Chapter Text
Infection / Protective / Confession
Raph can hear Splinter and Leo talking.
He can’t hear what they’re saying, but the low murmur of voices in Donnie’s bedroom reaches Mikey’s open door. His eyes leave his lap when the door opens, tilting to see Splinter walking out of his room. His father’s steps are fluid, moving with intent.
A few minutes pass and Leo doesn’t follow. The door closes.
Raph gets up from his bed, slowly separating himself from a clinging Mikey. Mikey nestles into his pillow, a deep sleeper once he manages to get down. He’s careful not to touch any of the bruises, creeping over to the door. He stays with his hand on the wood, debating what good his presence would be. He wants to see Donnie. He doesn’t want his older brother to see him. If he waits too long, Splinter will come back.
Eventually, he resigns to the fact that Leo has no plans to leave.
He goes up to Donnie’s door.
His hand rises. He lowers it. It rises. He lowers it.
He shakes his fist in front of his chest. Quit being such a baby.
Raph knocks, already regretting breaking the silence.
Leo opens the door. His older brother is mid-word when he sees him, expression hardening into something that has Raph’s hackles raised. “What do you want?”
“Well, I’m at Donnie’s room knocking on his door.” Raph snaps back, wishing he’d just stayed with the one brother who does want him around despite everything. “What do you think?”
“He’s asleep,” Leo softens a bit. “How’s Mikey?”
“The same,” He tries to push open the door but Leo regains the firmness. “He doesn’t need you around right now.”
It’s probably true. “His words or yours?” Raph’s in too deep to give up now.
“Objective fact.” Leo’s cold tone doesn’t change. “Go back to Mikey.”
“Your words.” Raph confirms bitterly. “You don’t get to speak for him.”
“I’m trying to speak for his best interests.”
“I thought we were cool.”
“Yeah, well, that was until I heard about all the things that you told Spike you wanted to do to us so he went ahead and did it for you.”
Leo pushes on the door but Raph doesn’t move his hand. He can’t think past the words ringing in his head, past meaningless threats that were taken seriously. “I didn’t… I didn’t actually…”
Exasperation slips through, shimmering with pity and pinching his brow. “I know, Raph, I- just, go back to Mikey. Please?”
Raph thinks maybe he should. He moves his hand.
A slurred voice calls Leo’s name.
Leo goes to it. Raph puts his hand on the door and pushes it open.
Leo’s at their brother’s side, sitting down next to him. Donnie relaxes at his return, closing his eyes and leaning towards him. Raph glances at the foot propped up by the pillow and the yellowish color sliding up his ankle. He looks at his older brother.
Leo brushes the mask tails from Donnie’s shoulders. “It’s infected.”
“Does it…” He glances back at it. Leo admits, “He says it doesn’t. Just that it’s hot.”
Raph sits and listens to his little brother breathe.
Leo says, “You tell us some pretty messed up stuff. How much did you tell Spike?”
“Everything.” The thought has his heart racing and his insides twisting. He doesn’t want to be here anymore. “He was, he was harmless. It was supposed to be harmless.”
“It was,” Leo whispers. Raph locks their gaze, startled. “It was harmless. He was harmless. He would have stayed harmless…”
“You,” Raph hesitates, “You’re mad I took the mutagen? But Donnie-”
“Donnie blows stuff up everyday, but Donnie would never have spilled it. Donnie had it safely put away- you took it. You took it when you could have just made him close the door.” Leo breaks their gaze, touching the likely feverish scalp. “You should have just made him close the door.”
That never even occurred to Raph. Everything he said, every dark thought that lived on in his pet’s brain, he put them there. He thought he’d made a mistake, letting them fester in the brain of another- the mind of his pet. He hated that he ever voiced them, but he’d been voicing them for years and nothing had happened. Nothing happened until he acted on the anger.
Until he hurt Spike, turned him into something terrible. And Slash hurt his brothers.
“I shouldn’t have taken it.” He repeats quietly. “I should have made him close the door.”
Leo exhales shakily. Raph bunches the fabric beneath his fingers.
“If Slash got me, instead of Donnie…” Goosebumps prickle down his arms. Leo was better off than his brothers, but he sounds weak. “Would I… Would he have…”
Raph can’t breathe. He can’t move. He’s done an excellent job of blocking that out.
He doesn’t want to stop now. He doesn’t want to know.
“He needs know.” Leo says finally, “He needs to know he didn’t make Slash.”
“He didn't.” Raph tells his awake older brother and the sleeping little brother and the father that has paused right outside the door to listen in. “I-I mean, he shouldn’t have…”
He catches his tongue, stopping the instinct to shift the blame.
“I made Slash.” He’s tired of getting angry at them. “I killed Spike.”
Leo leans forwards. Splinter comes into the room.
Raph’s eyes are burning so he doesn’t look at either of them when he runs.
Splinter’s hand goes out. He dodges around it because it’s an offer, not a trap, and he doesn’t want to accept it. He doesn’t feel right accepting anything but punishment.
He goes back to Mikey and closes the door behind him. His baby brother stirs at the slam, demanding his hug without fully waking up. Raph gives him what he wants; anything to make something better. He squeezes down, churring absently at the new connection.
Raph holds him and stares at the bruises across his head.
Mikey falls asleep against his plastron.
Raph shuts his eyes and refuses to move.
He hopes the pillow dries before Mikey wakes up.