Chapter Text
Sirius rolls onto his side, ignoring the other man as he picks up his clothes and gets dressed. He goes as far as to bury his head underneath the pillow so he can sleep through his hook up leaving his flat. He preferred it when they didn’t spend the night but it left a coldness in the bed and it sometimes made him feel a little lonely. All of his friends had grown up, gotten married and were popping out kids like no tomorrow. Some had even divorced or remarried, Peter was expecting twins with his second wife. Yet, Sirius was still doing the same shit he had done at twenty. He was thirty-two now and as much as he enjoyed the lifestyle..it wasn’t as fun. His friends could rarely join him as they were on Father duty, so he went to clubs alone and found pretty boys to bring home.
Sirius often regrets dumping his ex boyfriend Remus Lupin, it had been years and they wanted very different things. It had worked out for the best in the end, Remus got the family he wanted with a son and Sirius got to be free. No children. Something he had been set on since he was just fifteen. He would never have kids. He would never carry on the Black family surname, never put his children through what his parents had put him through. He had tried dating, he liked having that one person to go home to but Sirius had never felt a connection like that again. He had yet to meet anyone who made him feel the way Remus did. So, random hook ups and friends with benefits with men was his fill. It was as close as he could get to dating.
People bored him. Whenever he did agree to dates, he subconsciously found himself comparing them to Remus. He knew it was ridiculous, they’d split when they were twenty-four and Remus had been reintroduced to the group again when he and Lily started working together at Hogwarts primary school. It had been a shock seeing him after all that time, even more of a shock to learn he was married. It wasn’t awkward or anything, Sirius was good at hiding how he felt. Except when Remus told them he was going to be a Dad, Sirius had quite literally fallen out of his seat. He knew it would happen one day, Remus was always supposed to be a Dad. Made for it really. It was the entire reason they had split, Remus wanted to be a Dad and Sirius did not.
It hurt actually, hearing that Remus’ biggest dream was coming true without Sirius. He felt an awful wave of regret as everyone else congratulated Remus, shaking his hand and clapping him on the back. Sirius had never seen Remus so happy, he was glowing and his hazel brown eyes were wide with excitement. He had a horrible sinking realisation that night, that maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad after all. Seeing how elated Remus was, seeing his wide smile and flushed face..it would have been worth it, but Sirius had always been the stubborn kind. He didn’t want children. He hated them. They were annoying and loud, demanding and bossy, they cried and pooped and it was draining to watch..but maybe, with Remus, it would have been magical.
Of course he said none of that out loud, he congratulated the happy couple and declared they should celebrate. He knocked back beer after beer,slamming them down on the table and drowning out his regrets. Remus deserved to be happy. When Teddy Lupin was born, Remus has called him to let him know. He wanted Sirius to be aware before it was posted online or in group chats and Sirius was so grateful. He switched his phone off afterwards and crawled into bed, cried himself to sleep for a day or two. He really regret letting Remus go.
His sadness didn’t last long. He threw himself into his boring solicitor job, drinking Friday and Saturday nights with his younger colleagues and finding handsome men to take home. Occasionally the original gang got together, it was hard to figure out around childcare and alternating weeks but they made it work. Sirius and Peter could hang out more often than the others, but Sirius found Peter fairly boring on his own. When they did meet up with the two Dads- James always looked like a permanently exhausted pigeon and Remus..he looked knackered too but effortlessly handsome all the same and Sirius would have to go through the stages of regret all over again.
Remus was the one who got away and Sirius knew he would probably love the man for the rest of his life. It would just be from a comfortable distance instead of in his arms but that is what Sirius had chosen. Sirius had left, not Remus and Sirius had to suffer the consequences.
The few times he had hung out with the kids present was a refreshing reminder of exactly why he didn’t want them. Being Harry’s godfather, meant it was a sort of obligation to attend the child’s birthday parties and it was a different sort of hell. Stupidly James and Lily hosted the parties at their home, a bouncy castle in the garden and some kind of entertainer or other. The place would be cramped with snotty children running around with sticky, dirty hands either laughing, screaming or crying. Some of them would try and talk to Sirius about his motorbike but none of them could hold an intellectual conversation. They would say one random thing and then move on completely and Sirius didn’t understand a word half of them were saying.
James took great pleasure in watching his best friend suffer, he would snort delightedly whenever Sirius pulled a face at an annoying sound a child made. He sort of understood why his parents locked him in his bedroom, not that he would ever do that to the little beasts but he got it. Kids really were relentlessly irritating.
The only ones he liked were Harry and Teddy. Harry was hilarious, he reminded Sirius so much of his Dad and couldn’t wait for Harry to be older and start being a cheeky sod. He knew in his soul that Harry would take after him and James, pulling pranks and playing football at school and he was excited to see who Harry became as he got older.
He only ever saw Teddy at Harry’s parties or around Christmas and Halloween, but he had a bit of a soft spot for him. He looked so much like Remus it was crazy, but the best thing about Teddy was that he wasn’t annoying. He didn’t scream or cry, he sat quietly by himself and played with his dinosaurs. Sometimes he watched as the other children ran by him, squealing and laughing excitedly. Sometimes he looked as if he wanted to join in but he was deaf and none of the kids could communicate with him. Sirius felt himself drawn to the child who couldn’t participate, he had taught himself sign language just to make those days a little easier for Teddy.
Harry knew a little bit of sign too, James and Lily had taught him and themselves but whenever other friends were around, Harry simply got distracted and forgot. It wasn’t his fault and it also meant Sirius got to spend time with Teddy and his dinos. Letting himself feel that regret even deeper as Teddy smiled, laughed or gave Sirius his favourite toy to play with. Remus was always close by, sometimes he joined in and Sirius would ache painfully in his heart as the three of them played together. Sometimes Remus would stand back and observe them, feeling something similar to heartbreak as he watched Sirius be so great with his son.
Overall though, Sirius definitely didn’t like children. Not all children were as great as Harry and Teddy, the majority really were just gross crying little gremlins and he was thankful he could go home to peace, serenity and silence. He was glad he had a flat to himself, he could have people round whenever he fancied and he didn’t need to worry about being too loud and waking anyone up. His spare room had been empty for years, his friends no longer stayed over after long exhausting nights out because they were boring and responsible now. Sirius had contemplated getting a dog but it wasn’t fair, the poor thing being stuck in a flat with no garden and who would look after it when he was working? So, the room remained empty.
It’s way into Saturday afternoon when he finally wakes up, he stretches out and starfishes in his bed and sighs as the hot sun breaks through his curtains. The very first thing he does his reach for his phone, seeing several texts from James and he can’t help but smile sleepily as he reads through. James was such a Dad these days, but he was great at it. He reminded Sirius so much of James’ late Dad, Fleamont.
prongs: picnic on park with the kids if you wanna come?
prongs: bet ur still sleeping n wasting a perfectly good summers day!!
prongs: *sent 5 photos*
prongs: we got ice cream bet ur jealous now
prongs: teddy asking for you! Told him ur in bed and he says ur lazy :p
prongs: who’d you shag last night anyways?
padfoot: my head hurts go away
Sirius shuffles around a little to get comfy, he could very easily fall asleep again if he tried hard enough and he really didn’t feel like moving yet. His eyes start to feel heavier, he can feel himself drifting off but he’s interrupted by a loud tapping at the door. He ignores it at first, thinking whoever it is will just go away but then there’s another louder knock. It’s persistent and annoying, he knows whoever it is isn’t leaving and he thinks possibly, it might be James.
He sits up, straining his ears as the knocking stops and prays to god that if it is James, that he left the dirty kids at the park and hasn’t brought them to his mostly white flat. He’s never had children in his flat before, it’s expensive and pristine. He’s pretty sure their grubby little hands would ruin the walls in seconds and the balcony isn’t the safest thing in the world. He’s been meaning to fix the balcony doors for months but it isn’t urgent, it’s only him in the flat. The knocking starts again, he groans in annoyance as he throws his duvet off himself and slips into his boxer shorts.
If he wanted to go to the park, he would have answered but the idea of sitting in the sun with bugs attempting to invade the picnic basket whilst they tried to have adult conversations around little ears wasn’t his idea of a good time. James knew that but it could only be James who knocked that persistently. Most people would have assumed he was out or sleeping, James on the other hand, wouldn’t have cared.
“I’m coming! I’m coming!” He yells impatiently as he heads towards the door, the knocking stopping rather abruptly.
He swears he hears footsteps retreating and running from the door, he’s about to be really annoyed if it was James playing knock-a-door run with the kids. They had done it at James’ house with Harry and Teddy, thinking it was the funniest thing in the world but Sirius knew if it was him on the other side of the door- he’d be pissed.
He peeps through peep hole and sees no one waiting on the other side of the door, he rolls his eyes as he swings it open and looks down the corridor in annoyance. James was such a knobhead.
”Down here.” A little voice says, startling Sirius despite not being loud at all.
Sirius steps back in surprise, his grey eyes wide as he looks down at the small boy standing in front of him. There’s a small black suitcase next to him and a large red duffel bag, the child looks far too small to have carried them on his own. The child is almost identical to himself. The same piercing grey eyes as his own stare up at him, looking absolutely petrified, his small lip is wobbling slightly with fear and Sirius isn’t sure what to do or say. The kid looks just like him, scarily like him and he can’t shake the sickly feeling washing over him.
”W-what’s your name?” Sirius asks, clearing his throat nervously.
”Leo.” He whispers back shyly, “Leo Sirius Black.”
Sirius inhales sharply, the blood draining from his body and leaving him feeling dizzy, “L-Leo Black? Jeez..uhm okay. One minute.”
He closes the door behind him, leaving the small boy on the otherside as he runs to his bedroom. He almost trips over his own feet as he grabs his phone, on the verge of a panic attack as he dials James’ number. It only rings twice before James answers, his voice sounding bright and happy as always.
”You coming to the par-“
”I have a kid.” Sirius blurts out, inhaling deeply and exhaling sharply as he tries to think.
He doesn’t remember ever sleeping with a woman, he doesn’t think he’s slept with one since before Remus-he would’ve been a teenager.
“What?” James asks, a slight amused huff at the end of his question.
”A kid. A son. He just turned up at my flat-“
”Woah Woah slow down.” James says, sounding alarmed and panicked himself now, “A son?”
Sirius nods as he continues rambling, “Yes! A little boy! He’s outside my flat just..he turned up? Or got dropped off? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do? I bloody hate children, Prongs! He looks just like me. I’m going to throw up-“
“You’re literally gay.” James points out, “When was the last time you slept with a woman?”
”I don’t know anymore!” Sirius snaps, “All I know is some little kid is at my front door and-“
”You left him outside your flat?” James ask slowly in disbelief, “How old is he?”
”I don’t know..three? four? Maybe five? Or six-“
James groans, “Padfoot! Bring the fucking child inside! How do you know he’s yours?”
”He’s called Leo Sirius Black.” Sirius says as he rushes back through the flat, “I need help James. I am begging.”
”Okay. We’re coming to you-“
”But my walls-“
”Mate. If you’re a Dad I think the walls are the least of your worries, we’re coming to yours right now.” James sternly hisses, “Let the child sit on the sofa at least, Jesus Christ.”
”Okay. Okay.” Sirius agrees hesitantly as he swings the front door open again.
The little boy flinches slightly, his eyes looking like a little lost puppy as he clutches a small stuffed rabbit close to his chest. Sirius feels his heart sink, he is distinctly aware of James saying his name in the phone but all he can focus on is the fear in the boys face. It takes him back in time. It reminds him of all the times his younger brother would stand before his bedroom door, his eyes filled with tears as their parents screamed the house down. The realisation slaps him all at once, he swallows thickly as he looks down at the child. He wasn’t the Dad at all. This child belonged to Regulus.
Sirius hadn’t seen his brother in ten years, he was shunned from the Black family for being a gay man and Regulus had chosen their side over his. He was certain that Regulus had married a woman some time ago, but he didn’t actively keep up with his estranged brothers life. It made more sense than him getting a random girl pregnant. He wasn’t a Dad but he was an Uncle, and for some reason or another, his nephew was at his doorstep.
”Where is your Dad?” Sirius asks gently, vomit crawling up his throat as he jumps to the worst case scenario.
Leo blinks at him, then reaches into his Jean pocket with one hand and takes out a small crumpled piece of paper. He holds it out to Sirius, his little hands shaking with fear as Sirius takes hold of it. He can still hear James’ voice on the line, trying to capture his attention but he looks at the child, unable to focus on little else. His heart is clenching dangerously in his chest, his own hand begins to shake as he unravels the paper and sees a letter addressed to him.
Sirius,
Meet your nephew, his name is Leo Sirius Black and he is four years old. Unfortunately, Regulus has found himself in prison and will be serving at least three years. I am not prepared to throw my life away or rearrange my summer plans for a child I never even wanted. It took some coaxing but your brother finally saw sense and gave up your location. I know you don’t speak anymore but it’s either this or Walburga and Orion. If you don’t want him that’s fine, his Uncles Barty and Evan are trying to get back to the UK in order to collect him but they don’t have passports and have to wait for their renewal. Your parents are still at Grimmauld if you want to take Leo to them but Regulus begged me not to do that, to the point he was in tears. I ain’t really sure what else to say except Leo has a nut allergy and cries for his stupid Dad every night.
Good luck and thank you:)
Regulus had gotten himself locked up! Sirius couldn’t believe that. His brother was an idiot but not a criminal, he wasn’t like their parents and he definitely wouldn’t have done anything to risk custody of his son. There was more to this entire story and Sirius needed answers but he knew that first, he had to get Leo safely inside and wait for James’ help.