“Reg?”
No answer. Leo hesitated, letting his knuckles linger on the outside of the door for another few seconds before lowering them. The sounds of dry-heaving had stopped a few minutes prior, but he could hear Regulus’ harsh breathing even through the wood. He glanced back down the hall; Remus’ socked foot disappeared around the corner, and Sirius leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. Watching. Waiting. Sadder than Leo had ever seen him.
He sighed through his nose and knocked as lightly as he could. “Reg, it’s me. Please open the door.”
Regulus spit. Leo heard a rustle of clothes and unsteady footsteps before the bathroom door swung open at last and immediately wrapped his arms around Regulus’ narrow frame, squeezing his eyes shut at the shaking and shivering he could already feel under his touch. “Fuck,” Regulus said fervently as he clutched at the back of Leo’s shirt.
“C’mon.”
“Fuck.” It came out more choked that time—Leo kept holding him until the door shut behind them and guided Regulus to lean against the tub, though he kept their sides pressed together and let him collapse into his ribs. “Fuck, Leo, I don’t know if I can do this.”
“C’mon,” Leo repeated, remaining as solid as he could while Regulus pulled his knees up and trembled from head to toe.
“I’m so fucking scared,” came the whispered response several long moments later. Regulus buried his face in his knees and shook his head. “They’re gonna kill me for this.”
Leo was pretty sure his heart ripped in half at the broken terror in Regulus’ voice. His best friend was wry and sarcastic, a force to be reckoned with on or off the ice—this frightened boy looked like nothing more than…
A child. He paused. For the very first time in their friendship, Leo remembered just how young they both were. “They’re not gonna kill you,” he heard himself say. We’re children. We’re just kids. We shouldn’t have to do this. Leo cleared his throat, then rested the side of his head on top of Regulus’. “Reg, I need you to listen real close.”
“Okay,” he answered thickly.
“They don’t—” Leo faltered as tears burned his eyes. He upset and hurt and fucking furious that his best friend had to deal with the shitshow he was slogging through, so upset it burned inside. He held Regulus close and pressed their temples together. “They don’t get to hurt you anymore. I won’t let them.”
He didn’t need to see Regulus’ face in the depths of their sweatshirts to know he was crying. It was a funny thought, Regulus crying. He had always been untouchable, even though Leo knew the wall against his emotions had been 20 years in the making and was stronger than the Hoover Dam. It was fucking crushing to see him like that, huddled on the bathroom floor with his hoodie as a tissue.
“I won’t go in if you don’t want me to,” he promised. “I won’t listen. I’ll wait in the car and drive you home afterward, no questions asked.”
“Sirius is gonna be pissed,” Regulus mumbled.
Leo frowned. “He won’t be mad at you—”
“No.” A series of hitching breaths followed before he sat up a little more, though he kept himself tucked under Leo’s arm. “No, Sirius is going to be so pissed at the Snakes.”
“I hate to break it to you, but I think he’s always pissed at the Snakes,” Leo tried to joke. It fell flat and he internally winced. “But you’re right. He will be. If you don’t want to drive home with all that, I’ll be there.”
“It’s just—” Regulus raised his head and shuffled into a sitting position. His hands hung uselessly in front of him. His eyes were red-rimmed, face pale. He looked lost. He looked 20. “I don’t know how to say it. Any of it. I’m not good at this.”
“Good at what?”
His face twisted and he scrubbed angrily at his damp cheek. “Emotions.”
Leo tilted his head in thought, drawing his arm back until Regulus pulled it over his shoulders again. “Would thinking of it like a list help?”
Regulus slumped. “I tried. I tried thinking of it like it didn’t happen to me, but it did, and the media’s going to eat me alive for it.”
“Fuck the media,” Leo said firmly. Gray eyes flickered up to him. “Fuck the media, Reg, this is your life and nobody else’s. You’re doing this for you to make sure it doesn’t happen to any other players.”
Silence fell over them. Sirius and Remus were rummaging about in the house, their footsteps padding on the floor as if they were trying extra hard to be quiet. A deep hum of appreciation rumbled through Leo’s bones. “Can I tell you?”
He blinked. “Tell me what?”
“What I’m going to say.” Regulus swallowed hard, picking at his hoodie cuffs. His skin was blotchy and red in places—Leo wondered how many other people had been able to see The Regulus Black with anything less than perfect composure.
Then again, he wasn’t The Regulus Black to Leo. He was just Reg, his best friend. Just Reg, and there was nobody else Leo wanted him to be.
His gaze was sharp when they made eye contact. “Leo, can I practice with you?”
“Course you can.”
“It’s fucked up.” He saw his throat bob. “Leo, some of this is really fucked up.”
Next time we see the Snakes, I’m drawing first blood. He shifted to sit in front of Regulus and held his hands out, palms-up. “Shoot.”
The creasing worry on his face gave way to bewilderment. “What are you doing?”
“Hold my hands.”
“…why?”
“Because.” Regulus stared for a moment longer, then tentatively reached out and rested his palms over Leo’s. They were cold, per usual, but steadied somewhat when they made contact. “Ready?”
A nod answered, and then an almost challenging look bored into Leo’s face. “I was a member of the Slytherin Snakes organization for just under a year, and I was abused by my teammates. They disguised their abuse as hazing rituals meant to break my self-esteem, both physically and emotionally. I dreaded stepping foot in that locker room every day. I received more bruises from my coworkers than I did on the ice. I was pressured to cut contact with my older brother and threatened with more harm if I refused. You okay?”
Leo exhaled. Regulus’ voice was a clipped, perfect monotone, but that didn’t stop the words from driving right down into his soul. “Yep. Is it working?”
“I have no idea.” A faint tremor ran through Regulus’ hands, and Leo felt him tighten his grip. Hs words were clearly pre-rehearsed; the waver in his voice was not. “The older members of the team routinely targeted me and the other rookies and I—I tried to stay out of the way, but as soon as they turned their abuse to others I couldn’t just stand there and let it happen.”
He swallowed again; Leo watched his shoulders begin to shake. “Reg?” he asked gently.
“Some of the injuries on my hands and heels will scar for the rest of my life. I took the fall for my few friends whenever I thought I could get away with it, but—but—but there were so many where I c—”
Leo bit down on the inside of his lip as Regulus broke off, breathing hard as tears welled up once again. One hand ripped away from his own and slammed down on the tile floor.
“I couldn’t protect them,” Regulus finally forced out, hoarse and quiet. His mouth twisted in familiar frustration and he hit the floor again as a riot of emotions played out across every pointed angle of his face. The clinical tone vanished in an instant and the wide-eyed guilt flooded his features. “Shit, Leo, I couldn’t stand up for anyone.”
“You stood up for yourself—”
“No, I didn’t,” he sobbed, though no tears fell. “I didn’t, I just let them hurt me because it’s what I’ve done my whole fucking life and this time Sirius wasn’t there to take the hits.”
Leo’s heart skipped a beat. He thought back to Sirius in the hall, then the one and only time he had had the misfortune of seeing their parents in person. He thought about the ever-present wariness on Sirius’ face in early pictures of the team. He thought about Regulus’ suspicious looks to Dumo in those quiet, early days.
His silver eyes were bitter and angry and so ashamed Leo could taste it like blood on his teeth. “Don’t act like you didn’t know.”
“I…” Leo trailed off, then shook his head. “I knew they were strict. I thought maybe, but…”
“Sirius never told you where that scar on his lip came from, eh?” Something cruel curled on the corner of Regulus’ mouth and he looked away, swiping a hand under his nose. “I broke maman’s necklace and he said he did and dear old dad made him get four stitches. We had to lie to everyone and say he fell. And it was all my fault.”
Leo knew that defensive glare, the one like a cornered bobcat. It was the look Regulus got when he was boiling for a fight and trying to press every button so someone would snap at him first. Sirius’ anger was white-hot and quick. Regulus simply simmered until he couldn’t keep it down. “It’s not your fault,” Leo said, barely above a murmur.
Regulus’ eyes flashed and he yanked his other hand back. “I sat there for twelve years as Sirius got hurt for me because I was too much of a coward to stand up for myself against my own shitty parents. I sat there for another year as those fucking sadists took out their problems on me and the only people who treated me like a human being because I was scared. And then you come barreling into my life and try to tell me it’s not my fault?”
Leo shrugged one shoulder. “I’m your best friend. I can’t lie to you.”
“Well you just did, so how about you shut the fuck up and let me get through this so I don’t cry like a little bitch in front of a million cameras who have been waiting for me to fail since I could skate.”
A gentle knock made them both jump. “Reg?”
“Fuck off, Sirius!” Regulus shouted.
Leo folded his hands in his lap. “Look, if you want to yell at me—”
“I don’t want to yell—”
“How about you shut the fuck up for a second, ouais?” Regulus closed his mouth, apparently stunned into silence as Leo raised his eyebrows. “Your parents suck, and fuck the Snakes. They had no right to hurt you and no cause to do it because you didn’t do anything wrong. And as your goddamn best friend, I get to remind you that I’m on your side in this. I’m going to be there, for you, no matter what happens in that room. I get to care about you.”
Regulus’ bottom lip quavered even as defensive fury raged hot over his face. “I don’t know why you want to be around me, Leo. You’re…nice. People like you. I’m mean, and angry, and a wreck of a person who can’t pull himself together for an hour to stop other people from getting hurt.”
The wounded shreds of Leo’s heart pulsed with a bone-deep ache. “You’re not any of that.”
“How do you know?” Regulus bit out.
“Cause I know you.” Leo nudged his knee with one foot. “I like to think I know better than to have a mean, angry best friend. Gimme a little credit here. You’ve been through things nobody should have put you through, and now you’re going to go in there and kick some ass because it’s what you do best. Then we’re going for a drive, and then you can crush me at Smash Bros.”
Regulus sniffled, picking at the bathmat. “You do suck at Smash Bros,” he mumbled.
“It’s not your job to throw yourself in front of every bad thing that comes at other people, Reg.”
“Sirius did it.”
“Sirius has a hero complex and higher blood pressure than an eighty-year-old man.”
That startled a snort from him. “Yeah,” he half-laughed, glancing back up. “Yeah, he really does.”
“Alright, up we go.” Leo stood with a groan and held out a hand to hoist Regulus to his feet, then dragged him into a hug the second he was steady. Regulus didn’t hesitate before returning the embrace just as fiercely. “Are you gonna throw up again?”
“Not right now. Maybe later.”
Leo held him tight, burying his nose in the folds of Regulus’ hoodie. “Ready to head out?”
A few beats of silence passed before he felt a sigh by his ear. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“You only need to tell them what they need to know. And that’s up to you to decide.”
Regulus pulled away and clapped Leo hard on the shoulder, then splashed some cold water on his face with a grimace. “D’accord,” he said, bracing his hands on the sink. “D’accord, let’s kick ass.”
“Oh, you little fucker,” Leo snarled, leaning as far into Regulus as he could get.
“Ow!” A hand shoved him away by the forehead; when he finally regained his vision, his character was knocked out cold on the animated stage. “Ha!”
Leo swore under his breath and tossed the controlled onto the cushions, dragging their shared blanket tighter around himself with a grumpy noise. “I hate this game.”
“Cause you’re a loser,” Regulus singsonged with a grin as Leo hauled him down to ruffle his hair. Dark circles were stamped beneath his eyes and he had been even quieter than normal on the drive home, but slowly, life had come back to his guarded expression. It was a comforting sight.
The top of their pillow fort shifted. “What’s the password?” Leo called as he watched Regulus gleefully set up a new game.
“Is it ‘my little brother is a mole-person that eats more popcorn than the rest of the city combined’?” a dry voice asked.
“It’s actually ‘fuck the Snakes’, but ritual offerings of apology are always accepted,” Regulus answered, sticking his hand out of the fort.
“Oh, well in that case, fuck the Snakes.”
“And the offering?”
Sirius’ heavy sigh rolled over the entire Eastern seaboard. A moment later, Regulus pulled a fresh bowl of popcorn under the blanket with a devious gleam in his eye. “Have fun, children.”
“We will!” they chorused.
The TV beeped as they chose their characters, but Leo lowered his controller just before pressing ‘play’. He bit his lip, then bumped Regulus’ shoulder with his own. “Hey.”
“Bonjour.”
“I’m proud of you.”
Regulus blinked twice, cheeks still full of popcorn, before a faint smile tugged at the one side of his mouth Leo could see. “Merci, mon ami.”
“Will you let me win this next round?”
“Mmm. No.”