Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Somehow, at some point in life, people realize that the ones we hold close no longer feel as close as before; that the way cracks form along the edges, barely noticeable, yet enough to trigger change, to provide an opening for difference to set in.

And somehow, too late to realize, the people we hold dearest become entirely new persons right before our eyes, growing into people so different from the ones we envisioned them to be.

So different from the people we envisioned them to be in our lives.

The moment you realize this, it will be the moment you will see that the people we thought we knew best, we knew not at all.

Not even close.

~*~*~*~

Contrary to what everybody said about Pallet, the town was not as hopelessly rural as it was made to believe. There were paved roads now if that proved something, and lining the sidewalk were streetlamps that illuminated the dark evenings that Pallet Town had. The occasional Oddish hung under these lights when the moon was not present, perhaps pretending that the artificial light was moonlight.

Such nights without the moon were especially dark, and with the lamps present, it made travelers feel much safer walking around, especially those that were new to town. This urban development was a wonderful addition, but it did not significantly affect Ash Ketchum.

Having grown in Pallet, he would not find himself stumbling in the dark; the dark paths of the town were ingrained into muscle memory and his subconscious way-finding, and having the stars and the occasional hum from a distant Kriketot made him feel not so much alone, and with Pikachu on his shoulders, there was absolutely no reason for him to feel unsafe in the dark.

Ash scratched Pikachu under its chin, prompting the electric type to squeal in appreciation.

“Pi-kaaaaaa…”

“You hungry buddy? Hold on, alright? We’re almost home.”

Ash walked at a leisurely pace, one hand holding a bag of groceries, and continued to gaze at the moonless sky. He smiled to himself; it was rare for him to be feeling so conventionally ‘normal’ to the point of domesticity.

It had been almost a year since he came back from Alola, having studied there for a brief time. And while he thought that Kalos was probably the last region he thought he’d go before taking a break, finding out about Alola was too much for him to resist a new scenery again, and so he found himself in the tropical region, enrolled in school.

So like he did before, he started all over again, from scratch, only Pikachu by his side in braving the many islands of the archipelago region, one homework at a time.

He shook his head. No. No thinking of Alola. Reminiscing better be left for later. Ash knew he needed to get home soon, he had a hungry Pikachu he needed to feed, and his own hunger to appease as well. He walked a little faster, almost a light jog, and reached his modest house in a few moments.

The Ketchum residence had not changed much over the years – except that it had visibly been repainted recently, and the small garden that once just housed vegetables now held multitudes of flowers as well, something that his mom and Mr. Mime spent time and devotion on. He crossed the now large garden and made it the porch, twisting the keys to unlock the door and stepped inside.

“I’m home!”

Ash announced his presence out of habit, despite knowing he wouldn’t be greeted by anyone at present. Taking off his shoes by the doorway, he flipped the lights on in the hallway until he reached the kitchen, depositing the bag of groceries on the counter, with Pikachu jumping over to a seat at the table. Ash brought out a bowl and filled it with some Poffins that his mother made earlier, right before she went out of town for the night for a cooking seminar in Viridian.

He chuckled at Pikachu’s delight for the food, and proceeded to cook his own dinner. He was of course new to this, but despite his culinary skills being far off from, say, Brock, Cilan, or his own mother’s cooking, his cooking was passable, which surprised his mother that her son would actually make a decent cook.

“Mom, I’m not entirely useless around the house. How do you think I managed on my own without Brock or Cilan?”

“I just assumed you ordered take out most of the time!”

“Hey, even I know that’s not healthy.”

“Where did you learn how to cook? Who taught you?”

Ash stirred the pot filled with broth as he let out a sigh. He should’ve answered that Cilan taught him a little a while back in their journey, or at least, made some excuse that he got tips from Brock. But in that moment he had simply blanked, offering a noncommittal shrug as a response. Delia Ketchum huffed at her son’s non-answer, choosing to stay silent. It was a wonder enough that the boy suddenly knew how to cook – something she saw as out of character for the boy who preferred eating to cooking – that she let the topic drop, choosing instead to walk over to her son’s side and help in the kitchen.

The dark-haired boy realized that he had stopped stirring, and chastised himself a bit, already hearing Cilan’s familiar voice and Brock’s casual lectures resound in his head.

“You must keep a constant pace at stirring in order to keep a smooth texture! It simply will not do to have lumps in your soup!”

“Keep the heat on medium. Wait until it boils before turning the heat off.”

In no time he was serving himself simple mushroom soup, eating alongside Pikachu at the table. And after cleaning up the kitchen, he set aside another container filled with his cooking, putting the rest of the leftovers in the fridge. He picked up the container and walked over to the door, Pikachu already at his side. He put his shoes back on lazily, grabbing his keys and shrugging into a jacket that hung by the coat rack. The night was rather chilly, and just a thin shirt wouldn’t keep him warm.

“C’mon buddy. I bet that loser hasn’t had dinner yet.”

The walk to Professor Oak’s lab was quiet, save from the noise at a local pub. By this hour, most of the town has gone to rest; the only establishments open at the current hour were the pub, the new café across from it, and the random stores under family business. The long trek up the winding staircase to the lab had been effortless for the lad – Ash had made the trip to the lab numerous times for it to be tedious anymore – and simply turned the handle and let himself in.

Professor Oak’s lab had always had a homey feel to it, maybe because of the spacious lobby filled with potted plants, and it always struck Ash that the place felt more like a house for Pokémon rather than a laboratory. The foyer looked modest, the ceiling only giving way to an incredible height around the staircase. He made his way up the stairs and towards one of the lab’s examination rooms, looking for a certain researcher, and coming across his Muk along the way.

Ash raised the food he brought above his head before Muk enveloped him in an affectionate hug, and after a little coddling and some promise to train at some later date, he found himself in the library.

Pikachu’s ear twitched for a second before jumping off Ash’s shoulder, ears strained to locate a presence he could not see immediately.

“Bree…”

“Pika!”

Among the stacks of books on the floor sat an Umbreon, poised and still, red eyes glowing from the dark corner it was nestled in. Ash offered a smile at Umbreon, as Pikachu trotted over to the Dark type, making conversation in Pokémon language. The trainer made his way past a few stack of books scattered on the floor before arriving at the table in the middle of the room, watching as a brown-haired researcher buried his nose in books and his laptop. He seemed too absorbed in what he was doing before he looked up at Ash, fake-coughing to grab the busy lad’s attention.

“Do you even have an idea what time it is?” The researcher glanced outside the window before answering.

“Dinner time. Is it 7 already?”

Ash scrunched his face. “Way past dinner time. It’s ten.”

The boy raised an eyebrow. “Really? What are you doing here so late then?”

“Your dinner.”

“I ate.”

Ash rolled his eyes. “You ate lunch. That was hours ago.”

Right on cue, the researcher’s stomach growled, finally aware that it has not had a meal within the last ten hours. Ash smirked as the other boy looked away, mildly embarrassed.

“…Fine. Just put it there. Your mom made too much again?”

Ash set the container with the soup on the table far from the other boy’s important-looking documents, even laying out a spoon and some napkins. He noticed pictures of fossils he was familiar with – helix shells from Omanyte and some shells from Kabuto, as well as pages of long texts in small fonts that made Ash dizzy.

“Nah. I finished that around lunch.”

“It’s warm. Where’d you manage to buy a warm meal at this hour?”

“The grocery.” Ash cleared his throat. “I went out almost two hours ago. Helped myself in the kitchen.”

The other boy snorted. “You cooked this? For real? Wonders never cease, Ashy-boy.”

Ash just grinned. “Shut up and eat the damn soup Oak.”

If you told the ten-year-old Ash that in say, another ten years, he would be sitting at Professor Oak’s library feeding his former rival Gary Oak, now a renowned Pokémon fossil researcher, mushroom soup that he himself cooked; he would probably think you were insane.

But that was the thing about growing up; you grow up in ways you never expect to.

~*~*~*~

“Who’s your girlfriend?”

Ash stared at Gary, throwing him an innocent look. Girlfriend? What was he talking about? He didn’t a girlfriend. He was only 8, didn’t only grown-ups have girlfriends?

“What girlfriend?”

Gary rolled his eyes. Ash didn’t need to know that Gary probably thought him an idiot, his mouth formed into a frown already. He didn’t like it when Gary was being mean.

“I meant that girl that’s been following you around.”

Ash turned around to see a girl a distance away, her light brown hair trailing past her shoulders. She blushed when she was caught following the two boys – following Ash – and waved meekly before looking down at her feet and shuffling to the side to hide herself.

“That’s Serena. I met her by the woods.”Ash frowned. “And she’s not my girlfriend.”

Gary looked curiously, before breaking out in his signature smirk. “Of course she’s not your girlfriend. You couldn’t even get one even if you tried!”

Ash scowled. “I totally could you know!”

Gary only laughed. “Whatever. My sister’s taking me to see the new Wigglytuff movie. You coming?”

The dark haired boy instantly smiled at the change of topic. “Yeah! I’ll ask my mom first.”

Ash remembered that afternoon; he and Gary sat beside each other at the cinema, Daisy Oak and Delia Ketchum flanking their sides. They shared a bucket of popcorn that Ash mostly finished, laughing at the movie unashamedly and Gary only releasing a few soft chuckles. Ash thought Gary was trying hard to be too cool to laugh out loud, asking Gary after the movie if he didn’t enjoy the film as he did.

Gary shrugged. “The movie was okay. It was funny at some parts I guess.”

Ash remembered going off talking about the movie to Gary like he wasn’t there to watch it with him, and the brunette let him talk if only to entertain him, interjecting with a roll of the eyes and sarcastic comment here and there, and the female adults walked behind them. Ash doesn’t remember much of how the day ended, but he could remember that Gary was nice to him that afternoon, only really snarking at him when they parted ways, something about being a Pokémon Master, but that was normal for them.

He remembered going home happy.

~*~*~*~

Ash woke up to the sound of his alarm. Traveling on the road, he had always been the type to get out of bed only a few minutes after waking up, and as soon as he padded down the stairs, he could smell breakfast in the kitchen already.

“Morning honey!”

Ash smiled. He saw his mom by the stove flipping pancakes, already dressed for the day. Outside, he could the sound of sweeping, no doubt Mr. Mime sweeping the patio.

“Mornin’.”

He spotted Pikachu by the table, already munching on some Poffins, just as his mom placed a mug of coffee before him.

“When did you get back mom?”

“Just over an hour ago. The seminar finished later than expected, so the organizers offered us to stay overnight and return in the morning instead. Said she didn’t like her invited guests traveling at night.”

Ash nodded and took a tentative sip before taking a longer swig – his mom knew just how he liked his coffee.

“It’s still a weird sight for me. You, drinking coffee.” He heard his mom’s amused voice.

“I’m old enough for a little caffeine mom. I’m not ten,” he chuckled, taking a few more sips of the bitter liquid, “besides, I’ve been having coffee in the morning since I’ve arrived.”

“Doesn’t mean I’ve gotten used to it. You know you’ll always be my baby, Ashy.”

“Mom.”

Delia laughed. “Here’s your pancakes, dear. Are you off training today as well?” Ash considered the question.

“I’m not sure. I’m actually thinking of swinging by the Professor’s library to hit some books. Saw a few that caught my interest. Don’t know what after.”

Delia mock-gasped. “Ash, interested in reading? Who are you really and what have you done with my son?”

Pikachu laughed at his mother’s teasing, and Ash merely shrugged. “I’m not planning to spend the entire day there. I just wanna take a quick look at some topics that caught my interest. I’m still training for the most part.”

Ash had to admit though: the thought of him in a library was pretty strange. He was an action kind of guy, he wasn’t the studious type. But then again, like with Gary, he could be wrong. Maybe he could be some kind of weird scientist specializing in Pokémon moves or type abilities or something after all.

Ash internally groaned. Nah. Nope. Too much of a bore.

After finishing two more plates of pancakes, he went back up to his room and got dressed. He was already putting on his shoes when Pikachu bounded over to him and perched on his shoulders.

“Pika. Pikapi?”

“Hmhmmm.” Ash finished lacing up and grabbed his bag by the entryway. He called out to his mom in the kitchen. “Mom, I’m off!”

“Take care honey!”

It was already past 8 am when he set out, and for a small town like Pallet, that meant that people were already fully awake. Pidgey and Taillow chirped from the trees, and he saw several shops opening for the day, a few Machoke with their masters helping out with opening. He waved hello at a few people he saw, made his way to the café he usually frequented.

The Brew Crew was a quaint coffee shop, managed by siblings that moved to town from Kalos. The interior was nice and tasteful, but not too expensive looking for a place like Pallet. Ash saw Gothitelle and Gothorita, the siblings’ Pokémon, using Psychic in sweeping the floor. Ash saw a table laden with files and a sketchbook and made his way towards it, a lazy smile resting on his lips.

“Hey Trace, you’re up early.”

Tracey Sketchit turned around to see the younger boy and smiled. He looked tired – he felt tired – and offered a weak wave at Ash and Pikachu. “Up early? More like ‘up all night’. I got into my groove last night and went on a sketching streak. Next thing I knew the sun was in my eyes already.”

Ash laughed. That sounded very much like Tracey.

“Anybody up at the labs yet?”

“None of the other aides are awake yet, but Gary is. He asked me to buy him coffee and breakfast. And Professor Oak is still in Johto, he had that radio show in –”

“Goldenrod. Yeah, I remember.”

“I just placed my order a few minutes ago, planned to stay a while.”

“Oh. Well then let me take Gary’s breakfast then. I was on my way to lab anyway, and I don’t want to keep you from a decent breakfast.”

Tracey hesitated but gave in. He was tired and hungry, he figured Gary wouldn’t mind if Ash was the one who brought up his meal.

“Thanks Ash.”

A few seconds later, Anna, one of the siblings, stepped out of the kitchen with a tray laden with food. She spotted Ash and Tracey’s table, and walked over to them, carrying their food. Tracey’s soup wafted off a stomach-rumbling inducing steam from the bowl, and Gary’s breakfast was conveniently in a paper bag, coffee in a tall white cup.

“Thanks Anna,” Ash said, earning a coy smile from the girl, “I’ll be going then Tracey. See you later! Enjoy your breakfast.” Pikachu waved a similar goodbye and Ash was back in the streets, making his way towards Professor Oak’s lab again.

~*~*~*~

“Ash?”

The dark haired teen looked at the source of the voice, coming to face the worried face of his female companion. Her Piplup looked at him curiously, as if waiting for an animated reaction.

“What’s wrong? Need my help with training again?” he quipped, an easy smile on his lips. He sat up from where he was, a lone tree stump as he looked at the night’s full moon.

“Yeah, well, I do, not right now though, but,” the girl balked before blurting her question out, “are you okay?”

Ash stared at her. Of course he was fine. “Of course I’m fine, why are you asking?”

“Well,” she started, “you’ve been a little quiet since this afternoon, losing to Paul again. I know you guys are rivals, but some of the words he said…”

Ash’s eyes softened. It bothered him, of course losing to Paul bothered him, but he guessed that what happened this afternoon – Paul lashing out in front of his brother – was not ordinary.

“Why don’t you just quit being a trainer? Raising Pokémon in that half-assed manner, not actually knowing what you’re really doing, you’re not going anywhere.”

It hurt Ash when Paul said that; he in the Top 8 in the Silver Conference, an Orange League Champion, made it to the Top 8 in the Hoenn League, and even conquered the Kanto Battle Frontier   – no way was he ‘half-assing’ anything. When he thought about it though, Paul sounded like he was trying to hurt his brother Reggie more than him, but it still gave Ash pause.

At this point he had grown a little lost, to be honest – without the familiar comfort of some of his best Pokémon, not to mention losing to trainers like Paul despite being a seasoned trainer due to a team reset coming to Sinnoh, it did leave him feeling directionless sometimes. He was optimistic by nature, but even then naiveté had to reach a limit. He couldn’t help but pause and think about his choices.

Is this really the way he’s going to start doing things?

“I’m okay, Dawn. I don’t really mind what Paul said. I love my Pokémon, and I love training them; why should I quit just because I can’t win against him? I bet I’ll kick his butt at the Sinnoh League!”

Dawn looked relieved, smiling supportively in Ash’s optimism.

“Hmm! You’re absolutely right! You’ll beat him yet!”

“Pip-lup!”

After Dawn left him, and although he didn’t mean to, Ash’s mind drifted to contests. He’s competed in a couple, even back in Hoenn with May, and maybe shifting to becoming a Pokémon Coordinator doesn’t sound too bad. He’d certainly be training his Pokémon, just not in the same intense way, but it would still be a worthwhile endeavor.

He could easily imagine it, teaching his Buizel and Pikachu contest-type battling. He could still recall battles that May had, and he could remember Drew and Harley’s battle styles as well, and though contest battling wasn’t his thing, maybe he’d grow to love it too. It was challenge on its own, and Ash loved a challenge.

But just as quickly the idea came he dismissed it immediately; he knew himself. He was no Coordinator – he was a Trainer through and through. He scolded himself for having crazy ideas – it wasn’t like he was going to suddenly quit being a trainer just because of one loss.

‘I’m not like him,’ he thought, and just as the thought inserted itself, he was surprised at how bitter it sounded.

He shook his head. Looking up at the full moon did not help; he could remember another time with a full moon as well, somewhere by a lake, beside someone he thought he knew best.

He sighed. He walked over to Dawn and Brock by the camp, lured by the promise of Brock’s cooking. He couldn’t wait to beat Paul at the Lily of the Valley Conference. Maybe defeating his rivals at major Leagues can start being his thing.

Later in town, Ash found a postcard.

[Thought of becoming a Pokémon Coordinator last night. Crazy right? Don’t worry. I’m not losing my marbles yet.]

He dropped it off at a mailbox a few towns later. As always, he sent it Pallet Town, and he didn’t sign his name.

­~*~*~*~

“One coffee and breakfast at your service!”

Gary looked up from where he was kneeling down on the floor, tracing diagrams. He turned his head at the source of the voice by the door, seeing a familiar mop of dark hair and an Electric type.

“I see you ran into Tracey.”

“Don’t run him ragged so early. I heard he pulled an all-nighter. Here,” Ash handed Gary his coffee as he stood up and dusted his pants, thanking Ash for the coffee. “What brings you here so early? Not sleeping in like your usual?” Gary teased.

“Ha ha. You’re hilarious Gary,” Ash said in monotone, “I came here to deliver your breakfast. Also, I saw you had a few articles on some ruins from the Sevii Islands last night. I wanted to look at them.”

“Since when were you interested in ruins?” Gary asked, an eyebrow raised.

Ash shrugged. “Misty and Clemont have this Gym Leaders summit thing at the Sevii Islands in a few weeks. They asked if I wanted to come along and I figured I would. Besides, I heard Brock, Cilan, and Iris were going there for a vacation to visit some famous ruins or something, and I thought I’d have a look at where I’m going.”

“You have brochures for that.”

Ash snorted. “’A picture and a single sentence does not count as research.’ Weren’t you the one who told me that?” Ash walked over to the table, scanning through documents to look what he needed. “Besides, it’s not like I’m bothering you with he me here.”

Brown eyes met black, the younger trainer’s eyes inquisitive. “Unless I’m actually unwanted?” There was a hint of teasing there, Gary noted, and he sighed.

“No. You can stay. I don’t mind.”

Ash found the book and the article he saw last night, the report about Unown, and sat on one of the wooden chairs. Somewhere in the room he heard Umbreon and Pikachu playing around, dodging towers of books and haphazardly scattered furniture. A few seconds later he heard a chair scrape against the floor and saw Gary Oak at the table, perusing the paper bag he brought for breakfast. He brought out two muffins and some cookies, and he took a sip of his coffee.

“That’s your breakfast?”

“Hmm…? Yeah. Not everyone has a bottomless appetite like you do Ash.” Gary jabbed, and Ash let it slide. There was a time in the past he would’ve rose to simple bait like that, but growing up, he learned it was better to let some things be.

Ash shrugged noncommittally. “I think you should eat more than that,” he said, eyes browsing the documents at hand, “you know what they say, ‘breakfast is the most important meal of the day’.”

He sounded jaded, a little too unenthusiastic, and Gary noted it. He always did have a fast pickup when it came to Ash, even when we were kids.

“Is something wrong?” the brunette asked.

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m fine.” Ash replied, tearing his eyes from the article and cocking his head a little to the side, confused at his former rival’s concern.

 “You don’t sound like yourself. You’re quiet. You’re only quiet when you’re busy thinking about something beyond your mental capacity. What’s on your mind?” Gary looked at him, coffee in one hand and muffin in the other.

The dark haired lad’s lips turned upward, a not-quite smile, conscious of Gary’s light teasing mixed with inquiry, and lazily flicked his gaze back to the documents in his hand. He wasn’t reading any of the printed words though.

“We’re in a library. Aren’t we supposed to be quiet?”

 “Never stopped you before.”

“I’m fine Gary.”

“You’re not. You’re a terrible liar.” Ash raised an eyebrow. “I know you. We grew up together. I can still identify your tell when you’re lying.”

“I said I’m fine.” Gary grew quiet at the tone Ash used. Years ago, every time he goaded a rise out of his rival, the boy would indignantly raise his voice and yell “I’m fine! Leave me alone!” and he’d make an offhand comment how loud and immature Ash was being. It struck Gary silent that the Ash in front of him said he was fine in a cold tone, almost business-like, and he sounded so… so unlike Ash.

Ash didn’t like when Gary acted like he still knew him best. It had been years since they actually breathed the same air, and the younger boy didn’t appreciate Gary acting like Ash was still the same ten-year-old child that barely knew what he was doing.

Ash heaved a sigh. “I’m fine Gary. This is just the usual me. In case I need to remind you, it’s been a long while since we saw each other. I mean, you just got back last week right? And I’ve been in Pallet for the past year. Nothing in a place like Pallet is exactly excitable for me to keep being loud.”

“Excitable and loud is your personality, not your daily mood.”

“Maybe before.”

“What’s changed then?”

Ash leveled him a look, but it was not unkind, just rather uncomfortable, before saying “We grew up. The last time we saw each other like this was in Sinnoh. How long do you think has it been?”

Ash watched as Gary mentally calculated in his head how much time had passed since their last meeting. He knew exactly how long, did Gary?

“..More than four years ago, I think.” Gary mumbled. The dark haired lad stared blankly at the older boy, lost in thought. Getting through Sinnoh, then traipsing through Unova and Kalos, then that brief stint in Alola – it had been five years and three months, and Gary had been off by a year.

“It’s been five, Gary. You really think I wouldn’t change in five years?” he sent him a half-smile, eyes still not looking at the brunette.

“It only seems not so long ago when we went against that bounty hunter J.”

“It’s been longer for me I guess.”

Gary looked at him, and he met his gaze. “Sinnoh League. Three regions after that. Then a year here.”

“We barely stayed in touch huh.”

Ash shrugged. “I don’t blame you. I mean, I was busy myself, and with your hectic research, I guess you probably didn’t have much time for socialization either. I bet you only saw Professor Oak whenever he himself came to visit you.”

Gary pinked at Ash’s comment. He was right – he hardly went out anymore, too absorbed with his research. His first work was reviving an Aerodactyl, and after that success, he went on working for Professor Rowan, studying Shieldon, Cranidos, and even other fossil Pokémon. He remembered the many people he encountered on his research trips: Steven Stone, Cynthia, Professor Sycamore, Alain, Roark, Professor Willow, Blanche, even his grandpa’s twin Samson Oak; he hadn’t realized time had passed so quickly. Days and months blurred together amid sleepless nights, and before he knew it, his grandfather had talked him into staying in Pallet for a while, borrowing him from Professor Rowan for an indefinite time.

“Gramps didn’t say it, but I think he wants us to spend some time together. I’ve been studying in Kalos recently and –”

“He missed you and wanted you around.”

Gary took a bite of his muffin to fill the silence. A sip of coffee. Ash flipped the page of the article he was holding to the next one, scanning important data or anything that stood out.

“Pretty much I guess.”

The morning pretty much went on that way, Ash silently reading and Gary finishing his breakfast and poring over his laptop. Ash had finished reading in an hour – nothing gleaned from the limited text that he didn’t already know about the Unown from multiple personal encounters. He did learn a bit about the Tanoby Ruins, and decided he couldn’t wait to go off with his friends in three weeks.

Ash gazed outside the window. From a distance, he could see Bulbasaur and Heracross interacting with the other Pokémon. A dust cloud farther off indicated where his herd of Taurus were, and up in the sky were a few of his Flying types: Noctowl, Staraptor, and Talonflame. He had been training his Pokémon diligently for the past months, occasionally going out of town to train with a few Frontier Brains to change it up, and his Pokémon were in great shape. For a while, he had entertained the idea of challenging the Elite Four for a major Champion title, but if he was honest, despite his desire to be a Pokémon Master, that didn’t seem like the angle he should be going for.

At least, not yet anyway.

Ash glanced at Gary, paper bag and coffee cup discarded to the side. He had his head on one hand while the other moved furiously against the keyboard, a look of concentration in his eyes. Ash still remembered when those eyes were trained on a battlefield instead of a laptop screen, and he couldn’t help the wistful twist he felt when he realized how long ago that had been.

It was a sunny day out – a nice day for relaxing. He figured he could take a day off from training today; after all, it wasn’t like he was on a deadline for a League match or anything, and he wanted to just go somewhere – Viridian, Pewter, or Celadon – and enjoy a day without care. He did, however, look at the looming mountain past the horizon. One of these days he planned to scale it and train there, probably even stay there for a long while.

Ash looked at the researcher again, this time his brow lowered in what seemed like frustration over work.

Ash had an idea.

“Hey Gary.”

“What.”

“You still have that red convertible lying around?”

After lunch and a trip to the garage later, Gary learned that Ash knew a lot of things. He learned how to cook, how to be quiet, and apparently, how to fix a car. But the most noticeable thing of all was that Ash, straightforward and honest, didn’t answer his original question earlier.

“What’s changed then?”

The boy had learned how to avoid a conversation.

Chapter Text

When Ash heard from Gary that he was going to quit being a trainer, he didn’t understand.

He got that Harrison congratulated him and told him that was great – but what did he know? They just met, they don’t have history – but he was surprised that Brock and Misty weren’t shocked in the least. It was like everybody expected it and only he was left uninformed; he grew up with the guy, how could he just quit being a trainer?

Ash remembered all the times he and Gary bumped into each other over the course of Kanto and Johto – he remembered the jeering, the mean comments, the red car and the squad of cheerleaders, and even the towering power his Blastoise had. He had gone on the same path to collecting badges, participating in the League, and training their Pokémon to their utmost potential; they weren’t beside each other every step of the way, but they were striving for the same goal. Ash didn’t understand at all; how could Gary just quit being a trainer?

Ash and Gary talked about it, full moon beside a lake, and although Ash found it hard to accept first, he wished Gary good luck. He realized that after he beat Gary in the Silver Conference, that was the last official battle they’d have as true rivals on the battlefield.

That night Ash was still in shock of Gary’s decision, and all he could do to lull himself to sleep was palming an old Pokéball – now whole – in his hand.

Ash went back home to Pallet town, and Gary was on his way to leave. He almost missed him, and was glad he didn’t. They talked a bit, and Ash gave Gary back his promise.

The other half of a Pokéball.

And that was the last time Ash saw Gary for the longest time before Sinnoh, but whenever he let his mind wander, he still sometimes thought of him, and whatever it could be he was doing.

~*~*~*~

Ash had never been one for consistent contact. On his travels, he was often single-minded in his goal for the next victory with his Pokémon, and often left the minor details to his friends. Brock had always been Ash’s support; he was more than just a best friend to him – if anything, the older male was the older brother Ash never had, and for all the times they’d spent together, he would always be grateful.

Brock had always had a general idea of what to do, from cooking to navigating around, and the times he didn’t, there wasn’t cause for much worry; Max had his PokéNav, and Dawn had her Pokétch, so they weren’t completely out of touch with technology. Ash didn’t always call his mom in Pallet, but he knew Brock and Dawn kept close contact with their family.

Ash remembered that random evening at a Pokémon Center before they arrived at Sunnyshore City, when he saw Dawn on her bed cradling her Bunneary, staring intensely at the set of photos before her. She looked completely lost in her thinking, and her Pokémon was getting a little antsy.

 “Bun-bun! Bunneary!”

“Huh? Oh, you think this one would be good?”

“Bun!”

“Alright! This one it is then. And I think you do look good in this one!”

“What are you doing?” Dawn looked up to see Ash by the door, looking at her with open curiosity. She smiled and held up her card to the boy.

“I’m choosing a postcard. To send home.” Ash wandered over to her side of the bed, and took a look at the cards his friend was choosing from. He saw a postcard commemorating the Wallace Cup, and one from Celestic Town. Most of the cards weren’t actual postcards bought in stores, but rather customized ones that bore their pictures: Dawn and May by Lake Acuity, Brock on the ground, freshly jabbed by Croagunk, and a candid picture of him and Pikachu, caught in mid-laughter. The one Dawn picked was a Contest photo of her and Bunneary in the middle of a performance, the picture of grace and liveliness on a Contest stage.

Ash beamed at Dawn. “I think that one looks good too.”

Dawn smiled and nodded before hopping off the bed and going for one of the tables in the room. She rummaged through her bag before finding a pen, and began scrawling a short message in neat script before she signed the card with her name with a flourish. “There!”

“You know you could just call your mom on the videophone if you wanted to tell her something.”

Dawn looked at Ash with a gentle smile. “It’s not about the fact that I want to talk to my mom about stuff, it’s just, there’s something really genuine with sending a personalized message instead of a message done on a computer.”

Ash tilted his head in confusion. “Then why not just tell her something really genuine when you’re on the phone?”

Dawn shook her head. “It’s not like that, Ash. I can’t explain it well. It’s more like, don’t you know the feeling of wanting to say something to someone, but not really be invested in what their reaction would be? Like you just want to go ahead and say something to them without immediately knowing what they think, and just letting them keep it to themselves. To hold on to it.” Dawn’s brows knitted together. “It’s kinda like how my mom kept dad’s old letters. They’re precious.”

“Sentimental value.”

“Yeah! That’s it! Wow. You actually know what that is.” Ash shot an incensed “Hey!” before he rolled his eyes and Dawn laughed. The young trainer looked at the opposite edge of the bed, watching Bunneary and Pikachu play. He smiled. He could think of a person he could send a postcard to; he figured he could send one as a reply from back then, when he got a postcard from Gary Oak telling him to keep on doing his best and told him about Sinnoh in the first place.

So around that time, Ash got into the practice of writing letters to Gary. He’d write on scratch paper or tacky postcards he could find and mail them to Pallet Town, but he didn’t write his name. It was a strange thing Ash did: sending a mail to someone to an address the recipient didn’t live in anymore, but he figured he has done stranger things before, and this writing thing was hardly out of place amongst all that.

[Hi! Just wanted to try this out. Send me a reply when you get this.]

[Sorry, I just realized the postcard I sent earlier didn’t have my name. This is Ash.]

[Right. You’re doing your Pokémon researcher stuff here in Sinnoh. You’re probably not reading or getting this. Anyway, how are you doing with your research? How’s Shieldon?]

It was like writing to a pen pal, one that didn’t write back, but Ash didn’t mind. He was just looking for an outlet to vent anyway.

~*~*~*~

                Delia had swung by the lab at a good time, dropping off their lunch around noon, and Ash, Gary and Tracey ate their lunch outside with their Pokémon, enjoying the cool summer day. Ash watched as his Pokémon ate together; Bulbasaur keeping everyone in line, getting help from Goodra and Hawlucha. Torterra had lain out in the sun, and huddled around him were Quilava, Totodile, and Corphish, enjoying the shade that the large Grass type provided. The others were playing and practicing moves, food finished and ready for training.

                Ash went around to his Pokémon and told them it was a rest day, and that they could do what they want for the day, and most of the Pokémon decided that a nap would be a great idea. He pulled aside a few of his Pokémon – Infernape, Torterra, Snorlax, Oshawott, and Charizard, telling them to keep in shape. The five Pokémon agreed, Oshawott beaming at the attention given to him amidst the presence of fully evolved and powerful Pokémon.

                Ash felt warmth behind him, and saw Charizard eye him with a silent question. He and the Fire-type had a long history together, and though there was a time that Charizard’s refusal to obey pulled his trainer’s strings taut, they had settled for a more companionable friendship since the Orange Isles. Ash stared back into the warm eyes of his Pokémon, and patted him affectionately.

                “It’s nothing to worry about Charizard. Just…making sure I have a nice team with me today. We’re taking a trip out of Pallet this afternoon with Gary. You remember him right? Maybe we’d have a battle with someone out of town. You’d like that won’t you?”

                The Fire type roared its approval, and sensing an opportunity to act tough as well, Oshawott pulled on Ash’s pant leg to grab his attention and puffed its chest out.

                “Osha! Osha!”

                “Of course, Oshawott! You’d have your share of battles today, too. Well, if we get any challenges anyway.”

                But it didn’t deter the Water-type one bit, and expressed his delight before wandering over to Torterra and Infernape who had silently watched the exchange. Aside from Sceptile, Charizard was the only other fully evolved regional starter Ash had. He knew for a fact that since returning from Charicific Valley the old Fire starter had taken on a passive leadership role amongst his Pokémon, with Bulbasaur doing most of the herding, and for the two Sinnoh starters, to be on the same roster as one of their trainer’s eldest and most powerful lineup was an honor, and Ash saw the immediate respect the latter two held for the elder one, remembering the first time the three met. It put a smile on his face, seeing his Pokémon interact with respect with one another.

                Despite the time and distance of not being together, Charizard seemed to be attuned to Ash in a way unlike the others. Not since Greninja. Charizard made a low throaty sound, and the Fire-type got a pensive look in return from his trainer.

                His Pokémon knew: Ash always left when it seemed he would stay.

Ash wandered back to the table, seeing Gary on a tablet this time, as the rest of the smaller Pokémon finished their meals.

Tracey offered to clear the table after lunch, even taking care of the Pokémon, which left Gary and Ash vacant. Gary kept looking over his files on his tablet, and Ash went back in the lab and retrieved five Pokéballs he’d be taking with him. Taking the dishes and containers that Tracey washed on the way, Ash went off home to drop them off in their kitchen, telling his mom that he and Gary were planning to go out of town today and would probably be back late.

When Ash had returned to the lab, he found Gary and Blastoise clearing the garage and the driveway, revealing a familiar vehicle that hadn’t been used much for the last few months.

Gary watched quietly on one side. He watched as Ash popped the hood of the old convertible, now painted in faded blue, and took note how Ash seemed to know what to do with the machinery. Pikachu seemed to know how to help as well, using a weak electric charge to jumpstart the engine when necessary. He saw Rotom buzzing around trying to help as well, which Gary actually thought helped since Ash sighed in relief after Rotom possessed the engine and did something. A few beats later, he saw Rotom possess a pump and started checking the tires, making sure they weren’t flat.

It was strange seeing Ash so different from the ten-year-old that started his journey with a disobedient Pikachu, and it hit him that indeed, it really had been five years since they actually saw each other. He could remember that last contact, a passing call that they had when Ash was in Alola, but other than that, they were practically incommunicado, getting no news from each other. Ash didn’t know the Gary Oak now, researcher and frequently-invited source speaker, but it also held true vice versa; Gary didn’t know the Ash Ketchum that knew how to cook and fix a car.

Gary supposed maybe that was the same case with the rest of Ash’s friends, but he remembered that one time Ash told him that Dawn visited him in Unova, and that one time Brock and Cilan actually met without knowing their mutual friend and only finding out when they coincidentally visited Ash in Pallet the same week, and Ash’s most recent trip to Cerulean to visit Misty who was busy running the gym. He even heard that Serena visited Pallet a few months ago; Delia asked Gary if he remembered the girl from their childhood.

He remembered of course. There weren’t many kids around his age in Pallet around their time, and even lesser kids who actually liked Ash. The kids tended to stick to him anyway because he was an Oak, but he didn’t have the same quality Ash had that established solid connections. Ash knew how to keep in contact with his friends; it was one of the things Ash just knew how to do well even at a young age.

Gary wondered why it hadn’t held the same for the two of them.

Ash glanced at Gary who was deep in thought. He looked out of place; the researcher in a white lab coat inside a dark musty garage. He set down the cables he was holding and thanked Pikachu for the help, and called Gary’s attention, flinching from the sudden sound.

“I think I got the car running. It isn’t as out of maintenance as I thought it was, but I figure it’s been months since this was last used, right? Ah, and we should get changed.” Ash looked at his Poképhone, a gift from May from their excursion in La Rouse City a few months back, and saw that it was past two. “We might need jackets, summer nights in Kanto can get pretty chilly.”

“Where are we heading?” Gary asked, hopping off the table he was half-leaning on.

“Pewter. How’s a visit to old Brock-o sound?” Ash turned to Gary and smiled, and the brunette laughed. “What’s so funny?”

“You should take a shower while you’re at it. You’re frickin’ filthy, you even got grease smeared on your face.”

Ash swiped his hand across his face to rub out the grease, and by judging how Gary didn’t stop laughing, he could only assume he made it worse. Pikachu’s ears drooped in exasperation at his trainer, hopping off the car and motioning for the dark haired lad to follow him back home.

“I’ll meet you back here after you get changed,” Gary said. “Go on home Ashy-boy. Smell ya later.”

Ash cracked a smile at the old catchphrase, and he made the walk home, Pikachu leading the way.

~*~*~*~

He remembered those days back in Pallet, five years old and friendless, and the first friend he made was the obnoxious grandson of the local professor. He remembered, though not perfectly, those younger days, filled with fun and tears, and of course, each other.

“My grandpa’s a famous Pokémon professor! What’s your grandpa like?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I have one.”

Six-year-old Gary scrunched his face at almost-six-year-old Ash Ketchum, not understanding how someone just didn’t have a grandpa.

“Well, what about your dad?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I have one of those either. I just have my mom.”

“Well, I have my grandpa and sister!”

“What about a mom?”

“I don’t have a dad or a mom.”

“Why?”

Gary pouted and slapped ash by the arm. Ash let an ‘ow’ slip before Gary shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter! I have two other people in my family and you only have one! That means more people love me!”

“Oh.”

Gary looked over at Ash, a sad look on his face.

“But then what if Mom suddenly disappeared, would that mean nobody loves me anymore?”

The young brunette looked sad at the dark haired kid, close to tears. The Ash he knew was a goofy kid that smiled a lot; it didn’t feel right to see him down like that. He took a hold of his hand pulled him forward, marching into the woods.

“Don’t be silly. Your Mom won’t disappear, just like my grandpa and sister won’t. And if she did, you’d still have me!”

“…I’ll have you?”

“Yeah. We’re best friends okay?”

Ash smiled, brushing the wetness away from his eyes.

“Okay.”

Ash never knew his father, nor knew if he had a grandfather. He only had his mom, and at a young age, he knew that his mom struggled to raise him. He wasn’t dumb; he saw the other families in Pallet – mother, father, and child – and instinctively knew that a mother raising a child on her own wasn’t what others called ‘normal’. And looking at Gary, neither was it normal for a six-year old to be raised by only his grandfather and sister in an almost empty house and laboratory.

But in that moment his optimism allowed him to be happy. He had a mother who loved him, and he loved her back. And he had a best friend that wasn’t family, but someone he saw as just as someone important.

He had Mom.

And then he had Gary.

~*~*~*~

[Here at Sunnyshore City. Volkner was being an ass. Met Flint and managed to convince Volkner for a battle. Got his badge in the end. Now I have 8 badges! Now it’s off to the Lily of the Valley Conference!]

[Just met up with Barry, Nando, and Paul at the Conference opening. Can’t wait to start battling. Take a break and watch me on TV!]

[Made it to the Top 4. Lost to Tobias and his Darkrai and Latios. And it was so close too! Hope to hear from you. See you whenever I guess.]

~*~*~*~

Seven years old and the two had grown closer, making frequent trips to Professor Oak’s lab to play with the Pokémon.

“I’m gonna be a Pokémon Master!” Ash proudly announced one day. Gary had only looked at him blankly, but it didn’t faze him.

“What the heck is a Pokémon Master?” Gary had asked.

 “A Pokémon Master is someone who has a lot of powerful Pokémon and is really famous and really cool! He can beat any challenger in his way and everybody looks up to him! Just like that battle we watched last night on TV!” Ash’s eyes sparkled at that; he remembered how cool that purple Pokémon, Nidorino, fought against a powerful opponent called Gengar. He remembered how excited he felt watching the battle and wanted to be able to do that as well; he really wanted to be a Pokémon Master!

“Oh yeah? Not if I become a Pokémon Master first!” Gary crowed.

“What? No! You can’t be a Pokémon Master! That’ll be me!” Ash protested.

“Guess you’ll just have to try and be better than me, but I doubt that.” Gary sneered.

“Oh yeah? I’ll be a Pokémon Master before you, just you wait and see! When we become trainers, we’ll have tons of battles, and I’ll win!”

“And what if I win?”

“Then I’ll just get stronger and beat you! So don’t back out on me, you got that?”

Gary looked happy in that moment, and Ash remembered, how his best friend broke into one of his rare toothy smiles. Gary never smiled so carefree like he did, so whenever he did, he felt proud when he was the reason for it.

“Me, back out? Maybe you’re the one who’s gonna back out! I’ll be a Pokémon Master before you, that’s a promise!”

It should have annoyed Ash that Gary just blatantly copied his dream, but somehow, he didn’t mind. He couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face, fists pumped in the air.

“You’re on!”

~*~*~*~

                [Sorry I haven’t written in a while. A lot has happened. I’m in Unova right now. I met this girl named Iris and we’re traveling together. And guess what? I got a Tepig, an Oshawott, and a Snivy! Oh, and I met another kid named Trip. I suppose he’s my rival. Talk to you soon.]

                [I’m traveling with someone who knows how to cook, thank Arceus. I just wish Cilan would stop calling me on my ‘strong and spicy flavor’.]

~*~*~*~

At age ten, Ash set out on his journey with Pikachu, collecting badges across Kanto, traveling with Misty and Brock.

At age eleven, he set out to travel the Orange Islands with Misty and met Tracey.

At age twelve, he was traveling Johto with Brock and Misty, collecting badges for the Johto League.

At thirteen, he was in Hoenn, traveling with Brock and the siblings May and Max.

At fourteen, he went back to Kanto, traveling with May, Max, and Brock, challenging the Battle Frontier.

At age fifteen, he met Dawn in Sinnoh, and reunited traveling with Brock, participating in the Sinnoh League.

At sixteen, he set out for Unova, making friends with Iris and Cilan, where they traveled together across the region.

At seventeen, he was in Kalos, unexpectedly reunited with an old childhood friend Serena, and traveled with Lumiose City siblings Clemont and Bonnie.

At age eighteen, he was in Alola, learning new things about Pokémon and going to school, making friends with the locals: siblings Lillie and Lana, and science-loving guys Sophocles and Kiawe.

At age nineteen, he came back to Pallet town. And he stayed.

Gary quit when they were twelve, after Ash beat him at the Silver Conference.

He got a postcard about Sinnoh from Gary when he was fourteen, after his second loss at the Battle Pyramid, and later fought his Electivire with Pikachu and lost.

He saw Gary again when he was fifteen, in Sinnoh, and helped him with a problem with a bounty hunter, then an encounter with a Gligar, and then the chaos with Dialga, Palkia, and Team Galactic.

He got to talk to Gary again only on the phone when he was eighteen, after he enrolled himself at a school in Alola.

Ash saw Gary again, personally for the first time in the longest while last week, months after his twentieth.

And maybe it should have annoyed Ash that the one person who was his first best friend had not made an effort to meet again over time, and only getting one short and lousy phone call from him two years ago, and only because he was close by Professor Oak during the call, and all he got was some teasing and half-meant well wishes.

Maybe Ash should have been annoyed that all he got from Gary every year was one damn random postcard with a tacky “good luck on your battles” and not much else. Not even a “smell ya later” to grace the card.

Maybe Ash should have been annoyed that Gary copied his dream and quit halfway, going down a path different from his, and maybe he should have been mad that they didn’t even make much effort to stay connected that resulted in them drifting apart, but maybe, in some deep part of Ash, he was content that he was still bound to Gary by some childhood promise and former rivalry.

Maybe he thought that when Gary promised him that he’d be a Pokémon Master before him, that sort of meant they were always going to be in each other’s lives – striving for the same dream. They would always argue and battle each other, water and oil, and maybe they wouldn’t be the kids that slept over in each other’s room when they were seven, but at least they talked.

It was something.

So when Gary told him he was quitting becoming a trainer and becoming a researcher like his grandfather, Ash suddenly felt like he didn’t know Gary anymore. He didn’t know how he felt, and when he finally had the coherence to put what he felt into words, he lost him.

Ash realized that Gary had woken up after their long childish chasing; that one day, Gary realized that he could no longer stand traveling the same copied dream from Ash, so he made a path for himself and left the dark haired boy on his own, looking for new rivals that would never truly replace him.

Somehow, along the way, people figure out that at some point in life, the ones we hold close no longer feel as close as before; the way that cracks form along the edges, barely noticeable, yet enough to change something, to provide an opening for difference to set in.

And somehow, before we realize it, the people we hold dearest become entirely new persons right before our eyes, growing into people so different from the ones we envisioned them to be.

So different from the people we envisioned them to be with us.

The moment you realize this, it will be the moment you realize that the people we thought we knew best, we knew not at all.

Not even close.

Ash thought that he and Gary were meant to strive to become Pokémon Masters together. In the end, he wasn’t even close.

Not one bit.

Chapter Text

 The wind blew past their hair on the highway to Pewter. The highway was free of traffic despite being a Friday, only a few cars and vans traveling to and fro, and the line of trees from Viridian Forest on their left shaded their car, the convertible’s hood down. Ash remembered when his mom had told him about the Viridian Highway in one of their phone calls; apparently it began construction when he left for Kalos and was officially opened to public just a few weeks after enrolling in Alola. The highway went around the expanse of Viridian Forest connecting Viridian and Pewter, not one tree cut down for its construction.

Gary had changed out of his drab lab coat and uniform, replaced with a snug vintage bomber jacket and well-fitted jeans. Ash himself was in a warm hooded fleece jacket over a nice shirt, faded jeans paired with travel beaten sneakers. Pikachu was on his lap, enjoying the feel of wind on his face.

The sun had dipped lower in the horizon – they’ve been driving close to an hour and it was past three already – but Ash wasn’t worried about time. The purpose of the trip was to take a break after all, and it wouldn’t do much to harp about the time they took. If it got late on the road, then it got late; he wasn’t bothered. Besides, one of the things he secretly liked was traveling at night; if Gary wasn’t used to night-driving, then Ash would take the wheel. He’d gone on enough evening drives in Alola to know he at least fared well driving in the dark.

They arrived in Pewter fifteen minutes later, Ash giving Gary the directions to Brock’s home. They spotted the expansive Rock-type Gym rather quickly – turns out that the entire block that the Gym was on was now a complex, partly managed by the Gym leader’s family. Ash spotted Forrester, Brock’s younger brother and current Pewter City Gym Leader, and waved at him.

Forrester waved back, emitting a low whistle at the convertible. “Hey Ash! Hi Pikachu! Wow, way to travel in style.” Ash beamed. “Oh right, Forrester, this is Gary Oak.”

“Hi Gary!” Forrester chirped. The boy then eyed their mode of transport. “Is that a real convertible or did you just get a normal car and dismantled the roof?”

Gary looked at the young gym leader and brought his shades down. His brow was furrowed and he looked like he just got asked a ridiculous question. “Of course it’s a legit convertible! Who the hell would ruin a perfectly good car so it would look like an old convertible?”

The gym leader laughed. “Trust me; a lot of people actually do that these days. Didn’t you see that movie that showed two months ago? Apparently that movie sparked an interest in convertibles all of a sudden – now almost everyone wants one.”

“Was that the movie that Diantha was in?” Ash asked. Gary’s eyes widened at the younger boy. Since when did Ash care about movies and celebrities?

“Yep, that’s the one. Anyways, are you guys here to see my brother? He’s at home, tired from that week-long seminar he attended last week. He’ll be glad to see you here Ash.”

“Oh okay. I guess we’ll swing by your house then. Headed to the gym?” Ash asked. Forrester nodded. “Don’t let us keep you then. See you later Forrester!” Gary started the engine again and drove to Brock’s house, his eyes locked on Ash at his periphery.

“Diantha?” Gary asked drily.

“Diantha is the Kalos Champion. She doesn’t really get much attention for her title as Champion because of her other job as a famous celebrity, but I’m pretty sure you already knew that.” Ash saw Gary nod, the older boy finally placing Diantha’s name. “I met her back in Kalos. I trained with her Gardevoir that knew Mega Evolution a few times.”

Gary smiled; Ash had a penchant for running into Champions. He knew the boy ran into Lance back in Johto, and the few times he worked with Cynthia in Sinnoh, he found out Ash and her were friends. Steven Stone also asked him if he knew someone named Ash since he also came from Pallet Town, and told him about the whole “Battle of Kalos” thing that Gary didn’t wholly understand. He wouldn’t be surprised if he knew Alder, too.

They reached the gate of the Pewter leader’s residence. Ash jumped over the car door and ran towards the gate, Pikachu close behind, already back to the loud and excitable Ash everyone knew.

“Hello? Anybody home? Brock! It’s me! Ash! Gary’s with me too!” Gary chuckled; this was more like the boy he was familiar with.

They heard footsteps approaching the gate, and when the gate opened, they were face to face with a tanned, squinty-eyed man with spiky hair. “Ash! Pikachu! Gary! It’s good to see you guys! It’s been so long!”

Pikachu jumped onto Brock’s shoulder and affectionately cuddled with the older man. Ash smiled warmly at Brock; he missed having the older man for company. It was a good call to go to Pewter for today after all. “Come on in guys. Sorry about the mess, I just got back yesterday.”

The house was larger than the last time Ash had been there. It had more room, and the living area didn’t look too cluttered even with the family’s scattered belongings. More picture frames hung on the walls, and Ash could spot an old photograph of him, Misty, and Brock wearing yukata after attending a local festival all those years ago. He let his eyes wander; he saw pictures of Brock through the ages, his family, his Pokémon, and artistic shots that one of his siblings probably took. Ash thought they looked nice.

“We bumped into Forrester a while ago. Your brother looks like he’s been doing well.” Brock beamed at Gary’s comment.

“Yeah, he’s done a great job with the Gym over the years. Couldn’t be any prouder.”

“Where’s the rest of the family?” Ash asked. Brock went into the kitchen and he heard shuffling. He and Gary sat on one of the unoccupied couches free of scattered clothes.

“Some of the boys are training at the gym with Forrester. Dad took the rest to Saffron City, heard there was some big Pokémon Contest up there they wanted to see.” Brock exited the kitchen and served them tea before taking a seat himself. Brock always did act older than he was, but then again, if someone was forced to play parent to a dozen siblings at the age of twelve, he had no doubt anyone would have been forced to grow older. Ash carefully took a sip of the tea. He was a coffee person to be honest, but the tea that Brock makes is too good to pass up. In his periphery he saw Gary took a long sip – now he was a tea person.

“I take it they’re staying overnight?” Gary asked. Brock nodded. “The Contest Event actually takes three days. They’d probably be back by Monday morning.”

“Forrester mentioned that you got back from that seminar thing. How’d that go?” Ash asked.

Brock smiled, his slanted eyes lighting in excitement. “It was great! The invited speaker, Professor Willow, was really smart. His research team was filled with real talent, and I absolutely loved their talk on Pokémon breeding. One of his aides was actually cool enough to give me a copy of one of their published journals.”

“Professor Willow?” Gary intoned, “I remember him. He helped me get into my first research. Worked along with one of his aides once, too, Blanche. Their team also studies evolutionary lines and its effects on Pokémon, so Blanche helped our team out with the fossil project some time ago.”

“Yeah, they were the one in blue right? The one I met was the blonde one, Spark. They’re pretty young, Professor Willow’s three aides. Spark actually kind of reminds me of you, Ash. He was pretty friendly and passionate about Pokémon.” Brock finished.

Ash laughed. “Yeah. Believe it or not, I know him, too. I met Spark and Candela when I went to train with Brandon at the Battle Pyramid once. Candela commented how we were almost like long lost brothers.”

Brock chuckled. “Not to mention that he’s about a year younger than you and he carries around a Pichu.” Pikachu perked at the sound of ‘Pichu’, and hummed at Brock at the memory.

They made idle conversation after that, talking about Brock’s current job at the Pokémon hospital, about improvements at the gym, about Gary’s current project on a cluster of recently discovered Tirtouga fossils, and even passing stuff about their common friends.

“Last time I saw Misty was the time you were heading back from Hoenn. Heard you escorted Max on a trip to Unova, and then you went on a food spree with May in La Rouse. How are the Maple siblings?”

“May’s fine. She told me she was heading for Sinnoh for some Contest thing. And I’m sure you’ve already heard, but Max didn’t place all that high in the Hoenn League on his first journey. It was his first time after all. He got better through Kanto and Johto, though. He even made it to the top 4 at the Silver Conference! He was supposed to go to Sinnoh, but Clemont’s younger sister Bonnie just started traveling and decided on Unova, and I thought Max and her could try the whole traveling together thing. Max misses traveling with a group so I set him up for that, and believe or not, Ritchie is traveling with them.” Ash finished.

“Ritchie? You guys kept contact?”

“No and yes. We met again through Paul, who was actually one of his childhood friends from Veilstone before his family moved to Kanto all those years ago. We got reacquainted after I got back from Alola. Pretty cool, right?”

“Paul, you mean that mean trainer you told me about all those years ago?” Gary asked.

“Yep, that same guy. He’s okay now though, not as bossy and grumpy as he used to be.”

“So Max and Bonnie are in Unova, Cilan is in Hoenn, May is doing rounds in Sinnoh, Iris is training with Alder in Johto, and Serena is in Alola,” Brock summarized. “Then somehow you got in touch with Paul. How’s Dawn?”

Ash wore a huge grin. “Traveling Kalos. With Paul.”

Brock gawked at him. “No.”

“Yes!”

“Impossible!”

“Totally possible.”

“You’re lying!”

“I’m afraid not. I didn’t get the whole story, but apparently the two of them met at Professor Sycamore’s lab at the same time and ran an errand for him. Something definitely happened in between a whole fiasco involving the Professor’s Garchomp and Dawn’s Piplup, and then she just said they didn’t run each other up a wall as much as they initially thought, and then they decided to try and travel together. Anyway, that’s how I ran into Paul again, because he was traveling with Dawn.”

“Well what about Kenny?”

“Kenny?” Ash looked confused before it registered. “Oh. They didn’t work out. Kind of part of the reason why Dawn took a sudden plane ticket from Unova to Kalos real quick.”

Brock was still speechless, his mouth hung wide. Gary didn’t know Dawn and Paul very well, but from what he gathered, Dawn’s eagerness and love of contests and fashion didn’t mix well with Paul’s bluntness and practical way of living and training. Both were called headstrong, and he can only imagine the possible disaster the combination of those two made together.

Then again, one party being eager and the other one acting high and mighty wasn’t a new equation. He’d done that dance before, and while it resulted in catastrophic rivalries, it made for a good premise to a lasting friendship – assuming none of them don’t smother the other in their sleep, of course, or if they actually had regular contact.

Gary looked at a nearby wall clock. It was almost six. Brock caught him looking at the time and stood up. “Hope you guys don’t mind staying for dinner. I’d actually like to make a meal other than my siblings for a change.” Brock smiled.

Ash nodded for him and Gary. It’s been so long since he’s had Brock’s meals.

He definitely missed this.

~*~*~*~

The first dish that Ash managed to make successfully was curry. And the first person he ever had try it was Misty.

It was a fairly sunny day in Cerulean City. Ash watched as Torkoal, Kingler, and Noivern interacted with Misty’s Pokémon: Gyarados, Kingdra, and Starmie. Pikachu was eating lunch with them, Misty’s Azurill keeping close with the Electric type. The Pokémon were taking a break from training, and as luck would (or wouldn’,t in Misty’s case) have it, Misty was out of groceries and food.

“Dammit! I told Lily to go do the grocery yesterday! How could she forget!” Misty fumed, face annoyed and stomach hungry. Ash was equally tired as she was, but wasn’t as Zubat-shit crazy to start throwing a tantrum.

“Uh…I brought packed lunch with me today. I brought a lot from home actually, since I didn’t want it to go to waste,” Ash offered. Misty turned in his direction with shining eyes.

“Really? You brought your mom’s cooking? Alright!” Misty cheered. Ash didn’t have the heart to tell her yet that it hadn’t been a meal made by his mom, so he just shrugged. He did, however, take out the containers filled with riceballs and curry, and the scent of food sent Misty sighing in relief.

“Well, let’s dig in!” Misty said, after Ash pulled the cover from the last container. Ash silently grabbed a riceball and a bowl of curry, trying to gauge Misty’s reaction. To his surprise, Misty kept on eating with gusto, almost as if she found the curry delicious.

“This is really good. But did your mom change her recipe? It doesn’t taste like her usual cooking. Not that it’s bad!” Misty quickly assured him, “But it’s actually different from the usual.”

“My mom…didn’t actually make the curry. Or anything I brought with me today, actually.”

“Oh.” Misty paused. “Did Mr. Mime learn how to cook now aside from cleaning?”

Ash tossed her a crooked smile, almost shy, before saying “No. Mr. Mime still only does cleaning. I’m the one doing the cooking around now sometimes.”

There was a beat before it sunk in with Misty. “You…made this?”

“Yeah.”

“You ACTUALLY made this? All by yourself? No Mrs. Ketchum or Brock? Just you?” Misty asked incredulously. Ash laughed.

“Yeah. Took me a while to get it right, too. I kind of have a new appreciation for Brock and Cilan and my mom who makes my meals. That shit ain’t easy at all.” Ash chuckled.

Misty just stared, still unbelieving.

“You are not Ash. Who are you?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m myself Misty.”

“Ash Ketchum, where exactly did you learn how to cook?” Misty asked.

“Alola. Surprisingly, I learned quite a lot.”

Misty was silent for a while. Ash wondered if she regretted her earlier compliment and was planning to take it back.

“You. Cooking. Never in my life did I ever think –”

“Just eat your lunch Misty,” Ash rolled his eyes. He was overwhelmed at Misty’s positive reaction, he fought hard to not blush. “Food’s getting cold.”

They ate in silence for a while, watching their Pokémon play in the pool. Pikachu was riding atop Gyarados’ head, while Starmie and Torkoal played with Azurill. Noivern and Kingdra were engaged in some sort of conversation, and were pulled into horseplay when Pikachu called them over. Ash remembered days of lounging by the waterside, just him and Pikachu. He could even recall a scene: Wingulls overhead and sailboats in the distance. Pikachu played with wild Krabby as he sat under a coconut tree by the beach, notebook on his lap trying to finish his Algebra homework.

It had been a wonderful time in Alola to be honest, but not everything turned out the way he thought it would.

Ash was snapped out of his deep thinking as he heard Misty say thanks or the food, and put down her bowl and utensils. She looked like she wanted to say something, so Ash just waited for her to speak.

“It’s been half a year since you came back from Alola, but you never talk to any of us about it. I know Brock doesn’t pry but I know he does wonder about it, and May tries her best not to be too nosey, but I really have to ask: what happened in Alola? Why don’t you talk about it?”

Now it was Ash’s turn to stay silent. He knew he was being unfair, dodging the issue. It wasn’t like him at all. But he had grown so used to avoiding the issue that it became second nature to deny it, the obvious Donphan in the room, and he wondered himself when he was going to start talking about it.

“I…guess I was just overwhelmed in Alola. I didn’t have anyone to guide me around. I mean it wasn’t the first time I’ve set out on something without the comfort of familiarity – I did start in Unova all alone, meeting only with Iris and Cilan on pure luck, and the same happened with Kalos, but…”

Ash sighed. Misty remained attentive, listening.

“I was in school Misty. It wasn’t like the traveling I’m used to doing. And yes I did have friends, but they were just classmates. I love hanging out with Lillie and Lana, and Sophocles and Kiawe, but…”

“It wasn’t the same.” Misty finished.

Of course it wasn’t the same. Every time he set out on a new region, everything wasn’t the same. Alola was just the one region he didn’t really look forward to facing that wasn’t remotely the same as the others.

He had been excited arriving in Alola. He’d be staying with the local Professor, a man named Kukui, who turned out to be his homeroom teacher as well. And aside from Pikachu, Rotom kept him company, taking residence in his Pokédex when it wasn’t inside its Pokéball. He wanted to tell the older girl about making new friends and sitting in a classroom. He learned a lot of things he otherwise wouldn’t learn on the road, and every day was a wonderful time, learning something new.

He wanted to tell her that he thought about staying for the next few years in school, maybe finishing his level, then moving on to a bigger school. He wanted to tell her it all felt right at the beginning, how he felt he was growing, how he felt that maybe this was the next step, if not in becoming a Pokémon Master, to at least being someone better.

He wanted to tell her when he started having bad days, how he started hating getting out of bed. He wanted to tell her about waking up late, cold food on the table, and the increase in school work, and he felt like he hardly had time for his Pokémon, and when Pikachu started worrying about him.

Ash wanted to tell Misty about the nights spent in a cold bedroom all alone. He wanted to tell her that he learned cooking because school wore him out and that he didn’t have the energy for training and catching Pokémon very much, but too much time on his hands spending nights alone in a big house. He wanted to tell her that he learned how to drive from a tattooed truck driver by the port, and that he secretly stole away on his guardian’s – Professer Kukui’s – jeep, every evening to calm his frayed nerves by driving secretly around the island.

He wanted to tell her the reckless driving, the bouts of adrenaline rush he felt behind a steering wheel, how he thought of what it would feel driving over a cliff multiple times, how he thought of swimming out into the Alolan ocean and never surface, how he’d let a  knife would linger on his left wrist sometimes when he was preparing food when he cooked, but ultimately snapping out of it, thinking about his mom and Pikachu.

He wanted to tell her that one of the many reasons he agreed to go to school in Alola was because he had secretly been sick of doing League challenges, so he agreed to do something different, something off his path as a Pokémon Master, so that maybe he’d actually have an idea with what he wanted to do with the rest of his life instead of repeatedly going to new region after new region, chasing after a dream and racing to the finish line without a constant rival.

Ash had plenty of rivals before. Paul, Trip, and Alain; but they all had their own thing, and each of them never really considered Ash a lifelong rival. Paul tolerated him, Trip was just an asshole, and Alain was more of a friend than a rival. And in the end they all went their own ways.

Ash secretly thought that maybe if he entered school he’d probably wake up one day and realize that he could no longer stand following a dream made by a child, and maybe, just maybe, he’d learn to stop chasing shadows that are no longer there.

But he didn’t. Instead he learned how to cook, how to sew, how to solve Algebra, how to read faster, how to use difficult words, how to keep quiet, how to fix an engine, how to drive, how to control the flow of a conversation, and most of all, how to hide how he really felt.

Because it was easier to lie to himself that there was a point to it all instead of believing the truth that he finally felt lost and at his wit’s end. After all these years of traveling and training, he finally felt burned out.

Ash wanted to tell Misty how he had grown so tired of traveling that he started hating himself for feeling that way, only to escape that realization by going to another region and trying to ignore his personal problems ‘til it goes away on its own.

Of course that didn’t work. That’s why after one year in school he opted out, and moved back to Pallet Town, taking a year off and spending the rest of the year ‘training’ his Pokémon.

And to put all of that into words that Misty or anyone can understand, he didn’t know how. So like he always did, he summarized it in the least number of words possible and ended the conversation.

“It was difficult.” the lad simply said. Misty nodded, and that was that.

~*~*~*~

Forrester and the rest of Brock’s siblings arrived after they finished their meal. The kids said their hellos to Ash, and they were promptly introduced to Gary, Pokémon researcher and former battle trainer. Brock had headed back in the kitchen to prepare dinner for the newcomers, to which Forrester waved off, claiming he already had dinner.

“You were heading back to the Gym when we saw you. Where had you gone?” Ash asked.

The young Gym leader narrowed his eyes – narrower than they already were – at the dark haired boy. “Why are you asking? Did nii-san say anything?”

“No. I’m just genuinely curious.”

“Oh,” Forrester scratched the back of his head. “I just ran some errands for a while.”

“Errands?”

“Personal errands. I had to uh, buy something that I needed to give someone tonight.”

There was a pause, and Ash looked over at Gary who was smirking, and Ash knew he wasn’t the only one who knew what the leader’s business was.

“So you got a present for your date tonight over at dinner. You know, you should share some of that luck with women with Brock. At this rate, all of you siblings are gonna end up married and Brock is still going to be single.”

There was a clang from the kitchen before a shout followed. “I HEARD THAT! NOBODY IN THIS FAMILY IS GETTING MARRIED BEFORE ME!”

That incited a lot of complaints from the other siblings, with the consensus that “they’d all die single then”. From the living room, Ash, Gary, and Forrester chuckled.

“Nii-san takes care of us all really well. I know I’m at the age where I am able to contribute around the house and help, but I guess I’ve fallen back into the habit of letting him take care of us now that he’s back for a time. I guess we all missed being spoiled by our brother. Well anyways, I’m pretty sure he’ll meet someone nice whom he won’t botch a relationship with.”

“I know,” Ash agreed, “you’re brother’s a good guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him.”

All of a sudden, one of Ash’s Pokéballs popped open, and out came Oshawott, who took in the unfamiliar surroundings. The Water-type then looked at his trainer, puffing his chest out and waving around his shell.

“Oshawott, what did I tell you about going out of your Pokéball without my permission? Get back inside.” Oshawott dodged the red beam of light Ash directed at him, opting him to return. Ash sighed – the water-type was a challenge to deal with in this mood.

“Wow, is that an Oshawott? Where’d you get it?” Forrester asked, eyeing the blue creature.

“In Unova. It’s one of the three regional starters there, and I got this one a few weeks beginning my journey in the region.”

“Hey Ash, I hope it’s not too much trouble, and I know it’s late and you’re probably heading out soon, but mind if we have a quick battle with your Oshawott?” Forrester asked. “It’s not every day I get to battle a strong regional starter from outside Kanto, so I’d really like to see it in battle!”

Ash looked over at Gary, silently asking permission. He sighed, figuring he might as well agree since Ash’s Oshawott already perked up at the sound of a battle. The Water-type was rather a pain to deal with when not acquiesced, according to Ash, and Gary was curious enough to want to see Ash use this one in battle. “Fine. I’ll be the referee.”

“Hey Brock!” Ash called over the kitchen, “we’re using one of your family’s practice battlefields. I’m having a quick battle with Forrester, Gary’s coming.”

“Alright, but try not to tire yourself out so much. It’s late.”

“Sure thing.”

Brock watched as his younger brother lead Ash and Gary out the living room and towards the house’s practice battlefield. He smiled to himself: he was aware how Ash had grown strong with his recent training. He wanted to watch how Forrester would handle himself against an Elite Trainer. But for now, he had dishes that needed him and younger siblings hunger to appease, so he grabbed his apron and went to work, humming a familiar tune as he cooked more food.

“I want to be the very best…”

Chapter Text

Ash observed the two Charizard in front of him interact with each other. His Charizard was older and slightly bigger in size, but the two looked pretty evenly matched without the aid of Mega Evolution. The younger Charizard listened to the older one as they spoke in their language, lost in their own world, no doubt talking about their own battles and experiences.

“Somehow, I’m not surprised you have a Charizard,” a voice says behind him.

Ash turns around to see another lad walking towards him – black hair and gentle eyes, dark coat over loose casual clothing, a blue scarf around his neck. He was two years older than Ash, but he started handling Pokémon for battling a lot later than he did, which gave Ash seniority in terms of trainerhood. Still, the man was a force to be reckoned with – he’d seen that firsthand in the Championship match for the Lumiose Conference.

“I never used him in Kalos. He stayed back in Kanto.” Alain hummed at Ash’s quip, and stood alongside the younger trainer, taking in their Charizard now practicing fire-type moves.

“Clemont mentioned that other than Pikachu, you only used the Pokémon you caught in their regions to participate in the League. So I’m taking since you participated in a lot of other Leagues before coming to Kalos, you have Pokémon from different regions as well, right?”

“That’s right. Actually, Charizard’s one of the many regional starters I have.”

Alain raised an eyebrow. “So you had Greninja, okay, that made sense. You have a Charizard, which is surprising, but not unexpected. What do you mean you by many regional starters that you have?”

Ash laughed. “Exactly as I said it. Back when I traveled in Kanto, I got all the regional starters in the wild. I got Bulbasaur, who refused to evolve, and then Charmander, who’s a Charizard now. My Squirtle is off somewhere working for a fire-fighting team in the region, so he doesn’t hang around with me much. My Johto starters were caught in the wild as well. I have a Totodile, a Bayleef, and a Typhlosion. I got Treecko who evolved to Sceptile in Hoenn, and a Turtwig that evolved into Torterra and adopted a Chimchar that evolved to Infernape in Sinnoh. My Unova starters pretty much chose to me. Oshawott still needs more training to evolve, but after training recently, I did manage to evolve the other two into Emboar and Serperior.”

Ash’s eyes softened. “Then there was Greninja.”

Alain grew quiet. He knew about Greninja of course, and how it had to leave. But it still hurt Ash, he knew, with the way they had grown close – so trusting and supportive of each other – to the point of transcending the boundaries of evolution to acquire greater power for battles only to give it all up in the end.

For a greater cause.

Whether it was Pokémon or people; how does one let of go of someone that has become a big part of you that easily?

“I knew Greninja had to go, he had a higher purpose,” he heard Ash mutter, “but just like all the ones before him, it still hurt when he had to leave.”

They were both silent after that. Alain noticed the way their other Pokémon approached the two Charizard. A small Water-type – Ash’s Oshawott, Alain presumed – waved around his scalchop at the two, seemingly asking for a battle. They looked on as Pikachu trotted over to the Water-type, scolding the latter for its impulsive actions. The others Pokémon only looks curiously, visibly amused. Ash chuckled.

“I get the idea that you want your Oshawott to evolve, considering its two partners have reached their last evolutionary stage,” Alain commented. Ash nodded his head.

“It got jealous quick. Oshawott used to be obsessed about being cute and charming, but recently he’s been growing more maturely. He’s getting better.”

“I take it that Oshawott’s your strongest Water-type at the moment.”

“Don’t say that in front of my Crawdaunt, he’d Guillotine you. Crawdaunt, Kingler, Buizel, and Palpitoad are all strong, but nothing beats a powerful regional starter.”

“And Totodile?”

“He’s playful, more so than Oshawott used to be, so I figured that between the two…”

“You went for the one thirsty for getting stronger.”

“To be honest, training a Water-type so intensely for battling reminds me too much of raising Froakee ‘til it evolved to Greninja,” Ash admitted. “I just…wish that I didn’t feel this way, you know? It’s like I don’t have the same penchant raising Water types the way I manage to raise good Grass and Fire types.”

“Oshawott isn’t going to be Greninja,” Alain began, “so if you’re thinking of raising Oshawott to a Samurott to replace Greninja’s loss, you’re only hurting both him and yourself.” Ash flinched at Alain’s blunt words.

He was right; it was one of the things constantly on his mind when he spent nights alone under the Alolan skies. It was one thing to say goodbye to human companions at the end of a journey since they’d somehow still be in contact, but having to say goodbye to a Pokémon you spent time and love and soul and everything? For someone like Ash who loved his Pokémon too deeply it left too many too-deep scars in his heart.

It was a goodbye. It wasn’t like Greninja had a white mansion somewhere he could send postcards to. It wasn’t like he was one call away. It was a complete separation, some distant reunion only possible in the future.

Ash was used to giving his heart to his friends that he almost forgot how it hurt when they couldn’t stay, even when he wanted them to. Ash wasn’t big on romance, but he was big on love – he knew what heartbreak felt like.

“No,” Ash replied, “Oshawott will never be like Greninja. But both of us do want to become strong.” The younger boy looked at Alain and smiled. “Geez Alain, you’re creasing your forehead like Brock. Don’t worry too much about me, I’m fine.”

Alain didn’t say anymore and went back to watching their Pokémon. Of course he worried about the younger boy – he couldn’t just not care. Alain would always feel for Ash; meeting him changed his life and his faith in himself, the same way Lysandre and Professor Sycamore had influenced him. Ash had saved him from wallowing in guilt and self-pity after the catastrophe with Team Flare, and he was the one that gave the older lad the idea for a new beginning.

To start fresh.

To him, Ash would always be special. It surprised him that he’d willingly be swayed to Ash’s rhythm now that they were somewhat close friends now – something that he only allowed himself to be with Mairin.

“You know,” Alain began absently, “I considered quitting being a trainer altogether after that disaster with Team Flare.” Ash spun around to look at him in surprise, his eyes big with shock. The younger boy looked at him, some sort of hurt in his brown eyes, before quickly masking them behind a look of understanding.

Ash had heard the words before. Quitting being a trainer. Ash could guess the next words, and with Alain, it fit so perfectly for him.

“You wanted to become a researcher.”

“I wanted to come back to being a researcher for Professor Sycamore. It was my new start I guess. Going back to my roots. But in the end, even though I ditched my Key Stone and Mega Stone, I didn’t want to quit training Pokemon for battles either.”

“Why?”

“Because of you,” Alain replied. A beat later and his brained registered what he said and what it sounded like, and his face immediately flushed red. Ash looked at him amusedly, a little red in the ears himself, but otherwise unaffected, a casual smile still on his face.

Arceus, he was being awkward, Alain thought.

“I meant that, although I started battling for Lysandre’s purpose, I didn’t really dislike battling. Sure it got hard and frustrating sometimes, but I liked it. I like training to be strong, and meeting strong people along the way. After all, being a trainer was how I met you in the first place.”

“Is that a confession, Alain?” Ash asked, taking a slight teasing tone. Alain wished his Charizard could sense his embarrassment and char him to nothing right then and there. It was embarrassing to be teased for his awkward use of words, but it was mortifying to be teased by a younger boy who he was directly explaining himself to.

It didn’t help that Alain was socially inept most of the time: he isolated himself from close human relations after setting out to do Team Flare’s bidding, and people often called him distant or cold now that he was back.

But Ash was different – he surrounded himself with Pokémon and people, and his optimism and charisma drew others towards him like Venomoths to a flame; so much energy and life that it was impossible not to be enamored by him. Getting lost in Ash Ketchum was easy, all one had to do was stand close to him and feel.

Ash was a boy who felt too much, and because of that, Alain also knew he was a boy who hurt too much. He could see the secrets he tried to keep inside – secrets the younger boy would not allow anyone to see.

But Alain recognized that: the face of a person who kept a storm inside, the expression of a boy who showed happiness to keep his internal conflict away. He was the same after all.

“You know how I feel about you,” Alain said seriously. Ash nodded, a light smile, but otherwise understanding. Ash knew Alain felt indebted to him – for believing in the older lad when dark times came. Ash didn’t even know why he trusted Alain so much – but maybe Alain’s passionate drive to reach his goals reminded him too much of another person from another time in another region.

“I’m glad you didn’t quit being a trainer.”

“Me too.”

~*~*~*~

Exiting from the living room, the trainer, the researcher, the leader, and the Water-type walked past the dining and the lanai where a rock garden was on display. Ash noted that the family had become rather well-off over the years, but given Brock’s success and Forrester’s successful management of the Pewter Gym, it was no surprise that the years once harsh on the family finally gave way to give them comfort.

Forrester led them to a huge room separate from the main house – an obvious new addition over the years – and inside laid a solid rock battlefield, with a high ceiling and bright lights illuminating the wide area for Pokémon battles. Ash marveled at the sight and ran his eyes over the huge practice stadium: it almost looked like a standard Gym field minus the bleachers. Gary slinked over to the little platform by the midsection of the field, while Forrester jogged over to the other side. Oshawott stayed beside Ash, finally silent, psyching itself for the coming match.

It was a quick process – countless Pokémon battles have ingrained the precise movements of what to do and where to stand – that the three of them were in position where they needed to be. Forrester nodded over to Ash to sign he was ready, and Ash nodded to Gary, giving him the signal that both trainers were ready. Gary held up a hand and announced the battle.

“This is a one-on-one Pokémon battle between the challenger, Forrester of Pewter City, and the defending trainer, Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town,” Gary began, foregoing the former’s title as it wasn’t a gym battle, “Each trainer will use only one Pokémon, and no substitutions are allowed. The battle ends when one of the Pokémon is unable to continue.”

Gary brought his hand to start the match. “Let the battle begin!”

Forrester rolled his Pokéball in his hands before throwing it up in the air. “Go, Graveler!”

“You’re up, Oshawott,” Ash simply said. The said Pokémon jumped in the battlefield and took his stance, awaiting Ash’s orders.

“Graveler, use Stealth Rock!”

The Rock type stomped its feet on the ground as the rocks around it floated and rushed at Oshawott with a force. The latter braced itself and prepared for his trainer’s orders.

“Oshawott, jump and dodge those rocks, then use Razor Shell!”

The  Water-type did as ordered with comparative ease, using its tail to propel itself upwards to dodge the first rocks that came to hit him, and deftly jumped from incoming rock to rock, successfully using Razor Shell to eliminate rocks coming at him.

“Graveler, Rock Blast, let’s go!”

Graveler raised its hands above its head as a huge boulder formed in the air, and this time, rocks bigger in size and number were sent towards its opponent’s direction. Oshawott was unable to dodge every rock, and was hit by a rather large boulder in the last bouts of the opponent’s moves. The proud Pokémon stood up quickly though, and showed eagerness for more. Ash smiled fondly.

“Graveler, use Rollout!”

“Oshawott, dodge, execute a Swords Dance and quickly follow up with Razor Shell!”

Graveller rolled towards Oshawott as the latter dodged, glowing in faintly in red as it skipped across the battlefield in a somewhat rhythmic pattern, before it launched itself headlong into the path of Graveler’s Rollout and used Razor Shell. The Water-based move, empowered by Swords Dance, stopped Graveler’s motion and dealt its damage, and for a moment was unable to react quickly.

“Oshawott, use Hydro Pump!”

“Graveler, dodge!”

Graveler managed to react quickly enough, rolling away just in time from being hit by Oshawott’s move, but the Water-type merely redirected its move in the Rock-type’s direction and met its mark, hit by super effective moves twice in a row.

“Graveler, use Earthquake to throw them off balance, then use Rock Blast again!”

“Oshawott, move around the field using Swords Dance! Keep in motion, don’t let Graveler’s Earthquake throw you off!”

Both Pokémon did as commanded, Graveler stomping its feet into the ground causing seismic waves across the field, to which Oshawott countered by constant moving around, refusing to be confused by the ground’s shaking. Concentrated on moving around, the Water-type didn’t notice Graveler already using its second move, and was hit by a boulder when it wasn’t looking. Oshawott endured though, and Ash kept his cool.

Oshawott wasn’t going to be beaten by big rocks that easily.

“Oshawott, rush towards Graveler and use Fury Cutter!”

The Pokémon did as ordered and got in close proximity, one of his hands raised with a glowing sword-like appendage, ready to deal damage.

“Use one of your Stealth Rock and shield yourself!” One of the rocks from the earlier Stealth Rock shielded Graveler in time, clashing with Fury Cutter and rendering the move useless.

“Transition to Razor Shell! Get that rock out of the way and finish it!”

Oshawott immediately adjusted himself and slashed the rock-shield with a powerful Razor Shell, and before Graveler or Forrester could make another move, Oshawott delivered a powerful blow to Rock-type, sending it flying backwards.

“Graveler!” Graveler’s eyes fluttered before its eyes closed, the usual sign that it had fainted and had no more energy to continue. Gary took this as his cue to end the match.

“Graveler is unable to continue. The winner of the match is Ash Ketchum and his Oshawott!”

Ash walked over to where Oshawott was sitting, equally exhausted from the battle but having enough energy to beam up to his trainer.

“That was a good battle Oshawott, you were incredible! Great job, take a long rest.” Oshawott glowed at his trainer’s praise, happily cheering its name before being summoned back to his Pokéball, much to Ash’s relief. The dark haired trainer watched as Forrester did the same with Graveler, and walked over in his direction to congratulate him.

“Thanks for the battle Ash. You really aren’t an Elite Trainer for nothing,” Forrester said. Gary quirked a look at Ash. Elite Trainer? He thought. When did he become certified by the League?

“That was some real good battling from you too, Forrester. Pewter Gym’s in good hands.”

~*~*~*~

“Ash! Alain!”

The two boys heard another voice calling out to them. They turned around and saw, a distance away, a head of blonde hair in a blue jumpsuit, the boy’s glasses glinting in the last rays of the sun. The boy looked out of breath when he reached them, putting his hands to his knees to catch his breath. With him was a huge back pack, containing what Ash knew were innumerable gadgets.

“Clemont, so nice of you to finally catch up with us.”

The boy, Clemont, shot Ash an exasperated look before standing straight. He was two years younger than the dark-haired trainer, and he was a few inches shorter. Standing next to Ash and Alain, Clemont looked a little on the small side, and the boy stood straighter, trying to appear taller.

“You left me at the camp without telling me where you guys were going! I ended up organizing Ash’s captures today all by myself.”

“I told you that you didn’t have to,” Ash chided, “Professor Oak does that for me anyway. I appreciate it though.” Ash looked fondly at Clemont. “Thank you. I could see you were entertained by organizing anyway. This is your first time in Johto, right?”

Clemont nodded. “There are so many Pokémon I haven’t seen before. And the weather is definitely different than Kalos – it’s much warmer here.”

“It is,” Ash nodded. “So, how many Pokémon did I get today?”

“You got a total 38 today. Mairin helped me check your current progress with the Pokédex, and it appears you’re only a few Pokémon short of the League’s minimum requirement. It appears you’re missing Pokémon that are endemic in the Hoenn region,” Clemont summarized, reading off of the tablet he pulled up from his bag.

“Thanks Clemont. I’m sorry I had to drag you out here.”

“No worries! Clembot is doing most of the management in the Lumiose Gym, so I can afford to be gone for a few days. I’m glad you asked me out on this excursion,” Clemont beamed, clearly pleased to be out of his home town. Alain could see the look of adoration Clemont held for Ash mixed in his eyes; apparently, Ash was the first person Clemont ever traveled around with.

Ash was an older brother figure to Clemont and Bonnie, it was obvious with the way the siblings looked and talked about the dark-haired trainer. To them, Ash was the goofy yet cool guy who had been to other regions the Lumiose siblings have only seen on TV, and being with Ash felt like they were part of something bigger. Alain could relate.

The three of them suddenly jumped at the sound of a Charizard’s roar. They all turned to see Ash’s Charizard and Oshawott battling it out, as the other Pokémon watched on carefully. Alain noted how Ash’s Charizard moved with a grace that his didn’t; it had better flight control and awareness in the air, clearly used to battling in the air as much on land.

Clemont and Alain marveled as Charizard used Fire Spin and enveloped itself in bright flames, lunging for Oshawott and landing a direct hit. Oshawott was flung back at the impact, and upon Pikachu’s interruption, has conceded looking begrudgingly, but otherwise fine and approaching the Fire-type and complimenting him.

“They say that a Charizard is a good indicator of a strong capable trainer,” Clemont said.

Ash and Alain turned to look at him, and he flushed at the sudden attention shifted to him.

“What do you mean?” Alain asked. Clemont composed himself before returning his gaze back to their Pokémon a distance away.

“Well, it’s not just a Charizard really. A complete set of fully-evolved regional starters is said to be a good indicator of a strong trainer.”

“Does that particular saying include a Pikachu and a Snorlax too?” Ash asked absently.

Clemont and Alain looked at him, and Clemont adjusted his glasses before smiling. “Yes. I guess you know about it huh? I heard it from some people at the Pokémon Center at the base of the mountain. It seems that’s a famous legend in Kanto and Johto.”

Ash had known of that story – almost every kid knew of it.

“I used to hate that story,” Ash said, eyes looking glassy, “a strong trainer isolating himself on Mt. Silver to become even stronger. The other kids thought it was cool, and I thought so too after a time too, but mostly I thought it was stupid. Wouldn’t it have been more fun to travel and meet new people to get stronger than isolating yourself from the world?”

“I could see the appeal though,” Alain hummed. “It’s very…”

“Manly?”

“Incredible I guess.”

Ash barked a harsh laugh at Alain’s reply. The other two didn’t understand Ash’s distaste for the legend. When Clemont heard about it from the kids at the center, he thought the legendary trainer was so disciplined and mature – claiming the mountain as his training grounds. There was something poetic in that – getting stronger amidst a snowy landscape with only Pokémon for company.

“And what did you hear Clemont, about the legend?”

“Nothing else, just that the trainer isolated himself on Mt. Silver with his strong team – a Pikachu, Venusaur, Blastoise, Charizard, Lapras, and Snorlax – and defeated every trainer who challenged him.”

“Well let me tell you how it really went Clemont,” Ash began, “the so-called legendary trainer started out like any other trainer out there, and trained to be the Champion. He conquered gyms and fought criminals, and at the end, he beat the League Champion, who happened to be his best friend and rival. But the trainer’s rival didn’t take it well, and the trainer himself realized that the champion title wasn’t what he wanted – wasn’t what made him happy – and so in the dead of night he left never to be seen again, only resurfacing as a strong unbeatable trainer on an icy mountain from hearsays people spread around. He ran away from the world. He pushed everyone away. And for what? To be strong? It sounded cool, yeah, but to be honest, even as a kid, it sounded too sad.”

Clemont and Alain were silent. Ash recited the story like it was something personal – like he knew what it felt like to lose a rival and push everyone away, cutting contact from the world.

Ash continued. “One day, a trainer from Johto climbed the mountain and challenged the legendary trainer and won. And since then, nobody has seen the trainer on the mountain. I guess the defeat drove him away.”

The three trainers continued watching their Pokémon play around until the sky turned indigo with the sunset. Ash, Alain, and Clemont’s Pokémon huddled closer, still doing their own thing, but nevertheless forming a small camp.

“Maybe he came down,” Clemont said after a moment’s silence, “maybe after defeat he realized it was time to come back down the mountain and be part of the world again.”

“Maybe he got tired of escaping his problems.” And at this, Alain looked pointedly at Ash. The younger trainer met his eyes and stared evenly, his gaze unwavering.

“Before you came along Ash, I used to think secluding myself in the Lumiose Gym surrounded by my machines would be the best course to make me stronger. Then Bonnie dragged me out, and then we met you.”

Alain thought about himself: training to be strong under Lysandre’s urging, pursuing Mega Evolution, leaving Mairin behind with her Chespin, and refusing forming lasting relations with others.

Ash changed that.

There were more ways to isolate one’s self from the world other than hiding away on a harsh icy mountain. Some people locked themselves in their gyms, others traveled and trained alone.

Some people enrolled in a school in a tropical region.

Ash hated the Legend of Red because it reminded him so much of himself – the Pikachu, Charizard, and Snorlax, the aim to be Pokémon Master, and the rival turned stranger, the burnout of training to be strong. But the worst thing about it was how the trainer and his rival were never mentioned after the mountain. Did they just fall out of their friendship just like that? Did they ever resolve their friendship?

Did they ever find each other again?

Ash liked to imagine they did.

~*~*~*~

The three of them jumped a little at the sound of soft applause by the door, revealing Brock, still in a pink frilly apron, who had smile on his face. “Great battle guys. Didn’t get to see all of it, but I can see it ended rather quickly.”

“Geez, nii-san, it’s embarrassing you had to see me lose so quickly like that,” Forrester half-smiled, his ears a little red. Brock chuckled. “Don’t be. You lasted a one-on-one against Ash far longer than I’ve seen anyone in the last year. It may have been a short battle, but remember you were still up against a Conference Challenger regular.”

“Former regular. I haven’t participated in a Conference in two years,” Ash corrected.

“You still kept up with training though, didn’t you?”

“Balancing school in Alola was hard, but yeah, I managed,” Ash said, a strange tone in his voice. It didn’t go past Brock, who only slightly raised an eyebrow, and Gary, who was still reeling from knowing Ash’s Elite Trainer status and was now suspicious of what else Ash had withdrawn from him.

“Forrester, why don’t you go and treat Graveler? The rest of our siblings are still having dinner, go ahead and open up the Pokémon’s shed.” Brock tossed a pair of keys to his younger brother who caught them with minimal fumbling.

“Thanks again for the battle Ash. And Gary, for officiating,” the young leader bowed politely in Ash and Gary’s direction. “I guess I better go ahead. Take care on your way back!” And with that, Forrester walked off, leaving the three older males to lock up the training room.

Brock was about to ask Ash about Alola before Gary beat him to questioning.

“Elite Trainer huh? Since when did you get Elite status? I heard the League has strict requirements for applying for that rank.”

“I got it less than a year ago. Professor Sycamore was the one who passed my application after my battle with Alain at the Lumiose Conference, but it only got processed after I returned from Alola. They were pretty Spartan about it too, I practically had it all drilled in my head to recite with the amount of times I thought about it.” Ash chuckled.

“Oh yeah? Recite them to me, then.” Gary asked. Brock smiled inwardly. He’d heard it all before when he asked Ash the first time, too.

“Winning a total of 60 badges, participation in at least five conferences, placing in the top 8 for at least four and winning at least one of them, participation in at least thirty regional and local Pokémon competitions and contests, winning at least fifteen of them, having a satisfactory data record on my Pokédex, and getting a recommendation from at least eight members of the Elite Four from any region.”

Gary whistled a low tone. That was a lot, and Ash apparently really did have it all memorized. “I’m not surprised you qualified for the first bits, but how’d you manage the Pokédex and the recommendations?”

“I went on a Pokémon catching spree with a few friends, Alain and Mairin, and managed to fill up my Pokédex sufficiently. As for the recommendations, I guess I sort of cheated.” Ash said the last part sheepishly.

When Gary motioned for him to elaborate, Ash continued. “You see, the Elite Four are really busy. The only ones I got a recommendation from were the ones who knew me well personally. I got recommendations from Drake, Flint, Bertha, and Malva, but I didn’t have contact with anyone else. That’s when Lance, Cynthia, Steven, and Diantha came in.”

Gary looked incredulously at Ash. “So in order to fill four missing recommendations from Elite Four members, you got four recommendations from League Champions?” Brock was chuckling louder now, but not quite laughing. Even he was shocked when he first heard it.

Ash continued. “Apparently, since I helped out the Pokémon G-Men a lot of times and prevented major catastrophes involving legendary Pokémon in the regions I’ve been to, Lance and Cynthia were more than happy to file their recommendation of me. Steven and Diantha were the same since I helped out in what everybody started calling the “Battle of Kalos” more than two years ago.”

“Battle of Kalos? Did that involve a Zygarde?” Gary asked, faintly remembering one of Steven Stone’s long stories on their previous joint research.

“Yep, that’s the one,” Ash confirmed, “so after passing my requirements, they took my Trainer’s license and upgraded it. Now I even got a new fancy Dex called a National Pokédex, which means I don’t need to get a new Dex every time I enter a new region and just update my new one with packet data, and now I get minor League responsibilities.”

“Meaning?”

“The Pokémon League can request my involvement in situations that need to be addressed. Unlike the Pokémon G-Men and Pokémon Rangers, I report directly to the League and the regional Champions.”

“Impressive,” Gary smiled. He always knew Ash was capable of reaching heights as a trainer. Although he was surprised, it wasn’t unexpected at all. What surprised him though, was the unbidden hurt that he felt like he was the last one among them to know.

How could he have not known about something this big about Ash until now?

Ash of course, doesn’t see his former rival’s internal turmoil. The one who noticed was Brock, who unsurprisingly, sees everything. Brock and Misty frequently talked about Ash since his return from Alola. Ash had been strangely communicative with everyone, and although it was good Ash talked with everyone regularly, somehow the dark-haired trainer’s oldest companions sensed something different in the boy.

Like something was off.

Brock never pushed though – he knew Ash would talk when he was ready – but he worried still, very much like the same way he’d worry about his younger siblings. Seeing Gary wear an expression that hid his immediate emotions, it was familiar, and the Pokémon breeder knew both boys had their issues.

Walking back to the main house, Brock walked behind the two, observing them carefully like before. They continued chatting and bickering lightly just like before in the living room, but there was a distance between them, both physical and social, that didn’t escape him. Gary seemed a bit distant but willing to engage, while Ash tried to push closer but somehow sounded like he held back his words.

It was strange; he’d seen this all before ten years ago when the two butt heads at being rivals. Now that they weren’t, their differences easily showed.

Still, the two got along well enough. To normal people, the two probably looked and sounded like close friends. Knowing their history, Brock could’ve easily believed it too. But he knew Ash too well, and though he didn’t know what was going on with the younger boy now, he saw enough to know that Ash carried himself like he bore the weight of compounded secrets within.

Brock would know. After all, he himself was the same. And he was almost certain Gary was too. That’s just the thing with keeping too many secrets: every step forward seems little heavier than the last.

Chapter Text

When Gary quit being a trainer to become a researcher like his grandfather, he had been unsure of himself. It was the first time he had ever felt lacking of confidence; he was sure he didn’t want to continue on the path of training and battling, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted out of his life either. He had spent months thinking it over, that the next time he saw Ash, around the time of the Silver Conference, he was still undecided.

Seeing Ash train and get along with his Pokémon, he knew it was what he wanted too – life beside Pokémon and continually getting better, but the battling he did no longer gave him the same rush of euphoria like before, and soon enough he found himself talking with his Pokémon about it..

Tossing his Pokéballs in the air, Gary watched as his team materialized in front of him. Blastoise came first, followed by Arcanine, Nidoqueen, Magmar, Scizor, and Golem. His Pokémon eyed him, noticing the posture of uncertainty in their trainer, and it worried them that their usually confident master now looked unsteady. Blastoise called out to their trainer, and Gary smiled.

“I’m sorry to send you all out like this at this hour. I know it’s late, but I just wanted to tell you guys something that’s been weighing on my mind.”

Blastoise looked at Gary, and Gary stared back. The Water-type knew about it, it was impossible for his trainer to hide so many things from him, and only waited for him to continue. Arcanine only had an idea, so he sat still and attentive like his Water-type friend, leveling a glance at the other Pokémon to stop fidgeting.

When Gary spoke again, he sounded more confident, but still soft-spoken. “I’m thinking the Silver Conference will be our last official League Conference. From then on, I want to become a Pokémon researcher like my grandfather.”

Gary’s Pokémon apart from Blastoise and Arcanine were surprised. Nidoqueen looked at Golem while Magmar and Scizor stood still. Gary pushed forward, explaining himself. “It’s not that I don’t want to battle anymore – I still do – nor do I think that you guys aren’t capable of battling anymore – because Arceus knows you are anything but weak – but, for the longest time, I want to be honest with myself. I like Pokémon. And I like you all. But battling isn’t something I want to do all the time. I want to study Pokémon, to know them better; to know them in ways that battling can’t grant me.”

Arcanine let out a low affectionate growl, and Blastoise nodded his head. The other four caught on quickly; their trainer was looking to them for reassurance. They all voiced their agreement, which put Gary at ease, releasing a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in. He thanked his Pokémon, for their understanding and support.

“Let’s do our best in the Silver Conference. Let’s give everyone a battle to remember!”

He lost to Ash in a spot for the top 8. But he had no bitter feelings, just a sense of finality. Later on he told Ash of his plans. Things turned awkward from there, but they managed to talk it out, and he returned his half of the Pokéball to Ash.

He had carried it with him everywhere, a reminder of his rival, and now that they were no longer on that same path, there was no need to carry it anymore. Truth be told, he felt glad to give it back to Ash – it kind of felt like giving something whole to the other boy, two halves finally together.

So when he started to leave for his new journey, he was surprised to see Ash had chased him, and having a brief conversation, he reached out to him with a bauble in his hand.

It was Gary’s half of the Pokéball.

To be honest, Gary didn’t want to take it back. He wanted to start fresh – a new beginning. It sounded cruel, but he didn’t want Ash to be part of that. They agreed on being friends, but they both knew what the halved Pokéball meant to them: it was a promise.

“Take it. It’s yours. We’re not rivals. So take it as we’re friends.”

And Gary wanted so much to say he didn’t need a broken trinket, that knowing they were on good terms was enough, but when he saw Ash’s expression he couldn’t say no. He took it and thanked the boy before leaving, Ash’s face in his mind, wearing a tired smile that tried to keep the feeling of loss behind. He pocketed the half-Pokéball, already forgotten and on his way to a new journey.

For so long, he had been mean to Ash as a child just because he was jealous. Even as a boy, Ash knew what he wanted to do in life, and being too proud of being the famous Oak’s grandson, he didn’t want to seem lackluster. So he made Ash’s ambitions his own, only for him to realize later on that he had his own ambitions outside of a child’s jealousy.

This time, he’d live out the dream he found for himself – even if it meant leaving Ash behind.

~*~*~*~

It was close to eight when they left Pewter. Just as Ash predicted, Gary felt a little uncomfortable with driving at night, so he held out his hand and took the keys from Gary.

“You know how to drive?” Gary asked, sounding like he was tired of Ash surprising him.

“Well, you know what they say, “when in Alola…’”

“No, I don’t know what they say, and I have no desire to find out.” Gary walked over to the passenger side and opened the door. He slumped into his seat like a petulant child, and Ash only shook his head. And people said he was the immature one.

Following the researcher, he shook his head in amusement. He remembered the conversation with Brock earlier.

“You and Gary seem to be finally spending some time together.”

“This was actually the first time we went out for anything together. He just arrived last week and he’s already succeeded in holing himself in the library nose-deep in work. Like you wouldn’t even believe.”

Brock chuckled. “You seem better too. I’m glad.”

Ash shuffled his feet, feeling like he was squirming. “I’ve been better.”

“I heard you talked to Misty about Alola.”

“Just once, and not much. Misty’s been busy with her gym since then.”

“Right. Well, you know where to find me in case you want to talk. You even have my number.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t hesitate to call! Just text me or call me. Me or Misty really. Even May. We’re here for you, you got that?”

Ash was smiling now. “Yes Brock *onii-sama. Did you and Misty *onee-sama need more assurance?”

“Don’t be a wise ass. We worry about you.”

“I wish you wouldn’t so much. I really am fine.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it Ash.”

Ash walked over to the driver’s side and opened the door. Pikachu hopped from his shoulder onto Gary’s lap. The older lad didn’t seem to mind, his hands already tracing soothing circles on Pikachu’s back. Ash sat down and keyed the engine. They had waved farewell to Brock and Forrester and a few of their brothers who had stayed behind, and they made their way back to Pallet.

The highway was free of anything at the current hour. They were lucky the old vehicle’s headlights were functioning; having Rotom out and possessing the car to get working headlights would only wear out the Pokémon, and it was not a practical choice. The night was clear and cloudless, the cold summer air whipping them with cold wind; Ash patted himself on the back for the foresight of wearing jackets despite the earlier day’s heat. The stars were out, and the moon shone bright, finally beginning to wane.

Ash felt at ease at the driver’s seat. He looked towards the road in front of him, the dark forest now on their right side, and the silence of a night on the road. Gary was silent himself, Ash noticed, and was about to make some lighthearted conversation when Gary spoke up.

“So.”

Ash perked at Gary’s prompting.

“You were enrolled in Alola, right?” Gary asked. Ash suppressed a groan; he really didn’t want to talk about it. Especially not in front of someone educated and schooled like Gary.

“Yeah. I finished and passed my first year,” Ash said slowly, carefully. “I heard from the Professor that you finished a three-year course in half that time more than a year ago. Were you enrolled in Alola, too?”

Gary shook his head. “No. It was in Kalos. It wasn’t the same kind of general course school like you attended either; it was more of a school for researchers specifically. Professor Sycamore was one of our teachers.”

The brunette had never really shared anything about himself like this to Ash from the past week. The only times Ash got him to talk was when he came over to the lab and asked him for a casual battle, and most times he asked, Gary waved him off, claiming he still had stuff to work on. Life of a researcher was hard, Ash supposed, and he didn’t want to get in his way.

So they made small talk most of the time, talking about the weather, which Pokémon did what today, and what they were having for lunch or dinner, peppered with the occasional teasing and jeering that came with their friendship. But Ash knew they were really just avoiding talking about anything, and it was getting frustrating how he wanted to open up, but just didn’t know how to start. He kinda hoped Gary would start for him, like all those times before when he rose to his bait and they had arguments, but felt disappointed when the older boy retreated to silence.

And Ash didn’t know what to do.

“So Brock went to school, too?”

Ash glanced at Gary briefly, noticing how Pikachu somehow fell asleep. He nodded. “Brock finished his medical studies last year. He had a double major in Pokémon Breeding before, so instead of taking a decade to become a doctor, he finished school early. Kinda like you. I missed his graduation, but I heard Misty, Professor Oak, and my mom were present. They had a picture of it in their living room.”

Gary nodded slowly. “And your other friends?”

“You’ve heard of them earlier. They’re traveling and training, getting stronger. Well, maybe less so for Dawn, since she decided to lay low on the Contest Circuit and focus on being a fashion designer. She told me that was the reason she decided on Kalos.”

“Aside from escaping that boy named Kenny?”

Ash laughed. “Yeah. Aside from that.”

Gary was silent again for a while, so Ash focused on his hands on the wheel. It was a pleasant night, and it wouldn’t be long ‘til they arrived at Viridian and gas up, before making their way back to Pallet.

“You kept in touch with them.”

Ash nodded. “Most of the regions they’re in are places I’ve been to. We get to talking every once in a while.”

“We never did.”

The dark haired lad chuckled. “Aww, Gary, are you feeling left out?” Ash expected a sharp retort from Gary, but he was quiet, eyes facing away.

“I didn’t even know you were back in Pallet until you burst into the lab a week ago.” Gary said quietly. Ash didn’t know what to say to that and just kept driving. He didn’t know what was on Gary’s mind.

“Had you wanted to know if I was here before you came back?” Ash asked, equally serious now. “Am I… am I actually bothering you from work? Because I can leave you alone, if that’s what you want.” He remembered all those letters and postcards he sent back to Pallet Town – to the Oak’s residence. Maybe he should have placed a call in advance instead. Maybe a videophone would have been a smarter idea.

Gary let out a frustrated sound. “Ash, I didn’t even know you were in Unova. I didn’t know you went to Kalos. And the next time I got around to talk to you, you were miles away in Alola. Alola for Arceus-sake Ash Ketchum! Even my own grandfather knew more about you than I did, and I’m supposed to be your friend!”

Ash let a beat pass before answering. “To be fair, I didn’t know what you were up to all these years, not until I saw you last week. And what do you mean you didn’t know what I was up to? You sent me postcards whenever I was entering a League battle didn’t you?”

“What postcards?”

“The ones I get yearly. I get one from you, my mom, Professor Oak, and sometimes Brock and Misty.”

Gary’s face brow scrunched together. “I didn’t send those postcards.”

“What do you mean you didn’t?”

“I meant I didn’t send those postcards,” Gary’s eyes widened in realization. “That was Gramps.”

Ash received exactly one postcard from Gary while he was still Kanto. It had contained some encouraging message that pushed him for another shot at the Battle Pyramid, and from then on he kept the card, along with other mementos he had collected oh his journey as a collection of good luck charms. Ash looked back and wondered the first time when Gary’s handwriting started resembling Professor Oak’s. Now it sunk in that maybe they were written by the same person after all.

“He probably didn’t want you to feel upset that I forgot.”

“I wouldn’t be upset if you forgot.”

Gary looked at him sharply, suddenly irritated. “What, my two cents in wishing you well isn’t good enough anymore?”

The younger boy’s eyes widened in surprise at the verbal jab, forcing himself to keep his eyes on the road. “No, it’s just when I met you in Sinnoh, I figured you really had gotten busy. If you had forgotten because of work, I wouldn’t have held that against you.”

Gary stayed quiet after that, his eyes focused on the road again. Ash didn’t know where the conversation was heading, and he didn’t like it. He missed arguing with Gary, but he always hated it when they fought.

It never ended well.

Before they reached Viridian, Gary just sighed. Ash glanced at the boy beside him before the brunette spoke in volume soft for a conversation, but loud enough to be heard over the drive anyway.

“Sometimes I wonder why we even pretend like we’re still actual friends.”

And with the way Gary’s eyes widened a fraction and refused to look at him, Ash knew he was never meant to hear that.

~*~*~*~

It was a cool Saturday morning, the kind that felt nice to be out in. Ash made his way to Gary’s house, humming to himself. He couldn’t wait to go into the woods – it was around this time that Caterpie and Metapod came out to play.

He waved around a wooden stick as he half-ran to the Oak’s residence, thinking of what he and Gary would do for today. He reached Oak’s house and headed for the door. The house was pretty big, and had a wide porch with a rocking chair in it, and unlike the house he and his mom lived in, their garden was much bigger. Generally speaking, the house was very big, painted in white and weathered with time.

Ash neared the Oak residence before he realized the sound of laughter. He hid himself in by the tall fence, obscured further with garden plants, and watched through the gap in the wooden slats where the noise was coming from. He saw a group of kids from town – Alistair, Joule, and Natasha – sitting by the porch, surrounding Gary. He listened as they talked.

“Wow Gary! That’s so cool, you’re incredible!” he heard Natasha squeal.

“Does that mean we can to the Professor’s lab with you next time?” Alistair asked.

“Yeah!” Gary said, “I could show you around the place!”

“Awesome! You sure your little shadow won’t mind though?” Joule sneered.

“Huh?” Gary looked confused, “What shadow?”

“You know, that kid you’re always with. The guy with the weird cheeks!” Natasha said. Ash huffed. His cheeks were not weird.

“You mean Ash? Why would he mind?” Gary intoned.

“Well, you guys just seemed to be together all the time. Wouldn’t he be jealous if he suddenly didn’t get you all to himself?” Joule broached.

Ash was stunned. The other kids never really associated with him, so he always wished he would be able to hang out with more people other than Gary. He always longed to be part of that group of kids that played together, laughing and eating with smiles on their faces – why would he even be jealous of not monopolizing Gary?

Gary looked incensed at Joule’s jab. “Ash could take care of himself. And he’s not my shadow!”

“You know, I never did get why you hung out with him,” Alistair cut in. Gary looked at the boy’s direction questioningly. “I mean, he always gets in trouble right? And he’s pretty reckless, unlike you. Isn’t it tiring being with him? He just seems too much of a troublemaker, my mom says. I think you should stay away from him.”

“Stay away from him?” Gary looked surprised.

“Don’t you know Gary?” Natasha half-whispered, “People are saying Ash is his mom’s ‘accident’. I don’t know what that is exactly, but my mommy says it’s the reason he doesn’t have a daddy. She says stuff like not to get close to him – he’s just trouble waiting to happen.”

Ash was silent. What were they talking about him? Ash had enough of listening other people talk behind his back. He stood straighter and ventured from hiding, walking like he wasn’t eavesdropping earlier. “Hey Gary!” he called out, and instantly, four pairs of eyes were trained on him. Ash felt himself grow a little chilly.

Gary looked wary. “What do you want?”

“C’mon Gary! The Caterpie and Metapod must be out in the forest! Let’s go play!”

The brunette looked conflicted, his eyes darting from Ash to Alistair’s group. Ash knew what he was thinking: Gary needed to choose who to agree with. Gary sneered. “You really are a child Ashy-boy. You sure you got time to actually play around like that?”

Ash gawked at Gary. He heard Alistair and Joule snicker, Natasha throwing him a wicked smile. He decided to ignore it, pushing through. He and his friend Gary were going out to play.

“You’re a child too, Gary!”

“I’m older than you.”

“By a few months!”

“So what? I don’t have time to waste seeing Caterpie and Metapod with you Ash. Not today.”

Ash frowned. “Then come with me tomorrow. We’ll play then instead.” Gary threw him a look that didn’t look too kind. Alistair’s group was becoming too interested.

“No.”

“Then the next day then.”

“No.” Gary said, firmer this time. “I’m not playing with you anymore Ash. I’ve got to study.” Ash looked at him like he grew a second head. “Study? Study for what?”

“Pokémon, you dummy. Gramps got me and the other guys the go signal to do a little studying about Kanto Pokémon yesterday, and we’re studying together.”

Ash’s eyes sparkled. “That’s awesome! Can I come?”

Gary hesitated a bit, before opening his mouth to reply. Joule beat him to it though.

“Sorry, but problem kids aren’t invited!” Joule said. Ash balked. A problem kid? What did he even do? “Why don’t you just go on your own and play with Caterpie and Metapod?”

Ash wanted to protest – he didn’t come all the way here just to be turned down. He looked at Gary, waiting for him to come to his defense. Gary would often tease him, but in the end he still cared; he’d take his side, right?

“Go home Ashy-boy. The guys and I gotta do a little reading now. You go on ahead.” He said quietly. Ash was stunned; did he just blow him off?

“You heard him,” Alistair jeered, “off you go Ashy-boy. You’re not needed!” Ash hated the way Alistair called him by his pet name. He hated that ridiculous moniker, but he didn’t mind since Gary was the only one who called him that. Other people don’t get to do that.

“I’ll come by tomorrow again. You’ll be free tomorrow right? We’ll play then!” Ash persisted. He wasn’t going to give up on Gary. Joule and the rest looked on, malicious looks in their eyes, like Persian looking down on unfortunate prey.

Gary had been put in the middle of it all. He was to choose between Ash and a reputation of being a loser associated him another loser and a life where he could get everyone’s approval and admiration. He was an Oak – he shouldn’t have to choose – but somehow, he needed to. And he had to make that choice now.

 “Go away!” Gary declared. Alistair and his group smiled viciously, looking triumphant for winning over the famous Oak’s grandson. “I’m never playing with you again so don’t even bother showing up! You’re not my friend anymore! This time we’re rivals now, and when we’re trainers, I’m gonna show who’s the best!”

“Why are you being so mean Gary? Didn’t we say we’d be Pokémon Masters together?”

Alistair and his group took that as their bait to tear into Ash. They stepped in front of Gary and leered at him, all smug smiles and condescending expressions.

“What are you talking about? There can’t be two Masters; that’s why it’s called Master, there can only be one, you dummy!” Natasha said haughtily,

“Says who?”

“Everybody knows that’s the way it is!” Alistair said.

“Well that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends!”

“Does too! And besides, Gary doesn’t want to be friends with a loser like you either!” Joule intoned.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Why don’t you go home to your mommy, you loser! Such a mommy’s boy!”

“I’m not a mommy’s boy!”

“Are to!”

“Am not!”

“Are to! And she’s a loser too, can’t even keep her son a daddy!”

Ash’s ears turned pink at that. He could take insults hurled at him, endure them, but that doesn’t mean that anyone could take a swing at his mom. “Take that back! Take that back! Don’t talk about my mom like that!”

“Then just go away! Go and play in your little kiddie room and play with mommy! It’s not like you have any friends anyway!”

Ash responded before he could stop his mouth. “Oh yeah? Well I don’t wanna play with jerks like you anyway! And I’m gonna be a Pokémon Master before you know it!”

 He glanced at Gary once more, willing him to side with him. Gary averted his gaze, and Ash felt his heart drop. “Well, I don’t wanna be friends with someone like you, either!” he yelled at them, panting hard after the outburst.

“Oh yeah? Just go on Ashy-boy, we’ll see. You probably won’t get very far anyway! Why don’t you go back to your mommy since she’s all you’ll ever have anyway! Smell ya later loser! C’mon guys, let’s get inside.” And with his new friends in tow, Gary shut the door in Ash’s face, leaving him on the other side of the fence with nothing but a wooden stick and friendship tossed to the side. The young boy stood straighter and saw himself off, took his stick and walked to edge of the woods.

He gripped tightly on his stick, his small knuckles turning white. He bumped into a few people on town, waving at him and greeting him, but he could only manage a small nod and kept walking, faster and faster, feeling like he couldn’t get to the woods fast enough.

Halfway there, he started to run, feeling like he couldn’t get away fast enough from the white Oak house. He eventually reached a clearing in the woods, and slumped down to sit on the ground, panting and out of breath. He looked around him and saw numerous Metapod stuck on the tree trunks, and Caterpie were looking at him warily.

“Hi! I’m Ash! Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you, I just want to play!”

He walked over slowly to the Caterpie, noticing a few Rattata with them, and he smiled. Pokémon almost always seemed to relax when he showed them a happy face. And it worked too, the Caterpie and Rattata wandering over to him.

“Rata! Rattata!”

He saw a Rattata pointing on a scratch on his hand, and Ash guessed it had probably been from gripping his wooden stick too tightly.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a scratch. I guess I was holding this stick too tighly.” The Pokémon looked on curiously, as if silently asking him what happened. “I got into a fight with my friend. His name’s Gary. I wanted him to play with me to see you guys, but I guess he doesn’t want to anymore.”

Ash smiled for the little critters, but he had grown quiet. He stared blankly at them, absently petting a Caterpie on his lap. All of a sudden he felt water on his face, and the Pokémon immediately grew concerned.

“Huh?” Ash wiped the water from his cheeks, but they didn’t stop. His eyes began to grow blurry, and he realized he was actually crying.

“Oh, umm, I’m okay,” he said to the Pokémon. “Don’t worry. I’m just…I’m fine. I guess I’m just hurt that Gary pushed me.” Ash tried for a weak laugh but something caught in his throat.

“You’re not my friend anymore!”

“Why don’t you go back to your mommy since she’s all you have anyway!”

Ash felt his smile crumble. The sides of his mouth turned downward, but he didn’t want to show the Pokémon a sad face. He came to play after all! He can’t enjoy himself if he was going to be sad. He tried to maintain his smile, blinking faster, but before he knew it, his smile slipped and he took a harsh shaky breath. The lump in his throat coiled tighter. And then his hands were on his face.

Ash didn’t know why, but he started crying, and crying, and crying ‘til he pushed his hands to his face to stop the tears from coming. The wild Pokémon tried to comfort the crying boy, but it didn’t help.

He couldn’t get it out of his head. He and Gary weren’t friends anymore.

“Gary…I guess…Gary’s not my friend any more, he said…”

At the age of nine, a year before he became a trainer, he gained a rival and lost a friend.

To him, it felt like he lost one more person who loved him.

~*~*~*~

After leaving Pallet Town, Gary worked his way into getting into a research program he could behind. It was hard; the brown-haired trainer – researcher now – had known he wanted to study Pokémon, but he didn’t know what field. He was familiar with several of his grandfather’s studies, but he didn’t want to work under him, part fearing that people would call him riding on his grandfather’s coattails, and part wanting to get away from his hometown.

It had been a few months but it felt longer; Gary found himself traveling between Saffron City and Cinnabar Island, before he finally found his place in Pewter. He had gone inside their newly restored museum, and marveled at the Pokémon fossils on display.

Gary wandered, awestruck, and marveled at the suspended skeleton of an Aerodactyl on display. It piqued his interest: how did ancient Pokémon live? What did they look like? Were they like the Pokémon in the modern days, capable of evolution? He was deeply absorbed in his musings that he didn’t feel the presence of another beside him.

“It’s a thing of beauty, isn’t it?” a deep voice said.

Gary looked over to the one who said it, taking in the man’s height and casual posture, a white lab coat over his outdoor attire lined with lime colors.

“It is.” Gary agreed. The man looked over at him, smiling.

“Let me introduce myself. My name is Saule Willow. I’m a Professor that specializes in Pokémon habitats and distribution. I recognize you, you’re Sam’s grandson, right?” the man introduced himself.

“Yeah, the one and only. Gary Oak, it’s a pleasure to meet you Professor Willow.”

“Likewise. If you don’t mind my, ah, curiosity, what brings you to Pewter City? I saw you on TV a few weeks back at the Silver Conference in Johto. Not heading out to some new region to collect badges yet, I assume?” the professor asked in a laidback manner.

“I’ve actually decided to stop pursuing competitive battling for the most part,” Gary began, “Right now, I’m looking into becoming a Pokémon researcher like my old gramps, but I haven’t stumbled upon a study I want to undertake.”

“I see,” Professor Willow mused. “Well, Pewter has a lot of books and materials about Pokémon fossils and ancient history. Although the archives on ancient history aren’t as extensive as those in Sinnoh, Pewter is home to the latest studies on fossils. Perhaps it might interest you. My lab is a quite a ways from the city center should you wish to visit.”

“Thank you, professor,” Gary said, his eyes shining a little brighter. “I think I’ll take you up on that.”

And that was how Gary began his interest and entry into research about Pokémon fossils and their revitalization. He met up with Professor Willow the next day, and got acquainted with one of his aides, Blanche. The white-haired researcher was dressed in a fitting body suit and white vest, and over it laid a meticulously-made blue lab coat. Gary noticed Blanche’s efficient way of conducting themself, and emulated them on scientific practices and studies.

Gary stayed with Professor Willow and Blanche until he had gotten most of what he needed. After a few months he got a recommendation to move his research to another lab. He thanked the professor and his aide for their generous help and willingness to teach him, and with a promise to stay in touch, he left for Sayda Island.

Gary worked with a scientist named Dora and her assistant Jared on Sayda Island. He succeeded in reviving an Aerodactyl, which caused a few problems followed by an incident with Team Rocket, but overall, it was an achievement. His grandfather and Tracey paid a visit once on the island, smack dab in the middle of the Aerodactyl fiasco.

“Congratulations on your revival of a Fossil Pokémon, Gary! I’m proud.”

“Thanks Gramps. But there’s still so much to be done.”

“Hmm, yes. Always something more. Which reminds me, Ash is doing pretty well for himself in Hoenn. He’s traveling with Brock again, and it seems he’s together with siblings, kids of a Hoenn gym leader.”

Gary heard so much about Ash from his grandfather and Tracey, and though he was glad to hear about his friend, he felt strangely detached from it. It wasn’t that he hated hearing about Ash, but the younger boy already felt like a part of a past he had left behind. Not really forgotten, but Ash had become a memory already. A friendly stranger that he could feel comfortable reminiscing about, but not totally involved with him anymore.

He wanted to step out of the shadow that Ash the Pokémon Trainer and traveler had cast, and he wanted his own path, and so he drove himself into his research, catching tidbits of news about the younger boy. He liked listening how people talked about his former rival, but he didn’t demand details. If it was important, Ash would call him directly, he thought.

It felt weird, how he wanted to keep Ash away from him and close to him. He felt conflicted. How do you place someone you wanted out of your life into a place in your life that was still close to him? It sounded ridiculous he stopped thinking about it.

A few months after his Aerodactyl revival project, he was recruited by Professor Rowan and thus moved to the Sinnoh region.

~*~*~*~

                [Here in the Kalos region now. I met up with Professor Sycamore and helped him out. I got a Froakie now too. Oh, and have you learned about Mega-Evolution? It’s pretty cool!]

                [Hey, do you remember that girl, Serena, from Pallet Town whose family moved out before we became trainers? I met her today. She runs a Rhyhorn farm with her mom. It’s nice seeing a sort-of familiar face, even if it was years ago.]

                [Clemont is a pretty smart kid. All about science. I think you guys would get along well.]

                [Almost ready for the Kalos League! There are a lot of strong trainers here. Clemont, Bonnie, and Serena are all pumped up for my upcoming matches. Can’t wait to start!]

                [Lost to Alain in the championship match. Then the thing with Zygarde happened. We’re all good though. Heading back to Pallet in a bit. See you whenever I guess.]

~*~*~*~

The first time Ash got called in by the League for an official meeting, he had been nervous. He was instated as an Elite Trainer only a few weeks ago, and meetings like this with League-promoted trainers were rare, which means whatever the meeting was about was important.

Ash entered the familiar compounds of the Indigo Plateau Stadium. A lot has changed since the last time he had competed for the Indigo Plateau Conference, and up ahead he saw one of the regional headquarters for the Pokémon League. It was a tall tower painted in a deep color, and the surrounding area was manicured to perfection, exuding the League’s power, money, and influence.

He stepped through the automatic doors and went up the reception desk. The interior was impressive; minimalistic design with touches of tasteful accents – it screamed money and elitism. Pikachu squirmed on his shoulders, and Ash patted his long-time companion for reassurance.

“Good morning. I’m Ash Ketchum, I have a meeting scheduled for 10 am?”

One of the girls at the reception perked at his name, and proceeded to furiously type at her laptop. “Of course. Please key in your license by the log machine and follow me.” Ash did as told, logging in at the machine which displayed his picture and name along with the time of his time in. He and the girl who entertained him went into an elevator and pushed for the top floor, Ash silently wondering what the meeting was actually about.

At the soft ding of the elevator, Ash exited it and was pointed to the room at the end of the hall. The girl then pushed for the elevator back down, and so Ash and Pikachu were left to their devices. The dark-haired trainer went over to the room he was to enter and steeled his nerves. He was nervous of course, it’s not like he got into these kinds of serious meetings before, but he was also curious and excited, wondering what he was actually needed for.

Ash turned the knob and entered. The first thing Ash could tell was that the room was big: high ceiling, chandelier hanging in the middle of the room, and whole row of shelves on one side of the room. An entire wall was made of glass instead of having windows – the glass wall overlooking Indigo Plateau. A long table was at the center of the room, and seated at the center were the Kanto Elite Four – Lorelei, Bruno, Agatha, and Lance, who currently held three League positions.

“Welcome Ash, PIkachu. I’m sorry if the meeting was sudden, but we just couldn’t postpone this discussion when it came up,” Lance addressed him, sitting at the head of the table. The Dragon specialist and acting Champion wore his usual dark uniform, his cloak hanging from his shoulders. A Deino was visible from where Ash stood, probably sleeping on the champion’s lap. Ash noted he looked exhausted.

“It’s okay. I’m surprised you called me into one of your meetings so soon after just getting promoted, and it seems I’m the only one invited today, but I can’t say it’s an inconvenience for me,” Ash answered politely.

“Oh-ho, so the boy finally learned how to be polite and calm down. I quite remember seeing you in your hot-headed youth, and you’ve quite matured, haven’t you?” Agatha, the Ghost-type specialist, looked at him.

“More or less, Agatha,” Ash quirked, a smile on his lips. He saw Lorelei smiled.

“At least you’re still funny, if not in a young and stupid way at least.” Ash rolled his eyes at the Ice-type specialist, whom he last met several years ago in the Orange Isles.

Lance cleared his throat to grab everyone’s attention.

“Let’s not waste time and get down to business,” Lance began. “Ash, how much are you aware of the League’s situation in Kanto?”

Ash hesitated. “I just got back from Alola less than four months ago. I’ve only been to Pewter and Cerulean visiting my friends, and a few other cities where Battle Frontier facilities are located. There doesn’t seem to be anything out of place from what I could tell you, except that Sabrina’s Gym has grown really strong.”

 “The Kanto League has been floundering for a long time now,” Lorelei began, “ever since Koga had been promoted to the Johto Elite Four and left the Fuchsia Gym to his daughter, the Kanto Gyms had been facing a dilemma. There are no problems with the Gym leaders themselves, but even you must know that they can’t be leaders forever.”

Ash agreed. Pewter Gym went through Brock, his father, and then Forrester in less than a decade. Cerulean Gym was mostly managed by Misty, but a few years back the sisters had agreed on sharing responsibility. And he was aware that Lt. Surge was looking for a successor among his relatives, which he knew since Spark told him once that he was invited for it, which he declined to continue working for Professor Willow.

“Then a major problem occurred a few years back,” Lance continued from Lorelei, “which exposed Giovanni’s involvement with Team Rocket that lead to the Viridian Gym’s cease of operations.”

This was news to Ash. “Wait, the Viridian Gym is no longer a gym?”

“Yes and no,” Agatha answered, “As Elite Four, we are required to fill in the balance that the Kanto Gyms are responsible for. In that regard, Bruno and I had been tasked to temporarily run the Viridian Gym on schedules, to ensure that there is no shortage of Gyms handing out official and certified badges to trainers. It’s still a Gym, but not one that operates like the rest.”

“But that has become a problem in itself,” Bruno began, “because people have started questioning if the Viridian Gym will actually have a permanent Gym leader once more. And me and Agatha have duties as Elite Four to fulfill as well.”

“Not mention I’m not getting any younger, which means my position as Elite Four member will have to be considered at a later date. But that of course, is an entirely different matter.” Agatha smirked at Ash, a kind of smile that seemed to say I’m-not-dying-just-yet-don’t-start-getting-ideas.

“So we have come up with the solution: we need to find a qualified trainer to become the Viridian Gym Leader. Someone reliable, a native of Kanto, and of Elite Trainer status,” Lance said. Ash caught on quick to what Lance was implying.

“Me?”

“You, among other of the few barely qualifying candidates. But it seems you’re a favorite,” Agatha cackled. Ash was flattered at the comment, but he was suddenly overwhelmed. He knew he wanted to stay in one place, but Gym Leader? He didn’t feel right for the job. It sounded like a job that would better suit someone like…

Lance’s eyes softened at Ash’s discomfort. “The League is discouraged from playing favorites Ash. What Agatha meant was that among the candidates, you possess the highest placement – Orange League champion and Runner-up in the Lumiose Conference. You even have a year of school from Alola and a key participation role in its regional Conference. The kahunas from Alola speak fondly of you. And you have recommendations from regional Champions. Your credentials are top-notch.”

The Elite Four looked at Ash expectantly.

“Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town, by the authority vested by the Pokémon League, we, the Kanto Elite Four are hereby offering you a position as Viridian City Gym Leader. It would please us if you would consider. We’ll send over the details to your residence a few days later.”

Ash didn’t know how he got home that day – he was in a daze. He remembered Pikachu’s worried behavior, giving weak electric jolts to constantly shake him from his mind from going blank. As Lance had said, a parcel was delivered to his home containing documents and a book containing the implementing rules and regulations of Kanto Gyms. It was like they wanted – expected – him to accept. He called Lance a few days later saying he couldn’t give a reply yet, coming up with a flimsy excuse he couldn’t even remember.

“I’ve talked to Professor Kukui about your…stay in Alola.” Ash remembered trying to look unaffected by that revelation. He doesn’t need Lance’s pitying looks. “Look, I get it. We understand. I know it seemed urgent with the way we summoned you for that meeting, but take your time to decide. Please.”

Months later and Lance and the Kanto League were still waiting, and Ash still hasn’t given a reply. Ash didn’t tell anyone about the offer: it just became another secret he chose to hide.

Chapter Text

The drive to Viridian was spent in silence. They reached a gas station near a Pokémon Center, and wordlessly, Gary stepped off the car and went to the pumps. Ash fiddled with the keys and got out as well, going over to a 24-hour convenience store nearby. Pikachu, waking up from the sudden activity, bounded towards his trainer silently, still wrung with sleep.

The chime of automatic doors opening signaled Ash’s entry. The clerk by the counter greeted him the customary greeting, and he went over to the snack aisle, browsing at the sweets. Pikachu peered over his shoulder sleepily, emitting a soft “Pikaaaa” before nuzzling into Ash’s hood.

Ash was in no hurry to go back out, running hands over the racks of junk food. He looked over the cookies and biscuits, chips and crackers, grabbing some here and there, before stopping over a red box of chocolate sticks. He smiled fondly, thinking of a pleasant memory from childhood. The snack was native to Kanto, and because he hasn’t been in his home region in a while save for the past year, it had been years since he had this snack. He didn’t hesitate and grabbed one.

Hands full, he went out the aisle and paid at the counter. The clerk diligently checked his items out, putting them in a paper bag. When he came back outside, he saw Gary leaning by the convertible’s hood, eyes on his shoes. He slowly walked over, a little bit hesitant, and leaned on the hood as well, a foot away from each other. It was getting later by the minute, but none of them seemed too inclined to be on the road again.

Gary just clicked his tongue before moving over to the passenger’s seat, pointedly ignoring Ash. Ash watched as the older boy yanked the door open and sat down, still not looking at him. So he went around to the driver’s seat and keyed the engine. They were on a full tank now, and though the geographical distance between Viridian and Pallet was short, Ash had a feeling it would still be a very long drive.

They drove away from the gas station, still not talking. It was perhaps one of the disadvantages of having arguments in a car while on the road – you can’t just walk away from each other. Ash carefully set the sleeping Pikachu and the bag of snacks at the back seat earlier, so there was nothing to distract him from the silence that persisted them. Not that he needed a distraction per se, since he was the one driving, but the silence was beginning to feel suffocating, and he was tempted to fiddle with the radio to get some music on at least.

Minutes passed. It was still utter silence after that. They were deliberately avoiding continuing the conversation before the gas station. Ash kept his eyes on the road, and Gary was facing the opposite side, lost in thought or annoyance – Ash wasn’t sure.

“Gary. Please, say something.”

“What do you want me to say?” Gary’s voice was surprisingly gentle.

“Anything. Just talk.”

“There you go again, being unreasonable.”

“I’m not being unreasonable! You’re just being...vague!”

“Since when did you start using words like ‘vague’?”

“Gary, I’m serious.”

“So am I. Since when did we start being strangers?”

And Ash didn’t have an answer for that.

For so long, Ash had ignored the fact that he and Gary communicated less and less over the years. He threw himself into countless battles, badge after badge, region after region, until one day he even questioned himself if Gary still even thought of him. If Gary even remembered him.

Ash busied himself with school and Pokémon, trained and studied hard until he hurt himself, and it all felt too much that by the time he came back to Pallet, even his mom wondered what happened. He had always been changing and growing over the years – it wasn’t a new development – but somehow it still was, and people he knew told him he was different. He knew Misty, Brock, and May wanted to ask, and a little part of him wanted them to ask, but he also felt like he didn’t know what to say either.

It was time to face the facts: Ash Ketchum was no longer the person Gary knew, and Gary Oak was no longer the person he knew. And you can’t have a sense of familiarity with a stranger, even if you called them ‘friends’.

A few beats later they crossed the familiar boundary between Route 1 and Pallet Town, Professor Oak’s lab a dark silhouette in the distance. Ash drove to the lab a little slower, not wanting to end the night yet. It felt inappropriate, ending it on this note.

His eyes glazed over, thinking of what there was to say. He moved his mouth before he thought better of it.

“I guess we didn’t know each other as well as we thought we did.”

~*~*~*~

“You need a phone.”

Ash glanced at May with a confused look. They were in a quaint café in La Rousse, enjoying their cake and coffee after the last diners and restaurants they tried out a while ago. Pikachu and the rest of their Pokémon were at a local grooming shop, being pampered while they roamed the city. They had met up a few days before to let Max meet up with Bonnie and Ritchie to go to Unova, and after that, May decided she and Ash needed to spend some time together.

Just the two of them, to be specific. Brock, Misty, Cilan, Clemont, and Serena had visited Pallet prior to Ash’s arrival a few months ago, and she was itching to spend some time with the lad on their own as well. It would have been easier to schedule a day out with Ash if he had a phone, but since he didn’t, May was out to fix that.

“Excuse me?”

“You need a phone. You don’t have one right?”

Ash stared blankly at her. “No. I usually just use the videophone at home or at the Center when I want to talk to someone.”

“But what if there’s no videophone on hand when you want to talk to someone?” May asked. “What if there was some urgent call you needed to make?”

“Then I wait ‘til I get to the nearest videophone.”

May huffed in exasperation, throwing her arms up in the air. A few people turned their heads and shot her a weird look, and Ash smiled amusedly. So he didn’t have a phone – big deal. Although he did think about getting one before, he hasn’t actually felt the need for a mobile device to talk to people. After all, he had Pikachu and his other Pokémon for company.

May leveled him a look with a strange determination in her eyes. Ash knew that look: if May wanted something, she usually wrestled anyone to get her way. Ash could probably hear May telling him that he was getting a phone.

“You’re getting a phone.” How predictable, Ash thought.

“I don’t have money for that.”

May waved him off. “I’d get one for you. Consider it as a thank you gift for hooking up Max with Bonnie and Ritchie.”

“Not a good enough sentence to use the phrase ‘hook up’. The way you say I hooked up Max with the other two, people would think I did him a three-way pleasurable favor.”

It took May a second for the joke to settle in.

“Arceus, Ash, eww! Not my brother!” Ash laughed. May thought it strange for Ash to be making crude jokes like that; she had grown up to the boy’s obliviousness and naiveté that the thought of him making obscene jokes didn’t cross her mind.

“But seriously, I’m getting you a phone. I know it bothers you when you can’t get a hold of Brock and Misty sometimes even though they’re back in Pewter and Cerulean. And I know a few people who would love to be texting you from time to time.”

“Does that include you?”

“Of course it does! And it includes Max, Dawn, Cilan and Serena as well. And I know that Clemont was practically making you a phone last year when we all talked and none of us were in contact with you.”

“Since when did you and Serena and all my other friends become phone buddies? And why is Iris excluded?”

“I’m friends with all your travel friends. It’s like we’re a club, the Ash-Ketchum-traveling-friends club. And Iris isn’t excluded, she’s just horrible with replying, so we just don’t talk as much. We talk about you too.”

“Quite a lot from what I’m getting,” Ash intoned.

“What? No! But you do come up in some of our conversations.”

“How does that even happen?”

“Oh you know, just asking each other what we know about you, your travels, what’s happening recently with you…”

Ash knew where May was getting with it.

“Okay. You got me. I didn’t keep consistent contact with all of you when I was in Alola, I know. I’m sorry okay? I was just busy.”

“Busy even for a few video calls? Didn’t Professor Kukui have one in his house where you stayed?”

“He did.” Ash didn’t elaborate. May wanted to shake the dark haired lad – her curiosity had been burning since she got news that Ash was back in Pallet a few months ago. Even without a text, they all dropped what they were doing and headed to Pallet, seeing Ash for the first time in ages.

May could remember the exact moment she arrived in Pallet. She was the first one back among them all, and when she knocked at the door to the Ketchum residence, it was the lad himself who let her in. He was dressed in loose jogger pants, a white dress shirt with the top buttons unbuttoned. He looked at May with surprise, and his lips turned upwards into a lazy grin, like a boy who got an unexpected present for Christmas. And he had somehow grown older, May noticed, and not the way time ages a person. He seemed more mature, his brown eyes a little sharper, and his body a little more tanned and built. He looked like he lost weight and was trying to fill in again, his face sharp edges and hair as windblown as ever.

And his smile was slightly different, like it was trying to hide a secret. May had to admit: the first time she saw him again, her first thought was that Ash had grown more handsome. She developed a crush on him after the incident with Manaphy and the Sea Temple, and although she got over him a long time ago, it didn’t stop her intrusive oh-my-Arceus-he’s-hot thoughts about her former travel companion. What surprised her though was her second thought.

He looked broken.

When everyone eventually got together, May and Dawn tried every means they could to find out what happened with him in Alola and for the extended incommunicado, but the boy dodged the question by bringing up different topics every time. May realized that Ash had monopoly on manipulating their conversations whenever anyone brought up Alola, until everyone eventually got the hint: he wasn’t going to talk.

That didn’t stop her, Brock, and Misty from worrying though. May saw it: the blank gazes Ash would have when no one was looking, and the way Pikachu always kept an eye out for his trainer, like it was wary the lad would do something reckless.

Ash acted fine, like everything was okay, but May knew better. Brock told her that Ash would talk when he was ready, and she got the sense that it was a touchy subject with the way Ash avoided the topic like the plague, but she couldn’t help but still be curious.

“So why didn’t you call anyone then?”

“I told you, I was busy. And I wasn’t just on one island you know, Alola is an archipelago. I traveled between islands too, part of the school curriculum. The kahunas of Alola weren’t exactly gym leaders, and the Alolan Conference was hardly established when I entered, so there was a lot going on. Then the thing with the Aether Foundation happened, and everything went from complicated to one big clusterfuck. Besides, I called my mom from time to time, so it wasn’t like I was a complete hermit,” Ash said.

“Don’t even try avoiding this conversation,” May snapped.

Ash tensed a bit, and May softened, regretting her snappy tone. She tried reaching out to Ash, but the boy was strangely withdrawn. She hated how she snapped at him, but it really frustrated her that she was trying to understand him but the boy wouldn’t open up.

Ash used to be so much like an open book – expressive and obvious. It was strange to see someone like Ash be so reserved, like somebody found the switch to the boy and gave him a complete 180. Growing up, she wished Ash didn’t feel like that meant keeping things to himself all the time. Traveling on her own, May learned that growing up wasn’t about shouldering the pain by yourself; it was learning how to share it with others who cared.

“What happened really? You know we never force you to talk, but you have to know we worry, especially Brock and Misty. We traveled for years Ash, compared to the others. Just give us a clue, we’re dying here.”

Ash smiled, and May could swear a least a few girls who saw him swooned a little. But a charming Ash Ketchum isn’t going to work for her – she needed an honest Ash.

“I’m fine May. I just had a few bad days during my stay. Nothing too bad. I promise.”

“I believe you,” May said, “but it just bothers us that you don’t…”

“Talk about it. I know. I’m sorry.”

They were silent for a while. May promised she wouldn’t push, but May knew Ash was stubborn when he wanted to be. He was the type to shoulder responsibility pushed to him by himself. The boy had no trouble asking for help from anyone if he needed it, but sometimes he could be clueless about his own feelings.

The Ash she knew wasn’t so astute with emotions – so it surprised her when Ash actually opened up to her after a moment’s silence.

“I was a little down in Alola,” Ash began slowly, “I don’t think it’s a big deal, but I guess it’s not normal for anyone to lock themselves in their room for a week straight because they didn’t feel alright for no logical reason, huh?”

May blanked. What did that mean? Why would Ash lock himself in his room? And what did he mean when he didn’t feel right? Was he sick? And did it happen often? Did Ash even eat right? Suddenly May realized she was missing key points for this conversation. A lot of things were not adding up to her.

She heard the lad chuckle in front of her. She snapped her attention back to him, to his warm brown eyes and lopsided smile. Arceus, May groaned to herself, it should be illegal for Ash to be this good-looking, especially if she was going to play the role of Supportive Friend C (Brock was Supportive Friend A and Misty was Supportive friend B, she often thought).

“I could see the questions you want to ask on your face. You look constipated. Told you that red velvet was a bad idea,” and there Ash did it again, May noticed, casually throwing the topic aside. But that was okay; even though she didn’t want to, she could let it go for now. Somehow, she felt that even if Ash opened up to her, she wouldn’t be the right person to help.

“As much as I want Clemont to give me something he made, I think I’ll take your offer.”

And May allowed herself to smile brightly at Ash who did so in return. They left the café in good spirits as she guided the boy to a nearby phone shop. La Rousse was a fairly technologically advanced city, she was sure to find the right phone for him. May hoped that now Ash got a phone, he’d have more chances to talk.

And she wanted that very much. If Ash needed to talk, she’d be there. She’d be just one phone call away.

~*~*~*~

“I am who I always was. I’m just a little more honest than before. That’s it.”

They had arrived back at the lab, its looming façade a giant shadow in the dark. There was a light on in the library, which meant Tracey left the lab open for Gary’s return.

Ash parked the convertible back in the garage. He kept the engine running for a few seconds before turning off the key, submerging them into darkness. Gary made his way out the car and crossed over to the door, turning on the switch. Ash carefully took Pikachu and his bag of untouched snacks, and went over to the door, directly connected to the lab’s pantry area.

They entered the lab in relative silence, crossing the pantry and into the foyer, taking in the area’s somber appearance. There were only lamps on, and the room felt darker than it seemed. It was a homely appearance, Ash noted before, but sometimes, when the mood wasn’t right, the lab felt empty and abandoned, like a place of exile.

A place to get away from the real world. Ash hated the silence, how they were going around in circles like this. He faced Gary and stared at his back, like all those times before that the older boy walked a few step ahead of him.

“And so what? What’s that supposed to mean? What are we exactly then? Friends?” Ash asked in a soft voice.

Gary stayed silent, like he was conflicted with giving Ash a satisfactory answer, or the honest answer. And the dark haired trainer hated that – the way Gary thought like Ash couldn’t take a stinging answer from him.

Everyone deserved the truth, even if it hurt them.

“To tell you the truth, I don’t even know what we even are anymore.”

“But what do you want us to be?”

Gary couldn’t answer right away. He looked like he didn’t want to answer, but Gary knew he wouldn’t get away with a non-answer.

“Ash, given the lack of communication, the wide gap of our interests, and the differing natures of what we did, I think being ‘friends’ is a bit of a stretch already.”

Ash immediately didn’t like that. Of course they were different – Gary being so different from him was one of the reasons why Ash wanted his company, even as kids. Ash’s personality was a far-cry from Brock’s maturity, or Cilan’s eccentricity, or Iris’ diligence in training Dragon-types, but that hadn’t stopped them from all becoming friends, hadn’t it? They all did different things – that was a given, because they all got together to travel in the same group because they had different dreams and goals and wanted to pursue alongside people who could support them.

It wasn’t a stretch – it was an obvious given; and Ash knew it was just some halfhearted excuse to dodge the real answer.

“So what? Just because we’re no longer doing the same things, we’re not friends now? Are we just former friends? An ex-friend?”

“Acquaintances.” Gary said silently. It wasn’t unkind, the way he said it. But it was cool and detached, like he couldn’t be bothered with it any more.

Ash wanted to tell Gary that he had kept in touch, at least, tried to keep in touch. He wanted to tell the older boy about the letters and postcards he has sent to his childhood home over the years; but he thought to himself that it would have been pointless. Gary has never been back to Pallet Town since they were twelve, and he knew that after arriving back a week ago, he only passed by the old house to greet his sister before holing up here at the lab.

He wanted to tell Gary about it, but he figured that old mail not saying who it was from would have probably been promptly taken out.

He guessed it didn’t matter. Whatever.

But Ash didn’t want to let it go though.

“We used to be so close Gary. I know we hadn’t had the chance to actually bond what with you working the whole week, but maybe we could try again.” He felt himself get shy before saying softly, “I miss having you around.”

Gary hesitated, and just like all those years ago, Ash waited for him to take his side.

“I’m tired Ash. Just let it go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And just like before, Gary blew him off, and made for the staircase. Ash bristled. He’d had enough of skirting along the edges of this conversation.

“Well then sorry if you’re tired, Gary Oak, it must be so taxing on your part accompanying someone like me.”

Gary stopped at the bottom step, turning back to Ash with narrowed eyes.

“What the hell? We just got back from hours of driving out of town, of course I’m tired! Where are you even going with this?”

“Oh c’mon! You don’t want to talk about this? About us? Well I do, and I’m sick of trying to play nice, toeing around this conversation when I can’t get a straight answer from you!”

“I could say the same about you!”

“Be honest Gary, do you still even see me as a friend?”

There was a beat of silence.

“Of course I do! And you’re not being a very good one at the moment.”

But Ash noticed it - that single moment’s hesitation before he answered. Gary was never one for hesitation – he was the smart guy, the sure guy. He knew what Gary’s hesitation meant.

Sometimes, the hesitation to answer was an answer in itself.

“No,” Ash said, suddenly quiet. “You don’t.”

Gary wanted to protest but Ash held his hand up. “I’ve always wondered why you wanted to be my friend. Me and my mom were new here back then. And I was always alone, wandering in the woods looking at the Pokémon. Then you came along, and I said ‘wow, here’s someone who wants to be my friend! I hope we get along!’ and I just went with it. You know why? Because I was glad to have someone. I was glad to have you Gary. But were you? Were you glad to have me?”

“I wouldn’t continue to associate with you if I weren’t,” Gary said, quiet and wary.

“Don’t treat me like an idiot!” Ash hissed. “Don’t tell me I didn’t know: you just took pity on me, didn’t you?”

“Why would I even take pity on you?”

“Because you knew I didn’t know who you were exactly, and you were so excited to flaunt how much better you were than me. Arceus, Gary, the first thing you told me was that your grandfather was Professor Oak!”

And with that Gary felt like he was caught.

“So I took pity on you and decided to spend time with you for some shallow reason like that, okay. So what if we started out with you being a crybaby and me being a stuck-up brat? We were children!”

“And then you realized you could have it better with other kids so you pushed me away.” Ash said in the same soft voice. “You tossed me to the side like I was a weak Magikarp that wouldn’t evolve no matter how much attention you paid it. Like I wasn’t good enough. I was nine Gary, but I wasn’t completely stupid. I knew how people looked at me – at me and my mom. I knew I was just your freakin’ charity case at the beginning, but you probably just kept me around to feel better about yourself!”

Pikachu, carried by Ash in his arms, had woken up at his trainer’s tirade, and pressed his cheek against Ash’s chest. The trainer calmed down at Pikachu’s cuddling, but continued nonetheless.

“Is this what this is about? About something that happened when we were nine?” Gary said incredulously. “We were kids Ash! Do you even realize how vicious they could be? They were tearing you down – I had to do something to keep them from you! So what if I pushed you away that one time? I just a made a choice!”

“That wasn’t a choice you had to make for me!” Ash cried indignantly, “I would’ve handled it! I could’ve handled them! All I needed was for you to side with me, but you just dropped me like that outside your dumb fence!”

“I didn’t mean it to be like that! I just did it to save both of us the trouble!”

“For what? So someone other than me paid attention to you? Just admit it; you were just trying to get their attention as much as you were too desperate trying to get your grandpa to notice you because you felt neglected.”

“Fuck you Ketchum.”

Ash didn’t even flinch at Gary’s vehement retort.

But he knew about it. He knew about Gary’s inferiority complex – how he tried so hard to win his grandfather’s approval. Ash figured that Gary’s lack of parents didn’t leave him with much parental guidance to glean from, and yeah, Gary loved his sister, but Daisy wasn’t his mother. Professor Oak was the closest thing to a parental figure Gary had, and the older Oak barely paid him attention, always in his lab and ranch, studying Pokémon, and the only love Gary got from him came in the form of material possessions.

After all, Ash thought, who gives a ten-year-old a convertible for a present?

“You’re right Gary. You made a choice. And every time I came to you after that day, you made the same choice over and over again, until it became easier for you to separate me from you. “Rivals”? You think I wouldn’t figure it out? You always tried to leave me behind in the smoke and dust from your little convertible and cheerleaders in tow, yelling we were rivals. And I still chased you.”

Gary was silent. He was still fuming, but he watched Ash look at him with a strange detachment in his eyes.

“In hindsight you were always bound to leave me behind at some point. The child in me wanted to prove that wrong. Guess now we know how that went.”

Gary waited a beat before saying anything. Surprisingly, he didn’t shout at Ash.

“To tell you the truth, the reason I became a trainer was because of you.” He looked at Ash, the boy with the Pikachu. “Even when we were young, you always knew what you wanted to be. I’ll admit I was jealous. I wanted to know how it felt, having a clear goal in sight. But at some point I realized your dream wasn’t mine, and I wanted to live my life the way I wanted to.”

Gary paused. “I’m sorry, I do want you in my life – I do, believe me – but I don’t want to live in your shadow anymore. I’m happy where I am. And I’m sorry that doesn’t really include you, or make a lot of space for you.”

And somehow, Ash understood that. Because just like how people outgrow clothes as they grew up, they also outgrow certain aspects of their lives. They lose people and gain new ones, and only the strongest bonds endure. His and Gary’s friendship has endured a lot, frayed at the edges and mostly forgotten, but it was still a friendship – something – that they both had.

“What do you want us to be?”

Ash repeated the question, one last time. Gary looked at him, and he was tired of it all, and everything about tonight just seemed ridiculous. Ash was being childish – why was he acting like some sad little boy now of all times?

“I’m going up Ash. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And somehow, Ash got his answer.

“Good night then, Gary.”

And with that, he looked away from the brunette as he turned the knob on the door and slipped out. He lingered outside the door, straining to hear Gary inside. He heard the sound of footsteps ascending the stairs, and with a shuddering breath, he walked away from the lab. Pikachu purred on his shoulder, trying to comfort him, but he ignored his partner, focused on getting away.

He didn’t know what he expected. Had he wanted Gary to go after him? Maybe. Maybe not. He didn’t know, and he didn’t want to know.

Not anymore.

Half-jogging the way home, he let the crisp cool air of a Kanto summer night roll over him. He thanked the streetlamps that illuminated the streets now, and after getting a distance away, he finally settled on walking.

Pikachu jumped off his shoulders and walked beside him, curious that his trainer was walking a different route home. And Ash was – he wasn’t going home yet. He didn’t know where his legs wanted to take him, but before long, he found himself on a familiar route, recalling countless times in childhood he took that street to a familiar house.

Ash spotted the familiar silhouette of a white mansion. He took note of the manicured garden and the wide porch. There was still the old rocking chair, and through the moonlight, the house’s white color looked beautiful. He walked over to the mailbox and stopped, riffling through his jacket and produced a blue envelope. Inside was a letter he had written after that trip to Cerulean with Misty.

At the time he wrote it, he didn’t know why he felt the need – the urgency – to write this long letter. He felt spent after writing it; it had been the longest letter he’d ever written. It was the most honest he’d been in one too, his words flowing out once he started.

Standing in front of the Oak’s residence, Ash knew all the words he didn’t know he had inside were in this letter. And now it was time someone knew it all.

Like he said: everyone deserved the truth. Even if it hurt them.

Chapter Text

Ash wondered what it meant to grow up.

At ten years old, he knew what he wanted to be: a Pokémon Master.

Sure, it hadn’t been easy, and the truth was, going for that dream hadn’t been so cut-and-dry simple as he initially thought it would be. There was always the odd end: a Pokémon he raised only to let go, people he met that never stayed too long, and the constant tangles he had with powerful Pokémon, the stuff books and dreams were made of.

He didn’t expect everything to be so complicated.

The idea was Pikachu, and that Brock and Misty would be with him, and they’d go around the world, catching and training Pokémon, looking for unique Water-types, and learning new breeding techniques, and occasionally, bumping into your rival.

It had been so easy. So simple. Until it wasn’t anymore.

Growing up he found himself wanting not to. His body was aging, and yet deep inside, he tried to hold on to the ten-year-old him, the one who started out full of optimism and hopes, and looking in the mirror he tried to ignore the taller height, the darker eyes, and the body that no longer fit the image of a child.

Him, a man now.

And he went on all those journeys imagining himself as still ten, like the very morning he left for Oak’s lab to get his first Pokémon, and the only thing he managed to accomplish was to run from himself. For all his life, Ash Ketchum did not know how to grow up, even when everyone around him did it so naturally.

He wished Celebi or Dialga kept him young forever. Growing up, he learned to hold on to new things, and learned to let go of some of them too. And it wasn’t that the pain of letting go and rediscovering something new made him sad, but it was the constant reminder in his head that no matter where he went and whatever he did, he still felt like a child, constantly handed a new responsibility as time went on.

How did people do it? How did people grow up without breaking? How did people grow up learning how to be whole, how to look for the missing parts of themselves in places no one thought to look in?

He felt incomplete. Somehow, he felt there were pieces of him that would never be whole, and even though he’s learned to live with it, it still ached to know that he’d never be whole.

That’s what he realized in Alola, in all those times he kept to himself in his room refusing to eat. It was on his mind whenever he drove out late in secret, always distracted by his wayward thoughts. He wanted to say something, to have someone help him sort out his feelings – all the negativity – when he realized he didn’t know how to start.

And for all the words he wanted to say, none made sense, and he had no one to say them to. Maybe that was why he subconsciously realized all the years before and started writing those postcards to Gary: he wanted someone to listen to the words he couldn’t find the courage to say out loud. He wondered why it was Gary he sent those postcards to, and why Pallet Town, until he realized he wasn’t even writing to Gary the researcher.

He was writing to the Gary who broke his heart.

~*~*~*~

The beaches of Cinnabar stretched on for miles. At the corner of his eye, Ash saw Pikachu and Totodile play with Sylveon and Pancham, a Pansage lying contentedly at a distance, watching his fellow Pokémon play in the sand. It was a beautiful day really, clear blue skies and straggling clouds, the sounds of Wingull and Pelipper in the air, and the horn of cruise ships in the distance was a welcome noise amidst the crashing waves, and all he could think was that it was everything.

“Hey.”

Ash turned from his seat on the storm walls and saw a girl walking towards him, a crepe in each hand. She had a huge floppy straw hat, her short light brown hair tousled in the sea breeze. She looked pretty, Ash thought, and very much in the moment – sandals and a fashionable net patterned top over a flowery two-piece. She had gone back after going to one of the new crepe stands by the beach, and volunteered to get them both a crepe as Ash watched their Pokémon.

“Found you. How’s everyone?” Serena handed over one of the crepes to him, and he quickly dug in, his eyes back to the beach.

“They’re great. I’m glad Cilan asked us out. I wonder what the occasion was, though.”

“He missed cooking for you, I heard.”

Ash laughed heartily. “I’m flattered. But really.”

“Really,” Serena nodded, and took a careful bite of her strawberry crepe. She watched as Pikachu made funny faces while buried in the sand, as Sylveon and Pancham rolled over in laughter. Ash’s Totodile was playing with the sand, like the small starter was making a sandcastle. “The week you got back, it was your mom and Brock who did all the cooking. He barely got the time to touch anything in the kitchen to make something for you.”

Ash softened. “He’s too nice to me.”

“He’s thoughtful. He was shocked, like Brock was, since you appeared a little on the thin side.”

“Shocked like you.”

Serena was quiet for a moment, which gave Ash the time to devour his chocolate crepe. Some chocolate sauce dribbled down his hand and quickly licked it up before making more of a mess, and waited for his female friend to continue. It had been like that with his friends lately – a game of ‘first to get something out of Ash’, and it quickly got irritating.

Ash was fine. Not entirely, but fine enough.

“It was nice to see you again though. I’m glad you’re at least talking to us again.”

Ash didn’t miss the hint of frustration in Serena’s voice when she said that. Out of all the people he didn’t contact, of course Serena was one of those who worried excessively. Misty, Brock, and Cilan looked at him like he was their younger sibling, May and Iris looked at him like he was their partner-in-crime, Dawn and Clemont looked at him for support, and Max and Bonnie looked up to him like an older brother.

But Serena was different. She always was.

She was the only one he traveled with that had prior history with him before a journey. She was the only who he saw grew up drastically before his eyes – new clothes and drastic haircuts, rising to the challenges she faced. She was the only one who said goodbye to him and made it feel like a promise – a kiss at the airport, just as they separated ways.

Serena would always be special. They wouldn’t be more than that – they both knew it – but she was still someone who Ash held especially close to his heart. Maybe that’s why he tried the hardest to say nothing to her, because he knew he’d hurt her if he told her she couldn’t do anything to help him, even if she tried.

There are just some things you can’t help with.

“For all it’s worth, I’m glad to be back too.”

And he smiled at her, and she smiled back, and he felt himself relax.

A few moments later he caught the whiff of something delicious, and turning in the direction Serena was looking, he spotted an older male with a basket in his hands, skipping down the boulevard humming a tune. It made him look childish, this act, if only his height didn’t betray the image.

“Ah! I see you have located one of those new crepe stands by the seaside. I hope you did not consume too much to spoil your appetite – I’m afraid I made a lot.” Cilan looked over at the pair in front of him, raising a picnic basket for them to see.

“It’s fine. We only got one since Serena told me you were making something. I heard you missed cooking for me,” Ash teased.

“You heard correctly dear Ash! And while your mother’s culinary prowess and Brock’s mastery in the kitchen for making delicacies fit for an emperor in huge numbers is something I do not regret partaking in, I have to admit that making you eat something of my own creation is something I want to get done,” Cilan elaborated in his usual over-the-top manner. “Besides, going on a diet like that does not give your body a healthy lean figure. You still look a bit thin.”

Ash rolled his eyes. “I said it before, I’ll say it again: I’m fine. I got around a lot in Alola. Sometimes I just ate a little less than my usual.”

Serena and Cilan raised their eyebrows at that, but kept quiet at it.

“I see our Pokémon are having fun,” Cilan changed the topic, and Serena took her cue to direct it somewhere brighter.

“Let’s get to the beach. I’d love a picnic.”

And so they did, laying down a red checkered blanket on the sand, laying out various sandwiches and salads and pastries that they and their Pokémon consumed, and watched the afternoon blue turn to scarlet on the waves. They made light conversation and talked about what they were doing lately.

“So you guys met in Lilycove then huh?” Ash questioned.

“Yes,” Cilan answered, “I arrived three days before Serena did, and I met her at the department store. We ended up shopping and sightseeing together and she showed me around. As you know, I am planning to stay in Hoenn for quite some time.”

“I guess that means you two are traveling together?”

“No,” Serena shook he head, “the Hoenn Grand Festival just ended, so I wanted to go to another region to train some more and enter their Festival. I’ve been to Unova, but I don’t know where to go next.”

“I see. Why not try Sinnoh? I’m sure Dawn would be willing to help you with that.”

“I’m actually considering it. But,” Serena paused, biting her lip, “I don’t think Sinnoh is the place I want to be at the moment.”

“Why not give Alola a try?”

Ash whipped his head to stare at Cilan, and Serena looked at the Sommelier with alarm. That was practically a blunt approach at the topic, one they were all aware they were avoiding all day. Cilan had always been the gentleman, sensitive and tactful, but now it seemed that the older male threw it all out the window, and just elbowed his way into the conversation. It sounded more about Ash than Serena now, and the girl tensed at the shift in topic.

What was Cilan doing?

Cilan looked innocent, like his suggestion was normal. “I heard about this unique Flying-type endemic to the region. Oricorio I think? I heard that its appearance varies depending on the type of berries it eats. I heard there were four variations! Simply fascinating! I think you would love to get one on your team, Serena, as such a strong addition to your plays would provide a flavorful performance!”

And just like that, Ash released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Serena laughed, her shoulders slack with tension gone. Cilan smiled as he usually did, petting his Pansage that fell asleep beside him earlier.

“Yeah. I think you’d like Alola, Serena. It’s warmer than Kalos though, like Kanto weather. And there are lots of cool Pokémon too. The contest circuit in Alola isn’t as established as the ones in regions I’ve been through, but I think it’ll be good. Personally, I think the island-hopping itself is enough reason to want to try going.”

Serena was surprised that Ash voluntarily supplied them that information. It had been so hard trying to get anything out of the boy about his stay in Alola. Granted he did talk about Alola itself when they asked, but the boy never said anything resembling a personal attachment to the region. Hearing him say something like he enjoyed island-hopping, and that he was happy, it was like Ash opened up to them, if only a little.

“Did you do it often? Island-hopping?” Serena asked, hoping to move the conversation along.

“Yeah,” Ash said, “I went with my classmates most of the time. Mostly, I went with Lillie, since she knew the islands a lot. Sometimes I sneaked out with the guys too, but only when we didn’t have homework or anything.”

“Knowing you, you probably snuck out even if you did have homework.”

Ash laughed, and Serena grinned. She knew Ash wasn’t alone in Alola; he lived with Professor Kukui she heard, and there was Samson Oak as well. She knew that Ash wouldn’t have trouble finding himself friends, but in the silence that Ash kept, she worried if the boy became a loner in the archipelago region. Hearing Ash’s laughter, she thought herself silly.

It was Ash after all. Friends found their way to him naturally.

“Ah! Finally a taste of sweetness from your bitter mood! I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to get out of your little saudade.”

Ash’s laughter softened, and looked at Cilan. He really was astute to these kinds of things, Ash thought, something Brock could learn to do around girls.

“To be fair, I was bombarded with all these questions about Alola. May and Dawn weren’t exactly the most effective interrogators.”

Cilan chuckled. “Quite true,” he said, before adopting a lower and somber tone. “I apologize if I seem intrusive on the topic. We got the hint you didn’t want to talk about it, but we want to let you know that your refusal to talk does not mean we shouldn’t worry. Because we do.”

Ash nodded. “I know. I fell out of contact with you all for a year. It wasn’t fair.”

“Well,” Serena started, “if you want to talk, just know we’re here for you. Get yourself a phone and call us from time to time.”

Pikachu curled up with Sylveon and Pancham beside them, tired and sleepy after a day of playing in the sand. Ash traced a lazy circle on his partner’s back, and Pikachu let out a pleased spark from his cheeks.

“I do want to talk, just not now, okay? I will when I feel comfortable about it. It’s just…”

“There are things that happened that are hard to talk about. I know the feeling.”

Ash looked up from Pikachu and turned to look at Cilan. For a moment, his smile looked a little brittle, a little less cheery, and his eyes seemed glassy, like it saw something back in a lost memory. Before any of them could say anything, he continued. “It hadn’t always been easy for the three of us, me, Chili, and Cress. That happens when you grow up having no parents in the picture. And for a time, I’ve made my lonely walk in dark avenues of my life that were a little too gloomy to talk about,” Cilan smiled fondly at Ash. “It takes one to know one, Ash.”

Ash’s words dried in his throat, suddenly feeling voiceless. Somehow Cilan knew. And he understood why Cilan was so sensitive and tactful and somehow casual about his reappearance – because the older boy understood as well.

“How did you manage to break out if it?” Serena asked. Ash listened, as Cilan seemed to take a moment and think about it.

“I tried putting to words the most honest feelings I had, and wrote it out. Then I read it out loud, and somehow, it helped. After that, I found myself opening up to my brothers, and they did the same,” Cilan hummed. “Saying the hardest things first is never easy, but after that, everything else follows. It just takes time. And courage.”

“Courage huh,” Cilan smiled at Ash.

“So I guess I’ll try my luck at Alola,” Serena sighed. The three friends hummed their agreement and watched the sunset in comfortable silence, and soon packed up their things. They called their Pokémon back to their Pokéballs and dusted off their clothes. It was halfway to the Pokémon Center when Ash remembered Cilan use another complicated word he wasn’t familiar with.

“Hey Cilan,” he called out, “what was it you said I was never getting out of earlier?”

“Oh,” the older male thought pensively, “you mean ‘saudade’?”

“Yeah. What does that mean?”

Cilan only smiled. “I think you should just look it up when you get the chance.”

~*~*~*~

Ash took Cilan’s advice then. He tried to be the most honest with himself as he could, and thought of the most appropriate words he could use.

He thought of Gary.

He thought of himself.

Saudade.

[You quit being my rival when we were twelve. You said we’d be friends again, but to be honest, I couldn’t see you that way – a friend. Not since we were nine.]

Ash remembered all those times before, looking for a quiet corner at a Pokémon Center to sit down and compose a message, secretly going in stores and buying postcards, staying up later than the others so he could write, and writing just about anything he allowed himself, short and long, mundane and significant.

 [I remembered that day clearly. It was summer. I wanted to go out and play by the forest, but you didn’t want to since a few kids from town started hanging out with you. You told me we were just rivals – not friends anymore. And then you chose new friends over me. I guess the last part was what hurt most. I didn’t know why that hurt me the way it did then, but I think I know why now. I felt like I was never going to measure up to you. In your eyes, I was never going to be your equal.]

[It wasn’t fair. You were unfair.]

He remembered looking for a mail box to drop the letters in, and he’d do that in secrecy – just a private thing that he allowed himself to keep from his traveling companions – and after all these years of never being where he is now, it was about time he stopped writing letters.

[I guess I just didn’t want to stop being friends. I was stubborn like that. I tried thinking maybe the rival thing wouldn’t work, that the next day you’d change your mind, ditch those jerks, and play with me, but then you didn’t. It had been easy to hate you after that. But I guess I hated the fact that I allowed myself to hate you, even when I didn’t want to.]

It was about time he let go of those childhood memories.

[And then you decided to quit being a trainer and started being a researcher. You gave me back half of the Pokéball we shared, and said maybe we’d be friends, and I thought that was bullshit, because I hadn’t looked at you like you were my best friend since the time you pushed me away all those years ago. But I didn’t want to lose you either, so I gave you back your half and settled on being friends. I could deal with that.]

It was about time he let go.

[But the thing was, I was just too stubborn to not have you in my life. You were not a friend, not a rival, but you were familiar and safe, and even as we grew up I knew I should have let you go since we were clearly in different areas now, regions apart and doing things the other didn’t, but I was selfish and still wanted you around, even without meeting up or calling.]

[Part of the reason I tried school in Alola was for you. Maybe I’d feel closer to you somehow if I learned something from your field, so maybe we’d have something to talk about the next time we met. That maybe, I’d be interesting enough to have a minute of your attention at least. But school was hard. It was lonely. And I was on my own with only Pikachu and Rotom and the Pokémon I got in Alola, and I was always tired, always sad. I tried to end it many times, more than I could count, but I never could though. So I quit school and came back to Pallet.]

[We agreed to being friends – “Friends Forever” you even said to me in Sinnoh – but why don’t you be honest about it for once?]

[You quit being my friend. You quit being my rival. And then we wanted to go back to being friends again, but all you wanted was to quit me. You wanted to put the past behind. Put me behind. And I know you took back that half of the Pokéball only because I asked you to, not because you wanted it. Because at least a friend was easy to place; to put at a distance between us without feeling guilty.]

And he knew that after personally delivering this long letter it would mean the end. Ash supposed he should feel some sort of sorrow, but he only felt relief. This was the last weight he carried, and it was time he put it down. He’d carried this weight inside of him long enough.

[I looked for you in the people I’ve met, but no one ever did replace you. Nobody could ever replace you. Growing up with you, I knew that better than anyone. Not just as a trainer, but as a person.  But I guess I wasn’t the same case for you.]

He dropped the blue envelope into the mailbox’s slot. Ash heard the sound of paper hitting against paper, figuring the mailbox had a bunch of bills inside as well. He looked over at Pikachu and he smiled, jumping back to his trainer’s shoulder.

 [The two of us had shared a lot together, and I hoped that somehow that was enough. Clearly, it wasn’t. And I hated it wasn’t enough. I hated you that I wasn’t enough. I hated you. I fucking hated you, you bastard. And it would be so fucking easy to choose to still hate you. To blame you. To blame myself. But you know I never really choose the easy choices.]

[You were always a special person to me Gary Oak. And even if you’re not in my life now the way I wanted you to be, I guess you still are.]

Ash rummaged around his bag and pulled a small drawstring pouch. He pulled an old trinket out and looked at it, running his fingers across its old beaten surface. He kept it close to him, always brought it wherever he went, but now it was just a weight he had to let go as well. He lodged his fingers against the opening of the mailbox, seeing if it was wide enough, and seeing it was, he dropped an old memento away.

With the blue envelope containing everything he couldn’t say in his heart, he also gave back his promise.

This time, he was the one giving Gary his half of the Pokéball.

He heard the soft thunk as the broken device hit the rest of the mail inside, and with that, Ash walked away from the white house. All those years ago, having the Pokéball be whole in his hand didn’t make sense. It felt more sense that it was halved in two, held by two people who promised to stay in touch. But they didn’t live up to that promise for too long, and Ash felt that if anybody was giving up something to someone to make the ball whole, then it was him.

He did feel unfair to Gary. He saw the sign after all, how he subtly implied that they weren’t going to be best buddies like before. But Ash pushed it, selfishly thinking it was what they both wanted, when in truth, it was only him pining for something that was already beyond salvaging.

He couldn’t count on everyone else making him feel whole. Sometimes, he learned growing up, it was okay to admit defeat. To know he had lost, and to keep moving forward anyway.

It was late. He walked the way home, Pikachu in tow. He looked above him and gazed at the stars. They were beautiful out tonight. Ash wished he could wish on all the stars he could count to make all the wrong things in his life feel right again, but that was impossible.

Stars only listened. Only people can work to make their wishes happen.

He arrived home past ten, and saw his mom drinking tea in the kitchen.

Delia was looking past the kitchen window, a pensive look in her face. She was dressed in a nightgown, her willowy figure looking both young and old. Ash knew this version of his mom well when they were young: it was figure of a woman who was waiting for her beloved to come back. Ash knew Delia waited for his father even up to now, more out of habit than love, and Ash could figure that Delia had one more person she was now waiting on.

She looked like she was planning to sit for a while, and when she turned to look at Ash, he saw her visibly relax, like she had been anticipating Ash’s return at an even later hour.

“Mom, did you plan to stay up for me?”

“I wanted to.” Delia was quiet, and beside her, Ash saw a new hat on the table. A new jacket, too. Somehow, before he knew it himself, his mother already knew. Mothers knew best, he supposed.

Delia stood up and gave Ash the clothes, and the boy could only stare. This was the same as when he left for Sinnoh, and Unova, and even Kalos. He wanted to say something, some positive expression about new beginnings or some random crap like that, but somehow, knowing he had accomplished what he apparently needed to do in town, he couldn’t find the words to say anything.

He didn’t want to be the kind of person who made someone wait up for him late in the night. He didn’t want to be someone like his absentee father. But somehow, growing up and always being away on the road, he became that someone anyway.

Before he could say anything though, he was pulled into a tight hug, and he finally let his shoulders sag and wrap his own arms around his mother. He was a grown man, and still, he was childishly selfish. He still thinks of himself only, and Ash was aware how he tired his mother with his coming home, only to leave for traveling to some far place she couldn’t reach him. Did his mother feel like she lost her son to the world too? Did she feel like she no longer had a son with the time away he spent from home and seldom made calls? He could only hold on tighter, trying to cram all the heart and love for his mother he could muster.

He hoped she knew. He hoped she could feel his gratitude, a multitude of ‘thank you’s that could not be expressed enough. He hoped that despite his shortcomings as a son, she still loved him just as much as he loved her.

And in that moment he felt like he could cry in his mother’s arms, the only person he felt who would ever know him like this – who would ever hold him like he was her entire world.

Who would ever hold him like he was enough.

 “It’s okay dear. I understand.”

Ash removed himself from the hug and nodded.

“Thanks mom.”

 He went upstairs, got dressed down, and went to bed, Pikachu in his own bed, lying beside his Pokéballs. He set the new clothes by his dresser, and he looked at his room, filled with his childhood memorabilia – a room that carried both the 10-year-old him and the 20-year-old version of him today. He fell asleep thinking of tomorrow, imagining Oshawott’s training and Charizard’s flight, of Torterra’s shade and Snorlax’s warmth…

-----

In the morning, he ate the breakfast his mom prepared, and with one last kiss on the cheek and goodbye, Ash was out the door again.

Delia had seen this scene so many times in her life – her son with Pikachu walking out the door – and she keeps telling herself that she should have been used to this by now. But she never did. It never got easier to watch her son walk out that door, and the only thing she could do was smile and wave, wish him luck, and silently pray that he’d always be safe. And that he’d be happy.

How many times can a child break his mother’s heart?  Delia would tell you it didn’t matter how many, if the number of times her child put it back together surpassed it. She would gladly still love her son with all her heart, whole or in pieces.

After all, a mother always wished her child happiness before her own.

A distance away, Ash willed himself to look at the huge mountain. He could try training there for a while. Then, if he was conscious of his stay, he could make that trip to the Sevii Islands with his friends.

He’d make that trip with them, he vowed, but somehow the promise felt heavy, like another weight.

“You ready buddy?”

“Pi-ka!”

And with one last glance back, he made his way out of Pallet Town. Ash didn’t know what he came back to Pallet Town for, or what he had waited for all this time, but maybe he had always been waiting for a closure with Gary – whether that ended on a good or bad note.

To him, although Gary was many things, he would not be that cocky guy in the red convertible who drove him mad, or the guy who became a renowned Pokémon researcher. He wouldn’t be the guy who guy who pushed him away, or the guy who learned to forget about him.

To him, he would always be that boy with the outstretched hand pulling him forward, smiling and young, before the world took them away from each. He would be the boy he watched a funny movie with, and the boy who shared with him a dream bigger than they were.

And it may be a thing of the past – their actual, genuine friendship – but if that was the part of Gary Oak he could take that still saw him as the boy who wanted a friend, without the League, without the research, without their complicated feelings for Pokémon, without the way time made them grow up without each other; then he’d settle for that.

He could deal with having just that.

Ash hitched his backpack a little higher, and with Pikachu and his team, he was on another journey. He looked back and saw the entirety of Pallet Town spread before him, the first light of morning dripping the waking town in gold. Was this what Gary saw when he left Pallet to be a researcher all those years ago? Was this what he felt? Was it worth it?

And he thought: Gary was right after all.

Maybe sometimes, it wouldn’t be that bad to leave it all behind.

Chapter Text

Professor Oak arrived from Goldenrod at an early hour of the morning. Instead of going directly to the lab however, he went home, wanting to rest a bit before going to work. It was 5 in the morning, and Daisy, her granddaughter, was already at the breakfast counter by their kitchen organizing mail.

“Hey grandpa. Welcome back.”

Professor Oak smiled. “I’m home. And good morning Daisy. Where’s your brother? Still asleep in his room?”

“Yes, and if by room you mean your library at the lab, then yes, he still asleep in his room,” Daisy replied, sipping from her cup of coffee. “I got up early thinking I should go through our mail and the monthly bills. Then I got this box of old mail I’ve kept over the years, and I’m thinking of giving it all to its intended recipient.”

The professor saw a box beside Daisy, one that contained what looks to be old mail, and peered inside to see a bunch of postcards and letters. It wasn’t a whole lot, but some of them looked faded with time. On top of the pile was a blue envelope, and for some reason, a half Pokéball.

“What’s all this? Who’s it all for?”

“I’m taking it to the lab later. It’s for Gary.”

“…Should I be concerned?”

Daisy smiled, looking pensively at her mug. “I don’t think so grandpa. Don’t worry.”

The older man shrugged and poured himself a mug of coffee. Daisy made him breakfast: waffles and eggs, and by 6, Daisy went out and hauled the box full of old mail and bid her grandfather she’d be back, no doubt already handing her brother the box of seemingly important mail.

Tired from the trip, Professor Oak took his time to rest. By the time he was done with the dishes and climbed up his bedroom, he heard Daisy return and check up on him, and told him she was going out to Celadon later in the day. The older man took a quick nap, and a few hours later, he was on his way to the lab.

It was late morning when he arrived at the lab. He was greeted by Tracey and several of his aides, and pulling out his phone, he read a text he got from Delia. He paused and stared at his phone, both unbelieving and resigned to what it said. He’d known it would happen. It was unsurprising.

He continued walking, and on his way to the library he was greeted by Ash’s Muk, giving him an affectionate hug and expressing how he missed the professor.

“Yes, yes, Muk, I missed you too. Now where’s my grandson?” the professor asked, knowing well where he was anyway.

“Muuuuuuuuuuk!” The sludge Pokémon pointed in the direction of the library. Professor Oak sighed. When he invited his grandson over, he thought he had taken him away from his research. Ash had been back for the past year, and when the two young adults started hanging out together again, with Ash occasionally bringing food for his older friend, the professor thought that the two of them would repair the gap that had formed between them from not seeing each other in so long.

He was aware that Gary had withdrawn into his research, and though Ash didn’t say anything, he knew the other boy also had personal issues that had come up over the years, so he hoped that the two of them would at least, if not open up to each other, catch up over lost time.

As he made his way to the library and entered, he took in the sight of his library. It wasn’t exactly a mess, but it wasn’t tidy either. He quickly saw his grandson by the long table at the center of the room, still and frozen.

The professor saw that his grandson was staring at a long letter in the boy’s hand, and the broken Pokéball he saw this morning. At his feet was his Umbreon, and at the far side of the table were Gary’s laptop, tablet, and stack of documents, all forgotten at the moment.

The professor cleared his throat to grab Gary’s attention. Gary started at his grandfather, a Stantler-in-the-headlights look on his face, and he gaped at the older man before finding his voice.

“Grandpa,” Gary began, his voice cracking in the middle, “you’re back early.”

Professor Oak raised an eyebrow. “I believe it’s 10 in the morning now Gary. How long have you been awake over the mail Daisy brought in?” He ran a quick assessment over his grandson – his hair was was ruffled messily, unstyled like he just woke up. His clothes were not his usual day attire, and his lab coat still hung over another chair.

Gary bit his lip, “Just a while. Daisy came in and brought me breakfast. She…told me I had mail I needed to catch up on.” The older Oak peered at the table where mail was scattered – letters and postcards, a myriad of scenes from Ever Grande to Lumiose to Poni Island, and it finally dawned on Professor Oak who all the mail was from.

“You’ve been awake for the last four hours?”

“I – I was – I meant to start working right away, but – it’s just –” Professor Oak rarely got to see his grandson flustered. It was another new thing he was discovering, that his own grandson was allowing himself to feel again, much like he was a child. He received a text from Delia yesterday that Ash and Gary went to Pewter yesterday, and from the message, he got the image that the two were getting along like they used to as kids.

Looking at Gary now, Professor Oak couldn’t help but wonder if it was just a fleeting hope. Have the years truly been unkind? Have their differences been too great to bridge?

“It’s okay Gary. You could do more with a little less work. I invited you back home to relax after all; it’s a little disappointing you’ve spent your stay thus far focused on work still.”

Gary quieted, and his hands held tighter to a letter he had in his right hand. It looked like a long one, and something indicated to the older Oak that it was this letter in particular that set his grandson on edge. In his left hand was the white half of a Pokéball, its luster faded with time.

The brown-haired trainer sighed, opened his mouth and asked, “Gramps, do you think I’m a bad person for not wanting Ash to be in my life?”

Professor Oak was surprised at the least, but not greatly shocked at the question, and considered his answer carefully. Growing up, he had always dreamed of becoming the world’s best Pokémon researcher. He developed the concept of the Pokéball and the Pokédex, and with the struggle of proving his worth to his parents and the hardships of working as an academic in a world that gave priority to Pokémon being used in battles rather than research, he managed to push through.

It hadn’t been easy. Elm and Birch’s contributions helped, and establishing connections with others like Rowan, Juniper, Sycamore, Willow, and Kukui had furthered his research; and in the end, he had pushed himself to his limits to the point that he had pushed people out of his life.

His own brother, Samson, had grown distant over the years and moved to Alola, and when his own daughter and her husband met an accident that resulted in their untimely passing, he had been slapped in the face with the fact that the more he dove into his research, the less grasp he had over his own personal life.

When Daisy and Gary came into his life, he felt the years catch up – he barely knew his grandchildren, and acted around them the only way he knew: with detachment. He had been unfair, he realized another few years later, that his own neglect forced Daisy to grow up faster and mature for a girl her age, and before he knew it, Daisy had become an adult and Gary became a trainer.

In all honesty, he didn’t see a place for Daisy and Gary in his life before. But even as a grownup, life had a way of reminding people that they are never too old to grow up still, and in the next decade, Samuel Oak grew into a life that had a place for his grandchildren.

It wasn’t that Professor Oak didn’t want Daisy and Gary in his life. It was just he never knew what role he had in their lives; he could never completely be a parent to them after all, and they weren’t a big part of his life before. But he loved them very much, and soon the question of where their place in his life vanished, and became a question of how could he live without them.

“I think it’s not that you don’t want Ash in your life,” Professor Oak started, “but rather, it’s that you no longer know where you two stand. I think that’s what it means to run away from your problems, Gary. It’s easy to be safe at a distance, rather than go through the pain of being close.”

Gary was quiet for a moment, his eyes focused on the letter in his hand. “Ash and I…we aren’t friends.”

The older Oak threw a look of surprise at his grandson, but Gary continued, not seeing his grandfather’s reaction. “I mean, we had been as kids. We hung out and played together, until, you know…”

“You became trainers.”

Gary gave his grandfather a grimacing smile, remembering a cruel memory. “No. Months before we became trainers, Ash and I had a fight. It was silly really – I just wanted to hang out and be cool around the other kids, but they didn’t like Ash. He was too weird they said. A troublemaker. So I pushed him away so I could be with other people. It was an easy decision – we were kids. But then I couldn’t stop.

“We became rivals. Two conferences later and I realized it wasn’t what I wanted, so I quit. I became a researcher. And while Ash and I were still chummy, there was a gap there now. We weren’t on the same page anymore. Until we got less contact and stopped talking. Shit, that phone call when he was in Alola was awkward as hell, I remember. It was like trying to act familiar with a stranger.”

Gary sighed. “You’re right, gramps. We don’t know where we stand anymore. There’s no place for us to be in each other’s life. We’re just…”

“Acquaintances.”

“Yeah.”

“Ash doesn’t see it that way.”

Gary chuckled weakly, the letter in his hand getting rumpled by the second. “I know.”

“And you?” Gary looked over at his grandfather. “Do you see it that way? Just acquaintances?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that how you want it to be, though?”

And for the first time in the conversation, Gary didn’t look so sure. He was silent, like his thoughts were running wild. Professor Oak pushed forward, and opened his mouth to say something he felt Gary should know.

“After he got home from Sinnoh, Ash was a little off. Then everything changed after Unova. He had an encounter with Zekrom, and apparently it tipped something inside him. He’d been relatively fine – cheerful and energetic as always – so we didn’t really think much of it. But then Alola happened.”

There was a beat of silence after that. Professor Oak was never one to divulge someone else’s secret, especially if it wasn’t his position to tell, but having someone like Ash learn to hide secrets to the point of garnering great concern from those around him, it wasn’t right.

It wasn’t a secret what Ash was going through; he could see it plain as day. But when something remains unspoken or unacknowledged, it was easy to pretend it wasn’t real.

It doesn’t make the truth any less real though.

Gary eyed him warily. “He was…he was depressed, wasn’t he?”

The older researcher mulled over the fact that Gary knew, and nodded before continuing.

“We thought so. He showed the signs for it. Loss of appetite, sometimes refusing to eat, never leaving his room, sleeping for longer hours. He hid it well from everyone – it was easy for Ash to put on his happy persona – but sometimes Professor Kukui and my brother Samson caught him slipping. Driving recklessly at night, swimming too far off at sea – moments when Ash would seem hollow and vacant. They had decided to talk to him about it, but before that even happened, Ash came clean with what he felt was happening with himself and told them that he was dropping out to go back here in Pallet. To take care of himself.”

“And he’d been here a year since.”

“Yes.”

Gary’s mind analyzed what it all meant: Ash going around meeting with all his friends, submitting his requirements for Elite Trainer status, never without someone or a Pokémon around him, visiting him in the library, cooking for him, engaging in light banter, and going out of town. Always occupied with doing something. Region after region, badge after badge…

“What do you want us to be?”

There was only silence. Before Professor Oak could speak, Gary tossed the letter in his hand back inside the box. He pocketed half of the Pokéball in his hand and stood up, his chair scraping the wooden floor. He grabbed his jacket from yesterday and Umbreon was instantly at his heels.

“Gary! Where are you going?”

“To see Ash. I need to give him my answer.”

“You won’t find him at his house if that’s where you’re going.”

Gary paused at the doorway, craning his neck at his grandfather. “What do you mean?”

“Did Ash take a full roster of six Pokémon yesterday?” the older Oak asked.

“He did. He even had a battle with Forrester using Oshawott.”

“I got a text from Delia this morning.” When he didn’t elaborate, Gary slowly turned to face his grandfather fully. “What are you saying?”

But he didn’t need his grandfather to confirm what he realized.

“He left, didn’t he? What the hell… We just – we were together yesterday! He couldn’t have just left without saying anything!”

Except Gary knew Ash did, or at least the younger boy tried last night, when he said to himself that Ash was being too emotional and sentimental. How could he have been so blind – so stupid – to see that Ash had meant something else rather than just a childish spat?

Ash hadn’t been talking about what happened when they were nine; he had been talking about the present they were in, and where they wanted to go from there.

“What do you want us to be?”

And he said he was tired, and he heard Ash said goodbye and left. He remembered hesitating a bit on the stairs. Was that it? Should he drop it? Should he have gone after him? He didn’t think too much about it and just went to bed, and in the morning Daisy gave him a box full of mail that he didn’t know he had, and suddenly, it all made sense.

Both of them knew the truth: there was no place for them to be in each other’s lives. What they had was a shared past and nothing more. But Ash tried to make a place for them, to make a common ground, to the point that he drove himself to a corner that almost pushed him off the ledge, one postcard and letter at a time.

Of course he tried. He never was the type to give up easily. Wasn’t Gary smart? He should’ve known this. He should’ve seen this. And yet he didn’t, all because he was looking at all the wrong places – in his research, in his self-absorbed withdrawal, and his desire to be this great independent person – that when the chance came for him to choose, he made the regrettable choice. Again.

It was like he was back to being nine years old.

Joule, Alistair, Natasha, and a whole group of peers giving him approval, or a friendship with Ash?

His research, his standing, his reputation, or another shot at friendship with Ash?

Painless solitude or Ash?

Why was it an option? It shouldn’t have been an option. He’s known all along, it just took him a while to realize it. And for all the effort he tried to be more honest with himself, he had still lost to Ash’s sincerity and inner strength.

He was smarter, possibly stronger, and had more resources to draw upon. But when it came to the things that mattered most, he never could beat Ash.

But Ash was also human, and humans had breaking points. And it would only take so many tries and failures until it felt enough, and it was time to let go.

Ash left. Of course he left – he was always bound to leave, Gary thought, you pushed him away.

But Gary was done pushing away. He was through with diving into his research to escape his personal life. He was done trying to convince himself he was happy with settling with what he had at the present – because damn it all, he wanted more than this.

He wanted to be happy. And for so long he compiled a long list of friends in his life – Cynthia, Steven, Blanche, Professor Willow, Alain, even Brock and Misty, and yet it all still lead back to him.

Right from the start, right from the moment Gary saw that boy clinging to his mother’s skirt as he eyed him warily – it was always Ash.

It always has been.

Gary looked at Umbreon and his grandfather – one who watched with worry for his grandson, and the other with devotion towards his master. He shook his head and cleared his thoughts. No more running around in circles. He knew his answer – perhaps he always had. He was just a pessimistic realist; he could learn to be a little more optimistic.

“Hey gramps, I’m taking a break today,” Professor Oak raised an eyebrow at him, surprised with Gary’s sudden shift in mood, “I’ll be doing a little walking. I guess I’ll take that offer then. To relax.”

But before the older Oak could reply, Gary was out the door, Umbreon at a swift pace behind his trainer. Professor Oak could only smile. He looked at all the letters and postcards that had occupied the table – old and new, long and brief. Sometimes messages take longer than others to get to where they need to be, but when it does, the timing almost always seems right.

People find where they belong in the end.

Gary ran past the streets of Pallet, a little disheveled and much in a hurry. He looked back on all the chances he could’ve made it right – watching Ash fix the car, complimenting his cooking, leaning on the hood of the convertible at a quiet gas station, looking straight at him at the foyer of the lab – and he thought if he could not get all those missed opportunities and lost chances then he’d make one.

He’d been right: sometimes, it wouldn’t be that bad to leave it all behind.

He ran past the edge of Route 1, Umbreon ahead of him, clearing the path from wild Pokémon. He knew this path; there was a shortcut here that would take him past Viridian and into Route 28. He never slowed down, feeling like he was walking on air. He smiled to himself despite the situation he found himself in.

Because Ash was also right: the things worth having are worth fighting for.

He saw the edge of the forest and the clearing ahead. With one last sprint, he and Umbreon cleared the woods and stumbled into the meadows sprawling the base of Mt. Silver. He panted, out of breath, and roamed his eyes around.

There was nothing – no one around. Only the expanse of the meadows and the sight of Mt. Silver, and of course, his answer. He saw his answer.

And he laughed at the sight. So much he found himself kneeling on the ground. Umbreon looked on with confusion, and he almost cried for his stupidity because he was so much in a hurry to leave the lab that he didn’t bring any other Pokémon other than Umbreon with him. He thanked his lucky stars he did not have to scale Mt. Silver after all.

“What do you want us to be?”

Six years old, he wanted to say. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone, but to them, it would.

It would mean something.

After all these years, it would mean everything.

Chapter Text

Epilogue

It was past noon. The expanse of the meadows stretched on, and the sight of Mt. Silver loomed at the distance, and of course, his answer stood under the shade of an old oak tree – how coincidental – and walked over to him.

Pikachu nudged Umbreon out of watching his trainer, and the two tackled each other, already playing in the grass.

Gary looked up at the person before him. He had a new jacket on – a dark blue color – and a new hat. He looked geared for the mountains. He looked ready to train. Ready to scale the heights.

“I was supposed to go up Mt. Silver hours ago.”

Gary looked at those eyes – brown and bright. His smile was crooked, like he was berating himself for delaying his departure.

“You left.”

“I had my closure, Gary. I mean, I guess as much closure as I was going to get.”

“What about my closure? Were you just going to leave without saying anything?”

“I did you know. Last night. But you were tired.” The boy threw him a look.

“Not for the reason you thought.”

Gary paused.

“I got your letter. And every last one you sent over the years.”

The younger trainer looked blankly at him before his eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh.”

“Were you just going to leave without telling me where you were going?”

“I’m pretty sure you’d know anyway. You’re here now, aren’t you?”

“If you had your closure, then why are you still here then?”

There was a pause. Then another smile.

“It would have been easy to leave. To run away. To hole myself up in faraway mountain to train. To hide behind Oshawott’s progress, or Charizard’s comfort. It would have been easy to leave it as it was with you, whatever it is we have now. It was enough.”

Gary clenched his hands into fists. He looked down at the grass underneath him. He waited for him to continue.

“But I’m not Red. And you’re not Green. We’re not some characters out of a story. Because real life is so much harder than what the stories tell. Growing up is hard. And running away was tempting. Easy. But…”

And he kneeled in front of Gary, his gaze level with his own. The younger boy’s smile grew wider, on the edge of laughter. It was bright. Full.

“But you know I never really choose the easy choices.”

“What do you want us to be?”

“I don’t want to be just acquaintances,” Gary found himself saying. “I don’t want that.”

The dark-haired trainer just waits for him, and Gary swears the guy was smirking.

“I want us to be kids again.”

The boy blanked at him, and crumpled. Ash laughed, like he didn’t expect that answer.

“Gary, I felt like I’ve been ten years old for the last decade,” Ash chuckled, as if saying some private joke, “We’re adults now – how much of kids do you want us to be?”

“Like we were six years old.”

And he paused, laughter fading into silence, and Gary knew he remembers. Of course they remember.

“Don’t be silly. Your Mom won’t disappear, just like my grandpa and sister won’t. And if she did, you’d still have me!”

“…I’ll have you?”

“Yeah. We’re best friends okay?”

Ash smiled, brushing the wetness away from his eyes.

“Okay.”

And they could’ve been nine in Pallet Town or thirteen in Hoenn, or sixteen in Unova, or even eighteen in Alola, but nothing – nothing – will ever compare to being twenty and six at the same time.

And this time, it was Ash who reached out to Gary and pulled themselves to stand, and gazing back to the brown-haired trainer, Ash smiled, trying not to cry.

“Okay.”

-----

Two weeks later, Ash and Gary were at the Sevii Islands, exploring with friends as they visited towns and ruins, keeping Misty and Clemont company at the Gym Leaders Summit. Gary saw Ash paying attention during seminars – too much for casual interest – but let it drop.

Two months later, Ash showed Gary the letter from the League, and Ash called Lance, saying yes.

Not even a week later, Ash moved to Viridian City, and was inducted as the new Gym Leader. There was a celebration and his mom and every one of his friends – travel companions, fellow Gym Leaders, and even powerful trainers he became close with, Champions and Elites – were there for him.

A month later, Ash opened up to his mom about Alola and everything that has changed since then – his depression, his hollow feelings, his close-to-suicidal thoughts – and his mom hugged him, told him she loved him, and they spent a long time hugging, clinging to each other.

Another two months later, Gary was at his doorstep, saying he was on leave from research work and wanted to visit him, and before he knew it, Ash was opening up to Gary about Alola and Gary listened, and stayed.

It took Gary three years of being Ash’s friend, three years of being rivals, and more than seven years of not knowing what they were before he realized that this was where he belonged.

He had wasted all those years on childish thinking, petty rivalry, and selfish detachment hidden behind self-discovery; all those missed signals and lost lines they ran past through.

And he berates himself on how he could’ve been such an idiot for so long, but looking at Ash as he snored on the sofa, Pikachu under his arm, Gym documents scattered on the center table, and the quiet hum of a Viridian morning all around, Gary shook his head and realized he wasn’t the only one.

If you told the ten-year-old Gary that in say, another eleven years, he would be helping happy-go-lucky-idiot Ash Ketchum with managing the Viridian Gym as the Gym Leader and help sort out the boy’s issues as he did his research on ancient Pokémon fossil and revival; he would probably think you were insane.

But maybe that was just the thing about growing up; you grow up in ways you never expect to, and end up in places where you’re supposed to be.

Gary chuckled, looking at Ash, waking up from a late night’s sleep.

“Good morning.”

Yes. This is where they’re supposed to be.

-FIN