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Chapter Text

November 8th, 2020

Every hay bale Nicole Haught threw into the blue and white Ford felt like some kind of redemption. Leather clad palms, sweaty forearms, and a screaming lower back grounded the redheaded woman in her task. The old Ford could hold about 35 bales and Nicole made quick work of the pile she had thrown down from the barn loft. Her focus, however, was not entirely on the feeling of stiff hay stalks and taut twine. She also had her eyes on the beautiful brunette who was combing a raucous brown and white filly, named Dandelion, in the paddock not 20ft from where she worked. The cold of the impending Calgary winter more a promise than a threat now but the petite woman was still out; still working the horses with fervor. The indulgent glance made Nicole feel warm and tingly inside. The last bale thrown, Nicole dusted her palms together and looked up at her companion in the truck bed a grin plastered across her face.

"I have never seen a ranch hand who loves manual labor as much as you, Haught." The mustached man drawled, his right hand going to his button-down to flick it back and forth against his chest in a futile attempt to cool down.

"What can I say Doc, I am a simple woman." Nicole laughed, putting her hand out to him and he took it eagerly, jumping down with ease.

"This should be good enough for the east herd." Doc huffed, patting his pocket before pulling out his cigarello box and matches. In a flash, he was pulling the tobacco smoke into his lungs. "After that we should lunch before minerals."

"Are we not going to tag today?" Nicole asked absent-mindedly, slamming the tailgate. Her brown eyes flickering up, taking in the sight of the distant brunette leaning her forehead against Dandelion’s. Nicole knew the woman was talking to the filly and it made butterflies erupt from deep within her belly. She was suddenly very jealous of a horse.

Doc's eyes followed hers and he chuckled warmly; knowingly . "Miss Waverly wants Wynonna to come back from the big city first."

Nicole smiled, only really taking in Waverly's name and watching the girl laugh loudly while rubbing Dandelion’s neck affectionately. Like the filly was the funniest creature on the planet.

"Haught." 

"Yeah?" Nicole broke her focus and turned to her friend.

"You have been a Ranch hand here at Peacemaker Farms for what- 4 years?" Doc mused, placing a hand on her shoulder and pushing her lightly towards the cab of the truck. Once they were both seated inside he continued speaking, his voice even. "And I have been here for 6."

"Yessir." Nicole responded formally, unsure where this was going.

"Remember when I picked you up in town?"

The engine started as Nicole nodded hesitantly; The truck lurching forward towards the east fields.

"You were a damn mess. Sunken eyes, tattered clothes. I can not believe that Sheriff Nedley beat me in poker and then instead of taking my money, he went and convinced me to take you on as an apprentice. I just knew that Wynonna would take one look at you and fire us both. But-" Doc gathered calmly, shaking his head. "Peacemaker Farms needed to grow and Wynonna and I could not do it alone. So, even though I went into town looking for a former rodeo clown with a work ethic like a mule. I returned, a washed up cowboy wannabe with a scrawny, redheaded heroin addict."

Nicole wrung her hands and her anxiety bloomed; she was racking her brain on what she had done to fuck up. Nothing came to mind. Sure, she had found those needles hidden in the salt lick box last year but she didn't touch them. She went and got Doc and Wynonna immediately and they had figured out their summer hire Levi had hid them there, not once accusing Nicole. This job was the single best thing that ever happened to her, but good things never last long when it came to Nicole Haught. Deep down, she always knew the other shoe would drop. Too bad it did before she could get up the gall to tell Waverly Earp how she felt about her. Nicole was unsure what to say so she just pulled off her white stetson and turned to look at Doc; knowing this was the end.

Doc glanced over but did not smile, instead he backed the vehicle up to the feeding station. Nicole watched the older man purse his lips in thought before he turned to look at her with his steely blues. 

"But you moved into that little cabin without complaint. You woke up before dawn, throwing hay bales like you had been doing it your entire life. Sure, you did not know your ass from a shovel but you never complained. There is nary a cow, chicken, or horse that you do not know how to take care of now. You stayed quiet no matter how Wynonna dogged you. Hell, you convinced Miss Waverly to get back onto a horse. I am unsure any ranch hand has ever earned their keep or Wynonna's respect quite like you."

Doc placed his hand onto Nicole's shoulder and gripped tightly.

"I have never been more proud of anyone than I am of you, Nicole."

The relief flooded the redheads body and she let out a noise that sounded like a mix between a cough and a sob. The tears she didn't even know had formed, slowly made their way down her cheeks. "You are a grade A, asshole."

Doc's deep laugh filled the cab.

"So with that out of the way, let us talk. Really talk."

"Alright."

"I see the way you look at little Earp.” Doc smiled affectionately.

Nicole rolled her eyes and tried to wrest away the blush she felt coming to her cheeks.

“When work is done for the day, the two of you are practically inseparable. Riding around the land, fishing down at the Ghost river, and you are even driving sober for Earp libations at Shorty’s.” Doc leaned in. “So why do you always just kiss her hand on the stoop every night?”

Nicole put her head in her hands, knowing full well her face must be red as a beet. She silently wondered why it had taken four years for anyone to even broach the subject of sweet, gorgeous, infectious Waverly Earp with her. The redhead quickly decided to take the high ground; Doc understood the high ground. He had been secretly pining after Wynonna for longer than Nicole had known the Earps. And Nicole herself had been teasing Wynonna about it relentlessly. But then a sympathetic thought crossed her mind. Wynonna watched Nicole with Waverly and she never said a word. She would cross her arms, cough loudly, and shake her head with that coy Earp grin. This was going to be more difficult than the redhead previously considered.

“I am respecting Waverly’s autonomy.” Nicole forced a half smile. “I am a convicted criminal you know; I don’t want her to feel unsafe.”

“What? You have been nothing but kind, caring, and chivalrous with Miss Waverly.” Doc practically choked, his face one of disbelief.

“ Exactly .” Nicole punctuated. “And Waverly is just being kind back to me.”

“Like hell. When I met that girl, she was so far inside her shell that I thought she was a tortoise. Sure, she was always sweet but it was not until she met you that I even dared to consider her playful and affectionate. No ma’am, Miss Waverly was never one for affection until you helped her get back up onto Lottie.”

Nicole smiled softly at the memory. Waverly’s small, warm hand. Her trusting eyes when Nicole explained every little detail about horses. The elation when she finally was on top of Lottie, no fear present in her hazels. God. Nicole could map out every beautiful facial feature from memory alone.

“And you never had a shine in your eye until she taught you to play guitar."

Nicole gulped but her mouth was already dry. That memory was too precious to think about right now.

"Pray tell, when will you pull your head out of your ass and ask her out?" Doc whined.

Nicole's eyes went wide and she coughed. Doc was never so forward but here he was on a November morning, sending her emotions on a rollercoaster ride of death. It always seemed that when she thought she knew Doc Holliday like a book, an updated version was released.

"Jesus, Henry. Can you cut it out?" Nicole plopped her hat on the dash before coughing some more. "Mere minutes ago, I thought you were going to fire me. Now you are badgering me about Waverly. Are you trying to kill me?"

"I might."

"You know I can't." Nicole huffed, opening the truck door.

"Sure ya’ can." Doc pleaded, watching the ranch hand step out and slam her door. He reached for her forgotten stetson and followed suit.

"There are no rules against fraternization in your contract." Doc crossed around the truck and threw the hat in Nicole's direction, she caught it one-handed before plopping it on top of her french braid. “And Dolls proved that even if things go south, there will not be an addendum.”

Nicole rolled her eyes and lowered the tailgate before leaning on it, palms down. The redhead wanted to be frustrated, defiant. But the older man was making that difficult after saying such nice things about her. She knew she could make up an excuse about her job, even with the lack of rules, but that wasn't it. Nicole knew it was her past misdeeds that kept her from the younger Earp; so she found an excuse in the middle.

"Waverly doesn't even like me like that, Doc."

"Bullshit." Doc grabbed their gloves from the corner and tossed her pair down with force next to her left hand. "She thinks you roped the moon just for her."

"No, that was Champ Hardy. The actual rodeo clown."

Doc laughed openly as he pulled on his leather gloves. Nicole watched, a little amused by his flippancy. He then grabbed his black cowboy hat from his head and pointed it at her with purpose.

"She only dated that excuse of a man because you did not ask her to the Winter Solstice. Little Miss Waverly spent an entire year trying to make you jealous. Instead she created the blabbering, love-sick fool that is Champ now." 

"I was jealous." Nicole mumbled under her breath as she adjusted her gloves and grabbed the first bale, turning toward the feeding station.

"I know." Doc grinned.

The redhead dropped the bale before flipping out her knife to cut the twine. She paused, the memory of Champ hardy kissing Waverly aggressively on the Homestead porch was pushing it’s way forward in her mind's eye. She had only been on her own porch to make sure Waverly made it home safely, but she couldn't stop herself from watching. Wishing it was her lips on Waverly's. Gripping her fists tightly as Waverly had to push him off multiple times before he would get the hint and end the night. Nicole shook her head and cut the twine.

"I am just tired, Haught."

"Of what?" She asked, grabbing another bale.

"Watching you let your life pass by." Doc slid a bale to the edge of the tailgate. "You have been clean for four years, kiddo. When are you going to let yourself be happy?"

Nicole scrunched her face, cutting twine with two audible snaps. Doc Holliday was not telling Nicole anything she didn't already know about herself. She knew she was in love with Waverly Earp. The first day they met, Waverly invited her into the Homestead for lunch. Nicole was unsure if she was going to be able to say full sentences, so she thanked her for her food and took it back to her cabin's porch. The withdrawals were so bad that she was clutching her glass of ice tea far tighter than she would normally, trying to still her tremors long enough to drink, that it smashed in her hand. The blood was so red and warm, gushing between her fingers as she laid her hands on the small table and watched it flow. She hadn't even registered Waverly's footsteps until she felt the smaller woman pull her up and back towards the Homestead. Nicole had caught herself counting gold flecks inside of hazel eyes while Waverly patched her up. The memory had helped Nicole battle her withdrawals for weeks. 

But no matter how she felt about Waverly, she knew she would never get to hold her the way she wanted to. To love her the way Waverly deserved.

"How about this Doc?" Nicole mused, still carrying the bales back and forth with fervor.

"You have a wager for me?" His eyes glinted as his mustache moved with his coy smile.

"You tell Wynonna how you feel and I will ask Waverly to the Solstice." Nicole stated. “A tit for tat if you will.”

"Oh dear." Was the only reply she received from her friend and it gave Nicole a feeling of self-satisfaction. Her hands went back to hay bales and silence followed.

*****

“Babygirl, I’m home!”

Waverly smiled at the sound of her sister’s big entrance, twisting the spatula she was holding in a skilled flair. She had a pot with boiling potatoes on the back of the stove, a cast iron with newly cooking burger patties, and a smaller sauce pan with chunky tomatoes stewing in her signature spices. 

“Nicole’s favorite- excuse me, Mama’s favorite meal?” Wynonna quizzed from behind Waverly. The younger Earp turned and shrugged, giving Wynonna her best grin. She would let the jab about Nicole go.

Mama Earp had taught Willa the meal in order to train her to feed big, burly ranch hands. Willa had taught Waverly after Mama had left; and cooking it made her feel closer to her lost parent. Mashed potatoes as a bed, hamburger patty, and large helping of chunky tomatoes; as rich and filling as her Mama was. That-- and it was Nicole’s favorite. And anything Nicole liked, Waverly wanted to provide.

“Be good.” Waverly warned, turning back to dinner. “Or you will only get bread. I baked a new loaf this morning.”

“I can do bread.” Wynonna cut back. “You can at least understand Peter Hollywood on that British Baking Thingy; so I know it is quality.”

“Great British Bake-off.” Waverly corrected, dropping the colander into the sink. “And it’s Paul Hollywood.”

“Fine, whatever.” Wynonna pulled out a chair and plopped with a groan. “Did Doc and Haught-stuff tag today?”

“No. I requested they wait for you. I had them do hay for all the far paddocks and minerals today.” 

“Come on, I hate tagging.” Wynonna cried, stomping a boot in frustration. “I could have done hay in the morning.”

Waverly tutted and turned to give her sister her signature glare. “Remember Wyn, when you are gone I am in charge.”

“You just like listening to Nicole grunt when she throws bales.”

Waverly gasped and threw a tea towel in Wynonna’s direction, a cackle emitting from the elder Earp. “Wynonna!”

“Truth hurts, babygirl.”

A slam of the kitchen swinging door behind her reminded her about dinner. Waverly grumbled and grabbed the potato pot and turned to pour it out over the colander. As she twisted her core she felt a searing pain right above her pelvis and cried out, barely getting the heavy pot onto the countertop in time. Before she could attempt to right the pot, Waverly felt a strong hand on the small of her back and the pot being pulled away further onto the counter. A wave of vanilla and earth filled her senses as she placed her newly freed hand below her belly button reactively. But the searing pain was gone and only a dull ache left; Waverly shook her head. Must be pre-period cramps, Waverly thought before looking up and finding russet eyes looking at her with concern. 

Nicole must have come into the kitchen and saved her from burning herself on potato water. The redhead was always there when Waverly needed her and she couldn’t stop the electricity of attraction buzz lightly across her skin.

“Hi.” Was all Waverly could muster. 

“Are you ok?” Nicole’s eyes were concerned, her forehead scrunched up. Waverly tried to grin wider in an attempt to comfort the woman as she studied her crush’s features. Nicole’s soft face had the sheen of dried sweat, tons of little fiery wisps of hair trying to escape her french braid, and a dirt streak across her chin. Waverly was unable to stop her hand when it lifted to wipe the dirt streak from Nicole’s chin. The brunette caught the hitch of Nicole’s breath and internally thanked her hands for being so brave. 

“Yeah, just a cramp I think.” Hazel eyes watched brown soften, the worry lessening instantly. Waverly then noticed how Nicole’s hand felt on her back and that her own hand was now laid against Nicole’s shoulder. They were so close and Waverly wanted to just grip the ranch hand’s shirt and pull her closer. She licked her lips in anticipation and watched Nicole’s eyes darken at the action.

Wynonna coughed and Nicole jumped back, like Waverley was the hot potato water. “Sorry Waverly. I just didn’t- you- fall?”

Wynonna laughed and Waverly shot her a glare. Before she could protest, Nicole’s gravely voice pulled her back in. “I believe the burgers need turning, Wave.”

Waverly turned to complete the task, allowing the nickname to pull at the thread attached to her heart. 

“But for reals; are you ok, Waverly?” Wynonna asked.

“Yeah, honest.” 

The kitchen door slammed again.

“Miss Waverly, it smells absolutely wonderful in here.” Doc’s twang had Waverly turning instantly and he planted a chaste kiss to her cheek in appreciation.

“Indeed.” Nicole joined in. “It’s my favorite.”

“Only the best for our best employees!” Waverly sang, turning to wink at Nicole who was now mashing the potatoes; redness cascading from her ears to her cheeks.

“They are our only employees right now.” Wynonna chuckled, grabbing plates from the cabinet.

“Doesn’t make them less than the best.” Waverly responded.

“I don’t know. Doc has been really mouthy today.” Nicole teased. “Unsure if he is worthy of this wonderful meal.”

“So has Wynonna.” Waverly replied instantly. “I already threatened to feed her only bread. Which reminds me- Nicole, I made a rosemary loaf this morning!”

“Mmm, rosemary. Sounds delightful.” Nicole hummed appreciatively, which was music to Waverly’s ears. “We shouldn’t give them that. They don’t deserve your Paul Hollywood loaf.” 

“Water, then?”

“Water, indeed.”

Wynonna coughed again. “You guys aren’t the only people alive, you know?”

Laughter filled the room as Doc pulled his chair close to Wynonna. “How did the big-city go? Any interest?”

Waverly passed the milk to Nicole and they touched fingers as their eyes met. Waverly melted.

*****

Waverly woke up with a start, searing heat below her bellybutton. She blinked away her sleep, groaning at how powerful the pain was. Grabbing her phone and letting it illuminate her face, she saw 1:32am staring back at her. Ugh . Waverly massaged the painful area before feeling the familiar rumble of her guts; feeling sickness overtake her. She quickly padded to the bathroom, throwing up in the toilet. Sometimes her period made her vomit so she knew, she just knew she would find an early present from Aunt Flo. But there was also a new feeling; like something was terribly wrong. She knew she wasn’t pregnant; she had left any chance of that slack-jawed at Shorty’s months ago. What could it be?

Once she was finished she checked her panties. No blood present; just a weird, sticky discharge. Before she could process, another searing pain ran through her gut and her only focus was on finding some midol. And maybe getting back to sleep.

Hopefully. 

Chapter Text

July 17th, 2016

Nicole’s muscles screamed every time her shovel hit the concrete floor of the horse stall. After one fateful scoop, a powerful, painful spasm surged through her lower back and she grimaced. Nicole stopped and pulled the spade onto its head; the shovel becoming less of a tool and more of a crutch. Air was pushing and pulling raggedly from her lungs as she tried to brush back stray red strands stuck to her sweaty face. Nicole knew she was a pitiful sight; scrawny, sweaty, and wearing the same outfit she left the Purgatory jail in. She wanted to stop and throw down the shovel, run to town as fast as her holey sneakers could carry her. One of Bobo’s guys would be posted up behind Jimmy’s Surplus. Everyone in the GRT knows that his ‘heavy’ is the best. Was the best.

Nicole growled in frustration as she pushed the thoughts from her brain, instead trying to imagine the feeling of Sheriff Nedley’s cuffs on her wrists. The image of her spoon and lighter on the trunk of his car. These images were not helping her urges so she turned her focus on the black hat and mustache of her new friend; the wild hair and leather fringe of her boss. It wasn’t working and Nicole instead found herself noticing that she had already sweated through her clothes after one stall. Doc had asked her to muck the entire horse barn and re-line it by lunch; the first stall took thirty minutes longer than it should have. 

A wave of nausea hit the redhead before she could continue; a loud, dry retch escaping her lips. Picking up the shovel seemed impossible now but she had to do it. Nicole needed to. Her mind brought a new memory up and soon she was imagining the soft curling smile and wavy brown hair of Waverly Earp. Nicole closed her eyes and focused on counting golden flakes in hazel eyes. 

“One.” Her hands slipped into position.

“Two.” The shovel head slipped to the concrete.

“Three.” Nicole pushed, sliding a thick pile of muck onto the spade.

“Four.” She lifted it, pivoting her hips toward the waiting wheelbarrow.

“Five.” Nicole dumped her contents. 

It had been 4 full days since Nicole’s last hit. Heroin . Day 4 was the worst last time Nicole attempted sobriety; which only lasted to day 5. This time has to be different. Nicole saw her new job as her last chance to get clean. If this didn’t work out she knew she was going to be as dead as Neal. A shudder rushed through her body at the memory.

“Six.”

“The barn has four stalls, you know?”

Wynonna.

“Seven.” 

“No,” Wynonna cooed rudely. “Four. Come on Tater-Haught, can’t you count?”

Nicole closed her eyes and bit her tongue, choosing to keep her focus on the image of Waverly’s eyes, the way she giggles with sweet abandon. With the smaller woman on her mind her job was no longer shoveling manure, it was mining for gold.

“Eight.” 

Nicole heard Wynonna step closer and lean against the wood of the stall door. Before Nicole could think of greeting her more professionally, the heavy smell of whiskey hit her nostrils and Nicole gagged involuntarily. Wynonna almost always smelled of whiskey. She turned to the wheel-barrow with lightning speed, spewing the tiny amount of water on her stomach into the manure. Two more dry-heaves followed, Nicole feeling their gravity behind her eyes. 

Once Nicole felt like it had passed fully, she used the shovel to push herself up high. Fuck, of course. Wynonna had to see that . The redhead turned her head slowly to look at her boss, expecting to be chastised. Instead she saw a slightly open mouth, softened face, and guilt ridden blues. This is worse.

“Good morning boss.” Nicole tilted forward on the shovel, attempting to make her voice sound as professional as possible.

Wynonna didn’t respond and Nicole watched as her face didn’t even change expression. Then it happened. The guilt in her eyes turned to pity and Nicole felt hot anger poke in between her shoulder blades. Nicole despised pity.

“Eight.”

"Who got you on the smack?” 

“Nine.” Nicole gripped the shovel harder. Wynonna was messing with her focus on her memory of Waverly and the familiar urge to run was building up quickly. The last time someone tried to ask her that, she had a bender that ended with her wrist cuffed to a hospital bed. 

Nicole growled involuntarily but then blew air out her lungs in defeat. Maybe it's time to drop the fantasy and pick up honesty. She needed Wynonna and Doc to trust her if she was going to make it. “Neal.”

“Neal McCoy?” Wynonna gasped. "All he has got to do is give me that wink."

“Neal Haught. My brother.” 

“What a shithead.” Wynonna chuckled. “Middle child?”

“No, eldest.”

“Those can suck sometimes too.”

“I am the fourth and final Haught.” Nicole gave willingly, the conversation actually allowing her to continue her task.

“Well, I can tell you that the baby is always the best one.” Wynonna smiled. 

Waverly. She means Waverly . Nicole smiled too. 

“How did he do it? I mean, you seem-” Wynonna waved her hand up and down Nicole’s body. “Disciplined.” 

“He promised me money, power, and beautiful women.” Nicole deadpanned.

“Really?”

“No.”

“Then how?” Wynonna stepped forward this time, grabbing the handles on the wheel-barrow. “Think on an answer and I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Wynonna tottered off with the full load. Nicole should tell her the truth; especially if she was really going to rebuild. And if the woman was honest with herself, she had never told the full truth to anyone. God my back hurts.

“Alright, sock it to me Haught-sauce.” Wynonna dropped the now empty vessel back into its spot, her eyes no longer filled with pity. Nicole now saw interest. 

“I wanted to be a police officer-”

“Not with that record!” Wyonna interrupted and Nicole turned her head down to not say something in anger. “I’m sorry, go on.”

“I wanted to be a police officer. After doing a few ride-alongs in the Big-City, I knew I would have my work cut out for me. So, I got a gym membership and set my sights on getting in top physical shape while sending out applications to different academies. It was a dreary Tuesday in April when I received my first rejection letter. I was crushed so I went to the gym. I was doing way too many squats and I refused spotters, just kept doing rep after rep. I pulled a muscle in my lower back.”

Wynonna hummed, pulling a bucket from the wall to sit on it. Nicole just kept mucking and tried to keep her voice as even as possible.

“I refused to go to the doctor and sat around at home for days writhing in pain. I was ashamed of myself and scared I had hurt my back so bad it would ruin any future applications. Neal was in town and he popped by for a free meal; as was his usual M.O. between jail sentences. He always wanted to shoot up with me, kept going on about how it made him feel invincible. I somehow let him convince me, thinking it would only be once. It would lessen the pain in my back and I could get back to working hard. But you know what they say, Wynonna...”

Wynonna shook her head.

“It’s never just once. I was hooked instantly. From then on out we were inseparable; there wasn’t a day where I didn’t see him with a ‘big bag’ and a slanted smile. Two years of a drug-haze, one kind-ass sheriff, a mustachio-ed man, and now I am here.”

“Where is Neal?” 

“Dead.” Nicole huffed. “Overdose last month.”

“I’m sorry, Nicole.” Wynonna stepped forward, touching Nicole for the first time. She instinctively pulled away.

“Thank you.” Nicole shrugged. “For letting me work here. I am going to try and not let you down.”

“I don’t think you will.”

Nicole turned as a few silent tears dropped.

“Did you get in anywhere else?” Wynonna asked quietly. “Cop school, I mean.”

“No idea. I never checked my mail again.”

*****

November 15th, 2020

Sundays were the only days Nicole allowed herself to sleep until 6am. She technically was only contracted to work 5 days a week but Nicole worked all 7 anyway; despite Waverly’s protests. The hard work of the cattle ranch kept her grounded, sane. The cool air on Nicole’s face let her know her wood stove had died at some point in the night but she was not pressed to re-light it yet. Nicole was proudly snuggled under the warm quilt Waverly had made her last Christmas; too bad it didn’t smell like her anymore. That first couple weeks after her soul was filled with the scent of wildflowers. It was so comforting to wake up to her favorite smell that she was in a funk for most of February. Nicole even considered ripping it ‘accidently’ so that Waverly would repair it and renew the cherished smell. But that was over-indulgent.

A distant creak of the tool shed door let Nicole know Doc was up and about. The redhead felt mandated to get up now, the urge to work was like her urge to live; strong. She pulled herself out from under the quilt, swinging her feet to her cabin floor. Nicole stretched her arms to the sky and pulled herself to full height. Coffee.

Nicole let the machine brew as she pittered around her meager cabin. She had a strict routine of making the bed, tidying any mess, and filling her bathroom sink with warm water. Without routine her mind would run around on its own and Nicole refused to let that happen. A loud hiss and click let Nicole know her coffee was ready so she turned off the faucet and crossed back into her kitchen. Before she could grab the carafe, three quick knocks caused her to jump.

“Jesus Christ!” Nicole yelled, flipping her long red hair over a shoulder before crossing to her door and flinging it open. “John Henry Holliday, I swear you are-”

It wasn’t Doc standing on her porch. Waverly Earp was standing in front of her instead, her expression as shocked as Nicole’s. 

“Oh.” Nicole said, her voice instantly softening. “Waverly.”

The brunette was wearing green fishing boots, a loose pair of blue overalls with holes in the knees, one of Nicole’s white t-shirts, her deep green work jacket, holding two fishing rods in her left hand, and her hair pulled into two cute twin buns on either side of her head. When did she steal one of my shirts and god, it looks so much better on her. 

Nicole blinked. After four full years, how could Waverly get even more adorable. It took the older woman’s breath away. If Nicole hadn’t been scared mere moments before she might have accidentally reached forward and kissed the woman.

“Uhhh-” Waverly responded, reaching out her free hand to point at Nicole’s torso. “How can I convince you to wear that when we all move the herd on Wednesday?”

Nicole looked down and noticed she was braless, in her boxers, and wearing a tight white undershirt; her nipples slightly showing through the fabric due the cold of November morning. Nicole felt her face warm but the appreciative to downright filthy look on Waverly’s face kept her from covering herself.

“Though-” Waverly's voice was confident as she squeezed by Nicole, dragging her free hand across the redhead's stomach. “I’d probably fall off another horse with that kind of distraction.”

Nicole didn’t think she would breath ever again.

“Close the door, silly. You are going to catch a cold.” Waverly expressed brightly from inside. 

Nicole shook her head and closed the door, noticing that Waverly had leaned the poles against her boot rack and was now pouring them both coffee. Her small hands grabbing one of Nicole’s wooden spoons out of a drawer, dipping it into her sugar canister for the exact amount Nicole liked. She stepped to where her dresser was located by her bed, pulling out a rolled flannel and flinging it over her shoulders. Before Nicole could ask why her crush was standing in her cabin, Waverly began humming angelically. God, she is trying to kill me.

“‘Strawberry Wine’ by Deana Carter, right?” Nicole offered, trying to sound normal.

Waverly just turned her head and grinned coly but continued to hum.

Nicole crossed her arms over her chest before walking over to her small kitchen table, sinking down in a chair.

“Do you have almond milk?” Waverly queried, adding way too many scoops of sugar to her own coffee mug.

“Always.” Nicole leaned in her chair to her small fridge, pulling out the carton. “Here.”

Waverly rotated and sat down a cup in front of Nicole and then her own in front of the chair next to the redhead. She began humming again, pouring the milk until the mug was almost overflowing. The carton was stashed back in the fridge in a flash and Waverly was stirring her cup carefully. 

“Perfect!”

“That you are.” Nicole replied accidentally. “You do. You always make perfect coffee, I mean.”

There was no mistaking how Nicole's slip up made Waverly feel. The younger Earp had gone from humming confidently to shyly biting her lower lip and quickly plopping down into her own chair. Just ask her.

"Are you going fishing today?" 

"Nope." Waverly carefully pulled her mug to her lips, blowing softly before taking a sip. A small moan of satisfaction following. " We are going fishing."

Nicole snorted. "I have work to do."

"Hogwash. You have done more than enough this week. And it's November, silly, brown trout season!" 

"Waverly-" 

"Don't you dare!" Waverly warned, her right pointer finger backed up with a playful glare. "You promised you would catch a brown trout for me."

Nicole laughed, sipping from her own mug. "I never promised you anything of the sort. The last time I caught a fish was 2015. Everyone knows the true fisherman of Peacemaker Farms is you."

"You are damn right." Waverly pulled her shoulders up and sighed happily. "But I never catch anything good unless you are there playing your guitar."

"Alright." Nicole agreed. "I'll fix the light in the hay barn tomorrow instead. But if Wynonna gets sassy, you deal with it."

A gleeful yelp shot out of Waverly’s mouth before she began gulping down her coffee with gusto.

"Slow down there Gord Pyzer; you are going to choke." Nicole laid a hand on Waverly's forearm and gave it a squeeze before standing up. "Let me get dressed and then I'll get the horses saddled up."

"Boo." Waverly huffed. "I guess it's too cold for you to go like that huh?"

"How very crass of you Waverly Earp, objectifying your own employees." Nicole accused in mock shock, moving towards her dresser again.

"I do not objectify, I appreciate ." Waverly responded innocently, pulling a chunk of her own homemade cornbread from Nicole's stash. "And Doc is getting the horses ready for us."

*****

Nicole adjusted her stetson on her head as she tugged at Lottie to follow Dandelion down the sloped path to the water's edge. The path was well-worn with the two women coming to their 'secret' fishing spot almost weekly for 3 years now. Waverly didn't have to guide Dandelion but the old mare Lottie was getting lazier with age and Nicole worried if she didn't pay attention, the horse would go off trail and step in a gopher hole. Before long, the trees around the trail receded and the Ghost River sat babbly and cold in front of them. Nicole couldn't help but grin at the beauty of it all as Waverly turned to look at her, popping her own wide smile.

"You love it here, don't you?" Waverly said after a long moment, guiding Dandelion to the low tree they always tied the horses off at.

"Nothing cleanses the soul quite like the old Ghost." Nicole sighed, watching Waverly jump down expertly and tie off her filly. "I could probably stare at it for hours."

"I know how you feel." Waverly responded but she was staring at Nicole. Nicole turned her head, giving Waverly a confused look before the words fully dawned on her. You are very flirty today Miss Earp. "Well, come on silly, I wanna catch a trout before noon!"

Nicole laughed and followed suit, adjusting the guitar case strapped to her back. After her years of seeking the big high, the time she spent with Waverly by the river felt borrowed. Almost like Nicole had made a deal with the devil and one day he would sprout from the center of the river and request her soul; pulling her back to hell and away from Waverly forever. Is Doc right? Am I wasting my time keeping Waverly at arms length?

"The river is special." Nicole whispered to herself, petting Lottie softy. Then she turned to Waverly. She watched as the gorgeous woman focused on detangling her lure from her line, her tongue slightly out of her mouth with her brow furrowed in concentration. "But you mean so much more."

"What?" Waverly looked at her, fishing line tangled around her fingers.

"Nothing! Just talking to Lottie." Nicole replied, removing her guitar from her back as she carefully crossed the bank to the rock she always sat on.

"I guess you have to do that."

"Why?"

"Otherwise she might throw you into a ravine too!" Waverly joked, finally reeling in her untangled line. "Are you taking requests?"

"Sure!" Nicole responded, pulling her mahogany Gibson guitar into position. She let her calloused fingers run their way across the fret-board before beginning to tune each string. Nicole heard the whip and whir of Waverly’s first cast. "But if I don't know the song then I will play the beginning of 'Smoke on the Water' over and over again."

"Please don't. Wynonna hated me for weeks after I taught you that. And knowing her, she would hear you and ruin our alone time."

"Ok." Nicole chuckled as she tuned the final string. "Then pick something I know."

"'Meet in the Middle' by Diamond Rio?" Waverly asked, puppy dog eyes on full display.

Nicole didn't even respond as her fingers formed the G chord. Her eyes kept to the guitar as she played the intro but once she sang the first line, she tilted up to watch Waverly fish.

"It was seven hundred fence posts from your place to ours

Neither one of us was old enough to drive a car

Sometimes it was raining, sometimes it would shine

We wore out that gravel road between your house and mine."

Waverly was relaxed as she flung out her next cast. Her left hand was firm on the handle of the rod while her right latched the spool and lightly pulled on the rod, mimicking a quick movement of the small fish the spinner represented. Nicole drawled through the chorus, watching how expertly Waverly spun the reel, her foot tapping deliciously to Nicole's strums.

"I'd start walking your way

You'd start walking mine

We'd meet in the middle

'Neath that old Georgia pine"

Waverly’s beautiful voice joined in as Nicole hit the second half of the chorus.

"We'd gain a lot of ground

'Cause we'd both give a little

And there ain't no road too long

When you meet in the middle"

Nicole was enraptured by Waverly and forgot to come in on the second verse, forcing herself to play the chords again. Before she could right her error fully, Waverly spoke.

"Can I ask for something from you?"

Nicole kept playing but did not sing, instead feeling anxiety catch in her throat. You already have my heart. "Sure, of course Waverly."

"It's important you keep it a secret." Waverly cast again, the click of the reel forcing Nicole to swallow. "From Wynonna, Doc, Gus-"

"Sure, your secret is safe with me." Nicole stopped playing, trying to show Waverly that she had all of her attention.

Waverly shifted her weight from her right to her left then back to her right. She cast again. "Please keep playing."

Nicole instantly strummed, picking up the melody of the chorus. 

"I need you to promise no questions. No expectations." Waverly’s voice was wavering and it concerned to Nicole.

"You have my word Waverly."

Waverly stopped reeling and turned, her hazel eyes meeting Nicole’s browns.

"I need you to drive me to the Big-City on Tuesday. We will be gone all morning. I will let Wynonna and Doc know."

"What time do you need me to be ready?" Nicole kept strumming, so many questions floating around in her mind. 

"7:30am." 

Nicole nodded before repeating the interlude. She wanted to ask why but she crushed the question before it could escape her mouth; singing the 2nd verse instead.

Chapter Text

November 17th, 2020

"Hello Ms. Earp, my name is Dr. Placer. How are you doing this morning?"

Waverly so badly wanted to respond negatively. Instead she smiled weakly, scooching herself around uncomfortably on the medical examination bed, the sanitation paper scratching awkwardly. She took a moment to notice the trusting eyes of her long-time Gynecologist looking back at her, the woman's dark hair contrasting with the harsh fluorescent lighting. 

"It's nice to see you." The woman said pleasantly, sitting down on her rolling stool with Waverly's file in her hands.

"I'd return the sentiment but you know-" Waverly squeaked, leaning forward to shake the stirrups connected to the end of the table. 

Dr. Placer smiled professionally, dipping her head to the side. "Are you doing ok?"

Waverly shrugged, internally chastising herself for making this stupid appointment. 

"I checked your chart and I usually see you in the spring-time. And your birth control prescription doesn't end until 2022." 

"Yeah, I just love it here. So warm, so much fun." Waverly sounded more like Wynonna than she meant to, deciding to wave her hand in apology.

"It's ok, Waverly." Dr. Placer placed a hand on her knee. "What brings you in?"

Waverly swallowed and closed her eyes, trying to catalog all her concerns by date. The pain, the missed periods, the spotting; it was all jumbled in her anxiety addled brain. Why didn't I write this down. You are a planner Waverly, you make the best lists. Why didn't I ask Nicole to sit in here with me. Right, because you really want her first sight of your lady bits to be chaperoned by Dr. Placer and the speculum. 

"Don't be embarrassed, give me all the dirty details."

So Waverly talked while Dr. Placer took hand-written notes. Waverly's periods had been all over the place for the past couple months but she figured it was just because she had been stressed with the farm's expansion expenses. There was random spotting, constant thick clear discharge, and the cramping was far worse than it has ever been. The cherry on-top of her worry sundae was waking up every night in the last week in pain that would make her bowels react like she ate all the Chili at the '05 cook-off. She called her regular doctor in Purgatory and babbled her symptoms at him; he recommended that she see Dr. Placer. 

"I know he isn't a Gynecologist but he said something about inflammation. And I don't know, knowing me and my family it's probably something way worse. So I am super nervous. So nervous I asked Nicole, you don't know her but she's wonderful, to drive me because she is the only person in the world who grounds me and makes me feel safe. I could hold her hand and listen to her voice forever and know everything is fine but she's in the waiting room and I am in here with you and I love her, you know?"

"Well." Dr. Placer was grinning wider than Waverly had ever seen and it made her cover her mouth in embarrassment. Why do I ramble when I'm nervous? "I wrote a lot of that down. Except the declaration of love-- which brings me to my questions. Are you currently sexually active?"

"No."

Dr. Placer nodded her head knowingly. Waverly could tell she was going to ignore her Nicole babble.

"Is this the first time you've experienced unusual cycles and menstrual pain?"

"Weird cycles, yes. Pain, no. But this is worse?" Waverly responded.

"Where is the pain located?"

Waverly pointed to below her belly button and moved it around like she was stirring her own insides. She then watched the doctor flip through her file, humming to herself lightly. Uncomfortable tingles worked their way up Waverly’s back as she felt her pulse thump rigorously under the skin of her wrists.

"Ok, Waverly. I am not going to assume anything until I run a few tests. First I will do a pelvic exam with a Pap Smear in a few minutes. Then I am going to write you up a radiology and blood work order for the center down at the corner of Belt and 13th. It is a walk-in clinic so you can go there right after this appointment if you so choose."

"Ok." Waverly nodded, filing all the information into her mind. I like plans.

"I should get all your tests back before Thanksgiving and we will make a plan then. Any questions?" Dr. Placer placed her clipboard down.

"You don't think I am crazy do you?"

"No ma'am. I am glad you came in."

*****

Waverly loved watching Nicole drive. The redheaded woman always used both hands, her eyes constantly darting between mirrors and the road. Soft features situated in confident focus; it made Waverly feel like she was precious cargo. A much friendlier experience than the speed demon antics of Wynonna and Doc. 

"Corner of Belt and?" Nicole drawled.

"13th." Waverly responded. "Dr. Placer said there is free walk-in parking underneath the building if you turn down 12th and come around."

"I do love me some free parking." Nicole grinned, taking her eyes off the road briefly to gaze at Waverly with glinty browns. “And the jeep will be safer parked in a parking deck instead of on the street.”

If Waverly didn't know better she would have been fooled into thinking that Nicole wasn’t worried about these Doctor appointments. Nicole portrayed herself as calm and relaxed, almost like Waverly had asked her to go shopping. It was alluring to know Nicole was worried but was respecting her wish for regularity. It was exactly what Waverly wanted and she found herself leaning closer, wanting more of the easy stability her driver was providing. Waverly was intoxicated by it.

"We have to go to the 4th floor for one test and then the 6th for the other." Waverly stated before faltering, glancing at the time. "I am sorry, I didn't know we would be gone this long."

"No apologies. It's why I brought my book." Nicole's voice was light but Waverly could still pick out the hint of concern. “Besides, this is all I had planned today.”

Waverly glanced down at the console between them, a well-worn copy of " Crossfire Trail" by Louis L'Amour sitting against her water bottle. Waverly smiled, she loved how much Nicole had leaned into Westerns after coming to work for her and Wynonna. It was comforting knowing her Dad’s old books were being used to distract Nicole.

The ranch hand turned the jeep into the underground parking garage and took a ticket from the machine. Pulling around the pillars, she parked it in a designated spot for radiology walk-ins. Waverly watched the older woman grab her book and open her door before she stopped and turned.

"Waverly, what is our cover story?"

"I thought I specified no questions." Waverly teased.

Nicole got out and slammed her door, temporarily hurting Waverly's feelings. But she watched her cross around the front and open her passenger door with a chivalrous wave of her hand.

"I was thinking we could say it was for 'Heroin Anonymous' meetings.” Nicole said seriously, her eyes looking deeply into Waverly's. “That you are my sponsor." 

"No, we can't do that." Waverly shook her head, stepping out of the jeep. "Wynonna might fire you if she thinks you relapsed."

Nicole didn't respond quick enough for Waverly's brain, and the brunette's eyes went wide. Did Nicole relapse? She reached out and grabbed Nicole, pulling her in for a deep hug. 

"Waverly." Nicole softly spoke, her arms wrapping around Waverly's shoulders. "I didn't relapse."

"Oh?" Waverly was breathless, it was like Nicole had read her mind.

"Yep, still clean."

"I thought I was an inconsiderate ass, having you drive me all around town when you may have needed me to sponsor you is all." Waverly still clutched to the woman, cursing herself for making Nicole feel even a smidgen bad about her former addiction. This was something Waverly never held against Nicole and she didn't want to start now. 

"You aren't at all inconsiderate. Hell, you are super considerate. The most considerate." Nicole pulled back, russet eyes swimming with affection. Waverly wanted to kiss her, again.

"Then why use that as an excuse?" Waverly questioned. 

"Only thing I know that will take everyone's questions totally off of you." Nicole responded, her face sincere.

The gravity of the admission hit Waverly like a truck. Nicole was willing to risk being seen as having relapsed just so Waverly wouldn't be questioned. She doesn't even know what these appointments are for. How does she know it’s serious? I don’t even know if it’s serious. It dawned on Waverly that Nicole just knew it was serious to her.  

Affection bloomed in Waverly's chest, pushing all her nerves for the day to the side. She grabbed onto the fabric of Nicole's flannel just below her shoulders and pulled lightly, bringing their bodies together with a light gasp escaping Nicole. Once they were flush, her left hand drifted to Nicole's cheek, caressing the soft skin between her nose and lips with the pad of her thumb. Nicole leaned into her hand instantly, her eyes closed while their heightened breathing mixed. Waverly felt like her body was being controlled by her heart; Nicole's reaction to her touch only spurred her hand to move to the nape of the woman's neck, feeling her ponty-tail brush lightly. Suddenly Waverly felt Nicole's strong fingers grasp onto her waist, a moan erupting from deep in her chest at the contact. A thumb was rubbing circles on her left hip-bone and Waverly forgot where they were.

Nicole's eyes were open suddenly and Waverly saw how they had darkened to a deep, rich brown; the want ever present as they darted down to look at her mouth. Waverly's body was on fire and her only urge was to pull her in and kiss her so deeply that Nicole would never leave her.

"May I-" Nicole asked gravelly, making Waverly’s knees feel weak.

Before Waverly could answer a loud honk echoed through the garage and the women shot apart. Nicole used the jeep for stability, pushing herself back to full height before letting out a shaky laugh. Waverly joined in, cursing the honk internally for ruining what was probably going to be the best kiss of her life.

“Big-City is loud, huh?” Waverly filled the space.

“Yeah.”

Nicole clicked the key fob, locking the jeep with a beep. "May I use that as an excuse? The HA meeting, I mean." Nicole gulped, looking at Waverly like she was caught doing something inappropriate.

"No, I can't let you take that risk. Just tell anyone who asks that I swore you to secrecy."

Waverly knew the moment was lost and Nicole's walls were back up. If she was being honest with herself, the moment was probably not right for either of them. The impending kiss though, the smaller woman knew it would have been electric. And now she had 100% confirmation that Nicole wanted her, wanted this. That gave her the energy to calm her nerves.

"I'm sorry." Nicole almost whispered.

Waverly smiled and stepped forward, pushing Nicole towards the elevator.

"I'm not."

*****

September 3, 2016

Nicole pulled her front door shut with her foot, leaning to her right to place her bowl of oatmeal and coffee on her porch table. She let out a deep, satisfying yawn before stretching her arms fully towards the frame allowing her fingers to graze the painted wood. Nicole loved this little cabin, it’s deep burgundy paint job had grown on her in the couple months she had lived in it. She let her arms drop and began buttoning her plain baby-blue short-sleeved work shirt before stuffing it down her dark levi’s. Doc had taken her shopping after she paid off her court fees and Nicole finally had a few meager outfits to her name. SHe grinned, her right hand drifting up to her white stetson at the thought of Doc Holliday. He had bought it for her as a thank you for working so hard during the August hay harvest. She didn’t think she’d ever forget the pride in his eyes after he had placed it on her head. The stupid mustache curing in appreciation as he told her she was a real ranch hand now. 

Nicole turned and sat in her chair, pushing it to sit next to the table instead of pointed towards it. She was waiting to see Waverly exit the homestead and go on her morning walk, an integral part to her morning routine on her days off. Waverly always left around 7am and would give Nicole the most breathtaking smile and wave without fail. An intense crush had formed in Nicole’s soul for the youngest Earp and while she knew she couldn’t act on it, it didn’t stop it from existing all the same. She grabbed her bowl and fork, beginning her struggle to shovel the oatmeal into her face. I should have asked Waverly for some raisins. The contract at Peacemaker Farms was generous as it provided food and lodging separate from the higher than average Ranch Hand pay. Nicole was unsure what she had done to the universe for giving her such a lucky break but she didn’t want to jinx it, so she worked as hard as possible to make up for her short-comings. 

Nicole heard a familiar slam coming from the back-side of the Homestead and her heart swelled. Pavlov’s grinning in his grave, Haught . Before long, Waverly’s figure came bounding around the side of her home in brown and teal cowboy boots, tight jeans, and white blouse tied up into a crop top. Nicole’s mouth watered. Pavlov indeed. Nicole kept shoveling in her breakfast, trying to sit still and seem unaffected. But when she looked back towards the woman their eyes made contact, an innocent grin spreading across the brunette’s features as she waved. Soft and friendly, so unlike any wave Nicole had ever experienced. Unlike before, Waverly turned and began walking toward Nicole instead of the trail. God, you are so fucked.

“Good morning, Ms. Haught.” Waverly’s voice sounded like sweet iced tea tastes.

“Hi, Ms. Earp.” Nicole stood, removing her hat. “It is a wonderful morning. Would you like to sit?”

“Please call me Waverly.” She leaned against Nicole’s porch rail, her hands clasped gently in front of her body. “No thank you, I like to stand in the morning to get the blood going. And please, eat your breakfast.”

“I can do that, Waverly.” Nicole placed her hat back on and returned to sit. “As long as you call me Nicole.”

“Nicole.”

Why does your name sound so much better in her voice?

Nicole smiled dumbly before fumbling for her oatmeal bowl, beginning to shovel more into her mouth. Waverly watched with interest and Nicole saw a thousand different ideas float across her features. Nicole couldn’t pick out what Waverly was thinking so she offered up her own.

“Would you like some?”

“No, thank you. I am just amused watching you eat.” Waverly smiled again.

“Oh-” Nicole remembered her fork and felt a sudden need to explain. “I am sorry, eating with a fork is kind of neanderthal-ish. I just can’t use spoons because uh-- well--”

“It’s cute.” Waverly placed up a hand to signal Nicole to stop worrying. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I understand.”

Warm heat soared up Nicole’s body and hammered hard in the back of her skull. Nicole racked her brain of the previous two months she had spent on the farm. Not once had she discussed her issues with the woman. She just knows and god, she doesn’t care. Waverly was not of this world.

“But what if I wanted to explain?”

Waverly pursed her lips in thought, her almost calm demeanor disarming Nicole.

“Then you’d explain. But unlike my sister, I don’t expect anything from you.”

Nicole blinked.

“Wow-”

A crash of wood and hooves pulled Nicole’s attention away before she could say anything stupid in response. Waverly herself tensed before she stepped forward quickly, grabbing Nicole’s arm in response. Their eyes met. 

“Sounded like the horse paddock.” Nicole offered, touching Waverly’s hand in an attempt to comfort the younger woman. 

“I should check, Doc and Wynonna left for town early this morning.”

“I can help.”

“Yeah.” Waverly’s eyes were blown out, fear etched.

“I’ll come with you.” Nicole reassured. 

Nicole stood to full height and turned, stepping into her brown boots by her door. She put her elbow out for Waverly, the small woman took it instantly and they made their way to the paddock as quickly as Nicole felt Waverly could manage. Once they were around the barn, Nicole noticed the mare Lottie was half over the broken fence with her back foot caught in the wire, pinning her awkwardly against the barn. Waverly gasped. 

“Damn it, Lottie.” Nicole groaned, letting go of Waverly and approaching the mare. “You know you can’t jump for shit.”

Once she was within 5ft, Lottie began to struggle and neigh in fear. Nicole felt her heart twist at the sight.

“Waverly, go to the tool barn and grab the wire shears. They are thick with yellow handles.”

Waverly didn’t move though, she was stuck to her spot in a mix of sadness and fear. 

“Waverly.” Nicole commanded.

“Got it.” 

Nicole put out her palms and crossed slowly towards Lottie, soothing “Hi old girl, it’s going to be ok.”

After a few tense moments Lottie stilled and Nicole reached out, petting her head and neck with her hands while her eyes surveyed her leg. The mare was definitely stuck but it didn’t look like the wire broke the skin yet. A soft gasp let Nicole know Waverly had returned so she placed a hand out behind her while still trying to comfort Lottie.

“Come slowly and place them in my hand.”

“I can’t.”

Nicole turned her head, noticing how badly Waverly was shaking. She’s scared of horses? This thought took Nicole by surprise since she saw all the blue award ribbons in the living room of the Homestead. Waverly Earp’s name graced them all. Think Nicole. 

“Horses can sleep both standing up and lying down.” Nicole offered, trying to break tension.

Waverly let out a shaky breath and Nicole chuckled lightly, looking back at the mare. But Waverly didn’t speak.

“Horses are herbivores.” Nicole could see the effect her simple horse facts were having on the woman. She just hoped Waverly wasn’t offended.

“Doc told me that horse hooves are made from the same stuff our fingernails are made of.”

Waverly giggled slightly.

“Lottie likes apples way better than carrots.” Nicole offered next. “You could get some?”

“No she prefers carrots. She just likes her carrots peeled and cut up.” Waverly’s voice was higher than normal but strong.

“What a drama queen. Uhhhh- Horses have almost 360 degree vision but they do have blind spots. If you come towards me from the right, Lottie won’t be about to see you.” 

“Ok.” Waverly returned as she tentatively stepped around and came up to Nicole from the right; the redhead adjusted her body to block Lottie from seeing Waverly’s advance. Soon Nicole felt the cool metal of the shears placed in her hand and she waited for sounds of Waverly backing away before she leaned. It took a few minutes of calm pets and quick snipping before Nicole freed Lottie’s leg. The ranch hand moved back up to the front of the horse, tugging at her head and mane until she finally got footing and freed herself from the fence.

“Whoa girl, whoa.” Nicole soothed, moving her body in and out of danger as Lottie tested her own footing. “I wish Doc would remember to put a bridle on when he lets the horses out in the morning, it would make doing this a lot easier.”

“I’m sorry.” Waverly returned, still standing off to the side.

“Why?”

“I was the one who used to take care of the horses.”

“Doesn’t mean the old man ain’t a slacker.” Nicole teased, looking over the mare as she walked. Nicole couldn’t see any issues but she mentally noted to ask Doc to take a look when he returned. She clicked at Lottie to follow her to the paddock gate, letting her back inside. Once the mare was safely in, she turned and closed the gate before crossing back to Waverly. “I will fix the fence before Wynonna gets back. She will be none the wiser.”

Waverly looked at Nicole expectantly but she just held her gaze, smiling in a way that she knew her dimples would show. Nicole just wanted Waverly to feel comfortable.

“No questions?” Waverly’s face was unreadable now.

“We all have secrets Waverly.” Nicole let herself get lost in Waverly’s sad hazels. “You are late for your walk. Don’t let me keep you.”

“Alright.” Waverly shook her head in agreement and began walking away as Nicole turned to the fence.

“Do you think you could tell me more horse facts later?”

“Sure.” Nicole agreed, secretly hoping she could get Doc to take her to the library later. If Waverly wanted horse facts, she would provide.

“Good.” Waverly began walking again. “I think it will help."

Chapter Text

October 25, 2016

Waverly came bounding down the stairs of the homestead two at a time singing happily to herself. The music in her headphones drown out Wyonna’s greeting as she enthusiastically sings into one of her trophies like it's a microphone.

“ But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts

She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers

Dreamin' 'bout the day when you wake up and find

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time--”

“WYNONNA!” Waverly screams as she crashes into a mane of brown and leather. She removes her headphones sheepishly while looking down at Wynonna’s dirty boots instead of her face. “You know I hate it when you wear those inside.”

“Well I hate T-Swizzle so we are even.” Wynonna scowls holding an empty bottle of cheap whiskey in her hand and the smell was already hitting Waverly’s nostrils. Her jaw tightened, it is never good if Wynonna is drunk by midday. “Did you even hear me? Wave?”

Of course not. I was imagining red hair and saddle leather. Not my drunk sister on a warpath.

“Waverly?”

“What-” She snapped, rolling the trophy around in her hands before crossing to the kitchen table, slumping in a chair. A flash of guilt crosses her mind and she decides maybe she can play nice with drunk Wynonna. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Wynonna glares at her steely then drops her gaze to the trophy. “I said, Doc told me you were going on a ride with Haught to the far fences.”

“Yeah, so.” She scoffed, playing absent-mindedly with the plastic gold cowboy hat perched on top of the figure of the trophy. “I finished the expenses, lunch was served, and I aced my online Latin exam. I think I can go to the far fences.”

“I’m not your mother babygirl, I don’t care about your chores. What I do care about is why you are going out alone with-” Wynonna waved her hand back and forth as a stand in for what Waverly knew was Nicole’s name. Waverly felt a sudden anger at the implication. “-You know. And I am worried that may not be the best idea.”

“Excuse me, what?” Waverly fumed, slamming the trophy down and coming face to face with her sister. 

“You know. Don’t make me say it. I just need you to stick around here at the homestead instead. I’ll send Doc.” Wynonna tried to appease, stumbling backwards a tad.

Waverly wasn’t having any of this. She had been floating on cloud nine since Nicole had asked her if she wanted to patrol the far fences. Nicole was up front that if Waverly felt uncomfortable, that Doc would take her instead. The redhead practically had a nervous breakdown explaining that it would just be a test for all the work they had been doing to get Waverly back on a horse. Ever since the accident Waverly was too afraid to even look at Lottie and now, after weeks of gentle coaxing, Nicole had convinced her to climb onto Lottie’s back. What surprised her the most was that the redhead didn’t even know why she was scared, she just worked with her fears. Nicole would ramble off random horse facts as Waverly reacquainted herself with Lottie. Even though Waverly knew most of the information it had turned into her thing with Nicole. The whole thing was sweet; Nicole always checked Waverly’s comfort levels. Something that Wynonna never took into consideration. Her sister always tried to make it her way or the highway. Wonderful, strong, sweet, nice, gentle Nicole. Waverly had never trusted anyone so quickly.

“You are right, Wynonna.” Waverly set her eyes on her sister, refusing to step back.

“Good.” Wynonna huffed, her shoulders falling. “I knew you’d see it my way.”

“You aren’t my mother. You can’t tell me what to do so I will go to the far fences with Nicole if I want to.”

Wynonna groaned, pulling an unsteady finger up to Waverly’s nose, frustration in her eyes. “You don’t know her.”

“You hired her.”

“She’s good at the job.” Wynonna protested. “A great employee.”

“She is. She is also my-” Waverly breathed in, not quite knowing how to categorize her. “Friend.”

“No, she is our resident junkie who happens to be good at manual labor.” Wynonna yells. “I don’t think you should be friends with her.”

Waverly feels her stomach sink at the cruelness of her sister's words. Tears and anger rise up in its place and Wynonna's eyes go wide as Waverly feels fire erupt from her throat.

"That is really rich coming from the resident alcoholic. Get sober for once, Wynonna. Then we'll talk."

Waverly didn't wait around for a response, she grabbed her boots and dashed out the front door beelining for the horse barn. About halfway there she stepped on a sharp rock and screamed out in frustration, dropping her boots to the ground before struggling to step into them.

"Miss Waverly?"

"Don't you dare talk to me John Henry Holliday." Waverly spat, looking up to see Doc standing with his hat in his hands. "And don't you dare let her follow me or I so swear to God-"

Doc rolled the brim of his hat anxiously, shaking his head like his life depended on it. Waverly finished getting on her boots with a huff and started off towards the barn again. With a violent fling, she opened the door and saw Nicole flipping a saddle up onto Percy, Doc's stallion. Waverly shut the barn door just as hard, flipping her hair out of her face and turning back towards the ranch hand.

"Wave?" Nicole asked tentatively, standing with her full attention on the brunette. Waverly assessed the woman's body language; Nicole looked surprised but stood tall, like she was ready to protect Waverly at a moment's notice. She didn't look dangerous. How could Wynonna think this woman would hurt me? 

Waverly couldn't stop her feet from crossing the barn and flinging her into Nicole with fervor. The tears began flowing freely now and the sob stuck in her chest erupted from her mouth as Nicole leaned into the hug. Waverly wanted to scream, to yell but one of Nicole’s hands went up into her hair and Waverly listened to Nicole console her with soft 'shhs' and 'its oks.' 

"Nicole-" Waverly didn't recognize her own voice, the strangled sadness of its timbre foreign to her. Normally when she cried, she cried alone.

"It's ok. I got you." Nicole cooed, her voice deep with concern. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Waverly leaned further into Nicole, pushing their bodies flush. She noticed how well her head fit underneath the redhead's chin, so she nuzzled in and breathed. Vanilla and earth. The ranch hand began rubbing her back, a soothing gesture that had Waverly opening the grip her hands had on the back of Nicole's shirt. Suddenly her own palms were open, feeling the tension in the strong muscles of Nicole’s back. The feeling sent heat straight to her stomach and Waverly was left wondering how Nicole could be so comforting yet so sexy at the same time.

"Want to hear a horse fact?"

"Sure." Waverly giggled into Nicole's neck, causing the older woman to sigh.

"Horses don't have collar bones." Nicole said softly.

Waverly pulled back and looked up, instantly catching big brown eyes and soft dimples. "You have a collar bone."

Nicole laughed deeply and Waverly internally cursed herself. Did you just try to flirt with her?

"Well, duh. And now you are now well acquainted with it." Nicole nodded down to the small wet spot Waverly’s tears left at the crook of Nicole’s neck.

Waverly giggled, pushing Nicole slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Nicole replied, reaching forward and pushing a strand of hair behind Waverly’s ear. "Can I tell you something that my grandad used to tell me before he died?"

"Sure."

Nicole breathed in, "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok then it's not the end."

*****

Nicole’s torso still tingled from when Waverly had jumped her in the barn over an hour ago. It had thrown the ranch hand for a loop as mere minutes before Doc was telling her he was probably coming to the fences instead of Waverly and she had volunteered to get Doc's horse ready as a way to deal with the pain of changed plans. But now she was riding Percy a few paces behind Lottie, admiring the ease at which Waverly guided the old mare through the thicket of the pine barrens. Curiosity bit at the tendrils of Nicole's brain but respect kept it at bay. Waverly will tell you what she wants, when she wants. No more, no less. Waverly was the most powerful thing in her life now and if Nicole was going to do better, she had to be the woman she had always wanted to be and not the one she had been.  

Waverly and Lottie suddenly turned left down a small rarely used trail and Nicole clicked to Percy to follow. About a half mile later, the women came to a clearing and a deep ravine; Nicole stood up in the saddle and saw huge rocks and a stream down below. Looking over at Waverly she tried her best not to ask but the questions sat intrusively on her tongue.

"This is where Lottie threw me."

"Oh." Nicole looked again, trying to figure out how deep it all was. 

"Momma left us when I was 4 years old. She told Daddy she was going into town for groceries and she never came back. Daddy- well- he decided drinking was a better venture than parenting so Willa raised Wynonna and I instead while my uncle Curtis and his best friend Shorty took care of the ranch. It was like Daddy kept drinking while Willa kept us sane. One day, when I was 14, I came home to find Daddy dead in the garden."

Nicole tilted on the reins, bringing Percy as close to Lottie as she could. Then she reached up and removed her hat, perching it on the saddle horn. Nicole tilted her head softly to urge Waverly to continue.

"All natural causes that were exasperated by his love for whiskey. Wynonna lost it and stopped following the ranch hands around like a curious puppy. She drank, she drugged, and she stole. And well, Willa lost custody of Wynonna. She was in and out of foster homes until she was an adult. So it was just Willa and I."

"I'm so sorry."

"Willa pushed me to follow in Momma's footsteps and try barrel racing. I had a knack for the sport and Lottie needed an outlet other than moving cattle. We were a dynamite team, taking first in most of the local and province competitions. I loved it and it was the only thing that Wynonna would come and watch me do. I think she missed Momma just as much as the rest of us."  Waverly sighed and Nicole watched her hazels mist at the memory. 

"But life isn't fair when you are an Earp. When I was 17, Uncle Curtis died just as Wynonna left for Greece to 'find herself.'; leaving Gus, Willa, and I the cattle ranch. Instead of going to College, I stayed behind and became the ranch manager full time so that Willa and Gus could work with the ranch hands. I started doing online classes in order to make something of myself, all the while hoping that Wynonna would come home and we could all be a family again."

"That is a hard go of it." Nicole lamented, placing her hand onto Waverly's shoulder for comfort. She felt the tension release under her touch and it sent butterflies fluttering into her chest.

"On my 19th birthday Willa drove into town to get me a new lasso as a present. With everything going on she had forgotten it was my birthday and wanted to make up for it. She was speeding and lost control of her truck and flipped it. The Sheriff's department said she died on impact and didn’t feel a thing." Waverly broke down, her sobs filling the ravine with a soft echo. Nicole felt her heart reach out to the younger woman, only able to squeeze her hand again to let her know she was there. "Being an Earp-- it's like a curse, you know?"

“I can get that.” Nicole said softly. “What happened next?”

“Sheriff called Gus and I heard her wail from inside the house. Something snapped inside of me and I burst and climbed onto Lottie bareback, pushing her hard along this trail. Somehow, in my grief I guided her down this trail towards the ravine. It was dusk, the visibility was even worse with my tears that I didn’t see the drop off. Lottie noticed it at the last possible moment and threw me. I broke my right leg in three places.”

“How did they find you?” Nicole breathed.

“Doc found me. It was before Wynonna hired him as a ranch hand. He was contracted by Gus to curb the deer population and he just happened to be in the woods mapping out where to put tree stands. He said something drew him to look into the ravine. And boom, there I was.” Waverly laughed awkwardly, looking over at Nicole with puffy hazels. Nicole still felt her chest tighten as Waverly studied her face, the silence connecting the women in a way Nicole had never experienced.

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that. It must have been hard for you to tell me.” 

Waverly’s sad smile broke and her features lit up with warmth very much like the first day she had met Nicole. She adjusted herself in her saddle. “I do, you know.”

“What?” Nicole asked.

“Trust you.”

It felt like the warmth Nicole just witnessed jumped from Waverly into her own body, heating up every joint with tingly happiness. It spread around, encompassing every muscle and crevice. Nicole’s entire body felt euphoric. The feeling was too familiar and it scared Nicole, her head dropping down and her heart suddenly pounding. Waverly’s face changed, the younger woman noticing Nicole’s reaction.

“Did I say something wrong?”

Nicole considered lying but Waverly had just told her story, there was no way she could disrespect that trust. “No, I just-- I had a familiar feeling.”

Nicole heard Waverly adjust herself on her saddle again. “Do you feel comfortable enough to talk about it?”

Fuck it.

“Sure.” Nicole leaned forward to rub Percy’s head for a little more confidence. “When you told me that you trusted me-- it uh-- sent a feeling through my body that reminded me of what it feels like right after I would shoot up.”

Nicole turned to Waverly, knowing she was going to see some sort of disgust. Instead she was met with a look of curiosity and... happiness? 

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Nicole hadn’t thought of it; she was too focused on Waverly thinking she was only drug focused. She searched herself for any sign of the urge, the one she usually felt when she was alone in her cabin after a long day. It wasn’t there. Instead she only found an urge to hug Waverly. She honestly didn’t know which was scarier.

“I think it’s a good thing.”

“Good.” Waverly smiled softly. “I never want to cause you pain.”

“Then can I be honest with you again?” Nicole dared.

“Of course.”

“I am scared I might cause you pain.”

*****

November 24, 2020

“I think it’s pretty shitty of you to push me on this when you won’t even go drinking with Wynonna alone.”

“I already explained this to you, Haught.” Doc replied slowly. “Miss Waverly likes you back unlike Wynonna. Every person in Purgatory, hell Alberta, knows she already has a husband.”

Nicole snorted and stopped peeling the large russet potato in her hand. Waverly had kindly asked Nicole and Doc to peel all the potatoes for the large batch of mashed potatoes she was delivering to the Purgatory soup kitchen for Thanksgiving. The afternoon was not too cool so the pair set up shop next to the water pump by Nicole’s cabin as this allowed Doc to wash and Nicole to peel.

“Whiskey?”

“Whiskey.”

A small westerly breeze blew through as Nicole went back to her peeler, hoping that Doc would drop the subject of Waverly all together. She did not need his pressure on top of what she had experienced the prior week inside of the parking garage with the girl herself. She actually wants you. The encounter has been living inside her mind for a week now, replaying it’s revealing beauty to her. But if Nicole was honest, really honest with herself, she knew Waverly wanted her all along. But do you deserve her? Nicole grumbled at her insecurity as her mind drifted to the Gynecologist and Radiologists offices. She was trying her best not to dwell on why Waverly had wanted her to take her and keep it a secret. So many possibilities floated through her mind but it always drifted back to the feeling of Waverly’s hands gripped in her shirt as her hazel eyes dipped from her own to look sensually at her lips.

“Haught?” Doc interrupted. 

“Yeah?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

Nicole shook her head and gave her friend an apologetic smile.

“I asked why you and Miss Waverly went to town last week. Wynonna has been very keen to know.” 

Nicole grimaced, Of course Wynonna wants to know. Miss ‘I don’t give a fuck’ unless its about Waverly then ‘I give a fuck’ Earp.

“I kind of want to know as well. Especially if it is a surprise. I do hate surprises.” Doc chuckled, washing two potatoes at a time.

“I was sworn to secrecy.” Nicole said as nonchalantly as she could muster. 

“Ok. That works for me but I would avoid Wynonna. She has been calling all over town trying to figure out what you two were up to.”

“She has got to learn to trust Waverly.” Nicole spat, finding her annoyance with her boss bubbling up. 

“Nicole?”

Nicole jumped, Waverly was suddenly standing over her with tears flowing down her cheeks. She stood immediately and reached for her. “Oh my god, are you ok?”

Doc stood as well, pulling his hat from his head. “Miss Waverly?”

“Just Nicole.”

Doc went to protest but Nicole kicked him. 

“Take this all inside will you?” Nicole commanded. “And Doc?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Wynonna.”

Doc nodded as Nicole grabbed onto Waverly, guiding her towards her cabin door. Suddenly the brunette stopped and pulled her towards the jeep instead. 

“I want to go to Shorty’s.”

Nicole wanted to protest but her soft fingers intertwined with her own and all rational thought flew away. 

“Whatever you need.”

Chapter Text

December 30, 2016

Nicole thumbed the white Christmas lights adorning Shorty's bar as her other hand gripped her glass of water. New Year’s was around the corner and here Nicole sat, sober as a newborn. Fuck I would give my left leg for a nickel-bag so bad. The thought was intrusive so Nicole shook it off, sipping from her water and continuing to feel the soft burning of the light tip.

"You look like shit."

Nicole brought her head up and was met with the no nonsense browns of Gus McCready; Waverly's very protective aunt. And I thought Wynonna was bad.

"Sorry, Gus." Nicole decided to play it tender. No reason to get chippy.

"Your forehead is sweating."

"It's hot in here." Nicole deadpanned, finding it hard to be tender under the scrutiny of the elder woman.

"You still going to them meetings?" Gus leaned back, grabbing a glass and beginning to clean it. 

"Yes ma'am." Nicole gruffed. "Wynonna asks every week like Doc doesn't drive me there."

Nicole was getting tired and her urge to be high was building. She was scared of the holidays because she figured it would be when she relapsed next. The past couple of Christmases were blurs of couches and strung out naps. Her hand left the Christmas lights and went to the crook of her arm, feeling where she knew track marks laid. She pushed her pointer finger in, hoping it would help dull the ache for something sharper. Christmas wasn't Christmas if Neal wasn't alive; Neal wasn't Neal without a needle and peppermint schnapps. Nicole sighed and looked towards the pool table, sneaking a glance of Waverly leaned over it and lining up a shot. The glittery decorations on her Christmas sweater dancing in the bar lighting. The urge lessened a bit.

"I've got a mind to ask you to stop that." Gus interrupted, placing down an empty shot glass. 

"Stop what."

Gus glanced quickly to Waverly. "That."

Nicole shrugged then watched the older woman pour in some silver tequila before sliding it towards the ranch hand.

"While tequila does make my clothes come off, I am going to have to pass. I'm the DD tonight."

"And I know what will take the edge off. My nieces ain't leaving for a few more hours; one shot won't kill you." Gus scowled, taking another shot glass and filling it for herself.

Nicole weighed her options. On the one hand a drink would take away the urge to wander off into the back alley. On the other, Nicole knows her drinking went hand in hand with cooking. She used to shoot tequila while breathing in the scent of the water mixing with the dope. Nicole turned again, this time catching Waverly looking at her. The brunette smiled before giving her a nervous wave. Nicole returned it; feeling the power of the gesture in her bones.

"No thank you, Gus. I am doing just fine with this water." Nicole returned her eyes to the owner and watched Gus's face soften. 

It was a test. 

"That wasn't what I think it was, was it?" Nicole set her jaw, pulling her arms to her chest.

"I don't think you'll ever be in a position to accuse me of anything, Nicole Haught." Gus bit back. "Tough love and tests go hand in hand."

"Careful Red, her version of tough love is an envelope full of cash and a bus ticket." 

"Wynonna." Gus forced a smile and walked down the length of the bar towards other patrons.

"Gus." 

 Nicole sighed, glad to be done with the attention of the protective aunt. But now that Wynonna was here, it's like being dumped from the frying pan straight into the fire. Nicole swiveled and found her boss already sitting in the stool next to her. She surveyed the woman, finding playful eyes and pearly teeth on display. Somewhere between tipsy and drunk. I can manage that.

"I thought you were playing pool."

"Waverly kept winning sooo I had Doc take my place. Hope he wipes the floor with that nerd." Wynonna reaches forward and grabs the shot glass, tipping it back and swallowing with no reaction. "Did you know that pool is pretty much all math?"

"Waverly does like geometry."

"You would know that with all those long rides the two of you take." Wynonna's voice lost some of its play as she reached over the bar and grabbed the plastic bottle of rail whiskey. "Which reminds me… where did y'all go on Christmas?"

Nicole turned her eyes to Waverly again, taking in the way golden brown hair framed her face as she bumps into Doc playfully. Waverly wanted to go see the Christmas lights in the suburb close to the Big-City and had gone out of her way to invite Nicole along. According to her, she had asked Wynonna but the boss lady preferred eggnog and scrooge to twinkly lights. It was Wynonna's loss though as Nicole got to enjoy the utter beauty of Waverly as she gazed upon the fluttering red, green, blue, and whites. The smaller woman's mouth slightly hung open with authentic awe. The way she would squeal with glee and squeeze Nicole's wrist. It was the best Christmas present of her entire adult life.

"To see Christmas lights." 

"Really?" Wynonna tipped the bottle to her mouth and swigged, her eyes not leaving Nicole's. "Three hours of lights?"

"Yes." Nicole said exasperatedly. "I have no reason to lie to you, Wynonna. No need to grill me 24/7."

"I do employ you. So I will grill you if I want."

"You know Waverly loves Christmas."

"Yeah but looking at you now," Wynonna reached forward and swiped a finger across her brow. "I'd say you hate Christmas."

Nicole felt the urge again so she grabbed her glass and downed the water in one long gulp. Using mental tools from her meetings, she focused on the feeling of the cold liquid flowing down her throat and settling in her stomach. Once done she let out a theatrical 'ah' and slammed her glass back down.

"What do you want from me?"

"Keep my cows warm?" Wynonna chuckled, her mood was light again. It gave Nicole whiplash. "Stay out of my whiskey cabinet?"

"Cut the shit, Earp. What do you want from me?"

Now it was Wynonna's turn to look over at Waverly who was now walking excitedly in their direction, Doc just behind her telling a story with his hands. They both looked so happy and at ease; Nicole wanted that ease with everyone. But Wynonna made it difficult for her to relax with the constant questions and pressure; and maybe, just maybe Nicole deserved that.

"Prove to me you're worth it."

"You already told me that you thought I wouldn't let you down."

Wynonna quickly shrugged. "That was before. This is now."

Nicole felt the sting before standing up from her stool and beginning to back away towards the bathrooms.

"I guess that's the problem with being a former junkie, Earp. No matter what I do, you'll always be asking me to prove it."

*****

November 24, 2020

Gus dropped the plate of fries down between Nicole and Waverly with a grunt before slapping the bar with the cheap plastic ketchup squirt bottle. She looked expectantly at Nicole like the redhead deserved to pay her with something more than money. Gus was terribly unhappy when Waverly arrived with Nicole in tow. Gus knew Waverly was usually at the soup kitchen the night before Thanksgiving. And instead of asking Waverly why, she just visually seemed to be placing all the blame on Nicole.

"Mmmm." Waverly hummed, grabbing the bottle of ketchup and squirting a large amount on the corner of the plate. "Carbs."

Nicole grabbed a fry and dipped it in before bringing it to her mouth, avoiding Gus altogether as the woman leered at her.

"Thanks Gus." Waverly cooed, stuffing a couple fries in. 

Waverly stood up, pulling her legs in underneath her to sit cross-legged on the stool. This made Nicole smile, no one sat at a bar quite like Waverly. She always did what she wanted to, no matter how different it was from the norm. Nicole looked back at Gus and tried to give her best grin, hoping no praying the woman would go bother someone else. 

"Looks like Champ needs another beer, Gus." Waverly was no longer being nice as she nodded towards the pool tables. 

Gus sighed and walked off. Nicole watched her go, rubbing the back of her head awkwardly. Why does this family insist on being so difficult when it comes to Waverly?

"Finally." Waverly leaned, placing her free hand onto Nicole's thigh. "Damn woman is like a hawk."

"Yeah and I am the mouse." Nicole watched Waverly toss back another finger of whiskey. Nicole knew the rules so she reached forward to the bottle, pouring more into the tumbler. 

"That's a funny thought. You look nothing like a mouse." Waverly mused, squeezing Nicole's thigh. The warmth radiated upwards and made Nicole feel slightly dizzy.

"What do I look like?"

"A dog."

Nicole gasped in mock horror. "You wound me Earp."

Waverly laughed and ate another handful of fries, chewing wildly in her drunken state. Nicole could still see the sadness behind the glaze and it hurt to watch Waverly drown it.

"No, no. Like a shepherd or a lab. Trusting brown eyes, loyal face. A constant companion."

Nicole felt dizzy again, the compliment filling her soul with confidence. 

"I like that. Much better than a mouse."

Waverly squeezed again and hummed happily. "Wanna do me a favor?" 

"Of course."

"If I hear 'country girl, shake it for me' one more time I will light this bar on fire." Waverly complained, downing her whiskey again. "Jukebox?"

"That would definitely be a felony." Nicole chuckled as she stood. "I'll go see what I can do."

Waverly reached forward and grabbed her flannel, pulling the redhead close. "My hero." She whispered before kissing Nicole's cheek and shoving her towards the jukebox.

Nicole felt like her feet were floating as she ran her fingers through her hair and made her way across the bar. She is going to kill you. The ranch hand reached into her jeans, fumbling for the handful of quarters she had brought in from the cupholder in the jeep. Nicole knew better than to bring an Earp to Shorty's without a way to play her a song. 

"Hey, hey, hey cowgirl. Ain't seen you in awhile."

Champ Hardy. Typical.

"Champ." Nicole gritted, flipping the song list.

"See you brought Waverly with you." Champ whistled. "She come here to sneak a peek at me again?"

"Doubtful. Didn't she leave your ass months ago?"

"Well, no one ever leaves Champ Hardy." He sneered. "And besides, we have been texting."

"Here's a quarter, call someone who cares." Nicole quipped, flicking a quarter his way. 

"Just making conversation. You don't need to be a bitch."

Nicole ignored the man and made her selections, allowing her mind to focus on the metallic sound of the quarters falling in the slot instead of her wish of punching Champ in his jaw. 

"I knew Waverly couldn't stay away. It's too bad she brought you along, I do hate watching a puppy get kicked while it's down." Champ flipped the quarter and began walking towards the bar and Waverly. 

The impulse to drag his rodeo ass outside was overwhelming. Nicole knew this was not the night for him to be bothering Waverly. Hell, I don't even know what's bothering Waverly. But she didn't want to impose; if Waverly wanted to hook up with Champ it wasn't any of her business. It could be your business if you got your head out of your ass. The jukebox clicked over and the bar was filled with her first selection.

"Love is a burning thing

And it makes a fiery ring

Bound by wild desire

I fell in to a ring of fire"

Nicole watched Champ lean in and Waverly laugh; it felt like sticking her hands in scalding water. Champ laid one of his grimy hands on the small of Waverly’s back. Nicole's lip twitched.

"I fell into a burning ring of fire

I went down down down

And the flames went higher

And it burns burns burns

The ring of fire

The ring of fire"

Did Champ have anything to do with the appointments? They were texting? Holy fuck, is she pregnant? Was Waverly actually here to see him? Before she could focus on it further, Waverly reached forward and grabbed the ketchup bottle off the bar. A quick motion and Champ's face was covered in its contents. Champ stumbled back a step, his face slack with confusion. Waverly just giggled grabbing a fry, dipping it on his face and eating it with a smug shrug. 

"The taste of love is sweet

When hearts like ours meet

I fell for you like a child

Oh, but the fire went wild"

"Fuck you, Johnny Cash." Nicole sighed as she watched Champ storm towards the bathroom. Waverly then turned towards her. Nicole licked her lips as she watched fire dance in the brunette's eyes. Waverly winked.

"I fell into a burning ring of fire"

Nicole swallowed and crossed back to her stool checking it for ketchup. Waverly giggled behind her, laying a small warm hand on her forearm.

"Did you see that, baby?"

Nicole froze at the pet name and her face felt warm. "Yeah. You sure that you should have eaten that ketchup? It kinda touched his face."

Waverly drunk laughed and slumped forward into Nicole, the redhead's hands reaching forward to steady the woman. 

"Fuck, you are right. His face is nasty."

"Well, you did kiss it for like- a year." Nicole straightened Waverly in her stool, sliding her own closer so she could keep her hands on Waverly. For balance, of course.

"Yeah well-- at least that is all I did." Waverly hiccuped. 

Wait, what? Nicole's face furrowed in confusion which made Waverly giggle some more, almost falling backwards in the process.

"You thought I had sex with that dufus?"

"Waverly, you are an adult."

Waverly's eyes darkened and she leaned into Nicole, the smaller woman's lips mere inches from the shell of her ear.

"Why go out for a hamburger when there is steak at home." Waverly whispered languidly.

Nicole wished she was drunk. Her heart was hammering hard in her chest. Waverly pulled back, her hazels looking at Nicole's lips with the same desire Nicole remembered at the parking garage. Before she could form a decent protest, Waverly pulled back and grinned at the jukebox excitedly.

"God, I love this song."

Thank god she's drunk. I couldn't deal with this if we were sober.

"I know. That's why I chose it."

Stevie Nicks' sultry tone filled the bar as Waverly hopped down, pulling on Nicole’s wrists.

"Now here you go again

You say you want your freedom

Well, who am I to keep you down"

"You are going to dance with me Nicole Haught."

"It's only right that you should

Play the way you feel it

But listen carefully

To the sound of your loneliness"

Nicole couldn't refuse. 

*****

Waverly felt a smidgen less drunk as the jeep pulled through the ranch arch. Her mind should be overflowing with fear and worry but it was just the image of a flat field. A breeze moving the golden hay around her seated form. In the distance was Lottie galloping towards her, flowing red cascading down under a white stetson. Even though she saw her desire, her chest felt empty.

"Ready to go inside?"

Nicole's voice was like honey and Waverly couldn't help but wonder if her lips tasted the same. But there was business to attend to.

"In a minute."

Nicole nodded, turning off the jeep and swiveling in her seat to look at Waverly. She saw the concern in Nicole's eyes and she wanted so badly to tell her everything but the words couldn't form properly on her alcohol laced tongue. I might have cancer. I have to do an out-patient procedure to prove it.  

"I need you to take me to the Big-City again."

Nicole leaned her head back but nodded. "Same deal as before?"

"Yeah." Waverly responded ducking her head. "It's going to be at Ghost River General though. Out-patient."

Waverly glanced back up and found big, sad eyes staring back. The brown swirling with un-asked questions. Waverly blinked, the buzz of her alcohol haze making it difficult to focus on Nicole.

"Whatever you need."

"I need you." Waverly said before she could stop herself. 

Nicole's face softened but she didn't speak.

"I will-- I will tell you after the surgery. I promise."

Nicole leaned forward and cupped Waverly's face.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

Waverly closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of vanilla. The empty feeling drifting away.

"Let's get you inside." Nicole said sadly, letting go of Waverly’s face with an audible sigh. 

Waverly didn't open her eyes instead she listened to the jeep door open and close. Open and close. A cold breeze entered from her right as a soft hand grabbed her arm and pulled.

"Be careful, I am starting to feel sick." Waverly cautioned as her stomach bubbled.

"Horses can't vomit." 

Waverly began giggling, stepping out and stumbling full into Nicole's chest. The redhead laughed herself, reaching by the smaller woman to shut the door. Waverly felt the world move a bit as she struggled to open her eyes. God, Nicole is so beautiful.

"Nicole."

"Yes?" Nicole responded, walking her towards the homestead.

"You are a vision."

Nicole chuckled. "You are drunk."

"Can horses get drunk?"

"I don't know but I will find out for you."

"Don't you dare."

"I am going to google it, Waverly. Not take Dandelion down to Shorty's for happy hour." Nicole drawled.

Waverly sighed, focusing on the steps of the homestead as she shuffled up. Once they reached the door Nicole turned to face Waverly, a small smile gracing her lips. Oh, the regular thing. Waverly remembered, putting out her hand for Nicole to kiss. 

Nicole began shaking her head as she grabbed her hand and brought it to her lips, lightly kissing the knuckles before dropping it down but not letting go.

"You wanna come inside?" Waverly asked, unwilling to let go.

The homestead door swung open before Nicole could answer.

"Babygirl, where have you been?" Wynonna's voice cut the silence of the night.

"Out."

"Haught-sauce." Wynonna tipped an imaginary hat. 

Nicole didn't look at Wynonna instead Waverly felt a squeeze of her hand. "I'll see you tomorrow, Waverly."

And like that the redhead was gone. Her boots crunching across the stiff November grass and towards her small cabin. Waverly wished she could watch her go. 

The emptiness was back.

"You left me with a fear soaked cowboy and 8 bajillion cut potatoes." Wynonna whined, pulling at Waverly’s wrist. "The soup kitchen did not like the chunky mashed potatoes I made. I doubt they will ask you for help at Christmas." 

Will I even be able to make mashed potatoes at Christmas?

"Tough shit." Waverly deadpanned, pulling her wrist away and walking into the house.

"You are acting weird as hell."

"I just needed a drink." Waverly said as she blew air out in frustration. "You of all people should understand that."

Chapter Text

June 10, 2017

Nicole hates province fairs. The lights, the rides, the smells, the people. Every sense in your body is assaulted from different directions; a giant 'pay attention to me' party. But Nicole likes Waverly Earp. And Waverly Earp loves the fair. Tonight was her first time barrel racing since her accident and Nicole doubted that even an apocalypse could keep her away. So Nicole had put on her best jeans and took one on the chin. 

"I got you a foot-long with chili, mustard, ketchup, and extra onions!" Wynonna shouted into her ear suddenly, shoving a paper tray with a gigantic hotdog on to the picnic table Nicole was sitting at. "You will eat it and you will love it. Boss's orders."

For Waverly. For Waverly. For Waverly.

"I don't think she likes hotdogs." Doc chuckled lightly, clapping Nicole on the shoulder. He sat down next to the redhead and placed a bottle of water in front of her. "She looks like she is about to barf."

"I know, I know. She is a taco kind of gal. But the hotdogs here are world famous!" Wynonna countered, placing a plate of nachos down in front of herself. 

"If they are world famous then why did you get nachos for yourself?" Nicole asked, picking up her food hesitantly.

"Because nachos are my favorite food. Duh. Don't you ever listen to me Haught-Dog?" There was a wink.

"So not world famous, just a prop for a shitty pun." Nicole bit down, the chili running down her chin. She grabbed a napkin from near Wynonna’s nachos and wiped away the greasy substance. “You are annoyingly consistent.”

“That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me!”

"What time is the race?" Doc asked, sipping his beer and checking out the crowd. 

"In like an hour. Still time to hit up the tilt-a-whirl." Wynonna crunched a chip. "You like death traps right, Red?"

"Yeah. I mean, I work with you don't I?"

Doc tilted forward in deep laughter, his mustache curled into an amusing shape. It brought a warmth of joy to Nicole’s chest; she was beginning to feel like an actual part of the family. Nicole and Wynonna's relationship had eased from constant questions about her addiction into spicy banter about each other. Nicole assumed it had something to do with a blow out fight between Waverly and Wynonna in March after her last bit of community service was completed. Neither sister talked to her for a week. This had left a deep mark on Nicole’s heart, not being able to even see Waverly but then one morning Wynonna pounded on her front door and screamed that she was sorry and that was that. 

"Laugh it up old man, see if I share any more of my Glenlivet 18." Wynonna glared. 

"You actually buy nice scotch?" Nicole took another bite and swallowed quickly. "I didn't even know you knew how to sip."

Doc was howling again and Wynonna stood and knocked his hat off his head in a quick motion. He scowled playfully, "I just had that dry cleaned."

Nicole smiled warmly and finished her hotdog, secretly glad Wynonna bought it for her as her stomach was filled with butterflies for Waverly's race. It was a shame the woman couldn't hang out with them beforehand but she liked to brush Lottie and 'get in the zone.' And who was Nicole to deny Waverly anything.

"Well of course you wouldn't know that. You just drink water." Wynonna grumbled. "What are you-- a fish?"

"No, I'm hydrated. Unlike you, Wynonna."

"I'll drink water when I'm dead."

Nicole shook her head and stood. "I need to walk. I am going to go check out the local vendors; maybe I can buy you a sense of humor."

Wynonna shook a limp hand in her direction as she stuffed another chip in her mouth.

"Want company?" Doc asked.

"No. It's ok, finish your beer." 

"We will meet at the bleachers in 45 Haught-ass, don't be late."

*****

December 9, 2020

Nicole dropped her duffle on her porch with a gentle thud, pulling her front door closed and locking it with her key. Her eyes burned with a lack of sleep as she glanced down at her wrist in the porch light. 5:47am. Let's do this. The ranch hand began to shake her arms and head in a feeble attempt to rid herself of the exhaustion and psyche herself up for the day. She was going to stay calm and supportive for Waverly. Even if it killed her. 

For Waverly. For Waverly. For Waverly.

Nicole breathed in deeply, holding it in longer than she knew she should, before letting it out again. She then kneeled and grabbed the duffel and turned to step off her porch. She walked slowly to Waverly’s Jeep, pulling open a back door and tossing in her bag before she heard the slam of the homestead front door.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

Fuck. Wynonna .

"I told you. I will tell you when I am ready to tell you." Waverly's voice was tense and Nicole could tell she was on the edge between pissed off and other-worldly anger. "So let me reiterate. I am going out of town for two days and two nights. I am taking Nicole with me. No, you cannot know the itinerary. No, you cannot threaten Nicole. And yes, you have to trust me."

"That's not enough!" Wynonna yelled desperately. 

Waverly didn't answer and Nicole watched her pick up her suitcase and hop down the steps. 

"Are you two fucking? Is that it? Because you know how I feel-"

Waverly swung around, "Don't you finish that sentence Wynonna Earp or I won't come back."

Nicole swallowed, unsure of everything in this moment. She knew they were going to be in a hotel for two days for Waverly's surgery. But all other details were trapped inside the tiny amazon woman currently threatening Wynonna. She could assume things but that only led to sleepless nights, like the one she just had. So she gritted her teeth and crossed the yard to Waverly to grab her case. 

"Let me."

"Thank you." Waverly responded, her voice even.

Nicole hurried back to the jeep and deposited it in the back before opening the passenger door, watching Waverly step inside. She looked up and saw Wynonna pacing on the porch, her hands in her hair. It was the first time she had ever felt truly sorry for her boss. Why won't Waverly tell her? Why am I going instead of Wynonna?

"Fuck." Waverly cursed from inside the jeep. "I forgot my bag of medications in the bathroom."

"I'll get them." Nicole said quickly. "Bathroom near your room?"

"Yes. Thank you."

Nicole nodded, handing her keys to the brunette before shutting her in the jeep. Adjusting her stetson, Nicole turned back to the homestead and shuffled quickly towards the door.

"Haught."

"Earp."

“Nicole.”

“Wynonna.”

The elder Earp stood in front of the door and Nicole was able to see the tears flowing down her face, the lines forming in yesterday’s foundation. I don't smell any whiskey. Nicole felt her heart squeeze in empathy for the woman. Jealousy crept up in her chest because if Nicole could cry right now, she would.

"I need to grab something for her."

"Please--" Wynonna's voice cracked as her head dropped. "I can't."

"I know as much as you do."

This caused Wynonna's head to snap up. "She gets up every night and vomits. Every. Single. Night. She has used more ibuprofen in the past month than she did when she broke her leg. She stays out every evening with you."

"What are you inferring?"

"She barely looks at me. She- she… she is all I have."

Nicole feels her eyes get hot. The emotion of it all getting to her. Stay strong. Waverly can’t see you cry right now. She needs you . Nicole pushes her shoulders up taller.

For Waverly. For Waverly. For Waverly.

"I know-" her voice cracks. "As much as you do."

"You love her as much as I do. I know you do, I see it in your eyes. We can fix this-- whatever you two are doing. Please just tell me."

Nicole grabs her boss's shoulders firmly and moves her out of the way. Pulling the door open, she feels a soft hand on her shoulder.

"I don't know if I trust you."

Nicole shrugs her hand off.

"Where are you taking her?"

A few steps inside the homestead Nicole stops and turns back to look into blue eyes.

"The only reason I am alive, sober, and happy is sitting inside that cherry red Jeep. Waverly is scared as all hell and won't tell any of us why. Including yours truly. And you, her sister, have the gall to question me even after all we have been through. To insinuate that not only am I fucking your sister but that I might be taking her to nod off in a dark room with a syringe hanging out her arm-- It’s wrong Wynonna. You are an asshole."

"Nicole--" Wynonna leans heavily against the doorway, her head hanging low. 

"Don't deny it, Wynonna. I know I am broken. I know I am not good enough for her. You and Gus have reminded me of that every time y'all get a chance. But just so you know, again, I have never crossed that boundary with her. No, instead, I just push her away and I keep her at arm's length." 

Nicole steps forward into Wynonna's space.

"If something bad happens to Waverly--" Nicole grabs Wynonna's shirt and pulls. "I will have wasted four fucking years sitting on what would have been the love of my life. So get your goddamn shit together, Earp. She needs to know we trust her."

Nicole pushes her back and turns away. 

Wynonna slumps to the floor and Nicole listens to her quietly sob as she climbs the stairs. 

*****

June 10, 2017

Nicole was pleased with herself. She knew that if she looked hard enough she would find the perfect gift to give to Waverly for finishing the race. The vendor was tucked in the way, way back by the shitty ring-toss but she found it. Waverly is going to love it. Nicole gripped the small paper bag the vendor had wrapped it in, fingering the newspaper he used as a stand in for tissue paper, as she weaved through the crowd on her way to the bleachers. The man was so nice and listened to her patiently describe Waverly for a while before he pulled out the piece. The vendor even gave her a discount, telling her that some things are just meant to be. Nicole was flying high, eager to get to the arena. A glance at her watch let the redhead know she was still 30 minutes early to the competition. Plenty of time to find Earp n’ ‘Stache and get a good seat.  

As she reached the entrance to the bleachers a strong hand gripped her shoulders. “Peppermint, how lovely to see you.”

Nicole froze, almost dropping Waverly’s present to the ground. She turned slowly and was met with the haggard gaze of Bobo Del Ray. He quickly flashed a grin before allowing his face to go stony again, dropping his hand.

“You look like shit.” Bobo mused, looking Nicole up and down. “You need a pick-me-up?’

“Get bent.” Nicole squared her shoulders, hoping the western style shirt she had worn today would show off some of her newly acquired muscle definition. 

“Come now, Peppermint. That is no way to treat an old friend. Especially one who could cash you in on a sweet heroic deal.” Bobo slowed the way he said heroic, punctuating the ‘c’ while fingering the edges of his fur coat.

“It’s June, Bobo. Aren’t you a little hot in that smelly thing?”

“You always liked this coat. Said it made me look-- powerful. ”

“Yeah, well, that is when all I wanted from you was a dime-bag.” Nicole turned away, glancing around for a sign of Wynonna or Doc. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

Bobo grabbed Nicole’s elbow roughly, pulling her back to him. Nicole felt fear shoot up from where he grabbed. Neal’s voice entered her head like a gunshot. ‘Don’t fuck with Bobo.’ 

“I am offering you a sweet deal here, Peppermint--”

“Stop calling me--” Nicole pulled her arm away. “ Peppermint .”

“Neal always gave out shitty nicknames.” Bobo sighed. “Too bad he ain’t around to make more.”

“Keep my brother’s name out of your fucking mouth.” Nicole hissed.

Bobo just laughed as he reached forward and stuck his hand roughly through the newspaper lining the inside of the paper bag. “What do we have here?” 

“Stop-”

Bobo stood back; the small, long, rectangular blue cardboard box sitting in his hands. He opened one end carefully and looked inside before another grin graced his face. Nicole tried her best to keep her cool but her pulse was pounding hard in the back of her head. The urge to run overwhelming her senses.

“Boring.” He pouted, closing the box and stepping closer to Nicole. “This is what you spend your money on these days?”

“Bobo Del Ray.” The southern drawl of Doc Holliday entered Nicole’s nervous system bringing a flood of relief.

Bobo glanced over Nicole’s shoulder before dropping the blue box back into her bag. “Later, Peppermint. ”

Bobo was gone in a flash and Nicole allowed the air she was holding in release out of her lungs in a wave. Fucking asshole. Panic begin to set in with the man’s exit and Nicole attempted to still it, to pull herself together.

“Nicole, are you alright?” 

Nicole turned and was met with Doc’s concerned eyes, his hat against his chest. Before she could ask him to hug her, she felt the paper bag being ripped from her hands. The redhead’s eyes darted to the side as she watched Wynonna ripping out all of the newspaper tossing it into every direction. The fear she had just been feeling was suddenly replaced by a keen numbness. She dropped to her knees and began picking up the discarded paper. The blue box hit her head with a thump before landing in the dirt.

“Oh.” Wynonna gasped.

Nicole’s jaw was trembling as she reached for the box. She twirled it in her hands, dusting off the prairie dirt before standing back up. The noise of the surrounding crowd dimmed out as Nicole felt the urge to go find Bobo. She slammed her eyes shut. Waverly.

“I-” Wynonna’s voice was small. “Bobo gave you a pen?”

Nicole opened her eyes and saw Waverly’s gift sitting delicately in Wynonna’s hands. “It’s a hand turned wooden fountain pen with angel wings engraved at the top. I bought it from a stall as a competition present for Waverly. I thought she’d like it since she writes out her Latin.”

The three of them stood there, all staring at the pen in Wynonna’s hands. The numbness began to trickle out as she finally understood the implication. She reached forward and snatched it out of Wynonna’s hand, slipping it back inside its box before wrapping it in a piece of newspaper. Before she could open her mouth, Doc’s growl hit her ears.

“Apologize.” He stepped into Wynonna’s space. “Now.”

Wynonna just turned and ran towards the parking lot. Doc kicked at the dirt before spinning around and pulling Nicole in for a strong hug. Every emotion known to Nicole bounced around in her head like a pinball machine. So she just leaned in, taking in the calming scent of tobacco. 

“She had no right.”

“She kind of did.” Was all Nicole could say. Once an addict, always an addict.

“Charlie’s death was not your fault.” Doc said into her ear. 

Charlie? A loud speaker announced the beginning of the barrel racing competition before Nicole had a chance to respond. She pulled back from Doc’s embrace and tried to give him her best smile.

“Thank you, Doc.”

“No need. Let us go in and find a seat-- before Miss Waverly’s turn.”

*****

June 11, 2017

“Come here you little shit, I need to look at your butt.”

Nicole was pulling on her long neoprene gloves while attempting to get close to one of this year’s calves. She had been wallowing inside her cabin all morning so she decided to come watch the calves play in the paddock before noticing a rather large, black mass on the butt end of one of the smaller ones. She knew she was supposed to tell Wyonna. But Nicole didn’t want to see her boss. Plus, Waverly had been quite pissy to find out that Wynonna wasn’t at the race; even though neither Doc nor Nicole ratted her out. So either she wakes up Doc from his midday nap or she takes initiative and figures it out on her own. 

Nicole stepped forward tentatively, knowing full well she could probably wrangle the little one on her own without using the cow catch. Her eyes darted around, looking to see where the Mommas were located. The gaggle of them were farther down the paddock, so Nicole crept forward with her eyes on her prize. Once she felt she was close enough she catapulted herself forward but the calf was too quick, scurrying off as Nicole landed with a heavy thud.

“Fuck me!”

“Sorry, no can do, straight as an arrow.”

Wynonna Earp. Great.

Nicole decided to stay down, watching as the calf ran away. Before she could explain the black mass fell off the calf’s rear, breaking into tiny pieces. 

“Do I want to know?” Wynonna sounded less chipper than usual so Nicole pushed up, bringing her body back to full height.

“Was going to check that calf’s butt-- but it seems it was just caked on shit. Which is now all over me.” She brushed off her jeans, feeling the embarrassment rise up her neck.

“Funny how that is-- since I am the actual shit. ” Wynonna grimaced before correcting. “And not the good kind. Like the asshole kind. Bad shit. Not the shit.”

Nicole just nodded, her hand flying to her neck. It was an anxious tic she had difficulty growing out of.

“I’m sorry, is what I mean to say.”

“Ok.”

“That’s it?” Wynonna blinked.

“Do you want a parade?” Nicole countered.

“I mean, I just thought you’d have more questions.”

“No. I mean you thought I was buying heroin. I was not buying heroin. You apologized for assuming I was buying heroin. What question is there?” 

Wynonna sighed, her hands coming together and twisting nervously. “Bobo Del Ray is on my shit list.”

“You are kind of preaching to the choir.” Nicole replied.

“No, no.” Wynonna stepped closer to Nicole, her face etched with seriousness. “No more jokes.”

“Ok.”

“Before I went to Greece-- I had a boyfriend. His name was Charlie.” Wynonna’s voice was timid. “Bobo was his Hero dealer.”

“Charlie Anderson?” Nicole asked hesitantly.

“Yeah. You know him?” 

“Charlie was Neal’s dealer--” 

“Bobo sold him the heroin cut with fentanyl that killed him. I just saw you there and I saw him drop something in your bag.” Wynonna looked off towards the pine barrens, her face unreadable.

“So you checked my bag.” Nicole added, the pieces beginning to fall together. No wonder she doesn't like when you are around Waverly. “You thought I was buying.”

“Charlie quit too, ya know.” Wynonna’s lips pulled tight. “But Bobo-- the only way you break away from Bobo is through death.”

“I forgive you.”

Wynonna huffed as she turned and walked back towards the homestead. Nicole watched her, studying the way the leather of her jacket moved with each forward motion. The place in Nicole’s heart that held resentment for Wynonna melted away with each step.

Chapter Text

December 9, 2020

Just grab her hand. Waverly nervously gazed at the woman standing beside her as they waited for the elevator in the Hospital parking garage. Kiss her. The brunette's hands balled and un-balled, her eyes unmoving from the stoic expression plastered on the ranch hand’s face. 

Don’t kiss her, idiot. She will just think you have a kink for parking garages.

“Jesus, slowest fucking elevators ever .” Nicole whined and leaned forward, jabbing the down button with annoyance.

“It’s ok, we are still twenty minutes early.” Waverly smiled but her voice sounded terrible, a reminder of all the arguing she had done with Wynonna. 

“Not at this rate. This hospital needs to fire their maintenance team.” Nicole turned to look at her and Waverly’s favorite brown eyes were filled with deep melancholy. “Elevators were invented to be quick.”

 Nicole’s eyes reminded Waverly of the night the two women laid in the paddock from a few years prior. The emotion of that memory gripped Waverly’s heart, courage surging her forward to lace her right hand into Nicole’s left, gripping tightly. She watched Nicole’s apathetic face soften and the woman didn’t pull away. The air thickened with the weight of everything but Waverly felt grounded, safe. She wanted to pull Nicole in so she could breathe in her scent.

The elevator dinged and the doors crept open. Nicole pulled her inside and hit the ground button just once, her impatience seemingly dissipated at Waverly’s touch. Waverly used the motion of Nicole’s tug to swing herself into the taller woman’s arms.

“You smell nice.” Waverly mumbled into Nicole’s chest, enjoying the way the vanilla enveloped her.

“So do you.” Nicole responded, her voice a lower octave than normal. Waverly giggled, enjoying her effect over the taller woman.

“You smell like vanilla dipped doughnuts. They are my favorite.”

The elevator dinged and rolled open.

“Well, we can go grab some if you want?” Nicole asked, pulling Waverly into her side and walking her out of the elevator still partially holding her in her arms.

“I can’t eat. Surgery.”

“Right.” 

The women kept their arms around each other as they crossed the street and entered the sliding glass doors underneath a huge, white sign. Nicole glanced up at it and nodded her head almost like she knew something Waverly didn’t. It piqued her interest so she asked.

“What?” 

“Ghost River Women’s Hospital.” Nicole smiled warmly. “It’s really dandy.”

“Dandy?”

“Cool?”

Waverly chuckled lightly. 

“I just think that it’s nice they have an entire branch committed to women’s health. I find it refreshing to have our needs valued. Medically.” Nicole nodded firmly on the last word.

Admiration bloomed inside of Waverly at Nicole’s observation. She knew instantly that she made the right choice bringing Nicole along instead of Wynonna or Gus. A small part of her knew that keeping her family away from her illness was wrong and that at some point she would need them. But the Earps are cursed. And Waverly couldn’t bear to see their hearts break quite yet. Well, except for this morning. Wynonna.

“Out-patient surgery is a left then a right.” Waverly stopped, tentative. She then felt Nicole let go of her waist. Before Waverly could protest, the redhead grabbed her hand and led her down the hall towards their destination. 

Once they arrived, Nicole reached forward to hold the glass door open for Waverly and they entered a decent sized waiting room. Waverly glanced around the room, taking in the decor slowly. It was a long rectangle with tan walls, light green carpet, and tasteful non-descript decorations. The curved white reception desk was to the right of the front door, adorned with placards and leafy green plants. There were three tan pillars leading down the middle of the room, all of them had small TVs mounted playing repeats of home improvement shows. A much larger TV was hung on the back wall near the surgery entrance; it had a list of numbers and wait times. Forest green chairs and couches lined the walls and the pillars, creating little sections for guests to wait. Waverly heard Nicole shuffle, adjusting the day-bag Waverly had packed on her shoulder. 

“Waverly?”

Waverly nodded, pulling Nicole up to the reception desk where a very sweet looking receptionist gave the women a calm smile.

“Good morning. Name?”

“Earp. Uh- Waverly Earp. E-A-R-P.” Waverly babbled, allowing her hand to reach forward and touch one of the leaves of the Chinese Evergreen next to the sign in sheet. Her fingers began to curl the leaf at the end before Nicole’s free hand reached forward and pulled hers away.

“Hmmm.” The receptionist hummed, typing away. “Ah. Here. You are having a Dilation and Evacuation Abortion, correct?”

Do what?

Waverly felt ice run down her spine before a gentle squeeze came from Nicole’s hand. Waverly slowly swiveled her head and found an understanding smile and nod waiting for her. God, she thinks I am having an abortion. And she looks so supportive. Why did I think she would freak out about cancer as a possibility?

“No, I’m sorry. You have it wrong. Wrong name or wrong procedure.” Waverly responded, still looking at Nicole. The redhead’s brow furrowed in confusion before Waverly turned back to the receptionist. “I am having a Dilation and Curettage with a Hysteroscopy, with Doctor Placer.”

Nicole suddenly let go of Waverly’s hand and reached forward, grabbing a pen from the container by the plant. Waverly ignored the reaction and instead breathed in a deep breath and watched the nurse type some more.

“I apologize, I was on the wrong page. Waverly Earp, D&C with hysteroscopy. Hmm.” There was a pause with more clicking. Nicole placed the pen back into the container before grabbing Waverly’s hand once more. “Dr. Placer had to push all her surgeries back an hour but I will get you all signed in and you can wait here with your guest.”

“Ok.” Waverly tried to smile.

“Identification?”

“Sure.” Waverly looked to Nicole and the taller woman smiled, pulling Waverly’s wallet from the day-bag. After a shuffle, she removed Waverly’s ID and handed it to the receptionist. 

Waverly watched Nicole rub the edges of her wallet while biting the skin on her lip; the redhead’s eyes watching the receptionist work. The brunette dropped her gaze to their held hands, trying to commit the feeling of it to memory for when she was called to the back. It was then that she noticed that Nicole had rolled up her left sleeve while her right one was still down and buttoned. Waverly tilted their held hands and saw her impending procedure written along the inside of Nicole’s forearm in pen. She wanted to be mad. She wanted to mention her rules. But all Waverly could think about was how comforting it was that Nicole wanted to know the procedure. The thought that Nicole would research it while Waverly was in surgery. Did Nicole want to know what to expect?  

“Right hand, please?” 

Waverly pulled her eyes back up and saw the receptionist was now standing and holding a white hospital wristband out. She let go of Nicole’s hand and reached out her wrist. The receptionist held the wristband out for Waverly to read.

“Please confirm your name and birthday are correct.”

“Yes.”

The wristband was then hooked on and Waverly pulled back, absentmindedly swiveling it on her wrist. 

“Last thing.” The receptionist handed a sheet of paper out towards Nicole. “Here is her number so you can watch the large TV. It will let you know when she is in prep, surgery, and recovery. We do numbers instead of names for patient privacy. A nurse will come obtain you after she wakes up so you can come back and see her.”

Nicole looked at Waverly to ask permission. It was so sincere. Waverly nodded, giving her consent.

“Thanks.” Nicole murmured, taking the paper and immediately placing it in her pocket.

“Let’s find a seat.” Waverly nodded towards the room.

“By the big TV.” Nicole responded, grabbing Waverly’s hand. “I want to make sure I can see it in case the room gets busy.”

Waverly’s heart soared at the thought of Nicole caring about her well-being. 

*****

September 12, 2017

Nicole wished Doc hadn’t asked her to go into town to get medicine for their sick breeding cow. Or at the very least, gone into town with her. In the year or so Nicole had been on the farm, Wynonna had not trusted her to go on her own. But ever since the province fair, her boss had given her a longer leash. At first it felt freeing but now Nicole regretted it. Farm and Feed was located by Smitty’s Gas and Tackle and Fish was always selling at Smitty’s. Why did I buy this? Nicole’s hands thumbed the small nickel-bag in her hands as she felt tugged between the high and her year of sobriety. 

She was seated in the grass, listening to the final bugs of summer. Doc should have never stood up to Wynonna for her and she wouldn’t be in this situation. Nicole huffed and fell backwards, her head landing in the soft grass of the paddock. Nicole knew she had no one to blame but herself. And here she was, a full night by herself awake and alone. Nicole had volunteered to sit and watch the breeding cow, who was laying down 6 feet away from her. Wynonna was very protective of her breeders and wanted a 24 hour watch just in case they needed to rouse the town vet, Jeremy Chetri. Doc would be relieving her around 5am and it was barely 10pm.

It’s only a small amount. You can smoke it instead of shooting it. No needles, no spoons, no one will know.

“Waverly would know.” Nicole sighed, looking at the stars. 

“Know what?” Waverly’s voice sounded heavenly to her ears as she plopped down next to Nicole.

Nicole froze, knowing well she was holding the little nickel-bag between her fingers on her chest. Fear and sickness washed through Nicole’s body at the idea of being caught by Waverly with drugs. Not even regular drugs but her drug. Before she could attempt to hide it, it was plucked from her fingers by a set of warm ones. Shit.

“Fuck. I- God, Waverly. I--” Nicole stammered, attempting to sit up but a warm hand pushed her back to the ground. “What?”

“Sit back.” Waverly’s voice was soft as she laid down on the ground next to Nicole, scooching in close so their bodies were touching. 

“Waverly-”

“Shh.” Waverly hummed. “Look at the stars.”

Nicole’s heart was pounding out of her chest and she honestly believed the guilt of it all was going to kill her. Why did I buy it? I ruin everything. The women laid next to each other for a long while, Nicole’s body wrecked with anxiety and a deep-seated disappointment in herself. 

“Do you see that funky triangle?” Waverly leaned her head closer to Nicole’s before reaching and pointing in the sky. Nicole watched as the woman outlined it with her finger.

“Yeah.”

“Summer triangle. Only seen in the early night during September and October. Greeks referred to it as Capricornus or the sea-goat.” 

“Cool.” Nicole gulped. “Waverly, I need--”

“It has its roots in Sumerian culture as a half-fish, half-goat hybrid. But the Greeks associate it with their God of Nature, Pan. In Greek Mythology Pan was a forest guardian that Zues placed in the sky for coming to the other Gods’ rescue on numerous occasions. But he got the sea-goat association in a different way.”

“How is that?” Nicole turned now looking at Waverly’s soft features.

“Well Typhon, a fire-breathing monster, attacked and wanted to eat Pan. In an attempt to get away, Pan jumped into a river and tried to turn himself into a fish. The fear of the ordeal messed with Pan’s powers and he turned himself into a half-goat, half-fish instead. In other words, Pan pan-icked.” Waverly turned and smiled widely at Nicole.

Nicole looked deeply into her eyes, trying to read what Waverly was thinking about. The importance of the story. All she saw was the same warmth and devotion that was always there, the look that made her want to lean forward and kiss the woman with every part of her soul. Nicole couldn’t hold her emotions back and her eyes became misty as she breathed a ragged breath. You are never going to do Heroin ever again.

“You panicked.” Waverly whispered. “Just like Pan did.”

“Yeah. I bought it when I got the medicine. I don’t know why.” Nicole felt hot tears fall as she continued to hold Waverly’s hazels. “It just happened.”

“Pan may have panicked and turned himself into a monster, but he was still a God. Zeus made him one and commemorated him in the stars. And he got away from Typhon.” Waverly spoke so gently.

Nicole swallowed loudly.

“You are still a human, Nicole. You are a trusted and valued employee here at Peacemaker Farms.” Waverly stopped, biting her lip before continuing. “And-- I trust you beyond your responsibilities to my farm. And you are going to bury this Heroin in the pine barrens.”

Nicole couldn’t stop herself from leaning forward, bringing her and Waverly’s foreheads together. “Thank you, Waverly. This means more to me than you will ever know.”

“Nicole?”

Nicole pulled away finding a pair of twinkly hazels boring into her. The woman began to lean in before turning her head back to the sky with a contented sigh. She felt Waverly’s hand slip into hers, the small nickel-bag placed back into her palm. The trust of the act flickering up her arm like fire licks the wall it is burning down.

“You are more than your past. So much more.”

Nicole didn’t respond, she just let the flames burn her body to ash.

*****

December 9, 2020

“I spy something brown.” Waverly stated, closing her eyes as she felt Nicole’s finger brush lightly through her hair.

She was currently sprawled out on the waiting room couch with her head sitting comfortably in Nicole’s lap. Nicole had been carefully running her fingers through her golden brown hair as they played a relaxing game of ‘I Spy.’ 

“Hmm.” Nicole hummed. “Are the walls brown?”

“No!” Waverly giggled. “They are a beige.”

“So, light brown?” 

“No!” 

Nicole laughed deep enough for Waverly to feel it in the woman’s legs. She adjusted herself so that her head connected at the crook of Nicole’s thigh and stomach; the vanilla scent overwhelmed her. The feeling of Nicole’s toned abs against her face was welcome and she felt her desire for the woman grow.

“Beige is brown.” Nicole grazed her forehead lightly with her fingertips bringing forth a full body shiver in Waverly.

“Beige is beige. I said brown so try again, dum-dum.”

“Alright.” Nicole’s fingers dropped to outline the shell of Waverly’s ear. Waverly’s breath caught in her throat. “The surgery entrance door?”

Waverly squeaked and shook her head as a response because Nicole’s fingers had rubbed the soft area under her earlobe.

“Damn.” The redhead cursed. Waverly watched Nicole’s head swivel before a smile crept to her lips. “The box of muffins over there?”

“Bingo!” Waverly yelled a little too loudly before covering her mouth with her hand. 

“You’re really hungry, huh?”

“Yeah but it’s ok.” Waverly nuzzled in. “I have you here distracting me.”

“More like you are distracting me.” Nicole said under her breath.

“Waverly Earp?”

Waverly pulled her head from Nicole’s lap and saw the surgery door was open and a nurse standing in the doorway with a clipboard. Her anxiety was back as she turned to look at Nicole, the woman’s eyes filled with a deep-seated worry.

“You’re up, Wave.”

“Ok, I will see you in recovery?” Waverly asked tentatively. 

“Of course you will.”

*****

Waverly sat on the edge of the bed in her hospital gown rocking her legs back and forth in an attempt to comfort herself. She had spent most of the past week reading up on D & C’s with very little success in planning out how this would go. Before she could remember all the steps, the curtain was pulled back and a scrubbed up Dr. Placer and another taller man appeared at her bedside.

“Waverly, it is wonderful to see you.” Dr. Placer smiled, crossing to the computer next to the bed.

The man looked down a chart before asking roughly, “Full name and birthday?”

“Waverly Earp, September 8th, 1995. Virgo. Hair for days. Not allergic to anything.” She rambles, her voice high with nerves.

“Everything is going to be fine, Waverly. This is a surgery I do all the time.” Dr. Placer’s smooth voice calms her legs. “This is Dr. Woods, your anesthesiologist.”

“Hi.” Waverly tries her classic smile and wave.

“Have you been put under before?”

“No. First time.”

“Ok.” He writes something on her chart. “Please lean back and get under the covers. I want to hook your IV up now.”

Waverly does as she is told. The gruff man moves forward and gets everything connected, his demeanor almost boorish. It puts Waverly off and she wishes she had just asked if Nicole could come back for this part.

“Alright Waverly.” Dr. Placer turned, pushing Dr. Woods to the side. “I know we talked on the phone but I want to explain everything again in simple terms so I can make sure we are on the same page. Your hormones in your bloodwork came back abnormal and your ultrasounds showed a mass inside of your uterus. Normally I would have just done a simple biopsy or even diagnosed you with Endometriosis because of your age. But your hormone levels are very off for someone on birth control so I decided this D & C would allow me to scrape tissue off of the mass and then use the scope to get a really good look inside your uterus.”

“Right. Straight to the lookin’.” Waverly said awkwardly, displaying a few finger guns.

“We talked about what it could be but I cannot confirm if the mass is cancerous or benign until the tests come back in a few days. Especially since your Pap Smear was inconclusive.” 

“What will happen?” Waverly asked.

“Well, we are about to wheel you to the operating room and Dr. Woods will place you under. I will use tools and medicine to dilate your cervix so I can go it with the scope and curette. Once the procedure is done, we will wheel you back out here so you can wake up in the recovery room. Do you have a guest?” Dr. Placer asks warmly, placing a hand on Waverly’s knee.

“Yes, Nicole. Nicole Haught. Red hair, brown eyes, stetson.” Waverly bite her lip. “Can you just have them bring her back here? I will tell her how everything went.”

“Of course. Any questions?”

“No.”

“Ok, let’s wheel you back.” Dr. Placer nods to Dr. Woods and he goes into the hall to get a nurse.

Waverly breathes in and out deeply as the crew of medical professionals wheel her down the hallway towards the operating room. She wants to talk. She wants to tell them anything that will allow her to feel better connected to them. A deep, honest human connection that she can hold on to while she goes under. Instead she closes her eyes and remembers the feeling of Nicole’s body pressed against her in the parking garage. How her hands caressed her hair. I should have told her that I love her. God, I’m an idiot. Waverly’s nerves hit her like a mack truck and she began looking between Dr. Placer and Dr. Woods in a panic. The OR lights slightly blind her as the bed wheels to a stop, the brakes being engaged with a sharp creak.

“Time to transfer you to the table.”

Waverly is tugged onto the table, her eyes wide with fear. “I can’t do this.”

“Everything is going to be fine.” The nurse coos, covering Waverly with a blanket.

“We are going to strap you down now, Ms. Earp.” Dr. Woods barks, his voice snapping Waverly’s head in his direction. “Give me your arm.”

“The safe-word is banana!” Waverly yells awkwardly as she tries to control her breathing, flinging her arms outwards. 

Dr. Placer chuckled, strapping down the arm closest to her. “Relax, Waverly.”

Dr. Woods finished with his arm and he began messing with her IV. “Close your eyes.”

An oxygen mask was placed onto her face as she whispered “Banana” before losing consciousness.

Chapter Text

December 9, 2020

WebMD was definitely not the website Nicole needed to be reading right now. She glanced down at her arm and re-read her scribbled penmanship once more: Dilation and Curettage with a Hysteroscopy. After googling it several times she found there were multiple reasons to have this procedure performed. They all jumbled around in her brain like alphabet soup. Nicole clicked off her phone and leaned back into the couch cushion. Not an abortion or miscarriage. She made that clear with the receptionist. Nicole pulled her stetson off her head and plopped it on her lap, memorizing how the sun had aged the leather band. Fibroids? Polyps? Then it clicked.

Cancer. She has cancer.

All the moments, the secrecy, the drinking, the vomiting that Wynonna mentioned; it all came together like placing the final piece into a puzzle. Waverly wasn’t ashamed about having an abortion. Waverly was insecure about people knowing she was ill, that she might have cancer. Nicole pulled in a rough breath as her heartbeat accelerated. She shoved her hand quickly into her pocket and pulled out the sheet of paper with Waverly’s name and patient number written in loopy cursive. 56955. Her eyes darted up to the screen to see that her number was in the ‘recovery’ column. Recovery. Nicole’s eyes shot to the surgery door and she felt an overwhelming need to run to Waverly’s side; to apologize for being a coward.

If you had just told her how you felt she would have never tried to deal with this alone. 

Nicole swallowed harshly, crumpling the paper in her hand. The thought of Waverly slowly becoming ill and maybe dying made her sick. The guilt of not pushing Waverly to tell her; to seek comfort in her. Not to mention keeping this all from Wynonna and Gus. Nicole just wanted to do right by Waverly’s wishes; for all the times Waverly had done right by her. But she missed out. All those times Waverly had initiated the beginning of something more and she had always figured out a way to let her down. To stop the forward movement without words; delay the dream of more. Nicole missed out on a chance to be more than just Waverly’s employee, friend, driver, or secret keeper. All because she was too scared that she would mess it up. That Waverly would figure out she was just a former junkie; nothing more than a has been. 

She doesn’t even know you love her.  

“You let her go back there alone.” Nicole whispered to herself. “You let her think you don’t love her in that way.”

A beep and two buzzes made Nicole jump slightly. She glanced down at her phone and found a text from Doc staring up at her.

Doc Holliday: Everything here is under control. 

Nicole swiped the text and opened the message thread fully.

Doc Holliday: I will deal with Wynonna and Gus. You just need to be with Waverly. Keep choosing Waverly.

Ding and a buzz. 

Doc Holliday: Wynonna approves.

Nicole knew in that moment that she was going to tell Waverly how she actually felt about her. To put herself out there like she never had before. And if Waverly rejected her, she’d still offer herself up to help. And if she wanted Nicole to go, she would go. Her life for the past four years had always been for Waverly but finally, finally she wanted a little bit for herself.

“Guest of 56955?”

“Yes?” Nicole placed her hat on her head and stood, uncrumpling the paper and smoothing out its edges to recheck the numbers. “That’s me.”

The nurse nodded, walking up to her with a plastic bag. “Here.”

Nicole took the bag and looked inside. Waverly’s sweat pants and unicorn t-shirt were staring up at her. Nicole glanced back at the nurse waiting for instruction.

“Here are her things.”

“Isn’t she cold?” Nicole replied dumbly. 

“No, she has a blanket. A lot of blankets, actually. Please follow me.” 

Nicole did as she was told, watching the nurse scan her badge and swing open the surgery door. The redhead gripped the day-bag and the plastic in one hand, rolling her shoulders in an attempt to look strong for Waverly. 

“She is quick off the anesthesia. Dr. Placer has already been in to see her.” The nurse informed as she guided Nicole down a hallway through a series of double doors. “She immediately asked for you.”

Nicole felt her body warm as the nurse walked up to a corner room closed with just a curtain. The nurse knocked on the wall.

“Come in.” Waverly’s voice sounded gravelly and thick. The nurse nodded at her before walking away.

Nicole entered and took in the details of Waverly in her recovery room. She was laying in a standard hospital bed with what looked like three thick, white hospital blankets pulled up to her chin. Waverly’s eyes were glazed, face pulled into a timid smile, and her hair was splayed around the pillow like a halo. 

“You look beautiful.” Nicole gasped.

“Don’t lie to me, Nicole. I was drugged to sleep and they just had a camera up my hoo-ha. I probably look like New Year’s Day 2012.” 

Nicole laughed deeply, turning to close the curtain and place the bags by the chair against the wall. “I’ve never lied to you so you will just have to trust me.”

Waverly hummed in response as Nicole sat down in the chair. She fingered the paper in her hands as she tried to work out what she wanted to say to Waverly. She folded it into a tiny paper airplane, creasing each edge with purpose. Alas, Nicole could not bring herself to throw it. So she stuffed it back into her pocket with a slight sigh, still unable to speak.

“That won’t do.”

“What won’t?” Nicole queried, wiping her sweaty palms on her pants. 

“You’re too far away.”

Nicole stood and removed her stetson, placing it in the seat before crossing to the bed. Waverly slowly moved the blankets down, freeing her right arm to reach out towards Nicole. Nicole laced their fingers together, so thankful for the recent comfort in doing so. Her hand felt empty without Waverly’s.

“That’s more like it.” 

“How long do you have to stay?” Nicole asked, turning Waverly’s arm and noticing they had already removed the IV and replaced it with cotton and tape.

“They said like an hour or so. They want to make sure the anesthesia wears off properly before you take me to the hotel.” Waverly squeezed, her eyes still glazy but full of affection. “It didn’t take very long.”

“WebMD says the actual procedure only takes like 15 minutes but you were gone for about two hours.” Nicole blurted out before grimacing. Shit.

"You weren't supposed to know that yet."Waverly chuckled. “That receptionist violated PIPEDA bigtime.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I-- I liked it.” Waverly whispered. “I like that you care.”

“Well in that case, I just spent two hours researching the entire procedure and recovery. I probably could perform the whole thing myself.” Nicole grinned and reached up to push a strand of Waverly’s hair behind her ear. “Maybe I should change careers?”

“No, no.” Waverly bit her lip and pushed herself up in the bed. “Not really how I want you to see my lady bits for the first time.”

Nicole felt her face go hot as Waverly’s words set in.

“I love doing that.”

“What?” Nicole gulped knowingly.

“Seeing how much my words affect you. I am kind of add--” Waverly stops herself. 

“Addicted to it?” Nicole finishes her sentence, sitting down on the bed and pulling Waverly’s hand into her lap. “Me too.”

The air grew dense as Nicole drew circles on the back of Waverly’s hand with her thumb. Slow, deliberate, soft circles. How do I tell her I don't care if she's sick. I just want to make her happy.

"Where did you go?" Waverly asked, her voice soft.

"How long have we been dancing around this?" Nicole didn't even recognize her own voice.

"I told you a few weeks ago--"

"No." Nicole sandwiched Waverly's hand between both of hers. " This. "

Waverly face softened into a knowing, almost affectionate look before she gritted her teeth and looked away. "We can't."

Nicole's stomach filled with rocks, pulling her navel to the floor. It wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for but she didn't want to run. She would never run from Waverly Earp.

"Ok." Nicole said firmly, squeezing Waverly's hand. “I can do that.”

Waverly turned back to her, her face a mix of confusion and sadness. But her hazels beckoned, drawing in Nicole’s heart far quicker than her words broke it. "No, that-- that isn't what I mean at all."

The redhead tilted her head and decided to wait for Waverly to explain.

"We can't do that until I tell you why I am here. What might be happening to me in the future."

"Cancer."

Waverly shifted forward, her mouth hanging open in shock.

"I guessed today." Nicole scooted closer, cupping Waverly's face with one of her hands. "I don't care, Waverly."

"But--"

Nicole leaned in and felt Waverly's breath hit her cheek as she laid her forehead against the smaller woman's. She adjusted her hips to get closer, placing all her weight on her left hand and off of Waverly's body, moving her right through the golden brown waves. The two women had been here before, so close but so far from what they both wanted. Nicole was done waiting.

"I'm so angry, Waverly." She whispered, their noses lightly touching.

"Why?" 

“It took cancer to push me to do this. To tell you this.”

“What?” Was all Waverly could muster. Nicole flicked her eyes down and watched the brunette lick her lips in anticipation. The room was filled with heavy emotion and Nicole knew that once she entered into this new place with Waverly, she was never going to leave.

“I love you, Waverly Earp.” Nicole proclaimed, pulling her head back to look deeply into Waverly’s eyes. “I have loved you for so long. I don’t want to put more pressure on you than you need right now but I can’t let another day go by without you knowing.”

Waverly smiled as her eyes darted back and forth between Nicole’s. “I’m scared, Nicole.”

“Me too.”

“This isn’t going to be easy.” Waverly brought up her hand to cup Nicole’s face. “I mean, I don’t even know if it’s actually cancer. And if it is there are so many terrible possibilities and I just can’t do that to you. What kind of person would I be--” 

“Shh.”

Waverly stopped rambling and Nicole heard the woman’s breath hitch as she laid her forehead against hers again. “Where you go, I go.” 

Waverly leaned forward and brushed her lips lightly against Nicole’s causing her eyes to flutter closed at the softness of the action. Nicole couldn’t stand it any longer. 

“May I kiss you?”

Waverly didn’t respond. Instead the smaller woman cupped both of Nicole’s cheeks and brought their lips together again, firmer than before but just as slow and soft. The kiss was beyond what Nicole had dreamed; it was everything. Electricity bloomed on the back of Nicole’s head and shot down her spine as their lips moved together languidly, the slowness of creating a new memory they both could cherish. Nicole scooted forward and placed a hand on either side of Waverly’s hips to support her own weight and allow the woman to set the pace as their mouths became acquainted. The shift  brought their bodies closer together and caused Waverly to moan, spurring Nicole to open her mouth wider on the next pass, deepening the kiss as it became more desperate. It  was messy, deep, and filled with pent up desire. She felt Waverly’s hands go to her shirt and tug, pulling Nicole’s lips in deeper as she dragged her tongue across the redhead’s lower lip with wanton earnest. She’s going to kill you. Before it became too much to handle, Nicole leaned back her breath haggard and quick.

“Holy shit.” Waverly gasped, sucking in air. “You are good at that.”

“So are you.” Nicole grinned, leaning her head back against Waverly’s to feel the connection. “I can’t believe I sat on this for four years.”

“I want to hit you for it, honestly.” Waverly pulled her in for a quick peck. “But then I’d be a hypocrite. I’ve waited just as long.”

“Well I guess that makes us both stupid.” Nicole laughed, kissing the tip of Waverly’s nose. Waverly lets out a tiny squeal of joyous approval that just worms its way into Nicole’s chest. Nicole closes her eyes and lets the worm crystalize and bloom, fluttering around as a newly born butterfly. “God, I love you.”

“I love you too, stupid.” 

Nicole felt like she was the butterfly, finally free.

*****

“I have returned!”

“Thank god, I thought you had left me here to starve.”

Nicole chuckled before pushing the door to the hotel room shut and locking it. Once she was sure they were safe, she turned to the rolling cart in the room’s hallway. Grabbing the handle and pushing it into the room fully, Nicole took in the sight of a tired Waverly looking over the room service cart with confusion. 

“Ta-da!” Nicole yelled, picking her stetson off of her head and bowing theatrically. “Your dinner is served.” 

Waverly’s slow clapping entered her ears as she pulled herself to full height. 

“What do you think?”

Nicole had left Waverly in their hotel room, a spacious double queen room with fluffy beds and tasteful decor. The brunette had taken her prescription Tylenol and allowed Nicole to prop her up with as many pillows as possible before leaving to grab dinner. And now she had returned to the delight of Waverly. The smaller woman placed a bookmark into her book before laying it down on the nightstand.

“Is that room service? Did you leave me here alone for over an hour to get room service ?” Waverly asked sternly but Nicole could hear the playfulness in her voice.

Nicole glanced at the cart: a square metal contraption with a large domed cloche, two smaller domed cloches, an ice bucket, and two champagne flutes sitting on top of a neat white table cloth. Below the cloth sat all the fixings Nicole was unable to fit under the cloches.

“May I serve you dinner, my lady?” Nicole tried her best waiter voice.

Waverly smiled. “You may.”

Nicole reached under the cloth and pulled out a dinner tray, flipping out the legs before moving to Waverly. She placed it gingerly over the woman’s thighs before leaning in for a quick kiss on her lips. She received a hum of approval at the gesture.

“Not terribly professional but I will allow it.” Waverly responded as Nicole moved back to the cart.

“May I show the lady her main course?”

“You may.”

Nicole lifted the cloche, revealing a familiar red and white cardboard box filled with Kentucky Fried Chicken. Waverly smirked.

“Colonel Sanders’ most exquisite fried chicken made with 11 secret herbs and spices. It won him a Michelin Star.” Nicole draweled before removing the two smaller cloches. “And his world famous re-constructed coleslaw and puree-ed mashed potatoes with sawmill gravy.”

Waverly 'oohed’ and ‘awed’ at the reveal, her smile bright and strong. Nicole grabbed a plate and began filling it with the food making sure to only put drumsticks as she knew Waverly preferred them. Once finished she grabbed plastic silverware and strolled forward, laying it onto Waverly’s tray.

“Is the lady thirsty?” Nicole asks lowly, still leaning over the brunette.

“She is.” Waverly growls. “But she must abstain and ask for a drink to go with dinner instead.”

Nicole turned back to the cart and pulled a gallon sized container of sweet tea out from below the tablecloth. With a quick motion, she pours the tea into a champagne flute with bartender accuracy. A quick plop and one fancy ball shaped ice cube was dropped in over the liquid.

“Sweet tea, my lady.” Nicole bows, placing the glass onto her tray with ease. “A vintage. Very expensive.”

Nicole watches as Waverly breaks, unable to hold back her laughter. The redhead grabs the tray and stills it, watching Waverly come undone. She blinks like she is a camera turning on record mode, hoping her brain will memorize every little part of this moment. The curve of Waverly’s mouth, her laugh lines grazing her closed eyes, the utter joy plaster across her features. I could survive on this moment alone.

“How?” Waverly questions, her hands clutching at her stomach and her face grimacing in slight pain at her motions. “How in the hell did you get that cart?”

“I flashed these bad boys.” Nicole grins widely, popping her dimples and then sits on the bed by Waverly’s knees. “The lady at reception was a goner. She gathered all of this for me.”

“You should be in politics with those things.” Waverly gazed lovingly.

“Nah. I only use them for good.”

Their eyes meet and they slowly stare, enjoying the moment of bliss. But then Waverly sighs, reaching forward for a chicken leg, bringing it to her mouth and biting down. A moan of appreciation leaves her mouth. “Fuck, I’m hungry.”

Before Nicole can reply, Waverly’s phone rings. Waverly looks at her instead of her phone so Nicole stands and picks it up.

“It’s Wynonna.”

“I don’t want to talk to her.” Waverly says softly, no malice present. “But you can if you want.”

“Hello?” Nicole answers. “Of course Waverly is alive.”

*****

April 27, 2019

“I don’t really care what you do.”

“Does that mean you will stop sulking on your patio every night I come from a date with Champ?” Waverly hissed as she stood in the pitch black on Nicole’s deck. 

To say Waverly was mad was an understatement. The woman she desired more than anything in the world had been sitting on her porch every time she returned from a date with Champ for the last few months. Waverly felt like Nicole was waiting, sulking, pining. If you want me that bady just fucking tell me, Nicole. It was infuriating to see Nicole obviously interested but never acting on it. 

“I’m just playing my guitar.” Nicole said calmly. “I can’t sleep.”

Sure you are. Looks like you are torturing yourself instead.

Sure, Waverly didn’t actually like Champ. And sure, Champ was a handsy asshole who had yet to do anything nice for her other than attempt to buy his way into her pants. And sure, if Waverly was honest with herself she was only dating Champ to get a rise out of Nicole and by God, the woman just wouldn’t give it to her. The only thing she consistently did was sit on this goddamn porch and play goddamn country music. It was always just loud enough for Champ and Waverly to hear from the Homestead’s porch. Maybe tell her? Initiate? 

“You could be doing more than playing your guitar, Nicole.” Waverly bit, her frustrations mounting. But she couldn’t do it. “I go out with Champ. I am sure you can find a nice, sweet girl in town to go on dates with.”

Nicole didn’t respond. Waverly bit her lip in frustration as she listened to the silence of the night around them. 

“Nicole!”

Nicole didn’t respond again and Waverly heard the tell-tale twang of Nicole dragging her fingers up the neck of her guitar. A quick strum of G and Nicole’s voice filled the night.

“ Oh, how you sparkle

And oh, how you shine

That flush on your cheeks is more than the wine

And he must do something that I didn't do

Whatever he's doing

It looks good on you”

“Dammit, Nicole.” Waverly whined before turning and power walking off the porch. Nicole’s voice followed her all the way to the door of the homestead.

“You look so good in love

You want him

That's easy to see

You look so good in love

And I wish you still wanted me”

But I do, you idiot. Waverly thought as she flung the Homestead door open. Nicole’s voice drowned out as she stormed through the house.

Chapter Text

February 14, 2018

Blood was rushing so quickly through Nicole’s ears, she was unable to hear the classic jingle or Johnny Gilbert’s world renowned ‘This is Jeopardy!’ She was too busy trying to ignore the searing reality that Waverly Earp was currently perched on her lap, excitedly squealing at Gilbert’s contestant introductions. This was not how her Valentine’s Day was supposed to go. Nicole had a long day completing construction updates in the tool barn so that they could be better prepared for the planned Homestead renovations. All she wanted was a long shower, Garth Brooks’ “The Ultimate Hits” record, and a cold can of coke. But Waverly had been waiting on her porch with her dinner, grinning devilishly, and sporting the sweetest hazel eyes. She told Nicole that she had planned a farm Galentines where they were all going to watch a movie while eating cupcakes. She even made sure to mention that she had already ordained Doc as an honorary gal, so it was officially a party. Nicole couldn’t refuse.

So now she was seated on the Earp sister’s small living room loveseat. Wynonna was seated shoulder to shoulder with her, clutching a bottle of whiskey with a donut shoved down the neck. Doc was on the floor, his back leaned against the couch between Wynonna’s legs and a pink frosted cupcake gingerly held in his hands. Waverly had been seated in the armchair off to the right of the television but she had complained that she couldn’t see before crossing and plopping down onto Nicole’s lap unceremoniously. It had sent Nicole’s brain into overdrive, the gears and bearings whirring and popping with fury.

Nicole would probably never forget the way Waverly had asked for permission; her head had been turned, cocked to the side, her breath on Nicole’s cheek, the most charming ghost of a smile.

Do you mind?

Nicole didn’t mind. But it didn’t stop the current flow of blood through her head down to her core. Waverly sat perfectly in the crook between the arm of the couch and Nicole’s thigh, pinning her right arm around the brunette’s waist. Waverly’s back pressed deliciously up Nicole’s front and her head sharing the throw pillow the redhead was using to prop up her neck. 

Nicole wondered if it was ok to die.

“What is ‘Beat It?”

Nicole blinked and gulped, her nerves washing away enough for her to hear Alex Trebek’s voice confirm Waverly correct. Micheal Jackson song, just a Micheal Jackson song. 

“Yes!”

“Babygirl?” Wynonna’s bored voice made Nicole turn in her direction, hoping her face wouldn’t give her away. “Why are we watching this smart people shit? You promised us 'gals' the ever romantic, Blade Runner 2049.”

“Who is Virginia Woolf?” Waverly answers quickly. “It’s not on demand. We gotta wait thirty minutes so I thought we could watch Jeopardy while we wait.”

“Do we all have to watch this outdated show?” Wynonna took a swig. “Because like, I ain’t getting any smarter and Alex Trebec is definitely a vampire.”

“We can vote?” Doc offered. “Though, I must admit that I do not mind at all. That smart dressed fella at the end has been on a three-week streak.”

Nicole gulped down a moan as Waverly adjusted her butt closer to her pelvis, grinding slightly. The movement sent a shockwave between her legs and she tried to focus her will on the next question.

“This television phenomenon premiered June 11, 2002 and changed the pop music and reality tv scene forever.”

“American Idol!” Nicole yelled loudly, her pitch high and off tune. Waverly jumped slightly at her exclamation so Nicole wrapped her right arm around the woman tighter to steady her. “Sorry.”

Waverly only blushed in response. Shit.

“Nice one, Haught-Wheels.” Wynonna nibbled at her donut, unaware, before taking a long swig. “I guess that is three-to-one. I’ll just get smashed instead.”

Nicole heard a small groan of disapproval coming from Waverly at Wynonna’s admission. Wynonna’s drinking was a sore subject for everyone and Nicole knew better than to acknowledge Waverly’s disdain. It would only generate a spat between the Earps and Nicole couldn't deal with that right now. Not when she was just trying to breathe like a normal human being.

“Why don’t you try to answer one out of the Greece column?” Waverly tried, craning her neck behind Nicole’s head to look at her sister.

“Who is the tanned-sexy-fisherman-with-defined-muscles-and-a-talented-tongue?”

Nicole groaned and leaned her head back while Doc snickered lightly. 

“Wynonna!”

“What? I may not remember his name but I will remember that night forever.” Wynonna shrugged. “Haught knows what I mean.”

“I definitely do not know what you mean.” Nicole replied, attempting to turn her focus back on the show.

“Not the receiving part but the giving. I heard from a little birdie that you’ve got mad skills.”

Waverly stiffened in Nicole’s arms and a wave of pleasured curiosity washed over the redhead. Was Waverly reacting to the crassness or--

“Born April 21, 1816; Died March 31, 1855. This author and poet is known for ‘The Professor’ and ‘Jane Eyre.’”

“Who is Currer Bell?” Waverly shot forward a bit, rolling Nicole’s thigh under her weight. “Fuck! No, I mean--”

“Is it not Charlotte Bronte?” Doc asked quizzically, obviously confused by Waverly getting the question wrong. 

“You ok there, Nerdly?” Wynonna’s voice was no longer even, a hint of play was now involved. “Doc should not be getting answers right over you.”

Nicole didn’t dare to look over as she adjusted herself under Waverly, placing the smaller woman’s body in a more comfortable position.

“I mean--” Waverly shook her head. “Currer Bell was her male pen name.”

“Surrrrr-eeee.” Wynonna mocked. “But for reals. I heard from Peter, who heard from Carl, who heard from Chrissy, who heard from Shae that our resident fire crotch is talented with other ladies’ crotches.”

Nicole felt her face get warm.

“If you know what I mean.” Wynonna teased, throwing an elbow into Nicole’s ribs. “And judging by how red she is right now, I’m right.”

“I will neither confirm nor deny.” Nicole responded as dryly as she could muster.

She then saw Waverly bite her lip out of the corner of her eye and the blood rushed back, her hearing useless once more.

*****

Nicole had been trying to watch the movie to the best of her ability but all she had collected was that it starred Harrison Ford and featured time travel. The scent of wildflowers tickled her nostrils and the deep set breathing of the sleeping woman in her arms kept her from comprehending much else. She watched Ford and the young dude character get out of some car and walk slowly in a snowy landscape before she tilted her head, noticing Doc was laid out across the floor with his black stetson covering his face. It brought a hint of smile across her own.

"Can you understand any of this shit?" Wynonna grumbled. “Like they are the same dude but I could give less than two shits. We would have been better off watching the Baywatch remake. The Rock rocks .”

Nicole tilted her eyes to her boss, the woman leaned forward on Waverly's legs, an amused look on her face.

"Nope." Nicole responded, turning back. "Was never a big Sci-Fi fan."

"Sorry about Waverly."

“No worries.” I’m not at all sorry about Waverly.

“Like, it’s been three hours. You should have just dumped her ass on the floor.”

Nicole looked down at the woman curled into her chest, sleeping soundly. Her right leg felt tingly from Waverly's weight but overall it was the most comfortable the ranch hand had felt in years.

"No big. She weighs like-- nothing." Nicole responded as evenly as possible. "But y'all still might need to add a bigger couch to the Reno budget."

Wynonna chuckled, leaning back on the couch.”Yeah, probably.”

Nicole turned back to the movie.

 "She has never really had a proper Valentine's Day. At least when I was around, anyway. Her high school boyfriends always invited her over to watch them play Call of Duty and shit like that. And I was always out at the bar or with a dude."

"Ew. Men."

“They can be useful.” Wynonna burped.  "Or she would drag Willa to get mani-pedis. Guess she figured I wouldn't want to do that. She came up with this elaborate Galentine's day and somehow you both got roped into this."

Nicole thought about how terrible it was that Waverly had never been cherished by past beaus. It made her muscles twitch, like she was going to leap forward and fight.

"Doc needs a pedicure."

Wynonna snorted. “I think he actually gets manicures.”

"But honestly, I don't mind. We have a light day tomorrow and it's nice to have some company."

"Is that all you don't mind?" Wynonna turned with an eyebrow uplifted. 

Nicole looked into blue considering her options.

"The cupcakes aren't half bad either."

A grin spread slowly across Wynonna's face before she leaned forward and grabbed the remote. "I'm gonna turn this off. Wake up Waverly so she can drag her cuddly ass to bed and get off my employees. You both need sleep; the animals don't feed themselves, ya know?"

"No need." Nicole slid her arms underneath Waverly and pulled her in closer. "I'll just carry her up and put her in bed."

Wynonna just shrugged in response so Nicole lifted and stood up, Waverly's weight not an issue for her ranch hardened muscles. She slowly crossed to the stairs and carefully climbed, taking care to not knock Waverly into the wall. Once she reached the upper landing she found only two doors and saw a soft night light coming from the left door. Left it is.

Waverly's room was sophisticated but homey. Blues, whites, and purples. Fur throw pillows, tasteful decor, and barrel racing trophies lined surfaces. Nicole frowned when she noticed a knitted afgan covering a nasty bit of water damage from the roof in the corner of the bedroom. She instantly knew her next big project and she made a mental note to talk about logistics with Doc in the morning.

Waverly mumbled something into her shirt so she crossed the space to her queen sized bed and shifted Waverly in her arms so she could pull down the covers. Once complete, she laid Waverly down softly and manipulated her body under the covers the best she could without being too creepy. Nicole took a second to take in Waverly’s soft beauty under the light of the night light. She wished she could crawl into bed with the woman, pull her close, fall asleep to the rhythmic breathing she had enjoyed for the past hour.

  I should be happy just to know her.

"Nicole." Waverly groaned gravelly as she pulled at the covers and rolled over. 

Her name being said in such a low voice did dirty things to Nicole's body so she stepped back and quickly left the room, only stopping to close the door. Once on the landing she sighed deeply before going back down into the Earp living room. It’s not what you think.

Wynonna was missing but Doc was still flat out on his back, his breathing deep. Nicole chuckled before stepping forward to grab her stetson and plop it on her head. 

"Leave him." Wynonna's voice came from behind the curtain to her room. "He's a bear to wake up."

"Alright but if he's an asshole in the morning, it's on you." 

Nicole crossed to the front door and opened it, the cool February air chilling her overheated body. She pulled her jacket off the hook and slugged it on.

"I appreciate you coming-- for Waverly." Wynonna’s head was sticking out of the little window to her room. The wild brunette’s voice sounded different, almost motherly. “You are-- you are great for-- you are a great employee.”

I want to be more.

"Yeah." Nicole replied, stepping out and closing the door.

For Waverly.

*****

December 11, 2020

“Went out one night to make a little round

I met Little Sadie and I shot her down

Went back home, jumped into bed

44 pistol under my head”

The thumping strings of the cello filled Nicole’s head as she tapped her fingers on the wheel of the jeep. She then heard Waverly begin to hum as the violin and banjo joined in; the raucous folk tune filling every crevice with it’s healing power. Nicole felt like the song was hyping her up for whatever was waiting for them at the homestead. It was very possible Wynonna might shoot her. At the very least point a gun at her. But she had kissed Waverly and Waverly kissed her back. Who gives a fuck if I die, I am going to die happy.  Before Nicole could sing along, Waverly reached forward and turned off the radio.

“I guess we need to make a plan?” She asked nervously, grabbing onto Nicole’s right wrist and bringing it over the console into her lap.

“That would be wise.” 

“Want to just say fuck it and keep driving?”

It was endearing and Nicole squeezed Waverly’s thigh in approval. The idea that they could just keep driving and leave everything behind was beyond tempting. “What would we do?”

“I am decent at barrel racing.”

“We don’t have a horse.” Nicole tilted and grinned.

“You could be a troubadour. Tall, dark, broody. I can play rhythm to your salacious guitar picking and we can follow the rodeo circuit. Playing Tyler Childers, Crooked Still, and Brandi Carlile tunes to our hearts content.” Waverly said matter-of-factly. “Once we get enough money we can send a master thief to Peacemaker Farms to steal Dandelion.”

Nicole laughed deeply, slowing the jeep down to take the turn-off that would lead them to the Homestead.

“I’m sure if you ask Doc nicely, he’d steal Dandelion for you.”

“Ok. Fun ruiner.” Waverly sighed. “Pull over for a second.”

Nicole glanced over and saw Waverly’s face slack and stern; unlike the smile she was just sporting. She slowed the jeep and pulled over to park in a hay-field pull off but kept the engine running.

“Everything ok?”

Waverly turned, sliding her hand up Nicole’s arm until it reached her face, cupping it lightly before moving it into her hair. She hummed at the touch, allowing Waverly to pull her over the console for a deep kiss. The brunette tasted like peppermint chapstick and Nicole slowly moved her lips over Waverly’s lower lip, before kissing down her face and onto her neck.

“I just needed--” Waverly lost her though as Nicole lightly sucked on her pulsepoint. “To do this.”

Nicole murmured her agreement, un-willing to stop the exploration. Waverly’s hands played lightly with the hairs on the back of her neck before trailing down her chest and gripping at her shirt.

“Alright, maybe not the best idea.” Waverly moaned, pulling her up for a chaste kiss before pushing Nicole back in her seat. “I totally want to do more of that but we do really need to talk.”

“Alright.” Nicole gave her best dimpled smile.

“I don’t want to tell anyone.” 

“About what?” Nicole questioned. “I mean, I am of course, ok with that but a few things have happened. Really nice things.”

A blush crept it’s way up Waverly’s neck and Nicole’s heart soared. You are the cause of that .

“I will tell them once the results come in. As far as you and I--” Waverly’s voice trailed off. “I am unsure.”

Nicole felt a knot form in her stomach but she pushed through. Waverly had the world on top of her right now and Nicole’s lack of courage in telling the woman her feelings was her own mistake. 

“We can be whatever you want us to be. I just want to be there for you.” Nicole said firmly. “No expectations.”

Nicole watched her love’s eyelashes flitter as her head shook slightly, un-believing. 

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Be everything I need when I need it.” Waverly softly cooed, leaning in.

You taught me that.

“I learned it from the best.” Nicole responded, closing the distance and kissing her once more.

*****

Waverly gripped onto Nicole’s hand as the redhead parked the jeep next to Wynonna’s truck. She glanced towards the barn, noticing the dark outline of Doc’s hat next to Gus’s Mustang. Waverly craned her neck and noticed he was washing it. Great. Gus and Wynonna. 

“You got this.” Nicole said firmly. “I’ll be wherever you need me to be. Just let me know.”

Waverly nodded as her anxiety bubbled up from her stomach into her chest. Thank god your uterus decided to stop aching this morning. Just walk in there, say hi, and get working on those slaughterhouse requisitions. She nodded her head firmly three more times before letting go of Nicole’s hand. The redhead got out of the jeep and she watched her push back her hair before slipping on her stetson. God, why is it so much hotter now? Probably because you’ve felt her on-top of you, dingus.

Before she could expand on that thought, her passenger door was open and dimples were beckoning her out.

“Why is Doc washing Gus’s mustang in December?” Nicole snorted. “It’s not like she drives it very often.”

Waverly just shrugged, her nerves keeping her from a decent response.

“Miss Waverly!” Doc called, waving. 

Waverly climbed out and waved back, standing off to the side so Nicole could grab their bags.

“I will go throw my duffle on my porch then meet you at the homestead with yours?” Nicole asked.

Waverly nodded in response before turning towards the homestead and noticing her aunt leaning over the railing, Waverly’s favorite mug steaming in her hand. She breathed in deeply and began walking up to the house,  pulling her coat tighter around her body.

“Waverly.”

“Hi, aunt Gus. It’s good to see you.” 

The homestead door flung open and Waverly jumped, her face suddenly covered in brown hair and leather. 

“You both have cell phones, would it kill either of you to use them?” Wynonna shouted into her neck and wrapped her arms tightly around her. Waverly immediately noticed the lack of a whiskey smell. What the-- Nevermind.

“I wrote our return date and time on the calendar on the fridge.” Waverly responded softly, letting her hands stay at her sides. She wasn’t quite sure she was ready to hug her quite yet.

“Let your sister loose. She looks to be standing--” Gus stood up and crossed closer. “Got all her limbs.”

“Sorry for giving a shit.” Wynonna let go, rubbing Waverly’s shoulders. “Where is Nicole?”

Waverly turned towards the redhead’s cabin and saw the taller woman holding her case and staring back. She nodded her head towards the homestead and Nicole began walking towards them.

“Did you take her to a doggy training course?” Wynonna sassed before Gus hit her. “What, she didn’t always come on command.”

A dirty thought crossed Waverly’s mind and she shook it free, turning back to her family and setting her face.

“No.” Waverly replied dryly. “She was my driver. No questions, remember?”

“Right.”

“Tell her, Wynonna.” Gus interjected as Nicole arrived at the bottom of the step, placing Waverly’s case on the landing.

Wynonna’s face shifted uncomfortably as a hand reached behind her head to scratch. Waverly decided to play it cool, not wanting to break her poker face. The awkwardness of everything was jumbling up her insides. Wynonna let silence hang too long.

“Well?” Waverly huffed. “Tell me. I have slaughterhouse reqs to complete.”

“I took care of that.” Gus inserted. “And payroll.”

What?

“We are all going to Shorty’s tonight.”

Waverly blinked as her eyebrows scrunched.

“That’s your big reveal?” Nicole’s voice came in and the three women on the porch all turned to glare. “Whoops, sorry.”

“Yes.” Wynonna confirmed. “Gus is closing it tonight for a family bonding-- experience?”

“An intervention.” Gus supplied.

“What?” Waverly felt a surge of anger. “From what?”

“No, no, no.” Wynonna grabbed her shoulders, glaring at Gus. “A discussion. Discussions. Round table one on ones.”

“Why?” Nicole piped in. 

“We are a family.” Gus replied sharply.

“Doc is coming too, Haught-to-Trot. You ain’t an Earp just yet.”

Gus hissed at that before crossing down and past Nicole. “Everybody get ready and be there at five.”

Waverly felt her eyes roll in her head. Great.

Chapter Text

October 31, 2017

Waverly pulled her arms through the white straps and tugged, adjusting the fit of her angel wings while looking in her bedroom mirror. She smiled, enjoying the way they looked before glancing down at her simple white sundress, thin gold belt, skin-colored tights, and white boots. Her costume was comfortable, pretty, and not the usual overly sexualized look she went for around Halloween. I hope Nicole likes it. Waverly pursed her lips and blushed at the intrusive thought. She had been having a lot of them lately and they always revolved around the redheaded ranch hand. Waverly wished the woman would just make a move.

As she placed her halo headband on top of her head, Waverly’s bedroom door flung open and Wynonna sauntered in.

“Well I’ll be.” Wynonna whistled. “Someone is going to be touched by an angel tonight.”

Waverly took in her sister’s costume with slight confusion. She was wearing brown sandals that strapped up to her knees, a tight brown mini-skirt, metal plated belt with fur trim, a brown fur bodice, painted on blue stripes across her bare shoulders and down her chest, and her hair pulled back in an intricate braid. Is that heavy eyeliner?

“Guess.” Wynonna grinned, twirling to show off the full outfit.

“Sexy mesopotamia?” Was Waverly’s only response.

“Noooo.” Wynonna whined. “Sexy Khal Drogo. Jeremy helped me with the idea so I could impress Dolls. Supposedly he is very into Game of Thrones.”

“Xavier Dolls?” Waverly questioned. “Jeremy’s new vet assistant?”

“Yep. He came out when they put the cow down last month and I’ve been meeting up with him at Shorty’s.” 

“Are you sure sexy Drogo is his thing?” Waverly giggled. “I would have probably done Daenerys.”

“I look like shit as a blonde-- and besides, Drogo is sexy.” Wynonna stepped forward and adjusted Waverly’s halo. “So, you look very pretty. Trying to impress anyone special?”

Waverly thought of Nicole’s eyes when she saw her in her blue polka dotted sundress in July. They had darkened to a deep brown and looked upon her with a longing that made her heart beat fast and her mouth go dry. This sundress was the same cut and Waverly was hoping to have the same effect.

“So, I take those ‘fuck me’ eyes as a yes?”

“Wynonna!”

“Come on little sis, we better go grab dumb and dumber and get to Shorty’s. Doc told me they are wearing matching outfits!” Wynonna sneered, grabbing her wrist and pulling her down the stairs.

Waverly felt the cool air of the evening hit her as her feet hit the porch. Shit, I need a jacket. Before she could go back inside, Wynonna was locking the door and then pushing her towards the Jeep.

“Holy hell.” Wynonna almost yelled, stilling their forward movement with a jolt. Waverly looked up and felt air leave her chest. 

Nicole was a fucking firefighter. Rubber boots, tan and yellow canvas pants and coat, with the matching helmet. Waverly saw wisps of red peeking out from under the helmet and quickly wondered if the outfit was as authentic underneath. Fuck me.

"John Henry is that your hose or are you just happy to see me?" Wynonna quirked, pushing past her to gawk at Doc closer.

Sure, Waverly noticed his costume matched but he was not nearly as sexy. There was something about the way that Nicole stood, her fingers looped under her jacket and on her belt. The confidence was oozing and Waverly thought it was downright filthy. A cough emanated from Nicole as Waverly noticed that she was still looking hungrily over the ranch hand's body. Waverly's eyes drifted up to Nicole's and she found that same deep brown she was hoping for when she had chosen her own costume. At least I am not the only one.

"Here." Nicole said softly while removing her jacket. "You look cold."

Nicole's torso was covered in a tight, thick white long-john shirt. It was hugging all her muscles in a way that made Waverly squeeze her legs tighter. Red suspenders led up and over her breasts and Waverly had to ball her hands at her sides to keep from letting them wander up to give them a snap. It was all too much and not enough. Nicole’s scent enveloped Waverly as she placed the coat over her shoulders.

"You look absolutely beautiful." 

Waverly no longer felt cold. She instead felt brave.

"I want to climb you like a tree."

Too brave.

Nicole smirked and tilted her head. Before the woman could respond, the jeep's engine was started, breaking their mutual concentration.

"Sorry." Waverly said quickly.

"Alright, time to go." Wynonna grabbed onto Waverly's arm and pulled. "Shorty's is on fire."

Not just Shorty's. Waverly was a goner.

*****

Nicole had to physically grip the bar to keep herself from punching Champ Hardy in his stupid face. Who calls a woman their angel? You don't own her. The audacity of it all had aggravated Nicole and ruined a perfectly good game of pool with Waverly. And she had invited her over to get a drink but Waverly was too sweet and she was now standing by the jukebox with the rodeo rider, laughing at whatever stupid shit he must of been saying. It was cruel of the universe to have her fall in love with the nicest woman in Purgatory. To make matters worse, Waverly was still wearing her jacket and Nicole almost regretted giving it to her. It felt like a possessive move; especially when Champ fingered the edge and glared at her with a jealous sneer.

"He's a good man."

Nicole brought her water up to her lips and took a small sip before bringing the glass back down to the bar. Her eyes flicked up to Gus's as she rolled up her long sleeves. Suddenly hot and grumpy.

"He's a pig."

"You're one to talk."

"I've never been arrested for kidnapping a teenage girl." Nicole spat, turning to glare at him again.

"Charges were dropped. It was just football players trying to scare the head cheerleader." Gus placed two beers onto a tray for an employee to pick up. "Just boys being boys."

"So I guess boys can earn forgiveness then." Nicole cut, her anger over Champ loosening her lips around Gus. 

"Well. He didn't smash my window and take my .38." 

"I returned that." Nicole sighed. 

"My dead husband gave me that gun."

Nicole felt guilt run down her back. It had taken her months to buy that gun back from Purgatory Pawn. Pete made her promise to pay him almost four times its worth for him to hold it while she collected the money. With court, legal, and therapy fees; Nicole barely scraped by with it under their agreed upon time limit. When she returned it to Gus, the woman just pointed it at her. It felt deserved. Another reminder of the karma she had built chasing her high.

Nicole shrugged and sipped her water again.

"Stay out of Champ's way."

"Ok."

"Waverly needs someone to take care of her. She's had a difficult life and she doesn't have time to coddle you."

"I've never asked that."

"But she does it, does she not?"

Nicole bit her tongue as she glanced back towards Waverly. The woman's lips turned up in a smile and she waved.

Nicole didn't wave back.

*****

December 11, 2020

This was not at all what Nicole expected. But then the ranch hand remembered the whole thing was planned by Wynonna and Gus-- so, it was probably exactly what she should have expected. Wynonna was quirky and Gus was kind of a bitch; put together that combination and this is exactly the kind of bullshit they would pull. Waverly is going to flip.

Nicole removed her stetson as her eyes darted around Shorty's; her mouth slack as she took in the decorations and libations. There was a large cattle blanket hung across the back stairs with 'Congratulations' painted across it in black letters. Pink, blue, and black streamers were strung across most of the lights. The pool table was pressed against the wall and most of the tables were stacked up in the nook close to the front doors. The bar itself was covered in snacks, finger sandwiches, and what looked like pink and blue jello shots. There were random two person tables and chairs smattered about the main space. In the center of the room hung a piñata shaped like a penis. It was like a baby shower and bachelorette party had an evil child that proceeded to throw up all over Shorty's. 

Nicole turned to look at Doc, who she was forced to ride with in the truck by Wynonna, and gave him her best 'what the fuck' look.

"I did not know." Doc responded in confused wonder, patting her back before he stepped down towards the bar.

"Sure cowboy."

"Honest."

Nicole felt her chest tighten and the urge to run through the room and rip everything down overwhelmed her. This wasn't what Waverly needed right now. Why was it so difficult for her family to just respect her wishes. She wants to be left alone and tell you all on her own time. Before she could act on the urge, Gus filtered in from the back room.

"Haught." 

Nicole stepped down the stairs towards the bar slowly, placing her hat back on her head. She tried to control her anger by rolling her shoulders back and gripping a stool. "What the hell, Gus?"

"It's an intervention." Gus gruffed back. "Your seat is over here."

Gus crossed to a two seater table by the jukebox, a creaky chair on either side. Are you sure it's not an interrogation?

"We got to take everything down--" Nicole began. "Before Waverly sees it." 

"No." Gus shook her head. "You will come and sit."

Before Nicole could argue further, the front door opened and Waverly was being dragged in by Wynonna. She turned and felt time slow as she watched Waverly’s eyes take in the sight before her. To Nicole, it felt like watching a car crash. The furrowed lines across the brunette's face like the twisted metal of a car's frame. The confusion and loud gasp sounded like the sickening crunch. Her heart pulled. She couldn't watch this.

Nicole rushed up and pulled Waverly in as tightly as she could. "We can leave." She whispered, unsure. "I can take you home."

"No." Waverly responded quietly. "I received a--"

"Congratulations!" Wynonna wrapped her own arms around the couple.

Nicole shot her a fiery glare. 

Waverly pulled back from Nicole and sighed, bringing fingers to the bridge of her nose. "Wynonna, explain."

"It's a discussion party." Wynonna grinned and threw her arms out in display. "You've been secretive and we are pretty sure we know about what. So, we put together our brains and came up with this."

Nicole watched Waverly's eyes dart around Shorty's again but the shock she saw previously was gone. The woman's face was slack and void of any emotion. It made her want to hold her again.

"How does it work?" Waverly's voice was even.

"Well, you sit there." Wynonna points towards the corner booth near the bar. "And Haught over by the jukebox. Doc, Gus, and I will take turns reading our pre-written letters to each of you. And then you both can respond and we will all hug like one big family. Oh, and then we eat!"

Waverly turned to Gus. "This gonna be like the intervention we did before you put Wynonna in foster care?"

Gus shrugged.

"Pretty much." Wynonna huffed. "Gus came up with that part. I made the decorations. I have something important to tell you and hopefully, you'll share your secret with me."

"You don't have to do this." Nicole warned, still very uneasy.

"Whatever." Waverly replied and crossed to the booth.

Nicole felt her heart break a little as she watched her go.

*****

"Nicole Haught." Doc coughed, fiddling with his paper.

"John Henry Holliday."

"I have written this letter at the request of Gus and Wynonna concerning your secrecy with Waverly. As an employed part of this family--"

Nicole watched the Doc's mustache twitch. This is bullshit. She knew how Doc felt about her and she sure as hell did not need an intervention letter.

"Sorry. I did not write that part." Doc grumbled, letting the letter drop to the table. "This is like your HA meetings but worse."

"Heroin Anonymous is useful, therapeutic even. This is ridiculous." Nicole growled angrily. "And you told me everything was going to be fine."

"It was fine. They asked me to write you each a letter about how your actions made me feel." Doc shrugged. "I thought we would just give them to you. Not sit in Shorty's, surrounded by baby shower decorations."

"Speaking of that-- what the fuck."

"It's not what you think--"

"It's not?" Nicole slammed her fist on the table. "She's not fucking pregnant."

Doc slammed his eyes shut and winced.

"Wynonna decorated. She really likes the way it all looks."

"Well, I don't."

"Well it's not about you."

"But it's about Waverly." Nicole groaned. "And that means it concerns me."

"You told her." Doc's eyes brightened. "By diggity dog, you devil woman. You finally told her."

Shit, Waverly is going to be pissed.

*****

"Wynonna."

Nicole wanted to run. Her eyes darted to the booth where Waverly sat, arms folded, listening to Gus read from a spiral notebook. She willed the universe to get the woman to turn, she needed to see hazel if she was going to deal with this night sober. 

"Haught-Pants."

Wynonna sniffled. What the fuck.

"Are you crying?"

"When I first met you, I thought that you would steal Waverly's jeep for dope money." Wynonna read off of her phone, her lip trembling. "You were well known in town for having stolen from parked cars; one of which was owned by my aunt Gus Gibson."

Never going to live that one down.

"I don't know why I didn't tell Doc to take you back to town, back to Nedley. And now, as I feel so uncertain it is difficult for me to continue to treat you like a criminal. I've watched you treat my sister with the utmost respect, even when she lies to me. I've decided to ask you to stay."

Nicole was dumbstruck. "Excuse me?"

"You didn't steal Waverly's jeep. You stole Waverly's heart. And I let my dumb, overprotective, alcoholic ass make you think you didn't deserve to love her. But now that my life has changed-- her life has changed-- you have my blessing to make her happy." 

This was not what Nicole expected.

*****

"I'm sorry Gus, I can't tell you yet."

Gus slammed her balled hands down on her spiral notebook with frustration. Waverly wanted to reach forward but she was numb, numb to having any feelings for them when she knew they didn't respect her own.

"But you'll tell--" Gus turned her head to look at Nicole. Waverly followed her eyes and saw the woman hugging Wynonna. What the-- "her."

"Nicole has never done anything to intentionally hurt me. And you, you've done everything to sabotage and hurt her. Hurt us."

"I trust her." Waverly set her jaw. "I love her."

Waverly watched those words hit Gus like a mack truck. The older woman's face was no longer the hardened western woman she grew up with; it was the same heart broken scowl she sported when Willa died. 

"You can trust me."

"Can I, though?" Waverly shrugged smugly. "You helped Wynonna put together an intervention party. The same type of party you convinced Willa and I to do when I was a child. You said it would help Wynonna stay. Do you know how bad I felt when my letter to Wynonna made her cry?"

Gus turned to look over at Nicole and Wynonna again.

"And she still left. And I thought it was because of my letter."

"Waverly…"

"You don't get to play these same games. And you don't get to convince Wynonna to agree to them."

Waverly stood as the numbness in her body began to ease away. Anger easily pushing forward to take its place.

"Why did you do this? Why can't you just let me make my own decisions?"

"We are just concerned for you--"

"No, you think I'm fucking pregnant." Waverly threw her hands into the air.

Before Gus could respond Wynonna was pulling Waverly into a hug. She wanted to push her away. She wanted to shake Gus and scream all the things that have weighed her down. Family is supposed to be there for one another. Not force interventions and treat each other like dirt. But then she felt the wet tears on her. 

"Wynonna?"

Waverly's eyes darted up and she saw Nicole looking at her with a half smile, concern in her eyes. Like the woman knew something she didn't.

"Wynonna, what's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry." 

Doc stepped forward and she noticed his hat was missing, his mustache twitching. The man laid a hand on Wynonna's shoulder.

"Why are you sorry?" She asked, unsure of what was happening.

"I'm pregnant."

The relief rushed over Waverly's body.

"Wait-- the decorations are for you?"

"I wanted to tell you sooner." Wynonna pulled back, her eyes still filled. "But you had your own thing and I thought maybe you were pregnant too. But, obviously I ruined it."

"No, it’s my fault." Gus mumbled from the booth.

Waverly glanced at Nicole and saw supportive browns looking back.

"I have cancer."

Four sets of eyes burned into Waverly's. 

"Doctor called on the way over."

"Oh." Someone said but Waverly didn't hear it. She was still looking at Nicole.

Chapter Text

June 7th, 2019

Champ offered Waverly his hand after opening the door of his lifted Ford King Ranch. Another exhaustive date at Shorty’s had come to a close and Waverly wondered whether she would actually form feelings for the man. At first she was hoping Champ would cause jealousy in Nicole; push the woman to let go of her insecurities and tell Waverly her feelings. But Nicole hadn’t. The ranch hand was stoic and respectful, never crossing any boundary with Waverly no matter how much she flirted. So Waverly gave up, or at least tried to give up, and really put effort into the dates with Champ. The only thing it reaffirmed so far was that she still hoped Nicole would change her mind.

“What a game,” Champ slammed the truck door. “Right, babe?”

Waverly didn’t know what game Champ was talking about so she just nodded and breathed in the cooler night air. Champ slid his arm around her, letting it touch her back vertically and resting his hand up near her neck. Waverly rolled her shoulders in an attempt to move his hand somewhere less controlling. It felt like ownership more than love.

“Wynonna’s truck is missing.” Champ sneered as he pushed Waverly towards the porch. “And I ain’t seen Doc at Shorty’s.”

“Doc and Wynonna went to an expo for the weekend.” Waverly commented unenthusiastically. 

“Did they take Red too?”

Waverly glanced towards Nicole’s cabin. No guitar strumming, no lights. I thought she was going to stay behind. Waverly’s arm hairs stood on end and she suddenly felt worried, unsafe. “I’m not sure.”

Champ pulled Waverly in for a hug once they made it in front of her door; it was hard, possessive, and his hand moved down her back roughly to knead at her butt. 

“You’re so fucking hot, darling.”

Waverly felt a tad sick and she just wanted Champ to leave.

“I have a headache.”

“Waverly.” Champ whined as he moved her into the wall next to the door. Her back hit it with a thud, one that rang in her chest rather than between her legs. She felt trapped. “I have been waiting for a long time and like, there ain’t no one here. Whole house to ourselves.”

His lips attached to her neck and he sloppily kissed and sucked. It felt like dog kisses rather than ones of a lover. Waverly pulled her hands up to his chest and pushed but he kept himself firm, unyielding.

“No, Champ.” Waverly said softly but he didn’t respond. “I said no.”

Waverly saw a light flip on out of the corner of her eye. Champ kissed her lips hard but she tried to turn her head and look at the light, refusing to respond to his kiss. She then heard the quick strumming of Nicole’s Gibson fill the air.

“ Well, early this morning it dawned on me

The kind of man she needed me to be

She made a list and laid it there beside me on the bed

Now what I should'a done keep's runnin' through my head”

Champ groaned into Waverly’s neck before his fist hit the wall next to her head. She jumped in surprise and pushed again, Champ yielding this time.

“My head really does hurt, Champ.”

“Oh, I should'a done this and I should'a done that

I should'a been there, then she'd a never left

I should'a been hangin' on every word she ever had to say”

“But when, Waverly.”

“Soon.”

“It's a little too late, she's a little too gone

She's a little too right, I'm a little too wrong

Now would be the time to change but it's a little too late”

“I am holding you to that.”

“Ok, Champ.”

Waverly felt him kiss her deeply before pulling back and skipping down the porch.

“Last night I came home at a quarter till three

And to my surprise she wasn't mad at me

I thought she finally realized not to worry I'd be home

Then I realized this mornin' she was gone”

Waverly glanced towards Nicole’s porch as she listened to Champ’s truck start up and begin to pull away. The porch light mixed with Champ’s headlights illuminated Nicole just enough for Waverly to notice she was in her pajamas, not her work clothes like she usually was. She hadn’t been waiting on the porch. Then how did she know?

“Oh, I should'a done this and I should'a done that

I should'a been there, then she'd a never left

I should'a been hangin' on every word she ever had to say

But it's a little too late, she's a little too gone

She's a little too right, I'm a little too wrong

Now would be the time to change but it's a little too late”

*****

December 14, 2020

The only thing Waverly could feel was Nicole’s hand in her own; everything else was dull and void of emotion. She stared forward dumbly, Dr. Placer typing away at her desk computer. They had been sitting in the waiting room for only a few minutes before Dr. Placer’s nurse retrieved them, placing the pair inside her office. Nicole had originally stayed seated outside but Waverly pulled her up and with her; the woman was her grounding rod. She was no longer going to leave her outside. Waverly was no longer going to leave her anywhere.

“Waverly?”

She blinked. “Yes?”

“Are you ok with Nicole being here for this? I will be going over your medical history and the plan I have proposed for you.” Dr. Placer asked sweetly.

“Yes.” Waverly nodded. “She’s allowed to know everything now.”

Dr. Placer turned and nodded at Nicole knowingly before glancing back at her computer. 

“The biopsy results of the procedure from last week and the images from your ultrasound confirmed my assumption that you have cancer of your endometrial lining. This is extremely rare in any woman under the age of 55.”

This is the part in the movie where people fall forward and scream. Arms holding wailing bodies, shrieking, convulsing. The doctor sits stoically in her chair, only the twitching of her eyes and lips letting the audience know how it actually affects her. Waverly had seen those movies. She had felt her heart break, her eyes brimming with tears for the person whose life was irrevocably changed. But now, as she sits hearing her diagnosis, she feels nothing. Nothing urging her forward. Nothing watching Dr. Placer’s face contorted in confusion. 

Nothing until Nicole squeezes her hand lightly, reminding Waverly she was still there. And only there. Not forcing a response but just a reminder that she is still tethered. Connected to this room and to this tumor inside of herself. Connected to this woman.

“Ok.”

“I cannot officially give you a full diagnosis, only a Gynecological Oncologist can. And I’ve already called one for you, if that is ok? We were friends at University and she is one of the best in her field. I wanted to get ahead of this for you so you can have the best outcome.”

“Ok.”

Dr. Placer nodded. “Her name is Dr. Andrea Taylor. She is usually fully booked but I told her your story and she specializes in younger patients diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer. We talked about your results this morning and she wants you to call her office and set up an appointment so she can go over everything with you in person after she looks over all the tests.”

“Ok.”

Waverly sat. She waited for Dr. Placer to continue but the woman just looked at her reverently and cocked her head to the side. She couldn’t move her head to look at Nicole so she just stared at her Doctor, hoping she would continue and release her from this numbness.

“Any questions?” Dr. Placer asked.

Waverly felt her hand being squeezed again.

“Waverly?” Nicole’s voice entered her chest. “May I ask a question?”

Waverly turned and saw confident brown eyes and a questioning smile. “Yes.”

“Where is Dr. Taylor’s office?” Nicole asked.

“In the same medical building I sent you both for the ultrasound.” 

“Corner of Belt and 13th?” Nicole confirmed. “We will go over there after this and make sure we can get that appointment scheduled.”

She remembered the building. She remembered that address. She remembers everything.

“A wonderful plan. I will have my assistant send all of your medical records so she can go over everything.” Dr. Placer smiled before writing down the information and handing it to Nicole. “I want this to be the easiest process for you, Waverly.”

Waverly nodded.

“We appreciate everything, Dr. Placer.” Nicole stood and shook the woman’s hand before turning to Waverly. Their hands never disconnected.

She found her eyes traveling up Nicole’s form, resting on an affectionate face staring back at her. She wanted to move but she felt like she was floating in the Ghost River’s cold current, allowing it to swallow everything that was her.

 She couldn’t be bothered to make more appointments. Would it even matter? Nothing seemed to be as important as it used to be.

“Horses can’t see red.”

Waverly felt warmth where her hand connected to Nicole’s. The phrase brought her back.

“What do they see instead of red?” Waverly asked, standing up.

“Green.” Nicole grinned. “Thank you again, Dr. Placer.”

*****

October 19, 2019

“But it’s my birthday!”

“We need to talk, Champ.” Waverly responded while looking out his truck’s window, Nicole’s porch light flickering in the dark.

“What you mean?”

Champ’s voice irritated Waverly. She never had any intention to sleep with the man but she had drug this relationship on for far too long. It was her fault. She was being cruel and even though it was Champ’s birthday, she needed to break it off with him. Waverly considered the things that kept her in it for as long as she had. Champ was a decent pool player. The man could open a door, slide out a chair, and he let Waverly pay for her own meals without a fuss. He made Nicole jealous and Waverly had been feeling pretty annoyed about the woman’s lack of initiative. Champ had plenty of initiative and if she was super honest, he could of pushed the sex a lot harder than he had. 

But then she remembered why she didn’t like him. Champ was jealous of everything that moved; especially of Nicole. He never took her anywhere other than Shorty’s or The Diner. He was possessive. Pushy. Champ never asked her about her own interests but she knew everything there was to know about bull riding and tractor pulls. He saw Waverly as a status symbol, a pretty thing to ride around on his arm. And Waverly knew he didn’t really love her, he loved the idea of her and it worked just fine for her. It was part of why she kept him around.

But it was wrong. Champ was never what she wanted and maybe she was trying too hard to make him what she wanted because she couldn’t have her first choice. Her first choice was clutching a guitar under the flickering light, waiting to play a petty country music song. Which Waverly loved. It was her favorite part of date night.  

And maybe that is why she had dated Champ for so long. For the chance to hear Nicole sing her siren song that pulled her in and pushed him away.

“Waverly-- I ain’t got all night.”

Waverly turned to see the up-turned lip of Champ.

“This isn’t going anywhere, Champ. I really tried to like you-- to love you. But I can’t have sex with you knowing I am not into it.” Waverly tried her best to sound earnest and sincere. “So, I think we should break up. I want you to be with a woman who wants all of you.”

“Fucking hell.” Champ spat, slamming his hands on his wheel. “Carl was right. You are just an ice queen.”

“Yep.” Waverly rolled her eyes. “That’s me.”

“I’ll go back to Shorty’s, I think Stephanie was giving me the eyes.” Champ looked at her deeply, like he was hoping the comment would get a rise out of her.

Waverly just pursed her lips and shrugged.

She then opened her door and grabbed her purse. Before she could exit fully, Champ grabbed her arm.

“Don’t come crying back to me when Red gets you on the smack.” Champ nodded towards her cabin. 

“Let go, Champ.”

The man let go and started up his truck. Waverly barely had the door closed before he pulled away, kicking gravel and dirt everywhere. Should breaking up with someone make you feel this relieved? She sighed and shrugged, turning her feet towards Nicole’s cabin. Nicole’s voice hit her ears as she climbed the first step.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah.” Waverly glanced at Nicole lounging in her normal work clothes, top three buttons undone, and her guitar leaned carefully in her hands. “Broke up with Champ.”

“Oh,” Nicole straightened up. “Are you sure you are ok?”

“Yeah.” Waverly sat in the chair opposite, slinging her purse onto the table. “What was tonight’s planned tune?”

“Planned tune?” Nicole scoffed.

“Don’t play stupid.” Waverly sighed. “Just play me the song.”

Nicole looked at her with deep concern before looking down at her guitar, forming the first note with ease. Waverly knew she had something ready. She always did.

“Well I said, friend

Don't take her, she's all I've got

Please don't take her love away from me

I'm beggin' you, friend

Don't take her, she's all I've got

She's everything in life I'll ever need.”

*****

December 14, 2020

Nicole pulled the jeep into the parking garage and felt her heartbeat raise. She began tapping her thumbs on the wheel as she waited for her chance to pull a ticket. Waverly hadn’t said a word since Dr. Placer’s office and Nicole was worried she wasn’t going to be able to go in. Will the office let me make an appointment for her? She pulled forward and rolled her window down and grabbed it. While she rolled the window back up, a small warm hand pulled the ticket away from her.

“I’ll hold on to it.”

“You don’t trust me?” Nicole joked, pulling the jeep forward and following the signs for Ghost River Gynecological Oncology. “I’ll have you know, I used to be very un-trustworthy. But hard-labor has turned me around!”

“You lost the ticket last time.” Waverly said softly, looking out the window. “We had to pull the jeep apart looking for it. And we never did find that sucker.”

“I found it.” 

“Really?” Waverly turned to look at her, curious browns on a flat face. “Where?”

“In the dryer lint catch.” Nicole pulled in a spot and put the jeep in park, popping her dimples big.

Waverly scoffed and lightly pushed her arm. “You owe me the ten dollar replacement fee!”

“I’ll give you whatever you want.” Nicole laughed in return.

But as Nicole turned off the jeep and removed the keys, the air changed. It was like Waverly breathed in all the relaxed teasing and replaced it with cold stiffness. Nicole turned her head and saw sadness blanched across her love’s features.

“Whatever I want?”

“Yeah.”

“What if I don’t want to hurt you?” Waverly asked, sliding her hands between her legs and looking down.

Nicole had a lot of answers for this question. They all swirled together in her mind as she memorized Waverly’s forlorn features, the way she looked so broken. Nicole wanted nothing but to make Waverly feel loved, supported, and happy. She leaned over the console and grabbed Waverly’s face, tilting it towards her own. With a quick movement she gently kissed the brunette, allowing the gentle gesture to say everything she didn’t want to put into words. Not until she really needed to. Nicole pulled back slowly before turning to open her door.

“I got my parking garage kiss.” 

Nicole smirked. “You sure did.”

“You are an amazing kisser.”

“Come on Wave, let’s go get this appointment taken care of. Once we do I will take you for Fro-Yo.”

“Bubblegum flavored?” Waverly piped up, her voice far more excited than Nicole had recently remembered it being.

“I thought you learned your lesson from the saki?” Nicole returned back, shutting her door and walking towards Waverly’s. The smaller woman was outside the jeep before she could get there.

“I like to live on the edge.”

“I know.”

Waverly took Nicole’s hand and they moved into the double doors. Nicole breathed in deeply as they walked down the long hall; Dr. Taylor’s office was in the main suite by the front of the building. She had googled the directory before driving the pair over, as to not inconvenience Waverly too much. Once they turned the corner the pair found themselves in front of two large royal purple doors with ‘Ghost River Gynecological Oncology’ written above.

“Ready?” She asked.

“Sure.” Waverly returned, reaching forward and opening a door.

The waiting room was huge, filled from corner to corner with lush purple chairs and couches. The walls an off-white with purple waves of trim. A long royal purple carpet leads from the door to the reception desk, where two women sat both wearing purple scrubs and large smiles.

“I think there is a theme.” Nicole snickered, looking down at Waverly.

The smaller woman didn’t react so Nicole squeezed her hand lightly and began moving them to the desk.

“Hi! Do you have an appointment?”

Nicole looked down and Waverly again was just standing there, no response to be given. She didn’t want to speak for Waverly so she just grinned at the receptionist, trying to seem as warm as possible.

“Ma’am?”

“Sorry.” Waverly finally said. “We were in the neighborhood and uhh-”

Waverly looked to her like she was unsure what to say. Nicole just nodded, attempting to give her the confidence she needed.

“I need to make an appointment.”

“We are not currently taking new patients, I’m sorry.” The receptionist responded.

“I was told-- I just--” 

“Next!” The woman called and Nicole turned, not seeing anyone behind her. Waverly began to turn to leave but Nicole stopped her. 

“Hold on a second,” Nicole stepped closer to the desk, feeling anger rise up. “You didn’t let her finish. Can’t you tell she’s nervous?”

“We are booked solid--”

“I heard that.” Nicole looked at Waverly. “She heard that. But, she has more to say.”

The receptionist sighed and looked to Waverly.

“My name is Waverly Earp. Dr. Placer called Dr. Taylor about my case. And we were told we could make an appointment.”

The receptionist looked to her co-worker before going on to her computer and clicking around. The silence lasted longer than Nicole preferred but she was too agitated at the woman’s attitude. People with cancer come here, jesus. 

“Ah,” She responded. “Here, I see the note from Dr. Taylor. Earliest she can see you is at 5:00pm on December 24th.”

“Really?” Nicole leaned forward but Waverly’s hand touched her shoulder. “You can’t possibly fit her in earlier?”

“Please place me in for that date.” Waverly asked sweetly. “I appreciate you looking.”

“December 24th it is.”

“Waverly--”

Waverly shook her head. “Thank you.”

“Merry Christmas to us.” Nicole grumbled as she felt Waverly’s elbow hit her ribs lightly. “What?”

“Cram it.” Waverly pulled on her hand. “You owe me Fro-Yo.”

And just like that Nicole’s anger faded away as she let Waverly pull her out of the office. Don’t take her, she’s all I got.

Chapter Text

July 12, 2019

"I just think hiring him would be a bad idea--"

"Because you are the queen of bad ideas?" Wynonna shot back before leaning back in her office chair.

Nicole was frustrated. Today was supposed to be a happy day. Three years sober. Three years . Nicole had planned to ride with Doc into town to Shorty's for a big ole cheeseburger, onion rings, and a Shirley Temple. Instead, she was standing in Wynonna and Waverly's office holding her stetson in her hand, trying to reason with Wynonna over their end of summer hire.

"I know Levi." Nicole responded as evenly as she could. "And obviously I know people can change-- but, he is a part of Bobo's inner circle. And Bobo has…"

Nicole wanted to finish that sentence. She knew how to finish that sentence. She chose a different route.

" Interests at Peacemaker Farms."

"Interests?" Wynonna leaned forward. "Wanna share with the class?"

Nicole looked around the empty office.

"The class is me, dummy. And I thought if anyone was going to be excited for hiring Levi, it would be you."

"It ain't like that." Nicole huffed, the frustration mounting.

"Then what are Bobo’s interests? Other than selling drugs; which surely there isn't anyone at Peacemaker who is buying?" Wynonna tilted her head, her right blue eye almost twinkling. "Unless there is?"

"Waverly--"

"Waverly is not buying smack.”

“I know that Wynonna but Levi will be here and he will poke around. And he will learn things.”

“And now I am bored." Wynonna leaned further back into her chair, cocking her head to the side in thought. "I am hiring Levi."

"Alright. You’re the boss."

"He starts Monday. Once he arrives, show him how to muck, sweep, and hay." Wynonna turned around. "Have a good night, Haught."

"Yep, you too."

Nicole turned, shoving her stetson on her head quickly as she let her feet carrying her through the homestead into the kitchen. 

"Nicole! You are just in time for soup."

Nicole ignored Waverly, pushing a chair in at the table so she could easily get to the door. Embarrassed fury climbing under her eyes, threatening to become tears. 

"Nicole?"

That was all she heard before she let the door slam behind her.

*****

December 18, 2020

"You gotta stir the sauce, Wynonna." Nicole leaned over her boss with a kitchen spoon in her hand. "Otherwise it will burn."

" Otherwise it will burn. " Wynonna sarcastically imitated before butt bumping Nicole backwards. “I got this. I am an expert chef.”

So help me God.

“Tell that to the soup kitchen.”

“Mashed potatoes are hard.” 

Nicole leaned forward again, peering quizzically into the large boiling pot of spaghetti. She grabbed the tongs out of the container near the stovetop and dunked them in, pulling a few noodle strands up so she could study their doneness. 

"I heard you should throw it at the wall."

Nicole looked over at Wynonna with a confused look. "Why the hell would I do that?"

Wynonna shrugged, grabbing a strand and flinging it at the front of the fridge, sending drops of hot water all over Nicole. She gasped in pain.

"What the fuck, Wynonna."

"It stuck." Wynonna grinned. "It's done. My Nonna used to do that."

"You aren’t Italian."

"You don't know that."

"I think I have to taste it." Nicole posed, grabbing the other strand and sinking her front teeth in it. "Slightly tough is al dente, right?"

"Do I look like Giada De Laurentiis to you?"

Nicole thought for a second before glancing down at Wynonna’s butt and back up to blue eyes with an affirming grin. "Well…"

Wynonna leaned back and placed her hand to her chest in mock appreciation. "You are so very right. We both have amazing asses."

"Top shelf." Nicole agreed, pulling the colander down and placing it in the sink.

"Don't let Waverly hear that though. She'll book a flight to Italy just to fight her."

Nicole grinned big at the remark and let her eyes drift up towards Waverly's bedroom. The woman was taking an afternoon nap since she hasn't been sleeping well. Nicole wished she was brave enough to ask to sleep in the house with Waverly but she had kept Nicole at arms length since the appointment. The ranch hand knew why; it didn't hurt her feelings. Well not all the way. Waverly was scared and a new relationship was not in the cards when you only just learned you have cancer. Nicole had waited four years, what’s a few more?

"Earth to Haught-Cakes?"

"What?" Nicole turned to see Wynonna holding the large pot. She moved out of the way. "Oh."

"Don't think about her too hard or I'll mistake you for a tomato and you'll end up in my sauce." Wynonna drained the pasta while Nicole opened the oven to check on the garlic bread.

"Yeah, yeah."

"So," the wild haired brunette shrugged. "What kind of arrangement do y'all have going on?"

"A cowboy doesn't kiss and tell."

"Oh, so you do kiss."

"Wait--"

Before Nicole could finish, a flash of baby blue entered her peripheral vision and she turned. Waverly was standing in her pjs, hands on her hips, with the most livid look her tired face could muster. No one should be allowed to look that good after they wake up. Fuck.

"Oh. You're awake." Wynonna pulled the garlic bread from the oven, touching Nicole's back with the pan.

"Fuck, dude." Nicole jumped forward, her hands shooting to her back. “The pan is hot.”

"What are you two doing?" Waverly's voice was low and angry. 

Wynonna was still flopping the hot pan around, trying to find a place to put it down. "Making spaghetti and garlic bread." 

The pan came around again but this time against Nicole's forearm. A searing pain shot up her arm and she almost punched her boss in her face. "Holy shit, Wynonna put the garlic bread down!"

Nicole grabbed Wynonna's shoulders and flipped her boss so the pan was over the oven, sending a few pieces of garlic bread flying into the sauce.

"Soldiers down!"

“Put the pan down before I dunk you in the sauce!”

"I can make dinner." Waverly's voice was low and unsteady and Nicole turned to see her balling her fists tightly. “I am supposed to make dinner.”

"I know that, baby." Nicole started.

" Baby ?" Wynonna's voice was incredulous.

"Don't you baby me. I am not an invalid."

Waverly was crossing the kitchen before Nicole could blink and she felt herself being thrown aside with strong fury. Wynonna's body hit her next and the two women stumbled into the wall. Nicole righted her footing on Wynonna's shoulders and peered at her love, watching Waverly expertly taste and begin to season the sauce.

"I can cook, ok?" Waverly tugged the piece of garlic bread out of the sauce and placed it on the spoon rest. "Cooking is my job around here. I cook for everyone who works here and I have been doing a fine job. A great job even. The best job."

Waverly grabbed the colander from the sink and slammed it on the stove with a loud clang. Nicole felt Wynonna jump. The small woman jerked the tongs from next to the stove, unhooked the end, and clacked them together with force. 

"Just because I have fucking cancer does not give you two the right to take away my job." 

Wynonna began backing up asNicole started to step forward. "No one said you couldn't cook, love."

"Feels like it." Tongs were now twirling noodles into the sauce. "You both think you are so cool, making me go to sleep. Telling me it was ok to take a nap. Just so you could come in here and do my fucking job."

Nicole felt her hands go up, palms forward. "You were tired, Wave. We just thought--"

Waverly's eyes turned, tears streaming down her face. "You thought wrong ."

"Ok, ok." She dropped her arms and just watched Waverly sniffle back the tears as she furiously fixed the mess she and Wynonna had created.

Nicole didn't know what was the right choice here so she stayed frozen as Waverly grabbed down plates and began filling them with the dinner. She turned and saw Wynonna was seated in her usual spot, wide blue eyes, hands flat on the table top. Nicole motioned towards Waverly but her boss just shook her head furiously, like if she said a word the house might blow up.

"Why are you wearing that?" Waverly tried to scowl but it came out more like a sob. 

Nicole glanced down at herself and was reminded of the apron she was wearing. Large, red and had 'Kiss the Cook' embroidered across the chest. She had no idea who it belonged to but made her laugh.

"Kiss the cook?" Nicole shrugged before opening her arms in a warm gesture. 

Waverly suddenly shot forward and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Nicole was taken off guard so she just grabbed at her hip bones and hung on for the ride.The room faded away while electricity popped and fizzled inside Nicole's head. Before long Waverly made a small moan in her mouth and she felt herself melt.

"Really?" Wynonna cracked. “Right in front of the food?”

Waverly only pulled Nicole in closer, straddling her thigh slightly, their kissing becoming more heated with a small roll of Waverly’s hips. Nicole felt like she might pass out from the whiplash. 

"What in tarnation?"  

Doc's voice broke Nicole out of her lust-filled daze and she pushed Waverly away, giving her a quick kiss on the nose to tell her the display was more than ok. Waverly’s face was still sullen but her deep hazels told a different story.

"Sit down Doc." Waverly breathed. "We are having spaghetti. With a side of The L-Word."

Nicole heard Doc sit down heavily next to Wynonna. His voice almost whispered. "What's in that sauce?"

"You didn't need a special sauce to get my sister pregnant."

Nicole almost dropped Doc's plate as she turned to place it in front of him. She watched as he looked at Wynonna, mouth agape. Waverly shoved a plate in front of Wynonna then in front of her own chair. 

"Grab silverware please." Waverly's eyes were now glaring at her, eyebrows raised. 

"Am I being punk'd?" Wynonna asked no one in particular. “I’m being punk’d.”

"You told your sister?" Doc sounded like a kicked puppy. "I thought we'd tell everyone together."

“Where is Ashton Kutcher?”

"You two are loud." Waverly said as she placed down the last plate for Nicole. "It wasn’t a difficult guess."

"This is why we should have used my cabin."

"Then I would have known." Nicole dropped a pile of silverware in the center of the table. "I'd never have let you live it down."

"Big news at Peacemaker Farms." Wynonna whined. "Earps are fucking the hired help. Whoopity-doo."

"I am not fucking Nicole." Waverly shot back. "I mean, I have tried but--"

“You tried?” Nicole asked softly. 

"What I just witnessed says otherwise. But hey, not like you listen to me anyway."

Nicole wanted to slip away but instead she just grabbed her garlic bread and stuffed it into her mouth, keeping her eyes away from everyone.

"What is your problem?"

"My problem is you keeping it from me. We are sisters and business partners and you-" she waved her fork in Nicole's direction. "Hide away your relationship with her like you are ashamed or something."

Waverly's hand slams down on the table. "I am not ashamed of being in love with Nicole. And we--"

Nicole turned and saw Waverly's hazels filled with regret. It tugged and pulled at her soul.

"We aren't even a thing yet. I want us to be a thing but it's… complicated."

"But the kissing--"

"Stay out of this John Henry!" Waverly warned.

"What do you want, babygirl? An apology for caring about your well-being?" 

"How about a funeral." Waverly stood, her fork clanging on the plate. "For your obsession with Nicole's past. Maybe we would have already been together if you could just drop it."

"Sounds like your problem is more than her past." Wynonna bit back.

Waverly was out the kitchen door before anyone could react. It slammed hard into the frame before popping back open with a lurch. Nicole felt the sound reverberate in her chest.

"Real helpful there, Haught-shot." Wynonna said regretfully as she stared at the open door. 

"You were doing just fine." Nicole sighed. “Except the part where you refuse to mention her--”

“Don’t say the C word.”

Doc removed his hat.

"No, you let me drown! You know I approve of you two." Wynonna changed the subject, rolling her butt in her seat.

"Now." Doc added as he leaned away from her chair, expecting a slap. "Let's not lie."

"It's not a damn lie. I just am mad you both didn't tell me you were girlfriends. And that has nothing to do with--" Wynonna waved her hands in the air. 

"We aren't." Nicole shrugged. "We were just honest about our feelings."

"Oh. Well, I’m pregnant. And moody. So There.”

"It's not my job to tell Waverly how your feelings have changed." Nicole placed her napkin and stood. "That's on you."

"Have a seat, I'll go talk to her."

Wynonna pulled herself to her feet and Nicole watched her stroll out. Earps.

*****

Nicole let her cabin door shut with a thump before elbowing the light switch on. Her fingers traveled up her button up as she diligently unbuttoned each button with a slip of her thumb. Her shoulders and back silently screamed and she wanted to just drop onto the bed, dirty clothes and all. What a long fucking day.

"How can I help her better?" She muttered to herself, finishing unbuttoning her shirt and pulling it from her pants. 

Nicole draped the article over a chair before crossing to her bathroom to check out her burn. Wynonna. Clumsy, careless, thoughtless Wynonna. Nicole knew how much she actually cared deep down but the woman could do better at showing it to Waverly. But she lets Waverly hurt her feelings. It’s like the Earp women pass a shovel back and forth to dig each other’s graves. Nicole would be lying to herself if she wasn't hurt by Waverly’s outburst; she only wanted to help her, not make her feel like a invalid. But sometimes people just need to vent and be upset and have no one challenge them on it. And tonight that was Waverly.

She held her elbow up to the mirror and looked at the angry, puffy white line leading across the bottom of her forearm. The redness and heat let her know she needed to put burn cream on it. Before she could fiddle with her cabinet, Nicole heard her front door open. Her first instinct was to grab her knife but a sweet voice wafted in.

"Nicole?"

"In the bathroom."

She watched Waverly's small form appear in the mirror behind Nicole, nervously leaning against the frame of the door. Her small hands wringing as she chewed nervously at her lower lip. She was swimming inside Nicole's work jacket. Nicole smiled and turned to face her.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry." Waverly blurted as she pulled a plastic bag and what looked like white bandage wrap out of her jacket pockets. "I brought sorry products for your arm."

"You didn't even burn my arm?" But Nicole beckoned her in anyway. 

Waverly smiled slightly as she shrugged her way out of Nicole’s jacket, still in her matching baby blue pajamas. "You also left your coat."

"You look better in it anyway." Nicole lifted herself up onto her counter and spread her legs. Waverly sighed and stepped between them, depositing the items in the sink.

"Charmer."

Nicole watched soft hands open the plastic bag and pull out a tiny tube of burn cream. Waverly removed the cap and squeezed a dime-sized amount on top of her pointer finger.

"Arm."

Nicole complied, raising her arm up as the brunette's warm hand steadied it. With a delicate touch, Waverly spread the burn cream across the affected area and Nicole felt the coolness mix with the warmth. She hummed at the feeling, knowing full well she enjoyed Waverly’s careful touches.

"Does it hurt?"

"No." Nicole smiled, closing her legs a tad so they butted up against Waverly's hips. "This ok?"

"Mmhmm." She smiled, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. Nicole gulped as she watched, comforted by their easy closeness. "I'm sorry for getting upset about dinner."

"It's fine."

"It's not." Waverly recapped the cream and placed it back in the bag before pulling out a large gauze pad. "It was sweet of you both to start everything for me. I really did need to sleep."

“You still need to sleep.”

“Don’t push it.”

"Thank you for apologizing." Nicole leaned forward and kissed her on the head, letting herself linger to catch a deeper whiff of wildflowers. "What about the other things?"

Waverly tilted her head slightly as she placed the gauze on her arm and began wrapping the bandage. "What other things?"

"This." Nicole leaned forward again placing a chaste kiss on Waverly's lips. "Us. What are we?"

Waverly kept wrapping. "What can we be?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just--" She stopped, letting her hands rub around the unaffected parts of Nicole’s arms. "What if I get too sick."

Nicole considered the statement. "Then I will take care of you."

"But you will have needs." Waverly’s voice was small as she fished for the bandage tape. "I'll be too sick."

"Relationships are more than sex."

“Yeah.” Waverly nodded. “But other needs like my support and stuff.”

“You can have cancer and make dinner. Why can’t you have cancer and be a good girlfriend?”

Nicole watched a tiny smirk cross Waverly’s lips.

"But I do want to have sex. With you. A lot." Waverly excitedly rubbed over the bandage and Nicole grimaced. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

“It’s ok.” Nicole just kissed her again. "I do too, idiot. But I am not an animal. I won’t write down the amount and hold you to a quota."

Waverly giggled.

"You make this whole cancer thing a lot easier than I expected." Waverly finished taping and held up her work. "Good as new."

Her hands let go of her arm before falling to the tops of Nicole’s thighs and the two women stared deeply into each other's eyes. Nicole wanted to say something, anything that would bring Waverly on board but she knew whose pace they were working at.

"I don't want to start something up just to hurt you." Waverly looked serious, lightly squeezing her thighs.”But-- what do you want?”

"I want to be girlfriends." Nicole replied, bringing her hands up to cup her face. "I don't want to miss out on one more day."

"Can I think about it?"

"As long as you need to."

Waverly leaned forward and connected their lips in a sensual slowness that caught Nicole off guard. It felt like acceptance. No, it felt like gratitude. It started a deep fire within Nicole that she was unsure she would be able to put out.

“Stay here tonight?” Nicole asked. “Not for that-- I just want you to be in my arms.”

“That all?” Waverly said into her lips.

“Whatever you want, I want.”

“How are you even real?”

Nicole didn’t know.

Chapter Text

July 15, 2019

Waverly tied her blouse tightly above her belly button before slipping her feet into her cowboy boots. The air conditioning in the Homestead had stopped working and she needed to find a certain redhead to see if she could get it back up and running. Air conditioning. She used to repair HVAC, right? The brunette wiped the sweat from her brow and opened the door, the afternoon sun temporarily blinding her as she made her way to the haybarn. Nicole was working with the new hire Levi on how best to stack the newly baled hay for winter storage. Watching Nicole stack hay was a hobby of Waverly’s. The woman had a way of grabbing and tossing the bales that just did something for Waverly’s libido. Plus, no air conditioning was the best excuse Waverly had ever been granted so she didn't want to waste it.

“Thank you, Lord.” Waverly mumbled before looking up to the sky with a coy grin.

As she rounded the barn, she heard Nicole's heavy voice coming out of one of the open windows. "If you stack the bales in the stair pattern, you will get more bales in the back without having to toss them. It will be better on the hay and even better on your back."

"I ain't used to this kinda work." Levi whined. "And god, does my stomach hurt."

"Yeah, it's going to be that for a few more days probably." Nicole replied sympathetically. "I threw up for ages after I quit." 

"It sucks."

"Yeah, I totally get it. After we finish here we can go to my cabin and I'll make you this lemon water stuff that helped with the nausea. Added bonus, it will keep you hydrated for when we muck the horse stalls."

Levi coughed and wretched. "That's nice of ya. I heard you wasn't nice."

"Who told you that?"

Waverly knew she shouldn't be eavesdropping but the way Nicole’s voice had changed had her feet rooted to her spot.

"Bobo said you ain't really quit and like, you been--” The smaller man hacked and coughed. “You been buying from my boy Fish. And I heard about what you did to Charlie--"

Waverly heard a loud thump and a yelp. She placed her hand over her mouth to muffle her own yelp at the sound.

"Bobo is a liar." Nicole's voice was thick and filled with hate unlike anything Waverly had heard from the woman before. Waverly was unfamiliar with this Nicole. 

"But Fish ain't." 

"Why are you here Levi?" Nicole graveled.

"I needed a job like you-- I just thought to myself: ‘Levi, Nicole is a junkie and has a job. Wynonna hired her.’ So I figured she'd hire me."

"That's all you needed?" Nicole's voice was seething and Waverly wondered if she should interrupt. "A job? Or are you here doing Bobo’s dirty work?"

"I ain't working for Bobo!"

"But you are with Fish and he works for Bobo."

"Look, I just wanna try and quit and save up some money so I can get out from under Bobo. I figure Fish and I can move out near Vancouver and get real jobs."

"Then keep my name out of your mouth when it comes to Bobo. I left that life behind me, Levi. And don't you dare bring any of that shit here to this farm. This is all I have and I won't have you ruin it for me."

"Ok, ok."

Now or never.

"Nicole?" Waverly moved as she yelled her name, making sure to come around the front of the barn slowly. “Nicole?”

When she entered, all she saw was Nicole throwing bales as Fish brushed off his front up against the barn wall. Waverly tried her best to keep a straight face.

"Miss Earp." Levi bowed slightly before grabbing a bale himself.

"Can I help you, Waverly?" Nicole asked, her face void of any emotion Waverly had just heard.

"AC is out in the house, can you come take a look?" Waverly asked sweetly.

"Of course." Nicole looked at Levi. "Make sure all these bales get stacked then sweep up. We will keep talking about this later."

 Waverly smiled as Nicole clapped the man on the back. 

“Lead the way.” The red headed woman’s face was now soft, sweet; more like the Nicole Waverly was familiar with. “What happened?”

“Well I was doing expenses when I noticed that I was sweating--” The women passed the barn and now were in the open space of the drive. Waverly figured they were out of earshot of Levi. “Everything ok?”

“Of course.” Nicole smiled. “Levi and I were just having a heated discussion, no worries.”

“Alright-- but I heard--” Waverly started.

“Doesn’t Champ work for Purgatory Cooling and Heating?” Nicole cut her off, pulling her hat from her head and wiping her brow a little too sensually. Waverly couldn’t help but blink slowly.

“Yeah, but, I’d rather you look at it.”

Nicole licked her lips and rolled her eyes before placing her hat back on her head. “Earps.” 

Waverly smiled as Nicole chuckled. What is she hiding?

*****

December 23, 2020

"Stupid!" Nicole slammed the axe down, splitting the log perfectly in half. She jerked up a new log and adjusted it on the stump.

"Fucking!" Axe comes down again, the redhead grunting as pain shoots through her lower back. But it didn't stop her from throwing a new piece up. Adjusting it with frustrated groaning.

"Levi!" This time Nicole missed the log entirely. The shockwave of hitting the stump rattled her arms and brought her to her knees. “Jesus fucking Christ!”

"Nedley just left." Doc's voice is a calm drawl. 

Nicole wants to ignore him but she has never learned that skill. She just lifts her head in his direction, his face only illuminated by his favorite creaky, oil lantern. This was a clue for how long Nicole had been punishing herself in the wood pile. At least two hours since that damn Sheriff was here. Her discussion with him was in the afternoon and it was pitch black now; Nicole had missed Waverly's dinner. I think she said it was going to be Italian wedding soup? Damn, I love her soups. Her eyes focused on Doc again, his mustache pursed in relaxed silence.

"You look like an old timey cowboy ghost." 

"I feel-" he moved forward and sat on the stump, pushing the log to the side. "Like an old timey cowboy ghost."

Nicole let herself fall forward and swivel, her back now leaned up against the stump while her shoulder touched Doc's knee lightly. She wanted to get up and keep chopping but she knew he sat there for a reason. To stop me from overdoing it. Instead she glanced towards the homestead, making out the distant figures of Wynonna and Waverly on the porch swing. Both women were looking towards the wood pile but it was too far for Nicole to make out their expressions.

"Waverly was very impressed with your form." Doc read her mind. "But she is also kind of mad. You are going to hurt your back again."

Nicole just scoffed in response, unable to give a proper shit. Two men are dead and it's my fault.

"How is that going?" Doc mused before Nicole heard the click of his lighter. "By the way."

"Fine." Nicole responded. "I am letting her set the pace."

"That's good. You are good for her." 

“You’ve said as much.”

“I have meant as much.”

"How long have you been lying to me about Wynonna?" Nicole looked up at Doc, watching him take a long drag. “Because if you got her pregnant first try, well.”

"Almost three years." He smiled coyly. "Didn't mean to get her pregnant though."

"I'm happy for you. Both of you. And as for the baby-- you both may get on my last nerve but you will be wonderful parents."

"You are going to be a great aunt." Doc grabbed her shoulder and squeezed. 

"I am even allowed around the baby?"

"Of course." Doc said incredulously. “Why would you not be?”

Nicole felt her eyes well up again at Doc's easy words. Her older sister had three kids that she was forbidden from seeing. And maybe she just assumed that transferred to all kids.

“Maybe I need to be easier on myself.”

“That,” Doc took a long drag. “Is the smartest thing you have ever said, Haught.”

She marinated in his words as she leaned into him further. The storm inside her mind was still raging but the older man always had been a lighthouse. Strong, bright, and true. And maybe her ship should be sailing towards it instead of just taking on the storm alone. Nicole knew she needed to seek him out more but she had always felt a little more at home on the rocky seas. With her new found openness with Waverly she had felt healed but the news from the sheriff; it sent her back into the storm. And Nicole’s ship was battered enough.

"You tried your best, you know?" Doc's words were followed by the smell of his tobacco. 

"It’s not good enough."

"Bullshit. You could have had Wynonna and Gus's approval a long time ago. You would have felt  deserving of Waverly. All you had to do was tell them what you knew." Doc shook his head and took another drag. “Tell them what you know.”

"I don't snitch." Nicole pushed herself forward and stood, her right hand shooting toward her back. “Besides, it’s not my story to tell.”

"Your pride, Nicole. It’s going to be the death of you.”

“Probably.”

“I know what you did though." Doc stood beside her. "And now Nedley does too."

Nicole turned, her mouth slightly slack.

"And Wynonna. And Gus."

"Waverly?"

Doc made a few steps forward and waved towards the porch. 

"She already knew."

Before Nicole could respond, she watched him tip his hat and make his way back towards the homestead. Nicole watched him leave, his lantern swinging lightly. Her eyes caught a familiar form stop Doc for a few seconds, distant words and a deep hug, before they split away. Nicole felt that familiar feeling. Run.

"That's a lot of wood."

You can’t.

Nicole chuckled at the innuendo as she watched a slow smile spread across Waverly's beautiful features. The storm began to slow inside her head and fatigue seeped forward. Her love had a way of doing that; disarming her with just a sentence.

"You must be tired.” Waverly leaned up and kissed her lightly. “Come along then."

Waverly's soft fingers threaded with Nicole's calloused ones and gently pulled her in the direction of her cabin. Nicole could only follow.

"Sorry about missing dinner." Nicole replied, knowing how important that time of day was to Waverly. “I’ll do my best to not do it again.”

"It's ok. I asked Santa to bring you coal for Christmas as payback." The brunette's voice was smooth and playful. “But the weirdest thing happened.”

“What?”

"He just gave me cancer instead."

Nicole tripped at the shock of the dark joke but caught herself on her porch post just in time. "Damn, Waverly! Warn a girl."

"What fun would that be?" She grinned, leaning forward and kissing Nicole on the nose before hopping up the porch and opening the door with practiced ease. “Besides, you need to get used to these jokes.”

Nicole felt drawn in behind her. If Doc was a lighthouse, Waverly was a siren. Nicole would crash her ship on the rocks for no one else. Waverly shuffled across her cabin and turned on her bedside lamp. Nicole just pulled off her hat and turned, feeling the burn of her muscles as she hung it up.

"You look exhausted." Waverly commented, now perched against her table. Her jacket was already off leaving the younger Earp clad only in her flannel pajamas. 

Nicole took in her love's visage; she looked about how Nicole felt. Baggy eyes, exhaustion lines, and frazzled pulled back hair. But there was a calmness there that was unusual. The past few weeks were full of nervous energy; non-stop cancer research and worries. But now Waverly just looked content. Nicole pulled off her own jacket and let it drop hapless to the floor.

"You look exhausted too. Are you ok? Tomorrow is a big day."

"No talking about me." Waverly waved her hand, beckoning Nicole to her. The taller woman obliged and crossed, pulling Waverly into herself for a hug. "How are you?"

Be honest.

"I feel like a graveyard."

"Explain." Waverly mumbled into the crook of her neck.

"When you get hooked on heroin, you make a lot of friends. Sure, the cost of the high is immense so you are never ever getting high in the same places. But since you share a common goal, your friends are always around you getting high."

"Mmmhmm." Waverly confirms, pushing Nicole back a little and begins unbuttoning her shirt, slowly. Nicole raises an eyebrow, her breath hitching a little at the intimacy. "Keep going, I am just getting you ready for bed."

"I was kind of the rock of the group. I always had a stable place to shoot up in, one way or another, so everyone gravitated towards me. Kevin died first. He OD-ed in his car outside Neal and I's hotel room. I remember holding his hand as the ambulance appeared-- I was arrested for the trace bag in my jeans."

Waverly's hands popped out the last button and then slowly slid her fingers up Nicole's abdomen, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Warmth followed as they lightly grazed the sides of her breasts before pushing the shirt off her shoulders. It was intoxicating. Waverly then grabbed her hand and pulled her towards her bed, gently nodding for her to continue.

"Debbie was next. The woman was smart, sassy, and she always rocked ‘Before He Cheats’ at karaoke night. She had quit but didn’t tell us about it so when she came to the hotel, Neal handed her her normal. When she convulsed, everyone else left but I stayed and watched as the paramedics tried to revive her.”

Waverly’s hands were lightly rubbing up and down her forearms for comfort. But Nicole was unsure who was being comforted.

“Then Charlie-- God, Charlie."

"You don't have to."

Nicole nodded as Waverly un-latched her belt buckle. It wasn’t sexual in nature. The intimacy of it all made Nicole feel closer to Waverly-- wanting to tell her everything.

"I bought a decent ‘big-bag’ from Fish and brought it back for Neal and I. Of course when I returned to the Motel, Charlie was there bitching to Neal about needing a fix. I remember asking him why he was in such a hurry. Charlie-- Charlie was always cool and relaxed." Nicole shrugged off her jeans as Waverly sat on the bed, pulling her down beside her.

"I remember. He used to just sit and grin while Wynonna and I bickered." Waverly sighed. "Come on, let's get under the covers."

 Nicole complied, a tangle of limbs and giggles before the two were finally comfortable. Waverly was curled into her side with her head in the crook of her neck.

"Charlie told me his girlfriend called from overseas and broke up with him. Something about the distance or his neediness. I didn’t even know it was Wynonna he was talking about until I came to work here. Anyway, he needed a hit to get through it so Neal sold him the bag I just bought to get him out of his hair. I--" Nicole took in a large breath. "I killed Charlie."

Waverly snuggled in closer. "You and I both know that isn't true."

"If I had shot that bag-- Charlie would be alive. Maybe Wynonna--"

"Don't finish that sentence."

Nicole just pulled her in closer, a light kiss to her forehead.

"Then there was Neal."

Nicole let out a long breath, her chest tight as it ever had been. I don’t think I will ever be able to talk about Neal.

"Now Levi and Fish." Waverly finished.

"I am a graveyard. I bring people to me. And then they die."

Waverly didn't respond right away, she just pushed herself up over Nicole and turned off the bedside lamp before snuggling back in. Nicole felt her hand snake up under her tank, warm fingers splayed across her abs. Almost like Waverley was attempting to keep Nicole there.

"I will try my best not to add my gravestone to your graveyard any time soon." Waverly whispered. “But if I do, I like sunflowers.”

*****

July 23, 2019

"I got you, I got you." Nicole clutched at Levi's back as she lowered his dead weight to the ground. One moment he was watching Nicole dig a post hole, the next he was falling into her.

"Ughh." He responded, his eyes flickering open and closed rapidly. "I feel dizzy."

"Doc!" Nicole yelled but they were along the fence line and Doc was back at the truck, grabbing the extra post hole digger. "Fucking Doc."

"No, no, no." Levi cried as his hands reached up to his face. "Don’t tell him. No, no, uhh. Tell him I got bit."

"By what you dumbass? You fainted. You won’t have a bite mark." She reached for his head, finding it too clammy for the morning temperature. "When did you shoot?"

"I didn't."

Nicole turned and glanced behind her, no one else was around and she grunted in frustration. She slapped him across his face, his eyes now steely and focused on her face.

"When did you shoot last? You were fine this weekend and you said you quit two weeks ago." Nicole snarled as she grabbed the water canteen and twisted off the cap. "You need to drink some of this."

"Saturday with Fish." He grabbed Nicole's hand and she pulled him up to drink, his gulps small and shaky. "Please don't tell Doc… please, I won't go back and see Fish. I promise. I need this job, Nicole. Please."

"Holy hell, Levi." Nicole muttered, furious.

This is why you don't get attached to anyone.

"Please, Nicole."

"Well I'll be hog wallered, what happened to Levi?" Doc shouted, Nicole turned and saw him cresting the hill with the post hole digger.

Nicole turned back to Levi and saw desperate eyes peering back. They reminded her of Neal, after he karate kicked a hole in her childhood bedroom. She was grounded for weeks.

"I swung my elbow out too far and clobbered him in the nose." Nicole yelled back before touching her fingers to Levi's nose. The man caught on and jumped back a bit, like it actually hurt.

Doc chuckled as he made it to the pair, leaning down on one knee. The man surveyed the ranch hand’s nose over his mustache before a grin rippled out from underneath. "Don't get too close to Haught, Levi. She is stronger than she looks."

"Don't remind me." Levi smiled back. “I’m feeling pretty dizzy.”

"I'll take him back. Miss Waverly 'ought to have an ice pack or too. May keep it from bruising too bad." Doc mused, reaching out and pulling Levi to his feet. “Get to your feet, boy.”

"I'll finish the fence."

"I can send Wynonna--"

"I got it." Nicole nodded as she watched Levi look at her with reverence. “No big deal.”

Nicole watched the men hobble back towards the truck as she gritted her teeth. Was this going to be the lie that un-did it all?

Chapter Text

December 24, 2020

Eggs. It's only eggs. Just sneak in through the kitchen door and grab the top carton. Wynonna sleeps like a log, anyway. 

Wynonna sleeps like a log when she’s drunk.

Wynonna sleeps like a log when she’s pregnant?

Nicole crept across the crunchy morning snow, bundled tightly in her work jacket, sweatpants, and boots. She pulled her beanie further down on her head and pushed out a ragged breath, watching the condensation flitter skyward under the limited amount of light. It was beyond difficult to pull herself out from under Waverly's warm body but it was six am, and she wanted to wake the woman up to the sound of sizzling french toast. Waverly had wanted Nicole to wake her at seven to get some work done before the appointment this afternoon. She didn’t want to disappoint her.

Nicole chastised herself for eating hard boiled eggs everyday this week as she walked slowly around the Homestead, making her way to the kitchen door. She pulled on the door and padded into the dark room as quietly as her boots would allow and let her eyes adjust. A thin figure sat at one of the kitchen chairs and Nicole jumped.

"Mornin'."

"Hell!" Nicole whisper-yelled as she stumbled back towards the door, scrambling to flip on the light. 

Once the kitchen was illuminated, Nicole found a pajama clad Gus sitting at the table sipping coffee from a hot pink mug. Fuck, I hate that mug.

"Jesus, Gus." Nicole sighed, her heart firmly throbbing in her throat. "Do you always drink coffee in the dark?"

"Do you always sneak into your employer's house in the morning?"

"I technically live here." Nicole grumbled back as she crossed the kitchen and pulled down her favorite mug. It depicted cats floating around space as astronauts, with cute cat head shaped helmets; Waverly had bought it for her during a thrift shop trip they had taken years ago. Nicole had seen the way Waverly looked at the mug and decided to leave it in the homestead; a grand excuse to come over and drink coffee with the brunette instead of at home.

"Technically you live in a cabin with a kitchenette." Gus sipped loudly. "But I didn't come here to argue with you, kid."

Nicole pulled the carafe from the coffee maker and poured, her other hand pulling the sugar canister forward. "But my food is provided by the Earps. And I am out of eggs."

Gus just hummed in response before taking another loud sip. 

"When did you get here?" Nicole turned, pulling out the chair opposite of Gus before sitting down. 

"A few hours ago. This is my fourth cup."

Nicole didn't respond and instead let a heavy silence fill the room. There had been many a day that she wished she had some alone time with Gus Gibson. Time with which she could explain every action, reaction, and non-action. All the times the woman had seen or heard something and jumped to the worst conclusion. But now that it was here, she was here, the urge to get Gus on her side was non-existent. Instead, she glanced up from her mug and took in the older woman’s features. Disheveled hair, downturned lines, dark circles, and rolled in shoulders. Classic signs of guilt and grief. A moon away from the usual confident and judgemental woman Nicole was accustomed to.

Nicole reminded herself that cancer has a way of affecting everyone differently. Nicole could choose to let Gus suffer just as Gus had always chosen to be a part of her suffering. Or she could do better. 

Be better .

"Are you ok?" Nicole asked, her voice had more sincerity than she thought she could muster. "And before you say something crass, I know you aren't but I am trying to be polite."

"No. I’m not." Gus pursed her lips. "And thank you."

Nicole hummed.

"For asking. Uh." Gus shifted, her chair creaking. "Are you ok?"

"I am struggling. But--  if Waverly asks, I am exceptional. The best I have ever been."

"Good."

A new, calmer silence took over the kitchen. Everything that had been said was all Nicole figured would be said so she stood. Gus’s eyes burned holes into her back as she crossed to the sink, pouring out the mug and slowly washing it, leaning to place it in the dishrack with a quick motion. Her mission pushed forward in her mind, so she walked to the fridge and pulled out the half carton of eggs, a light slam as she let the door close on its own. Nicole turned to find Gus standing, her arms wrapped around herself in an awkward hug. It tugged a bit at Nicole's chest. You really have gone soft.

"Gus?" 

Gus's browns lifted to meet her own. "Waverly in your bed?"

Nicole didn't look away, instead she clutched the carton closer to herself. 

"Yes."

"Good." Gus's face twitched. "She likes french toast."

Nicole couldn't help the small smile that creeped across her face.

“I know.”

*****

August 9th, 2019

"I keep finding needles, Fish!"

"My boy has a wee sweet tooth." Fish grins. "I got some for you too, if you're interested?"

Nicole felt her hands grip tighter around Fish's collar as she slammed him into the wall behind Shorty's. The few weeks she had spent with Levi had made her protective of the man and when she saw Fish drinking inside Shorty's, something inside her head snapped. She had propositioned a sale to get him alone in the alley while the Earp sisters had another round of pool.

"Don't you love him?" Nicole growled. Her entire body buzzed with anger. "You are selling the black death to your boyfriend!"

"Selling?" Fish laughs heartily but Nicole sees the facade begin to fade. "I don't sell to Levi. I sell to other needy cats so Bobo leaves us alone. Like how I thought I was about to sell to you-- but you ain't bought in a long time Peppermint. And Bobo has noticed."

Nicole felt her grip relax slightly at the mention of his name. 

"Look." Fish's face falls, the bravado melting away as he looks around the alley. "You can't beat Bobo at his own game. And I-- well, I just give Levi a little bit of smack at a time so he won't drop off. I don't want him to go into a panic and shoot up some dirty."

The memory of Charlie flies forward in Nicole's mind, searing and hot. She slams Fish into the wall again, the backdoor of Shorty's shaking. "But you sold me a dirty bag."

"Look, I didn't know." Fish begins to tremble, looking around again. "Bobo doesn't tell us what is or is not clean. But I test little bits that I give to Levi. His doses are clean, I promise."

"What are you talking about?"

"Levi ain't like you, Peppermint. He can't quit cold turkey and actually stay away. I give him little bits to keep him afloat because I love him. You wouldn't understand; you just love her from afar."

Nicole slams him again for even mentioning the idea of Waverly.

"Don't you dare bring her into any of this."

"But Bobo will." Fish gulped his eyes darting around. "Bobo wants his little angel and I don’t know if you can stop him."

Nicole's fist connects with Fish's jaw with a hard crack, her opposite hand keeping the man upright against the wall. 

"No more talking about her."

"Alright, Peppermint. Fuck." 

"Why does Bobo randomly cut his supply with Fentanyl? Doesn't that kind of kill the customer base?"

Fish pushes Nicole off with such force that she finds herself flat against the trash bin. She feels the pain of his throw deep inside her back.

"Don't." His voice is low and angry. 

Nicole rights herself as she watches Fish pull up his backpack and fiddle around in the pocket. Before she can reassert herself, a small white and pink cardboard box is tossed her way.

"Just in case." He then spits and begins to walk down the alley.

The back door to Shorty's flings open and Gus is standing in the doorway, the .38 gleaming in her hand. Nicole lets her hand with the box drop to her side.

"Haught." Gus says dryly. "What the fuck you doing behind my bar. Thought someone was fighting."

Nicole steps towards her and shrugs. "Had some rats that needed shoo-ing."

Gus stepped to the side as Nicole flooded past, hoping that she could just b-line back to Waverly’s side. Her hand still palming the box she was unable to discern due to Gus’s interruption          .

"Stop." 

Nicole stopped right before the swinging door.

"What's that." Gus gruffed, Nicole turned to find the gun still in the older woman’s hand.

Nicole looked down and read the box. Narcan. What the fuck?  

"Narcan." Nicole said as evenly as she could. "Found it outside. Was gonna take it to Nedley… maybe the volunteer ambulance can use some. I know how bad the streets of Purgatory are right now."

Gus's face twitched. 

Nicole swallowed as she heard Waverly laugh and a loud crack of a cue ball.

"How much?"

Nicole blinked. "I don't know much about Narcan--"

"How much can I pay you to leave my girls ranch and move the fuck on." Gus's hands trembled.

Nicole watched the woman click the hammer back on the gun. 

"I'm not leaving."

*****

December 24, 2020

Waverly heard sizzling. She groaned and rolled over as her ears adjusted and picked up a soft piano accompanied by a sweet, unfamiliar voice. Her eyes fluttered open, attempting to pull herself from her grogginess. The next sense to wake her up was the smell, butter and cinnamon goodness that made her mouth water. Then vanilla and earth; the pillowcase in front of her. Nicole. She had stayed at Nicole's overnight. And now the wonderful woman was making her french toast. 

You came wandering into my life without warning

We stayed up talking, before I knew, it was morning

Nicole was singing along to a song that Waverly had never heard. She rubbed her eyes and pulled herself up, looking towards the kitchen. 

At a house party just down the street

My band was playing and you came to see

Oh, we both had way too much to drink

We made out all night on some strange balcony

I swear I never wanted to leave

And neither did you

Waverly saw Nicole barefoot, boxer shorts, and tank top. Her back was turned to Waverly, a hint of a spatula in the woman's hand as steam rose up from her cooking endeavors. Waverly grinned. Nicole was undeniably sexy when she sang but even more so when she sang and cooked. The mundane intimacy was so alluring for Waverly and she refused to speak, instead just taking in the wonder of it all. The music filled the space; allowing herself to imagine what it would be like to wake up to copper hair and french toast regularly. 

But there was a wall between them. Cancer. Just as her nerves crept up, Nicole sang along louder, her voice entering Waverly's soul.

It was perfect, as if God himself wrote it

I'd be fine dying, if my life were only this moment

Waverly remembered her discussion with Nicole after the spaghetti breakdown. Nicole wanted to be together. To not let the cancer take away another day from their love. Waverly had decided to tell Nicole that they were going to stay friends and friends only. She wasn't going to let Nicole be her girlfriend only to die slowly in front of her. Especially not after learning what Nicole had done for Levi and Fish. Waverly knew what would happen to Nicole if she gave her everything and died. 

Waverly didn’t want to risk Nicole’s sobriety. Nicole’s future.

Nicole’s life.

But now that the sun was up and Nicole was softly singing; Waverly didn't want anything else but her. Her body yearned for her, to give her everything now so that they both could enjoy simple moments like this. Sizzling pan, soft music, and boring tasks.

And maybe, just maybe, these kinds of memories would be able to hold Nicole if she could not.

In my bedroom when I was a child

I imagined that same exact smile

In my dreams, oh, you drove me half wild

I thought for sure it was all in my mind

You could never exist in real life

Yet somehow you do

It was now all or nothing. And Waverly let herself feel the overwhelming attraction she felt for the red-headed ranch hand fully, deeply. Unlike she ever had before. Nothing was held back.

There must have been angels

Singing sweetly above me

Oh, do you love me?

Waverly jumped out of the bed moving quickly towards Nicole. The woman turned, a happy grin forming on her face as Waverly closed in. Before Nicole could say anything, she pulled the spatula from her hand and tossed it while simultaneously using her other hand to turn off the stove.

"Waverly?" Nicole’s eyes were wide with confusion.

"Kiss me." Waverly blurted as she pulled Nicole's hands around her middle. "Please."

There's nobody who

Makes me feel like you do

I know that it's always been you

The record player scratched and the album ended as Nicole searched her eyes, like the woman needed more consent then she was just given. The air got impossibly thick before Nicole finally pulled her in, kissing her deeper than she had ever before. Waverly moaned into the kiss and rubbed her hands up Nicole's chest, lightly grazing her nipples, until one cupped her cheek and the other flowed into her hair. She tugged as their movements became more desperate, grounding herself in everything that was Nicole. Her taste was incredible and Waverly pushed her body into Nicole’s, pinning her to the cabinets in a swift move of her hips. Before Waverly could let her hands travel back down, Nicole broke the kiss with haggered breath and a coy smile.

"Good morning." She chuckled, cupping Waverly's face with her right hand. "I made you breakfast."

Waverly was not having it. The warmth between her legs was pulling at her brain, pushing her hips forward again causing Nicole to gasp lightly. She no longer wanted to wait. Waverly wanted Nicole. 

All of Nicole.

"It can wait." Waverly's voice was deep, sultry. She watched Nicole lick her lips and blink rapidly, like Waverly's words sent her mind into overdrive.

"What?" Nicole gripped at her hips, the fingers lightly moving like they were waiting patiently for a stoplight to turn green.

"I want you." Waverly gasped, pulling Nicole back towards the bed. She jerked her face down, sealing her words with another deep kiss, her feet still pulling the women towards the bed. 

"Waverly, wait--" Nicole grunted as she fell on top of the smaller woman, Waverly’s legs wrapping around her middle. "Are you sure?"

"I am." Waverly ground her hips upward, drawing a moan from Nicole's mouth. "If you are?"

“I am, very much so.”

Brown eyes bore down into hazel as Waverly inched her body up further on the bed, out from under Nicole’s. She leaned forward slowly, holding eye contact as her hands fluttered down to the hem of her pajama shirt. Nicole’s mouth went slack as she pulled up, revealing soft skin and her bare breasts in one movement. 

“Fuck.” Nicole whispered and the curse sent a surge of wetness to Waverly’s core.

Waverly leaned forward and grabbed onto Nicole’s tank, pulling the woman towards her. Nicole just took her lead, bracketing her hands on either side of Waverly’s head as her hips slowly leaned down into hers. The pressure was delicious but Nicole’s stiff movements were not and Waverly found herself wondering how to get Nicole’s engine fully moving.

“Baby.” Waverly kissed her lightly before peppering more along her jaw. “You are allowed to touch me.”

“Is this a dream?” Her love huffed out, groaning slightly as Waverly nipped at her earlobe. “This has to be a dream.”

“It would be a dream if you touched me.” She wrapped her legs around Nicole’s middle, grinding her hips upward. Waverly did not know what was possessing her right now but she didn’t want to stop, she just wanted Nicole. 

“Waverly.” Nicole cupped her cheek and kissed her, her tongue asking for immediate entrance. But just as she began to grind down into Waverly, she pulled back again and slumped into her shoulder, like she was torn. “I-- should we talk?”

Waverly grabbed her face and brought it back up so their eyes could meet. “I was going to get up this morning and tell you that I wanted to stay friends. I thought if I turned you down that I could keep you safe; just like how you’ve always kept me safe.”

A flash of fear coursed through her deep browns but Waverly gently kissed it away.

“But there you were-- radiantly gorgeous. Just singing softly and making food like there was no cancer, like you never were addicted. To tell you no would mean we would continue to miss out. On that.” Waverly grabbed her shirt and pulled her close. “On this. I think I realized we no longer need to keep each other safe through distance. I want all of you or none at all.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Nicole kissed Waverly, hard, stealing away any doubts. One of her hands now moved, lightly tracing down Waverly’s bare side and she felt nothing but elation. But the taller woman pulled back again and her face softened. “Waverly Earp. Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes.” She exclaimed as Nicole pulled her into a hug, eliciting a giggle. “And as much as I love this sappiness. Do you still want to?”

Fire burned in brown eyes as they surveyed their way down Waverly’s front. 

“Hell yes.” Nicole agreed, leaning back and removing her tank top and tossing it behind her. 

“Then please take these pants off of me and fuck me.” 

Nicole growled deep and long as her strong hands went to the hem of Waverly’s pants. The woman then leaned down and began kissing her chest, Waverly squirming as the room’s temperature seemed to rise all at once. Fingers dipped below the hem as Nicole peppered more soft kisses along her sternum and over to her right breast. Before Waverly could ask, Nicole’s mouth enveloped her nipple and teeth were lightly dragging it into a peak.

“Jesus.”

Nicole hummed her approval as she released it with a pop and moved her way to the other breast for the same attention. But Waverly wanted more, four years of more, and her hips tried to move up to where fingers played lightly with the top of her pants. Please God.

“Patience.” Nicole hummed. “Is a virtue.”

“I’ve waited four fucking years Nicole Haught.” Waverly whined. "Don't tell me to be patient."

The redhead laughed deeply into her stomach as she continued her exploration of Waverly’s body. Everything tingled and she flexed her toes in preparation for whatever Nicole had planned. But the woman was just lazily kissing along, not at all paying attention to her ever growing need. So she took matters into her own hands and let her hands slip down, scratching lightly into Nicole’s scalp before one slipped by her head and under her pajamas in a quick movement. She found delicious wet heat and moaned as she rolled two fingers over her own clit.

“Waverly--” Nicole groaned and her eyes shot open to see the wanton gaze of her love as she watched her hidden hand roll in wonderful circles. The lust of it all shot through her veins and pushed her past the point of no return.

“I told you,” Waverly moaned as she dipped her fingers toward her own entrance. “I’ve waited a long time.”

It was a flash and Waverly’s pants were being ripped down and tossed. Before she could comment her hand was tugged away from herself and the fingers she was using were brought up and into Nicole’s mouth. The look Nicole gave Waverly as she sucked her fingers was downright filthy and she felt herself getting wetter. Nicole then placed her own hand at Waverly’s apex and her eyes flung shut as she felt long, strong fingers roll her clit in the same motion as she was just moments before.

“God. You are so fucking wet.”

Waverly cried out, the coil of her heat beginning to wind as she grabbed at Nicole’s shoulders. “Please, please.”

It seemed like Nicole had finally got the desperation in her voice as she began rolling her fingers faster and pulling Waverly into oblivion.

“Nicole. Nic. Fuck.” Waverly moaned and gulped for air, her hips rolling under the pleasure.

Nicole leaned down, covering her body with her own and bringing their lips together in a fiery kiss, never once slowing down her pace. She pulled back and kissed her way to Waverly’s ear. “What do you want, my love?”

“Inside.” 

The pace slowed and Waverly felt one long finger work it’s way slowly into her center as Nicole’s thumb came back up to roll her clit. Once it was fully inside, Nicole stopped to give her time to adjust. Waverly’s eyes fluttered open to see deep brown’s looking down at her with unfiltered lust mixed with loving adoration. Waverly almost came on the spot. Before she could talk, a second finger was added and the fullness made her moan out in pleasure.

“God, you feel good.” Nicole groaned as she began to pump her fingers in and out. “Look at me, baby.”

Waverly felt the movement push the coil deeper, her breathing became more ragged as she looked into Nicole’s eyes. This woman was making her feel more loved than she had ever felt in her entire life. It was intoxicating and Waverly felt herself slipping away, drowning in the pleasure of Nicole’s pumping fingers and her blown out eyes. 

“Come for me, baby.” Nicole cooed. Her fingers curled inside after a deep thrust and it sent Waverly over the edge, lights popping behind Nicole’s head as she clutched to the woman who was continuing to move inside of her, pulling every last bit of the orgasm from her body. Her eyes pulled shut and the pleasure shot through her body like a wave crashing on the shore. 

Chapter Text

December 24, 2020

Nicole knew a lot of things about Waverly Earp. She was independent, intelligent; the first person to either know the answer to a problem or volunteer to figure it out. Waverly was as witty and smart-mouthed as her older sister; but her responses were more smooth and calculated. A life led being perceived as dumb, innocent, and frail molded her to always have the upper hand. If she couldn't get through to you, she would out-smart you. She was also just so positive and bubbly; a woman who knew how to bring a smile to everyone's face. She could be strong, smart, and kind without losing her vulnerability. It was what attracted Nicole to Waverly, well that, and she was drop-dead gorgeous. 

What Nicole didn't expect was how all that strength and vulnerability would transfer over to sex. Most likely because Nicole had never dreamed she would be here, naked, open, and in love. That they'd be spending hours committing each other's body to memory. But the careful, soft trail of kisses the brunette was peppering across her stomach were living proof. Waverly Earp had the upper hand and Nicole was more than willing to let her have everything.

"God," Nicole squirmed as Waverly gently kissed the wet curls over her sex. "You are driving me insane."

Waverly hummed in response as Nicole could only roll her hips upward, the burning in her core begging for more contact.

"May I?" Waverly asked, her eyes deepened with lust as she looked up into Nicole's. 

"Yes-- God." Nicole gasped, she felt an immediate response as Waverly’s tongue slowly licked up the full length of her wetness. Nicole looked skyward as her body bloomed in response to Waverly’s movements. She felt Waverly lift her legs over her shoulders, garnering deeper access for her exploring tongue as she learned everything that Nicole was.

Nicole’s vision began to blur at the edges so she willed her eyes shut and balled up her fists around the sheets of her bed. Waverly was slow, languidly so, a much different pace to their earlier frenzied exploration. Their first time was all about the pent up sexual emotion; a frenzied need to be pushed over the edge. It was sexy and far less clumsy as Nicole would have imagined. But then Nicole and Waverly were always like that. In tune with each other right out of the gate. And the thought of it turned Nicole on even more as she brought a hand around to Waverly’s head; not to guide but to be grounded. To touch her love while she broke her into pleasured pieces. 

“Waves--”

 And as if Waverly could read Nicole's mind through that touch, her tongue began to press and swirl at her clit with a steady rhythm. Intoxicating strokes mixed with Waverly’s hummed approval pulled Nicole forward as she clinched her muscles and let her own moans fill the space. The peak was closing in.

"I'm gonna--"

Waverly latched her lips over Nicole's bud and she cried out, the orgasm ripping through her. Waverly kept slowly lapping as she came down, her body feeling the immediate exhaustion that she’d not quite experienced with any other lover. This woman was an exception; the most enjoyable kind. Waverly laid her head against Nicole's thigh, her face lit with a knowing smirk.

"Holy shit." Nicole chuckled, letting her hands fumble at Waverly’s shoulders and pulling her up her body.

"Holy shit indeed." Waverly agreed, pulling the covers with her before deeply kissing Nicole, allowing the older woman to taste herself. She moaned at the intimacy of it all as she pulled Waverly into herself, caccooning their love under all the blankets. The weight of Waverly at her side felt like placing in the last puzzle piece.

"Explain to me again why we waited four years?"

"Because," Waverly kissed her neck lightly. "You are a big ole tease."

"Me?!" 

"Yes you! Galavanting around my farm all sweaty in tight jeans and a stetson. Grunting while tossing hay bales. Whispering sweet things to calves while they are being vaccinated. I am surprised I haven't attacked you behind the barn."

Nicole could only grin in response as she snuggled in. "Maybe you should have?"

"Wouldn't have worked." Waverly said firmly. "You would have done something chivalrous and went to hide somewhere with your guitar."

“Don’t call me out like that!” Nicole hugged her close and kissed her forehead lightly, eliciting a small giggle from the smaller woman. She then tilted toward the nightstand and grabbed her phone. 

"Jesus, it's already 12:45pm." Nicole sighed. "Not much time before we need to get up."

"Then get back over here and cuddle me."

"But then I won't want to get up."

"Then we won't."

*****

March 3, 2018

"For an old geezer," Nicole exclaimed proudly. "You can make a damn good bonfire."

"I ain't that old." Doc replied, flinging some more small logs around the edges of the burning planks. “But you are right, I can make a killer fire.”

Nicole and Doc spent the last few days removing all the old, badly damaged untreated wood flooring from Waverly’s bedroom. The elder ranch hand had wanted to restore it but it was too much of a task for the two of them, especially with how much work spring brought with the cattle. Now that they had installed the new flooring, Wynonna had suggested a bonfire for the old stuff. You would have thought she told Doc he’d won a spot on the North American Poker Tour.

Doc looked at Nicole before back at the homestead in the distance, his mustache slightly twitching. "Our bosses are grabbing some of Willa's stuff."

"Why?" Nicole looked at her friend, crunching her face.

"Seems Waverly found a lot when she moved her stuff from the upstairs. I think they want to have a little memorial, say a few words, burn a few things. Just thought you might want to be prepared."

"Thanks." Nicole replied, looking back into the fire.

"Holy hell, it's like burning man out here!" Wynonna yelled from behind the two, causing Nicole to turn. “But way less drugs. Like the opposite of drugs. Sobriety.”

Nicole rolled her eyes.

Both Earps were trotting up to the fire; Wynonna dragging some camp chairs while Nicole tried to make out what Waverly was pulling. Trash bag?

"Haught-Damn!" Wynonna quipped. "Grab these chairs and set em' up while I help babygirl with her bag of memories."

"I can get it, Wynonna." Waverly's smooth voice replied. Even so, Nicole could hear a hint of strain. “I’m very strong.”

Nicole smiled and grabbed at the chairs, pulling them from their bags and flinging them out in a semi-circle. Not too close but not too far away from the flames.

"Fuck." Wynonna hissed. "Something poked me in there."

Waverly laughed and Nicole turned to see not a trash bag but a huge duffle and soft guitar case. "It was probably the guitar string, 'Nonna. Willa never cut her strings close."

"Lazy ass…" the older Earp grumbled. "Hey Doc, wanna come back to the house and help me lug out the booze?"

Nicole turned to see his blue eyes light up as he shook his head in agreement before tipping his hat at Waverly.

"Keep an eye on the fire, Haught."

"You got it." Nicole nodded as she watched them walk away. A sudden zipper noise brought her back to the present. Waverly was pulling a pink guitar from the case and Nicole's nerves began to shimmer behind her stomach as she realized they were alone. "Willa played guitar?"

"Yes. She was really good at it, actually." Waverly smiled before nodding at the chairs. "I can play decently as well."

Nicole found herself intrigued as the pair sat down. She swallowed hard watching nimble fingers glide up the neck and strum. The sound emitted was ugly and twangy; Waverly clicked her tongue as she began to tune, her lips curled in concentration. Warm tingles spread over Nicole's neck as she watched, ignorant of much else going on. 

"I haven't played since she died." Waverly admitted, her voice wavering a bit. "But I bet it's just like riding a bike."

"I've always wanted to learn."

"Really?" Hazel eyes flicked to her browns; a hint of joyous glee in them as Nicole listened to Waverly tune. The repeated flicking of the strings and groan of changing notes. "I could uh--"

Waverly stopped playing and wiggled her chair so she was now facing Nicole better. Nicole adjusted her own chair then leaned in closer, the smell of wildflowers and dust entering her senses. 

"Teach you."

"I'd really like that. I kind of need a hobby."

Waverly hummed in agreement and kept tuning. 

"I usually just listen to records but it would be pretty nice to learn to play a few of my favorites. Especially since I need to keep my mind occupied."

The fire crackled and popped as a few of the boards slid down. Nicole studied it to make sure nothing was poking outside of the circle Doc had made, once she was satisfied she looked back just as Waverly began strumming all the strings at once.

"About as good as it is going to sound with old strings." Her eyes flicked up. "What should I play?"

"I don't know. What kind of music do you normally play?"

Waverly pursed her lips before strumming out a chord. Nicole could barely focus on the sounds and instead just absorbed how breathtaking Waverly was leaning over the guitar, fire lighting her features. The concentration as she tried out different cords, her tongue poking out between soft lips. Nicole was suddenly upset that she even asked Waverly to teach her. If she could barely pay attention now, who knows how she would do trying to actually learn.

"How about--" 

Waverly strummed out the first two chords, achingly familiar to Nicole. Before she could call out the song, the angelic voice that followed made her jaw go slightly slack and she lost her words.

She's a good girl, loves her mama

Loves Jesus and America, too

She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis

Loves horses and her boyfriend, too

Waverly kept her eyes on the frets, focusing all her power in remembering the chords. Nicole was blown away, her heart pulled in by the magic of it all.

And it's a long day livin' in Reseda

There's a freeway runnin' through the yard

And I'm a bad boy, 'cause I don't even miss her

I'm a bad boy for breakin' her heart

Before Waverly could, Wynonna was stumbling back into the circle, her arms in the air clutching whiskey bottles by the necks.

"And I'm freeeee" She crooned off tune. "Free fallin'!"

The cold Alberta air was filled with deep laughter as Wynonna rolled around on the ground, continuing to repeat the lines. “Free fallin’!”

"You sounded mighty beautiful." Nicole removed her stetson, nodding at the guitar.

"Yes, Miss Waverly. Tom Petty would be proud."

Waverly blushed, strumming out the intro again. "Thanks guys."

"How fast do you think that old thing will go up in flames?" Wynonna asked, making a poof sound and exploding her hands. “Oh, I wanna watch the guitar strings snap!”

"No!" Waverly clutched it to her chest.

"Why? It's ugly as sin."

"Because--"

"You hated that thing growing up. You said it was a nasty color." Wynonna glared, grabbing it from Waverly with an assured quickness. Something clicked inside of Nicole.

“Stop!” Nicole yelled, far louder and meaner than she meant. 

Wynonna was frozen, guitar held out in front of her like it might bite.

"Waverly is going to teach me." Nicole blurted as she jumped to cross to Wynonna. She grabbed the neck possessively. "So we are keeping the guitar. I uh-- happen to like pink."

Nicole pulled it to herself and walked to the case, slipping it inside with care.

“You really like pink.” Wynonna scoffed. “Never seen you so touchy.”

“Now, Wynonna--” Doc started.

Nicole felt her cheeks flush and embarrassment bloom as Waverly stared at her with an indistinguishable face. “Leave her alone, Wynonna. She is really excited about learning, is all.”

"Ok, but-- If you like pink than I am fucking Bobo."

"Wynonna!"

Nicole just shook her head, zipping open the large duffle. "How about we drop it and begin burning some of this?"

"Yeah." Waverly agreed quickly. "I grabbed plenty of her stuff to burn. I am sure there is something in here that will feed your inner pyro, Wynonna."

"But you liked Willa." Wynonna groaned. "So that is probably a big fat lie."

Nicole fiddled inside, moving around a few stuffed animals before she found a small bag full of wooden figurines. "Lots of wood statues in here-- they all look kind of crude."

Carved animals?

She pulled the bag out and crossed to Waverly, laying them gently on her lap.

"Oh, her secret gifts."

"Secret gifts?" Doc asked from his place near the fire, his cigarette a tiny beacon in the dark. 

"Yeah, she had some secret admirer or something." Wynonna scowled reaching inside the bag and pulling out a crudely carved dove. "Most of em' were birds. Daddy hated them, said he was going to find the man and rip him a new one. I honestly agree, it was super creepy."

Waverly dumped the bag out onto the ground, leading Nicole to kneel and sort through them with her. One in particular caught her eye, the white paint on it stood out amongst the plain wood of all the rest. Nicole picked it up and studied it.

"Hmm, weird." Waverly noted, Nicole noticing her attention was focused on her hands. "A swan. It's actually painted."

"Yeah." Nicole fingered it, noticing the attempt at actual detail. She flipped it and saw letters carved into the base, a sinking feeling enveloping her stomach. "Can I keep this one?"

"Sure."

*****

December 24, 2020

"I think I am going to name it."

Waverly sighed, turning to Nicole to see her reaction. The older woman was seated stiffly next to her, fingering her stetson and biting her lip. Nicole looked stressed, far more so than Waverly was used to at doctor’s appointments. After a few moments she noticed Waverly's staring and looked sheepish.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Cutie.

"Yeah, but-- are you ok?"

"It's almost five forty-five." Nicole groaned, peering around Waverly to glare at the receptionist again. "The office closes at six. Is this doctor even going to see you?”

“Well,” Waverly cooed, leaning over to rub Nicole’s thigh affectionately. “She was at her patient limit when we made this appointment, so she is probably just finishing up with them.”

Nicole looked like she wanted to say something smart but she just nodded and covered Wavery’s hand with her own. “Sorry.”

“No need.” 

“What did you say before though?”

“Oh.” Waverly grinned. “I wanna name my cancerous tumor.” 

If Waverly thought sheepish Nicole was cute, horrified Nicole was just plain adorable. Slightly slack lips, wide brown eyes, and high flying eyebrows. It brought a small amount of glee to a very nervous Waverly.

“Alright, alright.” Nicole righted her ship, pursed lips of acceptance. “What did you want to name it?”

“Chloe.” Waverly said happily.

“Why?”

“Because. That bitch Chloe.”

Nicole could only chuckle and Waverly found herself enjoying the way it sounded on her lips. That bitch Chloe gonna catch these hands.

“I mean come on Nicole, have you ever met a nice Chloe?” 

The redhead leaned her head back in thought, her face crinkling in pure concentration. “Can’t say I have.”

“So there we go. She is now that bitch Chloe.” Waverly smirked, wiggling happily in her seat.

“It will definitely help out Wynonna.” Nicole agreed.

“How?”

“Damn woman can’t even say the word cancer. But I am pretty sure she has beat up a few Chloes in her life. So this ‘ought to bring her around.”

“You are a genius.” Waverly laughed before leaning in. “I am dating a genius.”

“But you came up with it baby and we all know who is the smartest woman around.”

The two kissed delicately before the door to the waiting room suddenly opened. “Waverly Earp.”

“I’m going to go in alone, ok?”

“Of course.” Nicole smiled. “No expectations.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Go learn more about that bitch Chloe. Knowledge is power.” Nicole smiled before giving her a quick kiss.

Waverly then stood and followed the smiling nurse back. The nerves flowed in as she turned to see the last glimpse of red before the door shut behind them.

“Stand over here for me, love.” The nurse pointed at the scale and Waverly climbed on.

“Hmm.” She hummed. “Alright, now take a seat so I can take your blood pressure.”

“Ok.” Waverly squeaked as she slid down into the folding chair. The nurse slid the heart rate monitor on to her finger before turning to the machinery.

“No need to be scared. I am a pro at this.” The woman grinned, shaking the blood pressure cuff. 

“Sorry, I am not good at being a doctor. I mean, being at the doctor.”

“I understand.” The cuff was gently placed on and the nurse began the machine. “By the way, you and your wife are really cute.”

Wife? Waverly felt her heart rate increase.

“How cute.” The nurse chuckled. “Guess I can’t mention her; your heart rate increased a lot.”

Waverly’s face became warm. “Sorry.”

“No need, I will let it even out.” The blood pressure machine was done and the nurse jotted all the information down on her clipboard. “Ok, all done Miss Earp. Follow me.”

Waverly nodded and stood, her brain still malfunctioning. Why didn’t you correct her about Nicole?

“Anyway, sorry for the wait. Dr. Taylor likes to answer any and all questions of her patients so sometimes she gets a little behind.”

“No worries, I am just--” Waverly breathed in, trying to remain calm. “Just glad she could fit me in.”

“She is wonderful like that.” The nurse stepped up to a gray door emblazoned with a large ‘3’. “Here we are.”

Waverly stepped in and found herself in an examination room very much like the one at Dr. Placer’s office. She awkwardly stood in the middle of the room as the nurse crossed by her to sit at the computer. 

“So, Dr. Taylor has gone over your chart, results, and medical history. She is going to do her own physical exam first then come up with a plan. Sound good?”

“Yes.”

“Awesome, take everything off from the waist down and use this to cover yourself. Dr. Taylor will be in soon.” The nurse smiled and handed her a disposal cover. “Wonderful to meet you, Waverly.”

“You too.”

*****

“Well Waverly,” Dr. Taylor said in her deadpan, emotionless voice before accentuating it with a snap of her gloves coming off. “All done with the exam, you can sit up. Time to talk about specifics.”

Waverly just nodded, tugging at the cover as she sat up fully. Dr. Andrea Taylor was unlike any doctor she had ever met. Warm ice blue eyes, short cropped blonde hair, and a thin, tall frame. She was about the same height as Nicole but ganglier, a tautness about her stance told Waverly the woman was all business. But she just knew how to make Waverly feel at ease, even if her voice and face were void of any emotion.

“Would you like me to go get your--” The woman tilted her head towards the door.

“No, no. It’s ok. I will tell her later.”

“Ok. Then I am going to leave real quick so you can get dressed, then we will talk.” The woman was gone in an instant, before Waverly could protest.

Just tell me. She thought angrily as she stood, wiping herself clean of the lubricant used during the exam. She disposed of the cloth and washed her hands in the sink, her mind thinking over the Doctor wanting to grab Nicole. It’s terminal. 

She slugged on her underwear. Can endometrial cancer even be terminal?

Her sweats were pulled up and she leaned to grab her socks and shoes. Obviously you aren’t going to have children.

She felt her chest tighten as she slipped on her socks. Does chemo hurt? 

Will I still look good bald?

Before she could dig herself a bigger hole, a heavy knock hit her door. “Are you decent?”

“Come in.” Waverly hated how scared her voice was.

“I’m back.” Dr. Taylor nodded, crossing the room quickly to grab the swivel stool and pull it and a pile of papers in front of where Waverly sat. Show time .

“I will get right into it, Waverly. But understand that I will answer as many of your questions as you need, no matter how long it keeps us here.” 

“Don’t you have to go home?”

“My wife is a very patient woman.” Dr. Taylor replied. Waverly was intrigued by just how even-keeled this woman was. A far cry different than Dr. Placer’s soft, cheerful demeanor. However, Waverly still felt safe. 

Understood.

“Rip off the band-aid.” Waverly sighed. 

“Gotcha. I looked over everything and I can definitely diagnose you with late stage two Adenocarcinoma. It is the most common type of endometrial cancer and as far as I can tell from your scans and hysteroscopy, it should only be grade two.”

“What does that mean?” Waverly swallowed, picking her brain about what each stage could mean.

“Stage one denotes cancer is only in your uterus. Stage two denotes that your cancer is contained inside of your uterus but has spread around or on your cervix. Stage three means it has entered other tissues that surround your uterus.”

“Ok.” Was all Waverly could muster. “What’s the plan?”

“I like a planner. And I do have a plan but it really depends on you, since you are still very young.”

“How so?”

“If you were planning on children, we could try an intense chemotherapy and radiation therapy treatment but due to your stage, I am afraid I cannot promise a good outcome.”

“What would you recommend then?” Waverly tried to smile.

My recommendation is--” The woman pulled a pen quickly from her pocket and a sheet of paper from the stack on her lap. The paper showed a medically drawn female reproductive system. “A radical hysterectomy with a partial bilateral salpingo oophorectomy. I would perform the surgery myself using tools; three small cuts would be made in your abdomen and the offending organs would be removed vaginally.” 

The doctor drew three lines across the picture for emphasis.

Waverly’s eyes widened at the big words. I should have grabbed Nicole.

“The radical hysterectomy means I would remove the uterus and cervix.” The doctor used her pen to draw a wide ‘X’ over both organs.

“The partial bilateral salpingo oophorectomy means I would grab your fallopian tubes,” More ‘Xs’ drawn in proper areas. “And then I would assess your ovaries. If I can leave them I will, if not, I will remove them. I will also look at your lymph nodes and clean out the cavity. I would then stitch the end of your vaginal cavity back up.”

“Ok.”

“Any questions?”

“Nope, the picture was very helpful.” Waverly swallowed, her mind swimming.

‘You sure you don’t want me to grab her?” The doctor put down the paper and cocked her head to the side. “My staff all went home.”

“Could you?”

Before she knew it the woman was up and gone. How does her wife keep up with her? Waverly barely got to reach forward and grab the paper the doctor was drawing on before she heard Nicole’s light chuckle coming down the hallway.

“I have obtained your person.”

My person.  

Nicole smiled down at Waverly and sat next to her. 

“May I tell her?”

“Of course.” Waverly nodded, feeling Nicole’s warm and strong hand slip into hers. It wasn’t until now that Waverly figured out she was shaking.

She considered the options. Children are nice but are they something worth struggling for? Surgery is so final. But maybe that is what I need, finality. This is so confusing but also not?

Nicole, as usual, read her mind.

“If Waverly chooses to not do the surgery, is there a chance the cancer may continue to spread?”

“Yes.” Dr. Taylor confirmed in her matter-of-fact voice. “Surgery is your best chance at a full recovery. If you choose the first options, you will have to deal with a very difficult chemo and radiation schedule. If you choose surgery, I will probably only do a few post recovery radiation appointments to give you the best chance at staying cancer free. Especially if I decide to keep your ovaries.”

Nicole looked down at Waverly, her eyes softly laying the ball in her court.

“I will fight tooth and nail for either option.” Dr. Taylor confirmed.

“Surgery.” Waverly nodded. “Let’s do that.”

A gentle squeeze of Waverly’s hand was followed by a kiss to her forehead. 

Waverly felt overwhelmed. Loved but overwhelmed.

Chapter Text

December 31, 2020

Waverly’s heart was not in the books today. If she was honest with herself, the cancer had ripped away her drive to do anything other than hang out with Nicole. And while Nicole would definitely humor her, she was an integral part to the ranch’s upkeep and Waverly had kept her from her job a lot lately. So she stretched her hands and looked back down at her computer’s keyboard, willing herself to focus on the task at hand. Tax prep. You got this.

Waverly began compiling all the digital documents she would need to file for Peacemaker Farms. The mouse and keyboard being the only tune filling her office as she reclaimed her focus. Well until she noticed Wynonna had forgot to send her all the real estate paperwork from when they bought the new 850 acres. Weird. She is usually better at that. Before Waverly could send her sister an email, her office door had three hard raps beat against it.

“Come in.”

“Morning kid.”

“Gus.” Waverly sighed and turned in her chair. “Can I help you?”

Gus didn’t move, the older woman just stood in the doorway holding two cups of coffee while her lip twitched, nervousness apparent. This was not the Gus Gibson Waverly was used to and she was taken aback. 

“May I come in?” Gus asked, her voice timid.

“Sure.” Waverly said lightly, nodding towards the armchair close to her desk. “Have a seat.”

Gus closed the door slowly and crossed, placing both cups down on coasters. “I made you an eggnog lottie.”

“Latte?”

“Whatever.” She grumbled before sitting down. “I just wanted--”

Waverly watched as a few expressions flicked over her aunt’s face, each one distinctly different than the other. Gus had been haunting the homestead for the past few weeks. Coming and going at all hours, speaking quietly with Wynonna or Doc, and avoiding eye contact with Waverly entirely. Nicole had assured Waverly that Gus was being kind to her but she doubted it; Nicole was always cordial about her family, no matter how terribly she was treated by them. Waverly was feeling less than charitable after the intervention, the lack of trust given by Gus and Wynonna proved apparent. She finally had a glimpse into Nicole’s world and it brought her nothing but frustration and bitterness.

Gus couldn’t finish her sentence so she just sighed, placing her head in her hands.

“Can’t apologize?” Waverly groaned as the frustration mounted. 

Her hands began to grip the sides of her desk so she leaned down and ripped open her lower drawer. If Gus couldn’t act like an adult, Waverly could by focusing on finding those real estate contracts. The brunette flipped through her organization tabs, knowing damn well Wynonna was ignorant to her filing system and would just slot the paperwork in anywhere she felt like it. The process of flipping through the papers was calming her even as she felt her aunt’s eyes burn holes in her side. Her fingers pulled open the ‘Requisitions’ tab and boom, a thick stack from their realtor was shoved in at an odd angle. Waverly hummed in approval and pulled it out, laying it on the desk. The brunette flipped her hair over her shoulder before flipping through the pages, confirming it was the correct document.

“It’s hard.” Gus finally whispered, causing Waverly’s hands to still. “You know?”

“Which part?” 

The silence returns, thicker than before.

“Treating Nicole like a criminal?” Waverly pulled herself back up. “Ignoring any attempt Nicole makes at proving she has changed?”

Gus shifts in her seat as her lips pull into a grimaced line.

“Using Wynonna’s insecurities against her so you could manipulate her into helping you with an intervention? Encouraging my ex-boyfriend Champ by lying to him about my feelings?”

“Waverly--”

“Being unable to apologize or come to terms with your actions until you figure out that I have cancer?” Waverly scoffed. “Is that what’s hard?”

Gus folds her hands against her chest and then takes a large breath in before releasing it slowly, her eyes focused on the floor. “I’ll just go then.”

“Why are you like this?”

Gus stands and begins towards the door before the brunette stands herself.

“Stop!” Waverly calls out. “Stop walking away from me, Gus.”

The older woman follows her directions and turns, the guilt written plainly across her features.

“Do you remember what you told me after Willa died? After I told you I thought our family was cursed?”

Gus eyes pull from the floor and make contact with Waverly’s.

“You told me there was no Earp family curse, that we are all just given the amount of pain God believes we can handle.” Waverly walks closer to Gus, her lip trembling. “I told you that you were wrong, there is no way God thought I could handle this. There couldn’t be a God who would allow his people to feel such immeasurable pain and suffering. Then you said the first thing that made sense to me since Momma had left. You said: But you--”

“But you can--” Gus finishes for Waverly. “You can deal with anything when you have a family like ours.”

“What happened to my family, then? Because I am struggling.” Waverly reaches forward and grabs Gus’s hand, squeezing home her words. “I need my family.”

“I-- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Not to me, at least.”

“Then, what do you need from me?”

“Be better.”

*****

June 12, 2018

“What color shingles did Miss Waverly want us to get?”

“I don’t know.”

“But your notebook does.” Doc chuckled.

Nicole shrugged, curling the edge of her notebook nervously as her eyes darted to the open roll-up door of the hardware store. Red was standing there, his face pulled into a deeply creepy smile. A smile Nicole could feel in her bones.

“Nicole?” Doc asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You ok?”

Nicole didn’t answer him, instead she just looked at Red and considered how she could get away from Doc and go talk to him. Ditch Doc for the bathroom but then pull Red out back. You can ask him without buying-- but he may need you to buy something in exchange for the information. It’s fine, it’s fine. Just get rid of the shit once you buy it. It’ll work. 

“Haught!” Doc shook her and she turned, her eyes wide at his raised voice. “What’s wrong, kid?”

“Sorry Doc, I just-- the guy over there.”

Doc looked past her and she watched his eyes narrow at the sight of Red. “Do you know that man?”

“One of Bobo’s dealers. I uh-- he was friends with Neal.” Nicole coughed, turning her attention back on the notebook in her hands but the words just blurred on the page. 

Doc just had to fuel up at Smitty’s. You just had to have a Yoo-Hoo. You just had to ask Fish about the damn swan. Idiot.  

“He bothering you?” Doc asked, his eyes taking in her expression as her thoughts rattled around in her skull. 

“No but--” Nicole looked up, catching Doc’s blues. Give him an excuse. “He has something of Neal’s that I want, do you think I can go talk to him?”

Doc tilted his head to the side and considered her question carefully. Nicole knew this was risky but if anyone trusted her, it was Doc.

“Ok.” He confirmed. “But make it quick; Wynonna and Waverly are down looking at tile.”

“Thanks.” Nicole smiled and began to walk before Doc grabbed her arm, causing her to hold her breath.

“One more thing,” He nodded down at her notebook. “What color shingles?”

Nicole released out her tension through her nose and glanced down. “Graphite.”

“Cool, five minutes Haught.”

Nicole flung the book down on the flat cart and turned, quickly crossing towards the open rollup that led to the back of the store. Red’s grin somehow got wider and he backed up, hiding his body behind a lumber stack.

“Good morning, Peppermint!”

“Cut the shit, Red.” Nicole bit back as she looked back once more before following him behind the pile. “I have a question for you.”

“Looking to score, honey? Prices are steep right now but for you,” He looked her up and down before grabbing his crotch and jerking it in her direction. “I could be persuaded.”

“I don’t want your powder or your sad excuse for a dick. I want to talk about Bobo and Willa.” Nicole pulled out her phone and began flipping through her pictures before showing him the initials carved into the bottom of the swan from the bonfire a few months back. Red’s body language changed instantly and he began looking around, like Bobo could see everything through his eyes. 

“Now, now. You know I ain’t nothing but a dealer.”

“Sure.” Nicole slid her phone back into her pocket. “And I’m a nun.”

Before he could respond Nicole shot forward and grabbed the man by his greasy t-shirt, pulling it down by the collar as she slammed him up against the lumber. His chest now exposed, Nicole saw the letters “REV” tattooed in gang-style font. 

“As I thought.” Nicole sneered as she flipped out a pocket knife and laid it against the script, the point making a slight divot in his skin. “Now, why is your gang’s tag written on a gift for a teenage girl? One that grew up and then died?”

Red swallowed as his eyes darted down to the knife. “Bobo ain’t gonna like you poking around in his affairs.”

“Well, I don’t like finding parts of him weaved in the Earp’s affairs. Willa. Charlie.” Nicole’s eyes narrow, her mind focusing on her discussion with Fish at the gas station. “Convincing Nedley to push for Wynonna and Doc to hire me.”

Red’s eyes dropped to the knife again, realization washing over his features. Nicole felt elation, knowing just how close she was.

“Bobo wants Waverly.” 

Anger rushed over Nicole like a wave. “For what?”

“I don’t know.” Nicole pushes the knife in, blood begins to drip down slightly at the pressure. “I don’t, honest. All I know is that he’s wanted her since she was a small thing. He calls her his little angel.”

“Why give gifts to Willa?”

“Willa was his other angel.” Red laughed. “The only Earp he didn’t fuck with was Wynonna.”

Interesting.

“Haught!” Doc calls from the store and Nicole pulls her knife away, wiping it off on Red’s shirt.

“Thanks Red.”

“That information was free of charge, Peppermint.” Red sneers as he adjusts his shirt. “Don’t go chasing anything else though-- unless you want something like what happened to Willa to happen to Waverly.”

Ice dripped down Nicole’s spine as she made her way back into the hardware store, Doc hovering over a full flat cart of shingles. She stepped up next to him before wiping her sweaty hands on her pants. 

“Did he have it?” Doc asked.

“No.” Nicole forced a smile. “He sold it. You know how it is.”

“I do. Uh-- let’s get back to the Earps.”

Let’s . 

*****

December 31, 2020

The discussion with Gus was long, painful, and exhausting. The older woman had left her at just past 4:30pm, without a lick of work done. Doc and Nicole would be in soon, tired and ready for dinner. But all Waverly wanted to do when that time came was knock Doc to the ground and drag Nicole by her hair to the cabin before forcing her to lay on top, like a human weighted blanket. Maybe that would help her feel more human.

Nicole will not be fond of that option. Well, I don’t know, maybe she likes hair pulling? I should ask.

"Babygirl." Wynonna kicked open her office door, the slam shaking her mug of cold coffee from Gus. "Good news coming your way."

"The cure for cancer?" She deadpanned.

"Uh-- err... well--" 

Waverly turned to see Wynonna struggling, her face stuck in shock. It pulled at her chest a bit so she stood and crossed to her sister, pulling her in for a hug.

"It was a joke, Wynonna. You know, your favorite hobby."

" That is not a joking matter." Wynonna responded, her voice tinted with sadness. “Don’t use that word.”

"It is too." Waverly gripped hard. “Cancer.”

“Stop.”

“Cancer.”

“Waverly, I swear--”