Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Katsuki called him… actually, Katsuki called him lots of things. Nicknames included but were not limited to, Dumbass, Fucker, Dunce, Pikachu, Sparky, Casanova, Goldilocks, Buttercup, and Loverboy. In actuality, he felt honored that he got a range, unlike Kirishima. Eijiro seemingly rotated between three nicknames depending on the company they were keeping, the mood Katsuki was in, and whether or not Katsuki was trying to get laid anytime soon. On a sliding scale, it went from Shitty hair, Red, to Ei.

Furthermore, sometimes when Katsuki was in a more sarcastic mood, a Wonder Boy would get thrown in there as well.
Like the time they had watched, Kirishima tries to show off for them, and he had flipped into a poll. As soon as they were assured, he was okay; he was met with the fond tone Bakugou reserved for them, saying, "Splendid Job Wonder Boy." That's usually when they called Katsuki a nerd because that was absolutely a Disney reference. No matter what, he said.

Anyway, he was getting off track. Bakugou had lots of nicknames for him, but sometimes if he was feeling particularly sappy, Katsuki would pull his fingers through his hair and call him lightning bug. That fond smile back on his face and tone lighter than usual. It made him feel like he was walking on air when Katsuki looked at him like that.
Eijiro called him Sunshine. Even before they had started dating, he had jokingly called him that. And now in his second year of High school the 'Good morning Sunshine' he would get every morning with a peck on the head never failed to make his heart flutter.

He didn't know precisely when it had started, but god, it always made him feel warm and fluttery. Eijiro said that he reminded him of the sun. Bright and happy and golden.
He could remember afternoons spent with them just watching terrible movies and just existing together. He adored them with all of his heart, and that's why when they asked him if he wanted to do something today, he said no. They didn't deserve to put up with his crappy mood.

Because Denki Kaminari did not feel like Sunshine right now.

And they deserved sunshine. 

In fact, Denki didn't feel much of anything right now. He felt both numb and like exploding at the same time. The weight in his chest kept him crushed to the bed, despite the racing in his heart. The racing signaling his need to escape. To run and get out of here. Expect here was safe. Denki knew that. The same way he knew he was holding the loves of his life back. He was limiting them, and they would be so much better off without him. The voice in his head whispered such things often, but usually, he was loud enough to talk over it. He noticed how the voice sounds remarkably similar to his mother. She had always wanted to be rid of him and told him such.

Deep down, he wondered if Katsuki and Eijiro felt that too but didn't want to say it.

Kaminari shoved himself up and shook his head.

Because no no, no no, nO NO, NO NO.

And did he mention no? Denki couldn't go there, not tonight, not right now. He resolved himself to get up and get some water, get some air, do anything literally, but lay here. Denki had become good at running from his depression. When Denki reached his door, however, he paused with a fresh thought in his mind. Had he taken his Anti-depressants lately? Probably not, he figures and steps back away to rummage through his drawers looking for the small orange bottle. It was unlabeled, and Denki didn't know where his mother got it from, but he didn't really care like he did when she first started buying them.

He didn't take them anymore, but he used to always take them. They had made him drowsy and out of it, but he definitely hadn't been depressed, so he supposed they worked? Finding the small bottle of pills, he shoved it in the pocket of his oversized hoodie. Well, it was Eijiro's hoodie that fit just fine, but Ei had stopped complaining a long time ago. He reached his door again, and this time stepped out into the dark and quiet of the 3am UA dorms. He supposed everyone was asleep. He definitely hoped everyone was sleeping because he didn't know if he could pretend right now. He was just exhausted.

The soft ding of the elevator was the only sound that he could hear on his floor.

And it was also the only sound he could hear on the ground floor. No quiet whispers under the noise of a TV or shuffling in the kitchen. The loudest sound was probably his own heartbeat. As Denki reached the kitchen and then the fridge, he grabbed a water bottle.

As he drank, he realized how thirsty he was. He hadn't noticed how try his mouth had become until he had fixed it. He finished the entire thing.

Denki grabbed another water bottle before sitting down. He considered heading over to a chair or a couch, but honestly, it felt too far. He just wanted to sit down, so he leaned himself against a cabinet and dropped himself on the floor. He dragged his knees to his chest and felt the bruises from today's training.

He was never going to improve. He had known that for years now, but today it just hit harder. Much like Midoriya, whos hits kept getting stronger.

Denki wasn't strong enough to control his quirk. He knew it had the potential to be powerful, but all he could do know is act as a bomb. Loud and flashy and one time only because then he was a dead weight that slowed down everyone else. Eijiro had started calling his dumb phases, blackouts, and he did appreciate it. Some days just the fact that Eijiro knew and cared enough not to just call it his idiot phase meant a lot. At the same time, he hated that he had them in the first place because it's not like he needed help being a complete moron.

Denki felt his thoughts spiraling deeper and darker. Here he thought leaving his room would help him, but no, he actually felt worse. Which was great.

Denki took another swig of his water, hoping to stave off the headache that was rapidly approaching, and as he shifted, he was suddenly reminded of the pill bottle in his pocket.

Deep down, he wondered if Eijiro and Katsuki did want to get rid of him. He wouldn't blame him, he wanted to get rid of him.

He didn't know what happened next, it just felt like moving on autopilot and if it didn't even require that much conscious effort. There was a buzzing in his head, or maybe that was the AC in the building, he wasn't sure. However, Denki took one pill. Then another. Then he dumped them out into his palm and shoved them down his throat. There was nothing to chew, so the swallowing made his throat hurt with the amount going down. He felt his stomach shift and his throat ached.

And there was a drop on his hand.

Water.

He was crying over something as pathetic as him dying. Denki felt his stomach shift again, and a hiccup forced his way through his throat and out his mouth. And another. Along with more tears. Then came some giggles, so quiet, as to not bother anyone.

He wondered if he looked as deranged as he felt. A useless boy sitting and hysterically crying in the kitchen, he hoped he didn't wake anyone up. He'd hate to bother them with his mania.

Taking a few deep breathes, he found it harder to grasp each time he forced the tears to slow. Taking another drink of his water.

He was out again.

Just like he was out of pills.

Mostly anyway, there were a few scattered around him from his meltdown.

He tossed both to the side, as he felt a wave of exhaustion pour over him. His head felt like it was floating, and he felt cold on one side of his body. Though maybe that was because he had tipped over and was curled on the floor. He stared window and the dim light that the outside lampposts provided. They were bright.

He barely noticed the ding of the elevator.

Small dots began appearing on the side of his vision.

Then the muffled voice of someone speaking to the right of him. He almost wanted to look over at who it was, however, his body felt like lead.

The same muffling, this time he could he the concerned face of his teacher. He could almost hear the man above him say his name before he spotted something that obviously he didn't like. He stepped out of sight quickly and appeared to be bending over to

look at something.

The dots in his vision got bigger. And bigger. And he felt drained. His eyes fell closed, he felt his shoulder being shaken. Then nothing.

He wondered if his teacher would be happy that he was gone. After all, he was definitely a pain, so maybe this was for the best. Yeah, this was for the best.