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English
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Part 1 of A Morbid Collection
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Published:
2018-12-25
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866
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1/1
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What It Feels Like To Drown

Summary:

#lets get sad this Christmas

//Lapidot One-Shot//

//Human AU//

//Trigger Warning//

"She may not act like it, but Lapis does care about me," Peridot's tone was flippant and unbothered. Lapis was just a little intense sometimes. That's all.

Or:

Lapis scares the author because of that whole shoulder squeeze thing she did to Peridot, and it gave him an idea.

 

||Deals with heavy stuff like domestic abuse, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and the poor green space dorito isn't doing so hot. yep.||
Also warning: lesbian sex. It's non-con btw. But I kinda just skip over it? So it's not graphic.

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

//Merry Christmas//

 

Peridot had bruises.

Many upon many bruises. And scars. Plenty of scars. 

Peridot knew that Lapis didn't mean it. She just... lost control sometimes. It wasn't her fault. 

Peridot knew with one hundred percent certainty that Lapis loved her. Even if it didn't seem like that sometimes. 

 

~*~

 

Peridot flinched at the sounds outside her and Lapis's room. The shattering of glass and heavy thuds as walls were punched. 

Peridot whimpered and squeezed her hands over her ears. Lapis was so unfairly strong, she thought absentmindedly. 

A muffled curse reached Peridot's covered ears, and the bedroom door banged open. 

Peridot froze.

"What are you doing?" her girlfriend's cold voice filled the air. The blue-haired woman stood tall, her lithe form entirely too imposing in the near darkness as she stared down her nose at the cowering ball that was Peridot.

Slowy, Peridot took her trembling hands away from her head. "N-Nothing, Lapis, just hangin out..." her voice trembled uncontrollably, and Lapis frowned, eyes narrowing to slits.

She stepped forward menacingly. "Are you scared?" she hissed angrily.

"No, of course not!" Peridot responded quickly.

Lapis lifted her fist and Peridot flinched. "I knew it." Lapis growled, lowering her arm. She stood back, just staring silently for a moment. Then, "I'm leaving." She started for the door.

Peridot scrambled to her feet immediately. "Where to?"

"Wherever I want."

"When will you be back?"

Lapis swung around to scoff at the shorter woman. "God, why are you so clingy?" she snarled, and then the door was slammed into Peridot's face.

Lapis was gone for four days.

~*~


When Lapis had returned, Peridot was in the middle of cooking dinner, just as she did every night, just in case Lapis came back.

She heard the front door open and close and soft footsteps padded into the kitchen before a pair of warm, slender arms enveloped her waist. A face buried itself into her neck.

"I'm sorry," Lapis's words were mumbled against Peridot's skin. Lapis's breath smelled like alcohol.

Peridot smiled, resting her head against the one nestled in her neck. "It's okay."

Lapis rubbed a hand up Peridot's stomach, sliding the other one up her girlfriend's shirt.

Peridot squirmed. "Please, Lapis. Not right now. I'm cooking."

Lapis only hummed, sinking her teeth into the blonde's shoulder. Peridot winced.

"Lapis, I'm serious-"

Lapis had plunged her hand into her pants.

Peridot relinquished control.

~*~


Peridot turned over in the bed, eyes watering. Lapis wasn't a gentle partner. Her skin stung unpleasantly and her senses felt overloaded with the smell of liquor. She turned her face into her pillow and cried silently.

Lapis slept undisturbed next to her.

~*~


They were staring at her.

Ruby, Sapphire, Amethyst, and Pearl where staring at her with such intensity, it made Peridot wriggle in her seat in discomfort.

Amethyst broke the silence first. "Dude. You look like shit."

Pearl elbowed her with a glare. "Amethyst..." she warned.

"What? We were all thinking it."

Pearl glared at her again before turning her attention back to Peridot. "Sorry, dear. What she meant to say was, are you getting enough rest? You're looking a bit peaky."

"What? No, I'm good." Peridot smiled hollowly.

Sapphire's intense stare turned suddenly, into a knowing expression. "Peridot..." she ventured, "How's life with Lapis?"

Peridot froze mid-gulp on her smoothie. "Uhh... It's great!"

"Are you sure?" Ruby piped in, catching on to what Sapphire had thought of.

Peridot swallowed. "Yup. She may not act like it, but Lapis does care about me." Her tone was flippant and unbothered, and yet it was forced.

The truth was, Peridot was strung as tightly as a guitar string. Her days and nights with Lapis had become increasingly more violent, and Lapis herself had become more controlling; micromanaging everything Peridot was doing. What she could and could not eat, what to wear, what places she could go to, who she could spend time with-- Everything was decided by Lapis. And Peridot didn't know how much more she could take.

She felt like she was suffocating. Drowning.

Everyday resulted in Peridot taking more and more painkillers to dull the stinging bruises and cuts, but it never felt like enough.

"Believe me. I'm having the time of my life!"

~*~


Lapis was pissed.

She had found the stash of painkillers Peridot was hording in the back of the closet.

"So what? Is this too much for you? Huh?!" Lapis screamed.

There was blood on her fist. Blood from Peridot's nose. From the deep cuts shards of glass had given her when Lapis through a lamp at her.

Peridot sobbed brokenly, weakly bringing her hands up to protect her face as Lapis started kicking her curled up form on the floor.

With every impact, Peridot cried out. Pleading for Lapis to stop. That she was sorry. That she wouldn't do it again.

Eventually, the torrent did stop. Lapis had left. Again.

Peridot did not move. Did not uncurl herself. And Lapis found her there still, hours later.

The blue-haired woman crouched down, taking the trembling form into her arms.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I love you."

After a moment of silence, Peridot responded with bloodied lips and empty eyes, "I love you, too."

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