Chapter Text
Squawk Report
"Eitri, Brokkr, I have a squawk to report."
The two dwarves froze, their work forgotten in their confusion. Remembering his manners, Eitri put down his hammer and bowed. "A.. squawk, milord?" he asked tentatively.
Brokkr snorted. "If you have a quarrel with one of your father's ravens, your highness, it would be best to discuss it with him, not us," he snapped.
"No, I am not talking about birds! I mean a squawk, a defect in Mjolnir. It is a Midgardian term." Thor chuckled apologetically.
"Ah." Eitri looked unconvinced but pressed the matter no further. "And what is this defect?"
Thor showed them his hammer. "As you can see, my friends, the handle is rather short, which sometimes makes Mjolnir difficult to catch. There is also a risk of it slipping out of my grasp while it is in flight," he explained. He winced as he remembered an incident where, upon calling Mjolnir to him for the first time, the hammer slipped out of his grip and smashed into a column. More terrifying than the safety lecture Odin had given him afterward, his brother and friends had teased him mercilessly for nearly a month.
Eitri scrutinized the weapon. "We will see what we can do about it," he replied diplomatically.
A few days later, Mjolnir was returned from the dwarves' forge. To Thor's dismay, the handle was wrapped in a squishy and obnoxiously neon yellow material that seemed suspiciously Midgardian in nature. The hammer was accompanied by a note scrawled on a slip of parchment.
We regret that we have not been able to adjust the length of the handle due to structural failures that may result from the alteration. Therefore, we have replaced the leather on the handle with the material known as 'bicycle handlebar tape' that was so kindly provided by your brother. We hope that your hammer will be easier for your highness to grip.
"LOKIIIIIII?!"
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Icing Testing
A chill wind howled through the vast plain. Thor gripped Mjolnir and glared at Loki. The trickster grinned mischievously and aimed the casket of ancient winters at his brother.
"No matter what you say, the might of Mjolnir is stronger than the magic in that box," Thor warned.
Loki's grin only became more malicious. "We shall see," he replied simply.
Thor flung the hammer at his brother with a roar. The trickster swiftly retaliated by engulfing Mjolnir in ice. He stepped aside as it flew past him and tsked as it landed on the ground with a muffled thump.
"Impressive, but it seems that Mjolnir did not fly as far as your calculations predicted. Perhaps Stark was right. You should install a heating device on Mjolnir," he said. He smirked. "Or, perhaps it is best to refrain from flying in icing conditions altogether."
Thor pouted.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
The Common Enemy
"Sorry buddy, but you'll need to get your hammer registered. I hate regulations too, but you don't want to get slapped with a fine, or even worse, jail time," Tony said.
Thor nodded. "You are right. It would be remiss of me to not follow the mandates of your Federal Aviation Administration," he said gravely.
The two Avengers read the certification forms with growing dismay. "How does Mjolnir fly anyway? It doesn't use fuel, and I doubt that magic is an acceptable propulsion category," Tony said, "I suppose it could be called electric, but that's not even a type category."
"And what of the bill of sale your authorities require? My father and I have no written proof of Mjolnir's purchase. Though it would pain me to do so, perhaps I could send them the enchanted thread that the dwarves used to bind my brother's lips shut?" Thor asked hopefully.
"Oh no-no-no, absolutely not! You're NOT sending that to the FAA!" Tony gagged in disgust.
Three months (and many negotiations and hefty payments from Tony) later, Thor returned to battle with a garish "EXPERIMENTAL" decal emblazoned on Mjolnir's side.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
A/N: These drabbles are the result of a discussion between my dad, sister, and me last week (we're all aviation geeks). Unlike the first two, the last one is based on mythology and the comics.