Chapter Text
Dedede wasn’t sure how this all happened.
One minute, he was waking up to a talking waddle dee (as if that wasn’t weird enough, nosirree), and the next he was backed up against the wall with a very pointy spear in his face.
Which was a really sudden change of heart! The little dee was so pleasant walking in, and sure, Dedede freaked out a bit hearing it talk, but he wasn’t the one that brought out a spear!
“Who are you, really? A Dark Matter clone? An evil doppelgänger!” The waddle dee growled with its squeaky voice, tilting the spear threateningly.
“Hey!” Dedede yelped, arms waving, “th-that ain’t n-no way ta be treatin’ your rulah!” The waddle dee’s eyes thinned into a scowl.
“You,” it said sharply, “are not my ruler. You’re an imposter!” The blade thrust forward and scratched his beak. He squealed. “Now where is my King?”
“I am the King of Dreamland! And you ain’t got no rights-“
“Enough!”
Dedede squeaked in fear, and snapped his beak shut. The waddle dee continued to glare at him, the spear inches from the penguin’s face. After a beat, the waddle dee stepped back a ways, and leveled its weapon at his belly.
“I’ll give you one last chance, so tell me the truth.” The waddle dee adjusted its grip, light flashing off the spear’s polished blade, “Who are you?”
“I already told ya!” Dedede cried, voice cracking, as the waddle dee narrowed its eyes again, “I-I’m King Dedede!”
“What’s my name?”
Dedede blinked and frowned.
“Huh?”
“What. Is. My. Name?” Its voice was tinged with desperation, not that Dedede really cared, considering it was about to stick him with a spear.
“What are you talkin’ about!”
The waddle dee gaped at him with disbelief, hurt flashing across its eyes. Then with a short huff, the shiny point angled up again.
“Alright then,” it sighed, sounding disappointed even as it gestured toward the door with its spear, “I’d start moving if I were you.”
Eyeing the weapon warily, Dedede wisely complied in silence.
—
Now he was sitting in a jail cell on the hard stone floor as a waddle dee and a little girl in a green sweater argued with each other in some weird gibberish. Another girl with pink hair and fairy wings fluttered behind her, staring at him curiously.
Dedede made a face at her. She looked frightened in return and hid behind her friend.
Well… good. He huffed.
He’d already attempted to escape, booking it down the hallway as soon as he was out of that weird room he’d woken up in. He didn’t make it far before knocking into a set of patrolling guards, and getting trapped between them and Crazy. So now he was stuck in a cell. It was… cold.
“Hey! Let me outta here!” The penguin began to yell, waving his arms angrily. The first girl gave him an uncomfortable look, but the waddle dee didn’t even spare him a glance. Blood boiled beneath his feathers, and Dedede leapt to his feet to bang on the bars, crying, “I said, ‘Lemme out-!’”
The spear tip glinted in the dark of the cell where it dangled before his throat. The flash of it had him choking back his words as fear came to replace his previous bravado. Sharp!
“Bandana-san,“ the girl began, a hand raised to placate the mouthless creature. She began to speak more of that squiggly language, drawing the crazy dee’s attention (and spear) away. Dedede sagged with relief, and turned away to ignore them with a growl as he rubbed at his beak. He’d banged it up during his escape attempt, on top of the pathetic threat the crazy waddle dee had poked him with when he had woken up. The scratch didn’t hurt, but it annoyed him that it was there.
And it… scared him, knowing that his captors weren’t afraid to hurt him.
—
This was the worst kind of torture. There was no demon beast more cruel than that darn waddle dee, and its stupid hat, and its stupid spear. King Dedede’s stomach growled again, and he groaned, flopping onto his back. The other three didn’t even notice, and they had been talking there for what felt like hours, which was so dumb because he was starving to death over here.
“I’m hungry!” He announced loudly.
The girls glanced over, looking at him with enough pity it made him bristle and want to shout, if Crazy didn’t look at him too, eyes narrowed in a glare.
Dedede huffed and crossed his arms, glaring right back at the little twerp. He wasn’t scared!
Neither was the waddle dee it seemed, though it sighed when the tall girl started gibbering at it again. After a bit, it responded in kind, then called down the hallway to someone else.
Dedede shuffled closer and tried to peer around the bars to get a better look, but it was only another waddle dee. Not a single one of these Dees seemed to listen to him, following Crazy instead. Bummer. He groaned.
“Ya li’l twerps should be all lis’nin’ ta me! ‘Steada bossin’ me ‘round ‘n throwin’ me in here!” Dedede banged on the iron bars of his cell for effect, “I’m the king! My word is law!”
The waddle dee only looked annoyed, and the girls looked scared. With another sigh, the waddle dee put its spear on its back and stepped closer.
“You’re sure your name is Dedede?” Finally, none of that squiggly talk. It was starting to make his brain hurt even more than usual.
“That’s KING Dedede ta you, squirt!”
“You’re sure that’s who you are?” Dedede growled and gripped the bars tighter.
“Ya callin’ me a liar?”
“I’m just making sure…” Crazy scratched its head through its hat, before tacking on, “Er, sir.”
“Makin’ sure o’ what? I’m the one and only King of Dreamland!” He stamped his flipper to emphasize the point, gnashing his teeth in a growl at the little brat. The waddle dee looked unimpressed and sighed yet again.
That was getting annoying too. What was its deal?
“Then,” the waddle dee began, reaching back to adjust its bandana, “I apologize for the rough treatment.”
“‘Bout time-“
“However!” Dedede bristled at being cut-off, but the waddle dee continued, expression stern yet again, “That doesn’t mean you aren’t an intruder. You’ll be led to one of the guest rooms after you eat.” He perked up at the idea of food, but quashed his excitement to glare at the waddle dee.
“I ain’t no intruda! Yer the one doin’ the intrudin’!” The waddle dee closed its eyes, frowning.
“You will have guards stationed with you at all times, and a guide will be made available if you wish to explore. Don’t bother trying to escape, you won’t get far. Otherwise, you’re limited to your room. Regular meals will be delivered to you, so don’t worry about starving.”
Dedede didn’t care about half the malarkey the guy was spewing, but his growling stomach made him agree anyway.
“Good, good…” the waddle dee nodded, more to itself than anything else, then turned back and talked in more squiggles to the two girls still standing behind it.
Meanwhile, Dedede turned and slumped his back against the bars, smirking to himself. Oh, he was gonna raise hell for that little jerk, just as soon as he was out of his cell. He chuckled, rubbing his mittens together deviously.
Behind him, Bandana Dee, Adeleine, and Princess Ribbon exchanged weary looks.
“I just don’t know what happened to him,” he said to the two girls in Dreamlandish. Adeleine hummed.
“I think you did all you could for now. I really don’t believe this is our King Dedede either, you know?” She murmured, sneaking another glance at the penguin in the cell. Although, he certainly looked like the king, there were subtle differences that failed to escape her eye. Adeleine prided herself on being attentive to detail, and this was no exception.
His feathers were just too dark, his figure a bit too tall and round about the middle, his beak a little more yellow. Not to mention he was still in his sleepwear, a pale green nightshirt and a funny little nightcap. King Dedede probably wouldn’t mind if they borrowed a few of his casual clothes to lend to this guy, right?
“I was thinking the same thing,” Bandana Dee replied. He looked frustrated, and Adeleine couldn’t help but reach down and pat him gently.
“Don’t worry, Mister Bandana Dee,” Ribbon piped up softly, “We’ll help as much as we can, right, Ado?”
“That’s right,” Adeleine replied, sending an assuring smile to her waddle dee friend, “We’ll figure this out.” Bandana Dee nodded.
“Okay. You two should get going. Kirby’s usually home by now from the café and you’ll want to be quick if you want to catch him before he warps to Waddle Dee Town.”
The girls nodded and Bandana dutifully walked them to the gate. As he watched them leave, he sighed to himself. He had a few people to contact too. He only hoped Sir Meta Knight would actually answer his phone this time.