Archive of Our Own ^beta

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[While on the bus]

Anon: *looks out the window* *sees Gumi walking past* *looks down at chest* Hey, how come her b**bs are bouncing and my don’t?

Kanon: *shrugs* Maybe yours are stiff.

Anon: Maybe…

Mirai: *who is sitting right next to them* O_O???

P.s. This is a 5-sec conversations my mom and I had in the car. Anon is my mom, I'm Kanon, and Mirai is my sister.

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[texting]

Yuuma: ❤

IA: Wait, how do I turn the 3?

Yuuma: Omg...

IA: Ɛ>

Yuuma: What the heck...

Source: internet

P.s. IA is an alien, you cannot judge her.

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Miki: [as a taxi driver] Where to ma'am?

Yowane: Hell.

Both: …

Miki: Sorry, but this ain't the Magic School Bus.

*More weird conversations between me and my sister.

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Arsloid: Hey, Fukase! Your back from school.

Fukase: Hey!

Arsloid: Oh, and who's this? Your... uh, girlfriend?

Piko: o_o

Fukase: Yes :D

Piko: *punches Fukase in the gut*

Arsloid: Oh, I see.

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These are my Vocaloid families:

- Big Al and Sweet Ann are Yohio and Oliver's parents. Ruby is Yohio's neighbouring best friend, so she's often seen at the PowerFX house.

- Gakupo and Una are siblings.

- Gumi and Ryuto are siblings while Sonika is their English cousin. That's how Gumi learned English.

- Meiko and Kaito are married and the Kagamines are their adopted kids. (The Kagamine's are twins, I can't see them be anything else)

- Arsloid, Cul, and Fukase are (ass) siblings, with Arsloid being the oldest.

- Ted and Teto are siblings. Teto just prefers being in chimera form.

- Yowane Haku and Dell are f*CKING HALF-SIBLINGS GET THAT RIGHT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!! Yowane's dad left when she was 3, and had Dell a year after he left.

- Flower and Xin Hua were in Flower's garden and they were picking plums from the tree. She accidently dropped one and as she was about to pick it up, the Meika twins were born. She is technically their guardian, but she prefers it when they call her their older sister. About a week later, Xin Hua had to leave, but she video chats with at least twice a week. Hime and Mikoto have no genders.

- VY1 Mizki and VY2 Yuuma are siblings. Mizki is older, and Yuuma looks up to them. Mizki and Yuuma have no genders.

- Daina and Dex aren't siblings, but they have a siblings bond. Daina was walking through the woods when she found Dex crying because his pack abandoned him. She quickly took him in and they stand together side by side in battle. Daina is the older one. Dex is more quiet when he's alone, but when he's surrounded by people he likes, he is more energetic. 

- Unity-chan and Azaka are separate people and they are twins. Unity-chan is the older one.

- The Macne families are consisted with Macne Nana, Petit, Coco Black and Coco White (they are twins), and Macne Papa. Their mother died when Petit was born, but it's fine. They run the Macne family café in her honour.

- Yukari and Akari are half siblings. Stardust and her sisters are their cousins.

- Genders are siblings of Vocaloids.

- And more to add... 

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Fukase: [in a crowd and can’t find Piko] This calls for drastic measures. [uses his hands as a megaphone] PIKO'S GETTING AN UPDATE!

Piko: [from across the room] WAIT, WHAT?!

Fukase: There he is.

I'm so sorry.

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Miku: Permission to take a selfie of the two of us?

Piko: Permission denied.

Miku: [snaps photo of them] Too late~!

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Kaito: Why are you wearing a samurai uniform?

Gakupo: It’s after six. What am I, a farmer?

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(Len on the ground injured)

Fukase: I got you, buddy!

Len: NO STAY AWAY FROM M-

Rin: (pops out of no where and kicks Fukase away) Stay away from my otouto!

Len: Neesan.

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Mizki: You’re like a sister to me.

Yuuma: …I’ll take it.

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Neru: (on the phone to Yowane) I need your help. Can you come here?

Yowane: Well, I can’t. I’m buying clothes.

Neru: Alright, hurry up then come over here.

Yowane: I can’t find them.

Neru: What do you mean you can’t find them?

Yowane: I can’t find them. There’s only soup.

Neru: What do you mean there’s only soup?

Yowane: It means there’s only soup.

Neru: Well then get out of the soup aisle!

Yowane: Alright, you don’t have to shout at me! (moves to the next aisle) There’s more soup!

Neru: What do you mean there’s more soup?!

Yowane: There’s just more soup!

Neru: Go into the next aisle!

Yowane: (moves to the next aisle) There’s still soup!

Neru: Where are you right now?!

Yowane: I’m at soup!

Neru: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE AT SOUP?!

Yowane: I MEAN I’M AT SOUP!

Neru: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!

Yowane: I’M AT THE SOUP STORE!

Neru: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!

Yowane: SCREW YOU!

*Yowane is drunk.

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Mayu: Romeo and Juliet are a love story, right?

Galaco: Romeo and Juliet are NOT a love story. It is a tragedy about how young love is stupid and shortsighted.

Kokone: Romeo and Juliet are indeed a tragedy, but the love between the two stars is not stupid or short-sighted - it is genuine and beautiful. The tragedy comes from the fact that the rivalry between the Capulets and the Montagues destabilizes their community and kills two innocent kids who loved each other.

Fukase: Mercutio is gay.

~~~

IA: We can make this work, we’re Romeo and Juliet!

Yuuma: It didn’t work for Romeo and Juliet. That play ends in a tragic double suicide.

IA: That’s how it ends? Why do people like it so much?

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Therapist: What's upsetting you?

Neru: She's always using common phrases incorrectly.

Yowane: Cry me a table, Neru… 

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Tei: Len looked at me the way all women wanna be looked at.

Momo: Awwww~

Defoko: ...

Tei: With fear in his eyes.

Momo: … 

Defoko: Awwww.

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Yukari: How do I politely tell someone that I want to hit their face with a brick several times?
Mayu: One wishes to acquaint your facial structure with a rigidly edged object fundamentally used in the construction of walls repeatedly.
Yukari: That was poetry.
Akari: That was a cry for therapy from both of you.

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Una: Standing next to sunflowers always make me feel weak, like, look at this flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.

Gakupo: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

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Yohio: Mom, the house is on fire!

Sweet Ann: Oh, I know, I’m such a horrible mother! I work and I cook-

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Galaco: Mayu is at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.

Len: Boys?

Mayu: Homicide. (chase after Len with a knife) DON’T EVER FLIRT WITH ME!

Len: (screaming and running away in terror)

*I'm Galaco in this. And maybe Mayu...

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Len: Alright, so you and I are married.

Piko: We are not married.

Len: Relax, it’s just pretend.

Piko: I don’t wanna pretend.

Len: Scared you’ll like it?

Piko: Okay, if we’re married, I want a divorce.

Gumi: Are you two like this all the time?

Both: Yes.

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Kaito: What do I do if they kiss me?

Meiko: Kiss them back!

Kaito: Okay, but why their back?

Meiko: ...

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Maika: [looking at Flower in her V3] Cutie.

Maika: [looking at Flower in her V4] Also a cutie.

Xin Hua: Can you stop sobbing over how your lover looks as both genders?

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Anon and Kanon: [pointing at each other] Please excuse my twin. She’s gay, so she likes unnecessary conflicts.

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“Goo goo f*cking ga ga.” — Ryuto

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Tei/Mayu/Fukase/Meiji: Of course my house is haunted, I live here.

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[Hime and Mikoto playing ball in the house]

Flower: Hime, Mikoto! NO PLAYING BALL IN THE HOUSE!

[Hime and Mikoto playing ball on the roof of the house]

Flower: NO PLAYING BALL ON THE HOUSE!

[Hime and Mikoto playing ball through the house, window from window]

Flower: NO PLAYING BALL THROUGH THE HOUSE!

[Hime and Mikoto hanging out from windows, playing ball]

Hime: This isn’t even fun anymore.

Mikoto: That stopped being the point a long time ago.

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Mayu: How many different ways you know to kill a man?

Tei: How many different ways do I need?

Mayu: I like you.

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Len: Ok Tei, would you rather kill Miku-
Tei: Kill Miku.
Len: But I didn’t say any othe-
Tei: I don’t need to hear it.
Miku: … feeling a little unsafe here.

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Rin: I’m always DTF.

Len: *concerned look*

Rin: Down to fight.

Len: *concerned look intensifies*

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Nemu: Alright, that’s enough. I gotta go and take a nap.

Rion: It’s 10:30 in the morning.

Nemu: What can I tell you, I’m wiped.

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“Their like a gay Fantastic Four.” - Anyone about the Meme Squad (Flower, Piko, Oliver, Fukase)

*Okay tbh, I haven't found a guy to really ship Ollie with, but it works for now, LOL.

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[Everyone quietly stands around a broken coffeepot]

Gakupo : So. Who broke it?

Everyone :

Gakupo : I’m not mad. I just want to know.

Kokone : I did, I broke-

Gakupo : No, no you didn't. Cul?

Cul : Don’t look at me! Look at Gumi!

Gumi : What? I didn’t break it.

Cul : Huh, that’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Gumi : Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken.

Cul : Suspicious.

Gumi : No, it’s not.

Lily : If it matters, probably not, but, Chika was the last one to use it.

Chika : Liar, I don’t even drink that crap!

Lily : Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Chika : I use the wind stirs to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, Lily!

Kokone : Okay, let’s not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it, Gaku-

Gakupo : No, who broke it?

Gumi : Gaku, Galaco’s been awfully quiet.

Galaco : Really?!

Gumi : Yeah, really!

[Everyone arguing in the background]

Gakupo : I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it.

Gakupo : I predict ten minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Gakupo : Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

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Miku: How do I play??
[Miku has drawn first blood]
[Miku is on a killing spree]
[Miku is on a rampage]
[Miku is unstoppable]
[Miku is dominating]
[Miku is godlike]
Miku: Don’t worry guys, I figured it out.
Len: This is Mario Kart??? How are you??????

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IA: Hewwo ! I will be youw suwgeon today, intewnal bweeding you say? Let’s make ouw fiwst wittle incision.
Arsloid: Dowcto ! Wewre loswing him/her!!!
IA: Quick! Hand me the defibwiwatow !!
Yuuma/Yukari: Please. Turn off my f*cking life support.

*IA, Arsloid, Yuuma, and Yukari are in a friend group. IA and Arsloid are the dumbasses while Yuuma and Yukari deal with their stupid antics. (Just think of Kaede, Maki, Shuichi, and Kaito from Danganronpa V3)

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Meiko: I am not drunk.
Kaito: Yes you are.
Meiko: I am not f*ckin drunk.
Kaito: Can you tell the time?
Meiko: Yes.
Meiko, pointing at a clock: I am not f*ckin drunk.

*She would. This makes me laugh a lot.

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Mayu: When I was small-
Yuuma: *snorts* “Was.”

*Mayu and Akari are like the same height honestly, but this is before Akari Has Arrived (if someone understands this, I will love them forever), and I headcanon Mayu is one of the shortest teenagers while Yuuma is the tallest.

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Iroha: Humans are a lot like cats.

SeeU: We love attention and always send mixed signals?

Iroha: We both eat rats.

~~~

Iroha: Are you religious? I’d like to introduce you to my religion.

SeeU: What’s your religion?

Iroha: *sends a picture of the continents outlined to make a cat* The Cat Earth Society.

SeeU: I’m interested.

*I'm thinking of making a crackship religion. Anyone who would like to join me?

~~~

Iroha: I have a list of words that have the word “meow” in them!

Iroha: Meow, meowing, meowed, meows, homeowner-

SeeU: That last one’s going to destroy my life.

~~~

Uni: What's your goal?

SeeU: To pet all the cats.

Uni: No, I meant fitness goal.

SeeU: To be fast enough to pet all the cats.

~~~

Meiko: Only sexy b!tches sit on the counter, that's the law.

Mew: My cat said this.

~~~

"Lesbians just stole my cat." - Mew

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Kyo: I was just thinking about you.

Wil: He is an interesting person.

*Horrible joke, I know... ehehehe...

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Gumi: *makes finger guns at Piko*
Piko: Pull the f*cking trigger, you coward.

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Meiko: Miku, what are you having for dinner?
Miku: .....
Meiko: .....
Miku: ..... Leeks..
Meiko: How many?
Miku.... I ordered 39 of them...

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Moke, at the Sistine Chapel: Michelangelo painted this.
Rin: I’m not stupid, Moke-kun. I know the Ninja Turtles aren’t real.

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IA: Did you just refer to the knife as a "people opener"?
Mayu: Should I not have?

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Arsloid: [Doesn’t understand English] Hio-kun and Dex-kun look like they’re enjoying their conversation there. I wonder what they’re talking about.
Yohio: So I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties—
Dex: *tries to muffle his laughter*
Yuuma [also doesn’t understand English], to Arsloid: I think they’re having a wonderful conversation.

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Teto: I trusted you!
Tei: Why?

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Yuuma: How tall are you?
Mayu: Height is a social construct.
Yuuma: So you’re short.

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Zunko: This tea is great! What kind is it?
Lumi: Oh, I just boiled some Gatorade.

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Longya: Moke, I know we don’t always see eye to eye about things.
Moke: That’s because you’re too tall.

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“Just trying to do my Bestpactio here.” - Bruno

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Kyo: Hey, have you guys seen Yuu?
Wil: No, it's not my turn to watch him.

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Piko: You have friends and I envy that.
Flower: You're welcome to my friends.
Piko: *looking at Oliver and Fukase* I don't want these.

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Unity-chan, T-posing in the doorway: Good evening, parental figure.
Akaza, not looking up from her eggs: Good evening, problem child.

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Zunko: Let’s save the ants!

Lumi: Yeah!

Rin: [using a toy road roller to kill an ant] GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!

*Rin is my sister and Zunko and Lumi are her friends at school. She told me this and I thought it was funny. All three of them are few of her favourite Vocaloids.

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Arsloid: Aw, Yohio, we can’t go in here! It says 18+, but we’re only two people!
Yohio: You’re so stupid. Just invite more people!

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Yohio: Okay, we gotta get through this locked door. Ars, quick, give me your credit card.
Arsloid: Here.
Yohio, pocketing it: Cool. Yuuma kick down the door.

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Luka: I have a great memory. Name one thing I have forgotten.

Rana: You forgot me in a McDonald’s parking lot.

Luka: I did that on purpose.

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Rin: We can’t lose. Because we have this! *points to chest*

Kokone: We have heart?

Rin: Heart? No. Me. I’m pointing at myself. I’m going to win this for us.

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Kiyoteru: Are you... crying?

Miki, sobbing: This book is so sad.

Kiyoteru: This is a recipe book.

*I don't like books with sad endings, unless it's has a sequel/series, or it's semi-bittersweet.

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Kaito: Hello, people who don’t live here! :D

Arsloid: Hey!

Flower: Hello.

Cyber Diva: Hi!

Meiko: I gave you the key incase of emergencies.

Cyber Songman: We were out of Doritos.

*No, my friends and I are the type of people to wake up at 3 am and buy gallon of ice cream, and then eat it all.

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Iroha: I don’t know
Miki:
Iroha: What did I do wrong?
Miki:
Iroha: What did I say??
Miki:
Iroha: Why did she leave me???
Miki:
Miki: Iro, Hello Kitty’s a cat, she literally just went to her cat tower-
Iroha: aM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER???!??!!

Headcanon: Iroha has a pet cat named Hello Kitty. I know, very orginal. :/

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2 types of this meme:

Kokone: So, how’s the most beautiful person in the room doing?

Zunko: I-I’m okay… How are y-

Lily, from the other side of the room: I’m doing great!

Miku: How's the most beautiful person in the room doing?

Rin: I dunno, how are you?

Miku: [embarrassed] I-I'm fine, t-thank you...

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Kaito: Oh fiddlesticks! That really ruffled my feathers!

Meiko, crying: Please, just say f*ck.

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[texting]

Miki: You will machete through this!!

Miki: I meant make it

Miki: Crap, please don’t machete your way through this

Mayu: Too late.

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Yuuma: I’m not even gonna ask how I’m still alive because you know what I think? I think I died a long time ago, and you two are my eternal punishment.

Yohio:

Arsloid:

Yohio: You’re like a constant downer, huh?

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Piko: Personally, I don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

Miki: We attack them with hummus.

Piko: I stand corrected.

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Arsloid: FIGHT ME
Yukari: Unfortunately, I have a rule against battling children.

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Bruno: Leon, Tonio won’t come out of his room.
Leon: Just tell him I said something.
Bruno: Like what?
Leon: Anything factually incorrect.
Tonio, arriving moments later: I’m sorry did you just say the sun is a f*cking planet-

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Miku: I may be the most annoying member of the team, but at least I have the best ass.
Meiko: That’s not true!
Miku: *tearing up* I know, Luka has an amazing ass.
Meiko: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT! YOUR ASS IS AMAZING AND I VALUE YOU AS A TEAMMATE!!

*I didn't know what to put here.

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Lapis: *traps a spider under a cup*

Merli: *appears with two identical cups*

Lapis: Merli, don't---

Merli: *sets them down and starts to shuffle them*

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Fukase: *counting on his fingers*
Kiyoteru: I just asked how old you are.
Fukase: Can you shut the f*ck up for just a second?

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Cul: This is so boring, why are we hanging out again?
Lily: We aren't. I said I was going to the store.
Cul: Then why did you invite me?
Lily: I specifically said "don't come with me" and you said "I'll do whatever I want" and tagged along
Cul: ... It's not safe walking alone at night okay?

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Sweet Ann: We have a swear jar now. If you curse, you'll have to pay $100.
Dex: Heck.
Daina: You're on thin f*cking ice, Dex!
Dex: Ha! Pay up f*cker!
Lola: Kids, please.

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“I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.” - Fukase

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Cul: Is three fingers too much?

IA: Not at all! Most people have ten.

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I think you should make like a tree and just stand while I go get my axe/chainsaw.

- Mayu or Yukari

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Momo: Why don't murderers hide bodies in cemeteries?

Tei: Thanks for the tip.

Momo: No, this is not a tip, this is a joke.

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Yukari, opening the first aid kit: Why is this filled with Cheetos?!

Arsloid, bleeding out: I thought it would be funny at the time...

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Rion: What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?

Nemu: Awfully bold of you to assume I've reached Peak Dumbass.

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Ryuto: Get out of my room, I'm playing Pokémon.

Una: Get out of my house, I'm playing Minecraft.

Rana: Get out of my life, I'm playing Tetris.

*This was said between my sister and my cousin. Ryuto is my little cousin, Una is my sister Eiko, and Rana is me.

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"This is my boyfriend, Len, and this is my boyfriend's boyfriend, Piko."

- Gumi introducing Len and Piko to her family.

*I'm not sorry for my OT3.

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Zunko: I finally got over my fear of ghosts!
Kokone: That’s the spirit!
Zunko: What, where!?

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Yohio: Why are you like this?

Yuuma: I used too much tear free shampoo this one time back in 2011 and I haven’t felt a single emotion since.

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Mayu: Jail is no fun, I know that.

Galaco, surprised: You've been there?

Mayu: Once, in Monopoly.

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Neru: I'm not gonna be a part of your evil plan.

Tei: I'll give you $20.

Neru: Deal.

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Arsloid: You saved me, Yuuma. I owe you my life!

Yuuma: No thanks, I’ve seen your life, and trust me, I’m not impressed.

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Flower: So excited for season 3!

Piko: Which show, Flower?

Flower: Please respect my privacy, Piko.

Fukase: Maybe she just means autumn.

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Rin, whispering: Be strong.

Moke: Are you seriously talking to the wifi signal?

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Oliver: Fukase would throw himself in front of a car for you.

Flower: Fukase would throw himself in front of a car just for fun.

Fukase: (from a distance) I WOULD NOT!

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Arsloid: Truth or dare?

Yuuma: [exasperated] Truth.

Arsloid: Do you want to kiss me?

Yuuma: Dare.

Arsloid: [leans in] I dare you to kiss me.

Yuuma: Never have I ever-

Arsloid: THAT’S NOT THE GAME-

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Iroha: Dammit!

Kiyoteru: Language.

Miki: Japanese.

*Their speaking Japanese, alright, I dunno.

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Zunko: I don’t sin.

Miki: I sin a little.

Miku: I sin sometimes.

Len: I sin a lot.

Fukase: I’m sinning right now.

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Mayu: Hey, I was able to get you guys the twenty gallons of blood for the play.

Rion: I-incredible!

Miku: Wow! Where’d you get twenty gallons of fake blood on such short notice?

Mayu: You wanted FAKE blood?

Rion: ......

Miku: .....

Mayu: .... Let me go make a call....

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Mirai: [sleepover voice] Are you awake?

IA: [sleepover reply voice] Yeah.

Nemu: [regretful sleepover voice] You guys SHH.

Yukari: [confused sleepover voice] What is the meaning of life?

Rin: [annoyed sleepover voice] Shut up.

Miku: [sleepover host voice] You guys be quiet Meiko's gonna hear us.

Gumi: [unknown voice] You kids wanna buy some drugs?

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Gakupo: I actually have a black belt.

Yuuma: In what? Karate?

Gakupo: No, from Gucci.

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Fukase: I’m the most responsible person in this group.

Sachiko: You literally just set the kitchen on fire.

Fukase: Yes and I take full responsibility for it.

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Arsloid: I know I’m a real asset.

Yuuma: You’re only off by two letters.

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Kaito: *nudges Meiko awake at 4am* Do you like me?

Meiko: I MARRIED you.

Kaito: Yes, but did you marry me as a friend, or as a husband? Unclear.

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Zunko & Kokone: *talking about the new friends they made while going out to get lunch*

Zunko: And then they gave me this really cool friendship symbol!

Kokone: And they gave me one too! They were certainly friendly!

Lumi: *mega pissed off* THAT’S A GANG SYMBOL! YOU ACCIDENTALLY JOINED A GANG!

Nana: Koko, how on Earth did you not see that they were Gang Members?!

Kokone: THAT'S why they were dressed like that and wanted me to meet up with them later tonight?!

Lumi: KERIOFJOERIFJERIOFJ

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[Scene: A bridge at night; two cars drive up. Out of one car emerges Fukase; he reaches in and drags out Miku, who is tied up and gagged. Out of the other, emerge Rin and Len, who slowly approach; Len is carrying a corgi and looks very confused.]

Rin: Is that the woman?

Len: (*shakes his head*) I don’t know her.

Rin: Right, but that is a woman.

Len: (*looks at Rin in confusion*) What are you even talking about??

Fukase: [makes Miku get on her knees; Rin and Len stop where they are] (*pulls out a gun*) Give me the dog…or I’ll kill her!

Rin: Give us the her…or we’ll throw the dog off the bridge!

Len: (*to Rin*) What?!

Rin: (*whispering to Len*) I’m bluffing, but if he shoots her, throw the dog off the bridge.

Fukase: Why did you attack us?

Rin: (*confused*) We didn’t! How do you know who we are?

Fukase: We don’t! (*beat*) Where’s the kitten?

Len: What kitten?!

Rin: Who is that woman?

Fukase: (*gestures frantically*) You don’t know her?!

Rin: Do YOU?!

Fukase: Why did you burn my house down?!

Rin: (*genuinely mystified*) I burned your house down?!

Len: Where’s Gumi?!

Fukase: She’s…not here! (*gestures with the gun*) Just bring me the dog!

Rin: Why do you want it?!

Fukase: Why did you take it?!

Len: We don’t know!!

Fukase: Why did you kill Leon?!

Len: We didn’t!!

Rin: Did you?!

[Meanwhile, a few hundred meters away, Meiko and Kaito are in a police car listening in on the conversation]

Meiko: What the hell are they talking about?!

Kaito: (*adjusting his listening device*) Dogs, cats…I don’t know.

Meiko: Stupidest goddamn people alive!

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Anon: I like Fukase as much as I like boys.

Miki: What do you mean???

IA: …..You’re homosexual….

Mirai: You literally kissed me yesterday and now we are dating….

Fukase: You fricking HATE me, dumbass!

Anon: tHAT’S THE POINT YOU IDIOTS

Chapter Text

Oliver: Do you even know how to drive this thing?

Fukase: Normally, I’d lie and say yes, but considering the fact that I almost flew us into that building, I’m going to assume you know the answer.

Chapter Text

Two salt memes.

Arsloid: Hey can you pass the salt?

Ryuto: Can you pass your classes?

Arsloid: Wow, too much salt.

Gumi: Len, can you pass the salt, please?

Len: [tosses Piko across the dinner table]

Chapter Text

Maika: Okay, so what drink are you getting?
Yohio: Blood.

I went to the movies with my friends yesterday, and as a joke, blood was my response for a choice of drink.

Chapter Text

Iroha: Hey Flower, I have a question.
Flower: If it's about my sexuality, then I'm afraid I can't give you a straight answer.
Iroha: Eh?
Fukase: [runs into the room and points at Flower, accusingly] That was my joke, you idiot!

Chapter Text

Kaito: Hey sensei? What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
Kaito: HeHe.
Kiyoteru: [stands up and leaves]

Chapter Text

Piko: So wait, why were you kicked out of Flower's house?
Fukase: Because I threw a lamp at her, and told her to lighten the f up.

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Anon: I heard the doctor complaining about something, what happened?
Mirai: He said that my laser eye surgery was complete and I asked, "Sweet, how do I fire them?"
Anon: Oh...

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Fukase: F is for friends, who do stuff without you.
Flower: U is for uninvited.
Piko: C is for clinging onto hope that you won't keep getting forgotten.
Len: K is for Krisp Kreme, yum~
Oliver: DOWN HERE IN THE BIG BLUE SEA~

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Kokone: Name a way to be nice to others.
Mayu: Don't kill them.
Kokone: Setting the bar a little low, but I'll allow it.

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Bruno: What if food had people names and people had food names?
Meiko: Hey Spaghetti, time for dinner!
Kaito: What are we having?
Meiko: Tonio.
Miriam: Why am I friends with you guys?
Leon: Shut up, Potato.

Chapter Text

Bruno: [steals Clara's credit card] Hasta la visa.

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"Am I dead again? I gotta stop doing that... bad for my health." - Len

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Rin: Chillax!
Kiyoteru: That's not a word!
Rin: Sometimes those who deny chillax are the ones who need to chillax the most.

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Lapis: The opposite of firefly is waterfall.
Merli: STOP

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Fukase: Piko hates me? It's okay, I have Point. Point hates me too? It's alright, it's alright.

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[texting]

Arsloid: IA-chan, please let me show you my d
Yuuma: …
Arsloid: …eadly dance moves

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Miku: You're four years older than me Luka.
Luka: Since when?
Miku: Since birth!

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Cul: "Your mental illness is all in your head." Where did you think it was? My ass?
Fukase: Mental illness is stored in the balls.

Chapter Text

Arsloid: People thinks it's funny when my nose is kinda runny, it's snot.
Cul: I feel like everyone is slowly transforming into Fukase because of their jokes and puns has gotten worse each day.
Fukase: Feels good to be a god in this place.

Chapter Text

Kokone: Are you in love?
Arsloid: No, I'm in bed.

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Nemu: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.

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"No matter what time it is, everyone deserves a cookie." - Momo

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[texting]

Len: GAY!
Len: I mean yay
Len: But it's never a bad time to praise homosexuality

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Luka: Kaito-nee is so gentle and kind-hearted.
Meiko: And stupid.

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Fukase: The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations.

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Yohio: Hey, we may have not gotten the girls, but we got something better.
Arsloid: What?
Yohio: Each other bro.
Arsloid: Bro...

Chapter Text

Rin: Must you attack me with words?
Len: Should I use rocks?

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Momo: Tei-nee, tell me a story.
Tei: Once I killed a man.
Momo: I meant like a bed time story.
Tei: Oh, my bad.

Chapter Text

Gumi: Hey Meeks, what's cracking?
Miki: Eggs are cracking.
Gumi: No, I mean like, what's good?
Miki: The opposite of evil.
Gumi: No, like, what's up?
Miki: THE ROOF

Chapter Text

Len: I'm not a crybaby.
Miku: … Toy Story 3.
Len: [crying] THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS IN A FURNACE!

Chapter Text

Cul: Tomorrow is garbage day!
Fukase: I can't believe we have a whole day dedicated to you.

Chapter Text

Gumi: Do you even know Piko's last name?
Len: I'm gonna tell you tomorrow because he's going to be screaming it tonight.
Miki: He's going to scream his own last name?

Chapter Text

Gumi: Tell me something I don't know about.
Galaco: Kokone is the sweetest girl to have ever existed in the universe.
Gumi: I said something I don't know.

Chapter Text

Miku: [entering the kitchen] Good morning~
Len: Is it morally okay for me to secretly wish that your relationship didn't work out?
Rin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR NOW AREN'T ANIMAL PERSON THAT TIME? WE'RE GOING TO A PET STORE AND ADOPTING ONE RIGHT NOW!
Gumi: Let's be workout buddies. Marathons count even if they are for movies, right?
Teto: I don't like your clothes, take them off.
Miku: E-eh? I don't get it.
Kaito: [patting her head] Everyone loves you.

Chapter Text

Mayu: Are you decent?

Fukase: Not morally, but I’m wearing pants if that's what you're asking.

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"Yowane doesn't have a life plan. She doesn't even have a day plan. I once found a note she wrote to herself that said "put on pants" followed by a question mark." - Neru

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I have found one of the funniest animated videos ever and I'm dying cause it makes me laugh so much. So I chose Vocaloid's that I think would match the utaites.

Soraru (Blue) - Piko

Senra (Yellow) - Fukase

Mafumafu (Pink) - Dex

Shima (Purple) - Arsloid

Urata (Green) - Yohio

Sakata (Red) - Len

The original audio is in the video description.

Here's the link to the video:

"Soraru Works at Starbucks"

Chapter Text

Arsloid: Alright, since I’m the boss, I’ll drive. Who wants shotgun?

Cul: You can’t be serious. You ran over Fukase THIS morning!

Arsloid: Well, everyone INSIDE the car was fine, Cul!

Chapter Text

[texting]

gummi bear: good morning to those awake

banana boi: and goodnight to those asleep

USBOI: and goodbye for all those who will die

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Oliver: I'm Oliver!

Len: I'm Len!

Yohio: And I'm Yo-HIO! Here's a one-way ticket-

All three: To the Blonde Boyz Zone!

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"Len's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence." - Sukone Tei

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Daina: Damnit, Dex! How many minutes was I gone?

Dex: [counts on fingers] Uhh...

[holds up three] Five?

Daina: No, that's three.

Dex: [holds up one finger on one hand and two on the other] Is this better?

Avanna: Why do I stick around with these kind of people?

Chapter Text

Sweet Ann: WHY AREN'T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?!

Oliver: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Chapter Text

Rin: Are you interest in girls?

Akari: What are you talking about? I don't think I understand.

Rin: I'm asking if you're a lesbian.

Akari: I do like girls! I didn't know that made me a lesbian. But who doesn't like girls?

Rin: You're cute.

Chapter Text

Ken: Every talk I have with you Yamaha people gets more and more absurd.

Meiko: You say “you Yamaha people” like you’re not part of the family. Well, I’ve got news for you, kid— you’re already on the Christmas card.

Chapter Text

[texting]

Hail Teh Meme Lord: yesterday, I yote my water bottle thru the hallway

BananaBoi: did u just use yeet in the past tense?

Chapter Text

[texting]

OrangeCrusher: I want to f*ck you

39Leeks: Could you please say it more romantically?

OrangeCrusher: ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡ I want to f*ck you ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

39Leeks: Seriously

Chapter Text

Yukari: I've never been in a snowball fight before. I don't know the rules.

Kiyoteru: What?

Yukari: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

Chapter Text

[texting]

Hail The MemeLord: THE SUN IS ON FIRE. I REPEAT, THE SUN IS ON F*CKING FIRE!

CarrotCupcake: THE OCEAN IS FLOODING, I REPEAT, THE OCEAN IS FLOODING

bananaboi: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, THE EARTH IS SPINNING GUYS, ITS SPINNING!

39Leeks: MYSTERIOUS GAS HAS SETTLED ALL THROUGHOUT THE EARTH AND WE ARE CURRENTLY BREATHING IN IT

USBoi: These people, seriously...

RobotOfMars: OH DEAR, ALL THE FISH ARE DROWNING

USBoi: Not you too!!

Chapter Text

Nemu: Getting up at 6:00 a.m. made me realize that 6:00 a.m. isn't a place, it is an emotion.

Miku: 6:00 a.m. isn't a place at all.

Nemu: That's because it is an emotion.

Chapter Text

[texting]

Hello Kitty: Hey, how's your night going?

RobotOfMars: My what?

Hello Kitty: Night

QueenOfMars: Okay, goodnight

@RobotOfMars left the chatroom

Chapter Text

Mayu: Why are you staring at me like that?
Galaco: Shh... I'm appreciating art.

Chapter Text

Kaito: You don't need alcohol to have fun.

Meiko: You also don't need a car to get places, but it certainly helps.

Chapter Text

Tei: [teleports behind you and kills you in the least sexual way]

Len: It can't be sexual if getting killed is my kink.

Neru: Please act like a human.

Chapter Text

[Flower and the Meika's walk into the living room where there is a massive goat]

Hime: Oh, yeah! I, uh, forgot to say.

Flower: There's a MASSIVE GOAT in the living room and you just "forgot to say"?!

Hime: It's good, isn't it? You said Hua-chan hates goats, so...

Flower: GHOSTS. I said "GHOSTS". Who has any strong opinions on GOATS?!

Meika's: …

Mikoto: … I did think it was a bit odd...

Chapter Text

Lily: If you come out, there's a chance Gakupo will never talk to you again.

Cul: This plan has no downsides.

Chapter Text

Len: If you hurt my friends-

Tei: I did hurt your friends! I really enjoyed hurting your friends.

Chapter Text

Moke: I wrote this story for the class. What do you think?

Tianyi: Hm, let's see... "Moke is smarter than everyone."

Moke: The teacher said "write what you know."

Chapter Text

Rin: Should I get rainbow coloured underwear??
Miku: As your girlfriend, this is a level of gay even I can't handle.

Chapter Text

"It was a sweet day when I realized that legal and illegal had nothing to with right and wrong." - Galaco

(inspired by the askrightandwrong tumblr blog. Go check it out!)

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Gumi: Can the sarcasm.
Yuuma: Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.

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"Let's be friends with benefits. The benefits? You get to be friends with me." - Luka to Gakupo

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"Strong people don't put others down, they lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact." - Yuuma

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Teto: Hey Tei!
Tei: There it is again.

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"Listen, I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on." - Lapis

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"If my life wasn't funny, it would be true and that is unacceptable." - Fukase

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Miku: We'll handle this the way we always do-
Rin: Brute strength?
Len: Almost dying?
Miku: No and no! By sticking together and never giving up!

Chapter Text

Luka: Trust your mom's opinions on people.
Len: Um, she's married to my dad.

Chapter Text

Arsloid: Weird. That’s the fifth shirt I lost in a row.
Yukari: [wearing Arsloid’s shirt] Spooky.

Chapter Text

IA: I'm a very tough person. Nothing can break me. I don't even remember the last time I cried.

Yuuma: We passed by a cat yesterday, and you cried when you accidentally stepped on its tail.

IA, tearing up: It didn't deserve that. I betrayed it’s trust.

Chapter Text

“All lessons worth learning are drenched in blood.” - Mayu or Tei

Chapter Text

Unity-chan: Are you posing?

Mirai: Google Earth always taking pictures.

Chapter Text

“I don’t care” I say caringly, as I care deeply." - Piko/Yuuma/Yukari

Chapter Text

Miki: I’m going with-not Piko.

Piko: That’s perfect because I don’t want to go with grammatically incorrect people anyway.

Miki: Is him talking about me?

Chapter Text

“Anon, who is a full-grown adult, just whispered, ‘Oh, this is going to be so fricking efficient,’ before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.” - Kanon

Chapter Text

Meiko: At least I can drink.

Rin: I can down an Orange Crusher in one suck, you wanna go?!

Chapter Text

“I can’t find a song to express how gay I’m feeling.” - Literally everyone

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“You can play basketball. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.” - Mayu to a terrified Arsloid

Chapter Text

[Neru and Miku arguing over who gets to sleep next to Nemu]

Nemu: Can I get sleep?

[still arguing]

Nemu: Can I PLEASE just sleep?

Chapter Text

Akari: Good morning, cruel world.

Piko: Don’t you mean ‘goodbye, cruel world’?

Akari: No, I meant good morning, the world may be cruel, but I’m still kicking.

Chapter Text

Maika: Have you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with WLW so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends?

Flower: Straight boys have what now?

Chapter Text

Yowane: I may be ugly and untalented.

Dell: But…?

Yowane: That’s all.

Chapter Text

“Something’s wrong. Murder isn’t working and that’s all I’m good at!” - Tei, realizing her killing Miku hasn’t worked

Chapter Text

“I won’t rest until I’ve complained about everything.” - Piko

Chapter Text

[Meanwhile in the different modules/voicebanks universe]

Rin Append: Hey, do you wonder if is common to see a giant travelling sun?

Gumi Power: No, why?

Rin Append: Because… uh…

[SMASH ULTIMATE DEATH LASER KILL]

Chapter Text

Yuuma: Oh no.

Mizki: What is it? What happened? Who died?

Yuuma: I think I just felt an emotion.

Mizki: You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

Chapter Text

[reading fan questions]

Fukase: A fan from America wants to know: “Where do you go to get peace and quiet?”

Piko: I go to the place without Fukase.

Fukase: [leaving] Okay, bye bye.

Chapter Text

"Attention all sweet meteor of deaths: I'm single." - Everyone

Chapter Text

Len: You know what would solve all your problems?
Luka: Your death?

Chapter Text

Miku: Would you like to have lunch with us?

Piko:  You'll have to be very persuasive.

Miku: I'm paying.

Piko: Alright, sure.

Chapter Text

Moke: What is wrong with you?
Fukase: Let's start with everything and go from there.

Chapter Text

Miki: Iroha? That's a great name.
Iroha: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.

Chapter Text

Gumi: There's only one thing this plan is missing-
Piko: All the steps to make it succeed?!

Chapter Text

"I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, @$$HOLE!" - Len during the Servant of Evil

Chapter Text

"I made out with four of the four girls I was out with last night. I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now." - Rin

Chapter Text

Defoko: Stressed
Ruko: Depressed
Momo: Blessed
Ritsu: Possessed
Tei: Obsessed
Miko: Impressed
Rook: Chicken breast.
Ted: What?
Rook: I just wanted to join in.

Chapter Text

"I'll carve our names in a tree on our first date because it's the most romantic way to let you know I have a knife." - Tei or Mayu

Chapter Text

[vocaloid forum]

Piko: The girl who was my elementary school girlfriend just got engaged and I'm sitting here single wearing a pug shirt and hamburger underwear.

Mirai: Just remember, you are someone's dream girl!

Piko: I'm a boy.

Arsloid: V4 chat has made us forget some people are actually straight.

Piko: I'm gay.

Yukari: Jesus, this post is one trainwreck after another.

Chapter Text

"Al is so strong, but so gentle. He's like an enormous Ellen DeGeneres." - Ruby

Chapter Text

"I don't know man, I just want to be a bad influence for future generations." - Fukase

Chapter Text

"If you're feeling down today, just know I wrote "swag" on my light switch in middle school. So every morning I could wake up and "turn my swag on," so there's that." - Kaito comforting Miku and the Kagamine Twins.

Chapter Text

"I'm sorry. Is my swag distracting you?" - Yuuma

Chapter Text

"It may be the weing decision, but f*ck it, it's mine." - Fukase

Chapter Text

“You’re all so sad! You need some brownies.” - Momo

“I’m educated, but, like… I’m still stupid.” - Miku or Gumi

“Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism. Or is that after you send me more ass pics…” Lily to Cul

“You might have killed millions of people, but at the very least, you made me happy.” - Galaco to Mayu

“When will I be someone’s cinnamon roll?” - Miku

“Well, despite the fact that I’m still not entirely sure this isn’t an elaborate and cunning plan to kill me, I’m in.” - Len

“I want to blow you all - A kiss!” - Kokone

Meiko: Hey. Remember. DON’T kill anyone… I can’t belive this is a REAL thing I have to remind you.

“I am just a dumb little goblin. I cannot do math. I just want to eat some leaves from the ground and befriend the rats… maybe go rapid but that can wait.” - Fukase

“Kickstarter to replace my uterus with something useful, like a boombox or a fog machine.” - Teto at the hospital

Fukase: I hate it when people are like “on a scale from one to ten” f*cking bold of you to assume I can count.

Kokone: Physically? Yes I could fight a bird, but emotionally? Imagine the toll.

“I’m the only 10 here while everyone else is an 8.” - Ritsu

“I’m gonna put the nap in kidnap.” - Nemu, upon being kidnapped

“Hi, Cul, the human form of the 100 Emoji.” - Cul, probably

“You should only sleep with him if listening to a grown man cry for hours on end about his sister is your idea of pillow talk.” - Arsloid about Yuuma

“I will kill as many people as I have to as long as you are one of them!” - Tei to Miku

“Dating someone based on their looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like do they have a lot of money?” - Lily

“My heart says yes, but my social anxiety says you are going to die.” - Len to anyone who confesses to him

“Your memes terrify me, I have too much anxiety for this.” - Tianyi to Fukase

“I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.” - Rin and Moke, probably

Chapter Text

Rui: This is an unacceptable invasion of privacy! Did you read Neru's diary too?

Rin: ...

Rinto: ... No. We couldn't find it.

Chapter Text

Yukari: Why do humans have so many emotions?

Maki: What?

Yukari: You only really need two. Anger and confusion.

"My only two moods are bisexual and clinically depressed." - Kagamine Len or Yowane Haku

Chapter Text

"I can always see lesbian subplot. It’s my hero ability." - Kagamine Rin

Chapter Text

Flower: Hey Fukase, spell “icup.”
Fukase: E-Y-E-K…U…P-P.
Flower:
Len: Hey, at least you got him to say “pp.”

Chapter Text

[texting]

Meiko: Hurry up and get here.

Kaito: Woo-hoo! It's Friday. Screw the gym, you're getting pregnant tonight!

Meiko: Uh... Shouldn't we talk about that first?

Kaito: AHAHA Oh my god. I typed Pringles and it autocorrected to Pregnant!

Meiko: I almost had a heart attack.

Arsloid: Don't invite too many people to my party sat night. I know you haven't seen it yet, but my d*ck is tiny

Kanon: You have a tiny d*ck? HAHAHAHA prepare to never live this down

Arsloid: MY DECK YOU A$$HOLE

wolf boy: Scar's brother was ultra hot and I'm so mad he's dead

wolf boy: I JUST REALIZED THAT I SHOULD CLARIFY THAT I WAS WATCHING FMA:B

wolf boy: AND I AM NOT IN FACT LUSTING AFTER SUFASA

wolf boy: SCAR'S DEAD BROTHER IN THE LION KING

batty: too late you're a f*cking furry

Defoko: Hey, remember that UTAU from the station?

Tei: That due's definitely on my sh*t list

Defoko: Ouch, harsh

Tei: *hit list

Defoko: How iS THAT BETTER

Chapter Text

"I got a middle finger for you, and it's made of felt!" - Point or Mimi

Chapter Text

"Last year, I was miserable and depressed, but this year, I decided to turn that around, so now I'm depressed and miserable." - Yowane

Chapter Text

Ritsu, running from Tei: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh-! AHHHHHH!

Tei, chasing Ritsu with a knife: wHY ARE YOU RUNNING! wHy ArE yOu RuNnInG?!?!?!

Chapter Text

Kaito: You're a psychopath.
Avanna: I prefer the term "creative."

Chapter Text

Miki: If posions expires, does it become more or less poisonous?

Piko: Don't know, Miki, you should test it out.

Miki: Okay!

Piko: Wait, no.

Chapter Text

Neru: What do you want?

Yowane: A will to live.

Neru: FOR BREAKFAST YOWANE!

Chapter Text

"Yeah, I like bad girls. By that, I mean girls that are bad at everything." - Lily

Chapter Text

[texting]

39Leeks: Alright, everyone, we gotta do an improv sentence. You ready?

39Leeks: One.

banana boi: Banana.

carrot queen: Was.

USBOI: Enough.

rororo: To.

hail teh memelord: Fill.

RobotOfMars: My.

OrangeCrusher: Girlfriend!

Chapter Text

"I love myself, but I don't love me back." Kagene Rei

Chapter Text

"Come on, what straight man, gay woman, or bi person, HASN'T scrolled through Hatsune Miku pictures after a bad day?" - Literally everyone but Miku

Chapter Text

When the world ended, that's all it was.
It was just a world.
It was just an ending.
- World's End Dancehall

Chapter Text

Rin: Did you find the perp?

Moke: He used VPN software, we can't track his IP.

Rin: IN JAPANESE GODDAMIT!

Moke: … We can't find his computer.

Rin: IN CHINESE!

Moke: Wǒmen zhǎo bù dào tā de diànnǎo.

Rin: IN MORSE CODE!

Moke: ..– . / -.-. .- -. .—-. - / ..-. .. -. -.. / …. .. … / -.-. — – .–. ..- - . .-.

Chapter Text

"Imagine forests of corpses dripping on a buffet… You call that a nightmare? I call that a Tuesday." - Mayu or Tei

Chapter Text

Oliver: When I was-

Len: A young boy-

Yuu: My father-

Yohio: ATE AN ENTIRE F*CKING LEMON, HE DIDN’T SQUEEZE IT INTO ANYTHING, HE DIDN’T EVEN CUT IT INTO PIECES, HE DIDN’T EVEN SKIN IT, HE JUST SHOVE THE ENTIRE THING IN HIS MOUTH AND SWALLOWED, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO HORRIBLE IN MY LIFE!

Rinto: To see a marching band.

Chapter Text

Piko: We're doomed...
Miki: Hey you! Try and think positive!
Piko: *sigh* We're dead.

Chapter Text

Akari: Can I say a bad word?
Yukari: Sure.
Akari: F-
Yukari: Go ahead.
Akari: I’m nervous
—————
ONE: [angrily] Can I say a bad word?
IA: Why?
ONE: CAN I PLEASE SAY A BAD WORD?
IA: Okay, I guess-
ONE, to Sasaru: YOU MOTHERF*CKING LITTLE B*TCH-

Chapter Text

Len: I’m so tired.
Nemu: There’s this thing called sleep.
Len: No sleep. We die like heroes.

Chapter Text

Mayu: It’s time for you to die!

Len: Wait, hold up, I gotta check with Rin first.

Mayu: It’s not a choice-

Len: She said no.

Mayu: Damn.

Chapter Text

[texting]

IA: Do you ever just see something that changes your life and you’re like, huh?

Yuuma: I saw you.

IA: Honestly that’s so nice and sweet and it makes this really awkward because I was just gonna show you this drawing Meiko and Yowane as turkeys.

Chapter Text

Mayu: You lot will want to get acquainted. You’re the last ones the others’ gonna see alive.

Len: Yeah, well, we’re ready to die!

Gumi: No! No. No, no, no, no. I'm extremely not ready to die.

Chapter Text

Momo: Maybe I have been taking things too seriously. Maybe I should try and… and… whatever. There’s a word for it.

Miko: Relax?

Momo: That’s not even a word. I’d have heard of it.

Chapter Text

Kokone: Who are you?

Tei: I’m your worst nightmare!

Kokone: You’re me when I’m late to school and I forgot my homework and my pants are made of pudding?

Chapter Text

Yuuma: I…don’t want a lot for Christmas…

Arsloid, kicking down the door: thERE IS JUST ONE THING I NEED~

IA, crashing through the window: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PRESENTS~

Both: UNDERNEATH THE CHRISTMAS TREE~

Yuuma: What the fu-

Chapter Text

Oliver: I bought me some gum.

Fukase & Len : Where did you get gum? 

Oliver : In there. In the gum aisle. 

Rin : Perfect. 

Fukase : That's not what we sent you in there for! 

Oliver : But that’s what I came out with. 

Len : Tell me, were there weenie wraps? 

Oliver : Microwaveable, but weenie wraps nonetheless. 

Len : Weenie wraps intrigue me. 

Oliver : They had burger drops- 

Rin: Burger drops? [jumps through the window; fire blasts can be heard coming from inside] 

Oliver : And burrito cakes. 

Fukase : I thought they stopped making those. 

Oliver : And pizza balls. 

Fukase : Pizza balls! 

Len : Were there little turkey muffins? 

Oliver : They had little, regular, and mega. 

Len : Seize all pennies at once! Purchase all pizza balls and me-

[Rin jumps back out the window, with several stolen food items in her arms]

Len : Oh. There you are. 

Rin : [hands one of her armfuls to Len] Can you take this? We better go.

Chapter Text

Mayu: Are you okay?

IA: Yeah, I’m fine.

Mayu: Did they hurt you?

IA: No, obviously not.

Mayu: Did they attempt to murder you?

IA: Wh—?

Mayu: Did they attack you?

IA: May—

Mayu: Were you threatened? Blackmailed?

IA: Mayu, it was a job interv—

Mayu: Were they gonna hold you for ransom?

IA: N—

Mayu: Don’t worry, they’re dead now. They can’t hurt you anymore.

IA: N— Wait, what did you just say?!

Chapter Text

Piko: [sneezes into elbow]

Miki: Bless you.

Fukase: EXCELLENT DAB PIIKS

Kaito: Achoo!

Meiko: Bless you.

Kaito: I’m already blessed every day I spend with you.

Meiko: Kaito…

Kaito: Meiko…

Gakupo: Gakupo.

Chapter Text

Flower: Is there a word that’s a mix between sad and mad?

Mayu: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated… 

Fukase: Smad.

Chapter Text

Luka: There’s something on your mouth. [she kisses it off]

Gakupo: There’s something on yours too. [he kisses Luka]

Lily: What the heck do we even buy napkins for?

Chapter Text

Piko: I suppose I have a tendency to be a bit critical.

Gumi: ‘Suppose’?!

Miki: ‘Slight’?!

Fukase: ‘Tendency’?!

Len: ‘A bit’?!

Chapter Text

Kiyoteru: I request that you too stop fighting. The whole academy can hear you.

Arsloid: We're not fighting. We're having a creative discussion.

Yukari: We are too fighting!

Arsloid: Creative discussion

Yukari: Fight!

Arsloid: Discussion!

Akari: I can't believe you two are having a fight about whether or not you're in a fight...

Chapter Text

Luka: I'm worried Miku is hearing you use swear words too often.

Meiko: They’re not swear words. They’re Sentence Enhancers™.

Miku, from a distance: What the f**k!

Meiko: … Yeah, I’ll work on it.

Chapter Text

Fukase: *eavesdropping on Mayu and Kokone*

Mayu: I don't know, Kokone, I don’t think Fukase feels the same way...

Kokone: *pretending because she knows Fukase is there* Forget about that redhead, I’m better for you!

Fukase: *bursts in* UM, I THINK THE F*CK NOT!! SHE'S MINE!

Kokone: See? I told you he likes you back.

Chapter Text

Rin: When have I done anything rash or irresponsible?

Luka: I keep a list. It’s alphabetized.

Chapter Text

Flower: Murder me.

Akari: With puppies!

Flower: Or knives.

Akari: Or FUN.

Flower: Or AXES.

Akari: GLITTER.

Flower: BULLETS.

ONE: Why am I even friends with you two?

Chapter Text

"Oh yeah. I keep forgetting I can time travel." - Rion

Chapter Text

Nemu: What am I awake?

Miku: Because you don't need beauty sleep, you're already so beautiful.

Chapter Text

Kaito: Meiko-chan, you really need to stop swearing that much.

Meiko: What should I say instead of bullsh*t?

Kaito: Snake! Say snake!

Meiko: This is snakesh*t!

Chapter Text

Fukase: And the most important thing is to be yourself.

Flower: Unless you're Fukase.

Chapter Text

Neru: When I first met you, I didn't like you.

Miku: I'm aware of that.

Neru: But then you and I had some time together.

Miku: Uh-huh?

Neru: It did not get better.

Chapter Text

Luka: You wouldn't admit it, but if someone is mean to Miku, you'd beat them up.

Meiko: Pfftt, no.

Miku, runs into the room: Meiko, Meiko, Neru said she's going to kick my butt!

Meiko: Not if I kick her's FIRST!

Chapter Text

Kokone: Imagine getting paid for being cute.

Lumi: You would be rich.

Kokone: I-

Chapter Text

Piko: I'm literally so mad at you right now. There's nothing you can say that'll make me forgive you.

Miku: I- 

Piko: Okay, I forgive you.

Chapter Text

Ruby: I LOST OLIVER!

Yohio: How did you lose him?!

Ruby: Give me a break, he's like two inches tall.

Chapter Text

Miki: Welcome back to stargazing.

Miki: When the stars disappeared this morning, I figured I had to find a new job, but they’re BACK! This RULES!

Miki: Those three stars form a constellation called the Triangle. Those three are another triangle.

Miki: Lotta triangles. Very important shape. Those dots are planets, or “fool’s stars”.

Miki: Without interstellar travel, they’re the only ones we can realistically hope to dump trash on.

Miki: Speaking of space trash, that dot is a satellite. There are apps that will tell you whose fault it is.

Akari: What’s that blinking one?

Miki: Airplane. They’re full of snacks and money and stuff, but don’t bother trying to catch them.

Miki: They’re *way* too high up. Learned that the hard way in grad school. Got a thesis out of it, at least.

Chapter Text

Akari: Hatsune-san and Kagamine-san says Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth.

Akari: Apparently none of them have ever been in Mayu-chan's arms~

Rin: Of course we've never been in her arms, she's terrifying.

Miki: I brushed against her accidently one, and she pulled out a tiny axe.

Chapter Text

Miki: You’ve had your tongue in your mouth, longer than you’ve had your teeth.

Iroha, cuddling her in bed, barely awake: Okay Meeks I love you, but it’s 3am. What the heck?

~~~

[sleeping in the same room]

Kaito: Do you think pigeons have feelings?

Gakupo: I’m giving you one last chance to shut the heck up.

~~~

Fukase: I just realized that all odd numbers have an 'e' in them.

Mayu, whining: Fuka, it's three in the morning.

Fukase: ThrEE!

~~~

"Shakira, Shakira," - Kyo, knowing very well that Wil is trying to sleep

~~~

Miki: What if giraffes could play lacrosse?

IA: Hehe, that’s pretty silly.

Yukari: Guys, it’s 4 o’ clock in the morning, shut the f*ck up.

~~~

[3 am]

Oliver: Hio wake up.

Yohio [annoyed and tired]: What is it?

Oliver: When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?

Yohio: Wh- wait… Oliver, what the heck?!

Chapter Text

Zunko: I completely reorganized the candy display. Now tell me: what draws your eye?

Nana: You do, sweet thing.

Chapter Text

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green, I wear a top hate and I’m awesome. I’m your bro. I’m Broda. — Fukase

Neru: (to Miku) It’s a pleasure to meet you… Oh wait. No, it’s not.

I wonder if you are the demon I was told about when I was a kid and wouldn’t eat my veggies… — Ryuto, upon seeing Big Al

Go and do not falter, my child! — Meiko, to Miku

I like your plan except it sucks so let me do the plan and that way it might be really good. — Rin, probably

The human body has over seven trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single one of them. — Hiyama Kiyoteru

“You know, people often come up to me and ask: ‘Oh my god, Luka, how do you keep such a trim figure?’ And then I mace them, for assuming they have the right to speak to me.” — Luka

Yowane: I always wonder why no one likes me, and then I remember I don’t even like me.

❝ Yes, I’m the nice twin, but this conversation bores me. Go play in traffic, please. ❞ - Kanon

Chapter Text

Fukase: It must be a dreary existence, unable to love, to eat, to sleep, to laugh… I feel sorry for you.

Miki: I can laugh. I have a sense of humor, you know.

Fukase: Really? I’ve never heard you laugh before.

Miki: I’ve never heard you say anything funny.

Chapter Text

Miki: Man, this is just like every time I get a new microwave. You gotta re-learn everything! How to set the time, how to make a bag of popcorn......what makes it burst into flames, how do you put out drapes... Now you gotta get a NEW microwave-

Akari: No! I refuse to get caught in your microwave loop again!

Chapter Text

Maika: Yohio kissed me!

SeeU: [Gasps] No!

Tianyi: [Squeals] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

Maika: It was unbelievable!

SeeU: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

Miku: Okay, okay, we want to hear everything. SeeU, get the wine and unplug the phone. Maika, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Maika: Oh, it ended verrrrry well.

SeeU: [Rushing over with wine glasses] Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Miku: Alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it like a, soft brush against your lips, or was it like a, y'know, “I got to have you know” kind of thing?

Maika: Well, at first it was really intense, y'know, and then... Oh god, and then we just sort of sunk into it...

Rest of the girls: [Squealing] Awwwwww!

[Meanwhile]

Yohio: And, uh, and then I kissed her.

Arsloid: Tongue?

Yohio: Yeah.

Arsloid: Nice!

Chapter Text

Galaco: Is that blood?

Mayu: No?

Galaco: That’s not a question you’re suppose to answer with another question!

Chapter Text

Miki: *quietly, at Gumi* I’m going to kill you

Gumi: W-what?

Miki: Is that not what people say when they care about someone?

Gumi: No! Who showed you that?

Miki: Well, I-

Yuuma, running in: Where’s Arsloid?! I’m going to kill him!

Gumi: …. Nevermind.

Chapter Text

Yukari: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE! *aggressively throws water bottles*

Yuuma: Uh...

Arsloid: She's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us! (＾▽＾)

Yukari: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

IA: *crying* It’s working! (｡T ω T｡)

Chapter Text

Big Al: What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?

Sweet Ann: Breakfast.

Big Al: Family.

Sweet Ann: Family, right. I thought you meant of the things you eat.

Chapter Text

Mayu: I will kill you.

Miku: Basic threat, overused, lacks serious weight.

Yuuma; Pee your pants!

Miku: Up-and-coming, respectable, unexpected.

Tei: I will pee your pants.

Miku: Full of the promise of grief and terror, absolutely devasting.

Fukase: Your pants can't wait for my pee.

Miku: And here we have it, the most terrifying sentence in the universe.

Chapter Text

Cul: You idiot! What are you doing in my territory!?

Len: …Dying?

Cul: Why can’t you die on your own territory!?

Len: Ah, but who would rescue me there?

Chapter Text

Yukari : Arsloid ran off and nearly got himself killed! All because you couldn’t control him.

Yuuma : Since when is babysitting Ars my – Oh… that’s exactly my job, isn’t it?

Chapter Text

“Kaito’s a good man. He’s got a good heart. He doesn’t hold a grudge. That’s what he has ME for.” – Meiko

“Just because I am in the shape of a person does not mean I am one.” – Miki or Piko

“The fact that I am constantly saying strange and unpleasant things is just part of my charm.” – Fukase

“It’s hard to be the gay cousin, the emo cousin, and the family failure, but someone gotta go it.” – Rei

Technically, we’re not even sure it works. But let’s face it; I invented it, so it works. — Gumi

“I put an awful lot of effort into not offending people considering how bored I am.” – Fukase

“If you don’t like my tuna casserole, then you are an idiot and a liar. Or worse, a vegan.” – Nana

“OUT OF MY WAY! I’M A MAID MAKING A DIFFERENCE!” – Momo

Chapter Text

Luka: What are you up to, Rin?

Rin: That’s for me to know, and for you to “dot dot dot”.

Chapter Text

ONE: We found a death note on Miku’s body. “Fear is the mind killer, but so am I.”

IA: Sounds like something Tei would say. Wait, that IS something Tei would say!

Tei: F*ck.

IA: Tei’s the fricking killer!

Chapter Text

Len: Wounding me emotionally would pay much higher dividends.

IA: I took the oath never to get punched.

Yuuma: I’d rather do it myself.

Piko: When you move in to punch me, I’m going to hold a bucket up in front of my face, and then your fist will just punch the inside of an empty bucket and you’ll look ridiculous.

Rin: It would be way too rewarding.

Miku: Your fist is so pristine.

Arsloid: No one has yelled ‘World Star’ yet.

Fukase: I’ll open my mouth and swallow your whole arm.

Mayu: The scheduled walloping time isn’t for another half hour.

Chapter Text

ONE: So IA, how was your day today?

IA: Someone pushed me down.

Yukari: Did you push them back?

IA: No, they were bigger than me.

Yukari: Uh huh. Yuu?

Yuuma: I’m on it.

Chapter Text

Fukase: We'll destroy them with meme culture!

Flower: … See, that's what we're NOT going to do!

Chapter Text

Lily: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.

Cul: Flo?

Flower: Yes?

Cul: Move aside, I need to kiss the mirror.

Chapter Text

"Fukase, your mouth is open and sound is coming out. This is never good." - Flower, Piko, Len

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting I can time travel." - Rion

"I am way to attached to fictional lesbians." - Teto

Chika: Please do not eat the decorative soaps. They are purely ornamental.

Chika: Feel free to eat the regular soap, however. I don't care what you do with that one.

“Pardon my French, but you’re being a douchebaugette.” – Nana (cause she was going to have a French voicebank from what I heard)

“I don’t even hate Hatsune, it’s just easy to bully her sometimes.” – Neru

[posting on Twitter]

Akari: It’s almost 2020. Why can’t I delete friends in real life?

[later]

Akari: Okay, so it turns out what I was thinking of is called murder.

Leon: One bonus of being an almost adult is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching the kids cry inside. A fine example: the other day I pointed at a pile of beans and, while looking Fukase right in the eye, went “Man, is that bae or what, huh?” and the look on his face was something I will treasure for years.

"I can’t eat rabbit food. I’m a warrior!" - Ryuto (arguing with Gumi about vegetables)

Chapter Text

Police: You're arrested for reckless driving by having three people on one single moped.

Piko/Yuuma: Gosh dammit.

Piko/Yuuma: … 

Piko/Yuuma: Wait, three?

Police: … yes, three?

Len/Dex: Oh my gosh, oh crap-

Gumi/Yohio: MIKI/ARSLOID F*CKING FELL OFF!!!

Chapter Text

Fukase: Hey Rin, I f*cked your brother.

Rin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOT MY BROTHER!!!

Chapter Text

Gumi: I’m telling Rin how you killed Miku then blamed Mayu for it and got her arrested instead!

Tei: It was for my love of Len!

Gumi: Interesting motive, BUT STILL MURDER!

Chapter Text

Arsloid: *laying on the floor and staring at pictures on the ceiling*

Cul: What are you doing?

Arsloid: I’m stargazing.

Cul: ...These are pictures of Yukari.

Arsloid: I know. The stars are beautiful tonight.

Chapter Text

Mirai: WHAT ARE ALL THESE CORPSES DOING HERE?!

Mayu: Honestly, not much.

Chapter Text

Gakupo: My hands are cold.

Luka, holding Gakupo's hands: There you go.

Gakupo: … Huh, for some reason, my lips are getting cold too.

Chapter Text

IA: Aw, you threw a party for me? That's so nice of you two!

Yukari: I accidentally put poison gas in one of these balloons so if any of them pop, we may die.

Chapter Text

Gakupo: What did you do?

Cul: Okay, I will tell you, but you can’t be mad at me.

Gakupo: What. Did. You. Do?

Cul: Well, I was minding my own business-

Gakupo: Bullcrap.

Cul: I was!

Chapter Text

Longya: Greetings. This is Ling. I love my sister very much.

Ling: Help, I'm being slandered!

Chapter Text

Rin, yelling at Tei: I am not scared of you! None of us are!

Len: I kinda am.

Rin: Len, shut up!

Chapter Text

"She ate the whole pudding cup using only her mouth. I'm considering going lesbian for her." - Kagamine Rin, about any girl you ship her with

"I think he's trying to be heterosexual with me!" - Rin, about any boy

"I started out as a tomboy and ended up becoming a lesbian." Rin (or Iroha)

Len: I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.

Rin: If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.

"I'm a good person; I don't deserve to be mistaken for a heterosexual." - Rin, crying

Rin: Anyways, sorry for being mean and gay.

Also Rin: SIKE! I don't care!

Chapter Text

Dex: Sorry I tried to bite you.
Daina: Sorry I swatted you on the nose with a rolled-up magazine.
Dex: It's the only way I'll learn.

Chapter Text

Gumi: Who wants to be my robot girlfriend?
Miki: I don't know about girlfriend, but I can be a robot.

Miki: I've never seen snow, someone describe it to me.
Lumi: Smells like water.
Miki: It's like I'm there.

"Friend zone? Is that a zone where you can make friends? Please show me how I can reach this friend zone you speak of. I want to make friends." - Miki

[texting]
Miki: what's the url for AMAZON.JP?
Piko: ....amazon.jp???
Miki: cool thanks

Miki: Do you think pigeons have feelings?
Piko: I'm going to give you one more chance to shut the f*ck up.

Piko: Miki, I'm bleeding.
Miki: Oh gosh, what's your blood type?!
Piko: B positive.
Miki: I'm trying to, but you're bleeding-

Miki: I wonder what goes on in your head?
Fukase: Oh, you want a demonstration? *inhales deeply* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Fukase: I have a confession to make. I'm an idiot.
Miki: Common knowledge isn't a confession, Fukase. 

Len: You've been giving Miki a lot of attention lately.
Piko: Miku was injured.
Len: I was injured too.
Piko: Then go to the hospital.

Chapter Text

"Straight vampires are so unrealistic. Imagine being heterosexual for all ethnicity... pass." - Yohio, definitely

"It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have." - Longya

"How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?" – Yowane

"I am planning my day around naps and lesbians." - Nemu

"I'm not interested in being polite, or heterosexual." - Leon

"I'm a good person; I don't deserve to be mistaken for a heterosexual." - Rin, crying

"People who enjoy the outdoors are either serial killers or lesbian." - Merli

[texting]
Arsloid: Describe Yuzuki-chan in a five letter word!
IA: Can I just use five letters instead?
Arsloid: Sure.
Yukari: I didn't agree to this.
IA: U R A Q T
Arsloid: Welp, I'm outta here.
Yukari: You piece of

Moke: I don't want to go to work! I want to go home! I have a wife and kids, I miss them!
Rin: Wait? You're married? Even though you have Lui?
Moke: I'm talking about my sims.

Gakupo: You'll never have her!
Kaito: And why is that?
Gakupo: Because I love you.
Kaito: ...
(They ride off into the sunset)
Meiko: OMG, I ship it~!

[texting Meiko]
Luka: Bring gay.
Luka: By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.

Yohio: Hey, can I borrow your shirt? But like, in a no homo kind of way?
Kyo: Sorry, I only do homosexual shirt-lending.

Gakupo: You need to stop leading guys on at bars, you're a lesbian.
Cul: And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.

Zunko: Okay, so what are your strengths?
Kokone: I fall in love easily.
Zunko: Okay... and what are your weaknesses?
Kokone: These golden eyes of yours.

Chapter Text

[texting]

Fukase: Can I come over?

Piko: Sure.

Fukase: Cool, because I’m already in your house.

Chapter Text

Dell: You got to learn to love yourself, sis.
Yowane: … Don’t you hate yourself?
Dell: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

Chapter Text

Kiyoteru: The reading comprehension and overall common sense in this mansion is piss poor.
Fukase/Iroha: How dare you say we piss on the poor?!

Chapter Text

Anyone: An assassin is really just a serial killer who takes requests.
Mayu: Excuse you, they take commissions.

~~~

Flower: We need to distract the paparazzi.
Mayu: I'm going to kill them all. They will distract them.

~~~

Mayu: If you stab someone, you get to keep the knife.
Tei: What if I stab myself, though?
Mayu: Then you definitely get to keep it.

~~~

Fukase: I am the Tsar of Yamaha now. If you wanna do something, you gotta ask me.
Mayu: Permission to murder, sir!
Fukase: I am no longer the Tsar of Yamaha.

~~~

"My name is Mayu. I'm the last person you might ever see." - Mayu, about to kill someone

~~~

Mimi: Kill them all.

Mayu: Hmmm… are you sure?

Mimi: Yes.

Mimi: Well, I’m convinced!

~~~

"The best defense is to have killed all your enemies." - Mayu

Chapter Text

Sachiko: I'm afraid we won't be having a Vocaloid party this month.
Miku: Why though?
Sachiko: Because SOMEONE thought it was funny to start a fight.
Len: It's not my fault Piko's temper is short.
Piko: It's not my fault you slapped my a-
Yukari: Yeah, no need to explain that part. We all saw it.
Gumi: This is why we don't have nice things, Len.

Chapter Text

Kyo: As Yuuma once said, “Get f*cked-”

Yuuma: I never even said that.

Chapter Text

Yohio: Psst Red, what did you get on number five?

Fukase: Tunisia.

Yohio: This is a math test.

Fukase: Oh- well, sh!t.

Chapter Text

Lily: There are eight wonders in the world.
Kiyoteru: There are seven.
Lily: No, there are eight. Have you ever seen my butt in skinny jeans?

Chapter Text

Defoko: Damn it, you ruin everything.

Ritsu: You're welcome.

Chapter Text

Piko: I literally hate all of you here.
Miku, close to crying: A-all of us?
Piko, sighing: All but you.

Chapter Text

Gakupo: Ah, my dearest Gumi! My favorite sister! My most knowledgeable girl! My-

Gumi: Which meme do you want me to explain this time?

Chapter Text

IA: Yuuma is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Cul: Punch him in the stomach. When he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Mayu: Tackle him.

Fukase: Kick him in his shins.

Yuuma: NO TO ALL OF THOSE! Just ask me to lean down!

Chapter Text

Wil: Can someone hire a hitman to kill me, please?

Yuu: How about I just be hugman who hugs you?