Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Gerard stumbled to the ground as he was pushed from the back. It was the beginning of school and the hallways had just cleared at the start of class. He had been late today due to a coffee run. Even in light of unfolding events, he couldn't say he regretted it; coffee was worth it.

"Stay on the ground, fag," a voice spat from behind.

"Where does it look like I'm going, hottie?" Gerard replied, looking back to smirk at his attackers. All he got in response was a kick to the torso. A surge of pain wove through him.

He almost let out a whimper before he could override his instincts and smirk. "Hit me again, daddy," he purred out.

He lay still on the ground as he heard a resounding "What the fuck?" emerged from his group of offenders.

Another foot greeted him, from the other side this time. He forced himself to mask his yelp as a moan.

"Harder this time."

A disgruntled variety of noises erupted from the group before Gerard felt himself being picked up from behind. He was slammed up against a locker and pinned there as the lead attacker, Keith, held him.

"You're a sick fag. What the fuck is wrong with you?" he spat.

Gerard bit back a smile, "Keith, I'm not sure it's me you should be worrying about. You've got me in quite the compromising position, yes? If I were you, I'd be doing something about those blown-out pupils.”

Keith said nothing, trying to process the quick words. Gerard rolled his eyes.

“It's obvious you want to make out with me... to which I would happily comply. Let’s quit it with this charming back and forth, eh? My answer is yes." Gerard delivered swiftly with a wink.

Before he could get an answer, he was being shoved in a locker. ‘Ouch,’ he thought to himself. Rejection stung.

He heard brutish breathing through the metal against the closed door. "Talk your way out of that one, fag,” Keith said, Gerard sure he was proud of himself.

As they began to walk away, Gerard called out, "Not sure I want to, love. As long as I'm here, you know where to find me. I'll be waiting."

Gerard heard no response and sighed, realizing he was talking to nobody. He huffed and shifted around, feeling his pretend-masochistic persona falling away- the role of a lifetime, gone from under his nose.

He slumped and shifted in the box of metal, feeling himself getting flustered already.

It wasn't so much the kicking and name-calling that bothered Gerard, but rather the complete impossibility of getting comfy in a locker. Sitting wasn't happening and there was absolutely no space for gay standing.

He leaned against the thing walls as best as he could and tried to settle in for the long haul. This was certainly not his first rodeo and he was all too familiar with how tiring standing got, especially when there was no walking space. Not to mention that there is little to nothing to entertain yourself in a locker.

Gerard threw his head back dramatically with an exasperated breath. It was a good thing it was the end of the year. Ever since he’d had been caught blowing some senior this past October in the locker room, he'd been ridiculed daily by NPC jocks for being gay.

He honestly could never figure out what the big deal was-he thought his sexuality had been rather obvious even before the incident. And even if it hadn’t been, he didn't understand some people's desire to acknowledge it every single day. Didn't it ever get boring? It certainly got dull for him. "Fag", "fairy", "twink"; there wasn't much variation on his end. He was the only one, it seemed, even trying to keep it interesting anymore.

Gerard hissed as he felt the cloth of his shirt rub against the abrasions on his side. He lifted the fabric and ghosted his fingers over the wounds. It seemed like in addition to the expected bruises, the Anti Fag Police had also broken skin. His right side burned as his adrenaline began to wear off. Placing the fabric back down carefully, he debated hitting the locker or calling out to get someone's attention but quickly deemed it too much effort.

What would he do when he got out anyway? Go to the nurse and chat about her daughter's engagement? Go to class and watch shitty movies that were meant to waste the days away? Go to the guidance counselor to cry about his father's homophobia which forces him to stay closeted?

He scoffed at that last one. He couldn't imagine actually caring about it that much.

He understood why coming out to parents was important for somepeople, but he felt keeping secret of his red white and gay sexuality from his particular father might be the way to go. His dad was one of those guys that was obviously too immature to have kids of his own, the kind that makes you question why seniority holds any validity whatsoever. The type of Christian to cheat on his wife and never go to church but never hesitate to use violence against his own kid or use God as a weapon against the LGBT.

It made Gerard cringe to know that he was made of half that. He could only hope he wasn’t subconsciously becoming a terrible person from being around him all the time.

As far as physical assault went, though, Gerard was over it. It hardly phased him at this point, no matter who it was coming from. Nor did words, either.

Wow. Maybe he should thank him for the desensitization.

Though, the problem of boredom was still a great hurdle in this current scenario.

He started trying to lean onto one of the sides without touching the bruises that kept him steady. Before he could find a way to sleep, though, he heard footsteps clicking down the hall.

There were two voices, both male. He froze and listened closer, determining if these were people he should get the attention of.

He easily recognized one as his principal. He’d never encountered another poor soul who sounded like he was severely congested all parts of the year. And he hoped he never would.

He heard the principal address the other whose voice sounded...familiar. He couldn't quite hear the words but gasped when he swore he heard his name mentioned. Why was the principal talking about him? Who was the other guy?

His heart stopped. He suddenly remembered his father saying something about meeting with the principal on behalf of the construction company he worked for. That was his father, alright. 30 feet away from his locker-bound son. How fucking cute was this coincidence?

He imagined how embarrassing it would be for either of these people to find him like this and decided to keep still like his life depended on it.

As he listened intently, Gerard breathed as quietly as he could, praying to remain unnoticed. 'Good thing I’ve got smoker’s lungs,' he thought.

He heard the feet and voices grow close and counted the seconds until he was clear to go. He stood completely still as the men walked dangerously close. ‘Stay. Still.’

He leaned ever so slightly to his right and, in a stroke of luck, a coat hook dug directly into one of his fresh bruises. He jumped at this, creating a loud noise against the metal and cursing. Fuck.

He heard the footsteps stop in front of the locker as his hand flew over his mouth. A moment of silence passed before the principal spoke cautiously.

”Hello?"

Gerard breathed out, annoyed, before responding, "Um...hi?"

The two men began to fumble with the lock and finally figured it out. They swung the door open to meet Gerard, wide-eyed.

"Gerard?" his dad asked in bewilderment. Gerard could see his expression held that default anger it always did whenever he was looking at his son. No surprise could wipe away that glare that Gerard had come to know and love.

Gerard offered a small smile and waved.

“Hey, dad... good to see you, principal Frederick...”

"Why aren't you in class?" the principal asked, at a slight loss for words.

"Well," Gerard began, his eyes looking up at the ceiling in sarcastic thought as he brought his hand to his chin, "there's a rather obvious answer at hand here, I believe." He was pretty embarrassed already and was doing his best to lighten the mood. He didn’t feel it was being lightened.

"Did you do this?" the principal continued, looking more stern than sympathetic. Gerard almost laughed out loud at the question. He definitely would have scoffed and given the answer he wanted to if he wasn't addressing the principal and his father.

Instead, he chose to reply with a meek, "Um...no?" He was somewhat concerned for the man given the stupidity of the question.

"Why would I want to be stuffed in a locker?"

The principal narrowed his eyes and gestured at the metal around Gerard, "No, I meant... this."

Gerard cocked his head before stepping out to look towards what the man was showing him.

Scrawled across the metal, crossing partially over the door in what looked like red paint was the word 'fag'. Gerard let out a sigh and muttered, "How creative.”

He turned towards the men. "No, I didn't lock myself in a locker then paint the door. Not only is it impossible and uncomfortable for me, but I would never slander myself in such an uncreative way, Mr. Frederick."

"Yeah, it better be slander," his dad scoffed. Gerard rolled his eyes subtly. He knew his dad wouldn’t miss the way he sprinkled that in.

The principal looked unimpressed with the sass lacing the boy's words and spoke with measured words.

"Well, then I guess it's a loss cause asking who did, isn't it?"

Gerard screamed inside. He wasn't surprised. The principal protected the jocks like they were his children. It was expected that he'd care more for their safety than someone like Gerard's.

"Nope, didn't catch their names," he answered in a slightly mocking tone. He doubted the offenders would be punished fairly even if he had ratted on them.

"Well, the period is almost over. Why don't you take the next one off, son?" the principal offered, hoping to appease the parent who was present. Oh, the blissful irony- if only dear Mr. Frederick knew the half of what his dad put him through on the reg.

Gerard just nodded and smiled. Who was he to turn down a free study hall? He was pretty sure in second period English they'd be watching Shrek 3 anyway. No thanks.

His father was staring at him in trust questioning, ever disappointed way as he waited for a closing statement. Gerard sighed.

”Don't worry about them, dad. They're just a bunch of kids with issues of their own. It's not true, alright? I'm straight as an arrow."

Gerard theatrically straightened out his back and raised his eyebrows at his father who had his eye trained on his son, slightly more convinced now. The principal just looked weirded-out by the exchange.

"See you later, okay?" His father nodded in response. Gerard gave a final small salute as he turned on his heels toward the cafeteria. Phew.

He stopped by his locker to get his backpack- not that it even held much that was school-related anyway. He had exactlt one paper folder dedicated to anything teachers may have given, which wasn't often at this point in the year, and one pencil. Well, that is, one pencil for school work.

He had an entire fold out belt of pens with different tip sizes for art. He loved drawing. Though he would never show anyone the kind of stuff he drew in his sketch pad, it was his outlet. He didn't really have friends. He would rather have zero real friends than tons of fake friends who meant nothing to him. And, so, zero friends he had. He didn't mind really, though. He had his art to keep him happy.

So, as he made his way into the cafeteria, he quickly walked to a back corner at a table that nobody was sitting at and grabbed his sketch book from his bag. He hunched over the paper as he turned to a page he had been working on. It was a picture of a bird that had fallen from the nest. It had hollowed out sockets and was being eaten by worms. He laughed inwardly at this. He loved irony.

He picked a thin pen to do work with detailed lines. He felt increasingly calm as the ink settled on the page and began to connect more of the image. He loved the way just a few details could make a picture come together.

His bright green eyes flicked over the image as he drew with concentration, focusing on just the page in front of him. He was so caught up in it that he did not hear the boy approaching his table.

"Hey," a puberty-ridden voice spoke. Gerard lifted his head and smirked when he saw who it was.

"Hey," he replied, leaning back in his seat and tossing his sketchbook close. It was some kid named Steven from his gym class. He was a grade above Gerard and they had never really spoken before. "What's up?"

"Nothing really," Steven responded. "You don't usually have study hall 1st period, right?" He seemed nervous. Gerard smirked to himself.

"No, but the end of the year isn't real anyway. I've already seen too many bad movies to put myself through more.”

Steven laughed loudly- a little too loudly. He was being really awkward. It was clear to Gerard what he’d come over for. Gerard only quirked an eyebrow as he watched the trainwreck in front of him. He decided he'd move things where they'd inevitably go. He wanted to get back to his drawing. "Speaking of movies," Gerard continued, "how about you come to my house after school? For a ... sleepover? We can watch anything you want."

Steven opened his mouth briefly before closing it and nodding quickly.

"I have practice after school. You know, for lacrosse."

"I'll just wait in the park until you're done. Can you pick me up there?"

Steven nodded once again. Gerard smirked once again at him, "Good. I'll see you then," looking back down at his book. Steven stood in place for a surprised moment before walking away, realizing he had been dismissed. Gerard couldn't help but grin to himself when he heard Steven exclaim to his table, "It worked!"

You see, Gerard had built up somewhat of a reputation over the last year. Starting with that guy last fall, he had sucked off and fucked a lot of guys over the past months. While he didn't have a particular liking towards any specific guy, he found it fun to help bi-curious or questioning guys out with a little... Free trial.

There was no social group left unturned when it came to the process. Nerd, teacher’s pet, goth, emo, band kid, theater kid, theater-band kid hybrid- he’d been with them all. Even jocks swung by every now and then. They didn’t even try to hide it from anyone. A blow job was a blow job, after all.

It was almost a simbiotic system, if he was honest. The complexity of being part of a group that both used his services and beat him up for being gay was one he couldn’t even try to understand but he didn’t worry his little head with it too much. It was out of his hands, in the end.

And, at the very least, Gerard had his own niche cut out for him- and what a unique niche it was! Not every school had a semi-respected, notorious, gay demon like him.

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Steven had picked Gerard up from the park at 7:30, when the sun had begun to set. Gerard had taken a long night and drawn to pass the time. He didn't mind spending time alone.

Now, though, he was in the passenger seat next to a slightly musty and extremely nervous Steven as they made their way to his house. He was watching the scene pass through the window as the boy gripped the wheel like it might evaporate from under him. Gerard had seen ones a lot worse, though. The street looked illuminated with gold as the sun dipped below the horizon. It was a very lovely sight.

Soon enough, they were turning onto Gerard's street as the air become dimmer with the setting sun. All that was left was the moon in some insignificant phase, Gerard noticed. Waxing crescent? Gibbous? Ah, earth science was last year. It had been the dullest science class in the world. Why did they even name each phase? Where did they go from with that sort of information?

The car suddenly sputtered off and Gerard was pulled from his train of thought. He turned and met Steven's wide-eyed gaze. He smiled, beckoning the guy to relax. It would be more fun if he calmed down.

"Let's go inside," he suggested, to which Steven nodded. They dismounted the vehicle and Gerard led him inside, holding the door open.

They were met with Gerard's father sitting at the kitchen table, reading the paper and drinking a beer. He looked up when they came through the door, giving Gerard a questioning look.

"Dad, this is Steven. He's in the grade above me but we know each other from gym class. He's gonna sleep over. Can you believe this kid has never seen The Exorcist?" Steven smiled lightly at the father and waved.

His dad stared judgingly before saying, "Okay. You both have fun then."

Gerard smiled and nodded as he led Steven towards the door that opened to stairs to the basement, careful to click the door's lock before they made their way down the stairs. Once they were down, Gerard flicked on a light.

"You... Live down here?" Steven asked, taking in the art and band posters lining the walls.

"Yeah," Gerard answered, walking closer behind the gazing figure. He placed his hand on the taller boy's shoulder and felt him tense.

"So does a horror film sound alright?" he asked, smirking.

"Yeah, that's cool," the older boy responded, eyes wide.

Soon enough, they were sat next to each other on the bed, watching the beginning of "The Nightmare on Elm Street". Gerard had a subtle smile pressed into his face as the film's introduction flicked by. He could practically feel the nerves radiating off of Steven next to him, but he was somewhat used to it. People came to him not when they were confident but when they were still questioning their sexuality. Someone had to be thier first, right?

Suddenly, Steven's hand was on Gerard's thigh. Gerard didn't even blink at this. The hand clumsily made its way up to in between the younger boy's legs and shakily brought down the zipper. Gerard leaned his back against a pillow behind him as an 'ok' to the other. Steven let out a determined breath and paused. He put his hand on the member through the cloth and wrapped his fingers mostly around it. Suddenly, he squeezed it, causing Gerard to wince against the awfully inexperienced touch and sit upright once again, Steven's hand still on his crotch.

The apologies began, "I'm sorry! I don't know how to-" Gerard waved his hand to brush Steven's words away and moved the older boy's hand off his pants.

He carried his own hand to Steven's crotch and unzipped the fly. Steven held his breath in his throat as he watched the younger boy work. Gerard's hand ghosted over the older's member and elicited a quiet but needy moan. Gerard regained his smirk and drifted his hand up the other's body until he was gently holding the older boy's face. Steven's expression was now glazed and the nerves were gone.

Gerard lifted his face to the other and pressed his lips against the older boy's. Steven lost no time in kissing back, this action being more familiar than what they had been doing before. Gerard, of course, knew this. Kissing was the same no matter what two genders it was between and was a good way to ground the person he was with, amidst all of the new things they were usually experiencing. In other words... Gerard knew what buttons to push to make them his.

A hand slowly laced itself in Gerard’s hair as the kissing got more heated. They both knew how to kiss and were having a pretty fun time. Steven's tongue was dominating Gerard's mouth as he pushed more and more into the smaller body. Gerard was practically clinging to the other's hair for dear life as he submitted willingly. Gerard was slightly surprised at how much he was actually enjoying this one- the boy had seemed so clueless. Sometimes instinct did take over, it seemed.

Gerard slowly inched his hand back towards Steven's pants as they continued to make out. Steven shuddered as the hand danced over his belly button and kissed the other even harder in desperation as a response.

Gerard was trying to focus on moving on so hard that the sound of the movie was drowned out. His senses seemed to be moving extra slowly as they became muffled by this other boy. He was being pretty rough and, while Gerard experienced it a lot, he never could get completely used to being pushed like this. So as the larger body was now completely on top of him, he thought of just his hand and his active mission, which was to please this other boy.

'Move your lips, move your hand. Move your hips, adjust your head.' Gerard listed in his head for himself. 'Breathe through your nose, move your hand. Move your lips, move your hand. Move your hips-'

"I KNEW IT!" a voice shouted from the top of the stairs as Gerard's heart froze. Steven moved from on top of him hurriedly and went to zip up his pants, fumbling at the shock. Gerard's dad was standing in the door waiting for something to be said, holding the small tool he had used to unlocking his son's door. Gerard sat up and tried to think of something.

"I um... We were... Sleeping?"

"Yeah fucking right, you were sleeping! I fucking knew this is why you hang out with so many different boys! You fucking faggot! How many other faggots have you fucked?!"

Steven didn't even stop to look at Gerard before scurrying past the angry man and fleeing to his car. Gerard heard the engine start up and pull away as he cowered to a corner of his bed, mortified. His dad yelled as he marched down the stairs.

"What? Girls aren't enough, you piece of shit? You're going to hell, you fucking faggot!" He bound towards the frightened boy and grabbed his long hair. Gerard could only manage to squeal helplessly as he was yanked and slapped hard across the face, left to fall on the floor beside his bed. He reeled from the pain but could only wait for it to get worse.

"What, is this not as fun as getting fucked up the ass? I thought that hurt, son! Doesn't it hurt?!" Gerard was grabbed by the hair again before he could respond. His dad pulled his son to the stairs and practically dragged him all the way up, not allowing the boy to get his footing. Gerard yelled at the pain as his dad muttered under his breath and panted in anger.

His hip and ribs were getting bruised as they bumped against the wooden stairs. His mouth tasted like blood as he tried to stay as quiet as possible, but couldn't help yelling out at the pain that was being inflicted in so many places at the same time.

Once at the top of the stairs, Gerard's body basically fell limp as he was dragged by the head. He was thrown into a bathroom, the blood from his nose and lip splatting lightly on the tiled floor. His dad turned to run a bath, flipping on the icy water. Gerard scowled at the floor as he cursed his father in his head. He wished he could fight back but he knew how useless it would be. All he could do was feel the growing anger in his chest as he snarled to himself.

Before he could think, his father's hand was on the back of his neck and he yelled in protest before his head was dunked into the icy water. He thrashed and pushed against the side of the tub as he struggled against the strong hands. He swallowed icy water and felt it pass through his nose as he tried to find air.

He was suddenly pulled back out and he gasped against the air.

"You wanna fuck guys? Go on, answer me. You wanna fuck more guys like a faggot?"

He was pushed back under once again before he could answer. Just when he felt himself giving out, his father pulled him back out. He painted as his face dripped, the water stinging the cuts on his face.

"Are you a faggot, Gerard? Still wanna fuck other guys?"

Gerard panted as he weakly shook his head. His dad began to smirk when Gerard spoke out brokenly.

"Of .... course not....dad. I want them... To fuck me."

He grinned, open-mouthed, before he was pushed into the water once again. His father was fuming as he held the boy there for a full 30 seconds. His feet were twisting around as he pushed back against the tub, his hands slipping against the hard white porcelain. He was starting to feel dizzy and his movements were slowing. He was on the brink of unconsciousness when he was once again pulled from the water by the hair. He gasped desperately on the air as his dad angrily held him there.

"Dad please...." he begged, "asphyxiation.... Too kinky..." He didn't even have the chance or capacity to smirk at himself before he was kicked away from the tub, his wet hair swinging as he landed.

"You're a sick piece of shit, Gerard. I have no fucking clue how you turned out this fucking shit!"

Gerard shivered as the water dripped slowly off of him. He refused to make eye contact with the man as he spat back at him.

"It's definitely not because of being raised by you. I hear beating your kids is great for their developing brains!"

His father breathed out heavily before screaming.

"You ungrateful piece of shit!" Gerard moved away as his father reached out to grab him. He took hold of the boy's arm and pulled him harshly from the white bathroom. He was quick in opening up the basement door and did not hesitate before throwing his son down the stairs.

Gerard’s body clunked down hard until he hit the carpeted ground. His bruises from earlier that day were aching and pain was everywhere. He could only lay on the ground and take it at this point. Just like always.

"Why don't you just fucking rot down there, you piece of shit? No fucking way are you to think to yourself that you're staying like this! I'm gonna find someone to fix you- Not that there's any doubt in my mind that you're going to hell! You're not worth saving, faggot!"

With that, the door slammed and Gerard lay on the ground, relieved that that was over. He was slightly entertained that he was going to get someone to fix him. Who could his dad find? He sighed and let the pain lull him into an exhausted sleep. "Love you too, dad," he groaned out before shifting into unconsciousness.

Chapter Text

'Bang! Bang! Bang!'

Gerard awoke groggily with a heavy lift of his eyelids. He tried to move slightly and immediately felt pain everywhere. His hand ran over the carpet beneath him. Why wasn't he in his bed? His mouth seemed stuck shut when he tried to move his tongue. His mouth was dried with...blood?

He licked the corners of his lips and tasted metal, though his tongue was mostly dry. He looked down at his hands, the basement windows illuminating the room, and saw the red of his own blood all over. Faded crimson pooled on the carpet where his head had been.

He thought hard. Hadn't he been with Steven last night? It was going well....

What was-

'Ohhhhh,' he thought as he rolled his eyes. He suddenly remembered his dad's little tantrum from last night.

'Bang! Bang! Bang!'

Gerard turned his head towards the noise and scowled in hate. This time he heard a voice yell to accompany the banging.

"Pack your bags, faggot! You're going on a trip! Be out in 15 minutes unless you want more of last night!"

Gerard huffed out, hatred flooding his veins.

"Okay, daddy!" he yelled out in the most effeminate voice he could muster through his dry throat.

He listened to his dad clamber away from his door on the second floor. He groaned as he rolled onto his front and pushed himself up with his arms. He was well used to feeling sore from beatings by now and could manage to function through the pain.

He sauntered to his closet through tired eyes and stood in front of his closet. His dad had been pretty vague, which wasn't helpful, but Gerard decided to pack a good amount. Something was telling him this wouldn't be a short trip.

Grabbing a duffel bag from some corner in the basement, he stuffed 12 different t-shirts, 6 pairs of boxers and 4 pairs of pants in the bag, making sure to pack two large black sweaters-just in case he got cold. It may have been summer, but some emos (such as he) had some real shit circulation.

He pulled off the shirt from yesterday, noticing how it was still pretty damp near the top. His hair wasn't completely dry either. He pulled on a clean shirt with some Asian letter on it and kept the pants he had on. He looked towards the black converse he was still wearing and shrugged. Good enough. He bent down as he noticed little spots of red on the white rubber. He rubbed his finger over the texture of the beaded blood.

Cool.

As he got up and hoisted the bag over his shoulder, he realized he almost forgot his sketch pad. He quickly retrieved it from his book bag along with his belt of pens and shoved them in the duffel bag. Good to go.

Oh wait- toothbrush. He could go a max of 1 and a half days until his mouth felt at its maximum-gross capacity. He sighed as he made his way to the stairs and had to practically drag himself up them. He felt as though he had just done an intense exercise routine.

'Lol', he thought. He didn't exercise.

He dropped his bag outside the bathroom door, going in to complete his side quest. As he made his way over to the sink, he turned the faucet on as he glanced up in the mirror.

Oh.

Maybe that was a mistake.

Gerard whistled as he took in his reflection. His face was sporting about 23 different colors and shades from green to brown, and everything in between (which included black, blue, red and purple). At least half of the skin remained a ghostly pale, though- there were definitely more bruises on his body than his face.

Regardless, the reflection staring back at him was definitely a sight. There was dried blood around his mouth, above his left eyebrow, and covering one side of his face and running into his neck. He looked beyond battered. This was on the same level of some professional zombie makeup he'd seen.

He saw his eyes crinkle back at himself as he smiled, laughing at how ridiculously beaten up he looked. It was almost excessive. Definitely somewhat badass, but almost a little too much.

He shrugged and began to wash what he could from his skin, watching the red mix with the clear water as it slipped into the drain. He examined a cut along his hairline along with a split lip but held his nose mostly responsible for all the blood. It had hit the stairs on the way down and had covered his mouth in blood. It had run down his face and neck as he had slept on his side. 'How charming', he thought as he wiped his face clean with a towel.

A considerable amount of damage had been mopped away with the blood, but there still remained a prominent bruise on his cheek and above his eyebrow to form sort of a half black eye. Luckily, his dad hadn't downright socked him. 'Point : me,' he thought sarcastically.

Gerard turned his face with his hand, reviewing the damage. He could see different shades of harm dancing on his skin only more clearly now and finally let himself frown as he held his face.

He hated any sign, emotional or physical, that he had been affected by his dad. He hated his body for blossoming with defeat. He never wanted to show any assholes who turned to violence that he was affected by them. If he couldn't fight back in real time, he wished he could resist by not engaging.

His face, however, had clearly been very engaged.

He watched his green eyes disappear behind a curtain of hair as he moved it in front of his face. He could at least try to hide the marks his asshole dad had left. Long hair did come in handy. Perks of being emo.

He clicked the bathroom light off and closed the door as he walked out. When he turned around, he was (unfortunately) met with the sight of his dad waiting for him, arms folded across his chest.

His five o'clock shadow and bloodshot eyes told Gerard he'd either stayed up all night or hit the keg already today. The latter was honestly more likely.

Gerard glared at him through his hair in a moment of silence before he spoke. "...and good morning to you, sir."

"None of that today, Gerard," his father stated coldly. Gerard returned the stare as he stood silently in his place.

"Now, you'll be going to a place where you'll be fixed. I would've driven you myself but I just couldn't bring myself to be in such a confined place with you for that much time."

Gerard listened, biting back remarks that flew into his brain. It was too early to have a death wish.

"There are people here to pick you up. They'll take you where I'm paying to have you go. Now listen to this next part well, because I mean it more than you could imagine," he said, an edge to his tone. "If you do not change, you will not be living with me. You will no longer be my son. What you're doing is against nature and everything I've ever taught you."

His dad stepped closer to his son, who remained glaring through his veil of messy hair. "Think of this program as a last chance with me. And know that I will know if you really do change. And you will. Is that clear?"

The last part sent chills down Gerard's back. He felt the hate inside his stomach bubbling. He didn't know where the fuck he was going to be made to go, but the seriousness in his father's tone definitely set him on edge. How were they going to fix him? Yeah fucking right.

Gerard made a pact with himself right then and there- no matter what might happen, no matter what he might go through, he would stay true to himself. Even though he had never shown it, accepting himself had been hell. Knowing that his dad is as homophobic as he is, his sexuality had been way less than desirable. He had been far from welcoming it with open arms, no matter what other people might have thought now.

Countless nights were spent shaking and crying as he attempted to fight off the backwards feelings he was having. He only came to terms with it when he realized he was absolutely unchangeable. Nobody at his school was going to argue that. Being known as the gay kid who turned straight boys away from God had given him confidence to be who he really was, oddly enough. That title was something you had to own, not shy away from.

He realized that accepting himself gave him the self-esteem he needed to be himself. Aware of the obstacles ahead with the specific lifestyle, he felt that no one could ever tear himself away from who he really was. No one. Especially not his dad.

Swallowing any pride, Gerard stared at his father through his hair and nodded only to appease him. Without missing a beat, his father pointed towards the door.

"Go."

Gerard kept his hateful expression as he reached down and swung the duffel bag over his shoulder. He made a 'salute' gesture as he walked past his father and swiftly made his way out of the door. He might as well play along with his whole military act.

As the door closed, he breathed out a sigh of relief. But that relief was short lived.

His gaze was down when he heard a 'beep' from close by. He looked up and saw a large white van with tinted windows parked on the street in front of his house with the motor running.

Gerard looked straight at it and sighed. "That's not shady as fuck."

Painted on the side of the door in blue ink read "Christ's Angels; Youth Conversion Camp". Hesitantly, Gerard stepped toward the car across his yard. He stood close to the door, unsure of what to do.

The car hummed and he waited, frozen, looking for a sign that he was supposed to get in. He looked in the dark windows, hoping someone could see him.

He began to raise his hand to knock on the door. Before his fist could make contact with the door, it quickly slid open. Three pairs of hands flew out and grabbed him before he could react or make a run for it.

He yelled in surprise as he was pulled into the car, the door slamming shut behind him before he had a chance to say 'what the fuck'.

There were a mix of boys and girls that all looked like teenagers in the car with cloth over their eyes. He got a brief look at the other people in the car before a black blindfold was being tied around his own face and he felt the cold metal of handcuffs on his wrists.

"Woah, guys. I don't do BDSM..,"

Nobody said anything as he was pushed down into a leather seat and the car was set into motion. It was deathly quiet.

Gerard was shocked but at the same time not surprised at all. Classic dad. Only he could find this kind of shit. Gerard began to wonder why it was so quiet. He bet he could do something about it.

"Um, could someone fill me in here? Just exactly why are the restraints necessary? Let me guess- undisclosed location? Hazing? Oh I know- are you scared we're gonna start talking gay? That must be it. Van full of homos never ends well."

The only noise he heard were the vents blowing the AC. He lifted his restrained hands to move the blindfold off his eyes. He pulled it off his face so that it was hanging around his neck. He saw that he was sitting in a single seat and had two other boys across an aisle next to him staring straight ahead. Well... Blindfolded and facing straight ahead. In front of him were three 'counselors' wearing black ski masks.

They were still, looking out the windshield, heads forward. Gerard smirked to himself as he stood and leaned over the seat in front of him.

He moved in close to one of the people and whispered in their ear, "Can you tell me what's going on, babe?" before lifting up the mask and planting a kiss on their cheek. What turned out to be a man screamed and the van screeched to a halt as Gerard began to giggle. He did it.

He had managed to break the silence.

He felt a pair of hands on each of his sides, holding him in place as the man in the middle scrambled to get something from a bag in front of him. Gerard couldn't help but giggle more in response. "

Why so serious, hm?" The grip tightened which caused him to throw back his head in laughter.

Finally the guy in the middle spoke up in a mumble, "We weren't told anything about mentally sick kids..," as he grabbed the laughing boy by the back of the head and shoved his face into a towel. Gerard laughed a muffled laugh into the cloth before sharply breathing in.

He smelled a chemically sweet dampness before suddenly blacking out, falling limp in the arms of the strangers.
------------------------------------------

Gerard woke up feeling like he'd been chloroformed.

...

He HAD been chloroformed.

Gerard grunted as he once again pulled the blindfold down from where it had been placed on his face. Everyone was still being weird as shit, looking straight ahead. He looked out the windows and saw that they were on a dirt road.

Surrounding the road were corn fields and other rural shit. Gerard thought about how they could literally be being kidnapped right now and he could do nothing to stop it. Well, not much. He could try running...

He looked down the long dirt path behind him and realized that that option was not quite viable.

He could try calling the cops. Though... It all was technically legal. His dad had signed him up for this.

Damn. There was really nothing to do but live it. Just live the dream.

The van continued on the path and soon a barn-looking building was in sight. There were four other smaller structures around it which resembled farm houses. There was wooded area all around them, once the crop fields ended.

Gerard realized he had no idea where the fuck he was right now. He could be anywhere in the western United States. He had never been good at geography. Hell, nobody has ever been good at geography. He could tell it was definitely not his home city anymore, at the very least. Yet he could be in Kansas to Utah, which, up to this point, he was convinced were places that nobody actually existed.

He could feel tight anxiety in his chest as he envisioned all the worst-case scenarios. He could literally die out here. Or worse- be forced to wear overalls or some shit.

He was only comforted when he spotted the sun gently dipping below the horizon as he watched the gold shower the fields of endless corn. It made him feel safe, in a way. He took a deep breath and calmed down as he tried to tell himself they couldn't actually kill him.

Could they?

Chapter Text

The van parked close to the barn as the sun set over the corn fields. Gerard didn't even bother trying to fix his blindfold to make it look as though he hadn't taken it off again.

A counselor slid open the door of the van and got out with the other two. They all still had their ski masks on as they began to dismount the kids. The one that had been in the middle looked into the back and saw Gerard with his blindfold off. Gerard licked his lips subtly and winked.

The man seemed to suddenly remember something and stepped back. "Er, maybe you can do it..," he mumbled to another masked person.

They sighed, stepped forward to the door and grabbed the smirking Gerard by the collar, pulling him out. He was about to say something snarky but he felt a sudden rush in his head as he stood on his feet that stopped him. It appeared that the chemicals had some more long term affects on his brain.

He couldn't catch his balance, but before he could warn anyone, was thrown onto the dirt. He tried to break the fall with his hands, but the handcuffs made it a difficult. He landed on the ground with a 'thump' as his mass kicked up some dust.

He laid for a moment, still dizzy, in his now dusty black clothing, before he was picked up by the back of his collar.

"What's the matter son? Can't hold your chloroform?" the man asked tauntingly. Gerard recognized him as the one he had pecked on the cheek earlier.

He turned to face him with a cynical look on his face. "Wow, you seem way too excited about this...”

"Oh, you bet I am,” the man responded in a low voice. “I'm gonna enjoy breaking you most."

Gerard shrugged. "Well, if you were hoping to break me IN, I regret to inform you that the pleasure has already been somebody else’s."

This comment went right over the man's head. He held a puzzled expression on his face. Gerard didn’t leave him in limbo too long, though. He leaned in closer to the man and whispered.

"I've had anal sex!"

The man made a noise of disgust and moved quickly away from the smug boy who was now grinning. This caused the other counselors to eye him suspiciously. Gerard gave them an innocent "I don't know" shrug.

The kids continued to be unloaded off the van, all still blindfolded and handcuffed. There appeared to be both boys and girls, some of which looked to be non-binary or trans. 'Oh, so it's all inclusive!' Gerard thought to himself.

Once all of the kids were out (of the van, that is), Gerard counted 15 including himself. They were being lined up, which was going great since none of them could see.

A few were fidgeting nervously and some looked as though they were either crying or about to start. Gerard, of course, was the only one of them who could see any of this. It was pretty fascinating, honestly. It made him feel a bit voyeuristic.

His attention was drawn to a rather short boy whose left hand was littered with what looked like pen doodles. He was standing still and looked tense but seemed to be void of emotion- clearly the calmest of all the kids who were still blindfolded.

His head was down towards the ground and his hair was covering where his eyes would be. It was shorter than Gerard's but still made him look pretty emo. 'Neat,' he thought, a teeny bit fixated.

"Okay, faggots!" one of the counselors started. "We're going to lead you in a straight line. Try to keep up."

Gerard thought of something snarky involving not being able to do anything straight but restrained himself because of how utterly unoriginal it was.

The counselors started pushing kids into a single file line and towards the barn, Gerard in the front. The majority of the kids remained looking some degree of worried-that is except for Gerard, whose expression could be described, at best, as curious.

The line was walked up the large doors of the barn as two counselors who hadn't been on the bus pulled them to the side. Gerard made a point to make eye contact with one of them and wink.

The room they entered was large and empty and the ground was just flattened dirt. Gerard noted a few more counselors ominously stationed in the corners of the room and tried to decide if the barn smelled like horse shit or cow shit.

After a process much more complicated than it had to be, the adults managed to form the different teenagers into a far from perfect circle.

"Sit," one of them commanded.

”Only because you asked nicely,” Gerard mumbled to himself.

The kids each sat down, each unsure of what was happening. Though, without free hands to ease them down, many plopped onto the dirt with no grace whatsoever.

The short boy was seated 5 kids away from Gerard to his right, indirectly across from Gerard, but in a place that was still visible to his mosey gay stare, set on the blindfolded boy with no signs of letting up.

The boy didn't really look nervous and moreso just kind of done with everything. His hands were in his lap as his line of vision was set on the ground. His expression seemed blank, if not mad.

Gerard found himself wondering what his eyes looked like underneath the cloth. What color would compliment his lovely lightly olive skin? What would surround the perfect curve of his nose that was dramatic yet modest? What could match the dark auburn of his hair-

"Okay. Listen up."

A counselor's voice interrupted Gerard's thirsty (yet surprisingly poetic) thoughts. "When I give you the word, everyone will remove their blindfolds. We will then go around the circle and state our names, ages, and your ritually unclean offense against God. For example; Henry, 13, gay."

"Wait, Henry... you're only 13? And gay?" Gerard asked the man with fake curiosity/concern.

The man seemed to get flustered before responding quickly, "No! Obviously not. It was an example," while shooting Gerard dirty looks. Gerard just smiled back sweetly.

"Okay everyone," he continued, "blindfolds off."

Gerard eagerly watched the short boy as he undid his cloth. He untied the blindfold with his head facing the floor. When he finally pulled it completely off, his hair was still covering his eyes.

Gerard was holding his breath- he was so excited to see what eyes completed this kid's face. They could make or break someone's entire appearance. And... pretty ones might or might not have been one of Gerard’s weak spots.

The boy lifted his head up squinting. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Finally his hand came down and he opened his eyes.

Gerard couldn't stop looking at him. His eyes were shaped like little almonds and he had nice, dark eye lashes that Gerard could see from where he was sitting! They weren't too close or far away from his nose and had a hazel color that was perfect in complimenting the rich tone of his skin.

And it didn’t stop there. Gerard hadn't even been thinking about eyebrows but he noticed the ones on this boy. They were thin and they curved with the shape of his forehead. He was just... So pretty.

Gerard had only experienced air-headed athletes with no hint of beauty or grace whatsoever. Just toxic, smelly masculinity. But this boy, whatever his name might be, was just so... Cute but serious. Adorable yet hot. Someone who Gerard could cuddle and didn't just necessarily want to-

"Alright, let's get started." The counselor pointed to a skinny teenager with purple hair wearing a 'Metallica' shirt who was sitting ok Gerard’s left.

"You're going first. Then we'll continue left, around the circle."

"Um, hi... I'm Lily, I'm 17 and I'm lesbian."

It was quiet for a minute and nobody knew what to do. Then, from the a side of the room, a man wearing an all black robe emerged carrying a little silver thing that looked like a bucket.

He approached the girl and spoke, "Your sins will never be forgiven. You will never be pure. But," he paused, "You are a child of God and you can choose to repent and win some redemption so that you may enter paradise after death. Praise the lord."

He splashed her with water, causing her to flinch. "We shall repent you."

He then walked off to where he was before and the next kid hesitated before introducing themselves. After they finished, the man in robes approached and said and did the same exact things.

'Jesus Christ,' thought Gerard. Of COURSE the camp his dad found was a Bible cult. He wasn't even entirely sure that that guy had used the word 'repent' in a correct grammatical way. He was both excited and terrified to see just how culty it got.

Each intro was almost the same. The only people he took note of was a pan chick wearing a trenchcoat who most definitely sold drugs and a trans female with no eyebrows. Pretty quickly, Gerard got bored and found himself gazing at the boy near him again. He was just so fun to look at. No boy had ever been fun to look at before.

Gerard had had only small crushes on boys in his experience, and those were mostly him just liking the idea of liking someone. But this boy felt different- despite the fact that they've only crossed existences for about 5 hours now and only about 30 minutes of Gerard being aware of him.

Regardless, Gerard was ecstatic to hear what this boy's name was...and how he said it. With every detail added to this boy, Gerard only became more infatuated with him. He expected the name to be cute but not too much. Nice but still casual. And his voice... He hoped it was deep but not too deep. The kind that you could hear as being a singer's voice but was too shy to be one.

Oh, god. Gerard has to chill. He was more than just curious about this boy; he was going full-homo on his ass. He was already any and all ideal expectations onto him even though they'd never even exchanged a single word. It was amazing what hormones could do.

Soon enough, the boy next to the short boy (who was trans apparently) was finishing up. The guy with the robes came on cue. ("We will repent you").Everyone seemed to be getting bored, but Gerard was more than excited. He tried as hard as he could to look passive as the boy he'd been staring at introduced himself... But God was that hard.

The boy looked up from the ground, gazing around the circle, unsure of how to feel. Gerard was literally about to pee his pants.

The boy breathed a little bit before opening his mouth for a second before closing it again. He breathed out and looked down. The whole room was quiet. Gerard felt his excitement melt into a more somber curiosity.

The boy looked frustrated for a second. He lifted his hand, his head still down, and moved them into different shapes. Gerard had taken ASL last year as a replacement for French and boy was he glad for that. He recognized each of the letters the boy was signing. 'F', 'U'-wait no... 'F', 'R', ...'A'?...'N'... 'K'...

Frank? Frank. Gerard couldn't help but smile slightly. He liked it. It fit him. He felt warm and tingly but tried to focus.

Frank held up his hands again and signed that his age was '16'. Now was the info that Gerard had been waiting for. He crossed his fingers. 'Gay, gay, gay...’

Frank put two fingers to his chin and pulled them down twice. Gerard didn't recognize this sign and was a little puzzled. Everyone seemed to be.

"Um," spoke a masked person with a clipboard, "That's Frank. He's 16 and gay." Frank nodded slightly and continued to look down. Gerard had to restrain himself from fist-pumping and yelling out a victory cry.

He was so excited about this boy. He just kept looking at him looking at the ground in a desperate sort of daze. He was wondering why Frank couldn't talk. Was he deaf? Mute? He hoped he was alright.

’Woah,’ Gerard caught himself, shaking his head a little bit. He couldn't help but feel a little stupid for caring this much for a complete stranger. He had to chill or else he’d seem desperate. Maybe he was desperate. But he also knew he had crossed paths with someone special.

He sighed. He could only stare hopelessly at him and hope his own face didn't look too busted up today. He just couldn't stop himself from looking at that pretty face. Those pretty eyes...

Wait, the eyes were looking back at him now. Gerard felt butterflies in his stomach as they made eye contact. Frank seemed to be taken aback. Gerard stared back like a deer caught in headlights.

His hair was over his face but his wide eyes were still visible. He offered a panicked smile that just ended up looking strange. Frank shifted his eyes from side to side, unsure of why this strange boy was staring daggers into him.

Gerard was mortified he’d been caught. Did he look okay? Frank looked equally flusteredfor some reason as well. Maybe he actually did look good, Gerard thought smugly to himself.

Glancing away from Frank for a moment, Gerard noticed that everyone was looking at him. Fuck. A counselor was yelling something.

"Hey!" he said, "It's your turn. What, you seemed pretty eager to talk before."

Haha, oh. And just when he thought he’d looked good enough to make a boy nervous. In reality, Frank had distracted him so much that he hadn’t noticed he was up.

He cleared his throat and spoke. "Hi, fellow queer teens. My name is Gerard, I'm 16, and I'm gay." He made eye contact with Frank who looked away, blushing a bit. "Like, really gay."

The man with the robes started again. "Your sins-"

"Like, so gay that once a cop pulled me over and asked me to walk in a straight line. I wasn't even drunk and I couldn't pass," Gerard continued. A few kids couldn't help but smile and let out small laughs. The man tried again, "Your s-"

"I'm such a fairy that after my friend Peter blew me once, he started floating around the room. I should've warned him...Well, it wasn't my fault he couldn't stop thinking happy thoughts about my pixie dust." This time more kids laughed. Gerard smiled, getting egged on.

The man in robes seemed flustered now. "Uh-ug...your-"

"Such a faggot, that I can't even get near a bundle of sticks without having flashbacks from my past life of being burned at the stake, along with all the witches. It's pretty hot."

This time Gerard noticed that Frank was smiling too. This made him feel ecstatic.

"Alright! That's enough." spoke a man from the side of the room. The laughter died immediately. The man was the only one not wearing a mask. He had a stern face and was wearing an all black suit.

He walked over slowly, staring at Gerard, who was still smirking at his own jokes. He had white hair and eyes that sort of looked like a snake. He looked like Santa gone bad- or at least that's what Gerard thought.

He walked in front of Gerard. He stared at him for a moment before turning and barking an order to the rest of the circle.

"Stand up."

Everyone promptly did just that. He gave the boy hiding behind his hair a glare and he stepped to the left. He held up a key and the girl he was stood in front of paused before she held up her hands which were still cuffed with the restraints.

The man went around the circle undoing everyone's handcuffs. Gerard was last. When he stood in front of him once again the boy held his wrists up, watching behind his curtain of hair meekly. The man smiled and dangled the key in front of Gerard before tossing it over his shoulder, maintaining eye contact the whole time.

The man had a self satisfied smile on his face, waiting for the boy's reaction. Gerard kept his hands frozen in the air as he started giggling. His laughter grew as everyone watched in confusion. He sniffed and sighed before muttering, "I get it."

The man scowled, horrified. He grabbed Gerard by the shoulders.

"What is the matter with you? Do you not know how to read your situation? You are at the complete disposal of us. Your life is in our hands completely! We could kill you right now and nobody would come looking!"

Gerard kept his line of vision on the ground as he spoke just so the man could hear.

"Sorry. I'm just really happy. Or as some would call it-"

The man threw Gerard on the ground before he could get to the punchline. The boy, again, was less than successful in breaking his fall and dropped easily. The man didn't even look at him as he fell. Most of the kids looked frightened. Frank had more of an angry and hateful expression painted darkly on his face.

The man spoke, "I am Pastor Cain. I will be a beacon for you sinners during our time together. I can only hope that we will be able to save those of you that we can while weeding out those bound for hell." With this he glanced toward Gerard on the ground and walked off and out of the barn.

The young boy picked himself up off the dirt and wiped some dust off his clothes, his wrists still linked together. 'Shout out,' he thought in response to the pastor’s passive aggression. He couldn't wait to see what kind of stuff unfolded with that guy.

"Now that we've shared what brings each of us here," a counselor said, breaking the silence, “each of you will be getting a roommate, paired to you according to these shared sins. We hope that this close company will allow reflection and mutual growth."

This got Gerard's attention and he listened closely as the names were read. Gay with gay? Oh, shit. That meant.... Oh MAN. 'Breathe,' he had to tell himself.

"...Lily and Amelia, Cabin 4.
Thomas and Mason, Cabin 5.
Jenny (Daniel) and Rachel (Artie), Cabin 6."

Gerard was biting his nails in excitement. He hoped he'd be with Frank. He was also trying to bite his tongue as the trans kids were called by their birth names. He didn't want to mess things up. He had a good chance of getting the roommate he wanted- and we all know who that was.

"Devin (Jessie), you'll be alone since you're the only transsexual with a penis. You'll be in cabin 7."

Gerard ignored how much this made him want to punch that man in the neck and continued to listen.

"And finally we have..." The long haired boy was about to lunge- he couldn't take anymore suspense.

"Gerard and Frank, Cabin 8."

Somehow, Gerard suppressed jumping in the air and screaming 'YES!'. Instead he smiled lightly as he looked to the short and quiet boy. They made brief eye contact until Frank looked away, blushing.

Frank was secretly praying in his head that having this crazy gay as a roommate didn't get him in trouble. Though as he glanced back at the long-haired nerd helplessly squinting frustratedly at his handcuffs, he couldn't help but smile a little smile.

Chapter Text

"Alright, move!" yelled a counselor, herding the kids along.

"Your bags are in a pile over there. Find yours then go straight to your cabins. One of us will come by in 25 minutes to check that you're secure. Now, go!"

Gerard slumped over, muttering in his head about the weirdness of '25' (like, why not an even 30 minutes) as he walked over to find his bag. Everyone was a stranger to each other, so it was mostly silent as far as chatter goes.

He found his duffel bag and grabbed it with both hands. He ducked his head awkwardly under the strap so that it was resting on his shoulder and stood up, wobbling until he caught his balance. He tried to keep the bag stable, but it was hard with his restrained hands. He tried walking away, and the strap fell a bit off the shoulder and pulled on his neck, making him stumble.

As he was readjusting he noticed a counselor snickering off to the side, obviously amused by his struggle. Gerard made a surprised face as though he just noticed his situation, looking at the handcuff's comically then back to the man, shrugged, and threw his head back, fake laughing cheekily, shaking his head at himself, as if he was in the intro to a 90's family sit com.

The counselor's amusement disappeared and he huffed out, turning away. Gerard smiled and, more carefully this time, walked off towards the exit of the barn.

Outside it was on the colder side of warm and the sky was dark. Off into the cornfields to the left he heard people walking off down a thin dirt trail, crunching over husks. It was lit up by lanterns that were placed in intervals along the path. Even though he was concerned for himself, he had to admit it looked kind of pretty.

He started down the path and walked for about 5 minutes (with each one growing more more afraid of that thing from Jeepers Creepers) until there was a cleared space with 10 small wooden... Bungalows. He wasn't quite sure what that was but it's the only word that seemed suitable for these little houses.

Each one had steps up to little doors with little placards on them. He read a '2' on the one closest to him and walked along until he saw the number 8 to which he was assigned. Everyone else had already gone inside so it was still quiet apart from the sounds of a million tiny bugs trying to get laid in the air and frogs croaking in the woods nearby.

He took a moment to gaze at the sight, but then accidentally remembered the girl from "The Ring"...

And picked up speed. He fumbled with the door knob, certain that Samara was standing behind him, but managed to get it open, step inside, shut the door swiftly behind, and lock it.

As he caught his breath, he turned around and took in the small room. In it was a ceiling fan, a lantern on a desk with a chair, a small closet, and bunk beds. Above the table was a large window with a screen but no glass covering.

'Great,' Gerard thought, 'the fucking murderers in the corn field have an easy in.'

In the bottom bed, almost unnoticed by him, was a little lump laying on top of the blanket covers. It was Frank. And him. Alone. Gerard was immediately flooded with some kind of emotion.

He looked at him for a bit, feeling just a small impulse to hug the other boy- just a small one- before feeling creepy for it and moving to unload his bag off to the side. It was really hard to do it with the handcuffs, though.

Gerard muttered to himself in annoyance. "Okay, I get that pasty face was trying to make a point, but like, this isn't even cruel, it's just stupid. When is he planning to take them off?"

He dropped the bag with a 'thump', catching it on his neck a bit, and began to unzip it with both hands bound close together. He knew he probably looked really dumb.

He suddenly had a realization. 'Was I supposed to scramble around in the dirt for the key and degrade myself?' he thought to himself. 'That completely went over my fuckin head.'

He laughed at himself quietly. He was glad he could ruin this dumb camp's attempts at making a point, even if accidentally.

He felt the of pj pants he packed deep in his bag and pulled them out of his mass of clothes. He instinctively unbuttoned his pants before remembering he wasn't alone. He turned slowly to see if Frank was still asleep. The small lump hadn't moved from where it'd been when he walked in.

He creeped over to the side of the table so that his lower half wasn't visible from where the other body was. He wiggled down his jeans awkwardly and wormed out. He was focusing on putting his legs in the right holes, not being able to rely much on his hands for balance. He got one in before there was a sudden loud knock on the wooden door.

Gerard fell over in surprise, "Fuck," he whispered, trying to get his pants up. He kicked his left leg in. There was another knock.

"Cabin check. Open up."

"Coming!" Gerard answered, his pants up to his knees now.

The handle jiggled from the outside.

"You have ten seconds before I unlock this door. 10, 9, 8..."

Gerard was rapidly trying to get the pants around his butt, pulling them up by the sides, unable to reach around to the back, still laying helpless on the cabin floor.

"...7, 6, 5..."

Fuck it, high enough. He pushed himself up, moving to the door, tripping on his shoes. He stumbled forward, stubbing his toe on the ground.

"...4, 3..."

He bit his lip in pain, and grudgingly moved to the door. Right as he heard '1', he got it unlocked and opened.

The counselor that was waiting on the other side had lost the ski mask so that Gerard could see his face- well, as much as one can in the dark.

The man 'tsk'd and said patronizingly, "Having some trouble?"

"Uh," Gerard responded, "I was changing pants."

The man looked at him suspiciously before pointing off to his right.

"There's a bathhouse for that." Gerard looked out around the door frame and saw the small building. He hadn't noticed it in his rush away from the cornfield horror creatures he's sure were out there waiting for him.

"Huh. Look at that."

They stood in awkward silence for a moment, the man evaluating the situation, before he let it go.

"Are.. Gerard Way and Frank Iero present?" he asked, looking down at his clipboard.

"I'm Gerard Way, Frank Iero is..." he looked back to gesture at the sleeping boy, who was now sitting up right in his bed, watching the exchange, "...right there," he finished.

The counselor stepped in to see the boy, who timidly waved. After a quick glance over, he stepped back out.

"Lights out by 9."

Gerard looked confusedly at him, "...You mean the lantern?"

The man sighed, stepped in, and flipped a switch to the right of the door. Light washed over the dark room.

Gerard looked at it for a few seconds, pretending it was the most interesting revelation in the world, and slowly nodded. His cheeks were flushed with new red.

"...thoroughly noted."

The man smirked and huffed rather disdainfully. He glanced down at the handcuffs still on the boy's hands. Bemused, he took his leave.

Gerard closed the door and locked it again, exhaling. "Assholes."

He turned around and saw Frank, still staring out the door, seeming kind of vacant and tired. The cheap, fluorescent lighting somehow made him look so pretty. Gerard internally sighed at his eyelashes, enthralled.

His hair was a little stuck on one side from laying down. It was so black and soft looking- like water dissolvable oil pastel. Gerard wanted to touch it. His face was calm, as it moved, giving Gerard a whole new angle to enjoy. It was looking at something else now, his eyes shifting from side to side. It reminded Gerard of before, in the barn.

He was basically drooling where he stood but he couldn't help it. There was so much to look at- the arches of his forehead and eyebrows, the curve of his nose, the shape of his lips...

'Gerard. He's looking at you'.

He felt himself blush, and quickly turned away, ducking his head away so his hair hid his cheeks. God, he had to stop doing that.

He could feel Frank staring, wide-eyed. Gerard could he was quickly becoming more scared of sleeping in a room with him.

Gerard reeled for a minute, mortally embarrassed for the millionth time since getting here, then cleared his throat.

"Hey look, I ..." but when he look back, Frank was turned over again, clearly not in the talking mood. Gerard sighed. He was absolutely blowing his first impression. Shaking his head at himself, he flicked the ceiling light off.

"Goodnight," he whispered, defeated. He went over to the ladder and began to climb, which was exceedingly difficult given his restraints.

Though he almost fell once, he made it to the top. He found his phone in his sweatshirt then took it off, leaving just his t shirt. Ugh, what they said was right- heat does rise.

He turned his phone on to see if anyone had texted or called. Nothing.

In the blue light he saw the little scars on his bare arms and sighed. He stared at them, dissociating from himself. He was thinking nothing. Feeling nothing.

He popped his phone case off and found the blade he kept on hand. He felt its cold surface between his thumb and index finger.

He laid back and stared at the ceiling. He thought over the day. It was hard to reach his wrist when his hands were bound. He worked with it.

One for not fighting back last night.

One for getting bruised.

One for bleeding.

One for not saying anything back this morning.

One for getting chloroformed.

Three for falling so much.

One for talking.

One for talking.

One for talking.

One for talking.

He clenched his teeth with each line, feeling the dull metal dig in. The finale was always the same- cutting for not knowing when to shut up.

He wished he could just know when to stop. His mouth got him in so much trouble. He knew it was fake confidence. It's what he did so that he wasn't scared of everything.

But he was. He was terrified. And he felt that now more than ever.

He cursed himself in his head, cutting up his arms until he was satisfied. He used the light of his phone to see the blood. The aftermath. He sighed.

He always felt regret, ironically. He was just so disgusted with himself.

He felt tears sting his eyes and laid back, letting his arms leak onto his shirt. He fell into a fast sleep, wet eyes closing to dark.

-------------------------/-----------------

Hymns blared over a P.A. System at 7 am. Gerard awoke, annoyed, and growled as he slammed a pillow over his head. He held it there with one hand as the other pulled up the blanket to cover himself more.

Wait.

He shot up and looked at his wrists. Had the handcuffs evaporated? He turned them over a few times, bloodstained brown. But no cuffs.

He quickly climbed down the ladder to see if Frank had answers. Did Father Voldemort pay him a visit in the night? Was it fucking Samara fucking with his head after all??

"Hey..." he started, reaching the floor. The bottom bed was empty, neat and made. He guessed Frank must've gotten an early start.

Gerard furrowed his brow, confused and a bit panicked. He couldn't be losing his mind already.

He looked around the room for answers. The shine of silver on the otherwise clear table caught his eye.

The handcuffs. Next to their key.

He went over to evaluate. He stared at them in confusion. Why would they be left here? That doesn't seem like something this camp would...

Gerard then noticed a little note next to the handcuffs.

'I saw where it fell. Thought you would need some help.
-F'

Gerard stared in disbelief...

...before grinning like a little kid and giggling as he spun around in the empty cabin.

Chapter Text

It was lightly raining as Gerard walked through the cornfield, on a different trail than the one he had walked last night. There was a sign near the cabins that read "Dining Hall", with separate ones beneath it that said "Teaching Center 1" and "Pavilion", all pointing the way he was headed now.

He grabbed at his sweatshirt and shivered a bit. It was strangely cold for a summer day- maybe because it was morning. But either way, it made Gerard feel even more like they were in some special corner of hell for a few weeks.

When he got to the cafeteria, he saw that there were about 10 people already there, eating breakfast. Gerard stopped by the food line and picked up a pre-served plate of mush (maybe oatmeal?) and looked around for a place to sit.

He saw two small tables, full, with people talking quietly, some even laughing. He scanned the people for a particularly short boy- one with shaggy hair and a nice nose.

Unfortunately, Gerard didn't see the boy from yesterday. However, he did see an ADORABLE LITTLE SCRUFF wearing RAIN BOOTS!

Gerard full out grinned like a psychopath as he approached the small form sitting by himself at a table close to a window. Having at least a little sense of self-awareness and personal space, he sat across from the boy rather than next to him.

Frank looked up at the new company and smiled timidly at him. Gerard continued to smile back, unable to measure his freakish expression.

"I really like your rain boots," Gerard leaned in and whispered to Frank. "I didn't even think of bringing extra shoes. All I've got are my beaten up chucks. I think the right one is actually coming apart on the bottom."

Frank nodded and looked down at his plate. Gerard waited for him to respond, by signing of course, but nothing happened.

"I, uh, actually took ASL at school. I'm probably rusty but, just so you know..."

Frank looked up at this, and signed 'Thanks.' Gerard's heart fluttered in his chest.

Frank continued, 'I like your [something]'. Gerard didn't recognize the last sign but he tried to play it off.

"Ah, thanks. You know I like... I think it's good too, probably my most redeeming quality."

Frank visibly chuckled. Gerard gasped and realized it was the first he'd seen him smile.

'God, he looks so cute when his eyes squint up like that', Gerard thought to himself. When he smiled, his whole face smiled. It was so contagious.

"Good morning, lemmings."

Silence fell across the room as some counselor addressed them in the tone of voice you'd expect from a religious fanatic.

"I hope you all had a good first night," he said, taking a moment to survey the room.

"In about 10 minutes you will be required to go to your first conversion class. As you might expect, you are separated into the same groups as you have been with cabins. That means cabins 1, 3, and 4 will be assigned to Center 1, cabins 2, 6 and 7 will be in Center 2, and Center 3 will be cabins 5 and 8. Have fun and may the lord be in you all."

He then nodded and walked off. Gerard had to wonder to himself why he said "in you" and not "with you". It's like they went out of their way to make no fucking sense.

Silence slowly tumbled away as people began talking once again throughout the room. Gerard sighed and looked back at Frank, who was shifting his eyes in that nervous way he did.

"So I guess we're in Center 3 then. Wonder what us gays will be put up to," Gerard said in a joking tone.

Frank shrugged nervously in response and looked down at the table.

"Hey," continued Gerard, "don't be nervous. Nothing's going to happen." Gerard then thought of all the violent acts that had occurred to him for the short time he's been here as he said this.

"Well," he said, reconsidering, "something might happen. But if it does, I'll do my best to protect you. How's that sound?"

Frank nodded timidly, blushing just a little bit. They both stood up and thew their mush in the garbage.

Gerard smirked as he turned to walk and added, "I would hold your hand for support, but given the circumstances, I don't think that would fly."

Frank smiled and blushed some more, shaking his head playfully.

They fast-walked in comfortable silence through the rain, which was getting heavier, through the rows of corn, trying to follow the signs to where they had to go- preferably before it started down-pouring on them.

They finally found themselves on a steep, thin path with the sign pointing towards "center 3", the white paint seeming to drip from the wood. They marched down the small slope until they saw a clearing with a run-down building, which was surrounded by woods.

"Well, at least we're out of the fucking corn for once." Frank nodded in agreement.

They approached the shady looking "center", which looked more like an abandoned cottage. As they neared, Gerard could see that the windows were covered and completely black. He just sighed and tried not to think about what he was about to walk into.

The stairs to the front door creaked and moaned as they were climbed, like a stiff joint that you could feel rubbing against itself. They carefully opened the door to reveal pitch black space that the gloomy gray light of the day couldn't even begin to penetrate.

Gerard just stared, rechecking his memory to make sure this was for sure where he was supposed to be. He felt a Frank's hand lightly touch his arm.

"It's alright, man," he said, not believing his own words. "Let's just leave-"

"Come, do not let the light in," a voice spoke from the darkness. Gerard felt Frank tighten his hold on his sweatshirt

"What?" Gerard called out in return.

"Close the door. The other two are already here."

Gerard hesitated, but then slowly closed the creaking door behind them. Fully in the dark, he reached out for Frank's hand. Frank quickly accepted the offer. They walked forward, both holding to the other.

"Sit anywhere," the voice ordered. The boys lowered themselves, careful to make sure they hadn't lost each other. Gerard noticed Frank was shaking now a little bit. He wasn't sure if he was too.

He wished he could think of something to say that would make this all seem less terrifying but he was drawing a blank. And that might not be the smartest thing right now anyway. All he could do was gently rub the back of Frank's hand and hope it was doing something to help.

There was the sound of a match being struck and a small candle was lit in the center of the room. This turned into two- Then three, then four. Gerard slid his hand, which was holding Frank's, in the gap between the two of them to be better hidden. He didn't even think of letting go.

Even knowing Frank for less than a day, Gerard felt this need to protect him. Maybe it was because he was small. Or because he was quiet. Gerard couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it was an impulse he hadn't really felt before.

Don't be mistaken, Gerard's gay heart fluttered like a dying moth as he held Frank's clammy hand. There was still that level where Gerard was convinced Frank must be a long lost movie star or some kind of model- and one that he wanted to kiss at that.

But it was a lot more than that. This wasn't as easy as some high school crush. He could sense a danger in this place, and it wasn't the same kind of fear that made him suspect horror villains lurked in the corn. He knew he had to be stronger than he really was for both Frank and himself.

"Welcome, young sinners, to the first day of purification. This is the very first step of your journey in coming closer to God."

"Praise," spoke the other three counselor's- who were apparently in the room- to fill the pauses of the first speaker.

"We, at this camp, feel the first step to eradicating the sin within us is to acknowledge it as living inside. For the first part of today's activity which does this, each of you will be designated a counselor to confess all of your, in this case, homosexual sins. For example, I will be paired up with Thomas."

The two other gay boys from cabin 5, Thomas and Mason, were sitting on the opposite side of the room. Thomas looked up at his name being called, a fearful expression on his face. Gerard was sure that he and Frank had that same expression as well.

"Any questions?" he asked. Nobody made a sound. "Very well, then. Get to work."

Gerard gave Frank's hand one final squeeze before he had to let go in order to go to the counselor which was summoning him. They each went to their own corners of the room where their own personal counselors were waiting for them.

"Hello. Gerard, right?" asked the counselor he approached. He was a rather large man, and though it was hard to tell with the scant lighting around the room, Gerard was pretty sure he had a neck beard. Gerard just nodded and sat down slowly across from him.

"My name is Daniel," he continued.

"Uh, hi, 'Daniel'."

"Feel free to confess everything. The more you tell, the closer you can be to God."

The candle which Daniel held flickered between them, making the man look demonic, his eyes blackened out and his face a glowing red.

Gerard looked at the man, unsure. "Like, gay shit- uh... stuff?" he asked. Daniel just nodded.

Gerard exhaled, feeling a bit more in his element now. "Sure thing, man. Where to start." Gerard thought for a second before starting.

"Well, it all started recently, I'd say. I blew this kid two years older than me in the fall just... to know how it felt to do that. It's really funny how the people that will beat you up for being homophobic will cum like a broken fire hydrant when being blown by a fag like me.

"But anyways, word got around that I was willing, basically, which no other guys really are. So bi-curious slash obviously gay douche bags will come to me for some free head. The good part of it is gained experience for me and a whole lot of shit on guys I never would've dreamed of having.

"Like... this kid Danny on the wrestling team," Gerard started cracking up with laughter as he thought about it, "he fucking sweat through his sheets when I was blowing him. He stood up and he legitimately looked as though he wet his own bed!"

Gerard cackled at his own words. The memories all came racing back to him at once. "And don't even get me started on this kid, Steven. He's the one who got me sent here..."

Gerard retold as many tales as he could recall about his past year, losing any of the tension he'd had when he walked in here. Truth be told, these were things he'd never gotten to say to anyone before and it was kind of nice to vent. They asked for gay confessions and that's what he gave them.

When he was finally done, he let out a breath. It was then he noticed how silent the rest of the room really was. He turned to see everyone looking at him. He just shrugged. Wasn't his fault he was the most decorated homo in the room.

The head counselor cleared his throat.

"Now that we've confessed," he stated, glancing with judgment at Gerard, "each of you will spar with your partners." Gerard looked back at the large man he apparently now had to battle, feeling a bit unfairly matched.

"This will allow each of you to battle the frustration you feel in regards to your confessions. Treat your counselor partner as if they were your biggest frustration in fighting your temptations."

"For example," he continued, turning to the kid he'd been paired with, "Thomas disclosed to me that his father lacked in nurturing him for his life, thus resulting in his homosexual impulses. I will, therefore, be standing in as his father. Does this make sense?"

There was silence as this was received, every teenager weirded the fuck out, and understandably so. Thomas looked away, probably not thrilled that he'd been revealed to the entire room. The counselor smiled in the low light. He sensed the doubt in the room.

"All of your counselors here are graduated alumni of this camp, successfully converted from homosexuality. We understand that this method works and it will for you all too." His smile was unfaltering.

Gerard turned away in thought, biting his tongue as to not bring up the fact that since the counselors were so excited about rolling around with teen boys, maybe they hadn't successfully 'eradicated' the homosexuality in themselves. Just saying.

"This will be done one at a time- for safety" the counselor continued. 'Well, as long as we're safe,' Gerard thought to himself. He noticed Frank rolling his eyes across the room. It made him smile.

Frank glanced up and they made eye contact but Gerard just held his gaze. They shared a knowing look, Frank copying Gerard's smile for a moment before gazing off at his shoes. The counselor's voice ended the small moment.

"There is no time limit- fight until all your frustration is out. Thomas and I will go first."

As could be predicted, the wrestling was pretty awkward to watch. At first, Thomas was hesitant to fight, but he got pretty into it after a few minutes, probably from all the weird tension in the air. Gerard couldn't tell which part he preferred.

They tumbled around, the counselor being far more careful than Thomas, for around 5 minutes. They finally stepped back after that time, panting and holding their stomachs.

Thomas was embraced by the counselor, suddenly, once he caught his breath. "I love you, son," he said, before leaning down and gently kissing Thomas on the lips.

The room was silent. Thomas jumped back, startled.

Gerard stared, wide-eyed, wondering if he'd actually just seen that. He glanced around the room. Mason and Frank both looked equally shocked while the other counselors watched on as if nothing had happened.

"Hold on," Gerard blurted out before he could stop himself. Everyone in the room turned to look at him. "Wh-... how... what..."

"Our methods have been tried and tested," the counselor spoke cutting him off. Gerard just gaped at him. "Mason and his partner, you have the floor." Everyone watched as Mason nervously walked towards the center of the room, followed by his smug counselor partner.

The second fight went about the same- Mason fighting in awkward anguish and, more creepily, a hug and kiss at the end. Gerard just watched in horror again, feeling all over again as though he was in some warped reality.

"Gerard." He jumped at his own name. The leading counselor was looking at him.

"Yeah?" Gerard asked. The counselor just motioned towards the center of the room. It was his turn.

Gerard ran through excuses in his head. Stomach ache? Headache Could he simply opt out? he doubted it...

Out of his periphery, Gerard realized Frank was watching him. His train of thought stopped suddenly and he walked slowly into the center of the room. He couldn't chicken out. Not already.

His counselor seemed ecstatic as they took to the center. Gerard watched him, feeling like a muskrat in front of a hungry lion.

He decided he could at least try to make if brief. It seemed the other counselors had definitely been enjoying the wrestling a little too much. He didn't know what kind of fetish this was, but he didn't want to find out first-hand.

He stood awkwardly, across from the large man, and tried to seem determined but was, on the inside, so close to having a breakdown from how fucking whacky this was. He had to keep his head.

He suddenly had an idea. He realized if he injured the man too much to continue with an initial blow, he couldn't get in trouble- that's what he was supposed to do. Plus, he might hurt him enough that he forgets about the kiss, sparing him the sexual assault. Hell, he might get everyone sent home before Frank had to take his turn.

The man was smiling as he waited for Gerard to move. 'Gross'. The orange light flickered as the two stood still.

Gerard took a deep breath. In one flourish, he ran forward and kneed both the man's privates and gut simultaneously. He expected a yelp of pain and string curses that did not come.

Gerard was surprised to see the man was smiling even more at this physical blow. He just stood there, waiting expectantly.

Ew, what the hell? Gerard had been joking about the BDSM before but... yikes. Fuck. He had no backup plan.

There was no choice but to lunge back at the man, frustrated and grossed out by the situation he was in. He took less of a wrestling approach and found himself repeatedly hooking and jabbing at the body that just stepped everyone now and then to regain its balance.

He went at it for around 3 minutes until he was all tired out. The guy had tried to reach out and grab Gerard a few times, but he'd luckily been able to duck out of the way for that. He tried once more as Gerard held his hands on his knees and panted. He slumped to the ground, making himself un-grabable deadweight.

The man loomed over him before squatting down to his level, holding Gerard's face with his hand. Gerard twisted his expression, trying to make it clear he didn't want this. He really, really didn't want this to happen. But it was.

As the man leaned in, Gerard panicked. This was too fucking much. He lurched backwards and called out to no one in particular. "Can I please not do the kiss? I'm really not comfortable with it."

There was dark laughter from the counselors around the room.

"It's part of the process, Gerard. Trust the process," Daniel said inching closer again to him.

Gerard avoided looking in his direction and kept scooting away. "But, I..." he started, "I thought the whole point was to stop... isn't this a little gay?!?" He finally managed to state the obvious irony he'd been trying to get out.

"Don't you dare sodomize your counselors!" Mason's partner suddenly snapped. Gerard froze in his place.

"It's our job to cure you- and we will do this by any means necessary. We have an obligation to your parents and to the Lord. So either do as you're told or face worse punishments."

Gerard gaped for a moment before his head was turned by a large hand. He was suddenly being forcefully kissed by someone. He felt his body freeze and the seconds waste by. He couldn't even manage to scrunch his face up.

It felt like years before the large man finally backed off. Once he was free, Gerard was stuck in place for a few moments before he was able to make himself scurry back to his corner. He brought his knees up to hide his face. He wanted to disappear.

Gerard wasn't the best at fighting back. He mouthed off quite a bit, but on the inside, he was just scared. He knew deep down it was just a defense mechanism. When people were rough with him, he turned off. He couldn't fight back when the physical threat was overwhelming. This was just like how he went limp whenever his father acted up or played dead when bullies wanted to kick him.

He thought about how Frank had just seen him completely fail at fighting back. He was probably wondering how Gerard would even begin to defend him as he promised. He probably thought he was weak. Gerard certainly wouldn't blame him for it.

"Now, finally," the counselor with Thomas announced, "we have Frank and his partner. You both have the floor."

Frank's head was ducked to the floor as he walked to the middle. His counselor was a leaner man, a little ratty looking. Gerard watched on pathetically, wishing he could do something to protect Frank. 'Sorry,' he thought, for making a promise he couldn't keep.

Frank stood silently for a few minutes, the counselor smiling expectantly at him. Then, in a second, Frank ran and took the man down. Everyone in the room was taken aback at this violent frenzy. Gerard immediately sat up in shock. Again, he wasn't sure that had actually happened.

Frank seemed set on proving himself to be the complete opposite of submissive person that everyone expected. He was clearly much stronger than his opponent and had him in a choke hold in about twenty seconds.

Frank remained intensely calm as the man tried to pry himself free of Frank's suffocating grip, clearly struggling. There were no noises but the sound of the man gasping for air, Frank's silent determination speaking volumes in place of his muteness.

The three younger boys silently rooted for Frank as he gave this guy what he deserved. Gerard was in awe as this little fireball held his own. He was... Impressed, to say the least. He felt his own spirit getting reignited.

"Okay! Okay," the first counselor ran in to pull Frank off the man. Once he had done so, which took a bit of time seeing as Frank had intentions of seeming homicide, the small boy quickly stood up, not wanting to be in a position of weakness.

For a second, it seemed like the man Frank had fought with would surely forget about the "forgiveness" part of the activity. Frank watched him, his hands in fists at his sides, as two counselors held Frank's partner, making sure he was alright.

Once he'd caught his breath, he turned to Frank, whose expression was nothing short of pure hatred. He glared at the boy, still stepping forward expectantly. Gerard was in disbelief. Trust the process his ass.

When he was so close that the kiss was practically happening, Frank suddenly stepped back. He got into a fighting stance and uppercutted the man with a crack of impact, quickly following through with a left hook. The man yelled, blood curling from his lip and nose as he reeled in pain, stumbling backwards. The room stood in disbelief, nobody moving and the counselor squealing in pain. Even Frank seemed surprised that he had gone that far. 'Oh, shit...," Gerard thought to himself.

"You fucking brat!" the man yelled at Frank, snapping the people in the room back to reality.

"Hold him down, please," ordered the first counselor, jumping into action. The two other men rushed in to hold Frank down as the man he had hit walked slowly up to him. Gerard moved towards them instinctively but felt outnumbered in the end.

Frank put his head down in defiance as he heard the man walking towards him. The other teenagers was stunned and frozen as he closed in. He grabbed Frank's chin in his hand and forced him to look up. His look of disgust turned into a grimace, blood still flowing down his face.

"I was going to play nice. But since you want to be like this, I have no choice." He aggressively kissed Frank, the boy squeezing his face as Gerard had wanted to do. When the man pulled back, Frank had blood pressed into his face and lips. He looked to the floor in shame.

"Stop fighting back."

This was all the man said before walking away as the two men released Frank. He walked back into the dark, seeming defeated. Gerard looked at him, his heart breaking. He wished more than anything he could've done something. He felt powerless.

"I hope you all learned something this morning," Thomas's partner said, piggybacking off of his coworker's statement.

"The time is now 12 pm. You were supposed to be given the afternoon to explore camp grounds, but given that it is scheduled to storm in about an hour and throughout the night, you are now required to go back to your cabins and talk to each other about what you have discovered today. You are dismissed."

Frank immediately left the small building, giving Gerard no chance to comfort him. He sighed to himself, feeling ever so dejected. He watched Mason and Thomas scurry out together, also paying him no mind. He sighed. All he could do was walk slovenly back to his cabin.

Outside it was raining pretty heavily now and the trees shook in rhythm. He felt the water wash over him, seeming to trap him in the way he felt right now. He felt his warm tears mix with the cold rain on his face as he walked back, alone, with his hands in his pockets. God, it was only day two and he was already breaking down.

He knew it was mostly because of Frank. If it had just been him, he would have been fine. People had taken advantage of him like that dozens of times by now- it was nothing new.

But Frank. He was different. He was something to care about. There was something Gerard felt, some sort of connection or understanding with Frank that just made it that much harder when he had to watch him in pain.

They both were sent here to be converted by probably terrible parents on both ends, so there was that- just like every other kid in this camp. They would have to stick together if they were going to survive who knows how long at this place.

But Gerard had failed their first real tribulation. And right after he'd promised to do something, too. God. He felt like he had just let his own brother be sexually assaulted or something. It made him feel like flaming human trash.

Why was he so pathetic when it came to defense? Why couldn't he just fucking fight back?

The rain only grew heavier and the ground was getting pretty muddy by the time Gerard reached his cabin, which was about an hour later. He moped on in, not wanting to face Frank after that.

Once he was in the room, shutting the storm out behind him, he realized Frank didn't want to face him either. He glanced sadly at the ball of boy curled up on the bed, just where he'd been last night last night, wet with rain.

He sighed, wanting to comfort him so badly. But he couldn't. Frank didn't need his help. He wouldn't want his help.

Gerard simply dragged himself up to his bed and slumped down on the mattress. Sleep overcame him rather quickly.
------------------------------------------
It was around 4 when Gerard woke back up. The rain still pattered on, though the worst of the storm had likely passed. He listened to the calming and familiar noise, leaning his face into the hard pillow. What a day.

He suddenly noticed soft sniffling and breaths from below. It sounded suspiciously like someone silent-crying.

He felt his heart clench and he was careful with the words he spoke to the boy below him.

"You okay, Frank?" he softly called out into the air. Of course, he was answered with silence.

"Okay, I'm going to come down. Just hit the wall or something if you really don't want me to."

He waited and, hearing nothing, began to climb down to where Frank was.

He looked into the lower bunk, where the boy was curled on the bed, tears pooling onto the blankets. He turned around and smiled weakly when he met Gerard's gaze. Gerard smiled back sympathetically. He slowly walked closer to the bottom bunk.

"Can I sit?" he asked quietly. Frank nodded and Gerard sat on the bed with him, trying to think of what to say.

"I guess it'd be dumb to ask what's wrong," he started. Frank just looked at him, sadness clouding his eyes. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

Frank squeezed his eyes shut at this and Gerard noticed more tears bursting out from the tight eyelids. He didn't hesitate in bringing his hand up to rub at Frank's back as he cried.

"I'm sorry, Frank. I know I don't completely understand but, you know, at least I know how it feels," he offered carefully over Frank's silent tears riveted down his face.

"It's not okay what they did, man. There's probably legal loopholes with this camp and shit that keeps them out of prison, but it really isn't alright." He paused and sighed.

"I know it's scary, and I know I'm fucking useless, but I am looking out for you." Gerard noticed Frank was shivering slightly as his hand rested on his body.

"It's so hard because I want to fight for you, but I also have no balls... And I know that I could get in some deep shit if I'm not too careful... with my mouth, you know? Then I wouldn't have you, and God... I think I need you."

Frank looked at him as he heard this, peeking up from his cocoon of misery. Gerard held his breath, hoping he hadn't said anything wrong.

"Sorry," he said, retracting his hand into his lap. "I don't mean to..." Gerard weakly smiled, cutting himself off. Frank just watched as he struggled to find words. He at least seemed distracted from his own sadness.

"Yeah, sorry... I know we just met but it's like..." He looked away as he felt tears stinging his own eyes. "I don't know".

He felt a hand touch his shoulder and looked back to meet Franks face with watery eyes. Frank offered back a small smile, understanding in his eyes.

He reached for a pen and paper sitting on the nearby table and began to write to Gerard, who watched with patience.

'We all have to be careful. We all have to fight. I need you too, for support, but I have to defend myself. To some extent. It's brutal here.'

Gerard nodded as small tears dribbled down his cheeks. He hated this fucking place.

"I'm here for you. And I promise, I will fight for you. Again, it sounds... kind of weird since we just met and everything, but we've already been through some shit together, you know?"

Frank nodded and scribbled a response, 'Agreed. Plus, I know I can trust you... (Nice shirt).'

Gerard read this and looked down. He had forgotten he was wearing his "Dookie" shirt. He started laughing once he saw it and understood. Frank smiled widely back at him.

"Yeah, you can trust me. And I'm serious." They looked at each other meaningfully, forgetting to blush. Wait, nope- they were blushing alright.

Gerard sighed and looked down. "I just don't understand," he started, thinking back to that morning. "Isn't kissing minors like both gay and really creepy?"

Frank shrugged in response, looking sad again.

"I hope nothing like that happens again. That was one of the worst kisses I've ever experienced."

Gerard expected Frank to laugh, but he instead just looked down at his paper. He brought the pen up to write and closed his eyes, breathing. He sighed, then wrote, his hair falling over his face.

He slid the paper over to Gerard without looking up. Gerard tried to gauge his expression, a bit confused. Getting nothing, he moved his eyes down to read the note.

'I wouldn't know. That's the first time I've been kissed. That's sort of why I freaked out and punched the dude.'

Gerard felt his heart cleave in 1000 different directions as he read this. Different worlds of emotion crashed over him as he realized what this meant.

He thought for a minute before looking to Frank, who was shyly now looking back at him, embarrassed about disclosing his secret.

Gerard stared into two pools of light hazel, barely thinking, only feeling, as he reached out and touched Frank's neck gently. Rubbing the cold skin, he leaned in, pressing his lips to Frank's.

The smaller boy kissed back and reached up to touch Gerard's face with his cold fingertips. They both became aware of the cuts on Gerard's lips as they softly breathed into each other, holding each other as the rain beat down outside.

Gerard pulled back after the kiss naturally died away, each of them keeping the extra bit of warmth on their lips.

"That ... That was your first kiss. Okay?" Gerard whispered, still close to Frank, looking seriously into his eyes. Frank nodded, bringing Gerard in for more.

They hugged, smiling, sharing warmth against the cold. Without any words, they settled into Frank's bottom bunk, under the blankets, falling asleep in each other's arms.

Chapter Text

Gerard yawned as he trudged through the mud. The storm had left behind a mess, and the early resignation to their cabins had meant that Gerard and Frank had also gone to bed early. Like. Very early.

They both had woken up around 3 am, ready to go. At first they tried to go back to bed by acting out scenes from their bedside bibles. This escalated to a game of Biblical charades, with Frank using ASL to his advantage.

They finally settled down after Gerard's 15th giggling fit, and laid exhausted in their beds as the sun rose. From there, it was only an hour until the dusty hymns were rolling through the speakers to wake them up. The hunger pangs from barely being fed the day prior were the only reason they forced themselves out of their cabin and to the cafeteria.

They finally made it to the little building and moved slowly as they collected their non-brand-specific mush. As they turned from the food line to sit, they noticed placards on each table that hadn't been there yesterday, with each cabin assigned to a separate table. Gerard fell into the seat of the 'cabin 8' table and Frank yawned as he lowered himself, more gracefully, into the seat across from him.

They had been eating in quiet for about 15 minutes when a voice sounded from the front of the room.

"Please pause your meals and lower your heads for morning prayer." Gerard barely had time to squint his eyes in the direction of the man reading off of a bible before he was being bombarded with words like "deliverance" and "temptation".

Gerard, having experienced church at a young age, immediately zoned out upon hearing them. It was a classic Pavlov scenario. He focused his eyes across the table on Frank's tired face, watching him gaze down at his empty bowl as he fiddled with the spoon. He smiled, his head empty with some hints of memories from last night. It had been a good night.

He tuned back in when normal daily announcements started up, "... and so, your first "Biology and The Bible" lecture will be later on this day. But as for this morning, we have something new that will become a daily activity. Further details will be given at the site of learning, which you will be led to by me in about 10 minutes. Meet around the back of this building by then. See you all soon- and may God be in you all."

When all fifteen kids were gathered outside, the counselor led them through an unlabeled path until they found themselves at the edge of the woods. From there, they followed a less distinct path until they reached a large clearing with several tree stumps spread out across it, rooted into the ground. Next to each of them was a pair of shovels.

"This is what you'll be doing everyday, 8-12. You will work with your cabin partner to uproot these tree stumps from the ground. This exercise will both discipline you and serve as a metaphor of the evil you should all be working at uprooting within yourselves."

The man paused, a smug grin on his face. Gerard wanted to gag at the analogy. He could tell the camp thought they were geniuses for coming up with it.

The man continued. "A lunch bell will sound at 12 o'clock to signify the end of the work period. I wish you all luck- may you find yourselves in your manual labor."

As soon as he finished his speech the counselor started back to the cafeteria. This abrupt departure left the campers a little stunned. After standing around for a few minutes they each waddled over towards the tree stumps and started to dig.

Gerard poked at a stump's side with his shovel. "How the fuck do you even start?" He looked over to Frank for response to see he'd had already accumulated a small pile of dirt. He looked up and shrugged.

Gerard whined, "Heyyy, why are you actually doing the thing?"

Frank just signed with what Gerard amounted to 'nothing else to do.'

Gerard sauntered his way over to the other boy and spoke to him in a low voice.

"We can always kiss some more...there's nobody around..." Frank just glared at him and gave him the finger.

Gerard sighed and sat down on the stump. "Or, we can talk."

They talked about their favorite movies for half an hour. Sometimes Frank signed too quickly for Gerard to understand, and the conversation would become a continuation of their game of charades.

Gerard found himself talking for a solid five minutes without Frank responding. He paused to watch the short boy work.

"We never really discussed what went down yesterday." Frank paused, and signed back without looking up, 'What happened?'

"Well, you didn't tell me about how you're an actual ninja." Frank gave him a look that said he didn't want others to hear this conversation. Gerard continued by signing.

'Where did you learn how to fight like that?'

Frank put the shovel on the ground and sat on a nearby rock. 'I fight a lot.'

Gerard smiled sympathetically and signed back 'Me too'.

Frank smirked a bit and signed, 'Really?'

'Well,' Gerard signed, conceding, 'I don't fight back...'

'Yeah, that's what I thought. You talk a lot, though.'

Gerard laughed and gazed down a bit. Speaking this time, he responded. "Sometimes it's easier to play dead and pretend you're not scared."

Frank shook his head, 'I couldn't do that.'

Gerard cocked his head, 'Why not?'

Frank sighed. He signed rapidly, and Gerard had to ask him to repeat it a couple times before he got the meaning.

'My first line of defense is gone. I can't let people walk all over me just because I don't talk.'

Gerard thought for a moment before asking 'So do you get violent a lot?'

'Only if I have to,' Frank started, 'but I don't hesitate when I find that the case.'

'Even when it's dangerous to fight back?' Gerard asked.23

Frank looked serious when he signed back, 'I'll always fight back if I can.'

Gerard sighed, 'But remember? I told you that I worry about you.' He paused and blushed before adding, 'I need you to be ok.'

Frank shrugged and signed back. 'Don't you think I feel the same about you saying things? Talking back?'

Gerard nodded, 'So then we're at an'. Gerard struggled to remember the word. '-Agreement. We both stop... Fighting back just because we can?'

Frank looked to the sky and tilted his head in thought as he picked the shovel back up and stood.

'We'll see.'

It was all Gerard could ask for at the moment. He sighed and laid on the stump as Frank got back to work on digging. He quickly dozed off while staring at a flock of birds through the woods, flying higher than he'd ever be.
------------------------------------------

Gerard was awoken by the sound of a chime ringing- the lunch bell. He looked around and saw Frank tossing aside his shovel. Gerard slid off the stump and began walking down the wooded path with his cabin mate toward the cafeteria.

The food choices later in the day were- for whatever reason - more edible than breakfast had been. Gerard and Frank went to wait in line for macaroni & cheese and broccoli.

Gerard began stuffing his face the moment he sat down, famished from his nap. He noticed that the tables had lost the cabin-specific placards from yesterday. With the way this camp was run, he bet they just forgot about it after day one.

He felt someone closing in on their table; two people, in fact, and neither of them were Frank. His first reaction was to hiss them away but, as Frank sat beside him, he decided to hold off for now.

The girl with the trench coat, Lucy, and a trans guy with sunglasses who he forgot the name of. Lucy lowered her grinning friend onto the bench across from them, watching him until he plopped his head down on his arms in settlement. She saw Gerard staring at her as she sat and put her hands up in defense.

"Hey... I promise I'm not just looking for a gay best friend- that's a straight girl thing."

Gerard just rolled his eyes and Lucy smiled back. She looked back and forth between him and Frank. They just continued to quietly pick at their food. Her expression turned to a frown when neither said anything.

"You guys are boring. Say something."

"He's mute," Gerard gestured towards Frank.

"He's completely mute?"

"Yeah. Probably."

Frank shrugged.

Okay," Lucy turned towards Gerard, "so what's your excuse?"

Gerard squinted, "My excuse?"

"Well, I gathered from introductions that you were somewhat of an extrovert."

Gerard scoffed, "Oh, dude, you have no idea how wrong you are."

Lucy just smiled, matter-of-factly, and leaned back in her chair. She glanced over to her friend. "Told you." He sat up and rubbed at his eyes under the glasses, giggling a little bit in response.

Gerard squinted, "Told him what?"

"Well, me and my friend Ezra," she said, nudging her friend, "made a bet about your jokes and more-common-than-not bouts of manic laughter, i.e. the van, when evil Santa threw you to the ground. I voted that you were insane. He has been insisting that you're just one hell of an extrovert and you're trying to make things easier for the youngun's sake. But, of course," she tossed some hair off her shoulder, "I was right."

Gerard and Frank stared at her for a bit. Lucy stared back. Ezra walked his hands around the table like little people.

Gerard dropped his line of sight, poking at his broccoli with a fork. "Guess I wouldn't know- it seems you're better versed in analyzing people you barely know."

Lucy talked between bites of food. "Ezra and I people-watch for fun. We rarely get to meet the people we find interesting enough to want to watch, but here we are, holed up by some corn in Jesus camp, nothing else to do..."

Gerard watched her friend, who was now making his hands kiss, "So you guys already knew each other?"

"His mom signed him up for this camp back in March when he came out to her. I tagged along because it seemed fun. Plus..." she glanced over to where the boy was bobbing his head to music that wasn't playing, "due to his habit of breathing in more chemicals than air, I thought I'd look out for him." Ezra turned and waved to Lucy. She waved back, shaking her head.

"What's he on right now?"

Lucy pretended to concentrate, "I think either, or a mixture, of weed and lean... though, he'll ingest anything that'll get him high, so it could also be nutmeg for all I know."

Gerard nodded, "I guess yesterday's version of 'class' for trans folk was pretty bad too."

Lucy shook her head once more, "I heard it got pretty weird. They grouped them all together because they don't know the difference between a trans male and female and..." she looked around and spoke quieter, "I heard they had to get like... Undressed... and apologize to themselves or something."

Gerard didn't know how to respond. "Yikes," he offered.

"Yikes, indeed," Lucy agreed, giving Ezra a pitying look, though, he looked pretty amused in his current state. She patted his arm knowingly, "They probably can't wait for the future therapy!"

Gerard didn't get a chance to respond as a splitting voice sounded before he could.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you have learned well so far."

Gerard looked up to see the ratty counselor Frank had to wrestle yesterday He felt hatred flood his chest but felt a little bit better when he saw the dark bruises that had formed on his chin and left cheek that Frank had left there yesterday. He instinctively reached out to touch his hand.

"Some of you might know me, but for those of you who don't, I'm Randy. Head counselor. I'm here to tell you about something a bit exciting we have planned for the evening."

He looked around the room, making sure that all eyes were on him.

"There will be a class after lunch, which will be your first biological lecture. This will continue as your afternoon class every other day, while the class which was held yesterday in the morning will be the alternative afternoon course. But starting at 6, there will be our first camp fire of the season near the camping site. This is something we like to do every 2-3 days here at camp."It is a time slot dedicated to allowing all campers and counselors to mingle with each other and reflect on what you've learned so far."

With this, Gerard noticed Randy's gaze fall on Frank, who sat next to him. He saw Frank turn away out of the corner of his eye.

"This is an optional event, but I heavily suggest you all attend," he continued, eyes still on Frank, with a growing smile planted on his face. Gerard wanted to punch it off. "I hope to see you all there."

Randy sauntered away towards the side of the room as announcements ended. Noise slowly returned to the cafeteria.

Lucy hesitated before speaking. "Jeez, that guy gives me the creeps."

Gerard dropped his hateful gaze off of the man, sighing, and turned towards her. "You have no idea."

He looked over at Frank to make sure he was ok to see him back, picking at his food again. He felt a little sad, getting the feeling that Frank was one to mask his true emotions.

"Long time no see, guys," spoke a voice from behind Gerard. From the look on Lucy's face Gerard didn't need to guess who it belonged to.

"Um, yeah. Hi," Gerard said bluntly.

Randy shifted his gaze from Gerard to Frank. "I'm a little sad to think that we won't have our class again today. I was excited to give you another chance."

Frank just tightened the grip on his fork in response, to which the counselor laughed. "It's so endearing the way he doesn't speak." Gerard bit his tongue from lashing out, thinking about his deal with Frank.

Instead he clenched his fist and responded with, "I think most would fail to see the appealing side to it, actually." Randy just shrugged and turned away.

"See you tonight, Frank."

After he was out of hearing range, Lucy spoke up. "Well, I guess we're not going to that fucking thing."

Frank just shook his head 'no' and Gerard understood.

"It's not actually an optional activity," he explained. "It's a test. Anyone who doesn't go is probably going to be punished or, at the very least, put on some naughty list."

"Man, that's fucked," Lucy said."This whole situation is fucked."

Gerard nodded and stood up to clear his empty dishes. Before Frank could get up, Gerard took his tray for him. Frank gave him an 'Ok' sign with his hand without looking up. Gerard rolled his eyes and got lost in thought as he took the trays to the kitchen, imagining how he'd beat the shit out of Randy in a fight.

He set down the trays and plates, and put the fork in the utensil bin. He looked around on the floor for the other fork, but couldn't find it. When Gerard got back to his table, he had already forgotten about it.

Frank had a vacant stare, and barely acknowledged Gerard as he sat back down. Gerard made a mental note to be extra careful tonight with Frank. He knew he could defend himself, but that's sort of what he was afraid of.

Gerard didn't want them getting into any more trouble, not at this camp. His outburst yesterday had already put a target on his back as game for the camp's creepiest counselor.

While he normally loved handing his annoying sass out to authority figures, because god knows he had a problem with authority, he realized he'd been too quick to draw red flags to himself. They were surrounded by unstable, predatory adults with the means to do some serious damage to them. That god-forsaken "activity" yesterday had been a rude wake up call.

He'd been treating the situation like high school. He had to start treating it like home.

Gerard sighed, wondering how just two days in he reflecting upon things like 'self-regulation' and 'responsibility'. Ew.

He leaned his shoulder a little bit into Frank's. Frank scooted closer in a way that only Gerard would notice, which made Gerard smile. He realized how lucky he was to be doing that at all. It made him reevaluate.

Yes, he'd have to act like he was at home. These counselors had the same shitty ideology and boundary issues as his father. But here, there was a light at the bottom of the stairs he got thrown down.

Here there was Frank. ------------------------------------------

Gerard fought to stay awake as some guy wearing a robe lectured on and on about the "power of the human mind". This class was for the whole camp- all inclusive. Old wooden chairs stood on the dirt floor of the main barnyard. Gerard sighed and watched the 'teacher' trip over his own feet, kicking up dirt around the room.

The man obviously knew his argument wasn't flawless by the way he'd pause when he came to a hole in logic or the wild hand gestures he made to fill the silence. It was painful to watch.

"Th-the... Brain tells itself to be influenced.... By what's most convenient. Raise your hand if you feel pressure to be gay in this... This... New society," the man drawled on, raising his hand to motion what he wanted to see. Nobody else raised their hands.

Gerard exhaled, not finding the energy to laugh at this train wreck. He leaned back in his chair to look to where he knew Frank was a couple chairs away, near the back. He and Gerard had been separated at the beginning of this session by assigned seats.

Gerard watched him doodling on his hand with a black marker, his hair blocking his eyes as he looked down. Gerard wanted his attention but realized he probably wasn't going to get it. Ugh, behaving was so hard. He sighed and turned his attention forward once more. He could only get lost in his thoughts once again.

He was honestly pretty impressed by the lack of organization this camp proved itself to have time and time again. He wondered if the guy speaking had done any sort of preparation at all or if he was just really that bad at his job.

The counselors didn't hesitate to tell them to "trust the process" but Gerard was beginning to wonder just what that process was. To be honest, it almost felt as though he and everyone else attending the camp was simply an audience to an organization that was self-serving at its heart.

From the counselors to the ideology, something felt... off. Predatory. He'd imagined the blundering lectures like the one he was at, but not the kind of shit they put them through yesterday. Not the digging at tree stumps for four hours a morning. Not the two, barely meals a day.

Again, only his dad could find this shit.

"S-so you see..," the man stuttered out, "being gay is just all in your head. A-and if you believe it hard enough..," he looked around the room and nodded, looking for signs of confirmation amongst his audience members, "you can be back to normal again." He took a breath and wiped sweat off the bridge of his nose. "Any questions?"

Even Gerard, who could have easily used this time to point out the problems in this pathetic argument, was too bored to make this go on longer- for himself and the others. Instead he shook his head 'no' and hoped this meant the end.

"Good. Then, you're all dismissed."

There were a few noises of relief in different parts of the room. Gerard probably could've broken his chair with how fast he leapt out of it. He zoomed out the opened doors and stopped at the entrance to wait for Frank.

When the room had seemingly cleared out with still no sign of Frank, Gerard felt a twinge of panic in his stomach. He poked his head back in the barn and looked at the chairs. The only person left in the barn was the lecturer, holding his face in his hands as he sat on one of the cleared chairs. He couldn't even stop to laugh at this.

He tried not to let his mind race and returned to his waiting spot. He scanned the kids that had left the barn- some lingering, some headed back towards the corn field path. But no Frank.

Right as he began biting his nails, onto his third worst-case scenario, he heard a tapping to his left. He turned to see Frank against the wall in the shade of a small tree, still doodling on his hand. He looked up, smiling tauntingly at Gerard and stuck his tongue out playfully.

Gerard breathed out in relief and smiled. Man. This place was making him paranoid.

The sky was darkening as the kids walked through the corn towards the "optional" campfire, a few orange lights illuminating their path. They discussed the funny parts of the lesson they had been fighting the urge to laugh at when they happened- well, at least the ones Gerard had wanted to laugh at. The most Frank could do was huff out of his nose.

Once they had gotten to the campfire, they quickly settled onto a log and continued their signed conversation. Lucy found and joined them, furrowing her eyebrows as she struggled to understand the communication. Once and a while Gerard would let her in on it and translate.

Once Ezra found his way to the group, Gerard began talking more with he and Lucy. Frank was content to drift out of the conversation and instead doodled on Gerard's hands, his own not having anymore space.

The three laughed together while Frank listened on, occupied with his own activity. The counselors hovered around the fire and mostly talked amongst themselves. Gerard didn't see creepy Randy which eased his mind quite a bit.

He felt warm and safe by the fire, talking with people who liked and understood each other. For a little bit, he forgot where he was and the fact that he'd only known these guys for like. One day. It's almost felt as if he had...

Friends.

Huh. So that's what it felt like.

At some point, when the conversation was focused around the rise and fall of Hannah Montana, Gerard felt a light tap on his hand and turned to Frank. He signed that he had to use the bathroom. Gerard looked off to where the glowing white light was coming out of the nearby stony bathroom about 150 yards away.

Deeming it kind of creepy/very gay to accompany Frank, along with the knowledge that the ratty counselor wasn't around, made Gerard simply nod in response to Frank.

Frank stood and walked into the dark as Gerard watched behind him.

"So how's that going?" Lucy asked, her voice a little lower.

Gerard turned back to face her. "What do you mean?"

She laughed. "Well, we've been here for like. 2 days. And he's already telling you when he goes to the bathroom." She looked around, then said ever quieter, "That's pretty frickin cute."

Gerard was sure he blushed, but he tried to play it cool.

"Well, we're both kind of. You know. Looking out for the other. It's just because of the situation."

"Right, right," joined in Ezra, "because 'looking out for each other' requires that much giggling."

"Hey," Gerard said with warning. The two others laughed at him and then returned to their prior conversation.

Gerard couldn't deny that they had bonded rather quickly, even with regards to the situation at hand. Maybe it was because one day here felt like a couple weeks or because they just happened to be so similar, but it all felt kind of strange.

Gerard had never needed human affection before. He had thought of himself as sort of a sex-liberated gay Robin Hood. But now, he was here, worrying about a boy he didn't know a week ago every time he left his side for more than one minute.

He gazed down at his hand where Frank had drawn a cartoon ghost in the center. He thought back to everything he had said to the boy. I need you. He'd never thought he'd need anyone.

He looked towards the bathroom, more nervously now, and told himself to calm down.

"Hey, Gerarrrd. What are you thinkin about?" asked Ezra.

Gerard sighed, "Nothing. Campfires always make me feel weird."

The boy stopped bothering Gerard as he kept his stare fixed on the building nearby. He sighed, knowing how this would look to everyone. He stood up and threw a few twigs into the fire, earning the attention of his two friends.

"Hey guys, I have to go to the bathroom too. Be right back."

Ezra smirked, "Sure you do."

Gerard just rolled his eyes as he walked towards the small building, the light from the fire fading behind him.

As he was walking, he began to doubt himself a little bit. 'Frank can defend himself if something bad happens'. Ugh, he was gonna be weirded out when Gerard showed up, wasn't he. He was gonna think he was clingy.

Oh god. Gerard stopped in his tracks for a moment. What if he thought Gerard was trying to sneak a peak at his private bits? He smacked his hand over his face and braced himself for the worst but trudged ahead anyways.

Gerard breathed as he neared the building. He had reached the conclusion that the best way to enter would be with his eyes closed and slowly. This way he wouldn't see anything Frank wouldn't want and could have the chance to tell him to gtfo.

He stepped into the harshly lit building in the little hallway with the 'boys' and 'girls' doors off to the side. He rounded the corner with a hand over his eyes. He tried to make his steps louder than they usually were.

He heard some shuffling as he entered but stood his ground.

"Hey, Frank... Sorry, um... I just wanted to make sure you were good and uh... " he realized he couldn't tell Frank to shout if he didn't want him there. He also realized enough time had passed for Frank to have adjusted his clothes if he needed.

He slowly lowered his hand the way you do when something in a movie is too scary to see but you still want to see it.

"Sorry for looking, I just- I have to see that you're o-"

Gerard stopped with his hand still on his face as he took in a scene far worse than any horror movie he'd watched.

Frank was being held against the sink counter, his arms twisted behind his back, his shirt lifted above his belly button and his pants undone by the very man he had feared seeing tonight. He was pressed up against the short boy, way too close.

His hand slowly slid off his face as Gerard watched the counselor staring at him. He held Frank rigidly in place, though he didn't seem like he was putting up much of a fight. Gerard was frozen. He didn't know what to do.

"I-I, I'm..," he stumbled, in shock.

"I'm glad you could join us," said the counselor. "We were just getting started."

Gerard stayed in his place, mouth open, wanting to run, to say a million things, but unable to form a single word.

"It's ok. It will be... good. It's part of the process. And if you don't say anything, Frank won't eith-"

His last syllable was replaced with a scream.

'Oh," Gerard thought.

'So that's where that fork went'.

Chapter Text

When the screaming had faded into the distance and the counselor had limped away to lick his wounds, Gerard watched, feet melded to the ground by shock. Frank simply blinked several times before shaking his arms out and flexing his fingers a few times.

He stared at them, narrowing his eyebrows, as though they’d do anything but remain still in front of his gaze. He closed his eyes and let out a breath too shaky to be a sigh of relief. His jaw clenched as he harshly buttoned up his pants and readjusted his shirt. He brought his hands to his face and breathed, still refusing to meet Gerard’s eyes.

“Frank, I…” Gerard looked for something to say as Frank slowly lifted his misty eyes into visibility. He held out a hand softly in a motion for ‘stop’. He held it there for a moment before bending his tense hand to cover his mouth before bringing it down towards Gerard in an arc like an offering, hand shaking slightly. ‘Thank you.”

Gerard couldn’t even blink. He moved again only when Frank brushed past his side on his way back towards the campfire.

Gerard tried not to be obvious for the remainder of the program about how his soul had been blow-torched and charred to a crisp. The scene just clipped by over and over again in his head every time he tried to think of anything else.

Though he felt empty, he continued to laugh along with his friends about this and that. Frank opted for silence. To Gerard, it felt more deafening than ever. He kept one finger hooked in a belt loop of Frank’s jeans and looked back at the boy obsessively, needing to see him safely at his side.

When curfew was finally called and everyone left back to their respective cabins, Gerard felt no sense of relief and instead a distinct feeling of the pretend happiness, sloppily draped over what truly clouded his brain, being pulled away. Finally.

Once back in cabin 8, neither of them even bothered to turn on the lights. Frank took his friend’s hand and gave it a squeeze before retiring to his bottom bunk. Gerard understood that he needed some space right now.

“Just wake me up if you need anything,” Gerard whispered into the humid darkness. He got two knocks and took it as a yes, seeing the sign for ‘yes’, a nodding fist, in his mind’s eye.

He didn’t realize how tired he was until he actually laid back on the mattress. He was wide awake from…

He shivered even thinking about what he’d call it.

But his eyelids were so heavy. He unpocketed his phone and fished the familiar piece of metal out from the phone case, holding it to his wrist.

One for…. uhhhhhhhh

He didn’t get to decide before drifting off, his arms going slowly limp beside him.

He hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep until the light suddenly snapped on, making him squint his eyes open. He looked down as his phone threatened to slip off the side of his stomach and his hand barely held onto the blade.

He put it all away swiftly and peered over the side of the top bunk. Frank was staring blankly beside the light switch at nothing. Before Gerard could comment, the light was switched off again. He paused a second before climbing down the ladder, slower than usual, and stepped into the dark in, he hoped, the right direction.

He felt Frank softly grab his wrist and guided him towards the bottom bunk. They sat down beside each other. Frank signed into Gerard’s hand, ‘I haven't slept’. Well, that was the translation. The signs actually amounted to ‘I no S-L-E-E-P’. Gerard had to thoroughly inspect Frank’s hand before grasping the meaning behind each shape. But he had time.

He signed back a simple ‘yes’, knocking twice into Frank’s palm. He didn’t know what else he could say.

‘It… A-L-M-O-S-T... bad,” Frank stated bluntly, bringing Gerard’s hand with his own up to his mouth then down for ‘bad’.

Gerard spoke meekly in response this time, “Yeah.”

Frank spelt out the next sentence slowly and with English grammar. ‘I-V-E B-E-E-N T-H-I-N-K-I-N-G A-L-O-T.’ Gerard hung on to each and every last letter, needing no repetition after Frank was done signing.

“Yeah? About what?”

Frank paused for a while; at least a minute, maybe more. Time was infinite at late nights in the dark. Gerard pulled out his phone quick to check the time. 3:47 AM.

Before he could put it away, Frank pulled it from his hands. He slid it open and clicked his way to a clean virtual document and set to work typing. Gerard looked on as the words appeared across the page.

i want |

Gerard watched the little cursor blink ever so slowly against the yellowish back drop.

i want you. |

Gerard blinked a few times before looking towards Frank. He got no answers from his poker face. He plucked his phone from Frank and typed a brief response.

? |

Frank took the phone back once more, lingering over the skin on Gerard’s hand. He added on to his first sentence. This time Gerard looked away until Frank pushed the phone into his view.

i want you. before someone takes the choice away. |

Gerard processed the words for a moment. “Oh,” he uttered out loud in surprise. He looked up at Frank from the phone and this time was met with wide eyes and an expectant gaze.

“F-Frank,” he started, “we… we can’t.”

The glow of the phone was enough in the pitch black for Gerard to make out Frank’s firm gestures, starting from his forehead into a ‘y’ shape and then sweeping under his chin in a fist, accompanied by Frank’s furrowed eyebrows indicating confusion. ‘Why not?”

Gerard struggled to find words. “How…. how could I do that? After today? That would make me…. As bad as him…. Worse than him...”

Frank turned his curved hands toward Gerard, furrowing his brows even further. ‘How?’

Gerard didn’t want to say anything that would upset Frank. “You… this isn’t how these things like this…. Decisions like this… should be made. I…,” Gerard blushed as he tried to speak the words caught in his mind.

“What do you even want to do?”

Frank lowered his hands and loosened his expression. He looked down and simply shrugged. Without looking up, he let his hands do the talking. ‘All.’

Gerard could only manage to raise his eyebrows in surprise, waiting for an indication that Frank wasn’t serious. He couldn’t be serious. He sighed, “Frank, that’s not…. We shouldn’t… that should be… special.” He said this through his teeth, feeling like a hypocrite.

He hadn’t even thought twice about giving his virginity to some random jock back in October. He had just wanted to get it over with. Now he was talking all high and mighty to Frank.

But it was true. Frank deserved better. And losing his virginity to Gerard, practically equivalent to losing it to a prostitute, did not constitute better in his mind.

“Special,” Gerard repeated with a stab of sadness, looking down. “I… am not special.”

Frank picked up the phone and slid it back into Gerard’s view when it had a new message.

maybe i just have bad taste. |

Gerard looked at Frank in response to these pure fighting words to see a shit-eating smirk on his face. Frank tipped his head to the right, feigning innocence. Gerard could only let out an amused breath before Frank leaned in for a heated kiss.

Gerard thought to himself he must have been lying about only recently having his first kiss- this was not the work of an amateur.

Before he knew it, he was being pushed over and Frank was on top of him. They were making out. Gerard screamed at himself in his head to stop, that Frank was just shell shocked and this was practically taking advantage of him, but……

well…..

He just couldn’t think very straight with Frank’s small body pressed so very close and their mouths so very busy and Gerard getting so very bothered.

Frank broke it off, (thank GOD), and signed a simple message into Gerard’s chest. ‘D-O-N-T W-O-R-R-Y A-B-O-U-T M-E.’ He dove back into Gerard’s lips before he could respond.

Gerard just muttered against the other boy’s mouth. “Of course I worry about you. You’re selectively mute.” He actually hadn't confirmed this for fact with Frank but he had a feeling.

Frank pulled off a bit, burying his face in Gerard’s neck. He huffed out in a way that suggested annoyance. He settled for straddling Gerard once more as he reached for the phone and typed out a message. He held it up for Gerard to see when he was done.

nothing to say about that. |

Gerard chuckled a bit. “I think that’s the problem here. You don’t seem to have much to say about anything.”

Frank had rolled his eyes and started typing again before he had finished his sentence.

fuck you. |

Gerard giggled. “Not today.”

Frank’s eyes widened and he just shoved the same message further into Gerard’s face.

Once Gerard had finished giggling and Frank was done fuming, Frank slid off of Gerard and sighed. After a pause, he began typing away at the phone. Gerard sat up again and leaned against Frank’s side. The days here really did feel like weeks, he thought again to himself.

With a final click and a noisy breath, Frank handed the phone back over. He buried his face in his palms as Gerard read. Gerard's heart sunk as he realized the kind of information Frank was trying to tell him.

i used to be really outgoing actually. i had a lot of friends and would do anything to make someone laugh. or smile. i did all sorts of clubs and sports to make me stand out to anyone that bothered to care. my parents were a different story. i saw them at least once every couple of days but they have enough money that they could afford to not be parents. i would spend the school day putting on a show for others because the idea of going home was just so empty. and lonely. no parents. no siblings. no pets. all i had were nannies. and only until the age of 10. after that i was completely alone most of the time. i brought friends to the house for a while but around middle school i started to get really depressed from everything. i stopped having anyone over and just slept ungodly amounts each day. they were half assed friendships anyways. i still saw them at school but i started to want to be alone. somehow my parents managed to finally pull their heads out of their-

Gerard’s reading was interrupted by Frank’s quiet sobbing. It was breathy and panicked but jarringly quiet at the same time. He put the phone aside and reached to comfort Frank but was met with harsh, one-handed, half-signs. ‘Read it.’ Gerard sighed and put his free hand on Frank’s back and rubbed it in comfort, looking back towards the text.

... out of their asses and hired yet another nanny of sorts. nigel. his exact job was along the lines of a nanny that functioned as a type of big brother for rich pricks like me that never learned to have a personality. it was actually kind of great for a while. he showed me some great music and movies and i even got a guitar. we hung out a ton. i even started to make some real friends on top of it. i started having people over again and was genuinely happier. I also started to figure out that i was gay at this point. like i always knew but now i found out it was a thing. i didn’t think much of it and mentioned it to nigel one day. he didn’t seem too phased by it at the moment. but then i never saw him again. i was pretty sad but i had been getting too old for the whole thing anyway. that’s what i told my parents when they asked about it but they insisted on getting another one of … whatever he was. only this time it was a girl. Joanna.

i knew something was off about her from the start. she was always a bit too touchy when she passed and she always seemed to be staring at me. once and awhile she’d say something kind of inappropriate and i couldn’t do anything but laugh it off. i didn’t say anything to my parents because i didn’t have a lot to say about it. they probably wouldn’t care anyway. i had friends over as often as i could to avoid being alone with her. but there were inevitably nights. when they had to leave and of course my fucking parents weren’t home. a big empty house. usually when i went to bed i locked my door more out of habit than anything. but i guess one night i forgot. she didn’t though. she just sort of went under the covers and started doing stuff to me while i pretended to be sleeping. when it started to get a bit too far i finally said something and asked her to stop. long story short…. she didn’t. the only thing i could do was continue to move away. i didn’t want to hit her or anything. i thought i’d get in trouble. but she did. a lot.

every time i’d move away she’d just slap me or choke me and tell me to enjoy it. she was technically my first kiss. and second and third and fourth. i didn’t mean to deceive you before. i’ve never done things with a guy before. and that’s all that counts to me. anyway. she left marks on my neck and chest and groped me over my clothes for a while. my friends would make jokes about it and guess at who it was but i’d just laugh it off. at this point i was in ninth grade. two years ago. i stopped having friends over again. i didn’t want anyone to know or see what was happening. i tried to hide any marks of her too but it was hard. but nobody seemed to notice or care. i started to stop too. one day it went further than it had before. i just cried and asked her to stop but of course she didn’t. i lost my virginity with my hands tied over my head on my stupid fucking twin sized bed. i yelled until my throat hurt. i begged for it to stop but it didn’t. after that night i finally broke down and told my parents what had been happening. i was afraid they’d blame me for it but i didn’t care. i just wanted it to stop. but…. it turned out that they knew. when i came out to nigel he apparently had told my parents. he was fired and they sent someone in to fix it. they never even talked to me. i told them even though they already knew that i was gay. they just said... no you’re not. that’s when i stopped talking. |

Gerard stared at his phone for a minute before he realized that tears had welled up in his own eyes. He wasted no time in grabbing Frank to hold him close. He felt the tears of sorrow drip down as Frank sobbed in his arms. He wanted to just hold him like this forever where nothing could ever hurt him again. Of course they were in the pits of hell right now but the cabin felt safe as long as Gerard could hold Frank in it. Gerard pet his hair gently as he cried until he finally quieted down.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered in the boy’s ear. “None of this is your fault. Ok?” Frank did nothing for a moment before rising up to meet Gerard’s eyes once more. They shared a knowing look. Gerard understood now. Frank was so adamant about his ‘first’ milestones with boys because so much had already been stolen from him.

“So,” Gerard started quietly, “your parents knew? But it continued for”-

Frank cut him off with a shake of the head.

i stopped talking. but i started fighting. i set up a camera and let the next week pass by, gathering evidence. it was like a soap opera but. i really was desperate. when i had what i needed i threatened her and my parents with it. i said i’d go to the police if i ever saw her again. and it worked. and i was all alone again. i picked up boxing classes and got into a lot fights at school. that whole troubled kid deal. it’s why i got sent here i guess. gay and troubled. |

Gerard just sighed and asked quietly, “So why did you stop talking?”

Frank shrugged again.

i got tired of hearing my voice when nobody else seemed to.

There was the dead weight of silence between them for a moment. The darkness outside was beginning to turn purple in the light of early dawn.

"Kisses only count," Gerard whispered, "if you kiss back. You know?"

Frank managed a sad smile. He nodded and dragged an arm up to hold the side of Gerard's face.

Gerard’s heart hurt like hell as Frank met his lips once more, sharing truth as the tears dried from their cheeks. When the space between them finally decayed, Frank looked at Gerard through tired eyes. He wanted an answer.

Gerard sighed. “Listen,” he said, “I want you to be sure. It’s even more important to me now. A lot has happened today. I have fuck’s idea how we’re gonna get up tomorrow morning. But here’s a deal.”

He searched Frank’s eyes and found a glimmer of hope flash across them. “Let’s sleep a bit, wake up, and do another day of this shit show. If you still want this in a day or two, we’ll do it. I certainly want to,” he added, with a smile. Frank smiled back weakly.

“But you’re right,” he continued, “I want to give you what’s yours if you want it too.” Frank hugged him as tight as he could and Gerard hugged him back.

With that, they fell into the bed, kissing softly, and eventually drifted off into oblivion, somehow feeling lighter than when they had gone to bed the night prior.

Chapter Text

Gerard’s eyes felt dry as he picked at the stump’s roots with a shovel. He paused for a moment before turning suddenly, looking behind him. He caught Frank’s stare before the mute boy whipped his attention to a tree on his right, tapping his fingers on his crossed legs, feigning innocence.

Gerard squinted and put a hand on his hip, taking his turn to stare. After a couple minutes, Frank shifted his eyes to meet Gerard’s, who now was the one pretending he had been inspecting the ground the whole time.

They had been going at this the whole morning. Nerves were radiating off both of them and they both knew why. Gerard had told Frank 1-2 days before he'd even consider... y'know.

This was day 2. And Gerard could tell Frank was taking his prior statement very literally.

The day before had been more normal. They'd both taken Gerard's words to heart and so Frank was truly taking time to consider what he wanted and Gerard wasn't even thinking of expecting anything from him.

And there'd been nice surprise when, instead of returning to the Learning Center activities as promised (i.e., wrestling with predators, in Frank and Gerard's case), the whole camp had gathered in the barn for another, relatively harmless, group activity.

They'd partnered up and come up with "goals" they had for their time at the camp, things like "stop having shameful thoughts" or "discover the origins of my sexual perversions".

They were paired up by cabin and, other than a few counselors stationed around the room that were more chatting amongst themselves than watching the kids, left unbothered. Gerard and Frank talked and signed about whatever would pass the time, learning they liked each other even more than they'd thought.

For one, they both had the secret, hipster appreciation for old-fashioned cassette tapes. They'd both scoured countless flea-ridden thrift stores and recycle centers for the proper equipment, signing emphatically about how fucking hard players with VAS were to come by.

'I think having a physical version of the songs I like the most is... a way of appreciating them,' Gerard signed.

'Right,' Frank started, smiling. 'It's like you're a part of a song's story. I like being able to hold them in my hand."

'What's your favorite song?' Gerard asked.

Frank made a motion like he'd been shot in the chest. 'I couldn't even pick my favorite 100!' Gerard giggled, turning it into a cough so the counselors wouldn't notice.

'I live in the city... New York City,' Frank continued, waiting to make sure Gerard understood the sign- locations were somewhat regional. He got an emphatic nod in response.

'I'm from New Jersey,' Gerard signed back.

'Wow! It'll be easy to visit you after this is over, then,' Frank signed. Gerard nodded and smiled, motioning for Frank to continue.

'Oh, right,' he signed, rolling his eyes at himself. 'I see indie bands live all the time. I have so many random songs I consider favorites by small artists, right next to the Misfits and David Bowie'.

'David Bowie... You really are gay, huh?' Gerard responded with a smirk.

Frank just squinted at him. 'Ha. Ha.'

After the "class" was over, they'd walked back to their cabins with Lucy and Ezra, complaining about how starving they were to each other as the sun slowly set. Not having dinner was almost as bad as the other stuff they'd been though, they'd decided.

Back in cabin 8, Gerard and Frank had kept it pretty PG, given the circumstances. They'd laid on Frank's bunk, Gerard with his arm around Frank who had slept, nuzzled into his side.

Gerard had wound up drifting off himself- he even slept through the night. He was up before the sun, still somehow exhausted. When he'd glanced over at Frank, he'd found that he was already up. He'd been watching him sleep.

"Hey, creeper," Gerard said with a smile, his voice dry and tired.

Frank smiled back, sticking his tongue out as a response.

They stared at each other for a while, their smiles dissolving to their resting faces. Gerard didn't feel as self-conscious as he had before about the bruises around his eyes.

Frank closed the space between them, capturing Gerard's lips in his own. His hands moved down from where they held Gerard's face, wandering down his sides.

Gerard pulled back. "Hi there."

He searched Frank's eyes, trying to read his face. Frank signed, inches away from Gerard's face.

'I thought about it.'

"Yeah?" Gerard asked, knowing what he was referring to and waiting for Frank to elaborate.

'Tonight.'

Gerard just sighed out, looking for any sign of doubt in Frank's eyes. He found none.

"Okay," he agreed.

So, now, the two were trying, and failing, to act normal. But it was just impossible to forget what was waiting for them that night.

They had initially both started at the stump with an abnormal amount of energy, accumulating a couple of decent sized piles of dirt around themselves so as to avoid thinking about the situation. After one too many “accidental” bumps with each other, Frank retired to sitting on a stump, his heel knocking against the wood rhythmically.

They were both tired and nervous wrecks at the same time- spacey and jittery. When the lunch bell finally sounded, they both jumped about three feet in the air, warranting a few glances. They made wide-eyed eye contact and started down the hill together.

When they sat down at the usual table with Lucy and Ezra, they both stared at their trays, not speaking a word. Lucy watched them quizzically. Ezra muttered something about Yogos.

“I never considered store-brand franks and beans to be that interesting…,” she posed. The two across from her didn’t move.

“Hey!” They both jumped. Again.

Lucy looked a bit surprised and then smiled, amused. “What’s going on with you two?”

Frank blinked from side to side and let Gerard stutter out an answer. “N-nothing… we’re just tired.” He stabbed a piece of food and shoved it into his mouth. Frank poked at his own meal jaggedly.

Just when Lucy was going to say something else, the girl with purple hair from the introductions appeared at the side of their table. She asked to sit, Lucy being the only one to respond. Gerard and his counterpart were just grateful for the distraction. Ezra didn’t seem to mind either, as he had fallen asleep on his arms.

The girl re-introduced herself as Lily- she knew Lucy from class. They got into a gossipy conversation about how her and Lucy’s roommates totally had a thing for eachother. Gerard’s mind eased at least a little bit when he heard that he wasn’t the only one who had fallen victim to the irony of keeping horny gay kids in close-quarters with other horny gay kids that were supposed to be becoming straight.

He got lost in his own thought but soon realized that the two girls were glancing over in his and Frank’s direction and giggling, their voices suspiciously low. He looked to his side to see Frank attempting to hide a blush with his shaggy hair.

He knew that they both had the same thoughts running through their minds- Could those guys somehow know what we’re planning to do tonight?

'Could they actually read our minds? Oh, no… If that’s the case… now they know about my weird mole too! Don’t think about how it’s on your dick…Fuck! Now they know that too…'

At least, that was Gerard’s exact train of thought. Frank’s was probably closer to the average. Finally, Gerard spoke up. Clearing his throat, his voice cracked a bit. “Do you guys know what the main class is for today?”

When the two were done laughing at him, Lily tried to answer. “Probably what we did the first day, since they cancelled it yesterday.”

Gerard’s stomach sunk. How were Frank and him supposed to…. You know…. After that weird kinky wrestling thing? That would definitely bring the mood down. He just responded with an ‘Oh, right,’ as he began plotting ways to get out of it.

“That was just so fucking weird…” Gerard started.

“What, the wrestling? Yeah, kind of weird to do with a stranger. Everyone went pretty easy on each other, though,” Lily agreed.

“Yeah, and…” Gerard lead. Lily furrowed her brows at him. “The fucking cherry on top of the assault sundae?” Lily just looked more confused.

“Wait… you guys didn’t have to,” Gerard lowered his voice more, “kiss the counselors?”

Lily couldn’t hide the surprise and disgust on her face. “No! Ew! What the fuck?”

Gerard looked over to Frank, who looked as shocked as he did. “No, yeah. We had the same reactions, too. Frank fucking shattered a guy’s nose…,” Gerard stopped himself as he remembered the attempted assault last night. It all made him sick to his stomach. Frank had a dark expression on his face.

Lucy chimed in now, equally alerted, “Yeah, that’s… pretty illegal.”

They all sat in awkward silence, picking at their food, not knowing what to say. A few minutes later, a different counselor than Randy came in for announcements. Gerard hadn't seen him the day before either. He hoped that fork to the leg had somehow killed him. Maybe it had busted a major artery.

“Hello, all. I hope you have had a good first few days here at Camp Christ’s Angels. Concerning future classes going forward, a bit of a change has been made. Due to some unexpected … complications with certain groups that occurred during the first day and some ... misdirection on the part of the counselors, we have revised the schedule going forward and will now inform you, daily, during these announcements of where you must go each afternoon. Today’s activity will require you all to be at the barn by 1:30. So, finish up lunch and make your way there soon. Thank you, and may God be in you all.”

Gerard had to hold back a laugh of relief towards the end of that speech. He immediately let it out once the counselor had wrapped up, earning a dirty look from the man. Gerard couldn’t give less of a shit.

He looked at Frank who looked relieved as well. Gerard gave his hand a squeeze under the table. They both knew that it was probably Frank’s breaking that asshole’s nose that brought all that weird shit to some higher-up’s attention.

He knew it didn’t make sense- evil Santa may be, well, an evil Santa, but he does not seem like the type that would let that fly. Sure, gay Jesus camp may have been ridiculous, but having an activity where minors kiss repressed pedophiles of the same sex seems, firstly, illegal, and also extremely counterproductive. God, he hoped this meant Randy was gone. For good.

The two girls seemed to have made this connection as well, looking a little strangely at Frank. He just shrugged a bit, though he was unable to hide a tiny smile of pride pulling at his mouth.

“Yeah,” Gerard said, standing up from the table, “he knows how to put creeps in their place. It was great.”

“So, where’s your broken nose?” Lucy asked, her face way too smug. Lily stifled her laughter as Gerard just shook his head. Frank’s face was buried in his palms.

As the kids made their way to the barn, the sun beat down on them. Gerard wanted to take off a couple layers of black, but he learned long ago that beauty was pain and he sure as hell wasn’t going to give up now.

Frank, having had some of the nerves from this morning wrung out by interacting with friends, now trudged along at ease, hands in his pockets. The group chattered on, but Gerard’s attention was piqued to the side when he saw Frank begin to try to wrestle his hoodie off while walking, slowing his pace a bit.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as the t-shirt beneath slowly rode up, Frank stripping his top layer off. It felt like a slow-motion scene in a cheesy romance movie. Gerard could've melted on the spot.

Frank wasn’t quite muscly, but he was naturally toned. His lower back curved nicely into his jeans, his ribs shifting around under his soft-looking skin. What really had Gerard’s tongue caught in his throat, though, was the bit of a stick-and-poke tattoo that managed to reveal itself, just below Frank’s ribs.

Gerard was panting, and it wasn’t from the heat. The thought that this hot boy could be his, for him to see in all its glory, was too overwhelming to comprehend. He felt like he was 13 again, just discovering the gay side of Pornhub. He was beyond flustered- he was bothered. Staring, lost in the vision of something so wonderful, he didn’t realize Frank no longer had the sweatshirt over his head, and was now pulling his t-shirt back down, watching Gerard watch him.

Everything moved in slow motion as Gerard brought his eyes up to meet Frank’s, right before tripping over a hay bale that had been randomly placed outside the barn. He toppled onto it, his stomach thudding against the flat surface, his arms and legs limp over the sides. He righted himself slowly, waving off the mocking laughter that Lucy and Lily shot at him, avoiding all eye-contact with Frank.

“You’re so dramatic- even when you fall,” Lucy uttered, walking into the barn behind Lily. Gerard, arms crossed over his mildly abused stomach, looked over to where Frank stood, sweatshirt tied around his hips. He smirked and winked, taking the lead inside. Gerard was absolutely speechless for once.

Inside, there were rows of hay bales and a projector screen set up in the middle of the room. The four of them sat in the middle, the back already taken by kids that had gotten there before them. Frank materialized a marker from somewhere and was doodling spindly trees and eyes on his hands. Gerard looked down at his own hands to where a smiling ghost and four-sided stars of different sizes were fading. What an odd mix of so many good and bad feelings.

Soon enough, one of the counselors, acne ridden and wearing one of the trademarked tie-dyed dumpy t-shirts that all the counselors wore.

“Ok!” he announced, signaling everyone’s attention. “We have one of the most classic forms of conversion therapy ready for you all today. This involves a certain kind of conditioning that helps your brain to associate the proper kind of relationship that we want to help you all align yourselves with with more positive things, and, vice versa- sodomy with negative associations.

"While all of you are technically too young to view these things, your parents consented to allowing you to, and so you are required to stay throughout the duration of this viewing. Remember that your effort is part of the healing from this mental illness. It is all part of the process.”

Gerard narrowed his eyes and glanced over at Frank who was unfazed, even after the lights darkened.

The first clip was of a family gathered around a table, laughing as they passed around food for dinner. Gerard couldn't help but let out a small laugh. Even when his family had still been together, he couldn’t remember them once eating together. He grew up on ready-made dinners and frozen chicken nuggets. No such joy in that arrangement. He imagined that Frank wouldn’t really get it either. Gay kids and shitty families: correlation or causation?

After about 45 seconds of that scene, the clips switched abruptly to one of a man and woman on a couch. The man looked like the cover eye-candy of a ten cents paperback romance novel and the woman looked like his damsel in distress. The woman was gently stroking the man’s face and thigh. In the background, “sexy” music played and candles lit the room. Ugh. Soft-core stuff.

After a minute and a half of that torture, the screen switched again to a pleasant scene of teenagers at a fair. Next, of course, more gross straight sex scenes. It was the kind of shit that even the bi and pan kids wouldn't waste their time with.

This alternation lasted about an hour, the sex scenes getting more and more graphic as time went on. Some of the porn actors made the most annoying fake orgasm noises.

Eventually, it switched to scenes like car crashes and shit with gay sex scenes in between. Rather than make them feel guilty for being gay, Frank and Gerard just kept signing “me” and “you” at different points into each others palms, managing to pass off their bursts of laughter as coughs.

And let it just be said, when you sit two teens that are horny for each other next to each other in the dark and tell them to watch porn, there will be some boundaries crossed.

While the game started off goofy, it started getting mischievous and flirty all too fast. Like when one of the actors said something in an introduction of a student-teacher scenario (thanks, counselors, by the way, for the plot lines) along the lines of “I’ve been waiting all day for this”.

Frank, of course, signed “me”. Gerard thanked the dark for hiding his blush on that one.

They were having so much fun that they didn’t notice when a counselor slipped in and made a girl from the back come with him. She had been sitting kind of close with another girl and giggling during one of the lesbian scenes. When one girl left, the counselor came back and whispered something to the other girl, who just kept responding with “no” and shaking her head, all her humor gone.

This “class” lasted for about three whole hours, though the time flew faster than it should have. The four friends discussed their favorite parts all throughout dinner- which, by some miracle, the camp had finally remembered to give them.

Gerard participated in the conversation but was distracted the entire time. He was growing more and more anxious as the night grew closer. He couldn’t tell if Frank felt the same, but he did know if he was it was probably for different reasons.

Gerard hadn’t ever really regretted or thought about his actions with other boys- he had kind of convinced himself that he would never have an actual boy he cared about. It was easy to act out in ways his homophobic father hated as long as there were no stakes involved. He had always been so caught up coping with his sexuality alone that he hadn't realized it would one day involve someone else. Someone he loved.

So it was unfamiliar how he now felt guilty, both for agreeing to do this with Frank despite knowing he deserved better and for looking forward to tonight anyway.

Thankfully, Lucy invited everyone to Ezra’s cabin since they had some time before 'lights out'. She swore Ezra had had the idea before becoming even more blasted and unable to do the inviting himself.

Ezra’s roommate was named Peyton and had an unevenly shaved head. While he wasn’t as bad as Ezra in terms of perpetuated drug addiction, he still took his turn when whatever drug was being passed around was offered his way. He sat on the bed reading a plain, hardcover book on the bottom bunk, the rest of the group sitting and laying on the floor, talking about whatever and becoming less and less sober.

The conversation had shifted to favorite flavors of Teddy Grahams by the time it was 8:45. Frank, not having touched a substance the entire time, watched half-amused and half-worriedly as Gerard drank himself a little past tipsy. Ezra had complained a bit through his haze about Gerard drinking all the best Mad Dog but Gerard lazily threw a whiny tantrum about having “sensitive taste buds”. Now he was giggling at everything and Frank figured it was time to get him back to their cabin.

He walked over to where Gerard was red-faced and hysterically laughing, an arm over his eyes.

“Nooo, ok bitch? Wizard… Wheezer… copied Nirvana. Ok? Have you heard the bridge of ‘Say it Ain’t So?”

He cracked up over his own comments, the other high and drunk kids joining in. Frank just shook his head and lifted his roommate to his feet.

“Woah… why’s the room spinnin’?” He took his arm off his face and made a surprised expression. “Frank! Are you… HOLDING MY HAND?” Frank made a shushing motion with his hand and Gerard suddenly clamped his hands over his face.

“WHOOPS!” He said, muffled my his own hands.

Frank did a ‘come on’ motion and began for the door, waving to the others.

“Oh… I know… ok… We all have to go now, ok? Bye bye!” The people on the floor gave a big ‘goodbye’, some of them getting ready to leave as well. Frank clutched Gerard’s shoulder as he swayed out the door and down the steps in the dark, hoping to get back to the cabin before his friend screamed anything too incriminating.

Luckily, it was a fairly short walk and the hardest part was convincing Gerard to move up the “huge massive big steps” without using his voice to yell at him. When the door was open, Gerard fell to the ground and Frank swiftly closed the door behind them, breathing a sigh of relief while the mess on the floor laughed with his mouth open.

“You’re so dumb, Frank…,” Gerard said out of nowhere. Frank pointed to himself and raised his eyebrows. ‘Me?’

Gerard laughed more before quieting down, pensively. He made a strange growling noise before launching himself up onto his feet and collapsing into the smaller boy.

Frank caught him by his wrist and turned away from his... intense breath. Gerard giggled again and tilted his head. “What? Don ya wanna kiss? I know how to do it reallllly nice...,” Gerard pulled a little bit, trying to get his wrists free. “I can touch you....”

Frank cleared his throat and stepped to the side, guiding Gerard by the arm to the lower bunk. Gerard’s focused a bit more.

“Somethin wrong?” he asked, looking up at Frank. Frank just sighed and shook his head.

'You’re drunk,’ he signed.

“Just enough…” Gerard said, reaching for Frank. Frank stepped back, expressionless.

‘What?’ Frank asked, his expression serious.

Gerard giggled half-heartedly. “I was kiddin. Don’t you want to do things to me?” He could feel that something was wrong. He wasn’t sure why Frank didn’t just use this opportunity to do what he’d wanted to do before.

‘No,’ Frank signed, ‘I wanted to do things with you.’

Gerard felt something hurt inside. Wanted? He saw the lights flick off, the blue lamp illuminating Frank’s figure as he sat at the desk and put his head down to sleep. Gerard meant to get up and ask what was wrong but he had somehow ended up laying down and drifted off before he had the chance to think.

When he woke up, he had a light headache but could think clearly again. He felt a presence next to him and heard Frank’s slight nose-whistle as he slept next to him. He reached in his jeans for his phone and checked the time. ‘1:26’.

He retraced the night in his head and realized he kind of fucked things up. Fucking alcohol.

He eased himself up into a sitting position and looked down at Frank. He tapped him awake. Frank had a small, violent jolt as he awoke and rubbed his eyes. Gerard noticed but didn’t comment on it. When Frank was sitting up, Gerard offered a little smile.

“Sorry for drinking so much…,”

Frank rolled his eyes. He signed in the light of the lamp.

‘You woke me up for that?’

Gerard laughed, “No… I just…,” he trailed off.

Frank cupped the other boy’s face in his hand and stared at him for a moment. He leaned in and kissed him, moving his hands to his shoulders. Gerard felt him in the darkness and all his thoughts escaped him.

Frank, surprisingly, was the first to do more and began sliding his hands down the other boy’s sides. Gerard shuddered from what he assumed was pleasure and felt his muscles go a bit cold. Frank’s hand was now on his thigh and he felt something get caught in his throat.

He yelled at himself in his head to knock it off and get more into it. There was a very attractive male who he liked doing very non-family friendly things to him. But he felt… tense? Nervous? Had he used up all his smoothness and sexual debonair on fucking theater-band nerd hybrids?

Thoughts running rampant through his mind, Gerard almost jumped when Frank slid a hand between his legs. Gerard found himself completely freezing up. Maybe because he was tired, maybe because he was nervous, or maybe because he felt like Frank didn’t deserve this, he couldn’t move to reciprocate.

With a hand on the his jeans, Frank soon moved to Gerard’s neck, sucking and kissing along his jawline. He felt a rush to his face and his pants as Frank tenderly showered him with affection. It was absolutely intoxicating.

Somewhere within himself, he found enough resistance to pull away a fraction of an inch.

“Wait. Are you ok?” He wasn't sure who he was asking the question.

Frank responded by pushing Gerard onto his back, sitting on his knees as he unzipped Gerard’s sweatshirt. Gerard had never felt self-conscious about his body before- especially not in the dark- and so was surprised when he automatically crossed his arms in front of his chest which had lost a layer. Frank was moving fast. He couldn’t tell if he was more amused or shocked to watch it happen.

He didn’t have time to worry too much about it, though, as Frank was now undressing his torso completely. Gerard watched as he tossed his t-shirt onto the floor. Again, he attacked Gerard’s neck and had the other boy moaning beneath him. Frank didn't care to comment as he sat back up and slowly moved down to Gerard’s bottom half.

Gerard avoided crossing his hands behind his head to avoid looking like a total douche but he really wished there was another way to prop his head up so he could track Frank in the near-darkness. He felt Frank slow down as he unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans, waiting for any signs that he should stop.

Gerard appreciated that he was aware, at least, of the fast pace he was setting. Gerard felt halves of words forming in his throat but staying there as Frank pulled down his pants and boxers, leaving his already semi-hard dick out in the open.

That is, until Frank…

Holy shit.

Gerard let out the sluttiest sigh he had ever mustered as his brain went into overdrive. Not only was Frank strangely good at this, but Gerard actually realized that he had only ever received maybe two bjs, both being completely dreadful. Teeth.

But now, draping an arm over his face so he could bite the skin and avoid yelling out, those thoughts escaped his mind as he focused only on Frank. Frank’s face. Frank’s eyes. Frank’s hands. Frank’s mouth.

After a few minutes of this in a cabin dead silent, save for a few suspicious noises, Frank sat upright once more and wiped his mouth. Keeping his silence, he began to take his own shirt off. Gerard spotted the stick and poke from before- a gravestone beneath the ribs. Gerard sat up attentively, wired from his sex mode setting kicking in.

It was his turn now to take Frank in his arms and lay him down in front of him, his smooth skin shining a bit under the blue light. He went through the motions he was all too familiar with- taking Frank in his mouth. He focused only on the other boy’s contracting muscles and voiceless pleasure until, to Gerard’s surprise, Frank possessively placed a hand on the back of Gerard’s head. Gerard grimaced and sat up, a bit blindsided by a strange feeling that overtook him, not knowing where it came from.

Frank didn’t seem to mind and he pulled the boy in for a foul-tasting kiss, bringing his jeans down further and sliding them all the way off. He laid back and looked to Gerard expectantly. Gerard paused. He slowly realized the roles Frank was suggesting.

“Oh… oh!” Frank raised his eyebrows as Gerard stuttered. “I’ve, um… never… been on top before… I thought…”

Frank’s expression only said, ‘you thought wrong’ and he contently waited for Gerard to do something. Gerard felt his nerves coming back. This made him reconsider everything in a new way.

“Um, Frank…,” he wasn’t exactly sure how to phrase this. “I’m… I shouldn’t be the one…. I shouldn’t do this,” he whispered, looking down. “I’ve been with too many guys. They meant nothing.”

Frank sighed and sat up. ‘We don’t have to.’ Gerard looked at the boy in front of him and rested his head on his shoulder.

“I want to… it’s just… I’m…”

Frank picked his head up in both hands and looked at him, pecking him on the lips. He laid back down.

‘Your choice’. Gerard’s thoughts jumped from his dick to his brain to his heart and back again. He finally ran his hand over Frank’s lean body.

“Ok.”

He propped Frank’s legs up as best as he could.

“From a bottom pretending to be a top to a bottom, I promise to prep you well.” Frank gave an ‘respect’ sign, letting out a big smile.

Gerard closed his eyes and began, doing for Frank what he knew he'd like for himself. He rimmed Frank for a while, using copious amounts of spit, mind you. He tried not to smirk as he heard guttural noises forming in (but refusing to be released from) Frank’s throat.

When he added fingers, Frank took them surprisingly well- he didn't tense up nearly as much as Gerard had his first time. He heard his breath becoming even more needy and he spread his legs wider, giving Gerard easier access. Frank had known what he wanted, after all.

Gerard, caught up in scissoring his fingers now, felt a yank of his hair from above. He looked at Frank, worried he had gone too fast. Instead, Frank made a motion with his head that can only be described as, ‘hurry up’. Gerard just shook his head and gave himself a few strokes to get back to where he needed to be. This was where his experience plateaued.

Keeping an eye fully on Frank (who was now biting his lip, dear god), Gerard gently pushed against the other boy, searching for any signs of stop or go. Frank merely sighed out contentedly and closed his eyes. Gerard soon ran out of length to push in. He was all the way in. He just now noticed how good he felt. This was absolutely incredible. And with Frank. Oh god.

Staring down at Frank, he saw when the boy’s eyes fluttered open again and Frank raised his eyebrows in questioning. Shit, Gerard really didn’t know what he was doing. Taking a hold of the boy’s hips beneath him, he slid back out and in a few times, waiting for a sign he was doing something right.

Frank face was turned as far to the right as it could be and buried in the mattress, his cheeks turning red. Gerard had a vacant look on his face as he sped up, focusing only on what he was feeling and how wonderful Frank looked beneath him. Frank hid his scrunched up faces of pleasure with his fists, breathing and gasping loudly.

Gerard hadn’t even had the thought of finishing in mind before Frank signed “close” to him, the boy on bottom now pushing against his thrusts. Gerard suddenly realized that he was almost there too. Or maybe Frank being close was enough to push him even further.

Frank’s head was now pushed back into the pillow, sweat dampening his bangs and forehead. His hands were gripping the sheets beneath him, one above his head and one below. Gerard was even more turned on by the fact that he was causing this to happen.

Frank suddenly tightened up and made a face like his soul was being sucked from his body, arching his back and breathing shakily. As he released, a little noise escaped his throat which Gerard just kept playing over and over in his head. Gerard closed his eyes as he came soon after, muffling a shout as he bit his cheek.

They breathed. Gerard collapsed onto the smaller body, pulling out carefully. Frank whimpered a bit quietly, but Gerard felt the vibrations go through his chest. When he started to come to, he placed a hand on Frank’s midsection. He felt Frank slowly pet his hair.

After they'd come down completely, Frank wiggled out from under Gerard with a loving pat and went over to where he got a dirty shirt out of his suitcase. He cleaned off with it and put on some clean pajamas. Gerard felt lonely at the loss and slowly put his boxers and shirt back on.

Frank rejoined him, lifting up the covers and hopping into bed, pulling Gerard in after him. Gerard gazed off into the dark, feeling off. Frank pulled him close and Gerard nuzzled into his side, still staring off. Frank rubbed his back. Gerard just kept staring.

To his surprise, Gerard felt tears rush to his eyes all of a sudden. He sat up quickly and brought his hands to his face. He started sobbing with panicked breathing, curling up into himself. He didn’t know what came over him. He hated crying in front of others. He hadn’t done this in years.

He realized that Frank had sat up behind him and gently placed a hand on his back. Embarrassed, Gerard crawled to the other end of the bed. He wanted to disappear. Why had his brain gone from feeling so good and pleasured to terrible and dissociative? He wasn’t even feeling bad, he was feeling nothing. Which was terrible.

Frank was gonna hate him now, thinking that he cried because of him.

He was drowning in his thoughts, no sign of the breakdown letting up. He was considering running up to his top bunk, as shitty as that would feel for Frank. He would never want to talk to him again. Gerard couldn’t protect anyone. He was worthless.

“H-hey.” A hoarse, high-pitched voice broke out through the silence. Gerard stopped in his tracks, his hands and body trembling. He turned slowly, for a second thinking someone else must be in the room. There was just Frank, looking at him with concern.

“Are you ok?”

Gerard gaped for a moment. He nodded with tear-stained cheeks. “Y-yeah…,” he said. “I don’t know what came over me." He sniffled and sighed.

"I… have a weird relationship. With sex.” He reached out and touched Frank’s hand. “I loved it though. It…. it was just more real than anything I’ve ever experienced. It was... intense." He sighed again. "Sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“Ugh, shut up,” Frank interrupted. He had a little coughing fit, his throat being so accustomed to silence. Gerard was still stunned, forgetting about his own episode.

“You’re… talking.” Gerard waited for an answer. Frank slowly brought a hand to his throat and rubbed it.

“Yeah, I… I wanted to be there.” His voice was shaky. “I wanted to be in the moment. For you.”

Gerard smiled and hugged him close.

“And,” Frank paused to clear his throat, “I didn’t know how to sign ‘that was really fucking hot’”.

Gerard laughed and Frank laughed, too- the first time Gerard had heard it- and they snuggled together in the bottom bunk.

Gerard felt something else now. He felt happy.

Chapter Text

Gerard woke up and breathed in the warm morning air in the cabin. He met Frank’s eyes as he rolled over. He smiled.

‘Good morning,’ Frank signed.

Gerard made a little pout at this. “No more talking?”

Frank cleared his throat. “My voice is fucking shot.” He turned to the side to have a coughing fit.

‘I haven’t talked in years,’ he signed.

Gerard giggled at him and gazed down along his torso and touched the gravestone tattoo, the black ink slightly raised above his skin. Frank looked down and smirked.

“You didn’t think I just drew them on my hands, right?” Frank rasped out. Gerard just giggled again and sighed. Frank glanced down at Gerard’s bare forearms.

“Speaking of body modification…” he whispered. Gerard resisted the urge to cover up the mess of scars that ranged from 4 years old to 4 days old.

“Does this make you feel better?” Frank asked, reaching out to feel the uneven texture of the other boy’s skin.

Gerard huffed out sadly. “My dad doesn’t exactly solve problems with words. When he’s too busy to beat me up for being a dick it feels… weird. It’s hard to have wound up emotions and no way to make them …” he trailed off.

Frank nodded. “You can talk to me-” another coughing spell interrupted him. He cleared his throat and whispered, “if you feel bad. Also, you’re not a dick.”

Gerard smiled. “I’ll try.”

He thought back to the night before and giggled again. He rubbed his eyes in disbelief. “I can’t believe… we did that.”

Frank smiled back at him. ‘I can,’ he signed. ‘I’m gonna have a fun time walking around today.’ They both laughed and got up to get ready for the day.

Throughout the morning excavation of their tree stump, they wouldn’t stop giggling and poking each other. Gerard replayed pieces of last night over and over in his head. He knew Frank was probably doing the same.

Gerard bit his lip as he dug at the ground. He glanced over the roots, newly exposed. They were actually making some decent progress on the thing.

For once in his life, Gerard felt happy. It was so nice to have someone who genuinely cared for him and that he was allowed to give everything back. He looked over at Frank working at the dirt, seeming a little sore, for one reason or another.

How was it possible that he could feel like he was on a honeymoon with his boyfriend at a camp where he was meant to be getting beaten straight?

He stalked up behind Frank, glancing around to be sure nobody was paying attention, and gave him a little pinch on the butt. Frank spun around in the surprise and he looked shocked.

He signed quickly, ‘You’re going to get us crucified.’ Gerard just shrugged, his hands held innocently behind his back.

Frank held an impressed smile on his face. ‘Dumb ass. Haven’t you done enough damage down there?’

The lunch bell sounded and everyone threw their shovels down. The two boys jumper-cabled each other all the way to the cafeteria.

The gourmet selection for today was grey meatloaf with a side of flavorless corn. Frank didn’t bother with the meat and just picked up a bowl of the corn. Though, Gerard told him, he wasn’t sure there was actually any meat in the food.

Ezra and Lucy were already sat together at one of the plastic tables. Frank and Gerard sat across from them. Frank moved a bit closer to Gerard’s side. Gerard did the same and looked at the other boy defiantly and they erupted into giggles. Lucy and her friend watched, eyebrows raised.

When they settled down Lucy spoke up. “So… I guess you guys finally did the deed, huh?” Frank and Gerard both blushed right away.

Gerard poked at his tray, his smile gone. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ezra held his head, “It means that you guys are so transparent. Even through this fucking hangover I can see it.”

Lucy snorted at Ezra. “Is someone upset he ran out of things to fuck him up?”

Ezra rolled his head in his hand. “I had a good streak going.” Sighing, he sat up straight, taking his sunglasses off to rub his bloodshot eyes. “But, yeah, you two” he gestured to the boys across the table, “you totally fucked.”

He put his glasses back on and slumped down onto his two fists. “This camp is so counterproductive.”

Gerard sipped nervously from his cup of water. Frank smiled down at the table.

“Who bottomed?” Lucy smirked.

Gerard coughed, choking on his water. Ezra peeked up from his arms to try to get an answer for himself.

Frank and Gerard looked at each other, mortified. Gerard stared wide-eyed at Frank who just shrugged in response, smugly.

“Ah, I knew it. Gerard is such a bottom,” Lucy shook her head.

Frank burst out laughing at this, a scratchy noise that surprised both Lucy and Ezra.

“Woah, woah now wait a second,” Gerard chimed in. “You may not be wrong in general, but as for yesterday-”

“Frank made a noise!” Lucy said in shock. Oh, so now they wanted to get off the topic, thought Gerard. Frank fell into a coughing fit and Gerard patted his back in support.

“Yeah," Gerard started, annoyed he didn't get any credit. "But it’s still a little touch and go. He hasn’t talked in years.”

“Well, Jesus, what made you start?” Lucy asked.

He glanced toward Gerard, smiling. He shrugged, hands and all.

Lucy rolled her eyes. “You’re both so gay.”

“Hey! Guys.” Lily, with a scared look on her face, sat down next to Ezra.

“Hey, dude. What’s up?” Lucy asked.

She spoke, looking around like she was worried about being heard. “It’s Amelia. ..My roommate. I stayed at the cabin with her this morning but a counselor came by and made me leave. They fucked her up.”

“Woah, woah,” said Gerard, worried. “What happened?”

“Yesterday after that… thing… someone came and took her because there have been rumors about her and Allison. The fuckers here… they actually did it.”

Everyone paused. “What did they do?” asked Ezra.

“Electroshock therapy. Like we’re in the fucking 20’s.”

“Woah,” said Lucy, looking down at the table. “Is she ok?”

“I honestly don’t know. She’s really... traumatized.”

“Is Allison in any danger?”

“I honestly don’t know. I haven’t seen her today either.”

The five of them were quiet. They were all frightened but with one lingering question:

How had Frank and Gerard not gotten actually murdered by now?

It at least served as a good reality check. They had to tone it down a bit and save the romance for cabin 8.

Soon, a counselor came to announce the day’s activity.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gerard begged his brain not to fall asleep as he involuntarily listened to the sermon. Yes, Evil Santa himself had made an appearance today and was reading and preaching about the most predictable section of the Bible he could’ve found- Leviticus.

“Yes, our God is good and provided us the option of free will. He also left some spaces for ambiguity in these sacred texts. The morals that we learn from each story can be applied to many of life’s discourses. But, there are also places where the word is the word and we know that it will never change. Sodomy, is not,” he paused “and never will be okay.”

The counselors stationed around the rooms applauded lightly at this. Gerard had to choose between rolling his eyes gagging and just laying down on the hay bale to sleep. Frank was occupied with his usual activity of doodling designs on his arms and wrists.

The pastor continued. “Homosexuality and transexuality are nothing but depravities. It's mentioned right here, alongside beastiality and other forms of unclean copulation," he lectured, pointing to his worn leather bible.

"The devil," he said, pausing for effect, "knows each of us. And he tempts us by telling us that these depravities are... what? Normal? Good? Love?” He made a disgusted face.

"The only love there is... is God's love. And we must keep this in mind when these temptations attempt to corrupt us!" The counselors burst out into applause again. The pastor nodded in approval.

Gerard was just about at his limit, drifting off despite the burst of noise, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. An NPC counselor was staring down at him. She leaned down and spoke into his ear.

“Come with me.”

Gerard’s blood went cold. Fuck. He personally didn’t have a problem with getting his brains fried if it meant missing this boring fucking class but if it was because there were rumors about him and Frank, like with Lily’s roommate, Frank would be in danger of getting the same treatment. He didn’t look Frank’s way for fear of making things worse but he could feel Frank’s worried eyes on his.

Gerard painstakingly tried to play innocent. “But, I don’t want to miss this sermon. I can feel the, uh, spirit of the… Jesus coursing through me.”

The counselor smiled. “I’m sure Pastor Cain would be more than happy to recite it for you later. We just need you for a bit.”

Gerard gulped. “Are you sure? I feel like there’s a different sort of experience when I can listen in a bigger group.”

Her grip on his shoulder tightened a bit. “Yes, I’m sure. Come along now.”

Gerard sighed and stood up. He didn't want this to escalate. Especially not in front of Evil Santa.

The counselor smiled. “Just follow me.” Gerard finally stole a glance back at Frank who was, indeed, staring in concern. He also noticed Lucy and Ezra looking his way.

Gerard gave a nonchalant wave of the hand. But in reality, he was kind of scared.

The counselor led him out of the barn and down a trail he hadn’t seen before. They shortly arrived at a homey cabin with a placard that read “administration” on the front door. Gerard stopped at the bottom the steps and took one last glance at the nature around him before he met his doom. The corn. The sun. The woods.

Ugh, nevermind. Everything here was gross.

The wooden steps creaked a lot less than the shanty cabins Gerard had experienced thus far. He wondered if they intentionally hammed up the creepiness everywhere else to make the culty Christian vibe feel more authentic.

Stepping into the little building, a gust of cold air encased him. They had AC here?? Gerard was equal parts annoyed that they’d made everyone suffer through summer’s heat with nothing but ceiling fans and... confused. This couldn’t be where they tortured kids, could it? He had been picturing some dank windowless warehouse. Not this.

The counselor led him to a small office down a hallway that smelled like a church reception. He wondered if that was a bottled scent or if they occasionally just had a herd of old people walk through to create it. The counselor knocked and there were a few seconds before the door opened, a broken face waiting on the other side.

Gerard stared in surprise as Randy, the creepy counselor, looked from the escorting counselor to Gerard and a smile slowly grew across his ratty face. His bruising had cleared up a bit but you could still see the unforgiving remnants of Frank’s beating. It almost brought a matching smile to Gerard’s face.

“Thank you, Rachel," he said. "I’ll take it from here.” Rachel agreed and said a sweet goodbye as Randy refocused on Gerard. He felt worse now than when he thought he was getting shock therapy.

“Come on in,” Randy said, gesturing in towards the office. Gerard hesitated and then walked cautiously into the little room.

It was pretty empty, a simple desk and a couple chairs being the only pieces of furniture. There was a shuttered window, as well. Gerard noted that just in case he needed a speedy escape.

He sat down as Randy closed the door, locked it, and sat down on his desk. He was much too close for comfort in Gerard’s opinion. “So, how have you been?”

Gerard couldn’t help but scoff at this. “Uh.... as good I could be, I guess.”

Randy chuckled at this. “You must be curious as to what this meeting is for.” Gerard said nothing and just waited for him to continue.

“I thought I should clear some things up," Randy said, his expression still condescending. "There have been some… events that I think were… misunderstood.”

Gerard gave him a hard look. “You mean like when you tried to rape Frank?”

Randy was silent for a beat then gave a cold chuckle. “Ok, let’s start there."

"See, I once was one of you kids here at camp. I called myself bisexual. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about.... Boys.” The way he said boys made Gerard impressively uncomfortable.

“I now have a girlfriend and a little one on the way. I... know how wonderful and possible recovery is. But, this comes with a condition- the condition that every year I am allowed some sort of... reprieve.” Gerard was sickened at this. How many underaged kids had this guy messed with?

Randy saw this look and adopted a look of realization.

“Oh, I don’t try to... rape them. No, no. See, some of the boys who come around here are close to adulthood and need to get out the same… evil as I do. You see, I thought by offering that to Frank that he might be able the inner turmoil he seemed to be facing.

"The aggression he showed on the first day of class? I saw a lot of confusion. I reacted strongly to it but, well, I thought later I’d try to approach him again. And, well, you know, since he doesn’t communicate, I misread the situation. That’s all.”

Gerard considered all of this. Of course, there was a lot of in there that was pretty fucked up, but he could sort of... theoretically understand where he had been coming from.

Though, the scene in front of him had seemed downright sinister when it all went down the other night. He wasn’t buying it.

“Frank does communicate, just not by speaking. You should have known he was uncomfortable.”

Randy nodded in agreement. “Yes, I see that now. But that’s why I didn’t call him here and called you instead. I thought maybe you could talk to him for me and let him know. Could you do that for me?”

A thought came across Gerard. He asked, “Are you doing this because you’re in shit for kissing teenage boys during the first class?”

“Oh, not in any way.”

Gerard eyed him suspiciously. “Then why was that class canceled?”

Randy chuckled. “That was actually my decision. I’m one of the head counselors here. It was Frank’s visceral reaction that made me see that we had to rethink the program. We’re all here to help you. Do you understand?”

Gerard was taken aback by this. He had no reason to believe any of this but the counselor seemed oddly sincere. And he was also telling him some vulnerable information that Gerard could use to get him in trouble.

“So,” Randy started, “could you send my apologies to Frank? For everything?”

“Yeah, sure.” There was no way in hell he was doing that.

Randy smiled. “Ah, thank you.” He put a hand to his chest, as if he was honored to be forgiven. Gerard nodded in response. What a creep.

“Now,” he continued, “I actually wanted to talk about you.”

Gerard’s guard went back up. “What about me?”

“Well, from what I remember, your case of homosexuality was rather serious from the way you described your… activities in that first day of class. How has that been coming along?”

Gerard’s mind flashed to Frank’s torso with the stick and poke where his hand grazed earlier that day. He smiled. “It’s been going great.”

Randy smiled back, misunderstanding what Gerard had just meant. “Oh, I’m glad to hear it. Frank, however… I still am worried about.”

Gerard’s heart sunk. “Oh, he was just telling me the other day how this place is healing him. We talk about it all the time. You know… over writing.”

Randy clicked his tongue, looking unsure. “I’m just not too convinced. I think it’s denial. They were thinking of setting him up with… more serious treatment.” Gerard’s heart beat fast. Oh shit. He couldn’t let them do that.

Randy perked up a bit. “You know, I bet if you were able to give your own accounts of your friend’s healing, as someone who is recovering from a serious instance of sodomy, it would help us get a better picture of Frank’s progress.”

Gerard nodded quickly. He’d say Frank prayed all night thanking God for healing him. He’d say Frank told him he pretended to be gay for attention. Anything to get him off the hook.

“Pastor Cain is quite busy today but… maybe later in the night he’d be open to a meeting. Would you be ok with doing that?”

“Yeah, totally,” Gerard responded. Randy smiled. “Ok, meet me at the bathroom next to the campfire at, let’s say, 7:15- there will be another gathering tonight for you guys. I would come get you but I wouldn’t want Frank to get defensive.” Gerard decided he’d bring a weapon.

“Sounds good,” he responded. Randy smiled and hopped off the desk extending a hand to Gerard. “I look forward to seeing you there.” Gerard shook it, cringing at the man’s clammy skin.

Gerard arrived back at the barn at the tail end of the sermon when they were announcing the campfire that started at 7. He waited at the back by the large doors as people began to get up and leave. Frank perked up when he saw him, approaching quickly as he checked for obvious signs of damage. He signed so rapidly that Gerard had to ask him to repeat.

Frank spoke aloud. “What happened?”

Gerard shook his head and waved with a hand, fending off worry. “Someone just had to talk to me about how I planned on getting home after camp. Apparently my dad ‘forgot’ to include that in the forms. He probably wanted them to keep me.”

He saw relief come over Frank’s face after a brief moment of suspicion. Lying was one of Gerard’s strong suits.

The two hung out with Lucy Ezra and Lily, who was still quite worried about Amelia, until it was time for the campfire. As they headed over someone pulled out a joint (apparently acquired from an earlier interaction with Sam) and passed it around.

“Gerard, here.”

He declined, Lucy quirking an eyebrow at him. He claimed he was too tired as it was but, in truth, he knew he should be sober for when he spoke on Frank’s behalf. He didn’t doubt that Frank was tough enough to endure that electroshock shit but he sure didn’t want to have his predictions confirmed or denied. He didn’t know much about love but he was pretty sure you should try to prevent this sort of thing from happening to someone that has earned yours.

He joked around despite his nerves and checked his cell phone every 2 minutes until it was 7:15.

“No, no. I swear to God. He’s real! Lucy, tell them! Wasn’t my childhood dog’s name ‘Al Pacino’?” Ezra asked Lucy.

“Just because I want to see you mad, no, I don’t recall.”

They all laughed but then Gerard interrupted. “I have to shit. I might be gone a while.”

Lucy looked between him and Frank. “Is this gonna be like the last time? When the other one of you just happened to check on the other? And then spend 15 minutes together? Alone?” Gerard let out a nervous laugh. Frank pretended to laugh, too. Oh, if only she knew.

“Ah, no. Don’t let him follow me. If he smells what I leave behind he’ll never talk to me again.”

“Is that a challenge?” Frank rasped out with a smirk.

“I’m still not used to that…,” Ezra mumbled.

Gerard just shook his head and left with a wave. He hoped it all seemed nonchalant. Inside he was already rehearsing lies to convince anti-gay experts that the boy he was fucking was actually straight.

When he arrived to the bathroom, Randy was dutifully waiting with the innocent smile he had debuted to Gerard earlier. “You ready?” Gerard nodded and followed him out onto a path he hadn’t seen before. No words were exchanged as they walked through the twilight, Randy leading the way. Gerard continued to focus on what he planned to say.

Randy stopped outside of a shed Gerard vaguely recognized. He thought they were close to one of the main paths. Randy turned around, snapping his fingers like he had just realized something. “I just remembered- I had to bring a couple of bags of corn to the kitchen. Would you help me load them into a wheelbarrow? The confession room is close by where you kids eat and we can drop them off on the way.”

Gerard shrugged and headed towards the dingy shed, though it did look like it had been built more recent than a lot of the structures in the rest of this place. Randy followed close by. He got a bad feeling when he heard the door swing shut behind them, leaving them in the dark.

“Do you have a flashlight or somethin-”

He was suddenly pushed from behind, falling onto the dirt floor with a yelp.

Ah, this made a lot more sense. He laughed at his past self for being so gullible. It seemed that love really did make you blind.

He wasn’t surprised to hear the sound of a zipper as he was grabbed by the arm, his back to his offender. Ah, fuck. He forgot to bring a knife.

"Um," Gerard started, his voice shaking slightly. "I... I don't want to-"

"Shut up," Randy hissed. "I need this."

He yanked at the boy's body, Gerard still resisting by turning his head to the side. He tried to think of something to say but couldn't gather the strength to make his body fight back. It was just like always.

The counselor gripped and pulled at Gerard's hair, making him yelp. "Please, no," Gerard whispered.

“Come on, slut. I remember the stories you told about being fucked. Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” Randy barked out at him. "I'll even do the same for you."

Gerard’s heart stopped and the words echoed in his mind. ‘Don’t make this harder than it has to be’. Suddenly he was back in the locker room, the beginning of his sophomore year.

Everyone had cleared out but he had forgotten his phone in the locker and had gone to retrieve it after art club. The varsity cross country team was starting their practice and a few runners had passed by to the outside as he'd entered.

Gerard had twisted the combination on his locker and grabbed the small flip phone from on top of his dirty shorts. He'd shut the small metal locker and turned to find familiar face had approached him.

“Oh, hi, Adrian.” He asked, “How’s the running going?”

The boy smiled at him. “It’s good. I’m probably gonna be late but I don’t really care. Senior year is a joke.”

Gerard laughed. “I could never run for that long. I have the lungs of a fuckin’ mouse or somethin’.”

The other boy returned the laugh and gazed off to the side. A comfortable pause sat between them.

“Well,” started Gerard, “I just had to get my phone. I’ll see you in art.”

“Actually,” the boy said, placing a hand on the smaller boy’s arm, “I was hoping you could help me out with something.”

Gerard smiled, confused. “What kind of thing?”

“Come on,” Adrian laughed, “we both know what people say about you. Isn’t it true?”

Gerard’s blood went cold. He knew what he was referring to. ‘Fag’, ‘fairy’, ‘fruit’... it’s all he heard every day in this school.

“Uh, well... I guess, but-”

“So, come on. Let’s have some fun.” He unzipped his fly and brought one of Gerard’s hands to his crotch. Gerard stared wide-eyed at the other boy, unsure of what to do. He hadn’t ever done anything like this. He started to back away, step by step.

“I’m sorry… I’m just going to go.”

Adrian, with a new stern look cross his face, reached forward and grabbed hold of Gerard’s shoulder, pushing him to the ground with a whimper. Gerard’s heart was beating erratically as the senior sat on the bench beneath him, his legs surrounding Gerard’s head.

Gerard stared up, his eyes pleading with the other boy’s, as he grabbed his hair and pushed him towards his lap. Gerard pushed back against the hand that controlled him, uttering out one last “Please” as he tried to duck away, unable due to the other boy’s grasp on his hand.

“Come on,” Adrian said, jerking his head forward again. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

Gerard had finally complied, seeing no way out and agreeing that since he was gay, he might as well. He'd only been allowed to stop when Adrian’s friends interrupted, instructed by their coach to find his runner.

Of course, all blame was put on Gerard. He had seduced the senior, according to the rumors. He’d never forget the way he was beat up afterwards, the names he was called. They said it was him, he was a slut. He was the slut...

Gerard was brought back to dark shed with a sobering realization.

“I’m not a slut,” he whispered, still on his knees.

Randy scoffed, “Oh, now you have a change of heart?”

Gerard laughed in the darkness. He shouted now. “I’m not a slut! It wasn’t my fault.” He stared out in the dark in disbelief, smiling, forgetting entirely about his current unfortunate situation.

Randy jerked him around by the back of the head, cutting off his joy. Gerard yelped again and closed his eyes.

“Listen,” Randy spat out, “if you even so much as breathe too loudly again, you can bet your little friend will be sitting in the electric chair as fast as I can get him in there.” Gerard gulped. Oh, yeah. This was happening.

“Randy, please… I won’t tell anyone-”

“I told you,” he replied. “That's the price. Are you gonna pay it or not?”

Gerard sighed. Well, he guessed, he’d done worse for less.

He reached out in the dark, feeling his face get wet. ‘Oh, come on,’ he thought. He could survive everything else without crying but rat boy here is what brought him down?

He sobbed as he went through the motions, Randy uttering whispered threats and curses of pleasure the whole time.

He felt a hand grab his head and he cried more, snot dripping out of his nose. It was all too familiar. “Don’t fucking stop,” Randy ordered. Gerard continued to cry. This fucking sucked.

Gerard grimaced as he felt the man finish in his mouth. Randy at least loosened his grip so that he could spit the foul substance out onto the dirt. Randy yanked him up by the hair once more. Gerard wiped his face and tried to make his sobbing less obvious.

Randy paid it no mind as he sunk down on his own knees, grabbing at Gerard's body aggressively. He pulled roughly at his jeans, palming at the boy's crotch. Gerard's heart sunk even further as he realized he wasn't done yet.

His sobbing grew and he felt like he might throw up as he unwillingly grew harder at the man's touch. He felt his knees give out and sank down to the dirt, doing the most he was capable of to get the other man off of him. Randy just climbed on him without missing a beat, pulling apart Gerard's legs as he tried to close them.

Gerard closed his eyes, willing himself to dissociate away from this place. Hot tears rolled down his face as he turned his face away, hoping he would finish so it could just be over. He just wanted it to be over.

His eyes were shut so tight that he hadn’t even realized that someone had opened the shed doors until Randy pulled off of him, moving backwards suddenly on the ground. Confused, he saw light shining in as the pastor himself and two female counselors shone the flashlight on Gerard, seeing the tears covering his face. ‘Well,’ he thought ‘at least it's over’.

He turned to the side to vomit, the little food he had in his stomach being expelled onto the ground. He panted after he was done, his ears ringing. He wiped his face, staring at the ground, unable to look anyone in the face.

He tuned in to the hear panicked voices, expecting to hear Randy getting a scolding, but was horrified to hear what was actually coming out of his mouth. Randy was crying, saying that the 16 year old had seduced him. Everyone was glaring at him. Gerard stared back in disbelief.

“He just asked to help with the kitchen supplies… what will I tell my wife?” Randy sobbed. Gerard’s mouth gaped open.

“Don’t worry, Randy. I understand. You aren’t at all accountable for this… demon’s lust.”

Gerard shouted now, feeling rage bubble up in his stomach. “Are you fucking kidding me??”

Shell-shocked, he felt himself being lifted and carried. He screamed when he was able to find his voice, kicking, yelling out all the curses and profanities he knew. He was beyond pissed.

He was carried along a long path until they reached one of the dark numbered center from his first days here. His voice was shot from screaming as he was sat in a dark wooden chair and strapped down by his wrists and ankles. He breathed heavily as small wires were clamped to each of his fingers. The room was spinning.

Suddenly a projector lit up and a picture of a man wearing a speedo flashed across the screen. Gerard furrowed his brows, still unsure of what was happening, until he felt a powerful surge of electricity shock his fingertips.

He felt all the pain from that day, from his home, from his life flood him all at once. He was tired of screaming. He heard himself begin to laugh hysterically. He couldn’t even tell if the conversion therapy was still going or how much time he was strapped there as he yelled out wildly. He felt as though he’d lost all control.

He only realized the pastor had yelled at him after he was smacked across the face by him. He tasted blood on his lip as the man screamed.

“Why! Why don’t you change! Why don’t you just… give up?”

Gerard looked up at the man, his voice sore. He smiled and giggled a bit. “Well that wouldn’t be any fun, now would it?”

As the next shock was delivered, Gerard screamed, delirious, and finally passed out.

Jesus fuck. What a long day.

Chapter Text

“Freeze!” Everyone in the room looked at the people at the door with expressions ranging from confused to indignant. A man and woman, followed by two police officers, rushed in. They scanned the room quickly and were shocked to see a boy with long black hair had actually been receiving electroshock therapy before they’d busted in. The woman leading the group, Anne, looked in disgust towards the camp supervisors and rushed over to the boy.

“Hey! Hey! Are you ok?” She shook his shoulder lightly. As his head lolled around, she saw that his face was bruised and bloody, that he was passed out, and that he held an odd but subtle smile on his face in spite of his situation. The hand that was hooked up to the shock machine was tense from the fingertips to the elbow- she realized that the machine was still on. Jesus Christ.

She hastily reached for the device where it rested on his left hand. “Fuck,” she cursed as it shocked her own finger tips. Shaking her hand out, she called to the man that wore a shirt that matched her own. “Liam!”

Her friend looked over quickly, handing off the counselor he had been handling to one of the officers. Anne frantically gestured to the control box of the machine. “Turn it off!”

Liam’s eyes went wide as he rushed over to the small box with wires leading from the table close to him to the chair that held the young boy. “It’s still on?!?” He fumbled with the controls until the red light indicating the machine’s power finally clicked off. Anne watched the boy’s hand uncurled and his breathing returned more to normal. Well, she thought, at least he was still breathing.

She began to undo the clasps around his fingers, frowning as she saw the boy wince in his unconsciousness. The skin beneath the metal had left a trail of pink that was beginning to bruise. Liam watched from the table with worry. Anne sighed. “We’re gonna need a first-aid kit.”

Liam nodded and quickly left the room to retrieve just that. Anne began undoing the restraints on the boy’s wrists and then his ankles. She could feel and see that he was sweating from the pain he’d been forced to endure. She braced herself for the improvised counseling she’d have to do when he woke up.

When she was nearly finished unstrapping the left ankle, she heard her friend scuffle back into the room. The boy remained slumped over in his chair as the two adults began to see to his wounded hand. Liam pulled out disinfectant spray, topical cream and gauze. Gently taking the boy’s hand in his own, he shook his head.

“Poor kid,” he sighed. Anne made a noise of agreement. “I hope he wakes up soon,” she said, a slight panic in her voice. “The nearest hospital is about a half hour away.” Liam nodded, reaching for the disinfectant spray before coating the boy’s hand with it.

They both jumped as Gerard jolted awake. “Fuck!” he yelled out, grabbing a hold of his wounded hand by the wrist, giving Liam a heart attack.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he continued as he observed the lacerations on his skin. He threw his head back with a sigh. “That’s my drawing hand…,” he whispered. He smiled a bit sadly as he noticed a small doodle of a dinosaur that Frank had scribbled on him at some point that day.

“Hi,” Anne spoke gently. Gerard was shaken from his thoughts as he glanced over to her skeptically. He held his hand to his chest protectively.

“Hi…,” he responded.

“We’re here to help you out,” she continued. “ Would you let Liam finish wrapping your hand?”

He looked sadly at his hand once more before holding it out apprehensively. He winced slightly as Liam applied disinfectant cream and then began to wrap his hand and each finger with care. Gerard still held distrust in his expression as he gazed to his two apparent saviors’ shirts.

He took note of the simple logo- a rainbow silhouette of a girl joining hands with a pink and blue colored silhouette of a boy. He read the text on the t-shirts out loud in a questioning tone. “C.Q.Y.C.C?”

Anne nodded. “That stands for ‘Chicago Queer Youth Crisis Center’.” Gerard looked a bit surprised by this.

“What does that mean?”

“We’re an organization based in Chicago that watches out for LGBTQ abuse amongst kids like yourself. We’ve been watching this camp from afar for a couple years now. They’ve been able to hide behind legal release forms and keep us out.” Liam finished up with Gerard’s hand and he took it back into his lap.

Anne continued. “Finally we were able to get enough previous accounts and we got permission to get help from the local police to shut this down.” She sighed, “Sorry we weren’t here sooner.”

Gerard took this all in and flexed his fingers a couple times. Anne and Liam waited patiently, expecting tears or anger. They were, for that reason, beyond confused when the boy erupted into giggles as he threw his head back. Gerard just couldn’t help but laugh at the image of Evil Santa in a jail cell, preaching to some drug lord that couldn’t give less of a shit. Or the image of him getting a gang neck tattoo. Or the image of Randy getting stabbed to death in the courtyard.

The two adults peered at the other, catching confused shared glances. They were again caught off guard when Gerard abruptly cut himself off, looking back at the doodle on his hand. He held his face in his hands. He turned suddenly to Anne. “What time is it?”

Anne was brought to her senses and fumbled to check her phone. “8:32”.

Gerard still held his face in worry as he blurted out, “Frank is gonna be so-”. He cut himself off as he gazed suspiciously again at Anne and then Liam. They offered small smiles though they were nothing but confused. Gerard nervously chewed the fingers on his good hand as he thought over how Frank must be worried about him. The two gave him a chance to reel a bit until Liam spoke up again.

“Well, what’s your name? I’m Liam and that’s Anne.” Gerard blinked a few times, warding off his worry as he looked between the two adults.

“I’m Gerard.” They nodded.

Liam and Anne stood, offering a hand to the younger boy. “Well, Gerard,” Liam started, “If you’re feeling up to it, we’re gathering everyone in the barn to sort of regroup.” Gerard eventually agreed, taking Liam’s hand, and followed the two.

They led him out of the cellar-like building and through the dark paths. He saw glowsticks lighting the way, impressed that this gay group had predicted the terrible and terrifying layout of the camp. As they walked, Gerard saw colors and stars in the dark as he tried not to pass out.

To be honest, Gerard actually felt like shit. He really didn’t feel like walking in the dark through the field from ‘Children of the Corn’ moments after waking up from a pain induced nap in which he sweat more than he had in probably his whole life. But, he knew, he should get back to Frank as soon as possible. He couldn’t imagine how worried he must have been as it was. And, to be honest, Frank was really the only person he wanted to see right now.

Anne and Liam made light conversation with Gerard as they walked through the dark. Gerard had a feeling it was more so to make sure he was still with them, physically and consciously, than anything else. They asked how old he was, where he was from and what he liked.

It was sort of dumb, but Gerard thought it was actually nice to be treated like a person. He hadn’t even realized that he hadn't been until receiving kindness from people that said they accepted him. Close to fainting again and exhausted beyond his wildest dreams, it made him feel the tiniest bit of innocent joy as he hauled himself to the barn.

His stomach lurched when the barn came into view. Liam had just asked him another question. He had to ask him to repeat. It was lighthearted and meaningless.

"That was a cute dinosaur on your hand. It was a shame it had to be covered up.” Gerard’s nerves melted in his stomach as he smiled and laughed warmly.

“Yeah, that’s… yeah.” He felt himself blush. Liam noticed it as they approached the light from the barn and raised an eyebrow. He knew what that look meant. He wasn’t surprised when he saw Gerard rush over to a short boy as soon as they entered the barn. They hugged, holding each other like the other one might slip from under their fingers. He chuckled and turned to begin planning with his colleagues.

Frank and Gerard had ran and jumped into each other’s arms without speaking a word, clutching onto each other for full minutes until they finally pulled away. Gerard took in Frank’s face, worried but smiling.

“What happened?” Frank asked, his eyebrows furrowed. “Are you okay?”

Gerard tried to speak but couldn't do anything but drop his head to Frank’s chest. Frank just sighed and pet his hair. He knew they would talk later.

Other kids, people from the organization and police officers chatted in the barn, everyone solemn but at the same time relieved. The environment was totally different. The two boys hugged, unafraid of judgement. It was over now.

Lucy and Ezra caught up to the two, an equal amount of worry aimed at their friend. Gerard just held Frank’s hand in his own, nodding bravely at their questions, though he really wanted to cry. He was exhausted and wanted to do nothing else except curl up with Frank and sleep forever.

Soon, a CQYCC member with a- get this- Chicago accent introduced herself as Emma and called everyone’s attention. Gerard rested his head on Frank’s shoulder as they sat and listened.

“Hi, everyone. Thank you for your attention- I know it’s getting late. First off, I just wanted to thank the Edina police department for being here tonight and helping us with this project.” She led quaint applause for the officers lining the room.

Gerard and Frank gave each other searching looks. ‘Edina?’ Frank mouthed at Gerard. He shook his head. They still had no idea where they were.

Emma continued, “I know you all have been through a lot this week. We’ve done our best to move as quickly as possible and remove you all from this environment. With the tireless help of our members from down in Chicago with the Queer Youth Crisis Center, we were able to get Camp Christ’s Angels shut down for good.” A tired but content murmur mixed with applause broke out amongst the group. Emma shushed the room after a brief pause.

“Now to get into the logistics of everything.” Gerard felt Frank tense up. He wasn’t sure why. He was a bit slow at the moment. “Now, the reaches of our organization are only able to remove you from this camp environment. If any of you feels that you do not have a safe home to return to, you will have to take it up with the police collaborating with us here.

"While we have the legal ability to liberate you from this camp, we do not have the resources or authority to remove you from your guardians.” An upset murmur broke out in the room. Most of the kids likely hadn’t even been considering this but most were also from not the best home life. Even in his tired haze, Gerard felt some bad feelings bubble up in his stomach at the thought of returning home. He and Frank squeezed each other’s hands tighter.

“We have records of where everyone lives and have two vans that you’ll be divided into based on that information. Liam and Patrick here will be making the drives to take you all home.” The guy who had wrapped Gerard’s hand and another guy waved at everyone.

“We’re gonna be leaving tomorrow morning at 10 and we’ll stop to get breakfast before really getting on the road. Please get a good night’s rest. We’ll go over who is in what van tomorrow and the trip schedules before leaving. If anyone needs to talk to our police or just wants to talk with some of the members of the CQYCC team, we’ll be here in the barn all night. Does anyone have any questions?”

Gerard saw Lucy raise her hand out of the corner of his eye. Emma replied and gave her permission to speak. Lucy cleared her throat, “Um, yeah. Where are we?”

Emma and the other members of the organization looked a bit taken aback. “Oh, um, we are in Edina. Minnesota.”

All the kids in the room let out a collective sigh of relief. A few even ‘whooped’. Gerard was satisfied with that answer, giggling into Frank’s sweater. Where else could this have happened? He was so relieved yet so drained at the same time.

They all made their way back to their cabins. Lucy and Ezra collected that Gerard needed some rest, though they did hope they’d be in the same van tomorrow so that they could hang out a bit more before never seeing each other again.

Frank and Gerard just about collapsed into Frank’s bed as soon as they got to cabin 8. They didn’t even bother with the lights. Frank wrapped himself around the other boy and Gerard let himself be wrapped.

They sat in silence for a while. Gerard’s mind was blank but full at the same time. He thought over the day and it cycled and cycled through his brain. He’d been happy in the morning and it had just slowly been taken away from him as the hours passed. Now, he had to go back home. To his father. To an empty, loveless house. To a boring summer. To a town that treats him like shit because they think they know him. They don’t know him.

He didn’t realize he was sobbing into the sheets until he heard Frank shushing him from above. Ugh, twice in one day? He couldn’t even remember when he’d last cried before today. He must have been really tired.

Frank let him start talking when he needed to. “Th-they…,” he choked out, “they hurt me.” Frank nodded against his neck.

After Gerard failed to continue he asked, “What happened,” tentatively.

Gerard sighed, calming down a bit. He turned himself so he was facing Frank as they continued to hug, lying on the pillow. “Randy.”

He felt Frank tense up. “What did he do?” Frank asked. Gerard could tell he was trying not to curse in anger.

“He, um,” Gerard said, feeling a few warm and quiet tears slip down his cheeks, “He asked me to help him with something when I was in the bathroom. I just… I can never stick up for myself… I just went with it…” Gerard knew he was omitting and fabricating a few things. He wasn’t going to tell Frank why he had met with the man in the first place. He didn’t need Frank blaming himself.

“I was raped,” Gerard said plainly, feeling disconnected from the words. Frank stroked and squeezed his arm through his sweater. Gerard could still feel Frank’s anger seething out of him. Gerard just couldn’t seem to stop leaking tears. He wasn’t sobbing. It was like all the sadness had to escape and it was finally allowed to.

“I’m sorry,” Frank whispered.

Gerard had to clarify. “Not.... today. Not just today. I… my school. People use me. All year they have. But it wasn’t me. I didn’t.... I didn’t want it to happen.” He found himself gasping for words. “I’m sorry.”

Frank responded quickly, “Shh, for what? You’ve done nothing.” Gerard just wiped at his face and sniffed. “I just… I can’t go back.” They sat in silence.

They both knew that they couldn’t go to CPS like the organization had told them to. They both knew how shitty the system was, especially towards gay boys who were almost adults. They both knew they just had to swallow their pride and go back to their other hells- home.

And, as they held each other, neither of them said the obvious. They would have to leave each other. They drifted off to sleep that night with sad but sweet expressions on their faces. They were tired of fighting.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They woke up the following morning at 7 am. They had gone to bed quite early so it was no wonder that, for once, their time to rise was the time they actually wanted to rise. Plus, they couldn’t sleep very well anyway knowing what waited for them today. They would have to say goodbye.

They packed their bags mostly in quiet. Their joking with each other didn’t hold the same meaning it had just the day before. They were all ready with more than two hours to spare. They found themselves walking back to the tree stumps they had worked on in the mornings for the days they’ve been here, unable to find words to leave each other with.

They hadn’t been stopped on the way. The adults who had seen them had figured that the kids must have known the grounds better than they did. The clearing felt sadder than it ever had before, which the two didn’t even know was possible, to be quite frank. Gerard sat sadly on the stump as Frank picked up one of the shovels scattered on the ground and worked angrily at the few remaining roots.

Gerard made a few half-hearted attempts at conversation. “I was thinking about the Cain guy in prison. I wonder if that’s where he’ll end up?”

Frank shrugged and continued to hack at the dirt. Gerard sighed.

“I have no idea what I’m gonna do the rest of the summer. I wonder how long this camp was supposed to go anyways.” Frank didn’t acknowledge him. He didn’t even look Gerard’s way.

“Frank…,” Gerard pleaded. Still, nothing. “Do you have a number? We don’t live that far and…,” he trailed off again. “We could still hang out. I’ve always wanted to visit the city.”

They’d at least established that morning that they’d be on the same van, Frank living an hour away from Gerard in NYC. Gerard had made fun of his being a city boy. Frank had called him a garbage boy for being from NJ. He was going to miss that.

Frank huffed heavily, his back to the other boy. Gerard continued, invigorated by the response.

“You know, our parents would probably like that we made friends at camp. They’ll think we’re healed and shit.” He chuckled. Frank still didn’t move.

“Frank…,” Gerard gazed sadly at the other boy. “Frank, it’s not… this isn’t the end-”

“Yes it is!” Frank exploded, throwing the shovel on the ground. He had been crying. He stormed over to Gerard. Gerard got off the stump to console him. Frank just shoved past him and began pushing at the stump, yelling in frustration. He finally gave up and sat down on the wood, burying his face in his hands. Gerard watched him from where he stood.

“I thought I could grit my teeth through it,” Frank said into his palms, “but I can’t. I can’t go back to all that. The quiet. The nothing. It’s awful.” He looked up, his eyes pleading with Gerard’s. “Anywhere is better than there. Anywhere.”

Hope fell from his face and he stood up and turned away from Gerard. He continued to push at the stump once again. He was trying to uproot it from the ground completely- just like the counselors had told them when they'd first started. Gerard understood- he wanted something he’d done at this shithole to pay off. He sighed and helped push with his good hand and a foot.

Gerard pondered in silence. That is, other than the grunts emitted every now and then by he and Frank. ‘Anywhere is better than there.’ Ha, wasn’t that the truth.

He thought over the beatings that were waiting for him at home just because he was him. And he couldn't do anything about it. It felt hopeless. Frank? He gave him hope. Not only was he desperately attached to the guy- he literally made life worth living. He thought he loved him.

‘Anywhere is better than there.’ Suddenly, looking down at the roots they’d dug up by hand over the week, he felt strong. In that moment, Frank and he were the strongest people alive. Fuck. He wasn’t going back home. He was going with Frank.

“Frank,” he said, “you’re right.” Frank didn’t reply. “No,” he grabbed the boy and spun him around, “Frank!” Frank’s eyes widened. Gerard had his attention. “You’re right.”

Frank squinted at him. “About what?” Gerard clenched his good fist. “Anywhere. Anywhere is better. Don’t you see?” Frank crossed his arms and leaned back against the stump. Frank’s expression said he wasn’t quite following.

Gerard licked his lips and breathed out. “Frank… we aren’t going back home.” Frank looked at him a little cold and rolled his eyes.

“We have to, Gerard.” Gerard shook his head vigorously and stepped up to Frank, taking his hands in his and putting a foot on the stump beside him. Frank even looked a little surprised at the pose. It brought a tiny smile to his face. Gerard could tell he might sound a little crazy but he didn’t care. He leaned in and kissed Frank. Now the smaller boy was really smiling.

“Frank,” Gerard started, staring into the other’s eyes, “you’re all I need. I’ve only known you a few days so I know it sounds stupid. But we're so similar- we've been through the same things. You make me feel like living is possible. You make me want to plan years in advance instead of just living a day at a time. You make me feel like I matter. Do you feel that too?” Frank nodded, his eyes shining as they got a bit watery. He let Gerard continue.

“Frank,” he sighed, “I love you. You know?”

Frank let out a sweet laugh. “Yeah, I know. I, uh, love you too.” He blushed, looking to the side a bit. His smile fell a bit as he looked back. “So, why does this change us going home?”

Gerard grinned wider than Frank had ever seen before. “We just… don’t.” He leaned in again in hopes of a kiss. Frank leaned back, still a bit confused, as Gerard held him.

“How do we ‘just not’?’ Frank whispered into the other boy’s lips.

Suddenly, the stump began to move backwards with a big cracking sound. Gerard yelled as he toppled with it and Frank, the two landing beside each other as dirt flew everywhere. Gerard cursed a bit, having landed on his bad hand.

They laughed and coughed, looking back in disbelief at the scraggly piece of wood that they’d worked on just days before as strangers. When the dust literally settled and the two stopped groaning and laughing, they sighed, looking at each other on the ground. Frank seemed like he suddenly realized something.

“We run away,” he said. Gerard giggled and nodded. “We run away.”

They wrapped their arms around each other, lying on the ground for a few moments of resolution with their foreheads against each other.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Frank, can’t you give me any of your rich boy money to buy this” Gerard grinned as he pointed to the obnoxious snapback he had found with a crab embroidered on the front.

Frank snatched the hat and put it on his own head, sticking his tongue out. “If I use any of my rich boy money, it’ll be on myself, thank you.” Gerard pouted playfully and threw a bag of pork rinds he’d been holding at Frank. Frank didn’t flinch and watched them fall onto the dirty floor.

“Uncalled for.”

They were currently in one of those weird rest stops in ‘fuck knows where’- a.k.a, Maryland. They’d taken a van, driven by Liam, with the seven of them that happened to live to the East of Minnesota.

Ezra’s roommate, Peyton, went first at a stop in Kentucky. Thomas, Mason’s roommate, would’ve come before them in Indiana but had a breakdown when they’d stopped in Chicago and ended up going to CPS. The whole thing had really juxtaposed the whole military cut, school-shooter vibe he had going on, but Gerard silently wished him luck in his journey regardless. After all, he’d done something that Gerard and Frank had automatically deemed much too scary to imagine. Though, to his credit, Thomas seemed like the type of guy to give the foster system a run for their money.

They’d stopped the night before to rest after crossing Tennessee's border. Luckily, Ezra and Lucy (and Mason) had also been eastbound and so the group had gotten to spend one more night together. They'd gotten their very own hotel room and stayed up the whole night (totally not) smoking pot and eating shit they’d picked up at different rest stops.

The activity was not a new one but Gerard and everyone else had been very surprised when Frank had taken a hit for himself as well. It was fun to see him loosen up enough to feel safe to do It. That’s what Gerard thought, at least.

They watched cable all night, delving into content from Investigation Discovery to The Muppets Movie. Gerard and Frank made fun of the TV while everyone else made fun of how gay they were being, naturally. At one point, the two lovers had had to pretend to be sad as Lucy asked them what they’d do after getting back home.

Gerard had sighed unconvincingly, unable to hide a partially weed-induced smile. “I’ll just have to commute to Frank’s, I guess. Come to think of it, I’m getting kind of sick of him anyway.” He giggled and Frank tickle-attacked him.

Lucy had squinted at the two. “Mmhm, sure.” Gerard had to look away because he felt her reading his mind. Damn, Gerard had thought, how could she be onto them? Sometimes he thought she was a witch. She sure looked crazy enough to be a psychic.

Overall, though, it was good night to send off their friendship. Liam had gotten the rest he needed and the kids had stayed up late enough that they were all conked out on the drive the next day. Lucy and Ezra had said a tired goodbye when they arrived home in North Carolina. Ezra had dry-swallowed a sheet of Zzzquils he’d picked up at a 7-11 as he saluted everyone goodbye. Gerard laughed as he left and hoped he didn’t die.

Now, in the present, they’d stopped again at the request of Mason, who had to pee. He’d seemed a little downtrodden on the drive overall. Frank told Gerard that he noticed he had said a “special goodbye” to one of the trans guys back at camp- it seemed as though Gerard and Frank were not the only ones to have found romance back in good old Edina.

They were, however, at least to the two boys’ knowledge, the only ones planning to escape.

“Pick those up, please,” Liam called from an aisle over. “Unless you want me to buy them for you.” Gerard smirked at him playfully.

“Sure thing,” he replied, “accidentally” dropping them on Frank’s feet again. Frank was pretend-outraged at this, making Gerard burst out in giggles once more. Liam watched the two with a smile. He was glad something other than trauma had come out of that terrible camp.

By 7 o’clock PM, they were dropping Mason off in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Gerard and Frank groggily told him goodbye, his exit having woken them up from sleeping on each other.

When the door slid shut, Liam let out a sigh and rubbed at his eyes. He peered in the rearview mirror and watched the remaining two boys. To his surprise, they weren’t smiling or acting as in love as they had been through the trip thus far. They both looked sadly off into space as they held each other’s hands. He figured they’d finally realized that they were about to be seperated. He felt a pained sympathy for them.

He cleared his throat and the two looked his way. He turned around in his seat as he spoke to them. “Frank, you’re up next. You said you lived in Manhattan?” Frank nodded sadly. Liam sighed and started pressing buttons on the GPS.

While he was distracted, Gerard signed to Frank. ‘Good,’ he started, ‘really ham it up.’

Frank smirked a bit. ‘I don’t have to. I just have to imagine I really am going back home.’

When Liam looked back at the boys, he again saw the depressed faces they’d worn before. He sighed. “Listen, guys,” he started, “I know how this can be. It sucks. I’ve been there.”

Frank shook his head sadly and Gerard watched. “I’m… I’m willing to go back. My family is just… well, we were at that camp. They’re not bad they’re just… not the best.” Gerard nodded sadly and pretended to console him. He had to try really hard not to smile. Frank really was one hell of an actor.

“Same,” Gerard added. “You think I got these bruises from walking into a wall?”

Liam looked a bit surprised at this admission and then just shook his head. “Well, guys…,” he thought, seeming like he was tossing something around in his head. “I… think I could use a rest tonight. We could get a hotel for the night.”

The two boys looked in exaggerated excitement at Liam and then between each other. Liam cut into their celebration, “Just, one thing. I have to be in the room with you guys.” He gave them a knowing kind of look. Gerard and Frank didn’t have to fabricate the blushes that crept onto their faces. They both nodded in agreement.

“Let’s go then!” Liam said, starting up the car. He started thinking up ways to convince the two to phone CPS the following morning.

With his eyes on the road, Frank and Gerard finally smiled at each other. Liam had done exactly what they hoped he would.

The plan had been rough at first. The two had schemed originally to get dropped off at each of their homes and would somehow coordinate meeting up after that to run away. Gerard, however, had brought up that his dad would have been onto him a lot quicker if that had been the case and would have police searching for him within minutes.

Gerard had told Frank that he probably would never be allowed to leave the house again once he’d gotten back as it was. Their parents may not have cared about them but they sure cared about making their lives miserable.

The plan then evolved into one where they convinced Liam to spend the night in a hotel before dropping Frank off, hence Frank’s oscar-worthy performance. It had been dumb luck that the two were the last to get dropped off and that Liam is the one who proposed that idea for them.

Now, they just hoped that they would get a hotel close enough to Frank’s house in Manhattan that they could stop by quickly to retrieve his wallet from his room. Frank had brought some money but not enough to sustain the two on their own for the foreseeable future and Gerard was broke. According to Frank, though, he had his own bank account with his own money that could get them pretty far. Plus, Frank knew for a fact that his parents would be out of town for Fourth of July and where they kept the spare key.

Sure, it had been a bitch to plan with Gerard’s limited skills at ASL and maybe Liam staying in their room was a kink. No, not that kind- a kink in the plan. However, they were willing to improvise around their surprisingly solid idea.

Around 10, they pulled up to a Hilton that was apparently in Queens because, according to Liam, he could “never justify blowing $1000 on a hotel room in Manhattan to the organization”. Liam got them a small room with two beds on the second floor. They trudged in soon after, carrying in their duffel bags, everyone sighing collectively as they plopped down on their beds.

Liam ran a hand through his red hair and complained out loud after a moment of rest. “I’ve got a killer headache.” He stood with a grunt and began crossing the room. “I’m gonna go buy some Advil from the front desk.”

A slightly sinister fledgeling of an idea popped into Gerard’s head. “No, no,” he stopped Liam, “Frank and I can go get that for you. You should chill.” Liam didn’t have energy to be suspicious as he fished a 5 dollar bill out of his pocket.

“Thanks,” he sighed, plopping back down onto one of the beds. Frank looked a teensy bit confused as Gerard led him hurriedly down the hall and towards the stairs. In the stairwell, Gerard spoke frantically.

“Frank, now is our chance!” Frank was caught off guard. All of them were pretty tired. Frank just sighed and started to take the lead down the stairs.

“No, he’d be onto us too soon. We have to come up with something better. Plus, we don’t have our stuff.”

Gerard supposed he was right and began brainstorming ulterior possibilities as they continued toward the lobby. Frank, surprisingly, took the lead in approaching the front desk and waited for the clerk to finish checking a couple in. Gerard came up beside him and rested his head on his hands. He sighed. He was out of ideas.

'Come on', he told himself. He had to think. Everything depended on this.

The clerk at the desk made her way over to the two. She smiled brightly, “What can I do for you boys?”

Frank answered, “Can we just have a packet of Advil?”

She nodded and fetched that for him from a clear display case of various over the counter medications.

Gerard’s breath caught in his throat as he added quickly, “And a thing of Zyrtec, please.” The lady added the allergy medication and slid both items toward Frank who looked at Gerard questioningly.

“I’ve got a stuffy nose. I’m not used to the, uh… dander of Queens.”

The woman laughed at this. “I understand how it can be in the summer. Where are you boys from?”

Frank paused before answering. “Minnesota.” Gerard had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at his answer.

The lady whistled. “That’s quite a drive! What’s your family doing up here?” Gerard watched Frank struggle for a bit before jumping in. “We’re visiting our aunt for the Fourth of July.”

“She lives in Brooklyn,” Frank added hastily. They smiled awkwardly and waited for a response.

“Oh, so you’re related then? Brothers?” she asked, not realizing just what she was actually asking. The two boys just nodded pleasantly and tried not to vomit.

“Well, isn’t that nice. You’re both so handsome- I’ll bet the ladies just eat you up!” The two forced a laugh out, agreeing, and silently prayed for this interaction to end. She finally rang them up.

“Well, that’ll be $3.58, please.” Frank handed over the 5 stiffly while Gerard looked off to the right, trying not to blush. They thanked her after she gave them their change and just about sprinted back to the stairs.

They burst out laughing to dispel the tension as they walked towards the second floor again. They teased the hell out of each other for the short amount of time that they had.

“Do the ladies love you, Frank? Ah, jeez, I had no idea.” They could hardly catch their breath as they reached the second floor landing. As they were about to enter the hallway, Frank stopped and remembered the pressing matters at hand.

He looked down at the Zyrtec and waved it at Gerard. “Why?”

Gerard nodded and gasped, remembering his epiphany from before. “Well, this one time, my dad dated this lady who had this fucking annoying little white dog. The thing never shut up and I was allergic to it, I think. I had to take this stuff,” he snatched the allergy medication from Frank, “for three straight months of my life.”

“I’m offended by the way you’re describing this innocent and wonderful dog, but continue.”

“That dog had no right to dwell in my living space. Anyways, if I ever took like four of these at one time, I’d be black-out unconscious once I fell asleep. They’d just knock me out.” He pointed to the ‘dissolve’ feature advertised on the box. “What if we gave Liam a bunch? He’d be out like a light.”

Frank paused a moment. “Gerard,” he started, “you want to drug this man?”

Gerard pondered this. “Only… a little.”

Frank shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a very nice thing to do.”

Gerard let out an exasperated sound. “Frank! Do you have a better idea?”

“Not at the moment, but there has to be something a little more moral than that!”

Gerard let out a huff. “Come on, Frank. This could be it. Our last real chance. Are you in?”

Frank thought for a moment. “It won’t, like, kill him. Right?”

“I do not think I’ve ever heard of someone OD’ing on allergy medicine.”

Frank finally let out a sigh. “Well, I guess so.”

They tried to act natural as they walked back into their room. Liam waved to them without stirring from the bed. The boys looked at each other nervously. “Let me get you some water,” Gerard called out.

“Please don’t poison me,” Liam joked. The two felt their hearts catch in their chests before Gerard let out a light laugh.

“Unless the tap water is radioactive, you’re safe.”

He got one of the paper cups stacked on the counter and went to the bathroom to make his sleeping potion. He let the tap water run into the cup and then added 7 of the tablets, watching them dissolve. He hoped it wouldn’t taste weird. That’d be awkward.

Frank gave him a look as he brought out the water and he slightly nodded as he passed. Liam was propped up on his bed watching some sports thing on ESPN. Suddenly Gerard didn’t feel as bad for drugging the guy. Gerard noticed Liam’s eyes were already fluttering shut as he tried to pay attention- hopefully this the medication would seal the deal.

Gerard handed him the cup and the Advil packet as normally as he could handle, nodding as Liam thanked him. His heart pounded as he stalked to the other side of the room. He got his sketchbook out from his duffel bag and pretended to draw nonchalantly next to Frank on the bed. They made light conversation about this and that to each other but the tension was palpable. Both of them kept peering over at Liam discreetly.

Soon enough, they heard a bellowing snore from the man beside them (which was odd since his nose should have been the opposite of stuffy) and glanced at each other. They didn’t dare exchange a word and waited to see what would happen.

After about 15 minutes, Gerard had finished writing what he was working on and the two boys quietly began to creep out of bed. Liam didn’t stir. They stuffed the pillows under the sheets just in case he woke up in the night to pee, but they doubted he’d be doing much of that.

Under the blanket of the TV’s sound, they scooped up their bags, turned off the lights and were soon walking out the door. Gerard had ripped out a single page from his sketchbook before packing it away. On the bedside table, they left the following note (with a dollar and then some) for Liam to find:

Hey, dude! Thank you so much for rescuing us and stuff from that camp. We really hope this doesn’t get you fired. If that’s a thing, just tell your people in Chicago that we had to get away. Surprise, surprise, the families that bred these fucked up kids aren’t the best. Thanks for everything. Also, sorry if you’re groggy. We put a bunch of allergy meds in your water. You needed the sleep though. One more time, thank you. We owe you one.

-xoxo G and F
p.s. Here’s your change

Once they were out the room, it took all they had not to sprint down the carpeted hallways. They kept their cool and thought to take a side exit so not to arouse suspicion. And maybe a little to avoid the clerk lady and her unintentional incest jokes.

In the warm summer’s night air, the two boys took a sigh of relief. However, they knew that now the race had really begun. No backing out now. Well, they could technically go to the front desk and ask to be let back into their room but… let’s just say they didn’t really want to back out now.

Luckily, Frank had a very impressive understanding of the NYC public transportation system. Bus hopping wasn’t even scary in a city that never slept. Though, every time Gerard repeated that stereotypical slogan (‘the city that never sleeps’), Frank gave him a tired and testy glare. Gerard supposed that people from the city had to probably restrain themselves on the daily from smothering tourists with their own fanny packs.

Soon enough, after their fifth bus, they were dropped off in Times Square. Frank watched Gerard stare up at the lights he had grown all too accustomed to. He looked enthralled, the graphics reflecting off his glassy eyes. Gerard couldn't just brush the view off like he could.

Yes, Gerard had heard of this place, obviously, but it was a whole different thing living it. He stared at the ads spanning the walls of skyscrapers. He knew it was dumb to care about big ads but it wasn’t really about the sparkling Samsung logo splattered a bit with pigeon shit. It was about the sheer immensity. It was hard to imagine something this massive unless it was right in front of you. He felt insignificant in the best way possible.

He looked to his side and was met with Frank smiling at him. Gerard just smiled back.

“What?” he signed. Frank just shrugged and glanced off at the ground. Gerard noted the cuteness and continued to take in other parts of his surroundings.

There were plenty of peddlers feeling up who they thought were tourists. Frank and Gerard had received plenty of advertisements for mixtapes themselves because of their huge duffel bags making them look like they’d just blown in from, well, Minnesota. Gerard had frozen every time, not sure how to respond, but Frank knew how to steer them away. He was much too used to all of this.

Gerard was watching an interaction between a woman in a grungy Minnie Mouse costume and what looked like a weed dealer when Frank pulled on his sleeve and beckoned them to continue.

“We should get going. The sooner the better, you know?” Gerard nodded and noted a hint of nervousness on Frank’s face. He didn’t have to think that hard to figure out where that was coming from.

As they walked the remaining blocks to Frank’s house, Gerard continued to look around in wonder and Frank continued to fend off nerves. The lights from the center of Manhattan only died down a little bit as they continued down the sidewalk. Everywhere in the city felt more alive than New Jersey ever had. Gerard thought it reminded him of how he felt when he was around Frank.

Before Gerard knew it, though, the site-seeing was over. Frank stopped in front of a house with a gate on 76th street and Gerard stopped next to him. They both stared out at the industrial patio leading to the front of a big stone mansion.

Gerard had joked before about Frank being rich before but, actually seeing where he lived, he sort of swallowed his tongue. This place was nothing like what he was used to. Frank totally could’ve bought him the crab hat.

His heart sank a little as he realized a glaring issue. Not only were the mansion’s lights on but there were quite obviously many people in the house. It seemed like a party was going on, in fact. Gerard looked to Frank worriedly at this.

“I thought they’d be out of town?” he whispered.

Frank blinked, thinking. “I thought they would be. They normally go up to my relatives in Maine a week before the Fourth of July and then a week after. Maybe they- ”

He cut himself off as a group of people dressed in black walked out of the front door, speaking to each other in hushed tones. Frank and Gerard stepped off to one side and watched them pass. Gerard looked over to his friend, solving the mystery at once. “Hey, Frank…,” he started. Frank just continued to stare in disbelief at the guests who had exited.

Gerard started again. “Dude… either there’s a cult gathering at your mansion, or…,” Frank now looked at Gerard, gaping.

“No way,” he whispered.

Before Gerard could say anything, Frank was pulling him by his sleeve down the brickwork and in through the front door. In a matter of seconds, both their suspicions were confirmed as they took in the display at the house’s entrance. There was a board of a picture collage on a stand to their left filled with pictures of a man who looked like a bigger, older, more sociopathic version of Frank. Next to this stand was a table that held a stack of small cards, a framed wedding photo and a large book.

Everywhere, rich-looking people dressed all in black talked in groups quietly. Gerard followed Frank after their initial shock subsided over to the table and saw that the stack was one of prayer cards with a silhouette of a tree and bible verses in script bulleted down the page. The book they’d seen had signatures listed under the header of “In Loving Memory”. Frank picked up the picture frame and brought a hand to his mouth. This was a funeral reception. Frank’s dad was dead.

Gerard knew the surprise he felt must have been nothing in comparison to Frank’s. He looked over to his friend who was staring in shock at the table and then around at the house. He was still clasping Gerard’s hand tightly as he moved further into the house. It was the same everywhere- people in black, quiet talking, pictures of the deceased, etc. It was a greeting more somber than either of them could have imagined. The place felt cold and empty.

Though, Gerard knew, this house always must have felt empty. He watched Frank’s small form walk aimlessly around the giant house and felt a pang of sadness. Standing in the place where Frank’s story took place immediately made him understand better what it must have meant to live alone and in silence for all of those years. It made his heart ache to even get a glimpse into what Frank had lived everyday for so long. He wondered what Frank was thinking.

They explored the bottom floor in its entirety and found more of nothing. Some people that recognized Frank tried to stop him to give their condolences but most people paid him little to no mind- for once the two boys’ colorless wardrobe fit in rather than stood out. Frank didn’t seem too interested in those interactions either. Gerard got the feeling that Frank was looking for someone specific before they found Frank. It wasn’t hard to guess who that might be.

They eventually made it to the second floor which felt somehow more empty and was somehow more quiet. Gerard watched from the passenger seat as Frank passed a room that his eyes lingered on for a bit that was decorated with a few band posters and a smattering of music equipment but kept moving until they had reached the end of the hall.

Frank slowly opened the door and revealed a lowly-lit room where a small woman sat alone looking at a photo album. When she looked up and saw Frank, she looked surprised for a moment before speaking to him from where she sat.

“Frank,” she started, “your father…,”

“I know,” Frank jumped in before she could finish the thought. Her eyes widened for a second, surprised to hear his voice, but simply received Frank’s hard look as an answer.

She nodded and her face scrunched up as fresh tears made their way down her cheeks. Frank remained emotionless as he entered the room. Gerard’s one wish right now was that Frank would break the iron grip on his hand so he could wait outside. This did not seem like a great time for a meet and greet.

Unfortunately, this was not the night for wishes to come true and he was dragged in alongside Frank. He was happy to support but knew this would get awkward and fast. At least the mystery of whether the mom was homophobic wasn’t left hanging in the air.

“How did it happen?” Frank asked, now standing beside his mother.

She wiped her eyes with a tissue and took a deep breath. “Aneurysm. He was overworked and you know how he was with his high blood pressure…,” she answered, brushing her fingers over a wedding picture lovingly.

“We tried to call the camp but nobody was picking up. We would have sent someone to get you, but… well…”.

‘Jesus Christ,’ Gerard thought to himself.

She finally remembered to ask the obvious question. “What are you doing back from camp so early?” Her eyes moved from her son to the boy hiding behind him whose hand he was holding. You know- the one who was attempting to dematerialize with all of his might.

"Who is… this?” Some of the sadness faded and an apparent look of disgust crossed her face.

“The camp was shut down. They brought us all home. This is Gerard.” Frank tugged his friend out from behind him against his will. Gerard offered a smile and a polite wave to the woman staring him down. She pursed her lips. Gerard swallowed loudly.

Before she could stop herself, she spat out, “Get this dirty faggot out of my home before I call the police.” Her eyes bore into Frank. 'There it is,' thought Gerard.

“Have you no decency? I’m in grief!” The two boys stood again in silence, Gerard getting a bit red in the face, until they finally turned away to leave. Still, Frank did not let go of Gerard’s hand.

Before they reached the door, his mom called out once more. “Wait!” she demanded in a desperate tone.

The two slowly turned back around. ‘So close,’ thought Gerard. She sobbed, sinking onto the ground on her knees. The boys watched her, unsure of what to do. Finally, she composed herself enough to speak again. Frank waited, still emotionless.

“Your father,” she began, sniffing and averting eye contact, “he knew so well how hard you worked to get better. He saw what you went through. He… he cared about you…”. She then removed a piece of paper that sat between the cover and the first page of the album she’d been clutching. She offered it to Frank who accepted it, stepping into the room once more. And, of course, pulling along a reluctant Gerard.

Gerard peeked over his shoulder as Frank unfolded the document. It looked like a photocopy of an original and read ‘Last Will and Testament of Frank Anthony Iero’ on the top. Frank skimmed through until he saw his own name under item iv. It read: ‘I leave one half of my remaining fortune and all liquidated company assets to my only son, Frank Anthony Thomas Iero Jr.’.

Frank looked back up to his mother and asked, “How much is that?”

His mother watched him hopefully, ignoring Gerard, and answered, “About one hundred million.” She looked at her son expectantly. Gerard tried to pretend his throat didn’t feel as dry as it was as he heard this.

He looked at Frank who went unfazed as he handed the document back to his mother and simply said, “Keep it.”

With that, Frank exited, dragging Gerard with him once more, and leaving his mother behind with a gaping expression. He slammed the door behind him and led Gerard back to the room they’d passed before.

“Wait here” he said simply, leaving Gerard in the door frame as he rushed over to his dresser and rummaged around the top drawer. ‘Oh, now I’m allowed to wait at the door,’ Gerard thought to himself. Against Frank’s orders, he walked in the room slowly and took it all in. Frank noticed and didn’t say anything as he continued to look through the drawers for his wallet.

The room had a sort of lonely energy to it. The stacks of CDs that were perfectly organized in shelves and the several guitars that were on display on stands made the room feel like someone had desperately tried to make it feel like home but it had been too large to fill in the end.

Gerard went first to the closet that neatly held Frank’s clothing. He noted a few band tees amongst a mostly lifeless and colorless group of button ups and dressy clothes. He mindlessly sifted through the hangers until stopping on a preppy school uniform. He raised his eyebrows picturing Frank wearing this everyday and made fun of him in his head. The blazer was trimmed with red and there was a small emblem on the breast that told him this was from ‘The Dalton School’. Gerard backed off before Frank saw him snooping at this and got embarrassed.

He then went to the desk on the opposite side of the room and smiled at the set up Frank had for making cassette tapes. There were a few piled on the desk and he picked them up to read the handmade titles. ‘Feeling Sad/Stay Sad’ was the one on the top, immediately followed by ‘Sad Songs’ and ‘Want to Feel Happy’. The nuance between the three feelings made Gerard smile.

The tracks on each of them made him smile as well. The first featured songs like ‘Misery’ and a few other old songs but most looked like they were from Indie bands that Gerard didn’t recognize. He determined that ‘Want to Feel Happy’ was his favorite. He thought of Frank curled up and crying like he’d seen him at camp, listening to ‘Pulling Teeth’ and ‘Hey Jude’ to feel better. He slipped that one in his pocket along with the walkman beside it on the desk.

Frank was gazing sadly at the large bed in the center of the room when Gerard turned to check on him. He wanted to hug him and make it all better.

“Hey,” he spoke, bringing Frank out of his daze. Frank smiled sadly and began to walk towards the door, grabbing a guitar that sat in its case on the way out.

“Come on,” he said. He took one last look at the bed before turning the lights off and closing the door behind he and Gerard.

They moved quickly down the stairs, stirring the stillness of the house ever so slightly. There were only a few people left for the funeral and the two boys were able to blend in with the stream of black leaving steadily through the front door. They were nearly out when Frank’s mother called out from the foot of the steps.

“Frankie, please wait!”

‘Oh god,’ thought Gerard, ‘not again.’

Frank stopped and turned to her, crossing his arms as he watched her approach. Gerard took the opportunity to hide behind Frank once more. His mother was crying as she grabbed his shoulders and spoke. The guests left a little faster, not wanting to get caught up in this. Gerard knew how that felt.

“Please, son,” she pleaded, shaking his shoulders. “Don’t leave me here alone. I don’t know what I might do. It’s so… empty.” Her bloodshot eyes searched Frank’s cold and unforgiving ones.

When she got no response, she tried a different approach. “Please… you can have anything you’ve ever wanted. I know it hasn’t been the best here, but we can start over. We can be happy. Just… stay.” She again moved her eyes disapprovingly to Gerard who obviously wasn’t hiding well enough.

Frank thought a moment then pulled Gerard, who was quite tired of being pulled, by the way, to his side. “I am happy.” His smile beamed through his mother’s newfound scowl. She stared between the two and pointed to the door with finality.

“Get out. Now.” Oof, Gerard thought. He’d only seen these kind of mood swings in his own father before now.

“Gladly,” Frank responded. He pulled Gerard out with finality.

His mother made an angry noise and yelled after him, “You will be getting none of your father’s fortune!”

Frank looked over his shoulder, already on the stairs. “Let me know what I have to do to forfeit it.”

His mother charged towards the door and screamed at the top of her lungs, “You’re going to hell!”

“See you there!” Frank called before she slammed the door behind them. And that was that.

The two boys were soon back on the sidewalk, adjusting their bags before they finally began their journey.

“Did I just meet the parents?” Gerard asked after a beat. Frank let out a well-earned laugh as he clasped his hand around Gerard’s once more.

“Unfortunately, I think so!”

Frank sighed as he led them towards the bus station. “You know, I thought maybe, just maybe, that she’d come around now that my dad is… gone.”

Gerard considered this. “I’m sorry, by the way.”

Frank shook his head sadly. “I’m not.”

Gerard understood what he meant, but he knew Frank was probably more affected than he was letting on.

Frank continued, “I just… I don’t know. I thought maybe the tragedy could bring us together. But when she talked about you like that… there’s no way I was staying there. It all came back to me.”

Gerard smiled. He felt just a little bit special.

They walked the rest of the few blocks to Port Authority in comfortable silence. They were able to score two 11:05 bus seats to California for just $196 a piece. Who knew it was that cheap to get across the country?

It was after the flurry of getting tickets and running to the bus right before it left, when they sat down in the dark at the back of the bus in crappy leather seats, that they were able to take a deep breath out. As the bus pulled out of the station, Gerard and Frank leaned back in their seats, still attached at the hand. It was mostly quiet on the bus because of the late hour but the sound of the running motor lulled them both so that they finally felt how exhausted they really were.

Gerard finally turned to whisper something to Frank and was a little less than surprised to meet a pair of lips instead. He felt Frank’s smile in the kiss and knew his face held a similar expression. After they pulled away, they leaned against each other lovingly, watching the city lights pass them by through the window.

Gerard pulled out the walkman and offered an earbud to a surprised Frank. He slipped in the tape he swiped and hit play. As the beginning of a song called ‘Weird Honey’ came to life between them, Frank smirked at Gerard knowingly. He giggled a bit, slightly embarrassed that Gerard had seen his collection of tapes.

“‘Want to Feel Happy’?” Frank asked, remembering the title he’d given the tape.

“Oh, please, darling,” Gerard replied, “I’ve never felt happier.”