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Chapter Text

Life has a funny way of presenting itself, sometimes it's calm and reassuring and sometimes it's just not, meaning that sometimes it hits so fast and so hard that it's like a punch to the groin. And for Kanan; it was unfortunately the latter. Having just recently got into an argument with some fellow at a local cantina in a dump planet of Lothal, he whipped the blood dripped from his nose, absentmindedly. Only to wince from pain a few seconds later when he realized that his nose was definitely broken.

He let out a hollow laugh, chalk that up to his damaged hearing aid and Kanan was having the absolute shittiest day ever.

Why did I come to Lothal? He thought to himself annoyingly, such a backwater planet on the edge of the galaxy. All coming here caused was more trouble then he needed, and for what? A "simple" job for a few measly credits that will maybe only last him a couple of days at the least before he ran out again?

What was the point?

The point in any of this, in his life, in existing in the first place?

If he just suddenly passed on, gave up and went to be with Master Billaba; the world, the entire galaxy would still continue to go on, in fact it wouldn't even blink if he faded away. So with that knowledge what was the point in fighting? 10 years he's been nothing but a wanderer, taking odd jobs and accepting credits whenever they were given to him.

And having spent years doing this tends to take it's toll on a person, especially with the life and the trauma that Kanan has faced.

As he lay on his back, in the dirt, as rain started falling all around him, soaking him to the bone, Kanan decided right then that he didn't want to fight anymore. He was tired and he just wanted some peace for a damn change. He thinks that after all he's gone through, he deserves it. Or maybe he didn't— maybe that was also a sign, why his life was just another shit show after another, maybe he didn’t deserve any peace.

Maybe this was his punishment?

To suffer?

Taking out his blaster from the holster, Kanan studied it, his arm held it above his head. Flipping it over in his hand as if it was the first time he had seen such a object. He watched as the rain water accumulated on it, how the liquid pooled and then dripped off the gun and fell on his face, mixing with his tears. Taking in a slow breathe Kanan brought it closer to himself, right up to his temple—

Only for a loud buzzing to practically erupt within his ears. Gasping out loud, the sudden noised caused his body to jump and the gun fell from his hand and hit him square on his broken nose, and fell to the ground. He groaned, "Dammit..." 

His body stiffened when a scream suddenly rang out but what Kanan found odd, haunting even was that it wasn't coming from down the alleyway or within the streets of Lothal. But within Kanan's own mind. The scream itself was packed with so much force that if he had been standing, would have knocked him to his knees. It was so raw, frantic and broken, that Kanan felt it hit him straight in the heart, and left him shaking.

He froze with that thought.

Because he realized with sudden dread what was happening.

This was the work of the Force or more so; this was someone who was Force Sensitive right here on Lothal, someone who was in some very deep trouble. Was this person a Padawan perhaps? Like he had been before the Purge? Kanan always in the back on his mind, the one that still held on to the culture he was raised under, always believed that their had to be more Padawans besides himself that made it.

It's all entirely possible.

And that thought, that knowledge should have brought him some form of comfort, knowing he wasn't alone. But it didn't, Kanan merely clinched his jaw so tightly his teeth ached, he stood up, picked up his blaster and shoved it into his holster. Anger rose within his bitter heart, after all this time, after suppressing it for literally ten years— after all he lost, why would he put his trust in the Force now? The anger dissipated into sadness and his heart ached. Oh, how disappointed Master Billaba would be in him, thinking such things. Because a Jedi's purpose in life was to protect, to help people when they needed it and to keep the balance in all things.

I'm not a Jedi, just a coward. He thought, whoever needed his help would probably be better off on their own— Then that Force Signature seemed to grab onto his, his own that still connected him to the Force no matter how much he denied it and latched on like a leach to it's prey. The desperation and terror slammed into him once again as tiny hands grabbed at his tether pulling at him so hard that Kanan actually stumbled forward a bit, it was then that Kanan realized that the person calling out to him, wasn't a former Padawan of the Republic, but a kid.

And by the raw emotions being sent his way, it was a young kid.

For a moment Kanan could only stand there, rooted to the spot as the kid kept calling out to him for help, before those pleas went silent altogether. Leaving Kanan a trembling mess, leaning against the wall for support, his heart beating faster then a TIE fighter engine.

He was at a complete loss at what to do, his mind going numb as he pressed his back against the cool stone wall.

What was he suppose to do? Go find him? Help the kid? And then what? Kanan couldn't take care of a child, he can barely take care of himself, let alone someone that would need ten times the care a broken adult needs on a daily.

Then abruptly, like someone poking him on the head, he remember something Billaba had told him once; a vision that she had before the events of the Purge, "Sometime in the future, Caleb, I sense dark and difficult time ahead. Soon we all, including you and I, must make a choice between what is right and what is easy.

Going to help this kid, was the right choice, however. One that all his Masters, including Billaba, would encourage him to do so.

But Kanan also knew that by doing so meant he would have to deal with the Force one last time, something he was still very bitter against after all this time.

Walking away from this child that needed his help would be easy, his one and only way out of never having to do anything with the Force ever again. His ticket to being relatively free from the guilt he carried where he can just go to another cantina and drink himself until there was nothing left inside him except alcohol, or maybe finish what he started before he was interrupted.

Then a broken cry rang out within the Force, as the tugging persisted.

Clinging his teeth together, fingernails digging into his palms, Kanan ran out of the alleyway and into the streets of Lothal. He guessed, if anything, he could just drop the kid off at an orphanage where he'd be well cared for. If he remembered correctly there was one over on the outskirts of Lothal.

Making his way down the streets, Kanan found that it wasn't as packed as it had been that morning with everyone celebrating Empire Day, a local tradition, the local bartender said to him, or more so the Empire's tradition that they forced them to celebrate.

Pushing past various people, to where things were a bit more quiet and away from the festivities, Kanan listened for the sound of any crying, refusing to use the Force if only when he had no choice. But just when he was about to give up, he heard it. A shrill scream that, for the first time, wasn't in his head. But echoed down another alleyway to his left, a sound that no one seemed to notice at all.

Turning left, Kanan's heart pounded in his chest, knowing that he was getting closer and closer to the kid that was calling out for help.

Fear

Pain

Desperation

Feeling everything this kid was experiencing made Kanan run all the faster.

Making a hard right, Kanan came to a halting stop when his eyes fell on a small boy being lifted off the ground, pinned against the wall by a large Shistavanen laughing in the poor kid's face and for a second, Kanan froze, his feet remained rooted to the spot, the overall severity of the scene catching him off guard. But when the Shistavanen threw the kid against the wall, Kanan felt his heart skip a beat when the boy cried out in pain.

"HEY!" He called out his brows narrowing, and his eyes dangerous.

The Shistavanen stopped what it was doing and looked over at Kanan, and even though Kanan had only been on Lothal a week, he could immediately tell that this wolf was not local of Lothal's residents. "Eh? What are yer lookin' at? This ain't none of you business. Kriff off, ya toss." The Shistavanen words slurred when he spoke, and if the smell was anything to go by, this man was heavily drunk.

And by the way it was treating this kid, he was and abusive drunk.

"Normally, I would." Kanan began, trying to remain as casual as possible. He didn't want to risk of the wolf making a run for it not with the kid still in it's claws. His hand inched towards his blaster ever so slightly, and thank the stars to the night of Lothal, the Shistavanen were unaware. Perfect. "However, I am going to make an acceptation this time because that is a child." He snarled out, barring his teeth, trying to look intimidating.

The wolf simply laughed at him, stepping forward slightly. "You think yerself a hero, eh? You don't know what he's done. 'Sides this kid's a piece of trash, cowboy. I own him."

"No other life form in the galaxy has the right to own another being even with the Empire running things now, there's still rules. And whatever he did doesn't excuse the fact that that—" He gestured towards the boy on the ground, curled into a ball. "Is child abuse."

Shistavanen laughed yet again. "Really? And what are you going to do about it? Fight me? I guarantee, mate, that you'll be flat on the ground in seconds."

Kanan couldn't help but chuckle to himself, boy if this wolf knew he had once been a Padawan for the Galactic Republic, he'd probably singing a different tune. "No, but I do think the Empire would find it interesting that you are here illegally."

And just like that, the wolf's face went from cocky, to shock in second. "How do you know—"

Kanan smirked. "I didn't, you told me, just now."

"Why you skinny son of a—" The Shistavanen growled out, barring his sharp teeth, it's yellow eyes turning a deep red, filled with rage.

But just as he was getting ready to pounce, Kanan drew his blaster, pointing it straight at wolf's heart, the Shistavanen's eyes widened in shock, freezing in place. "Now, here's what we're gonna do; you're going to put the kid down, slowly walk away and leave. And if I catch you coming anywhere near him or any other child again, I guarantee you that the Empire will have a nice cozy cell waiting for you."

A second passed by

Then three as they stared at one another, a battle of will and wits happened silently between them, and which Kanan remained, unwavering.

Giving Kanan one last snarl, the Shistavanen's finally turned back to their bright yellow and with a grunt of frustration, Kanan watched as the wolf dropped the kid to the ground, and walked away, hilariously enough, with it's tail between its legs. And only when he was sure that the wolf was gone, Kanan let out the breathe he hadn't realized he had been holding and made his way towards the boy.

Kneeling on the ground, he made sure to keep his voice low and gentle. "Hey kid, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" Kanan had never dealt with children before, so he honestly didn't know what to do from here, so he did what he thought was the best approach, slowly he reached out a hand to the small child and attempted to offer him a help up. 

Upon sensing his hand drawing near, the boy let out a broken whimper and tried to back further into the stone wall.

Immediately Kanan let his hand fall limp, sensing his fear and trauma. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you, kiddo." He really was at a complete loss of what to do, he racked his brain of any knowledge he had about comforting kids and remember a trick that Billaba use on him, and it work wonders. Starting off slowly, Kanan did his best to send the kid calming waves of reassurance through the Force, telling the boy that he meant him no harm and he only wanted to help

It's okay, your okay. I'm here to help

Eventually, after a few moments, the kid lifted his head from underneath his arms and looked up at Kanan; dark blue eyes meeting bright teal.

They stared at each other for a minute before Kanan gently reached out his hand again for the boy to take. And to Kanan's relief, the kid slowly reached his hand out, their fingers barely brushing before an electric shock traveled from Kanan's finger tips and straight into his chest.

His entire body stiffened at this feeling and by the look of it, the kid was in the same exact state.

Abruptly, as he knelt there on the ground looking at this lost and lonely boy, Kanan had this newfound urge to protect this child, to comfort and reassure that it was all going to be alright, it was an instinct that he never experienced before, and one he didn't know how to deal with.

He then recalled his younger years as a Padawan, how in one of his training sessions with Master Billaba that she gently put her hand on his shoulder and smiled at him.

"Even though you've only been my Padawan for a few months, yet your progress is astounding. One day I hope I get to see you become a great Jedi Knight and see you get a Padawan of your own."

"But Master, how will I know? I stumbled upon you by mere chance."

"Do you remember when the Jedi Temple went under attack? And I protected you from that Kage Warrior's bombs? Do you recall that there was a moment just a moment where you felt a slight shock? That, dear Caleb is Force Link. A rare find within a Master and Padawan but certainly not unheard of. Because of such a bond; the Master and Padawan becomes much more then just that, they become family. I believe that one day you will have that with your own Padawan, of that I am sure."

Billaba's words echoed within his mind as he realized what this feeling was: A Force Bond, something that only happened in really rare cases among the Jedi. With that information he realized very quickly just who this kid was to him, was going to be to him.

This was his Padawan, or who would have been his Padawan had Kanan actually been able to make it to the rank of Jedi Knight back before the Purge. He also realized what this meant now, it meant that he wasn't going to be able to ever distance himself from the Force, wasn't going to just turn a blind eye and drop this kid off at the orphanage.

Because this child was rich within it and he is going to need someone to help him, for his own safety against the Empire. Kanan couldn't abandon him now, like he planned to before, not now, not with Bond, that was already thrumming, practically singing within the Force.

But right now he couldn't worry about that, right now he needed to get this kid to a doctor for his injuries. Gently, he closed his fingers around the boy's hand, feeling that same electric shock. "My name is Kanan." He introduced himself, softly. "What's yours?"

The kid opened his mouth, closed it a few seconds later then using his hand, Kanan watched as the boy started drawing in the sand with his index finger. When he was done, Kanan noticed that it wasn't a drawing but a word, more so it was a name, a word. "Ezra."

Two simple words written in the sand was enough for dread to encase Kanan's chest, like someone yank his heart out of his chest and squeezed.

Ezra, this child, his Padawan, was mute.

Chapter Text

When the initial shock of Ezra's condition wore off Kanan found himself with his arms full of the kid as he tried to find a safe place to take the boy for his injuries. Because unfortunately, that kid hadn’t walked away from the Shistavanen completely unscathed. Because from what Kanan could tell, Ezra had a broken wrist, a fractured collar bone, what felt like a cracked rib, and a ton of lacerations all over his body. To put it plainly, this kid had been through hell of the worst kind. And the thought of just how much Ezra had been through, boiled Kanan’s insides, further strengthening his already rapidly growing Bond developing with the kid.

Ezra needed a doctor and he needed one now.

He stopped shortly when Ezra let out a small whimper of pain, Kanan having accidentally jostling him as he made his way through the crowd. "Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get you to the nearest doctor, kiddo."

Then he felt the boy frantically squirm in his arms wanting to desperately be put down, then he felt the boy's fear through their bond. Slowly, Ezra looked up into Kanan's eyes and they were pleading at him to not take him anyway near a medical bay. And Kanan was at a loss at what to do, if Ezra was refusing to be treated by a professional then the kid's injuries are only going to get worse if left untreated.

And apparently his emotions must have shown on his face because suddenly he felt a tap on his arm. "By the stars, lad. You look like the ground underneath your feet is going to swallow you up any second, take a breathe." A gruff voice sound out below him. Looking down Kanan saw an elderly man that came up to his hip, Kanan turned completely around and when he did so, the old man's eyes widened in surprise at seeing Ezra. "That your boy?" He had to really focus on the name's voice with one of his hearing aids busted.

"Uh... No, I-I'm just trying to help him." He answered rather dumbly, caught off guard by the question.

The elderly man let out a hum, and tapped his chin. "Best get that boy in a bacta container. Or at least to a medical droid, he needs to be looked at." He tried to get a better look at Ezra, only to have the boy whimper and bury his face in Kanan's chest.

Kanan blinked and tried to soothe Ezra, "I tried, but he refuses to go to one. I think he might be scared of them."

"Hmm, well, given the fact on who runs them now, I don't blame the kid on being scared. Lucky for you, I think I know a place that might just do it for free." Then the man began walking away, gesturing for Kanan to follow him. Relief flooded over Kanan, he couldn't believe this stranger was helping him out of kindness, you don't see much of that nowadays.

"Thank you... I—" It occurred to him that he didn't even know this stranger's name. "Thank you, Mr...?"

The elderly man laughed. "Okadiah Garson." The man didn't even stop as he introduced himself.

"Kanan Jarrus. And this is Ezra."

Okadiah smiled, "It's a pleasure to meet you both."

Then they both continued down an alleyway.

The place that Okadiah mentioned was, in fact, a place that was in the very cantina Kanan had gotten himself kicked out of for his recently brawl with three other drunks. Okadiah had explained as the walked inside the cantina, that the Bacta tank they were looking for, was securely underground, and were wired up to a remote router that wouldn't be detected by the Empire.

The bartender, the very one who threw Kanan out, glared at him upon seeing him again, as the last customer walked out the door. "Thought I told you to not come back."

But his eyes wavered when he saw Ezra in his arms, then Okadiah stepped forward. "You know how things are nowadays, Jho. People picking fights in bars is common now then it was back in the good ol' days. But this boy needs help, mind lending us that bacta tank of yours, bartender to bartender?"

The bartender, as known as Old Jho looked at Ezra one more time, before sighing, then he seemed to push a button underneath the counter behind him Kanan saw a one of the booths in the far corner disappear and reveal a hidden hatch beneath it.

Opening the hatch, the Jho stepped aside. "Go ahead, the tank is down below."

"Thank you." Kanan said honestly, "And I... sorry for the fight I caused earlier."

Old Jho merely shrugged at his statement. "Eh, your not the first one to have started a fight in my bar, lad. And you certainly won't be the last." And with that he walked away. Leaving Kanan standing there, Ezra in his arms, still clearly very scared.

"Hey, it's okay." Kanan said as soothingly as he could. "We're going to get you all patched up." He told the boy as he carefully climbed down the stairs and into the hidden hatchway where Okadiah was already waiting for him, standing next to a medical droid.

He watched the old man pat the Bacta tank with his hand. "She's an older model, but she'll be able to fix your boy up in a pinch." Pushing a button the tank opened with a loud whoosh! followed by a few spouts of steam. "Now all we have to do is hook him up to it."

Kanan nodded, yes he remembered vaguely on how these machined work.

Placing Ezra on his feet inside the tank, he watched the kid gripped at his clothes, seeming to know what was about to happen as if he was afraid to remove them. Soon he realized that that's exactly what was wrong and he felt a pit grow in his stomach. What happened to this kid to the point where he didn't want to remove his own clothing, and where in the hell where his parents?

"Um, is there a way to use this without having to remove clothing?" Kanan turned to the medical droid and Okadiah, "He's scared."

Okadiah turned around and looked at Ezra's state, saw the fear in his eyes and a look of sympathy and danger came over his own, a knowing look. The medical droid, AN-1 made it's way forward, "Unfortunately, for the procedure to have high results the occupant must remove the minimal amount of clothing on the body, clothing could possibly get tangled in the wire and cause further damage."

"But..." Okadiah interrupted, a small smile on his face. "I'm sure there can make an exception this one time."

Grateful for Okadiah's understanding, Kanan turned back to Ezra, giving the kid a small smile. "See, Ezra? It's alright." The tension in Ezra's body seemed to calm somewhat as he and Okadiah spent the next two minutes hooking Ezra up to the machine, carefully maneuvering around the kid's clothes, and placing a mask over the kid's face. But despite the mask's purpose of putting people to sleep, Ezra's fear spiked again when the bacta tanks door slide shut and water began to pour into it.

Ezra looked like he was about to go go into a verge of hysterics, trying to remove the mask over his face and even tried to rip off the cords that were attached to him, Kanan rushed forward and knelt on the ground. Eyes swelling with tears pleading for help, Ezra placed his hands on the glass, and Kanan did the same. "Hey it's okay, Ezra. This machine is going to help you, help you get better." Kanan told him, making sure his voice was level, while he gave the kid another smile. "I promise, but you need to keep it on."

Then Ezra took his hand off the glass as fog accumulated on the inside of the machine, he saw the kid write something backwards on the glass.

"I'm scared." was the message.

And Kanan found it astounding that despite only knowing this kid for a few minutes, he felt like his heart breaking. "It's okay, I'm right here." Kanan did his best to send calming thoughts and reassurance through the Force to Ezra, hoping that would be enough to calm him. And slowly, thankfully little by little, Ezra fell into a deep sleep as the water engulfed the boy completely.

"So how long will he be in there?"

"The low estimate of his injuries suggest a full 23 hour period within the tank." The medical droid announced immediately at his question. "Pardon me, sir. But one of your hearing optical seem to be damaged, would you like me to repair it?" Kanan shrugged as he took a seat next to the bacta tank, wordlessly taking his broken hearing aid out and giving it to the droid.

"You look like you could use a drink, lad." Okadiah said his voice had a touch of understanding, handing him a shot glass filled to the brim with alcohol. For a few seconds, Kanan hesitated, but then he reasoned with himself that after the long and hard day he has had, he deserves at least just one shot, if anything. Taking the glass from Okadiah's hand, Kanan down the liquid in one gulp, and for a few moments he reveled as the drink burned the back of his throat.

"Thanks." He murmured, a small sigh escaping his lips as he leaned back into the chair and stretched. Thought occurred to him then; "So what's a man like you, helping out a guy like me?" Because he honestly wanted to know, not many people would have done something so kind out of the goodness of their hearts. There's always a catch, but with this man, with Okadiah, Kanan could sense that he was completely sincere.

That's something people don't see nowadays with everyone living in fear.

Okadiah chuckled and took a seat a crossed from him, his arm resting on the counter, almost lazily as he sipped at his drink. "The look on your face for one, an expression like that in such a crowded place any and everyone should have been rushing to your side, asking you what was wrong, if you needed help, especially with that boy in your arms. At least that's how it was back before the Empire." The elderly man paused to pour Kanan another glass, "But no one was, so I decided to do so myself."

"Out of the goodness of your heart?" Kanan's voice was already sounding gruff from alcohol, maybe this was a brand he wasn't use too?

Okadiah laughed. "I'm just a simple bartender from the planet Gorse. I came here because Lothal is homed to having the most ingratiating markets in all of the outer rim. Or at least, it was. Now people can't sell anything without a permit." Kanan watched as Okadiah gave him a look, a look of complete sincerity. "You looked like you needed help, so I helped. Simple as that."

"I'm sorry." Kanan couldn't help but apologize, feeling horrible that he could question the kind heart of a man who merely wanted to give his assistance. "I can't really excuse my actions, it's— I've... my life hasn't been too kind to me these past few years."

"Life hasn't been kind to anyone these past few years, lad." Okadiah stated nonchalantly, taking another shot of alcohol. "But I understand, everyone has their own way of coping. And sometimes, everything just becomes too much."

He couldn't argue with that, regardless of his own suffering and pain, Kanan knew that there were people out there in the galaxy worse off then him. Maybe that was his problem, the fact that he could only focus on his own pain instead of that of others. whereas when Kanan had been within the Jedi Order, that all that he was taught, taught of letting go, accepting fate, putting others pain before himself. But that had all been in the past, he was no longer a Padawan, nor a youngling and the Jedi Order was gone, had been for decades.

And now all that this broken man could see, the only thing he couldn't help but constantly witness and feel was his own pain, his own guilt surviving when he should have gone down with his Master and his fellow brothers and sisters of the Order.

Kanan let out a huff of air that morphed into a yawn. It was then that he realized how utterly exhausted he felt. He didn't know if it was from the alcohol or from the events that just transpired, or maybe a combo of both. But from whatever it was, Kanan still found himself shutting his eyes drifting off to sleep, in a matter of seconds.

Chapter Text

What brought Kanan back into the land of the living wasn't something of his own accord, it was, in fact, an abrupt rush of hot pain that came and went so quick it almost left him breathless erupted from his face, his eyes snapped open and he jerked upward, letting out a shocked yelp. He looked around wildly, and immediately noticed Okadiah standing in front of him. "Sorry, Jarrus. I noticed your nose was broken so I decided to fix it up for you, since it didn't look like you were going to any time soon."

He waited for Okadiah to place a thick bandage a crossed the bridge of his nose before he whipped at the blood, that was now dripping out of it. "You could've warned me."

Okadiah shrugged, an amused smile on his face. "What a better wake up call? You've slept half the day away, lad."

Kanan blinked several times, looking at the clock hanging on the wall, he realized that it was 12:03 in the afternoon. When before, it had been around 10:40 at night. That honestly shocked Kanan, he's never slept that long in years, not since before the fall of the Order, before the death of his Master.

"I have successfully repaired your hearing optical, Mr. Jarrus." AN-1 announced, it's voice monotones, holding no real emotion. Without so much as looking at the droid, Kanan grabbed his hearing aid and placed it back in his ear. And Kanan, mentally as well as physically, took a moment or two of silence to adjust to having sound back in his ear when he had been without it for so long.

Standing up, he stretched and let out a groan when he realized how stiff his neck was from sitting in that chair for 14 hours. Popping his neck once, Kanan looked towards the bacta tank and saw that Ezra was still peacefully flowing inside. "How is he?" He asked the droid, placing his hand on the glass.

"Total recovery at 75%." The droid replayed as it went about it's business cleaning the underground bunker.

Then as he stood there, looking at Ezra. Kanan realized that he didn't know anything about this kid, other then his name. He wanted to know more about this kid, why was he alone all by himself, why was that Shistavanen beating him? Turning to the droid he spoke. "I know this sounds... odd but is it possible you know anything about him? Any personal information?"

"It doesn't really,” Old Jho said suddenly appearing by the entrance of the bunker. "I'll admit, it was a little hard to see who he was when first you brought him in last night but I'm 100% certain that is Ezra Bridger."

Kanan turned to Jho completely, "You know him?"

Jho looked at Kanan and shook his head. "I know of him. His parents Mira and Ephraim use to broadcast messages against the Empire to Lothal. They were pretty well known speaking out, trying to give people of Lothal hope, the courage to stand up and fight." Jho let out a sigh as he then took a swig of alcohol from the bottle he was carrying. "After a while thought, their transmissions just... stop. Then one day the Holonet showed an image of Bridger's flat burned almost to the ground, their bodies were never found and I just assumed that their son had also tragically died along with them.” Jho then walked over to Okadiah and poured him a glass. "It's hard to imagine that was three years ago."

Okadiah shook his head in sympathy. "The poor boy, he must have been so scared being on his own for so long."

Kanan let out a breathe, as he sat back down in the chair. Hearing Ezra's story, only seemed to deepen his emotions for the boy. Because this kid has been all alone for three years. Homeless and scared and broken, just like Kanan was. It was a wonder that it took Kanan this long to feel Ezra's pain when he's literally been here an entire two days and yet he felt nothing.

That was, until Kanan had those dark thoughts and Ezra's physical pain cut through them.

Maybe that was why, why they could sense each other? Because they both were at such low points, that explained why they were suddenly able to feel one another.

Or maybe it had been just Kanan, for years now, he's had nothing to do with the Force, and he built these shields around his emotions to block out the pain, so when he hit that low point, his shields crumbled and he was finally able to sense Ezra. A slight shiver vibrated through Kanan, he didn't want to think about Ezra desperately calling out to him for two days, only to be met with static and barriers.

Regardless, Kanan felt even more connected to Ezra now if that were possible. He understood the boy's pain, his fear. "Now it makes sense why he didn't want to go to a hospital." Kanan found himself saying to more himself then to Jho and Okadiah. "If they had aided him, they would have realized who he was and the Empire would have gotten to him."

"A little foolish for risking his own health on the off chance that he might tip off the Empire." Jho stated, "But a smart kid, nonetheless." Despite the fact of knowing the harsh ships and turmoil Ezra had gone, that it hurt his very soul, Kanan couldn't help but agree. Because that's exactly what he has done on multiple occasions. Having to simple doctor his own wounds, if the situation demanded it. "If I may ask, how did you find him?" Old Jho inquired curiously.

"I fel— found him being attack by a Shistavanen. I almost didn't hear him over the roar of the crowd last night, but I did and I saved him."

Jho let out a low hum sound as he leaned against the wall. "I know the Shistavanen you're talking about. I've had to throw that wolf out of my bar, five times in the last week. He's definitely not from around here."

Kanan nodded his head, "I thought so, I was able to trick him into telling me he was here illegally and used that to make him leave."

Okadiah chuckled, a smirk on his face. "Nice job, lad."

Kanan couldn’t help but smile back. He was really starting to like Okadiah. 

"Excuse me, sirs. But Mr. Bridger's estimated recovery is at 100%. Preparing to deactivate bacta tank." AN-1 stated as the old droid walked over to the container, pressed a button, and Kanan watched as the water slowly drained from the tank, gently lowering Ezra to the bottom of the machine, where he continued to sleep, peacefully.

"Boy's gonna need a change of clothes." Okadiah said so practically that Kanan couldn't help but nod. Yes, Ezra was could to need fresh clothes that weren't soaking, if he didn't then he'd likely get sick. "But fortunately for you, I thought ahead and I happen to run by a small clothing store and bought him some spares." Kanan' eyes widened at the sentence and he turned to see the old man standing in front of him, holding out a new clothes for Kanan to take, he blinked several times, it baffled him how Okadiah could be so kind towards two people he didn't even know.

He was really starting to like Okadiah. 

Speechless, Kanan took the clothes and set them on the ground while he picked up Ezra and placed him on the cot Jho had set out for him, Kanan removed Ezra's shirt.

And a choked gasp escaped his throat, 

For the kid had various scars all over his upper arms and torso. They looked to be claw marks, the others... looked to have been caused by a whip of some kind. "By the stars, this poor boy." Okadiah murmured in sympathy, in sorrow. And Kanan completely agreed. No wonder this kid was uncomfortable to taking off his clothes, the sight itself had been so hard to look at.

Swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, as he realized that he and Ezra were the same in that aspect, because his own body was also littered with scars and it made sense, with the life he lived, all this time on his own. Kanan removed the rest of the garments and gently placed the new ones on Ezra's tiny form.

When he was done, Kanan let out a breathe that he hadn't realized he had been holding until now, slowly he placed the covers around Ezra and sank to the floor beside the kid. Breathing in a low puff of air through his bandaged nose, a small ache in his temple were gradually forming into a headache as he closed his eyes and tried to force it away, because that was the last thing he needed.

As he looked at Ezra, looked at this boy's young, innocent face, Kanan realized something very important right then. For as long as he lived, he was never going to leave this kid, he was never going to be able to let him out of his sight, because Force knows he already cared about this kid way too much from that of an ordinary Jedi would have with their student,

And that filled Kanan's heart with joy as well as fear. Because he hasn't felt such a way in a long, long time.

Not since Master Billaba has he felt so joyous to have such a fierce connection with another being before.

When he first met Depa, it was as though he had found a piece of himself he didn't know was missing, as if she had filled a hole in his heart by just simply meeting her, and then it only deepened after becoming her Padawan.

And with Ezra, he felt the exact same way, if not more so seeing as now he was on the other end of this scenario, where Kanan was now the guardian, the protector, and not the youngling. Their bond was already so palpable and just there that; if Kanan concentrated, he could actually see the string, the link that connected the pair of them through the Force, as the Force vibrated happily around them.

And that simply amazed Kanan, to know that he could be linked to someone that rivaled his own bond with Billaba. It was incredible, unheard of even. 

Whatever happened from here on out, Kanan knew that no matter what, he was going to keep this kid safe until his last breathe. Just as his Master had done for him.

Chapter Text

It didn't register with Kanan that he had fallen asleep yet again until a jolt of intense fear shocked through him, it seeped into the cracks of his dreamless sleep and all at once feelings flashed within his mind.

Feelings of pain, both physical and emotional, feelings of abandonment and anger, of betrayal.

Then those feelings morphed into images and Kanan saw a yellow Rodian looking at him with guilt in his eyes, he felt arms being wrapped around him and then he saw the Rodian walking away— leaving him behind, while a woman tugged on his arm and dragged him into a building with other kid's roughly the same age. He knew this was a dream, he knew this wasn't real and yet he couldn't wake up.

Then those images faded into others.

At first the place hadn't been all bad, the food was horrible and the adults were strict and at times scary, but... at least he was safe, right? It must have been an alright place because he was even able to make some friends with some of the boys that were there just like him. But then very quickly, everything changed. His friends were just suddenly gone, and that confused Kanan. Because his friends promised that they would always be around, that they would never leave, but now they were gone, just like his parents where.

And after that, the adults started to neglect him, made him and the boys who were left do all the chores, some that were even much too difficult for boys as young as he was, they were hardly fed. They were just... so different then compared to his parents whom were loving and affectionate and these people were cruel and heartless at times. They treated him as if he had done something wrong, and even when he would apologize like his mom taught him, the punishment still happened.

Then after staying there over two months, two months of neglect and cruelty, he'd had enough.

That night, he escaped the building, the orphanage the Rodian left him at. Living on the streets for over a week, having no idea what he was doing, until he was found by the people whom he had escaped from a couple days later.

It slowly became a pattern after that, in the years that followed.

He would run away, be gone for a month or so and then get caught again because he made a mistake. Until one day, as he was attempting another escape, someone took interest in him. A Shistavanen, who's grin was all teeth and no kindness; he looked at him and saw nothing but an object, but at the time, all that Kanan had seen from this person, was freedom. So he took it. Only for his hope of freedom to be crushed in an instant, when all he ever did after that was stay locked up in a room.

It didn't take him very long to figure out that this Shistavanen simply wanted him to be a slave, after that he restarted his escape attempts, but this time things were different.

This Shistavanen's nature was so beyond anything he had experienced, so much so that he would actually go back to orphanage if it meant getting away from this man. But unlike the orphanage, where he'd be able to fool them and be gone for months at a time, this Shistavanen could track him down mere minutes after he even attempted to escape, and whenever he did manage get a certain distance, he was always found, and that's when the injuries started...

Being tossed against the wall, slashed with claws.

Constantly fearing for his life, that one day this man was going to get tired of him and just... kill him.

And it was all too much, too much for him to handle anymore.

Enough

Enough

Help

Please

The fear made Kanan jerked awake, his heart pounding in his ears and a small silent cry past through his lips.

His vision blurred for a moment or two but when it refocused he saw that Ezra was finally awake. In a matter of seconds, Kanan realized two things. The first one was that the dream he had just experienced were very much real and those images... those memories all belonged to Ezra. The second thing Kanan realized was not only was Ezra awake after being sleep for the better part of a full entire day, but he was wide awake and absolutely terrified.

Through the Force he felt Ezra's fear, felt his pain and confusion.

Instantly, the former Padawan felt that same instinct from before kick in. The urge to comfort, to console, but also not wanting to overstep his boundaries, for the kid may get scared of him and try to run.

But the urge to help this child, this kid who he had already cared so much about even though they had only known each other for literally a few hours, all of that outweighed his logical thinking. Slowly, ever so slowly he inched himself towards the boy who was now cowering in the corner with his legs pulled all the way up to his forehead as he fearfully hugged his legs, his whole tiny body shaking.

Knowing that he had to take this carefully, he sent the kid comforting signals that he meant no harm. Reaching out with his right hand, Kanan made sure his voice was calm and reassuring as he spoke "Hey, Ezra. It's okay." He watched as Ezra merely whimper and curled tighter around himself, the boy unknowingly projecting that he was scared of the being before him, to which Kanan felt and his chest ached. Taking a chance, he sent the kid all the comfort and reassurance he could muster and place his hand on Ezra's shoulder.

Ezra stiffened upon the contact, but gradually as he sense the calming emotions coming from Kanan, the tension faded away.

Then Kanan felt new emotions coming from the kid.

Realization

Understanding

Desperation

Kanan watched as Ezra lifted his head and for a moment, they stared at each other, like they had before when they met hours ago. Then Kanan gave the kid a small, kind smile and that for some reason caused fresh tears to spill down the boy's cheeks. And before Kanan could even process exactly what he did wrong Ezra all but collapsed against Kanan's chest. Unsure of what to do, Kanan patted the kid's back, awkwardly. "It's... It's okay, kiddo."

What had he done wrong? All he did was smile at Ezra.

Then as if Ezra had read his mind, Kanan suddenly felt the kid sending him thoughts through their bond.

Words of gratefulness, safety, and happiness.

And it baffled Kanan, because they barely knew one another, how could the kid trust and care about him so quickly?

Nevertheless, Kanan was touched all the same. Gently, his arms around Ezra's became less awkward and he tenderly let the Force wrap around the pair of them. For a few moments, they sat there on the ground, holding one another, taking comfort in each other's presence.

It was Kanan that finally pulled apart a few minutes later.

He watched the kid wipe away the tears that had dried on his cheeks. A thought then occurred to him. "How are you?” He inquired softly, as he looked the boy in the eyes. "Are you feeling better?"

Ezra nodded his head with a small smile, to which Kanan returned.

"Well now, look who's awake." A voice suddenly spoke out, turning Kanan saw that it was simply Okadiah, standing there before them, a smirk on his face. Kanan got the feeling that the old man has been standing there for a good amount of time. Upon seeing Okadiah, Ezra immediately shrunk back before this new person, he pressed himself against Kanan, looking for safety. "It's okay, Ezra. This is Okadiah, he's the one who brought us here so that you could get better." Kanan explained calmly, patting Ezra's upper arm with his hand. "Remember?"

Okadiah nodded, his eyes filled with sympathy. "Yup. I came to see how you both were doing." The old man said as he walked over and extended his hand for Ezra to shake. Kanan's face broke out in another grin when he saw Ezra grasp Okadiah's hand, shaking it gently. Just then a loud growl sounded out, it was so abrupt and unexpected that Okadiah barked out a laugh. "Sounds like someone could use some food, huh?" Another growl made itself known, only this time it wasn't coming from Ezra. "Both of you, apparently."

Kanan smiled sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. "Think you can eat?" Kanan asked Ezra, who merely nodded and moved to stand up, getting about half way on his feet before he legs buckled underneath him, swiftly Kanan reached out and grabbed the kid under his elbows to keep from falling. Immediately, Kanan could sense Ezra's frustration and helplessness.

"Hey, it's okay, kiddo. No harm done." He soothed, his voice calm and reassuring. "I'll just carry you, until you are strong enough to walk, that sound good?" Slowly, Ezra nodded his head, a pout on his face, looking slightly hesitant as Kanan carefully moved and placed Ezra on his back.

"Doing alright up there?" He inquired, wanting to make sure the boy was comfortable, and simply chuckled when he felt Ezra place his forehead against the back of his hair and gave a curt nod. He knew the kid was probably so used to doing things on his own, that having to be carried, having to be cared for was probably really embarrassing for the kid.

But Kanan couldn't help but smile as he made his way up the latter and out the secret hatch. There, already over at the door, stood Jho. Waiting for them to leave so that he could open up for everyone else.

"I can't thank you enough, Jho." Kanan told the Ithorian as he stepped towards him, shaking his hand.

"Of course, always willing to help good folks who need it." Old Jho let out chuckle, shaking Kanan's hand. "Now don't take this the wrong way but get out, before people start showing up, the Empire might get suspicious."

Nodding, Kanan followed Okadiah out of the cantina.

Chapter Text

It shouldn't have come to such a shock to Kanan that Ezra probably hasn't had a proper meal in a very long time. It shouldn't have, considering the fact that this kid has been in and out living on the streets his entire life and even if you could call what he had with that Shistavanen was living, the guy probably didn't feed Ezra hardly anything from the kid's physical stature.

So no, he shouldn't have been surprised, but that didn't stop Kanan from staring at this ten year old boy as he all but inhaled  the breakfast Kanan bought him, exactly three minutes after they had left Old Jho's cantina. Afterwards, he watched as Ezra paused, seeming to sense Kanan staring at him, and looked at Kanan with sheepishness, as fear spiked within the Force, probably expecting to be reprimanded. But Kanan merely smiled, taking a bit of the contents in his own bowl, "It's good, huh?"
Ignoring the rumble in his stomach, he scooted closer to Ezra, grabbing his own bowl and pouring the contents within it in Ezra’s container, knowing that the kid needed the nourishment more then Kanan did.

And the way Ezra's eyes beamed at the food  the way he smiled so wide as he stuffed his mouth full. Made it worth the hunger pains he was feelings. 

Then Okadiah came back with two more containers of food, Kanan could have hugged the man for his kindness. Because he knew not only did Kanan know that it was going to take more then one of these to full Ezra up, but also the fact that Kanan didn't have enough credits to get a second helping.

"Thank you, again Okadiah."

Okadiah chuckled as he handed Ezra another container. "Think nothing of it. By the state of the two of you, I figured you both needed the nutrition, more so then simply only one meal can provide."

As they finished their lunch, Kanan couldn't help but feel Ezra's contentment through the Force, it flowed off of him in waves freely, and thanks to the food he had devoured the kid was now sitting  back against his chair, his eyes drooping shut every so often. Ezra, seemed happy, which given the state he was a few hours ago, it was a huge improvement. 

And in turn, Kanan was happy he was able to give the kid some moments of peace.

"Feeling better?" He asked with a smile on his face as the kid gave him a slow nod and patted his stomach, which now had a bulge from all the food he had consumed. A warmth spread into his chest at the sight, unable to resist the urge, Kanan reached out and tousled the boy's dark locks.

And if Ezra leaned into it, Kanan didn't comment on it.

Okadiah cleared his throat, gaining both their attentions. Swiftly, the older man paid for the bill, and stood up. "Well lad's, I think it's time I got going."

Kanan looked at the old man, and when he realized Okadiah was seriously Kanan couldn't help but feel sad. "You're leaving?" This man's kindness still baffled Kanan, he couldn't believe that someone had gone so far out of his way for two people he didn't even know. "Already?"

The elderly man gave Kanan a sympathetic smile, "Yeah, I had originally only been plannin' to stay a day, in fact, but when I came a crossed the both of you I was already heading out to leave, but you two looked like you needed help more then I needed to get back home, so I decided to stay one extra day."

Guilt rose within Kanan's chest. "I'm sorry—"

Okadiah let out a scoff, "There's no need for an apology. I stayed of my own accord." He raised his hand and waved off his apology. "Wanted to make sure you both are going to be alright on your own, since you and the kid are both new to this type of concept."

Kanan blinked, "Concept?"

"Just promise me, eh? Humor this old man."

Rubbing the back of his neck, still very much confused as to exactly what this 'concept' was, Kanan nodded. "Alright, I promise."

Okadiah laughed, walked over to Ezra and patted the kid's shoulder. "You look after this guy, you here? Don't know anything about him but I can tell he doesn't know what he's doing." Kanan scoffed at the obvious playful insult and made to protest but he found himself unable to say anything as Ezra nodded, confusion written on his face. "If you both ever find yourself near Gorse, look my cantina up."

And with those his lasts words to the pair of them before the man turned a corner and then was gone.

After a few minutes, Kanan tore his gaze away from where Okadiah had once been and his eyes met with Ezra's, the kid almost looked as confused and sad as Kanan felt. But Kanan simply shook it off, and smiled. "Weird old man, huh kiddo?" His smile became more genuine when Ezra agreed with his statement with a grin of his own. "You ready to go?" In response, Ezra hopped off the chair, excitedly, only for his legs to visibly shake. Using his quick reflexes, Kanan caught the kid's the elbow to keep him from falling. "Not just yet, huh?” Ezra's face was far from pleased at this statement. He pouted shamelessly and Kanan could hardly contain himself from laughing, he never thought he'd ever use this word before but this kid was cute.

Abruptly, he paused when he felt something touch his ear. Looking down, he saw that Ezra had his hand outstretched looking at Kanan— no looking at his hearing aids, with a perplexed look on his face.

Kanan could sense Ezra's wonder, and curiousness with the little machines in Kanan’s ear. Smiling, Kanan took one out and let Ezra hold it in his hand. "It's a hearing aid." He explained as he pointed to his ears, he watched Ezra roll little device over in his hands before he explained. "I'm not completely deaf, just a little hearing impaired, but if I don't have them in, then I really can't hear at all."

Upon this explanation, Ezra's eyes widened in realization, then he quickly gave the hearing aid back to Kanan as though he had made some huge mistake, but Kanan merely laughed. "It's alright. It happened a long time ago. I was around sixteen or so, and I made the mistake of angering some... bad guys, and they retaliated by putting an explosive on my ship, I got too close to the blast and it permanently damaged my hearing, but not enough to get any other life threatening injuries." Kanan blinked as he realized just how easy it was to talk about this particular event in his life. Granted it wasn't as traumatizing as Order 66 but still, it left some scars. But it still surprised him, because talking about his past, was something he never did no matter how small was hard for him, having to relive those memories.

But with Ezra, it came so naturally to him. When it came to this kid a lot of things became naturally to him, things that weren't before.

Looking back at Ezra, he saw that the boy was wearing an expression mixed between shock and sadness. Deciding it was best to change the subject, "It's alright, kiddo. It happened a long time ago." He stated casually, ruffling Ezra's hair, a bubble of laughter to escaped the kids throat at the action, causing Ezra to wince and grasp his neck in slight pain.

A pit formed in Kanan's stomach when he saw this, the mystery around Ezra's muteness definitely raised questions for him, but he decided to force them down and focused on something else. Something else that would benefit Ezra rather then just bring up bad memories. Because if this kid was going to going to staying with him, then they were going to need to find a better form of communication then simple Yes and No questions, sure, Ezra could write but that would only get them so far.

But then Kanan had an idea. This kid may not be hearing impaired like Kanan was and he probably didn't have the proper lessons with Ezra having been homeless most of his life, but maybe—

Slowly, he raised his hands. "Hey Ezra." Kanan signed with his hands while speaking the words in unison, using the sign language he was taught by all his Master at the Temple on Coruscant.

Ezra blinked, before his entire face beamed with delight.

He watched as the kid raised his own hands, then he nodded and said. "Hi, Kanan." Ezra signed back, a smile on his face that Kanan couldn't help but return in kind. Relief flooded him, he was taking a huge shot in the dark, by using sign language, because there was a strong possibility that Ezra never learned how to growing up in that orphanage that he hated so much. But it had worked and Kanan could be more happy. Ezra then asked "You know sign language?"

Kanan nodded, "Yeah." The older man rubbed his pads of his fingers together before continuing. "It's the best thing to use when I don't have my hearing aids in." Kanan said, his voice calm, carefree unlike how most people are when they become deaf or hearing impaired, Kanan had stopped sulking about his physical loss for his hearing long ago and now these devices were now just apart of him.

As the silence between them stretched on, Kanan realized something else. He hadn't actually asked Ezra if he wanted to stay with him, even if the kid had no where else to go, Kanan just didn't want to demand the boy to stay with him. No, Ezra probably got enough of that from the orphanage and from that Shistavanen, demanding him, never giving him a choice on what he wanted. "Ezra?" He said his voice leveled and attempted to sound calm. He waited for Ezra to look at him before, continuing. "I know that we just met but... but would you be okay with staying with me?" Kanan's tone wavered only slightly as he asked this question.

Ezra blinked up at his question, looking confused. "I thought I already was."

Through the Force, Kanan felt Ezra's warmth, his acceptance in Kanan's offer to stay, and Kanan couldn't help but smile, his own joy mixing in with Ezra's "That's... That's good, because I have something else I need to talk with you about, just—" He paused looking around the civilian's of Lothal going about their business. "Just not here." He stated, knowing that there was always a possibility that someone could over hear them, and with the Empire nearby Kanan just wasn't going to take that chance. Because now they both needed to discuss something else, something much more serious and something that no one else can hear but Ezra.

Wordlessly, he picked Ezra up, placed him on his back and left the crowded area.

Chapter Text

A real Jedi? Ezra signed as they both sat quietly inside Kanan's apartment he had rented for the required the couple of days he was suppose to stay here for a bounty job. The floorboards creaked, the window was cracked and there was a corner of the room where the roof was leaking but Kanan didn't mind, and as Ezra sat back against the chair, feeling no tension in the kid's body, he could tell that he didn't mind either. Fought in the Clone Wars?

Kanan sucked in a breathe through his teeth as he tried to explain, as his heart constricted. "I wasn't a Jedi, I was... well a Padawan, an apprentice to a Master. But I never finished my training." Kanan swallowed down the dry patch that suddenly appeared in his throat as he explained his past, seeing as he hasn't spoken this to another person about this, in decades. "But my master and I fought in the Clone Wars when I was fourteen. And then the Empire took over, and after that they started hunting down Jedi, and I lost my Master—" Kanan paused and inhaled a deep breathe, trying to keep himself from falling into that pit of guilt and nightmares he tend to always go when thinking about Master Billaba and the life he had lost. Regardless of how comfortable he was around Ezra, there was apart of him that still found this topic hard to talk about. "I sorta stopped after that, I had no choice. But... But the reason I'm telling you this Ezra, is because the Empire maybe in control but that doesn't stop children being Force sensitive. And Ezra, you are one of them."

Oh yes, Ezra was, there was no denying that.

In the hours that Kanan knew this kid, Ezra showed such a strong connection with the Force, but not just in their connection alone. Kanan pretended that he didn't notice that objects would float around whenever the kid was scared or the low hum of the Force as it tightly wrapped around Ezra, attempting to protect himself and what was left of the innocence Ezra still clung to. There was a part of Kanan, that part of him that almost wished he had been wrong with what he felt, the part of him that was a coward, the young fourteen year old that wanted nothing more then to run away from this bond he had with Ezra, and leave the topic alone, because the risks in doing so were enough to put ice into his veins.

Because he knew that if he tried to teach the kid on how to control his power, there would be a moment, there would always be moments where someone would find out what they are, who they were. And that would put Ezra at risk, and that's something Kanan never wanted to see happen.

But he also knew that there was no denying this, Ezra was force sensitive and at one time during the prosperity of the Jedi Order, this kid could have been an incredible Jedi. If only Republic hadn't fallen, if only there were still Jedi around to help teach this kid properly. Because the kid deserved to have someone more capable, someone better then a Padawan who never finished his own training.

Someone far better then a coward.

He watched as Ezra stared at his hands, letting this news sink in before he looked up at Kanan.  Always... felt different. The seven year old signed, his blue eyes holding a type of hope, a type of wonder in his eyes that Kanan hasn't seen from another being since his younger days as a Padawan. We're... connected? 

Nodding, he reached out his hand and let it hover in the air. "That's part of it, yes. You and I are bounded together, a bond made by the Force... You felt it didn't you? An electric shock when we first met?"

Ezra mimicked Kanan immediately, reaching his own hand out, and place his much smaller hand against Kanan's. Yes. He signed, closing his eyes, the low hum of Ezra's signature seemed to wrap around the pair of them, making Kanan follow suit. Train me? Could we fight?

Kanan gulped down the lump that formed in his throat. "The Jedi are meant to bring peace and balance within the galaxy and the Force, but now there are few of us thanks to the Empire." Kanan inhaled and tried to swallow down the bitter feeling that bubbled up into his mouth. "I will train you to control this, Ezra." He paused as he placed his hand on the kid's shoulder, sending Ezra comforting thoughts. "But fighting the Empire? It's far too dangerous, for either us to get involved in. Does that sound okay to you?"

Ezra looked at the floorboards, and Kanan could see that the kid was thinking all this through, then the kid took a breathe and lifted his head. Good to me.

Kanan smiled, dropping his hand and using the other to squeeze Ezra's shoulder. "Alright." Kanan thought for a moment where exactly he should begin with teaching Ezra how to control this. Because there were so many lessons, so many things Ezra needed to know, not just in the Force but about himself, own feelings and how to survive. Letting out a deep breathe, Kanan decided to to start at the very beginning. Standing up, he walked over to the floor and sat down, crossing his legs, gesturing Ezra to follow. "The first lesson for any Padawan, is mediation. Have you heard of it?" Unsurprisingly, Ezra shook his head as he sat down in front of him. "It's basically a state of deep peace you can achieve by focusing on something that get in a calm state."

Ezra furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, Kanan let out a puff of laughter at that expression. "All you have to do is close your eyes and focus on something, anything that will clear your mind of all distractions, that helps you find your center. Do you understand."

The kid pressured his lips together in a fine line. Think so.

Kanan nodded, "Okay, close your eyes. And focus."

Two minutes into to their training session, Kanan realized that Ezra was just going to have as hard a time meditating as he, himself, had when he first started out at the Temple with Master Yoda. But back then Caleb had been a youngling, inexperienced because of how young he was. Ezra was the same and but with something else, it was as if Ezra couldn't focus on anything that could calm his young mind in order for him to let go.

Which honestly, should have resonated with Kanan from the very start because of course Ezra could center himself on something that calmed him. Look at how the kid grew up after his parents were gone, after that Rodian abandoned him at that orphanage.

Ezra couldn't mediate because there was nothing to focus on.

And as they sat there a crossed from each other, and then long after the sun went down. Kanan realized that Ezra could feel it too. He knew that he wasn't getting it, Kanan could feel the kid's annoyance in himself growing more and more palpable, it was obvious that Ezra was trying way to hard to achieve what Kanan was asking of him. Opening his eyes, Kanan saw the tension in the child's body, how tightly his eyes were shut and his shoulders hunched.

Instinctively, Kanan reach out his hand and grasped Ezra's small one, sending the boy reassurance. "Easy, kiddo. We don't have to do this all right now."

When Ezra stubbornly refused to open his eyes, so Kanan reached out his other hand and place it under the boy's cheek. "Hey." He said gently, directing Ezra's face to his own. He coaxed Ezra into opening his eyes, those blue orbs staring up at him with a frustrated sadness that cut through Kanan's heart. "It's been a long day, how about we take a break?"

Immediately, Ezra shook his head. No. I can do this. He signed, his hands moving so fast that Kanan was barely able to know what the kid was saying.

Kanan sighed deeply, "Ezra, you don't need to master this right away. These things take time, but you have to pace yourself." Because if he was being completely honest; he, himself, was also having a hard time mediating. He felt it in his mind when they first began, he was having a hard time focusing, on letting himself go. It wasn't as bad as what Ezra was going through, but enough that he noticed the difference between now and how he had been as a youngling, and especially when he became a Padawan. "C'mon, we've been at this for hours. And I can sense how tired you are. Let's rest for a bit and we can try again later."

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Ezra signed exasperatingly. Okay. And after a promise to resume meditation lessons later in the morning— they both stood up. Ezra making his way over to one of the chairs, and sat down falling on the cushion with a light flop! sound.

Still sensing the kid's obvious frustration and disappointment at his first lesson, Kanan felt that same urge clinch at his heart, the urge to comfort and shield. An idea popped into his head and after a few minutes of coaxing he was able to get the kid into watching a Holodrama called The Octave Stairway, hoping the show somehow, in someway would cheer Ezra up, as Kanan knew the program often did with kid's his age. And Kanan couldn't help but smile when that's exactly what happened. The kid took to the holodrama like so fast Kanan was hardly able to ripe the kid away from it. It wasn't until three episodes later, did Kanan look and notice that Ezra was not only asleep but also was slump next to him, his head resting on Kanan's arm.

That same warm feeling washed over Kanan's heart and he smiled fondly at the kid as he picked Ezra up into his arms and tucked him into bed. Then he, himself, walked over back to the sofa he had been sitting in, and was asleep, before his head hit the pillow.

It didn't come as much of a shock for Kanan when he was yet again awoken from his sleep by nightmares that weren't his own. A gasp was torn from his throat as he sat up. Immediately, his eyes fell on Ezra, who was still asleep, but was writhing under the cover, letting out these choked noises deep within his throat. Bolting over the sofa, Kanan was by the bedside in a matter of seconds. "Shh." He soothed softly, as he gently ran his hand through Ezra's dark locks and tried his best to soothe him. "It's okay."

Abruptly, Kanan was hit with images of the Shistavanen that had only adopted Ezra for simply as a personal slave,

Always demanding more than Ezra could offer, then getting violent whenever he couldn’t. Getting tossed against the wall, long cuts from the wolf’s claws along his arms and back. Spending nights sleeping in the corner of the kitchen with nothing but the wall for the support, body aching from that day’s reprimanding. Always living in fear, always doubting himself, as self hatred formed in his heart. Then the day, the day where his throat was crushed, a silent scream.

Couldn't breathe

Pain

Kanan's heart clinched in his chest, as that same urgency came back that same need, that instinct to protect this kid came over him. "Shh, shh. It's okay, kiddo."

Gently, Kanan pulled Ezra against his chest, tightly wrapping his arms around the boy, sending the kid waves upon waves of comfort through their bond, hoping that this would be enough to chase the nightmares away. And Kanan breathed a sigh of relief when within seconds, Ezra jerked awake, his small body instinctively struggled out of his hold. "Hey, it's just me." He said, his voice calm and assuring as he loosened his hold just enough so Ezra could see his face. "Remember, Ezra? It's Kanan." Ezra's wild, dilated eyes intently focused on Kanan as the moment stretched on. The older man felt tiny hands grasp the clothing on his upper arms as slowly, those eyes went back to normal, the fear melting away.

Kanan smiled wryly, "Hey, there he is."

Ezra's face crumbled then, clinging to Kanan as he cried just as he had done before back at the cantina. But this time there was no awkwardness on Kanan's part, this time he merely, hugged the boy to him as he felt the kid's feelings wash over him.

Safe

Home

That last one caught Kanan off guard, but it was only for a few moments before he sent back his own feelings.

Fondness

Care

These emotions entwined together and wrapped around them both like a warm blanket, it swirled around them until Ezra's tiny form stopped shaking. And even then, neither one relinquished their hold. "Are you okay?" He inquired gently, making sure his tone was soft. The kid hesitated for a second before nodding against his chest. Kanan let go just enough to look at the Ezra's face, keeping his hands on the ten year old's shoulders.

In the back of his head, Kanan logically knew this wasn't a good idea, but Kanan knew, he knew that they needed to talk about the Shistavanen eventually. "Ezra? Who's the Shistavanen? The one that adopted you?" Ezra's face which still held that lingering fear from his nightmare, only increased with that simple question. When Kanan brushed against Ezra's mind, against their bond, he wasn't surprised to find walls there, layered with fear of judgement, rejection.

Reaching forward gently wiped away the dried tear tracks on his cheeks. "You know that you can tell me anything, right? No matter what you've done or what you think you've done. You don't have to hide your emotions, your thoughts from me, especially since because of our bond I can already feel them, and know that I will never judge your past." Kanan cupped Ezra's cheek and smiled at him, he watched as Ezra opened his mouth, as if he were about to say something, but a deep dry cough was all that was heard.

Then Ezra's removed his hands from around Kanan's back and brought them to his chest, through the Force he felt Ezra's hesitation. Faoladh. Even signing the name appeared to be difficult for Ezra to do as his small hands shook with each letter.

The scene in front of him made his heart ache, slowly, he placed his hands over Ezra's. "Okay." Kanan declared, looking into those dark blue orbs. "I promise you, that he will never hurt you again, and that I will protect you if he ever tries." Tears cascaded down Ezra's cheeks once more, and he flung himself at the older man, silently crying as he sent out waves of gratitude, Kanan patted the kid's back softly.

And they sat there until the sun rose.

Chapter Text

When Kanan had first came to Lothal he had only been expecting to stay two days at the most, because he knew from experience to not to stay at one place for too long, knew that if he stayed longer then the Empire would probably find him. And for a while that's what he did, planning to stay for two days was exactly what he had done.

But now here he was a full week later, still on this backwater planet in the Outer Rim.

Not only that but having to take care of a ten year old boy on top if it all wasn’t what he planned either. He never thought any of this would ever happen, not to some low life being like him. But it was, it was happening and Kanan honestly wouldn't change it for anything.

Most people in Kanan's position would probably be overwhelmed by the sudden change and responsibility of having a child — hell on most cases that was a guarantee, for someone that's unfit for child care— and truth be told that's actually what Kanan thought was going to happen, but it just didn't. For in the first few days that followed after their meeting Ezra was like a breathe of fresh air to him. Everything the kid did, whether it be controlling his growing Jedi powers, chores around the apartment —that Kanan still insisted wasn't necessary— or watching Holodramas, whenever the boy would accomplish something, it filled Kanan with such pride.

It became clear to Kanan that in the mere span of a week, Ezra became everything to Kanan.

Before, his life had been nothing but this deep darkness, this depression and self loathing, but now? Even though the self loathing still remained, Ezra lit everything up, like the kid's presence seemed to flip on a light switch within Kanan's own heart, chasing the darkness away.

And by how drawn Ezra was to him, Kanan could sense that the kid felt the exact same way.

And that's where Kanan grew a little worried, for was it really healthy for them to be this broken and but then also be this dependent on each other?

No, it wasn't, and Kanan knew this. But honestly what could he really do about it? It's not like the could go see a professional about this. Those people belonged to the Empire and Kanan wasn't going to take the chance of them finding out who he was, who he had been and more importantly who Ezra was. So they quite literally only had each other to help with their own demons. But Kanan was ready and willing to do anything to keep them at bay.

Which is why he had given up alcohol.

At first it had been unbearably hard quitting on the spot, throughout this entire week, he had itched for just a sip of liquor, anything to take the painful edge off caused by withdrawals, that made his whole body twitch and shake. But in those moments when he thought he couldn't handle it, he looked to the boy he had taken in. Remembered the days where they would attempt mediation, in the evenings where they would sit and watch holodramas, in the nights where Ezra would be sleeping soundlessly. Seeing this child, who was depending on him to raise and train in the Force, to guide and protect... that's when he would force down the aches and shaking to the far corners of his mind, because Kanan knew that he had to be better, for Ezra's sake.

And that was worth all the withdrawals. No matter how agonizing they were.

Kanan let out a deep sigh as he walked towards the apartment building, his limps, his entire body was exhausted. Because he, himself had chosen willingly to stay on Lothal, he had to get an actual job to help support himself and Ezra. A job that paid better then what that bounty hunter had promised him back when he first arrived to Lothal, a job where Kanan could actually afford a better apartment, one where he didn't have to sleep on the sofa anymore.

When he opened the door, his eyes immediately fell on Ezra who was sitting in the floor, mediating.

Kanan smiled.

He'll never forget the day that Ezra was able to achieve mediation. It had been early in the evening on the third day Ezra was staying with him, Kanan had been planning a day of just relaxing, because Force, did he needed the break. But Ezra had other idea's, he wanted so badly to start training right away, immensely eager to get started, practically begging him as he climbed up on Kanan's bed and innocently poked his shoulder.

And at first, Kanan was going to say "no", because he was so tired and it was 5:30 in the morning, but then Ezra gave Kanan those pleading eyes, all the while projecting his thoughts on how he simply wanted to get better, be better at controlling the Force, like Kanan, himself, was. Those words clinched at Kanan's heart and within a few seconds, he submitted. Because he knew that determination, that fire in Ezra's blue eyes... because that at one time had been in himself back in his youthful days on Coruscant so long ago. He understood what that was like, so Kanan put aside his plans for relaxation and sat down on the floor, Ezra sitting a crossed from him and the two began mediation. And they stayed like that until Kanan could feel Ezra's frustration once again.

Wordlessly, Kanan placed his hand on the kid's small one and gave it a reassuring squeeze, it was then that the older man sensed Ezra's mind come to some sort of realization, as the kid squeezed his hand back in return, then three seconds later, Kanan felt Ezra finally accomplish what he had been wanting for the past three days. A swell of pride over came Kanan then, and when Ezra came out of his meditative state five minutes later. Kanan asked what did Ezra think of, what was at his center that calmed him? Ezra smiled at him, using his index finger, the kid point straight at him. "I thought about you." He signed with a slight sheepish expression on his cheeks. And Kanan was so touched by that confession that he thought his heart was going to burst from his chest.

Kanan grinned proudly at the memory. And the exhaustion his body felt lessened upon seeing the kid. He walked around the sofa, placed his bag on the table, knelt down on the ground in front of Ezra and ruffled the kid's dark locks. "How long have you been at that, kiddo?" He chuckled amusingly.

Ezra smiled behind closed eyes, An hour? He signed casually.

"You've been taking breaks like I instructed?" Kanan knew full well that the act of meditation, of being so one with the Force could be a wondrous thing, but it could also could be dangerous, it can be very risky for beginners to meditate on their own, for left alone too long they might lose themselves completely within the Force. And Ezra was already gifted strongly within the Force, and he didn't want to take that chance of that happening with him.

Ezra nodded, signing out his reply. Yes, set a timer. Kanan scoffed, tousling the kid's hair even more, it will never cease to amaze him how smart and mature Ezra was for only being ten years old. But logically, it made sense; seeing that in order to survive out there on his own, Ezra had no choice but to grow up, to toughen up.

"Well, I'm here now. So let's take a break and eat something, huh?"

Ezra pouted slightly at the notion of stopping his meditation, the action alone made Kanan chuckle, he patted the boy's shoulder and hauled both of them to their feet. "Remember what I told you, kiddo. Too much of a good thing can be harmful towards you. There's always danger when it comes to anything we do, meditating too excessively is one of them." Kanan knew that Ezra wanted to get better, he understood that but there are limits to what they should do. He watched as Ezra crossed his arms and allowed himself to be lead into the kitchen, Kanan's arm wrapped around his shoulder. "C'mon, Ezra. They are serving that four-course meal at Bisto's today, the one you been mentioning these past few days?" He paused for dramatic effect, a sly grin on his face. "I just so happen to have enough credits to get it." He baited, because he knew that Ezra was never going to turn down an offer of food from Bisto's, no matter how disappointed he was.

Just like he had expected, Ezra's eyes widened at his words, immediately his attitude changed, perking up within seconds as he looked at Kanan. "Really?" Kanan could feel the kid's Force signature, could feel how utterly happy he was at the hope of finally getting the chance to taste his favorite meal.

He smiled, fondly at Ezra, "I have it right here." He stated, as he reached into the bag he had previously set on the table and pulled out several large containers. Ezra looked at them, his eyes beaming in utter disbelief. Then abruptly, Ezra bolted forward, his short arms wrapping around Kanan's waist, nearly knocking them both to the ground if Kanan hadn't steady themselves with firm footing. "What's this for?" He asked, fondness in his voice as he returned the embrace just as tightly. An immense wave of gratitude coming from the kid flooded over Kanan's side of the bond, as Ezra hugged him all the tighter.

They stayed like this for a few more moments before parting just enough for Ezra to look up at him. Thank you. Ezra signed, genuine joy and contentment on his young face. Everything

Kanan smiled, ruffling the boy's hair one more time. "Anytime, kiddo."

Afterwards, as they gorged themselves full and content, they resumed watching another episode of The Octave Stairway, before they both fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

The following day Kanan couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. He could feel it in his bones, in his heart, the way his skin crawled throughout the day as he went about his job. Ever since he let the Force —Ezra included— Kanan knew that he was going to need to be keeping his guard up. Keeping a watchful eye on the Troopers that walked the streets of Lothal and keeping an eye out for Faoladh in case the Shistavanen didn't heed his warning about going near Ezra.

But this, something felt... wrong. Like something very bad was about to happen, the metaphorical axe was going to drop soon, but Kanan didn't know how or where or when. And that put him even more on edge, so much that before he left this morning, he gave Ezra his blaster, saying that if anyone came to the door that wasn't him and felt physically threatening, shoot them and then come find him. He hated having to make the kid feel any type of fear or apprehension, he truly hoped that this feeling was wrong and that he was just being paranoid.

He should have known not to be so hopeful.

For as he was finishing up with work late that night, a jolt of fear shocked through him, starting from his heart and then washing completely over him. The feeling was so abrupt and so intense that it was enough to drop him to his knees. Kanan let out a gasp as he put a hand over his heart, he felt like his lungs were on fire, his entire body shaking, seconds later he realized this intense feeling was terror, and it wasn't his own.

"Ezra!"

Ice cold horror shoot through him at this realization; that ominous feeling, that sense of lumping dread, it was happening and it was happening to Ezra. Jumping to his feet Kanan bolted, he ran so fast he made the dirt and dust off the ground float into the air, and trail behind him. He reached put through the Force, searching for his connection with Ezra and immediately he latching onto the bond once he did. He mentally told Ezra that he was coming, but before the kid could even give a reply, there was another spike of fear and the bond was cut off.

"Ezra!" He called out as he around the corner and skidded to a complete stop when he found the door to his apartment ruthlessly ripped from it's hinges. Rushing inside, he saw that the entire place was trashed. Going into a cautious stance, Kanan walked inside his hand impulsively going towards his blaster, only to realized that he had given it to Ezra for protection. If the assailant was still here, he had nothing to defend himself with other then his fist and that would only work for so long. Sucking in a quiet breathe through his teeth, Kanan knew that the only other weapon he had to fight off their attacker was in his room. Stashed away, hidden securely from himself and the Empire, and that hasn't been use in seven years.

His lightsaber.

It was dangerous, he hadn't even shown it to Ezra even though the weapon clearly was calling to the kid, regardless he still kept it hidden. Because using it, taking it out after so long, was a very very bad idea.

But right now, he really didn't have a choice.

Cautiously, he made his way over to his bedroom. It also was in the same shape as the rest of the apartment was. Absolutely destroyed. Quietly, He walked over to the locked drawer and paused when he noticed that it was already unlocked, hesitantly he opened it. There sat his lightsaber, something he hasn't turned on or barely touched in ten years. It took Kanan only a moment to realize that his Jedi Holocron was missing. Before he could process any of this, Kanan heard a noise behind him, turning around his veins froze over at what he saw; there was Faoladh standing in the middle of the room, with Ezra suspended in the air, his furry hand wrapped around the boy's throat. Faoladh gave him a toothy grin upon seeing Kanan, "Well finally! Here I thought you weren't gonna show!"

"Let him go." As he said these words, the kid looked at him, his eyes pleading for help.

Faoladh laughed, "You're not really in a position to be making demands."

It was true, he wasn't. So he decided to play another card. "Unless you want me to report you to the Empire, I suggest you leave." Suddenly a blaster bolt came out of thin air and hit Kanan straight in is calf, he let out a yelp of pain before falling to on knee.

"See, I thought about that and I realized you can't say I'm here illegally if your dead." Kanan felt Ezra's fear spike yet again at these words. "I knew that I had to keep my distant, watching from a far as you went to and from your simple little job. I could have attacked at any time." The tone of Faoladh's voice became menacing, it felt sinister and dangerous, but Kanan stood back on his feet anyway. "I'm a strategist, I was just waiting for the right moment." Then the Shistavanen snapped his fingers and out of the corner of his eyes Kanan saw movement, but before he could react defensively two other Shistavanens grabbed him by the arms and tossed him to the ground, causing his hearing aids to fall out upon impact, and crushed under one of their boots of his attackers. Faoladh's kin proceeded to beat Kanan to near death. Their punches and kicks were ten times worse because of course these guys wore spiked boots and shock gauntlets.

Kanan felt his flesh being punctured, felt the pained sizzle of his flesh, the way all the sound dissapeared around him when the shockwaves damaged his hearing aids. 

His vision blurry as he saw that Ezra's face was stricken with tears, oh his heart ached at the sight. It hurt more then any wound could. Because he promised that he would keep Ezra safe. But he was failing, failing so miserably. Just like he had with Master Billaba. What had he been thinking? There was no way he could protect Ezra, no matter how much he wanted too, he was no good, no use to anybody, especially someone as wonderful as this child who was now near hysterics.

As his sight began to fade into darkness, he sent the kid a wave of feelings, an apology for not being able to keep his promise.

KANAN! A voiceless sound screamed within his mind so loudly that it actually chased the darkness, the feeling of unconsciousness away. Bringing Kanan back into reality before the darkness could claim him. His body jerked involuntarily, sucking in a large breathe through his bruised lungs as felt the other two Shistavanens still beating on him. He groaned, wishing the voice hadn't preventing him from passing out. Kanan! His eyes widened in realization, turning his head, saw that Ezra was struggling against Faoladh's grip on his throat, tears still cascading down his face. Kanan! He felt his entire breathe leave him. Ezra was talking, Ezra was saying his name, just his name and the only reason Kanan couldn't hear it was because his kriffing hearing aids had been destroyed. He had long since accepted that he'd likely never hear Ezra's voice. And yet here this kid was, calling out to Kanan, needing his help.

This kid, who was frantically trying to break free and help him.

It was like a fire had been lite within him, his strength then in that moment came back abruptly. And for the first time in ten years, Kanan let the Force aid him. Throwing his hands up over him, he Force pushed the two Shistavanens away from him.

Running on pure adrenaline, Kanan stood up and glared at Faoladh, who looked positively shocked at what he had just done, he focused on the Shistavanen and say that he was saying something. He thanked the Force that he had a talent for lip reading. "H-How did you do that?" Faoladh seemed to stutter out, for the first time he actually looked scared.

Kanan inches closer, his eyes looked dangerous. "Let him go."

The touch of fear that had enveloped Faoladh was now accompanied by anger. He tried hard to see what the Shistavanen was growling, but he was talking too fast. But seconds later he didn't need to know what the creature had said, because Faoladh pointed Kanan's own blaster to Ezra's temple, and that was all Kanan could focus on as Ezra's face morphed into a terribly pained expression at the action and that had been enough for him.

Stretching out his hand, Kanan summoned his lightsaber from within the drawer where he kept it hidden.

And ignited it.

Kanan felt the blades power coarse through his arm, having not felt it in years. But Faoladh wasn't looking at him anymore, within the blue glow of his saber, Kanan saw that Shistavanen's yellow eyes were now fixed on his weapon. Faoladh opened his mouth, Kanan thanked his lucky stars that his Master had taught how to read lips, "Jedi! You're a damned Jedi!" Faoladh Then as fast as lightning Faoladh threw Ezra towards him, instinctively Kanan caught him in his arms but was unable to prevent Faoladh from suddenly tackling them both, his blade disappearing into the hilt as the kid fall from his grasp as he once against was pinned to the ground with Faoladh on top of him, his paw on his throat while trying to grab his lightsaber. "Do you even know what the Empire would pay me for delivering them a Jedi. I would be rich, I could do anything... I could have anything!"

Then the Shistavanen chanced a looked at the kid, who was lying on the ground, and smirked. "I wonder if they would pay me extra for a Force sensitive child?" Anger rose within Kanan's heart at the threat towards Ezra as Kanan fought back harder. It didn't matter that the two of them had only known each other for a week, Ezra was everything to him so he was determined to not let this creature or the Empire get their hands on his boy. Raising his hand Kanan brought the tip of it to towards Faoladh and ignited the blade once more. 

He watched as the life drained from Faoladh's face, saw the light fade from his yellow eyes, then his body went limp, and Kanan pushed him off and he fell to the floor with a thud! Kanan couldn't help staring at the body, dropping his lightsaber on the ground as he looked down at his hands he saw that they were shaking, his entire form trembled as he realized exactly what he had just done. For the first time in years he had killed someone, with his saber. Something that he swore he would never do again, but in anger, in his determination he killed someone. Watched their life force fade away, he felt bile rose in his throat at the fact.

Kanan dropped to his knees, the guilt consuming him.

He felt tiny hands cup his cheekbones, trying desperately to get him to look up. But Kanan couldn't bring himself to do anything, he had no drive to do so, he felt himself in a state of numbness. How could he? How could he end a life in a state of anger, he was no better then a Dark Side user. Then abruptly, he felt something barrel into him so fast that it actually knocked the wind out of him, and simultaneously bringing him back to reality. Looking down, he saw that force had been Ezra, he felt the kid wrap his short arms around his chest, sensed the boy feelings through the Force. 

Desperation

Panic

Heartbreak

Kanan. Ezra sobbed out within their bond, it was soundless and voiceless. But he still was able to sense the overwhelming fear and guilt washing over the kid, threatening to consume him. Kanan. Kanan! Kanan!

Small fingernails dug into Kanan's cloths, and he felt them dig into his skin.

Come back, don't leave me.

It was then that he remember exactly why he had killed Faoladh, he was protecting Ezra. Protect this kid, his kid, from someone that was going to cause him harm, who going to turn this bright and caring child over to the Empire. That was why he had ended this man's life, because he had been a threat to not only Kanan but especially towards Ezra. And he wasn't going to let that stand, no one was ever going to lay another finger on this boy ever again. He would protect Ezra with his life, with his heart and soul and everything else he could muster.

Slowly, Kanan raised his arms, and tugged Ezra close to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around the boy, burying his face into those dark locks of hair, sending out all the comfort and reassurance he could. "It's... It's okay. We're okay, kiddo. I promise, we're gonna be okay." For just a moment the world, the entire galaxy fell away as the Force itself seemed to wrap around both of them, shielding them from the cruelty of it all. "I've got you, Ezra." Their bond seemed to stretch and grow with each second that ticked by, both of them greedily taking comfort in the others presence, holding each other to an almost painful degree.

In this solitude moment, they both grieved for the trauma they had just endured.

Chapter Text

It was as if the entirety of Lothal was shielding them, wrapping them up in a blanket of warmth. Trying to protect them from the trauma they just both witnessed, they had both suffered mere moments ago. And Kanan couldn't help but be grateful towards it. But sadly like all things, the moment of their solitude faded within minutes and Kanan's eyes drifted towards Faoladh on the ground, towards the Shistavanen's kin on the other side of the room, unconscious.

He had killed someone, watched their life fade from their eyes, watched them die. The thought still left him shaken no matter how horrible Faoladh was, the Padawan part of him, the one that would never go away no matter how hard he tried to suppress it, kept telling him over and over that he made a mistake, that Jedi were never suppose to end people's lives, that they had to show mercy, not kill.

But I'm not a Jedi, I never was. Kanan thought as he glared at Faoladh's body.

Still though, it registered within his heart that they could no longer stay on Lothal. Not when, the entire apartment was destroyed and there was a man laying dead within said apartment that was under his alias. Kanan greeted his teeth upon his own stupidity, why had he stayed on Lothal? Why had he taken such a risk when he knew that Faoladh was still around? Why hadn't he just taken the kid and left this place, found a new home? Suddenly, a tremor ran through Ezra and the answer to his question became clear within seconds. Yes, he had stayed on Lothal for Ezra's sake, because this place was and has always been the kid's home, his birthplace and it didn't feel right to take all that away from the boy, regardless of the trying life the kid lived for being along for so long.

He didn't want to abruptly rip everything Ezra had ever known away so suddenly. Kanan wanted to try and make this work, that maybe if he was extra careful with the Troopers, and was cautious to not draw any attention to himself, or towards Ezra. They could both have what they had lost long ago, a place to call home.

But now they had no choice but to leave.

"Ezra." Kanan let out a low, trembling breathe and reluctantly broke away from the hug. He looked at the boy, checking the Ezra over for any injuries. A bruised was slowly forming on the kid's cheek and his throat had three small cuts below the jugular, but other then that he had nothing life threatening. Placing his hands on both sides of kid's face, "We can't stay here anymore. We have to leave, we have to leave Lothal or else the Empire is going to fine us and—" He paused unable to even finish the sentence because the thought alone with what the Empire could and would do to them, was terrifying. "We need to go, now. Do you understand?"

Frantically, Ezra nodded.

Using the drawer as leverage, Kanan forced himself to his feet before his legs buckled underneath him and he fell onto his knees. The adrenaline he had once possessed was now depleted and his body ached all over, his muscle and insides felt like they on fire as the puncture wounds on the various parts of his body were now caked and scabbed over with his own dried blood. He moaned loudly, and he felt Ezra's panic reach new grounds as the child hovered over him, his tiny hands on Kanan's shoulder and on the center of his chest. "Do—" A cough was ripped from his throat. "Do you think you could help me walk, kiddo?"

Immediately, Ezra placed his hands on Kanan's back and chest. Gently the kid, helped him to his feet, not budging in the slightest when the older man put some of his weight on the boy. Slowly, they both made their way outside and did their very best not to be noticed by any Troopers or Lothal citizens. Once they were about a few feet away from their apartment, Ezra stopped and looked up at Kanan. Where do we go? The kid signed one handed, his eyes still nervous but cautious.

"I—" Kanan panted, trying to catch his breathe, "I have a ship, that I kept hidden on the outskirts of Lothal." It was the same ship he had use to come here when he thought he would only be staying a day. But hopefully, he kept it hidden well enough that the Empire didn't commandeer it. "Hopefully, it's still there."

It had taken them two hours on foot, but when they finally reached the hiding spot, Kanan couldn't help but let out a giant sigh of relief upon seeing the ship. Carefully, Kanan opened the hatched and practically fell inside, falling onto his knees. His breathing was labored, and his lungs burned with each breathe he took, but Kanan choose to focus on the fact that they had made it here in safely and undetected. Leaning against the wall, Kanan stood back up and was able to make his way over the the compartment where he kept supplies. Nothing at all fancy, just antibiotics, food supplements, water, bacta patches, ointment bactades, several rolls of gauze and a spare set of hearing aids.

Kanan was by no means was a professional when it came to treating injuries, but he did the best with what he had, and what he could afford. Propping himself against the wall. The older man, took out two bactades and tossed them in his mouth, drinking an entire small container of water, he greedily down the liquid, his throat bone dry and his lips awfully chapped.

He let out a gasp when he finally parted away from the bottle. Kanan leaned his head against the wall and sighed. Gently, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Ezra was standing in front of him, holding out the spare hearing aids, he also kept in there for emergencies. Despite how utterly horrible he felt, Kanan was able to muster up a smile for the boy. "Thanks, kiddo." Taking the opticals, he placed them inside his ears, taking a minute to adjust to hearing sound once more, took a minute to revel in the smalls sounds that were happening around him, closing his eyes. His breathing, Ezra's breathing, the quiet hum of the energy coming from the ship. For a moment, he sat in peaceful contentment in being able to hear sounds again.

Opening his eyes, Kanan reached forward and grabbed some bacta patches and gauze, inhaling a low string of air through his nose, Kanan prepared himself.

Then he slowly removed his shirt and proceeded to stitch up the puncture wounds, trying hard not to cringe in pain too much, least he hurt himself more. Applying the burn ointment on the various burns he could see on his upper body was a lot more soothing then he had anticipated it was going to be, lastly he added the gauze carefully he wrapped the roll around his mid section, his chest and arms.

Abruptly, Kanan was hit with a wave of heartbreak that wasn't his own, guilt that wasn't his own. It was so intense that Kanan had to press his back against the wall to keep from falling. His eyes immediately went to Ezra, whom was standing in front of him tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes fixated on Kanan's bandaged body. No, no please. Kanan thought, his heart ached because of course Ezra would be blaming himself. Reaching his hand outward, he calmly sent Ezra reassurance. "Ezra, I'm okay."

"K-Kanan—"

Kanan couldn't help but smile, a small gasp escaped his lips as tears formed in his eyes. Never did he ever think, he would ever hear that voice. it filled him with his bittersweet pride that the first word Ezra ever spoke was his name. Ezra opened his mouth as though he was trying to say something else, but nothing came, not a single sound, all that did was another raspy pronounce of his name. "Kanan..."

Another wave of emotions and feelings crashed into Kanan. Words and emotions that had no direct or palpable voice to them.

I'm sorry

My fault

Burden

"No!" Kanan breathed out, his heart going straight into his throat, making it hard to swallow. Frantically, he fell to his knees and embraced Ezra. Bringing the boy incredibly close to his chest as he tightened his arms around him. To think that Ezra felt so guilt over what happened with Faoladh, felt so guilty that he wished they had never met, it killed Kanan on the inside. That acknowledgement hurt him more then losing Master Billaba ever had done. Words couldn't describe how much this hurt, how much his fear had now taken control of him. "Ezra, don't think that! Don't ever think that! I'm fine, this wasn't your fault,"

But Ezra didn't look at all convinced. As his negative feelings kept going, as he cried into Kanan's chest.

Useless

Burden

Filthy

Kanan, emotionally couldn't take it anymore. Tears of his own cascaded down his face, "Ezra, stop. Please! None of that is true!" He never thought a person's heart could hurt this much emotionally, for his entire body began to tremble in fear and in pain. "Ezra, you saved me! Before you came into my life, I had been about too—" Kanan gulped down the lump in his throat, "About end everything. I was low, I was tired and I wanted everything to just stop." His heart felt like it was bleeding as he spoke these words. He sensed Ezra's shock at his confession, felt his confusion. Kanan parted away from the embrace just enough to press his forehead against Ezra's, closing his eyes. "You mean everything to me. You have brightened my life in a way I didn't think I would ever feel again, I never thought that would be possible for me to care so much about a person, not since losing my Master and the rest of the Jedi, but it's true. You gave me something back I thought I had lost a long time ago."

When he opened his eyes, Kanan saw Ezra trying so very hard to keep his composure, but he was failing miserably as he was visibly shaking and these choked little noises were escaping his throat. Gently, he squeezed Ezra's shoulders, looking directly into those dark blue orbs. "And if you ever have any doubts of how much I care, know this; I promise that no matter what happens, I will always be here for you, I will protect you with everything that I am." Kanan smiled, his heart filled with warmth and pain at the exact same time. "Because I love you, kiddo."

A choked wail ripped itself from Ezra's throat at his confession, it sounded painful, the negative emotions and thoughts disappeared in that moment as Ezra practically launched himself forward. Wrapping his short arms around Kanan's mid section, burying his face in his gauze-covered chest and sobbed. "Kanan. Kanan! Kanan—!"

I'm sorry

I love you

A low shaky sign escaped Kanan, at these voiceless thoughts, feeling utterly relieved that he was able to pull Ezra back from that brink of despair. Tenderly, he rubbed a hand down the kid's back and carded his hand through those dark blue locks, placing a chaste kiss on Ezra's temple, he smiled through his tears. Together they cried, soaked in the comfort and love each other was giving physically and mentally. Their bond strengthening in heaps and bounds, as it joyfully glowed between them, around them.

Even when the tears stopped flowing neither of them relinquished their hold on the other, content exactly where they were. "I never thought I'd hear your voice." Kanan said, his grip wavering just enough for him to look at the kid's face. "Is my name the only thing you can say?"

Ezra thought about it for a moment or two, then Kanan watched as the kid opened his mouth and attempted to speak, but all that came out was silence. After a few more seconds, he tried again. "Kanan."

"Well, I guess that's a yes." He places his chin on Ezra and gave the boy another squeeze. "But who knows, if you were able to say my name, I'm sure you'll be able to other words too, one day." Ezra nodded against his chest, Kanan could feel the kid relax against him fully. After another moment, he sensed that the kid was getting tired. And if Kanan was being completely honest, so was he.

"Hey." He said softly. "I think you and I need to go to bed, buddy."

Meekly, Ezra stated that he didn't want to go to sleep because that they needed to leave Lothal quickly before they were caught. But Kanan simply patted the boy's hands, stopping them from signing anymore and laid them both down on the ship floor, it was cold, uncomfortable and would most likely leave him sore in the morning, —more so then his injuries actually would— but it was better then nothing. "We won't be able to leave Lothal if we’re sleep deprived." Kanan calmly explained, though he sensed the undertones within that sentence, hinting at something Ezra wasn't explaining. For a brief moment, for just a second, he got a glimpse of it before it faded away and Ezra's frustrations of his own weakness kicked in.

Without any hesitation, he carded his hand through the ten year old's hair, the older man sent Ezra waves of serenity and affection. "I told you that I would protect you from anything to the best of my ability, that includes nightmares." Pressing his cheek against Ezra's forehead, he breathed. "Sleep, kiddo. We both need it."

Ezra's expression morphed between trusting and nervousness, wanting to trust Kanan but still scared about the nightmares he'd possibly have if he even attempted sleep after what they just went through. Soon though, it resolved itself and Ezra smiled, giving Kanan a single nod and settled down, burying his face into Kanan's chest and after a few silent moments of breathing, the kid was fast asleep.

Looking down at Ezra's face, seeing it so peaceful and content, Kanan's heart warmed up with affection before he too adjusted himself to a more comfortable position on the floor of his ship. slowly the events of the last few hours played over in his head. Had he been wrong to kill Faoladh? Could there been another way, a different scenario, an alternate tactic he could have used that would have result in both the Shistavanen's survival and their escape? As he thought all these things a small hand gripped the edges of the gauze around his chest, forcing Kanan to pause and shake his head, forcing himself out of his negative musing. Maybe there had been a way, but in that moment, with everything happening so fast, there hadn't been, there wasn't enough time. Kanan protected Ezra from a dangerous threat, that was all that mattered to him.

As sleep began to claim him as well, Kanan vowed to himself and to the Force that he would always be there, be there to give Ezra the love and support the kid desperately needed and rightfully deserved. As Ezra saved Kanan from his dark and lonely life of misery, Kanan was going to do the same for Ezra. Because now it was just the two of them. A family, neither of them ever thought they would have again, a semi deaf, broken man and a mute orphaned ten year old. Them against the entire galaxy, as the pulls of sleep finally won their battle over him, Kanan smiled.

He honestly couldn't wait to see where the Force, where their bond would take them next.