Chapter Text
As a hero trapped in eternal travels across the world (and, after recent events, across dimensions), Sonic found no need for a permanent home.
He drifted from couch to couch, occasionally having the luxury of Amy’s spare bedroom, or Tails’ workshop hammock, but between his belongings strewn haphazardly amongst the locations, he didn’t consider any of these places his home .
Tonight, it was bizarre to be back in Green Hill, and it was even stranger to lay there without the looming threat of something (bar, of course, the baseline threat of Dr. Robotnik being in the general vicinity). He had chosen Knuckles’ house for the night, or rather man-cave as he called it (Sonic did find it a little weird for Knuckles to call himself a man, but stranger things have happened); it wasn’t a bad place to stay, bar the grating snoring coming from the mezzanine where Knuckles slept.
Even more bizarrely, Sonic found it hard to chill. Despite his colourful past, Sonic never found it hard to kick back and relax, even if minutes prior he could’ve been on the brink of death. Every time he closed his eyes and allowed himself to have his guard down, his brain would concoct a horrifying visual of his friends - the ones in the Shatterverses - trapped, enslaved, in pain. Just as they had been when he found them.
Did returning to Green Hill reset the progress? Was Thorn Rose a tyrannical monster again, unknowingly starving the Scavengers in the treetops? Did the Chaos Council resume their dictatorship, forcing the Resistance underground again? Was Knuckles the Dread the captain of the Angel’s Voyage again? That last one wasn’t so bad, but the rest were undeniably horrible.
Chaos , Sonic thought, running a hand through his quills; they’d been flared out by the panic and refused to lay comfortably, this adventure really did a number on me. He wished he could tell someone, anyone , about what he thought, but of course, the only person he could tell was none other than his rival - his very cryptic, yet weirdly helpful, rival.
Shadow was another loose end Sonic really didn’t know how to tackle. The black hedgehog’s gaze felt different that day, Sonic realised, as if something troubled him, more so than usual. It was no secret that Shadow was a troubled individual, any other being having experienced that degree of trauma would long have ceased to try, but Shadow persevered. As much as they butted heads, Sonic held a great degree of respect for the other hedgehog.
Sonic closed his eyes again, shutting out the moonlight that sneaked through the cracks of the wooden door blocking the entrance to the cave. This time, however, when memories would flood his darkened vision, they were not unpleasant like the others. The hero reminisced how Shadow had helped him, from the start to the end.
When he was being tested by the Chaos Council, and Shadow had appeared in an apparition, it filled him with hope; on subsequent occasions when he hit enough speed, and Shadow would appear next to him, a smile graced his face. The pair had worked together before, albeit as part of a larger team - it had never been just the two of them.
Shadow carrying him with urgency across the void, not allowing him to fade, was the standout of the adventure. Yes, Shadow had saved his ass a few times prior, but this occasion felt particularly special. His sides tingled as he remembered what it felt to be carried, clutched, and saved. It was a unique feeling he couldn’t quite think about in detail since it happened.
As the sweetness overcame the other negative thoughts, Sonic found himself drifting off into a shallow sleep, a smile creeping upon his lips. He clutched the blanket he’d been offered, thoughts of Shadow’s heroic actions replaying in his mind. Perhaps the whole adventure was not as bad as his tinge of anxiety made it out to be.
The bliss didn’t last too long, as only a mere hour later, Sonic jolted awake, gasping for air faster than it could leave his lungs; his quills flared out and a cold sweat overcame him, feeling it bead on his muzzle. Knuckles stirred in the lofted bedroom above, and Sonic became incredibly aware of his surroundings.
The blue hedgehog quietly slipped his shoes back on and discreetly exited the cave into the chill of the night; he stumbled as he walked, knees buckling and shaking below him. A shaky hand grasped at his dishevelled chest hair, pulling at it to the point of pain as if trying to remove his racing heart from his ribcage. Coughs started surfacing from deep in his chest as he found it hard to breathe, vision blurring around the corners.
He had never felt so terrible, utterly helpless - perhaps this is what dying felt like. Sonic collapsed onto the sand, punching into it with his free hand in an attempt to ground himself. He desperately needed to clear his head - and fast - or else he might hyperventilate himself to death. Sea spray from the advancing waves peppered his face, which despite being severely hydrophobic, was not currently the worst thing in the world. Part of him was tempted to run into the water knowing well that he can’t swim, just to see what would happen.
A tiny pang of lucidity brought him to his senses, at least partially, when a wave crashed against his leg, sending another, deeper shiver, across his entire body. Choosing not to risk it with the vast endless ocean, Sonic did what he did best. He ran.
His legs carried him as fast as they could go, round and round the beaches of the island as tears streamed down his face; his rapid heartbeat felt like nothing under such high speeds, even as he stumbled more than usual. The blue hedgehog looked up to the sky as he approached the loop-the-loop; the moon seemed bigger than normal that night, captivatingly beautiful, and Sonic couldn’t help but be enamoured by it. Perhaps basking in the moonlight could help him deal with the panic.
Digging his heels into the ground, the hedgehog slid to a halt, and with a well timed spin-dash, he propelled himself atop the loop-the-loop. Hunched over, he started to slow his breathing with his hands braced against his knees.
“Chaos,” a voice from beside him sighed, “you look like shit.” Sonic snapped his head to the side, catching Shadow’s eyes in a fleeting glimpse; for once, Sonic remained speechless. Shadow offered a hmph , continuing his silent gazing at the moon; the hero took a seat beside Shadow, although kept his distance - the last thing he needed right now was another lecture about personal space. Sonic gripped the edge of the loop’s upper platform, claws poking through his gloves.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Sonic stated after a quiet moment, but received no response; he glanced again at Shadow, who’s eyes were now focused on Sonic, darting from his frantically moving eyes, to his dishevelled quills, and to his hands straining against the edge of the terrain.
“I… I’ve dealt with horrible stuff happening to me a lot,” Sonic continued, voice wavering, “but something about this entire situation has left me… left me so much worse, man.” The blue hedgehog tried to keep his speech controlled, but even that was difficult, evident by the trembling lining his words.
“You just need to sleep it off,” Shadow offered, his voice marginally softer than his standard inflection; Sonic looked at him through wet, weary eyes, “ah.”
“Every time I close my eyes, I can see them, Shadow. I see - no, I feel - their suffering. How can we be sure that the change we made persisted? We appeared back here before the Shatter incident, does that mean their worlds are back to how they were before I arrived?” Sonic spoke softly, fighting back sobs - it was entirely unlike him to be this devoid of any energy, and under normal circumstances he would never let his rival see him in this state.
“Does it matter? You got your friends back, isn’t that what you wanted?” Shadow questioned, pulling his legs up off the side of the loop to sit cross legged, facing Sonic. The hero copied his move, facing the dark hedgehog eye to eye.
“It doesn’t make their pain any less real. It’s like I can feel it,” the blue hedgehog continued, picking idly at the grass atop the loop. He met Shadow’s eyes in a stifled beat.
“Sonic, listen-” Shadow started; Sonic noted how soft Shadow’s voice was when saying his name, not even a hint of his usual sharp tone, “I’m not surprised you had a panic attack, and I’m surprised it took this long for you to experience one. It was only a matter of time until everything caught up to you.” Sonic cocked his head, letting it rest on his shoulder. Shadow continued,
“I know how you feel - vulnerable, broken, useless. I know that feeling of utter helplessness. I know that feeling when panic takes over and you feel like you’re dying. Trust me - I’ve been through deeper shit than you could ever imagine.”
Sonic sighed, letting his head fall into his hands; a shaky breath escaped through his gloves. Shadow shuffled minutely closer.
“I just… I don’t know what is wrong. It’s awful not being able to tell anyone about this, about how I feel,” Sonic sighed, wiping his eyes harshly with his gloves, only making them more red.
“You have me, dumbass,” Shadow pointed out, under his breath; Sonic looked up, a confused, almost unreadable, look on his face.
“R…really? It’s already weird enough you’re actually talking to me right now without trying to punt me into the ground,” Sonic questioned with a raised eyebrow; for a moment, the hero could’ve sworn Shadow snickered.
“Just because we’re rivals, doesn’t mean I hate you,” the dark hedgehog nearly whispered, a twitch attempting to become a smirk in the corner of his mouth, “I mean it.” Sonic couldn’t help but gawk.
“You’re impulsive and foolish, yes, and your IQ may terrify me at times. Your eating habits are repulsive and, chaos, your voice gets on my every nerve. You get into stupid situations on a daily basis and only seem to get out of them through sheer dumb luck,” Shadow said, counting on his fingers every quality he listed; Sonic’s brow furrowed in confusion.
“Sounds like you’re describing someone you hate, y’know?” Sonic chuckled awkwardly, running a hand through his quills.
“But, if you’d let me finish, there’s more - although I’m adding ‘interrupts me’ to my list,” Shadow continued, “you’re loyal to your friends, and have the purest heart of any being I’ve ever met. You’re powerful, and as much as I hate to admit, you can be funny at times.”
“So why do you always act like you hate me? Sure, you’re acting all nice now, but the moment the morning rolls around and we’re caught in battle, you’re just gonna call me names,” Sonic asked, returning to picking at the ground.
“Routine. I guess somewhere along the line…” Shadow trailed off, and for the first time in a while, looked away from Sonic, “somehow, somewhere along the line I fell into this routine, and it became the norm.” Sonic remained silent.
“I can see you’re hurting, Sonic - but I know you’ll make it out,” Shadow continued, finally turning back to his companion.
“This routine… c-can I break it?” Sonic asked tentatively, voice barely beyond a whisper.
“What do you mean?” Shadow asked back, his question genuine. Sonic continued,
“I don’t hate you, you don’t hate me - why can’t we just be-”
“Friends?” Shadow finished the sentence before Sonic could; the blue hedgehog nodded, almost ashamed by his question, “fine.” Sonic’s eyes opened wider than he thought to be possible, ears twitching rapidly. Shadow rolled his eyes slightly, but his lips were slightly upturned despite this.
“Thank you,” Sonic smiled, offering a nod of acknowledgement, earning one back from his companion. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a minute, both staring at the moon.
“There’s one thing I wanted to ask,” Sonic piped up, turning his attention back to Shadow, “why are you here, in the middle of the night?” Sonic could see Shadow’s quills stiffen, and this time, his cheeks were definitely dusted with pink.
“Just… thinking about, ahem, someone,” Shadow squeaked out; Sonic almost laughed, having never seen Shadow so embarrassed about something.
“Is it her?” Sonic asked, flicking his eyes up to the sky; Shadow shivered a little, and looked down at the ground.
“Actually… no,” he finally responded, eyes darting quickly to Sonic, and back to the ground; before his companion could ask who it was, Shadow cut him off, “I’m not telling you.” Sonic finally laughed.
“All right, all right, I’ll keep, hah, quiet,” the hero responded, interrupted by a yawn, “chaos, I really need sleep.” Sonic looked around a little, taking in the serene, moonlit scenery. His ears flattened at the realisation he would have more dreams.
“I’m scared I’ll have another nightmare,” he finally whispered, tapping his fingers on his leg in a rhythmic pattern, stalling his impending doom, “and then panic and consider drowning myse-”
Sonic cut himself off and coughed awkwardly, trying to cover up what almost slipped his mouth. Shadow looked at him in concern; the dark hedgehog followed up with a defeated sigh.
“Just this once… I’ll let you sleep in my company. Up here, on the loop, under the moon. If I see you stirring, I’ll wake you,” Shadow sighed, shuffling closer to Sonic, “but this is a one time thing, strictly one time.” Sonic seemed to understand the severity of his own situation if Shadow of all people offered to stay by his side.
“Thank you, Shads,” Sonic smiled, genuinely this time, as he curled into a ball by Shadow’s side. Moments later, he felt a hand upon his quills, stroking gently and lulling him into sleep.