Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"What's Been Hidden For So Long"

part one;

Knock, knock, knock.

Exactly three times the small fist hit the familiar front door in a rhythm only the keeper of the flat she was currently trying to get into, knew. She waited a few seconds but nothing happened so she tried again. 

Knock, knock, knock.

It was unusual for him to take that long to open the door. She never had to knock a second time in the past so why now?

Again, nothing happened. Slowly she was losing patience but tried a third time nevertheless. 

Knock, knock, knock.

Her head was pounding, almost drowning out her loud heartbeat inside of her chest that felt like it caught fire just like the rest of her body. Still, no one opened the door and as she realized that he might not be at home after all she let her head fall face forward against the door with a loud thud that hurt even more than she originally thought. A small voice in the back of her head asked through all the pain she was experiencing why she thought that was necessary.

She didn't answer. Just like he didn't answer the door. 

That thought alone left a bitter taste in her mouth but thinking about not being able to talk to him right now almost made her cry right there in the hallway. She could already feel her shoulders beginning to shake as her bloodshot eyes got watery again. So this was what adulthood was like, huh? Pathetically fighting with your friends while getting drunk in the middle of the night and then trying to talk to a guy you've run after for years despite him not liking you back. Little did the universe know the said guy was the whole reason for the argument in the first place.

"Well, I guess, as a teenage girl you just pretend he likes you back," the blonde whispered brokenly into the silence she had to endure because she just couldn't take her friend's opinions anymore. It wasn't like she had asked for them but they told her nevertheless. So she did what every responsible adult would do - get drunk, yell a little, then leave and walk down the dark street like you're some dramatic, lonely main character in a rom-com leaving the bar right after a break-up. The only thing missing had been that it rained but Maya was thankful that didn't happen since the tight shirt she was wearing that day had been white.

She hadn't expected much from the evening as she got a call from her best friend, Riley, asking if she would like to grab a few drinks at their new favourite bar just an hour before they all met. Maya actually wanted to decline since she had been too tired after college classes and her job at Topanga's but, despite being on their best way of growing up and becoming real adults, Riley still couldn't stop her pouting and whining when something didn't go her way.

Maya groaned upon remembering the conversation with her best friend and hating herself for always doing what the brunette wanted just to make her happy. 

"I really need to stop doing that," Maya told herself, slurring the words only a little though in her head she sounded completely fine. As the lock of the door suddenly clicked and she felt someone opening the door, her eyes were wide open again as she began to fall forward. 

A pair of arms caught her right away before she could hurt her feet with those high heels she decided to wear. They looked good paired with her tight black jeans and Maya thought she could still dress up a little although she didn't want to go out that day. 

"Stop falling for me? God, I hope not," an all too familiar voice drawled into her ear and Maya hated him for joking about this serious topic while still managing to be cute. She could never hate him, no matter how hard she tried. He helped her to get back into a standing position and leaned casually against his doorframe as if he didn't just prevent her from falling onto the cold floor and, at the same time, saved her face. Literally. "Well, don't you look dashing, my dear." It was a joke, she knew it because he always told that joke. 

Her hair must have been a little mess with her blond waves being as chaotic as ever, her blue eyes completely red and puffy while her make-up was slightly smudged and her denim jacket hanging off both shoulders. There was some dirt on her shoulder and upper arm as she had leaned against an old container on her way to his apartment because her body needed a break. 

"Thank you so much for that compliment," Maya retorted as his smirk only grew. The blonde felt a little humiliated at his jokes but she would never admit that. She probably didn't even have to. The git already knew. "Can I maybe come in?" her voice sounded so small and she hated it. Maya hated herself for getting so drunk; for getting into an argument with her friends over something so simple and stupid; she hated herself even more for coming to his apartment in her drunken daze. Why couldn't she just snap out of this? Why was he the one person she kept crawling to, sometimes quite literally when everything else fell apart?

Josh smirked at her that somehow looked softer than usual. He gestured with his head into his small hallway and said, "Come in. I mean, you already almost landed on my floor, so, sure." It was meant as a small insult, she noticed, but it didn't sound like one. She would have known if it was.

"Thank you."

Josh stepped aside a little so Maya could enter his flat. He listened as the clicking of her High Heels faded into a soft noise behind his back as Maya stepped onto the dark blue carpet he had lying on the floor of his hallway. Glancing into the main hallway of the apartment building he noticed her bag leaning against the staircase. With a small smile, he walked over to get it for her because he knew she probably forgot she brought it in the first place.

Back in his flat, Josh put Maya's bag near the couch in his living room so she could easily find it in the morning. Since it wasn't the first time she came by in her drunken haze, he already knew she'd be gone early the next day. The blonde always disappeared before he woke up. 

He found the blonde in his kitchen just as she reached for a glass out of one of his cupboards. Without her heels, she was so small and Josh had to keep himself from laughing out loud at that. He knew Maya hated it when people joked about her height and since people did that daily he kept the joke to himself, giving her a break from always defending herself.

"Need some help?" he offered quietly as he walked to stand behind her. The moment he had reached her and stopped walking the air around them shifted. Maya stopped dead in her actions and slowly lowered her arm just as Josh reached out and grabbed a glass for her. Their hands almost touched but he made sure not to get too close, knowing it always made Maya nervous.

Unsure, the small blonde turned around to face the brown-haired boy who was already looking down at her. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat as she glanced at the glass in his right hand, too afraid of looking into his eyes that were just as blue as hers.

"I didn't ask for help," she said quietly. Josh actually let out a small chuckle at that but didn't say anything. "But thank you," Maya finally said before reaching out for the glass. 

"No need," he replied just as quietly. 

"What?" Maya lifted her head upon hearing his voice without thinking. Before she knew it she was looking straight into his eyes that held so many emotions all at once yet it felt like he wasn't feeling anything at all.

"There's no need to thank me," he shrugged it off as he carefully placed the glass into her hand, ignoring the way their fingers brushed as he did so. "Water?" he gestured at the glass with a nod of his head and questioning eyes. 

At first, Maya was too starstruck to find her voice so she could answer but Josh was used to it. He didn't say anything because he knew she had heard him. Still not able to find her voice, Maya just gave him a small nod and averted her gaze quickly. Again, Josh chuckled at her behavior but not to make fun of her, he found it kind of endearing. 

A lot of things about her were endearing, Josh thought more often than not and hated himself for it. She was always on his mind when he had trouble falling asleep late at night, she was the voice in the back of his head when he needed advice or simply needed someone to talk to when his feelings got the best of him, but she was also the reason for his lack of sleep and concentration, she caused all the frustration and anger a human being could possibly have.

"What was it this time?" Josh wanted to keep the thoughts about her at bay, had been trying for a long time already to shut her out of his mind. It was pointless.

Maya took a sip of her water, closing her eyes as she relished the taste of something non-alcoholic and how cool the glass felt against her warm skin. Again, she knew what Josh was asking about but even in her drunken haze she wasn't willing to tell him - not yet anyway. "I won't tell you. I'd just make a fool of myself," she finally responded in a whisper. In the distance, she felt her ears ring as memories of the evening with her friends came flooding into her mind. It had just been an hour ago but she wanted it to be longer because she wasn't sure how she was supposed to forgive them this time.

Usually, she could brush it off the next morning and everything was okay, but today things had been said that she could not just look past like she always did. Once again, tears gathered in her eyes as the words of her friends repeated themselves in her head and she couldn't stop them. Was it just because they were drunk, or because they meant to cause this kind of pain?

She would have loved to know the answer but she wasn't going to get one, especially not now as she stood in Josh's kitchen with a glass of water in her hands and a shattered heart beating inside of her chest. One tear almost fell but a laugh from the corner of the kitchen prevented her from continuing to wallow in self-pity. 

Wide-eyed she looked over to Josh who was trying and failing at stifling his laugh with the back of his hand. He held onto the kitchen counter as he tried to catch his breath and Maya had wanted to punch him right there at that moment as she watched him making fun of her being miserable. 

"You already made a fool of yourself, Cupcake," he reminded her with just one stupid nickname how many times she had actually made a fool of herself in front of him, because of him, and only for him. 

"Are you seriously making fun of me right now, Josh?" it must have been the tone of her voice or the look on her face, she wasn't quite sure, but he suddenly stopped laughing and just looked at her, considering what she said.

"No," he answered. "I'm not making fun of you, Maya. I just pointed out the truth." Slowly he made his way into his living room while Maya watched as he put more distance between the two of them. She felt cold all of the sudden and finally pulled up her jacket, before she, too, walked over into the living room where Josh was about to sit down on his couch.

For a few seconds, Maya leaned against the doorframe and just watched him. Josh took some deep breaths with his eyes closed as he let his head fall against the pillows he had put there. It might have looked strange if you were watching from the outside - a small blonde leaning against the doorframe with a glass of water in her hands, her eyes focused on a brown-haired boy sitting across the room with closed eyes as if he was about to fall asleep though the way he was breathing told he was still wide awake - for them it made perfect sense somehow. Sometimes Maya felt like Josh was looking at her with closed eyes, as though he didn't know her at all, but then at other times she was sure he was the only person in this world who truly knew who she was and what she wanted. 

There was no judgment, just accepting.

He welcomed her when everyone else kicked her out, pushed her away. Josh Matthews was the one person that could get Maya Hunter to believe that life wasn't always as unfair as she thought it was because she felt lucky for even knowing someone like him, to be able to talk to him. 

Mostly Maya was sure that Joshua was the one person she hated the most, but at the same time, she also loved him the most. It was truly a complicated relationship with him but he was that kind of person you would call  Once in a lifetime .

"So?" he suddenly spoke, startling her slightly. "Are you gonna tell me or what, Cupcake?" he asked with a satisfied smirk bigger than his ego could ever be.

He was also a  huge asshole  when he wanted to be one. In some small moments, Maya actually forgot that aspect of him but he was quick to remind her. 

He couldn't see her glare but she still hoped it would burn a hole into his head as she thought of what to say to him. Too many seconds had already passed and the more time ran away the bigger his smirk got. He knew exactly how to rile her up because he loved seeing her defending herself over the most ridiculous things.

Josh glanced at her and blinked a few times, catching the look on her face which only made him smile. With his blue eyes, he gestured towards the empty seat right next to him, inviting her to sit next to him on the couch. Maya rolled her eyes at his gesture and had to fight a smile that threatened to come through as he laughed again with a shake of his head. 

She pushed herself off the doorframe and walked over with slow yet sure steps. As Maya stood in-between the couch and the small table, she put her glass down and sat down, although she left a respectful amount of space between her and Josh. Of course, he noticed but decided to not comment on that and just turned to the blonde, waiting for her to say something, anything. Maya could tell he was interested in whatever had happened that day with her friends that drove her to walk to his apartment again, he usually was interested but today it felt different. It appeared to be more serious, more important than usual which scared her. 

There weren't many things that scared Maya Hunter but love and affection were at the top of her list and would probably never stop to scare the hell out of her. The look she saw in Josh's eyes right now told her a story she had only heard about in the past. Maya couldn't believe she was actually living it these days.

"It was about you," she finally said without looking at him. Maya stared at the ceiling, wishing she could see the stars instead-but knew it was useless to even think about it. They were living in New York City, she never truly saw a beautiful night sky except that one time Riley forced her to join the Matthews on a family trip to Philadelphia.

If she just closed her eyes she could perfectly remember how it had felt to lay down on the grass in the backyard, looking up and seeing all the stars in the world. She had gotten so excited that night and continued to do the same for as long as the trip was going - seven days she was given the wonderful opportunity to watch the stars at night and Maya didn't waste one second, every single night she went out into the cold and looked into the sky. That's when she truly felt at peace.

A small chuckle from her left cut through the small trip down memory lane she took and pulled her out of her thoughts. Confused, Maya turned her head a little, only as much as she needed to take a look at Josh, whose smile was morphing into a grin. 

"What's so funny now?" the blonde glared at the boy next to her and secretly wished her heart would stop beating faster at the sight of a happy Josh. 

"It's always about me, isn't it?" it sounded like a question but not the type you would want to hear an answer to. They both knew it was true, there was no point in denying it, that Maya was sure of. 

They were always honest with each other, that was something Maya had with no one else but him. Josh never lied, never pretended to be something or someone he isn't, especially not if he didn't want to. He didn't change for anyone which she admired a lot. Most people said the same thing about her. 

Sitting here and talking to Josh with an open heart again, she wasn't sure if she should be mad at her friends or thank them for starting that same old argument that always caused her to get up and leave, running straight to Josh and demanding his attention. 

Earlier that day...

Maya walked down the street, speeding up a little since she was going to be late again. The voices of her complaining friends were already playing in her head, never-ending with the jokes about her always running late to their get-togethers. Ironically, her dorm wasn't even that far away from the usual bar they always met but Maya still couldn't get the timing right. She gave up on that a long time ago. 

As the familiar sign saying 'Lost Hiding' finally came into view, she managed a small smile and broke out into a small run. Finally arrived she opened the heavy wooden door and immediately the smell of alcohol and cheap food filled her nostrils. The blonde took a look around, mostly faces she had seen before greeted her with kind smiles or a tiny salute. It was actually Maya herself that discovered this place at the beginning of college and only one evening with her friends was enough for them to declare this as their new "place". 

She also knew from the very beginning that the pub wasn't far away from Josh's flat but no one had to know that. Of course, Riley noticed it the first time they were there but Maya played dumb and pretended to not know about that little fact. She was just glad her best friend bought it and none of her other friends had questioned it. 

Lucas, Riley, Farkle, Zay, and Smackle were all at the table they usually had when visiting. As always, Maya was the last one to arrive but she didn't care. Smiling, she walked over to them and greeted them in a way only Maya Hunter could - practically screaming to announce her arrival. Since it always happened, no one at the pub minded it except for people who were new there. 

"Maya!" her friends had chorused happily. There was one empty seat left at their table so Maya sat down in-between her best friend Riley, and her other best friend, Farkle, where she always sat. They had already ordered her something to drink and Maya quickly thanked them as Lucas reached out to give her her glass filled with liquor.

They shared stories of their week and college and everything exciting that had happened over the time they hadn't seen each other which had only been six days ago. At first, they all had one huge group conversation that soon split into multiple small ones - Lucas got into a talk with Zay about a trip to Texas they had started planning recently; Smackle and Maya had switched seats so Smackle could talk to Riley properly since the girls were talking about a convention they want to visit together (Maya was sure she'd be forced to attend as well); Farkle asked Maya some questions since the blonde then sat next to him and was the only one to not be involved in a conversation. Farkle tried to explain a new project he was working on and how he hoped for some extra credit.

"I'm sure it'll all work out, Turtleneck," Maya had assured her friend with a fond smile, already knowing he'd achieve what he hoped for.

Farkle seemed to get some kind of relief upon hearing her saying that. "Thank you, Maya," he kindly offered. "Also, glad I am still a turtleneck to you," the young boy huffed with amusement. Maya's response had been a hearty laugh Farkle soon joined her in. Both took a sip of their drink and during these few seconds of silence between the two of them, Maya had heard how the topic of the girls' conversation had changed to love interests. Even Zay and Lucas were talking about a girl Lucas recently asked out at his college. 

The blonde had rolled her eyes upon listening to what they said, already knowing what was going to happen next. Farkle quickly glanced at his friend, sensing the sudden change in her mood just like he could do years ago. 

Exactly one hour, thirty-four minutes, and six seconds everything went fine. Yes, Maya had started counting how long they were all able to talk with each other before a certain topic came up that made her leave every single time before anyone else did. This time they had managed two minutes longer than the last time, it was a new record, the blonde tried to find positivity in that.

"If you want, you can leave. I'll cover for you," she had heard Farkle whisper to her. It made her smile, knowing he still wanted to help and protect her. With a grateful smile, she looked up at him from where she had been staring at her glass. 

"Thank you, Farkle. I'd like that, but it won't change anything, would it?" she asked despite knowing the answer to that question. Farkle gave her a helpless look and shrugged slightly, nodding in the end because there was nothing he could have said to her at that moment to make it any less bad.

"Maya," she was being called by none other than her best friend, Riley. Maya knew what was coming next because Zay and Lucas had also stopped their conversation in favour of listening to the girls.

"Yes, Riles?" She was almost wishing she would have listened to Farkle a minute ago but it just wouldn't change a thing. If anything, it would only make things even worse.

"Did you go out with that one guy I told you about?" the brunette asked eagerly. 

The guy Riley was referring to was some random dude, Jay, who shared some classes with the brunette. He saw Maya a few times when she was working at Topanga's and thought she was cute. As he had found out that Riley knew Maya he immediately went to the brunette to ask for Maya's number. Of course, Riley had been excited and just straight up gave him the blonde's number which she was still mad about. Riley being Riley though didn't understand why it had been such a big deal to Maya. Now Jay was constantly texting the blonde, asking random things no one would ever care about, or wondering if they could meet sometime. Maya was running out of excuses and even gave him a kind rejection once. Jay wasn't good at accepting that and still texted her at least once per day. He even talked to Riley about her "stubborn best friend". 

With a sweet smile, Maya replied, "No, Riles. I didn't go out with him." At that, Lucas and Zay both started laughing meanwhile Farkle smiled to himself. Smackle was just waiting for Riley's reaction. 

"Why not? He's cute and charming and really smart, " Riley had started to list off all the good things about Jay.

Maya scoffed at her best friend's response. "Yeah, so? That guy also can't take a 'no' just like you, apparently," the blonde fired back, much to her other friends' amusement. Riley's jaw almost hit the floor but she quickly recovered from the shock. 

"Excuse me? I was just trying to help you to find a decent guy, no need to lash out on me," the brunette crossed her arms and glared openly at Maya. The blonde couldn't believe this was happening again. 

"Riley," she stated sternly. "I told you a million times I don't want to get to know anyone right now. I'm not looking for a relationship so how about you just back the fuck off?!" It might have been the alcohol in Maya's system that caused her to raise her voice but she knew Riley wouldn't get it otherwise. 

Lucas and Zay were laughing again, completely ignoring the seriousness of their argument. Farkle had that concerned look in his eyes again from earlier, he hated seeing his best friends fight like that. Smackle stood up and busied herself with getting another drink for everyone, hoping it would calm them down. 

"You're not looking for one, huh?" Riley stated suspiciously. Maya knew that tone, there was no going back now. "Sure, I'll call you when I believe that."

"What do you mean?" Maya didn't know what else to do, it was a dead end. 

"Don't play dumb with me. We all know the real reason you don't ever want to go out with anyone," Maya's heart beat a little faster as she waited for Riley to finish her accusation. "You still want to be with Josh."

Everyone was silent in their group as they waited for Maya to say something, anything but nothing came. She didn't know what to say. It was true, yes, but she would have loved to avoid that humiliation in front of her friends. 

"What? You're not even gonna deny it?" the brunette let out a humorless laugh. 

"I don't know how I could deny the truth," Maya said honestly, much to everyone's surprise. She got raised eyebrows and wide-eyed stares from her friends but she didn't care. "And I honestly don't want to. You all have known for years how I felt and never said anything. Why now? Why do you all care about it all of the sudden?"

Riley was quick to respond to that, "It's because we've been talking about it a lot lately and we've come to realize that it's actually kind of pathetic how you still haven't stopped running after him. I mean, Maya, come on. It's been years and you two still aren't together. When will you finally let it go? When you're thirty? Forty? When he's married to another woman? Tell me, please, because I am tired of watching this and, and listening to you whining about it whenever you're drunk. Seriously, when will you grow up?!"

"Riley-" Farkle started but Maya interrupted him with her hand on his shoulder. 

"It's okay, Farkle," she smiled weakly and Farkle could tell how much pain was behind that smile. "I guess it was a long time coming, wasn't it? Seems to me as if Riley has wanted to say that to me for a long time now. She finally got it out. Anything else?" She threw an expecting look at all of her friends, waiting for something but she didn't know what exactly. 

"Actually, yes." Lucas hissed Riley's name but she simply ignored him. "One more thing. I've noticed you visit him a lot, preferably when you're drunk. What does that mean exactly?" Despite trying to stop the brunette all of her friends were staring, waiting for an answer. It was pointless because Riley wouldn't stop and Maya hated how she could hardly recognize her best friend that night. It wasn't just the alcohol talking, this one went a lot deeper. "What? Shocked that I know just how often you visit him?"

"No," Maya shook her head and kept her eyes on Riley. "I don't care about that, it's not like this is any of your business though, or am I wrong?" Zay let out a low wolf whistle but was quickly stopped by a slap against his arm by Lucas, who had finally acknowledged this wasn't just fun bickering between best friends. 

"It's not my business? This is my uncle we're talking about here, or have you forgotten that one part why you two would never work out," Riley actually yelled the last part and even stood up to get closer to Maya's shell-shocked face. 

Maya wanted to laugh at that moment but no sound came out. She couldn't. "So that's what this is all about," the blonde had finally realized. "You tried to find another guy for me I'd fall in love with so I would stop having feelings for Josh. You wanted me to forget about him because you don't want us to be together."

"Don't be ridiculous," Riley had laughed but Maya could make out the fear in her chocolate brown eyes. The fear of being caught. 

"Why would you do that though, huh? Just a few minutes ago you told me to get over him because he won't return the feelings I have for him. Isn't that right, Riley?" Maya stood up as well. "If you're so sure he doesn't like me like that, why would you try to set me up with another guy to prevent me and Josh from getting together?" It had been a rhetorical question, everyone sitting at that table knew that the moment Maya had finished talking. Riley knew as well, her face was pale and her eyes were panicked. A bitter smile appeared on the blonde's face. "You know, I'm too old for this shit here. If you can't talk to me openly about your 'problem' with the idea of me and Josh being something more than just friends, then I don't need this here anymore. I'm out."

And so Maya had walked away from the group, several friends were shouting after her but Maya kept walking. Out of the bar and onto the street with only one thing, or rather person, on her mind. It had been cold but she didn't care. Her phone was ringing inside of her jeans pocket but she let it ring, knowing exactly who was calling her. 

She could deal with Riley later. There were more important things to do now. 

"Yeah, I kind of knew that already," Josh confessed quietly into the darkness since neither of them had cared enough to turn on the lights. Only the moonlight was sweeping in through the window, casting beautiful shadows upon Josh's furniture and their faces. 

"What?" Maya's voice sounded shocked, deadly almost. The look she gave him was murderous. 

"I mean not like she told me or anything," he started to explain. "It's just, whenever I did talk to her about you she had that look in her eyes I just couldn't place for a while. Now it makes sense, I guess."

"Why didn't you tell me? And when have you two been talking about me, and why?" The blonde fired all those questions at the boy next to her, hoping to get some answers. 

"It wasn't recently if that's what you're asking," Josh shrugged mindlessly. "Probably a few months, at most. Riley has always been asking me about anyone special, if there is one, or if I am looking for someone. One time she even directly asked me if I could imagine you being my girlfriend and such." That piece of information got Maya curious. 

"What was your answer?" she boldly asked Josh. He laughed in response and glanced shortly at her with a breathtaking smile. 

"We'll come to that point later," he said, chuckling at the way Maya's shoulders dropped. "Sometimes when she visited me or when I was over at my brother's place and I hadn't heard from you in a while, I asked my niece about you. I wanted to know how you are and if you're okay. I guess that's when she started getting suspicious 'cause I was so interested in knowing how things are for you and all that," Josh grew quiet after that although Maya had the feeling he had more to say.

"What else?" the blonde pushed and felt herself relax a little as Josh sent her a reassuring smile, signaling she didn't go too far. 

"Uhhh, not much actually," the brown-haired boy ran a hand through his hair. "Riley would ask me sometimes if we spend time together, like, if we meet up or if you were here in my apartment."

"I don't understand why though. She never asked me," Maya interrupted him absently as more questions came rushing into her mind. 

"I don't know. I mean, I did tell her we sometimes talk to each other. It was probably that she was scared you'd tell me about it," Josh guessed as he once again glanced at the blonde next to him. 

Maya hummed quietly in acknowledgment. "That doesn't make sense though. She still asked you so she must have been sure you wouldn't tell me."

"That's right," Josh agreed. "I don't know, maybe she was testing the waters. See how far she can go without being obvious. I mean, it's Riley we're talking about here."

"Yeah, you're right," Maya nodded to herself. 

"I'm sorry, by the way." Maya's head shot up in an instant, confusion clouding her mind. 

"For what would you need to apologize?" Josh laughed to himself but it sounded dry, as though to keep himself from falling apart. Maya knew that laugh well but only from herself. She had never heard Josh laughing like that, it scared her. 

"For so many things," he mumbled towards the ceiling, closing his eyes briefly.

"Huh?" Maya got even more confused and looked at Josh, who looked anything but peaceful. First, he just sat there with closed eyes, and for a second Maya feared he might have fallen asleep, that exhaustion of the week took over, but then he suddenly stood up and walked over to the biggest window he had, staring at the night sky as if he could find answers in the stars.

"I'm sorry for a lot of things I've done, or rather haven't done, over the years, Maya," Josh's voice sounded quiet although Maya only sat a few feet away from where he was standing. Her brow furrowed but she didn't say anything to his confession. "You fought with your friends because of me-"

"That wasn't your fault," the blonde quickly interrupted which she usually wouldn't do but felt the sudden need to clarify that one thing.

"It was," Josh corrected softly, nodding to himself. "It was always my fault and I never did anything to make it okay. I've been selfish for so long."

"Josh?" Maya called for him, slowly standing up as well.

"I always knew why you came here, drunk and alone," he stated and heard how Maya's footsteps faltered for a second before she continued walking towards him. "You fought with your friends because of me, every single time. It was always the same, wasn't it?" Maya still didn't respond. "I know what you're feeling, Maya." Her steps stopped at ones and Josh knew if he was to turn around he'd face the small blonde. She now stood right behind him with a rapid heartbeat, breathing a little unsteady. Josh took a long moment to breathe in and out, deeply, before turning to face her. The blue eyes he had been lost in for so long were fixed on his chest, not meeting his eyes, and had a glassy look. 

Josh knew she was on the verge of crying, unshed tears the girl held back just like she had always done.

"You never tried to hide the way you feel about me," he started talking again, keeping his voice light. "It was always one of the many things I admired about you, Hunter," he couldn't help the fond smile his lips formed into upon remembering a young and loud Maya, declaring her undying love for Josh Matthews at the age of fifteen in front of their families and all of her friends. "And that's why you kept coming here after the arguments with Riley and the others were over." Again, Maya's shoulders dropped. "You wanted to confess to me, properly, but you were too afraid of the outcome. Not even the alcohol could help to muster up enough courage to tell me the truth." Now Maya's head hung low, too. "You still tried but the fights got worse. And you got more frustrated." The blonde looked up from where she had been staring at the way Josh had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his black trousers. "You weren't ready," he finished with a sad smile, letting himself get pulled into the endless ocean of her teary eyes.

"What are you saying, Josh?" her small voice cracked a little at the end.

"I am saying that I have been selfish all this time," he again confessed, sighing so deep that Maya could practically feel his frustration. "I knew the reason you came here but I've never been honest. I should have said something but I was afraid you'd stop visiting me if I would have told you." Josh's gaze wandered over Maya's face, as though he wanted to memorize her features. 

"Told me what?" Maya questioned, eyes suddenly twinkling with something that had his heart beating faster and her mouth twisting into a hesitant smile -  hope.

"You weren't ready, I didn't want to scare you away so I never said anything. I was too scared you would stop talking to me but you kept hurting, I didn't do anything because I was afraid of losing you," he rambled on and on but Maya just shook her head in a few quick movements as if to stop him from saying these things. 

"Josh, what was it you should have told me?" the blonde searched for any clue inside his eyes, constantly darting in-between them. "Please, tell me," she begged as the first tear that night rolled down her cheek. "Please."

Defeated, Josh reached out to her and wiped away the tear as more started to flow down, crushing her small body with sobs. He took a deep breath, already knowing it wouldn't do anything to calm down before he replied, "That I fell in love with you."

Chapter Text

part two;

Fifty-eight minutes. By all means, it wasn't much time that had passed but if your inner voice counted the seconds turning into minutes it felt like hours went by. For days he hadn't seen or heard of her just for her to suddenly knock at his front door again like it had happened almost every week for months. He didn't know for how long he had already known the girl but the years spent together were enough for him to be sure he knew her pretty well by now. 

Fifty-eight minutes ago he told the girl he had loved for a while now that he had fallen in love with her. There was no exact moment to pinpoint just when his heart had decided she was the one. It had happened, and that was that. 

Fifty-eight minutes ago Josh Matthews stood in front of a crying Maya Hunter, his arms tightly wrapped around her with her face pressed into his chest and his hands holding her delicate heart as she gave it to him. At first, he had been unsure if he should actually tell her about his feelings. Had he known she'd turn into an emotional mess afterward, he would have kept it to himself and would have waited a little longer. Josh was even afraid she'd break out into a run every second, leaving his flat and therefore him. 

But that didn't happen. 

As her sobs faded away and the tears dried on her rosy cheeks, Maya had raised her head and her eyes had searched for his in an instant. Bloodshot eyes stared up at Josh, flickering, searching - again, twinkling with hope. Maya was looking for the truth. She had heard the sincerity in his voice, the truth his words spoke, but Maya had been through a lot of heartbreaks despite her young age. She needed to make sure this wasn't going to end in shattered pieces as well. 

"I love you, Maya," Josh told her again, putting his whole heart into these words to make her see he was being honest with her. Maya had managed a genuine smile upon hearing him confessing to her again, not quite believing that the boy in front of her knew what she had been asking for by just gazing into her eyes. 

"Thank you for telling me, Josh," she had barely whispered the words before standing up onto her toes, making herself as tall as she could, and reaching for Josh's face, gently holding it in-between her cold shaking hands as she kissed him for the very first time. Josh's arms were still around her tiny waist, keeping her close to him as he had happily kissed Maya back with a smile. Both had been smiling so much while kissing, it got hard to continue like that. 

Josh had been the first to pull away, breaking into a fit of giggles as he saw Maya's pouting lips and the light in her blue eyes. Soon she joined him and laughed as well, realization finally dawning on the both of them. "Well," Josh bit his lip, not quite knowing what to say now that he finally had the girl of his dreams in his arms. 

"Well," the blonde repeated, smiling softly at Josh. "I've fallen in love with you, too."

Maya's confession gave Josh the biggest grin he has ever had. She laughed loudly that had turned into a high-pitched squeal as Josh suddenly picked her up, spinning her around in his apartment in the middle of the night.

More hugs and kisses had followed after the first one but both were also quite tired from the events of the day and the week in general. Maya had been sure she was now drunk on her feelings and not alcohol and skipped into the bathroom real quick to get ready for sleep. Meanwhile, Josh had put away her empty glass, putting it into the sink so he could clean it in the morning. 

It had been well past one AM as he finally settled into his bedroom, laying down on his bed and facing the ceiling. After going into the bathroom himself, he had found Maya fast asleep on his couch. He got a blanket out of his bedroom and draped it over her so she wouldn't freeze since the night had been getting rather cold and her thin clothes weren't enough to keep her warm. 

Smiling to himself, Josh turned onto his right side and took a look at his alarm clock on the nightstand, glowing red in the darkness - 1:58 AM. He should really try to sleep but he couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. More minutes passed and at 2:14 AM he finally closed his eyes, letting exhaustion take over his body. 

A shuffling just outside in his living room had him awake again. He had left the door of his bedroom ajar and found himself panicking at the sound, thinking this might be Maya getting her things and going home, leaving him again. As the steps faltered just in front of his door and then stopped he was wide awake again, rubbing his eyes briefly to make sure this wasn't a dream. 

Slowly his door opened and into his bedroom came a sleepy Maya, blushing furiously with the blanket enveloping her like a coat. Josh could only see her silhouette because of the moonlight but even in the dark, he could tell she was nervous. 

"Maya? What's going on?" the boy asked with a low voice, stopping himself from smirking at the thought he had just now as to why Maya was standing there.

"Can I-," the blonde stopped, frowning at herself. Since when was she scared of asking for something? "Uhm," her eyes looked at anything but Josh, unconsciously she tightened her grip around the blue blanket. Josh's shoulders shook with the intensity of his laugh but Maya didn't notice, she was too much in her head. "Can I sleep next to you?" she finally got the question out.

"Are you asking if we can cuddle, Maya?" the brown-haired boy asked, catching his breath again as he openly smirked at the blonde. She shifted on her feet, feeling the butterflies taking over inside her stomach. Vehemently she nodded in response, not trusting her voice anymore. Josh let out a laugh but made space for the blonde nevertheless. Unsure, Maya walked over, taking the blanket with her which made Josh laugh again. Even Maya herself let out a small giggle, feeling like a love-sick teenager all over again. 

As they had finally found a comfortable position to sleep in with Josh's arms wrapped around Maya again, the blonde still had something to say before falling asleep, "Josh?"

"Yes, Maya?" he responded, letting out a content sigh.

"Thank you," she quietly told him, closing her eyes with a soft smile. Josh grinned to himself and snuggled closer to the blonde.

"Just promise me something," he whispered into the darkness, hoping Maya was still awake. She hummed in acknowledgment and Josh needed to muster up some courage for what he wanted to say to her, "Promise me you won't be gone in the morning."

Her answer came in a heartbeat, "I promise."

...

Four hundred and eighty-six minutes ago. Josh woke with a startle from what probably had been the best sleep he has had in a long time. Had it been just a dream that he finally told Maya the truth? With a content smile, Josh let his eyes fall shut again, ignoring the warm shafts of sunlight seeping into his bedroom through the slits of the closed blinds. He inhaled deeply as he turned to his right side, wanting to feel Maya in his arms again.

Maya.

Within a second Josh's eyes were wide open and he sat upright in his bed, trying to find the blonde in his room without any luck. Her side of the bed was empty, a little cold even. For how long had she been gone without him noticing? Josh stumbled out of bed rather ungracefully and opened up the blinds, letting the sunlight seek into his room, blinding him for a short time. At the least, she had the decency to close his door again but Josh still felt a pang inside his chest upon her leaving wordlessly. 

She could have at least left a note, or anything, really. 

His feet dragged him into his lightened living room, it looked just like yesterday. The blanket he had borrowed from her was neatly folded on the couch and his heart stopped as he saw Maya's bag lying next to it. The high-heels she had arrived in last night were placed next to his sneakers inside the small hallway, her blue denim jacket hung on the last empty coat hanger he had at the wardrobe and one of his hoodie jackets was missing, he noted.

A sweet smell filled his nostrils, bacon and scrambled eggs, he thought. It came out of the kitchen so Josh slowly walked over to where the white door was left ajar, knowing he had left it open the night before. His left hand reached out and carefully pushed the door open, still not fully stepping into the room, as he looked inside while hearing the frizzling of what was indeed bacon. 

Maya stood there at the stove, her back to him, and moving the pan back and forth. She was clad in his black hoodie jacket, the one he hadn't seen before on his wardrobe, and humming a random melody to herself. 

Two plates were placed on his small dining table along with knives and cups, scrambled eggs were already on their plates and if he wasn't mistaken, the cups were filled with freshly brewed coffee. 

"Maya?" he called for her, unsure of whether or not he wanted her to know he was there. This was definitely a sight he could get used to. 

The blonde didn't hesitate in turning her upper body to face him, gracing him with her soft smile. "Morning, Josh." 

"What are you-" he got interrupted, "I made breakfast!" the blonde exclaimed happily, gesturing towards the table with a nod since her hands were busy with the bacon, her right hand held the pan, the left one a spatula. Josh couldn't react other than to just gape at her wide-eyed. "It will take another minute but you can sit down already," Maya told him, slapping against one of the three wooden stairs for fun before turning to the stove again. 

Josh did as he was told and sat down on his chair, watching the blonde with a slow smile. It was clearly not what he had expected but he welcomed it, waking up with Maya still being there was one of his favorite things now. Soon enough the bacon was ready so Maya turned off the stove and put the freshly cooked bacon onto their plates, placing the pan into the sink for now. She sat down across from him and grabbed her cup to take a sip of her coffee but before she did so, she stopped and stared at Josh.

"What?" she breathed out with a confused smile, a puzzled look on her face. 

"Nothing," the brown-haired boy couldn't stop smiling as he continued to gaze at her. "I'm just really, really enjoying this sight." Maya's eyebrows shot up in surprise but she gave him a warm smile nevertheless. 

"I, uh," the blonde started to fiddle with her fingers nervously. "I hope you like the food," she finally stammered out. "I'm not the best cook and I usually don't do anything special so..." Maya drifted off as Josh used his fork and shove some scrambled egg into his mouth, grinning at the delicious taste. 

"It's amazing, Maya," he told her fondly, letting the image of her smiling brightly and falling straight-up into an explanation of how she always had to cook with Topanga for her cafe burn into his memory. He listened, being genuinely interested in what she had to say, and continued eating breakfast along with drinking his tasty coffee.

Working at Topanga's really did some wonders to Maya's cooking skills. 

...

Maya had finished her breakfast long before Josh although she had done all the talking in-between eating and drinking and he had just been listening. For good two solid minutes, the blonde had laughed about Josh who grumbled in response and hid his smirk behind his coffee cup that he still hadn't finished. 

She was just about to answer Josh's question about her college classes as their conversation got rudely interrupted by a rather persistent knocking. The brown-haired boy had just shoved the rest of his bacon into his mouth and couldn't talk at all. He was about to stand up but Maya beat him to it.

"Just keep eating, I'll see who's there," she told him while already making her way out of the kitchen, barely catching Josh's nod before disappearing into the hallway. The knocking still hadn't stopped and Maya started to get annoyed at whoever stood on the other side, already feeling herself getting mad. "Yes, what?" she called immediately after opening the door, not seeing the brunette at first. "Riley?!" Maya was starstruck suddenly. 

The brunette in question still had her fist raised from where she had banged it against the door, silently staring back at her best friend with an indifferent look on her face. "Maya," Riley said matter-of-factly, except for her mouth not a single muscle moved. "Should have known you'd be here after all."

At that, Maya's left eye twitched ever so slightly but she still managed to plaster a forced smile onto her face. "Meaning?" she bit out through gritted teeth. 

Riley used her sweetest smile for her answer, "I knew you'd probably be here but I still hoped you would have been smart enough to just go home."

"Is that so?" The blonde finally let her fake smile drop. "What do you want?"

The brunette wasted no time in answering, "I am here to speak to my uncle, who happens to live here if you weren't already aware."

"Oh, trust me, I am," Maya forced out, trying not to glare at her supposedly best friend who made her skin crawl right now. The blonde stepped aside to let Riley walk into the flat, much like Josh had done yesterday for Maya herself. "He's in the kitchen," she called after the brunette but no response came. 

Riley made a beeline towards the kitchen where Maya had left the door unclosed before opening the front door. Maya had trouble following her this quick but managed to enter the kitchen just in time to see Josh, like a deer caught in headlights, looking at his niece with his mouth still full of bacon and his brown hair still tousled from sleep. Despite the rather unpleasant situation, they found themselves in on this Saturday morning, Maya couldn't help but let her heart stutter at the way Josh looked right now. If only she had her phone nearby to tease him with the picture in the future.

"Seriously, Josh?!" Riley yelled wide-eyed. Right, she was still there. "You let her stay?!" Apparently, she had already made up her mind upon seeing the breakfast table and its current state, it didn't take a genius to see Maya and Josh had breakfast together just before the brunette arrived.

Josh stood up suddenly, quickly swallowing down the last bit of his food, and looked at his niece with pleading eyes. "Riley-"

She was quick to cut him off, "No. No, it looks like she already lives here. You made yourself at home real fast, Maya," Riley turned to Maya now, pointing accusingly at the blonde with her pointer finger and a wild look in her otherwise calm brown eyes.

"Why are you freaking out, Riley? It's not a big deal," Maya calmly replied, keeping her anger at bay and trying to maintain the happiness the last few hours had brought her.

"It's not a big deal?!" Again, the brunette yelled. "Are you kidding me?! Do you really believe that?!" Maya let herself get yelled at, knowing it would do no good to stop her best friend. The blonde stared into her friend's eyes, searching for anything other than anger, hurt perhaps? "What are you two doing here?! Playing husband and wife?!" Riley just didn't stop yelling and Josh watched in horror as Maya just let it happen. He couldn't take it anymore so he walked around the table to get closer to Riley and Maya. 

"Riley," Josh's voice was stern yet the anger inside of him was controlled. His niece dragged her eyes away from Maya and forced herself to look at her uncle instead. "We can talk about this but only if you calm down now. So stop yelling, please." Hurt flashed in his blue eyes, Riley could tell, but there was another emotion crossing his face as well - disappointment. 

The brunette didn't show any signs of regret nor any indication of the will to apologize. "I am calm, can't you tell?" she narrowed her eyes at Josh, trying to twist her lips into a smile that ended up in a painful grimace. Even Maya could feel her inner walls crumbling slightly as a small spark of sympathy ignited inside of her. 

"Then let's talk about this," Josh stated calmly and suppressed the sigh of relief as his niece lowered her head, agreeing silently. His eyes locked with Maya's over the brunette's head, looking after the blonde and making sure she was okay. 

"Riley?" Maya called for her friend, hoping she was still somewhere in between all this anger and pain. Reluctantly the brunette in question turned, lifting her head to look at Maya with her glassy eyes.

"I'm sorry, Maya," she started and Maya's brow furrowed as tears ran down Riley's cheeks. "I just-- I can't-- I'm--I'm sorry, Maya, You weren't supposed to be the only one, I'm so sorry," Riley choked out before running out of the kitchen. Maya and Josh called her name, even ran after her, but she was already out of the front door by the time Josh and Maya reached the hallway.

"What the hell happened?" Maya whispered into the heavy silence that now ruined the comfortable atmosphere she and Josh had created for themselves.

"I have no idea," Josh ran a hand through his hair as he continued to stare at his closed front door as though glaring at the wood would somehow give him answers to his questions.

Suddenly, the blonde started pacing through Josh's apartment, biting down onto her lip and hastily reaching for her shoes. "I need to go after her, we need to talk this out," Maya exclaimed breathlessly as she started to tie her sneakers, almost falling over. 

"Maya," Josh put a hand onto her shoulder, getting her to slow her actions down. "I don't think that's a good idea."

The blonde sighed and straightened herself to look into Josh's eyes. "I need to talk to her, Josh. Clearly, something's bothering her, what she said made no sense. I need to figure this out before it's too late."

"Maya," Josh tried again, putting more force into his voice now. "I know you have to talk to her. Now is not the time though," he said softly as Maya put her head into her hands, letting out a deep sigh that shook her whole body. "She's too emotional right now to talk this out. You are, too. Give her and yourself some time to calm down, it won't be too late. You are Maya and she's Riley, just like it's always been."

"Thank you," Maya's mouth curled into an unsure smile as she lifted her head again. "Yes, you're right, thank you." Forcing air in and out of her lungs again, the blonde threw her arms around Josh's waist, holding on tight as some tears welled up. The brown-haired boy gladly held her as she tried to keep some frustrated tears at bay. 

"How about you decide on what show we're gonna watch while I clean the table?" Josh whispered, kissing Maya's head afterward. The blonde looked up at him and smiled rather silly as a sudden thought occurred to her. "Oh no," Josh muttered as his eyes widened. 

She squinted a few times before her smile got even wider. "So, basically whenever I'm feeling down you let me decide what we watch on TV?" The glint was back in her blue eyes, dangerously gleaming up at him. Josh huffed out a laugh and broke their eye contact briefly before smiling at Maya.

"Just go and look for something, Ferret." 

"Yes, sir," she retorted in a sarcastic tone as she skipped over to the couch, leaving a grinning Josh behind. 

...

If Maya could lay in Josh's arms for the rest of time she would gladly accept it and never leave. But sadly time still passed and the blonde knew she had to go back into her dorm room at some point. Classes started on Monday again and she was sure she still needed to finish one or two papers for college if she didn't want to fail.

Reluctantly she got up from the couch she and Josh had sat on together for the past three hours. It felt good to not think about the drama that had occurred in the morning with Riley. As Maya put on her shoes and got ready to leave though, it all flooded back into her mind and swallowed her up like a cloud. 

Josh sensed the sudden change in her mood and just pulled the blonde into his embrace. 

"Thank you," Maya said with a small smile. "For everything."

"Yeah, well, thank you for coming here," Josh retorted just before bending down his head to kiss her. 

"I'll try to sort through this mess with Riley," the blonde promised as she opened the front door with a quiet squeak. "And then I'd like to talk about this," she added with small hesitation, casting her eyes down. 

"About what?" Josh had his eyebrows drawn together in confusion as he looked down at Maya.

"Us." Her eyes glanced up at the brown-haired boy in front of her as she nervously bit down onto her lip. Josh started to smile before she could dive too deep into her insecurities and nodded a few times. 

"Sure, we can do that." After one last kiss, they separated and Josh closed the door after Maya had walked down the stairs, disappearing out of his sight. 

Only then he had realized she was still wearing his hoodie jacket, taking it with her and leaving her blue denim jacket there in his wardrobe.

He had smiled for the rest of his evening and only sent her a text as night broke in. 

[Josh];  Missing you.

[Maya];  You too. 💕

[Josh]; Just like my jacket. 

[Maya]; :D

Chapter Text

part three;

Just as the sun was about to rise to signalize the start of the last day of the current week did Maya allow the realization of needing to talk to Riley today set in. On the whole ride back home yesterday the blonde had been thinking of a way to approach her best friend but came up with almost nothing. A few times she had opened up their chat, typed in a few words just to delete them again, and repeated that action at least five times before the odd look of an elderly woman sitting just across from Maya had gotten too annoying. 

She then put her phone into her bag and stared out of the window, trying to gain some fractions of her mind back. It was driving her insane not knowing the answer to her question but Josh had been right the previous day. Maya had been too emotional to think straight, after sleeping for eight hours she felt a lot better now. 

It was no surprise to her that whatever she was going to call him was right once again. Josh was good with this stuff, sometimes in a scary way, but she still appreciated his help whenever he offered it. 

Maya was alone in her dorm room. With her roommate already gone for her usual early morning run that lasted for at least another two and a half hours, Maya sat up in her bed, her hand automatically reaching out to grab her phone from the nightstand. She only had one text message and briefly, Maya wondered if Riley might have been faster at finding a way to bring up the touchy subject. Quickly typing in her pin, Maya clicked on the app with a racing heart. This was already too much energy she was wasting during the early hours, Maya knew that, but she also couldn't calm down her heart as her screen turned bright upon opening the text message she had gotten at 3:04 AM.

It wasn't Riley as Maya had first thought. 

She had no idea who else would be texting her during those hours of the night except for Josh though he just couldn't be the one, she was sure. Maya exhaled through her nose real quick and read the text.

[Farkle]; Hey, I know it's late and you'll probably read this in the morning. I apologize nevertheless. I'm reaching out just now because I've been kinda trying to calm down Riley after the argument. I figured you'd want some space and I also knew you'd probably be in good hands ;) 
She completely freaked out on the phone yesterday and made it sound like you just got engaged in absolute secret. Now I don't exactly know what happened as she went to her uncle's but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good and I just hope you are okay. Text me when you're ready or when you need someone. <3

Maya had not been expecting this at all but she felt very thankful for Farkle being in her life. He was such a good person and she felt eternally grateful for being able to call him her best friend. Despite his really cute message, Maya thought it was still too early for her to be able to write a good reply so she decided in a matter of seconds to might as well start the day since she wouldn't fall asleep again anyway. 

The blonde took a shower, picked out a comfortable yet fashionable outfit, and was on her way to get some coffee on campus just a few minutes after eight. On a Sunday morning, not many customers were there as Maya arrived at her destination. Only one other student from her year sat in a corner, nose in a book and a half-eaten sandwich on the table. He only paid attention to the words written in the book so Maya walked up to the front, ordering her usual things for breakfast, and was gone within five minutes.

A big-sized coffee to go along with a paper bag where a delicious croissant filled with chocolate was waiting for her in her left hand and Maya couldn't wait to get back to her room. On second thought, Maya walked past a bench next to a tree where she sometimes sat after classes and sat down, breathing in the fresh morning air spring brought upon the land. She flicked some loose strains of hair out of her face and took a long sip of her coffee, debating whether or not she should text Riley now. 

It was time to finally address the elephant in the room. 

Then she eyed the food lying in her lap and shrugged with one shoulder, thinking she could also do all of that after eating her tasty breakfast. After all, some food was needed in her system to be ready for the exhausting conversations that were waiting for Maya that day.

It took her at least half an hour to finally leave the bench and retreat into her dorm room. For the first half of the walk, Maya had a mental breakdown as she tried to imagine how the conversation with her best friend would go. The second half was remembering her day with Josh to calm herself down. Then, just before opening the door leading into the building where her room was, Maya remembered she also had to talk to Josh today. With a sigh that rarely escaped Maya, she walked up the flight of stairs and grabbed her phone out of her bag, checking for any new messages though she wouldn't know who would be texting her on a Sunday morning. 

To get more time to pass, the blonde opted for texting Farkle back first as she sat down on her bed. Her roommate had been there while Maya was gone. The sports clothes in their shared laundry basket were the only hint Maya needed to know she was there and had showered before leaving again. Not that Maya minded the silence. The privacy actually helped her to concentrate on the messages she needed to write. 

[Maya]; You're right, I was in deep winter sleep. Anyway, I appreciate your concern, I do. I'm okay so far, I think. Just had breakfast and coffee. :) I had someone to comfort me, thank you. I'm glad you're looking out for Riley, it was pretty intense but you'll get the story another day. Need to talk to her today, I hope it goes well. If not, I'd like my grave to be somewhere in the corner of the graveyard so the sun won't blind me too much. 

To bring more humor into the message she sent Farkle a GIF right after her message had been sent. The time it took Maya to come up with a message she could send Riley, her other best friend had already replied. 

[Farkle]; Idiot, winter's already over.

It was a stand-alone text that made Maya more laugh than it should have. He then sent a GIF back as well to respond to her joke before another message popped up, the serious one this time.

[Farkle]; I'm sure, it'll go well, Maya. I really hate it when you two fight. :( I'm glad you and Josh are okay though, excited to hear about that. :) Make sure to keep your happiness in mind and don't just consider Riley's feelings there. Your happiness is just as important as hers, okay? Don't forget that. 

Maya felt like crying after reading Farkle's words but she held the tears back and sent him another GIF before closing her eyes briefly. Then she switched over to her chat with Riley and started typing before her anxiety could stop her from reaching out again. 

[Maya]; Can we talk today? Maybe sometime after one pm when you had your relaxing Sunday bath and the breakfast with bacon and pancakes in bed? I don't wanna fight, just talk. Please? <3

The brunette did do these things every Sunday since starting college. It was her break from the stressful week and helped her to unwind from classes and exams and waiting tables. 

Maya's legs were bouncing up and down as the anxiety took over her brain. Her fingers that were holding the phone twitched from time to time and she nervously chewed on her lower lip. Not even a minute had passed as Maya put down her phone and paced through her dorm room, mumbling nonsense while she waited for a response. 

After half an hour Maya's legs started to hurt, so she sat down at her desk and tried to sketch her worries away. Quickly she drew the outlines of a girl and a boy, sitting at a table having breakfast. Subtle, Hart. Really. Huffing out a frustrated sigh, the blonde fell back in her chair and stopped sketching in favor of listening to her overworking mind. There are many ways this conversation could go and Maya honestly had no idea how it would turn out in the end. 

An hour later she was reading on her bed, constantly changing her position and trying to figure out the main character's mistake - a young girl fell in love, hard, with someone she wasn't quite supposed to love. Ironic. 

Maya had wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all but found that she couldn't. She had brought this upon herself, she knew, but that realization didn't make this any easier. If anything, Maya was even more lost because of it. 

Her phone vibrated from across the room where she had left it on her desk. Maya felt the panic rise again but stood up anyway, taking the few steps it took to reach her phone. Exhaling a shaky breath, the blonde reached for it and opened the new text message. 

[Riley]; Yes, of course. Meet me at three, the usual? <3

Maya sighed in relief, feeling like a huge weight got taken off her small shoulders. The heart emoji her best friend added was everything she needed to know that there was no actual bad blood between the two of them. With a glance at the time, Maya noticed she had another hour to go until she would need to get ready. She replied to Riley fastly and finished her sketch with a smile on her face, taking a picture of it to send to Josh. 

He responded quickly, 'Love it ❤' and a picture of his doodles he had drawn onto his study sheets along with an 'I'm almost as good as you, eh?'.

Maya had laughed whole heartily at this and felt a new kind of content wash over. The blonde informed him she'd be talking to Riley today and headed off to get there on time, grabbing one of her other denim jackets since her favourite one was still at Josh's place. She left with a smile. 

...

The brunette was already there, waiting with her phone in her hands as she sat on the park bench she and Maya used to spend time on every day in summer during their middle school days. Maya allowed the memories for five seconds to resurface before shutting them down and approaching her friend. As much as Maya was scared, she didn't want her friend to keep waiting, noticing how Riley already looked around nervously. She was probably scared Maya wouldn't show up, though Maya had been thinking the same thing about Riley, which was why Maya had been relieved to see her already waiting there.

"Hey," the blonde said softly, keeping her voice down. Riley jumped a little at the sudden sound but still smiled.

"Hi," she greeted back just as quietly. They stared at each other rather awkwardly until Riley scooted over and gestured for Maya to sit down. "I'm sorry, Maya." It didn't take long for the brunette to start talking. "I was totally in the wrong yesterday, the way I acted was just completely out of line and I am sorry. For everything. For trying to pair you off with this guy who's really not that great-"

"He is kinda brash, not gonna lie."

"I'm sorry," Riley said. 

"He's still texting me, you know," Maya let out a laugh at that. 

"I'll talk to him. I'll make this okay," the brunette promised as she took Maya's left hand into her right one. "I mean, you already found a great guy, am I right?" Riley smiled bitterly at her friend. Maya carefully pulled her hand back as she looked at Riley, her eyes growing more distant. 

"Why do you say that?" the blonde asked. "Riley, are you really that opposed to the idea of me and Josh being together?"

Riley looked away, staring at the ground beneath her feet. She couldn't take the pain in Maya's eyes anymore, knowing she was the cause. "It's not that I'm against it," she started carefully. "I'm not against the two of you being together at all, Peaches."

"Then why the outburst in the bar? Or the one in Josh's apartment?"

"I'm sorry," Riley said once again. "I am. You and Josh have always been a perfect combination. You're his Topanga, I can see that now. Honestly, I saw it the moment you two reconnected." Riley's tone grew quieter as she let the memory play out in her mind. Maya was trying to calm her breathing. "I was never against a relationship. You two would make a great couple, I know that, I can see that."

Maya and Riley looked at each other. A silent Then what is the problem? being asked through Maya's eyes.

"I always thought that Lucas and I had something special. That we would be a perfect couple because we were so alike, we understood each other well. I wanted us to be the perfect couple because my parents are Cory and Topanga, so obviously I have high standards when it comes to love," the brunette cracked a smile as Maya let out a quiet giggle. "They're too high though, and I am trying to work on that. Lucas and I broke up because we were trying so hard to be something we weren't ready for. Farkle and Isadora broke it off because everyone thought they should be together, including themselves, until they realized it was forced and not what they wanted. Zay and Vanessa called it quits because Zay realized he was only missing Texas and Vanessa was a reminder of his past life he tried to hold on to," Riley finished with a deep exhale through her nose. Whatever she wanted to say next needed some courage. "We all didn't end up with the one person we thought we would. We had our first love but it wasn't forever," Riley nodded to herself. "You and Josh always had a certain connection. He was your first real crush. He's your first love." Usually, when people called him that, Maya protested but she couldn't do that anymore. Not after the last twenty-four hours. "We're all in college now and our first loves didn't work out. But you're just about to start that love. It was always there but you guys waited until you were ready, even if it was unspoken. I always thought that you and Josh weren't gonna end up together. Now you're the only one to get that happy ending out of the six of us. You weren't supposed to be the only one. But you are."

Maya's first thought had been that it sounded kind of ridiculous what her friend was saying. On second thought, she understood what Riley meant all too well. It made sense on some level, how the brunette felt and why. "You're jealous," Maya simply stated without so much as blinking. Riley nodded with a bitter smile. "You're jealous of me," Maya said in complete disbelief and Riley actually laughed at her friend's facial expression. 

"I guess I am," Riley admitted. "Yeah, I'm jealous. But I'm also happy for you." At that, Maya's eyebrows rose. "I might not get that happy ending I always dreamed of but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve it. You deserve it, Maya. I think, out of the six of us, you deserve it the most. And who am I to deny you that?"

"Thank you, Riles." Maya managed a small smile. "I appreciate your honesty, I do. I just think I need some time to work through this because you were pretty horrible and I need time to forgive you," the blonde said quietly, trying not to pull her friend into her arms upon seeing the look in her eyes. There was pain and a little disappointment but it was drowned out by understanding. 

Riley started nodding before actually speaking, "Yes, I understand. Take all the time you need, Peaches."

"Thanks," Maya replied. 

"Just do me a favour?" the blonde hummed in response. "Be happy with Josh." Maya started grinning like an idiot, something she rarely showed. Joshua was already getting to her in ways she never thought were possible. 

"I will do my best."

...

Shortly after that, they had parted ways, promising to text from time to time but also taking some space to figure this mess out. Maya stayed on the bench as Riley said goodbye to catch her train in time, taking some more minutes to clear her head. The blonde ran through their conversation inside of her mind a few times while already mentally preparing herself for the next conversation she needed to have today.

With a sigh, Maya pulled out her phone and texted Farkle first, letting him know briefly how the conversation with Riley went and asking how things are in general. He replied within five seconds with a thumbs up and a happy face. Maya sent another GIF in response before closing the chat, opening the one with her almost-boyfriend. 

[Maya]; Hey, you' busy right now? <3

Josh wasn't the fastest in responding but she tried it nevertheless because she hated calling people. That's why it came as a shock to her when her phone vibrated a minute later, receiving a reply from 'Boing ❤';

[Josh]; Nope, got all the time you need. :)

It was all Maya needed to get up from the bench and practically sprint down the street to the station, catching the train taking her to Josh's apartment. She was breathless as she sat down and her legs hurt from the running but her heart fluttered and Maya couldn't have asked for more as the train started to move past the people still waiting at the station. 

It was time to go home.

...

Knock, knock, knock. 

Her heart beat faster with every knock that she did against the all too familiar front door sometime in the evening. Maya was just pulling her hand away as the door was opened and a nervous yet relieved Joshua Matthews came into view. Maya started to fiddle with the friendship ring on her right hand as she stared directly into Josh's blue eyes.

"Hi," she offered shyly. 

"Welcome back," he said and made room so she could step into his apartment like she had done many times before. "I think this is the first time in a long time you come here sober," he observed with a smirk that held no insult, just a joke only shared between the two of them. Maya smiled in response, muttering a sarcastic not funny that had Josh laughing as he closed the front door. 

Before he could even fully turn around, Maya had already invaded his personal space and straightened to kiss him. Josh was surprised but it didn't take long for him to recover and start kissing her back. 

"Sorry, just been wanting to do that all day," Maya whispered in a shy tone as she smiled softly at Josh. The boy in question obviously had no complaints. 

"I'm guessing your conversation with Riley went well then?" he smiled down at the blonde as he held her face in between his hands. She nodded a few times.

"Yeah," she replied. "I still need time to forgive her but all in all it was a good talk, I think."

"That's good," Josh nodded to himself as he averted his gaze shortly before looking back at the blonde in his arms. "And now?" Maya raised an eyebrow at him and the challenging tone of his voice.

"Now," Maya started with a smile. "We need to talk about us."

"I got time."

"Perfect."

...

"I'd be willing to take chance," Maya declared as she looked up at Josh. She was currently sitting on his lap, her legs sprawled out on the couch and her head lying on his chest. Josh smiled as he let her words sink in, taking some time to respond. 

"I'm ready if you are, Ferret."

"And you're not just saying that to make me happy?" Maya asked, insecurity taking over her previous happiness. She sounded small and Josh couldn't take it. 

"Maya," he got her attention with that. "I've been ready for a long time. I was just waiting for you." He softly kissed the top of her head as though he tried to seal that statement.

"But you didn't have to do that," the blonde argued weakly. 

"I know," Josh agreed.

"I didn't ask you to do that," another weak argument. 

"I know," Josh agreed again. "But you didn't have to. I just did it."

At that moment Maya had been asking herself if it was possible to love that man even more than she already did. He just always knew what to say, it was unfair. 

"I love you, Boing," she said and the look in her eyes was something he had never seen before in them. Maya placed her heart into his hands with these three words, giving him the chance to be a constant presence in her life. He was already, had been for a long time, but now it felt different. It felt more real than it ever did before. 

"I love you too, Cupcake."

She found herself actually being thankful for the many arguments she had with her friends that pushed her right into the arms of her true love and, in the end, brought her the happy ending her heart had desperately ached for. 

It was safe to say that Maya had never been happier.