Chapter Text
12:45 pm
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ B*TCHES! 🐝
Batvan Mobile: NATALOW LIKWS LP
Third eye open: uh what?
Third eye open: van?
Senorita Alpha: I swear if you guys are fucking high right now
beetle fart: Noiiiiiioi wrre mobt
Senorita Alpha: i’m supposed to believe that?
Batvan Mobile: Yra(
Batvan Mobile: Yea?
reply to: Uh what?
Autistic & Lesbian: Irs nirhing Littie 🩷
Senorita Alpha: Tai Shauna Lot? do yall have their locations
third eye open: why would you assume i had nats location
Senorita Alpha: well do you?
third eye open: yes……
Queer Kamala: they’re getting high at the lake
Writers block: how’d you figure out the smoking part
Gen-ius: you put three stoners on a lake together with weed, what do you get? three stoners high at the lake
perezhiltonreborn: literally fork found in kitchen bro?
Queer Kamala: Me and Shauna are coming to get you guys @beetlefart @batvanmobile @autistic&lesbian
Autistic & Lesbian: Cwn lotrie come tto?
Third eye open: sure love
BatVan Mobile: ONG IOGM GUSYS
BatVan Mobile: MEKSISA MSISSLE NAME US SOMBREK
Gen-ius: Boi no one knows what you are saying
Beetle Fart: VSN SHYT RHE FICK IP
Beetle Fart: OH SJIT NSTLAIE JSUT JMPED IJN THE WATE RBRB
Golderwall: @thirdeyeopen go get your girl
Third Eye Open: What do you think I'M doing oml.
Third Eye Open: Why did she jump in the water Melissa?
Batvan Mobile: Sge ssid uts vercaue yu calkwd her lpve
Writers Block: this pains me seeing you try to type
1:00 pm
BUZZ BUZZ B*TCHES 🐝
perezhiltonreborn: @Writersblock @QueerKamala @thirdeyeopen hows it going with the three amigos
Gen-ius: I bet 10 dollars Natalie’s crying
Lady Hamilton: bet
Queer Kamala: At a red light right now, i’m driving my car obviously Vans right next to me sleeping, Melissa has her head in Shauna’s lap sleeping, Shauna’s also sleeping and I don’t know about Lot and Nat because Lottie’s driving Nat back in Vans car
Third eye open: Natalie is not crying gen 🙄
Third Eye open: Oh shit never mind she’s crying
Gen-ius: and now shes gonna ramble on about how pretty you are
Third eye open: she’s not….never mind typed too soon
Third eye open: and she just randomly passed out in the middle of it
Gen-ius: and now she’s gonna fall asleep oh yep see
Snow white: Gen are you the one with the third eye dude?
Gen-ius: no Melissa Van and Natalie get high together at parties a lot and she does the same thing every fucking time
Golderwall: can confirm i’ve gotten high with them before
Senorita Alpha: Rachel??!
Lady Hamilton: I remember that! She was crying more than robin does on a daily basis….
sleepeatcryrepeat: hello?
Gen-ius: well she’s not wrong
Queer Kamala: Vans up
reply to:No Melissa Van an….
Batvan Mobile: Don’t lie you join in too sometimes
Gen-ius: Yeah you right
Batvan Mobile: Shit that was the most beautiful nap ever
Snow White: Better then when you and rob had a smoking contest and you passed out mid hit
Batvan mobile: OH SHIT THAT ONE WAS PEAK
Headband Fein: AND SHE CRIED BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Batvan mobile: I remember Tai telling me Misty had checked on me mid sleep
doubleoquigley: Yeah as high as i was I felt you passing out mid hit was a bit of a concern
Perezhiltonreborn: THAT WAS THE TIME MELISSA AND ME GOT INTO A RAP BATTLE CONTEST
Senorita Alpha: have you all gotten high together?!
third eye open: pretty much
Senorita Alpha: without me? :(
Gen-ius: Well yes?
Senorita Alpha: who’s all smoked together?
Batvan mobile: well me mel and nat do it all the time together. it doesn’t matter who joins in we WILL smoke together. So there’s us, Tai and Shauna cause well duh, Lottie, Gen, Mari, and Rachel join half the time, Robin Britt Crystal and Misty are like a few times
Senorita Alpha: You invited Quigley before me!
Queer Kamala: She’s actually great company when high
reply to: You invited Quig…
doubleoquigley: oh gee thanks
Batvan Mobile: and then Akilah and Laura lee on the occasion
Senorita Alpha: AND LAURA LEE?! SHE DOESN'T EVEN SMOKE?
Headband Fein: i do when im tense and need to relax, very good feeling
Senorita Alpha: why can’t you just meditate
headband fein: because getting high makes you relax quicker
Senorita Alpha: have you gotten high all together before
Batvan mobile: yea like once or twice
Senorita Alpha: and you guys never invited me?
Queer kamala: nope
Senorita Alpha: WHY?!
onewordwonder: well you are our captain….youre also jsut really uptight so we just thought you wouldn’t be able to relax even if you were high
Batvan mobile: was that…
golderwall: MORE THAN ONE WORD?!
Writers block: BEST MESSAGE I COULD WAKE UP TO OML BRITT CLOCK THATT
Queer Kamala: BABIES FIRST WORDS
Headband Fein: a miracle tbh
Gen-ius: SPIT ABSOLUTE BARS AS WELL OMG
lady hamilton: spoke like shakespeare actually
sleepeatcryrepeat: IM CRYING
sleepeatcryrepeat: THAT WAS SO GOOD
reply to: IM CRYING
perezhiltonreborn: we know
snow white: BYE
Senorita Alpha: fuck all of you i am not uptight the fuck
Writers block: boi let’s not lie you got mad when your notebook was turned “the wrong way”
Senorita Alpha: IT WAS!
Writers block: my point exa
third eye open: not the gl
perezhiltonreborn: stop why did both there sentences glitch out
Gen-ius: STOP THATS SO FUNNY
writers block: sorry there was a fuck ass speed bump
writers block: it woke mel up
Thirdeyeopen: surprisingly it didn’t wake Natalie
reply to:MEKSISA MSISSLE N….
beetle fart: i’m so glad no one questioned this
Batvan mobile: what is that?
Batvan Mobile: oh wait
Batvan Mobile: GUYS OMG
beetle fart: NO VAN STOP
Batvan Mobile: MELISSAS MIDDLE NAME IS FUCKING SOMBRERO
Gen-ius: WHAYTTTTTT
Queer Kamala: What the fuck
Queer Kamala: That doesn’t even make sense you’re not hispanic at all
Sleepeatcryrepeat: LMAOO
perezhiltonreborn: AHAHAHAHH
perezhiltonreborn: IS THAT WHY YOU WEAR THAT FUCKASS WARN OUT UGLY AS FUCK NO GOOD PINK HAT ALL THE TIME?
golderwall: oh well okay no need to do all that
snow white: i don’t know if all those extra words were necessary
Gen-ius: mari has beef with a fucking hat what the hell
Autistic and Lesbian: fuck lottie just screamed laughing at Melissa’s middle name
doubleoqugley: Hi Natalie! :3
Autistic and Lesbian: Hi misty!!! :)
Autistic and Lesbian: that’s the only face i know
doubleoqugley: it’s okay
Autistic and Lesbian: anyways Melissa’s middle name is stupid as fuck i actually loled
onewordwonder: I knew her middle name
batvan mobile: TWO TEXTS IN ONE DAY?!
perezhiltonreborn: AND MORE THEN ONE WORD
perezhiltonreborn: WHAT DID WE DO TO GET THIS SURPRISE
reply to: I knew her mid…
beetle fart: oh shit i forgot you like knew that about me
beetle fart: i thought it was the coolest middle name ever when i told you and robin that
Gen-ius: when were you friends with robin and britt
Beetle fart: we’ve been friends since middle school when they were 6th and i was 7th? i was like their mom
gen-ius: @sleepeatcryrepeat @onewordwonder ????
sleepeatcryrepeat: I REMEMBER YOU TELLING US
sleepeatcryrepeat: i forgot about that holy it’s been awhile
gen-ius: yall weren’t like best friends or something right
Batvan Mobile: or like a trio who smoked a whole lot
Autistic & Lesbian: Van they were 12 and 13
Autistic & Lesbian:….
Autistic & Lesbian: you guys weren’t a trio who smoked a whole lot right…
sleepeatcryrepeat: no we were on the same club soccer team so we weren’t the closest, we just talked a lot at soccer
onewordwonder: But we were making like oaths about some shit and we had to say our full name and she well said her middle name
batvan mobile: okay britt stop saying full sentences it’s scaring me
lady hamilton: i thought you were mute
Gen-ius: BYEEEE 💀
reply to: IS THAT WHY YOU…
Beetle fart: fuck you asshole I actually started wearing the hat regularly because my brothers shaved off all my hair when i was 9.
Gen-ius: that’s tragic wth
perezhiltonreborn: did you look like calliou?
beetle fart: what the hell sure
Batvan Mobile: SHE JUST SHOWED ME A PHOTO SHE DID HOLY SHIT
beetle fart: Shauna just asked if i got hung by my underwear when i was younger.
Autistic & Lesbian: AHAHAHHAHAHA
Gen-ius: THATS FUCKING FUNNY
doubleoquigley: That’s silly -:_:-
third eye open: well what’s the answer
beetle fart: …..
beetle fart: I did
Snow White: LMFAOOOOO
Gen-ius: AHAHAHAHAH
golderwall: HELLO?!!!!
queer kamala: switched cars from Shauna and Melissa to lottie and nat and they are dying laughing
headband fein: why the heck was lottie typing so much what?!
third eye open: priorities 🤷♀️
Batvan mobile: can we get back to the topic that Melissa’s middle name is hat in spanish
doubleoquigley: as cute as that is I would also like to know @-@
writers block: watch yourself quigley
beetle fart: thanks misty…. it’s not really interesting, my moms water broke on their trip to mexico with my four brothers, i wasn’t expected for another week so they didn’t have baby stuff for me, nothing but a few hats because they found a baby hat shop, anyways after my mom gave birth a few hours later my dad put one of the hats they got, on my head, it happened to be a sombrero, later the doctor came in with the hat still on my head, the doctor asked the name they chose my dad said Melissa, and the doctor continued to point and my dad thought he was pointing at the hat so he said sombrero? they found out later he was telling him to continue the name and the doctor thought they did it on purpose but they thought it was cute so they left it
Senorita Alpha: how do you know this?
Beetle fart: they got it all on camera sadly…
Batvan Mobile: YOU WERE MISTAKENLY CALLED MELISSA SOMBRERO
third eye open: wait that doesn’t make sense you aren’t even aloud to fly pregnant
beetle fart: but you’re allowed to drive sadly 💔
Headband Fein: this is peak comedy!
perezhiltonreborn: okay Ai…
Autistic & Lesbian: OMG IF SHAUNA IS THE ONE TO PROPOSE TO MELISSA SHAUNAS GONNA HAVE TO SAY “Melissa Sombrero Brewer” THATS SO SILLY
Lady Hamilton: it’s kind of poetic in a way…
Gen-ius: her name is shakespeare
Golderwall: just shed a tear
reply to: OMG IF SHAUN…
writers block: and id be happy to say it a million times boi
doubleoquigley:not to break up the chat but reminder that you guys do have practice from 6-9
batvan mobile: WE WHAT?!
Autistic & Lesbian: OH WERE COOKED WERE COOKED
Queer Kamala: oh thank you misty! i forgot!
perezhiltonreborn: YOU GUYS WERE TOLD WE AHD PRACTICE?!
Batvan Mobile: I don’t want to go to fuckass practice
Batvan Mobile: Melissa skip with me
Beetle Fart: But i want to go practice
Batvan Mobile: boi be quiet no one actually wants to go to practice
beetle fart: well i do
Loml?! 🤍
2:45 pm
Lover 🩷: I actually don’t want to go to practice, i just want to like cuddle and watch movies but Jackie’s scary
Me: well then stop texting from the other room and come here before we have to get ready
Lover 🩷: can you sleepover?!
Me: Depends if you’re gonna take up my offer first
Lover 🩷: Let me finish the snacks
Me: we don’t have all day love
Me: cmon sir sembrero beetle fart
Lover 🩷: SIR SEMBRERO BEETLE FSRT?!! shauna :(
Me: okay okay i’m sorry, i love you and your name
Lover 🩷: i love you more
Me: oh yeah? Come show me
no tears for queers!
4:16 pm
bleachedbitch: guys i don’t want to go to practice
queerforJesus: i literally prayed we didn’t have practice
gingergay: i would rather stand for two hours than go to practice
perezhiltonsdaughter: isn’t that what you do
gingergay: yes but id rather do it for fun
gingergay: tais making me go
bossyqueer: i forgot about these names
bossyqueer: yes im making you go tf
gingnergay: like what even is the point bro im abt to be emo
gingergay: LIKE WHY DO WE HAVE PRACTICE
Gen-likesgirls: ginger gay is about to ginger snap
scarybiboi: can you guys be quiet i'm in the middle of something
nicelezgirl: or we can just mute the gc babe so it won’t make noise you know
scarybiboi: oh…thanks baby that’s a good idea!
gingergay: ew they’re getting freaky before practice wtf
queerforJesus: How do you know that
gingergay: because it’s Shauna and Melissa
queerforJesus: point taken
thegayspirits: you’re just mad Tai won’t let you guys get freaky rn
gingergay: and at least i would have someone to do it with!
perezhiltonsdaughter: CLOCKED
thegayspirits: mari don’t start you are simping over the team captain
perezhiltonsdaughter: psshhh no i’m not?
Gen-likesgirls: mari…
perezhiltonsdaughter: FUCKING FINE I AM
ginger gay took a screenshot
perezhiltonsdaughter: NO VAN DELETE THAT
gingergay: well look at the time! we’ve gotta be at practice in about 30 minutes! see ya there!
perezhiltonsdaughter: VAN