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Chapter Text

The universe and the world had been born again 53 times. Each time Earth had cooled, life slowly formed at the bottom of the ocean, desperately clinging to what little the uninhabited ball of rock had to offer before it crawled to the surface and turned the rocky wasteland into a new Eden. Life was wiped out and born again time over and over until it got to the only point in all of time that mattered. The moment that Nathan first reached his hand down to Abaddon in that pit, greeting him with a warm smile and a promise of home, and companionship on this otherwise worthless planet. The universe may as well have been born for no other reason than for a single blip in time that Abaddon came into contact with the first of the only four people on this God forsaken planet who had any right to inhabit it. 

53 times Abaddon had lived with Nathan for a year rebelling against his rule, watching his movements carefully from the vents and the shadows of the hotel, and attacking sworn enemies who came from all directions. After the first year he continued as he did before but he also allowed Nathan to serve him meals, to clean him when he fought a great enemy, and eventually sat on his lap while they watched the people perform for them on the television. His years with Nathan were mostly quiet and uneventful, but he cherished them every time, especially the time when he could feel the warmth from Nathan’s body on his own. 

53 times Abaddon tried to ignore the feelings he couldn’t explain building in his chest for Nathan and 52 he had felt the same way for the rest of the Freelings who invaded his home when Nathan died and took him as one of their own. He thought that after so long he would grow numb to their lives and their passing as he had to every other life he encountered on this planet over and over again. They should be worthless, but instead, every single time what he felt seemed to be stronger than the last to the point it physically hurt when he watched them perish in flames that were only there because of him. 

Where it wasn’t the night of the apocalypse that swallowed the world in flame, it was the night where it felt as though the world Abaddon had of his own burned to the ground. He had watched it happen so many times and once again thought he was capable of growing numb to it, but it too only got worse every time. 

Abaddon had watched for the 53rd time as Nathan stopped speaking to his family, stopped visiting his friends, slept less, ate more, and stared for hours at the television with no servants on it to entertain him. Even though Nathan was always in the hotel and no guests were around, once again, he stopped speaking almost entirely even to Abaddon. Abaddon had been cautious to cherish the days before this when the strange man who managed to make the great Abaddon feel things he didn’t want to feel spoke to him endlessly about anything and everything went silent. Unfortunately, paying attention to that had made watching the light slowly leave Nathan hurt so much more. Abaddon was more aware of how Nathan’s words faded, how the light left his eyes, and the way he moved around the hotel lost all purpose and energy. He simply faded into a state of only existing. 

For the 53rd time, Abaddon found himself laying in the vents looking down at Nathan who was sitting in his chair, drinking heavily with an unopened bottle of pills on the table next to him, the television dark as usual. Nathan usually took one or two of the pills at night, he claimed they helped him sleep, but 2 was the limit and he never took them with alcohol, especially not the strong stuff. Abaddon tried one of the pills once while Nathan slept and had spat the foul substance out, unsure how tasting something bad helped someone sleep and why anyone would want to waste more of the best hours of darkness laying unconscious. However, on this night, Nathan wouldn’t take his one or two but all of them one small handful at a time until he slept and his body grew cold. Until he died. 

The first time, Abaddon hadn’t seen this happen, he’d been deep in the woods and had only found Nathan the next morning, body cold, stiff, and unresponsive in a way it never was. Abaddon had felt pain before, but never quite like what he felt when he realized Nathan wasn’t sleeping. It was a pain so intense he couldn’t even think of a way to describe it. He had sat in Nathan’s lap for days pressed against the man’s chest as if his own body could bring warmth and life back into Nathan’s. He had tried demanding Nathan wake up, tried putting a curse on him, tried screaming at every deity he knew of, tried bargaining with death who wouldn’t even respond to him, nothing had worked. It wasn’t until Katherine came to the hotel three days later to check on Nathan that Abaddon had wept into Katherine’s shoulder while she held him, unable to contain her own grief either, Katherine wept quietly while Abaddon screamed in tortured sobs until he lost his voice. 

That was one of the rare times Abaddon had allowed a living being to see him in such a weakened state and Katherine had preserved his dignity by never speaking of his weakness to him or anyone else. She kept his shame and grief secret where it belonged. It was something Abaddon allowed himself every time around, his pent up grief more intense every time and still, every time around, Katherine just held him, rubbed his back, and never judged Abaddon for his weakness. 

It wasn’t until the next day that Nathan’s ghost appeared, terrifying Katherine and startling Abaddon; he thought that Nathan had fully passed on, not realizing it could take a ghost days to appear. At the very least, he was back like he once was, full of life and words with no recollection of his death or how he faded from the world. Katherine had told Nathan a comfortable lie and Abaddon had believed it until one of Rabisu’s spawn all but forced the information from her. It was something that had taken even Abaddon by surprise, but it made the days leading to Nathan’s death make a lot more sense. 

Every time that Abaddon had relived the birth and life of the Earth, he hid in the vents and watched Nathan’s final moments, pain he couldn’t explain welling in his chest as he forced himself to remain silent and watch the first person who treated him like he was something precious die in front of him, there were many things Abaddon did that wasn't in the original universe, but Nathan's death had been what led Katherine to the hotel in the first place. It hurt to watch Nathan die, but it felt so wrong to leave him in his final moments. Part of his punishment for failing to stop the apocalypse was reliving some of the worst days of his life every single time.

52 times  Abaddon had watched Nathan suffer for days and kill himself, the last of his flickering light fading from his body. Every time was worse than the last as the pain grew more unbearable, the grief choked him earlier leaving him gasping for quiet breaths as Nathan took his last. After 37th time watching Nathan die in front of him, the inexplicable grief he felt at the touch of Nathan’s cold corpse consumed too much of him. From that time forward, Abaddon sat on Nathan’s lap and howled for hours, unable to release the suffocating pressure crushing his lungs and chest any other way. His cries before Katherine’s arrival was a secret the dead kept as well, Abaddon unsure if it was because they feared him or understood his agony enough to keep their silence. 

Nothing was special about the 53rd time Abaddon watched the events leading up to Nathan’s suicide, just like there was nothing special about the 37th time Abaddon had touched Nathan’s cold body. For both, it was simply the point he couldn’t take anymore and could no longer control his actions or emotions, the pain becoming too much to bear. This time, Abaddon just knew he couldn’t bear to see Nathan take his own life again, it hurt too much to watch or even think about. 

When Nathan finally reached for the bottle of pills, Abaddon pushed the vent out and tumbled out onto the floor before he could think, timeline be damned. Before Nathan could even get the lid off, Abaddon scampered over to him, jumped in Nathan’s lap, and swatted the pills from his hand. 

A few weak, slurred sounds of protest came from Nathan’s lips, but he didn’t move to follow the bottle even though it only lay next to the chair, Nathan just looked right ahead, barely moving. When Abaddon looked directly at Nathan, he looked dead already, a vacant, glassy look in his eyes, his gaze barely falling on Abaddon even as their noses touched. 

“Nathan.” Abaddon said, trying to get the man’s attention. “Nathan!” He repeated louder. “Nathan, I demand you look at me!”

“Hey there, bud.” Nathan said softly, words still weak and slurred, his gaze finally finding Abaddon, a small, sad smile spreading across his face. “S'all right, everything will be better in the morning, I promise.” He said, reaching down to the ground for the pills. 

Without thinking, Abaddon grabbed Nathan’s hand in both of his, holding it tight. “Bud, could ya let go of me? If you could go catch me some fresh squirrels I think I might feel better.” 

For a moment, Abaddon was about to run out into the night and find his prey, bring it back as a gift for the man who had cared for him the past few years, show that he was a worthy master to worship and keep close and that he could set things right if he only knew how. Then he realized squirrels wouldn’t help Nathan, Abaddon had brought him squirrels before and Nathan only buried them, never wanting anything to do with their bodies no matter when or how Abaddon presented them. Nathan was trying to get rid of him for just enough time to swallow the pills that would confine Abaddon to agony, grief, and isolation for days. 

“Do not abandon me again.” Was all Abaddon could think to say, sure it didn’t make much sense to Nathan’s inferior human mind who had only lived one birth of the universe, not even, just a blip on this already formed world, but it didn't matter. He didn’t think Nathan could make sense of much in his state. 

Nathan gave Abaddon a mournful look, reaching up with the hand Abaddon wasn’t holding in a death grip and cupping his cheek. “I changed some things, my sister will be here after, she’ll take care of you. She’ll be better for you. Everything will be better when she gets here. I promise, bud.” 

Abaddon shook his head forcefully. “You will not pawn me, Abaddon, off to some sister or anyone else when it is convenient. I demand you stay here with me.” He wanted to shake Nathan violently as if that would somehow force sense into him. Abaddon had grown to appreciate Katherine even his first time with her, but her best accomplishment was still bringing her youngest spawn into the world. A worthy ally and student even if for only a few short years of her human lifespan. Still, that didn’t mean he wanted to trade Nathan for Katherine, maybe if he did everything right, he could have all four important Freelings alive, in the hotel, and avoid the apocalypse. 

“Okay.” Nathan said, running his thumb across Abaddon’s cheek gently, still looking sad. “Why don’t you go get your cereal, we can watch something together.” 

Abaddon may have been tricked even if temporarily the first time, he wasn’t going to be at all the second time, Nathan only needed moments to consume his pills for him to die in this state. Abaddon fumbled for anything in his mind he could say or do to keep Nathan with him, unable to even bear the thought of watching Nathan die again, this night already too painful. He couldn’t do it again. It was too much. He may be a demon but even he had his limits. “Do not abandon me again…father.” He wasn’t sure if he was going to add the word at the end when he started the sentence and wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say even after. The part that bothered him the most is that he wasn't fully sure if he had just said it to get Nathan’s attention or if a small part of him felt as though Nathan was more than just…Nathan. 

At the very least, that was the world that broke Nathan. Instead of continuing to try and convince Abaddon to leave the room for any amount of time, Nathan wrapped his arms around Abaddon’s small body, pulled him close and wept loudly. Hiding his face in Nathan’s shoulder, knowing that the man was too drunk and too miserable to be aware of anything, Abaddon released his own grief as well, hoping all evidence of it would be gone by the morning. Hoping that he had made the right decision. Maybe this would be the universe he could build the only world that mattered to him in it. Maybe in this universe, even if it meant giving up his powers, he could have it all. 

Chapter Text

When Nathan had woken up in the early afternoon, the first thing he did was drag himself to the bathroom and spend the better part of five minutes vomiting. Abaddon watched the man quietly from the door, eyes on the apothecary mirror, not fully trusting Nathan to not go right back to where he was last night. He couldn’t go through deciding to save Nathan just to lose him again to something else the next morning. Abaddon wasn’t sure what dosage medicine became dangerous in and if it needed to be mixed with alcohol to kill but he wasn’t going to risk it. All of it was dangerous in Nathan’s hands at the moment. 

When Nathan stood up, opened the mirror above and pulled out another bottle of pills, Abaddon started growling, ready to fight Nathan for the bottle if he had to use claws, teeth, feet, and any other part of his body he could leverage. He wouldn’t watch this happen again. Nathan might be more lucid now, but Abaddon could still knock pills from his hands. 

“Don worry bud.” Nathan said, his words still not quite right, eyes still red, and posture still defeated just as it all was the night before. “Just some aspirin. 2 are safe.” Still, when Nathan went to open the bottle, Abaddon growled louder, bearing his short nails and dull teeth. “Read the dosage for adults.” Nathan offered the bottle to him, Abaddon just looked at him, the letters as meaningless as any other worthless human language. “That’s right, you only know how to read n’ write one word.” Nathan said more to himself, opening the bottle causing Abaddon hairs to bristle, growling even louder and preparing to pounce on Nathan until the man put only two pills in his hands and offered the rest to Abaddon. “How about you hold onto these for me ‘till you trust me with ‘em, ‘kay.” Nathan said as Abaddon cautiously took the bottle and put it in his pocket. 

“How about we microwave some frozen waffles, put whatever topping we want on them, and watch TV for the rest of the day.” Nathan offered, taking the pills in his hand.

Abaddon nodded, he wanted to be able to keep a close eye on Nathan today and that seemed like an easy way to do it.

15 minutes later both of them were on the couch marathoning Nicolas Cage movies and eating waffles, Nathan’s covered with nutella and Abaddon with honey, powdered sugar, and Froot Loops. Every few minutes, Abaddon looked over at Nathan waiting for some of that light to return to him, even if he was alive, it didn’t seem like enough. He seemed as dead and empty as the night before.

“Abaddon?” Nathan asked when he noticed the demon looking at him for a particularly long time.

“Do not abandon me again, Nathan.” He said, repeating himself from last night, wishing he could move any closer to Nathan without it obstructing their ability to eat. “Please.” He added softly, averting his eyes, a word he so rarely used for he had little use for it. Abaddon didn’t ask people to do anything, he commanded and his word was obeyed. He wasn’t used to pleading with anyone for anything, certainly not for them to not harm themselves. 

It wasn’t a concept that Abaddon was unfamiliar with, he had seen plenty of humans over the years take their own lives, the first being his vessel’s mother after she lost her husband and son all in one day. It had really been her husband’s fault she lost everything, if he’d just left Abaddon alone he would have returned the boy only injured and distraught after a few weeks before he moved on to a new vessel, but that priest had to get in the way of everything. Abaddon wasn’t unfamiliar with the idea of destroying his own body either, once a human body was bound to a demon, it was far more durable than Abaddon would have liked, trapping him here on Earth until he found help. 

He felt Nathan’s arms wrap around him and the uneven breaths of Nathan’s cries in his ear. “I’m so sorry, Abaddon.” He says softly, voice hitching between several of the words. “It was stupid and selfish of me. I won’t leave you of my own free will. I’m sorry I tried to.” Abaddon stayed silent as he felt his throat close, he wouldn’t be able to say a word without something embarrassing showing in his voice. It was unbecoming of someone of his station to cry, especially like this.

The day passed slowly, Abaddon reminding himself that Nathan was alive by touching his warm, flexible body, feeling his chest rising and falling, hearing his voice occasionally making a comment about the movie, or moving slightly to get more comfortable. 

Eventually, Nathan’s phone rang. Abaddon had heard it ring every time he relived this after Nathan’s body was fully cold and stiff. Nathan never picked up before and it rang five times before the caller gave up. Abaddon hadn’t ever been able to access Nathan’s phone as it was in his back pocket when he died, but even if Abaddon had been able to get to it, he would have probably just smashed it in anger or grief. He had never considered who could be at the other end, he hadn’t really cared, had just been annoyed at how often and for how long Nathan’s phone rang in the days leading up to Katherine’s arrival. 

This time, Nathan answered his phone the first time it rang, the timeline now changing for people outside of the hotel walls. “Hey, Kathy.” Nathan answered immediately. All the times he spent going through time, he had never thought much about who was on the other side of the phone, never thought that it might be Katherine. It would make sense for her to travel to the hotel if she was unable to reach Nathan by phone so that she would come in person if she had reason to worry. Maybe it would be a chance to bring Katherine and her offspring to the hotel and Abaddon could complete his world with all four who mattered most alive under one roof. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“I know, it wasn’t fair of me to do that to you, I haven't been in a great place the past week.”

“No, no, nothing like that, I’m fine, Abaddon kinda pulled me out of the worst of it last night. I’ll get it together, I’m sorry Kath.”

Abaddon could sort of guess what kind of conversation Nathan was having with Katherine even with only one end of it but didn’t pay too close attention. All that mattered was that Nathan was alive and could get the others up here even if it took a little longer. He started paying a little more attention to the conversation when he saw Nathan smiling down at him, a flicker of life back in his eyes. “Yeah, that would be nice, you and the kids would love it up here and I’d like you to meet Abaddon, I think this is gonna become a bit of a permanent situation. He’s a bit of an odd kid but he’s got a good heart.” Nathan said while he tousled Abaddon’s hair affectionately.

“I do not have a heart, I merely possess the heart of a boy whose mind still howls at me as if I were the one who bound him to this fate for eternity, he should howl at his father. The boy’s heart is only adequate.” Abaddon said calmly, Nathan ignored him. 

“Yeah I’ll send it all to you, I think you guys will love it here, good little break from the city for ya.”

“Okay, love you Kath.”

“Abaddon.” Nathan said when he hung up his phone.

Abaddon just looked at him, not fully sure what Nathan wanted.

“Kathy and her kids are going to be coming to the hotel to celebrate thanksgiving with us, I’ve told her about you but there is some stuff she doesn’t know and I think we should ease her into.” He said. Abaddon remained silent, still staring unblinking into Nathan’s eyes, unsure exactly where Nathan was going with this. 

“I’ve sort of told her you’re the son of some friends of mine who hit hard times, couldn’t take care of you, I had the space and time and offered to take you in for awhile so they didn’t risk losing you to the state and it’s been going on for longer than any of us thought.” Nathan explained.

“Why not simply tell her the truth? She will learn of my origins soon enough.” Abaddon was unsure what the point of lying to Katherine was, she always figured out plots no matter how well crafted. She was truly a worthy matriarch to rebel against and live under.

“Well, so, Kathy doesn’t know the hotel is haunted, she doesn’t believe in ghosts, demons, monsters, or magic and she certainly won’t believe me if I tell her that I’m raising a demon in my home and will likely not come if she thinks I’m trying to mess with her again.”

Abaddon cocked his head a little confused. Kathy had been very quick to accept the supernatural, then again, she had watched Nathan appear as a ghost while she had spent the better part of the day holding Abaddon while he trembled silently in her arms, his throat too raw to scream anymore but still unable to do anything but grieve, his body nearly catatonic no matter how hard he tried to command it to move. She did well be thrown head first into new situations, or maybe she hadn’t and Abaddon had been too enveloped in his own misery to notice she wasn’t handling it well. 

“Just…I wasn’t always the best brother, I’m trying to be better and I want to start off with a good first impression. I’ll convince the ghosts to keep away from them and we’ll slowly introduce her and the kids to the supernatural if things go well. I really want her and the kids to like you, just probably not best to go the demon first route.” He explained.

Abaddon nodded. “I shall draw upon the life of the child and I will not fail you Nathan. My father was a priest who is my sworn enemy, my mother–”

“No, no, you don’t want to talk about your parents if anyone asks. No priests, no sworn enemies, no talking about your vessel yelling in your mind, no magic talk, no threats of hell or violence, no vengeance, none of that. You’re going to be a normal little boy who, I don’t know, likes trucks or something, we’ll figure it out, just not demon stuff until they’ve seen the ghosts and are okay with it. Got it?” 

Abaddon nodded once. He wanted to tell Nathan about the year he had with Katherine, Ben, and Esther, how he cared for them despite his nature, how they accepted him as their own, how Esther was his companion and she would be under his protection and receive his devotion until the day she died. However, he couldn’t explain that without explaining everything else and he was sure that would fall under ‘demon stuff’. It might also just break Nathan’s fragile human brain.

“Thank you, bud. Once they get to know you I’m sure they’ll love you, demon or not just like I do, but I just want things to go well, first impressions are really important. Is there any point in asking you to change out of those 18th century clothes?” Nathan asked, a look of defeat on his face already at that one.

Abaddon shook his head.

“Even if I buy you a shirt with a semi truck on it?” 

“The ones with the loud horns that can crush all of the small, weak cars in their paths?” Abaddon asked excitedly, sure that was the only vehicle fit for him to ride in even though he never had. 

“The very same.”

Abaddon thought for a moment before he shook his head. He liked the idea of wearing such a vehicle, but he didn’t like the way new clothes felt against his skin. Anyways, he was used to how this body looked and felt, all parts included. 

“Even if I take you to the housing development on the far side of town to eat fiberglass from the walls?” 

That was also a tempting offer, but he still didn’t want the feeling he was used to to change. 

Abaddon still wasn’t sure how the boy’s clothes always stayed in good condition even after going through the entire history of time again and again, the tears always mending themself whether Nathan attended to them or not. No other clothing Abaddon wore did that, but maybe it had something to do with it being what he was wearing when the priest bound him to this small, weak body. He didn’t want to have to replace his clothing as others did so frequently. 

“Well, I guess thanksgiving is the most appropriate holiday to dress like a pilgrim.” Nathan sighed when Abaddon refused his offer of fiberglass. “We can go into town to get some stuff for dinner tomorrow morning, you do have to wear a jacket if you wanna come with me though, people recognize you for breaking into their houses dressed like that. They’ll also wonder why I’m letting a little boy walk around without a jacket in this weather. Can you at least do that? Once we’re in the car you can take it off.” 

Abaddon nodded, he didn’t like jackets much but he wasn’t as against it in the same way he was against changing. It was a reasonable compromise. 

“Thank you. I think this will be your first real family holiday. Hopefully we can have more, maybe we can even go visit them in the big city next time.” Nathan said, pulling Abaddon close to him. 

Abaddon just nodded silently. He had the advantage of knowing Katherine, Esther, and Ben well and he was sure that even if it took a few years, he could convince them to stay at the hotel. They would all be happier in the hotel, all as a family, all together again. He’d make it happen, confident in his ability to figure this out. Anyways, in the swamp he had a way to return back to the dawn of time where he could try again. No feat was too big for him, he would accomplish making his own little world right. 

Chapter Text

Abaddon hadn’t liked humans much for the majority of his time on earth, his best interactions with them had been neutral until he met Nathan. He had been the first person who had made Abaddon consider that maybe not every human should scream and suffer when Hell came to Earth, just most of them. He had been ever more surprised when he learned that where kindness from humans was rare, Nathan wasn’t the only exception. Even if Katherine stopped many of his schemes, pinned him down to remove his claws, and locked him away on occasion, nothing she had ever done lasted long or was malicious. Most of the time her punishments matched what she did to her own offspring, she gave him offerings, and she was fair. He still thought that Esther was her greatest achievement, but he did like her. Even his first time going through time, Abaddon had liked her and had tried to spend more time with her on his other rounds through time when he thought it wouldn’t change the timeline enough to matter. Hopefully he would have more of a chance now that he was free to make the future he wanted with the only humans that mattered alive and with him.

Even though the majority of Abaddon’s interactions with humans had been largely neutral or unpleasant, there had been some that were truly terrible. Of course he had suffered at the hands of the priest, but unfortunately that wasn’t his worst experience with humanity. Ironically where his best experiences with humanity were from the Freelings who made this hotel their home, the worst experiences he had were also in this place when it was a prison, an asylum, and as a manor. Even with the faint hope of Hell coming for him, he had wanted to run from this horrible place for so long. Somehow, after so much bad coming from this place, he was somehow granted something good in the shape of a strange, persistent man and then his family. Abaddon had felt himself changing in a way he couldn’t understand, let alone explain. He didn’t know why he was willing to relive time so many times just for four blips, he certainly didn’t understand why he was willing to change time for them. Some had tried to change his nature and had failed and yet the Freelings had managed to do so without Abaddon even realizing and still didn’t know what exactly they did to him. He didn’t think any of them even knew what they had done. 

The people who had lived in and around what was now the hotel previously who had dealt with Abaddon were a lot more heavy handed in their attempts to change him. Many gave up on changing him and simply him away, some more successfully than others, but his prisons never lasted forever. Most times he had been held captive was by people who lived at or near the hotel and managed to hold Abaddon hostage for a few hours or days before he escaped. One had tried to ship him off to boarding school which he had escaped from as soon as he got in trouble for not knowing how to read on the first day. However, the ones who managed to hold him longer usually had a flair for cruelty, people who Abaddon was sure would do very well in Hell.

He had been treated like a prisoner when the first of the asylums and the prison caught him. Ironically, the prison had been easier to escape and faced less harsh treatment than asylum. The prison had simply locked him away after Abaddon had attacked several of their guards and broken in on multiple occasions. They kept him hidden, hoping few would notice him and ask why a child his age was there as no other organisation had been able to deal with him. It was unpleasant but tolerable and he had managed to escape after just under three months the first time. He had been captured and imprisoned twice more but each time he got out a little bit faster and had been harder to catch. None of it had stopped him from continuing to break in, asking the prisoners about their darkest deeds, and watching them fight one another. He had thought that a prison would be a particularly dangerous place for someone in a child’s body, but even the fiercest looking men there had treated Abaddon with more civility than most people elsewhere. One of the men had even once spent an hour showing Abaddon his collection of dead insects and sharp objects for stabbing other prisoners, Abaddon had liked that man. When free, Abaddon had brought the man animal bones he didn’t have much use for but would be good for making sharp and stabbing. 

The asylum had been far less pleasant to be held in and far more difficult to escape from. He had spent most of his time there bound in some way or another, the matter of his age wasn’t a problem there, he had even seen a few children younger than his vessel there. The food they forced him to eat was bad and few of the other prisoners there would speak to him, those that would didn’t have much of anything interesting to say. The people in charge hurt him, some of what they did was pleasant as it reminded him of Hell, but most wasn’t. They tried to remove parts of his body and brain to try and change him, some worked temporarily, but he always healed in a few hours to a few days depending on the severity of his injuries and the state of the rest of his body. It took him just under two years to escape from the asylum, he was far more cautious about recapture there than he had been about the prison and stayed away. 

He knew people talked about the demon child who terrorized the area and knew some people hunted him more than others and for some reason the people of the asylum were some of them. He hadn’t understood why, but he knew they were good at keeping him captive and where it wasn’t the worst experience of his life, it was one he could go without repeating. 

Still, his worst imprisonment had been when the hotel had first become a manor bought by a wealthy man by the name of Philip who liked the dark history of the place, had an interest in the magic, and had actually known what Abaddon was from the rumors he heard about him alone. When the man hired someone to capture him, Abaddon had been sure his life was over, that Phillip was set on freeing the boy Abaddon had possessed so long ago by destroying Abaddon’s very essence. Instead, the man had a far more sadistic idea. He and those in his social circles had some interest in the dark arts and the supernatural and wanted a creature of his own to show off to them. 

With Philip, Abaddon had spent most of his time trapped in small salt circles, chained with blessed iron that burned his skin, and sometimes Philip would even spray holy water on Abaddon that burned horribly and buried deep in his flesh taking weeks to heal when Abaddon made an attempt to escape, the more times he tried, the worse it got. He would spend months chained in the attic, arms chained tight behind him, legs shackled to the floor, and salt circled around him so tight that even if he hadn’t been bound he would barely be able to move. 

The line of the circle was thick and the salt was kept in place with adhesive and needed to be scraped away to remove him when Abaddon was left up there. There was no chance of wind or animals creating a small break. Even if it did, Abaddon would have had to try and pull the shackles from the floorboards which felt like an impossible task especially in a kneeling position with so little leverage. Despite that, Abaddon had tried, straining himself until he could no longer move, hoping that if he broke the boards it would break the salt circle.

Abaddon’s time with Phillip had been the longest seven years of his life. He didn’t mind being alone normally, for the most part he liked it, but being left alone, immobile, and in agony was a completely different story. Being locked away in the attic, iron burning his flesh to the bone where the shackles sat against him for so long, his body was so stiff and painful he couldn’t move properly for hours when Philip wanted to show off his prized possession had been torture enough. No matter how horrible his prison was, when he was actually presented to people downstairs it was always so much worse. Too much of his skin was always exposed, his arms and chest bare. People wanted to touch the brand the priest had bound him with when they learned what it was, to press holy objects to his skin and see how it burned, to see how normal fire didn’t harm him at all. He stopped fighting back after his first year with Philip, finding himself far more humiliated and in far more pain if he tried. He had kept his hands shoved deep in his pockets pinching at his legs through the fabric and grit hit teeth so tight some of them cracked over the years to keep himself from doing or saying anything he would be made to regret. He was forced to sit silently on a stool for hours in the middle of the room in his small salt circle, stuck with the same adhesive as the attic so no clumsy feet could free him. It was all he could do to keep not allow his shame, rage, pain, or fear show on his face even if his body sometimes trembled involuntarily, he just desperately waited for the night to be over, plotting how he would free himself and how he would destroy Philip for what he had done. 

Abaddon hadn’t escaped that place by his own wits, he had been helped by one of Philip’s guests of all people. A fire had started in the next room and while everyone panicked a woman who Abaddon hadn’t recognized from any previous event knelt down next to Abaddon and cut through the salt and floorboard with a knife. He hadn’t waited to figure out who she was or why he helped him, he just ran and didn’t stop until he collapsed from exhaustion deep in the woods, his body weakened after years of being denied food, any kind of rest, or time to properly heal from any of his injuries, his skin perpetually marked with burns of some kind, some worse than others. Abaddon had only been able to assume the woman felt bad for his child vessel, maybe she was a mother or cared deeply for children and couldn’t stand to see one be injured even if he wasn’t a real child or even human. He didn’t care, all that mattered was that he was free. He was free and he was never going back. 

After slowly recovering in the woods for several months of much needed rest, he had dedicated his life to hunting Philip, a task that had been easier than he thought it would be and a result less satisfying when it was accomplished. He had wanted to torture the man for years as he deserved but had been too terrified that Philip would find a way out and claim Abaddon as his property all over again. His need for Philip to just be gone out weighed his need for Philip to suffer, he told himself the man would suffer enough in Hell where he had no power over demons. Abaddon had just placed a simple yet effective curse on Philip, causing his body to slowly burn away into nothing over the course of 3 days. Abaddon had wanted more retribution than that, but it was enough. 

Even though Abaddon was committed to preserving the timeline as much as possible, he allowed himself to be taken by all of his captors each time the universe was reborn except for Philip, he couldn’t do it again. Thankfully, so long as he killed the man in the same way on the same day and didn’t cause trouble during the time he was captured, by the time that Nathan took ownership of the hotel, the world wasn’t different enough to matter, at least nothing Abaddon noticed. If the changes didn’t affect him or the Freelings, Abaddon didn’t care what they were.

After Philip, Abaddon had stayed as far from everyone as possible while prowling the property in case Hell came for him. He ran from everyone, he didn’t care how harmless they seemed or how well intentioned they might be, he wasn’t risking his freedom again. Abaddon never thought that he would be scared of anyone on Earth, but Philip had changed him. 

It was over 30 years until Abaddon willingly let anyone touch him again. Even though he had vowed to stay away from people for the rest of his time on Earth, Nathan had been persistent, but in a different way than people who had tried to capture Abaddon in the past. Nathan would often walk into the woods, leave a sandwich in a bag a few feet away from himself, and just sat on the forest floor. Most days, Nathan would talk while Abaddon lurked in the shadowy underbrush just out of sight. Abaddon watched the man intently, never getting closer, and listened to Nathan’s words, trying to understand him. Usually, Nathan would just talk about his day, some about his past, and what he hoped to accomplish now that he lived in the hotel. After about an hour, Nathan would get up and leave, walking back towards the hotel and disappeared from sight, that was when Abaddon would take Nathan’s offering.

After doing this for almost two months, Abaddon finally approached the sandwich while Nathan was still sitting in the forest. He had just grabbed it and bolted back into the forest, ignoring Nathan when he tried to talk to him. Nathan hadn’t followed him, hadn’t yelled at him to come back, just continued to talk at Abaddon while he ate in the shadows.

 It wasn’t until six months after Nathan first appeared that Abaddon took the sandwich and ate it without running away even though he stayed standing up so he could if he needed to. It was also the first time he responded to any of Nathan’s questions and gave the man his name. When Nathan repeated it, it was the first time he had heard his name spoken back to him since before Philip captured him. When he was held prisoner there it was always 'my prize', 'my demon', 'my pet'. He had forgotten what it felt like to hear someone address him like he was a person even if not human until he heard Nathan speak to him with a name, not a demeaning title or category. 

Nathan had continued bringing Abaddon food closer to the hotel as time went on, offering more complex meals on plates instead of sandwiches in bags now that Abaddon wasn’t just taking the offerings and running back into the woods to hide. Even if Abaddon kept his distance from Nathan as he did all people, his fear of everyone had started to subside and he slowly began to return to who he once was. He went back to sewing chaos in the dead of night and hiding in the woods during the day, his mistake before was going out of his domain. He was a creature of darkness and night was where he was most powerful and hidden, he wouldn’t make the mistake of prowling during the day where he lost his advantage again. 

It was a full year of Nathan seeking Abaddon out in the woods offering him food and company before Abaddon first let the man touch him. He had been sitting in a pit where he often found himself waiting for night to fall, tossing stones towards the opposite side when Nathan had approached him. That time, he didn’t come with food, he just crouched down and offered Abaddon his hand, smiling warmly at him, his words soft and inviting. He hadn’t moved any closer, just allowed Abaddon to slowly approach him and take his outsteached hand. 

After his decades avoiding people as much as he could and especially avoiding all physical touch, Abaddon had half expected Nathan’s hand to burn him like iron had, unable to imagine touch as anything but horrible after his years of captivity with Philip. He had been surprised when he found that Nathan’s hands were gentle, never grabbing on to Abaddon to forcefully hold him in place or to try and control him.

He had been slow to trust Nathan even when he was staying in the hotel, but he had never expected to trust Nathan as much as he had. He never thought that he would seek out touch ever again, especially from a human. 

Somehow, after everything, Abaddon now found himself laying on the couch with his head on Nathan’s lap and fingers gently scratching his scalp and they watched another movie Nathan had talked a lot about and Abaddon couldn’t really care about. It felt nice, not just to be around Nathan but to not need to count the days he had left. Every other time Abaddon had gone through time, he knew the date that Nathan would leave him and needed to savor the moments he had left even though Nathan left him behind days before he swallowed his sleeping pills. 

Even though he had the future ahead of him with Nathan still in it, he couldn’t help but worry that whatever had happened to cause the man to want to kill himself in the first place would happen again. He knew he should be more worried about trying to figure out how to bring Katherine and her offspring to the hotel to stay with Nathan still alive, but the thought of losing Nathan after finally saving him felt like more than he could bear. Nathan was the person who changed everything for Abaddon for the better, even if he knew that there was a universe where Nathan could exist as a ghost, it just wasn’t the same as having Nathan here with him and alive. He wanted to live in a universe where Nathan could still hold him like this on cold nights, where Nathan could actually leave the hotel property, a limitation he voiced his dislike for quite frequently, and, if it came for it, if Nathan was alive he could still protect Abaddon from people like Philip. He didn’t know how he would make it through Nathan taking his own life a second time if it came to that.

“Nathan?” He asked quietly, turning his head in Nathan’s lap to look up at the man.

“Hm?” 

“You…you are alright?” He wasn’t exactly sure what to ask, he didn’t fully understand what had happened to make Nathan do something so horrible to himself.

“Yeah, I…don’t worry, bud, I had a bad day and a moment of weakness, something like that won’t happen again. I promised I wasn’t gonna go anywhere of my own free will and I meant it.” Nathan said, a sad look passing over his expression when he realized what Abaddon was getting at. 

What Nathan had wasn’t just a bad day nor was it just a single moment of weakness, it was days in the making as Nathan withdrew from the world around him and life itself, his actions were measured, it was a plan that came together in only a few days but a plan all the same. It wasn’t a mistake, his actions were deliberate. If it had been a moment of weakness Nathan’s first instinct wouldn’t have been to try and convince Abaddon how the world would somehow be a better place without him in it. As if the world wouldn’t be lacking one of the few worthy human souls it had managed to spit out. If it was a moment of weakness, his second instinct wouldn’t have been to get rid of Abaddon, the only person who could stop him in time. 

“Don’t leave me.” He reiterated. “I…”

“Abaddon…are you okay?” Nathan asked, taking one of Abaddon’s hands in his own. “You seem different.”

Abaddon didn’t reply. He was different, not just because of what Nathan had almost done but from living the same life again and again, forced to make the same mistakes if they were at all important to be sure the Freelings would make their lives here at the hotel. He could finally just show Nathan that he had changed when he needed the world to change too. 

Abaddon didn’t answer Nathan’s question, just gripped the man’s hand tight in his own, hoping Nathan would assume any changes in Abaddon were due to his suicide attempt, that fear of losing Nathan had consumed him. All he needed now was to convince Katherine to stay here and all would be well. He could do it, Nathan missed his family and Katherine had liked it here before, hadn’t she? The world would be right again, he would make it happen no matter what.

Chapter Text

Nathan hadn’t ever been much of a cook, he wasn’t bad but the most ambitious meals Abaddon had seen the man make was baked meat and vegetables he had tried to get Abaddon to eat when he got into his occasional phases where he tried to treat Abaddon more like a human child than a demon. Abaddon was sure Nathan would start that again considering he wanted Abaddon to not appear so out of place for his first impression. That would probably mean Nathan would try to teach Abaddon to read again, make him eat more human foods, and attempt to persuade Abaddon to at least not go breaking into houses at night, he hadn’t even tried getting Abaddon to sleep regularly. Like always, he was sure Nathan would give up on his attempts in a week or two.

When Nathan had first treated Abaddon more like a human child, he had grown wary of how things might change for the worse in the hotel. He had been worried that the universe would punish him for putting any amount of trust in a human again after everything he had been through, he had been sure that Nathan would begin to try and change Abaddon by any means necessary and would become more heavy handed when Abaddon resisted. He had prepared himself to run if Nathan tried anything, unwilling to let any human try to imprison him again even if the attempt was weak, he wasn’t willing to risk spending years in pain and humiliation because he trusted someone he shouldn’t. To his surprise, Nathan’s methods had never become harsh, he’d gotten irritated with Abaddon’s refusal to learn most things, but had never resorted to threats, imprisonment, or violence. It took him some time to realize that Nathan’s intentions were good even if foolish.

Abaddon had refused to learn most things Nathan tried to teach him, but he had learned how to sit in a chair properly, use utensils, wash his hands, throw and catch a baseball, and to wipe his shoes before coming inside. Abaddon hadn’t liked learning that last one, but it was a compromise he made with Nathan when the man tried to get Abaddon to take his shoes off at the door when they were dirty. Nathan had tried to teach Abaddon how to brush his hair but he had refused, he had however allowed Nathan to brush it for him on occasion. He hadn’t allowed Nathan to even try to dull his claws, only Kathy had managed to subdue him into that with a mix of force and bribery. 

Abaddon watched Nathan read through recipes on the computer, even if he had claimed he knew what he was doing, Abaddon doubted it by how nervous Nathan was as he triple checked all the ingredients they had bought at the store that morning like he was expecting them to change. Abaddon sat silently at the kitchen table eating the marshmallows out of a bag of Lucky Charms cereal, trying to think how he would get Katherine to stay. Even if her offspring were important to his success, the matriarch made the decisions, she was the one Abaddon needed to convince above everyone else. He would manage, she was a formidable opponent but he had subdued her before. 

“Is there a problem, Nathan?” He asked after the man checked that he got sweet potatoes for the fifth time, Abaddon had been under the impression that it would be the big marshmallows Nathan wouldn’t let him eat that made normal potatoes sweet but apparently there was a kind of potato that already was, the marshmallows just made them sweeter.

“It’s just, well, I kinda made some mistakes, your aunt is going through a really rough time finalizing her divorce, becoming a single mom, and, well, ya know, the days before what happened I left her a few weird messages that really freaked her out and it’s just if this doesn’t go well I don’t know where Kathy and I will stand.” Abaddon was sure that Nathan hadn’t meant to say that last part out loud, he didn’t seem to be thinking about his words all that carefully. Still, what stood out to Abaddon the most was what he called Katherine. Before, Nathan had always referred to Katherine by her name or as his sister when talking to Abaddon, he had never referred to her as Abaddon’s aunt no matter how many times he had gone through time. The only times Katherine had described Abaddon as her nephew was to explain who the third child in her home was, not as a declaration of her relationship with Abaddon. He wasn’t sure if it was because what Abaddon called Nathan when he wanted to get the man’s attention, he didn’t know if Nathan even meant it, more than that, he didn’t know how he felt about it. The idea of being closer to Nathan than he had before, being something like family, was terrifying. He wasn’t sure who he was playing family with a bunch of humans, creatures with short life spans who had treated him far worse than his fellow demon even had. Once he got the Freelings all together and convinced them to stay in the hotel, he could worry about his place later, for now, he had a task at hand. 

Katherine had spoken of her previous husband periodically to Nathan and Esther had spoken some of her father to Abaddon, but he still knew little about the man. It wasn’t an important enough topic for him to ask follow up questions about and the Freelings didn’t bring him up often. He knew the man was absent from Ben’s and Esther’s lives and he had been a nuisance to Katherine’s. Maybe it would be best if he avoided the topic of the man named Ron completely. 

Abaddon watched Nathan carefully for a few more minutes as he checked every single ingredient again and organized his recipes. It was still three days until the rest of the Freelings would come, he had that time to figure out a plan to get Katherine to want to stay. At first, he hadn’t been worried about how long it might take, time not mattering much to Abaddon. Then he remembered it mattered to humans, that each of the Freelings had sub century life spans and every year that they weren’t at the hotel was a year closer they were to death. It was a precious year Abaddon would lose with them. 

“Nathan?” Abaddon asked, putting his box of cereal on the table and getting off his chair before Nathan could look through everything again, with the hotel clean, rooms ready, and no guests to attend to, he was left worrying about food which was apparently the main focus of the holiday. “Would you like for Katherine and her offspring to stay here?”

“They are staying with us, bud, that’s why we set up the rooms.” Nathan smiled down at Abaddon, resting an affectionate hand on his head.

“No, do you wish for them to make their home here?” He clarified.

“I dunno, bud.” Nathan sighed after a moment, sitting down at the table. “It would be nice to see them more often, have some other living humans around here, maybe even have some help running this place.” Nathan smiled a bit to himself as if he were imagining the future Abaddon wanted to bring to life as much as if not more than Nathan did. Then his smile slowly faded. “But I don’t think it would work.”

“Why not?” Abaddon demanded, pulling himself up into Nathan’s lap resting his head against the man’s chest. It would work, it worked before, wouldn’t it work better now that Nathan was alive and Katherine would have real help with everything? She wouldn’t be as stressed if she had another person to clean rooms and attend to guests, anyways, Nathan was better at dealing with the ghosts than she was. 

“Abaddon, what has gotten into you? Are you alright?” Nathan asked, gently running fingers through Abaddon’s hair. 

Abaddon just stayed quiet, he had no idea how he could possibly explain his shift in personality in what Nathan would think was only a few days. There was no way to explain how he couldn’t bear to watch Nathan kill himself again, couldn’t watch the Freelings die in the apocalypse, couldn’t watch Esther reach out to Abaddon in her final moments hoping he could save her only to fail every time. He needed a new timeline where all the Freelings were alive, where they were all together, and where they were all here. 

“I know I really scared you with what I tried to do.” Nathan finally said, at least there was an event that Nathan could pin Abaddon’s changes on. “I want you to know none of that was your fault, you don’t have to change for me. I’ll stay with you no matter what.” He promised, a promise his mortality wouldn’t allow Nathan to keep, but Abaddon understood the spirit of his words. 

“I’ve gotten used to living here, I have the ghosts, monsters, and you to keep me company.” Nathan said as if he hadn’t been ecstatic when his family had moved into the hotel even when he was a ghost. He needed more companions. “Anyways, I don’t think having three strangers move in here would be fair to you, this is your home, too, bud.” 

“They are not strangers.” Abaddon insisted even though he knew there was no way to explain what he meant in any way that would make sense. 

“I guess family isn’t ever really strangers, but how about you see how you feel about them first before wanting them to move here, okay?” 

Abaddon nodded, he could figure something out. They would be here for a few days, he taught Esther some about black magic before and even though she wouldn’t have the time to learn most of what she did on her own, it would give her some framework. More importantly, she might want to stay, she had picked up the skill for magic almost immediately in every timeline before and she had dedicated the time she told Katherine she was studying for school to pour through books in the hotel about spell casting. Maybe she and Abaddon could put a curse on Katherine’s car so she wouldn’t be able to leave and give them more time. Maybe–

“Just don’t expect too much, you don’t really like new people, remember? You also don’t like when people are in the hotel and try to change what you do.” Nathan cut into Abaddon’s scheming. He didn’t seem to understand that Katherine and offspring were different. He already knew he liked them and wanted them here even if he had to submit to Katherine’s rule, he would miss keeping his claws long, but it was a small price to pay for her presence. 

“I like the mailer of men and I will like Katherine and her spawn.” Abaddon said defensively, looking up at Nathan even if he was in a somewhat awkward position to do so, still close against his chest, cherishing the extra time he wasn’t supposed to have with Nathan. 

Nathan chuckled little. “You like the mail man because he lets you sit in his truck and honk his horn when he has extra time and please don’t call Esther and Ben Katherine’s offspring or spawn, they’re her kids or your cousins.”

Abaddon nodded, he had to remember that he was meeting Katherine under very different circumstances than he did normally. Normally they met when she held Abaddon in her arms while he screamed and cried until he couldn’t anymore. Even if it was between a human and a demon, that type of interaction bonded people, especially when she thought Abaddon was truly a child Nathan had been raising as his own who had been stuck with his adoptive father’s body in the middle of nowhere for days. By the time she learned that Abaddon was a demon and not a traumatized child, she had already seen Nathan’s ghost appear along with some of the other ghosts who had returned to the main floors of the hotel when Abaddon was no longer screaming. 

“I do want you to try and play with Ben and Esther even if you don’t have much in common. Please be careful with them, human children are much more fragile than human children possessed by demons, I can’t tape their limbs back on and expect them to be fine, they can’t heal from injuries like you can, and they can’t eat inorganic items like you either.” 

Abaddon knew that, he had learned the limitations of the human body over the years, and where he needed to be careful with Ben, he knew that for the most part, Esther could take care of herself. Even before she knew how to use black magic she was a capable girl. Abaddon would take her to secret passages she had loved, to locations of cursed items in the woods, and while they were out there she could cast her first spells again. 

“It’s good to see you so excited, bud. Maybe we can see each other more for holidays if this goes well. I think it could be really good for us.” 

Abaddon nodded. He didn’t want to visit the rest of the family every holiday, he wanted them here where they belonged, where he could be with them until the last day of their natural lives. He’d find a way to make them stay, he wouldn’t lose any of them again until it was time. 

Chapter Text

Abaddon stood by the front window watching for Katherine’s car as if that would somehow make it appear faster. He’d collected all the ingredients he needed for a few simple spells that he knew came easy to Esther. Hopefully that would be enough to get Esther to fight with everything she had to stay in the hotel to learn more. Also, Katherine might be more open to the idea of Abaddon being a demon if she knew that her daughter was using magic. He would make it work, it should be easy enough. 

“You excited, bud?” Nathan asked, coming up behind Abaddon and resting a hand on his shoulder.

Part of Abaddon was tempted to bite at Nathan’s hand after the man had forced Abaddon to bathe, wash and brush his hair, wash his clothes, and remove his claws to prepare for Katherine’s arrival. He didn’t like that they were short, and to add insult to injury, Nathan had even smoothed the ends, something Katherine had never bothered doing. He couldn’t even use the short, uneven edges as weapons anymore. 

“How about we watch some TV while we wait, a watched pot never boils you know.”

Abaddon frowned, he didn’t see a pot or fire. Nathan sometimes said weird stuff that made no sense, a lot of humans did. Why wouldn’t they use language like normal?

When they were about to turn around to walk back he saw Katherine’s car pull into the driveway. He couldn’t stop excitement from showing as he pressed his face against the glass as familiar and well loved faces he hadn’t seen in billions of years finally appeared to him as they got closer. 

Nathan opened the front door and Abaddon hurried over to his side, watching the rest of the Freelings walk up towards the Hotel. Abaddon could already see the future he wanted with them appearing in front of him and it all seemed more tangible with every step they took towards him. He would make this work, he’d make them stay, he’d have everything he wanted if he just made this work. He gripped the hem of Nathan’s shirt as he felt his entire body buzz with an unfamiliar sensation of longing and excitement. He would make it work, it couldn’t be that hard, right?

“Hey guys, thanks for coming!” Nathan said as he embraced Katherine when she walked to the door, Abaddon had hoped that she would look happier to be here, but perhaps she was tired from the journey. He wasn’t sure where exactly she lived or how far it was, but he knew it was several hours, Nathan hadn’t told him much more than that. Even if he had, that information wouldn’t be too helpful, Abaddon not sure how to read Earth’s maps. 

“Hey uncle Nathan.” Ben and Esther said before the three awkwardly shuffled into the hotel when Nathan moved out of the way.

“Oh, um, this is my ward, Abaddon.” Nathan said, gesturing to Abaddon.

Abaddon waved, suddenly unsure what to say, he knew the people who surrounded him so intimately, they were the most important humans in the world to him, and yet three of them didn’t even know him. They had only ever heard his name when Nathan spoke to but didn’t have any real context. They didn’t know his history and he didn’t have a script to follow like he had every other time he went through time, they were strangers with lifetimes of history only one of them knew of. 

Katherine got down on one knee and smiled at Abaddon while Nathan showed Ben and Esther to their rooms. “It’s nice to meet you sweetie, Nathan has told me a lot about you.” Before Abaddon could respond she embraced him and despite all of the changes and uncertainty, it felt right. Her embrace, voice, and scent were the same as they had been every time Abaddon had known her, even if the situation was different, Katherine was the same. Their first interaction has always been an embrace, whether it was a greeting to a child she was meeting for the first time or when she held Abaddon while he broke into a million pieces. He felt such an overwhelming desperate need for this to never end. “Don’t leave.” He said softly before he could stop himself, the very idea of Katherine, Ben, and Esther leaving already too painful to bear. He couldn’t get them back only to lose them after just a few days. When he spoke, he hoped his real voice wouldn’t show through as much, he was sometimes able to completely get the voice of his vessel, but it took a toll on him and it wasn’t the side he wanted to show Katherine now. 

To Abaddon’s surprise, Katherine pulled away from the embrace and her eyes began to search over him intently, Abaddon unsure what she was looking for. 

“Katherine?” He asked after nearly a minute of silence between the two. It was strange, in every iteration of the universe she has never looked at him quite like that. 

The strange look on her face melted into a warm smile, she embraced him again and this time Abaddon hugged her back. He needed her to stay, it would be days until she was supposed to return home and he already wanted to plead with her not to regardless of how humiliating that would be. He couldn't see her and her offspring leave after finally getting them back. He couldn't go through the normal timeline again and watch them all die so suddenly and brutally. He needed this to work so painfully bad and he needed it to work this time around. He wasn't sure when he had become so sensitive to the lives and deaths of any humans but just the thought of losing them made him feel nauseous and filled him with terror. 

“When’s the last time you had a good night’s sleep?” Katherine asked when she pulled away again, her question sounded lighthearted, but it took him by surprise, she'd never asked him that before. 

“I don't sleep.” He answered simply.

Katherine raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean you get nightmares?”

“I am the nightmare.”

“He just has a lot of trouble sleeping and doesn't like it.” Nathan said quickly before Katherine could ask anything else as he came down the stairs with Esther following behind him. 

“Okay.” Katherine said slowly, looking between Nathan and Abaddon.

“Please, Kath, I told you he's had a really hard life. Don't push him.” Abaddon could barely hear Nathan whisper to Katherine. 

As Katherine and Nathan walked away, Abaddon turned to Esther. “Would you like to start a fire?” He asked. It was a simple spell to cast and he was sure Esther would be interested in starting a fire even the normal way.

“Uh, yeah.” She replied enthusiastically, following Abaddon out of the house and into the woods.

Abaddon led Esther to the clearing he had stored his supplies, knowing full well Nathan would have checked him for contraband before Katherine arrived, he didn't want Abaddon doing exactly this.

“How are we gonna start a fire with…is that bones and blood?” Esther asked, not looking impressed.

“Do not inform Nathan or Katherine of this.” He said, drawing a symbol in the dirt with the blood and arranging the bones in the proper places in place. He then spoke the words and a pillar of flame erupted from the ground about 4 feet high. Esther jumped back, her expression changing from surprise, to wonder, to desire like it did every time, at least that was consistent.

“Holy crap, you have to teach me how to do that!” Esther exclaimed, grinning ear to ear. “I promise I won't say anything to anyone just show me!” 

Abaddon spent the next two hours showing Esther the symbol and how to change it for height, width, hue, and heat of the flame. She picked up drawing the symbol and arranging the bones easily, like always, it took her a few tries to get the pronunciation down but once she did the flames came to life every time. It wasn’t until they heard Nathan calling their names that they put the bones and blood away and ran back inside for dinner. 

Nathan had made it clear that Abaddon needed to eat meals with the family when Katherine still thought he was human. Abaddon liked the option to eat with the Freelings in other interactions of the universe; he didn’t have to eat or drink to sustain his body, but sometimes he enjoyed it and it did keep him stronger. He didn’t need to eat balanced meals, he didn’t get hungry, he didn’t even need to eat something that would be classified as food. However, he didn’t like eating at every meal every day, it wasn’t bad, just annoying and marshmallows weren’t considered a meal. He sat at the table picking at his fish, green beans, and pasta, it wasn’t bad, he just didn’t really feel like eating with all of the thoughts swirling inside his head. He was excited, nervous, confused, down right terrified, and that was only what he could identify. The Freelings had changed him more than he thought he was capable of change and he didn’t like it. A demon wasn’t supposed to feel so much especially for humans and all of the thoughts and feelings in his head made food tasteless, feel uncomfortable in his mouth, stick in his throat, and sit like cement in his stomach. Still, he made sure to take bites of food when he could, trying to focus on the mechanics of it, hoping he could drop the human facade soon. He wanted Katherine to know who he really was, she accepted him before, she would do it again. 

“Abaddon, you alright, sweetie?” Katerine asked, looking at Abaddon’s half full plate when everyone else was almost finished. There was too much on his mind, he finally had everyone he needed sitting at the same table again and alive and he didn’t know if he could keep them. He needed this to work more desperately than he’d needed almost anything before in his entire life and there was no way to express what he was thinking without explaining everything he didn’t think anyone would believe. He couldn’t find words, so he nodded silently, taking another bite of his dinner even though he didn’t think it was that convincing. He wanted to back out into the woods and do magic Esther, he wanted Katherine to hold him, he wanted Ben to read to him, he needed things to feel right again. He finally felt like things might be okay when he was in the woods with Esther, but this didn’t feel right. It wasn’t the normal conversations and easiness he was used to at family meals, it felt so wrong.

“Do you have any more spells you can show me?” Esther whispered in Abaddon’s ear as Nathan and Katherine cleared away plates.

Abaddon nodded, feeling the strange feeling subside a little. Esther was familiar, she was always eager to learn black magic in this iteration of the universe, he was sure she would already accept that he was a demon too, it was the easiest for her every time. He could always count on Esther to be the same. She was reliable, she wouldn’t let fear of what she didn’t understand control her, she would simply understand it as best she could and then face it head on.

“What else is there? What’s next?” She asked, excitement in her eyes.

“Basic elemental control first, some other foundational spells, and it is useful to know some Latin. It does become more difficult after that.” Abaddon replied, Esther had learned the basics of Latin fairly quickly but only where it pertained to black magic, she had always struggled to use it as an actual language, but it had been enough to confuse Katherine and Ben when they wanted to keep their conversations private even if it was a mash up of English and Latin.

“Do you speak Latin?” Esther asked, cocking her head. 

“Fluently.” It was true, even though Abaddon couldn’t read or write in any human language, he had learned to speak several of them over the years and it had become quite helpful.

“Can you teach me some of the other elements tomorrow?” She asked, grabbing hold of Abaddon’s upper arm, grinning widely. He nodded. It was starting to come together already, Esther loved it here, he could make it all work. The rest of the Freelings would stay, he’d have them all under one roof, he could protect them and their descendants from threats of the apocalypse and they could shield him from anyone who wanted him captured or destroyed. 

“Looks like you two are getting along quickly.” Katherine said as she sat down handing out a few bowls of ice cream, smiling at the two of them. “If you guys are gonna disappear into the woods again I’d like you to take Ben with you.”

“Ben doesn’t want to come!” Esther said loudly as she took a bite of her ice cream. If Ben knew what they were doing, he wouldn’t want to go, he didn’t like black magic, but Abaddon really didn’t want Nathan knowing he was teaching Esther that when no one was supposed to be introduced to the supernatural yet. “Abaddon is going to show me a nest of spiders.”

“Isn’t it too late in the year for spiders?” Ben asked. “I, uh, I also don’t want to go.” He said quickly when Esther gave him a harsh look. 

“Abaddon, you’re not doing anything I told you not to, right?” Nathan asked, giving Abaddon a knowing look, likely at least suspicious he had been showing Esther something supernatural. 

“I am not.” Abaddon lied, poking at his ice cream. He usually liked anything sweet, but everything seemed unappetizing, he didn’t even really want to eat the fiberglass out of the walls. Possibly another reason he was having trouble with food is he never had to eat with the Freelings before, sometimes he wanted to, sometimes he just wanted to sit with them and watch, but the fact that eating had become a requirement for the next few days had made the action more difficult. He didn’t know how humans dealt with such a chore every day. 

“We’ll go right after breakfast tomorrow morning.” Esther said quietly, her voice likely louder than she intended from excitement. 

“You two can play all tomorrow but you need to spend more time with the family on Thursday, I want everyone to help with cooking Thanksgiving dinner.” Katerine looked pointedly at Esther when she said it. 

Esther groaned loudly.

“I want to rip the skin off of the potatoes and throw them in the boiling vat of pain.” Abaddon said, not looking up from his ice cream, taking a small bite of it. He wanted to ignore whatever feelings were messing with his body, angry they could have so much sway of him. It didn’t make any sense. He turned away from Katherine when he saw the look she was giving him, he didn’t need to think about what she thought about his words, he just needed to get her to stay. 

“You can prepare the potatoes, but Ben is the only one of you kids who’s allowed to use the stove.” Nathan said calmly. “Someone has told me you’re turning into quite the young chef.” He continued, turning to Ben who was finishing his bowl of ice cream. 

Abaddon tuned out the conversation as Ben started going on about what Katherine had taught him only able to think about what he needed to do in only a few more days. No matter what happened next, at least he would have Esther fighting by his side where she belonged. 

Chapter Text

Abaddon loved watching Esther rediscovering magic for the first time every time he went through time, it was one of the little things he happily relived time and time again. Most of it was a chore at best, keeping the time line properly oriented and all, but there were a few moments Abaddon could happily live through for eternity. The day Nathan brought him home, the first time Nathan held him, every time Katherine told Abaddon she was proud of him, and so many little moments that never lasted long enough he treasured and loved to relive every time he went through time. Abaddon hadn’t thought it was possible to meet a human who he cared for more than Nathan until he met Esther. She was perfect in almost every way and he needed to find a universe where she was his best friend and had the chance to grow old. 

Esther took careful notes, copying symbols on paper before tracing them in the cold dirt with blood. She pushed through the numbing cold even when Abaddon watched her try to warm her hands under her jacket. Still, she always returned to her work and watched new changes come to life with careful focus and so much excitement. Abaddon could watch her expressions of wonder forever. 

They worked intently for a few hours until the wind picked up and freezing rain started coming down, Esther unable to push through the cold anymore and hands trembling too much to draw any more runes and Abaddon knew full well it was dangerous to make sloppy runes especially for an amateur who may not recognize a mistake created something entirely different opposed to just not working. Anyways, she had spilled almost all of the remaining blood on Abaddon’s shirt when her numb, trembling hands wouldn’t cooperate. Luckily, mammal blood was easy enough to come by at any time of year.

The two ran back into the hotel, Esther shivering violently, both soaked, but the icy water didn’t bother Abaddon that much even though he was just as wet. Esther excused herself to change, warm up, and copy her notes onto dry paper. 

While Abaddon waited, he climbed into the vents, his domain that allowed him to travel around the hotel unseen by others, giving him access to almost any room without any barriers such as doors. 

Abaddon always liked the vents, but they were his favorite in the winter. The heat felt good on his cold skin and the air and passageways burned him like Hell, his skin blistering where it touched hot metal deep in the pipes where it was the hottest, it was perfect. He crawled through the vents looking into rooms as he passed, many containing ghosts who stood in clusters, likely grumbling about the family holiday and them being forced to hide from everyone, their voices muffled from the air flowing around him. 

He looked into Ben’s room where he was reading another one of his books on his bed. He seemed happy, this was where the Freelings belonged, they needed to stay here and make the family whole again. It was only right. Maybe when the Freelings made this their home, Ben could read to him again. Abaddon had never cared much for books until Ben had sat him and Esther down on a cold night when the power went out and pulled them into a new world. Ben hadn’t been very enthusiastic about the shadow puppets Abaddon made the first time, he was able to twist and break his hands in a way humans couldn’t, but it had become a bit of a tradition Abaddon had missed. Hopefully it was one they could keep in this timeline. 

As Abaddon made his way into the vents in Katherine’s room, he heard voices that were faint over the rush of heat blasting through tunnels of his hidden castle. He crawled close to the vent cover and looked down at the room below. Nathan and Katherine talking, both sounded upset, then he heard his name. Was Nathan telling Katherine about him and she wasn’t taking his demonic nature as she did before? He leaned closer, pressing his ear against the grate, liking the way the metal burned the side of his face as he did. He moved a little closer, trying to pick up a few more words when he lost his balance and tumbled down onto the floor. 

Both Nathan and Katherine looked surprised for a moment but then Nathan’s expression changed to something akin to fear while Katherine looked angry, but it wasn’t directed at Abaddon, her gaze was on Nathan. Abaddon stood, looking between the two, not sure what was going on. 

“Nathan?” He asked, stepping towards them as Nathan looked down at his feet, not responding to Abaddon, the only times Nathan had never responded was when he couldn’t hear him, was asleep, or was dead, he had never ignored Abaddon like that before, deliberately looking away when Abaddon said something. “Nathan?” He repeated, anxiety building in his chest. Had he done something? Did something happen?

Katherine knelt down in front of Abaddon, inspecting his wet clothes, touching the patches of blood on his shirt, she then looked at his hands and face where the vents had burned him, his face only redded some but some of his fingers were blistered as they were burned deeper in the vents were the air and metal was far hotter.

“He’s burned.” Katherine snapped, turning back to look at Nathan and the man took a step back as she did. 

Abaddon looked between Katherine and Nathan, not sure why Abaddon burning himself in the vents would have anything to do with Nathan.

“Let’s get you changed and cleaned up, sweetheart. We can put some bandages on those burns when they cool down, you’re being so brave.” Katherine said, picking Abaddon up and walking towards the door.

“Nathan?” Abaddon asked when Nathan still stood quietly, eyes fixed to the floor, not moving or doing anything, he didn’t understand what was going on, why Katherine and Nathan were fighting, why Katherine was angry, why Nathan was sad, it didn’t make sense. “Father?” Abaddon asked, hoping the word had the same effect on Nathan as it did last time, needing Nathan to just look at him, to tell him what was happening. He didn’t understand, he had lived through the universe so many times, why wasn’t the world making sense this time?

Finally, Nathan raised his head, meeting Abaddon’s eyes as Katherine walked out the door and gave him a small smile even if he still looked sad. “We’ll talk later, bud, I promise.”

Katherine carried Abaddon to his bedroom, stopping on the way to grab something from inside the mirror in the bathroom. He didn’t use his bedroom for much, he didn’t sleep, he liked laying low in other parts of the hotel, but he did sometimes put stuff he found in here. He had a bed he had never used for its intended purpose, had a book shelf filled with bones, feathers, and insects he had collected, and a few boxes of crayons and pencils Nathan had given him when he got Abaddon to pick up a hobby that didn’t involve chaos. On the other side of his room he had a dresser with a few clothes that Nathan had tried to get Abaddon to wear, all which he kept on for a few hours at most. He would change when Nathan insisted on washing his real clothes and would change back once they were dry. On top of the dresser he had a picture of him and Nathan from around the time he finally started thinking of this place as home and a few knives he had collected over the years. Other than that the room was bare, he didn’t want things everywhere and he kept items he used daily throughout the hotel where they were more accessible. 

Katherine set Abaddon down on the floor and looked around the room slowly, Abaddon unsure why, there wasn’t much to see. Finally, she walked over to the dresser and started opening drawers, pulling a few things out and set them down on the bed. Instead of trying to pull Abaddon out of his real clothes like she had previous times when she insisted Abaddon changed, Katherine knelt down in front of Abaddon, looking somewhere between sad and concerned, he didn’t understand. “Do you have any other clothes besides what’s in there, sweetie?” She asked, brushing Abaddon’s hair behind his ear, it was drying unevenly, parts still sticking to his face and others dried fully from the heat. 

Abaddon shook his head. “I do not like other clothes.” He said simply, he didn’t even like the ones Nathan bought for him, but he never made Abaddon wear them for long so it was acceptable even if uncomfortable. 

“Okay…” She said, still looking sad about something. “Do you like living here?” She asked after looking as if she was searching for the right question. Before Abaddon could say anything, she began to unbutton his shirt. 

Abaddon jumped away and hissed, buttoning his shirt back up.

“Hey, Abaddon, it’s alright sweetheart, I’ll wash these for you and you can wear them again tomorrow, you’ll get sick if you stay in those, okay?” She offered, smiling warmly at him.

Reluctantly, Abaddon nodded, letting Katherine unbutton his shirt and peel the wet clothing off his skin looking at him like she was trying to comfort him with her smile, as soon she pulled off his undershirt, something like horror replaced her warm gaze. Immediately her hand flew to his chest, touching the large brand and it felt like her hands burned when she touched it. “What the hell happened to you?”

Katherine had seen the brand on his chest in every version of the universe and she always reacted but never like this. She always touched it, but more like she was mourning the pain Abaddon had been through and not uncontainable terror. She usually gently touched the scar and asked questions and Abaddon would just push her hand away and refuse to speak to or look at her until she didn’t ask again. He never had to fear Katherine seeing the brand for the first time, she always stopped pressing when Abaddon wordlessly made it clear how much the topic upset him and she never let her eyes or hands linger again every time she saw it afterwards, he had assumed Katherine’s reaction would be comparable to that this time as well. 

“Don’t touch it!” He meant to scream with his own voice, one that had power and commanded respect, instead, he only heard the voice of a scared little boy, a voice he hated so much and came out too often when he wanted it least. He struggled in Katherine’s grip for a few moments before he got free, covering the brand with his hands, trying to find his shirt.

“Abaddon, what happened, who did that to you?” Katherine asked as she handed Abaddon the clean folded shirt to him from the bed.

Abaddon grabbed it from her and pulled it on, feeling his body trembling, his breaths quick and uneven, and his throat felt tight. He didn’t understand, Katherine had never done this to him before, had never grabbed him, never had her entire demeanor change, never tried to hold him in place when she first saw the brand, and never demanded answers like that. Why was she different? Why was everything going wrong? It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Abaddon, who did that to you? Are you safe here? Do you need help?” Katherine touched his shoulder and he flinched away violently. 

“Don’t touch me!” He yelled, trying to run past Katherine into the hallway but she caught him, strong arms wrapped around his waist. 

“Sweetheart, I don’t know what’s been done to you or who did it but I don’t think you have what you need here. I know some good people who might be able to help you.” Katherine said, trying to get Abaddon to look at her but he just struggled in her grip. He didn’t have what he needed here, he needed everyone here and it wasn’t working, Katherine was keeping his perfect world from him if she just didn’t change. Esther was the same, Nathan was the same, Ben seemed the same, why wasn’t Katherine the same? He needed her to be like she was, she was ruining everything, she was preventing him from having everyone here and saving them.

“Nathan!” Abaddon cried out when Katherine started asking about the brand again. Nathan would help him, he could get Katherine to understand, he always made everything better. “Nathan! Nathan!” He could hear his voice getting shriller and more pathetic with every iteration of Nathan’s name but Abaddon needed him here now. He would fix this, he would make Katherine stop. 

Finally, Nathan ran into the room and pulled Abaddon from Katherine’s clutches and held him close. Abaddon felt tears burning in his eyes and his face in Nathan’s shoulder, trying to calm himself before he let them fall. He couldn’t let anyone see him cry over something like this, he didn’t even understand what happened. 

“What is wrong with you Kath? What’s going on? He’s terrified.” Nathan said, holding Abaddon a little tighter and Abaddon gripped the back of the man’s shirt tight in his hands, sure that the fabric would need to be cut from his fingers to forcefully pull him away. 

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? He looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks, he’s skin and bones, barely eats, is constantly anxious about everything, he has a giant damn cross burned into his chest, and I’m sure there’s more. You can’t take care of him Nathan. You’ll have the holiday but I’m calling someone on Monday.”

Abaddon tensed at Katherine’s words, he hated seeing his body in mirrors and pictures more but he still hated hearing about what his body looked like. It was so weak and pathetic, it wasn’t his, it was a prison, he was trapped here on earth in a vessel humans and demons alike could torment. He’d suffered at the hands of too many humans to count, only the worst burned deep into his memory, and been hurt by several of his own kind. Where the physical injuries hurt, it wasn’t nearly as bad as the pain he faced when his fellow demon returned to Hell without him, when they abandoned him again.

“The three of us need to talk later, let him calm down and we’ll talk after dinner.” Nathan said after a moment of silence.

“Nathan, I know you mean well, but I’ve decided, you aren’t capable o–”

“Kath, please, you’ll know what I mean when we show you.” Nathan interjected. “Please don’t bring anything up to anyone until then.”

Katherine sighed. “I got your first aid kit for his burns. Don’t let that go unattended and I don’t think anyone would look fondly upon a child in your care crawling around in the vents, especially with everything else going on.”

“What happened, bud?” Nathan asked when Katherine left the room, rubbing his back gently. 

He did his best to explain what happened, unsure how to describe why he didn’t think Katherine would react like that when she saw the brand for the first time again. He didn’t understand.

“Oh, Abaddon, buddy, I’m so sorry.” Nathan said softly. “I know how much that upsets you.”

Nathan had touched the brand when he saw it for the first time too, but like always, didn’t touch, talk about, or look at it again when Abaddon had pushed him away and stopped talking completely. It felt like hands that touched it burned against his skin, he was sure a lot of that was because of what Philip’s guests put him through, but he hated being touched there even before then. Nathan had respected that, in every other universe Katherine had respected that, but now she wouldn’t. 

“Do I have to come down for dinner?” He asked, he didn’t think he could bring himself to eat anything and having Katherine’s eyes burning into him with questions she never demanded of him before. 

“How about we order pizza tonight and watch TV. No one will notice if you don’t eat.” Nathan suggested.

Abaddon nodded, he didn’t like the idea of even pretending to eat, but it was better than a real dinner. He could handle it.

“After dinner we’re going to tell Katherine what you are, I was hoping to wait a bit but I think we have to, she’ll have people here asking questions at best if we don’t.” 

Abaddon didn’t understand that last bit, but he wanted to tell Katherine what he was, he didn’t want to hide anymore. He nodded again.

Nathan set Abaddon down on the ground and Abaddon reluctantly let go of his shirt. “I would like you to finish changing into dry clothes though, you’ll have your normal clothes back tomorrow, I promise bud.” 

Abaddon nodded for a third time silently, finishing changing and handed the wet, bloody clothes to Nathan. When he left the room, Abaddon climbed into the bed he so rarely used and curled up under the covers, running through the events that happened and desperately trying to make any sense of them. If he was to make this work, he needed to find out what happened to Katherine. 

Chapter Text

Abaddon laid curled up motionless in the bed for hours until Nathan walked into his room, sat down at the edge of the bed, and rested his hand on Abaddon’s shoulder. “Dinner’s ready, bud.” Nathan finally said after a few minutes, his voice soft and hoarse. Abaddon rolled over and looked up at his face, he looked miserable. 

“Nathan?” Abaddon asked, sitting up, unsure what Katherine meant about everything she said, but it seemed to upset Nathan a lot, should it upset him too? He didn’t think Nathan would be this upset over her describing how weak and pathetic Abaddon’s body was. 

“It’s alright, bud. We’ll talk to Kathy tonight, she’s just worried about you is all.” He said, pulling Abaddon into a hug. “It’s gonna be okay, you’re gonna stay here with me and we’re gonna be okay.” He rocked Abaddon gently as he spoke, something about it made Abaddon think that Nathan was trying to convince himself everything would be fine more than anything.

“Who will Katherine call?” Abaddon asked after a few minutes of silence, enjoying Nathan’s embrace. He needed Nathan to stay alive, he needed Nathan to be able to hold him like this with warm skin and strong arms, he had Nathan’s company as a ghost, but it wasn’t the same. He needed Nathan alive, he needed Katherine to understand, he needed things to be right. “Nathan?” Abaddon asked when the man didn’t reply for a long moment, just holding Abaddon and rocking him silently. 

“She wants to call someone to take you away.” Nathan finally replied softly, running his hands through Abaddon’s hair and pulled him onto his lap. “I’m not gonna let that happen.” Nathan’s voice wavered as he spoke. 

Abaddon froze. Even if someone were to take Abaddon away, he would find his way back, even if it took time, he always escaped prisons and came back here. He’d come home to Nathan no matter where he was taken, how he was imprisoned, or how much his captors hurt and humiliated him. Still, he didn’t want to, bad things always happened when he was a prisoner. What upset him the most was that Katherine would betray him. He always rebelled against her rule in every iteration of the universe but Katherine had never tried to do something like this. Her prisons were temporary even if insulting, she never even tried to hold him in one for more than a few hours, she was never cruel, she certainly never tried to have him permanently removed from the hotel. 

“I’m not gonna let that happen, bud.” Nathan repeated, holding him tighter and Abaddon clung onto the front Nathan’s shirt unable to think of anything to say other than to ask why. He didn’t understand.

“Are you…are you happy here, Abaddon?” Nathan asked slowly.

Abaddon raised his head to look at Nathan, he looked so sad and tired, nothing made sense. When Katherine came to the hotel normally Nathan was happy. He loved Katherine and her offspring living with them, why was it all so different now? He was fighting with Katherine, he looked upset because of her, she wanted to remove Abaddon from the hotel. Why wouldn’t anything work? Abaddon nodded, the question confusing him, he thought Nathan knew that he loved being here. He hated the hotel for so long, but when Nathan was the owner, it became home, the horrors that had happened to him here evaporated when Nathan held him. It would once again become a place he despised when the Freelings grew old and died, but until then it was more of his home than Hell ever was. That was still a thought he struggled with, it took him billions of years and dozens of times through all of time with the Freelings to even be able to admit that to himself, he certainly still didn’t understand it. 

“Are you sure? You’re not saying it to make me happy? I…if you want to go somewhere else you can.”

Abaddon shook his head and buried his face in Nathan’s shoulder. He tried to find the words to say, unsure why Nathan suddenly thought Abaddon didn’t want to be here. “I love you, father.” Was all Abaddon could think to say, barely whispering the words, unsure if he wanted Nathan to hear or not. He’d never told anyone he loved them, it was never the proper word to use, it certainly wasn’t something he should ever apply to humans, to blips within time who shouldn’t matter to anyone, certainly not to a demon. He wouldn’t have found the words to use if he had only been through time with the Freeling once, twice, or even twenty times. It wasn’t until their deaths left him broken over and over again that he began to realize he felt something for them he couldn’t explain. 

For better or for worse, Nathan must have heard his words and pulled Abaddon closer, Abaddon sure he heard the man crying quietly. “I love you, too, my boy. I love you so much.” He said softly, his voice trembling slightly.

Abaddon wasn’t sure how long they sat there but eventually Katherine walked into the room, Abaddon feeling the hairs on the back of his neck bristle. Whoever that was, it wasn’t Katherine, she was someone different, someone worse. She wasn’t the woman who had held him while he shattered from Nathan’s death, who tried to give him purpose again, who tried to remind Abaddon of Hell when she could, who tried to make him feel like he was part of the Freeling family regardless of his demonic nature. He wanted the real Katherine back, not this imposter. He would submit to her rules and deal with her prisons without complaint if it meant he got the real one back.

“C’mon, you were supposed to bring him down for dinner 30 minutes ago, the other kids have already eaten.” 

Abaddon shook his head, not caring that Nathan said he needed to eat, he knew he wouldn’t even be able to pretend. 

“He doesn't need to eat, Kath.” Nathan interjected, thankfully sounding like he was done with the human facade, Abaddon felt his body relax from tension he didn’t know he was holding. He wanted this to be over, maybe if Katherine knew what he was, she would go back to normal.

“Yes he does, he’s thin enough as it is, c’mon sweetheart, if you don’t want pizza I’ll see if there is something I can make you in the kitchen.” Katherine said, taking a step forward towards them and Abaddon just ignored her, waiting for Nathan to start talking, he sounded like he knew what he wanted to do. Abaddon just wanted imposter Katherine gone, he wanted the real one, that’s who he wanted to create his perfect world with and maybe Nathan knew how to do that.

“No, he isn’t exactly human, Kathy.” Nathan said, shifting and coaxing Abaddon off his lap who reluctantly allowed him but still stood close to Nathan, the threat being taken away made the very idea of even being away from Nathan fill him with terror. He couldn’t save Nathan’s life just to lose him anyways. 

“Nathan, please, stop.” Katherine said, Abaddon unsure if she looked more irritated or sad. 

“No, no, really. He’s a demon trapped in the body of a little boy from the 1700s, he’s been staying in this area hoping Hell will come back for him. Show her bud.” Nathan said, smiling down at Abaddon, touching his hair affectionately. 

Abaddon looked up at Nathan, unsure what to do.

“Show her your eyes, they change to red sometimes.” Nathan suggested.

Abaddon cocked his head, not sure what Nathan meant. He avoided looking at his reflection whenever he could, unable to feel anything but disgust for the creature that would look back at him, so weak, pathetic, and sickly. He certainly didn’t know what his eyes looked like and how they changed. “What’s red?” He asked. 

“You know how you liked the loud noises the firetruck made? It’s the same color as that.” Nathan tried to explain, Abaddon even more confused than before. 

“What’s color?”

“Are you serious, Nathan?” Katherine asked, somehow looking and sounding more irritated than before. “He’s been with you for what? Four years and you didn’t know he’s colorblind? I’m sure his school would have said something to you.” 

“Ka–”

“No, Nathan. You’ve always been irresponsible but this is something else.” She glared daggers at Nathan.

Abaddon didn’t understand why she was so upset, he didn’t understand what he couldn’t see that apparently Nathan and Katherine could but that wasn’t Nathan’s fault. It was something wrong with his eyes, no one did it to him, certainly not Nathan, never Nathan. 

“Show her something else, bud, c’mon.” Nathan said, ignoring Katherine when she tried to talk to him. “Show her your magic.”

“I can’t do this, Nathan.” Katherine said simply, leaving the room.

Nathan hurried after her, Abaddon could hear Nathan throwing open doors, talking about the ghosts, calling the names of some of the ones he knew the best. From the way it sounded, they were hiding, mad at Nathan for making them hide and were refusing to come out now that he wanted them. 

Abaddon listened to the two yelling for a few minutes before the voices went silent. Slowly, Abaddon poked his head out of the door and saw Katherine embracing Nathan in the hallway, a miserable look on her face. Imposter Katherine kept making less and less sense, he couldn’t understand her, she was nothing like his Katherine and he wanted her back, not whoever this was. He hated her. She made everything so difficult and he couldn’t do anything right around her, whatever Abaddon did or said she got angry at Nathan and he didn’t know why. If what Abaddon did or said made her angry, shouldn’t she be mad at him? That’s what his Katherine did.

He walked towards the two, unsure what was going on. Nathan knew that human emotions were strange to Abaddon and he always explained things, making the human world more clear to him. His Katherine would sometimes do the same but she was also easy to understand, imposter Katherine didn’t make any sense. “Nathan?” He asked, grabbing the hem of the man’s shirt, looking up at him, needing some kind of guidance for what was happening. 

“Hey, buddy.” Nathan said softly, looking even more miserable than Katherine. Before Abaddon could ask him anything, Nathan picked Abaddon up and carried him downstairs even as Katherine followed, calling Nathan’s name which he ignored. 

When they got into the kitchen, Nathan turned on the lights and set Abaddon down on the ground, Katherine following close behind him. “Nathan.” She said again, anger no longer present in her face or voice. “Nathan, please, we’re gonna figure this all out.”

“Just watch this.” Nathan said, grabbing something from the kitchen cabinet and walking back to Abaddon. 

Abaddon was so distracted looking between Katherine and Nathan wishing he could figure out what had happened, why Katherine’s emotions kept changing, that he didn’t notice Nathan creating a ring of salt around Abaddon until it was almost closed. 

As soon he saw what was happening, Abaddon screamed, terror completely taking over him as he jumped out. It was so small, another salt circle that if completed Abaddon would barely be able to move in and wouldn’t be able to free himself from no matter how hard he fought against the invisible force, screamed, and begged, he would need to wait for the circle to break or to be freed. Part of him knew that Nathan would never really trap him, that whatever reason the man might have for putting Abaddon in a salt circle, Nathan wouldn’t keep him there for long, that he would let Abaddon out the moment he saw how terrified the demon was. Despite that, Abaddon couldn’t stop himself from shaking and desperately scratching at the ghosts of hands he could feel pressing burning holy objects to his skin. 

Abaddon heard his name being repeated distantly, none of his senses working right Everything felt wrong, he couldn’t see, hear, or feel anything properly, even though he didn’t need to breathe, it felt like he desperately needed air, and his body was trembling, he didn’t understand what was happening. The worst part was his closing throat and burning eyes, trying to hold back tears he didn’t want Katherine to see. His Katherine had seen him cry and had held him close when he needed her most, he didn’t want imposter Katherine to. He looked desperately around, unable to find the vent in the kitchen, so he instead ran through the door even as Nathan tried to talk to him. He ran up to his bedroom, closed the door, curled up under the blankets and cried quietly, still shaking violently.

He’d never told Nathan about the years he was imprisoned by Philip, he’d never told anyone. It was a time of his life of nothing but terror, pain, and humiliation he didn’t want to think about let alone speak of. He felt as though if he never talked about it the memories would somehow just go away. Even if he had only been held captive by Philip once in the 53 times he had been through time, those seven years were still burned deep into his mind and body, horrors he could never forget no matter how desperately he wanted to. Even though the last time he was held captive was billions of years ago, the memories were as clear as when he had first been freed.

Slowly, the memory of hands hurting him and touching him like he was a curious piece of furniture finally started to fade from his skin even if it was still present. As he took slow breaths he didn’t actually need, he heard the bedroom door open and felt someone sit on the edge of his bed and rest a warm hand on his arm, the weight and warmth of a real, safe hand on his body chasing the rest of the hands away. The hands reminding him of a time he was nothing but a piece of property to be shown off and humiliated for several nights a year and spent the rest of his time locked away in the attic to collect dust and rot. Nathan could make everything better just by being there. 

Slowly, Abaddon felt himself calm down and pulled the covers from his head, wanting to rest his head on Nathan’s lap and feel the man’s hand rub his back or stroke his hair, trusting Nathan wouldn’t press for answers as to what happened when Abaddon refused to say anything about it. To Abaddon’s dismay, he wasn’t met with Nathan sitting next to him but Katherine’s imposter, smiling warmly at him like she wasn’t trying to pull his life apart. He flinched, shoving her hand off of his arm and pressed his back into the corner of the wall and pulled his knees to his chest.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” She asked in a soft voice that Abaddon was starting to hate.

“Go away.” He said simply, hiding his face. 

“Abaddon, please, things are going to be okay, I’m gonna make sure you and Nathan get some help. I know people who know how to care for kids like you, have the proper resources, and will give you a good life. Everything will be better, I promise.” She rested a hand on one of Abaddon’s as she spoke and he shrugged it off. 

“No, they won’t, you want to take me away.” He growled, lifting his head a little to glare at Katherine. “I don’t care who tries to imprison me or what they do, I'll get out and I’ll come home. I won’t let them keep me. They can hurt me, they can threaten me, I will escape. No prison can contain me.” He wasn’t sure what Katherine wanted but he wouldn’t let her do it. 

“Hey, Abaddon, sweetie, no one is going to imprison you, you can still see Nathan, me and the kids can see you, both of you just need some help.” She took one of his hands in both of hers and then focused on it. Abaddon snatched it away, not liking when anyone inspected his body. “Where are your burns?” She asked.

“They healed.” He said simply, tucking his hands under the thin shirt he hated and hiding his face. Abaddon could be injured, but those injuries healed quickly from lost limbs to burns. He didn’t catch fire easily but he could still burn even if the injury wouldn’t go past the skin, even if he stood in the middle of  fire for hours his skin would bubble and blister but it would never split or go deeper and he would heal in a few hours at most and would leave behind clean skin, not scars. He liked the way burns from fire felt, usually, at least, the burn from the priest’s brand had been agonizing and took weeks for him to recover from, as it was a holy object heated with blessed fire, the iron cross itself had burned him like a demon and the fire had burned him like a human. He was sure that the burns from the vents had healed hours ago.

“No, they couldn’t’ve, they…” She trailed off, looking closely at Abaddon who turned his head to the side. 

“Go away. I want to stay here with Nathan. I won’t let anyone take me, I won’t let them hurt me.” He couldn’t be sure about that last bit, it was hard to keep humans from hurting him if they had the skill and desire. Still, his biggest worry was that Nathan would harm himself with Abaddon gone. He couldn’t escape new captors and return home just to find Nathan dead, he didn’t think he would be able to recover from it. The other times, Nathan made a choice fueled by misery he never spoke about and seemed to forget, this time, it would be Abaddon’s fault.

“Both of your hands are completely fine.” Katherine said like she didn’t understand what Abaddon had already told her and he snatched both of his hands away, he didn’t want Katherine’s imposter touching him. 

“Go away.” He repeated louder.

Finally, Katherine got up and left the room, closing the door behind him. Even just the other day Abaddon had so desperately wanted Katherine to stay with him so he could build his perfect world, but this world had the wrong Katherine, he needed the right one. Maybe she was in there somewhere, but he already felt the possibility of this being his universe slipping through his fingers and he didn’t understand why. 

Chapter Text

Breakfast was quiet, Ben and Esther looked confused but they seemed to pick up that something was wrong pretty easily. The air was tense and Abaddon didn’t understand why Nathan still insisted he had to eat anything when he wasn’t trying to convince Katherine Abaddon was a human child anymore. He usually liked Froot Loops but he couldn’t bring himself to eat a single bite, picking the sweet circles up in his spoon and dropping them back in the milk, completely uninterested, watching them slowly desintigrate, get soggier, and become less and less appetizing with every passing minute. He could feel Katherine’s eyes burning into him, she had been watching him since she first got to the hotel, but her gaze had become more intense since last night. He wanted her to stop, he just wanted her to understand like his Katherine did.

“Abaddon, can we go back into the woods today?” Esther asked when she finished her breakfast, Abaddon still not having taken the first bite of his, the idea of eating feeling like an insurmountable task. He missed the way things were. He wanted his home back but with Nathan still alive. At the very least Esther was still the same, he could always count on her to make things better. Even if this Katherine was an imposter, her spawn was not. 

Abaddon nodded, it would be nice to be able to focus on magic for a little bit.

“You two can play but you need to be back by noon, Nathan and I will get dinner started but I want you kids to help, we’re going to have some family time.” 

Abaddon wanted to throw his cereal in Katherine’s face. Who was she to talk about family when she wanted to tear Abaddon from his? He didn’t even understand why she wanted to, Katherine had never done anything for the sake of cruelty before, so why was she doing it now? There had been no human who ever understood Abaddon like Esther did, but there was no human who had ever cared for Abaddon like Nathan did. When Nathan held him, it felt like no one could ever do him harm again no matter how wealthy, powerful, or how skilled with the dark arts they were. 

Esther groaned but agreed and Abaddon just nodded, watching the cereal break into smaller and smaller pieces as he did, crushing some of the intact pieces against the side of his bowl. “Can I go with Esther?” He asked Nathan, he wasn’t able to eat a bite of his cereal when it was still good, he certainly wouldn’t be able to eat it now that it was all mush.

“Yeah, go ahead, bud.” Nathan said, ruffling Abaddon’s long hair.

Katherine looked like she wanted to say something but didn’t, her gaze focused on Abaddon as he left his untouched breakfast on the table. He didn’t understand what she wanted. 

Esther took Abaddon’s hand in hers and the two ran out into the woods again. Esther had found more blood on her own the day before, she always took so much initiative when it came to learning magic and she found resources throughout the hotel, teaching some to Abaddon when she discovered stuff he had never known in books he couldn’t read. She was already doing so well after only learning her first spell two days ago. For some reason, she seemed more interested in it this time than she had before, pushing for more information and looking for it on her own sooner, it was a subtle shift, but he still noticed it. 

Abaddon showed her several modifications to the spells she was learning, giving her more variety in how she could manipulate the four basic elements besides just summoning them in different variations. Everything had gone wrong the past two days but being like this with Esther felt right. The idea that there were humans in this world that he loved felt wrong and unnatural, but he was sure that it was true even if it took him billions of years to admit it to himself, and 53 times through all of time to admit it to one of the four people he felt so weird about. He was supposed to subjugate humans, not care for them, and yet somehow when he was with the Freelings he felt different than he had even with his fellow demons.

He was lost in the careful work of drawing runes and placing bones that Nathan's voice calling them from the hotel took Abaddon by surprise; he hadn’t realized how long he and Esther had been out here. He wanted to spend days alone with Esther working on magic, it was something he missed dearly from the universes that made sense. He and Esther would spend the time she was free from her prison of education normally and he wanted that again.

They carefully put the supplies away and made their way back towards the hotel. “I think mom wants to move out of the city because it’s cheaper, maybe we could convince her to move closer to here. You have to teach me everything.” Esther said, grinning as they walked.

It would be something, but it wasn’t enough, he wanted all of the Freelings here. He wanted to curl up at the foot of Esther’s bed while she slept, he wanted to see her working on her own projects as he did his, he wanted Ben to read to them at night, he wanted Katherine to be the way she was supposed to be, he wanted them all here as soon as possible. He needed Katherine to not want to tear Abaddon from his home. 

When they got into the hotel kitchen the air was warm and smelled of so many different foods. Even when he didn’t want to eat, Abaddon liked smelling food. This was amazing. 

“We saved skinning the potatoes just for you Abaddon.” Katherine said, sitting Abaddon down at the table and handing him an unfamiliar tool. 

Abaddon turned the tool over in his hands until she showed him how to use it. Usually, Nathan let Abaddon use a knife, an excuse to use knives with Nathan was the only reason why Abaddon helped in the kitchen by choice at all and he didn’t understand why he had to use a potato peeler now. He grumbled about knives being the superior tool but the potato peeler did rip the skin off of the potatoes very efficiently. He wished he could hear the potatoes scream at least, that would make this experience better. He was sure imposter Katherine was the one who wouldn’t let Abaddon use a knife to peel the potatoes, he wasn’t allowed to chop them either, he just had to watch. 

He wasn’t allowed to even turn water into a boiling vat where the potatoes would soften and die but Katherine did let him push a chair up to the stove and watch the water slowly come to a boil and begin to destroy and soften the potato chunks. He loved watching water boil from the beginning to the end, he really liked it when water droplets jumped out of the pot and hit his face, but Katherine pulled him back from leaning over the pot when he apparently got too close.

“Can I check if the potatoes are ready?” He asked after watching the water boil for about 20 minutes, reaching towards the boiling water. 

Nathan caught Abaddon’s hand before he could touch the boiling vat of water, he usually let Abaddon dig his hand into boiling water for testing food, Abaddon liked the way it felt and it was efficient. He didn’t burn as easily as a human's did and his skin would only come away puffy and slightly blistered for a few hours before it completely healed. “How about you stab the potatoes with this.” He handed Abaddon a fork. “It has three prongs, just like your trident.”

Abaddon took it in his fist, frowning slightly but it was acceptable. He stabbed the fork into the water a few times, letting the boiling water splash up at his hand and his fingers dipping in the water a few times until he got a chunk of potato and tasted it, the chunk burning his mouth a little as he did and it was fully soft. Out of the corner of his mouth he could see Katherine cringe but she didn’t say or do anything like she had in the days before. He didn’t really understand what the change was but he liked it, she wasn’t quite like his Katherine, but she was getting better. 

 “They are finished.” Abaddon announced, jumping down from his chair and pushing it back to the kitchen table, sitting with Ben and Esther. Ben was carefully cutting out maple leaves in dough and laying it on top of pies, Esther was drawing black magic symbols on a piece of paper even though she was supposed to be helping Ben. There wasn’t much for them to do here, but Katherine had insisted that they spend some time as a family even before eating so they could all contribute to the meal. Apparently they were almost done, Katherine and Nathan just wanted Abaddon and Esther here for the end, Ben had been in the kitchen with them since they started cooking, he had always liked helping Katherine. 

Abaddon didn’t understand why they were putting so much time and effort into a single meal but it was apparently some kind of tradition. The idea of eating didn’t seem as stressful since Katerine hadn’t actually stopped Abaddon from burning himself again and hadn’t gotten angry at Nathan, she clearly didn’t like it, but she hadn’t done anything, maybe she was finally understanding. 

“Hey, Esther, Abaddon, why don’t you two set the table.” Katherine said, putting a stack of plates, napkins, and silverware in front of them. 

Esther groaned but got up and put her notebook away. The two walked into the dining room and set up. “Can you make the circle around a rune with knives instead of bones?” Ester asked, setting the knives and some forks up like she had the bones earlier that day.

Abaddon shrugged. “Probably, but black magic is far less predictable when using the wrong items.” The symbol had to be drawn with mammalian blood but other items could be circles around them, it was just a bad idea. Usually, he would encourage a human to play with black magic, but he didn’t want Esther getting hurt. If it were anyone who wasn’t the Freelings, their injuries would bring him amusement, but it felt like when the Freelings suffered, he suffered. It made no sense but it was true. 

“Can we try it later?” Esther asked, taking the circle apart and putting the utensils where they belonged.

“Best not to.” He said, always trying to keep Esther from testing black magic on her own until she got more skilled with it and understood the risks and limitations. “There are a few other things I really want to show you before you leave.” He knew that the Freelings would have to leave on Saturday, but maybe they would just leave to get their belongings and come right back to the hotel; he could have his whole world put together if he just got them to stay. 

“This place is awesome, I don’t wanna leave.” Esther complained, setting water glasses at all of the tables. 

“You could convince the matriarch.” Abaddon suggested as Katherine walked into the dining room with turkey. He didn’t understand why they were eating here, the kitchen was good enough for them to eat every other day of the year and seemed to be more convenient. How humans celebrated holidays was weird, he preferred what he and Nathan did in previous years for this same holiday. It was always simple, they watched television and ate food. The first time Nathan made a bunch of waffles, the second and fourth he bought food that came in white boxes and were filled with pasta and rice, and the third they just ate ice cream. He liked the food in the white boxes, he had never tasted anything quite like it and he especially liked that he got to stab his food with two stakes. He still preferred when he could use a knife, but stabbing with anything, especially two things, was fun. 

“Mom, can we stay here longer?” 

“What? No. You have school on Monday.” Katherine replied, giving Esther a weird look. 

“Why not? We have to move anyway, why not here, this place is cool.”

“Not now, Esther. Let’s just eat, I don’t want to think about everything we have to do right now.” As Katherine talked, her eyes flitted over to Abaddon a few times as she did. “Dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes, Nathan is just finishing it, go wash up.” She instructed Esther who complained quietly but followed instructions and went back into the kitchen. She then turned to Abaddon, looking over him for a few moments before offering him her hand. “Can I talk to you for a minute, sweetie?” She asked.

Abaddon hesitated for a moment but took Katherine's hand and let her lead him into the other room.

“Are you still going to try and have someone capture me?” Abaddon asked when Katherine didn’t stay anything.

“What? Oh, Abaddon, sweetie, I–”

“Please do not.” He practically begged, gripping the hem of her shirt in both hands. “Nathan needs me. Other humans hurt me. Please.” He buried his face in Katherine’s stomach, not wanting Katherine to see him, feeling shame for how pathetic it was to beg for anything. He couldn’t deal with losing the Freelings again, he couldn’t lose them again because he wasn’t good enough, he couldn’t go through all of time again with no certainty he wouldn’t be forced to watch them all die. He couldn’t watch Nathan sink deep into depression again and Abaddon needed to beg him just to live. He needed this to be it.

Katherine touched the hand Abaddon had burned and removed it from her shirt, looking at the skin closely. The blisters had mostly healed and the skin was only a little puffy on the fingers he’d submerged in the boiling water. “You’re really not quite human, are you?”

Abaddon pulled away a little from Katherine and looked up at her face, trying to read her expression but it wasn’t clear. “Demon.” He answered simply, unsure why she wouldn’t say it when both he and Nathan had told her what Abaddon was.

Katherine ran a hand down Abaddon’s arm and to his other hand, but it didn’t feel affectionate but more curious, like she wondered what a demon felt like. He had too many memories burned into him of people touching him like that, like he was just an object to be observed, and he pulled away completely, taking a few steps away from her. “Don’t take me from my home.” He said again, needing to be sure no one would come for him. Even if he was captured, he would escape and return home no matter how long it took, how many people hurt him, or how he was imprisoned. What worried him more than what would be done to him was if Nathan would still be waiting for him. He didn’t know if Nathan would survive Abaddon’s capture at his own sister’s orders. “Don’t take me from Nathan.” 

“Don’t worry, Abaddon, I…taking you from here would probably do more harm than good. I thought you were someone else and needed different care than Nathan was giving you. I don’t think anyone I can think of would be better equipped to give you a good life. You sound like you’re happy here.” She reached out to touch Abaddon’s face but he took a step back, not trusting the touch to not feel cold and curious. 

“Thank you, Katherine.” He said softly. “You are…important to Nathan. I would like you to be important to me too.” Katherine was already important to Abaddon, but he needed her to be familiar again.

Katherine didn’t say anything but she gave Abaddon a small smile even though there was still something he couldn’t quite read in her expression. Ignoring it, he ran back into the dining room where Nathan was setting something down on the table and he wrapped his arms around the man’s leg. “Katherine will not have anyone come to capture me.” He said as Nathan ran his fingers through Abaddon’s hair, smiling down at him.

“You’re stuck with me for the rest of my life it seems like.” Nathan said affectionately, that’s what Abaddon wanted. Maybe it would be possible to keep everyone here. Katherine already seemed better, Esther wanted to stay, Ben seemed happy enough, he could make this work. 

“Alright everyone, it’s time for dinner.” Nathan called, and for the first time since the rest of the Freelings got here Abaddon felt like he might enjoy eating.

Chapter Text

“Esther, I want to show you something.” Abaddon said after breakfast leading her out into the forest, the Freelings would be leaving tomorrow morning and Abaddon had to tell Esther what he was. Hopefully they could move here in just a few months, he could have everyone that mattered with him alive and in one place. After they grew old and died he could search for glory and his way back to Hell, he doubted he would ever find people who mattered to him as much as the Freelings did. There was no point in staying on Earth to search for them especially when there was so much he despised here. 

“A new spell?” Esther asked eagerly, she had wanted to learn more than what Abaddon was teaching her now that she would be leaving, but mastery of the basics were vital, hopefully he could teach her more if Katherine moved here. Black magic could be dangerous, and Abaddon didn’t want to only half teach her anything. Human life shouldn’t be important to a demon such as himself, but Esther’s safety was despite everything that was proper. 

“No, I need to show you what I am. Nathan already knows, I think Katherine knows even if she doesn’t like it.” He said when they got to their clearing and sat down. Abaddon rolled up his left sleeve, not wanting Nathan to take away his real clothes again to wash, pulled out a knife and cut a deep gash diagonally across his forearm. 

“Abaddon!” Esther cried out, scrambling to her feet and stepping forward the moment he dug the knife into his flesh but she wasn’t fast enough to pull it from his hands until he was done. “C’mon, let’s go back to the hotel, we’ll fix this, we’ll tell mom you fell.” She touched the area around the wound which wasn’t gushing blood like a normal one would, it was just open skin which revealed flesh and a little blood but it all stayed in place. Her terror turned to confusion as she held Abaddon’s injured arm in her hands, examining the wound closely. 

“It will be healed within an hour.” He said, going to pull down his sleeve but Esther stopped him.

“You’re not bleeding.” She said, poking at the gash a little. “How are you doing that?”

“I’m a demon.” He answered simply, wishing he knew how to change his eyes to red like Nathan said he could. He could cast a spell that only demons could cast, but Esther wouldn’t know the difference between than and advanced black magic, he just had to trust that she’d believe him. More importantly, he had to trust that she would still like him. It had never been an issue before, but Katherine took more issue with Abaddon than she ever had before and he didn’t think he could face rejection from Esther, too. He needed Esther to be at his side like she always was. He needed his trusted ally and companion. 

Thankfully, Esther’s face lit up. “Abaddon, dude, that’s so cool. Have you been to Hell? What’s it like?”

Abaddon smiled and told Esther everything he remembered about Hell. He missed it dearly and wanted to go back. He hadn’t told anyone about it in detail in billions of years, maybe not ever, Esther hadn’t ever really asked this much about it in other interactions of the universe. As he talked it didn’t feel like he had the same amount of longing he once felt for his home, if anything, he wanted the Freelings all under one roof with him more than he wanted to go to Hell. It was an unsettling realization he didn’t want to linger on for long. There was a lot he had realized about himself he didn’t like, he didn’t need something new.

“Cool, do you think I’ll go to Hell?”

“Hopefully not.” Abaddon said simply, even if he would like to spend eternity with Esther, he didn’t want to see her in pain. “How human souls are treated in Hell is very different from how demons are. You don’t want to be there when you die. You also need to commit quite horrid deeds, I think you are a…good person.”

“Yeah, but I’m learning black magic.” 

“Good people can learn black magic. Perhaps if you die here you may end up as a ghost and we can spend time together until you finish the business that binds you to this world.” He would like that, he wanted Esther to die on the property after she lived a long life and then he wanted to spend her afterlife together until she disappeared. That would likely be it, he wouldn’t be able to follow where she went after her soul was released. 

“Wait, there are ghosts here?” She asked, looking back at the hotel. “I haven’t seen any.”

“Nathan asked them to not show themselves because he had family coming and they are avoiding us now even when Nathan wanted to see them.” He explained, unsure why them refusing to show themselves had made Katherine hug Nathan and seem so upset. 

“Are you here because of the ghosts?” Esther asked. Esther had never asked about why Abaddon before, but usually, she was met with the fact that her uncle had turned into a ghost, the hotel she was moving to was filled with dozens of other ghosts and monsters, wondering why a demon was even there likely hadn’t even crossed her mind before. 

“No, the veil between worlds is thin here and I am hoping Hell might come for me.” He explained, he wanted Hell to come, but not yet. He wanted to stay here until the last of the Freelings grew old and died and the ghost disappeared, then he wanted to return to his home. Right? The Freelings were just an exception to a usually strong rule about humans and demons, it would be unlikely for there to ever be humans like them again and even less so for Abaddon to come across them. There would never be another human like Esther and Nathan for sure, especially existing in a family who would accept the supernatural and Abaddon along with it. 

“You can’t go back to Hell on your own?” Esther asked, cocking her head. “Isn’t that like your home.”

Abaddon nodded and explained his predicament to her. He told her about the priest who trapped him in this body and the boy he possessed binding him to this body and stripping him of his powers. How he was now only slightly more powerful than a human who could use black magic, he healed quickly, and he was immortal but he was virtually powerless and trapped on Earth until he was freed from his bonds. He tried not to think how demons had come to this very hotel twice since he was bound and trapped here and neither time was he rescued, he had been forgotten, mocked, and abandoned all over again. He tried to focus on the time he would have with the Freelings while they lived and then when they were ghosts. It wouldn’t be the same when they were ghosts as when they were alive but he would still have them. That was the most important thing, he would miss their touch, but he would have their company. 

Before Esther could ask any follow up questions and push into parts of Abaddon’s life he didn’t want to talk about at the moment, he pulled his sleeve up to show the cut. It had gone from a deep gash cutting down near the bone to a bad scratch, soon, it would be gone completely. 

“Wow!” Esther exclaimed. “That’s so cool!”

Abaddon smiled. “When you’re here next I can teach you more spells, once you have mastered the dark arts there are books here to further your studies. I hope to have you here permanently if the matriarch allows it.” He really hoped it would work. It had to. 

“Where are the books?” Esther asked, a hungry light in her eyes.

Abaddon shrugged. He knew they were in the library and in some secret passageways, but that was it. He couldn’t find the books Esther did even when they were right in front of him, unable to read the titles. Esther would just show the books to him and tell him what she needed him to gather when she was learning something Abaddon didn’t know enough about to teach her. Learning more about the dark arts together had been a favored pastime of Abaddon’s and he would love to fill his weekends and evenings with Esther by his side again. 

“Mom has to let us stay here. I’ll literally die if she doesn’t.” 

Abaddon didn’t think that was true, at least he hoped it wasn’t especially if Esther failed in her endeavors. Humans had an odd way of talking. 

“I will aid you in unlocking your greatest potential, Esther.” He said, taking one of her hands. “Find a way to bring them here and I can do it, I swear.” 

“You better. I’m gonna be the best human dark magician ever.” 

Abaddon smiled and taught Esther a few new symbols to perfect while she was gone, hopefully, her absence would only be temporary. Soon, she would be back in the hotel and he would finally be able to move past the measly year she lived here before. He would finally get more precious time with the humans who had such fleeting lives. Esther wasn’t just a blip and he couldn’t allow her to become one. 

Dinner was easier that night even if Abaddon knew everyone but Nathan would be leaving him in the morning, he just needed to trust that they would return. They ate leftovers from the night before which was better even if Nathan wouldn’t let Abaddon eat the turkey bones. Katherine and Esther already knew he was a demon even if Nathan had specifically told Abaddon to not tell Esther anything. To prevent Abaddon from doing anything, Nathan had cut all of Abaddon's meat for him and made sure no bones were present in his meal. At least Nathan had promised to let him eat as many of the turkey bones as he wanted when the Freelings were gone. There was so much for him to look forward to in the future but he needed to depend on what Esther could make happen with her mother, he was confident Nathan would allow them to come here. Nathan would admit it to anyone, but Abaddon knew he dearly missed consistent living human companionship. He would be happier, Abaddon wouldn’t need to worry about what might happen to Nathan when he looked away for too long, it was a terror that played at the back of his head now that he was in uncharted waters. He didn’t know what everyone would do, he didn’t know if Nathan would hurt himself again, he just didn’t know anything. 

At the very least, the familiar sound of the Freelings chatting around him was comforting. Katherine seemed calmer even if she looked over at Abaddon quite frequently. Things could be okay, it felt like there was something lifted from him now that he felt like things could finally be right. He could have his moment with the Freelings and then wait for Hell to come for him, to free him from this body and this wretched world, he would only stay while the only people who mattered were here then he might finally get to go home. Still, he felt something at the back of his mind that Hell was never coming for him. They had torn down his home in the measly 300 years he was gone, his fellow demons abandoned him when they could have freed him, he couldn’t let himself think he was stuck here forever even if it had begun to feel that way. He couldn’t believe that he was never going home. For now he had the Freelings to hold him together, but once he lost them and was alone in a world filled with humans who wanted to see him suffer he didn’t think he would make it as realization set deep into his body that he was truly abandoned by everyone and everything. 

Abaddon tried to pull his mind away from the soul crushing thoughts that had been entering his mind; he couldn’t let himself think like that even if part of him knew it was true. An issue with reliving all of time was that he relived both days demons who could have helped him came to the hotel. Every time they came, he realized how alone he was, how little he mattered to anyone in his home, how he was already forgotten. Hell leaving him here to rot as his punishment for failing his simple task wasn’t something he felt he could admit to himself. He couldn’t be trapped here for eternity. There would never be anyone like the Freelings again, but there would always be people like Philip. 

“Abaddon, how would you feel about coming to visit us in the city?” Katherine asked looking over at him.

Abaddon didn’t know what to say, he wanted to see the Freelings but he didn’t want to see them in the city, he wanted them to come here. He wanted his life to be right and that didn’t include only seeing the rest of the Freelings for the holidays, it wouldn’t be the same. Instead of saying any of that, Abaddon nodded. He desperately wanted them in his life, the only thing worse than seeing them occasionally would not be seeing them at all. This needed to be his perfect world. Maybe at Katherine’s residence he could convince her that living at the hotel would be better. It could all be better. He just needed to say the perfect thing, at the perfect time, at the perfect place. He could do it. He could make it happen. 

“We should move closer.” Esther said. “Abaddon is gonna be my best friend.” 

Nathan smiled and ruffled Abaddon’s hair. “Look at you, getting along with new people and everything, I’m proud of you bud.” Abaddon had made a habit of antagonizing people who came too close to him in the hotel, partially because it was fun and partially because he didn’t want strangers getting close to him. He didn’t care who they were or that they were simply trying to have a vacation, he didn’t trust them. This place was known to be haunted, it was the entire reason Philip had made it his home, it could draw in all sorts of unsavory people and Abaddon wasn’t willing to figure out who was who. Until he knew for sure, they all posed a threat to his freedom. He didn’t want any of them getting close to him no matter how much Nathan encouraged him to be nice and learn to trust new people. 

Katherine looked between Esther and Abaddon for a moment, an unreadable expression on her face for a moment before she smiled a little. “I guess it’s good you’re making friends.” 

“Don’t worry, I know about him, mom.” Esther said when Katherine looked between Esther and Abaddon again, making demon horns on her head with her fingers. Ben just looked confused but didn’t ask and Nathan gave Abaddon a disappointed look. At the very least, that seemed to be good enough for Katherine, she just sighed and went back to her meal. The next person to tell would be Ben, but he was pretty good at going along with everything, hopefully he wouldn’t be bothered. Abaddon was sure the ghosts had grown on Ben even if he hadn’t liked all of the monsters and magic. Everything would be better for everyone if they just stayed.

Abaddon looked around the table and saw the humans who somehow mattered to him talking to each other, laughing, and finding joy in their lives. This was what he wanted. This was what he needed. If he could make this his everyday life, maybe he could survive Hell abandoning him in this place.

Chapter Text

Abaddon missed the rest of the Freelings but it was nice to not need to keep up an act. There were guests and he had to promise Nathan to not terrorize them and to keep his distance but he could finally be himself most of the time. He didn’t have to eat any of his meals the past few days, meals consisted of Nathan eating and teaching Abaddon how to play new card games. However, there were a few times that Nathan was able to entice Abaddon into eating with some of the leftover turkey bones. He didn’t understand why humans avoided them. He loved everything about cooked bones from the crunch of the outer shell to the taste of the marrow on the insides to the sharp shards of bone cutting his throat as he swallowed them. He tried to offer his bones to Nathan a few times but the man always refused, letting Abaddon have them all to himself. Even if he enjoyed not needing to hide his demonic nature so much, he couldn’t ignore how empty and quiet the hotel felt. He wanted the Freelings back and he wanted his life with them to start. 

He wanted to watch Ben spend too much time picking out a book he insisted on reading aloud while Abaddon and Esther yelled at him to hurry up. He wanted Katherine to help him find new ways to feel useful and to hold him like she did in other universes. He wanted to teach Esther everything he could and watch her become the powerful, worthy companion he always knew she was. The halls filled only with strangers and ghosts made it all feel worse. There were faces and footsteps but there was only one person in all of the Undervale who made this place feel like it was finally home after being his prison for so long. 

Even with the Freelings gone and Nathan working most of the day, Abaddon still had his nights with Nathan. Tonight Nathan had put on another movie Nathan loved and Abaddon didn’t quite get but he enjoyed it all the same. He was resting his head on Nathan’s lap while the man gently ran his fingers through Abaddon’s hair and down his back in slow, gentle, comforting motions. The movement and the heat radiating from Nathan’s body was the much needed reminder that Nathan was alive even though he was supposed to have been stolen from Abaddon nearly three weeks ago. He never wanted to live in another timeline where Nathan succeeded in killing himself. He had Nathan’s voice and company as a ghost but there was nothing that felt quiet as comforting as Nathan’s gentle hands and warm embrace. He needed this for as long as the fragile human body could allow. 

Abaddon had slept rarely in his time on Earth and every time had been because his body and mind had been pushed to the point he couldn’t function anymore, forced into unconsciousness when he was too injured and weak to stay awake. Since he met Nathan and learned that he was truly safe, there had been a few times where he felt he could sleep just because he was so relaxed and comfortable, this was one of those times. He had been through all of time and if he managed to get everything he wanted, maybe he would let himself rest for a little bit, it might feel nice. It would be interesting to see what sleep felt like when he was being held by someone who had sworn to protect him and gave him a home instead of fighting against exhaustion that pulled him under when danger was all around him or he was forbidden to sleep despite his body demanding it. 

“Would you like to try and see your aunt and cousins more often?” Nathan asked, brushing the mop of hair that had fallen into Abaddon’s face back behind one of his ears.

Abaddon nodded. “Do you think they could stay with us?” He asked, turning away from the TV and laying on his back to look up at Nathan, head still resting on his lap. 

“Would you like that? You didn’t seem to like Kathy that much and you didn’t really spend time with Ben.”

“I didn’t like her when I thought she was going to have someone capture me, I like her now. I believe I will like Ben, I will make him read to me.”

“If you want someone to read to you, I could do it, bud.”

“You don’t do the voices right.” Abaddon responded, crossing his arms. 

Nathan raised an eyebrow. “Did Ben…read to you when I wasn’t looking?” 

“Yes.” Abaddon lied, not really caring if Nathan believed him or not. “I do believe having your family here may keep you safe as well.” Abaddon said before Nathan could ask anything else. Nathan’s mind was bound to turn against him at some point, Katherine might be able to help him more next time. 

“Oh, Abaddon, buddy, I promised you I wouldn’t do anything like that again. I’m not going to leave you of my own free will. I don’t want you to have to have people in your home you don’t want just for me.” 

“I want them here.” Abaddon insisted. He had never wanted anything so much in his life. He wanted it more than glory, he might even want it more than returning to Hell where he was nobody at best and the target for mockery and cruelty at worst. The more he thought about his life with the Freelings and the more he thought about his home in Hell, the more he wanted to stay here despite it going against everything that felt right. Everything would be okay if he could just get the Freelings home. “Please, Nathan, I want them to come home.”

Nathan smiled a little at Abaddon and brushed a hand against his cheek affectionately. “It would be nice to have them here. You and Esther seemed to get along really well, maybe she liked that someone who was supposed to be pretending to be a normal little boy told her he was a demon.” Nathan said, tickling Abaddon’s stomach a little.

“I’ll bite you.” Abaddon giggled a little even though he tried to stop the ridiculous sound from crossing his lips and pushed Nathan’s hand away, curling up and facing the television again, protecting his stomach from Nathan’s honorless attacks. 

“If you bite me I won’t buy you any more Froot Loops, your box is almost empty.” Nathan chuckled, ruffling Abaddon’s hair. “But you really would like Katherine to come stay with us? It might be a good option for her with everything going on.”

Abaddon nodded. He wanted it so desperately. 

Nathan and Abaddon watched several more movies, most of which Nathan had to give Abaddon a lot of context for until the sun started coming up. “Shit, we stayed up all night, didn’t we, Abby.”

It wasn’t the first time it had happened, there were several nights that Nathan and Abaddon had meant to just watch a movie or an episode of a show and Nathan had stayed awake all night and Abaddon had stayed inside. A few times they had done it several nights in a row, Nathan claiming he wasn’t able to sleep and didn’t want to just look at the ceiling or his phone. The first time around, Abaddon had ignored many of those offers, however, when he went through time again, he cherished the extra time he would get to spend with Nathan before the man killed himself. He was almost certain that those nights had become more frequent closer to the last days Abaddon would have with Nathan, but maybe that was just his own skewed perception, those extra nights sticking with him when he knew how limited his time was. 

“Well, you want breakfast?” Nathan asked, slowly standing up, stretching, and yawning loudly. 

Abaddon shook his head but followed Nathan to the kitchen and watched him make coffee and eggs. “Do you want the ground?” Nathan asked, Abaddon thought for a moment before nodding and Nathan put the coffee grounds on a plate and put it in front of Abaddon.

Both Abaddon and Nathan ate silently and Abaddon could feel the familiar pleasant jittering pass through his body as he ate the coffee grounds. Apparently it was because of the caffeine, which was the only reason Nathan drank this stuff especially when he didn’t sleep. Putting it in water diluted the caffeine, he didn’t understand why Nathan didn’t also eat the grounds also but he preferred the drink. Nathan always either threw the grounds away or gave them to Abaddon, humans were weird. 

“Our guests are checking today, is there anything you want to do?” Nathan asked, yawning again.

Abaddon shook his head, looking at Nathan and eating more of the grounds. He missed his time to go prowling last night and he wanted to save his energy for then. On top of that, he knew humans weren’t as well calibrated when tired and he didn’t want Nathan to push himself.. 

“Thank you for being part of my life, Abaddon.” Nathan said, resting a hand on Abaddon’s. “You’ve made it better and I wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for you.”

That much was true, there were two times around time where Abaddon had avoided the Freelings completely hoping he could just forget about them and Nathan had still died the same day and Katherine had still taken over the hotel. Their lives weren’t better or worse without him but his life was so much worse without them in it no matter how many times he tried to force himself to stay away. The apocalypse didn’t happen when he kept his distance but it didn’t feel worth it, there was nothing he was saving if the only humans who he cared about were complete strangers. He knew it was selfish but had gone back through time again to be with the Freelings again and would find a new way to stop the apocalypse and get his powers. He could forgo his powers if it meant having all four of the Freelings alive and with him here. That would be worth it. He would find a new way to glory. He had time, the Freelings didn’t.

“You were kind to me.” Was all Abaddon could think to say, there were others before Nathan who had been kind to Abaddon, but not in the same way. No one had ever truly cared for him like this before and even after living these four years with Nathan over and over again, it still felt so foreign to have someone he could trust to always care for him and keep him safe. “You have made my imprisonment on Earth…good.” 

“I hope you get to go home, bud, but I’ll really miss you if you do.”

Abaddon nodded, trying to not think about how he would probably never go home even if he had mixed feelings about the place since he had something good to compare it to. Nathan would still probably return as a ghost after living a long life, he would have company for a while. 

“We do have a bit of a mouse problem though if you want to hunt them. I think there might even be some in the vents.”

“There were mice in the vents, they were in my domain.” Abaddon ate the last last of the coffee grounds. “I shall free the rest of the hotel of the rodent fiends." He declared, pounding one of his fists on the table.

Nathan chucked a little at that before standing and ruffling Abaddon’s hair. “Thanks bud, as long as I have you I guess I don’t need a cat.”

Abaddon growled, he didn’t like cats, they seemed to know what he was and stared directly into his soul. They followed him around and did their own evil deeds, much of which they would be praised for while Abaddon was scolded. He didn’t like that there was a ghost cat in the hotel, but Nathan liked it. At least the ghost cat left him alone most of the time hunting the ghost mouse. 

After breakfast, Abaddon spent his day silently prowling through the hotel, some mice had gotten into the vents he used less frequently, but most were in the kitchen and in guests rooms who had eaten in there. One of the guests tried to talk to Abaddon and reached a hand out towards him and Abaddon growled at them before running off. He promised Nathan he wouldn’t punish any guests for trying to talk to or greet him but he never promised that he would be nice. He didn’t want to be nice to anyone new, he didn’t like them, he didn’t want anyone telling him he looked cute in his outfit or asking how long his family had lived here, he wanted to be left alone. 

Every time Abaddon caught a mouse, he broke its neck and most of the time he ate it then and there, fur, blood, bones and all. He wasn’t as worried about blood getting on his clothing now that Katerine was gone and even when she came back, she would know that he was a demon. Nathan had tried to explain why Katherine had been so worried about Abaddon when she thought he was human, but it didn’t make much sense. Nathan had always done everything he could to make Abaddon happy, he didn’t understand why Katherine would think something was wrong even when Abaddon wanted to stay. Even if he was still confused, what really mattered is that she wouldn’t try to have someone to capture him anymore and take him away from his home. No one could ever take him from here, and if they did, he would get back here no matter what.

This hotel had once been his prison and his curse but recently it had become his sanctuary and palace. He knew where all of the secret rooms were and went to them as he pleased even the ones Nathan tried to forbid him from opening. He had gone from prisoner to ruler of this place, it was his now and he had Nathan at his side and soon he would have Katherine, Esther, and Ben under his rule and protection as well. It would be perfect. 

He loved it most when guests weren’t in the hotel but it upset Nathan when it was. He relished his time to freely roam without worry of the guests but he didn’t scare them off anymore like he used to. For Nathan. He hoped no one would check in the rest of the day, Nathan would sleep and Abaddon could prowl in the town and not need to worry if anyone saw him when he returned to the hotel. 

Eventually, Abaddon tumbled out of the vents and walked around the hotel, looking in crevices for any other mice, only finding two more. 

“How was hunting, Abaddon?” Nathan asked, Abaddon jumping a little, having been so absorbed in looking for additional mice he hadn’t heard the sound of Nathan’s footsteps.

“Excelent.” He jumped to his feet. “I murdered 37 of them and I saved one for you.” He pulled the biggest mouse he found out of his pocket and offered it to Nathan.

Nathan smiled that same weird smile he always gave when Abaddon offered him part of his hunt. “I’m alright, buddy, we still have leftovers in the fridge, that’s all yours.”

Abaddon frowned but shoved the mouse back into his pocket along with the other five he hadn’t eaten yet. He didn’t understand why Nathan didn’t want Abaddon’s kills, but he didn’t always want Nathan’s meals, maybe he just hadn’t ever Nathan offered the right kill at the right time. 

“Speaking of which, I am going to heat up some leftovers and make myself some tea. Would you like me to make you your sugar water?” Nathan offered.

Abaddon nodded and took Nathan’s hand and the two walked through the hotel into the kitchen. Abaddon watched Nathan put food in the microwave and put water on for tea. He poured the first batch of water into a mug with a tea back in it and then put the pot back on the stove and mixed it with several spoonfuls of sugar, letting it sit until it reached a full boil. 

Abaddon sipped at the sugar water while Nathan ate, the drink burning his mouth and throat in a pleasant way. He liked the sweetness but he was also pretty sure the sugar made the water hotter, he loved anything sweet and hot, the sweeter and hotter the better, and where this wasn’t his favorite, it was simple enough that Nathan could make it frequently and he thoroughly enjoyed it every time. He didn’t understand why Nathan liked tea so much, it was barely flavored water, but at least he put milk and honey in it where Katherine didn’t, but Nathan’s tea still wasn’t sweet or hot enough, the man never bringing it to a proper boil and never putting enough honey in it. 

They sat quietly for a few minutes, Abaddon wishing that his drink would stay hot for longer when Nathan’s phone rang, interrupting their comfortable silence in the room. Nathan looked at his phone and answered. “Hey, Kath, wha–”

“What? I…I don’t know.”

“I need to check something.” He said on the phone before looking at Abaddon, his calm, happy look gone. “Stay here, Abaddon.” Nathan instructed, walking out of the kitchen. When Abaddon tried to follow him, Nathan turned around and repeated himself more firmly.

Abaddon shrunk back into the kitchen and went back to sipping at his drink, but it didn’t taste or feel as good. The minutes felt like they stretched on forever until Nathan walked back into the kitchen. He wanted to ask Nathan what Katherine's call was about until he saw the man’s expression, something like anger and fear, a look he had never seen on Nathan’s face, certainly not while he looked at Abaddon. 

“Did you give Esther books on black magic?” Nathan asked, his voice cold and angry.

Abaddon tried to say something but felt his throat close, only able to focus on Nathan. People had looked at Abaddon like that before when they knew what he was, but not Nathan, never Nathan. Nathan had always been kind and gentle with everyone he came across, especially Abaddon. He was forgiving of everything everyone else had locked Abaddon up for or tried to kill him over, Nathan had just sat down and tried to explain things to Abaddon and gave him chance after chance.

“Abaddon!” Nathan said louder causing Abaddon to jump in his chair, forgetting he hadn’t answered and shook his head. 

Since Abaddon got trapped in the body of the boy, he had hated how small and weak his body was, most of the time he wished he was bigger, this was one of the very few times since he was trapped that he wished he was smaller. He pulled his knees to his chest and shrank in on himself as best he could as if that could make him disappear. It never seemed to work when someone was angry, but he couldn’t stop himself. Every other time he had tried to shrink it was because he couldn’t fight back, when he was trapped, completely powerless, or too weak and injured to move, but when confronted with Nathan he couldn’t do anything not because he was physically incapable of fighting back or defending himself this time, but because…well he wasn't quite sure. The strange things he felt for the Freelings didn’t make any sense and made it so much harder to understand anything about himself and the world. 

“Well she got it somehow and she knew how to use it. What did you do?” Nathan demanded, towering over Abaddon. 

Abaddon squeezed his eyes shut and moved his arms in front of his face when he saw Nathan move toward him again.

Finally he felt a hand resting on his arm. It was familiar, warm, and mercifully gentle. Abaddon slowly lowered his arms and looked up at Nathan, he still looked angry, but less so, and was kneeling in front of Abaddon instead of towering over him. “Abaddon, even if you didn’t give Esther the books, what did you do?” He asked again, voice a little calmer, but not much.

It took several false starts before Abaddon was able to find his words again, unable to meet Nathan’s gaze while he spoke. “I-I taught her the basics, I told her it was dangerous to teach herself anything new and to just practice until we saw each other again.” He left out the part where he mentioned the books to Esther, he didn’t think she would take them home with her, when she had read them before, she always had Abaddon to help guide her and by the time she was learning spells on her own she had become skilled enough Abaddon wasn’t worried about her. 

“Why would you do that? Black magic was one of the things I specifically told you not to talk about or show anyone. It’s dangerous.” Anger flared in his voice as he spoke. 

“I…I…” He trailed off, unsure how he would explain all of it to Nathan and if he even should. 

“You don’t even have a good reason? Esther is in the hospital, Abaddon.” Nathan squeezed Abaddon’s arm a little as he spoke but then relaxed it again. 

That got Abaddon to look up at Nathan, feeling his blood run cold for a moment. “What…what happened?” He finally managed to ask.

“I don’t know, she was doing something and there was a small explosion that hit her dead on. I don’t know how bad it is but she’s unconscious. I’m gonna drive down there tonight, stay here, don’t leave the hotel, don’t let anyone in, I can’t deal with you getting into any more trouble.” Nathan instructed, letting go of Abaddon and standing up.

“Please, allow me to come.” He pleaded, grabbing hold of the hem of Nathan’s shirt as the man walked towards the door. 

“No. It’s a new place with a lot of people , you can barely handle yourself in Midwich, and I don’t think Katherine wants to see you right now.” He pushed Abaddon’s hand off of him and put on a jacket. 

“What if there is some kind of curse on her as well. I know what to look for. It may not be something your healers cannot see. Please. I did not mean to bring her harm. Allow me to aid her if I can. Please.” He grabbed onto Nathan’s wrist with both hands. “Please.” 

“Fine, but you listen to everything Kathy or I tell you to do, do not speak or look at anyone else in the hospital, you keep your mouth closed and your hands to yourself, and you stay by my side silently unless I tell you otherwise. You’re in big trouble young man, don’t make this worse” Nathan asked, leading Abaddon outside to the car.

“Yes, sir.” Abaddon barely whispered as Nathan buckled him in. He didn’t know what Nathan would do to punish him, he didn’t think Nathan would hurt him, especially not like the others had, but his mind couldn’t help wandering to the worst case scenarios and how it could tarnish his image of Nathan forever. However, what sat more prominently on his mind was Esther and if she would be okay. He could only hope she would, but even if she was, he already felt the perfect world he wanted slipping through his fingers. 

Chapter Text

The drive to the hospital was long and silent. On the occasions that Nathan took Abaddon out with him they listened to music, talked, or played car games. Now, the only thing that interrupted their drive was Nathan stopping to get more coffee several times but he always drank it quietly and drove. Nathan had stayed up for several days at a time before but Abaddon knew it wasn’t good for humans, especially not when they were trying to travel or do anything else that required focus. Despite that Abaddon stayed silent, Nathan was already angry at him, he didn’t need to make it worse. He tried to think of punishments that Nathan would give him when they got home but none were coming to him. Everyone who had lived at the Undervale before had eventually resorted to keeping Abaddon in small prisons he could barely move in or hurt him with holy objects. It was easy to conjure images of Nathan hurting him when they got home for this even if it was hard to believe. Nathan had always banned Abaddon from the vents, wouldn’t let him have his favorite foods, and yelled at him when he got in trouble, but had never so much as raised a hand to him. Then again, Nathan had never been this angry before. If the images of Nathan locking Abaddon away for weeks or months at a time and pressing holy objects to his skin came to life he didn’t think he would be able to recover from that even in a new universe, his image of Nathan would forever be ruined. Nathan would start to be like the others even if only in Abaddon's mind. 

Eventually, the buildings started to get more packed together and taller than Abaddon had ever seen before. There were still people on the streets and driving down the roads despite the late hour; he didn’t know if he liked it. Finally, they stopped driving outside of a large building and Nathan pulled Abaddon from the car and held him.

“I-I’m sorry.” Abaddon said softly, wrapping his arms around Nathan’s neck, surprised that the man was carrying him after everything.

“I know you are bud, hopefully she’ll be okay.” At least that eased some of Abaddon’s fears that Nathan might hurt him, Nathan was angry but he was still so gentle, still talked to Abaddon like he always did. “Please, it’s a hard time for everyone right now. If someone is bothering you, tell me and I’ll deal with it, I can’t have any more trouble right now. Just sit quietly until we can see Esther, don’t take matters into your own hands and try to help, just do what you’re told. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.” Abaddon said softly as they walked into the warm building, already mourning how he would likely need to relive everything. Maybe he could still fix things even if that seemed unlikely. 

The first room of the building was filled with chairs, about a third of which had people in them, some sitting alone and entertaining themselves, some sitting in pairs or groups, and some sleeping. Nathan set Abaddon down on one of the chairs while he talked to the woman at the front desk. Abaddon pulled his knees to his chest and tried to ignore the tight feeling in his throat and chest. He just wanted to go home and for everyone to be there. He wanted his perfect universe despite ruining everything in only a few weeks. 

“Hey, Abaddon, is that you?” A familiar voice asked. Abaddon looked up and saw Ben holding a bag and looking down at him. 

Abaddon nodded. “Is Esther healed?” He asked, unsure what exactly happened or how bad Esther’s injuries were. 

Ben sat down in the chair next to him and shook his head. 

“I’m sorry.” Abaddon whispered, trying to swallow the feeling in his throat but it wouldn’t go away. He’d felt horrible before when something happened to the Freelings but never something like this. When they got hurt before it was external factors, when they died because of him it was because he was tricked, it had never directly been his fault before. It didn’t matter that he told Esther to not practice anything new on her own before she was ready, he had introduced her to black magic, he told her about the books when he knew how determined she was, and she got hurt because of him. It wasn’t just his fault, he did this to her. 

“It’s not your fault.” Ben smiled even though he didn’t look happy. “I brought some books to read while I wait if you wanna read with me.” At least this meant that Katherine hadn’t told everyone that it was Abaddon’s fault even if she knew it. She hadn’t told Ben what Abaddon was and that all of the pain their family was facing was his fault even if she should have.

Abaddon nodded, it would be nice to hear Ben read to him again, it always used to calm him. 

“Does anything look good to you?” Ben asked, showing Abaddon the books. They all looked the same to him, he couldn’t read the titles, so he just shrugged.

“Have you ever read a comic book before?” He showed one to Abaddon and Abaddon shook his head. 

“Wanna read it together?” Ben asked and Abaddon nodded silently.

Ben placed the book between him and Abaddon, opened it and started reading. The words were everywhere on the page but he liked all of the pictures, it made it much easier to follow than the usual books Ben read. They were only on the second page when Nathan came over informing them that he needed to try and talk to Kathy and left, he looked worse and more exhausted than Abaddon had remembered from only a few hours ago when they first left the hotel. Nathan’s exhaustion and suffering was Abaddon’s fault, too. 

Abaddon rested his head on Ben’s shoulder and asked a few questions when he found his voice. The book had an odd way of telling stories but he liked it. They had only been reading for about ten minutes when Nathan reappeared, somehow looking even worse than when he left. 

“Nathan?” Abaddon asked when the man sat down next to them and slumped in the chair. He couldn’t stop the worry from rising in him, Nathan had dedicated so much of his time making Abaddon feel loved and cared for and Abaddon had only managed to repay him in this universe with pain and misery. 

“Kathy is busy.” Nathan said quickly, something about his voice making Abaddon think that wasn’t entirely true. “Wake me up when she can see me or when we can see Esther.” With that he closed his eyes, trying to get a little bit of much needed rest. Abaddon wanted to ask Nathan more questions, but he desperately needed sleep and Abaddon could wait, it was his own fault they were in this situation anyways, it was only right Abaddon had to sit with his questions and misery. It was his penance, or part of it, at least.

“Hey, it’ll be okay.” Ben said, wrapping an arm around Abaddon’s shoulder, something in his voice and expression sounded disingenuous. Abaddon wanted to tell Ben that he didn’t know if everything would be okay, but he kept his thoughts to himself, it was the least he owed Ben after causing Esther to hurt herself. He tried to let Ben pull him into the comic book again but his mind couldn’t stop wandering to Esther. 

Ben and Abaddon had gone through four comic books when Katherine walked over to Ben and Abaddon, looking only at her son, she looked exhausted and like she had been crying, all Abaddon could do was look down at his feet and sat perfectly still as if that would somehow get Katherine to not notice him. “She’s past the worst of the danger.” Katherine finally said. “She’s still asleep but we can see her if you want.” 

Ben put his things away and stood. “Abaddon, do you wanna come?” 

Abaddon could feel Katherine’s eyes burning into him even though he didn’t look up, she didn’t want him here, she wanted him gone, he shouldn’t have come here. No, he had to see if there was anything besides injury that afflicted Esther. He had no idea if her mistake had just caused physical damage or if a curse came with it. 

“He should stay with Nathan.” Katherine said curtly, she didn’t want him here, she probably didn’t want Nathan here either, she was simply keeping her hatred for Abaddon private from her son, it was a mercy he didn’t deserve. He deserved to be hated openly. Maybe the others were right to lock him away and hurt him. Maybe Philip’s torment was what he deserved. He’d caused all of this, no matter how much he ached to be with the Freelings and see them safe and happy he always lost them over and over again and he couldn’t stop it. Nathan shouldn’t have taken him in, he should have left Abaddon to hide in the woods while he waited for rescue from Hell that would never come. No one was coming for him, no one wanted him, he was just trapped in a world he didn’t understand, doomed to be harmed or harm those who were kind to him. 

It took several long minutes after Katherine and Ben left for Abaddon to be able to regain control of his body again, unsure why he felt frozen, it took him even longer to actually do anything. He grabbed Nathan’s arm and shook him slightly, he didn’t respond. He shook Nathan harder and the man groaned and opened his eyes. He made several confused sounds, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“Katherine and Ben are with Esther.” Abaddon said softly, still gripping Nathan’s arm tight. 

“Okay.” Nathan got up and stumbled a little, more steady once he was on his feet. He got more coffee and then took Abaddon’s hand and walked with him through the rooms of the hospital until they got to Esther’s. “Please behave yourself.” Nathan instructed.

Abaddon nodded silently and kept close to Nathan when they walked into the room. 

Before they could get to Esther’s bed, Katherine said something to Ben and then got up and walked over to Nathan and Abaddon. “Can I talk to you two outside?” Even though she phrased it like a question, it didn’t sound like they had much of a choice. 

Ben looked up at them confused but didn’t move from his sister’s side, Abaddon couldn’t get a good look at Esther, he couldn’t see how badly she was injured, he couldn’t see if there was any curse she had gotten. He wanted to go to her side and wait until she woke up and beg for her and Katherine’s forgiveness, but Nathan tugged on his arm and half guided half dragged him into the hallway. 

As soon as Esther's door was closed Katherine started talking. “Why did you bring him here?” Katherine demanded, pointing at Abaddon who shrunk back as if that would make her forget that she was angry. 

“He’s worried about Esther and he wanted to make sure nothing else happened to her.” Nathan said calmly despite everything. 

“I don’t want that thi–” Kathy took a deep breath before she finished her sentence but he already knew what she meant, Abaddon had gone from a ‘he’ to an ‘it’ in her mind like he had become to others before. Never before had it hurt so much. Even if she only almost said it in anger and changed her mind, he knew that deep down she meant it, that she hated him and would never see him as anything but the demon who hurt her child again. “I don’t want him around my children. He’s a bad influence and he’s dangerous.”

“Kath, please, I know you’re angry, I’m angry at him too, but he knows black magic, he was insistent there could be an additional curse or something on her, please just let him check.”

“There could be a curse? Nathan, what the fuck. Why would have me bring my children into a place with curses and demons?” Katherine demanded in a harsh whisper. 

“It is not his fault. He–” 

“I don’t want to hear another word out of you.” Katherine snapped at Abaddon causing him to hide behind Nathan, half convinced she would brandish some kind of holy object to burn him with, maybe he would deserve it. 

“Kathy, please, I know you’re upset, he didn’t mean to–”

“I don’t care what he meant, Nathan. I care that he introduced my little girl to dangerous magic, I care that he gave her books to figure out dangerous shit on her own, I care that she might have a curse on her and may never be the same, I care that Ron is on my ass about this when he isn’t even trying to come up and see her.”

“Katherine, he didn’t give her the books, she took them to practice on her own even after she was told how dangerous it was. He did introduce her to magic but he didn’t tell her to do this.” Abaddon wasn’t expecting Nathan to stand up for him, he was angry, he blamed Abaddon for Esther’s injuries even if not as much as Katherine did and yet the man defended him.

“Why was he teaching her black magic at all?” Katherine demanded and then spoke again before Nathan could respond. “You know what, I don’t care, he can check for a curse and then I want you both out.” Katherine pointed towards the exit. 

“Kath, please, w–”

“I can’t make you leave the hospital but if you care at all about me or my children you will leave.” There was a hitch in Katherine’s voice and she pressed her hands to her eyes, forcefully steadying her breathing before looking at them again. “Well hurry up, I don’t want him hanging around Ben either.”

Katherine opened Esther’s room again and Nathan and Abaddon followed, Abaddon simultaneously wanted to stay by Esther’s side until she fully recovered and to run from the room and never look back. He didn’t know if he could stand to see what he caused. 

As he got to Esther’s bedside he saw the bandages that covered her skin, not sure if he was grateful that they hid the worst of the damage or upset that he couldn’t see exactly what was wrong. They covered her left arm and traveled up under her clothing and there were even bandages covering her left eye. He wasn’t sure if there were more under the rest of her clothes or under her blankets but he didn’t check unsure if he was too scared to see what he had caused or because he knew that Katherine would stop him. 

He rested a hand on Esther’s injured arm and wished there was a way he knew how to apologize that she would hear it and know he meant it. He never wanted to hurt her. Slowly and carefully he moved his hand across the bandages on her arm, out of the corner of his eye he could see Ben giving him an odd look but the boy didn’t say anything. 

Luckily, the presence of a curse was easy enough to detect if one knew how to search for it, the real challenge was figuring out what exactly the curse was and how to remove it. As Abaddon searched, he didn’t feel anything, just evidence of burned and damaged flesh that needed time and care to repair, no magic attached to it. Finally, he pulled away, looked in Katherine’s direction and shook his head. 

“What? Does that mean there isn’t anything else?” Katherine asked, voice hard, Abaddon worried if he spoke he would somehow make her angrier, she did make it clear she didn’t want to hear his voice. He nodded in response, keeping his eyes averted from her. 

“C’mon, bud, let’s go home.” Nathan said with so much pain in his voice as he took Abaddon’s hand. Pain that Abaddon had caused because he was stupid and tried to rush things. He’d ruined everything. 

“Mom?” Ben asked, looking confused, the situation had to look weird from his perspective but Abaddon could barely care, he just wanted to go back to the hotel, dig up the artifact and go back to the beginning, he would have a few billion years to hate himself in peace, maybe he would even deserve to let himself get captured by Philip again even though the very idea of that made him feel sick.

Nathan got more coffee and led Abaddon back out to the car, buckling him into the chair. “She’s just scared, Abaddon. She’ll be more reasonable when Esther is healthy again, I promise.”

Abaddon wanted to say something, to apologize, but couldn’t get any sound to come out of his throat, so he remained quiet, that was probably for the best. He sat silently while Nathan drove through the crowded streets, it took longer to get out of the city than it did to get in with everything somehow even more alive in the day than it was at night. Maybe if he wasn’t so miserable he would be fascinated at how many people lived in this place, he had never seen anything quite like it in all of his time on this planet and he couldn’t care. 

They had only been out of the city for about 30 minutes when Nathan finally pulled into an empty parking lot after nearly swerving off the road several times, terror clutching Abaddon’s chest every time he did, not for his own safety but for Nathan’s. Nathan unbuckled Abaddon’s car seat, leaned the passenger’s seat back and fell asleep, he claimed he only wanted to rest for a moment but within minutes he was snoring softly, exhaustion dragging him deep into sleep. 

Abaddon quietly got out of the car and stood by the side of the road, a light dusting of snow covering the ground. If it weren’t for the artifact he was sure he would just start running and make sure Nathan could never find him again and Abaddon could never find his way home. He didn’t deserve to go home. Even if he deserved to suffer the consequences of his actions, Esther didn’t, she deserved to live in a universe where Abaddon hadn’t put her in danger. She deserved to be safe and live her life as it was intended. 

Trapped in his obligation to return to the hotel and fix his mistakes, Abaddon sat down in the snow next to the car, ignoring the cold and the wet, buried his face in his knees and finally let himself cry. 

Chapter Text

Abaddon wasn’t sure how long he sat out in the cold but he couldn’t feel his fingers, toes, or face, his limbs were stiff, and he couldn’t stop shivering. It took a long time for cold to bother him, but the strong, persistent wind, snow covered ground, and freezing temperatures he had been chilled to the bone in only an hour and had stayed in his same position for several more. Even when the cold did bother him, it didn’t leave permanent damage like it would on a human. He probably deserved damage from it more than any human who had ever had their body destroyed by the elements and yet he knew it wouldn’t come. He had stopped crying hours ago but he was sure the tears he did shed were still frozen to his cheek. He wanted to get back in the car and at least shelter himself from the wind and snow but even if he deserved even that simple comfort, he couldn’t move. He just wanted to go home, he wanted Nathan to hold him until he could feel his body again, he wanted everything to be right but he was sure nothing would ever be okay again even if he could go back and fix everything. 

“Abaddon?” Nathan’s voice asked, pulling Abaddon from his thoughts, it took him a moment but he slowly raised his head and looked up at Nathan, the wind burning his face but not in a pleasant way like Hell did. It hurt terribly and he had to squint his eyes against the wind and snow. 

“Abaddon, what are you doing out here, it’s cold enough as it is in the car.” He bent down and lifted Abaddon into his arms. Nathan’s warm arms and chest felt so good against his frozen body even if the wind still tore at him. He wanted to stay like this, he deserved the cold but he desperately wanted Nathan to hold him. He needed Nathan to hold him like this.

Instead of putting Abaddon back in his seat in the back, Nathan put Abaddon in the passenger’s seat and turned on the car, heat pouring through the inferior car vents. 

instinctively, Abaddon placed his hands against the little vents, several of his fingers different several different shades, all darker than the normal shade of his skin. He didn’t deserve to feel warm, but even though he tried, it felt as though the heat couldn’t penetrate his frozen skin.

“Let me see your hands, Abby.”

Abaddon slowly offered his frozen hands to Nathan, flinching a little but relaxing when all Nathan did was envelope Abaddon’s small frozen hands in his big, warm ones. “Oh, bud, why did you do this to yourself?” Nathan asked, a sad look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Abaddon whispered, shrinking into himself a little, unsure if he’d ruined whatever punishment Nathan had planned for him. 

“Hey, it’s alright, bud, it’s alright, that looks like it hurts and not in the way you like.” 

Abaddon shrugged, unsure if his voice would make things worse. Maybe if he had stayed still and silent nothing would have happened to Esther, Katherine wouldn’t hate him so much, he wouldn’t have ruined everything. 

“What do you need? What can I do that would make you feel better?” Nathan asked, moving both of Abaddon’s hands to his left and using his right hand to brush against Abaddon’s frozen cheek. 

Everything that would really help was completely out of Nathan’s control, he couldn’t make Esther better, he couldn’t make Katherine not hate him, and he certainly couldn’t make Abaddon worthy of love or compassion even if the man kept throwing both away trying to give it to Abaddon. “I want to go home.” He finally whispered. He wanted to crawl into the vents and cry, hunt mice, and figure out what to do next. The ground was probably too hard and frozen to dig the relic up, could probably get it out, but it would be a long and miserable task even if it was what he deserved. More than that, he deserved to face the consequences of what he caused. 

“Okay, if your hands aren’t back to a close to normal color when we get home you’re going to need you to take a hot bath.”

Abaddon nodded and reluctantly climbed into the back of the car and allowed Nathan to lean back and strap him into his seat. 

As they drove back to the hotel Nathan tried to engage Abaddon in conversation a few times but he couldn’t bring himself to give much as an answer to anything Nathan said and eventually the man just turned on gentle music Abaddon quickly tuned out. He wished that Nathan would just ignore him while he rode back or at least tell Abaddon what was going to happen so he could prepare himself. Whatever Nathan did, he wouldn’t run, fight, or try and get out of his punishment in any way, whatever it was he deserved it, maybe part of it was the suspense. 

When they pulled up to the hotel, Nathan let Abaddon out of the car and he followed the man closely. “Please go to your room, Abaddon, I’ll be up there shortly.” Nathan said as soon as he closed the door and took his shoes off.

Abaddon nodded silently, taking off his shoes as well despite never doing so and ran upstairs, not wanting to give Nathan another reason to be upset. He sat in the bed with his knees tucked to his chest, he wanted to hide under the covers and wait for whatever was to come. Even if he redid this entire timeline, he would be stuck with the memories of whatever Nathan did to him, tarnishing the man forever in his mind even if Abaddon deserved whatever happened next. 

He tried to keep calm while he waited for Nathan’s footsteps, this was it, Abaddon was to wait while Nathan got whatever item he intended to use to punish Abaddon with. Maybe Nathan would just put a circle of salt around Abaddon’t bed for a few months, keep him imprisoned and isolated but it wouldn’t be too cruel, it wouldn’t haunt him, but his mind couldn’t stop going to other possibilities. He couldn’t stop imagining Nathan appearing with something that would injure a demon, something to beat him with, something that would burn him. Nathan wouldn’t even have to bind him, Abaddon would stay still, silent, and obedient if it’s what Nathan wanted even if he couldn’t stop himself from shaking as terror took over him. He deserved it, she should at least show Nathan he knew that. 

No, he couldn’t do it, even if he deserved it he couldn’t face pain from Nathan. He’d let all of his captors take him again no matter how bad it was on his next trip through time if it meant Nathan didn’t hurt him. He couldn’t lose the first gentle hand he had ever known to memories of pain and fear. He knew he deserved it but he couldn’t bear it. 

By the time that Nathan walked into the room Abaddon had started crying again and was unable to stop himself from shaking, terror at what he was already sure the future would hold consuming him completely. 

“Abaddon, hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” He felt Nathan’s warm, gentle hand on his back, he couldn’t have that touch stolen from him. 

“Please don’t hurt me.” He sobbed without meaning to, head tucked between his knees and arms covering the back of his head as if that would protect him, as if that position had ever protected him from someone who had already decided they meant him harm when he couldn’t defend himself. 

“Abaddon, please, talk to me, what’s happening?” Nathan said softly, a sadness in his voice as he sat on the bed and wrapped an arm around him. “What was done to you, son?” 

Part of Abaddon wanted to tell Nathan everything that had ever been done to him, every time he had been kept prisoner and hurt when he wouldn’t cooperate. How he was still hurt even when he had given up and all but cowered in fear, desperately looking for escape, this universe wasn’t going to last, it wouldn’t matter if Nathan knew, he wouldn’t keep the information with him. Despite that, Abaddon couldn’t get a single word out, he just slowly lifted his head and let Nathan properly embrace him.

“It’s not as hot as you like it anymore, but I made you your drink.” Nathan said, reaching over to the shelf next to the bed and handed Abaddon a mug. 

Abaddon shifted a little, taking the mug in both hands, his back resting against Nathan’s chest. He slowly sipped at the sweet, warm water as he tried to calm himself. He should have known Nathan wouldn’t hurt him, he knew Nathan wasn’t like the others but couldn’t seem to understand that, he didn’t deserve Nathan’s compassion. 

“Abaddon, bud, I know you have been treated cruelly by others who used to live here but I will never intentionally bring you harm. Demon or not, you’re my son and I will treat you as such regardless of the situation, that doesn’t change just because I’m angry with you.” Nathan said, kissing the top of Abaddon’s head. 

“I’m sorry.” Abaddon said just above a whisper, guilt tearing at him for what he thought Nathan would do to him. 

“Shh, it’s okay, you’re safe now. You’ll always be safe with me.”

Abaddon nodded even if a traitorous part of him didn’t fully believe Nathan. “What are you going to do to me?” He asked hesitantly. 

“I’m going to ground you.”

Abaddon had been buried alive before, it wasn’t a pleasant sensation, but it was far from the worst thing that had ever been done to him. He could wait underground for a few months, he could get used to the cold and the crushing earth until Nathan dug him up again. “Shall I start digging?” He asked, sure Nathan wouldn’t want to dig in the frozen ground for Abaddon’s punishment. 

“What?” Nathan asked, looking confused. “Wait, Abaddon, what do you think being grounded means?”

“You…bury me?” He couldn’t think what else it would mean but clearly he had the wrong impression.

Nathan chuckled and held Abaddon a little closer. “No, nothing like that, it means you’re not allowed to leave the hotel and you lose privileges."

“Oh.” 

“I expect you to stay inside the hotel, no vents, no eating parts of the building, no antagonizing guests, I expect you to keep yourself busy with your chores, and when you have nothing to do I want you to stay in your room. I won’t lock you in anywhere, but if you’re really sorry I expect you to follow the rules unless there is an emergency, understand?” Nathan asked. 

Abaddon nodded, it didn’t sound bad at all, it sounded boring but not painful. “Thank you.” He said, finishing his drink and resting against Nathan again. 

“Not many kids thank their parents for grounding them.” Nathan’s voice was light hearted but he looked so sad when he gazed down at Abaddon. “I don’t know the details, but I know others have hurt you and hurt you badly. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want, but I need you to know that I would never intentionally hurt you. If for any reason you think I will, I want you to talk to me, don’t work yourself up like this, okay?”

Abaddon nodded again, trying to think. “Is there anything else that will happen to me?” He finally managed to ask, unable to believe that his freedoms would only be restricted and not even with the use of salt or chains. 

“No, bud. I swear that I won’t hurt you. Do you believe me?”

“I don’t know.” Abaddon answered truthfully even as he felt his body relax in Nathan’s embrace.

“That’s alright, we’ll figure everything out.” Nathan promised and kissed the top of Abaddon’s head again.

The two sat together for a long time, Nathan rubbing Abaddon’s back, his touch remaining gentle and loving not tainted with cruelty and Abaddon just tried to enjoy it as best he could. He would let Nathan punish him, see the consequences of his actions, and when the ground thawed he would dig up the artifact and fix all of this.

“I’m gonna make some dinner and head to bed.” Nathan eventually said, Abaddon reluctantly moved from the man’s lap as he stood. “Do you want anything?” 

Abaddon just shook his head. 

“Alright, we’ll talk tomorrow about what I expect you to do around the hotel, I promise none of it will hurt you.”

Abaddon nodded again and watched Nathan leave the room before he crawled under the blankets and held himself close. He laid there silently wishing he could go back just a few weeks instead of billions of years and fix everything quickly. He didn’t want to go through all of time alone again waiting for the only point that mattered. 

He had laid silently for nearly two hours never hearing Nathan’s footsteps coming back up to actually go to bed. Carefully, Abaddon got up, grateful his shoes were off as he was able to walk silently, maybe she should take them off more frequently to make himself better at prowling inside. 

As he crept around he heard the television playing quietly and followed the sound, poking his head around the corner. Nathan was sitting in his chair, not eating anything, just drinking and watching one of his movies. He didn’t even seem invested like he usually was when he watched this, he just stared at the screen with a blank expression on his face. 

Abaddon felt something stir in his stomach, he didn’t exactly understand it, but he knew if felt bad. He silently backed away and crept back up the stairs, wishing he could run away, sure that his absence would make things better. Maybe Nathan really was better off without him. He had until Nathan freed him to spend time with the man who gave him everything, then he had to fix this. 

Chapter Text

Abaddon hadn’t ever been able to perform tasks properly and had trouble staying focused when Katherine tried to direct him but it was easier now for some reason. Nathan carefully guided Abaddon’s hands as he cleaned and redirected him gently when he passed by later and wanted something done differently. Scrubbing walls and baseboards wasn’t like torturing dirt like Katheirne had tried to tell him, but it did help sooth his mind after a little bit. It especially helped when Nathan would tell him he was doing a good job or affectionately touch his head while he passed. He wanted to go outside and chase animals, he wanted to crawl around in the vents, he wanted to find a dark part of the hotel and make a nest, but he worked quietly, his punishment was easy, it wouldn’t stain Nathan in his mind, and he knew he deserved far worse. 

“Hey, bud, I’m gonna make some lunch, do you want to eat with me?” Nathan asked, kneeling next to Abaddon and resting a hand on Abaddon’s head. “You can just have cereal if you’d like.”

Abaddon shook his head and continued wiping a stain off the wall he was pretty sure he had caused a few months ago. 

“Do you not want lunch because you don’t feel like eating or because you want to punish yourself more?”

Abaddon just shrugged even though he was sure that the latter was true. 

“How about you sit with me at the table? You don’t have to eat or even talk to me if you don’t want but I’d like the company. We can play another card game.” Nathan offered. 

Abaddon nodded, put his cloth down, stood up and let Nathan guide him to the kitchen. Nathan made himself a bowl of soup and Abaddon ate dry Froot Loops while they played a game that took Abaddon awhile to understand but once he got the hang of it, it was kind of fun. They played a few rounds together until Nathan’s phone rang, Nathan checked it, excused himself and walked out of the room towards the front door. Before he left the hotel, Abaddon heard him greet Ben.

Abaddon hurried to the front door as he heard it close, peaked out the window, and saw Nathan talking on the porch where Abaddon wasn’t allowed to go and couldn’t hear. He wanted to watch at the window and ask Nathan what Ben said the moment he got back in the hotel but he forced himself to slink back into the kitchen. He tried to eat his cereal but it didn't taste as good anymore, instead he pulled a few pieces out and flicked them between his hands. He felt the same misery wash over him that had consumed him periodically the past few days. Was this how Nathan felt when he killed himself? If it was, Abaddon could understand where the man was coming from. If he wasn’t immortal and hadn’t already failed so many times before, he might give into that same misery Nathan always did.

About thirty minutes later, Nathan walked back into the kitchen and went back to eating his soup as if nothing had happened despite appearing so much sadder and more tired than he did before the call. He didn’t seem to care that his soup was likely cold or that Abaddon hadn’t gone back to work, maybe he didn’t even notice. 

“Nathan?” He asked quietly after a full minute of silence. “Is Esther okay?”

Nathan gave Abaddon a look. “New rule, I don’t want you eavesdropping on my calls.”

“I…” He wanted to defend himself and say he didn’t hear the call, just the greeting, but it was still eavesdropping. “I’m sorry.”

“She’s awake, she will probably need a skin graft, there will be damage in her left eye, she’ll still be able to see with it, just not as well, but she’s going to live.” 

Abaddon felt that same unpleasant feeling in his stomach he couldn’t quite understand. “I’m sorry.”

“I know I told you that I want you inside, but do you know the ghost Annabelle?” 

Abaddon nodded, not sure what she had to do with him going outside.

“You can go outside if you go looking for her body. She might even help you find it.”

Abaddon doubted that Annabelle would help him, she had never liked him or anyone all that much besides Ben when the Freelings were actually here. At the very least she hadn’t told Nathan or anyone what had been done to Abaddon in this building over the years, it was an unspoken agreement he had with the ghosts. They could say he was captive here, but they never shared the details, how he was made even more powerless, humiliated, and tortured. He couldn’t let others get ideas and he couldn’t let the Freelings know how pathetic he truly was. Even if he deserved it, he shouldn’t have allowed anything to happen to him, if he was too weak to stop it maybe he deserved it. He certainly deserved it to happen to him all over again after this.

“Why do you require her body?” Abaddon asked, he remembered Esther wanted it but it was to make her rich, he was never sure how it would do that, but she had promised him bones and that was all he really wanted and it was a task he could complete with Esther. Luckily, he knew where it was, unfortunately, it was just under the floorboards, he would have liked to play in the dirt but he owed Nathan honestly.

“She’s apparently buried in a diamond necklace and some other expensive jewelry, medical bills are expensive and Katherine isn’t in a great spot financially, I want to help with it. If you find it I’ll tell her you got the money, it might help you try and find your way back into her good graces.” Abaddon doubted it would be that simple, but it was like Nathan to be delusionally enthusiastic.  

“Her body is under the basement.” He said simply. “I will retrieve it for you.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow but didn’t ask how Abaddon knew. “So I guess we pull up some of the floor boards and dig her up? I hope you at least know the general area where she is.”

Abaddon nodded. “She’s in the back corner, I will show you when you like.” 

“What’s the handyman ghost’s name? Craig? Is he close to Annabelle? Or will he at least not tell her what we’re doing?” 

“I believe he will stay quiet.”

“Okay, I don’t think we can call a living handyman considering we’re digging up human remains, but Craig might be able to give me some pointers. You can dig up the dirt if you like. Please don’t eat it though, we need to put it back, okay bud?” Nathan smiled as he talked but he still didn’t look happy. 

“I can show you where she is if you would like.” Abaddon offered, hoping that his knowledge could at least help Katherine and Esther some even if he wasn’t staying here. 

“Yeah, bud, c’mon.” Abaddon took Nathan’s hand and led Nathan into the basement where he knew Annabelle had been buried. 

The next week was strange. Nathan seemed happy and normal during the day while he carefully pulled up the floor boards and helped Abaddon dig dirt up and then replaced both. It took four attempts to find Annabells’s body but when they found it, Nathan only removed the necklace and her other jewelry from her body and then reburied her. Abaddon continued to clean the hotel and catch pests when he could. Every day, Nathan told jokes, insisted that Abaddon sit with him during meals whether or not he ate, played card games with him, and was the same he was before Abaddon changed the timeline.

However, at night, Nathan would just sit in his chair, watch television, and drink often until he fell asleep. He never brought his sleeping pills with him, but one night when Nathan was fast asleep, Abaddon got into the bathroom and took all of them himself. He didn’t like the taste or how the grit got stuck between his teeth but it meant that Nathan couldn’t take them. It meant Nathan had to stay. The next night, Nathan had stumbled up drunk to Abaddon’s bedroom, fell in his bed, held Abaddon close and cried until he fell asleep. Abaddon couldn’t let himself think too hard about why, he knew he didn’t want the answer. 

Abaddon checked on Nathan regularly at night, checking to see that the man was just passed out drunk and not dead. Most nights he ended up sitting on Nathan’s lap, ear pressed to his chest, listening to Nathan’s heart beating and his chest rising and falling. He needed the signs that Nathan was alive. Every time Nathan woke up, he’d barely talk for a few hours and then act as if nothing was wrong, treating Abaddon the same as he always did. He didn’t know if that made things worse, sometimes it felt like it did.

Every day, sometimes multiple times a day, Nathan would excuse himself to talk to Ben. Even though Abaddon couldn’t read, he could recognize all of the Freeling’s names in writing, he couldn’t write anything from memory outside of his own name, but he knew what the other names looked like. He couldn’t always see the screen on Nathan’s screen, but he always looked miserable when he returned and gave vague answers when Abaddon asked. 

Even though Nathan was able to sell Annabelle’s jewelry and assured Abaddon he sent the money to Katherine to help Esther, he still managed to look more miserable and more exhausted with every passing day. When they had first got home to the hotel and Nathan had sentenced Abaddon to grounding, he had given Abaddon new tasks throughout the day and Abaddon had kept himself busy with chores during the day, and sneaking downstairs every few hours to check on Nathan at night. However, as the days passed, Nathan seemed to walk around the hotel like he was already dead more often like the life in him syphoned away. He just sat and watched television and always asked Abaddon to join him, it didn’t take long for him to start drinking during the day as well. 

It had been eleven days since they got back from the hospital and it already felt like Nathan was dead. He rarely spoke anymore, barely ate real food, rarely bathed, and the only way he seemed to sleep was by drinking enough to knock himself out. Abaddon stayed close to Nathan’s side day and night, terrified of what might happen if he left for more than a few hours. He swallowed every container of pills he could find when Nathan was asleep, not caring how bad they tasted, all he cared about was that Nathan couldn’t have them. He didn’t care that there were legitimate uses for many of them and Nathan complained about wanting tylenol, he couldn’t risk losing Nathan again. He needed Nathan with him until the ground thawed, he understood he needed to suffer for his actions but he couldn’t watch Nathan choose to die again because of Abaddon. Not when he promised he wouldn’t leave of his own free will. Nathan promised. 

Nathan had offered for Abaddon to watch a movie with him nearly four hours ago, they had watched it and had been staring at the still screen for some time, Nathan unable to bring himself to turn something else on or even turn it off and Abaddon unsure how to. Abaddon was resting his head in Nathan’s lap, Nathan’s hand resting still on Abaddon’s chest, and was drinking, the usual scent that Abaddon had come to associate with had been replaced with the perpetual smell of alcohol days ago. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t watch Nathan die in front of him so slowly and horribly, it was somehow worse than before. Abaddon was unsure if that was because it genuinely was worse or because he didn’t know the exact hour that Nathan would decide enough was enough. 

“Nathan?” Abaddon eventually asked, sure that there had to be something happening that Nathan wasn’t telling him.

“Hmm?”

“Is Esther still alive?” He forced himself to ask, he needed her to be, even if he wasn’t staying here, he couldn’t be responsible for her death, not like this. 

“Yeah, bud.” Nathan’s voice was slightly slurred but still easily understandable. “I told you she would live.”

“Then what happened? Why are you…” He couldn’t think of the word for what Nathan was, but he knew it was bad.

“Nothing. We’re figuring it out.”

Abaddon sat up and looked at Nathan, narrowing his eyes. “I am not merely a child. What has happened?” He demanded louder.

“I guess you’re not.” Nathan said softly, brushing a hand through Abaddon’s hair, a miserable look on his face. “I…I can’t get Katherine to speak to me.” He admitted, looking down at his feet. 

“Ben has contacted you. Has she not also spoken with you?” Abaddon insisted, he was sure that Katherine was too busy worrying about Esther to remember to call Nathan and Ben had just been reminding her. He was always good at that kind of thing.

Nathan shook his head. “I’ve been talking to Ben who isn’t even with Esther anymore, he’s staying with his father until Esther is out of the hospital. I don’t think Katherine has told Ben how Esther got injured and I don’t think she wants to burn bridges but…” He trailed off and looked back at the still screen.

“I…I will leave.” Abaddon said softly, hugging himself and looking down. “You can tell her you vanquished me and I can never do harm again.”

“Oh, bud, no. This is your home.”

Abaddon shook his head. “Say I may leave and I shall. I will not watch you suffer for me.” He moved away from Nathan’s touch as much as it hurt him to do so, he wanted Nathan to hold him, to lie and say that everything would be alright, to make everything feel better even if just for a little bit, but he didn’t deserve it. 

“Abaddon, son, please, I–”

“No!” Abaddon covered his ears and buried his face in his knees. He couldn’t watch Nathan kill himself again, he didn’t care if it wasn’t permanent, he didn’t care if he deserved it, he couldn’t do it. “Just tell her I am gone. I never meant to get Esther hurt.”

“I know you didn’t, bud. It’s okay, it’s okay.” Nathan reached out to Abaddon again and he moved away to the far side of the couch, pressed against the opposite arm.

“Do not lose your family for me, Nathan. You showed me kindness and I will not forget that, but I should not be here. You know this. I am…” He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t really Nathan’s son no matter what the man thought, it was easy for him to think that for now, but Nathan would age and die and Abaddon would forever remain a child. He wasn’t the same company as another human would be, Nathan needed someone with him who could actually understand him. As much as the idea hurt him, he was pretty sure that what he was looking for was that he was Nathan’s pet, just a long lived one. Maybe Philip was always right about what Abaddon was, he had just found someone who treated him with compassion instead of cruelty but his position was exactly the same. 

“Bud, come here.” Nathan said, still holding his hand out to Abaddon but not moving any closer. “I don’t know what you’re going through, I’d like to though. Also, Abaddon, son, I want you here, this is our home, not Katherine’s, we’ll figure something out with her, I promise, it will just take some time.”

Abaddon wanted to crawl back into Nathan’s arms, feel his warm embrace and pretend he deserved it, but he couldn’t let himself. Still, he needed warmth, familiarity, and something close and comfortably confining. “Nathan? Can I please go in the vents for a little?” He asked, desperately needing to hide from the world in some way. His favorite place to hide was Nathan’s arms, but his second favorite would have to do.

Nathan sighed and gave him a sad look. “Sure, bud.” He relented.

Abaddon jumped up before he could change his mind and sprinted to the nearest vent opening. 

Chapter Text

Overnight it was as if Nathan slowly began to come back to life with no reason or warning. Sort of. Of course he slept late into the early afternoon and when he finally woke up, he spent the rest of the day nursing a hangover tearing through the hotel for pain relief that Abaddon had taken all of. He hadn’t cared what medication was what, what uses it might have, how easy or difficult it would be to overdose with, or how likely Nathan was to use it. Even if Abaddon had that knowledge, he couldn’t read what the containers were, he just knew what Nathan’s sleeping pills looked like and knew everything else that came in a bottle like that might be bad too. He couldn’t let Nathan have anything even if it would help him, it wasn’t worth the risk.

Even though Nathan spent most of the day throwing up, laying around on the couch, and watching television, he didn’t start drinking again like usual. Instead, he actually ate a real meal, and after several minutes of pleading, convinced Abaddon to crawl out of the vents and sit by his side. That night Nathan bathed for the first time in nearly a week and shaved his growing beard for the first time in nearly three. Even though his sleep was restless and he only got a few nonconsecutive hours, he still slept. After everything that had happened, Abaddon forgot that the sleeping pills could actually do some good. Nathan probably didn't initially buy them with the intention of killing himself, probably just to actually help him sleep and Abaddon couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for taking that away from Nathan, maybe he should have just hidden them.

Abaddon had still worried about Nathan and had learned to fear sudden shifts in Nathan’s personality and moods. This time the change was for the best, but Abaddon couldn’t help but feel a sinking terror that Nathan would be hit with misery all over again and sink lower than before. Through Nathan’s restless sleep, Abaddon had initially curled up at the foot of the man’s bed and watched him until Nathan had all but begged Abaddon to lay next to him. Even though he didn’t deserve it, being held in Nathan’s arms was nice. It was warm, comfortable, and most importantly he could hear the sound of Nathan’s heart beat and feel his chest rising and falling with even breaths. With every beat and breath he had a reminder that the man who had taken him in and loved him despite everything was alive.

The next day, Nathan still got up late and was dragging a little but he was better than the day before. He made himself and Abaddon breakfast and tried to teach Abaddon how to checkers. They had played a few times before and at this point half of the board was made up of random items after Abaddon had eaten or lost so many of the pieces when he lost and he still struggled with it. 

“Nathan?” Abaddon asked as the man started cleaning up the kitchen, weeks of dirty pans and garbage laying on the counters, table, and sink. “What has changed?” He didn’t understand why Nathan suddenly seemed so much better, it was what he wanted, but he just didn’t understand. Maybe if he did he could make Nathan better next time. 

Nathan looked down at Abaddon and smiled sadly, ruffling his hair with a wet hand. “I don’t want to be the source of pain for you anymore, bud. Demon or not, you’re my boy, I want to do some things with you.”

“What do you intend to do?” He asked, ignoring Nathan’s first statement. Abaddon trusted that Nathan would never hurt him intentionally, certainly wouldn’t cause harm in the way that he had become so accustomed to by the hands of humans who learned what he was. The way that Abaddon had to watch the man who had shown him so much kindness and love when he was only worthy of pain hurt him in a way he couldn’t understand and certainly couldn’t explain. He wasn’t sure what part of him watching Nathan suffer damage but it was debilitating. It felt like he was being crushed and torn apart from the inside out all at once, none of it made sense. 

“Well, I wanted to talk to you about that. You’ve been on Earth for a long time but I’m sure there is a lot you haven’t done. Have you ever seen the ocean?”

“I was on the Titanic when it was pulled into the icy depths of its doom.” 

Nathan gave Abaddon a strange look. “You were on the Titanic? Is this a joke? I can’t tell if this is a joke.”

Abaddon shook his head. He really had been on the ship, he had snuck on board after escaping from the boarding school, he hated the place before he got there and hated it more when he did. He hated his classmates, he hated the teachers, he hated the school, and he knew he would only find himself in more trouble there once someone discovered his nature. The last place for a demon was a Catholic school. He wanted to return to the Undervale as soon as possible, not because there was anything good waiting for him at the time but because he wanted to be there if Hell returned for him. Even then he should have known that if anyone came for him, it would only be to mock him for his failure, for being so weak in Hell and somehow becoming impossibly weaker on Earth, and then leave him behind to rot in the prison he created for himself. 

“Is that a no to you weren’t on the Titanic or a no that isn’t a joke?”

“I was truly on the wretched ship.”

Nathan seemed to be pondering something for a moment . “Did you…sink it?”

Abaddon shook his head. Just because he didn’t like the ship didn’t mean he wanted to be plunged into the freezing water. Cold didn’t bother or damage him like it did humans but he didn’t like it, he was a creature of Hell drawn to heat and flame, not to water and cold. He would have been content enough to hide in the empty nooks of the ship hunting rats, stealing belongings, and harassing wealthy passengers until they reached land. He would have been thrilled to never set foot on a ship again, but he wanted to reach land quickly and be as far from the ocean as possible and succeeding in that meant that he wanted the ship to stay intact. It was one of the few times his child’s vessel was a benefit, he was brought to one of the lifeboats quickly and didn’t have to spend weeks swimming to land in freezing water.

“Okay, no ocean. Is there anything you’ve wanted to do together?”

Abaddon shrugged, all he had ever wanted is Nathan close to him and alive, that’s what mattered. He couldn’t think of anything he wanted Nathan could make happen besides spending time with him. “I want you with me, without anything dulling your mind.” Abaddon said simply.

Nathan started the dishwasher and knelt down in front of Abaddon, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you, my boy. I promise you won’t have to deal with that anymore.” He said, wrapping Abaddon in his arms and kissing the top of his head. “Thank you for making the last few years of my life worth living, it would have fallen apart long ago without you, son.”

Abaddon didn’t think that was true, if he really made Nathan’s life worth living, he wouldn’t have killed himself in every other timeline. Sure, it wasn’t Abaddon’s fault, Nathan killed himself even when Abaddon wasn’t with him, but that wasn't enough to stop it. He’d never be enough to make anything better and he had certainly made things worse now. Maybe if Nathan had found someone else, someone better to care for, he would have lived. He didn’t say any of that, he just let Nathan hold him tight.

“What if we just made a fire here and roasted marshmallows, I think I have everything for smores.” Nathan suggested when he pulled away.

Abaddon nodded, he liked that idea. He liked fire, he liked hot sugar, and he liked spending time with Nathan.

It took longer to start the fire than either of them thought, it took Nathan nearly half an hour to find the dry wood and even longer to find lighters, but once they got it started things began to feel right. Abaddon wasn’t sure why he hadn't insisted that they do this before. He loved heat and the smell of smoke, he would have loved to curl up in the flames on cold nights and wait until something interesting happened. Katherine usually had the fire burning, but she didn’t like Abaddon laying in it and would throw water on it to put both him and the fire out when she caught him. Apparently seeing a child burning ‘unsettled’ guests. Nathan let him burn himself as much as he liked

Nathan held his marshmallow over the flame with a stick while Abaddon held it in the fire with his hand. He loved the way it felt from the flames licking the skin of his hands to the marshmallow growing hot and melting against his flesh to his skin peeling off with the hot sugar as he ate the marshmallow. Nathan had even brought out a cloth and a bowl of water to clean the melted sugar from Abaddon’s burned hand between marshmallows after he constructed his smore. 

As they sat, Nathan regularly reminded Abaddon of how much he loved him, how none of what had happened was his fault, and how grateful he was that Abaddon had come into his life. Abaddon wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to any of that so after eating a few smores he just laid his head in Nathan’s lap and ate unroasted marshmallows and cold chocolate while Nathan ran his hand from Abaddon’s head to his lower back. It felt so nice. If only he could have made this work so that the rest of the Freelings would move in too. If only he hadn’t gotten Esther injured. Maybe if he wasn’t a demon corrupted and unworthy by nature he could have made this all work or at least not been so weak. He truly was pathetic in every way imaginable, he didn’t deserve to feel like this no matter how much he loved it and craved the gentle touch Nathan offered him. Even though Nathan wasn’t the only Freeling who was kind to him, he was the only person who had ever touched Abaddon like this and he didn’t think he would ever find someone who would again. That was what Nathan being nothing but a ghost stole from him the most.

“Has Katherine contacted you?” Abaddon asked, sure that something had to have changed besides Nathan wanting to spend more time with Abaddon suddenly. 

To his surprise, Nathan shook his head.

“Is Esther okay?”

“She’s home from the hospital but still needs a lot of medical care from Katherine. Ben is still with his father.” He said softly, and before Abaddon could reply, Nathan continued. “Please know that no matter what happens, this is always your home. No matter what anyone says or what happens to me, you will always be my son. Even in a thousand years when all of this is gone, you’ll always be my boy.”

Abaddon nodded, he didn’t want to think about when Nathan would be gone. Sure, he had Nathan as a ghost in most universes, but he was still there. Abaddon didn’t think that Nathan’s ghost would last a thousand years. At some point, he would finish his business and fade away completely. He didn’t want to think about a world without Nathan in it, it was the world he had lived in for the majority of his sentence and that world was horrible. He didn’t want to go back and with every time he went through time, he was more and more sure Hell would never come for him. He would either need to find his own way back, die, or be forced to stay in this small, pathetic, powerless body for the rest of eternity. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Nathan asked, his hand stopping to rest on Abaddon’s cheek. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Abaddon nodded, not realizing that he was trembling until Nathan said something. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was upset about, everything, really. He didn’t know how to explain to Nathan what he was doomed to once the last of the Freelings vanished from the Earth, maybe when the last of them died. Even if they were still with him, if they were ghosts, they couldn’t stop anyone from capturing and hurting him, they couldn’t rescue him, he’d need to defend himself in his defenseless body and if he were dragged from the property he would be alone. There would always be people with the means and desire to capture and hurt him once they knew what he was and people who loved him despite what he was would be so rare. “I don’t think Hell will ever come for me. I think they’ve abandoned me.” He decided on, it was something that was upsetting him and it wasn’t an answer that would raise questions about what had happened to Abaddon in the three centuries since he was first stuck in this place. He didn’t care that this timeline wasn’t permanent, he didn’t think he could ever tell Nathan how he had been captured and harmed. He couldn’t let anyone know just how weak he really was when it mattered. 

“Hey, demons are immortal. How long is 300 years to a demon? Like, a month? Less maybe? Give it some time, they’ll come for you eventually.”

Nathan didn’t understand. He didn’t know that two demons had seen that he was still here and didn’t try to bring him home. Worse, if just over 300 years really was about a month to demons, did they really hate him so much that he had been missing for a few weeks and they already tore down his castle? They didn’t even look for him and assumed he would never be coming home. It had been decided and he was forgotten about, left to rot and suffer. 

However, instead of arguing, Abaddon just nodded in agreement.

The two sat in comfortable silence for several long hours until the fire slowly turned to embers and went out. 

“I thought there was so much I wanted to do today, but I guess all I really wanted is to spend time with you.” Nathan said as the light faded outside. “I love you so much, Abaddon, you’ve made these last few years so much better.”

Abaddon wanted to say it back, but he had already said it once before and he was sure that Nathan already knew.

“I know I’ve kept you cooped up the past few weeks, why don’t you go outside and play? I know you like the dark, but don’t harass the neighbors.” He instructed, a warm but sad look on his expression Abaddon didn’t quite understand. Still, he couldn’t help but perk up a little at the idea going outside. 

“Be good!” Nathan called out as Abaddon jumped to his feet and rushed to the door. He could go play outside, come in when his body was frozen and stiff and warm himself in Nathan’s arms. 

Even though he didn’t like the cold, the freezing fresh air felt good on his skin as he ran from the hotel towards the woods on all fours. Snow covered the frozen ground and it burned the bare skin on his hands as he ran but he didn’t care. The moon was covered by clouds and the world was swallowed in darkness. It was perfect. He so desperately wanted to run through the woods until he got to the nearest home and cause terror in the dead of night. It was his time, it was his right, but he had promised Nathan. 

Instead, he just ran through the forest, climbed trees and chased night creatures. There wasn’t much out for him to fight or hunt but he loved it all the same. 

It was hours when he finally returned back to the hotel, whole body trembling from the cold and a large smile on his face. If Nathan wasn’t asleep yet maybe he would make Abaddon his sugar water, he wanted the boiling water to scald his tongue and his throat. 

“Nathan?” He called when he walked into the hotel, thankful that there weren’t any guests, Nathan’s mood having driven the few that were there away. “Nathan?” He repeated when he didn’t hear anything.

Abaddon frowned and walked towards the living room. Even if he couldn’t have his sugar water, maybe Nathan forgot to put the marshmallows away, he had a habit of leaving food out and Abaddon usually appreciated it if the ants and mice didn’t first. Even if the fire was out, the coals were probably still probably warm even if not as hot as Abaddon would like. 

When he got into the room, something immediately felt wrong despite the warmth still filling the room, the fresh memories still in his mind, and the marshmallows and chocolate still sitting out just for him. 

It wasn’t until he walked into the room that he felt his blood run cold, something he wasn’t even sure could happen to him until that moment. In the corner of the room one of the kitchen chairs was toppled on its side, and above it, Nathan was above it with a rope around his neck. Abaddon knew even before he rushed over and held Nathan’s leg and screamed at him to come down that Nathan was already gone, the heat already leaving his body. 

He felt hot tears burning against his frozen skin and all he could do was scream. He screamed for help even though he knew that there was none and even if anyone was here, there wasn’t anything they could do. He screamed at Nathan to come back, that he promised not to leave him even though the man was already gone. He called Nathan names as the anger and grief consumed him. Nathan was supposed to stay with him. Abaddon had taken every pill in the hotel so Nathan couldn’t do this, Nathan was so happy today, he made things better, he was getting better.

It was only when Abaddon screamed until his voice left him and he fell to the ground that he realized Nathan had never been better for a moment, he was just saying goodbye. All he wanted was one more good day. Abaddon should have seen it, he shouldn’t be so gullible as to be tricked by a human this easily. The words Nathan spoke to him made more sense and Abaddon hated him for it. He knew he deserved to feel this way, he knew he caused Nathan’s misery this time, but he couldn’t stop himself from being angry at Nathan for leaving him after making him think everything would be okay. 

Finally, after hours of screaming and crying, Abaddon forced himself to uneasy feet. He would fix this, he had to fix this. Even if he was angry at Nathan now, he had a couple of billion years to process it and remind himself that it was his own fault, something he couldn’t ever let himself forget. Turning away from the worst thing he had ever caused, Abaddon went out in search of the shovel, the frozen ground be damned. 

Chapter Text

Ben had been in contact with Nathan over the past several weeks, he didn’t really understand what had happened, he didn’t know what Nathan was harboring in his home, and it was for the best that it stayed that way. Ben was how Katherine had gotten most information about her brother since he left the hospital; she read Nathan’s texts but didn’t respond to them or his calls. Ben was also how Nathan kept up with Esther’s recovery. She felt like a horrible mother for letting her son fall in the middle of this but she couldn’t risk making things worse. No matter how angry she was, she loved her brother even if part of her really wanted to spend an hour screaming and throwing every object she could get her hands on at him. If she let herself speak to him now, especially if the topic turned to the literal demon he kept in his home and treated like his child, she would say something she regretted. She would say something she couldn’t take back. For now, she had to focus on Esther, then she could begin to repair her relationship with her brother and try and understand what the whole deal with Abaddon was. 

Most of the skin on Esther’s left arm had been burned off or was too damaged to save, portions of skin on other parts of Esther’s body had to be removed for the doctors to patch her daughter’s arm, parts of her neck, and face together. Every day Katherine carefully cleaned and wrapped Esther’s wounds and even though the antibiotics were staving off infection and she was told Esther was healing well, it felt like nothing was improving. Esther still couldn’t bathe normally, she struggled to find a comfortable position to sleep in, she was pretty much confined to the apartment, and she was always in some kind of pain. Still, the worst part was Esther’s left eye. The doctors had been worried that it would need to be removed or she would lose all vision, but even though her eye exceeded expectations, it felt like nothing. She would never see properly out of it again, no amount of surgery or corrective lenses would fix it, most of what she would see from that eye would be unidentifiable shapes and colors. Katherine knew she should be lucky that Esther wouldn’t be completely blind, her right eyes were just fine, and more importantly, Esther would be able to lead a normal life once she adjusted to the changes and limitations of her body. 

The worry of medical bills had been tugging at the back of her mind while Esther’s condition wasn’t as certain, she hadn’t had the chance to focus on how she was going to pay for this before Nathan had sent her money. Apparently Nathan sold jewelry Abaddon found which she had no idea how Abaddon got his hands on. She didn’t ask any questions, sure she didn’t want to know the answer. Between insurance and Nathan’s money, she had been able to cover most of the hospital stay. There were still financial difficulties but it wouldn’t destroy them like she thought. She wouldn’t have to let the kids stay exclusively with Ron for years while she tried to pull everything back together and ruin everything. Ron didn’t want to be the primary parent, the kids didn’t want to stay with him full time, and Katherine wanted her children with her. Thankfully living arrangements wouldn’t be turned upside down because of this.

The past few days, Ben hadn’t received anything from Nathan when they usually communicated at least once a day. In the days before that he had gotten nonsensical texts and when Ben had called, Nathan had apparently sounded intoxicated and upset. 

The day before, Katherine had tried contacting Nathan herself through calls, emails, and texts and had received nothing. That morning, she had dropped Esther off at Ron’s and began the drive up to Midwich. 

The drive itself was peaceful and she tried not to think too hard about what could be causing Nathan’s lack of response. There had been times he had left concerning messages and then disappeared for days at a time before but never when things were so bad. 

Midwich really was a nice town, maybe if things were different it would have been nice to move out here for a little bit. Katherine could continue to work especially if she was able to get approved for remote work, get the kids out of the city for a fresh start, and try to just move on from the shadows of life with Ron. Unfortunately, Nathan had somehow come into possession of a hotel filled with black magic materials and had taken it upon himself to take a demon into his home and treat him like a child. She still didn’t exactly understand that, the demon clearly wasn’t trying to act like a child, Nathan was the one making Abaddon act more human and childlike, so it likely wasn't some weird manipulation tactic. On top of that, Nathan wasn’t someone of wealth, influence, or strong religious belief in anything, he wasn’t the ideal target for a demon. She didn’t understand what was going on with Nathan and Abaddon but maybe one day she would. She really hoped that whatever the demon was up to he wasn’t trying to bring Nathan harm. As much as she didn’t want Abaddon anywhere near her children or really near her, she didn’t think he intentionally set out with the goal of tricking Esther into hurting herself. She couldn’t understand how he would benefit when no one was killed or cursed and Esther would recover from her injuries. For what it was worth, he seemed genuinely upset and worried about Esther at the hospital. 

Finally, Katherine pulled up to the hotel in the late morning, walked up to the hotel and knocked before remembering it wasn’t really just a residential building and tried to open the door only to find that it was locked. She knocked and waited a few more times before she tried calling Nathan on his cell phone and the hotel phone.

Katherine frowned, Nathan’s car was here and he was too far from anywhere and it was too cold of a day to reasonably assume he walked into town. She began to walk around the hotel. “Nathan!” She called, hoping he was just out in the yard. “Nathan! It’s Katheine, I just want to talk!”

She walked around the hotel a few times calling his name, looking through windows, knocking on and trying to open every door she found. She couldn’t see any movement, couldn’t hear anyone, and all the doors were locked. 

It was only when she began to walk towards the forest that she saw a figure trudging towards her, head bent low, steps slow and imprecise, and far too small to be Nathan. She really didn’t want to be alone with Nathan’s weird demon child, not really sure how to talk to him and unsure if he might snap over something she couldn’t predict and go crazy. Despite her reservations, he probably knew where Nathan was. How her brother felt safe in his home with a demon who knew black magic living with him was beyond her, but he really always was too trusting.

When he got closer she could see Abaddon was soaking wet, mud caked in his hair, clothes, and skin, and he was shaking violently. When he got even closer she could see that his fingers had turned blue and his hands were covered in blood and his clothes torn. She hoped that demons could heal better than a human, if they couldn’t, he would be losing most of his fingers to frostbite, that wasn’t the color one could just go back from by warming up. She was about to ask him about Nathan when he got close enough for her to actually see his expression despite his lowered head. 

“Abaddon?” She asked quietly, couching down, avoiding the snow as best she could, and looked at him. There were tear tracks through the grime covering his face, some of the skin she could see on his ears and nose had turned a similar shade of blue as his fingers. She knew he was a demon, that he was dangerous, that he had introduced her daughter to dangerous magic, but she couldn’t help but to reach out and touch his shoulder. He looked like he was in so much pain, mentally and physically, and too much about him was childlike to ignore. 

“I heard you calling.” Abaddon said simply, wrapping his arms around himself, still trembling. 

“Let’s get you inside, you’re freezing.” She offered Abaddon her hand but didn’t move. 

“C’mon.” She insisted, pressing a hand against his back and he finally began to walk, Katherine sure that she could see tears begin to roll down his cheeks. 

“I-It’s my fault. I’m sorry.” He said softly as they walked, head bent lower.

Katherine sighed. “Look, Abaddon, I’m sorry for what I said to you, I’m angry you taught Esther something so dangerous but it wasn’t your fault she got hurt. She told me she stole those books when you told her to stick to what she knew.” She still wasn’t exactly sure how she felt about Abaddon, figuring out how she was going to move forward with her brother with Abaddon in the mix was going to take some time but she’d figure it out. Anyways, all Esther had talked about since they got home was when they could go back to the hotel. Katherine couldn’t help but be concerned that Esther hadn’t really learned a lesson from this whole experience. 

“Esther is alive? She will be well?” Abaddon asked, looking up at her tears staining his face. 

“Yeah, she’ll be fine. Her skin is setting and she isn’t going to lose her eye, she’ll be back at school in the spring semester. She’s actually kind of upset that there won’t be very noticeable scarring from this.” She smiled a little down at the demon, whatever happened, whether it be for repairing her relationship with Nathan or keeping herself safe from a demon, it was probably best to stay on his good side. 

Without warning, Abaddon pulled away from Katherine and crawled under the hotel. “Abaddon?” She called, bending down, unable to see where he went. “Abaddon what are you doing?” Maybe it was a mistake to come here, but she needed to see Nathan, just talk to him for a little bit, make sure that he knew she and Ben were worried about him and to keep up with communication. She could start talking to him more often and begin to repair what they had. It could be good to call him at the end of the day and just chat, they needed to do something. 

After about a minute of confusion, the front door opened and Abaddon peaked out at her.

Katherine was grateful to walk into the hotel, the cold wind tearing through her coat, unsure how cold Abaddon felt or how long he had been outside. He clearly felt it to some degree with how much he was shivering, but she doubted it hurt him as much as it would a human. “Where’s Nathan?” She eventually asked when Abaddon just continued to stand in front of her, head bent down, arms still wrapped around himself.

“I…I’m sorry.” Abaddon whimpered, looking like he was trying to shrink in on himself. Even without doing that, he looked so small, thin, and fragile. “I ate every pill, h-he seemed so happy, then he sent me to play outside, and, and…” Abaddon pressed his fists to his face and let out a small sob.

Katherine knelt down in front of him, feeling terror build in her chest and held Abaddon’s shoulders, and for a moment, the demon in front of her disappeared, he was just a little boy in pain. “Abaddon, sweetheart, what happened?” She asked, softening her voice.

Abaddon took one of Katherine’s hands in his, his skin cold as ice, and he began to lead her through the hotel. Eventually, he stopped in front of the living room and refused to go any further. “I’m sorry. I-I should have known.”

Katherine only had to take a few steps into the living room when she saw what Abaddon was so terrified of and she couldn’t stop the strangled scream from escaping his throat. She wasn’t sure if it was more for terror or agony but the only thing that ran through her mind and the only thing she could see in that room was her brother’s lifeless body hanging from the ceiling.

One moment, Katherine was looking at Nathan’s body, tears rolling down her cheeks, grief, guilt, and anger raging inside of her, the next moment she had Nathan on the floor, hands pressed against his chest as if she could resuscitate a stone cold corpse. She didn’t remember getting him down, she even didn’t remember making the decision to, she just…did. 

“What happened?” She asked, turning to Abaddon who was still standing right outside the door and he flinched when she spoke.

Katherine wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to take deep breaths. She had gotten good at hiding her tears, trying to spare her children from additional pain when her life began to fall apart, but this was different. Even though things had been hard before, she had never knelt next to her brother’s body, desperately wishing that somehow, some way this was all some kind of mistake, that Nathan was pulling a cruel prank he thought was funny for some reason. She and Nathan had issues with their relationship for years but despite everything she had always loved him, she always wanted to just see her big brother get his life together and be happy, now that would never happen. He was gone and she had shut him out of her life when he needed her most. 

“Abaddon, please.” She tried her best to keep her voice soft and not threatening, unsure if the demon seemed more scared or upset, his whole body trembling as he swiped at his face, doing nothing but smearing tears and mud around, yet the look in his eyes seemed to be one of pure terror. “I’m not going to hurt you. Please.” She practically begged. How did this happen? How had Nathan gotten this bad? She saw him just a few weeks ago. He would have told Ben he needed Kathy to call him if things were really this bad, would have called their parents, would have talked to his friends, right?

Abaddon slowly walked into the room and pulled a piece of paper off of one of the side tables by the couch and offered it to Katherine as he did, looking away from her. “I-I saw this had your name on it.”

Katherine took it from him and wiped her eyes again to clear her vision. It was an envelope with her name on the front and to her surprise it was still sealed. Katherine didn’t have much experience with dead bodies, but by the way he looked, Nathan had to have been dead for days and her name was in Nathan’s handwriting. “You didn’t read it?” She asked as she tore it open, already sure what it was.

“I cannot read your tongue." Abaddon replied, sitting down on the other side of Nathan and pulled his knees to his chest, leaving a trail of mud behind him. “I can only recognize the names of your family and Nathan taught me how to write mine.”

Nathan really had just found a demon and taken him home to be raised as his son. It seemed so strange. In her mind she could only see Abaddon as the demon who put her daughter in danger, but looking at him now all she could see was a broken little boy. She pulled out an uneven folded piece of paper and began to read to herself.

Katherine,

I think this has been a long time coming, I wouldn’t have even made it to Thanksgiving if it weren’t for Abaddon. I’m grateful I got to spend my last one with you and the kids, thank you for being my sister and I’m sorry for every shortcomings I had as a brother and uncle. Please don’t blame yourself, please don’t blame Abaddon, Esther or anyone else. I love you, please make sure Abaddon knows I love him too, tell the kids I love them and wish I could have been there for them more.

I’ve left the hotel to you. I know you’re angry with Abaddon for teaching Esther black magic, but he has a tendency to overestimate the durability of the human body and our capabilities when he thinks highly of someone. I trust he never meant to bring her or anyone else harm, he just wanted to share something special with someone who he thought would appreciate it. This has been his home for a long time and he wants to be where he was first trapped incase Hell comes to bring him back, please let him stay, please be kind to him, he acts tough but he has only known cruelty most of his life and is far more scared and sensitive than he’ll ever intentionally let you know. I know he’s a demon and he doesn’t understand a lot of human nature but he was my family for four years, please let him be part of yours and he will repay your kindness in undying loyalty. 

I’m sorry I couldn’t make it longer, I’m sorry for causing everyone so much pain. I love you.

Nathan

“Nathan said he wouldn’t have made it to Thanksgiving if it weren’t for you Abaddon. What did he mean?” Katherine asked when she finished, trying to steady her breathing and stop herself from breaking down. Once she was alone she would let it all out, but it wasn’t the time or place now. “Abaddon?” She repeated when the boy didn’t react. 

Slowly, Abaddon lifted his tearstained face and met her eyes; she didn’t think she had ever seen anyone look so broken in her life. She couldn’t help but want to reach out to him and hold him in her arms and try and convince him that everything would be okay even though his world had just fallen apart. To him it must feel like he wasn’t even worth living for no matter how much Nathan had insisted he loved Abaddon in his letter and how many times Katheirne had seen her brother display that love in the few days she had seen them together. 

“He was intoxicated and intended on consuming all of his sleeping pills. I took them from his hand.” Abaddon’s voice shook as he spoke. “I ate all of them and every other pill in the hotel when he began drinking again. I did not think he would find another way.”

That must have been what happened when Nathan disappeared right before he invited her over for Thanksgiving. He had sent her cryptic texts and then refused to answer anything for days, Katherine had been worried about him but hadn’t thought he was drinking himself into oblivion and planning on killing himself with only a demon to stop him.

“Abaddon, sweetheart, come here.” She finally reached her hand out to the boy. He had a lot to learn, he needed some kind of discipline and education, and he needed to learn how to act better around humans but she couldn’t leave him sitting here alone in a home with a dead body. She didn’t think she had it in her to get in her car and drive away leaving a broken boy here to fend for himself, demon or not. 

Abaddon looked at her cautiously and slowly crawled over towards her, flinching a little when she moved her hand too quickly, unsure if his reaction had more to do with what she had said to him out of anger in the hospital or Nathan’s statement that he had been abused by just about everyone he had encountered. She didn’t know exactly what abusing a demon would look like but it was likely something she didn’t want the details of if it was bad enough to shake a creature from Hell. When he finally reached her, Abaddon rested his head on her lap. “I will fix this. The ground is frozen and difficult to dig, I just need a few days and I will make everything better. I did not intend to harm your family.”

“You don’t need to bury him here.” Katherine said, cautiously resting a hand on Abaddon’s hair that was stiff with drying mud and filled with sticks. He needed a bath and she really didn’t want to force him to take one, sure that he would be far more difficult to get clean than a human child of this age. Esther and Ben were hard enough. Mostly Esther. “I’m going to call the police to have a report of this, then I’ll take him to the morgue. We’ll have a proper funeral for him then.” She was glad that she got here before Abaddon buried Nathan in a random hole in the back yard. He seemed to have some understanding of human customs and if he had really spent the last several days digging a grave for Nathan, maybe he really had loved her brother and didn’t just find the situation convenient. 

“I need to find something that will make this better. I will fix this.” 

“Okay.” Katherine said softly, trying to ignore her throat closing and the tightness in her chest. She couldn’t argue with Abaddon about this right now. She didn’t really understand what he was trying to do but maybe it was his way of grieving. 

The two of them sat together in silence for a long time, Katherine focused on her breathing, trying to get past the tightness in his chest and throat, when she was alone she could cry, but not now. Abaddon may be a demon but he had been Nathan’s child for the past four years all the same, she had to treat him as such, she couldn’t break in front of him, not now, there was so much she had to do. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” She finally said, pulling out some twigs and leaves from Abaddon’s hair. “I want to be home tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest, I don’t want cops to see you like this.” She would lie and tell them that she had taken her nephew out of town for a few days and they had just gotten back to find Nathan like this. There was no need to let anyone know that Abaddon was here alone for days. Anyways, she didn’t want anyone looking too closely at Abaddon, sure that he wasn’t legally Nathan’s son, and if anyone thought a normal, human child was trapped alone in a big house with his father’s dead body for days, they would want to ask some questions.

She was disappointed but not surprised when Abaddon shook his head. “I know you’re upset, but it’s not good for you to stay here. If you promise to not do any more magic, no matter how minor, you can stay with me while we figure everything out. I’m sure Esther would be happy to see you, with me at work and Ben at school she gets lonely during the day. Anyways, I’m sure a bath might feel good.”

“I must find the relic and make things right.” Abaddon insisted, sitting up and wiping his face again.

“Hey, Abaddon, look, I know you’re grieving, but he’s gone. I can’t make things right but I think getting out of here for a few weeks would do you some good. I think we could all use a fresh start. Nathan asked me to care for you, and part of that is not letting you look for solutions in the dead of winter in the dirt while alone. You bathe and I’ll wash your clothes, I promise you can have your pilgrim outfit out today.” She touched his face, despite all of his weirdness and the potential danger he posed, there was just something so painfully human about the demon in front of her. Part of her could understand why Nathan took him in in the first place. 

“I do not deserve compassion, not in this universe. I will watch it be built anew and be sure to find a way to preserve Nathan and spare you all from extinction.” He stood and looked at Katherine sadly. “Care for him and your offspring, I never wished to bring harm to your family. Allow me to remain here and I will fix this.” He backed away as he spoke. 

“Abaddon, please!” Katherine called out but the boy ran out of the room and in the distance she heard the fount door slam. She knew that she should go after him, she knew that she shouldn’t let him mourn and suffer alone but the moment she was finally alone she felt a wave of overwhelming grief wash over her. Katherine held her brother’s cold, dead hand in both of hers and finally let herself break.