Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was completely dark in the cave when Merlin woke up—so dark that he was not entirely sure if he had actually succeeded in opening his eyes or not. He spent a brief moment taking stock of his body before he dared move it, but there was no pain indicating an injury. He just felt a little…off, somehow, but that might just be because he had been lying on the cold ground for however long he had been unconscious.

Various grunts echoed through the cave, informing him that his friends were still there and also waking up.

“What happened?” Arthur’s voice said, somewhere in the darkness.

“Must have been some sort of spell,” Merlin answered, his voice coming out a tad higher in pitch than intended. “See, didn’t I—?”

“Yes, fine, you told us getting rained on was better than seeking shelter in the creepy cave that wasn’t on any of our maps. Happy now?”

“Not particularly.”

Merlin clambered to his feet, immediately tripping and almost falling over as he stepped on the hem of his…robes? Struck by the sudden fear that he had accidentally transformed himself into his Dragoon persona, his hands flew to his chin, feeling for a beard, but he found none.

“I feel…weird,” Percival said, interrupting Merlin’s attempt to figure out why he was wearing something other than his usual breeches.

“Me too,” Gwen agreed. “I— Uh. Something’s wrong with my voice?”

She sounded more or less like she always did to Merlin, and he frowned and asked, “Are you all right? Any injuries?”

“Merlin, is that you?” she asked in return. “Something’s wrong with your voice too.”

She might have a point there, actually. It was still higher than usual.

“We need light,” Leon said.

A split second later, the cave was bathed in the cold, blue light of a glowing orb floating above their heads. Merlin’s heart all but stopped in his chest as fear flooded him. He had not meant to summon the light! How could he have been so careless? He—

Wait. He had not summoned it. After two and a half decades of practising magic, he knew very well what it felt like when he cast a spell, and this was not it. But then where had it come from?

“Who did that?” Arthur exclaimed, obviously wondering the same. He was looking wildly around the cave, blinking against the harsh light.

“Perhaps it’s the cave itself?” someone suggested. “It’s magical, right?”

Merlin turned towards the unknown voice, surprised to see a child standing among them. The boy could not be more than nine winters old, and though he looked very familiar, Merlin could not remember ever seeing him before.

“Who are you?” Arthur asked warily.

The boy frowned. “What do you mean? It’s me, Gwen?”

“No, that’s Gwen,” Percival said, pointing at the girl standing beside the boy. “Or…is it?”

“What? I’m Elyan, you— What happened to you?!”

There was so much wrong with this picture that Merlin did not know where to begin.

There was Percival, whose voice and face were definitely his own but whose body was decidedly not. The mountain of a man had shrunken in stature and build, now resembling nothing so much as Merlin during his early days in Camelot—all gangly and scrawny.

The person claiming to be Elyan looked very much like Gwen, only a younger version of her. She was a little shorter than usual, her face was rounder and more youthful, and her body was not filling out the simple dress she wore the way it normally would. If Merlin had to guess, he would say that she looked to be around thirteen—if, indeed, it was her and not Elyan.

Oh. That was whom the young boy standing beside her reminded him of.

“Is that…me?” Gwen-Elyan asked weakly, staring at the boy.

“Elyan?” the boy asked, eyes widening. “Why are you in my body? And where did you get that dress from? I haven’t seen that in years.”

“What is going on?” Arthur asked exasperatedly.

“Maybe some light would help us figure it out,” Leon suggested, again. “Does anyone still have their torch?”

“Leon, we have light.”

“Oh. Then I suppose I’ve gone blind.” Only Leon could have taken this news with such equanimity.

Merlin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me get this straight; Leon is blind, Gwen and Elyan have switched bodies and turned into younger versions of themselves, and Percival is…small. Anyone else experiencing any strange changes?”

Off to the side, Gwaine waved his arms in a bid for attention. He had been uncharacteristically quiet up until now, and Merlin soon understood why as he pointed to his mouth which was moving without so much of a peep coming out of it.

“You’ve lost your voice?” he asked.

Gwaine nodded vigorously.

Arthur huffed. “At least some good has come out of this mess, then.”

Gwaine pouted.

“What about you?” Merlin asked Arthur. “Do you feel different?”

“No,” Arthur replied quickly, but there was something shifty in his eyes which belied his words. “You should worry about yourself.”

“Me?”

“Merlin, you’re a girl.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “So you keep saying.”

“No, really. You’re obviously still you, but you’re definitely a girl.”

“What?” He looked down at himself. “Oh.”

He was not wearing robes, after all; he was wearing a dress. Beneath the blue fabric, the unmistakable curves of a modest bosom protruded from his chest and when he brought his hands to his hips it was to find that they were a bit wider than normal while his waist had narrowed some. Further examination indicated that what felt a lot like one of his neckerchiefs was tied around his head instead, and beneath it his hair was pulled back into a plait which reached down to his mid-back.

Well, that explained his voice. Her voice? Compared to Leon, he had gotten off easy.

“All right,” he— she sighed. “I’m a girl and you’re…something. I’m sure we’ll figure out what’s wrong with you sooner or later.”

“I feel fine,” Arthur lied.

Gwen—no, Elyan—cleared his throat. “How do we break this spell? I don’t want to be my sister a second longer than I have to. No offence, Gwen.”

“None taken. I don’t want to be a boy either; boys are gross!” Her eyes widened. “I’m…sorry. I don’t know where that came from.”

Merlin smothered a laugh, reminding himse— herself that the situation was rather serious, despite it all. Who knew, whatever was going on with Arthur might prove to be more sinister than Percival losing his muscles or Merlin gaining a couple of novel body parts…

She took a look around the cave, searching for clues as to how this had happened and what might be done about it. She could no longer sense the undercurrent of magic that had been thrumming through the earth as they entered the cave before cresting and knocking them out. Perhaps the spell had exhausted the cave’s natural magical reserves for the time being.

She was about to give up the search when something caught her eye. Some distance away, there appeared to be etchings in the cave wall. Curious, she stepped away from the group to investigate them, but this far from the glowing orb, the light was a bit too dim to make out the writing. Luckily, the glowing orb followed the others when they noticed Merlin slipping away and went after her.

“What did you find?” Arthur asked.

She squinted in concentration, trying to make sense of the inscription. “I’m not sure. It’s written in an ancient script.”

“Can you read it?”

“I think so. Some of Gaius’ books are written in it. Give me a moment…”

It took several minutes before she was sure enough of her translation to deliver it to the rest of the group, most of whom had dejectedly sat down on the ground while they waited.

“All right,” she said at last. “As far as I can tell it says something along the lines of, ‘Whosoever enters this place shall not emerge the same as before. Only through accepting the…uh…lesson of self shall they be returned to such as they were, and they shall be better for it.’”

“‘The lesson of self?’ What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Percival.

“I’m not sure. Could be that my translation is off, but it sounds like your typical moral spell to me.”

“Moral spell?”

“Yeah, you know, the ‘learn your lesson or stay cursed forever’ kind of deal.”

“What lesson am I supposed to learn from turning into my sister?” Elyan squeaked, then looked horrified at having made such a girlish sound.

Merlin shrugged. “I don’t know, but I think you’re stuck like that until we figure it out.”

“Is there no other way?” Arthur asked, glancing uneasily between the de-aged siblings.

“Doesn’t seem like it, but we should ask Gaius for a second opinion. I don’t think there’s much more to be learned here.”

“Great. Just great.” Arthur heaved a weary sigh, then squared his shoulders resolutely. “Very well. Let’s find our way out and head for Camelot. Percival, help guide Leon.” With that, he started walking towards the mouth of the tunnel through which they had entered the cave, flinching slightly when the magic orb of light followed them as soon as they started moving.

Gwaine sidled up to Merlin as they walked, drawing her attention by laying a hand on her shoulder. He raised his eyebrows and nodded towards the glowing orb and made some sort of questioning expression.

“What?”

Gwaine mouthed something Merlin did not entirely follow.

“I have no idea what you’re saying. Sorry.”

While his words were not audible, his resigned sigh was, and he made a gesture which clearly meant, “Never mind.” After a moment of walking on in mutual silence, he bumped his shoulder against Merlin’s, and when she turned her head to look at him, he mouthed what looked like, “You okay?” and gestured vaguely at her general appearance.

“I’m fine,” she reassured him. “Really. Compared to everyone else, this is not so bad.”

Gwaine gave her an exaggerated once-over, his eyes raking over the changes in her figure, then sent her a cheeky wink and mouthed, “Not bad at all,” or something to that effect.

Torn between flushing red and rolling her eyes, she gave his shoulder a playful shove. “Ever the chevalier, Sir Gwaine.”

He laughed silently and bumped their shoulders together one last time before turning his attention to the path ahead of them again, allowing Merlin to fight her blush in peace.

As luck would have it, their horses were still waiting for them at the mouth of the cave, and if any of them had switched bodies with each other it did not seem to faze them in the slightest. The ride home from the cave was not all that long, but it was still a bit of an adventure, especially for Merlin, Gwen, Elyan and Leon. Merlin and Elyan had to get used to mounting and riding their horses while wearing dresses and Leon’s reins were tied to Percival’s saddle as his blindness prevented him from guiding his horse himself.

Gwen, meanwhile, was struggling a bit with the fact that she was now a boy half the size of her former self riding on a rather large horse. Despite having shortened her stirrups, she was sliding around and looking uncomfortable to the point that Elyan eventually called the whole company to a halt.

“Come on, Gwen,” he said. “You can ride with me. We won’t be too heavy for my horse like this.”

She scowled petulantly. “I’m not a baby, Elyan! I can—” She interrupted herself, screwing her eyes shut and shaking her head lightly before looking up and smiling sheepishly. “Sorry. What I mean to say is thank you for that kind offer; that sounds great. Could someone help me get on his horse?”

“I’ll lift you,” said Percival, but then he hesitated, dejectedly looking down at his spindly arms. “Or maybe not…”

Arthur huffed and dismounted. “What kind of husband would I be if I didn’t help my wife?” He glanced at Gwen. “Or my, uh, husband…?” he amended awkwardly.

“Wife,” she said decisively.

“Wife,” he agreed with some relief.

With Arthur’s help, Gwen was quickly transferred to Elyan’s horse and as they continued on she looked a little more secure where she sat in front of her brother, bracketed by his arms as he held the reins.

“What lessons do you reckon we’re supposed to learn from all this?” Elyan asked after a while.

“Dunno,” Percival replied. “Maybe I’m supposed to learn not to rely too much on my strength? Isn’t that what you always say in training, sire?”

Arthur looked over at him, considering this. “Perhaps in the beginning, but your swordsmanship has improved significantly since then. What I’m wondering is what Merlin has done that necessitates turning into a woman to learn a lesson.”

“Why do you assume I’ve done something?” Merlin exclaimed defensively.

“You do spend an awful lot of time in the tavern. For all I know, you’re one of those men who turn into lecherous bounders when they get too deep into their drinks.”

Arthur’s smile was teasing, but Merlin’s hackles rose nonetheless. “First of all, I’m almost never at the tavern. Secondly, I very rarely drink recreationally, and thirdly, I don’t start harassing people when I do. Oh, and fourthly, I’m not even a man anymore.”

This last bit earned her a few sideways glances.

“You sort of are, though,” Elyan pointed out.

Merlin snorted and gestured at herself. “I thought Leon was the blind one. Does this look male to you?”

“But you’re still Merlin, aren’t you?” Percival asked. “Just in another body?”

“Yes? A female one, thus making me a woman?”

“Do you mean that you feel like a woman?” Leon asked, sounding curious.

Merlin narrowed her eyes, starting to feel as confused as her friends looked. “What do you mean ‘feel like a woman?’”

“Like you felt like a man in your old body,” Leon clarified.

“I…feel like Merlin? Just like I always have?”

Arthur gave him a strange look. “Are you saying that you never felt like a man?”

“I didn’t need to feel like a man; I was one, despite all your inane jokes to the contrary. And now I’m a woman.”

“Well, I still feel like a man,” Elyan said with great conviction. “Physically turning into a teenage girl doesn’t change that.”

“And I feel like a girl,” Gwen agreed. “I mean, like a woman.”

A trace of doubt started to creep into Merlin’s mind at this, but she quickly dismissed it. “But that’s different. You two aren’t in your own bodies. I’m still me, only I’m now who I would’ve been if I’d been born a woman.”

“I don’t know,” Percival mused, “I think I’d still feel like a man if that happened to me.”

Merlin snorted. “Right.”

“I’m serious.”

Merlin stared at him for a second before her gaze flitted over the bemused faces of her friends, taking in their nods of agreement with Percival. “You’re having me on,” she said.

When they all shook their heads she looked to Gwaine in a last desperate attempt to find some support, even though she knew he would not be able to give it verbally. She was mildly surprised to see a thoughtful look on his face as he studied her, quite unlike the bewilderment she was met with from the others.

Meeting her eyes, Gwaine said something inaudible which she could not make out by reading his lips, then frowned in frustration with his own muteness and simply shrugged instead.

Feeling not at all enlightened, Merlin looked back at the others, shaking her head as she said, “If you say so.”

Arthur cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Well, Merlin, I always said you were a girl’s petticoat. You want to be a woman? Go ahead. At least now you’ll fit into those dresses you’re always sneaking off with.”

“I don’t—!” Merlin sputtered. “I’ve never worn a dress in my life before today, thank you very much, and I didn’t say I want to be a woman, just that I am one at the moment.”

She decided against adding, I’m not saying I particularly want to be a man either, reasoning that Arthur was acting constipated enough about the whole thing already. He would surely spin her utter indifference towards what arrangement of body parts she happened to possess into something weird.

“Fine, you’re a girl. At the moment.”

“Good,” she muttered. “That’s sorted then.”

Unfortunately, Gaius had no better advice than to ride out the curse until they all figured out what lesson they were each expected to learn from it. At least that was what he told the group while they were gathered all together. As soon as he and Merlin were alone, he pulled out an ancient tome and started going through a list of counterspells in search of something which might be able to lift the curse.

“Here, try this one,” he said, pushing the book across the table towards Merlin.

She took a look at the spell indicated, studying it for a moment. It seemed relatively straightforward, and so she took a deep breath, pulling on her magic as she spoke the words…to no effect.

Something felt wrong. Very wrong.

“Hm, perhaps not, then,” Gaius muttered, retrieving the book and going back to leafing through it.

Merlin stared in horror at her hands. It had not felt as if it had been the wrong spell, it felt like there was something wrong with her magic. Trepidation rising inside her, she reached out towards a cup on the other side of the table and tried to make it move. She felt no response from her magic whatsoever as she tried to rouse it.

“Onbregdan,” she whispered.

Still nothing.

Starting to feel desperate, she turned to the nearest candle and said, “Forbærnan!”

Not even a spark.

“What are you doing?” Gaius asked, looking up at her.

“Something’s wrong,” she choked out. “My magic… I think I’ve lost it.”

Gaius’ eyebrow rose as concern coloured his features. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I can’t reach it. It’s like it was never there.”

“That is grave news indeed.”

Merlin bit her lip, trying to stave off the despair clutching at her. Until now, she had considered herself the luckiest among the bunch—excepting Arthur, whose curse had not yet manifested itself—but losing her magic was a problem. She needed it, not just to attempt to break this curse but to protect Camelot. What use was she without it? It was only a matter of time before someone tried to kill Arthur for the millionth time, or perhaps his curse would put him in danger somehow, or—

“Merlin, calm yourself,” Gaius said kindly, reaching out to lay a hand on her arm.

“I need to get it back.” She shot up from the bench, starting to pace restlessly. “How do I get it back?”

“By breaking the curse.”

“How? I’d need my magic to do it.”

Gaius sighed and shook his head. “If the curse is powerful enough to steal magic such as yours, I fear that there may not be a counterspell that could break it. You will just have to muddle through and try to find out what lesson you must learn.”

“And that will bring my magic back?”

“That must be our hope.”

Her shoulders sagged as resignation settled over her. “Fine.” She turned and stalked towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to check on Arthur.”