Chapter Text
After the misfortune of following weird fucker around campus in the middle of the night, they finally arrived in the most ass crack hidden corner behind the school. Behind a jagged fence and rickety old gate laid a stone path, trailing up a short hill to…
Was that the fucking MONSTER HOUSE????
“You want me to stay here?” Spider couldn’t decide if the tone in his voice was fear or excitement, and he really couldn’t tell which one he was feeling either.
“Isn’t it delightful? Scoot inside now. On you go.”
Spider rolled his eyes at Weird Fucker’s tone, but did just that anyway. His boots clanked on the stone path, and the door creaked disgustingly loudly when he opened it.
Jesus, this was the fucking Monster House. Chairs were turned over, painting crooked and on the ground, spider webs and roaches and rats…
Peeling paint, splintering wood, and the overwhelming smell of dust. This place wasn’t a fixer-upper, it was freshly ripped ass.
“This should keep the elements at bay for the time being.” Motherfucker, this was the elements. “Now, I should return to my research. Do try to find some way to busy yourself.”
Spider was about to yell at him, about how he can’t live in these conditions, about how theres seven perfectly fucking acceptable dorms, about how he doesnt have any clothes other than these fucking robes- “But don’t let me catch you wandering the campus! Ta!”
And he’s gone.
Any other day, Spider would have run after him, but he was frankly too exhausted to even speak.
He flopped down on the striped couch, and the thing creaked and spat out about a gallon of dust when he did. He didn’t even care anymore. He just laid there.
He must’ve laid there for ten minutes, maybe twenty, maybe thirty.
This truly was his life now. There was no way for him to get home, to see his family, his best friend, his animals, his home…
After hours of keeping himself silent for the sake of his reputation, he finally choked out a weak, pathetic little sob.
But all that did was open the dam.
He laid on that damn couch for what must’ve been an hour, sobbing and begging the god he never believed in to take him home.
Please, god.
He snapped out of it, just barely, when a loud crack of thunder sounded outside. He jumped, more tears falling when he opened his eyes- Great, now he really was stuck in here.
Not long after, the door creaked open. He didn’t even bother to look. He hoped it was Weird Fucker, coming to declare that he’d found a way to get Spider home. Or that it was Pretty Bitch, that- nope, getting rid of that thought right now. Bad Spider.
Above all, he hoped it was a wild, rabid wolf that's come to tear him limb from limb.
“GWAH! It’s pouring out there!!” Spider shot up. The fucking cat.
“What the fuck are you doing here?!!” He shouted, startling Grim, and making the couch creak even louder.
“BWAHAHA! That look on your face is PRICELESS! Like a bat that got blasted by a water gun. Have you been cryin’?” Grim laughed, that shit-eating grin back as always.
He stepped over to the couch, plopping down next to Spider like he owned the place. “As if I wouldn't just sneak back onto campus the second I escaped pryin’ eyes. Y’all got no idea what I'm capable of!” Spider was two seconds away from drop kicking that cat into the sun. He needed a cigarette. He needed 10 hours of sleep. He needed to die. In that order.
“I ain’t givin’ up goin’ here just ‘cause I got kicked out one time. And if ya think otherwise, ya don’t know Grim!” Spider sure fucking wished he didn’t know Grim.
“Why are you so determined?” Spider asked, sounding more exhausted than anything.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Grim looked up at him, and Spider had to admit he was a bit cute. Maybe he just missed his cat. He missed his cat a lot.
“I was born to do this! I’m a magical prodigy who's got the makin’s of a great mage! One of the greatest to ever live!” Grim smiled, and those razor sharp teeth served to remind Spider this was no normal cat.
“So i been waitin’ and waitin’ for that black carriage to come for me.” Grim pouted a bit. “And yet…”
Spider curled up a bit more, pulling his feet onto the couch. Usually he was adamant about no shoes on the couch, but it was a mercy to this couch that he was even sitting on it. “...it never came?” He finished Grim’s sentence.
“...Urgh. That dark mirror’s got no eye for talent. That’s why I took the initiative and came here myself.” That’s… not how anything works, but Spider elected not to tell Grim that.
“You humans don't understand what mistake you’re makin’! Not lettin’ me in is a great loss to the world!!” Grim exclaimed, sounding confident and triumphant. As if by divine intervention, as he was talking himself up, a comically large droplet of rain fell right on his head, almost snuffing out his ear flame.
“Mrrao!!” Grim jumped onto Spider’s lap, startling him- but it was nice to have a cat in his lap, even if it was this dickass. Another droplet fell, just missing Grim, and landing instead on Spider’s shoulder.
“These flamin’ ears are my trademark! Can’t let em get doused!!” Grim was practically crawling into Spider’s outer robe.
Spider’s eyes traced along the ceiling, scouting any holes that water could seep through. There were… a lot of them. “Good luck with that.” He mumbled, letting Grim settle himself in his jacket. He just pretended it was his cat. Jesus christ in heaven, he missed his cat.
“Dunno why ya just magic the holes away, you could have ‘em fixed just like that.” Grim sighed, but that shit-eating grin soon returned. “...Oh right!! You can’t use magic at all! Pfft, how useless can ya get?”
And at that, Spider grabbed Grim by the scruff and tossed him off the couch. “MYAH!”
“Then why don’t you do it, you little fat fuck??” He scolded, immediately regretting it. Grim should not do it.
“Heh? You want me to help you?? You got the wrong idea. I’m just shelterin’ from the rain, you ain’t the boss of me. If you had some tuna to trade, that’d be another story, but I don't work for f-” Grim was cut off by Spider standing up, and yet again grabbing him by the scruff.
“I could stomp your fuckin’ head in if I wanted to. I’ve dealt with enough bullshit for an entire lifetime in the past three hours and I am not about to let some fat ass little cat ruin this shithole even more for me. So either shut the fuck up, or you’re getting tossed back out.” Spider was dead serious, eyes narrowed as he dropped Grim back down to the ground.
Grim’s eyes widened like a kicked puppy, but he stood his ground. “Hey! What makes ya think you can talk to me like that?? I’m the mighty Gr-” He was cut off by another drop of water, right on his head.
“Shut your fuckin’ mouth. I’m gonna find some buckets.” Spider scowled as he walked out of the room. He stepped into the hallway, the floors creaking with every step. There were glimpses of when this was a functional dorm, a theme vaguely peeking through. No buckets though. Or even bowls. What he was really hunting for was a kitchen.
He stopped at a staircase, wondering if the kitchen was more likely up or down, when he heard a loud crash sound.
It wasn’t thunder, so his immediate thought was that Grim knocked something over. So he whipped around, and-
Three wispy white beings stood in front him, towering over him at at least 6 feet. They each wore scarves and hats, and floated off the ground, their bodies white and transparent. This was the fucking monster house.
Spider brands himself as fearless. Unfortunately, he’s also pathetic, and in the middle of a breakdown. He stumbled backwards, nearly cracking his skull open on a post of the stairs as he fell backwards, the ghosts watching with grins and maniacal laughter.
“We haven’t had a visitor in ages!” One ghost called.
“Oh, I'm just itchin’ for new friends!” Another replied.
The three of them laughed again, leaning down closer to Spider, who, despite his dignity and every preconceived notion he had of himself prior, screamed like a little girl.
“Would you keep it down-” Spider was, for once, relieved to hear Grim’s voice. He felt sick even thinking of it.
Grim screamed even louder. “G-GHOSTS!!!” Grim scurried over, hiding in Spider’s robe again, and Spider held him close to his chest, like a stuffed animal.
“All the people who used to live here got scared of us and ran.” One ghost claimed, wisping around the air.
“We just want a new ghost to play with! What do you say, buddy?” The larger ghost grinned.
“You’re gonna kill me??” Spider shouted on instinct, shuffling backwards, but catching himself before he tumbled down the stairs. Grim squealed and cried, burying more against Spider.
Grim tried his best to contain himself, sitting up. “I’m a master sorcerer! I’m not afraid of dumb ghosts!” He claimed, his voice shaking like a leaf in the wind. He shouted, and suddenly, blue flame engulfed the room.
“GRIM YOU DUMBASS!!” Spider finally stood up, starting to run up the stairs, because fire.
“Nuh-uh. Not even close.” One ghost winked.
“Over here! Over here!” The other mocked.
“ARGH! They keep disappearin’!” Grim cried, more flames following.
“Would you quit bein’ a fuckin’ idiot!? You’re gonna set the whole dorm on fire! Get your ass up here!” Spider shouted, halfway up the stairs. Yes, he was planning on jumping out a window and running to one of the functional dorms.
“SHADDUP!! I don’t need any lip from you, human!” Grim scolded.
“FINE!! DIE THEN!!” Spider shouted back, running up the stairs. He heard Grim struggling, and saying something about being a master sorcerer, but he wasn’t listening.
“Gangin’ up on us, you’re a buncha cowards!!” He heard Grim shout. Provoking the ghosts even more, what a genius.
“YOU, HUMAN!! GET BACK HERE!!” Grim shouted. “I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHICH WAY THE GHOSTS ARE!”
“YOU HAVE EYES, DICKNOZZLE!!!” Spider shouted back, leaning over the stair rail. Though, he realized, from where he was… he had a bird eye view.
Fine.
He kept a mindful watch on the ghosts, shouting whatever direction they appeared in, though Grim was apparently dyslexic, because it took a good few shouts for him to figure out which way was what.
He finally hit the damn ghost, though.
The two made a shockingly good team, once Grim figured out the difference between East and West.
After a moment, the largest ghost shouted. “We gotta get out of here!! Before we disappear for good!!” And with that, all three of them ran for the hills. And shockingly, nothing was on fire.
“Did… did we win?” Grim asked, sounding somewhat shocked. Spider walked back down stairs, crossing his arms as he looked down at the cat.
“No. but I'll let you pretend we did.”