Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He regrets it the minute he’s done it. The tree is really tall and clearly unstable. It’s very windy and though he found it unusual at first and nothing more, it quickly became an inconvenience. Tommy should have listened to Phil, his dad is usually right but the tree is so tall and Techno always brags about how he can climb it. Can you really blame him for being reckless, he barely turned sixteen like a month ago.

The wind isn’t dying down and it’s cold, which Tommy finds strange considering it’s May. He continues to climb higher, a horrible decision really. As he climbs, the wind becomes colder, the branches become thinner and the ground becomes farther and farther away. Finally he’s reached the top he can see over their home, which he finds quite impressive considering they have a two story house. 

“Knew I could do it, take that Techno.” Tommy mutters to himself as he takes in the view. 

They lived in a strange neighborhood, the houses spread out sporadically across the mountain they lived on. The higher up the mountain went, the farther the houses became from one another. At the bottom of said mountain the houses were quite close, some practically shared a front lawn. At the top of the mountain there were four houses and one was Tommy’s. 

He could see all the homes, the ocean, the huge patches of grass swaying peacefully in the wind. They lived in a small town, but it was a tourist spot thanks to their beautiful beach and the cliffs. They had all essential needs though, supermarkets, a movie theater, a hospital, schools, and a mall, if you could even call it that, located all at the bottom of the mountain. They even had a few hotels and some weird overpriced gift shops, for the tourists of course. Tommy hated tourists, especially when they would drive to the top of the mountain to get a look at the cliffs. Tommy liked his town though, he went to a school that was quite small, and because of this he had quite a lot of friends. He lived with his dad and two brothers at the top of the mountain overlooking everything and Tommy always felt like a king. 

He took one last deep breath, took in the scenery, watched the ocean fall over itself again and again, then decided it was time to get out of the tree. Of course when one decides to climb a tree that is older than the damn town, it doesn’t end well. He’s maybe half way down when he blindly puts his faith in a thin branch, that’s his first mistake. His second mistake is losing his focus and getting distracted by the person who called his name. 

“Yeah!” He yells over the wind before he’s softening the hold he had on the tree, putting all his weight on the miserable branch and falling towards the ground. 

It’s a blur of green, brown and blue. The next thing he knows he is crying out in pain. He’s fallen on his arm and quite possibly broken it. Turns out it was Wilbur who had called his name, the man had just gotten off of work and was looking for his brother. In doing so, he doomed Tommy to fall. 

“Tommy? Tommy!” Wilbur calls frantically when he hears the scream. In a matter of moments he’s by his brother's side, watching as the boy is trying his best not to scream.

“Oh my god, what- What were you doing!” Wilbur says before he turns around and calls for Phil.

“Climbing the tree.” Tommy says through his tears, laughing from the shock and from the look on his brother's face.

“Why are you laughing? You broke your arm!” Wilbur is taking this worse than Tommy is. 

“Because-“ he doesn’t finish when a sharp pain shoots up his arm and he screams in pain. 

Wilbur is rubbing his leg and brushing a hand through his hair, trying his best to calm the boy down before their dad gets there. Tommy hears the back door open and soon a frantic Phil is kneeling in the grass beside him.

“What happened?” He asks, calm yet stern.

“I don’t know, I couldn’t find him in the house so I came to look for him outside and the next thing I know I hear a scream and he’s laying on the ground!” Wilbur is definitely not handling this as well as Tommy.

Tommy laughs again, out of sheer pain and shock and also because Wilbur looked to be on the verge of tears. 

“Tommy are you alright, I mean beside the arm?” His father asks, eyebrows knitted in a concerned pattern. 

“No dad I just fell out of a fucking tree.” Tommy laughs again.

“I told you not to-“ Phil takes a deep breath. “Wil, get your brother and start the car, we’re going to take him to the hospital.” Phil says and then before Tommy can even register what Phil said Wilbur is gone.

“Tommy I have to pick you up ok.” His father says soft, his blue eyes looking into Tommy’s and promising safety. 

“No, I'll walk.” Tommy says before promptly passing out. 

When he wakes up he’s in the hospital. He’s only visited this place once and it was when his mother died, he tried his best to steer clear of it since then. Yet here he is in the same hospital, pain shooting through his arm when he tries to move. Wilbur is asleep,he’s resting his head on top of his arms, quite close to Tommy’s feet. Tommy takes note that the rest of Wilbur is seated on a chair. Techno is there too, reading a book, he doesn’t seem to notice Tommy stirring. The only sound in the room is the quiet beeping of the monitors Tommy is attached to. 

So he does the only reasonable thing and kicks Wilbur in the head, not too hard though, his body is quite sore. His brother shoots up, almost falling out of his chair in the process. Tommy laughs and that’s when his brothers take into account that he is awake. 

“You should’ve fell,” Tommy whines, smile on his face, “it would have been so much funnier.” 

“You are a demon.” Wilbur says before he leans back into his chair, running a hand through his hair. 

Tommy looks over at Techno, who is smiling lightly at his two brothers. Tommy often forgets that Techno and Wilbur are twins, they don’t really act like it, except for when they do. 

They both have brown hair, like their mother did. Usually Phil would cut their hair to be the same length but one year Techno decided to grow it out. From then on they had a clear difference, other than the fact that Techno wears glasses. Then when high school started for the twins, Techno decided to dye his long hair. Tommy can hardly remember a time where Techno’s hair was a natural color. It’s been pink for as long as he can remember and now that Techno is in college and making his own money he intends to keep it that way.   

There are other ways they are different other than physical appearance. Wilbur is more on the more carefree side whereas Techno likes to stick to his plans. They both make impulsive decisions though even if Techno likes to have a set plan. Wilbur makes music, works three jobs and Techno goes to school and works one job. They both still live at home because like Tommy, they love their small town, their childhood home and they have attachment issues to each other and the rest of their family. Techno is competitive, athletic and can’t talk to strangers. Wilbur is laid back, emotional, and has all the charisma. Tommy loves his brothers and how different they are but he would never say that to their faces. 

“Look who's awake?” Techno said as he closed his book, “how you feeling?” 

“Fine I guess,” Tommy shrugged before he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder.

“Yeah okay.” Wilbur scoffed.

“I’m fine, nothing can hurt me.” Tommy puffs his chest out just a bit. 

“Wanna tell us what you were doing in that tree then, so I can beat the shit out of you?” Techno smiled mischievously, he knew exactly what Tommy was doing in that tree.

“Uh,” Tommy should have seen this coming, “what tree?” 

Idiot. Really? What tree? Tommy cursed himself internally. 

“You know what tree,” Wilbur glared at him, “that thing is a death trap, made for small unsuspecting children like you.” 

“I’m not a child!” Tommy yelled loudly.

“Shut up, there are other patients here.” Techno hissed. 

“I’m not a child.” Tommy whispered.

Wilbur only rolled his eyes.

“Tommy answer the question,” Techno crossed his arms, “what were you doing in the tree?” 

Tommy sighed, already accepting defeat. “I wanted to climb it because you said I couldn’t.” Tommy mumbled so low neither of his brothers heard him.

“What?” Wilbur asked.

He sighed again and raised his voice a bit. “I wanted to climb it because that asshole” He used his good arm to motion to Techno, “said I couldn’t.” 

Techno smiled, then he laughed. Tommy sulked because he should have known better than to try and prove his brother wrong.

“So you set him up?” Wilbur said, turning to Techno.

“I didn’t know he was actually gonna do it!” Techno continued to laugh. 

“Yeah you did, that’s why you said it, you knew I wanted to prove you wrong oh-you,” Tommy hummed in anger, “you absolute fuck.” 

“You should know better than to listen to him.” Wilbur said, looking back at Tommy.

“Whose side are you taking!?” 

“I’m not taking sides,” Wilbur rolled his eyes once more, “clearly you’re both in the wrong.” 

“Whatever, I did it just so you know, I climbed all the way to the top.” Tommy said smugly. 

“Yeah but you want to know the difference between you and me climbing that tree?” Techno stopped laughing but still a sinister smile graced his face.

Tommy was almost too scared to ask. “What?” 

“I’m smart enough to not break my arm getting down.” 

“Oh-I, I’m gonna-oh” Tommy was not having it.

Just as he was about to get out of the bed and kick Techno’s ass, Phil and a doctor Tommy had seen around town before, walked into the room. 

“Evening gentlemen.” The doctor said before Phil walked over to Tommy’s side. “Glad to see you’re awake.” She motioned to Tommy. 

“Evening.” He said, remembering his manners.

“How do you feel?” She asked, she looked quite concerned about a broken arm. 

“Fine I guess, just a broken arm.” Tommy doesn’t like doctors, they always beat around the bush, just get to the point. 

“Good to hear. Do you mind if I steal your family real quick? They’ll be back in a minute.” She asked as she wrote something down in the file she was carrying.

“Sure take ‘em forever. I don’t really like ‘em.” Tommy smiled up at Phil. Instead of getting a smile in return, one that his dad always gave in when he said stuff like that he got a sad look. A sad and half assed smile in Tommy’s opinion, that should have been the first sign.

“Great,” the doctor smiled, “we’ll only be a minute.” 

She made her way to the door and held it open, waiting for Tommy’s family to go out into the hallway. Hesitantly Wilbur and Techno began their way out the door, Phil following close behind. Tommy waited until the door was closed then he tore the sheets off and slowly he took his iv out, then he was up and out of bed. 

First he walked over to the huge window in the room. Outside was a small little garden with a small pond, some flowers, a large willow tree and a moss covered bench. Tommy wondered how one would even get to that garden. Then he walked around the room, exploring it a bit. He took note of how dizzy he felt and how the lights hurt his eyes and how he had a horrible headache. But he didn’t think much of it, the headaches had been constant since sometime around Christmas and the light had become quite bright to him recently. It was nothing out of the ordinary, for Tommy at least. 

He took into account how large the bed was and that if they really wanted to, he, his brothers, and his dad could all squish onto  it. He looked at the monitors, inspected the bathroom, and tested the comfiness of the couch. Then he heard it, the loud gasp. It came from the hallway and Tommy noticed how it sounded awfully a lot like Wilbur’s gasp. 

Slowly he inched his way toward the door and placed his ear on it. His broken arm rested comfortably on his side while his good arm was squashed up against the door. Not much could be heard over the loud sounds of the rest of the hospital, the bustling of people and the faint sound of sirens. It was nearly a muffled conversation to Tommy and he was going to walk away when he heard Techno’s unmistakable voice. 

“So then how long?” His older brother asked, his voice sounded quite strangled. 

“Most people last maybe five years but he’s already in stage three so I give it a year, tops.” The nice doctor Tommy had found to be decent was talking about something Tommy didn't know if he wanted to hear more of. 

He didn’t move though, he wanted to know what was happening. Another mistake, he was notorious for those. 

“How did you-,” someone talked over the speakers and Tommy couldn’t hear the rest. 

“When we went to scan him we noticed-“ Another loud voice over the speakers. 

Tommy huffed out an angry sigh and pressed his ear further against the door. 

“I’m really sorry, maybe if it had been detected earlier we could have gotten rid of it, but at this point the only thing we can do is hope the surgery works.” The doctor spoke once more.

Surgery? Tommy didn’t like the sound of that.

“And if it doesn’t?” It was his dad this time. 

“Then you have a year left with him before he’s gone. I’m sorry.” Doctors we’re always saying sorry and in Tommy’s opinion that made it sound unapologetic. 

Tommy backed away from the door. He wasn’t hearing things right, they weren’t talking about him, he didn’t have a year left to live, no way. He’s Tommy! He can’t die at sixteen; that's not what he had planned for his future. He planned to go on a road trip around the country with his family, he planned to go to college and make movies afterwards, he planned to marry someone nice and have a good life. Then he could die, not now, not in a year. That’s absurd! Clearly this doctor is wrong and clearly she shouldn’t have a degree and clearly Tommy’s only broken his arm and he’ll be fine in a month and he’ll go back to school tomorrow and all will be well. Clearly this was all a joke, a really sick and twisted one and Tommy was going to beat Techno’s ass for making fun of him and Wilbur was gonna laugh as they fought and his dad was going to break them up and have a talk about violence and everything was going to be- 

“Tommy? Tommy?” He heard someone calling his voice. 

He doesn’t remember walking back toward the window. He doesn’t remember staring aimlessly out at the garden. He doesn’t remember when he started crying.

“Tommy?” It was Phil, it was his dad. 

“Yeah.” He didn’t bother to turn around and look at him, his voice was strained and right away they knew he had been listening. 

“I’ll leave you be.” The doctor said before she slipped out of the room and left the family alone. 

“Tommy you should put your iv back in.” Phil said, his voice sounded just as sad as Tommy’s inner thoughts.

Said boy just shook his head in retaliation. 

“Tommy you shoul-'' Wilbur could always get Tommy to do whatever he said, that’s why Tommy cut him off. 

“Tell me what she said.” Tommy still doesn’t bother looking at any of them.

“Tommy sit down and then we’ll-“ 

“No, tell me what she said!” He yells and this time he turns around to look at them.

Wilbur is in the chair he was sitting in earlier. Staring at Tommy, he’s been crying. Tommy can see it. Techno is leaning against the wall straight across from Tommy, his arms crossed across his chest, he’s trying not to cry. Tommy can see it. Phil is standing behind Wilbur, he’s crying too. Tommy can see it. 

My god, he really is going to die.

“Tell me what she said!” Tommy yells again.

“She wants you to put the iv back in.” Techno struggles to keep his voice from wavering.

“I’m not stupid. You’re not stupid! You know I was listening, just tell me what she said.” Tommy’s voice cracks at the end of his sentence. 

No one answers, all of them seconds away from full on sobbing. 

“I’m dying right?” Tommy says it out loud and he feels more tears roll down his cheek. 

Still no one answers.

“Answer me!” Tommy yells. 

“Yes.” Phil whispers. 

Tommy turns back to the window. He was hoping it was a joke. Hoping they would all laugh and shout ‘gotcha’, instead he wishes he was drowning in the sad little pond right out the window. He didn’t actually want anyone to tell him he was right, which is very unusual. Tommy always loves to hear when people tell him he’s right. This currently moment though, he wished he was wrong. So he did the only thing he could think of and he began sobbing. First it was a quiet sob, only for him to hear, then it wracked through his whole body and he got slightly more dizzy. Through his tears he saw the pond he wished he was drowning in and decided to say the first thing that came to mind. To ease the tension of course. 

“I want a fish.” He turned around to find all three of them just a tad bit closer to him. 

“What?” Phil asked, clearly not expecting that. 

“I want a fish.” He says through his sobs. 

Phil laughed lightly, he’s crying, they’re all crying now. Leave it to Tommy, the one who is quite literally dying, to make them all laugh. Leave it to Tommy to find the bright side in every situation. How were they going to manage without him? 

“Okay we’ll get you a fish.” Phil said before he walks over to his youngest son. 

Slowly he wraps his arms around him, careful to not squeeze his broken arm. Tommy only cries more, feeling the way his father holds him with so much love and gentleness. Tommy feels like a little kid again and he so wishes he was. His sobs become louder even if they are muffled by his dad’s shoulder. Phil holds Tommy like he’s the only thing that matters, as if he lets go the boy will disappear. He holds his youngest the way he first held him sixteen years ago and together they mourn. 

Chapter Text

The doctor gave them two hours to talk among themselves. She gave them two hours to cry and laugh and yell before she explained what was wrong with Tommy. Said boy watched as she helped him put his iv back in.

“You really should keep this in, alright?” She smiled down at Tommy. He didn’t have it in him to retaliate so he just nodded in agreement.

Wilbur is seated beside Tommy, one arm wrapped around his shoulders. Techno is sitting on the chair Wilbur had been sitting in earlier and Phil is sitting on the edge of the bed. All four of them look like a wreck but the doctor doesn’t judge, she’s seen it all before.

“Tommy, I'm sure your family has told you what is happening,” Tommy nods, “Good, I want to explain exactly what is wrong though.”

So she does just that. She starts off by saying while they were running some scans on Tommy that’s when they first spotted the tumor. She says that for a moment she thought that something had messed up the scan. She then goes in to ask Tommy if he’s had any symptoms. Anything that is bothering him.

“I felt pretty dizzy, thought it was just my arm messing with me though.” He says lightly lifting his broken arm.

“It could be a mixture of both. Anything else.” She writes in her file.

“I’ve had constant headaches for a while now.” Tommy says opting to look at his dad. Quickly he realizes it was a mistake because his dad’s face was enough to bring the tears back.

“Anything else?” She’s still writing in her file.

“Uh, I-I’m not sure.” He wipes one of the stray tears that had fallen down his cheek. Wilbur doesn’t say anything but he slowly leans closer to the boy.

“Have you felt any sort of fatigue, maybe the lights are a bit too bright, perhaps you have slight chest pain, maybe even you lost a bit of your appetite. There are many symptoms and I promise though you may not think much of them, they are all stemming from this sickness.”

The more he thought about it the more he realized how blind he’d been. Any sort of light has been hurting his eyes quite recently but he thought nothing of it. He’s opted out of sports at school because he’s had some troubling keeping up. He hasn’t been eating as much, nothing sounds or looks good, and no one thought anything of it. He’s been getting bruises, from god knows where, they sort of just appear. Cramps in his arm and legs have also been something happening to him a lot very recently. Tommy’s been blind and he wishes he had caught in sooner.

“Yeah actually I…”

He told her all that he could think of and by the end of it she concluded fourteen out of his fifteen listed symptoms all to be a part of his illness.

“Thank you Tommy. This will help us understand how we can help you.” She’s barely looked up from her file.

“Yeah okay, sure.” Tommy didn’t really want to talk about this anymore.

“We want to get him in surgery by this time next week.” The doctor said, finally looking up from her file to look directly at Phil.

“Okay, sounds good.” Phil nodded, he seemed more out of it than any of them.

“Will I be able to go to school tomorrow?” Tommy wanted to take what he could get.

“You can go to school for the rest of the week.” Tommy could tell she wanted to say more.

“But?” He urged her to go on.

“But, after the surgery you may not be able to.”

“Oh.” Tommy really had nothing else to say, he was done talking for the day he had decided.

“It all depends on how the surgery goes.” She smiled not particularly at Tommy but more to herself.

Tommy only nodded in response. He zoned out when she turned back to Phil. They had a conversation for maybe ten minutes until she left the room once more. No one said anything. It hadn’t even been three hours since Tommy found out he was dying, he had no clue why he wasn’t crying anymore than he already had.

“Let’s get going, yeah.” Phil said before he lightly rubbed Tommy’s leg.

“We can leave? He can leave?” Wilbur asked, his eyes a bit puffy and red.

“Yeah, did you not hear what the doctor said?” Phil said, raising one of his eyebrows up at Wilbur.

“No.” Wilbur replied sheepishly. Tommy knew he wasn’t listening because when she was talking Wilbur was too busy wiping Tommy’s tears.

“Tommy is allowed to go home, if he wants to. He gets one week at school before they do surgery and start his treatment.” Phil relayed the doctor's words to those that weren’t listening.

“They don’t want to start treatment until after the surgery.” Techno spoke for the first time in a while.

“Oh.” Wilbur, like Tommy, had nothing more to say.

“Do you want to go home?” Phil asked, looking directly at his youngest son. Tommy really wished his dad would stop looking at him like that, it makes him quite sad.

Tommy nodded and before he knew it the three were leaving the hospital. None of them took a breath of relief though, they all hated hospitals and they were glad to be out but they knew they would be back soon.

Once they reached their home the sun had disappeared from view and in its tracks it left an orange sky. There was no more wind, much to Tommy’s delight and the sea had begun rolling in a bit closer. They all took their time getting out of the car, no one having much energy left.

It was quiet in their home. It had only ever been this quiet once before, and that was a day Tommy would like to forget. Their house was always loud, always messy, always full of life, always warm, and yet when Tommy walks inside all he feels is cold and scared.

He’s done enough crying, he refuses to cry anymore. The surgery is going to work and he will be cured, Tommy didn’t know it but this is the first stage of grief. Denial is a funny word, Tommy only ever used it properly maybe three times, never really needing to use it in a sentence, yet here he is feeling the full effects of such a strong state of mind.

He didn’t wait for his dad to call a “family meeting” and make them all sit at the dinner table and talk about their feelings or whatever. Tommy wasn’t going to just sit around and sulk, no he was going to make the most of it. He was given one more week of “normal” before his life was going to turn upside down. He decided to ignore his impending doom, and the way his head throbbed, and live this week to the fullest. It was going to be a great week, full of clear skies, laughter, and absolute fun. Tommy knew it, he could feel it, nothing was going to get in his way!

In the morning Tommy woke up to the sound of rain. Tommy hated rain.

It always made it difficult to get to school, especially because he lived at the top of a mountain. The roads were always slippery and he couldn’t take his bike otherwise he would fall over constantly. He also didn’t want to walk in the rain, he would rather not get his shoes soaking wet. Tommy contemplated his options and ultimately decided to ask Techno for a ride to school.

It took Tommy five whole minutes to build up enough courage just to knock on Techno’s door. He had just been standing there, staring at the painted door. They all had painted doors, it was one of the last things they had done with their mother.

“Come in.” Techno called from the other side of the door. It was a bit muffled due to the wall separating Techno from the rest of the house. Tommy also figured that Techno was still in bed, wrapped in his blankets.

Slowly Tommy opened the door and sure enough his brother was still lying in bed. His long pink hair in a braid, a messy one at that, wearing one of Phil’s old sweaters and some plaid pajama pants.

“Morning.” Tommy said, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

Techno had been facing the other way, not bothering to look at who was entering his room. When he heard Tommy’s voice though, he rolled over to face the boy.

“Morning.” Techno said, sleepiness still evident in his voice.

Tommy would usually sit on the edge of Techno’s bed, maybe even lay next to Techno, or if he felt like messing with his brother he would lay on top of Techno, but something had changed overnight. Tommy felt as if he got any closer something bad was going to happen, he had no clue what it was. So he continued to stand there in the doorway, silent and uncomfortable.

“What’s wrong?” Techno asked after Tommy didn’t respond or come any closer to him.

“Nothing.” Tommy couldn’t muster up any other words.

‘He’s literally your brother! Why can’t you speak?’ Tommy yelled at himself, still not fully understanding what was happening.

“Tommy,” Techno said sitting upright, he was using his serious voice now, “what’s wrong?”

Tommy, now realizing that he has scared his brother to the point where he is being serious with him, had finally decided to ask the question he needed an answer to.

“Can you give me a ride to school?”

Techno stared at the boy. His face was a telltale sign that he had been sleeping, his eyes a bit puffy and he looked sort of drowsy. Mixed with the tiredness was confusion.

“Sure. Give me a minute and I’ll meet you downstairs.” Techno said slowly as he climbed out of bed.

“Thanks.” Tommy said before he quickly closed the door and bolted down the stairs.

The car ride wasn’t any better.

Tommy was tense the whole ride, not because he didn't trust Techno’s driving skills, or the fact that they were going down a mountain while rain was pouring down. Tommy actually had no clue as to why he was so worried, but then Techno started talking and Tommy realized he was dreading what his brother might say.

“Why do you look like that?” Techno said, eyes trained on the road.

“Excuse me?” Tommy was offended. He didn’t need to be reminded that he was sick. How dare Techno say something like that.

“Why do you look so uncomfortable?” Techno said as they pulled up to a red light.

“Oh.” Tommy felt really dumb now. Of course Techno wasn’t going to say Tommy looked sick, his brother wasn’t that much of a jerk.

“That doesn't answer my question.” Techno said before they were off again, slowly making their way down the mountain.

“I’m not uncomfortable.” Tommy said, but his voice sounded strained, and he was fiddling with the zipper on his jacket.

“You’re such a bad liar.” Techno teased.

“I’m not lying!” Tommy felt most like himself when he was arguing with his brothers.

“Okay, sure.” Techno didn’t say anything more, Tommy-even though he had just been wishing Techno wouldn’t say anything- wished he would speak more.

“I’m not uncomfortable.” Tommy said, looking out the window, watching the rain as it fell into the ocean. The waves were huge today, Tommy could see as they hit the cliffs and then receded back to where they came from. Usually rain was just an inconvenience to Tommy, today it felt as if the sky was only pouring just to spite him.

“Mhmm, then tell me why you were standing outside my door for like five minutes before you decided to knock.” Techno said as he pulled into the parking lot of Tommy’s school.

“How did-” Tommy was cut off.

“Or why you didn’t come into my room, and why you look like you’re going to shit your pants right now.” Techno turned to look at Tommy.

Tommy stared at his brother dumb founded. Tommy took note how Techno hadn’t even bothered to change, he just threw his glasses on and a pair of rain boots.

“I-I can’t tell you.” Tommy said before he began grabbing his things to get out of the car.

“Fine, don’t tell me, but I’m gonna tell dad, and then he’s gonna talk to you.” Techno smiled smugly.

“What? No! You know it takes him forever to get to the point.” Tommy pleaded with Techno. He really did not want to spend four hours listening to his dad talk about everything but what the conversation was originally about.

“Then tell me what’s wrong.” Techno said, looking expectantly at Tommy.

The younger of the two sighed. “ I honestly don’t know.” He said.

“Explain.” Techno urged him to go on.

“Techno,” Tommy looks his brother in the eye, “I really have no idea why I’m so-ugh.” Tommy gives up, getting more and more frustrated with every passing second. Number one, he really doesn’t know why he’s so tense. Number two, he’s gonna be late if Techno doesn’t let him out.

“Really?” Techno doesn’t look convinced.

“Yes.” Tommy says, glaring at his brother now. He hates when people don’t believe him, especially if he’s telling the truth.

“You’re not hiding something or withholding any sort of information?” Techno just wants to be sure.

“Yes.” Tommy just wants this conversation to end.

“Alright.” Techno speaks after a few moments of silence. “I believe you, I won’t tell dad.”

“Really?” Tommy visibly relaxed.

“Yeah, just take it easy today, alright. Don’t do anything reckless.” Techno sighed as he handed Tommy an umbrella he had in the backseat.

“Reckless? I think you forgot who you’re talking to. Safety is my middle name.” Tommy smiles, taking the umbrella. Thank god for Techno, Tommy had completely forgotten to grab his umbrella.

“Yeah, sure, okay.” Techno scoffs.

Tommy opens his door, sticking his arms out as he opens the umbrella. He makes sure he’s not forgetting anything before he’s completely out of the car, umbrella overhead and backpack in his back. He closes the car door and gets ready to walk away.

“I’m not joking Tommy.” Said boy hears Techno say from behind him, and stops in his tracks.

Techno has the window rolled down, and he’s looking at Tommy, as if expecting him to say something.Tommy complies.

“About what?” Tommy knows, he’s not stupid, he just likes when Techno talks, it usually calms him and right now Tommy is really anxious.

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

Tommy gives him a reassuring smile. “Thanks for the ride.” He says before he is on his way.

He doesn’t bother watching as Techno puts the car in reverse and drives home alone.

Tommy walks home. School was boring as usual, Tommy only really goes to hang out with his friends, and because he really likes his film class. It’s not raining that much anymore, barely a drizzle, still Tommy has his umbrella open, listening as the tiny drops of rain hit the top of said umbrella.

He walks alone, most of his friends live in the condensed areas, where all the houses are close together. He could have called and asked someone to come get him, but Tommy doesn’t mind walking.

He does get a bit tired about halfway up the mountain and decides to take a small break. At this point the rain is no more, the wind is nothing short of a small breeze and Tommy decides upon closing his umbrella. He sits on the closet bench for about thirty minutes, watching as waves hit the rocks and then retreat back into the ocean. The rest of the walk is quiet and the people in the cars passing by give him funny looks. Tommy finds the walk is a bit harder than he remembers.

Before he knows it, he’s home, out of breath and absolutely exhausted. He shrugs his backpack off and tosses it up the stairs, hearing it land somewhere with a resounding ‘thump’. Then he rips his jacket off and throws it on the couch. Their house was always warm, due to all of them seeming to always run cold. Tommy hated the cold, that’s why summer has always been his favorite.

He makes his way over to the kitchen, ignoring the way his stomach finds everything unappealing. He’s hungry, nothing sounds or looks good though. Tommy sighs loudly before slamming the fridge closed. He walks back over to the couch and dramatically throws himself onto it.

“Techno?” Tommy hears a voice call, it’s Wilbur. Tommy looks up from his spot on the couch, the front door is wide open as Wilbur stumbles inside, grocery bags in hand. He lies back down.

“Techno?” Wilbur calls again, the sound of the door closing following suit.

“No.” Tommy responds.

“Tommy?” Wilbur says as said boy hears his brother place the grocery bags on the counter.

“Yep.” Tommy says before he sees Wilbur peek over the couch and look down at Tommy.

“Is Techno here?” Wilbur asks.

“No. Why?”

“Saw his umbrella outside.” Wilbur shrugs before he walks back to the kitchen.

“I used it.” Tommy clarifies before he gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

Wilbur hums in understanding. He then promptly begins to put the groceries away.

Tommy checks the time, it’s around five in the evening. That means Wilbur got off of work only an hour ago and that his dad and Techno will be home soon. Tommy watched Wilbur work in silence, neither of them needing to talk to each other, to be entertained.

“Did you need him for something?” Tommy asks, a bit curious as to why Wilbur was so adamant about finding Techno.

“Just wanted to ask him something.” Wilbur simply says before all the groceries are put in their rightful places.

“Oh.” Tommy says quietly.

His brothers had always had a relationship Tommy thinks he will never understand. They always seemed to communicate, even without speaking, or looking at each other. Tommy can have a silent conversation with any member of his family, especially Wilbur, but the way the twins communicate is different. Techno could be halfway around the world and if he was in distress Wilbur would instantly know. Same goes for Techno. Tommy thinks it’s just a twin thing. They are close, Tommy knows that, they were born together, grew up together, went through all their awkward phases together, Tommy watched them choose different paths. There was even a time where the two thought about leaving their hometown, going to university in different places. They never did though, they can’t be apart from each other for two long, or the rest of their family. Tommy knows how they work, yet he can’t help but wonder how after Wilbur had told Tommy he wanted to speak to Techno, said brother walks through the door a mere two minutes later.

Techno walks in, their dad right behind him, they seemed to be having a conversation before they are
taking their jackets off and hanging them up in the hallway. Techno’s hair is a bit messy from being under his hood, probably all day, and Tommy can’t help but stifle a laugh.

Perfect Techno isn’t always perfect. Tommy thinks to himself.

He then looks back at Wilbur and realizes that said boy's hair is also really messy, it’s actually really frizzy and Tommy can’t help but laugh out loud.

“What?” Wilbur frowns.

“Nothing.” Tommy says between laughs.

“No. What is it?” Wilbur says as he touches his face, thinking maybe something is on it.

Tommy laughs a bit harder at that. It’s really not that funny and Tommy doesn’t understand why he’s laughing so hard. Then he imagines Wilbur working all day with his hair like that, and now he knows why it’s so funny.

“What is it?!” Wilbur shouts, not finding this situation as funny as Tommy.

“What’s going on?” Phil asks as he walks into the kitchen. He’s still in his work clothes, he looks tired.

He looks old. Tommy thinks and promptly begins to laugh harder.

“This demon of a child is laughing at me!” Wilbur complains to their dad.

“I can see that.” Phil smiles at Tommy and Wilbur.

“Tell him to stop!” Wilbur really does not act his age, especially when it comes to getting his way.

“Do you even know why he’s laughing?” Phil chuckles.

“No, but it’s annoying!”

“I know why he’s laughing.” Techno says as he enters the scene.

“You do? But you just got here.” Wilbur frowns at his twin now.

“Yeah but it’s kinda obvious.” Techno smiles just the tiniest bit.

Tommy’s laughter has died down now, his stomach started hurting and he forced himself to calm down.

“What is it then? If you’re so smart.” Wilbur asks, glaring at Techno.

“Have you looked in a mirror?” Techno smiles smugly before Wilbur is off running to the closest mirror.

It’s quiet, no one saying anything, anticipating Wilbur’s reaction. Then there is a loud screech and Tommy is laughing again.

“Holy shit!” Wilbur yells and now Phil is laughing alongside Tommy.

Wilbur walks back into the kitchen, distress etched into his face. He’s trying to flatten his hair, spoiler alert, it’s not working. Techno is also laughing at this point. Everyone knows how long it takes Wilbur to do his hair in the morning, so the fact that he hadn't taken into account what the precipitation outside would do to it, was quite funny for some reason.

“It’s not funny! I went to work like this!”: Wilbur’s hands run through his hair over and over again, this only makes it messier.

“That’s why it’s funny.” Techno has stopped laughing at this point, a big smile remains on his face.

Wilbur whines before he sticks his head under the faucet of the sink and turns it on. Once Phil sees what he’s doing he quickly stops laughing and rushes over to stop him. Wilbur is blindly looking for the handle to turn the faucet on, Phil is guardian said handle. Phil would have won, if he wasn’t so tired, so now here they are, both soaking wet, and Wilbur has a stupid grin on his face. Phil looks like he’s about to strangle his son. Tommy laughs more at this.

“Techno, could you get us some towels please.” Phil sighs, he keeps Wilbur's head over the sink.

“Dad, let me get up.” Wilbur complains and tries to move before Phil is pushing his head back to the sink.

“You are not going to get water all over the floor.” Phil isn’t mad-he’s far from it-but if he doesn't at least sound like he’s mad, Wilbur won’t listen.

Wilbur only sighs in defeat.

Tommy has not stopped laughing and he continues to laugh as Techno brings the towels, the two in need of them use said towels to dry off. He watches as they hit each other with the towels and as Wilbur shakes his head like a dog, and water goes everywhere. He watches as Wilbur cowers behind Techno, getting away from his dad who threatens to hit him with the towel. He watches as Techno flees the scene and Wilbur is laughing as their dad chases them with a towel. Tommy continues to laugh, and laugh and laugh and then, he can’t really breathe. Now he’s coughing and it’s not that bad, then it does get really bad, and it hurts his throat. He can’t control it, his vision becomes blurred with every cough. Soon all Tommy can hear are his own coughs. It goes on like this for a few more minutes, Tommy can’t breathe and by this point he wouldn’t be surprised if he’s crying. He’s searching for what, he doesn’t know. Maybe glass of water, or for a cough drop, maybe for his dad. Then once the coughing had slowed and he could feel a hand rubbing circles on his back, he realized he was searching for his mother. She was always the one to take care of Tommy when he was sick and it had just hit Tommy in that moment that all day he had been tense and uncomfortable, not because he was dying but because the only who had ever taken care of him while he was sick, was his mother, and she’s not here anymore. Now his fate rested in the hands of doctors, Tommy wanted to curl up into a ball and never see the light of day again.

Finally, the coughing had stopped, the only sound Tommy could hear was his dad muttering reassuring words. Wilbur and Techno had disappeared, he wasn’t even standing up anymore. He was on the floor, sitting on his knees, his hands hanging onto the counter above him. Phil was sitting next to him and when Tommy looked over at him, his dad gave him a small smile. Wilbur came into a view a few seconds later, having come from downstairs, carrying something in a plastic bag. Tommy didn’t see Techno because said boy was standing behind him, glass of water in his hand.

“You good mate?” Phil smiled as he helped Tommy stand up.

Tommy only nodded.

“You sure?” Wilbur asked, Tommy couldn’t see it but everyone in the room was really shaken up.

“Yeah.” Tommy said, before he coughed again. It only lasted about three seconds but it still hurt.

“Here.” Wilbur said before he reached into the bag he was holding and pulled out a cough drop. Tommy took it and saw that it was cherry, he hated cherry.

Techno must have seen the face Tommy made when he took note of the flavor of the candy because he then gave Tommy the water he had in his hand.

“That's what the water is for.” Techno said before Tommy took it from him.

He hadn't even noticed but sometime while Wilbur was talking, or maybe when he started coughing again, his dad had walked him over to the table and now he was sitting down in his designated seat.

He’s not supposed to but he took the cough drop and crushed it. Then he took maybe half of it and chewed it so he wouldn’t taste the flavor so much. Once it was all gone he drank some water and repeated this process with the other half of the cough drop. The other three only watched him in anticipation. In fact it had felt like the whole world had taken a pause, as if wondering whether it should continue to screw with Tommy or let him take a little break. It decided Tommy needed a bit of time to breathe, so the rest of the night Tommy was fine. He coughed a bit, here and there, but other than that, nothing else eventful happened.

In fact the rest of the week was pretty boring, now that Tommy knew why he had been so worried the first day, he wasn’t visibly tense anymore. He carried on like he usually would, and he urged his family to do the same. He usually biked to school, but biking had been a lot harder than usual these days, so he took to walking, but on Thursday when he found that he couldn’t walk anymore, and he wasn’t even close to being home, he called Wilbur. His brother picked him up, didn’t say anything about how Tommy looked exhausted, and instead talked about his day and the pretty waitress that had just been hired and about how he didn’t want to go to his other job later and Tommy listened, thankful for his big brother.

Before he knew it, the weather had changed drastically and had begun getting warmer. It was practically summer and Tommy was going to spend what could possibly be his last summer in a hospital, dying.

Monday arrived quickly, Tommy’s last week of “normal” was over and now he had to go into surgery. The doctor had said that if the surgery worked, Tommy may have a bot longer to live, Tommy took this as, ‘if the surgery works, I’m not going to die.’ That wasn’t true in the slightest and deep down Tommy knew it, yet he was so sure the surgery would work and he would live to see his thirties. This was simply the denial, seeping in and infecting Tommy’s head.

All four of them piled into Phil’s car again, Tommy getting to sit in the front because who knows when he would be allowed out of the hospital again. His broken arm had healed quite a bit over the past week. Tommy could move it around now and it didn’t hurt as much as it had last Monday. Tommy had completely forgotten that he had a broken arm, and that if it wasn’t for that stupid tree, he never would have gone to the hospital in the first place. He now has a personal grudge against said tree.

The ride to the hospital is filled with only Tommy’s voice. He talks about anything and everything, and when they pull into the hospital parking lot only then does Tommy realize that he really is sick, he really is dying. He doesn’t say anything about it though, and instead he keeps a smile on his face as they make their way inside. His dad and brothers walk up to the receptionist and Tommy thinks that adults are boring so he doesn’t go with them. Instead he explores the lobby and walks around a bit. He hasn’t been in this part of the hospital in a while, well conscious at least. Last he remembers the walls were a pale blue, now they were a blindingly bright white. There aren’t many people in said hospital, usually only old people are here, their town is too small to have a hospital that is always overflowing with people. There is the usually pregnant lady or the sick kid whose mom is just overprotective. Then there are the cancer patients, Tommy winces a bit when he realizes that he is one of those patients. There is still a lot of hustle and bustle in the hospital, one of the main reasons Tommy hates them so much, lots of loud noises too, and bright light, but when a little girl tugs on his sleeve it startles him quite a bit.

“Hi.” Tommy says slowly, looking down skeptically at the little girl. “Can I help you?” Tommy asks.

She doesn’t respond, she just continues to look at Tommy. He looks around a bit, seeing if maybe any of the adults in the room are looking for their lost child. She doesn’t look like she would be over the age of five, maybe six, she’s very obviously young and when Tommy gets a better look at her he notices how she reminds him of someone. She’s got dark brown hair and brown eyes, she doesn’t look like anyone Tommy would know and yet, he finds himself wondering where he’s seen her.

“Can I help you?” Tommy repeats.

Instead of answering she hands him a book. It’s not a book one would read, or study, it’s a coloring book. Some of the pages are very poorly drawn, and some are torn out, but there are still plenty of pages left. Tommy flips through it, looking at every single page, wondering why she may have handed it to him.

“Why did yo-“ When he looks up from the book, she’s walking away. Then before Tommy knows it, she’s out of sight. He’s too startled to go after her, let alone call for her, so he simply shrugs and walks over to where the rest of his family is.

He’s standing behind them when he opens the book again. This time he looks at the first page, and sees a scribble that may be a name. He can barely make out any of the letters but that doesn’t stop him from trying to decipher it. He doesn’t get to because soon he’s walking down a hallway, right behind his family and a nurse. The nurse shows them to the room Tommy will be staying in then promptly hurry’s back to whatever he was doing before.

Tommy sits in the edge of the bed, and beige he knows it, the doctor is in there, asking him a plethora of questions. He answers them, not forgetting to use his manners and to be polite. Phil answers some questions too, and by the end of the conversation Tommy is being prescribed medication and being prepped for surgery.

“Take my book, yeah.” Tommy says as he shoves his coloring book into Techno’s hands.

“Where did you get a coloring book from?” Techno says as he follows Wilbur and Phil out of the room.

“Some kid gave it to me.” Tommy shrugged.

Techno wasn’t sure if this was a joke or not, nonetheless he took the book, placing it under his arm as he made his way out of the room. He even made a mental note to go and buy Tommy some crayons or colored pencils so he can actually color in the book. Then he was gone and the last thing Tommy could remember was the way the doctor smiled at him before he was asleep.

When he came to, the lights were dim just enough to where they didn’t hurt his eyes, but where he could see what was in the room with no trouble. He was alone and his broken arm felt ten times heavier than usual. He couldn’t sit up, mainly because of how much it hurt to do so. His chest was swollen and he felt like someone was pressing down on his chest, he then realized how hard it was to breathe and promptly began panicking.

First he looked around as much as he could without hurting himself, keeping in mind that not only his chest hurt but so did his arm. Then when he was sure no one was in the room he began looking for the button that called the nurse. It took him a while to find it and he was sure he would pass out before she came into the room to see what the problem was. Finally the nurse ran in, she was a blur of blue and purple and before Tommy knew it there was another nurse and he too was by Tommy’s side, then Tommy was out.

This time when he woke up, he could tell quite some time had passed. The sun was a bit higher than it had previously been and it was illuminating the room. He also wasn’t alone, Wilbur and Phil were in the room though Wilbur was asleep and Phil was talking to the nurse just a few feet from Tommy. Then he heard the bathroom door and Techno was soon in his line of sight.

“He’s lucky, really lucky, but from now on he should be fine.” The nurse said before turning and catching Tommy’s gaze. Then the nurse smiled before walking over to Tommy’s side and checking everything, probably for the millionth time already.

“How do you feel?” The nurse asked before he added, what Tommy could only assume was medicine into his iv.

“Fine I guess.” Tommy said, before all eyes were on him.

“That’s good,” the nurse smiled again, “I’ll go tell the doctor you’re awake.” With that he was gone.

Once the nurse was gone Tommy turned to look at his dad. Instead of being at the end of the bed, where Tommy last saw him, he was sitting right beside Tommy, Techno on his other side.

“Hey.” Phil laughed, it was a sad laugh, more a laugh of relief than anything.
“What happened?” Tommy asked, now a bit scared to hear the answer.

“Just glad to see you awake.” Phil lied, he had never been a good liar. It was a really good thing Tommy was far too tired to argue, let alone ask for the honest truth.

“Oh.” Tommy smiled lightly, just to help calm his own and his dad’s obvious nerves.

Techno ran a hand through Tommy’s hair, messing with the curly and tangled strands of gold. Tommy only really liked when Wilbur did that, Phil was alright too, but Techno never did. So it was a bit of a shock, but he let it happen, again he was too tired to argue, let alone refuse a comforting touch.

The doctor came in a little later, at this point Wilbur had woken up and was fussing over Tommy and blabbing about something but it ended the minute the doctor cleared her throat. She told Tommy that he was lucky, very lucky at that. She hadn’t expected the surgery to go the way that it had, and that they even lost Tommy for a minute there. Tommy realized this is why his family was being more clingy than usual. She mentioned that when Tommy passed out, it was simply because they hadn’t taken the proper precautions and that it was completely their fault and that it would never happen again. Tommy nodded, but he didn’t put his full faith in her. Tommy interrupted about half way asking how long he had been asleep.

“Three days” she said and then continued.

Tommy was more worried about losing three days where he could have been awake doing who knows what than the fact that he had already died once. At this point, death wasn’t even one of Tommy’s major concerns, it was the fact that he was losing precious time.

The doctor continued about how they would start treatment and the meds Tommy needed. She said she was going to formally introduce Tommy to his nurse, and that the family would have to go home to get all that they wanted to bring to the hospital. Obviously Tommy was missing a vital piece of information. His family looked like they had already heard all this, and that didn’t surprise him. He was told that if the surgery worked he could go home, so why was he being told he would have to bring stuff to the hospital.

“Like I said Tommy, it didn’t go as planned,” the doctor sighed, “the tumor is too big at this point and we already lost you once, we can’t take anymore risks, we want to give all the time we can.” She looked sad, more sad than his dad or brothers and Tommy took back every mean thing he said about her.

“So then, how long…” Tommy trailed off, he didn’t want the answer and even when he got his answer he didn’t believe it was the truth.

He had a year, one year to say goodbye to his home, his friends, his school, and most importantly his family.

He stayed in the hospital for another five weeks, most of the time he was coloring in the coloring book, talking to whoever was in the room, or watching videos on his phone. After the surgery Tommy could hardly get off the bed without getting random bursts of pain. It was even a burden to breathe. Now Summer was here and because Tommy loved summer with all his heart, he was determined to get better as quickly as he could. He could walk to the bathroom, that was fine but now that his broken arm had fully healed, his chest wasn’t too far behind. Breathing wasn’t so much of a chore anymore and walking was definitely easier.

Phil had been coming and going, he had gotten Tommy and himself a bag of clothes and in the morning he would leave for work, only to come back in the evening. Most of the time it was just Tommy and Phil, but Wilbur would try and stay whenever he could, just like Tommy and Phil the twins practically lived in the hospital. Wilbur would go to work, then come back afterwards. Techno had it a bit more difficult considering that he was still in University, so he would go to class, then work, then come to the hospital just to sit there and study for his finals. Now that summer had started though, their schedules changed. One of Wilbur’s jobs closes for the summer so now he was only working two jobs. Phil gets off earlier in the day, and Techno finally completed school.

Tommy had insisted that Phil and Wilbur throw Techno a party, for finally graduating. Techno had already told them not to make a big deal out of it, but Wilbur and Phil were going to do a party anyway, even if Tommy hadn’t said anything. So two days after he graduated Techno drove to the hospital, expecting to spend some nice quality time with his family, just casual conversation, instead he was hit in the face with confetti. It was the tiny poppers that Techno isn’t very fond of but Wilbur gets a kick out of. Tommy laughed when he saw his brother’s displeased face. Eventually, after Wilbur had to practically tackle Techno, he decided to stay and enjoy the party.

Tommy wouldn’t really call it a party, it was just the four of them in the hospital room. Phil had gone to the store and bought a cake and a banner that said “Congratulations”. Wilbur had insisted that Phil buy the confetti poppers, Tommy insisted he buy ice cream. So now all four of them sat around the hospital room, eating cake and ice cream. Tommy found it to be very enjoyable, as did Techno, though he never said it out loud, it was quite obvious. They talked about what Techno was going to do now, and how he was finally going to stop being so boring-Techno took offence to that-and how he could finally stop stressing over homework.
Techno had been in college pretty much his entire adult life, so Tommy was happy that Techno was finally done with school and that his brother could relax just a bit. That night Tommy fell asleep to the sound of Phil and Techno talking and the feeling of Wilbur’s hand running through his hair.

In the morning Tommy was told he was going to be staying at the hospital for a while. In other words, he had to stay until his time was up. It still hadn’t hit Tommy that he only had a year left, maybe a little less, maybe a little more. In Tommy’s eyes everything was okay, because right now, at this point in time, he was okay. When he finally opened his eyes and realized what was going on, reality hit him like a truck. Treatment had started not too long ago for him, but now that it was actually helping, he couldn’t ignore the fact that obviously something was wrong.

As days went by, Tommy started feeling the weight of what was coming. Then one day the doctor cae in the room and told Tommy that, if he wanted to, he could go home for the weekend, one last weekend at home. He took the offer, obviously.

While in the car, on the way home, Tommy had asked why he even had to stay in the hospital, he’s not super sick yet. This of course was a lie. Just that morning Tommy had thrown up twice and a nurse had to come into the room and help him slow down his breathing. Both things none of his family was present for.

“Because Tommy, your case is a bit more extreme.” Phil said as he kept his eyes on the road.

“Yeah but I could just come down for treatment when they need me to.” Tommy did not want to stay in that wretched hospital, he hates hospitals.

“I know, you could do that, but they want to keep an eye on you, plus I want you to stay there, our house isn’t going to help you like a hospital will” Phil said and that was the end of the discussion. If Phil wanted Tommy there, then that’s where he was going to be, no argument, his dad knows best, and Tommy trusted him with his whole heart.

The rest of the ride was pretty quiet, Tommy fell asleep somewhere along the way and when he woke up the house had just come into view. I wasn’t anything impressive but Tommy had always been fond of it. A two-story house, painted a light blue, with white trim and a pointed white roof. The wrap around porch was Phil’s favorite part. Wilbur liked the big backyard and huge windows. Techno had always been a fan of the way the inside of the house was quite large, very spacious. Tommy’s favorite part was the furniture, all picked out by his mother. Just like every time he entered the house the first thing he did was flop down on the couch.

They didn’t do much the first day in the house, Tommy vaguely remembers watching a movie and eating dinner, but he had two whole days to spend in the house. Two days to say goodbye to the only home he had ever known before he was stuck in a hospital for the rest of his life. That night Tommy had trouble sleeping.

The weekend went by in a blur. Tommy had played video games with his brother, made dinner with his dad, kept Techno company while he spruced up the garden in the backyard. He spent time reading in their little library. Tommy and Wilbur played “mini golf” which was basically hitting a tiny plastic ball back and forth with really long sticks, Techno had made fun of them the entire time. Then before he knew it was Sunday night and Tommy was falling asleep, he tried his hardest to stay awake, he wanted to spend as much time as he could in this house, he didn’t want to leave in the morning. Alas, sleep is powerful and the universe is against him.

Monday morning Phil had all the boys pack clothes and anything else they needed, considering they were going to be spending most of their time in the pris-hospital. Tommy went to his room and instead of doing what Phil told him to, he just sat staring out his window. What was he even meant to take? Clothes obviously, but what else? All his hygiene stuff was already at the hospital, so he just started packing some stuff he liked, or that could keep him entertained. Maybe thirty minutes passed before he decided he was done packing. He threw his bag out into the hallway and then he took one last look at his room. With all the posters on it. Some Techno had bought for him, some were ones of Wilbur’s band. There were also little trinkets that Phil had bought for Tommy, then there were the little treasures Tommy had gotten from his mom before she passed. Tommy had spent a lot of time decorating his room over the years, collecting items he thought would make it look cool. He spent most of his time there after all. His mother and father had painted the walls and Tommy had watched them, too young to help. He remembers Wilbur and Techno splashing the paint on the floor, they got in trouble. In the end though the walls were supposed to be white, but Tommy didn’t like it, so they ended up red.This was his room, his home and he wouldn’t get any more time to live in it.

That was what broke Tommy. It had finally hit him, after weeks and weeks of denial, he realized he was dying. Seeing his room, soon to never be lived in again, his home that was going to be way too quiet from here on out. Tommy finally opened his eyes.

He closed the door behind him after staring at his room for too long. He sat on the floor and leaned back on the door, his eyes closed and his breathing becoming more and more shallow. His mom and him had painted this door, too. It was purple, her favorite color, with her birth flower and constellation painted on it. His friends had said that it was “girly” and that he shouldn’t have it on his door, that only made him love it more. He sat there with his bag right next to him,his sweater wrapped around him and he was determined to stay there.

He could hear Phil calling for him, telling him they should get going. He didn’t move. Then he heard Wilbur call for him, he still didn’t move. Then he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. He could, it was most likely techno, but he didn’t bother to open his eyes and check.

“We gotta go.” Came Techno’s voice. It was soft and it reminded Tommy of the first night in the hospital. That only made him cry more.

His tears rolled down his cheek and he didn’t make a sound, let alone move. Techno tried to prompt him more but to no avail. So he wiped Tommy’s cheek and then went downstairs again.
He came back with Wilbur and Phil. All four of them sat there, in a sort of semi-circle. No one spoke, no one did anything for what felt like forever. Then Phil spoke up.

“Tommy,” he started, but he sounded as if he didn’t want to go on, “as much as I would love to stay, we gotta go. They need to do your treatment.”

Tommy just wanted him to shut up. To stop talking about hospital’s and about sickness, and about treatments. He wanted to stay here, he wanted to die here. In his home, in his room, with his stuff, where his memories are.

“Tommy,” Wilbur started.

“I know.” The boy snapped. That startled everyone, Tommy never snaps like that.

All three of them stood up, Wilbur more hesitant than the other two. Tommy opened his eyes and looked up at them. All of their faces held a different expression. Tommy really can’t remember what expressions they even were, because upon seeing their faces he promptly began sobbing.

It was more of a silent sob, very quiet almost like a whisper. Tommy didn’t like crying, especially in front of people, but reality had just hit him like a truck. Forget the house, what would his family do once he was gone? He remembers what it was like after his mom, what would happen this time. It took them almost an entire year to get back into the groove of things. They were sad all the time and it was hard to do anything without remembering her. Now it was Tommy’s turn, to be a ghost that only haunted his family’s memories.

Tommy cried a bit harder at the thought of that. Then he noticed how hard it became to breathe, and promptly started gasping for air. Someone grabbed him, trying to help him up so he could breathe easier, that only made it worse. Whoever it was that grabbed him, had grabbed his previously broken arm, so it sent a wave of almost panic over and his mind only screamed at him. He swatted the arm away and then he noticed it was Techno and that there was no way he was getting out of his grasp. Phil and Wilbur were both gone, they probably ran off to get stuff for Tommy. He tried to speak but Techno told him to shut up or he would suffocate himself. Tommy tried to stand up but his body was against him, he grabbed for something, anything trying to help himself up and make Techno’s job easier. He reached behind him, forgetting where he was for a moment and then he felt the discomfort of paint under his nails. Then he realized he had just scratched his door, and time stopped.

It was like his body shut off, he fell to his knees, his crying ceased and he could breathe again. The universe laughed at him as he sat there, stunned that he had just ruined his mother’s last gift to him. There were three scratches, all the same length and demanding attention. Techno had let go of him when he saw what happened. He sat next to Tommy instead and he hugged the boy, pushing Tommy’s head into his shoulder so that his little brother wouldn’t see his biggest nightmare. Tommy began crying again, not because he ruined the door or because he was being forced to go back to the hospital. No, it was because of how soft Techno was hugging him, how his breathing calmed Tommy and how even if techno didn’t really like close contact here he was, holding Tommy like he was the only thing that mattered.

They sat like that for a while. Phil and Wilbur coming back with some of Tommy’s meds and such. They noticed the door, of course they did, it was blatantly obvious. Phil came up with a solution though, and once Tommy had calmed down he put his plan into action.

“Can I have the car keys please.” Phil said, turning to Wilbur. Wilbur handed them over without a second thought.

Tommy watched, still next to Techno, his head leaning on his shoulder and Techno’s arm wrapped around his shoulder. He didn’t say anything when Phil took the keys and brought them up to the door. He flinched just the tiniest bit when Phil scratched more lines onto the door, mainly using the three Tommy had already created. Then he backed away, and on the door, in large letters, was the word “dad”. Tommy laughed a bit at that.

Phil then handed the keys to Wilbur and the boy did the same as their father. Now the name “Wilbur'' sat right below the constellation their mother had painted. Techno went next, and finally Tommy. Now all four of their names rested on the door, looking as if they had been there forever, wrapped in the purple embrace of the boys’ mother and Phil’s wife.

The ride back to the hospital was easier than the first time. Phil had sat in the back with Tommy, while Wilbur drove and Techno right beside him. Phil talked about the ocean, and the sky, and the trees, and anything he could think of. Tommy listened, he soaked in all the information, storing it in the back of his brain and enjoying spending time with the family he will soon be leaving behind.

Chapter Text

Tommy had always found summer to be quite enjoyable. Each year his family would go on a trip, maybe go visit another country they’ve never been to. When they would get back from their trip, Tommy would go and visit his friends, and they would all do activities that were strictly for summer. This year was drastically different. Instead of being outside, breathing in the warm air and running around town having fun, he was stuck in the hospital.

Treatment had gotten a bit easier. He was tired most days and so he spent those days full of exhaustion, in bed. In fact, he spent most days in bed. He’d already explored the hospital, visiting the places he was allowed to go to, too many times to count. Sometimes he would see that little girl again, the one who had given him the coloring book, and she wouldn’t say anything, instead she would give him a random object. One time she handed him a flower, another time he was given a rock. Tommy kept all these little trinkets.

Things were slow and Tommy was slowly slipping away from himself and his family. He thought that now that his family wasn’t as busy they would be around more, Tommy was wrong. They were still adults, with lives, what was Tommy but a distraction. This was of course not the case. They wanted to be with Tommy as much as they could, Tommy knew this, but that didn’t make the fact that they were always moving, always leaving, any easier.

Techno was the one who stayed with Tommy, most of the time. Now that he wasn’t in school the only thing he did was go to work and come back. He was also the one the doctor had talked to the most, considering that Phil wasn’t around when she needed to speak to him. So for the longest time, Techno was the one giving Tommy his meds when needed and eating lunch with him and keeping him company.

Wilbur was around quite a bit too. One of his jobs was only on certain days and with the other he didn’t have a very long shift. So Wilbur became one of Tommy’s other main sources of entertainment. Sometimes Wilbur would talk about the crazy things that happened to him while at work, or he would play his guitar to help Tommy sleep. Things were a bit chaotic for a while, with people constantly coming and going from Tommy’s room but soon June was over and July was ready to cause a whole new set of problem’s.

Sometime in the beginning of the month a few of his friends had come to visit him. Tommy turned them away. He didn’t want pity, let alone his best friends to see him like this. Attached to machines, skinny, and dying. Wilbur had told him that wasn’t a good idea and that he should talk to them, Tommy ignored him. A few days later they came back again, and Tommy, stubborn as always, didn't want to see them. No one in his family said anything this time, but Tommy could tell they wanted to.

July wasn’t any easier for Tommy either. He had started distancing himself from not just his friends but his family, his ties to his home and anything that made him happy. This of course would later come back to haunt him.

Tommy hadn’t noticed it yet but Wilbur was around more often, as was Phil. Wilbur looked more stressed than anything, Phil looked more tired. Tommy didn’t know why, and he was too afraid to ask. One day that changed. When Wilbur walked into the hospital room and laid down on the bed. His body on top of Tommy’s legs, keeping them from moving. This of course didn’t stop Tommy from trying to kick him.

“Get off.” Tommy said, not bothering to look up from his book.

“No.” Came Wilbur’s muffled voice.

“You’re such a dick.” Tommy sighed before he started wiggling his legs.

Wilbur laughed and sat up, looking at Tommy. Said boy noticed how his older brother’s eyes looked a bit droopy, as if he was tired. Then he noticed the bags under Wilbur’s eyes were so purple Tommy thought it was makeup. He noticed how his brother slouched and moved as if his entire body ached. So he built up the courage and decided to ask what was wrong.

“Nothing.” Wilbur lied.

“You’re a liar.” Tommy stated.

Wilbur laughed, it was a nervous laugh, Tommy could tell just that. “Nothing’s wrong.” Wilbur said as he stood up, getting off the bed and walking toward the bathroom.

“Why do you look so tired then?” Tommy said, a bit quiet, he thought Wilbur might not have heard him, then his brother stopped in his tracks.

“I’m not tired.” Wilbur lied again, smiling to try and ease the tension. WIlbur was a good liar, and a great one at that. Phil had told him he should turn lying into his career. Tommy was his brother though, and if anyone could tell when Wilbur was lying it was his brother.

“God, why do you treat me like a baby? Obviously something’s wrong.” Tommy snapped, he did that more often these days.

“Tommy…” Wilbur looked at Tommy with an expression Tommy couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“What? Gonna lie to me again?” Tommy knew he should drop it, he really didn’t want to fight with Wilbur.

“I'm not lying to you.” Wilbur walked back toward Tommy, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Dad is right y’know,” Tommy glared at his brother, “you could be a professional liar.”

Wilbur looked hurt and Tommy almost felt bad, but his brother was keeping information from him. It was obviously quite important or Wilbur is ashamed of it, because if it was nothing he wouldn't work so hard to keep it from Tommy.

“Toms I promise, it's nothing, it's not important.” Wilbur sounded as if he was pleading, asking Tommy to forgive him for something he didn’t do.

Tommy stared at Wilbur. His older brother who worked two jobs and slept on the uncomfortable hospital couch. Who would bring him dessert from the restaurant he worked at, and would share his music with him. His brother who would sing to him when he couldn’t sleep or lie with him if it was really that bad. Wilbur who would sneak extra pudding cups after the nurses cut Tommy off. His brother who, for the first time in a long time, was lying to him about something clearly important.

“Sure, whatever.” Tommy dropped it, but he wouldn’t forget. He turned back to his book and promptly ignored Wilbur.

Wilbur sat there for a minute, looking expectantly at Tommy, hoping he would say anything. Hoping Tommy would look uo and smile and laugh and say that it really didn’t matter. Hoping his little brother would forgive him. Tommy didn’t bother to acknowledge Wilbur anymore and said brother took the hint, he grabbed his jacket and made his way out of the room. Tommy felt no remorse.

Over the next week or so things were tense between Tommy and Wilbur. Techno and Phil noticed when Wilbur offered Tommy a slice of cake and said younger boy denied the gift. Tommy never turned down a gift, let alone from Wilbur.

Phil had asked Wilbur about it and the boy said it was because he was keeping a secret from Tommy. Phil of course knew what the secret was and he felt bad, for both his boys. For Wilbur because he knows how much Tommy means to him and for Tommy because he knows how much Tommy hates secrets.

Wilbur had started spending less and less time in the hospital room, deciding to give Tommy his space. So with Wilbur avoiding the hospital room, Techno working, looking for another job and sleeping most of the time, Phil was the only one who was (awake) in the room most of the time.

Phil noticed the way Tommy didn’t ignore just Wilbur though, he was ignoring all of them really, Phil and Techno on a smaller scale. Yeah sure, he talked to them but he wouldn’t keep the conversation flowing like he usually did. Phil hadn’t noticed it but they were all dependent on Tommy to keep the mood light and now that he was ignoring them they were starting to slowly fall apart.

Tommy noticed it too, of course he did. Did he care though? Not really, they had it coming, they all knew what Wilbur was hiding and they were all keeping it from him. Phil had tried to reason with him a few times but Tommy promptly decided to not listen to him. Slowly as days went by Tommy noticed how everything around him started to shift.

It started on the last day of July when Phil came back from work. Tommy took note of the way he slouched, like he was ready to fall asleep the moment he laid down. Tommy didn’t look at him for too long, turning back to watch the video playing on his phone. Phil threw himself on the couch and rubbed his face in the way he did when he was frustrated.

“Hi Tommy.” Phil said, not looking toward his son.

Tommy hummed in acknowledgement.

“How are you feeling mate?”

“Fine.” Tommy said, no emotion in his voice.

“Good, I’m glad.” Tommy could hear the way Phil smiled when he talked.

He didn’t bother responding, not really knowing what to say and feeling that his dad was already frustrated and whatever he said was only going to make it worse.

“Get some rest okay.” Phil said before he let out a loud cough.

Tommy didn’t think much of it but looking back he really wished he had. What was one cough?

Apparently it wasn’t just a cough and over the next few days Phil got worse. It was the first week of August, and not only was Phil falling apart but so were his other two sons.

After the doctor found out Phil had a bit of a cold she sent him home. He could come back when he was better, Tommy felt his anxiety spike at the thought of Phil being gone for a while. According to the conversation Tommy caught at the end of, Phil hadn’t been taking care of himself, too busy worrying about his kids. Tommy immediately felt bad. If Phil was doing bad, Techno was doing worse.

Tommy knew his brother had been looking for a job. He had worked hard for his degree and he was going to get a job using it. Tommy could hear him typing away in the night, working on resumes. He could also hear Techno talking to Phil about all the jobs he was hoping to get. Tommy knew that his brother was working hard but he didn’t know that it was kind of hard to land a job when you have a degree in English. Now with Phil sick and Wilbur hardly at the hospital anymore Techno couldn't really talk to anyone about his adult problems. He was either worrying about his brothers or his dad, he hardly ever took the time to think about himself. So when he was offered an interview from a job he had been particularly interested in, he wasn’t as excited as he thought he would be.

Tommy woke up the morning of Techno’s interview, half expecting him to still be asleep. Instead he heard the sounds of Techno getting ready. He sat up in the bed, his head pounding so hard though so he laid back down. Wilbur was still asleep on the couch and Techno was fixing his hair. Tommy watched as his brother brushed, then braided his long hair. He was going to pretend to still be asleep but then he started coughing and sneezing a bunch and his head hurt so much that he had to take a pill. So with a groan, he sat up once more and began looking for his pills in the dim light.

“Which ones are you looking for?” Techno asked.

Tommy knew what he was talking about, so he responded. “The ones for pain.”

Techno shook his head in understanding then walked over to Tommy’s bedside table. He opened the drawer full of pill bottles. Tommy never realized how many meds he takes but the sight was enough to make his nose scrunch up in distaste. Techno grabbed the bottle before handing it to Tommy, he also gave him his cup with water in it.

“Thanks.” Tommy said before he took the bottle from his brother’s hand.

Tommy wanted to ask where Techno was going, he really did, call him curious or nosy but he was mostly worried. Techno looked like he got no more than three hours of sleep and by the looks of it, it wasn’t a very restful sleep. Tommy was too stubborn though, and his anger got the better of him. So he kept his mouth shut and his eyes focused on anything other than his brother.

“I’ll be back later.” Techno spoke, the sound of his voice so unexpected it scared Tommy.

“Okay.” Tommy said and that was the end of the conversation.

Techno grabbed his jacket and his bag and was off. He didn’t say bye, didn’t even wake up Wilbur to tell him he was leaving, he just left. Tommy didn’t let himself think about it too much. His brother was clearly going somewhere important and it wasn’t any of his business, still he worried for his brother.

The day went by slowly. After Wilbur woke up he left for work and with Techno, god knows where, and Phil at home, Tommy was alone. It was fine for the most part, he spent most of the time falling in and out of sleep. If he wasn’t asleep he was on his phone or reading a book. His nurse came in for a little while and the two of them talked for a good hour or so. He took his meds, took a shower, and cleaned the room a bit. Tommy found it to be a very productive day.

Soon the sun began to set and Tommy started to worry. He knows his family consists of adults and they can do whatever they want, whenever they want but it didn’t stop him from panicking a bit when the clock struck 10 at night and neither Techno nor Wilbur were here yet. Tommy didn’t go to sleep until after midnight, silently hoping they would walk through the door any minute now. They never did. That night was the first night Tommy spent alone in the hospital.

“Tommy, can you breathe for me.” That was the first thing Tommy heard when he woke up. It sounded like his doctor, maybe it was his nurse. Either way the voice was way too loud, so was the beeping of the monitors he was attached to.

His chest hurt, so did his eyes, his head, his heart. His whole body ached and he tried to sit up, only to be pushed back onto the bed. It wasn’t until Tommy fully opened his eyes did he realize what was happening.

He was hooked up to a breathing machine and there were maybe five people around him. His doctor and a bunch of nurses. He could see all the relieved faces of all the people in the room. He looked around and took note of how there was a bottle of pills on the ground. His sheets had been torn off and were also on the floor.

“How are you Tommy? Can you breathe?” His doctor’s voice rang through his ears.

He only nodded. He could breathe but why did they think he couldn’t and why were they all crowded around him.

“That’s good. Here I’ll let you sit up.” She said before she moved the breathing machine away from him and everyone else backed away.

Tommy took his time sitting up and by the time he was upright, only his nurse and doctor were in the room.

“What-uh,” Tommy didn’t know where to begin, good thing his doctor got the message.

“It’s about four in the morning and about an hour ago we noticed that your heart rate dropped. We came in here and well a bunch of stuff all happened at once.” She looked at him apologetically.

“Uh, ok, thanks.” Tommy said he didn’t know what else to say.

The doctor turned around and said something to Tommy’s nurse. He couldn’t quite catch what they were saying. His head hurt so bad it was hard to focus on anything. Then his nurse was gone and it was just Tommy and his doctor.

“Are you sure you’re alright Tommy.” His doctor frowned at him, she could tell something was wrong.

“Actually, my head hurts quite a bit.” Tommy confessed.

She nodded in understanding before turning off the big lights in the room. Then she walked over to where Tommy kept his pills.

“Your nurse is going to replace the pills we dropped.” She said before she grabbed the pain pills from the bedside table.

Tommy nodded before he took the pills, not bothering to wash them down with any sort of liquid. He watched as his doctor picked up the pills that had fallen on the ground, throwing them in the trash, before she walked over to Tommy’s side checking all the monitor’s and writing some stuff down in her file.

Instantly after the initial shock and adrenaline had faded Tommy noticed how tired he was. He hadn’t even been asleep for about three hours before his body decided to fail him.

“I’ll be going Tommy, we're going to keep a close eye on you through the rest of the morning,” She said before she turned to look at Tommy, “if you need anything at all don’t be afraid to ask your nurse.”

Tommy nodded too tired for words. She smiled before walking toward the door, getting ready to leave. Instead she turned around and faced Tommy once more.

“We also contacted your family after we noticed they weren’t here.”

“Oh, ok. Thank you.” Tommy had forgotten that they weren’t here but the reminder stung just a bit.

“Will you be alright by yourself?”

Once more Tommy nodded, he regretted it though because the pain pills hadn’t kicked in yet and the motion hurt his head just a bit more.

“Alright I leave you be.” and with that, she was gone and Tommy was alone yet again.

Tommy had a hard time going back to sleep, in fact he didn’t even remember when he did fall asleep but he must have because now someone was shaking him awake.

It was a very soft shake, more of a nudge. There was a beam of light on his face and a hand in his hair. He felt quite warm despite the room always being cold. He could feel the weight of extra blankets on top of him. He heard the soft mumble of voices, he couldn’t quite pin who they were though.

“It was a bit scary, just because it was so sudden.” He knew that voice, he had heard it just a few hours ago. His doctor was back and talking to someone.

“God, I should have come back right after I found out.” Techno, the other person was Techno.

“It’s alright, misunderstandings happen. It wasn’t very serious and even if we hadn’t noticed he would have been fine, it was just that we wanted to ease the pain as much as we could,” She laughed, Tommy’s never heard her laugh, “he didn’t seem to notice though.”

“Good, thank you very much.” Techno sounded a bit less stressed, now that the doctor had reassured him that Tommy was in no danger.

“Just doing my job,” Tommy decided to wake up at this moment, turning over a bit to let them know he was waking up, “I’ll leave you be.” Tommy noticed she said that a lot.

Tommy sat up, Techno scooting back just a bit. He covered his eyes when the sun blinded him, and Techno got up to close the blinds. He really didn’t want to hear what Techno had to say but he also didn’t want his brother to worry. Techno turned around and apologetic look on his face, Tommy forgave him right then and there.

“Sorry I wasn’t here last night.” Techno walked a bit closer to the bed.

“Go on.” Tommy urged.

“I guess I owe you an explanation.” Techno huffed before he sat on the edge of the bed. Tommy moved over more and Techno got the hint. So he moved his entire body on the bed and sat right next to his little brother.

“Yes I believe you do.”

“Alright well I had an interview yesterday for a job I’d been pretty interested in,” Techno ran a hand through his hair, Tommy can’t remember the last time he saw Techno’s hair down, “but I wasn’t all there yesterday, I don’t know why, probably because dad is sick at you’re here and Wilbur had been,” Techno sighed again, struggling to find the right words, “what I'm saying is, there is no way I got the job, so I called dad and told him about how my day was going and he-” Tommy cut him off.

“Let me guess, he told you to go to the house.”

“Bingo. He said I should go there and get a good night’s sleep,” Techno chuckled to himself, recounting a memory Tommy would never know of, “but I told him I couldn’t leave you here. He said you’d be alright because Wilbur is gonna be with you,” Techno turned to look at Tommy, “I didn’t find out until around three in the morning that Wilbur wasn’t here and you were by yourself. So yeah, that was what happened, sorry.” Techno finished and let Tommy process all that he said.

“How did you find out? When the hospital called?”

“No uh, Wilbur called me. He was drunk out of his mind, hence why he’s not here.” Techno looked expectantly at Tommy, waiting for his next words.

“He was drinking? But he-, he told me-, he promised-,” After the first time Wilbur got drunk beyond belief and said some things he did not mean, Tommy made him promise he wouldn’t do it again. So this news hurt, just a bit.

“I know Tommy, and he’s really sorry and I know that you’re mad at him but you’re gonna have to hear him out.” Of course Techno was defending Wilbur, his other half, honestly what was Tommy expecting.

“Is it my fault?” Tommy asked, he already knew it was, he had been ignoring Wilbur.

“N-no.” Techno hesitated and that was all the confirmation Tommy needed.

“Okay, sure whatever.” Tommy scoffed.

“Tommy I sw-”

“So when did you get here?” Tommy cut him off and changed the subject.

“An hour after the hospital called.” Techno dropped their previous conversation.

“You were asleep and I wasn’t fully awake so I didn’t wake you up or anything. Dad wanted to come but he barely got over his cold like yesterday so the doctor told him to wait, just to be safe.”

“And Wil?”

“He wouldn’t tell me where he was but I was more worried about you than him, Dad went to look for him, he texted me an hour ago and said that they are both at home.” Tommy now knows that this is what happens when the mood maker decides to be in a bad mood. He made a promise to himself to apologize to all of them when they were together again.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Well what else am I supposed to say?” Tommy asked, looking at his brother with genuine confusion.

Techno only shrugged. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, neither knowing what to do now.

“Sorry.” Techno finally said.

“It’s okay, it’s not like it was on purpose.” Tommy reassured him.

“Yeah but-”

“Wanna watch a movie?” Tommy was really getting tired of talking about this subject.

“Sure.”

So they watched a movie and when that movie was done, they watched another. The day went on and it was just Tommy and Techno. They read books, colored in Tommy’s coloring book, watched more movies, had lunch, took a nap and cleaned just a bit. Tommy hadn’t realized it but he missed spending time with his brother. He missed both his brothers and his dad. He missed talking to them, laughing with them, hanging out with them, and overall just their presence. So that night, when he and Techno fell asleep, side by side, he promised himself that tomorrow, he would fix all that he had damaged.

When Wilbur walked in, Tommy tried to hide his surprise. His brother looked like shit and it almost looked like he would drop dead any second.

It was around early morning and Tommy had just woken up about an hour ago. Techno had gotten them breakfast from the cafeteria, the two talking while they ate their eggs and bacon. Tommy would say it was a pretty smooth morning. It seems Phil and Wilbur didn’t think so.

Tommy could tell Phil was mad, most likely at Wilbur but a small part of him wondered if the anger was directed at him. Wilbur sat down on the couch, Phil took a seat beside him. Techno and Tommy both watched with wary looks as if expecting Wilbur to pass out, or Phil to start yelling. No one said anything Tommy and Techno both too scared too, Phil and Wilbur not up for it. So Tommy, mustering up all the courage he could, bit the bullet and started the conversation.

“I’m sorry.” Tommy said to no one in particular. The other three were not expecting that. Immediately Phil’s anger washed away, Wilbur and Techno both looked at each other, then at Tommy.

“Why-no-you,” Phil sighed, then started again, “Why are you apologizing Tommy?”

Said boy only shrugged, looking down at his lap. “I thought maybe I should, I've been in a horrible mood lately.”

The three adults in the room were all stunned into silence.

“I know it’s probably not the main problem but it was most likely a factor.” Tommy elaborated a bit more.

“A factor?” Techno asked.

“You’ve all been like zombies or something. Going to work, coming back, sleeping, then doing it all over again. You all look like shit, no offence, you’re all probably really stressed and I haven’t been the most helpful so I thought I would apologize.” Tommy looked down at his lap, not bothering to look anyone in the eye.

No one said anything, the other three in the room seemed to still be processing Tommy’s words. Tommy was anticipating their next words. It stayed like this for a few minutes. The only sound were the sounds of all the monitors in the room, beeping and letting everyone know Tommy was still alive. Tommy could hear the sound of Wilbur’s heavy breathing, he could hear the birds outside chirping happily, he could also hear his own pulse, loud and taunting in his head.

“You don’t need to apologize for anything Tommy.” Then said boy heard his brother’s voice. He looked up half expecting Wilbur to not be looking at him, yet there he was looking at Tommy with the fondest look in his eyes.

“You’re right, we haven't been in the best condition lately, but that is not your fault.” His dad’s voice rang through his ears next.

“But I’ve been horrible lately.” Tommy just wanted them to accept the apology and move on.

“Yeah sure, the barley saying anything to us and refusing to spend anytime with us and the constant attitude-”

“Techno.” Their father said sternly.

“Hold on, I’m going somewhere with this,” Techno turned away from Phil to look at Tommy once more, “yeah all that hurt, just a bit, but it was expected.”

“What?” Tommy looked quite confused and he was a bit hurt by what Techno had said but he decided to not say anything about it.

“Your doctor said that there was bound to be a period where you were just angry. Angry at us, at her, at yourself, at the world.” Techno had obviously been expecting this to come, preparing for when they would talk about this, it was almost like he had memorized a whole speech. Tommy didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Techno said, running a hand through his long hair. This was the second day Tommy had seen it down, not up in a bun or a braid or even a ponytail.

“So what? You were just waiting for this to happen? You knew this was coming but instead of trying to prevent it you just let it come at you?” Tommy could feel his anger rising but he told himself to calm down.

“No Tommy we-” The boy cut his father off.

“You let me waste precious time by being mad at you? You guys just let me ignore you, let me ruin all the good we had left? You guys just…” Even though Tommy had tried to control his temper it didn’t serve him much good.

Again it was silent. Tommy really hated when they did this. Took their time coming up with what to do next, almost as if they were walking on landmines. Tommy felt like an explosive to them, one wrong move and it might ruin all that they had built.

“Precious time?” Wilbur asked. Tommy really wished he would say more than that.

“What about it?” Tommy asked, glaring at his brother.

“What do you mean by wasting precious time?” Tommy wanted Wilbur to stop looking at him like that, like he was seconds away from walking over and hugging him.

“I wasted time, by being mad at you, by ignoring you.” Tommy felt his vision begin to blur. Of course Wilbur was the one who would make him cry.

If anyone noticed the way tears began running down Tommy's face, they didn’t say anything, let alone do anything. Techno did seem like he was about to walk a little closer but he stopped himself when Wilbur spoke.

“I’m sorry Tommy.” Wilbur said, his voice was raw and full of emotion. All his anger and sadness, his regret and guilt seemed to spill out all over the floor when Wilbur spoke, but all Tommy could hear was the voice of his older brother he loved so much.

“Why?” Tommy asked, voice small and far away.

“For the past who knows how long.” Wilbur got up out of his seat, walking over to Tommy before he sat down on the edge of the bed, grabbing Tommy’s hands and holding them in his own.

Tommy huffed out a bit of laughter at that. It had felt like forever since he had a conversation with Wilbur.

“You asked me what was wrong not too long ago. You said I was lying when I told you I was fine. I told you I wasn’t, that I was telling you the truth. Then last night I broke my promise. I wasn’t here for you when you were in pain and if you weren’t so lucky I wouldn't have even got to say goodbye, let alone apologize.” Now Wilbur was crying too. It wasn’t as rare a sight as seeing Techno or Phil crying but it still hurt to see.

“I’m sorry too,” Phil said, standing up and walking directly behind Wilbur, putting his hands on his shoulders, “I should have been more persistent and then maybe we wouldn’t be here. Also for getting sick, and not being here last night.” In Tommy’s eyes Phil had done no wrong, yeah he was still pissed off at his dad for also keeping secrets from him but Tommy didn’t feel that it warranted an apology. Still, it felt nice to hear one.

“I already said sorry but I guess I could say it again, so sorry.” Techno walked to the other side of the bed, the Wilbur-less side and sat down.

Tommy laughed, at what he didn't know. It just felt nice, having his family around him, all of them apologizing when he should have been the one asking for their forgiveness. Laughing because all of a sudden reality was so...real. He was dying and he wasted such precious time being mad and ignoring his family for some of the dumbest reasons possible. It was a sad laugh, filled with tears and hiccups. No one else laughed with him.

“What was so important,” Tommy calmed himself down, “that you had to lie about it?” He looked at Wilbur, his face morphed into a sad smile.

“I quit both my jobs.” That wasn’t what Tommy was expecting.

Wilbur always had multiple jobs. It wasn’t like he really needed them though. Phil owned his own company for god sake, they have never struggled with money. Wilbur had wanted to do something for himself though, and wanted to make a name for himself. So during the week he alternated between jobs and playing gigs with his band. Wilbur had never liked being a ‘rich kid’ so he made sure he never took any of his dad’s money, sure he still lived in his dad’s house, but that was only because he couldn’t stand being apart from his family. So Tommy found it quite surprising that Wilbur had quit both his remaining jobs.

“Wha-, why?”

“Because like you said, time is precious and I intend to spend all my time with you.” Wilbur smiled just the tiniest bit more. His tears still slowly falling down his face.

If Tommy was hearing things correctly that meant that Wilbur quit both his jobs-the two jobs he had been so adamant about getting because he didn’t want to rely on Phil-just so he could spend more time with Tommy. That means that Tommy was ignoring his brother, who had only wanted to spend more time with him. He had ignored his brother who had just made a huge decision-that he was no doubt stressed about-just because Tommy meant the most to him.

“You quit...just to spend more time with me?” Tommy asked, his voice getting soft and quiet, barely a whisper, but Wilbur heard him.

“Yeah, why not?” Wilbur chuckled, more tears spilling down his cheeks.

Tommy felt his heart break just the tiniest bit. Wilbur had done so much, shifted his entire life, just for Tommy. The boy began to sob for the first time in a while, his head falling just the tiniest bit, so he wouldn’t have to look at Wilbur’s sad smile anymore. He then felt arms wrap around him, he didn’t care who it was, he hugged them back. It was Wilbur, of course, Tommy could tell because he smelled like coffee, the stench of alcohol was there but it was faint so Tommy didn't care all that much. He could feel as Wilbur held him just the tiniest bit tighter, resting his head on top of Tommy’s golden curls. The two sat there, Techno and Phil watching with sad eyes, as two of their favorite people in the world, held each other and cried.

Just because Tommy had fixed everything with his family, it didn’t make the following weeks any easier. He was getting worse, that much was evident. He couldn’t stand for too long otherwise he would get dizzy. His chest had fully healed from surgery but it didn’t mean that it had stopped hurting. He had also gotten skinnier, had more coughing fits, he had taken to sleeping most days or being tired through the rest of the day. It was obvious he was getting more and more sick as days went on, even a fool could figure that one out, but no one said anything about it.

Tommy also found himself resenting the world, for moving forward and not giving him a break. School had started up again for the fall about two weeks ago. Now Tommy had never been the biggest fan of learning or teachers, but here he was wishing he could be bored out of his mind in a classroom rather than bored out of his mind in a hospital.

Sometime in the last two weeks him and his family had been moved to a bigger hospital room. After the doctor had noticed how Tommy’s brothers and father were always coming and going, practically living in the hospital, she thought a bigger room would be better for them. Phil had said that the room they were previously in was fine, but the doctor insisted. So now they had a different, more large room.

Their new room had two beds instead of one this time, it also had a couch and just like the last one it folded out into a smaller bed. It had a window that looked out into the garden Tommy loved so much and a little bench under said window. The bathroom was just a bit bigger than the other room’s bathroom, and other than that, nothing much had changed. There was a closet in this room, allowing the three who (technically) weren’t permitted to be there all the time, a place to put their clothes. Tommy found the new room to be quite enjoyable.

Still even with the excitement of a new room, Tommy stayed angry at the world. Before he knew it September had come and gone, October around the corner ready to kick Tommy’s ass.

Techno had gotten a job, putting his English major to good use. He was an editor for the paper and he loved it. Tommy was proud of him, all of them were proud of him. At night Tommy would fall asleep to the sound of Techno typing and muttering to himself. Techno had begun to be himself again, Phil and Wilbur weren’t far behind.

After Phil had finally found hours that worked for him so he could be at work when they needed him, and still spend time with his boys, Tommy noticed how he looked less and less tired as days went by. He was also very adamant about protecting himself from getting sick again. Wilbur spent every waking moment with Tommy and though Tommy had said how annoying it was at first, he secretly loved it. The two were always doing something, whether it be watching movies, reading, coloring, talking, playing cards, or simply sleeping. Tommy found himself becoming less and less bored in that sad little hospital.

When all four of them were together it was the best. Sure, Tommy saw all of them daily, but it was rare that the four of them could do something together. With Techno and Phil working unusual hours, he would either get both Wilbur and Techno or Wilbur and Phil. When they were all together, Phil would go out and get some food from their favorite restaurant and they would eat, talk and enjoy being in each other’s company. Things were looking up for the three adults, Tommy could see it, still that didn’t mean things looked up for Tommy.

October had so far been-in Tommy’s opinion-it was quite exhausting, both physically and emotionally.

His doctor had started giving him a new treatment she said would be better for him. She had also prescribed some new medicine after Tommy had said the pain pills didn’t help with his headaches anymore. So there, that was the physical exhaustion.

The emotional exhaustion happened when his dad had asked if he wanted to go to school. Now Tommy knew that technically, if he wanted, he could go back to school. His doctor said it would be fine, but she didn’t recommend it. He wouldn’t be allowed to go on campus, he would just do all the work from his computer in the hospital. Tommy’s least favorite part of school was the work, still it was a tempting offer. Both his brother’s said it might be good for him, to have something to do other than waiting for the inevitable. That was where they are now, talking about what might be good for Tommy.

“I would do it.” Techno said, his eyes closed, sitting criss-cross on the bed in front of Tommy as Wilbur braided his hair.

“Of course you would, you’re a nerd.” Tommy said, poking his brother’s cheek.

“I’m not a nerd.” Techno said, opening his eyes to look at Tommy.

“Okay, and I’m not cool and handsome and charming and the biggest ladies man ever.” Tommy said, puffing his chest out just the tiniest bit.

“Glad we both agree on something.” Techno teased.

“Hey!” Tommy grabbed the pillow behind him before throwing it at his brother.

It would have hit Techno if he didn’t move at the last second, instead it hit Wilbur.

“Oh my god!” Wilbur said before taking the pillow and throwing it at Tommy.

Tommy screamed but it was muffled when the pillow hit him square in the face. Techno laughed but immediately shut up after Wilbur grabbed his hair and pulled him back to his previous spot.

“Ow, ow, ow, Wilbur you’re hurting me.” Techno said as he let himself be pulled.

“Good, now stay still, I have to start over because you ruined it.” Tommy watched as Wilbur began to begin a new braid, his brother’s face set with determination.

It wasn’t a rare sight, Wilbur braiding Techno’s hair. Sometimes Tommy would braid his hair too, or maybe even Phil. It was a skill they had all picked up years ago. Their mother had taught Techno to braid his hair, when it began getting quite long. She would braid Techno’s hair and in return he would braid her hair. Tommy and Wilbur had been quite jealous and insisted that their mother teach them to braid hair. Much to her amusement they learned surprisingly quickly, especially with Tommy being so little. Tommy could remember the first time he had braided his mother’s hair.

It was summer of course, all Tommy’s good memories are in summer. It was just her and Tommy sitting outside, sitting under that cursed tree in their backyard. She had praised Tommy for doing such a good job. Tommy ate up everything she was saying, agreeing and praising himself. The tree watched and listened as the two sat there, enjoying their day, then it decided to drop a branch right next to Tommy, scaring the shit out of him. Tommy thought it was quite funny how that tree seemed to have it out for him.

The more he thought about that tree the more he thought about the day he had climbed it. As if the tree had lured him in only to throw him out at the last minute. He remembers his dad warning him about the tree, how Techno had teased him saying he couldn’t climb it. That all seemed so distant now, yet as Tommy thought about it more and more, the more he seemed to regret not listening to his dad.

“Wish I’d never fallen out of that tree.” Tommy said, interrupting the conversion Wilbur and Techno seemed to be having.

“Why?” Techno asked, looking expectantly at his youngest brother.

“Then I wouldn’t be here.” Tommy gestured to the room, the hospital in general.

“You’d still be sick,” Wilbur said quietly, almost as if he was talking to himself “you’d still be here.”

“No I wouldn’t, because we wouldn’t have acknowledged the tumor therefore it wouldn’t have existed and I wouldn’t be dying.” Tommy stated in a matter-of-fact sort of way.

“That’s not how it works.” Techno frowned.

“Let me have this, let me be mad at a tree instead of my weak immune system.” Tommy whined, hoping his brother would just leave his logic out of this.

Techno sighed, before agreeing, much to Tommy’s amusement, “Fine, we can blame the tree.”

“Fuck that tree.” Tommy smiled

“Yeah, fuck that tree” Wilbur agreed.

Both of them looked at Techno expectantly. As if they were both challenging him to say something against what they were both declaring.

Once again, Techno sighed, “Fuck that tree.”

Tommy smiled and for a moment all was good.

That night, when Phil asked Tommy if he had decided whether he was going to school or not, Tommy confidently said no.

October ended quicker than it had arrived and Tommy found himself wishing he had enjoyed it more. Halloween, usually Tommy’s second favorite holiday, had been a huge let down. All the candy Tommy had been offered would not stay down, so that night he spent it hunched over the toilet, his dad rubbing soothing circles on his back. October was done and so far it didn't seem that his last year was getting any better.

November made itself known, there was always a reason Tommy hated that stupid month. November was cold, Tommy felt the cold all through the night and day. Even when the sun would leak into the room and gently kiss Tommy’s skin, the cold was always present. Sure, October had been cold but November had decided to rain hell upon Tommy. Now because this winter was supposed to be cold enough to snow, Tommy was being restricted to his room. The doctor was afraid of all the people who would come to the hospital sick and possibly getting Tommy sick. Even his own family members were asked to wear masks if they were walking through the hospital. The universe really was out to get Tommy.

Staying warm had started to feel like a chore. His body worked overtime to make sure he didn’t die before his year was up, so did his nurse. Wilbur would constantly force Tommy to wear a sweater or at least extra layers. Staying awake some days felt like a chore. Soon Tommy found himself sleeping almost all day. Then one day when Wilbur brought Tommy soup, he noticed how even eating felt tedious and chore-like.

Tommy had never been self conscious about his weight or anything of the sort. Sure he’d been made fun of a few times for being ‘too skinny’, but that was a long time ago. He had never struggled to eat or to not eat, yet here he was doing his best to eat food.

He can’t really pinpoint when it started. Maybe it was after his doctor told him he had lost too much weight in such a short amount of time. She had told him that he would need to eat at least five meals a day if he didn’t want to lose any more weight. Maybe it was after his clothes looked too big on him. Somewhere along the line Tommy had stopped eating, the opposite of what he was told to do. Maybe it was to spite his doctor for calling him “underweight” maybe it was because he was tired of throwing up, either way, he stopped.

No one noticed either, that is until it became a problem. November was already coming to an edn and Tommy couldn’t even remember what had happened in the stupid month. It was one day till the month was over and Tommy had officially cut food out of his life one month ago. Wilbur had come with some sandwiches from the cafeteria, talking with his mouth full about how busy it was today. Tommy didn’t really listen, too busy staring at the sandwich in his lap.

It was one of the rare days where all four of them were there. Phil was talking to Techno as said son typed away on his computer. Wilbur had slept most of the day but now that he was up Tommy could tell he was full of energy.

Tommy stared at the sandwich, arguing with himself. One part of his brain told him he should eat it just so that no one gets suspicious. Another part told him to just hide it till he could throw it away. Tommy must have been zoned out for too long though because Wilbur had noticed how Tommy wasn’t listening.

“What?” Tommy asked when Wilbur shook him just the tiniest bit.

“I asked,” Wilbur said slowly, “if you’re alright?”

Tommy hesitated, his one fatal mistake, “Yeah.”

“Bullshit.” Wilbur scoffed.

“W-what?” Tommy was still a bit out of it, his mind screaming and giving him a headache he was sure would split his brain open.

“You’re not eating. You’re just staring at the sandwich like it’s gonna hurt you.” Wilbur picked up the sandwich, looking at it closely.

“Wilbur it’s n-” He never got to finish though, because just then his doctor walked in.

“Afternoon boys.” She said before she walked over to Tommy’s monitors.

“Afternoon.” Wilbur smiled, his polite smile that everyone always complimented him on.

“How are you today Tommy?” She asked before she began fiddling with his monitors and medicine.

“Good.” Tommy lied, he was not doing good at all.

“That’s good,” Sometime from when Tommy and Wilbur were talking to when he began talking to his doctor both Phil and Techno had walked over to where Tommy was, “I’m only in here because your nurse said that according to your recent blood work you’re iron dropped as have a few other things.”

“Oh.” Tommy didn’t know what else to say. Of course he knew why his iron may have dropped but he wasn’t about to say anything.

His family seemed to be talking among themselves, not with words of course, with their eyes. They sent worried glances to each other and questioning looks. Tommy caught the tail end of Wilbur shrugging.

“Hmmm, worse than I thought.” She mumbled to herself, Tommy almost didn’t hear it, almost being the key word.

“Everything okay?” Phil asked, seems he heard her too.

“Yeah just want to make sure of something,” She smiled at Phil before she turned to Tommy, “have you been eating okay Tommy?”

Shit. Tommy was in deep shit.

“I guess.” He shrugged, there was no way out of this one.

“Well according to this,” She said pointing to her paperwork, “you haven’t.”

“Oh.” God he was screwed.

“Tommy, I understand that eating may be harder than it usually is but it’s crucial that you eat something. Could you do that, for your own health and if not for you then for your family.” She looked at Tommy with...with pity, and Tommy lost it.

What does she know about how Tommy feels. Sure eating has become harder and honestly quite scary but that doesn’t mean she can call him out on it. She had no idea how hard it is to keep food down, to even look at food. She had no idea how hard Tommy tried to listen, how much he misses eating good food. She may be his doctor but she sure as hell is not his therapist, she doesn’t get to say things like “I understand” or look at him with pity. She doesn't get to guilt trip him and get away with it.

“I’m trying too but it's kinda hard.” Tommy said through gritted teeth.

“I understand that-” He cut off whatever kind words she was going to say next.

“Please for the love of god, stop saying that!” Tommy blurted out, and immediately he knew he was going to regret the conversation that came next.

“Tommy.” Phil said, trying to sound stern but overall sounding shocked.

“I’m-excu-pardon?” His doctor struggled to find her words.

“Please stop saying that.” Tommy looked at her stunned face.

“Tommy.” Wilbur said softly.

“No! I’ve had enough of people telling me they understand and what-not. They don't! They don’t understand how hard it is to keep the food down, to even look at it. How hard it is to be stuck in this room all day. To know that all my friends get to have ‘normal’ lives and go to school and be out in the cold. How hard it is to just get up in the morning! So stop, please,” Tommy caught his breath, “stop saying you understand.” His anger had all been spilled out while he ranted and now he was significantly more calm.

Everyone in the room looked at him, stared at him, as if expecting him to explode once more. Soon enough he could feel all eyes on him and he turned a deep shade of red.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled.” He apologized looking at his doctor.

“No, it’s alright, I’m glad you said something. Also I should be the one apologizing,” She shook herself out of the trance she seemed to be in, “I’m sorry Tommy, I shouldn’t have assumed that you were purposefully not eating.”

“It’s fine.” Tommy said, giving her a small smile.

“Maybe we take baby steps, we have something we could give you so that you still get all your nutrients without eating,” She returned Tommy’s smile, “but you’re still going to need to eat physical food.”

Tommy nodded in understanding.

“In smaller portions of course, I'll have your nurse bring you food at certain hours of the day. I’m sure your family can help you with the eating bit.” She closed her file before putting it under her arm.

“Of course we can.” Wilbur spoke, he sounded...determined.

“Good,” She smiled a bit more, “I’ll be going, thank you for talking to me Tommy.” With that she was gone and the small family were the only ones left in the room.

There was the tiniest amount of tension in the room and for a moment Tommy forgot that he had yelled at his doctor. He had also forgotten that his dad and brothers witnessed the whole thing.

“Sorry.” He said, not bothering to turn around and look at any of them.

Instead of yelling, Tommy's ears heard the sound of laughter.

“It’s okay mate,” His dad pulled him into a hug, “I’m glad you said something.”

Tommy melted into the hug, “I’m glad I did too.”

Tommy had always found his family to be quite funny. They lived in the United Kingdom but his mother was from America, so she didn’t have an accent like everyone else in the surrounding area. She also celebrated holidays that weren’t native to where they lived. Tommy remembers being told that Phil and his mother had placed bets on which accents they would have. Apparently they were both wrong. The twins had grown up with both partners yet Wilbur had an English accent and Techno an American one. Tommy had spent a lot of time with Wilbur growing up, hence the English accent. So they were always a mix of accents and traditions. Even though their mother was the only American one, they celebrated Thanksgiving. Tommy had found it to be quite an enjoyable holiday.

This year had been quite different. Their mother had opted out of making the turkey, passing that job to Phil and Techno. The two complained but nonetheless obliged. Wilbur and Tommy helped their mother make the side dishes. The five of them had spent hours cooking and talking. At one point Wilbur had burnt the pie and Tommy had complained about having to make another one. They fought for a solid five minutes before their mother put a stop to it. Other than that, it was easy going.

Soon dinner was ready and Tommy was excited to eat. He took his usual seat next to Wilbur. Techno sat at the end of the table, in between Wilbur and their mother. Phil sat next to his wife and together the five of them began to eat. Wilbur helped Tommy reach the food he couldn’t get and before he knew it his plate was filled with all the food his family had prepared, yet he couldn’t eat it.

No matter how hard he tried. The fork was too heavy to lift, so was his spoon. So after he tried and failed over and over to pick up a utensil, he opted on using his hands. It would have worked too, if the food didn’t disappear before it reached his mouth. He tried, again and again, but soon all the food on his plate had disappeared. He sat there, astounded and scared.

“Why won’t you eat Tommy?” His mother asked, and when he looked up from his plate he found that it was only the two of them at the table.

“I can’t,” He simply replied.

“Yes you can.” She smiled softly at him.

“I’m trying mom, I just can’t.” He didn’t know why but suddenly he was crying.

“I believe in you Tommy. Do it for me,” she smiled once more, “okay?”

“Okay.” With that everything around him faded and Tommy found himself sitting upright in his bed, tears streaming down his face.

He was sobbing, his mothers face was fading and soon he couldn’t remember what he had promised. Then he was coughing, his tears found their way to his mouth and he tasted salt.
He doesn't even remember falling asleep, it must have been after his doctor had come back with a schedule of when he would be brought food. It didn’t matter though because he couldn’t stop crying, he couldn’t stop coughing. Then he felt Wilbur wrap his arms around him. He could smell the way Wilbur’s clothes wreaked the hospital, no longer smelling like their home. He could feel the way Wilbur’s breathing was slow and he did his best to copy it. He felt the way Wilbur’s hand ran through his hair, twisting and playing with the strands of gold. Tommy found himself calming down, breathing becoming more even and his crying had ceased.

Wilbur held him for the rest of the night, playing with his hair and whispering reassurances. In any other situation Tommy would have told his brother off, would have pushed him away. Tommy had never been more grateful for his older brother. That night Tommy fell asleep easily, wrapped in Wilbur’s embrace.

Chapter Text

December, the month filled with cold days and warm nights by the fireplace. Hot chocolate and candy canes, the smell of Christmas trees wafting through the air. Christmas break, visiting family and friends. Listening to music you’ve heard too many times to count. Hiding presents around the house in fear that someone might find them. Staying up late to watch movies you’ve seen a million times. Christmas was Tommy’s favorite holiday. Every year his family did the same thing, it gave them a sense of familiarity. This year was Tommy’s last Christmas and that haunted him every single day. 

Things had been relatively slow. With most of the nurses on holiday, visiting family. The only one Tommy really saw was his personal nurse and his doctor. Treatment was still kicking Tommy’s ass, and if he had been bad before he was getting so much worse. 

At first Tommy had found it really hard to stay awake, he was constantly tired. Now he had trouble staying asleep. After his treatment he was exhausted but trying to go to sleep, or trying to stay asleep was a challenge itself. 

No one noticed at first, then one night Phil woke up at around 3 in the morning to find Tommy wide awake. 

“Tommy.” He had said, concern slipping into his voice. 

“Morning.” Tommy joked but Phil didn’t laugh. 

“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you asleep?” Phil asked, getting up from the couch and walking towards where Tommy lay. 

“Can’t.” Tommy felt that was enough, that Phil would get what he meant. 

“Can’t?” Apparently Tommy was wrong. 

“Yeah, I can’t.” Tommy said as Phil sat down next to him on the bed. 

“Why not?” Tommy moved over a bit more so that his dad could lay down next to him. 

“Don’t know, it’s just hard to go to sleep.” Tommy turned on his side to look at his dad. 

“You haven’t said anything to your doctor yet, have you?” Phil wasn’t really asking a question-Tommy knew that-Phil was making a statement. He knew for a fact Tommy had not said anything to his doctor. 

“What do you think?” Tommy asked. 

“I’ll take that as a no.” Phil laughed lightly so as to not disturb the other two people, asleep, in the room. 

Neither of them said anything. They just laid there, enjoying each other’s company. Tommy didn’t really know what to say, where this conversation was even going in the first place. 

“Sorry.” Tommy said he had apologized way too many times to count in the past few weeks. 

“It’s alright mate.” Phil was falling asleep Tommy could tell, but he smiled at the way Phil tried his best to stay awake. 

“You’re gonna tell her, aren’t you?” Tommy made a face at Phil, something between concern and confusion. 

Phil sighed, “I have to Tommy.” 

“I know.” Tommy ended the conversation right there. 

That night Tommy was delighted to find that sleep had come a bit easier. He fell asleep half an hour after Phil. The sun was what woke Tommy up, not the loud whispers of his family or the unusually loud beeping of his monitors. 

Phil was no longer lying next to him, instead he was sitting on the other bed, the one Techno and Wilbur share. Tommy always found it quite funny, the way Techno and Wilbur had been sharing a bed for the past three weeks. The couch was where Phil would sleep and some nights, when Wilbur would sleep in the same bed as Tommy, Phil and Techno would share the other bed. 

The three were sitting on the bed, talking or “whispering” among themselves. Even though Tommy had just woken up and he was still quite tired, he laughed when he realized he could hear their whole conversation. They were discussing Tommy’s sleeping dilemma as well as Christmas plans. His laugh startled all three of them, causing Tommy to laugh just a bit more. 

“Why are you laughing?” Wilbur asked, glaring softly at Tommy.

“Because I could hear your whole conversation.” The boy said, sleepiness still evident in his voice, his movements a bit sluggish. 

The three stared at him a bit surprised that the youngest was wide awake. 

“Sorry,” Phil said, “were we being loud?” 

“Just a bit.” Tommy said, giving them a small smile as to reassure them that it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

“Maybe we weren’t too loud, maybe you’re just a light sleeper.” Wilbur teased as he laid down next to Tommy, throwing himself dramatically on the bed. 

Tommy rolled his eyes and let Wilbur hug him, he would never push Wilbur away, never again. 

“What are we doing for Christmas?” Tommy asked, his voice muffled by Wilbur’s shoulder. 

“That’s what we were trying to figure out.” Wilbur responds. 

Tommy rolls his eyes, no one seeing the action and he gently pushes Wilbur slightly back so he can breathe. Wilbur takes the hint and lets go of Tommy, still keeping an arm around his little brother. 

“We talked to your doctor and she’s going to get back to us.” Phil said and Tommy turned to find him no standing at the end of Tommy’s bed. 

He had noticed that recently his family takes to orbiting around him. They seem to be watching all that he does, with worried glances and stressed smiles. Tommy knows it’s because they are scared for the day that Tommy breaks and they can’t put him back together again. 

“We’re trying to plan for multiple scenarios.” Techno says, sitting on the other bed. Tommy had to turn his head and peer over Wilbur's shoulder to get a good look at his oldest brother. 

“Multiple?” Tommy asked looking at Phil for answers, his dad always had answers.

Phil only nodded and even though Tommy wants more than that he keeps quiet and doesn’t ask anymore questions. 

Tommy’s doctor didn’t stop by until the sun was setting. The whole day Tommy had been doing anything he could to keep himself occupied. It was one of the rare and long days where all of his family has work and they don’t come back till later in the day. He had watched movies, finished his book and when his phone got boring he decided to do a bit of coloring in his coloring book. Needless to say his day was quite uneventful.

Then there was a knock on the door and Tommy yelled for whoever it was to come in. 

“Good evening Tommy.” His doctor smiled as she walked into the room. Her long white coat followed her and Tommy noticed that there was also a small person trailing behind her.

 “I’m sorry I didn’t stop by earlier but with most of my staff gone I’ve had to do a lot of things myself.” She gave Tommy her signature smile and checked all of his monitors and her files, just like everyone she comes into his room.

“It’s alright.” Tommy said and that’s when he saw the little girl, the one who had given him the coloring book. 

His doctor noticed the way looked at the little girl and smiled softly before introducing her. 

“Tommy, this is my daughter. I hope you don’t mind her coming in here, I just couldn’t find a sitter today and she doesn’t like waiting in my office.” His doctor set a gentle hand on the little girl's head and Tommy was quite shocked to say the least. 

“No it’s alright. I’ve just- We- I’ve met her before.” Tommy said as he looked at his doctor who had a look of shock on her face.

“You have?” She asked looking down at the little girl who held right to her leg. 

“Well I wouldn’t say we’ve “met”, more like she’s given me gifts then run away.” Tommy says leaning back into the pillows when his back starts hurting just a bit too much. 

“Ah yes, that’s how she talks.” His doctor chuckled, closing her file and checking Tommy’s pills.

“She can’t talk?” Tommy knew it was probably rude to ask that and if Phil were here he would reprimand him but Tommy is curious and Phil isn’t here.

“Bingo,” his doctor finishes her checkup and stands at the end of Tommy’s bed, “she was born mute.” 

“Oh.” Tommy was not expecting that.

“She knows sign language of course but usually she gives things to people and expects them to understand what she’s trying to say.” His doctor laughs before writing something down in her file quickly, “it’s not very effective.” She laughs once more. 

Tommy smiles, probably the most genuine smile he has ever given to his doctor. 

“I came in here to talk about your Christmas and what I have decided would be best for your family, concerning your health.” His doctor keeps her smile but now the atmosphere in the room has changed from relaxed to serious. Tommy’s smile falls.

He had hoped with the way his family was talking earlier that maybe they would be able to go home for Christmas. A part of him also wanted to stay at the hospital, mainly because he thinks that this time if he goes back home, he won’t be able to leave. still a bigger part of him wanted to see his house adorned in Christmas decorations one last time. He had let himself hope, just a little bit, that the universe would be so kind to give him this one last gift.

“Right.” Tommy nodded, urging his doctor to go on.

“I would have preferred to talk to your whole family but I also think it’s important for you to make this decision yourself.” Her kind smile morphed into a sad one and Tommy wished she wouldn’t pity him. 

“Yeah okay I can do that.” Tommy had no clue what he was doing.

“In this situation there is really only two options,” His doctor started, “you can stay here, continue with his things have been going, nothing will change other than the fact that there may be a Christmas tree in here,” Tommy snorted a laugh at that one, “or, you can go home for a few days and I mean no more than four days.” 

Tommy didn’t even think about it, how hard it might be to leave, how hard it might be to see his home once more. He chose the second option and he would choose it a hundred times over. 

“Alright,” She chuckled at his enthusiastic answer, “You will have to be taking more pills though and you can not do anything strenuous. So no walking up stairs or down hills or getting up too much. I’ll run everything by your family but I thought I should tell you first.” 

Tommy nodded and constantly assured her that he would be okay the entire time she was in the room. Once she was gone Tommy noticed how dark it had gotten and knew that soon his family would be back. He hoped he would get to tell them the news before his doctor. He never got to though because no matter how excited he was or how difficult it had become to sleep recently, Tommy fell asleep quicker than he ever had before.

“No, it's crooked.” Techno said from his spot beside Tommy.

“Yeah it’s not right, Wil.” Tommy agrees.

Wilbur huffs angrily before letting the lights hang over the window, one tack holding them there. 

“Then you do it, Techno. It’s not as easy as it looks.” He whines as he throws himself on top of Tommy’s legs, Techno already getting up to go fix Wilbur’s mess.

“Way ahead of you.” Tommy can practically hear the way Techno smirks.

Tommy does his best to stifle a laugh when Techno does it perfectly the first time. Wilbur just scowls and promptly shoves his face into the blankets on the hospital bed. 

“I guess it really was as easy as it looked.” Tommy teased before Wilbur threw a pillow at his face. 

The three were waiting for Phil, he was supposed to be back a while ago but the snow was causing him some problems. He had gone out to get something to eat and so his sons were decorating the sad little hospital room in lieu of Christmas. They were going to go home on the twenty third, one day before Christmas Eve and they were going to stay till the twenty sixth, one day after Christmas. Tommy was a lot more giddy than usual. He was quietly waiting for the week to go by as quickly as it possibly could but then again he didn’t want any time to pass at all. He wanted to stay exactly where he was, watching his brothers argue over the Christmas decorations, wrapped in three blankets as warm as he could be, silently waiting for Christmas day. 

“No, I like the blue ones better.” Tommy heard Wilbur whine.

“Those ones hurt my eyes.” Techno said as he hung up some soft golden lights. 

“But they look so cool.” Wilbur complained. 

“I’m not letting you put those up.” Techno said softly glaring at Wilbur. 

Wilbur rolled his eyes and then when he noticed Tommy watching them, a small smile on his face, Wilbur had an idea. 

“Why don’t we let Tommy pick which lights to hang up.” Wilbur smirked going and sitting beside Tommy. 

The youngest of the three had noticed that whenever the opportunity presented itself, Wilbur would sit next to Tommy. If anyone asked he would lie and say he hated how clingy Wilbur was, that of course wasn’t the truth. 
 
“That’s not fair and you know it.” Techno frowned. 

“Why not?” Wilbur said acting as if he has no clue what his twin is implying by that statement. 

“Because Tommy’s just gonna vote for whatever you want.” The oldest said before turning back to hanging up the lights in his hands. “He listens to whatever you say.”

“No I don’t!” Tommy yelled, offended by the facts Techno spoke. 

His older brothers both rolled their eyes, ignoring him. 

“Are you implying that this is a rigged vote?” Wilbur feigned innocence. 

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m implying.” Techno turned back to face his brothers. 

“Honestly Techno, how could you ever imply such a thing.” Wilbur said, feigning hurt. 

Techno scoffed, “Fine, let's have Tommy vote.” 

Wilbur grinned and Techno mirrored him. Tommy could tell that they both had a trick up their sleeves but he was far too scared to ask. 

“Alright Tommy,” Techno started holding up two different strands of lights, “which one should we use, the nice and easy on the eyes gold lights or the ugly blinding blue ones.” 

“You can’t word it like that,” Wilbur frowned, “it makes the blue ones sound bad.” 

“That’s because they are.” Techno rolled his eyes. 

Tommy looked between the two lights and considered his options. One the one hand the golden ones were classic and kind looking. Like Techno had said they were easy on the eyes and Tommy could appreciate that. On the other hand the blue ones were a bit…bright. Tommy had to squint at them so they wouldn’t make his headache any worse. Then he looked at his brothers who were watching him, waiting for his answer. Techno looked smug like he already knew what Tommy was going to pick and Wilbur, well Wilbur was smiling and Tommy almost gave in to what Wilbur wanted, he almost picked the blue lights. Then he remembered what Techno has said about Tommy doing whatever Wilbur wanted and Tommy decided right then and there that he needed to protect his image. 

“I pick the gold ones.” Tommy said and he watched as Wilbur’s smile fell. 

“How could you?!” Wilbur shrieked, startling Tommy. 

“I knew it. His ego is more important to him than you.” Techno chuckled as he walked back to his previous spot by the window. 

“This is your fault!” Wilbur yelled, standing up and walking over to Techno. 

“Exactly how is it my fault?” Techno knew the answer to that and Tommy could tell by the way his brother smirked at Wilbur. 

“You were playing your stupid mind tricks on him,” Wilbur explained, pointing an accusatory finger at his twin “and now thanks to you I’ve lost my most devoted follower.” 

“I didn’t eve-” Tommy cut Techno off before he could even get halfway through his sentence. 

“Follower?! I’m not your follower, bitch!” 

Techno rolled his eyes and smiled the entire time his two brothers argued. Tommy of course did all that he could to protect his “big man” image but every point that Wilbur made only supplied to the fact that Tommy had way too much faith in Wilbur. Techno chimed in at one point but promptly shut up after Tommy threw a pillow at him. Eventually the two tired themselves out and by the time they came to a truce, Techno had finished decorating the room and their dad had come back. 

“The room looks nice boys!” Phil complimented as he walked into the room. He was carrying some bag presumably with their food in it and he was dragging in a box almost as tall as himself. 

“Don’t listen to anything those liars say, I did it all by myself.” Techno puffed his chest a little bit. 

“Whatever.” Wilbur mumbled from his post next to Tommy. 

“What is that?” Tommy asked, pointing to the large box behind Phil. 

“Oh, this is our tree.” Phil smiled as all three of his boys gave him a puzzled look. 

“Our tree? I thought you said we weren't getting a tree for the room because we're going home in a few days.” Tommy really didn’t want to be told they weren’t going home, that would honestly ruin the whole month. 

“Don’t worry mate!” Phil could sense Tommy’s growing fear and wanted to put a stop to it as quickly as possible, “We’re gonna go home I just thought since we’re spending most of the holiday here, I should get us a tree.” 

Tommy felt the breath he was holding in release itself from his lungs and his anxiety soon began subsiding. 

“Oh, okay.” Tommy could feel the eyes of all three of his family members looking at him, anticipating what he would say next. 

“It’s not real so it will be much easier to manage.” Phil said as Techno helped him open the box. 

Tommy watched as Wilbur got up and helped his twin and their dad unbox the tree and set it up in the only open corner. They had to bend the branches down and after a bit of messing with the tree it finally looked (somewhat) real. Tommy had teased them the entire time, making their job just that much harder. 

“What do you think? I know you prefer real trees but…” Phil trailed off, waiting for Tommy’s answer. 

Tommy looked at the tree, inspecting every inch of it. From where he sat on his bed he could tell that it was short, Wilbur had to bend down a bit to reach some of the branches. It was also true that Tommy preferred real trees, simply because his mom had preferred real trees and the smell of the trees remind him of her. This tree was fine though and Tommy felt that it would be a good placeholder in his heart, until they can go home and get a real tree. 

“I like it.” Tommy smiled at his dad and in return he got a smile that mirrored his own. 

That night Tommy and his small family decorated the tree. It took longer than Tommy would like to admit, solely because he had to take breaks about every five minutes otherwise he felt like he was going to pass out. Other than that, it was smooth sailing and they decorated the tree all while eating dinner and watching Christmas movies. Tommy knew that by far this wasn’t the best Christmas he’s ever had, but the more he thought about it. The more he realized that this was the best last Christmas he could ever ask for. 

The days went by faster than Tommy would like to admit and soon he found himself packing some of his stuff to take home with him. His doctor had instructed him on how to take care of himself the entire time he was home. 

“Pills Tommy, don’t leave those.” She instructed as Tommy threw his toothbrush into a plastic bag. 

“I know.” Tommy rolled his eyes as he walked back into the main room where his doctor was checking his monitors. 

“I’m going to fix the prescription for these when you get back.” Tommy’s doctor said as she inspected the bottle of pills in her hand. 

“Again?” Tommy whined and his doctor gave him a knowing look, he promptly shut up. 

It was just the two of them in the room. Tommy had just finished his last round of treatment for the next two weeks and he was exhausted, so his doctor had offered to help him pack some stuff considering that the rest of his family had already left for work and his nurse was now on holiday. So the two had been running around the room grabbing Tommy’s meds and his doctor checked his monitors every once in a while. Tommy felt that she was hovering more than helping, not that he minded all that much. In the past few weeks Tommy found that he began to enjoy his doctor’s company. 

“Is that everything?” His doctor asked surveying the room. It was relatively clean, the Christmas decorations made it look cluttered but other than that there was not much of a mess. 

“Yep,” Tommy nodded, “Oh! I almost forgot.” Tommy shouted before he jumped across his bed to his drawers, earning a scolding from his doctor who had previously told him to relax and not overexert himself. 

“We got you a present.” Tommy said, walking back to where his doctor was standing. 

“A present?” His doctor seemed a bit surprised, almost as if she wasn’t expecting that. To be fair, she wasn’t because up until recently she believed Tommy despised her. 

“Yeah, well this one’s for you,” Tommy said handing her a small box, “this one is for your daughter.” He handed her another box a bit bigger than the previous one. 

“Oh.” She said, genuine surprise slipped into her voice as she took both boxes. 

“I picked them both out, my dad just ordered them for me.” Tommy rolled his eyes, a smile gracing his pale face. 

“Thank you, as a matter of fact my daughter got you a present.” His doctor smiled and Tommy smiled just a bit more at that. 

“She did?” 

“Yeah, I’ll bring it to you before you leave tomorrow.” 

“Alright.” Tommy nodded his smile, never once faltering. 

“Thank you Tommy, I‘m sure we’ll both love whatever is inside both of these.” His doctor said giving the boxes a gentle shake. 

“It’s nothing.” Tommy waved her off. 

She continued to smile, at Tommy’s antics, at the thought of the boy caring enough to buy her a gift when just a few months ago she thought he hated her. Only once she exited Tommy’s room did the smell of rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer remind her that this boy whose company she has come to enjoy is in the hospital and in less than half a year, he will no longer be around. Only then did her smile falter. 

Tommy would never know how she felt, he would never see how heartbroken she looked as she left his wing of the hospital because he was too busy preparing for his last Christmas.

“You got everything you need?” Techno asked Tommy for the millionth time. As much as Tommy loves his older brother, he really wishes he would stop hovering.

“Yes Techno,” Tommy rolled his eyes at the older, “I don’t need that much stuff anyway.” 

Techno raised an eyebrow at that.

“Most of my stuff is at home and we’re only gonna be there for three and a half days.” Tommy clarified after seeing the confusion on Techno’s face.

“While you do bring up a good point.” Wilbur cut into their conversation as he walked into the room, “a lot of your stuff is here and we just wanna make sure you’re comfortable.” Wilbur smiled as he sat next to Techno, directly across from Tommy.

Tommy rolled his eyes once more and immediately regretted it once he felt how badly his head was throbbing. Both of his brothers seemed to notice his distress and Techno began rummaging through Tommy’s bag of pills. After a solid minute of searching Techno handed the bottle of painkillers to Tommy and Wilbur handed him a small cup of water. Tommy took both, thankful for his brothers. 

He could see the way the twins watched him, worry etched into their faces. He didn’t like that sight at all and after the pills were long gone and in his stomach, he tried to change the subject.

“Where’s dad?” Tommy asked, clearing his throat before he spoke. 

“Talking with your doctor.” Wilbur said, standing up to take the empty cup from Tommy.

“About?” Tommy would really like to know what his doctor said about him behind his back.

Both of his brothers just shrugged and avoided eye contact. Tommy saw that as a challenge.

“What are they talking about?” Tommy tried once more to get the truth.

Tommy could tell by the way both of his brothers sulked it wasn’t anything good, yet he still wanted to know. Call him curious but he was just tired of being left in the dark. He knew that eventually he would learn what their conversation was about, maybe sometime in the next month but he would really just like to know now. Looking at his brothers once more Tommy knew the only way to get information was through guilt tripping Wilbur.

 So he sighed and told them, “It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me anything,” and he silently watched as Wilbur caved in.

“They are considering keeping you here through Christmas.” Wilbur blurted and both Techno and Tommy were shocked to hear what he said. Techno because he thought Wilbur was stronger than that and Tommy because his dreams were now being crushed.

“What?!” 

“Wilbur!” Tommy barely registered Techno yelling and whacking Wilbur back side the head.

“I’m sorry, he just looked so-“ Techno cut his twin off.

“Yeah that’s how he gets you. God you two are just…” Techno trailed off shaking his head.

“Why wouldn’t they tell me about that?” Tommy said, staring at his two brothers with pleading eyes.

“Because they didn’t want to stress you out and make your condition worse.” Techno sighed looking up at Tommy. 

“That’s such bullshit.” Tommy didn’t even bother acting like this situation hadn’t upset him. 

“Trust me, we know.” Wilbur said, head still hanging low. 

The three brothers sighed in unison all a bit surprised that the other two had mirrored their actions. Tommy couldn’t contain his smile when he saw the shock on both of his brothers faces. It was no surprise for the twins to be in unison, they always were, but it was quite different when all three of them were in sync. Tommy always liked when they would all mirror each other's actions, on accident of course, he felt like a part of something, it made him feel less alone. 

Wilbur stifled a laugh and Tommy could see as Techno did his best not to smile at their situation. For a moment the three forgot that their life was falling apart at the seams. 

"Why must you two always copy me?” Techno said, shaking his head once more. Tommy could see the smile his brother had been trying to hide find its way onto his face. 

“Copy you?” Tommy and Wilbur both said, in unison once again. This time they descended into a fit of giggles. 

Wilbur grabbed onto Techno's arm to stabilize himself, and Tommy clutched his chest doing his best to not start coughing. Techno, being the big brother he is, scolded them both for being “too loud” and “too annoying” but the smile on his face gave away the fact that he really wasn’t mad at them. 

“What are you boys doing?” Phil said as he walked in and Tommy could hear the smile in his voice. 

“It wasn’t my dad, I swear.” Techno defended himself, earning a half-hearted hit on the arm from Wilbur. 

“Fuck you.” Tommy choked out between his laughs and coughs. 

Eventually the two calmed down and awaited the news Phil was waiting to give them. Tommy did his best to keep a smile on his face but when he remembered the conversation before all the laughing, he doesn’t feel all that hopeful. 

“I assume these two,” Phil said gesturing to the twins, “already told you what we were talking about.” 

Tommy nodded as he watched his dad walk over to him and sit right beside him. 

“It was Wilbur, he’s weak.” Tommy confessed, earning a loud scoff from the accused. 

Phil laughed lightly, the laugh Tommy knows Phil uses when he’s genuinely happy. That gave Tommy just a bit of hope. 

“I figured,” Phil said, earning yet another scoff from Wilbur, “don’t worry though, I convinced your doctor that you’ll be fine.” 

“Wait, really…she’s letting us go?” Tommy had been expecting bad news but this is the best news he’s gotten all month. 

“Yep now get your jacket on, we’re leaving in ten minutes.” Phil said, smiling at all three of his sons as he stood up. 

Tommy felt that maybe his luck was starting to grow. 

Just like Phil had said they were leaving exactly ten minutes later. The majority of those ten minutes were filled with Tommy being wrapped in sweaters, scarves and jackets. Techno had said it was so that he didn’t catch a cold, Wilbur said it was because he liked when Tommy looked like an idiot. Tommy believed Wilbur’s excuse more than Techno’s. 

Nonetheless they were leaving and Tommy would blame all of his sweat on the layers of clothes, not on the nerves. Phil didn’t buy it.

“You have nothing to be nervous about.” Phil said as he and Tommy left the room. 

Tommy was forced into a wheelchair, per his doctor's request. He refused to get into the wheelchair and even put up a good fight but in the end, he lost. 

“I’m not nervous.” Tommy scoffed as Phil pushed him down the hall. 

Phil huffed out a laugh, “It’s alright if you are.” 

“Well I’m not so…” Tommy didn’t even bother finishing his sentence.

“Okay,” Tommy could hear Phil’s smile, “I believe you.” 

Tommy rolled his eyes at Phil sarcasm and he hadn't even realized that they were on the main floor of the hospital. 

The two continued on their route out of the hospital, Tommy could feel the sharp bite of the cold air even with all the jackets he was wearing. They weren’t even outside yet and still the sun was so bright Tommy had to squint so as to not make his headache any worse. They were almost out the door, so close to leaving this cursed building for just a few days but of course the universe liked playing games on him. 

“Tommy! Phil!” The two whipped around to find Tommy’s doctor lightly jogging toward them. 

“Yes?” Phil asked as she got closer, a confused smile gracing his face. 

Tommy felt his nerves spike up once again, the thought of not getting to go home plaguing his mind. He liked his doctor but if she was going to give him bad news then he wasn’t exactly happy to see her. 

“I wanted to give you this before you leave.” She said as she handed Tommy a small box wrapped in shiny green paper with a simple white bow on top. “My daughter picked it out.” 

A smile found its way onto Tommy’s face, his anxious manner fading when he realized that no bad news was coming his way. He took the present holding it gently in his hands giving her a small smile. She returned his smile and said something to Phil who then gave her an answer in response, Tommy didn’t hear what they had said, he had tuned them out.  

The next thing he knew he was being wheeled out of the hospital and helped into the backseat of Techno’s car. 

The drive home was quite long. Tommy had started to doze off but when his mind reminded him that they were going home, his excitement grew and sleep evaded him. He could hear Techno and Phil having a conversation up in the front seat, he paid them no mind. Instead he listened to Wilbur ramble beside him. The two fought over the smallest of things and laughed loudly, interrupting the conversation in the front and earning a few scowls from Techno. Soon enough they were home and for a moment Tommy had forgotten anything was wrong with him, then he tried to get out of the car and was stopped before he hurt himself. He fought the wheelchair off this time and instead with the help of Techno, he walked to the house. 

Upon walking in he could already tell the house was decorated. His dad had told him he had put lights up on the outside of the house but Tommy hadn’t expected him to decorate the inside as well. Their house was decorated in red, white, and green decorations, some Tommy was familiar with and some he hadn’t seen since his mom had passed. Walking into the living room gave him a different kind of joy because sure enough, there was a tree, not decorated but he was expecting that. 

“I thought we could decorate it together.” Phil said as Tommy sat down on the couch. 

“Sounds good to me.” Tommy smiled and when he got a smile in return he felt that maybe his last Christmas won’t be so bad. 

The rest of the day went by quickly with the small family decorating the tree and while Christmas movies played on the TV in the background. It was quite similar to how they had decorated their tree in the hospital and Tommy did his best not to think of that place. The sun set much earlier than Tommy would have liked but still he enjoyed his first night back home. That is until he decided to go to sleep but remembered his room was on the second floor. If he could barely walk into the house on his own, how in the hell was he going to get upstairs? 

“Need help?” Techno asked, voice a little too genuine for Tommy’s liking. 

Yet, instead of telling his brother off, or mocking him in any sort of way, Tommy simply nodded. Together the two climbed the stairs. It took them longer than Tommy is willing to admit but he still thanked his oldest brother and hoped that tomorrow they wouldn’t speak of this embarrassing situation. 

“Night Tommy.” Techno said as he walked toward his own room. 

“Night Techno.” Tommy responded, closing his bedroom door before lying in his bed. 

Tommy fell asleep earlier than he had in a while and with that his first day home had come to an end. 

From there on the days went by too quickly for Tommy’s liking. Christmas Eve, the day where his family would usually host a party for all their friends and family, was not as exciting as it usually was. With no party that meant that the entire day was empty and just when Tommy thought they would not be doing anything, Phil had dragged him out of bed and into the living room. There on the couch sat a very energetic Wilbur and a half asleep Techno, Tommy laughed as he sat between the two of them. Wilbur threw an arm around his shoulder and Techno leaned his head on his shoulder. 

“You want to explain why you dragged me out of bed?” Tommy asked, raising an eyebrow at Phil. 

Phil smiled as he handed each of the boys a breakfast sandwich.

“You are forgiven,” Tommy was more awake now, taking a bite of his sandwich before he took his pills Phil had also handed to him. 

“We have plans for today.” Phil simply said as he sat on the couch across from his three kids. 

“We?” Techno groaned. 

“Yes we,” Phil said gesturing to the four of them, “are going to do Christmas-y things today.” 

“I don’t think that’s a word.” Wilbur chimed in with a mouth full of food, teasing his dad. 

“Don’t talk while you're eating. Wilbur and Techno I need you two to go to the store and get a few things.” Phil said, handing Wilbur a small list. 

“Alright.” “Hold on, I never agreed to leaving the house.” Both Wilbur and Techno spoke at the same time, giving two very different answers. 

“Alright get going.” Phil said, pulling the both of them off the couch. Tommy hadn’t even realized that they were both fully dressed. 

Techno groaned and whined the entire time Phil pushed the two twins toward the door. Wilbur just laughed at his situation and before Tommy could register what had happened the front door slammed shut. 

“Why do they act like twelve-year-olds?” Tommy asked, holding back laughter, as he watched Phil walk back into the living room. 

“Beats me.” Phil smiled as he sat down beside Tommy.

“So what are we doing today?” Tommy asked, gesturing to himself and his dad. 

“We are going to wrap their presents.” Phil smiled mischievously and Tommy just rolled his eyes. 

Sure enough, Phil had planned for them to wrap presents. Thirty minutes later there was wrapping paper, different colored bows and ribbon laid out all over the living room. Tommy had curiously looked at the presents his dad had got for his brothers. He wrapped them and then guessed who the present was for, Phil told him if he was wrong or not, and after a while they made a game out of it. The two just sat there wrapping presents for at least two hours, laughing and talking but overall just enjoying each other’s presence. 

Then they heard the door open and two voices arguing and they quickly stuffed the wrapped presents under the tree and silently laughed at how lucky they were that they had just finished wrapping the last present. They watched from their spots on the carpeted living room floor as Techno and Wilbur dumped the large grocery bags on the counters in the kitchen. With both of them still arguing, they barely noticed the other two people in their family. 

Tommy rolled his eyes, they were always in their own little world. “You guys are gonna make my headache worse, shut up.” 

The accused stopped their yapping and turned around in small circles, looking for the voice who had told them to be quiet. 

“Living room.” Phil choked out in between his laughs.

With that Tommy watched as Techno walked over to the two in the living room, previously being hidden behind the couch. The two were sitting on the carpet and when Techno gave them an unamused look, their laughter started once more.

“What were you doing?” Wilbur asked as he sat on the couch in front of the two who were currently having a hard time breathing, due to their excessive laughter.

“Wrapping presents.” Phil answered as he stood up, helping Tommy up in the process. 

Tommy wouldn’t admit it but getting up was the hardest thing he’d done in weeks. His bones ached and he was sure his family could see the pain that flashed across his face only for a moment.

“In my opinion I don’t think you guys deserve the presents you got.” Tommy said, shifting the mood into a more light one. 

“Be careful of what you say Tommy, I can always return your present.” Wilbur said, a sly smile on his face. 

“Do it bitch, I dare you.” Tommy challenged and Phil had to hold Wilbur back before he got into a fist fight with Tommy. Said boy laughed just a bit harder when Techno had to help hold Wilbur back. 

Usually the only meal the small family was able to share was dinner but today they were lucky and got to share their lunch together. Tommy had insisted they sit outside in the backyard, Phil said he was worried Tommy might catch a cold. So they compromised and decided to sit on the back porch. They had an outdoor table set, one that hadn’t been used in years so the chairs had begun to rust and the white paint was peeling off. Phil and Techno had made lunch, chicken noodle soup and sandwiches, it wasn’t a gourmet meal but Tommy liked it much better than any fifty dollar steak. 

They sat out there for hours, long after the food was gone and the sun had fallen from the sky. It was colder and Tommy slowly felt himself become more uncomfortable. In fear of ruining the good moment he never voiced any of his troubles and instead laughed along at the joke Wilbur had said. Phil, the father he was, noticed the way Tommy shifted in his seat, noticed the way he wrapped his sweater a bit tighter around him, noticed the way he rubbed his face, as to get rid of the cold. 

“You alright Tommy?” Phil asked, knocking Tommy out of his thoughts. 

“Pardon?” Tommy asked and couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself when he remembered his manners. 

“You look cold.” Phil smiled and Tommy cursed himself for being susceptible to the cold. 

“I’m fine.” Tommy lied and his body, clearly not fine, decided to shiver at that very moment as to prove that he was in fact suffering. 

“Your body says otherwise.” Techno teased as he grabbed all the empty plates and walked inside, Wilbur following suit. 

Tommy sighed and Phil watched him with weary eyes. 

“Why didn’t you say something sooner mate,” His dad asked as he got out of his chair and walked over to where Tommy was sitting, “We can’t risk you catching a cold or something.” 

“I know, I just,” Tommy sighed once more mainly because he wanted to see his breath float through the cold air, it reassured him that he was still alive, “I didn’t want to ruin the fun we were having.” 

“Tommy,” Phil said and Tommy didn’t even need to look at him to know he was frowning, “you could never ruin anything. We care more about your health than a nice time.” 

Tommy built up the courage to look at his dad who had kneeled down in front of him, placing a hand on Tommy’s knee. 

“Sorry.” The boy said the minute he made eye contact with Phil. 

“You don’t need to apologize. C’mon, let's go watch a movie or make cookies or do something Christmas-y.” Tommy watched as Phil got back onto his feet and then he let himself be gently pulled from the chair.

“I don’t think that’s a word.” Tommy smiled as he and Phil walked back into the house. His body practically melted in the warm air and he was glad to be inside again. 

“You and Wilbur, always correcting my grammar.” Phil chuckled as he led Tommy into the kitchen. “One would think you two are the English nerds.” Tommy laughed a bit at that.

“Who's a nerd?” Techno asked as the two entered the kitchen. Tommy laughed way harder at that. 

Tommy asked to make cookies and because they are weak the other four obliged. They made four different types of cookies, simply because they all like different types of cookies. Phil insisted on making oatmeal, Techno had said that they were too plain and that they should make peanut butter cookies. Wilbur had whined and said that they should make classic chocolate chip cookies, Tommy agreed. So after much debate they got to work on making the three different cookies. Somewhere in the middle of the process Techno found some sugar cookie dough in the fridge and they all decided to bake those too. 

By the time they were finished they had eaten way too much cookie dough and had dirtied the kitchen beyond belief. Phil groaned at the thought of cleaning it so he could make dinner but Wilbur solved the problem when he proposed they order something instead. 

They had Chinese food and though Tommy wouldn't call it traditional Christmas Eve dinner, he could definitely say it was by far one of his favorites. Way better than the Christmas Eve where Phil had burnt all the side dishes because their stove was broken beyond repair. They had ended up eating leftover pizza and slightly burnt ham. 

Since the kitchen was dirty and the dining table was covered in cookies that were busy cooling down, they sat in the living room. Time moved too quickly for Tommy’s liking but he enjoyed the rest of the day while it lasted by eating, talking, and laughing with his family.

Once the food was all done they scarfed down some cookies and milk and together the four fell asleep in the living room. Wilbur and Techno sprawled out on the carpeted floor with blankets and pillows keeping them comfortable. Phil slept on the recliner, the foot rest pulled out so he could be as comfortable as possible. Tommy fell asleep on the bright yellow couch he spent most of his time on-even when he wasn’t sick-simply because his mother had picked the couch out herself. There they fell asleep and there they stayed until the sun decided to return to the stage and illuminate the dark earth. 

Tommy woke up to the sun pouring in past the blinds. He sat up slowly and the first thing he noticed was that he was alone. No one else was in the room and he wouldn’t admit it but panic started to set in just a bit. He tried to sit up but his body did not want to do that. All his bones ached and he groaned as he turned on his side. 

Then the coughing started. It was all a blur, just like all of his other coughing fits. He had to sit up and his entire body felt a wave of pain at his abruptness. He could feel his chest tighten and even if this has happened to him before it never gets any easier. No one was around to help, so he had to calm himself down otherwise he would keep coughing until he passed out. 

He started off by trying to take shallow breaths, which made it worse. So he took deep breaths and tried his best to control his breathing. That helped some and he continued to do so until he could almost breathe normally. Then he felt a hand on his back and that grounded him. It was over and it was the worst one he’s ever had by far. 

He took a minute to compose himself before he looked to see who had come to help him out. 

“You alright?” It was Wilbur. 

“No.” Tommy choked out and he could hear as Wilbur rushed around to grab some water. 

“Here.” Wilbur said a minute later and he handed Tommy a glass of water. 

Tommy took it with a grateful nod and in less than twenty seconds the glass was empty. 

“You need anything else?” Wilbur asked as he took the empty glass from Tommy. 

“Can you grab my bag of pills please?” 

“Sure.” And Wilbur was off, doing just what Tommy had asked. 

While his brother was gone Tommy took the time to fuss over himself a bit. He reclined a bit so that his back was leaning on the armrest of the couch, it wasn’t all that comfortable but it would have to do. He shivered a bit and looked around for the sweater he was wearing yesterday only to spot it halfway across the room. He groaned and decided he would rather freeze than get off the couch. That's when he spotted Techno’s sweater at the opposite end of the couch and he shuffled a bit so he could grab it. With the sweater on and a blanket around him, Tommy was warm and he took a moment to relax. 

Wilbur came back about five minutes later with the bag of pills and a water bottle. Tommy took his time taking the pills and after twenty minutes he felt a bit better than he had at the start of his morning. 

“Thanks.” Tommy said and Wilbur only nodded. “Where’s dad and Techno?” 

“They went to get breakfast.” Wilbur responded and Tommy hummed in understanding, it was tradition in his family to eat breakfast before opening presents. 

“Who cleaned the kitchen?” Tommy smiled at his brother. He didn’t know why but the idea of someone cleaning that mess of a kitchen was quite funny to him. 

Wilbur rolled his eyes and a small smile crept onto his face, “I did.” 

Tommy laughed and Wilbur swatted at him. 

“Why is that funny?” Wilbur asked and Tommy could practically hear his smile. 

“How much did dad pay you to clean it?” Tommy asked in between laughs. 

“Not enough.” Wilbur sighed and Tommy laughed more and Wilbur swatted again. 

The two stayed on the couch until the rest of their family got home. They laughed and talked and occasionally hit each other. Tommy got a bit more cold and Wilbur threw another blanket over him. They just stayed in their own little bubble until someone came along to pop it. 

“You did a shit job.” Techno said as he walked into the open space of the house. 

The two on the couch were a bit startled by his presence, they hadn't even heard the door open. 

“What?” Tommy asked, a confused smile on his face. 

“Wilbur did a pretty shit job at cleaning the kitchen.” Techno smirked and Wilbur followed after him, arguing about how ‘he’s the best kitchen cleaner ever.’ 

Tommy just smiled as he watched the two argue. They always fought like that, small little jabs back and forth,nothing enough to ever hurt the others feelings. It’s how they had always been and Tommy would always mediate the fights, siding with whoever he agreed with. Usually it was Wilbur, even if Tommy had no clue what they were talking about but occasionally-if it benefited him in any way-he would side with Techno. 

“Boys, what are you arguing about now?” Phil groaned as he walked into the house carrying a singular grocery bag. 

The two in question just ignored him and continued their banter. Phil turned to Tommy for the answer. 

“It’s cuz’ Wilbur did at shit job at cleaning the kitchen.” Tommy smiled and then there was a loud ‘HA’ that came from the kitchen. 

“See if Tommy agrees with me, then it’s true.” Techno said smug and Wilbur glared at him before continuing to argue. 

Phil just chuckled and shook his head before placing the bag in his hand on the counter and going to sit next to Tommy. 

“You alright mate?’ Phil asked and it took Tommy a minute to realize the question was directed at him. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Tommy lied, when in fact he had been feeling much worse since he had first felt the cold air on his skin. 

“You sure, it’s been pretty cold recently.” Phil gestured to all the blankets on Tommy’s lap. 

“It’s making my nose run but other than that, I feel fine.” 

“Alright.” Phil nodded, satisfied with Tommy’s answer. 

Lying came easy to Tommy but so did guilt. 

They ate breakfast pretty quickly, it wasn’t anything special, just eggs, sausage and toast. Techno had offered to make the food and everyone was completely fine with that. Out of all of them, Techno was the best cook and even if Phil did most of the cooking everyone agreed Techno was better at it. During the entirety of breakfast Tommy felt like passing out but he sucked it up and put on a smile, just so his family wouldn’t worry. He was going to do his best to keep the mood from turning sour. 

They moved to the living room after the table was cleared and the kitchen was properly cleaned. Then they sat in a small semi-circle on the floor in front of the tree. Phil handed them their gifts and soon enough there was a small pile of boxes in front of everyone. No one said anything when it was painfully obvious that Tommy had the most gifts. They had always taken their time when opening presents, just so they could appreciate every single one. 

“I should've grabbed my camera.” Tommy mumbled to himself but Wilbur heard it.

“Way ahead of you.” Wilbur smiled as he got up off the floor and walked toward the fireplace. There sitting in all its glory was Tommy’s camera bag, he hadn’t even noticed it. 

“I told him to grab it this morning.” Phil smiled as Techno sat beside him slowly peeling the paper off another gift. 

Tommy huffed out a laugh and shook his head as Wilbur handed him the bag with his camera in it. 

It took them almost two hours to get through every present, especially with Tommy-the one with the most presents-stopping to take pictures at every moment he could. He got tired after a while though, his head starting to pound louder than it had in a while and his stomach turned and he knew for sure he was going to throw up sometime soon. Techno took the camera after a while and every sat and watched as Tommy opened his last gifts. 

He got some pretty nice things. Wilbur had bought him new sweaters with cool designs on them. He even got him some cool beanies and a brand new pair of shoes. Tommy didn’t really wear shoes that much anymore, considering that he was stuck in the hospital room all the time, but he loved them nonetheless. Techno had gotten him some more books ranging from thick chapter books to intricate coloring books, he had also gotten him some nice color pencils. Tommy was grateful because now that meant he had more distractions in the hospital. Phil had bought him a polaroid camera and all the essentials that go with it. Techno and Wilbur complained about being “out-gifted” whatever that meant. There were a few presents from his friends that he still hadn’t talked to, and of course the present from his doctor. Tommy loved all his gifts the same.

They were still there, long after the final gift had been opened. Just talking and messing with their new things. Tommy hadn’t gotten pretty tired and decided to lay down, Wilbur had insisted that Tommy don’t lay on the ground and just get on the couch. Tommy did not agree. So they came to an agreement, Tommy would rest his head on Wilbur’s lap and Wilbur would shut up. 

Not even thirty minutes went by when Tommy felt the urge to throw up come back, this time though it didn’t go away. So slowly he stood up, earning worried glances from the other people in the room. He ignored them, doing his best to get to the bathroom before anyone chased after him. 

“You alright?” Phil asked as Tommy walked by him. 

Dammit, I wasn't quick enough. 

“Yeah just gotta go to the bathroom.” Tommy said, plastering a smile on his face. 

“Alright.” Phil said, eyeing him suspiciously. 

“I’m fine dad.” Tommy rolled his eyes and he could still feel Phil’s eyes on him as he continued to slowly walk to the bathroom. 

He was not fine. 

The minute he was in the bathroom he shut the door and rushed over to the toilet. His feet hurt from how hard he had been pressing them into the floor and his head pounded so hard he thought his brain might shatter. Everything was a blur from there. One minute he was standing up and the next he was hunched over the toilet. Tommy did his best to not think about the throw up, instead he focused on being quiet so no one would hear him losing his breakfast. 

He felt his stomach turn and his eyes started to water. There was no way he was going to survive this. He felt like sobbing and calling for his dad but he just couldn’t find it in him to ruin Christmas. He just wanted someone to rub his back or hold his hand as he puked his guts out, just like his mom had done. Tommy let some tears slide down his cheek at that thought. 

Then as if he had said all of his thoughts out loud, he heard the door slowly open and then close. He felt a strong hand rest on his back and it grounded him. He did his best to control his breathing and soon he could make out clear images. He could see his hand, red from how hard he was gripping the toilet and he could make out the light blue color of the bathroom walls. Then he could make out the color pink and soon he could see Techno’s face. 

Techno didn’t say anything as grabbed a small towel from under the sink. Tommy watched as his brother put some water on it from the sink and he wiped Tommy’s face. Usually Tommy doesn’t like being babied but he didn’t have it in him to push Techno away. Techno helped Tommy up from the ground and sat him on the edge of the bathtub, he looked at Tommy almost as if inspecting him to see what else he needed to clean up. Luckily Tommy had not gotten any throw up on himself. Tommy closed his eyes and he could hear as Techno shuffled around the bathroom, he heard the toilet flush and the sink turn on once more. 

“Don’t tell dad.” Tommy said, eyes still closed. 

“I have to.” He heard Techno sigh as he threw something away in the trash. 

“No, don't ruin Christmas.” Tommy pleaded and he shut his eyes as hard as he could because he knew that if he opened them, he would start crying . 

“You’re sick.” Techno almost whispered and Tommy knew he was right in front of him. 

Tommy sighed, “You can tell him first thing tomorrow.” 

“I have to tell him now.” 

“Please, just let me have this,” Tommy made the mistake of opening his eyes, coming face to face with his oldest brother, “Let me have one last really good Christmas.” One tear slipped down Tommy’s cheek and Techno wiped it away with his sleeve. 

There was a long pause and Tommy could see Techno contemplating whether or not to keep this incident a secret. 

“Okay.” Techno said and that was all Tommy needed. He collapsed into Techno and together they sat there, listening as Tommy’s breathing slowed and the lights hummed above them.

They took their time leaving the bathroom, almost forgetting that the rest of their family was waiting for them. Tommy was quite surprised that no one else had come looking for them. 

“I told them I was grabbing a gift for dad.” Techno explained when Tommy voiced his thoughts. 

“What does that have to do with me?” Tommy asked. 

“They think you're in on the surprise gift.” Techno explained as he ushered Tommy out of the bathroom and closed the door behind them
“Oh.” 

When they walked back into the living room it was almost dead silent, or it would have been if Wilbur wasn’t messing around with his guitar. Tommy silently took his place next to Wilbur and he thought maybe he was in the clear. How wrong he was. 

“Everything okay?” Phil asked and Tommy internally groaned. 

“Yep.” Tommy lied. 

“I don’t believe you.” Phil said and Tommy almost laughed at his dad’s response. 

Tommy scoffed and shifted a bit closer to Wilbur, “Everything’s fine.” 

“Techno?” Phil asked, looking to Techno to tell him the truth. 

Tommy had faith in his brother but he also knew how close Techno and his dad were. For a split second Tommy worry flashed across his face but no one else had seen it. 

“Everything’s fine.” Techno said, voice monotone and Tommy watched as Phil’s shoulders relaxed. 

Techno took his seat next to Phil and handed him the supposed gift he had gone to grab. Phil took it hesitantly and he looked between Techno and Tommy one last time. 

“Alright.” Phil said as he ripped open the present. 

Christmas day passed by in a blur. Tommy hardly even remembered doing anything other than opening presents. They watched movies until the sun set, then they went to the kitchen to make dinner. It was tradition for the entire family to make dinner, it’s how it always was, even before Tommy’s mother had passed. Tommy did his best to help but he was exhausted so for a majority of the time he just sat there, smiling and laughing as his family argued about dinner. 

He didn’t really eat anything, afraid of throwing it up later. Even though techno noticed Tommy’s hesitation, he didn’t say anything about it. Usually after dinner they would go outside and mess around in the snow but there was no snow this year. Tommy was a bit bummed about that but he was also grateful. His body could barely survive in just the cold, he would have frozen to death in the snow. Instead they sat around the fireplace and sipped hot chocolate. The three adults talked about random things and Tommy being too tired to listen focused on the movie playing on the TV. He doesn't even remember falling asleep. 

He does remember waking up in the middle of the night though. He could see Techno, sitting in front of the tree on the floor, messing with his hair. Tommy got up slowly so as to not disturb Wilbur who was sleeping at the other end of the couch. He walked over to Techno and sat on the couch closest to him. 

“Need help?” Tommy whispered. 

Techno didn’t even flinch at the sound of Tommy’s voice, instead he eyed his brother carefully before sitting on the floor in front of Tommy. Techno handed Tommy the rubber band he was using to keep his hair together and Tommy took it graciously. It was rare that Techno let anyone do his hair, usually he did it himself. Tommy knew it was a sensitive topic considering that the one that used to braid Techno’s hair was their mother. After she died Techno had to learn how to braid hair and Tommy had learned with him. Now they could both do the most intricate of braids, but it was always easier for Techno if he let Tommy do his hair. 

They sat in silence, the sound of the fire crackling occasionally breaking said silence. Techno didn’t move once, he was so still Tommy had though maybe he fell asleep. Still Tommy kept on weaving a beautiful braid through Techno’s hair, never messing up once. 

“Thanks.” Techno said and Tommy was surprised to hear his voice. 

You know this is hard for me. 

“I like braiding your hair.” Tommy simply replied. 

I missed when you would let me braid it.

“I know.” Techno whispered. 

I’m sorry I stopped letting you. 

“You're welcome.” Tommy whispered back. 

It’s alright, I get it. 

They seemed to be having two conversations at once but Tommy understood exactly what they were talking about. 

“Done.” Tommy said proudly, tying the braid off with the rubber band. 

Techno ran a hand down said braid, feeling all the dents and looking for any stray hairs, “Thanks.” 

That night, when Tommy walked back to the couch and shoved Wilbur legs over so he could lay down, he silently hoped Techno would let him braid his hair at least once more before he died. 

“That’s such a long walk.” Tommy whined as the rest of his family packed up all of their stuff. 

They were supposed to be going back to the hospital today but so far they were making no progress when it came to leaving. The four of them had woken up really late and they didn’t pack anything the night before, now they were rushing to leave before it got too cold for Tommy. Tommy on the other hand was not so keen on leaving. Phil had told him to go to the car and to wait there.

“It’s just to the car.” Phil gave Tommy an annoyed look. 

“Yeah but it’s cold and I’m sick.” Tommy was now trying to play the sick card. 

“Wilbur is there and the heating is on. It’s only for a few minutes.” Phil was not having it. 

“Okay but-” Tommy was cut off. 

“I could go get the wheelchair.” Techno smirked and Tommy was already getting up off the couch. 

“Help me out asshole.” Tommy said through gritted teeth and Phil sighed in relief. 

Techno wrapped an arm around Tommy and the two made their way out of the house. Techno never had a problem with the cold so he was fine going out in jeans and a sweater. Tommy on the other hand always had a problem with the cold even before he was sick. He was wearing a sweater and a jacket and a pair of sweats. The beanie on his head-one Wilbur had gifted to him- also offered extra warmth. 

They made it to the car and sure enough just like Phil had promised, it was warm and Wilbur was there. Techno helped Tommy into said and closed the door behind him. He came back a few minutes later, Phil following behind him. Then they were off, heading back down the mountain to Tommy’s own personal hell. 

The sun was setting when they pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Phil tried getting Tommy to sit in the wheelchair but Tommy retaliated and so Wilbur had helped him inside the building. Techno and Phil followed behind them, both carrying bags full of the family’s belongings. 

Usually the hospital was always busy, always moving but today it was quite empty. They made it to their room without much fuss and Tommy collapsed onto the bed. It was still decorated with the Christmas decorations they had put up before they left. Tommy was glad to see them, it gave him a sense of familiarity. 

Tommy watched as his family unpacked all of their stuff. Phil helped Tommy with his stuff, putting the pills back into their original drawer and his clothes into the closet. It took them an hour to get situated, only because they kept on getting distracted and starting a new task before they finished the first one. 

The sun was gone when Tommy's doctor came into the room to check up on him, she was wearing the bracelet Tommy had picked out for her. His doctor had talked about how she needed to change the prescription on some of Tommy’s pills and how he would probably have to do another round of treatment sooner than she would have liked. It was a bunch of medical stuff that Tommy knew was going to come back and haunt him later but he still tuned it out. He could ask his dad what she had said later, instead he focused on the pretty lights shining on the small Christmas tree in the corner. 

“How long ago did this happen?” His doctor asked and Tommy almost didn’t catch on that she was talking to him. 

“I’m sorry?” Tommy had not heard the context behind the question. 

“How long ago did you start throw up?” She asked and Tommy turned to look at Techno so fast he almost got whiplash. 

“Yesterday.’” Techno responded and Tommy wanted to scream at his brother. 

“Alright, thank you for telling me.” She nodded and Tommy could hear his ears ringing. 

He zoned out and then he heard the door click closed. Tommy turned back to Techno almost instantly. Wilbur opened his mouth to say something but he never got to. 

“It wasn’t him.” Phil said as if he knew Tommy was going to yell at Techno. 

Tommy looked at Phil, confused at how his father knew what he was going to say. 

“I was the one who told her.” Phil said and Tommy felt his anger starting to subside. 

“How did you know?” Tommy said in a voice barely above a whisper. 

“You told me to wait until today to tell him.” Techno said, running a hair down the braid Tommy had done the night before. 

Tommy huffed out a breath and rubbed a hand down his face. He could feel the entire room stiffen, they were waiting for his response. Wilbur placed a hand on his shoulder and Tommy’s anger was all gone. 

“Sorry.” Tommy said defeated and Phil felt like crying. 

“It’s alright mate, it’s alright.” Phil reassured and hugged Tommy tighter than he had in a long time. 

That night Tommy had a hard time falling asleep and it had just occurred to him that maybe he didn’t have insomnia like his doctor had said, maybe the hospital was the thing keeping him awake, maybe the universe was trying to get rid of him faster than he would have liked. 

The new year was just a few hours away and Tommy was going into it with dark purple eye bags. He had gotten a lot worse since he had gotten back from home. His family didn’t say anything about his condition but his doctor did. She constantly talked about how he needed to take his meds and how he needed to eat and sleep more. Tommy had snapped at her one day and said that he was trying his best. 

He was skinnier than he had been a week ago. His skin had also become more pale than usual. He could hardly remember the last time he felt the full effects of the sun on his skin. Still he was making it to the new year and that's all he could have ever asked for. 

“They won’t start a fire if you’re careful.” Wilbur rolled his eyes at Phil. 

“You better hope the smoke doesn’t set off the fire alarm.” Phil said as he shook his head. 

“They’re just sparklers. It’s not like I’m setting off an actual firework” Techno laughed and Phil smiled. 

Techno had smuggled some sparklers into the room so they could celebrate the new year. Usually they would buy big fireworks and set them off outside of their home. Everyone in town usually got a kick out of it because they lived at the top of the mountain and their fireworks would burn the brightest. Techno was a bit bummed that they couldn’t do their tradition this year, (Techno loved fireworks and Tommy was pretty sure he was a pyromaniac) so he found an alternative. 

“Where did you ever get those?” Wilbur laughed as he took a few of the sparklers from his twin. 

“From my secret firework stash.” Techno shrugged. 

“What?” Phil asked incredulously and Techno nervously laughed. 

They waited until twenty minutes to midnight and then they left the room per Tommy’s request. He really wanted to see the fireworks, preferably not from a window. He was wrapped in sweaters and jackets as they made their way to the roof of the hospital and there they sat waiting for the free show. Techno pulled out his sparklers and gave everyone a pack of their own. Tommy was a bit concerned about the excessive amount of fireworks but he took them nonetheless. Wilbur lit the sparklers with his lighter and they all tried to draw images in the air with the small fireworks. Then they heard it, a loud bang echoing through the sky. Soon the sky was lit up in golden light and the first firework of the new year went off. 

Tommy sat and watched as hundreds of fireworks went off lighting up the sky. Different shades of red, blue, greens, gold, purple and so many other colors flooded the sky. No one spoke and they all sat there staring up at the show. 

Tommy could tell the fireworks were close to the hospital and that the majority of them came from the bottom of the mountain. He was a bit sad when he didn’t see any reach nearly as high as their own fireworks usually did. He still enjoyed it nonetheless and when the last firework went up Tommy was happy to say that it was one of the best firework shows he had ever seen. 

“Close your mouth Tommy, you look like a fish.” Wilbur teased and Tommy found this comment so random that instead of yelling at Wilbur, he laughed. 

He laughed and he heard Wilbur laugh along with him. He heard Phil scold Wilbur through his laughs and he heard Techno light another sparkler. Tommy laughed his way into the new year and when he heard the flash of his polaroid camera he laughed a bit more. 

“That was a horrible picture.” Techno mumbled and Tommy laughed more. 

He laughed until his chest hurt and his lungs ached. He laughed until no one else was laughing and then he realized he wasn’t laughing anymore, he was crying. Harder than he had cried in a while. 

He could feel Wilbur wrap his arm around him and Tommy cried even harder. Tommy cried his way into his last year with his family, into his last year ever. 

Chapter Text

January was absolute shit, well in Tommy’s opinion of course. It was unreasonably cold and it had snowed so he couldn’t really see out his window. Usually Tommy likes snow but when it's a danger to his health he’s not too fond of it. His doctor had become more strict with him and now he was to always wear a sweater and two pairs of socks, no matter what he was doing. The snow was slowly becoming Tommy’s least favorite thing. 

Treatment had also gotten a bit worse in the month of January, it was as if Tommy’s body couldn’t take it anymore, but it was keeping Tommy alive so he didn't complain too much. Wilbur had noticed how Tommy had been avoiding taking pills and promptly told siad boy's doctor. Tommy wouldn’t stop glaring at Wilbur for a whole week. 

Tommy forced himself to take pills, to drink water, to eat food (something that had started to become a challenge) and by the end of January Tommy felt worse than he looked. 

He was skinny, a lot slimmer than he had been this time last year. He was also pale, getting no direct sunlight tends to do that to a person, his skin almost looked gray. There were bags under his eyes, so dark Wilbur had asked him if he smudged a black crayon under his eyes. After that awkward conversation no one brought up Tommy’s appearance again. 

Tommy hoped February would be better, hoped that somehow he would magically get better and be discharged from the hospital. Oh, how wrong he was. 

Usually Tommy never really likes February. It's a lame and short month with no holidays to look forward to and no Valentine’s doesn’t count, at least not to Tommy. So when the temperatures dropped even more and his doctor decided to up the dosage in some of his pills Tommy hated February just a little bit more. 

Adjusting to his pills was the hardest thing Tommy had done in a while. The last time his pills were changed it was a bit easier because Tommy wasn’t as sick as he is now. It took him two whole weeks of throwing up every time he took a pill, before he was finally able to keep them down. During those two weeks he had avoided eating, only drinking water and soup that his dad had begged him to eat. So far Tommy was really hating February. 

“It’s not that bad.” Wilbur complained, sitting on the cold floor (Tommy secretly envied him for that.) 

“Yes it is, only couples have fun on that day.” Techno stated from his spot next to Tommy, swatting at Wilbur with his foot. Wilbur simply scooted over a few inches so Techno couldn’t reach him. 

“No, it’s the day of love and that means all forms of it.” Wilbur countered his twin's remark. 

Tommy rolled his eyes. Leave it to Wilbur, the hopeless romantic to try and find a reason to celebrate Valentine’s day. For the last half hour Wilbur had been trying to convince them to do something on Valentine's day. Techno had been adamant about not doing anything and acting as if it was any other day. Phil had ignored the conversation as a whole and was finishing up some of his work. Tommy didn’t hate the idea and no, it wasn’t because Wilbur had proposed it, it was because he would take any chance to do something fun these days. 

“I think you just want to eat chocolate.” Techno swatted again, this time hitting Wilbur in the back of the head. 

“That’s the best part of Valentine’s day.” Wilbur pointed out getting up off of the floor and walking toward Phil. “C’mon dad, tell them why we should celebrate Valentine’s day.” 

“Wilbur, the only reason you like Valentine’s day is because you like to eat as many sweets as you can find.” Phil said looking at Wilbur who just looked betrayed. 

Techno and Tommy looked at each other before laughing quietly. They shut up the moment Wilbur threw a pillow at their heads. 

“I hate all of you.” Wilbur sighed before dramatically throwing himself on the only empty bed. 

“I think it could be fun.” Tommy spoke up for the first time since they started this conversation? argument? (Tommy doesn’t know.) 

Techno groaned and Phil chuckled lightly from the corner he was sitting in. Wilbur sat up immediately looking at Tommy with unfiltered joy. For a moment Tommy felt like maybe he made a mistake. 

“Really?” Wilbur asked as he made his way to the bed both Tommy and Techno were on. 

Tommy only shrugged, now a bit hesitant. 

“Weren’t you the one who had the biggest grudge against Valentine’s day.” Techno asked, pushing Wilbur away. 

“Yeah because he could never get a girlfriend to spend it with.” Wilbur teased, getting past Techno and sitting at the end of the bed. 

“Hey! I’ll have you know that if I wanted to I could get a million girlfriends.” Tommy quipped back easily. It was always much more simple to argue with his brothers than it was to have serious conversations. 

“Yeah, okay.” Techno rolled his eyes and Tommy elbowed him in the stomach. 

“That’s beside the point,” Wilbur said, breaking up the fight before him, “Tommy, do you want to celebrate Valentine’s day?” 

Tommy sighed, really thinking his answer over. On the one hand, he really didn’t have many good memories associated with the holiday. If anything it was a day he liked to pretend didn't exist because of many incidents that ended up with him getting rejected by so many girls at his school. On the other hand, Tommy wouldn’t mind getting to eat some candy and Wilbur seemed really adamant about doing something for it. Plus it was his last Valentine’s day and he would really like it to be a good one. 

“Yeah.” Tommy said, sounding a bit strained, as if he was forcing himself to say it. 

“Then it’s settled, we are going to have a mini valentine’s day party.” Wilbur said, clapping his hands together before nodding. 

“This is some more of that disciple bullshit isn’t it.” Techno groaned, earning more than a few protests and curses from Tommy. Wilbur laughed the entire time Phil had to hold Tommy back from fighting Techno. 

Three days later Tommy found himself waking up to a room completely decorated in pink and red. He didn’t even open his eyes fully before he groaned and shoved his face back into his pillow. He could hear Wilbur scolding Techno for who knows what, Wilbur always found an excuse to scold Techno.

He shuffled around a bit, letting his family know that he was awake. The twins promptly stopped fighting and instead whispered among themselves. Tommy looked around, well as best as he can look around when his face is shoved in a pillow. He couldn’t see his dad, Tommy didn’t think too much of it though, his dad was most likely at work. 

As he sat up he flinched a bit when he felt something soft hit his ankle. He peered over the mound of blankets and saw a few different things that made him snort. At his feet was a red bear with a heart sewn into its hands. Next to it was a small heart shaped box, presumably with chocolates inside. After he sat up enough to grab the two presents Tommy noticed the way his brothers were looking at him, almost intently.

“Those are from your doctor.” Techno says as he goes to hang up a paper heart.  

Tommy makes a mental note to thank her when he sees her again. 

“You were serious about the whole valentine’s day thing huh?” Tommy teased, only just noticing the bright red roses in the flower vase next to his bed. 

“Yep!” Wilbur shouted enthusiastically, looking at Tommy with nothing but pure joy. 

Tommy knows why Wilbur likes Valentine's Day so much, as does Techno, even if they’ve never really spoken about it. Before Wilbur had the most successful dating life (at least when it came to the three of them) he had a really hard time getting anyone to be his valentine. 

“Wilbur likes to wear his heart on his sleeve, it’s gonna hurt him more than you.” Phil had said to Techno one night when the boy asked why Wilbur was so upset about not getting a Valentine. 

Tommy had been around the corner, listening to their conversation, storing the information in his brain. He remembers how the day after Valentine's day, their mother asked Wilbur to be her Valentine. Wilbur had protested saying that she had their dad, that she didn’t need another one. 

“All four of you are my Valentine’s. Do you know why? Because I love you all so much.” She had said so softly Tommy thought maybe she was whispering. 

From then on, every Valentine’s day, whether or not he had a date, Wilbur would always brag about how he was their mother’s favorite valentine. She would always use the nickname, beconning Wilbur with a soft, ‘valentine’. When she died, she left them all a letter and on Wilbur’s envelope, in her perfect penmanship, the words, ‘to my valentine’ sat and next to them lie Wilbur’s tears. 

“Are you alright?” Techno asked, pressing his cold hand to Tommy’s forehead. 

“Yeah,” Tommy nodded, “just thinking.” 

Techno hummed in understanding, going to sit on the bed on the right of Tommy. Wilbur had busied himself with fixing some of the paper decorations that had fallen. Tommy sighed knowing he should get ready for the day, and whatever activities Wilbur had planned. He usually started most mornings by going to the restroom, but it’s been getting harder and harder for him to walk. Today he felt motivated though, to make sure he didn’t sour Wilbur’s favorite holiday. So he got up, his arms shaking as he did so, and when his triple socked feet hit the ground Tommy stood up. He could see Techno watching him carefully, even as he walked to the restroom he could feel his brother’s eyes watching him. 

He was in the bathroom for ten minutes, brushing his teeth, cleaning his face, and taking his pills. He left to grab some fresh clothes, just a pair of sweats, a white shirt, and a red cardigan he had gotten from Wilbur a few weeks ago. He made his way back to the bathroom, determined to take a shower. He was out in thirty minutes, recently he had been taking his time in the shower, relishing in the way the water hit his skin. He also found that when in the shower no matter how long he was standing up, he never felt dizzy or weak, he took advantage of that. 

“You look comfortable.” Wilbur joked as Tommy came stumbling out of the restroom. 

Tommy rolled his eyes, ignoring the snicker Wilbur sent him when he saw the sweater Tommy was wearing. 

“Where are your socks?” Techno asked, well more pointed out than anything. 

Tommy winced as he registered the fact that he was indeed not wearing socks. The floor was cold and he could now understand why his doctor had been so adamant about him keeping warm. 

“I forgo-” Tommy started but stopped when a pair of socks hit him in the face. 

Techno had thrown him a clean pair of socks, thick white ones that would keep his feet warm without having to wear another pair over them. Usually in a situation like this Tommy would shout and yell at his brother, make the situation funny and lighthearted. This time he didn’t have enough energy for any of that. No one said anything but it was clear that they were both expecting some sort of quip to escape Tommy’s lips. It was obviously a light shock for everyone when there was no other sound in the room but the beeping of Tommy’s monitors.

Wilbur left when the sun had begun to set, claiming he needed to run a few quick errands. Neither Techno nor Tommy questioned him. They just sat in the room keeping to themselves as they silently waited for their brother and their dad to come back. Tommy didn’t like the silence, it was quite suffocating and it was already hard enough to breathe without the tension.

Techno was sitting on the couch, typing away on his laptop, leaving Tommy to try and find some way to entertain himself. Tommy decided to read a book but then his head started to hurt and the words looked like they were floating off the page. So he shut the book closed and with a huff he threw it at the end of his bed. That seemed to catch Techno’s attention. 

Tommy lies back down, staring at the ceiling and wishing he could fall asleep. He doesn’t process the sound of Techno’s laptop closing, or the sound of his shoes hitting the floor. Unaware that he brother has left the room.

Tommy sits up at the sound of the door closing, expecting it to be his doctor but hoping for his dad. He’s a bit surprised when it’s Techno, walking in with a plastic bag and looking a lot more tired than Tommy noticed. All of them had been handling this situation pretty hard but Tommy didn’t think it would affect their appearance as much as it was affecting his own. 

Techno says nothing but he slowly sits down on Tommy’s bed, as if asking for permission to be near his little brother. Tommy gets the message, he goes to sit next to Techno peering at the bag in his brother’s lap, silently asking what’s inside. Techno opens it, pulling out twelve cups of jello, all different colors and presumably flavors. Tommy can’t help but laugh. 

Techno rolls his eyes and gently pushes Tommy, telling him to shut up so they can focus on the jello. Tommy only laughs more, he’s been doing that more often. Laughing because he can pretend the pain in his stomach is from the infectious sound and not his impending doom. Laughing because it’s his default for everything, it’s the only thing he knows how to do properly. Laughing because if he didn’t he might just end up crying. 

Tommy composes himself as best he can, giggling when Techno pulls two spoons out of his back pocket. They sit there, just the two of them, trying different types of jello, rating them on a scale of one to ten. They don’t say anything, other than a different number after each jello cup is empty. No conversation topics, no jokes, or quips, but it's not awkward like Tommy feared it might be. No, it was comfortable, so much so that when all the jello cups were in the trash along with the plastic spoons, Tommy found himself tugging Techno up to where his pillows were. The silence continued, the two of them staring at the ceiling silently pleading that Tommy be given just a little more time. 

“Sorry.” Techno mutters after a few moments, breaking their unspoken promise of not talking. 

“What?” Tommy asks because he is genuinely confused as to why his brother would be apologizing. 

“Sorry,” Techno states once more, “for throwing the socks at your face.” 

Tommy scoffed, “I’m not made of glass Techno.” Tommy turned to look at his brother. 

“I know.” Techno met Tommy’s eyes. The two of them knew he wasn’t apologizing because he felt bad about pelting Tommy in the face with socks. 

“It’s gonna take a lot more than socks to kill me.” Tommy whispered, letting the words float through the air and stab Techno right in the heart. 

The conversation stopped after that, nothing being spoken until Wilbur and their dad came bursting into the room, gifts in hand. 

“I didn't know we were supposed to get gifts.” Tommy mumbled, feeling quite guilty  about not getting anything for the other three that were watching him. 

“That’s alright, we weren't expecting anything from you.” Wilbur reassured, rubbing a hand up and down Tommy’s arm. 

That did little to make Tommy feel better about not getting his family anything. Phil had gotten all of them a bag filled with their favorite snacks and candies. Techno had gotten them all really fancy chocolate boxes that Tommy could tell weren't cheap. Wilbur got them all a stuffed animal from build-a-bear. With all his candies spread out on the bed and his new stuffed animal, a raccoon Wilbur said resembled the youngest of them all, Tommy felt nothing but guilty. 

Maybe they weren’t expecting anything from him but Tommy felt obligated to get them something. He was worried that maybe, had he listened to their plans for today, he would have heard something about gifts. In all honesty he thought that maybe they were just going to make cheesy cards and give them to each other. So when everyone fell asleep, Wilbur lying next to Tommy, Phil and Techno sharing the other bed, Tommy snuck out. 

He did his best to leave the room as silently as he could (no thanks to his IV pole) and soon enough he found himself walking the empty halls of the hospital. The gift shop was his destination and it was only three floors down. Being mindful of the other patients on his floor he did his best to keep silent as he made his way toward the elevator at the end of the hallway. There was something exhilarating about leaving his room, sure he was technically allowed to leave the room whenever he wanted (as long as he wore a mask) but he was alone, no one to hover or watch him with worried glances, he felt like he was breaking a rule that had never been said out loud. 

Making his way inside the elevator Tommy chuckled to himself when he realized how sad his situation was. A young teenage boy (who has gotten in trouble for stealing his brother's car) feeling a rush from slipping out in the middle of the night. He was too busy laughing at himself to notice the elevator stopping way too early to be on the main floor. He did however notice when a rather small person walked in and stood next to him. 

It was the girl, his doctor’s daughter, looking at him with an unreadable expression. Tommy hadn’t seen her in a while and he would be lying if he didn’t say he sort of missed her. He was a bit worried though, it was the middle of the night and she was roaming the hospital alone, her mom surely had to be looking for her. Before he could speak the elevator began its descent again. Tommy sighed and turned to look down at her. She handed him a book, and Tommy gently took it from her. It was about different types of flowers and pressed between one of the pages was a single red rose.

Tommy laughed softly. Thank you. He signed. 

She looked shocked for a moment before giving him a, Your Welcome. 

Tommy did his best not to laugh at her reaction, she might not understand that he wasn’t making fun of her. 

Where are you going? She signed slowly, as if not sure that Tommy would understand her. 

To the gift shop. Tommy replied and she smiled a bit at his response. 

Tommy was positive that his sign language was a bit rough around the edges, he hadn’t had a reason to use it in awhile. It was one of the things his mother had taught him after she went deaf in one ear, she said it was just in case her other ear decided to fail her. Techno, Wilbur, and Phil learned to (just in case) but none of them picked it up as easily as Tommy had. The two would have conversations from across the room, making fun of the others and watching as they slowly put the sentence together before rolling their eyes at the two's antics. When she died Tommy took a class in school to make sure he didn’t completely forget it. It was a good thing too, seeing how the skill was doing him some good today. 

May I join you? She asked, looking so hopeful Tommy just couldn’t say no.

That’s how he found himself being led by a little girl half his age and height  to the gift shop because quite frankly he had forgotten where it was. She was confident though and Tommy let her guide him in the right direction. Once inside Tommy looked around to see what he could get and after about ten minutes he left the gift shop with a bag full of gifts. 

What did you get? The little girl asked and Tommy let her look inside the bag. 

The two silently laughed as she pulled the gifts out inspecting each and every one. Tommy thought if she liked them then they were perfect. The two walked back toward the elevator, talking about their day and arguing over who the best Disney character was, laughing when the elevator going up made Tommy jump a little bit. They reached her floor first and Tommy was a bit sad that she had to leave so soon. 

“You’re not going to get in trouble are you?” Tommy asked. 

She simply shook her head before saying goodnight and running off into the sea of doctors, nurses and patients.

Tommy laughed to himself and let the elevator take him up to his less busy and more quiet floor. He was expecting to walk back to his room, silently get back into bed and do his best to sleep. Then in the morning he was going to give everyone their gifts and they would all laugh about his late night adventure. What he was not expecting was to find a frantic Wilbur standing on the other side of the elevator doors. Upon seeing Wilbur, Tommy felt a wave of worry wash over him but when he saw his brother's shoulders relax he found it a bit easier to breathe. 

“Oh my god.” Wilbur sighed, pulling Tommy out of the elevator and into a hug. 

Tommy let the hug happen, let Wilbur squeeze him a bit too tight, he owed him that much. Neither of them said anything as Wilbur led him back to the room, closing the door behind him and watching as the other two people in the room rushed over to Tommy. 

“Jesus christ Tommy, you scared the shit out of us.” Phil said, almost breathlessly as he held Tommy’s face in his hands and stared him dead in the eye. 

Tommy was way too tired to wiggle of his father’s grasp so instead he melted into the warm touch. 

“Sorry.” He spoke, no remorse evident in his voice. 

“We thought you ran away or something.” Techno sighed, setting a hand on Tommy's shoulder. 

“Yeah, because I would get very far.” Tommy joked but no one laughed. 

“We were really worried, Tommy.” Phil whispered. 

“I know, you said that already, and I’m sorry.” Tommy spit back, no venom in his voice but hoping it sounded like there was, as he lightly pushed his father back. 

“Do know how scared I was when I woke up and you were nowhere to be found.” Wilbur entered the scene once more, standing behind both Phil and Techno. 

“You’re acting like I was kidnapped or something.” Tommy rolled his eyes as his joke landed poorly once more. 

“Well how were we supposed to know that you weren’t?” Wilbur asked, voice almost frantic. 

“Because who would want to kidnap me?” Tommy laughed lightly. 

“I don’t know but it was possibility that we hadn’t quite ruled out.” Honestly Wilbur was starting to get on Tommy’s nerves. 

“Trust me Wilbur you were the only one who thought I might have been kidnapped.” Tommy glared at his brother who had pushed Phil and Techno aside so he could stand directly in front of Tommy. The silence from the other two seemed to prove Tommy right, Wilbur was over exaggerating. 

“And how do you know that?” Wilbur hissed. 

“Because Wilbur, who in their right mind would kidnap some scraggly, annoying teenager who’s gonna be dead in a few months?” Tommy found that his counter only made Wilbur more angry. 

“God,” Wilbur sighed, running a hand through his hair, “why can’t you just take something seriously for once?” 

Tommy didn’t even bother continuing the conversation, the comment hit a little too close to home. So instead he went back to his side of the bed and put the bag in his hands on the spot where Wilbur would usually sleep. 

“Wilbur.” He heard Techno scold his twin and when he felt the bed dip he was ready to leave the room again if need be. 

“I see you went to the gift shop,” Phil said as he handed the bag back to Tommy, “why don’t you show us what you got.” 

So slowly Tommy sat up and opened the bag, pulling the cards out first. They were all cheesy and kind of stupid but Tommy liked them and he was sure his family would get a kick out of them. So he hands one to each person, avoiding eye contact with Wilbur as he gives him his card. Then while they’re all busy looking at the expensive pieces of paper, he hands them each a little trinket. He gives Techno a little porcelain crown. 

“You need a crown, king,” Tommy says while he hands Techno the gift, “it’ll look good next to all your trophies.” 

Techno doesn’t say anything but Tommy can tell by the way he holds it that he thinks the world of the gift.

“It will look good on that jean jacket you have.” Tommy says as he hands Phil a rather large pin of a crow. 

“Yeah, it will.” Phil responds, voice thick and Tommy does his best to keep the mood lighthearted.

So he throws Wilbur’s gift at his face. Partly because the prick deserves it and partly because he knows it’ll make Phil and Techno laugh, it does just that. 

Wilbur mutters under his breath before he grabs the stuffed animal that had hit his face. Then his face falls and he looks seconds away from crying. 

“You got all of us an animal that reminded you of us, so I got you a sheep because it reminded me of you.” Tommy shrugs, as if it’s no big deal but by Wilbur’s reaction he can tell it is.

“Thank you Tommy.” Phil says for the three of them right before he gives his youngest son a hug. 

“No problem.” Tommy mumbles into his dad’s shoulder. 

Later that night when Tommy is desperately trying to fall asleep again, he hears Wilbur mutter something from behind him. At first he thought maybe his brother was talking in his sleep but then he heard it again. For a moment he thought maybe Wilbur was talking to him but he ruled that out quickly because he was sure Wilbur was still mad at him. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder and he sighed before turning over to face Wilbur. 

“What?” Tommy whispered into what looked like nothing but darkness, yet where he knew Wilbur’s face was. 

“I said, why a sheep?” Wilbur whispered back. 

Tommy shrugged before remembering that Wilbur can’t see any better than he can. 

“Sheep are kind of annoying and they’ve got fluffy wool.” Tommy hoped that was enough to help Wilbur understand.

“I don’t have wool.” Wilbur said and Tommy could practically hear his eye roll. 

“Yeah but you have hair.” Tommy pointed out and when Wilbur didn’t say anything he turned back around. 

“Sorry.” Wilbur whispered quieter than Tommy thought possible. 

“It’s alright.” Tommy sighed, “You were just worried.” 

“Yeah but I could have handled the situation better than I did.” 

“True but you apologized so there is nothing else to talk about.” Tommy huffed wanting to sleep so he could avoid having this conversation. 

“Shouldn’t have said those things, it was rude of me.” Wilbur was not getting the message though. 

“Yeah it was pretty shitty of you.” Tommy agreed before sighing, “but I’m sorry to.” 

“What? Why?” Wilbur said a little too loudly and Tommy had to put a hand over his mouth so he would stay quiet. 

“Because I should have told you where I was going before I just left.” Tommy slowly moved his hand away from Wilbur’s mouth. 

“But it would have ruined your surprise.” Tommy rolled his eyes at that. 

“Are you mad at me or not?” Tommy asked as he turned so that he was lying flat on his back.

“No, I’m not,” Wilbur sighed, “you’re not made of glass, you can sneak out of your room at midnight. I just need to realize that.” 

“Thanks Wil.” Tommy smiled and even though Wilbur couldn’t see it he knew his brother got the message.

“Night Tommy.” 

“Night Wilbur.” 

March came faster than Tommy was expecting. He had just gotten used to the cold air February had plagued him with but now spring was right around the corner and he would have to get used to a whole different season. In truth Tommy was hoping that February would got by a lot slower than it had, entering March meant he was entering one of his last months ever. 

Treatment only got worse and Tommy found himself becoming weaker and weaker. The meds took a lot out of him as well and most days Tommy found himself hunched over a toilet bowl. He just couldn’t keep his food down so he was now on a strict diet, soup, water and jello. After about a week of this he got tired of it. 

His family also spent more time at the hospital, Techno hardly ever left and Wilbur started taking night shifts so he could be with Tommy during the day. Phil actually found a way to get the next two months off, he said it was all his vacation days from the past years, the vacation days he never used. 

His doctor also became more strict, always making sure someone was watching Tommy just in case. Just in case of what? Tommy didn’t know and he was way too afraid to ask. So when Tommy found himself puking up god knows what he wasn’t that surprised to find Phil by his side. 

It gave Tommy deja vu, thinking back to the time Techno had helped Tommy when he found himself in a similar situation. The way Phil rubbed reassuring circles into his back was also familiar to the way Techno had done so. Tommy wasn’t there much longer, his stomach had nothing to expel anymore. So he sat back against the wall he dad was also leaning on. 

He watched as Phil grabbed a small towel and put some water on it before handing it to Tommy. The boy took and used it to wipe his face. The sound of the flushing toilet helped ground Tommy and he did his best to get his breathing under control. Phil sat next to him again and for what had to have been hours they just sat in complete silence. 

“Are you alright?” Phil asks as he moves to sit in front of Tommy, both of them still on the bathroom floor. 

“Yeah.” Tommy croaks out, wincing at how bad his voice sounds. 

Phil gives him a sad look before placing his hands on Tommy’s shoulders. They look at each other as if expecting the other one to speak up. Phil of course goes first, voicing his thoughts out loud. 

“Was it the pills?” He asks a genuine question. 

“Yeah.” Tommy sighs, closing his eyes quickly but too long to be a blink. 

“No more pills then, yeah?” Tommy looked at his dad, searching for anything that helped him determine whether he was being serious or not. 

“They’re keeping me alive.” Tommy muttered and he swore he could hear Phil’s heart shatter. 

“Barely.” Phil scoffed. 

Tommy only sighed in response, his dad was right but Tommy would never admit that. 

“I can’t see you like this anymore.” Phil says voice breaking a bit at the end of the sentence. 

Tommy gets it, he doesn’t want to live anymore if this is how he is going to spend his last few weeks, hunched over a toilet bowl. 

“I know but I can't leave yet.” Tommy decided those are the right words to say in a situation like this. 

“Toms,” his dad says, sounding more hurt than ever before, “you need rest.” 

Out of all the things he was expecting his dad to say, that was not one of them. He knew that this whole situation was going to end up hurting his family more than him but he hadn’t really thought about what they were going to do after he was gone. It still seemed so distant, like this wasn’t his last year on the earth. In truth he was expecting to hold out as long as he could, not because he wanted to, rest really sounded good right about now, but because he was so sure his family wanted him to. It took him a minute but he realized how wrong he was, they didn’t like seeing him in pain and if that meant letting him go a little bit earlier than expected then they would just have to learn to live with that. 

“I know, but I’m not ready.” Tommy admitted quietly, to his dad and to the inanimate objects in the room. 

“No one is ever ready.” Phil whispered, as if telling Tommy that he too, wasn’t ready. 

“But-“ Tommy never got to finish. 

“How long do you need to suffer before you finally give in,” Phil started almost frantically, “Tommy,” He sighed,  “you’re my son, my pride and joy, and you’re in pain and it hurts to see you in pain. I just want you to rest.” There were tears building up in his eyes and Tommy had to look away so he wouldn’t do the same. 

“I’m sorry.” Tommy apologized, not exactly knowing why.

“It’s okay,” Phil reassured, “I get it, I don’t want you to go either.” 

“But you just said-“ Making a mistake and looking back into his fathers eyes. 

“I want you to rest.” Phil reiterates and Tommy can practically feel the sadness that washes over him. 

So he just nods before speaking once more. “Give me a few more weeks.”

“What?” Phil looks confused and Tommy hopes he’ll understand.

“I can’t die at sixteen now can I?” Tommy tried to make a joke but it landed flat, even to him.  

“But that’s-“ Phil seems to ignore the joke even though Tommy can tell it hit a bit harder than intended. 

“One last birthday, one last really good day and then I can die at seventeen a cooler and older age and I’ll stop with the pills.” Tommy has this look in his eyes. A look that makes Phil hesitate. A look that brings more tears to both of their eyes. 

“O-okay.” Phil whispers. 

“Okay.” Tommy echoes him before hiding his face in his hands. 

Tommy does his best to try and stop the tears but he can’t. His mind is running a hundred miles an hour reminding him that he will die at seventeen. That he won’t live to see Wilbur and Techno’s next birthday. That they had just celebrated his dad's birthday and it was the last one he would ever attend. That he would never graduate from school, he would never see summer and he would never get to go home again. But on the bright side he would be with his mom. 

They both began sobbing when Tommy let the fist tear slip past his eye and roll down his cheek. 

March taught Tommy one thing and it was that it’s a worse month than February. With spring just around the corner it meant allergies were also knocking on his door. For the first two weeks of March Tommy was constantly sneezing and sniffling. No one knew why either and it had freaked his family out so much that they made sure to inform his doctor. She helped ease their worries when she pointed out that they were leaving the window open meaning Tommy was exposed to copious amounts of pollen. The allergies went away two days after the window was shut for good. 

After Tommy was relieved of his allergies all of his pills were thrown out, well mostly all, the ones that helped with sleeping and the pain stayed. Phil talked to Tommy’s doctor and she understood, better than Tommy was sure his brothers would. She helped them get rid of them and even promised not to tell Wilbur or Techno, Tommy felt guilty but he knew his brothers would not take such a matter lightly. 

With the pills gone everything became much more surreal. He had a few weeks left, and he was most likely gonna spend them stuck in the tiny hospital room. 

March was so horrid that Tommy blocked out most of what happened. Sure there were some good memories, like the time Techno let him braid his hair again, or the time Wilbur played some music for him. There was also the time the four of them stayed up all night because Tommy was unable to fall asleep, they played card games all night and by the end of it Wilbur had lost all of his pocket cash. Overall though March was a pain in his ass. 

His doctor had insisted he keep up treatment, to ensure that he makes it to April. Tommy hated treatment more than anything and he was going a lot more than he had in all of his time in the hospital. Then there was the day his friends had come to visit again. Tommy couldn’t get rid of them this time and he ended up having to talk to them and quite frankly he was glad he did. He had said his fist official goodbyes that day, it hit him harder than he was expecting it to. 

Then, like the cherry on top of his March madness sundae, there are the new symptoms. If walking was hard before it was practically impossible now. He could walk as far as the bathroom before having to ask someone to help him walk back to his bed. The window was even too far out of walking distance for him. So most days he was stuck in bed. His doctor had recommended trying to walk a little each day so his blood could get pumping a little bit. So each day he would wake up and someone would have to help him walk from the bathroom to the window. By the end of the exercise Tommy was so exhausted he stayed in bed for the rest of the day. 

The other symptom was that he now coughed blood. Sure he thought his doctor was lying when she said it might happen to him but after he coughed into his shirt and saw it painted with red he thought maybe she wasn’t. He tried to hide his new discovery for as long as he could, usually coughing into a tissue and disposing of it right away, but Techno was way too observant for that. 

“You really think I let him win?” Techno asked, grinning at Tommy. 

Tommy only shrugged, a matching grin on his face as he listened to Techno’s story. 

“Hell no I didn’t, I pushed him right into that pond and laughed as he got soaking wet.” Techno smirked.

Tommy laughed so hard it physically hurt. Then he began coughing because well, curse his weak lungs but the story made Tommy forget that when he coughs it’s not a very pleasant thing. He coughed into his arm, turning from Techno who was watching him with weary eyes. He could taste it as the blood left this mouth and he pulled his arm away from face to see if it had gotten on his arm. 

Of course it did, Tommy was never that lucky and the universe hated him. 

“Is that blood?” Techno asked, more alarmed than Tommy had ever heard him. 

“What would you do if I said yes?” Tommy smiled at him sheepishly.

Techno only looked at him, a horrified stare on his face before he shook himself out of his trance and whisked around the room to grab some stuff for Tommy. 

“Thanks Techno.” Tommy quietly said as he took the water and the tissues from his brother. 

Techno didn’t respond, only looking at Tommy with that faraway look. 

Right on queue both Phil and Wilbur walk into the room. Immediately Techno stands up to look at them and Tommy discards all bloody tissues. 

 “What’s wrong?.” Phil asks, seeing the worry radiating off of his sons. 

“Nothing.” Tommy answers quickly, shrugging and avoiding eye contact. 

“He coughs blood now.” Techno says far to breathless and Tommy can’t help but feel bad. 

Instead of reassuring them that he’s fine or apologizing for hiding it so long he simply says, “Who wants to watch a movie?” 

“Tommy-“ Wilbur starts but is cut off.

“Please.” Tommy asks and none of them have the heart to tell him no or to bring the topic up again.  

In unison both Phil and Techno say “okay.” 

Tommy smiles at them reassuring them that he’ll be fine. 

“How about that movie?” Wilbur smiles softly before turning on the tv. 

All in all March fucking sucked. He just hoped April would be better. 

April was not going great so far. Getting out of bed became a chore and Tommy noticed the way speaking felt like one too. His lungs made it harder to breathe let alone talk, but he was Tommy, talking was his thing. So he suffered in silence. The first few days of April Tommy spent planning his last ever birthday. 

He showed Phil what cake he wanted and made the man order it for him so that it would be ready by his birthday. He made Techno and Wilbur plan what a kind of drinks and snacks to get, even after they whined about how bossy he was being. With Tommy’s impending doom right around the corner none of them would deny him of anything. If he asked one of them to read a book to him, they would do it. If he asked one of them to put his socks on for him, they would do it. Hell, if he asked for a living breathing giraffe one way or another they would get him one. Needless to say they were all very happy to help with his birthday. 

Soon enough April 9th was knocking on Tommy’s door. The morning of his birthday he sent Wilbur and Techno to go and get some snacks and food, even if he wouldn’t be able to eat it. Phil went to pick up his cake so that left Tommy alone in the room for a little bit. 

He was feeling a little bit antsy, as if trying to ignore the way his brain reminded him that this was his last birthday. So he did what any one in his situation would do, he tried his best to walk to the window. Usually he needed the help of one of his family members but he was feeling a bit lucky today. So with one step at a time he made his way over to the tightly shut window. As he got closer he could feel the way his legs shook as if they were going to give out at any moment. He ignored it though and in less than twenty minutes he was standing in front of the window. He could see the sad little pond he had been so fascinated by almost a year ago, he hadn’t realized how much he missed that pond. 

He didn’t move for what had to be a half hour, basking in the sunlight. He was so sure that if he did move he would collapse and though it sounded like such a funny thing he was sure it would not be pleasant. He opted to stay there until someone came back. 

“Tommy?” It was his dad, sounding quite shocked and Tommy can’t help but smile. “You’re up.” 

“Yeah.” Tommy would turn to look at him but he’s too afraid of falling. 

“You okay?” Phil asks, as if sensing Tommy’s troubles. 

“I promised you a good day right?” Tommy brings up their past conversation, his promise he has not yet forgotten and he turns to look at his dad. 

“Yeah.” Phil responds with a sad smile on his face. 

“I’m gonna keep my promise.” Tommy reassures before his legs give way and he is falling, luckily Phil catches him before he hits the ground. 

Together the two walk back to the bed and Tommy smiles at his accomplishment. 

When Wilbur and Techno come back Phil is no longer in the room. He left to go and get something from the car and told Tommy to not get out of bed anymore. Tommy had scoffed at that but promised not to do so. 

Techno walks in carrying a huge bag of chips and Tommy can’t help but laugh at how miserable his brother looks. Shopping with Wilbur was more of a punishment than anything else. Said man walks in a few minutes later carrying three bags of what Tommy hopes is only food. He hadn’t asked for presents and he really hoped they didn’t get him one. Any gift they got him would only sit on his shelf at home untouched after he was gone. 

As the twins set the food out and tell Tommy about their trip to the supermarket, Tommy can’t help but feel like maybe everything was going to go according to plan. That is until he started coughing. Usually when he starts coughing it stops after a few minutes but this time he could feel the way his stomach churned. 

Wilbur was by his side in seconds, helping the boy up and into the bathroom. As Tommy lost his breakfast he could vaguely make out the voices of his brothers and a hand on his back. The toilet was cold but Tommy clung to it for dear life, afraid that if he let go he was going to fall backwards. Usually throwing up was never the worst part of this whole process, it was the headache that followed. Techno was with him in the bathroom and helped him clean himself up and even helped him control his breathing. When he opened his eyes again, flinching a bit at the bright lights, the two of them made their way back to the main room where they found Wilbur standing with a less than happy expression. 

“What’s wrong big dubs?” Tommy teased and Techno snorted at the old nickname. Wilbur did not laugh, let alone smile.

“Where are all your pills?” Wilbur asked and Tommy fel his heart drop. 

He had forgotten about that, that Techno and Wilbur had no idea that he stopped taking them a few weeks ago. Of course today would be the day where they found out. 

“What?” Techno asks, confused by the whole situation as he gently sets Tommy down on the bed. 

“I-“ Tommy hesitates for a moment, debating on whether or not to tell the truth or to just lie, “I stopped taking them.” 

“What?!” Both twins say in unison just as the door to the room opens.

“I’m back Tommy!” Phil says as he walks into the scene and immediately he can feel the sour mood “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing.” Tommy says way to quickly to not be suspicious. 

“Tommy’s not taking his meds.” Wilbur says looking to their dad to knock some sense into Tommy, he is severely let down. 

“I know.” Phil sighs before he sets the box he had in his hands down on the floor. 

“You knew?” Techno asks, sounding as betrayed as Wilbur looks.

“Of course I did.” Phil responds looking between the three of them. 

“Then why won’t-“ Wilbur trailed off, afraid of the answer he might get if he finished his sentence.

“I was the one who suggested he stop taking them.” Phil would have chosen his words more carefully if he had known that that one sentence would spark an entire argument. 

Tommy watches as Wilbur’s eyes widen in surprise, looking more betrayed than he had ever seen him. Techno just looks sad as if he was expecting their dad to say that but not wanting it to be true. 

“You told him to stop taking them?!” Wilbur all but yelled and Techno tried to get him to calm down. 

“They were hurting him, Wilbur.” Phil says stern, sure of himself but looking guilty 

“They were keeping him alive!” Wilbur is frantic now, pushing Techno off of him and walking over to their dad. 

“Barely, he couldn't go one day without throwing up!” Phil raises his voice and the throbbing in Tommy’s head gets a bit louder. 

“Dad! He needs them!” Wilbur is running his panicked hands through this already messy brown hair, doing his best to ground himself. 

“He is doing fine without them!” Tommy had only ever seen Phil this angry once and it was the time Tommy had stolen Wilbur's car and drove down the street. Even then he never raised his voice, only scolding Tommy with a stern tone. Yet here he was yelling at his middle son. 

“It’s not your decision to make! He has a doctor for a reason!” Wilbur laughs, in an almost astonished way as if he can’t believe what is happening. 

“Wilbur,” Techno chimes in, “calm down.” 

“No! He can’t just-“ Wilbur is yelling at Techno and maybe it’s the hurt look on all of their faces or maybe it’s the way that they are talking about him like he’s not even there but he interjects and cuts Wilbur off. 

“She knows Wilbur!” Tommy shouts, hurting his throat so he can get their attention, “she’s the one who threw them out.” 

All three of them turn to look at him. Phil with a sad smile, Techno with a pained grimace and Wilbur with an astonished look. 

“She’s the one who threw them out.” Wilbur all but whispers to himself before leaning against the closest wall and sliding down until he is sitting on the floor. 

No one says anything, letting the tense air dissolve until they are able to have a civil conversation. It takes twenty minutes before Wilbur is apologizing to everyone in the room. It takes another ten before he can look anyone in the eye. 

“How long ago?” Techno asks, now sitting next to Wilbur.

“Beginning of March.” Phil answers and Tommy watches as the twins look at each other, communicating with just their eyes. 

“I guess it’s mostly our fault for not noticing sooner.” Wilbur says and Phil gives him a comforting smile in return. 

Phil walks over to them, holding the both of them and the three apologize among themselves. Tommy takes the time he is left alone to take care of his headache and pretend the way they are leaving him out doesn’t sting just a bit. As if they could read his mind the three of them make their way over to him and apologize, Wilbur more so than anyone else.

“It’s your birthday Tommy,” Wilbur says lightly, “I’m sorry if I ruined it.” 

“You didn’t.” Tommy reassures and Wilbur smiles before hugging him once more. 

“Speaking of birthdays,” Techno pipes up, “is there anything we can do to make it up to you.” 

“I just want to pretend everything is normal.” Tommy says, finally voicing his thoughts, hoping that they will give him this. 

“But Tommy-“ Wilbur seems to find that a hard request to follow.  

“I know, I know but just give me this please.” Tommy cuts him off, understanding his struggle but not giving up until Wilbur caves. 

“I hardly think that’s a birthday present.” Wilbur stubborn as ever needs to be proven wrong once more. 

“My birthday present to me is that I’m gonna stop forcing down those wretched meds,” Tommy scrunches his nose at the mere mention of his medicine, “please let’s just pretend.” He goes back to pleading for something normal, god he hates that word, normal. 

“Pretend what?” Techno asks, a few feet behind Wilbur. 

“Pretend that everything isn’t shit.” Tommy says, looking at his eldest brother. 

“But you’re-“Techno begins but Tommy isn’t going to stop until he gets what he wants. 

“I know I’m terminally ill, but let’s just pretend that I’m not currently dying.” He says, eyes and mind still silently pleading that they will just give in and stop being pricks. 

“How am I supposed to pretend if we’re still in this hospital?” Wilbur asks, gesturing to the room they are currently in. 

Tommy laughs, “Just pretend my birthday is hospital themed.” 

Finally after all the sad jokes he made that no one found funny, this one lands and it sticks. The other three in the room all let a laugh out of that. They aren’t the ones Tommy is used to, the hearty ones that ring in his ears. They’re sad, wet laughs that make Tommy’s eyes start to water. 

“Oh Tommy,” Wilbur sobs, pulling his brother in for another hug, “my beautiful baby Tommy.” He whispers as he holds Tommy and rocks the two of them back and forth. 

“Don’t call me that.” Tommy sniffles as he holds Wilbur just as gently. 

“I love you.” Wilbur whispers again and Tommy can’t find it in him to be embarrassed.

“I know, I love you too.” He responds and all four of them silently sob through the rest of the birthday, as he blows out his candles, as he cuts his cake. They all silently sob as he opens his one and only present and finds that it’s the prettiest goldfish he has ever seen. 

When Tommy makes a promise he keeps it. It really was the last good day. 

Chapter Text

The beginning of the end is exactly two days after Tommy’s birthday. His doctor starts visiting more frequently than she usually does and Tommy took that as a sign, a sign that his time is almost up. She had recommended quitting treatment but Wilbur protested and Tommy couldn’t say no. So he suffered through treatment. 

Tommy knew the end of the line was drawing closer and closer and yet he held on. He felt guilty about it though, having promised his dad all those weeks ago that he would let go when he was ready. In truth he was ready, he had accepted his fate and was okay with resting, it was his family he was worried about. 

Tommy could tell that this was going to be way harder for them than it would be for him. They would hardly leave the room, hardly leave him alone. He has a sneaking suspicion that Wilbur quit both of his jobs, but at this point he could care less. The twins constantly hover, constantly asking if he is doing good, Phil has to practically pry them away from Tommy. Tommy notices the way his dad watches him from afar, wincing when Tommy does something that obviously hurts him, like coughing or breathing in general. Even if Phil had encouraged Tommy to let go, to finally rest, it was obvious that he was taking this whole thing worse than any of them. Tommy of course knew why, in a good world, the son should be burying his father, not the other way around. 

Slowly but surely, the days went by and exactly five days after his birthday, Tommy’s doctor officially stopped his treatment. 

“It’s hurting him more than it’s helping him.” She had said to a frantic Wilbur and a frazzled Techno. 

Tommy and Phil hadn’t said much, Tommy because it hurt to speak, Phil because he knew that she was right. That night Tommy listened as Wilbur rambled on and on to Techno who soaked up every word. Phil sat next to Tommy, an arm wrapped around his shoulders, a finger brushing up and down his arm. He tried his best to stay awake, in the days after his birthday he found that his sleeping dilemma  had reversed, now he was having trouble staying awake. 

“But you're sure you’re alright?” Wilbur was looking at Tommy expectantly and it took an abnormally long time for Tommy to realize that the question was directed at him. 

“I’ll be fine Wil.” Tommy shrugged. “Like she said, it was hurting more than it was helping at this point.” 

No one spoke for a while, processing exactly what Tommy had said. He noticed they did that a lot more often, as if they were trying to remember every word he spoke in his final days. 

“How did we get here?” Phil mumbled to himself and if Tommy wasn’t right next to him he wouldn’t have heard him. 

How did they get there? Tommy had long and hard about this question over the past few months, laughing to himself when he remembered the situation that landed him in the hospital. It all seemed so distant, almost like a dream. He had been a different person this time last year, a healthier person. Tommy wishes he could go back in time and warn himself of what’s to come. 

He thinks maybe if he hadn't climbed that tree, maybe he wouldn’t be here. Then he scratches that because that’s dumb, of course he would still be here, the universe was out to get him. Still, he likes to blame the tree, at least then he has something to be mad at. It’s easier than wallowing in self pity and getting angry at himself. It also prevents him from getting mad at any of his family members. 

“God I really wish I had listened to you.” Tommy whispers, Phil barely hearing him. 

“About what?” Phil asks, heart breaking just the slightest. 

“That tree, shouldn’t have climbed it.” Tommy says simply, like any of that makes sense to Phil. 

“How would that-“ Phil starts but never gets to finish. 

“Fuck that tree.” Wilbur jumps in, a sad smile on his face. 

“Fuck that tree.” Techno laughs a bit to himself, smiling just a bit more at his twin. 

“Fuck that tree.” Tommy agrees softly and lowly, eyes barely open  

Phil understands and plays along, face softening, he laughs lightly, “stupid fucking tree.”

Tommy is asleep in moments. 

Three days later Tommy stops talking. 

It all starts off slow, with him nodding and grunting more often. Then he starts responding in two or three word sentences. Then he hardly makes any noise. He’s found that doing anything other than breathing is harder than he would have liked. 

Along with his talking dilemma comes the walking problem. He rarely gets out of bed, just to go to the bathroom and that’s about it. Even when he does such a simple task it burns his limbs and he’s winded quite easily. He feels like an old man and maybe if it wasn’t all so surreal he might find that statement kind of funny.  

No one says anything about all of his new problems, or how he seems to be taking pain pills like they are candy. No one says anything when he stops eating all together, or when he falls asleep more throughout the day. No one says anything when he has coughing fits that usually end in blood and tears. No one says anything in general these days, just cherishing all the moments they can and Tommy so desperately wishes they would talk. He wishes they would yell and laugh and joke around. Wishes they would tell him what's wrong, wishes that they would just talk his ears off, even if he is hardly awake. 

Tommy wishes for a lot of things, but he wishes more than anything that his family will be okay after this is all over. 

He knows it's going to hit them hard, maybe even harder than when their mother died. Their mother had been sick the entire time she had been in Tommy’s short life. Problems that landed her in the hospital more than a few times, they were all used to the nagging fear of losing her. When she passed Tommy found it was easier to be thankful that she was no longer hurting than to mourn her. Sure, he was sad and a part of him thinks he never fully recovered, but he’s happy that she could finally stop suffering. He thinks for  a moment and realizes maybe that's how Phil feels right now. A part of him hopes that they won’t mourn him for too long. 

He thinks about what it might be like for them. Will they close his room off? Never to go inside it again? Will all his things collect dust and slowly be forgotten? Will his friends visit from time to time, just to say hi to his brothers? Maybe they’ll move, Tommy hopes that they don’t. Maybe Techno and Wilbur will gather enough courage to finally move. He laughs out loud at that one, if anything they will become more clingy. 

With all these ideas running through his head, all these maybe’s and hopefully’s, Tommy can’t find it in him to be sad. Sure he’s leaving behind everything. His brothers, his dad, his home, his friends, but if anything he feels content. Content knowing that no matter what, they will be okay. They will be okay because he knows that they will have each other and that’s enough for him.

He never voices any of these thoughts out loud of course, mainly because he can’t speak, but also because he doesn't want to worry his family any more. He just keeps to himself and listens as Wilbur and Techno mutter stories to him. Late into the night he will listen as Wilbur strums his guitar and Phil hums along. He listens and laughs as they argue or complain, filing away every little word. 

He watches as Wilbur comes up with songs on the spot. Thinking about how all those months ago the two had argued. Thinking about how Wilbur was his first best friend, how his brother is kind and cool. How Wilbur could get them out of any situation he landed them in. Tommy thinks about how out of anyone he knows, Wilbur is the most spontaneous and lively person and Tommy feels like if anyone is going to bounce back after all this is over, it’s going to be Wilbur. If anyone is going to try their best to live how Tommy would have wanted them to, it’s going to Wilbur. 

He then looks over at Techno. His oldest brother who had been so scared to hold little Tommy because he was afraid he would crush the baby. His brother who like Wilbur was his best friend but also his protector. Techno who filled Tommy with awe at how strong and confident he was. Techno who was quiet and intimidating but just wanted to spend his time reading. Techno who liked soft things and small things, Tommy thinks maybe that’s why he and Techno got along so well. His oldest brother who had long hair for Tommy to braid. Techno who Tommy knew would keep his family together after Tommy was gone. The protector of their family who was going to make sure they were happy and safe. 

Lastly, he glanced over at Phil. His dad who hadn’t slept that much in the past few days. His dad who had begged him to rest. His dad who raised Tommy with nothing more than gentle words and loud laughs. His dad that all of Tommy’s friends liked because he was kind and understanding. His dad, who was more chaotic than any of his kids but masked it with calm smiles. Phil, who had gone through this once before, and Tommy knew it was going to be worse the second time around. His dad who looked older these past few months than Tommy had realized. Phil who was going to do his best to be there for his twins when Tommy was gone. 

That night as they watched his favorite movie, Tommy let himself slip farther and farther away, sure that once he was gone, they would be okay. 

Wilbur was commenting on the movie, Techno teasing him lightly. They were all squished on the bed, Tommy tucked between Phil and Techno, Wilbur laying at all of their feet. He was hardly paying attention to anything, all the noises becoming muffled and the lights becoming a bit too bright. It was late at night and Tommy knew that it was only a matter of time before he fell asleep. 

Tommy’s doing his best to stay awake, knowing if he nods off he won’t wake up. Techno is watching him intently and he finally notices that it’s been a while since Wilbur spoke. Phil is playing with Tommy’s fingers and Tommy registers the warmth from his dad’s hand. He knows what they’re thinking and Tommy can't help but feel worried. The movie ends and Tommy realizes that with nothing else to do or watch it's going to be that much harder to stay awake. 

“We all love you.” Techno whispers, breaking the silence. 

Tommy lets out a light huff of laughter. Finding the whole situation a bit funny, he should be the one reassuring them that he loves them, but of course it’s the other way around. He hums, trying to let them know he loves them too. Techno holds him a bit tighter at that. 

“Good night Toms.” Wilbur smiles softly before pressing the lightest kiss to Tommy’s forehead. 

No one moves, no one speaks. Tommy feels sleep, or maybe something more, pulling at his shoulders and he gives in, the last words he hears being muttered from Phil. 

“You can rest now.” Tommy knows Phil is crying just by how he says those four simple words. 

Tommy is already asleep when the tears start. The three doing their best to keep it together but failing miserably. They are silent as they let Tommy rest and together they weep. They're like that for the rest of the night and when all four are finally asleep, they know that only three of them are going to wake up. 

That morning, at 7:30 Tommy’s breathing stops, and at 7:31 his doctor rushes in. The room is filled with doctors and nurses in seconds. Techno lets Wilbur sob into his shoulder and Phil does his best to keep it together. 

April 19th, at 7:36 a.m, 17-year-old Tommy Craft is officially declared dead. It rains for the rest of the day, the sun knowing it could never be as bright as the boy who is no more.

Chapter Text

His funeral is the worst of it. With family they haven’t seen in ages, and Tommy's own friends, attending. It’s a week after he’s been gone yet the small family of three can’t help but feel like it’s been just a day. 

The hospital room is cleared out two weeks later, all of their stuff back at their home that is just a bit too quiet now. The hardest part about going back home is when they walk back into Tommy’s room to put his clothes away. 

There’s still Christmas decorations all over but no one had the guts to put them away. It’s the last time Tommy was home and they want to pretend like nothing has changed. 

The pictures on the wall, on the tables, in their rooms, sting  a bit to look at. None of them voice this thought though, too afraid of what may happen if they do. The yellow couch starts to look menacing and all three of them avoid it. 

Techno’s hair goes unbraided for a while and when he comes down for breakfast one morning, hair barely touching his shoulders, no one is that surprised. 

Wilbur’s spent too much time writing lyrics, making up tunes. He’s probably got a whole album written at this point. His guitar strings break a lot more often than they used to and his fingers are constantly bleeding. 

Phil becomes more engrossed in keeping the outside of the house pretty. Constantly gardening, planting new flowers and removing weeds. Most of the laundry is his clothes, shirts covered in dirt and his jeans stained with green. 

It takes a while before one of them laughs again. The sound being almost foreign after weeks of just whispers. They talk through their problems, sometimes to each other and sometimes to themselves. It helps and soon enough it’s easier to be around each other without feeling guilty. 

One day Phil proposes an exercise that could help them. It takes a while but after one week, Tommy’s room is clean, no dust anywhere or clothes on the floor. The bed is made and the windows are sparkling. All of his clothes are washed and put away, his shoes are dirt free and when they close the door, promising to visit, no one cries at their names etched into the paint. 

All three of them have their own ways of coping and so far, it’s working.

“Wilbur, it's gonna snap.” Techno calls and rolls his eyes as the rope does in fact snap. 

“What the hell!” Wilbur screams and Techno can’t help but laugh at his twin's reaction. 

Wilbur was playing tug of war with their new dog and he was miserably failing to achieve victory. 

The dog was something the three had decided to get four weeks after Tommy was gone. It was a sort of birthday present for the twins but could they really call it that if it was their idea to get a dog?  They had argued about what breed to get for the longest time, Techno wanted a German Shepard, Wilbur wanted a Golden Retriever, they ended up with a Husky. 

Techno sighed as Wilbur fell to the ground, staining his jeans with grass stains as Steve bounded over to tackle Wilbur. Phil laughed from behind Techno, watching as the Husky licked Wilbur’s face. 

The sun was out and the air was humid, with no more shade in their backyard the sun beamed down and warmed their skin. That large tree that had been in their backyard was no more, Phil had cut it down two weeks after Tommy was gone. Neither of the twins protested let alone disagreed with the decision. 

“Ready to go?” Phil asked as he placed a steady hand on Techno’s shoulder.

“I guess.” Techno shrugged and smiled. 

“Let’s go, Wilbur! Come one Steve!” Phil yelled as he locked the back door. 

The two come bounding over after Phil called them, racing to see who got their first. Steve won to no one’s surprise. Together they all piled into the car, Steve excited for the road trip, evident by his wagging tail. In truth they were all pretty excited, a road trip was just what they needed. 

Summer is coming to a close and even if it was the worst summer out of any of their lives, they are doing the best to make the most of it. A road trip was on the list Wilbur had found under Tommy’s bed. The three wanted to try and do all the things the boy couldn’t do, try to live for him. 

It’s been two and a half months since Tommy had left, two and a half months since any of them truly felt whole. Together they navigated through their grief and together they made the most of their situation. 

It was their first summer as a trio and their first summer with no sun. Yet, as they drove down the mountain, watching as their house became farther and farther away, they knew that it was beaming down on them from above. Proud of all that they accomplished. 

Chapter Text

Hey this is just me ranting about this fic so you don’t need to read this if you don’t want to. :) 

First of all I want to clarify that in no way is this medically accurate. I am not a doctor and have no medical experience. I did do some extensive research about cancer, more specifically lung cancer. I did look up what kind of surgery they do for lung cancer and some symptoms but I still don’t know if I wrote it correctly. So please don’t view this as medically accurate. 

If you’re wondering why this fic moves quite fast and doesn’t focus on a lot of the details, of what Tommy sees or hears, or anything like that, it’s because I wanted this fic to move as quickly as possible, without leaving out major details. Not because I didn’t want to write it or I was getting tired of writing, but because I wanted to show how quickly Tommy’s time was coming to an end. This fic is from Tommy’s perspective and he is dying throughout the entire fic, so he’s not gonna focus on the things that don’t really matter. That’s why days pass by in a blur, and whenever he’s with his family he stops to remember what’s happening, because he wants only good memories, but that doesn’t mean he always gets them. This fic is showing just how little time Tommy has left and how he is only remembering and cherishing the important things, whether good or bad, because he hasn’t had a long enough life to throw out all the bad memories. He remembers the things that changed his life, whenever he was even slightly happy, and some of the strong emotions he felt. He does remember small details, (mostly because I like writing in background details), but overall he promptly tries to ignore them. The last chapter isn't from just anyone’s perspective, it’s just the sky looking down on the small family of three. 

Also some things I wanna add, if you didn’t already connect the dots, the little girl is like Tommy’s guardian angel, even if she isn’t really there a lot. She’s the doctor’s daughter simply because Tommy was always going to die and she was always going to watch over him. Also Tommy’s perspective is a bit warped, that’s why he remembers some things being better than they actually were, he’s trying to make the most of it. If I was to write this from Wilbur’s perspective or Techno’s it would all just be gray, no color or life, because the only thing that mattered was Tommy. If I had written it from Phil’s perspective he would have focused too much on how much time was left and how Tommy was and how his other boys were, and it would have just been a complete mess, that’s why Tommy’s perspective was perfect. Tommy is keeping his head as clear as he can, not just for himself but for his brothers and dad. 

Though there are some bits where we can see what Techno, or Wilbur, or Phil are thinking, it only lasts for a moment, because it’s just something that happened in passing, (also I like details, a lot). Overall though this is about Tommy, and how he remembers things, even if most of the time it’s not how anyone else remembers it. 

Another thing I want to talk about is how the tree basically represents the grim reaper. When Tommy says, he wished he had listened to Phil and stayed out of the tree because then he wouldn’t have been taken to the hospital and they never would have discovered the tumor, he wasn’t that far off. The tumor never would have existed but he still would have died some other way, like I already said, Tommy was always going to die. There was never any avoiding it, maybe he wouldn’t have died of cancer but, he was never going to live past seventeen. (I know, sad). Anyways the tree represents the grim reaper in the way that it could “sense” that Tommy was growing too fast, getting too old, and that his time was soon, so it basically threw him out of the tree. Throughout the fic Tommy talks about how he feels the whole world is against him, like the universe is trying to get rid of him and that’s basically what was happening. He constantly thinks that everything is against him and yeah, it basically is. Those moments that are good are when the universe decides to lay off for a bit. 

I wanted to explore the five stages of grief a bit, while also going through almost every month of Tommy’s last year alive. Each chapter has the stage of grief somewhere in the title and the only one that is ever “said out loud” is denial. Each stage strongly influenced its chapter and I made sure to give moments where it was present. Also chapter 3, anger, is quite long because Tommy has such a short temper. He can stay mad for a long time even if he doesn’t really know what he’s mad about. It’s obvious he blames himself but he also takes it out in any thing he can. Chapter three was honestly so hard to write because I wanted Tommy’s anger to be more subtle but I also wanted to make sure that his anger was evident. Even though grief happens after someone dies Tommy is going through the five stages because he already considers himself dead.

If you wonder why all the other characters in the fic have no names or have little to no dialogue, other than the doctor, who also doesn’t have a name, this is on purpose. I wanted to focus mainly on sbi seeing as it is an sbi fic. Tommy doesn’t want to remember anyone else and though he knows everyone’s names we don’t, simply because they don’t matter as much as sbi does to Tommy. But just in case you were curious, 

Tommy’s doctor-Puffy

The little girl-Hannah

His nurse-Sam

:D

It’s never outright said but Tommy’s mother also had a sickness. She, like Tommy, got sick and died. That’s why none of them liked hospitals even before Tommy got sick. They were always there when she was sick and so hospitals always freaked them out. Tommy’s memories of her are all from the point of view of a younger person because she died when Tommy was quite young. Tommy can’t really remember her all that much but he remembers her kindness. (Alos Kristin is his mom) (if that wasn’t obvious). 

Finally, I wanted the last chapter to be short, that was on purpose. Definitely not because I didn’t know what else to write. 

I’m really proud of this fic, let alone the fact that I actually finished it. I don’t think you understand how much I had planned beforehand and with the way it came out I’m really happy. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know the angst is a bit much sometimes but I was at a point in my life where I just needed a good cry. :D 

With this fic done I’m going to focus on my other ones so if you want to read any of those feel free to. None of them are as angsty as this one. ;)

Thanks for reading!