Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a pretty boring day for the Ghostbusters. It was Friday, nothing too crazy was going on. Erin was sitting at her desk catching up on her reading. Abby and Patty were sitting in the kitchen having leftover chinese food and discussing the paranormal convention they're leaving for later today. Holtzmann was up in her lab making alterations to the ghost chipper, as it seemed to stall out the last time Patty tried to use it.

Holtzmann sauntered downstairs in search of a pipe she found last week whilst dumpster diving.

“Hey there, Gilbert,” she said, smiling.

“Hey Holtz,” Erin said barely tearing herself from her book.

Holtzmann began snooping around the room hoping to find her pipe.

“Whatcha lookin’ for?” Erin asked, playfully. She immediately drew back. Was that too flirty? Wait… flirty? It’s Holtzmann. Maybe don’t talk like that. Erin could feel herself beginning to blush.

“I had a pipe around here somewhere,” she described the pipe with hand gestures, “about 3 feet long, four inches around, looks kinda like a pipe… You see it anywhere?” Holtzmann asked distractedly, not noticing Erin’s slight blush.

“I’m sorry, I can’t say that I have,” she says.

“Eh, that’s alright. I can manage without it, I suppose,” the blonde said with a shrug, now nonchalantly walking towards Erin. She pulled up a chair and spun it around so she could rest her arms on the back. “You hungry?” she asked, her bright blue eyes gleaming.

Erin didn’t hear the question because she was too fixated on the few strands of blonde curly hair framing her friends’ face. She didn’t realized how long she was staring at Holtzmann until she started noticing Holtz’ face acquiring an expression of confusion.

“Erinnnn.” Holtz sang, waving her hand in front of her friends’ face.

“Wh-- I’m sorry, what?”

“Are you hungry? I was kinda in the mood for some sandwiches from the deli on 3rd,” she said, spinning around in her chair.

“Oh. Yeah, I could eat, I guess,” Erin said, trying to sound as casual as possible. Trying hard to not let her friend and co-worker know just how nervous she made her.

“Okay, do you know what you want? I was gonna head on over after I finished up with the ghost chipper. Should take me about another…. ehhhh, 30-40 minutes?” she looked at her watch.

“Um… Y’know what, I can just run over and get them myself. I was gonna go on a walk anyway, get some fresh air. I can go right now and be back by the time you’re finished,” Erin offered, praying the other woman wouldn’t insist on joining her.

It’s not that Erin didn’t enjoy Holtz’ company, she just got so flustered and awkward every time she was around her. She didn’t know why. It was never that way with Abby, and it wasn’t that way with Patty either. She didn’t even feel that flustered around Kevin, for crying out loud. Also, Erin did really just want to go on a nice, quiet walk by herself. She liked to listen to music and take in the fall scenery. It was nice to just be alone with her thoughts every once in a while.

“Sounds like a plan, cutie,” Holtz said with a wink, “get me a meatball sub, would ya?”

“You got it,” Erin said grabbing her coat and her wallet.

And just like that, she was out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin grabbed the sandwiches from the deli counter, and headed back to the firehouse. She had her earphones in and she was walking to the beat of one of her favorite songs. The sun was setting, leaving a dim orange glow in the evening sky. The air was crisp and cool and leaves were blowing by her feet. Erin closed her eyes and took a deep breath in through her nose. She exhaled and felt nothing but pure bliss. This was one of those moments that she tried not to take for granted.

“Erin Gilbert?”

Erin opened her eyes and took one of her earbuds out. She turned around to see a face that made her heart drop to her stomach. “Adam Hanson,” The name, barely escaping her lips, came out sounding more like a shudder inducing statement rather than a question.

“It’s Adam from high school, remember me?” he asked with a fake smile plastered across his face.

Remember? How could she forget? Adam Hanson was one of the worst bullies Erin had encountered all throughout her youth. He was the one responsible for all of the times she had been beaten up and teased. He was even the one responsible for the ‘ghost girl’ nickname that haunted her more than any ghost ever could.

She realized now that she had just been staring at him, too infuriated to form any type of coherent sentence.

“So how’ve ya been? It’s been a while,” he said, clearly unable to comprehend what was currently going through Erin’s mind.

“Y-yeah, it’s been quite some time, hasn’t it?” she said, amazed that she could form words right now.

Adam started talking about his job and the high school reunion that was coming up soon, but Erin had completely tuned him out. At this point, Erin was in a state. All she heard was a ringing in her ears while images from the past flashed in and out her mind. The pointing. The staring. The name-calling. But one memory in particular always stood out among the rest:

Erin is walking down the hallway, books in hand. All of a sudden, as if out of nowhere, she is shoved from the side directly into a locker. Books and papers fall from her hands and spill out onto the ground below. She bends down and tries to collect her things as quickly as possible, and just when she is about to grab the last remaining scrap of paper, a boot comes down, scraping it away from her clutch.

“Well, what do we have here?” Adam asks, loud enough so everyone in the hall could hear.

“That’s mine, give it back,” Erin jumps, grasping at the piece of paper. Adam has a solid couple of inches on Erin, so she can’t quite reach it.

“What? You mean you don’t want to share your work with the class?”

“Just give it to me,” Erin stops trying and slumps helplessly against a locker.

“Ahem,” Adam says, strutting to the center of the hallway, giving the paper a nice flick before he begins reading it aloud, “Ghosts are real. I'm not lying. There’s one in my bedroom that haunts me every single night…”

Erin was instructed by her therapist to write a short essay in order to get all of her thoughts and feelings out in the open, so that they would not be bottled up inside her head. Erin wishes at this very moment that she were dead. She would rather be a ghost, herself, than be present in this very moment.

“…My parents don’t believe me. They think I’m making it up, and they keep telling me there are no such things as ghosts. They are only making me see a therapist because they think I’m crazy and they don’t want to deal with me themselves. No one at school believes me, either. I have no friends and I’m sad all the time,” Erin’s eyes are squeezed shut, “All I want is a friend.”

Erin is mortified. As if school wasn’t bad enough, now everybody knows what’s going on inside her head. She feels a tear stream down her cheek.

“Well boo-fuckin’-hoo. Why don’t you stop being such a loser freak and maybe you’ll actually make some friends.”

Adam laughs and soon everyone in the hallway is laughing too. Adam crumples up the piece of paper, throws it on the ground and stomps on it. Erin can’t take the embarrassment any longer and, without hesitation, she lunges at him, punching and hitting and kicking and screaming. But after a few seconds, some of Adam’s friends manage to peel Erin off of him, no matter how hard she’s kicking. Adam, looking only slightly disheveled, just stares at her and laughs for a brief moment before he socks her right in the jaw.

Erin feels the blunt force of his fist as she is dropped to the ground. She puts her hands to her face and sees blood.

The bell rings, and the students in the hallway start to disperse, leaving only quiet mumbles of “freak”, “what a loser”, and “she goes to therapy?” Adam lingers for a moment, crouching down to her level, looking her dead in the eyes and says, “If you wanna make friends so badly, why don’t you just schedule a play-date with your ghost?” He stands back up. Erin sits, defeated, looking up at him, tearful and bloody.

“Have fun in therapy, ghost girl.”

“—So, it’s not like it’s the most exciting job in the world, but I guess it is kind of rewarding,” Adam had been rambling on for minutes now, “how about you? You’re one of those… Ghostbusters, right?” His tone had shifted from interested to condescending, as he remembered hearing about her work.

“Yes,” Erin managed to squeak out. Her heartbeat started to quicken.

“Hmm. Well that’s… interesting. So, like, what do you guys do, you just hunt ghosts?” He sounded skeptical.

“We actually capture ghosts. I don’t know if you saw us on the news but we just accomplished something pretty major--“ she was interrupted by Adam.

“Yeah, no offense but that all looked kind of fake to me.” He looked at Erin as if he pitied her for still believing in ghosts.

“Excuse me, it was not fake!” Erin had shouted. Her blood was boiling. Her breathing was heavy. This was not happening again.

“Okaaaaay. Well, I’ve got to get going, so… It was nice, uh, seeing you, good luck with… whatever it is you’re doing,” He laughed, the same laugh that burns through Erin’s memories, "See you around, ghost girl." he turned on his heel and sauntered off.

Erin turned around, now a dark shade of red. She was broken. No one had called her that in 20 years.

The sun had almost completely set by now, leaving the sky a dark blue. The air, now brisk, was no longer comforting, and the wind stung the tears that were now streaming down Erin’s face as she continued her walk back to the firehouse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin entered the firehouse and the door slammed shut behind her, but she didn’t even hear it.

“Hey, look who’s back!” Holtzmann said, with a smile on her face.

Erin didn’t seem to hear Holtz either, as she dropped her coat, her wallet, and even hers and Holtz’s dinner onto the ground below her, and ran up the stairs and into the bathroom.

“Erin? Erin wait, what’s,“ the bathroom door slammed shut, “wrong.”

Chapter Text

By the time Erin had made her way back to the firehouse, Abby and Patty had already went home for the week. They were attending some sort of paranormal investigators convention. Holtz and Erin volunteered to hang back incase they got any calls. Holtzmann had planned to pull an all-nighter to fix the ghost chipper anyway, but after seeing Erin return from her dinner run in the state she was in, she was staying for new reasons.

She tried over and over to get Erin to come out of the bathroom.

“Erin?” she tapped on the door, “Erin, your dinner’s gonna get cold hun…”

Nothing.

“Erin, why don’t you come out and tell me what happened? Whatever it is, I can help,” she stood there.

Not a word.

Holtzmann was starting to get worried, when she heard a faint peep come through the door.

“I’m fine.”

“Erin Gilbert, you are most certainly not fine. People who lock themselves in bathrooms are not fine.”

No answer.

“Well, I put your dinner in the fridge, in case you want it later.”

Holtzmann decided to stop for now, and get back to work. It was clear now that Erin just needed some space.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours had passed and Erin had finally cracked open the bathroom door, only to hear soft music coming from Holtz’s lab in exchange for the loud, fun music that she is normally dancing to.

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions

I keep my visions to myself, it's only me

Who wants to wrap around your dreams and,

Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?

Dreams of loneliness,

Like a heartbeat, drives you mad

In the stillness of remembering, what you had,

And what you lost and what you had and what you lost

Stevie Nicks. Erin loved Stevie. She wanted to go in and listen with Holtz, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to be around people just yet. So instead, she leaned up against the wall outside the entrance to the lab and slid down so she was sitting with her hands folded across her knees. She could hear Holtzmann singing along with the music, and thought she had the most beautiful voice she had ever heard.

Sitting here on the floor, in the dark, she now wished that she had asked Holtz to come with her today, or that she would have just waited and Holtz could have gotten the food by herself, like she suggested. Then maybe none of this would be happening. She wouldn’t have been forced to see Adam again. She wouldn’t have had to re-live those horrible memories. She wouldn’t have been called ghost girl. She could have just come home, had a nice dinner with her girlfriend and called it a night.

Wait.

Did Erin just refer to Holtz as her girlfriend? Why did she do that? She doesn’t feel that way about Holtz. ‘Friend’. Holtz is her friend. That’s all. Erin has had a long, mentally exhausting day. Her mind is just playing tricks on her. That’s it.

But, her mind is starting to wander off again.

She’s picturing Holtz standing up for her. She's yelling at Adam for all the things he had ever done to hurt Erin. She asks him how he even has the nerve to come up to her and start a conversation like nothing's wrong. She curses him out. She says beautiful things about Erin. She makes him apologize. Adam apologizes and walks away, defeated, and Erin turns to Holtz and thanks her. They kiss and walk back to the firehouse holding hands. Erin rests her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder, and she’s happy. And everything is okay.

She continued listening to Holtzmann sing along to the music. It was soothing. So soothing, in fact, that along with being completely emotionally drained, Erin fell asleep right there outside of the lab.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a few more Fleetwood Mac songs had played through, Holtzmann had decided that Erin had been in the bathroom long enough and decided to go make one last attempt to get her to come out. She took off her gloves, paused her playlist, unconsciously fixed her hair, and headed for the bathroom.

She got to the doorway and jumped back when she saw her friend curled up in a ball on the floor. She was speechless. She bent down, unsure if she should even wake her friend up, knowing how tough it is for her to fall asleep in the first place. But, Holtzmann decides leaving Erin to sleep like this for the rest of the night wouldn’t be the best decision in the world either.

She knelt down and stared at Erin.

She had always thought that Erin was the most beautiful creature she had ever laid her eyes on, but she'd never seen her asleep. She was so still. She had looked almost... angelic. 

She tapped Erin on the knee.

“Erin?”

No answer.

“Erin. Sweetie, it’s Holtz,” she said, rubbing Erin’s back.

Erin groaned and sat up.

“Oh my god,” she said, fully realizing that Holtz knew she was creeping outside the lab listening to her singing.

But that was the furthest thing from Holtz’s mind, “Erin, you fell asleep in the hallway on the floor, are you okay? What happened today?”

“Nothing,” she said, rather forced, “I just need to go home and rest.”

“Well, I agree that you need to rest, but it’s 1:30 in the morning, I’m not letting you walk home alone at this hour. Especially not in this condition.”

Before Erin had a chance to argue, Holtz was lifting her up off of the ground and leading her to the sofa in her lab. She sat Erin down, and grabbed some pillows and blankets from the back room. “You’re going to sleep right here tonight, so I can keep an eye on you.”

“Holtz you don’t have to watch over me, I’m fine, I just—“

“Hey,” her voice was soft, “it’s not a big deal, I understand. But, I’m here all night anyways and you need to rest, so just make yourself comfy, and I’ll be over here working quietly. I’ll even keep the music off, how’s that sound?” she fiddled with the radio.

Erin thought, “Can you keep the music on, actually?

Holtz looked up at Erin, smiling softly, “Of course.”

Erin started situating herself so that she could get comfortable (or as comfortable as she could get, considering she was sleeping on a sofa and all.) Holtz had turned the music back on, and with the combination of Holtzmann’s soothing voice and the soft sounds of her working, Erin was soon sound asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin’s sound sleep had lasted only 40 minutes before she began tossing and turning. This hadn’t happened to her since she was a teenager. Not even since her and the team started busting ghosts. She was hot. She was breathing heavily and rapidly. She was not okay. She was having a nightmare.

Nightmares for Erin were equivalent to the ghost who inhabited her room. They both came back to haunt her every single night.

Every night for years, she woke up in a panic, covered in sweat and tears. She had nightmares about the old lady who haunted her, about the kids at school who made fun of her, everything. Every. Night.

The nightmares started to ease up around college, with Erin only getting the occasional one every now and then. Abby knew how to handle it by that point, but Erin was still embarrassed. She hated having nightmares in general, but she hated it even more when she knew someone witnessed her having a nightmare.

While Erin was tossing, Holtzmann was down in the kitchen getting a snack. She was hoping to see that Erin had eaten her dinner, but when she opened the refrigerator, she found Erin’s sandwich still wrapped up, completely untouched. She closed the fridge, grabbed a popsicle and headed back up stairs.

She made it to the top of the staircase when she heard a noise. She couldn’t tell what it was, but it sounded like a… a whimper?

She tiptoed closer to the dimly lit lab and she just barely saw Erin tossing and turning. Holtzmann walked towards Erin and realized that the whimpering noise was coming from her. She saw that Erin’s previously relaxed, angelic face was now in anguish, covered in tears. She shut down. Seeing her friend in this state made her ache. A kind of ache she had never felt before.

She knelt down and wrapped her arms tightly around Erin’s body, until she woke up.

Erin woke up startled and confused.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. You were having a nightmare. Shhh, everything’s fine.” Holtz lulled.

Normally, Erin would have made some awkward remark about being so intimately close to Holtzmann. Normally she would have backed away, but right now she just embraced it.

She wrapped her arms so tightly around her friend, that she thought she would break her. She cried into Holtzmann’s neck for what felt like an eternity.

“Do you want to tell me about what happened today?” Holtz asked, almost in a whisper.

Erin released her grip and leaned back, looking down at her hands, “I ran into somebody today.”

“Who?”

“Somebody from my high school…” she tried to stall.

“You mean Hell High? Where everybody treated you like shit?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. It was this guy, Adam Hanson. He was the guy who always started everything up. People would talk about me and stuff like that, but they would mostly keep it to themselves... until Adam was around. He was the one who always got people to start laughing, he always made a big show about it…" she grew quieter, "He’s the one who started calling me ghost girl.”

Holtzmann’s heart sank. She knew how badly Erin was treated when she was younger. Just thinking about her having to go through all of that again today made her both miserable and unspeakably furious.

“What did he say to you, Erin?” she asked sternly.

“Nothing. Really. He was talking about his stupid job for what felt like days, and then he asked me what I did for a living,” she paused as Holtz stared at her intensely, “he had seen us on the news and he told me he thought it was all fake.”

“Oh my god. What an asshole! What did you do?”

“I don’t even remember, I was too upset. I think I shouted at him, though.”

“That’s my girl,” Holtz said with a grin on her face, nudging her friend with her elbow.

“He went to leave…” Erin said, voice shaking.

Holts's grin disappeared, “…yeah?”

“…and…and...”

“What, Erin?” Holtz rubbed her arm gently and Erin felt safe. Safer than she had ever felt.

“…he called me ghost girl.” Erin could feel the tears welling up in her eyes all over again.

“What?!” Holtzmann actually yelled, “What kind of arrogant son-of-a-bitch!” she was pacing the floor now, “Who does he think he is, talking to you that way?!”

Erin was still crying.

Holtzmann had immediately calmed herself and sat back down on the couch. She grabbed Erin and pulled her close. “Well, don’t worry," her voice was soft once again, “it’s all over now, and you’re here, and you’re safe.”

Erin was frozen in Holtz’s grip. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want this moment to end. Ever. Normally if someone wakes her up from a nightmare, the last thing Erin wants to do is linger in the moment. But, now… something felt different. Something felt… right.

“Here,” Holtz had turned their bodies so they were spooning on the couch, “is this okay?” she cooed.

“Mm-hmm,” Erin had hummed.

Holtzmann grabbed the blankets and wrapped them around both her and Erin.

“Can we stay like this?” Erin asked, not knowing, herself, if she meant for the night or for the rest of their lives.

“As long as you want, babe.” Erin got goose bumps when Holtz called her that. She was glad it was dark, so her friend couldn’t see her blushing.

Holtz was playing with strands of Erin’s dark brown hair and humming the song from earlier. Erin could have died in that moment completely fulfilled.

“You know what you should do?” Holtzmann offered.

“What’s that?”

“You should start a dream journal.”

“A dream journal? What is that?”

“Well, when I was little, I also used to have nightmares, believe it or not…” her hand was now interlocked in Erin’s own hand.

“With your wildly active imagination? You’re kidding.” Erin quipped.

“Hush,” Holtz grinned, “But anyway, my guidance counselor at school told me to start a dream journal. It’s basically just a book that you write your dreams and nightmares in. The idea is that you put them down on paper and out into the universe, so they no longer plague your mind... or something to that effect. I don’t know if it works for everyone, but it worked for me.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“Hey, I’m full of ‘em, doll. And if you ever want anything to 'happen' to that Adam guy... just lemme know and I'll put my pipe to better use.”

Erin giggled, and Jillian melted.

A few silent moments passed, and Erin and Holtzmann were the most contented either one of them has ever been.

“Thank you, Jillian,” Erin placed a gentle kiss on Holtzmann’s hand.

Holtzmann froze at the sound of her first name coming from the other woman's mouth. She decided right there that Erin and only Erin could call her that.

“You’re welcome,” she squeaked out, with a smile on her face.

She kissed the top of Erin’s head.

Both Holtz and Erin fell asleep, knowing that if they had any dreams that night, they would be sweet dreams for sure.

Chapter Text

Erin woke up the next day, still wrapped up in Holtzmann’s arms. She didn’t know how to feel.

Part of her was confused. She didn’t understand how or why having Holtz’s arms around her waist made her feel so safe. She could solve the most difficult equations in the world, but if you ask her to figure this out, her mind would be blank.

But while part of her felt confused, the other part of her felt intense happiness. She liked sharing the same sleeping space as Holtzmann. She liked having that late night talk. The anger that Holtz displayed when hearing about the way Adam treated her made Erin feel loved and important. Holtz’s soft voice made her feel secure. And the kiss she left on Erin’s head almost made her wanna….

No, that’s crazy. I don't feel that way for Holtzmann. I don't feel that way for women. I'm straight… right?

Suddenly being in Holtzmann’s arms started to feel constricting. Erin was starting to feel suffocated. She moved a little and coughed gently, in hopes that it would wake up her big spoon.

Her plan must have worked because, almost immediately, she felt a rustle and heard a tired groan from her friend.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Holtzman said, sleepily.

“Hi, Holtz.” Erin’s words were a little more stiff than she had intended.

“Did your nightmares come back?” Holtz rubbed her eyes.

“Thankfully, no,” Erin sighed.

Just then, Holtz rolled off the couch, releasing Erin from her grip, which made Erin regret waking her up so soon.

“What are you—Where are you going?” Erin shouted to Holtz as she exited the lab and ran down the hallway.

“Just wait there!” Holtz hollered back.

Erin rested on the couch, thanking her lucky stars that Abby and Patty were gone for the weekend. If one of them were to have walked into the lab this morning, Erin would never hear the end of it.

Pretty soon, Erin heard the thumping of Holtzmann’s feet getting louder and louder as she ran back into the lab. Erin sat up and Holtz, jumped back onto the couch, sitting cross-legged and holding a small book in her lap.

“What’s that?” Erin asked.

“This, my fair Erin, is your new dream journal,” Holtzmann said, proudly, “I bestow it upon you, use it wisely.” She lowered the book into Erin's hands.

“Oh, yeah! Thank you,” Erin took the book and smiled.

“You better follow through with this, too," she poked Erin, "It worked really well for me, so if there’s any way I can help make your nightmares go away, I’m gonna do it. Oooooh wait,” Holtzmann said, excitedly, as she snatched the book back from Erin, “I wanna draw a picture in it for you.” She grabbed a pen from the side table and started hastily, yet meticulously doodling.

Erin watched Holtz. The way she moved. Erin realized she had never actually studied her. Her hair must have fallen out of its usual ‘do last night, because her blonde curls were now resting just below her shoulders. Erin had never seen Holtz with her hair down before. She looked so innocent. Her eyes were the purest shade of blue she had ever seen, and for the first time, Erin noticed the little mole underneath Holtz’s right eye. She just wanted to… kiss it…

“Okay, close your eyes,” Holtz giggled.

Erin did as she was instructed.

Holtz held the book open facing Erin, “Open!”

Erin focused her gaze on the drawing, “Is that a picture of me sleeping?”

“Yeah. That’s you right there, sleepin’ like an angel, and these little bubbles above your head are your dreams," she pointed, "See, there’s Abby… and Patty… and there’s us!” Holtz was really animated.

“What are we doing?” Erin squinted to try and better make out the picture.

“Eating ice cream,” Holtzmann smiled, “So now every time you open your new dream journal, the first things you’ll see are your happy dreams.”

“Awwww, thank you Holtz, that's so sweet,” Erin smiled, so wide. She reached out and hugged her friend.

“No problem, doll. I’m gonna go shower, so why don’t you start your first entry?” Holtz closed the book and handed it to her.

“Yeah, okay.” Erin took the book and cracked it open to sneak a look at the picture once more.

Holtz hopped off the couch and strolled out of the lab and towards the bathroom, humming.

Erin, without realizing, stared at her colleague as she left the room.

She immediately started writing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Who was that on the phone?” Holtz asked, her mouth full of Pringles.

“It was Abby," Erin answered, "So, apparently earlier today, they ran into one of the people in charge of, like, the entire convention. He had heard about the Rowan incident, and asked Abby and Patty if they would speak at a bunch of events.”

“Oh, cool.” Holtz said, in between chews.

“But,” Erin interjected, “this means that they have to stay at the convention longer than they thought.” Erin stated.

“How much longer?”

“Until Saturday.” Erin huffed.

“All week? Today’s Saturday!”

“Tell me about it,” Erin rolled her eyes.

Holtz had a thought.

“Kevin’s hide-and-seek tournament is this week too,” she said.

“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Erin remembered.

Holtz started, “So, that means it’s…”

“…just us.” Erin ended.

“All week.”

“Yeah.”

They were staring at each other now. The tension in the air was extremely palpable.

Holtz stood in place for one moment more, “Well, let’s hope we don’t get a lot of calls, because if it’s just you and me versus a big bad ghostie, you’re gonna get slimed for suuuuuure,” she said, grinning from ear to ear as she climbed the stairs back up to her lab.

“Oh, ha ha!” Erin called back at her, smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few more hours had passed Erin by on this long, boring Saturday, and she was finding it difficult to stay awake. She looked at the clock, which flashed 10:17 PM, and rubbed her eyes. She wasn’t quite ready to turn in, especially with all the work she still had to finish. She decided to take a break for an hour and curl up on the couch with her book.

She got about a paragraph in before her mind started to wander, as it always does.

Was Holtz acting strange earlier? Was she annoyed that she and I were going to be working alone together all week? Was she excited? Why was she staring at me like that? Was I staring back?

Stop it.

Erin got frustrated with herself and kept making attempts to move on with her reading. She got one more paragraph in before she started re-reading the same sentences over and over, not actually absorbing anything. Her mind trailed off, once again.

Does she always stare at me like that? Have there been times where she’d stare at me and I wouldn’t notice? I do stare at her though, don’t I? How else would I know the exact way her hair frames her face when she lets it down. Or that her eyes are such a beautiful blue, that it puts all the oceans in the entire world to shame? Or that she has the cutest little mole right below her right eye that I just wanna--

UGH, ERIN.

Why am I thinking like this? I’m straight, I like men. I’ve been with men my whole life. Have I always enjoyed it? Not particularly, but that’s to be expected. Right? ...Would I enjoy being with a woman? Would I enjoy being with… Holtz? I wonder what she looks like naked…

…And with that thought, Erin was fast asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holtzmann had been up in the lab for most of the day, and she had been making great strides with the ghost chipper. She had music playing quietly so that Erin could focus, but not so quietly that she couldn’t dance around. As the clock struck 12, she decided it was time for a little midnight snack.

She galloped downstairs and into the kitchen. She had pretty much ransacked every single cabinet in search for her Pringles. She could have had anything else, but she was craving those salty parabolas. She made her way to the room across the hall to see if Erin knew where they got put.

She entered the room, only to find Erin in a cold sweat, tossing and turning even harder than last night. Holtzmann slowly made her way over to her friend, trying not to scare her. Just as she was about to wake her up, Erin cried out Holtz’s name. Her first name. Holtz took a step back. She stared at Erin; something seemed off. This wasn’t like last night. Erin’s breathing was heavy and erratic, but she didn’t sound scared. She sounded… different.

Holtzmann decided to wake her up anyway, just in case she was wrong and it was, in fact, a nightmare. She knelt down and soothingly rubbed Erin’s arm, “Erin? Erin, honey, wake up.”

“Wh—“ Erin, shot up, looking embarrassed.

“Hey, are you okay? Were you having another nightmare?” Holtz asked sympathetically.

“Um. Yeah. Yeah, I was.” Erin said, slowly, refusing to look Holtzmann in the eyes.

“Are you alright?”

“I- I don’t… um… I think…”

“Do you need me to stay here with you again tonight?” Holtzmann offered, willingly.

Erin thought for a moment, “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d really appreciate it.”

“Of course. Just one thing.”

“What?”

“Do you mind if I go upstairs and grab a change of clothes first? Sleeping in this get-up last night was not as comfortable as one would think,” she chuckled.

“Oh, yeah absolutely,” Erin said.

Holtz started for the staircase, then turned around, “Are you gonna change? No offense, Gilbert, but your clothes look more uncomfortable than mine, which is saying something,” she grinned.

“Yeah, you’re probably right on that, but… I actually don’t think I have any changes of clothes here…” she regretted not keeping pajamas at the firehouse for long nights.

“Oh that’s okay, I have plenty of stuff you can wear. Lemme go change real quick and I’ll bring something down for you to wear.”

“Thank you so much Holtz, you’re a lifesaver,” Erin said. In more ways than one.

“No problem. Be right back.” Holtz took off up the staircase.

About 15 minutes later, Holtzmann came back downstairs, ready for bed. Immediately, Erin took notice and started making mental notes. Holtz's hair was down. Her makeup was off. How did she look even more gorgeous without makeup? She was wearing a long pale blue t-shirt that said ‘I Want To Believe’ on the front, underneath a picture of a spaceship, and… no pants. Erin felt herself beginning to blush.

“Okay, so I kinda don’t sleep in pants, I hope that won’t be a problem for you.”

Erin said, rather hastily, “No, not a problem at all.”

“Also,” she said slowly, “since I don’t sleep in pants, that kinda means I don’t have any here for you to borrow. But,” she punctuated, “I do have this really big t-shirt that’s pretty much a night gown at this point, if you think this’ll be okay.”

“Oh yeah, this should be fine,” Erin got up off the couch, put her book on her desk and took the t-shirt that Holtz held up, “Thanks. I’m gonna go change real quick, and I’ll be right back down.”

“Okay.” Holtz said quietly.

Erin stood in the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. The t-shirt had hung to the middle of her thighs. It was a faded grey shirt that read, in bold blue letters, ‘Dana Scully Is My Girlfriend’. She liked this shirt. It was soft and it smelled like Holtz. Erin shifted her gaze from the shirt to her face. She was about to do this again. She was about to spend another night in Holtz’s arms. She tried to talk herself up.

Don’t be nervous. Don’t be awkward. Just be cool.

Erin had managed to grab her dream journal on her way up to the bathroom so she could write down her most recent dream before she forgot. She sat down cross-legged on the cold tile floor and scribbled away, practically writing a novel.

Holtz heard Erin coming back down stairs. She noticed the shirt.

“Looks good on ya, kid. But, just so we’re clear, Dana Scully is my girlfriend,” she laughed.

Erin laughed and made her way over to the couch. They both sat down.

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” Holtz offered.

“Um,” Erin got flustered, “not really. It was pretty much the same as last night. Same as every other nightmare ever, to be honest. Ghost lady in my room, kids at school laughing, blah, blah, blah. It just hits me the same way every time, ya know?”

“I understand,” Holtz yawned, “You ready to hit the hay, Gilbert?”

“Absolutely.” Erin put her journal on the side table next to the couch and got into her little spoon position.

Holtz got into her big spoon position.

Erin couldn't help but notice just how much of Holtz's skin was touching hers tonight. Her skin was soft. Holtz was thinking the exact same thing.

Erin took the hand that Holtz had draped around her waist. She gently ran her thumb over Holtzmann’s knuckles. Holtz buried her face in Erin’s neck.

In no time they were fast asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holtz had woken up in the middle of the night, to find Erin still fast asleep. She stared at Erin, taking in the calm expression on her face. Her heart broke at the thought of anything that had the power to wipe that calm, angelic expression off of Erin's beautiful face. Holtz was having some trouble falling back asleep. She got up off of the couch carefully, so as to not wake up her couch buddy. She wandered sleepily out of the room, across the hall, and into the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water, and roamed back over to the couch.

She sat on the edge of the couch and took one more sip of her water before she sat the glass on the side table. When she did, she noticed Erin’s dream journal sitting there, just in reach. She was curious to see if Erin had actually written in it yet. She looked over at Erin, and back at the book. She looked back over at Erin and checked to make sure she was really asleep, and then she turned and snatched the book from the table.

She opened it quietly and found the drawing she made earlier that day. She studied it, and found something new, that made her heart skip a beat. In the dream bubble that she drew of her and Erin eating ice cream, she noticed a tiny little heart drawn in between the two girls. She smiled, ran her thumb slowly over the heart, and turned the page.

There, on the first few pages, was her nightmare from last night. Holtzmann read through the pages, finding out so many more personal things about Erin that she had never told any of the girls. She didn’t even know if Abby knew some of these secrets.

Holtzmann turned the page and found a new journal entry from earlier tonight. She skimmed over the pages really quickly and saw that, oddly enough, her name had come up a lot.

Erin moaned in her sleep and repositioned herself, and Holtzmann froze clutching the book to her stomach. Once Erin's rustling had stopped, Holtz made sure she was still sleeping before she cracked the book back open, much more curious than she was before.

What was she doing in Erin’s dreams?

Chapter Text

Six full pages of utter mystery stared Holtzmann right in the face. She debated putting the journal back, really not wanting to infringe upon Erin’s privacy, but ultimately, she decided that she had to know why her name was written in that book so many times. She started reading:

Saturday, October 15th

“Okay, so… hi, Journal, it’s me again…”

Holtzmann smiled and rolled her eyes at Erin’s downright cuteness.

“…so I fell asleep earlier this evening, and I wound up having a dream… obviously, that’s... why I’m writing in you… anyway… thankfully it was a dream and not a nightmare, that was a welcome change of pace. But this dream… it was… it was different. Different than any dream I’ve ever had before. Okay, um, I guess I’ll start from the beginning.”

Holtzmann settled in, completely enthralled.

 “So the dream starts off with me out on a walk. I was listening to music and the autumn breeze was comforting. I don't know if I was headed anywhere in particular. But then, I got a text from Holtz, telling me to meet her at the café on 24^th, and I did. But when I got to the café and sat down, we both reached across the table and we… kissed.”

Holtz’s eyes widened, “Whaaaaaaaat?” she whispered to herself.

“I think we were sort of, like, a couple, or something. Which is really weird, because I’ve been thinking about Holtz in that context a lot lately. That’s probably why I’m dreaming about her, you know, “the mind works in mysterious ways”, and all that… I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about her that way, though. I’ve never thought about any girl the way I’ve recently been thinking about Holtzmann. Is this like a sign or something? Does this mean that I could be a… You know what, lemme get back to the dream…

So, after the… date?... hmm… after the date, we walked back to the firehouse. We were holding hands and my head was resting on Holtz’s shoulder. I think I was really happy. Part of me wishes we could do that for real. It really makes me want to just go on a walk alone with Holtz, to see what happens…”

Holtzman made a mental note.

“ Ugh, why can’t my mind stay on track?? Okay. Geez. So we get back to the firehouse and we go into the kitchen for a snack. Holtz was probably eating Pringles…”

Holtzmann grinned at how well Erin knew her.

“…and I think I had a mini donut. But we were just standing there talking, I don’t remember what about, and Holtzmann started… touching me… Nothing crazy, she just… put her hands around my hips, and I, in return, draped my arms around her neck. We kissed… for a long, long while, and everything felt… normal. It felt really, really normal.

We finally broke away from each other, which I think made me kinda sad, to be honest. But Holtz went up to the lab to work on some new equipment, and I  sat down at my desk to work. Hours must have passed, but, like, in dream time. I remember not being able to focus, so I went upstairs to hang out with Holtzmann. As I got upstairs, I heard Holtz’s music playing… True Colors by Cyndi Lauper, one of my all time favorites.”

Holtz made another mental note and read on.

“I remember when I walked into the lab, Holtz, took off her goggles, put her tools down, took my hand and asked me to dance. It was slow, and really beautiful. I had my head nuzzled in her neck, and she was running her hands through my hair. I never wanted the song to end.

It was at this point that things started to get… intense, I guess. Holtzmann began to run soft, feathery kisses along my jawline and down my neck. I made the next move, and I don’t know where my random spurt of confidence came from, but, oddly enough… I took her shirt off. Crazy, right?? Like, I don’t think I’d ever be brave enough to initiate any-- Anyway… I took her shirt off, her bra was black, which I remember finding really, really sexy. She, in response, took my shirt off, too. I was wearing my old blue bra with the flowers on it, embarrassed, wishing I had chosen to wear something a tad more attractive. She didn't seem to care, she may have even complimented me on it. But then she took it off. She led me over to the couch.”

Holtzmann couldn’t believe what she was reading. Did Erin want to... date her? What does this mean? There’s no way in hell this could be “just a dream.”

“She laid me down and ran kisses down my chest, and over my stomach. She stopped at my belly button and looked up at me and winked. I kid you not… she took off my pants. I was lying topless on a couch while Jillian Holtzmann was taking off my pants. And I was enjoying it. Nothing against Holtz, she's beautiful... really, really, beautiful. But I never thought I could enjoy being with a woman... not even in my dreams...

She ran her hands over my hips and down my thighs and I think I… whimpered? Or moaned, or… I don’t know. That’s when she took off my underwear. I was completely naked with Holtz and oh my god, I can’t believe I’m writing this down on paper. She climbed over top of me, one hand in my hair, the other on my breast, which really made me feel… things… She nibbled at my ear, which is something that I had honestly never enjoyed in real life when any man had ever attempted it, but with Jillian it was… nice.

She formed her hand into a fist and pulled my hair, and I moaned again. The simultaneous combination of all of these different sensations made me feel like I was about to explode right there on the couch. She moved her hand, the one that was on my breast. She moved it…down. Down to… you know. She started… rubbing? Whatever she was doing, it felt incredible. And let me tell you, if she’s this good in real life, then god bless her.”

“If only she knew…” Holtzmann thought to herself, grinning.

“She started to reposition herself. Now her head was… well, it was… it was in between my thighs now, and she was... The things she did with her tongue, I feel like I could have blacked out. She was going, and going and I was making a bunch of different, embarrassing noises. And then she stuck her fingers inside of me, and, I swear to god, I could have happily died right then and there, but she kept going, and I kept going, hot and sweaty, tossing and turning, practically writhing with sheer pleasure on that couch…”

“Wait a minute,” Holtzmann said quietly, looking up from the book, "tossing and turning." She thought for a moment. Then went back to reading.

“and she just kept doing all of the right things, and pretty soon the noises I was making had turned into moans of pure ecstasy and I cried out Jillian’s name as I came.”

Holtzmann was really thinking now. She thought back to earlier that night, when she found Erin on the couch. Was... this the dream she was having?? It must have been. Holtz knew Erin seemed different then the first night. And she cried out her name! Just like in the dream! But it wasn’t for help. It wasn't because she was scared to death in her nightmare and she needed someone to save her. It was because Holtzmann had apparently given her the best dream sex of her life.

She didn’t know if she should continue, but she figured she made it this far so, what the hell? She might as well finish the story.

“Jillian Holtzmann was the source of the best dream I’ve ever had. I'm blushing right now just writing about it. And I’m wearing her shirt. It’s soft and it smells like her, motor oil and… vanilla? It’s nice, I like it. I honestly can’t believe I’m about to go back downstairs and sleep on the couch with her again. It’s a nice feeling, falling asleep with her arms around my waist. It makes me feel… safe… and really, really loved. She’s a very comforting person to be around, and I hope she knows that.

And to think, I wouldn't be going downstairs to sleep in her arms if I hadn't run into Adam. Not that I owe him any thanks, whatsoever, because he's an asshole. But if he hadn't caused my nightmares to return, I probably wouldn't have begun sleeping on the couch with Jillian... probably... Ugh I still wish I would have told him off while I had the chance. I'm such a wimp. If Jillian were with me when I ran into him, she would have told him off for sure. She was practically fuming when I  told her about it. 

Ugh, okay. I’m going to go now. But let’s hope for no nightmares tonight. Maybe some more sweet Holtzmann dreams? Fingers crossed! Okay, bye, Journal. :)  ”

Holtzmann closed the book and set it back in its exact place on the side table. She can’t believe what she had just read, and she was now just staring blankly at the open space in front of her. She wondered if Erin had actually had real, genuine feelings for her. She really wanted to find out.

She got back under the blankets and back into her big spoon position, her legs intertwined with Erin’s legs, one arm around her waist and the other in her hair. She took Erin’s free hand in her own and Erin, unconsciously, interlocked their fingers together. Holtz kissed her neck through the tangles of her hair.

She was going to make Erin’s dream come true.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holtzmann woke up first and she looked down to see the covers completely kicked off of the both of them. She noticed Erin’s shirt had ridden up while they were sleeping and Holtzmann could now see Erin’s underwear. Pale pink with tiny roses. Holtz bit her lip.

Erin rolled over, yawning, and smiled at Holtz, “Good morning,” She said, sounding dazed.

“Hey there, buttercup,” Holtz replied, softly, “How’d you sleep?”

“I slept really well. Thank you again, y'know... for this.” Erin giggled, but Holtz knew she was genuine.

“You’re quite welcome," she said with a small grin, "You’re nightmare didn’t come back, did it?” Holtz half lied, knowing full well that Erin wasn't having a nightmare to begin with.

“Thankfully, no. Nightmare free for the rest of the night,” Erin said with a sheepish smile.

They were silent for a beat.

“Hey,” Holtzmann offered.

“Mmmm?” Erin looked up.

“You wanna go for a walk?”

Chapter Text

The two girls were bundled up, hands in pockets, walking side by side on this beautiful Sunday morning. It was mostly silent, as both of the girls’ minds had been preoccupied with Erin’s dream from the night before.

Erin offered up, “So how’s the ghost chipper coming along?”

“Quite nicely, if I do say so, myself. I think she’s almost back to working order. Plus,” Holtz punctuated, “I’ve added some new, surprise features.”

“Very cool, I can’t wait to see it in action,” Erin smiled a sunny smile.

They both looked forward and continued walking down the sidewalk, no particular destination in mind. Holtz was starting to get restless. She had to do something, and soon.

Erin interrupted the silence, “Do you wanna get some coffee or something?”

Holtz’s eyes brightened at the opportunity, “You know, I would love some coffee. I know this great little café on 24^th. How’s that sound?” Holtz asked, knowingly, still trying to sound nonchalant.

“Um… okay, yeah sure. I love that place,” Erin smiled a new, kind of confused smile. She thought she was the only one who knew about that café.

“Great.” Said Holtz.

The girls grabbed their drinks and headed off to find a table. Holtz took a shot in the dark, but she managed to choose the exact table Erin pictured in her dream.

“How about here?” she asked.

“…yeaaah,” Erin was in deep thought, “um… yes, yeah, here is-- fine, great,” she perked up, as the two sat down.

“You good?” Holtz asked, realizing she must have done something right.

“Yeah,” Erin reassured, still looking a tad flustered, “I just had a really bad case of déjà vu just then…”

The two girls sat, drank their coffee and talked for what felt like hours, each girl learning more about the other with every passing minute. There were moments where one of them would laugh so hard, they would get annoyed looks from the people around them, but they didn’t care. They grew to find out that they had more in common with one another than they had originally thought, which both frightened and delighted them.

They exited the café laughing over a joke that Holtzmann had told and made their way back to the sidewalk walking in the opposite direction of the firehouse. Neither girl was ready to go home just yet.

They had made it a couple blocks down before Holtzmann stopped them in front of a toy store window.

“Look!” she grabbed Erin by the hand and dragged her over a pointing through the glass.

“What?” Erin giggled.

“You see that toy train?” Holtz pointed.

“Yeah,” Erin looked at the train, and then at Holtzmann.

“I bet I could soup that baby up to go about 75 miles per hour.”

Erin laughed enthusiastically, “You could not!”

“You wanna bet?” Holtz took her face away from the glass and looked at her giggling friend.

“Okay. 50 dollars.” Erin stated.

“Deal.”

“Deal.”

They shook hands, a jolt of electricity entering each of them, and entered the toy store to purchase the train.

As they exited the store, Holtzmann was holding up the box, explaining the machanics of her plan to Erin. Both of the girls were so fixated on their train that they didn’t notice a man walking quickly down the sidewalk looking at his phone. Erin collided with the man and dropped her wallet. The man dropped his phone. The two knelt to pick up their belongings, when:

“Ghost girl!” the man’s voice had said.

Both Erin and Holtz froze for different reasons.

Erin looked up to see the face she knew she would see.

“Adam,” she said flatly, looking back at Holtzmann.

“We meet again!” he said, still shockingly unaware of Erin’s pure hatred for him.

Erin let out a dry chuckle, “Mhmm, small world…” she walked towards Holtzmann, “you ready to go?”

Adam grabbed Erins arm and spun her back around to face him, “Wait, wait, wait, you’re going so soon?” He spotted Holtzmann, “Oh—isn’t this your Ghostbuster buddy?”

“Yes, she is, and we were actually just leaving, so…” Erin rushed.

“Well, aren’t you going to introduce me?” Adam asked.

Erin looked over at her friend with anxious eyes, “Holtz, this is Adam Hanson… from high school. Adam this is…”

Holtzmann interrupted her friend, nicely, to introduce herself, “Jillian Holtzmann. I’ve heard terrible things about you,” she said extending her hand.

He shook her hand slowly, confused, “Terrible things?” he shifted his gaze over to Erin, who was looking at the ground, “Ouch, ghost girl.”

“Don’t call her that!” Holtzmann snapped.

Adam looked taken aback. Erin did as well, but she was awestruck.

“Are you so unbelievably dense, that you cannot comprehend the preposterous amount of sheer torture you’ve put this girl through?” Holtz asked, fire in her eyes.

He stared at Holtzmann blankly.

Holtzmann looked over at Erin, who was completely captivated at this point, and said, “Is this guy fucking kidding me?”

“What? What?” Adam asked.

“Are you serious? You tormented her all throughout high school. That sweet, beautiful, wonderful girl over there is a genius, and she felt like a freak for most of her life because of you. You picked on her, you made fun of her for needing therapy because of you, and you lovingly bestowed upon her a nickname that haunts her to this day.”

“What, ‘ghost girl’?”

“I said don’t call her that.” Holtzmann ordered.

“Oh, come on, that was years ago. It was all in good fun.” Adam hesitantly joked.

“Fun?” Holtz asked taking a menacing step towards the man, “Well for future reference, when you punch a girl in the face and leave her sitting in the middle of a hallway covered in blood, she’s not having any fun.”

Adam turned white.

“If you ever run into her again, don’t even think of speaking to her. And if you run into me again? Well, let’s just hope for your sake that you don’t.” she turned around, and grabbed Erin’s hand leading her down the sidewalk and away from the puddle of humiliation that Adam had become.

“Holtzmann that was--- I don’t --- I can’t believe you just did that!” Erin roared with a mixture of relief and admiration on her face. She was positively beaming.

“Don’t worry about it, babe. That guy’s an asshole,” Holtz said briskly walking away with her head up and her eyes forward.

“I’ll say. All in good fun, my ass.” Erin said, quieter now.

“Well at least you’ll never have to deal with him ever again,” Holtz was looking Erin in the eyes now, as they continued walking.

Erin’s voice became soft, “Thank you, Jillian,” she said, as she placed a quick peck on Holtzmann’s left cheek.

Holtzmann smiled at her.

They were making their way back to the firehouse now. They had gone a few blocks before Erin realized they were still holding hands. She looked down, and the image of her hand in Holtzmann’s had settled it. She liked Jillian Holtzmann. As more than a friend. She had a crush on Jillian Holtzmann. If she didn’t already have a crush on Holtz, then today had definitely cemented it.

Erin looked up at Holtzmann’s profile, wondering how she had gotten so lucky as to have someone like her in her life. She felt like anything could happen to her now, and it wouldn’t matter if she had Holtz by her side. She took in the beauty of the woman next to her. Her blonde hair still down, as she was too tired to put it up this morning. Her eyes were bluer and brighter than Erin had ever seen them. Her face was now calm and composed. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, but Erin thought she looked almost …angelic? Yeah, angelic.

She squeezed Holzmann’s hand tighter and Holtz had turned her head to look at her friend. Erin had looked more confident, too. Holtzmann smiled to herself, and looked forward.

They continued walking hand in hand toward the firehouse, when Erin rested her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder.

She didn’t just have a crush.

She was in love.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They walked through the doors to the firehouse and Erin put the train on her desk. Holtzmann had hung up their coats and turned toward Erin, gesturing to the kitchen, “Want a snack?” she asked.

Erin looked up, “Sure!”

They walked into the kitchen, and Holtzman had immediately opened her can of Pringles.

Erin looked around.

“What’re you looking for?” Holtz asked, her mouth already full.

“The box of mini-donuts…” Erin had said, looking around the kitchen.

“Oh, here they are!” Holtz had found them in a cupboard, grabbed them and handed the box to Erin.

“Thank you,” Erin said, pleased, as she popped a tiny powdered donut in her mouth.

The two girls were now just standing there. Eating. This was not going the way Holtzmann had read. Or the way Erin had dreamed.

“Hey, what do you call an alligator in a vest?” Holtzmann broke the silence.

“Ummmmm, what?” Erin grinned.

“An in-vest-i-gator!” Holtz snorted.

Erin laughed, “Oh my god, that was terrible!”

“Yeah, but I got you to laugh didn’t I?” she moved closer to Erin. Erin didn’t back away.

Here we go, Holtz thought.

Here we go, Erin thought.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggg!

The girls jumped at once. “Um, I’ll get it.” Erin volunteered, and she left the kitchen to answer the phone.

“Jesus-tap dancing-Christ,” Holtzmann said quietly to herself. She followed Erin into the other room.

“Oh we’re doing fine, how are you guys?” Erin asked, “Good, that’s great!” she looked over at Holtz, who was leaning up against the doorway, hands in her pockets.

“Abby?” she asked.

Erin nodded.

“Tell her and Patty I say ‘hi’,” Holtz said.

“Holtzmann says ‘hi’,” Erin relayed, “they say ‘hi’, too,” Erin smiled, “Okay. Yeah. It hasn’t been too busy, but we’ve got everything covered, don’t worry. Yep. Okay. We miss you guys, too. Good luck with your next Q&A, we’ll see you in a few days. Okay. Okay. Alright, bye bye. Love youuuuu.” Erin hung up the phone and looked over at Holtz.

“I think I’m gonna head upstairs and work on that train.” Holtz said.

“Oh, okay,” Erin handed her the box, “See ya in a bit.”

“Don’t be a stranger.” She hopped up the stairs to her lab.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin couldn’t focus. The clock said 10:57pm. She can’t believe she hadn’t seen Holtz since this afternoon. What was she doing this whole time?

Thinking about Holtz. About her hair. Her face. About the way she had stood up for her. The nice things she had called Erin. ‘Sweet’, ‘Beautiful’, ‘Wonderful’. Did she really mean that?

Erin had been replaying the events of the morning in her head all day long. She had remembered what Holtzmann had said earlier, “Don’t be a stranger.” So, she got up from her desk and headed upstairs to the lab.

“Hey,” Erin peered from the doorway, “How’s the train coming?”

“Get ready to owe me 50 big ones, because I’m pretty sure I got this baby to go about 150.” Holtzmann beamed.

“Seriously?? That’s incredible!” Erin, walked over to look at Holtz’s handiwork, “You’re an artist, Holtz.”

Holtzmann looked at her.

The two girls were studying the train when the song on Holtz’s playlist changed and a familiar tune played through the speakers:

You with the sad eyes

Don't be discouraged

Oh I realize

Its hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness inside you

Can make you feel so small

"Oh, I love this song," Erin cooed.

Holtzmann took off her goggles, and her gloves…

Erin was experiencing déjà vu again.

… and she extentended her hand, “Would you care to dance?”

Erin hesitated for a brief moment before taking Holtzmann’s hand in hers, smiling, “I’d be delighted.”

Holtzmann pulled Erin close and they stepped to the beat. It was slow and beautiful, just like in Erin’s dream.

But I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful

Like a rainbow

They danced through the rest of the song and Erin yawned.

“You tired? Holtz asked, softly.

“Yeah, I really am. Watching your best friend scare the shit out of your childhood bully can really take it out of ya,” Erin giggled.

“You should get some rest,” Holtzman suggested, sincerely. The rest of the dream would have to wait for another day, it seemed.

“Yeah…” Erin trailed off, “Would you join me?”

Holtz looked at Erin at a loss for words.

“I know I’m not having any nightmares right now, but…”

“Yes, absolutely, yes.” Smooth, Holtzmann. Smooth.

“Okay, well um… I’m gonna go get changed. I’ll meet you downstairs?” Erin asked.

“O-Okay.” Holtz managed.

Holtzmann made her way downstairs to the couch, when she saw Erin in her t-shirt once again. Her mind had temporarily malfunctioned.

“Hey,” Erin said, with a shy smile.

“Hi.” Holtz said, practically whispering.

“You ready?”

“… yeah, yes.” God, what’s the matter with me?

Erin and Holtzmann made their way over to the couch, getting into their usual spooning positions, but this time, Erin had turned to face Holtzmann.

“Everything alright?” Holtzmann asked.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine, I just… wanted to talk and stuff. Is that okay?” Erin asked.

“Y-yeah, we can talk, of course.” Holtzman laid down facing Erin, pulling the covers up over them.

Erin took a deep breath, “Thank you, for standing up for me today, Jillian.” she said, quietly.

“Oh, don’t thank me for that, that guy had it coming. If I hadn’t told him off, someone else was bound to.”

“Well I appreciate it, either way,” Erin gave a small smile.

“You’re welcome,” Holtz peeped.

Erin then did the boldest thing she’d ever done. She leaned in and pressed her lips softly against Holtzmann’s.

Holtzmann tensed up, completely surprised by what was going on. But, as soon as it began, it had ended.

Holtz just stared at Erin, her heart beating out of her chest.

Erin pulled back, self-conscious, “I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—“

But she was interrupted by Holtz’s kiss. Hers was slightly more intense. Nothing to wild, but just enough to show Erin that she was okay.

She pulled back, “ Don’t be sorry.”

Erin smiled softly and inched closer to Holtzmann, still facing her. She nuzzled her head in Holtz’s neck, and wrapped her arm around her waist. Holtzman moved one hand to the small of Erin’s back and the other one was playing with her hair.

“Goodnight Jillian.”

“Goodnight Erin”

Chapter Text

Holtzmann opened her eyes the next morning to see Erin sitting up next to her. She was scribbling away in her dream journal, and Holtz kept still so the other woman wouldn’t know she was awake. She just stared at Erin so intently.

I love this woman.

After a few minutes, Erin closed her journal and placed it back on the side table. That was Holtz’s cue to wake up. She pretended to yawn and she stretched for effect, and sat up next to Erin.

“Hey there,” she said softly.

“Hi,” Erin replied, blushingly.

“Sooooo…” Holtz trailed off, shockingly at a loss for words.

“Sooooooooo…” Erin giggled, shyly, “Um, I’m gonna go get a shower, real quick. Do you… wanna do something, later?”

“Sure. Did you have anything in mind?” Holtz asked?

“Not particularly.” Erin said.

“Well, how about you go shower and while you’re doing that, I’ll think of something for us to do.” Holtzmann offered.

“Okay, that sounds good,” Erin smiled, “I’ll see you in like a half hour.” She strutted over to the stairs in a particularly sexy way, hoping to catch Holtzmann’s eye.

She did.

“See ya!” said Holtz, staring at the brunette.

After Erin got upstairs, Holtzmann noticed that she left her dream journal on the side table. She was gonna do this. She had about 30 minutes to find out if anything else about her had made its way from Erin’s beautiful mind to the book before her eyes. She listened patiently to hear Erin start running the shower, and then she hastily grabbed the book and started flipping to the latest date.

Bingo.

Monday, October 17^th

“Hello again, Journal! It’s Erin! Boy, was yesterday strange! So many weird and wonderful things happened that my head is still spinning. Okay, let me catch you up.

So, first of all, after Holtz and I woke up yesterday morning, she asked me to go on a walk. Just like in the dream! We went to the same café and sat at the exact same table. I was having intense déjà vu. But then, we ran into: guess who? Adam! Oh, always a pleasure. But, oh my goodness. Holtz went off. She was yelling at him and threatening him, and she said so many wonderful things about me, it made me feel so…I don't even know!

When she finished berating Adam, she took my hand and we ran down the sidewalk together, away from the wreckage. We held hands the whole way home, and I don’t know if Holtz noticed or not… but I did. I looked down to see my hand in hers, and I just realized: I love this woman.”

Holtz stopped dead. Erin loved her? She re-read the last sentence just to make sure her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her. But no, that sure as hell said love. She sat there blankly not knowing what to do with this new information. That’s when she heard Erin singing in the shower. Space Oddity, by David Bowie. "And I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the stars look very different today."

Holtzmann melted at the sound of Erin’s beautiful voice singing one of her most cherished songs, but she quickly remembered that she was on a time limit, and she snapped herself out of her trance and continued reading.

“And then, I rested my head on her shoulder, just like in my dream. It felt just as magical as I dreamt it would, walking down the sidewalk hand in hand with Jillian. I don’t know how, but my dream had become a reality yesterday morning.

Then we got home and Holtzmann immediately suggested we grab a snack. Yep, you guessed it: Pringles and mini donuts! Just like the dream. Weird, right?? But just when we got closer, and I thought something would happen, Abby called. Talk about bad timing! Abby and Patty are receiving fantastic feedback from the people at that paranormal convention, by the way. Maybe it’ll drum up some more business!

So after a few hours passed, I went upstairs to see how Holtzmann was doing with the train… because we bought a toy train. Because we're us. We had a bet going to see if she could make the thing go 75 mph, but now she's saying she’s pretty sure it can go 150! She’s so talented.”

Holtzmann beamed.

“But then, just like in the dream, (are you catching the theme, here?) True Colors by Cyndi Lauper came on Holtz’s shuffle. And she asked me to dance. And it was just as beautiful as in my dreams. Unfortunately, my tired ass couldn’t stay awake long enough for us to get any further, so we decided to call it a night. I asked Holtzmann if she wanted to some downstairs and sleep on the couch with me and she said yes! And I wasn’t having a nightmare! I wonder if she likes me, too… Hopefully!”

Holtzmann chuckled at her friends’ utter naivety.

“We weren’t in our usual spooning position. I rolled over to face her and I thanked her once again for putting Adam-Asshole-Hanson in his place, and then… and you are not going to believe this… I kissed Holtzmann. On the lips! I don’t know how I did it, but I did it! And then she kissed me! Oh, man, I’m crushin’ hard, this is not okay. So then, we got all nuzzled up, and she played with my hair (I love it when she does that!).”

Duly noted.

“And then we just fell asleep. And, I’m proud to say I had another nightmare free night. Aaaannnnnd, I’m even prouder to say I had another dream about Holtzmann!”

Alright, here we go. Holtzmann saddled in, looking at the clock. She had 20 minutes left to finish reading, and form some sort of a plan for the day.

“So this dream started off pretty normal, like last night’s dream. It’s weird I keep having these dreams where Jillian and I are just a normal couple doing mundane things. But doing them with her makes them fun. This one started off with the two of us at the grocery store. We were just picking up some things we were out of, but we were like, kissing and giggling the whole time. Public displays of affection, blah, blah, blah. It was really cute.

Then when we finished up with that, we wound up at the playground over on the corner of 38^th and Madison. We chased each other all over that jungle gym, in which we were way too big for. Then she pushed me on the swings. She pushed me so high, the sun was in my face, and the autumn wind was blowing through my hair, and I just remember feeling so free. Then we took a walk around the lake and we kissed.

After the park, we got back to the firehouse, made some popcorn, hunted for as many pillows and blankets as we could find, and settled in on the couch for a movie night. I let Jillian pick, and she picked Beetlejuice. I love that movie, only because the ghosts are nice haha. Jillian was so cute, she knew every single line to the whole movie. Normally that bugs the hell out of me, but with her, I found it endearing. And then I was talking to her as the movie was nearing its end, and I looked over and she had fallen asleep right there on my shoulder. We’ve slept on the same couch now for three nights, and I’ve never seen her asleep. I’m always the first to fall asleep and the last to wake up. But I’m awake right now, and Jillian looks so pretty. She’s just breathing and she looks so… peaceful. Ugh, I don’t know how, but I think things are happening."

Holtz blushed at the thought of Erin lovingly watching her sleep.

"I’m going to go now, hopefully something interesting happens today! Bye Journal!”

Okay. Holtzmann had three checkpoints. Grocery store, playground, movie night. She thought carefully. She had to try and not do exactly what the journal said. She didn’t want Erin to get suspicious. But she wanted to make today another great day for Erin, so she would have to be casual about everything.

She put Erin’s journal back in its exact spot and she heard Erin get out of the shower, so she ran upstairs to change her clothes.

Erin hopped down the stairs feeling fresh and clean. She noticed Holtz in the kitchen looking in the fridge.

“Hey, whatcha doin?” she asked, lightly.

“Um, I was gonna pour myself a bowl of cereal, but then I saw we were out of milk. Then I took a look around and realized we’re actually out of a lot of things. Do you wanna come with me to the store? I know it’s not the most fun thing I could think of, but we gotta eat, right?” Holtz tried to act as off-the-cuff as she possibly could.

“You know that’s actually a really great idea, I was gonna suggest that myself.” Erin said, also trying to act casual.

“Great, why don’t you go start the car and I’ll make a quick list of the things we need, and I’ll be right out.” She offered.

“Okay, see you in a few,” Erin said skipping out to the car.

Holy shit, this is working. Holtzmann made her list and made her way out to the car, and to the grocery store they went.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

They were making their way through the aisles of the grocery store. Holtzmann kept putting sugary snack, after sugary snack into the shopping cart, only for Erin to put half of them back when Holtz wasn’t looking. They were walking very close to each other.

This was kind of a dream come true for Erin, no pun intended. It was a beautiful day out, she was dressed down in jeans and Holtzmann’s MIT sweatshirt, which she was 'borrowing', (if Holtz noticed, she didn’t say anything) and she was walking around a store with her crush. It couldn’t get better than this; she was totally relaxed.

They were holding hands now. Erin grabbed a bag of apples. Crossed it off the list. Holtzmann grabbed 5 cans of Pringles. Crossed them off the list. While all the people around them were hurriedly trying to get in and out of the store, Erin and Holtzmann walked slowly, talking and laughing, making the most of their time together.

“Oooooh, Boo Berry ceareal! We haaaaaave to get this. It’s, like, a rule at this point," she said, "I know you’re all ‘high fiber’ this, and ‘bland and boring’ that, but pleeeeeeease let me get it,” Holtzmann pleaded, giving Erin her best puppy dog pout.

“Ugh, okay, fine,” Erin looked into Holtzmann’s big blue eyes and gave in immediately, “but I am not bland and boring,” she teased, sticking out her tongue.

“Thank you, thank you!” she grabbed the cereal box and threw it into the cart, “And I know, I'm just messin’, Gilbert,” Holtz said, and she quickly placed a ‘thank you’ kiss on Erin’s lips.

“Oh… shit,” Holtz said, quietly, “I’m sorry, was that okay?”

Erin blushed, and tucked some hair behind her ear, “Um, yeah, that was… nice,” she smiled.

“Good,” Holtzmann said, grinning, and she kissed Erin again.

“...Oh my god.”

The two girls turned around when they heard something from across the aisle.

“Excuse me?” Holtzmann asked, quizzically. Erin looked at her shoes.

“That’s disgusting, and incredibly inappropriate,” remarked an older, middle-aged lady.

“What is? The fact that two people are kissing in public, or the fact that two women are kissing anywhere?” Holtzmann asked, defensively. She could handle a little public criticism. She had her whole life. But Erin was new to this, and Holtzmann didn’t know how sensitive she would be.

“Women should not be kissing other women, it’s not natural. It’s an abomination!” the women kept going. She looked at Erin, “Why don’t you find yourself a man, honey?”

Erin was turning red, and she looked genuinely hurt.

“Why don’t you just mind your own business, okay?” Holtzman rebuked, “Let’s go Erin.” She put her arm around Erin’s waist and walked her away from that horrid woman.

Jillian was looking back at the woman, “Don’t pay any mind to people like that, that woman was a-“ she whipped around when she heard Erin sniffling.

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey,” she wiped the tears from Erin’s red cheeks, “Look at me. Erin, look at me, sweetie,” she cupped Erin’s delicate face in her hands, “What we’re doing… Whatever this is… It’s not wrong. Do you hear me?”

Erin nodded, still visibly shaken.

“This,” Holtz motioned to the two of them, “is completely normal, and it is nothing to be ashamed about. I need to know that you understand that. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Erin sniffled, and nodded once more, “Okay. Yeah, I understand.”

“Good,” Holtzmann wiped Erin’s last remaining tears away, and gave her a reassuring kiss.

Erin smiled, “I’m okay. I’m fine,” she smiled genuinely.

“Alright, let’s finish up here,” she said, “ Hey, I have an idea. Do you wanna go to the park after this? Blow off some steam?”

Erin paused, then slipped her hand into Holtzmann’s, “Yeah, that sounds really nice,” Erin lifted Holtz’s hand up and kissed it.

The ladies decided they had everything they needed, and made their way over to the checkout lines.

“Oh,” Erin said, quietly.

“What’s up?” Holtz looked over at her.

“It’s that lady,” Erin said.

Holtzmann followed Erin’s gaze and saw the woman standing in line at checkout line #3.

“Ugh, how is that the only open checkout line?” Erin sighed.

Holtz looked over at Erin grinning, “ Wanna give her a show?”

“What?”

“Follow me,” she led Erin over to checkout line #3, and soon they were behind the lady.

Holtzmann whispered to Erin quietly, “You ready?”

“I think so,” Erin whispered back.

“Okay, Follow my lead,” Holtz instructed. Soon she was enunciating, “God, you’re so beautiful.”

Erin was a little surprised, but she went along, “Ugh, so are you,” she smiled.

Holtz took Erin’s face in her hands and kissed her, “Oh, my god, I love you so much,” she said as she broke for air. Erin’s eyes widened.

The two were now full on making out in public, as the older lady turned around, looking at them, sickened. But Holtzmann didn’t care. And now neither did Erin. Erin took the lead now. She wrapped her hands around Holtz's waist, turned her to the side and pressed her body up against the magazine rack, her kisses filled with passion.

They heard mutters of, “Disgusting,” from the woman, who had turned back around at this point.

But Erin just smiled, and kept on kissing.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had dropped the groceries back at the firehouse and walked over to the park on 38^th and Madison.

“Oh,” Erin said happily, “I love this park.”

Holtzmann smiled at her, “Me too… RACE YOU TO THE SWINGS!” she called out, flailing toward the swing set.

“Hey! WAIT!” Erin bellowed, running toward the blonde.

When Erin finally met up with Holtz, she found her swinging as high as she could.

“Awww, damn. It’ll take me forever to get that high!” Erin laughed.

Holtzmann skidded her feet along the dirt below her, until she came to a stop. She hopped off the swing and motioned for Erin to get on, “I believe I might be of some assistance,” she said grinning.

Erin planted herself on the swing and felt Holtzmann’s hands against her back. She was pushing her, just like in her dream. She was content.

“Having fun?” the blonde called out.

“Tons!” Erin laughed.

She was getting higher and higher, the sun was shining, the wind was in her hair. And she had Holtzmann. And she felt free.

Erin took in her freedom for a few more moments before she skidded to a halt, and hopped off, “You wanna walk around the lake?”

“You read my mind,” Holtz said.

And they walked. And they talked. And they laughed. And they kissed.

And everything was good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The popcorn was popping, Holtzmann was putting Beetlejuice in the dvd player, and there were pillows and blankets everywhere.

The two girls plopped onto the couch, popcorn bowl in their hands, exhausted after another great day.

Holtzmann was constantly quoting the movie, “Live people ignore the strange and unusual. I, myself, am… strange and unusual.” Erin smiled at her, adoring every minute of it.

Holtz pointed to the screen, “Ugh, Barbara is just my favorite, she’s so gorgeous.”

Erin rested her head on Holtz’s shoulder and told her about how when she was little, she used to think she had a crush on Barbara, but she didn’t know that that was a thing, and forced herself to have a crush on Adam. Holtz giggled and gave her a, “Oh, honey.”

"Hey. Um, I have a question for you." Erin asked, hesitantly.

"What's on your mind, baby cakes?" Holtz said, tossing a piece of popcorn in the air and catching it in her mouth.

Erin took a deep breath and continued, "Earlier today, when were making out in front of that woman..."

"Uh-huh..." Holtz said, her mouth now full of popcorn.

"You um... you said you loved me. Um... did... did you mean that? Or was that just..." Erin trailed off.

"Erin," Holtzmann turned to look Erin in the eyes, "I've loved you since the day I met you."

Erin blushed, and bit her lip, unable to hold back her smile, "Um, I, uh... I love you, too."

"You do?" Holtzmann melted as those words pierced her ears.

"Yeah," Erin giggled.

"Good," she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Erin's lips.

Erin put her head back on Holtz's shoulder, and Holtz continued eating her popcorn.

They continued watching the when, near the end, Holtz said, “Oh, I used to be so afraid of this part when I was little. Did you ever—“ Holtz looked over at Erin, who had passed out curled up next to her, with her head on her shoulder.

“Well, alright.” Holtz said, smiling.

She put her arm around Erin, kissed her on the forehead, and rested her own head on Erin’s, very excited for what tomorrow would bring.

Chapter Text

Holtz woke up with a stiff neck to see that the two women had fallen asleep on the couch before finishing last night’s movie. She looked down to see Erin’s head resting on her stomach, her arm wrapped around Holtz’s waist.

Holtzmann was laying there, one hand behind her head, the other playing with Erin’s hair, just how she liked it. She was thinking about how lucky she was. The last two days had been magical. She was lying on the couch with the woman she loved. And the woman she loved loved her back. She felt like she could fly. She did feel a little guilty about invading Erin’s privacy, but she loved being able to make her smile.

Erin awoke and looked up at Holtz, sleepily, “Hey there,” she lifted Holtz’s shirt just a little and placed a gentle kiss on her hipbone.

Holtz flinched, giggled, and blushed.

“No way. Are you ticklish?” Erin gasped.

“Guilty,” Holtz revealed.

“Hmm, good to know,” Erin winked and stored that new information away for a later time,” You hungry? I was thinking I’d make French toast.”

“Ooooooh, yes, I’d love some,” Holtz’s eyes widened.

“Mmmkay, I’ll go whip some up,” Erin lifted herself off of Holtzmann, after giving her a quick peck on the lips, and walked across the hall to the kitchen.

Holtzmann turned around and quickly grabbed Erin’s dream journal, hoping to find some inspiration for todays’ adventure. She flipped past the first few of Erin’s dreams from the nights before.

Nothing.

Wait, what? Holtz flipped the pages back, making sure she didn’t actually skip over anything.

There was nothing. Blank pages.She had nothing to go on today. She would have to pursue Erin using her own skills, skills in which she didn’t doubt for a second, of course. But still, she was getting used to the luxury of being able to read Erin’s mind. To know exactly what she wanted.

She closed the book, put it back on the table, got up off the couch and strolled into the kitchen, with a plan in her mind. She wrapped her arm’s around Erin’s waist from behind, “Hey,” she said, sleepily.

“Hey, yourself,” Erin smiled, keeping an eye on breakfast.

“What’s your favorite song?” Holtzmann inquired, resting her chin on Erin’s shoulder.

“What?” Erin giggled, curiously.

“You heard me. What’s your favorite song?”

“Ummmmm,” Erin thought, “That’s so hard. I have sooooo many favorites.”

“If you haaaaaad to pick one.” Holtzmann, said, kissing Erin’s neck.

“Um… okay. I think I got it,” Erin started, “It’s this really cute slow song by John Grant called Outer Space. I just think it’s so beautiful,” she said, calmly, “Why do you ask?”

“No reason, just curious,” Holtz kissed Erin’s shoulder, and speed walked over to one of the kitchen cabinets and peered inside fishing around for something.

“Geez, can we ever have one dull moment? What are you doing?” Erin asked, setting their breakfast on the table, Holtz now clanging her way through the cabinet, in deep search.

“Nothing,” Holtz spotted what she needed, “I was just looking for something,” she said, closing the cabinet door.

“Well, look later, breakfast is ready,” Erin laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin was sitting at her desk working. If you could call it that. Holtz had been up in her lab for hours. She had kindly asked Erin not to disturb her, because she was going to be concentrating on a project for most of the afternoon.

But, Erin was bored. Bored out of her mind. She didn’t know how many more equations she could take before her brain turned to mush.

She put her pen down, and pushed her chair away from her desk. She wanted to go out. Out with Holtz. Anywhere. It could literally be anywhere. They had a magical time at a grocery store for crying out loud. But, Holtzmann was concentrating, and Erin respected that.

But, suddenly, Erin heard something that caught her attention.

I still don’t know what I’m looking at

‘Cause I’ve never seen anything like this before…

Erin’s favorite song was all of a sudden blasting from the lab upstairs, and all throughout the firehouse. She shot up from her desk and slowly climbed the stairs to the second floor.

She peered over the railing to see Holtz’s dimly lit lab full of candles. There had to be hundreds. Easily. Holtzmann met Erin at the top of the staircase and extended her hand. Erin took it and followed her into the lab.

Erin looked around, utterly wonderstruck.

“What is all this?” she practically whispered.

“Shhhh…” Holtzmann hushed, and she wrapped her arm around Erin’s waist and led her into a dance. Erin rested her head on Holtz’s shoulder and melted into her embrace.

I think that you must be from outer space

Maybe from somewhere beyond the stars

I think you must be extraterrestrial

‘Cause you can open up the heavens for me

With just one smile, just one smile, just one smile

They continued dancing and Erin lifted her head to look into Holtz’s eyes. Holtz began placing soft kisses along Erin’s jawline and down her neck. She ran her hands under Erin’s shirt and up her back.

Erin wrapped her arms around Holtz’s neck and kissed her lips with intention. She bit Holtzmann’s bottom lip, just barely, causing the blonde to release a tiny whimper. Erin moved her hands down Holtz’s body and took off Holtzmann’s shirt, to see her sexy black bra.

Holtz then removed Erin’s shirt. She lovingly kissed Erin’s neck and down her chest, and she gently unclasped Erin’s old, faded, blue bra, and then her own, “That’s a cute bra,” she kissed the space in between Erin’s breasts, then led her over to the couch, aglow with candlelight, and laid her down.

Erin felt like she and Holtzmann were the only two people in the world, and she wanted to feel that way forever.

“Holtz?” She broke the beautiful silence.

“Yes?”

“Fuck me.”

Holtzmann grinned, “Gladly.”

She took off Erin’s pants and kissed her thighs, warranting a soft whimper from the brunette. She placed a kiss right above the waistband of Erin’s pink rosy underwear, and proceeded to slide them down her legs and off of her completely.

Erin, now laying completely naked in front of Holtzmann was, oddly, not self-conscious in the slightest. When she had been with men, she would always feel a little bit insecure, like they were judging her, comparing her to other girls. With Holtzmann, she truly felt safe, and genuinely loved.

Holtz kissed her way up the length of Erin’s body, her left hand now in Erin’s hair, and the right on Erin’s breast. She was nibbling her ear.

Oh my god, Erin thought, Just like in my dream.

Holtzmann interrupted Erin’s thoughts by making a fist with her left hand and pulling Erin’s hair. Erin moaned. She was definitely enjoying this. Holtz was now using her right hand to stimulate Erin.

Erin was feeling every single emotion all at once. She was feeling things she’d never felt with any man. Not just feelings. Sensations.

Holtzmann pulled at Erin’s hair one last time, soliciting a small gasp from Erin, and moved down her body. Her was head now in between the other woman’s thighs. Her tongue worked it’s magic and she inserted her fingers inside of Erin.

Erin was making every embarrassing noise, but she felt no shame. She whimpered and she moaned with absolute confidence. Whatever Holtz was doing, Erin almost couldn’t handle it. Her eyes were closed so tightly, she started seeing colors. She was wriggling and writhing on that couch for a few more magical moments, her breaths heavy and erratic, until she did the thing that Holtzmann had been waiting for, for a long time.

“Oh god, Jillian!”

And she came.

Holtzmann pumped her fingers in and out a few more times, making Erin quiver with ecstasy, and then she made her way up to lay next to her.

“Sooooo?” Holtzmann asked.

Erin was panting, “Oh… my god… Jillian…”

“Cool.” Holtz kissed Erin.

The two girls laid there for a while, taking in the moment, before Erin turned to Holtzmann and said, “Your turn.”

“Wait, wh--?”

Erin had rolled Holtzmann over so she was on her back. She kissed down her stomach and slowly pulled off her pants. She ran her hands up Holtz’s legs and slid her underwear down and tossed them aside. She tried to mimic what Holtzmann did for her, because she had no idea what she was doing, but she tried to keep it original.

Holtzmann was breathing heavily at this point. Erin had one hand resting on Holtz’s hip, kissing from her thigh, up to her stomach. Her other hand had cupped Holtzmann’s breast, and after a few moments of stimulation, she pinched Holtz’s nipple, and the blonde let out a delicate moan. Erin was surprised at the difference. Holtzmann seemed so aggressive when she was giving, but when she was receiving, she grew quieter, letting out only tiny, subtle peeps of pleasure.

Erin eventually made her way between Holtzmann's legs and, praying she wouldn’t screw this up, she let her tongue go to work. Holtz let out a high-pitched squeal from the contact. It was music to Erin’s ears. She inserted her fingers into the blonde and Holtzmann squirmed and twisted with pleasure, her breathing growing more intense with every move Erin made.

As she came, Holtzmann let out a tiny, delicate cry in between deep, concentrated breaths, blushing at the feeling of pure bliss.

She breathed out, “Oh, my god…” she breathed in, “Erin…” she breathed out.

Erin took pride in the fact that she could make Holtzmann squirm like that. She took note of what she did and stored it away in her mind for future reference. She climbed up next to Holtzmann, placed her hand on her cheek, and kissed her on the lips, passionately. She then nuzzled her head into Holtzmann’s neck and wrapped her arms around her.

They both fell asleep, exhausted and content.

Holtz woke up some time later, to see Erin scribbling away in her journal. She lay there, completely still, until Erin put the book down on the side table and nestled her way back into Holtzmann’s arms.

“You’re so beautiful. You know that?” Holtzmann said, tucking a piece of hair behind Erin’s ear.

“Oh geez, stop it,” Erin blushed.

“I’m serious,” Holtz said quietly, looking in Erin’s eyes, “You’re the most beautiful person, I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh, my god,” Erin sighed, “I never, ever want to leave this couch.”

Riiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggg!!!!

Holtzmann looked up, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Erin got up off the couch, and walked towards the phone, wrapped in a blanket.

Riiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggg!!!!

“I swear to god, if that’s Abby, I’m gonna kill her!” Holtz bellowed, still reeling from her time with Erin.

“Ghostbusters,” Erin answered, “Uh-huh… Yes… Of course, absolutely. We’ll be right there. Thank you.” She hung up the phone.

Erin looked over at Holtz who was now sprawled out on the couch, “We have a bust.”

“Nooooooooooo,” Holtz whined.

Erin, not too thrilled, herself, tugged at Holtzmann’s arm and pulled her off the couch, “C’mon, it’s a Class 3, we’ll be in and out in no time.”

“Not soon enough…” Holtz pouted.

“Well, if we hurry, then maybe when we get back here, we could… go again?” Erin offered, playfully.

“Let’s go.” Holtzmann's eyes lit up as she ran over to change.

They grabbed their gear and ran out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bust was in an old hotel. The ghost itself was harmless. It pretty much just played pranks on the guests, and was generally a nuisance. It was more annoying than it was dangerous.

The entire bust itself took about thirty minutes, but, just like she thought, Erin still got slimed. Nothing major, just mostly on her clothes. It was pretty safe to say that she now wanted to go home even more than Holtz did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once they walked back into the firehouse, they set their equipment down in the entranceway.

Erin unzipped her slime covered jumpsuit, “I know this thing only slimed my clothes, but I think I’m gonna go take a shower anyway. I just feel… ugh.”

“Okay,” Holtz said, unzipping her own jumpsuit, enticingly, “I’ll be waiting,” she winked.

Erin smiled, ran upstairs, and started running the shower. Once Holtz finished changing, she remembered that she saw Erin writing in her journal earlier. She flew over to the couch and opened up the book.

Here we go.

Tuesday, October 18^th

“Hey, Journal! Erin here! Listen to this:

I just. Had sex. With Jillian. OH. MY. GOD. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I feel so incredible right now. I honestly think I’m seeing new colors. Jillian was sooooo amazing. Even better than in my dreams, I don’t know how---“

“What are you doing?”

Holtzmann slammed the book shut and threw it across the couch, “Erin!” she screamed, “W-what are you doing down here?”

“We were out of… towels. Jillian… what are you doing?” Erin asked, softly, standing in the entranceway of the living area.

“I-I…” Holtzmann stared at her, speechless. Her heart sank for so many reasons.

“Were you reading my journal?” Erin raised her voice.

“Wait, Erin, it’s not what you think. I was just--”

“Just what?! Completely invading my privacy? Totally abusing my trust??” Erin was red.

“No! Well, I mean, not--” Holtz stuttered.

“Then what do you wanna call it, Holtz?” Erin yelled.

Holtz broke a little when Erin didn’t call her by her first name.

“I just- I wanted to see if you were actually writing your dreams down, I-I didn’t know i-if you would actually do it or not. But then I-I saw my name written down in that book so many times and--”

“And what?? You thought ‘Oh, Erin won’t mind if I just sit back and read all of her private thoughts’?!” Erin was seething with rage.

“No! Erin, it honestly wasn’t like that!” Holtzmann started tearing up.

“This is just like high school…” Erin said quietly, staring at the wall behind Holtz.

“W-what?” Holtz asked, confused.

Erin walked closer to Holtzmann, “You told me that this journal was a place to get my thoughts and dreams out in the open so that they’re not bottled up in my head. That’s exactly what my therapist said to me when he told me to write that essay in high school. ‘Write down all your thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper, so that they aren’t plaguing your mind.’” Erin mimicked, “And I did. But what happens when all of your most personal thoughts are out in the open, Holtz? Someone finds them, and reads them. Adam did... and now you, too.”

“Erin…” Holtz whispered.

Erin stood there, silent.

Until…

“Oh, my god,” Erin spoke softly, realizing, "Oh, my god."

“Erin, wait--“ Holtz said, knowingly.

“It was because of the journal,” Erin practically whispered. “That’s how you knew??!” she yelled.

“Oh, my god,” Holtzmann was shaking, her lip quivering.

“That’s why I thought I was having déjà vu all goddamn weekend? Because you were reading my fucking journal?! I knew I was the only person who knew about that café! Oh, my god, and the grocery store, and the park, and the movie on the couch... Those weren’t your ideas at all,” she realized, “They were mine!”

“Erin, please!” Holtzmann begged.

“What was this?? Was this some kind of a game to you? Some kind of elaborate practical joke??”

“No! Erin, I--”

“I mean was any of this real??” Erin implored.

“Yes! Of course it was! Please, just listen--”

Erin suddenly took a step back, looking like she just got punched in the stomach.

“Erin…”

Erin looked up at Holtzmann, tears in her eyes, “We had sex.”

“Erin, please, you have to listen to me.” Holtzmann pleaded through tears.

“No,” she said, quietly, “I can’t even look at you.” Erin turned around and walked toward the staircase.

Holtzmann was sniffling, “Erin, wait!”

“Just leave me alone, Holtzmann.” Erin said, her back to Holtz, a tear running down her cheek. She walked upstairs.

Holtz was left standing alone, feeling like she could pass out. Her heart had shattered into a million pieces, not because of the things Erin said to her, but because Erin felt betrayed by her. She collapsed on the couch, curled up into a ball, and cried.

They would both be sleeping alone tonight.

Chapter Text

Erin was lying on the couch upstairs in Holtzmann’s lab, staring at the ceiling. She was unbelievably furious, but at the same time, she was a little guilty. She knew she should have given Holtz a chance to explain, but in the moment, she was just too hurt.

She felt so lonely. In the few nights they had fallen asleep on the couch together, Erin had become accustomed to Holtzmann’s touch. Her scent. The way she fit perfectly in Holtz’s arms. The way she played with her hair…

But, she was mad, she couldn't ignore that. How could Holtz just blatantly betray my trust like that? Why would she even think about opening that journal in the first place? Now, Erin really wished she had let Holtz explain. She needed to know. She wanted to hear her out. But, at this point in time, she couldn’t even bear to look at Holtzmann.

Erin had been lying there awake for hours, too afraid to fall asleep. At first, she just couldn’t fall asleep. Her mind wouldn't turn off. There were too many thoughts and questions rolling around in her head. But, now she was afraid. Afraid that if she fell asleep, she would have a nightmare. And if she had a nightmare, there would be nobody she could turn to for comfort. And that thought frightened her even more. The only thing she could think to do was to stay awake until the sun came up, and if she had to, she would.

She wondered if Holtz was still awake…

Holtzmann hadn’t moved since Erin went upstairs. She had been curled up on the downstairs couch in the same position for the past several hours. She didn’t want to move. She couldn’t. She was frozen in place, riddled with guilt. How could I have done that? What made me think I had the right to just read her private thoughts like it was nothing? She literally told me that that was her worst memory. I’m such a fucking idiot.

The downstairs couch is the couch she had shared with Erin for the past few nights. Erin’s absence had made the couch feel so much bigger, so much emptier. Holtzmann didn’t like it. She missed being able to wrap her arms around Erin, shielding her from any nightmare that would dare rear its ugly head. She missed twirling her fingers in Erin’s hair, which she knew Erin absolutely loved. But most of all, she missed the way things would get so comfortably quiet between the two of them. And then just before they would fall asleep, Erin would kiss Holtzmann’s hand. Or her cheek… Or her lips…

Holtzmann wiped the thought from her head, at risk of crying all over again. She needed to do something, she needed to fix this. But she didn’t know how. She had no idea.

She couldn’t lose Erin. Whatever they had, and however short-lived it was, she needed it. She knew from the moment they met, even if Erin didn’t just yet, that they were going to be something special.

She had to think of something. Holtz wasn’t going to let Erin get away that easily. She looked at the clock. 4:25 AM. She had to come up with some kind of plan. If she couldn't fall asleep, she was at least going to be productive. It was better than lying there miserable all night long, and it was certainly better than crying herself to sleep.

Holtzmann sighed to herself, and wondered if Erin was still awake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Holtz shuffled into the kitchen the next morning to find Erin standing at the kitchen counter, staring blankly at the toaster, waiting for her waffles to pop up. Both Holtz and Erin had gotten around one hour of sleep the night before, give or take.

Erin's waffles had popped up, and yet, she still continued to stand there, staring vacantly at the toaster. Holtzmann, who was in the refrigerator in search of the orange juice, had heard that Erin’s breakfast was ready. She popped her head over the refrigerator door, and looked across the kitchen to see the expressionless woman. Her heart broke immediately at the mere sight of Erin. She just looked… empty.

“Erin…” Holtzmann said, softly.

No response. Erin hadn’t seemed to hear her at all.

Holtzmann had walked over to Erin and put her hand on her arm, “Erin…”

Erin flinched and pulled her arm away, leaving Holtzmann feeling hurt, “Your waffles…”

“Oh,” she said, now actually looking at the toaster, “thanks,” she said, blankly.

“You’re welcome…” Holtzmann said, praying the conversation would go further than just that.

Erin put syrup on her waffles, grabbed a fork,  and sat down at the table. Holtzmann had finished pouring her juice, and hesitantly went to take a seat next to Erin. But when she pulled up a chair and sat down, Erin had gotten up, dumped her plate in the sink and walked out of the kitchen.

Holtzmann had just sat there, in too much pain to actually eat now. She put her head in her hands and took a deep breath. She got up from the table, and followed Erin out of the kitchen with intention. Once she caught up to her, she put her hand on Erin’s shoulder and twisted her around so that they were face to face, “We have to talk about this. You can’t just ignore this.”

“Holtzmann, there’s nothing to talk about,” Erin said.

“Yes, there is, Erin, you have to let me explain,” Holtzmann said, desperation piercing through her voice, “I mean, I’m trying to apologize, here.”

“I… I just…” Erin hesitated, “I have a lot of work to do, excuse me.” She went over to her desk and sat down.

Holtz just stared at her. This was happening. She couldn't believe this was actually happening. She finally had Erin, and she lost her in a matter of days. What was she going to do?

RIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!

Holtzmann jumped, the sound of the telephone jolting her from her thoughts.

Erin answered, flatly, “Ghostbusters… Oh hey, Patty… What? Yeah, I’m fine,” she perked her voice up realizing she sounded like somebody had just died, “So, how’s the convention going? Oh that’s fantastic, tell Abby I—we… said hi… Oh, me and Holtz? Um, yeah, everything’s going great here, we’re doing fine,” she looked up at the ceiling, slyly holding back tears. Holtzmann was sitting on the stairs, holding her knees to her chest, staring through the bars of the railing, listening.

“Okay, well, we’ll see you two in a few days then… Alright….We love you guys, too…. Okay… Alright… Bye-bye.” Erin hung up the phone, and put her head in her hands.

Holtzman looked over at Erin, “You know, we’re not going to be able to work together like this, forever. You’re gonna have to be in the same room with me. You’re gonna have to be able to look at me. If not for the sake of our relationship, then at least so Abby and Patty don’t suspect anything when they get back here,” Holtzmann had hoped that reasoning with Erin would work. She was a scientist, she had to understand reason.

Holtz stood up, “I screwed up, Erin. The least you can do is give me a chance to fix it. You have to believe that everything I did in the past few days, I only did because I like you so much,” she had refrained from using the word ‘love’, at risk of pushing Erin too far, “I just wanted to know what you wanted, so I could make you happy. I only wanted to make you happy.”

Erin just sat at her desk, staring at a scuff on the floor near the window. An extensive amount of time had passed before she finally said anything, “I hated sleeping alone last night.”

“So did I.” Holtzmann was relieved when Erin finally spoke, “Let me fix this.”

“You don’t understand, Holtz. This isn’t just something you can fix. This isn’t two pieces of scrap metal you can just fuse back together. This is our relationship. Whatever kind of relationship it is. It's my trust. I don’t know if I can trust you after what happened.”

“You can, Erin. But, nothing can happen if you keep shutting me out. Just let me back into your life again...” Holtzmann implored.

Erin sat there for a few moments, in silent thought. Holts was hoping that was a good sign.

“I think you should just go for now.” Erin finally said, quietly.

Holtzmann sighed in disappointment. She turned around and walked up the stairs, feeling as though she had two 100lb weights strapped to her ankles.

This was going to be harder than she thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin had been sitting at her desk all day long. She felt nothing. Any feelings she had had earlier—anger, sadness, guilt—had disappeared, leaving a void inside of her. A void that only one person could fill, but she couldn’t talk to that person, right now. She knew that if she talked to Holtzmann, she would just cry, and she’s not ready for that, not yet.

So she sat. She sat for hours… motionlessly, thoughtlessly. The only thing she wanted was for Holtzmann to come downstairs, wrap her arms around her waist from behind and kiss her neck, but that wasn’t going to happen. Not after she kept pushing Holtz away like that. She hated herself for doing that, but she didn’t know how else to deal with her emotions. Holtzmann had crossed a line with Erin, and Erin was now left questioning everything she thought was true. Isolating herself was all she knew how to do. The only way she could cope. In situations like this one, when someone hurt her, she pushed away, and she pushed away, until eventually, that person didn't come back.

And Erin could feel Holtzmann giving up. It definitely had been hours. She knew that after a certain number of hours, if Holtzmann hadn’t come downstairs yet, she wasn’t coming downstairs at all.

Erin decided to go on a walk, hoping that she would be able to clear her mind.

Holtzmann was lying on the laboratory couch.

She has to talk to me. How am I gonna get her to talk to me?

This couldn't last forever. She needed to hear Erin's voice. Not the exhausted, vacant one she had been exhibiting today. But the shy, gentle voice that had captivated Holtz since the day they met. Holtzmann wasn’t the kind of person to give up easily, but every time she felt Erin push her away, she lost more and more hope of renewing whatever it was they had.

She stared at the vase of flowers that Erin had put in the windowsill. She said it would brighten things up around the dingy, grayish lab. She was right. Holtzmann, herself, had enjoyed the pop of color the flowers had brought. She stared at the vase until her eyes hurt.

She had an idea.

Holtzmann nervously walked down the stairs to Erin’s workspace with a daisy behind her back. In a last ditch effort to get Erin to listen to her, she brought her a flower: a token of her apology. But when she reached the bottom of the staircase, she noticed that Erin was not at her desk.

“Erin?” she called out.

No answer.

“Erin!” she yelled a little louder, checking the kitchen, as well.

Nothing.

She walked out of the kitchen and stood alone in the firehouse entranceway. She noticed the coat rack. Erin's coat was missing. That was it. Erin had left, and Holtzmann’s last few shreds of confidence and hope had evaporated. Her emotions were shot. She decided she couldn’t keep doing this to herself. She walked over to Erin’s desk, set the flower down on top of her book, turned around, and walked back up to the lab, defeated.

She had finally given up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin had walked back into the firehouse, feeling much better after her walk. A little bit of fresh air had always helped her to calm down, and she had finally given herself the chance to clear her mind. Upon doing so, she realized that she was being stubborn and decided that it was only fair to actually give Holtzmann a chance to explain before she went any further. 

She had hung her coat back on the rack, and walked over to her desk to find a single daisy, sitting atop her book. She knew where it had come from. The only daisies in the entire building were in a vase, sitting on a windowsill in Holtz’s lab. She picked it up, held it near her heart, and smiled. She walked upstairs to talk to Holtz.

Once she got to the lab, she noticed Holtz’s demeanor seemed to have changed.

“Hi,” Erin said shyly, holding the daisy.

Holtzmann looked up from her work, “Hey,” she said, deflated. She walked over to the couch.

Erin took a deep breath and began, “I just wanted to—“

“Um, here,” Holtzmann interrupted, handing Erin her blanket and pillow, “I figured I should probably sleep up here in the lab tonight, seeing as I have some work to finish, so…”

Erin took her pillow and blanket from Holtz, “Oh. Um, okay.”

Holtz turned and walked back over to her work.

Erin shuffled, nervously, now understanding how Holtzmann had been feeling all day long, “Um, so, I was thinki—“ she was cut off by an irritated voice.

“Erin, I kind of have a lot to finish up here, and I’m really trying to concentrate.”

Erin felt like the air was just knocked out of her, “Um…okay. Yeah, that’s fine. Sorry, I’ll just... go,” she managed. She was in physical pain. Her throat was tight and she felt dizzy. Holtzmann had never been so aggravated with her. That kind of tone of voice coming from Holtz was something Erin never expexted, or ever wanted to hear.

“I think that would be best.”

Erin slowly walked out of the lab, turning around “Goodnight, Jillian.”

Holtzmann’s heart skipped a beat, at the sound of her first name once again coming from the brunette, but she kept her eyes on her work.

“Goodnight.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin was lying on the downstairs couch. She hated to think that she would be sleeping alone on the couch she and Holtz had previously been sharing. She felt hollow. She felt like an entire part of her was missing. She was staring across the room at the daisy, which she had placed back on her book, earlier.

Erin rolled over. She started feeling sick. She could feel her anxiety creeping up on her. She needed Holtzmann. There was no avoiding it. She knew from the moment she walked into the lab earlier that Holtzmann had given up. She had lost the signature spark she always had in her eyes. She didn’t even have any music playing.

Erin tore herself from the couch. She had to do something. She wasn’t going to let her stupid stubborn behavior ruin the single best relationship she’s ever been a part of. Holtzman was always trying to win her over with a grand gesture, so she knew she had to do the same.

She scrambled to think of something. What would Holtzmann do?

She looked around the room, frantically, spotting the stereo.

Oh god, of course! Holtz would use music!

Erin walked across the room and grabbed her phone off of her desk. She scrolled through her playlist until she found the perfect song. She plugged her phone into the stereo system, and soon Space Between by Sia was blasting throughout the firehouse.

Erin sat anxiously on the couch, listening to the song, praying that this would snap Holtz out of her funk.

No more fighting, no more fighting

No more fighting for us

Erin closed her eyes, and tears started falling.

Feel the void in our bed

The space between is deafening

Oh, we don't bend or break it

The space between is deafening

The space between is deafening

Holtzmann had heard the song, clear as crystal, from her laboratory. She put down her tools, took of her gloves, took off her goggles, and walked over to the staircase. She stopped at the top, looking down, cautiously, debating whether or not to continue on.

Holtzmann hesitantly began walking down the stairs. She timidly peered over the railing, and she immediately snapped out of the brief grudge she was holding when she saw Erin sitting on their couch, crying.

She quickened her pace, sprinting over to the stereo to turn off the music. She sped over to Erin and sat down next to her.

Erin looked up at her, broken once again, but before she knew it, Holtzmann’s arms were wrapped tightly around her. Erin cried even harder now, just from the sheer warmth and lovingness of Holtz’s embrace. She buried her red, tear covered face in Holtzmann’s neck, softening into the familiarity.

Holtzmann had rested her head on top of Erin's, feeling a tear or two fall down her cheeks as well.

Holtz had eventually released Erin from her hold, and they were now face to face, “We need to fix this."

Chapter Text

Erin was sitting on the couch waiting for Holtzmann to come back upstairs from the basement storage area. She didn’t know why Holtz was down there, especially since nobody had gone down there since the gang had moved all of their stuff in a few months earlier. Holtzmann eventually stomped her way back upstairs, brushing dust off of her clothes. Erin noticed she was carrying a bag. Holtz never carried a bag.

“You ready?” Holtz said, eagerly.

“I… guess? Where are we going again?” Erin asked inquisitively.

Holtzmann winked, “You’ll see. Come on!”

Erin felt a familiar blush returning to her cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin and Holtz were driving to a location unbeknownst to Erin, herself. She was instructed by Holtz to keep her eyes closed, and she obliged. It was an overcast Thursday afternoon. Erin was almost sure it was going to rain, and she was preoccupied with the fact that she didn’t get a chance to grab her umbrella before Holtz scurried her out of the firehouse.

“No peeking, you,” Holtz poked Erin’s arm.

“I’m not,” Erin giggled.

It was taking a long time to get to wherever they were headed. Erin could feel the roads changing, getting a lot bumpier. Where they in a suburb?

“Okay, where are we going?” Erin questioned, eyes still shut.

“Just wait, oh my goodness, Gilbert, you impatient little bean,” Holtz chuckled.

Erin sighed an overdramatic sigh, to let Holtz know she was playing.

After almost 40 minutes, they finally pulled up to their destination, and Holtz parked the car.

“Okay, keep your eyes closed, and wait right here,” she instructed, getting out of the car.

Erin sat, nervously, until she heard her car door open, and felt a familiar hand grab her own, “Okaaaaay, just keeeeeep ‘em closed, girly, keeeeep ‘em closed,” Holtz said guiding the brunette across the gravel-y parking lot.

They came to a stop, and Holtz let go of Erin's hand, “Okay…. OPEN!”

Erin opened her eyes to see Holtz, arms wide open, a giant smile on her face, standing excitedly in front of some old-fashioned ice cream parlor.

“Candy & Madge’s Creamery…” Erin read the sign, “wait, you drove me 40 minutes with my eyes closed to an ice cream parlor?”

“Uhhhh, hell yeah! Go grab a seat at that table over there with the umbrella, I’ll go get the ice cream. What flavor?” Holtz sped on.

“Vanilla,” Erin answered.

“Of course,” Holtz messed around.

Erin smiled and stuck her tongue out at Holtz. She walked over and sat at the table underneath the large rainbow umbrella, and waited for Holtzman to return. She wondered why Holtz had dragged her all the way out to an ice cream shop in the middle of practically nowhere.

Holtz came back with the ice cream cones, one vanilla and one swirl with rainbow sprinkles, and she sat down next to Erin, “A cone for you, m’lady.”

“Thank you very much,” Erin smiled, “Okay, now will you tell me what we’re doing here?”

Holtz exhaled, sat for a moment and spoke, “My parents used to bring me here when I was little. It was my favorite place. I have a lot of good memories here. This is where I wanted to take you on our first actual date. Y’know, before I started borrowing date ideas from your dreams…” Holtz looked down.

Erin looked at Holtzmann, who, eager and pumped not five minutes ago, now looked genuinely unhappy, “Yeah, about that,” Erin started, “I think I’m ready to hear you out now.”

Holtz looked up at her, “Really?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Erin licked a little dribble of melting ice cream from her hand.

“Okay,” Holtz’s voice was shaky, “So you know the first night you had your nightmare? When I suggested starting the whole dream journal thing in the first place?”

Erin nodded.

“Well, part of me wasn’t sure that you’d actually go through with it. I thought you would be thinking, like, ‘Why would I want to relive my nightmares over and over again?’ and, you have to remember, for me, it really did work. I just genuinely wanted to make sure that you tried it, because if it worked for you, too, then… y’know… yaaaaaay!”

Erin gave a small smile, still licking her ice cream.

“So," Holtz continued on, "that second night when we slept on the couch together, I woke up. You were still asleep, and I went to go get some water. I came back into the room and put the glass on the side table, and I saw your journal. Erin, I swear to you, I only picked it up, because I was curious to see if you had actually written in it. Part of me was thinking you were just holding onto it just to humor me.”

Erin nodded, “I understand,” she said, encouraging Holtz to continue.

Holtz licked her ice cream cone, “But once I came to the end of your first nightmare, that’s when I noticed the beginning of the next dream you had, earlier that night. I saw my name written, like dozens of times, soo…. You can understand how I’d begin to get a little nosey.”

Erin blushed.

“Well, the way your dream started out, y’know before the part where we… y’know…” Holtz beat around the bush a little, not wanting to make Erin uncomfortable, “it was all just so cute. The coffee date, the snacks, the dancing, I just—I really like you and I wanted to do something for you that I knew you would enjoy, and it was right there, waiting for me. So then, after the first day went so well, I went back in and read some more, and then some more, but even though I was, in fact, invading your privacy, that was not the intention, I swear. It was purely so that I could give you a nice day. I just really wanted you to be happy.”

Holtz exhaled, feeling like a freight train was just lifted off of her shoulders.

“I’m just so sorry that you had to find out the way you did, and I’m even more sorry that I ever did it in the first place, but my intents were good, I’m just—I’m sorry,” she stumbled over her words.

Erin smiled, now knowing Holtz meant well, “I forgive you, Holtzmann, I do. And I’m really sorry I made such a huge thing of it, I just--”

“No, Erin,” Holtz put her hand on Erin’s, “you had every right. I invaded your personal space, you said it yourself, and it wasn’t right. You and I both know I didn’t mean it in any bad way, but you had every single right to react the way you did. You do not have to feel guilty for that.”

“Thanks, Jill,” Erin gave a small smile. She was beginning to feel safe with Holtzmann once again. The memories of Holtz defending her against Adam, “Don’t call her that!” and calming her down after they ran into that homophobic lady at the super market, “You have nothing to be ashamed of…” flashed through her head, and she started to feel that warm, comfortable feeling come back to her, after being in hiding for the last day or so.

There was a brief moment of silence. “I found out some cute stuff out about you, too, y’know,” Holtz nudged Erin with her elbow.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Erin joked.

“Well, like the fact that you like to sit in your PJ’s on Saturday mornings and watch cartoons in your apartment,” Erin blushed, “you can play the ukulele, which made me smile, ummmmmm, you don’t like grapes because you think they’re too sour. I found out that you think really mundane dates, like grocery store trips, are really, really cute… and you like it when I play with your hair…” Holtz trailed off.

“Guilty,” Erin said shyly.

“So, okay,” Holtzmann said abruptly, “I read your dream journal. Clearly, that was a no-no, and I understand that fully, and it will never happen again. But…” she reached into the uncharacteristically large tote bag that she had brought along, “that’s why I brought this.” She placed a small, leather bound book, down on the table that read, ‘Jillian’s Dream Journal,’ in chaotic, childlike handwriting, on the front cover.

Erin looked at the book, then up at Holtzmann, “Is this…”

“That’s my dream journal from when I was a little. You don’t have to read all of it, but I want you to read some of it. I figured then we’d be even, y’know?” Holtz picked the book up and handed to book to Erin.

Erin opened it up to a random page and read to herself:

April 12^th, 1993

Erin took notice of the date, and imagined a 9 year-old Holtzmann scribbling away in her dream journal, her curly blonde hair running wild and free.

“Today was stupid. Josh and his dumb friends beat me up at recess again. They think I’m weird. I don’t think I’m weird, though. They’re stupid. Why won’t they just leave me alone?”

Erin’s heart broke at the thought of Jillian getting beat up when she was so little. She knew how cruel kids could be. She almost wanted to cry, but she forced herself to hold it back, and moved on to the next entry.

April 14^th, 1993

“I took apart my dad’s radio after school today, he wasn’t too happy about that, but I got to see what the inside of a radio looks like, so: Score! I started putting it back together again but I don’t think I did it right, because I got shocked. It didn’t really hurt that bad, but I have a few band-aids on my hand now. After that, I watched cartoons, and fell asleep. I had a nightmare, though. Miss Davis, the guidance counselor, told me to write my nightmares down in this journal whenever they happened so… I remember running from something, I don’t know what though. I was really scared. I was trying to scream, but no scream was coming out of me. That made me even more scared. I remember running into school and I ran into Josh. He pushed me out of the way and into a door. He called me a weirdo, and he punched me in the stomach. That’s when I woke up. Stupid Josh always calls me a weirdo. He never used to. He used to be nice. Boys are so stupid. Oh! My mom’s calling me for dinner. We're having spaghetti, my favorite! I have to go now.”

Erin looked up at Holtzmann, who was still chomping down on her ice cream cone. She began realizing that her and Holtz’s childhoods were not all that different. She flipped backward a bunch of pages.

February 7^th, 1993

“Josh came up to me at recess today. His friends weren’t with him. He said I looked pretty and then he kissed me on the lips. I pulled away, because ew. I think he got really mad after I pulled away. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, and I said no. He asked me why, and I told him I didn’t know. I really don’t know, though. Bobby asked me to be his girlfriend in December and I told him no, too. I don’t know why, Bobby is really nice. Steven tried holding my hand last week and it made me feel weird. I don’t know why it did. Allison, Stephanie P., and Stephanie H. all have boyfriends. They seem to be okay with it. Why am I not okay with it? Is there something wrong with me?”

Erin closed the book, “Oh my god, Holtzmann…”

“I was a pretty deep kid, huh,” Holtz laughed.

“Holtzmann, I don’t know what to say--” She was cut off by the engineer who reached back into the bag and pulled out another book, this one looking a lot newer.

“Before you say anything, there’s also this. I read your nightmares, which have plagued you since you were little, hence, little Jill's dream journal. But you also wrote down a bunch of daily stuff in that book, too. So I figured I’d give you something a little bit more recent to read as well,” She opened the book up to a specific page, “This is from the first day I met you,” she said handing the book to Erin.

Erin was in shock, but somehow the book wound up in her hands.

July 15^th, 2016

“So Abby and I were working on the new particle accelerator today when this prim looking beanpole of a lady walks into the lab. I think her name is Erin. I didn’t see much of her face, but she was wearing a tweed skirt-suit. She started arguing with Abby over some book that they published when they were in college. I don’t think she saw me. She looked kinda cute from behind, so I decided to lay my signature “Come here often?” line on her. I think I scared her, because she jumped, and looked kind of flustered. But when she turned around... Oh my god. If she wasn’t the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my entire 32 years, then I just don’t even know. She just looked so… delicate and so subtly beautiful. I don’t know, I just—I just realllyyyyy wanna see more of her.”

Same day

"I danced for her. God, I am so fucking smitten. We were moving into the new HQ today above Abby’s favorite Chinese restaurant. She was just kinda standing there, looking really tired and confused from the whole day. So I blasted some DeBarge and danced around with my blowtorches, trying to cheer her up and make her feel better. I don’t know if it worked, though. Some paper towels caught on fire, so I think I just made her panic. But, ugh, I just really, really like her. I haven’t felt this way about a girl since… you know, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. About any girl. Of course, I’ve felt ways about girls, but… not this way… This… this is something special. Something’s gonna happen between us. I can feel it."

Erin closed the book and set it on the table, not knowing what to say.

Before either one could speak, the two girls began feeling heavy raindrops on their heads, despite being under an umbrella, and before they knew it, it was pouring.

“Oh my god!” Erin screamed.

“Get to the car!” Holtz yelled, packing the books up in her bag.

They ran to the car, getting soaked in the process, and exhaled into their seats.

“So, I guess that ended that,” Holtz said sounding slightly disappointed, “You wanna just go home?”

“Yeah, sure,” Erin said quietly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The entire ride home, all Erin could think about was Holtzmann. Little Jillian, curious about life, discovering herself. How she was furious at some boy she didn't even know for beating little Jillian up. The day she met Holtz, thinking back to that day, fondly. The pounding of the rain was pretty much all she could hear. She could also make out that Dreams by Fleetwood Mac was playing softly on the radio. Her mind wandered back to the say she heard Jillian singing that song from her lab, and she closed her eyes.

Thunder only happens when it’s raining

Players only love you when they’re playing

Women, they will come and they will go

When the rain washes you clean you’ll know

You’ll know

“You know, that’s the same ice cream shop from the picture,” Holtz said above the cavalcade of noises.

“What?” Erin asked, opening her eyes, and looking at Holtz.

“The picture I drew in the cover of your dream journal of us eating ice cream. That’s where that was.” Holtzmann blushed.

Erin looked over at her, feeling so many feelings, “Oh… I--”

Holtz accidentally interrupted, not hearing Erin over the rain, “I saw that little heart you drew between us.”

“You did?” Erin blushed now. Her stomach was full of butterflies.

“Yeah. Did you... mean that?”

“Of course I meant it, Jillian. I meant everything.”

Holtz looked at Erin, then back at the road, and smiled. She took one hand off the steering wheel and grabbed Erin’s hand. They stayed like that the rest of the way home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they pulled up to the firehouse, it was still pouring rain. They ran from the car to the front door, getting absolutely drenched.

Holtz couldn’t find the right key to unlock the door, “God, why do all these damn keys have to look exactly the same?” she said, out of breath. Rain was now soaking through their clothes, as Holtzmann fumbled with the keys. The rain made them slip from her grip and she wound up dropping them on the ground. She bend down to get them, letting out an exasperated groan.

Erin just stood there, dripping. She stared at Holtz and giggled.

Holtz had popped back up from picking the keys up off the ground, still trying to find the right one, when she felt a well-known pair of lips just briefly touch her cheek.

She looked over at Erin, who was now a rosy pink, and completely saturated from the rain.

Holtzmann knew what to do now. She was going to do this all again, and she was going to do it right.

Chapter Text

It had been a few hours since the girls got in from the storm and changed out of their wet clothes. They had a few pizzas delivered, and had been sitting on the floor of the living area in front of the television, watching cheesy reality shows. They were painting each other’s nails. Holtz had painted each of Erin’s nails a different color, much resembling a rainbow, and Erin was in the process of painting Holtz’s nails a subtle sky blue.

“Oh god, don’t choose Mark! Mark’s a dick!” Holtz threw a small handful popcorn at the TV, “God, she’s such an idiot, I hate this show,” she laughed.

“Careful, you’re gonna make me mess up!” Erin warned, laughing.

The two girls had gotten more and more comfortable around each other since the incident two nights prior. Holtz was constantly making fun of the characters on the shows they were watching, purposely trying to make Erin laugh. She succeeded, of course, reveling in the look of sheer joy on the other woman’s face. Erin had been telling corny jokes the whole night, until they fell into each other in fits of giggles. They had clearly missed each other’s company.

“Done! You like?” Erin released Holtzmann’s hand, proud of her handiwork.

Holtz admired her new blue nails, “Very nice, Gilbert, classy color choice,” she winked.

“Why, thank you,” Erin smiled, “Hey, is the pizza all gone?” she looked around at the boxes.

Holtz looked over her shoulder, “Mmmm…. I think it’s all gone, yeah.”

“Okay, well in that case, I think I’m gonna head upstairs real quick and take a shower. I’ll be back down in a few!” Erin hopped up from her spot and scurried toward the stairs.

“Mmmkay, see ya in a little bit,” Holtzmann said as she watched Erin leave, “Be careful, don’t mess up your nails! My babies look perfect!!” she shouted, smiling.

“And perfect they shall remain!” Erin called back down.

Holtzmann continued watching whatever new show had come on the television, when a beyond brilliant idea popped into her head.

She stood up and looked around, “I’m gonna need a lot of blankets…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin sauntered down the steps feeling fresh and clean. She made her way back toward the living area when she saw it. Sheets and blankets interlaced and intertwined, all coming together to create a massive, magical fort.

Erin stared at the creation in awe, until she was interrupted by a voice coming from behind her, “Ya like it?”

Erin jumped, “Holtz! You scared me!” she said, the hint of a smile still on her face.

“Sorry, I went to get more Pringles from the kitchen,” the blonde chuckled.

Erin turned back toward the fort, gazing at it with childlike wonder in her eyes, “How did you… even make this, where did you get all the blankets?”

“You’d be surprised at how much bedding there was in this building,” Holtz said, “would you like the grand tour?”

“Umm, yeah!” Erin laughed.

Holtzmann put her hand around Erin’s waist, making her blush, and guided her toward the fort, “Here,” she spoke like one of those museum tour guides, “we have Holtz and Erin’s Magical Fun-Time Fort.”

“Great name,” Erin interjected.

“Thank you,” Holtz smiled, quickly getting back into character, “as you can see, the outer structure is virtually impenetrable, and completely structurally sound. Also, notice the twinkly Christmas lights, for decorative purposes only. Let’s move toward the entrance,” she guided Erin, who was now giggling.

Holtz pulled one of the sheets to the side, revealing the inside of the fort, which truly was massive. The two girls walked inside, “Here, you can see that our fort is fully furnished, complete with the television, sleeping area, full use of the coffee table, two lamps, one fan, and Patty’s pile of magazines,” Holtzmann said, gesturing to each station, “the sleeping area is comprised of every single pillow I could find in this godforsaken maze of a building, and all of the leftover blankets that were not used in the construction of the fort itself. Also, as you can see, on the coffee table are various snacks and beverages for all of your snacking and… beverage-ing… needs.” Erin rolled her eyes and laughed.

Holtzmann spoke loudly, motioning toward the entirety of the fort, “Erin Gilbert, all of this, and more, can be yours…” she grew quieter and spoke in a cute little voice, “…if you gimme a lil’ kiss right here,” she tapped her cheek and leaned towards Erin.

Erin cackled with laughter, leaned forward, and kissed Holtz’s cheek.

The girls sat in the fort and talked for hours, and slowly but surely, lights were getting turned off, until only the twinkly lights could be seen, giving off a soft, warm glow through the sheets. It was still raining outside, and the soft pitter-patters of the droplets hitting the roof and the streets were like music. Holtz and Erin were laying down, facing each other.

“...So that’s what I was thinking, but then I would also add cryo-coolers to reduce helium boil off and an aluminum base to keep everything stable,” Holtz was explaining the design of one of her new prototypes, “See, a lot of people would choose to use a different substance in that situation. I chose aluminum because it’s stronger, but, I’m crazy, so…”

“Wow, I could never think of something like that. I mean I’m smart, I’ll admit, but I’m not that smart,” Erin gushed.

“Now, Dr. Gilbert, I refuse to let you speak that way about yourself. You’re the smartest person I know,” Holtz said.

Erin smiled, her eyelids growing heavy, “What other prototypes did you have in mind?”

“Oh! Well there was the proton blender! Basically, that’s…” Holtz went off on another long-winded tangent.

Erin could have listened to Holtz talk about her experiments forever; she loved seeing her get so passionate. The way Holtzmann’s hands moved as she was explaining her techniques made Erin’s heart flutter. She wanted to hear more, but before she knew it she had drifted off to sleep.

“…So I still need to think of a way to keep the ectoplasm from getting all over the place, but other than that…” she looked over at Erin, who was now out like a light.

Holtz studied Erin’s face. She missed it. In the two nights the spent sleeping without Erin by her side, she realized that, among other things, she missed how peaceful she looked when she was asleep. Holtzmann watched Erin breathing in an out, and in and out, until she found herself drifting as well. She laid her head down and pulled the covers over herself. She then slowly reached out, took Erin’s free hand in her own, and fell asleep, content.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Around 3:30am Holtzmann felt a light thump on the floor beneath her that startled her awake. Her senses were still a little fuzzy, and she kept her eyes closed, but she thought she heard a sound. She listened for a solid couple of seconds, before finally falling back asleep, Erin’s hand still interlocked with hers.

That is, until about 5 minutes later. Holtz felt another thump on the ground, but this time when she woke up, she felt Erin yank her hand out from Holtz’s and turn over sharply. Holtzmann sat up and pushed the hair out of her face. She rubbed her eyes and could faintly make out the dark, stirring silhouette in front of her, until she heard a familiar whimper that turned into a moan, but not the good kind.

Holtz instantly snapped herself out of her sleepy-ness to see that Erin had abruptly turned back to face her, a look of panic, and pain on her face. She was crying and kicking and Holtzmann couldn’t believe this was happening again, when she had been so good for so many nights.

Holtz got on her knees, and scooted towards Erin, careful not to get wacked by a flailing limb. She put both of her arms on Erin’s arms and spoke softly, “Erin. Erin, honey, wake up, you’re having a nightmare.”

But Erin wouldn’t wake up. She just kept crying, her eyes still squeezed shut in agony. Her breathing was sharp and unsteady. Holtzmann took Erin’s whole body in her arms and lifted her so she was sitting upward, “Erin, listen to me. I just need you to breathe with me, can you do that?” She didn’t receive an answer, but she took Erin’s hand in her own and held it up against her chest. She then pulled Erin close to her, “Erin, follow my rhythm, I want you to breathe like me okay? Just do what I’m doing.” Holtzmann started taking deep, steady breaths, praying that Erin would find a way to mimic them.

Slowly, but surely, Erin began to breathe more easily. Holtzmann had released Erin and studied her, briefly. Tears were still pouring down her face; she still hadn’t woken up. Holtz had loosened her grip on Erin’s shoulders and Erin’s head fell right into the nape of Holtz’s neck. Holtzmann didn’t try to wake her up, at this point. She just held her close. She rubbed her back, and gently ran her fingers through Erin’s hair, hoping that the familiar sensation would ground her and bring her back to reality.

The crying eventually ceased. Now Erin was simply sleeping, her face still nuzzled in Holtzmann’s neck. Holtz continued playing with her hair, wanting nothing more than to hold the other woman in her arms forever. She then felt Erin’s arms wrap themselves around her waist. She looked down to see Erin’s big blue eyes looking right back up into hers.

“Hi,” Erin said.

“Hey,” Holtz said, placing her hand on Erin’s cheek.

“Not that I’m complaining or anything, but why am I like this?” Erin asked, still in Holtz’s embrace.

“Oh, um, you were kind of having a nightmare.” Holtz answered.

Erin blushed, “Oh…”

“Yeah. Worst one I’ve seen," Holtz informed, "do you remember what happened?"

“I- I think I do,” she thought for a moment, “It was the same as all my other nightmares; the mean-old-lady ghost standing over my bed. But this time… there were more ghosts. That’s never happened before. My whole life, it’s only ever been her, but tonight… it was like every ghost we’ve ever caught was there in my room. And they all just started attacking me at once. I couldn’t handle it, I—I couldn’t breathe.”

Holtzmann could hear Erin working herself up again, and quickly tried to subdue her, “Shhhh… hey, it’s okay. You’re safe, and everything’s okay,” she rubbed Erin’s back and kissed the top of her head, causing her to curl up even tighter in Holtz’s embrace, “You were having trouble breathing though. I got you sitting up, pretty much like this, and tried to get you to breathe along with me. I don’t know how you did it, because you were asleep the whole time I was talking you down, but eventually you settled, and I’ve kinda just been holding you like this ever since… We can stop if you want.”

“No,” Erin said hurriedly, "this is okay."

They sat there for a moment, Holtz still playing with Erin’s hair.

“Geez, so much for this "virtually impenetrable structure", though, am I right?” Holtz joked, "I'll have to re-design it to keep out the nightmares."

Erin giggled. She then sat up, looked at Holtzmann and smiled. There was a silence, but it was comfortable. The rain was still pouring down, creating a calming ambiance. Erin's smile quickly faded though, when she saw Holtzmann look down toward the ground.

"Holtz?"

Erin reached out and raised Holtzmann's chin, so they were once again face to face. Holtz was now red, and she had begun crying, herself. Erin leaned in toward the blonde to make sure she was right about what she was seeing, and sure enough, “Are you… crying? Jillian--”

“It’s nothing, just… it’ll pass. Gimme a minute,” she said, looking up at the ceiling.

“No, what is it? Why are you crying?” Erin implored, feeling her heart break in two.

After a moment, Holtz eventually gave in, “It’s just,” she sniffled, “the other day, when I was trying to apologize to you,” her breath caught in her throat, “y-you said that you didn’t kn-know if you’d be able to trust me again. That’s the last thing I wanted, Erin. I know we’re okay now and all, but I just-- I need to know that you trust me.” Holtzmann, bawling at this point, buried her face in her hands.

Erin grabbed Holtz’s hands, “Jillian, listen to me,” she said, steadily, “If there’s one thing you’ll never lose, it’s my trust. I trust you more than anyone I know, even Abby, but don’t tell her I said that. My whole life, I’ve had nightmares, and nobody has ever been able to calm me down, except for you. My parent’s thought I was being dramatic, and Abby, well, she tried, she really did, but I just felt embarrassed more than anything,” Erin paused and kissed Holtz’s hands, “You’ll never lose my trust, Jillian, do you understand?”

Holtzmann nodded, afraid that if she tried to speak, she would start crying again.

Erin took Holtzmann by the shoulders and laid her down, facing away from her. She wrapped her arms around Holtz’s waist from behind, big spoon style, “Is this okay?” she asked.

“Yeah..." Holtz nodded and sniffled, "...Just--” She turned the other way, so she was facing Erin. She wrapped her arms around Erin's waist, intertwined their legs, and nuzzled her face into Erin's neck, "Okay, this is better."

Erin giggled, wrapped her arms around Holtzmann, and kissed the top of her head, “Goodnight Jillian,” she said.

Holtz kissed the hollow of Erin's neck, “Goodnight.”

A couple minutes passed by, Erin was playing with Holtz’s hair, when she heard Holtz ask, “Erin?”

“Yeah?”

“Would, umm… do you wanna… Jesus...” she exhaled deeply, “…Would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow?”

Erin smiled to herself and said, “Of course, Jillian, I'd love to,” she blushed, “did you have anywhere in mind?”

“Ummm, I was thinking of a place, yeah… do you own roller skates?”

Chapter Text

Holtzmann was anxiously preparing for her date with Erin later this Friday evening. For Holtz, planning and organizing weren’t even words that crossed her radar, let alone actions. When it came to most of her life, especially with women, she usually just let things roll the way they would roll, and if things didn’t work out, then so be it. But now she was nervous. This wasn’t just some woman. This was Erin.

They weren’t exactly in the same place they were before the journal incident. Before that happened, once Erin had softened up and realized her feelings, there was cuddling, flirting, hand holding, public displays of affection… kissing. Of course, last night there was cuddling. The fort, while massive, was still a little cramped, and had made cuddling pretty necessary. But, they hadn’t kissed each other since before Erin had caught her, and to say that Holtzmann had missed the soft brush of Erin’s lips on her own would be the understatement of the millennium. She missed every single thing about kissing Erin. The kind of closeness she felt with her was unequivocally indescribable.

That’s why she was nervous. If all went well on their date tonight, then she might finally be back on the right track to getting them where they once were. She wanted things to go well, and she knew how to make that happen, but she didn’t want to move so quickly that Erin would get frightened. She wanted--she needed-- this to work.

She had it all planned out, down to the very last microscopic details. She was going to take Erin to dinner at this fancy downtown restaurant that she had heard about, and then they were going to go roller-skating at the rink over on 52^nd. She even had her own car all fixed up, so they wouldn’t have to take the hearse. She was feeling really good about her schedule; she just hoped Erin would feel the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erin was standing in front of the floor length mirror in the bedroom of her apartment. Holtzmann didn’t reveal much about the date. All Erin knew was that Holtz was picking her up, and that she needed to dress fancy. She had looked deep in the corners of her closet for anything even remotely fancy. Everything she owned was either too casual or too stuffy. But, she did manage to come across that one little black dress that Patty had forced her into buying a few months back, for the Mayor’s Gala.

She didn’t hate it, but she thought it showed too much skin. The dress was strapless with a sweetheart neckline, and it had those off-the-shoulder sleeve things that she never really thought she could pull off. It flared at the waist and came to a little bit above her knees. Also it was backless. Erin thought it was a tad too much for one dress, and she’d much rather just lounge around in some sweats, but if Holtzmann liked the dress, then Erin would be content.

She paired the dress with black heels and her maroon clutch, donned her favorite pair of earrings, made sure her makeup was as perfect as she could manage, and she was ready. She checked her watch. Holtzman should be arriving any minute now.

Erin paced the floor of her living room, nervously. While she waited, she took some time to straighten out a picture frame on the wall that was slightly askew, she went through her mail, and she re-organized her medicine cabinet. She was finally about to take a seat on the couch, when she heard a knock at her door. Erin walked over and took a deep breath before opening it. There Holtzmann stood, flowers in hand, a stunned look upon her face. She was wearing a form flattering black suit, her blonde curls cascading down her shoulders, and she was staring at Erin in such a way that gave off the impression that she was the most beautiful thing Holtzmann had ever come across in her entire life.

Erin began to blush, “Hi,” she peeped.

Holtzmann finally came to and realized she had been staring, “Um… Geez, you look… I just-- You look… breathtaking,” she managed.

Erin looked down at her shoes, smiling, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Why thank you, my dear. Oh, um, these are for you,” she handed Erin the bouquet of daisies.

“Oh, you didn’t have to bring me flowers, “ Erin beamed, sniffing the daisies.

“Of course I did, I’m a gentleman. And I know they’re your favorite, so…” Holtz trailed off, playing with her necklace.

Erin quickly went to put the flowers in a vase, “Oh, come in!” she called from the kitchen.

Holtzman closed the front door on her way in and took a solid look around. Erin’s apartment looked like a hotel. Clean and a just a little bit lacking in the decoration department. She had her personal touches here and there, but Holtzmann could have thought of about a dozen ways to redecorate right in that moment. Still, she admired her surroundings, as she did with all things Erin related. Erin had placed the vase by the window and had walked back over toward Holtz.

Holtz extended her arm, “Shall we?”

Erin smiled and linked her arm in Holtzmann’s, and the two were off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About half way through the drive, Holtzmann was feeling good. Really good, in fact. She looked over at Erin, who looked quite content, herself. She felt like everything was going to be normal between them, soon enough. All they had to do was get through this date successfully, and everything would be just---

The car jolted and sputtered.

“What was that?” Erin suddenly looked very alert.

“I-I don’t know,” Holtzmann kept her eyes on the road, trying not to sound too panicked.

The car jolted some more, but this time the jerking was accompanied with a plethora of dangerous sounding noises, and smoke coming from under the hood.

Erin, who looked quite alarmed now, sat up straight in her seat, “Uhhh, Holtz?”

“Dammit! I just fixed this thing up!” She pounded her hand down on the steering wheel, punctuating every sentence.

Holtz pulled over to the side of the road. She got out of the car and propped open the hood. Smoke was pouring out of the car at this point. She coughed and made her way over to Erin’s window, waving smoke from her face, “Yeah, you’re gonna wanna get out, this death trap could blow at any time.”

“What?!” Erin scrambled for hers and Holtz’s things and high-tailed it out of the car.

The two girls watched as smoke continued to emanate from the car, “Okay, let’s just walk over here, away from the dangerous explosive,” Holtzmann led them down the street, taking her duffle bag and other belongings from Erin, “I’m gonna call a tow truck for that piece of junk, and… do you wanna… walk? I know that sounds like the worst idea, but we’re never gonna catch a cab at rush-hour, and I’ve got the reservations, and--” she was cut off.

“Holtz. It’s fine we can walk,” Erin put her hands on the blonde’s shoulders, “Breathe,” she joked.

“Okay, lets go,” Holtz sighed, smiling.

Erin had stopped them midway through their walk to the restaurant to take off her heels. They continued walking, her heels in her hand, and Holtz grew even more apprehensive. Oh god, is she annoyed? Do her feet hurt? She didn’t dress for walking, she dressed for driving. Damnit, Holtz, why didn’t you double check--triple check-- your work on the stupid car?

“Did you hear me?” Erin asked, lightly.

Holtz was immediately brought back down to Earth, “I—I’m sorry, I was totally spacing. What did you say?” she had turned red.

“I said at least it’s a beautiful night,” she answered, smiling.

“Oh, yeah,” Holtzmann laughed. She turned to look at Erin, “Listen, I’m really sorry about the car. I should have triple checked to make sure it was stable. I mean, now we have to carry all of our stuff around, you’re walking barefoot, which probably isn’t the best thing to do in this city--”

“Holtz—Holtzmann,” Erin shushed her, “It’s alright. Really. I’m not having a bad time. I’m actually having a really good time, and the date hasn’t even started yet. Just relax,” she took hold of Holtzmann’s hand, “I’m not going anywhere,” she smiled shyly.

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry,” Holtz exhaled, looking down, as they continued walking, “I’m just… I’m just really nervous. I mean, you know that I only want this night to go well, and so far…” she trailed off, referencing the car.

Her body froze and she almost jumped when she felt a familiar pair of soft lips lightly brushing up against her cheek. She looked Erin in the eyes.

Erin blushed, “Let’s just go eat a great meal, and have a lovely night.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The maître d’ led the girls to their table. Without thinking, Holtz and Erin sat on the same side of the booth, garnering a confused look from the man, who ultimately decided to let it go, “Your waiter will be with you shortly.”

He walked back to his post, and Holtz cuddled up next to Erin and whispered something, which elicited a cackle from the brunette.

Their waiter had made his way over to the table after a few minutes, and looked slightly taken aback, almost offended, as he noticed the girls not only sitting on the same side of the booth, but now Holtzmann had her arm around Erin’s shoulder. They didn’t notice him approach the table.

“Good evening ladies, my name is Michael, I’ll be your server for the evening. Can I start you off with some drinks?” he asked, rather flatly, and unenthused, placing menus on the table.

Holtzmann ordered for the both of them, picking up on the waiter’s attitude, “We’ll both take some champagne, thank you so much.”

The waiter made an undistinguishable remark of some sort, and walked away. Erin was blushing at this point.

“You alright?” Holtzmann asked. The last thing she needed right now was a homophobic waiter making Erin uncomfortable.

“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s—it’s nothing.” Erin stuttered.

“It’s the waiter.”

“Well, yeah. I think us being so close is making him uncomfortable…” Erin looked down at the closed menu sitting in front of her.

“Oh, sweet Erin,” Holtz had pulled away from Erin to face her, “Honey, you need to get over your people pleasing ways, especially with assholes like him. I’ll bet you a million bucks that if one of us were a guy in this scenario, he wouldn’t be having a problem,” Holtz had taken Erin’s hand in hers and was gently grazing her thumb back and forth across Erin’s knuckles, “We’ve been through this before, remember? If he’s uncomfortable, that’s his own homophobic fault, and his own damn problem. Fuck him.” She pulled Erin’s hand up to her lips and kissed it gently, causing the brunette to giggle quietly.

Holtz was placing kisses up Erin’s arm, when the waiter returned with their drinks, “Ahem,” he cleared his throat, clearly annoyed, “Your drinks, ladies,” he placed a drink in front of each of them, with a slight slam, causing most of Erin’s drink to spill on her, “Are we ready to order?”

Erin went to reply, acting as though she was unfazed, “Um, yes, I think I’ll have the--” she was cut off by the angry blonde net to her.

“Um, excuse me. Did you not notice that you spilled my girlfriend’s drink all over her dress?”

Erin blushed as Holtzmann used the term girlfriend, “Jillian, it’s okay, it’s—it’s not that bad.”

Holtzmann put her hand on Erin’s thigh, “No, hold on, sweetie,” she redirected her attention to the waiter, who was now tapping his foot, impatiently, “Look, you’ve been making little remarks about us under your breath all night, and I’ve been letting it slide, but now you’ve purposely ruined my girlfriend’s dress, and I am through with letting it slide. I would like to speak to your manager, please.”

The waiter sighed, and replied with arrogance, “Right away, miss,” and he turned to find the manager.

“Holtz, I don’t think all this is necessary,” Erin whispered.

Holtzmann replied gently, “Of course it is. Erin look, that guy’s being an asshole, he spilled champagne all over your dress, and… also, I really wanna see if this will get us a free dinner.”

Erin lightly smacked her on the arm, “Holtz!” She couldn’t help but giggle now, although she quickly composed herself as the manager made his way over to their table.

“Ladies! What seems to be the problem?” The manager greeted them rather warmly.

“Well, sir,” Holtzmann placed her hands on Erin’s, “you see, my girlfriend and I came to this fine establishment, looking to have a nice, quiet meal, but you’re waiter over there has been making snide remarks at us all night long, and he purposely spilled champagne all over my girlfriend’s dress.”

The manager’s disposition changed rather quickly, “Girlfriend, you say?”

“Um, yes, why is that so hard for everyone in this building to comprehend?” Holtz was genuinely irritated now.

“Hmmm, I see,” his tone was now that of exasperation, “Well, we’re terribly sorry, ladies, of course your meal will be on the house this evening. Have you decided what you would like to order yet?”

“Yes, I’ll have the steak, well done, and my girlfriend will have the salmon, with a side salad.” Holtz spoke as politely as possible.

“Very good, I’ll have your waiter bring your meal right away,” he turned and left.

Holtzmann sighed, “Geez, is everyone here a homophobic asshole? I’m really sorry Erin, a friend recommended this place to me, I had no idea how terrible the service was going to be.”

“It’s fine, this is actually really funny,” Erin giggled.

When their waiter returned, Holtz and Erin were intimately close, giggling to each other. The waiter placed their plates in front of them, “Enjoy, ladies.” He sounded different.

“Thank you very much,” “Thank you,” the girls said, simultaneously, and their waiter rushed away.

Erin went to take a bite out of her salmon and immediately spit it out, “Oh, god! It’s ice cold!” she whisper yelled.

“What?!” Holtzmann was infuriated, now.

“Holtz, look at your steak, it’s bloody! They barely cooked it!”

“That’s it, grab your things, we’re leaving.” Holtz grabbed Erin’s hand and they made for the exit, but stopped when they came face to face with the manager.

Erin spoke up, “You’re all assholes. And you know what? We’re pretty tight with the mayor, so we can have this place shut down in a heartbeat, not only for the terrible service, but for the undercooked food. That’s a health violation.”

The manager turned white at this news, and Erin led them out of the restaurant, “Yeah. Byeeeeee!”

Holtzmann was in awe, and she was also immensely proud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were making their way to the roller rink now, still laughing about the events that just took place.

“ ‘Oh, we’re pretty tight with the mayor…’ ” Holtzmann had playfully mocked Erin, “What would the mayor even do about that?”

Erin cackled loudly, “I don’t know, but it made that asshole practically shit his pants back there, so it must have worked!”

“Fuck them!”

“Yeah, fuck them!” They high fived, as they shouted down the street.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They walked inside the roller rink, loud music blasting, and colored lights flashing brightly, when Holtzmann held up the duffle bag she had been toting around all night, “Here, let’s go to that bathroom over there, I brought us some skates and a change of clothes.”

They were each changing in their own stall when Erin playfully shouted, “Holtzmann! Is this seriously what you brought me to change into?” she laughed.

“Hey, it was the first thing on top of the clean pile, plus I thought it’d be cute on you!”

They both exited their stalls at the same time, and eyed each other up and down. Holtzmann was wearing a pair of high-waisted acid wash denim shorts and a top that said ‘Girls Girls Girls’, that was tied at her waist. Erin was wearing a pair of shorts similar to Holtz’s and a crop top that said ‘Hot Stuff’ on it with a picture of a Bunsen burner underneath.

“You thought this,” Erin motioned to herself, “would be cute?” she laughed.

Holtzmann was just staring at Erin's bare stomach, “Are you seriously asking me that question right now?” she cackled.

“Let’s go,” Erin took Holtzmann’s hand and they left the restroom.

The were sitting on a bench lacing up their skates, when they heard 'Rhythm of The Night' by DeBarge blasting over the loud speaker, “Oh my god, it’s my jam! Hurry up, hurry up, we have to skate to this one! It’s our song, y’know,” Holtz winked.

Erin smiled, “Okay, okay, cool it, I’m lacing as fast as I can!” she laughed.

And soon, they were up and skating around the rink, Holtz showing off her many dance moves, and Erin just trying to stay upright. But, it was clear they were both having a fantastic time, and all of Holtzmann’s nervousness melted away. Every single song that played was a good one, and Holtz was having the time of her life, especially because she could see in Erin’s face that she was, too. They skated around the rink hand in hand when the slow songs played, but when the fast songs played they were all moves.

Holtz was skating backwards now, her eyes locked with Erin’s and Erin had suddenly gotten a jolt of confidence, “Okay, lemme try that,” she bounced around, eventually turning herself around, all while managing to not fall. A total success, one could call it.

“Very nice, very smooth,” Holtz flashed her a smile and a thumbs up.

“Yeah? I can also do this!” She pulled another move, which actually frightened Holtz a little bit.

“Okay, be careful though,” she put her arms out to try and steady Erin.

“And this!” Erin tried to pull some sort of spin-jump move, or at least that’s what it looked like to Holtz, and that’s when it happened.

Her feet caught from underneath her and she landed flat on her hands and knees, skidding across the track, “Shit, Erin! Are you alright?”

“Ow, god. Well, I guess that’s why I don’t do stuff like that all the time,” she chuckled, halfheartedly.

Holtzmann helped her up, “Oh god, you’re bleeding.” Erin was bleeding from her hands and knees.

She tried to stand upright, but buckled under her own weight, “Ow!!” she yelled, “Fuck, I think I sprained my ankle.”

“Oh geez, here, let’s get out of the line of traffic here, and get those skates off,” Holtz supported Erin as they made their way over to a bench.

They sat down and Holtzmann pulled Erin’s skates off of her feet and put them in the duffle bag. She inspected Erin’s ankle, “Well, the good news is it doesn’t look like a sprain, so you probably just twisted it. It should start feeling better in a day or two.”

Erin winced at the pain, “Oh, so you’re a medical doctor now, too?”

“No, but I am a scientist, my dear, and I’ve also had my fair share of injuries, so I think I’d know a sprain from a minor twist, any day,” she smirked, “Oh, man, you’re still bleeding pretty badly. Here, let’s go see if they have a first aid kit.”

They slowly made their way over to the booth where the music was coming from, “Hey!” Holtz shouted over the music to two guys, who were clearly smoking joints, “Do you guys have a first aid kit back here?”

“A what??”

“A First! Aid! Kit!” Holtz motioned to Erin, who was still bleeding.

“Oh, nooo! Sorry, we don’t!”

“Wait, what?!”

The two guys looked at each other, and then back at Holtz, “I said, we don’t--”

“No, I heard you! How can you not have a first aid kit back here??” Holtz shouted.

Erin joined in, “There are like, a lot of children here, isn’t that violating some sort of health code?!”

“Some sort of what??”

Holtz threw her hands up in the air, “Jesus Christ, forget it,” she said to herself, then she shouted to the two gentlemen, still smoking, “Thanks for all your help! It’s been a real pleasure!” she saluted them, and they turned, grabbed their things, and headed for the exit.

They were walking, down the street, sort of aimlessly, now, not too sure where to go. Erin was limping, “How could they not have a first aid kit back there?” she said, “And also they were smoking, like, super out in the open. Like, what the hell was that??”

“Don’t worry about it, we were obviously dealing with a couple of geniuses,” Holtz said, “God, what else could go wrong?"

Erin was looking at her hands now, still in pain, and Holtz took notice, "Oh, shit, you’re still bleeding pretty badly, we have to get you cleaned up,” she managed to hail a cab pretty quickly.

Once the taxi came to a stop, Holtz opened the door, threw the duffle bag across the seat, helped Erin inside, and then slid in herself. She gave the driver an address, and they were off.

“Are you okay?” Holtz asked quietly, sort of knowing the answer.

“Yeah, it just stings a little,” she winced, “a lot, actually. It stings a lot.”

Holtz rubbed Erin's arm, and gave her a side hug. They settled in for the rest of the ride, and listened to the radio.

“…Partly cloudy tomorrow, 70% chance of rain, so make sure to grab those umbrellas when you leave the house… Okay, we’re back here on WBT radio, playing today’s biggest hits. Next on the list is a new one, straight off of Hayley Kiyoko’s EP, Citrine. Here’s ‘Pretty Girl’. Enjoy…”

Erin had rested her palms face up on her thighs, and her head on Holtz’s shoulder.

“I just wanna tell you that you’re really pretty, girl

I just wanna know if you will let me be your world

I just know you gotta taste like candy, candy girl

I just wanna tell you that you’re really pretty, girl”

Holtz rested her head on top of Erin’s, and intertwined their arms. They were comfortably silent for the rest of the ride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They cab pulled up to a building. It looked to Erin like an apartment building, but it was too dark to tell. Holtz paid the driver, grabbed their things, and helped Erin out onto the sidewalk. They made their way into the building and up three flights of stairs, when they came face to face with a door that had the number 36 on it. Holtz pulled out her keys.

“Wait, is this your apartment?” Erin asked, rather nervously. Normally, she needed time to prepare for stuff like this.

“Yeah,” Holtz unlocked the door and led the two of them inside.

“Well, wait, what are we doing here?” Erin looked around.

“Well, I was working on a personal project here last week, and I kinda stole the first aid kit from the firehouse, just in case I needed it. The stuff in that kit works miracles, lemme tell ya,” Erin was still looking around, taking in her new surroundings.

Holtz’s apartment was much different than hers. She had papers, and blueprints scattered on every available surface. There were framed photos of family and friends on every wall. There were a few leftover takeout containers sitting out on the coffee table, and things were pretty much in general disarray. But it was somehow comforting to Erin. The whole apartment smelled like Holtzmann, and it was very soothing. Holtz made her way into the bathroom, and on her way, she flipped the switch on the radio to the ON position.

They caught the very end of a song they didn’t know, when Holtz came back from the bathroom with the first aid kit. She knelt down in front of Erin to examine her wounds, and she grabbed a bottle of peroxide, “Okay, now this is going to sting. Like a lot.” Erin groaned in anticipation.

The song faded out and the radio DJ started his speil, “…Alright, we’re making our way down the top 10 list this Friday evening, but we’ll be taking calls all night long. In the meantime, here’s ‘Starshipper’, by French sensation, Christine and the Queens…”

The song filled the apartment and set some sort of tone, as Holtz cleaned Erin’s wounds. Romantic? Was that it?

"Hey, Holtz," Erin asked quietly.

"What's up, buttercup?" Holtz replied, grabbing some bandages.

Erin continued, "Um, earlier in the restaurant, you um-- you kept calling me your girlfriend. W-was that-- Did you mean that?"

Holtzmann looked flushed at this question, "Um, well, mostly I said it to kind of heighten the drama of the moment..."

Erin looked down, "Oh."

"...But, if we're being totally honest, here... I, um... I really would like it if you would be my girlfriend." she smiled.

Erin looked up, "Really?"

"Of course, silly! Why do you think I went to all this trouble tonight! I don't do stuff like this for just any girl, you know."

Erin giggled, "Oh, really?"

"Seriously," Holtz leveled her tone, "You're really special to me, Erin Gilbert. I would be honored if you would be my girlfriend."

Erin smiled a small, genuine smile, "I would be honored to be your girlfriend, Jillian Holtzmann."

Holtzmann was beaming, and she went back to dressing Erin's wounds, "Okay, more stinging is about to happen, so brace yourself."

Erin breathed in hard, from the pain. Holtzmann bandaged each hand and each knee, placing a gentle kiss on each, as she made her way up to the couch, sitting by Erin’s side, “Better?”

Erin was listening to the song that surrounded them, and she stared into Holtzmann’s eyes. Her own eyes quickly glancing at Holtz’s lips, “Um, yeah, better. My hand still kinda hurts though.”

The song swelled up around them. Holtzmann got the hint and kissed the bandage that covered Erin’s left hand.

“The other one still kind of hurts, too,” Erin said, quietly.

Holtz took Erin’s right hand, and placed a kiss right on top, making her way up her arm, to the beat of the song. Erin exhaled sharply, missing the feeling of Holtzmann’s lips on her body. Holtz had lingered at Erin’s neck, leaving gentle pecks that left every nerve ending in Erin’s body tingling.

The song the radio had seemed to send everything around them into slow motion. Holtzmann had her hand in Erin’s hair, tugging lightly, eliciting small gasps from the brunette. Holtz separated herself from Erin just long enough to get a good look into her beautiful, blue eyes. Erin was practically panting at that point. The song reached its apex, and Holtzmann went for it. She pressed her swollen, pink lips against Erin’s with force, and Erin leaned into the kiss, passionately. Their hands were travelling up and down one another’s bodies. They missed each other. It had felt like forever since their lips had met, but god was it worth the wait.

The intensity had begun to die down, along with the song, until the room was quiet. Holtzmann leaned her forehead up against Erin’s, and all she could mutter was, “Play a slow song, please god play a slow song…”

“…Alright folks, we’re going by request for the next half hour, so we’re giving you a little blast from the past. Here’s ‘Wicked Game’ by Chris Isaak…”

“Thank god,” Holtzmann murmured. Erin giggled, and went back to kissing Holtz, this time more tenderly. She wanted to soak in the moment.

“The world was on fire, no one could save me but you

Strange what desire will make foolish people do…”

Erin ran her hands through Holtzmann’s curly, blonde hair, and rested them on the back of her neck.

“…I never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you”

She placed soft kisses along Holtz’s jawline, and down her neck, but then she stopped for a moment and pulled away.

Holtz looked up, “Are you alright?” she asked quietly, timidly.

Erin just stared at her. Taking in every single thing she could in that moment.

“What a wicked game you play to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you…”

Holtzmann’s golden blonde hair resting gently past her shoulders, her bright blue eyes looking straight into her soul. Her cute little nose, the birthmark underneath her eye, her supple, rosy lips. Her beautiful mind. They way she always makes sure Erin feels safe and happy.

“…What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you”

Everything about this woman made Erin feel like she was flying, and she never wanted that feeling to end.

“Erin?” Holtz asked one more time, her eyes searching Erin’s, worriedly.

But, Erin simply pulled Holtzmann toward her into a tight embrace. She buried her face into Holtz’s curly mane and sighed a deep sigh that was filled to the brim with many different emotions. Holtzmann wrapped her arms securely around Erin and leaned her head up against hers. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of relief.

“The world was on fire, no one could save me but you

Strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I’d love somebody like you

I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you”

Erin lifted her head slightly, and whispered into Holtzmann’s ear, “I love you, Jillian. I love you with every piece of my heart.”

Holtzmann moved her hands up Erin’s back, and she hugged her tighter than she ever had. She began playing with Erin’s hair. She kissed the top of her head, and whispered back, “I love you, too, angel.”

Chapter Text

Erin’s eyes peeped open to see the dim glow of the early morning sunlight streaming through the blinds. As she took in her surroundings, she felt a familiar hand lovingly draped around her waist, and a smile crept upon her face as she remembered the events from the night before. The car almost exploding. The terrible, terrible dinner. The roller rink, where she had fallen and scraped almost every one of her appendages. But none of that stuff even mattered when she remembered the fact that she was now Holtzmann’s girlfriend. Although it had only been a few days since they had been with each other, it had felt like forever. Last night, for Erin, was a night of re-discovering. Re-discovering herself… and re-discovering Holtzmann.

She rolled over to see the blonde in question sleeping soundly beside her. Her hair was a giant mess of frizzy curls, her lips still swollen and her face still rosy from earlier in the evening. Erin wanted so badly to kiss her, but she didn’t want to interrupt her slumber, and she really didn’t want to do anything to disturb the peaceful, angelic look on her face. So she just watched her breathe, her petite body gently rising and falling, as if keeping to some imaginary beat. She could stare at Holtzmann forever.

Almost as if on cue, Holtz scrunched her nose and shifted a little in her sleep, letting out a tired, but delicate groan. Erin melted.

Just then, an idea popped into Erin’s head. She reached over the side of the bed with her left hand, feeling around on the floor for her bag, hoping it had made its way to Holtz’s bedroom along with her. Her hand finally grazed the familiar fabric of her bag, and she opened it, blindly feeling around for the object she desired. A few seconds had passed, when—got it! She pulled out a memorable little book, sat cross-legged on the bed, and started scribbling away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Holtzmann rolled over and squinted at the sunlight, now much brighter, that was pouring into the room. She lifted her head, expecting to see her beautiful girlfriend—girlfriend…I love the way that sounds—but instead, what she saw, sitting there on Erin’s pillow, was a book. But not just any book. The book. The book that had made and broken her relationship with Erin in a matter of days. She stared at it as though even touching it would be catastrophic. Eventually she picked it up, and sticking out from the top was a little strip of paper that said, “Read me :)”.

Confused, Holtz opened up the book to where the paper marked, and she did as she was instructed.

Saturday, October 22^nd

“Hello Journal, Erin here!

After a very successful date with Jillian, my now girlfriend…god, I love saying that… I am here to add another lovely, lovely dream to the collection, so here goes!”

Holtzmann was puzzled, and very hesitant to continue, but she read on.

“So, the dream began with me waking up in bed next to Jillian. She always looks so beautiful when she’s awake, but when she’s sleeping she just looks so peaceful. I got out of bed slowly, not wanting to wake her up, and I tip-toed out to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes, Jillian’s favorite.”

Holtz’s head perked up at the muffled sound of clanging dishes coming from the kitchen. And with that, a delightful smell graced her nose. A smile made it’s way to her face as she realized that that smell was, in fact, her favorite breakfast. She went back to reading.

“Holtz eventually made her way out to the kitchen as I was finishing up and we sat down and talked from across the table. Once we finished eating, Holtz scooted her chair closer to mine and kissed me, and everything just felt so perfect.

After breakfast, we got dressed and went for a walk. She took me over to the cafe on 24^th , where we had our first date, and we got coffee. There was talking, giggling and lots and lots of kisses. Then we…”

Holtzmann stopped and looked at the rest of the page. It was blank. Then she spotted, down on the bottom right corner of the page, an arrow. She assumed the arrow was an indication for her to flip to the next page, so that's exactly what she did.

She found a little note scribbled out in the middle of the page:

“You can figure out the rest for yourself ;)”

Holtz looked up from the book and smiled to herself. She placed the book back on the pillow where she found it, pulled the covers off of herself, and crawled out of bed.

She waltzed down the hallway towards the kitchen, making sure to check her hair in the hallway mirror. The subtle scent of chocolate chip pancakes that she had smelled earlier had hit her nose like a ton of bricks as she entered the kitchen. The sight of Erin fumbling around in her kitchen, making her favorite breakfast, especially after having spent the night in her bed, just made her glow with happiness.

“Hi there,” Holtz sing-songed.

“Oh, hey, sleepyhead!” Erin smiled.

“Well, would ya look at that,” Holtz began, with a tone of obviousness to her voice, “I do believe you’re making my favorite breakfast, Miss Gilbert,” she sauntered, sleepily, over towards Erin.

“Am I?” Erin asked, knowingly, “Well I didn’t even know, what a coincidence!” She giggled and kissed Holtz on the nose, “Would you give me a hand with these plates, please?”

Holtz grabbed their plates and headed towards the table, “Anything for you, doll,” she set the plates down while Erin poured them each a glass of milk, then she made her way back toward the fridge.

“Where do you keep your syrup?” Erin asked, putting the cap back on the milk carton.

“Waaaaay ahead of you, babe,” Holtz said as she juggled the silverware, a bottle of maple syrup, a bottle of chocolate syrup, and two cans of whipped cream, one of which was in her arms while the other rested under her chin.

“You’re so weird,” Erin giggled.

“Yeah, but you looooove it,” Holtz drawled, as she dropped her supplies on the table.

Erin flicked the radio on, and they each took a seat and began devouring their pancakes.

“Oh my GOD,” Holtz said, her mouth full, “Erin! These are the best chocolate chip pancakes I’ve ever tasted in my life,” she immediately began shoveling more into her mouth.

“Yeah, I’m pretty good at making pancakes, not gonna lie,” she blushed.

“Pretty good? Oh, Gilbert, your modesty blows my mind,” she stared at her girlfriend in awe, as she sprayed whipped cream on practically every square inch of her plate, and a little puff into her mouth, of course.

They sat in comfortable silence while finishing their breakfast. Holtzmann thought back to what the book said, and, remembering, she scooted her chair closer toward Erin’s.

Erin looked over and smiled, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Holtz smirked. Then she kissed Erin on the nose. She kissed her neck. She kissed her on the lips. The satisfied daze on Erin’s face told Holtzmann she was getting it right.

“It was nice to finally sleep with you on an actual bed, instead of those damn couches at the firehouse,” Erin laughed, “soooo much more comfortable.”

“I agree,” Holtz stated, “and we can come back here whenever,” she kissed Erin, “you,” she kissed her again, “want,” she kissed her once more.

Erin giggled at Holtz, “And my place, too.”

“And your place, too, of course,” Holtz smiled.

They sat for a few more minutes, Holtz tracing little hearts on Erin's arm, before Erin spoke up, “We should probably clean this up.”

“Yes, yes, absolutely. I’ll take that, my dear,” she said grabbing Erin’s plate, and kissing her on the top of the head as she made her way over to the kitchen sink. She turned up the radio.

Erin grabbed Holtzmann’s assortment of condiments and shuffled into the kitchen to find Holtzmann dancing in front of the sink, scrubbing the plates and pans, singing along to the radio. She Blinded Me With Science by Thomas Dolby was blasting through the kitchen and all Erin could do was watch and giggle at the sight in front of her.

“She blinded me with science…. SCIENCE!!” Holtz mimicked the silly song, making her dance moves bigger and more exaggerated as she heard Erin now audibly laughing behind her.

Holtz turned to face Erin and shouted with the song, “Good heavens, Miss Gilbert! You’re beautiful!” Erin laughed even harder, cupping her hands over her face to hide the blush that was forming.

“So, hey!” Holtz shouted over the music, turning back toward the sink, “I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’m fully awake yet!”

“Me either!” Erin hollered back, “You want me to put on a pot of coffee?”

“Oh, shoot!” Holtz roared, as she pushed her tin of coffee grounds across the counter, hiding them behind a box of cereal, “I think I’m out of coffee grounds, actually!”

Erin smiled, and rolled her eyes, “Well, darn! Now what are we gonna do?”

“Well,” Holtz said, making herself sound as obvious as possible, “We couuuuld always go to that little café you like. Where is it again? 39^th? 57^th?”

“24^th, silly!” Erin bellowed, “And yes, that sounds like a great idea!”

“Cool!” Holtz grinned.

“What??”

“Cooooool!”

Erin laughed and turned the radio off.

Holtz whipped her head around at the silence, “My jam,” she whimpered.

“My ears were about to explode, Holtz,” Erin chuckled.

“I think of you when I hear that song, y’know,” Holtz put her clean dishes in the cupboard, and wrapped her arms around Erin’s waist.

“Do you, now?” Erin pulled Holtz closer.

“Mhmmm, and the day we met.”

“I blinded you with science?”

Holtz pecked Erin on the cheek, “You most certainly did.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two girls were walking hand in hand down the street. They could just barely see their breath on this chilly October morning. The sky was a pale pink, still reeling from the dawn, and the leaves crunching underneath their feet calmed them both in a way that was familiar and warm.

Erin leaned her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder, closed her eyes, and gently squeezed her hand. Holtz kissed the top of Erin’s head, and rested her own head on Erin’s as they sustained their leisurely pace.

They were a few blocks away from the café, and out of the corner of her eye, Holtzmann saw a familiar individual walking down the sidewalk in their direction. Her head perked up, and she looked at Erin quickly to make sure her eyes were still closed.

Adam Hanson was making his way down the street, toward the two ladies, and he definitely recognized them. Holtzmann could tell he remembered her from the panicked look that washed over his face the instant his eyes met hers. Holtz shot him a death glare that practically said, “I swear to God, try me,” and Adam lowered his head and walked past the girls without looking back.

Holtz looked at Erin one more time, but her eyes were still closed, a small smile on her face. Holtz rested her head on top of Erin’s once again and they continued toward their destination.

Once they got their drinks, they walked out to the patio and sat down at they same table they sat at on their first date, except this time they pulled their chairs closer to each other. They talked about what a beautiful day it was, Holtz told Erin about some new inventions she was cooking up, Erin ran some new theories by Holtz for consideration, and everything about it was so, so comfortable. They spoke in hushed tones practically the whole time, like their conversations were theirs and theirs alone. No one else had the privilege to know what was going on in their beautiful minds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They finished their coffee and had made it a few blocks away from the café, when Holtz stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, clutching Erin’s arm.

“Holtz what are you--” Erin moved her eyes in the direction Holtzmann was staring, and she saw it, “--Oh, Jesus, of course.”

Holtzmann was staring, of course, at the pet shop across the street, “We neeeeeed to go in and pet the puppies! And the kitties! Please, pleeeease?” She gripped Erin’s arm with her other hand, as well, now, keeping her eyes focused on the pet shop.

Erin chuckled, “I mean, I guess we--”

“YES!!” Holtz took Erin’s hand and yanked her excitedly across the street.

The door dinged when it opened and Holtz looked around like she had found home. She spotted the puppy kennel and dashed over immediately, “Oh my god,” she said.

Soon, she was surrounded by small jumpy pups, tails wagging and tongues licking, “Erin! I think I’ve found heaven!” she shouted over to Erin, who was crouched down in front of a cube shaped den full of tiny little kittens, “Me too!” she called back, booping many little kitty noses.

Erin stood up and was now face to face with Holtzmann, who was holding up a puppy, “Erin,” she said.

“Holtzmann,” Erin said, firmly.

“Erin, look at herrrrr. Look at her floppy ears and her precious little face. If we don’t take her home with us, we would be doing the universe a great disservice.”

“Holtz, as persuasive as that sounds, Abby’s allergic to dogs.”

“No, my sweet, she’s allergic to cats,” Holtz corrected, still holding up the puppy.

“Oh, yeah, I can never remember… But still--”

Holtz was looking Erin in the eyes intently, making the best puppy dog pout she possibly could.

“Holtz, I—you know we can’t just--” Erin started to crack.

Holtz let out a puppy like whimper. She held the pup a little closer to Erin’s face, and Erin giggled as it licked her nose.

“God, you know I can’t resist your puppy dog eyes!” she laughed, “All I can say is, we have to see what Abby and Patty think.”

Holtz crafted a cute little voice and talked to the puppy, “You hear that Trixie? You might just be my new wittle puppy fwiend, how does that sound? I’ll come back real soon and visit you, okay?” she kissed the pup on the nose and set her back in the kennel. She turned back towards Erin who was giggling, and they walked out of the shop, making their way down the sidewalk once again.

“God, you’re so easy to break,” Holtz joked.

“Well, that face is just too cute to say no to…” Erin sighed, smiling.

A startling thought popped into her head and she glanced over at Holtz, “…you better not have smuggled that puppy out under your shirt…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had walked until they made it back to the firehouse, and it occurred to Erin that she had left the rest of the day completely up to Holtz. She rubbed her thumbs gently across Holtzmann’s knuckles, “So, do you know where we’re going next?” she asked, curiously.

“Oh I’ve got some ideas…” Holtz said, leading them to the hearse, which was parked out front.

“Are you going to let me in on any of them?”

“Nope!” Holtz smirked, “You’ll see when we get there! Now, get in the hearse.”

“What?”

“We have to drive there, get in,” Holtz urged smiling.

They were driving for about an hour and they were now on some windy back road. Holtz had one hand on the wheel and the other intertwined with Erin’s. Erin was gazing out the window, her head resting up against the cool glass, and she was taking in the fall foliage. Autumn was always her favorite time of year. There was something so mysterious about the season, and the way the leaves changed colors made her feel like magic was real.

She’s A Rainbow by The Rolling Stones, was playing softly on the radio.

Holtz had squeezed Erin’s hand, brought it up to her lips and kissed it gently. Erin closed her eyes and smiled.

She comes in colors everywhere

She combs her hair

She’s like a rainbow

Coming, colors everywhere

Oh, everywhere

She comes in colors

They passed an old sign that Erin couldn’t quite make out, and after a few moments, Holtzmann had pulled into a large parking lot filled with cars. Erin’s head perked up when she began to recognize her surroundings. They got out of the hearse and Erin looked around, “Are we--?”

Holtz smirked.

“We’re—are we at an orchard?”

Holtz smiled wide now, “Mhmmmmm.”

“Oh my god, are we here to--”

They both stated at the same time, “—pick pumpkins.”

Erin’s was more of a yell, than a statement, but Holtz knew how excited Erin got about fall. All she could do was stand there and smile at the bundle of jumping joy that was Erin Gilbert. If she could make her feel this happy every day, goddammit she would.

“Eeeeee!” Erin squealed, and grabbed Holtz’s face with both hands and kissed her, “Let’s go!” she grabbed Holtz’s hand and they darted towards the pumpkins.

They were walking around amongst the haystacks and the pumpkins, “So I think we should maybe get a couple big ones for carving and stuff and a few baby ones, because… well they’re just cute… and then--” Erin stopped walking when she realized Holtzmann wasn’t by her side anymore, “—Holtz?”

“I think we should get this one!” Holtz shouted from behind Erin.

Erin twisted around to see Holtzmann, one hand on her hip, the other behind her head, propped up by her elbow, leaning against a giant pumpkin.

“Jillian, that thing is massive!” Erin laughed.

“I know! Let’s get it!”

“Holtz, that thing is bigger than the hearse, there’s no way,” Erin was almost doubled over in laughter, as Holtzmann was now doing various poses in front of the pumpkin.

Holtz began attempting to climb the pumpkin, and Erin had to go into big kid mode, “Okay,” she grabbed Holtzmann by the back of her jacket, and pulled her back down to the ground, “down we go. Why don’t we go look at some of the more realistically sized pumpkins?” Erin laughed.

“Alriiiiiiiight,” Holtz smirked. She took Erin’s hand in her own, and the walked.

“Oh, this is a nice one!” Erin said, pointing at a pumpkin, “Do you think this one would be big enough?”

Holtzmann melodramatically whipped her head back toward the giant pumpkin, her hand outstretched, and she said, in an overly theatrical, wistful tone, “No pumpkin will ever be big enough,” she wiped away a pretend tear, and chuckled.

“Holtzmann, focus,” Erin laughed.

“I’m just kidding,” she turned back toward Erin, “Yeah, that’s a nice one, I like it. Let’s find some more like that,” she smiled.

They had searched for about ten minutes when Holtz took a seat on a haystack. There were little Halloween themed items around the patch, for decoration; fake spider webs, plastic skulls, witch hats. Holtzmann found something she liked in particular, peeking out from its place in the hay. She picked it up, inspected it and put it in her jacket pocket. She looked lovingly over at Erin, who had now moved on to the baby pumpkins.

Holtz looked to her side and found a nice little tiny pumpkin sitting by itself. She picked it up, “Hey, babe, what about this one?”

Erin danced over toward Holtz, “Oh, it’s so small! I love it, it’s so cute.”

Holtz kissed Erin on the nose, “You’re so cute.”

After they loaded the pumpkins in the hearse, they stayed at the orchard for a little while longer. They did the corn maze, drank some fresh cider, and they each bought a bag of candy corn. They went on the hayride, which was particularly romantic, because, lucky for them, they were the only two on the ride for this rotation. Holtz leaned back into Erin’s arms. Her head rested in the nape of Erin’s neck. They were mostly silent, taking in the scenery, and taking in each other. Holtzmann eventually looked up at the same time Erin looked down, and they shared a sweet kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were in the hearse on their way back now, four baby pumpkins sitting in Erin’s lap, four bigger pumpkins rolling around in the backseat. Kiss Me, by Sixpence None The Richer had come on the radio, a song to which they both knew all the words.

Holtz was tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the song, “So where are we gonna carve these bad boys? Firehouse or my place?”

“I guess your place? All my stuff’s still there, so I can just grab it when we’re done and we can head back to the firehouse afterwards,” Erin offered.

“Sounds like a plan… pumpkin!” Holtz reached a hand over and pinched Erin’s cheek.

Erin flinched and laughed, “You’re terrible.”

“Terribly gooooooood,” Holtz joked, looking back toward the road.

Erin giggled, then leaned over and kissed Holtz’s cheek, turning up the radio as she sat back in her seat. The two girls sang the chorus at the top of their lungs,

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight

Lead me out on the moonlit floor

Lift your open hand

Strike up the band, make the fireflies dance

Silver moon’s sparkling…

So kiss me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The firehouse doors opened wide, and an exhausted Abby and Patty walked in and dropped their stuff on the entranceway floor.

“There’s no music playing…” Abby stated, immediately struck by the unusual lack of 80’s pop.

“Yeah, normally Holtzy has this place blowin’ up… in more ways than one,” Patty added.

Abby chuckled at that and took a look in the kitchen to find it empty. She looked over across the hall toward the living area to see Erin’s vacant desk, “Erin?!” she called out, her voice ringing throughout the empty building.

“Holtzyyy!” Patty helped, “Yo, I swear to god, if y’all jump out and scare me, I am going to literally kill you!”

Abby walked over towards Patty and shrugged, “Well, it looks like they’re not here. I guess they got called out on a bust, I mean it is only 2:30.”

“Psshhh, they’re probably out on a date or something,” Patty joked.

“Oh, yeah right. Holtzmann and Erin? Please, I’ve known Erin for like 20 years, she’s as straight as they come,” Abby cackled, dismissing the possibility.

“Uh-uh, I bet they were fuckin’ all week, you watch!” Patty said.

“What? No! Not even, where is this even coming from?” Abby was still laughing.

“Oh, come on, you don’t see the way Holtzy flirts with Erin? All the damn time, day and night, where have you been?”

Abby responded, “Well yeah, I’m not blind! But Erin’s never reciprocated any of it. Trust me, I think I know her well enough to know when she’s got a crush on someone.”

“You wanna put some money on that?” Patty pulled out her wallet and waved it around.

“Are you serious right now?”

“Hell yeah! I got 50 dollars that says they’ve been doin’ it the whole time we’ve been gone,” Patty walked over to Erin's empty desk and laid a 50 dollar bill out on top of it.

“You know what? You’ve got yourself a deal,” Abby took out her own wallet and put her share of money down on the desk.

Patty shook Abby’s hand, “Oh, it’s on, baby.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holtzmann’s kitchen table was covered in newspapers, knives in various sizes, and discarded pumpkin guts. They had been carving their pumpkins for about 20 minutes when Holtz spoke up, “Lemme see yours!”

“It’s not done yet! I’ve barely cut into it!” Erin laughed, guarding her pumpkin as Holtz made grabby hands at it.

“Come onnnnn, I’ll show you mine…” she offered.

Erin eyed Holtz’s pumpkin and pondered, “No. Not yet. Not until it’s done.”

“Geeeeez, Gilbert. Show me your creative process!” Holtz said in a cute little voice as she reached over and tickled Erin’s stomach.

“Holtz! Jillian, st—Stop it!” Erin laughed, “The sooner you let me finish the pumpkin, the sooner you can see it.”

Holtzmann plopped back in her seat and huffed overdramatically, “Fine, goodness!”

Erin stuck her tongue out playfully, and Holtz smiled and did the same.

Another 45 minutes had passed by and Erin noticed Holtz glancing over at her, periodically. She didn’t think much of it, until it happened for the sixth time in five minutes. She looked up at Holtz, “Whatcha’ lookin’ at?” she smiled.

“Oh, nothing! Just taking in your beautiful face, my dear,” Holtz winked.

Erin blushed and went back to carving her pumpkin.

“Can I see it yet?”

“Jillian, I swear,” Erin laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patty was laying on the couch in the living area, reading a book about the history of Rome, when she looked over to see Abby, still attempting to solve some of the equations that Erin had left sitting on her desk.

Patty looked at her watch, “That’s an awfully lonnnnng bust they musta’ been called on…”

“Shut it,” Abby smirked, as she looked across the room, “I know I’m right. That money is gonna be mineeeee,” she snickered.

“Hell no, baby, they’ve been makin’ googly eyes at each other for months. Patty’s got this one locked,” Patty smiled to herself, as she went back to her book.

Abby stood up and walked over to the phone, “Well you just keep thinkin’ that, I’m gonna order Chinese.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Done!” Erin said, “Okay now you can see,” she grabbed her pumpkin, preparing to turn it around.

“Wait, no! I’m almost finished, give me another couple of minutes and we can show them at the same time,” Holtz offered.

Erin dropped her hands to her lap, “Okay.”

Every few moments, Erin would catch Holtz looking at her out of the corner of her eye. She’s starting to winder if she has something on her face.

“What do you keep staring at?” Erin asked, sitting up straight in her chair.

“Nothing, nothing,” Holtz smiled, “Okay, now I’m done. You go first,” she prompted.

“Okay,” Erin said, spinning her pumpkin around to reveal both hers and Holtzmann’s initials carved inside an endearingly childlike heart.

“Erin!” Holtz exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hands, “That’s so beautiful, I love it!!”

“You do? Good, ‘cause I had a little trouble carving the heart, I kept messing up, and the angles were really hard, and—“

Holtzmann cut her off, “It’s so amazing,” she reached out and booped Erin’s nose, “just like you, my little master pumpkin carver!”

Erin giggled, “Okay, now you show me yours!” she clapped.

“Okay, you ready? One. Two. Three!” Holtz spun her pumpkin around to reveal a pretty lifelike carved portrait of Erin.

Erin’s eyes widened, and her jaw had dropped to the floor. She was at a loss for words as she stared at the pumpkin for what felt like forever.

“So, ya like it?” Holtz asked.

“Like it?” Erin asked, her voice shaking involuntarily, “Jillian, that is the most amazing thing I think I’ve ever seen! How did you—I mean, we’ve only been here for like an hour and a half!”

“Well, that’s what four years at a Danish art school will do for ya,” she joked, “I’m glad you like it,” she smiled.

“I love it. So much,” Erin got up from her chair, knelt next to Holtz, threw her arms around the blonde’s waist, and hugged her tight. She looked up at Holtz and the two shared a kiss.

“Ughhh, we should probably start cleaning all this stuff up now, this is gonna take a while,” Holtz proposed, sighing.

“Yeah, all this newspaper, and yet somehow, like 80% of the pumpkin guts still wound up on the floor. I wonder how that happened,” Erin teased.

“My baaaaaad,” Holtz sang, and they both began cleaning up the pumpkin leftovers.

About halfway through cleaning Holtz cried out, “Oh my god!”

Erin threw a hand up over her heart, “What? Jesus, Holtz, you can’t just do that!!” she laughed.

“Sorry, but I just remembered something!”

“What is it?”

“I never showed you how fast I made the toy train go!” Holtz exclaimed.

Erin gasped, “Oh my god, that’s right, I forgot all about that!”

“I have to show you. We’re basically done here,” she looked around her kitchen, “you wanna grab your stuff and go now?”

“Yes!” Erin dropped what she was doing and ran to get her stuff from the night before.

They shuffled down the stairs and out of the building, “I’m so weirdly excited for this, I’m such a dork,” Erin giggled.

Holtz took her hand and led them toward the hearse, “Yeah, but you’re my dork,” she winked.

They pulled up to the firehouse and Erin was already making for the door handle when she noticed Holtz was still sitting in her seat, “Hey, you coming?”

“Yeah!” Holtz said, bringing herself back from her daze.

They exited the hearse and Holtz was walking slower than normal, the late afternoon sun shining in her eyes, “Hey,” Erin inquired, softly, “Jillian, what’s up?”

“It’s nothing, it’s just…” she looked up at Erin as they made their way to the front steps of the firehouse, “… I’m just really glad you’re my girlfriend, that’s all,” she smiled.

Erin took a small step, wrapped her hands around Holtz’s waist, and pulled her close, “I’m really glad I’m your girlfriend, too,” she said, as she placed a quick kiss on Holtz’s lips.

“Oh!” Holtz exclaimed softly, “I almost forgot!” she reached down into her jacket pocket, “I got something for you.”

“You what? Jillian!” Erin playfully smacked Holtz on the arm.

“Close those pretty little eyes,” Holtz instructed.

“Fineeee,” Erin did what she was told.

Holtz took Erin’s hand and slid something cold down her pinky finger, “Open!”

Erin opened her eyes and looked at her hand, “I—is this a plastic spider ring?”

“Yuh-huh!”

“Like the one’s they make for children?”

“You betcha, sweet cheeks!”

“Where did you even get this?” Erin laughed, still gazing at the plastic wrapped around her finger. The spider was small, but its legs were long and elegantly thin. She treasured it.

“I found it tucked in a haystack back at the pumpkin patch and I thought you’d like it,” Holtz beamed, “Just consider it a one-week-anniversary gift.”

“Well, I love it,” Erin giggled, ”Now I have to get you something, too.”

“Please, babe. You’re the best gift I could ever ask for,” Holtz said, as she pulled Erin close to her once more. She placed a long, loving kiss on her lips.

But it was clear they both wanted more, as Erin squeezed Holtz tight around the waist, and Holtzmann wrapped her arms around Erin’s neck. They were making out right there on the stairs, when Holtz went to open the firehouse doors.

The two didn’t even notice that the doors were unlocked as they inched their way in the doorway, still wrapped in each other’s embrace. They dropped their things to the floor as the doors closed behind them.

Abby and Patty, who were sitting in the kitchen eating their Chinese food, heard the ruckus and got up quietly to investigate. They poked their heads around the kitchen entry and peered into the entrance of the firehouse, to see that Erin had Holtz pinned up against the doors. Lips locked, heavy breathing, hands exploring each other’s bodies.

Abby and Patty just stared at the spectacle in front of them, before Patty leaned down towards Abby and whispered, “Um, baby,” Abby looked up, “ I believe you owe me 50 dollars.” They both smiled.

They crept out from the kitchen and tip-toed up the stairs, attempting not to disturb their friends. When they got to the top of the stairs, Patty yelled down, “If y’all are gonna fuck, you better use the lab! We don’t wanna hear none of that!” Abby cackled and slapped Patty’s arm.

Erin and Holtzmann broke away from each other momentarily, to look up and see Abby and Patty scurrying quickly down the hallway, shushing each other and giggling.

Holtz yelled up the stairs, "We're getting a puppy!"

"What?!" 

"Nothing!"

Erin turned back toward Holtz, realizing how quickly their time alone had come and gone, and said quietly, “My god, has it been a week already?”

“I guess it has,” Holtz winked.

Erin giggled, and they went back to kissing, softer now, truly excited for all of the weeks, months… and maybe even years to come.