paw while saying, "Pfft, it's fine. It just needs a little bit of tender love and lots and lots of care."

"I just wouldn't want anythin' to happen to it during our journey. Colander Night doesn't wait for a flat tire."

Rolfe scoffed loudly.
"Rolfe! Help us put the bags in." Fatz ordered.

Before the wolf could protest, Earl yanked him towards the bag pile!

Mitzi giggled as he yelped. She handed her bag to him while saying, "Thanks for lending your puppet to us, Earl."

Earl snickered.

"Oh, shut- eeep!" Rolfe squeaked as he was whisked away.

Just as the last bags were being set in the back of the van, Showbiz's front door swung open. Billy Bob hummed Baseball while taping a piece of paper to the door. It said 'Closed for maintenance. See y'all on Wednesday!' in Sharpie.

"People are going to be awfully suspicious of that." Rolfe remarked.

"Like how you're awfully suspicious every day!" Earl told him.
Before they could get into some big argument, Fatz called, "Let's get rollin' folks! We don't have a minute to spare."

Billy Bob hurried into the van, causing it to sway back and forth like an ocean wave. Rolfe, however, stayed behind.

"That includes you, Rolfe. Unfortunately."

Earl started to pull away, but Rolfe grabbed him.

"I can walk perfectly fine, thank you very much!" he said.

He started walking forward, but Earl jerked him! A few steps here, a hard tug there… The rest of the band laughed as they watched through the windows! Rolfe had Earl's mouth grip the side of the door so he could hoist himself into the van.

"Bleh!" Earl exclaimed. "Tastes like twenty year old board shorts."

The microbus had room for eight people (or animals!). Fatz was squeezed into the driver's seat, Billy Bob by his side. Mitzi, Dook and Beach Bear sat in the middle row while Rolfe (sitting across the entire bench) and Earl occupied the back row. Looney Bird- whose barrel was bungeed to the bench's metal bar- watched over the bags in the back.

"It feels like we're in the ocean." Mitzi said, touching the edge of her pale teal seat.

"I'd rather be there than here!" Rolfe grumbled.
"Watch it back there," Fatz said. "Let's fire this thing up and get movin'!"

Looney Bird was the only one who could really hear the engine. "It's all cranked up!" he declared.

"Wow, that thing's quieter than a mouse!" Dook remarked.

"Quieter than Miss Loudmouth over here." Beach Bear added, thumbing at Mitzi.

"Hey!" she exclaimed with a cross of her arms, causing him to laugh. "You're one to talk."

As the van drove past Woolco, Billy Bob rolled the window down and poked his head out to shout, "Bye bye, Showbiz!"

He leaned back in his seat, watching the familiar places of Atlantic Boulevard go by. Then he switched on the radio… which was just muffled static!

"This is the strangest song I've ever heard." he remarked.

"Oh, you just gotta give it a good whack." Beach Bear said while leaning over.

He punched the radio, which didn't run. He muttered, "Come on…" while trying again. A third time created little sparks! Mitzi squeaked fearfully at the sound, relaxing at the sound of an electric guitar sounding through the speakers.

"There ya go!" Beach Bear sat back in his seat. "Works like a charm."

"Hey, turn it to 99.9." Mitzi told Billy Bob.

The station played all sorts of trending hits as the van drove down the freeway. Mitzi belted out Billie Jean while Fatz' smooth voice led Down Under. Beach Bear sang,

Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt, I'm after you
Mouth is alive, with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the Rolfe!

Mitzi and Dook burst out laughing while Fatz chuckled and Billy Bob giggled.
"Oh, shut up!" Rolfe exclaimed.

"Seriously, can you grab that Cheetos in the cooler back there?"

Rolfe groaned and fished through one of the coolers on the floor. Earl grabbed a Cheetos bag, moved up beside Beach Bear…

"Hey!" the bear exclaimed as he was smacked with the bag.

"It'll quit your discordin'!" Earl said.

Beach Bear rolled his eyes before ripping the bag open. He licked his lips while taking two Cheetos between his claws.

"We have more discord to worry about… Cheeto dust!" Mitzi exclaimed.

She squealed as Beach Bear's claws neared her hair.

"Pipe down back there!" Fatz said. "I don't want anyone fallin' out the window because of some cheetah."

Beach Bear laughed as Mitzi grumbled, "Not funny."

"Just like this trip!" Rolfe muttered.

…

 An hour and a half later, Mitzi said, "Alright, Dook, this song is the state we're gonna be in real soon. You gotta guess what it is."

"I'm good at guessin'." Dook said.

"Okay, here goes."

Mitzi cleared her throat before singing,

Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you

Georgia…
Oh Georgia… no peace I find
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia… on my miiiind…

"Uh… Cleveland!"

Mitzi, Billy Bob, Beach Bear and Fatz chuckled.

"Was I right?" Dook asked.

"Close, Dook." Fatz said, cracking a smile.

Billy Bob giggled. "You'll have to brush up on your geometry, Dook!"

The 'Welcome to Florida' sign across the freeway was seen for a split second before the van drove past it. Then the blue 'Welcome to Georgia' sign came into view.
"We're really doin' this," Dook said softly. "We're really seein' the Wolf Pack 5!"

His tail thumped against the leather seat.

"Oh, will you quiet down up there?" Rolfe asked.

"Hey, how do you kick a seat behind you?" Beach Bear wondered, causing Mitzi to giggle.

…

 WNFI's signal was nothing but fuzzy static in Georgia. While Fatz and Billy Bob explored the state's radio stations, Beach Bear, Dook and Mitzi worked on games for The Colander Gazette.
"Pizza… goes to mouth… and fly swatter… goes to fly!" Dook said, drawing a line from one row of doodles to the next.

"I thought foot goes to pizza." Beach Bear remarked, snickering when Mitzi exclaimed, "Ewww, that's disgustin', Beach Bear! You don't step on pizza."

"Unless it's from Pizza Time Theater." Fatz quipped.

"Ohhh!" everyone exclaimed with laughs.

"Nice one, Fatz! High five!" Beach Bear exclaimed, raising his arm. "Oh, wait, I gotta go up there."

"Beach Bear, I'm drivin'. Give me a high five in a few hours."

"That joke's awfully funny, Fatz," Billy Bob said. "Although I wouldn't want to have bad blood with our competitor. There's enough room in the world for everyone to have pizza!"

"I heard the animatronics they got in their stores don't have legs," Earle said. "So they can't run away at the sound of Chuck's whiney voice!"

Everyone laughed.

"The bird they got there is really annoying," Looney Bird said. "All she does is cluck like this, 'Ba-cock!' Buck, buck, buck, ba-cock!"

Rolfe frowned. "Are you sure you're not the bird?"

"No, her name's Helen. Helen Reddy! …Wait, no, that's a lady."

"I think the cowgirl's kinda cute." Dook said softly.

"Well, I think Charles Entertainment Cheese is a big fool," Rolfe said snidely. "Three and a half years ago, he hired the amazing Sally Sashay to do a show. And what did he do? Make a big stink about her!"

"Literally!" Earl added.
"He didn't even give her disco songs a chance! All she got was one lousy showtape. Yet that pig is doing her fourth round," Rolfe crossed his arms. "Arrogant jerk."

Earl's voice was muffled before Rolfe let him say, "You're one to talk!"

Mitzi called over Rolfe and Earl's discordant voices. "Let's get back to the game, guys! We still have most of the page to fill."

Beach Bear sat back, handing the clipboard to whoever grabbed it first.

"Oh, I got one! Lo… dancer." Mitzi wrote on the page.

"I got one, too. Or, I got two, too. Somethin' like that," Dook took the pencil from her. "Zaft. Sounds real spacey, doesn't it?"

"It sure does," Rolfe agreed. "Highly ridiculous!"

"I meant like using it for a spacecraft."

Fatz chuckled. "Sounds more like you're usin' it for me!"
"Me next!" Beach Bear snatched the pencil. "Nedadswey!"

"Sounds like some far off country!" Mitzi said. "Hello, I'm from southern Nedadswey!"

"Is this mom's way home? Nedadswey! You know, like 'no, dad's way'," Beach Bear sighed. "I never get to see Dad anymore."
"This'll make you smile," Dook said. "Beeggrad that we're goin' on this adventure!"

"Ha! Nice one, Dook," Beach Bear wrote down the word and took a few moments to figure it out. "Wait, what does this one have to do with Colander Night?"

"Mitzi, you got one more?" Dook asked her.

Mitzi tapped the pencil on her chin. "Um… Oh, yeah!" She wrote the last word and asked, "Billy Bob, can you unscramble this one?"

"Sure, Mitzi!" Billy Bob took the paper. "Boshwiz… Hmm, that's a hard one."

Mitzi hid a giggle behind her hand as Billy Bob set a clawed finger on his chin, pretending to think hard.

"This one's a real stumper," Billy Bob snapped his claws. "Oh! I think I got it! Showbiz!"

"Yeah!" Mitzi confirmed. "I think the kids will love that one."

"I got a word for you to unscramble," Earl said. "Equibet!"

Chapter Text

 As the van drove through Eastern Tennessee six hours later, Mitzi, Dook and Beach Bear had unscrambled 'equibet'… by being quiet! They were fast asleep. Rolfe looked out the window, wincing each time Beach Bear snored.

"Oh, some of my family lives near here!" Billy Bob said. "Lets stop by and give them a cheery howdy-doo!"

"And get this van some Goofy Gas," Fatz added. "She's almost empty."

"Goofy Gas? Where, where?" Looney Bird asked excitedly.

"I meant car gas!"

Rolfe groaned at the bird's incessant chattering. "Oh, will you shut up for one second?"

"Yeah, zip that mouth shut, birdbrain!" Earl added.

Looney Bird did just that.

Dook raised his hat from his eyes. He sat up with a yawn while asking, "Are we gettin' coleslaw?"

"No, we're goin' to see my family." Billy Bob replied.

"Oh," Dook leaned back, his eyes closing again. "Wake me up when there's coleslaw."

Billy Bob had Fatz turn off of the freeway. It only took a few short minutes for the scenery to go from clusters of houses to towering trees and rocky cliff sides.

"It sure is nice through these parts." Fatz remarked.

"Y'all should come by in the fall. Now that's beautiful!" Billy Bob smiled. "Florida's nice n' all, but East Tennessee sure is somethin' pretty!" He gave a wistful sigh. "It's too bad we ain't drivin' to Union in South Carolina. My Granny and Uncle Bill and Aunt Alma, they live up there. And Uncle Bill, why, he used to be part of the Country Bear Jubilee playin' the piano for everyone! He could play Bach like it was nothin'! You would've liked jamming with him, Fatz."

Fatz chuckled at the thought of playing a duet. "I'm sure I would."

"Mmm… Are we there already?" Mitzi asked as she woke up.

"No, we're in- What town is this, Billy Bob?"

"Lake City!" Billy Bob replied. "Oh, I remember goin' to that library as a bitty cub! My mama would check out all kinds of bedtime stories. I remember really lovin'-"

"Did ya go to that store, Billy Bob?" Looney Bird asked as they drove past.

"Um, I think that was somethin' else when I was a kid."

"How about that school?"

"No-"

"How about that teeny tiny little church down there?"

"Actually… that's near where we need to turn! And no, I didn't go there, Looney Bird."

Looney Bird scoffed. "Did you even live here, then?"

"You lived here, too!" Billy Bob reminded his friend, who grumbled in agreement. "This is the turn, Fatz!"

As the van made a hard right, Dook was shoved awake.

"Slaw?" he mumbled.

"It seems like we're gettin' close to Billy Bob's house," Mitzi said. "Or, his family's house since he doesn't live there anymore. It must be weird when that happens!"

"Like when I visit my family," Dook rubbed his eyes before looking up at a still sleeping Beach Bear. "I guess we should wake him up before we get there," He tapped his friend's fluffy shoulder. "Beach. Beachyyyy. Beachy Woo…"

Mitzi chuckled. "Beachy Woo?"

"I dunno, I thought the 'woo' part would tickle his ears or somethin'."

"I got an idea," Mitzi said before whispering in Beach's ear, "Sidewalk surfboard."

"SIDEWALK SURFBOARD?!?!?" Beach Bear shrieked, his eyes opening with a flash as Rolfe winced and used Earl to cover his ears. "Where, where?"

"Right on your face!" Earl teased. "Eh heh heh."

"There's no sidewalk surfboard," Mitzi told the skateboard-fearing bear. "We-"

Suddenly, the van started sputtering. Fatz groaned as he pulled over onto a side road. It drifted up to a wooden cabin. 'Smitty's Super Service Station' was painted on a yellow sign. Billy Bob gave an excited clap of his paws.

"Hey, this is just like the Smitty's back home!" Mitzi exclaimed.

"Yep! This here is the real Smitty's Super Service Station," Billy Bob said proudly. "Owned by my old friends-"

"Who's out there?" a twangy voice asked.

Emerging from the cabin was a tall brown bear in worn overalls. A shorter, fatter dark brown bear wearing a yellow shirt with red accents followed.

"Hey guys!" Billy Bob greeted them with a wave.
"Well, if it ain't Billy Bob Brockali himself!" the tall bear exclaimed. "What are you doin' in this neck of the woods?"

"Me and my band, The Rock-afire Explosion, we're just passin' through. But I couldn't resist the call of family!"

"So you finally found a place to call your music home!" the shorter bear said. "That's mighty glad to hear," He nudged the tall bear while saying, "We got ourselves some pre-fessional singers here at Smitty's Super Service Station!"

Billy Bob gave an embarrassed giggle. "Oh, stop it you guys! It's only Showbiz."

"The world of fast food entertainment's just as cutthroat as any concert venue, I can tell ya that much." Fatz said, making Beach Bear chuckle.

"Welcome, folks! I'm Pete Thornsberry, and this here's my younger brother."

"Repete!" the short bear said in a deep voice that made him seem like a giant.

"Alright. I'm Pete Thornsberry, and this here's my younger brother…"

"Repete! That's my name!"

Pete gave a sideways smirk. "Oh right. I forgot."

Fatz used the van's last bits of fuel to park next to one of the gas pumps. Once the engine was shut off, everyone climbed out, making the van sway back and forth.

"High five, man!" Beach Bear told Fatz. "Wait, why did I want to give you this?"

Pete opened up the gas tank. "Usually, gas is fitty-nine cents a gallon, but y'all are in luck, 'cause Tuesday is Goofy Gas Day! This here van will get a whole tank of gas with your fill up."

"And it's free!" Repete affirmed.

"I didn't think Tuesday could get any better after tacos." Beach Bear said before giving a big stretch.

Mitzi crouched down to retie her saddle shoes. Just as she was about to rise from the ground, something wiggly caught her eye…

"Eek!" she squeaked, falling on her bottom. "What in the world is that?"

"Huh?" Pete let go of the gas pump and went around to the other side of the van. "Oh, just Repete's dead chicken. Now Repete, why you gotta show these folks that ol' thing?"

"It keeps the wild elephants away!" Repete replied.

"Wild elephants? Where, where?" Looney Bird asked urgently.

Repete let out a low chuckle. "It works pretty good, don't it?"

"Good grief," Pete muttered with a shake of his head. "I don't care why you got it, just don't shake it 'round our guests."

"I gots to shake it. It's shake n' bake!"

"Bah-dum-tss!" Dook imitated a cymbal. "Aw man, I should've brought my drums."

Mitzi dusted off her skirt while Dook pointed out, "It's gettin' dark out there. Let's pick things up tomorrow."
"Yeah, we need some rest," Beach Bear added. "Especially you, Fatz. Since you've been driving most of the time."

"Didn't you just get rest?" Rolfe asked, a paw on his hip.

"Yeah, we heard you gettin' plenty!" Earl added.

"I wouldn't mind gettin' all nice and cozy at my family's house." Billy Bob chimed in.

Fatz sighed. "Y'all are right. My back's tellin' me to lay in a hammock under a big magnolia tree! Or whatever tree's native to Tennessee."

"Good thing there's plenty around the house!"

"It's just a short walk from Smitty's," Pete said. "Just go past that bridge, turn when you see the church and keep goin' 'till you get to the end of the road."

"Take the left fork," Repete added. "Or else the wild elephants will getcha!"

"Mmm… I could eat a fork right about now," Dook said, making everyone chuckle. "Or, eat with a fork! I'm starvin'."

"Then we'd best be on our way," Billy Bob declared, waving as he added, "It was mighty nice seein' y'all again!"

"You too, Billy," Pete replied. "We might as well fix this van up while we're at it. Your tire's gettin' flat."

"It's gettin' a bit blue if you ask me!" Repete added, chuckling.

"We'll wipe your windshield too, if you don't mind."
Beach Bear patted the van while saying, "Just drop her off when you're done."

Repete nodded, looking at Beach's shorts before saying, "Will do, Blue Number Two."

…

 Twenty minutes later, the Rock-afire was heading down a lane with bare trees.

"I thought they said this was a short walk!" Rolfe complained. "My feet are killing me."

Mitzi crossed her arms. "So's your sour attitude. I like seein' everything."

Beach Bear snickered. "And I liked seeing your pigtail get tangled up in that branch."

Dook laughed alongside him, remembering how the guys had teased her about being Snow White (the squeakiest in the land!) and the tree wanting cheese sticks for dinner.

"Well, except for that! My hair's gonna have nightmares tonight," Mitzi frowned. "Although I like sightseein', I gotta admit that my socks are getting' a little sweaty."

"Everythin's slower in this neck of the woods," Billy Bob said. "You should see the short movies they show at the theater. It's as long as a regular one!"

At the end of the long, winding road was a cabin. But it wasn't a quaint square like the cabins of old… It was the width of three or four of those!

"Geez, when you said you grew up in the backwoods of Tennessee, I thought you lived in some kind of shack!" Beach Bear exclaimed.

"It's like a mansion!" Mitzi added in amazement.

Billy Bob giggled. "We bears need a lotta room! Right, Beach Bear?"

"Not that much room," Beach Bear said. "Shave off the sides… Okay, split it up into thirds, use the rest of the wood to make fireworks or whatever, put a little on the top… Then there's room."

The wooden stairs and porch creaked as the Rock-afire went up to the front door.

"Here goes," Billy Bob said, raising a fist to the door. "I wonder how my family's gonna react when they see who's come knockin'!"

Before he knew it, the door was flying open.

"Bill! Di-" A long-snouted bear in a bandana and straw hat stopped his words in their tracks, his brown eyes going wide. "Billy Bob! Is that you?"

"It sure is, Billy Boy!" Billy Bob gave a shy wave.

Billy Boy threw his hat down. "Well, I'll be! Lil' Bob's come back to us at last! I thought you was down in Florida playin' for all the kiddywinks!"
"I was! Or, I am, technically," Billy Bob said with a shrug. "Let's go inside."

"Of course, of course!" Billy Boy turned away to call, "Ma, Billies! You're gonna wanna come down here for this!"

As the Rock-afire filed into the house, Beach Bear looked down at the hat and asked quietly, "Is he gonna pick that up?"

Dook reached down, making it hover awkwardly on his own hat. He hid behind Beach at the sound of rumbling.

"Is there an earthquake?"
"Naw, that's just a bearquake!" Billy Bob reassured him.

Suddenly, a flurry of excited exclamations entered the room. Besides Billy Boy, there was a skinny bear with a buck tooth and low overalls.

"These are my uncles, Billy Boy and Billy Bob the first!" Billy Bob went over to a big brown bear wearing dark patched overalls. "And this here's my daddy!"

"Billy Wilbur's the name." the older bear greeted the Rock-afire, extending his hand for a shake.
Fatz took it with a smile. "You look so much like Billy Bob. Sound a bit like him, too."

"I'm sure if he was at Showbiz, no one would know the difference!" Billy Bob said, making Wilbur laugh.

"What's all that ruckus out there?" an old voice asked.
Billy Bob gasped. While the rest of the band got acquainted with the bears, he ran into the living room. In a rocking chair sat a bear in a pink gingham dress and white pinafore.

"Granny!" Billy Bob gave his grandma a hug. "What are you doin' down here?"

"Oh, we just wanted to see the family again." Granny said with a smile.

"We?"

A scream caused Billy Bob to rush back to the hall. Mitzi was staring at a dead fish in the arms of a gray bear in an orange shirt and navy blue overalls.

"Uncle Bill!" Billy Bob exclaimed.

"I caught us the biggest fish seen in this side of Coal Creek!" Bill declared in a bass voice.

"You'll be feedin' us mighty well, Billy!" Granny said, shuffling up to her son before giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Which one?" the bear brothers and Billy Bob asked.

The cabin rumbled with deep and high laughter from the bears.

"Billy Bob was mighty surprised to see us." Granny told Bill while leading everyone to the living room.

"Just as we are to see him!" Bob added.
"Well, if Mama Granbags is goin' up to Tennessee, I'd oughta go, too!" Bill said, wrapping an arm around her.

While the Carolinian pair made dinner, Billy Bob explained, "We're doin' a Colander Night at Showbiz. Wearin' colanders for prizes and fun things like that. And-"

"You're wearin' those 'sketti things?" Billy Boy asked.

"Yeah, like a hat!"

"And we're decoratin' them, too." Mitzi added.

"Showin' our inda… indi… uniqueness!" Dook chimed in.

Wilbur leaned back on the couch. "Well, I'll be. That's the cleverest idea I ever did hear!"

"It's round like a hat," Billy Boy said. "I get it!"

"And it's noggin proof, too!" Bob said, knocking his head with furry knuckles.

Rolfe rolled his eyes. "I'm surrounded by idiots." he muttered.

"Rolfe here doesn't think that’s a smart idea." Fatz said, wrapping an arm around Rolfe and subtly pinching his shoulder.

The wolf swatted his arm away while Earl snickered.
"Yeah, he destroyed the battery of Fatz's organ!" Dook added.

The bears gasped.

"I just wanted everyone to see how ridiculous they're is being!" Rolfe said.

"And we ended up seein' how ridiculous you are!" Earl snapped back, making Beach and Mitzi chuckled.

"Reminds me of Mama Granbags," Bob remarked. "'Member how she used to be about our music?"

"Oh, yes…" Billy Boy remembered with a chuckle.

"She didn't approve of our honkey-tonk," Wilbur explained. "We had to play it in secret! But one day, well… she heard us, alright."

"Said we was goin' crazy playin' that 'plain trash'!" Bob added with clawed quotations.

"We called ourselves The Hard Luck Bears 'cause it was so hard to be able to play what we loved." Billy Boy added, sadly shaking his head.

"But then we had her pick up the tempo 'cause that slow whippoorwill was gonna make us sweep the sidewalks!"
Billy Boy chuckled. "Boy, did she have fun with that! She'd never admit it, but we know she did."

"We realized that her civilized music wasn't so bad… and she realized that our honkey-tonk can work alongside it." Wilbur finished.

"Is that right?" Fatz asked, casting a look at Rolfe.

He raised his eyebrows in a 'Do you get what I'm saying?' gesture.

"Well, I think your mother should've stuck to her guns," Rolfe said. "Maybe dabbled in the greatest civilized music of all, disco!"

The Rock-afire rolled their eyes with a collective groan.

"Disco-scmisco." Looney Bird grumbled with a toss of his wing.

Bob leaned towards Wilbur to ask softly, "What's disco?"

"Dinner's ready, boys!" Mama Granbags hollered.

"And starving girl!" Mitzi added, hopping up from the floor.

"And a starving bear who's wayyy more starved than the girl." Beach Bear said.

It was a battle for him and Mitzi to get to the dining room first. And it was a whole other battle for the chair!

Dook slid into it. "I'll just sit here."

“Come and get it!” Bill called.

“Looks like you’ll have to get up.” Beach said, patting the back of Dook’s chair before running off.

Dook tapped Billy Bob on the shoulder as the bear walked by. “Could you grab me somethin’, Billy Bob?”

“Oh, sure, Dook!” Billy Bob cheerfully replied.

Dook leaned back in his chair victoriously.

…And almost tipped it!

…

 The sounds of clinking forks filled the dining room as everyone dined on fish, asparagus and black-eyed peas.

"Ma was right, you are feedin' us mighty well!" Bob told Bill, who gave a sheepish chuckle.

"All I did was make it sizzle and flip it 'round some." he said.

Beach Bear held up his fork. "Mmm, delicious! The finest cuisine anyone could ask for."

Dook blushed. "Stop it, Beach!"

"A five star meal on four prongs!" Fatz joked, giving a hearty chuckle.

"Not you, too! You're 'sposed to say, uh, uh, 'Cut it out, Beach Bear! Stick to the fish!'."

"Cut it out." Earl muttered.
Beach Bear stabbed the fish piece with his fork. "Stick to the fish!"

He burst out laughing… and nearly fell out of his chair! Dook groaned and hid his eyes with his ears.

"Now let's not get too rowdy, boys," Mama Granbags told them. "Reel it in."
"Thanks, Grandma Granbags," Dook said. "I like your puns a lot better!"

…

 After dinner, the Rock-afire joined the family in the living room. While Mama Granbags mended some overalls, Mitzi and Beach Bear had Bob and Billy Boy solve the Colander Gazette's scramblers. Fatz, Dook and Rolfe and Earle tried their hands at Go Fish with Bill and Daddy Wilbur caught up with Billy Bob and Looney Bird.

Rolfe set a five of spades and an unknown card in the middle of the table. "There's my deal. Place your bets, everyone!"

"That's Blackjack, Rolfe," Earl said. "That's not the game we're playin'."

"It's all cards, isn't it?" Rolfe asked.

"Well, yeah, but this is a different type of cards."

"It looks exactly like the kind I have at home!"

"You don't have cards at home!"

"I do," Dook said. "This exact brand. The pictures are a bit different, though. Maybe it's older or somethin'."

"Why are you playin' Blackjack, anyways? You always lose your money!"

Rolfe's ears flattened. "W- Well, I-"

"You got any fours?" Bill asked.

"Go fish," Fatz said, prompting the bear to scoop up a card from the pile. "Anyone got jokers?"

"Is that the 'J' one?" Dook asked, to which Fatz nodded. "Then I do!" He gave the gorilla a joker. "How about nines?"

"Is anyone going to place a bet?" a certain wolf asked.

Earl groaned. "Rolfe, this ain't Blackjack…"

Dook smiled as he took Fatz's cards. "Cool, now I have four of 'em!"

"That's called a trick," Bill explained. "Put it aside, 'cause we'll count 'em all at the end. The-"

"This sure is a trick," Rolfe muttered. "None of you know how to play Blackjack!"

"I know a game we can play… Idiot!" Earl said.

Rolfe and Earl argued while the others played their game.

"I can't believe I thought 'lodancer' was 'calendar'!" Billy Boy said when the card pile ran out ten minutes later.

"You was close, lil' brother." Bob told him with a smile.

"Y'know, I could really use some tunes." Beach Bear remarked.
"So could I." Mitzi agreed.

"Maybe some… honking ditties."

"And some... I dunno… tonking songs."

"Should've said 'tunes', Mitz."

"Well, you already said 'tunes'!"

"I know, but-"

Billy Bob jumped from the couch. "Oh, sing the song, Granny!"

"What song?" Mama Granbags asked.
"You know, the song you and the others used to sing all the time! When you was performin' 'round here!"

Mama Granbags shook her head. "Oh, that was so long ago… I don't know the words."
"Sure you do! You sang it lots of times before."

Mama Granbags looked into her grandson's eyes. Those sparkling baby blues were so hard to resist…

"Ohhh, alright," she said, slowly getting up from her rocking chair. "I'll sing!" She narrowed her eyes at the other bears. "But that means you boys need to sing, too."

"Alright, Ma!" Wilbur said. "You heard her!"

A couple minutes later, the bears were in front of the fireplace. Wilbur had a wooden square guitar that looked nearly identical to the one his son owned. Billy Boy used canned food and a couple sticks for the drums while Bob plucked his old bass.

"That pianny still works like a charm!" Wilbur declared as Bill played a jaunty tune.

Mitzi danced and Dook tapped his foot to the beat. Then Granny sang,

Well, welcome folks, to the Country Bear Jubileeee!

We're really gonna have a good time, I do belieeeve!

Well, they call me Mama Granbags,

And I'm prouder than a mother could be

To introduce all my youngins

And there gonna be some liberties!

Yeahhh, there gonna be some liberty!

When she sang 'So sit right back and drop your feet!', Mitzi and Dook stopped dancing. She fell right onto Billy Bob!

"Whoops, sorry!" she apologized.

"No prob, Bob!" Looney Bird replied for his friend.

"That's me, Looney!" Billy Bob said.

"Or me!" Bob added with a chuckle.

Billy Bob picked Mitzi up and did a square dance with her. Between the Hard Luck Bears' performance and Mitzi singing Rocky Top with them, The living room was filled with moving and grooving, laughing and clapping, boisterous fun and rousing merriment.

"Gosh, that tuckered me out some!" Billy Bob exclaimed, sinking back into the couch.

"I think the Go Fish winner should sing us a lullaby." Fatz said, patting Dook on the back.

GOOOOLDEN slumbers fill your eyes…

"Beach Bear, you weren't playin' with us."

SMIIIILES awake you when you rise…

Sleep pretty darlin', do not cry...

And I will sing a lullabyyyy…

"I appreciate a little Beatles, but-"

BOY! You're gonna carry that weight!

CARRY THAT WEIGHT, a long time…

"Is this supposed to be relaxin'?" Bill asked Rolfe, who smirked.

Dook jumped up. "I got a song we can sing! Fantastic job, though, Beach."
Beach Bear smiled. "Hey, you're the fantastic one."

Dook blushed. He sat back down, said "Here goes." and cleared his throat. His smooth, low voice sailed through a soulful rendition of The Tennessee Waltz. As Fatz, Mitzi and Beach Bear hummed some backing vocals, Billy Bob hugged Daddy Wilbur, tears in his eyes.

Yes, I lost my… little darling… the night they were playing…
The beautiful Tennessee Waltz…

The beaut-i-ful Tennessee Waaalllltz!!!

Applause burst through the room as Dook's final note floated into the night.

"That was lovely, dear." Mama Granbags said, her paws on her heart.

Dook bowed. "Thank you, thank you! Stay tuned for tomorrow's song, The Missouri Waltz!"

…

 A few minutes later, Mitzi set a quilt on the floor, which accidentally landed on Rolfe's tail. "Whoops, sorry, Rolfe!"

"I hope none of you snore." Rolfe said, tucking Earl in.

"I don't," Mitzi replied. "How about y'all?"

"Not that I'm aware of." Fatz said.

Beach Bear took his blanket. "I'm gonna bunk outside with Dook."

The wide back porch squeaked as the friends sat on it. (Or, as big Beach sat on it!) Dook raised his ears in delight, pointing while exclaiming, "Look, you can see Orion!"

Beach Bear frowned. "What, the lame movie studio?"

"No, the constellation. See, it's right up there!"

"I just see a bunch of stars."

"See how they connect?" Dook created the shape with his finger. "There's his uniform thing… and his arm goin' up… and his arrow!"

"Now I just see a bunch of stars with lines."

The moon was bright in the dark sky. Dook was imagining himself walking on its surface, little green aliens surrounding him.

"Awooo!" the aliens exclaimed.

Dook blinked, returning to Earth. When he looked over his shoulder, he saw Rolfe standing behind him.

"Awooo!" Rolfe howled again.

Dook smiled. "Arooo!!"

"Awoo!" Beach Bear added (very fakingly).

Rolfe crossed his arms with a frown. "Well, now you ruined it!"

As he spun on his heel and strode into the house, Granny called, "Time for bed, boys!"

"Sure, Mama G!" Beach Bear called back while Dook just said, "Okay."

They sat there for a few minutes, gazing up at the endless night sky. A chilly breeze swept by. Dook leaned into Beach Bear, who wrapped an arm around him.

"I think we're gonna be here a while."

Inside, Rolfe was settling into bed, finally feeling sleepy enough. Mitzi undid her hair ribbons, sliding the long silk through her hair bands. She set them in a little pile before laying down herself.

"G'night, y'all." she said.

"Night, Mitzi," Billy Bob replied. "Night, Fatz!"

Fatz smiled. "Good night, Billy Bob. Night, sweetheart."

Mitzi giggled. "Night, Fatz. Ni-"

"Shut up!" Earl cut in. "This ain't The Waltons!"

And with that, the night was over.

…

 It was five in the morning when the gang rose.

…Or, when the bears rose. The Rock-afire were still sleepy!

"I'm an early riser myself, but…" Fatz gave a big yawn. "But at least I wait 'till the sun's up!"

"You know how it is in the country," Billy Bob said. "Early risers to greet the brand new day!"

Mitzi groaned. She stumbled over to a mirror over the fireplace and put on her lipstick. The only problem was that her eyes were half closed!

"Eeeeyuck," Earl said as he raised himself from his handkerchief sheet. "You don't snore, man… you drool!"

He made a disgusted face at the saliva on his left cheek. Rolfe wiped it off using the sheet before getting up. Mitzi was about to color her chin!

"Need help with that?" Rolfe asked.

"Uh… shure." Mitzi responded in a voice filled with sleep.

She handed the lipstick tube to him, unaware of who she was talking to.

"You should really consider pink instead of this bright red. It goes- Turn this way, I don't want to get your fur- It goes better with green."

"…Huh?"

"Don't talk! I nearly got this on your tooth. Honestly, don't you know anything about makeup?" Rolfe finished applying the lipstick. "There we go."

Mitzi mumbled a 'thanks' while trudging away.

"Howdee, boys!" Mama Granbags greeted her sons in the dining room.

"Howdy, Mama Granbags." the bear family replied ditifully.

Granny put a paw to her ear. "Say what?"

"Howdy, Mama Granbags!"

"I can't hear you!"

"Howdy, Mama Granbags!"

"Howdy Mama Granbags!!" Looney Bird squawked excitedly.

Granny nodded. "That's more like it."

Bob turned to the Rock-afire. "She used to say that at the beginnin' of our act, but now I think she ain't bluffin'!"

A hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon, grits and gravy (plenty of it!) was waiting for the band.

"Mmm, I'm starvin'," Fatz said, taking a seat at the table. "These look just like my mama's grits!"

"And these eggs look just like my grandma's!" Billy Bob added with a wink at Mama Granbags.

Everyone was eating when fully awake Mitzi came into the kitchen, her hair brushed and styled.

"I was seriously considering taking your food." Beach Bear said, smirking as he used his fork to point at Mitzi's plate.

"No, you weren't!" she protested.

"Sure he was," Dook said. "He looked awfully serious about it, too."

"So serious that I'm gonna eat part of this egg right now," Beach Bear popped a little forkful in his mouth. "Oh, wait, that was the potatoes."

"Grits," Mitzi corrected him with a roll of her eyes. "Surely, you'd know that livin' in the South. And paws off my food!"

"My paws were nowhere near it! Just my fork."

"You know w hat I mean," Mitzi ate some bacon, wiping the grease from her red mouth. "…Wait a second. When did I put on my lipstick?"

"Before you sat down." Dook replied as if it was the most obvious thing.

"Yeah, but I don't remember doin' it," Mitzi counted on her fingers. "Let's see, I got up, brushed my hair, put it up, went out here…  Where does lipstick fit into that?"

"Maybe it was magic! Or you wear it so much that it got into your lips already."

"Or maybe… some guy decided to help you out." Earl said with a wink (or, a blink!).

"Was it you, Earl?"

"No…"

Mitzi followed the puppet's gaze. "Wait… you did that, Rolfe? You really helped me put my lipstick on? No foolin'?"

"Of course I wouldn't fool you." Rolfe said.

"Because he's a fool!" Earl added, getting a look.

"Wow…" Mitzi wandered off, stunned that Rolfe would do something so nice. "Thanks."

All Rolfe did was give a little 'hmm' as he picked at his grits.

…

 A honk could be heard outside the cabin as a massive pile of dishes were being set in the sink.

"Hey, it's the chicken guys!" Dook said.

"And my ride," Beach Bear added. "Or, our ride."

"Good mornin'!" Pete called, jumping out of the van.

Repete gave his chicken a shake. "She's all done up for ya!"

"Looks good," Fatz said. "Thanks, guys."

"It's no problem for us." Pete said.

"'Specially since we got the problems out of the way!" Repete added.

"We included a can of Goofy Gas in the back. It's technically not free now, but it was when we told y'all about it."

"Still counts!"

Before long, the Rock-afire was saying farewell to the bears.

"Thanks for takin' care of us, Granny, Daddy." Billy Bob said giving them a hug.

"What about us?" Bob asked.

"Oh, I can't forget about y'all! A big ol' thanks to the Good Luck Bears!"

Chapter Text

 It took half a day to drive to Kansas City. The van drove through the rest of Tennessee, Kentucky and Illinois, bouncing as the Rock-afire sang to songs on the radio. A rainstorm chased them through Missouri.

"Hey!" Rolfe exclaimed as a Coke can bounced on his head.

"Sorry," Beach Bear apologized. "Thought you were the trash can."

Rolfe rolled his eyes. He set the can in a paper bag and muttered something about messiness.

"Oh, I just remembered something I have in my bag!" Mitzi exclaimed. "Hey, Looney. Looney!"

Looney Bird popped up from his barrel. "What's the word, Mitzi bird? Wait, you're not a bird."

Mitzi chuckled. "Get the tape out of my bag. The Thriller one."

"Lemme see here…" Looney dug through the bag. "We've got lipstick, pom poms, extra socks… But I don't see a roll of tape."
"No, a cassette tape! With Michael lookin' all cool on the cover."

Looney soon exclaimed, "Here it is!"

He reached over the seat to hand the tape to Mitzi. Wearing an outfit of white, Michael Jackson was leaning while laying down in front of a dark background.

"Looks more like what Rolfe wishes he'd look like when he's sleepin'," Dook remarked. "But instead his arms are all floppy!"
"I heard that!" Rolfe spoke up.

Mitzi popped open the cassette case. "Where's the tape player on this thing?"

"There isn't one." Beach Bear replied.

"What? But every car's gotta have a tape player! How else can you jam to stuff that's not on the radio?"

"Or listen to the radio too much!" Fatz whispered to Billy Bob, who chuckled.

"This girl's from 1962," Beach said. "Tapes didn't exist then."

"Yes, they did!" Mitzi insisted.

"Well, not in '62. At least, I don't think so," Beach Bear leaned forward. "Hey, Fatz, you remember the early sixties. Were there tape players in cars?"

Fats shrugged. "Well, I didn't see many cars at the Audubon Zoo-"

Suddenly, a lightning bolt struck the road! The van's tires squealed as Fatz put on the brakes in shock.

"What in the frick was that?" Beach Bear asked.

Fatz and everyone else stared at a patch of smoke in silence.

"What's wrong?" Dook asked. "Did we hit someone or somethin'?"
"There was a lightnin' strike!" Billy Bob exclaimed.

"Wait, we hit lightnin'?"

"Yeah! Or, lightnin' hit us. A real big one."

Dook leaned forward as far as he could, seeing a smoldering hole in the highway. "Geez. It's like someone took a big bite out of it! It's like a black hole."

"Don't drive, Fatz. We'll get sucked up into space." Beach Bear joked.

"I have to drive if we wanna get back home on time." Fatz said.

The car moved forward.
"AHHH!!! We're sinking!" Beach Bear yelled in a strained voice.

"Beach, stop that!" Mitzi scolded, trying to fight down giggles. "We're not sinkin', Fatz."
Fatz cracked a smile. "I guessed we weren't. I'll still go slow in case the street's not as solid."

"'Cuz it's a black hole." Beach whispered to Mitzi and Dook.

The van sped up once it passed the hole. Rain pattered on the windows, blurring the view of the long, winding road. The radio could hardly be heard!

"It's gettin' kind of chilly in here." Billy Bob remarked. "Which one's the heater?"

"The lower knob," Beach Bear replied. "On the right. No, left. No… right. Right?"

"Let's see," Fatz turned that knob and groaned. "Oh no…"

"Why the long face?" Billy Bob asked.
"That lightnin' struck out the heater!"

"Are you sure Beach Bear's not right?" Earl asked.
"Right. I'm turnin' the knob and it ain't workin'!"

"Did you smack it?" Beach asked.

Billy Bob hit it, but gently. He didn't want to hurt the knob!

*BAM!*

"What the-" Fatz started to ask as Beach Bear leaned over to give it a good whack of his own.

Nothing changed.

"Yep, that thing's out." Beach confirmed.

"What?" Mitzi asked while Dook gave a disappointed, "Aww."

"Where are those hillbillies when you need 'em?" Earl asked.

"Or a much nicer van!" Rolfe added.

"We'll be fine," Billy Bob said, smiling as he touched his arm fur. "We've got our own blankets to keep us warm!"

"That's true," Fatz agreed. "It won't take much to turn us into snowmen!"

…

 Just a few minutes later, Beach Bear snuggled up to Dook, shivering tremendously.

"I ch- chose the w- wo- worst day to wear shorts!" he lamented.
"You're a polar bear, though," Dook pointed out. "Shouldn't you, you know… be used to the cold?"

"Not when Florida thins out your blood, man. It's like paper in there. Wax paper."

"Don't you mean wet paper?" Mitzi asked. "That stuff's so thin you can't get a good grasp on it!"

Dook tapped Mitzi's shoulder. "Take your sweater off. I-"

"What?" Mitzi squeaked, her green eyes wide. "Why would I do that?"
"To warm Beach up! People do it all the time in movies. The guy offers the girl his coat or somethin' and she's all warm 'n happy. You'd offer your sweater! Since you have another sweater underneath."

"I- I think it's a t- t- turtleneck." Beach Bear said, shivering.

"Really? It don’t look like no turtle I've ever seen."

"I'd have to keep my arms crossed the whole time," Mitzi pointed out. "This is a dickey. It's-"

Beach Bear burst out laughing.

"It ain't like that!"

"Get your mind outta the gutter back there." Fatz chided Beach (although he couldn't help but softly chuckle as well!).

Beach Bear wiped tears from his eyes as Mitzi explained, "It's just a collar with some fabric around it, not an actual shirt."

"…Oh." Dook realized.

"Guess you're stayin' cold forever!" Earl remarked with a tiny shrug.

"There's one other thing wrong with that plan, Dook." Beach Bear told his little friend.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Dook asked.

"I'm not mouse-sized."

…

 The Missouri River rippled as the van drove on the Paseo Bridge. The Rock-afire belted out,

We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine!

A blanket-clad Beach Bear switched things up by singing,

We all live in a blue surfer van, blue surfer van, blue surfer van!

Everyone laughed. The rain was lessening and there were only five miles left until they reached the Wolf Pack 5!

"I'm gettin' peckish," Fatz remarked, peering at the van's fuel gage as it stopped at a light. "Looks like the van is, too! Hopefully there's a gas station near Showbiz."

"Oh, we have that free can of Goofy Gas!" Billy Bob remembered. "I'll go get it!"

Fatz turned into a neighborhood, pulling over so Billy Bob could get out. A winter breeze ruffled his fur and dry leaves crunched under his paws. He smiled as he opened the back door, undid the rope securing the barrel…

"…Huh. This feels awfully light. Usually, gas is supposed to feel a little heavy."

"Like *hic* Goofy Gas!" Looney Bird added.

Billy Bob cast his best friend a look. "Looney Bird… what was that?"

"What was what, Billy Bob?"

"That sound you made."

"What sound? I'm just talkin' and squawkin'. That's all I ever- *hic*!"

Billy Bob pointed a claw as he exclaimed, "That's it right there! You're hiccupin'!"

"N- …No, I'm not…" Looney Bird slowly insisted.

"Yes, you are! I heard it! Op, and there it is again! You have the hiccups, Looney Bird! But just how did you get 'em?"

"I didn't get 'em, Billy Bob, *hic!* honest!"

Beach Bear smirked as he advised Billy Bob, "Look inside the barrel."

Billy Bob took a little peek. He gasped, raising his head as he exclaimed. "You drank all the Goofy Gas, Looney Bird! You know you ain't 'sposed to do that!"

"I didn't, Billy Bob!" Looney Bird exclaimed. "I- *hic!* I really didn't!"

Billy Bob showed him the barrel. "Yes, you did, Looney Bird. None of us like drinkin' Goofy Gas. Only you do!"

Little beats of sweat trickled down Looney Bird's red feathers.

"Well, I- I was just hungry! There's nothing else to eat besides Goofy Gas!"

"You should've asked before I decimated the Cheetos." Beach Bear said.
"And there's plenty of other snacks up here." Mitzi added.

"I'll eat your snacks, I promise!" Looney Bird sank into his barrel. "I'm sorry, Billy Bob…"

Billy Bob softened. He pet his friend's head while saying, "Oh, I can't stay mad at you for long, Looney. Just remember not to touch the Goofy Gas if we're ever on a road trip again, okay?"

"Okayyyy…"

"We'd better get a move on." Fatz called.

"You just wait 'til we're at Showbiz," Billy Bob told Looney. "They'll cook us a nice, hot pizza!"

"I could go for one of those." Dook remarked.

"And I get to hog all the snacks 'til we're there!" Beach added, causing Mitzi to give him a look.

"How were you gonna get that gas in there, anyways?" Fatz asked Billy Bob as the bear shut the passenger door.
"I dunno," Billy Bob replied. "But I'd figure it out!"

"You always do."

Fatz did a u-turn. But it was harder than usual…

"Something's definitely up with this thing." he muttered softly.

The van sputtered as it returned to the main road.

"Stop kickin' the seat, Rolfe!" Dook said.

Rolfe scoffed. "I'm not kicking anything."

"Oh. Stop kickin' the seat, Earl."

"He couldn't kick the seat if he wanted to."

"I can kick your face!" Earl said.

Rolfe ducked. Before his little foot smacked his snout, the van jerked forward. They smacked into the seat.
"Now I can kick!" Earl chuckled.

"Oh, my nose…" Mitzi muttered, rubbing it.

"Now I know how Marcia feels." Dook said.

"I know you want us to hurry up, but putting on the gas that hard isn't it, man." Beach told Fatz.

"I didn't put the gas on at all," Fatz said before pressing his foot on the pedal. "Shoot. It ain't movin!"

"What?" Mitzi, Billy Bob and Dook asked while Looney and Beach gave a puzzled, "Huh?"

Fatz reinserted the key. The van shook and the engine rumbled as he turned it, the wheels began to inch along like a turtle, then a sloth…

And all was still.

"Crap."

Beach had said what everyone else was thinking. They all stared at the road beyond, stunned that their journey had come to such an abrupt halt.

"What do we do?" Dook asked nervously. "Ask someone to help us?"
"There's no time," Fatz replied. "We'll have to take matters into our own hands…"

…

 "Well… I'm not cold anymore." Beach Bear said, sweat trickling down his forehead.

The van was moving again… but by his accord! He was pushing it down the road alongside Fatz and Billy Bob. Looney Bird, Dook, Mitzi and Rolfe stayed in the van to make sure it was going in the right direction. (Or Looney, Dook and Mitzi were. Rolfe was just lazy!)

"This has been quite an adventure… but it sure is tuckerin' me out!" Billy Bob remarked, his cheery attitude melting.

"Hey, you ever notice that people call this location Antioch… yet it's not on Antioch Road?" Beach Bear asked.
"I'm realizin' how stupid it is that we decided to drive this old, beat up van halfway across the country in the middle of winter!" Fatz replied grumpily. "We would've gotten here a heck of a lot faster if we just flew!"

"None of us can fly. …Well, except Looney Bird," Beach Bear took in an exhausted breath. "Wait, does he fly?"

"Tuuurn right!" the trio heard Looney Bird announce.

Inside the van, Earl sang,

So we sailed on to the sun
Till we found the sea of green
And we lived beneath the waves
In our yellow submarine

"Stop it, Rolfe!" Mitzi exclaimed. "This is serious."

"I'm not singing, Earl is." Rolfe pointed out.

"Oh, sure, blame the puppet-"

"I see the sea of green, I see the sea of green!" Looney Bird squawked.

Earl gave a 'hmm' of satisfaction.

"Turn left, guys!" Dook called, poking his head out the window. "We're nearly there!"

The muscles in their arms trembling, the big guys pushed with all their might to make the van ride up the little incline leading to the Antioch Center. A sign nearby had all the stores listed… including Showbiz.

"See, Beach? That's why this location's called Antioch." Fatz said.

"Huh?" Beach asked. "I just see a bunch of cars."

"Should've looked at the sign before we passed it."

Before long, the van was rolling up to a square building. There in the center was a familiar orange, yellow and black sign…

"We made it!" Mitzi hollered.

"Whoo-hoo!" the Rock-afire cheered. "Yeah!" "Finally!"

The van was pushed into a parking space. Billy Bob, Fatz and Beach Bear stumbled over to the entrance, leaning against the pillars.

"Come for the pizza, stay for the ball pit that'll become my bed!" Beach groaned.

The others climbed out of the van. Unlike the trio, they were glad to finally be standing! Once everyone was together, Fatz opened the door. The smell of freshly baked pizza drifted outside.

"Hey, we're just in time for dinner!" Dook remarked.

The order counter was the first thing the Rock-afire saw when they walked in.

"Beach Bear's large Hawaiian Pizza." Beach said, casually leaning against the counter. (And totally not because of lingering tiredness…)
"You should probably consider the rest of us, don'tcha think?" Billy Bob asked.

"Oh, sorry, party size."

Mitzi shoved Beach Bear away from the counter as he winked. "A medium Mitzi's Cheese Pizza, please."

"And Looney Bird's Taco Pizza!" Dook added. "In regular size."

"I thought you'd go for Dook's Pepperoni!"
"Hey, I'm branchin' out." Dook told Mitzi with a shrug.

Rolfe and Fatz picked up small salads at the bar.
"Really, Fatz? You having a salad?" Beach asked.

"I'm tryin' to watch my weight." Fatz said.

The Rock-afire snickered.

"I figure a couple slices of pizza here, some leafy greens there, it won't hurt a bit," Fatz laughed. "But you can bet I'll get a double scoop sundae when I'm done gettin' the tomato sauce off my fingers!"

"You must not be a salad person," Rolfe said with a scoff. "These are tomato slices! There's no sauce on them."

"Not unless you squeeze 'em in someone's face." Earl told him, a glint in his eye.

Fatz rolled his eyes. He was reaching for the tomato scooper when a brown paw touched it at the same time.

"Oh, 'scuse me!" he exclaimed, looking to his left to see a mouse in a pale yellow sweater and shiny gold skirt. "I was-"

"No, no, it's alright," the mouse said. "You go first. I'll…"

She stopped right in her tracks when she looked past the gorilla.

"Are we playin' the stoppin' sentences game?" Dook asked. "I'm good at pickin' mine back up. I think pepperoni is…"
Beach Bear smirked. "And I think sidewalk surfboards are…"

The mouse's wide blue-green eyes lit up. She ran past Fatz and exclaimed, "Mitzi!" she exclaimed.

"Mini!" Mitzi exclaimed back.

The mice bounded towards each other, crashing into a tight embrace.

"Do you guys know each other?" Billy Bob asked.

"Of course we do! Mini's my sister," Mitzi replied. "I wouldn't hug just anyone."

"And not as tight!" Mini added, adjusting her wrinkled sweater.

"She goes to college here."

"That explains why your parents let ya travel a million hundred miles to meet same famous lady." Dook said, making Mitzi giggle.

"A thousand hundred n' sixty!" Looney Bird calculated.

Fatz scooped some tomatoes with an exhausted sigh. "Sure feels like it."

Mini giggled. "Hi, Rolfe," she said, twirling the end of her golden blonde ponytail. "He had a little crush on me back in the day."

"I did not!" Rolfe insisted.

"Yes, you did. That giggle is forever on tape! You were shy around me."

"Geez, I thought you were gay for young Frank Sinatra," Earl said. "Now you're tellin' me you're gay for some squeaker!"

Rolfe's face went bright red!

"Let's continue the reunion in the showroom, everyone," Billy Bob suggested. "My legs are still awful tired."

"We had to push the van here." Mitzi explained while everyone crossed into the showroom.
"We did! While y'all scouted for us!"

Mitzi giggled. "Yeah, that!"

Mini gave her little sister a puzzled look.

"It's a long story." Mitzi said with a shrug.

Mini took her arm. "Feel free to tell every second of it. I miss having you around! Talking to a robot just isn't the same."

She grandly pulled back the curtain concealing center stage. It looked exactly like the one back home… except for the animatronic Rock-afire!

"Woah," Dook breathed, rushing up to the stage. "He looks just like me!"

Rolfe huffed as he jerked his curtain back. "This could never be as handsome as me, the real Rolfe DeWolfe!"

All Looney Bird could see past stage left's curtain was the leaf he wore on his head.

"His leaf's better than mine!" Looney said with a scoff. "Must've gotten it from the more expensive craft store."

The Rock-afire enjoyed watching their robotic selves sing the medley from The Beatles' Abbey Road.

"Man, remember when you used to sound like that?" Fatz asked Beach during Polythene Pam.

"Before I really got the hang of my meds." Beach mumbled sheepishly.

Mitzi was equally embarrassed at She Came In Through The Bathroom Window. She covered the side of her face, concentrating on the long string of cheese on her pizza slice.

"That was right after my voice finished changin'," Mitzi remembered a time not too long ago. "Gosh, I sound rough!"

"I think you did an amazin' job, Mitzi." Billy Bob said, giving her a pat on the back.

Mitzi smiled. "Thanks, Billy Bob. I just wonder if I'll ever think that way when I'm your age. You're so professional and here I am, just a kid!"

"Aw shucks, Mitzi, you're just as professional as the rest of us!"

"And more so than me," Mini added, giving her a nudge. "All I did was a year and two songs! You've got dozens under your belt, probably."
"She's never worn a belt before, has she?" Dook whispered to Beach Bear.

"Uh, speakin' of singin', we was wonderin' about the Wolf Pack 5." Fatz said.

Dook's tail could be heard thumping on the bottom of the seat's back and the top of the cushion. "Yeah, where's Dingo? And the others, I mean. But also Dingo."

Mini giggled. "Well…"

GOOOOLDEN slumbers fill your eyes…

SMIIIILES awake you when you rise…

Sleep pretty darlin', do not cry...

And I will sing a lullabyyyy…

"You sound exactly like that moon up there." an astonished Mini told Beach Bear.
"I learned it from the best." he replied with a shrug.

Once the show was over and the curtains were closed again, Earl asked, "What's up with all this Wolf Pack 5 business? Looks like they ain't here."

Mini fiddled with her skirt. "They're not. They… They haven't been for a couple years now."

"What?" everyone exclaimed.

"…absolutely horrible." Beach said.

Dook paused for a long moment. "Wait, I don't remember what mine was."

"They're still in Kansas City, right?" Rolfe asked.

Mini shook her head. "No, they left in '81. I stayed here to start college."

"Do you know where they went?"

"I think to somewhere called Italpark. Or was it Japan? Wolfman didn't really say."

Billy Bob took a sip of his soda. "What's-"

Numerous little beeps could be heard from Looney Bird's barrel.

"Italpark is a park in-"

"Italy?" Beach Bear interrupted the bird.

"-Buenos Aries, Argentina. It's been around since July first, 1960 and has over thirty electromechanical rides. One of these is called Los Wolf Pack 5."

"What if it's not them?" Dook worried.

"Uh, 'los' is Spanish for 'the'," Beach reminded him. "It's definitely them."

"How are we gonna get to Argentina, anyways?" Earl asked.

"Oh, I'd love to go to Spain," Rolfe said, his paw on his heart. "It's the city of love!"

"That's Paris, Rolfe. An' Spain's an entirely different thing. We'd have to go all the way down to Mexico and Brazil and all those other South American places."

Fatz set his fork down to cross his arms. "I ain't drivin'."

Everyone looked at each other, knowing it was an impossible feat. And even if it was possible, no one had over a thousand dollars to spare for a plane!

Mini finally said, "I heard Madame Oink, the pig over at Pizza Time Theater, has a machine that can take you anywhere in the world."

"That annoying pig?" Rolfe asked.

"You're one to talk." Earl muttered.

"That's not very nice, Rolfe!" Billy Bob scolded him.

"Why not? She's an actual pig." Rolfe said.

"…Oh," Billy Bob moved his straw up, making it squeak. "Only half apologize, then."

"Where's the closest Pizza Time Theater?" Dook asked.
"Down in Springfield," Mini replied. "But you won't find her there, just an animatronic. The real deal is only at the main location."

"San Jose, right?" Mitzi guessed.

Looney Bird looked it up. "On Winchester Boulevard! According to my calculations, it'll take twenty-seven hours to get there."

"What?" Fatz asked, his eyes wide. "I can't drive for a whole day and then some!"

"If you take breaks-"

"Two days, then. We have time to worry about."

Beach Bear leaned back to take the first bite of a taco pizza slice. Then he sat up to mumble, "Guess we'll just stay here an' play a buncha games."

"I bet I can beat you at Pac Man." Mitzi said.

Beach slammed the pizza on the table. "I'll bet you can't!"

"You totally can." Mini whispered to her sister, who giggled.

Mitzi and Beach ran off to the games. (And Beach ran right into the showroom wall."

"Guess I'll help out." Dook said with a shrug before eating Beach's slice.

"You know… there's always air travel." Mini suggested.

"Yeah, I'll fly there and back!" Looney Bird squawked.

Mini cracked a smile. "That's not quite what I meant…"