Chapter Text
It took half a day to drive to Kansas City. The van drove through the rest of Tennessee, Kentucky and Illinois, bouncing as the Rock-afire sang to songs on the radio. A rainstorm chased them through Missouri.
"Hey!" Rolfe exclaimed as a Coke can bounced on his head.
"Sorry," Beach Bear apologized. "Thought you were the trash can."
Rolfe rolled his eyes. He set the can in a paper bag and muttered something about messiness.
"Oh, I just remembered something I have in my bag!" Mitzi exclaimed. "Hey, Looney. Looney!"
Looney Bird popped up from his barrel. "What's the word, Mitzi bird? Wait, you're not a bird."
Mitzi chuckled. "Get the tape out of my bag. The Thriller one."
"Lemme see here…" Looney dug through the bag. "We've got lipstick, pom poms, extra socks… But I don't see a roll of tape."
"No, a cassette tape! With Michael lookin' all cool on the cover."
Looney soon exclaimed, "Here it is!"
He reached over the seat to hand the tape to Mitzi. Wearing an outfit of white, Michael Jackson was leaning while laying down in front of a dark background.
"Looks more like what Rolfe wishes he'd look like when he's sleepin'," Dook remarked. "But instead his arms are all floppy!"
"I heard that!" Rolfe spoke up.
Mitzi popped open the cassette case. "Where's the tape player on this thing?"
"There isn't one." Beach Bear replied.
"What? But every car's gotta have a tape player! How else can you jam to stuff that's not on the radio?"
"Or listen to the radio too much!" Fatz whispered to Billy Bob, who chuckled.
"This girl's from 1962," Beach said. "Tapes didn't exist then."
"Yes, they did!" Mitzi insisted.
"Well, not in '62. At least, I don't think so," Beach Bear leaned forward. "Hey, Fatz, you remember the early sixties. Were there tape players in cars?"
Fats shrugged. "Well, I didn't see many cars at the Audubon Zoo-"
Suddenly, a lightning bolt struck the road! The van's tires squealed as Fatz put on the brakes in shock.
"What in the frick was that?" Beach Bear asked.
Fatz and everyone else stared at a patch of smoke in silence.
"What's wrong?" Dook asked. "Did we hit someone or somethin'?"
"There was a lightnin' strike!" Billy Bob exclaimed.
"Wait, we hit lightnin'?"
"Yeah! Or, lightnin' hit us. A real big one."
Dook leaned forward as far as he could, seeing a smoldering hole in the highway. "Geez. It's like someone took a big bite out of it! It's like a black hole."
"Don't drive, Fatz. We'll get sucked up into space." Beach Bear joked.
"I have to drive if we wanna get back home on time." Fatz said.
The car moved forward.
"AHHH!!! We're sinking!" Beach Bear yelled in a strained voice.
"Beach, stop that!" Mitzi scolded, trying to fight down giggles. "We're not sinkin', Fatz."
Fatz cracked a smile. "I guessed we weren't. I'll still go slow in case the street's not as solid."
"'Cuz it's a black hole." Beach whispered to Mitzi and Dook.
The van sped up once it passed the hole. Rain pattered on the windows, blurring the view of the long, winding road. The radio could hardly be heard!
"It's gettin' kind of chilly in here." Billy Bob remarked. "Which one's the heater?"
"The lower knob," Beach Bear replied. "On the right. No, left. No… right. Right?"
"Let's see," Fatz turned that knob and groaned. "Oh no…"
"Why the long face?" Billy Bob asked.
"That lightnin' struck out the heater!"
"Are you sure Beach Bear's not right?" Earl asked.
"Right. I'm turnin' the knob and it ain't workin'!"
"Did you smack it?" Beach asked.
Billy Bob hit it, but gently. He didn't want to hurt the knob!
*BAM!*
"What the-" Fatz started to ask as Beach Bear leaned over to give it a good whack of his own.
Nothing changed.
"Yep, that thing's out." Beach confirmed.
"What?" Mitzi asked while Dook gave a disappointed, "Aww."
"Where are those hillbillies when you need 'em?" Earl asked.
"Or a much nicer van!" Rolfe added.
"We'll be fine," Billy Bob said, smiling as he touched his arm fur. "We've got our own blankets to keep us warm!"
"That's true," Fatz agreed. "It won't take much to turn us into snowmen!"
…
Just a few minutes later, Beach Bear snuggled up to Dook, shivering tremendously.
"I ch- chose the w- wo- worst day to wear shorts!" he lamented.
"You're a polar bear, though," Dook pointed out. "Shouldn't you, you know… be used to the cold?"
"Not when Florida thins out your blood, man. It's like paper in there. Wax paper."
"Don't you mean wet paper?" Mitzi asked. "That stuff's so thin you can't get a good grasp on it!"
Dook tapped Mitzi's shoulder. "Take your sweater off. I-"
"What?" Mitzi squeaked, her green eyes wide. "Why would I do that?"
"To warm Beach up! People do it all the time in movies. The guy offers the girl his coat or somethin' and she's all warm 'n happy. You'd offer your sweater! Since you have another sweater underneath."
"I- I think it's a t- t- turtleneck." Beach Bear said, shivering.
"Really? It don’t look like no turtle I've ever seen."
"I'd have to keep my arms crossed the whole time," Mitzi pointed out. "This is a dickey. It's-"
Beach Bear burst out laughing.
"It ain't like that!"
"Get your mind outta the gutter back there." Fatz chided Beach (although he couldn't help but softly chuckle as well!).
Beach Bear wiped tears from his eyes as Mitzi explained, "It's just a collar with some fabric around it, not an actual shirt."
"…Oh." Dook realized.
"Guess you're stayin' cold forever!" Earl remarked with a tiny shrug.
"There's one other thing wrong with that plan, Dook." Beach Bear told his little friend.
"Oh yeah? What's that?" Dook asked.
"I'm not mouse-sized."
…
The Missouri River rippled as the van drove on the Paseo Bridge. The Rock-afire belted out,
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine!
A blanket-clad Beach Bear switched things up by singing,
We all live in a blue surfer van, blue surfer van, blue surfer van!
Everyone laughed. The rain was lessening and there were only five miles left until they reached the Wolf Pack 5!
"I'm gettin' peckish," Fatz remarked, peering at the van's fuel gage as it stopped at a light. "Looks like the van is, too! Hopefully there's a gas station near Showbiz."
"Oh, we have that free can of Goofy Gas!" Billy Bob remembered. "I'll go get it!"
Fatz turned into a neighborhood, pulling over so Billy Bob could get out. A winter breeze ruffled his fur and dry leaves crunched under his paws. He smiled as he opened the back door, undid the rope securing the barrel…
"…Huh. This feels awfully light. Usually, gas is supposed to feel a little heavy."
"Like *hic* Goofy Gas!" Looney Bird added.
Billy Bob cast his best friend a look. "Looney Bird… what was that?"
"What was what, Billy Bob?"
"That sound you made."
"What sound? I'm just talkin' and squawkin'. That's all I ever- *hic*!"
Billy Bob pointed a claw as he exclaimed, "That's it right there! You're hiccupin'!"
"N- …No, I'm not…" Looney Bird slowly insisted.
"Yes, you are! I heard it! Op, and there it is again! You have the hiccups, Looney Bird! But just how did you get 'em?"
"I didn't get 'em, Billy Bob, *hic!* honest!"
Beach Bear smirked as he advised Billy Bob, "Look inside the barrel."
Billy Bob took a little peek. He gasped, raising his head as he exclaimed. "You drank all the Goofy Gas, Looney Bird! You know you ain't 'sposed to do that!"
"I didn't, Billy Bob!" Looney Bird exclaimed. "I- *hic!* I really didn't!"
Billy Bob showed him the barrel. "Yes, you did, Looney Bird. None of us like drinkin' Goofy Gas. Only you do!"
Little beats of sweat trickled down Looney Bird's red feathers.
"Well, I- I was just hungry! There's nothing else to eat besides Goofy Gas!"
"You should've asked before I decimated the Cheetos." Beach Bear said.
"And there's plenty of other snacks up here." Mitzi added.
"I'll eat your snacks, I promise!" Looney Bird sank into his barrel. "I'm sorry, Billy Bob…"
Billy Bob softened. He pet his friend's head while saying, "Oh, I can't stay mad at you for long, Looney. Just remember not to touch the Goofy Gas if we're ever on a road trip again, okay?"
"Okayyyy…"
"We'd better get a move on." Fatz called.
"You just wait 'til we're at Showbiz," Billy Bob told Looney. "They'll cook us a nice, hot pizza!"
"I could go for one of those." Dook remarked.
"And I get to hog all the snacks 'til we're there!" Beach added, causing Mitzi to give him a look.
"How were you gonna get that gas in there, anyways?" Fatz asked Billy Bob as the bear shut the passenger door.
"I dunno," Billy Bob replied. "But I'd figure it out!"
"You always do."
Fatz did a u-turn. But it was harder than usual…
"Something's definitely up with this thing." he muttered softly.
The van sputtered as it returned to the main road.
"Stop kickin' the seat, Rolfe!" Dook said.
Rolfe scoffed. "I'm not kicking anything."
"Oh. Stop kickin' the seat, Earl."
"He couldn't kick the seat if he wanted to."
"I can kick your face!" Earl said.
Rolfe ducked. Before his little foot smacked his snout, the van jerked forward. They smacked into the seat.
"Now I can kick!" Earl chuckled.
"Oh, my nose…" Mitzi muttered, rubbing it.
"Now I know how Marcia feels." Dook said.
"I know you want us to hurry up, but putting on the gas that hard isn't it, man." Beach told Fatz.
"I didn't put the gas on at all," Fatz said before pressing his foot on the pedal. "Shoot. It ain't movin!"
"What?" Mitzi, Billy Bob and Dook asked while Looney and Beach gave a puzzled, "Huh?"
Fatz reinserted the key. The van shook and the engine rumbled as he turned it, the wheels began to inch along like a turtle, then a sloth…
And all was still.
"Crap."
Beach had said what everyone else was thinking. They all stared at the road beyond, stunned that their journey had come to such an abrupt halt.
"What do we do?" Dook asked nervously. "Ask someone to help us?"
"There's no time," Fatz replied. "We'll have to take matters into our own hands…"
…
"Well… I'm not cold anymore." Beach Bear said, sweat trickling down his forehead.
The van was moving again… but by his accord! He was pushing it down the road alongside Fatz and Billy Bob. Looney Bird, Dook, Mitzi and Rolfe stayed in the van to make sure it was going in the right direction. (Or Looney, Dook and Mitzi were. Rolfe was just lazy!)
"This has been quite an adventure… but it sure is tuckerin' me out!" Billy Bob remarked, his cheery attitude melting.
"Hey, you ever notice that people call this location Antioch… yet it's not on Antioch Road?" Beach Bear asked.
"I'm realizin' how stupid it is that we decided to drive this old, beat up van halfway across the country in the middle of winter!" Fatz replied grumpily. "We would've gotten here a heck of a lot faster if we just flew!"
"None of us can fly. …Well, except Looney Bird," Beach Bear took in an exhausted breath. "Wait, does he fly?"
"Tuuurn right!" the trio heard Looney Bird announce.
Inside the van, Earl sang,
So we sailed on to the sun
Till we found the sea of green
And we lived beneath the waves
In our yellow submarine
"Stop it, Rolfe!" Mitzi exclaimed. "This is serious."
"I'm not singing, Earl is." Rolfe pointed out.
"Oh, sure, blame the puppet-"
"I see the sea of green, I see the sea of green!" Looney Bird squawked.
Earl gave a 'hmm' of satisfaction.
"Turn left, guys!" Dook called, poking his head out the window. "We're nearly there!"
The muscles in their arms trembling, the big guys pushed with all their might to make the van ride up the little incline leading to the Antioch Center. A sign nearby had all the stores listed… including Showbiz.
"See, Beach? That's why this location's called Antioch." Fatz said.
"Huh?" Beach asked. "I just see a bunch of cars."
"Should've looked at the sign before we passed it."
Before long, the van was rolling up to a square building. There in the center was a familiar orange, yellow and black sign…
"We made it!" Mitzi hollered.
"Whoo-hoo!" the Rock-afire cheered. "Yeah!" "Finally!"
The van was pushed into a parking space. Billy Bob, Fatz and Beach Bear stumbled over to the entrance, leaning against the pillars.
"Come for the pizza, stay for the ball pit that'll become my bed!" Beach groaned.
The others climbed out of the van. Unlike the trio, they were glad to finally be standing! Once everyone was together, Fatz opened the door. The smell of freshly baked pizza drifted outside.
"Hey, we're just in time for dinner!" Dook remarked.
The order counter was the first thing the Rock-afire saw when they walked in.
"Beach Bear's large Hawaiian Pizza." Beach said, casually leaning against the counter. (And totally not because of lingering tiredness…)
"You should probably consider the rest of us, don'tcha think?" Billy Bob asked.
"Oh, sorry, party size."
Mitzi shoved Beach Bear away from the counter as he winked. "A medium Mitzi's Cheese Pizza, please."
"And Looney Bird's Taco Pizza!" Dook added. "In regular size."
"I thought you'd go for Dook's Pepperoni!"
"Hey, I'm branchin' out." Dook told Mitzi with a shrug.
Rolfe and Fatz picked up small salads at the bar.
"Really, Fatz? You having a salad?" Beach asked.
"I'm tryin' to watch my weight." Fatz said.
The Rock-afire snickered.
"I figure a couple slices of pizza here, some leafy greens there, it won't hurt a bit," Fatz laughed. "But you can bet I'll get a double scoop sundae when I'm done gettin' the tomato sauce off my fingers!"
"You must not be a salad person," Rolfe said with a scoff. "These are tomato slices! There's no sauce on them."
"Not unless you squeeze 'em in someone's face." Earl told him, a glint in his eye.
Fatz rolled his eyes. He was reaching for the tomato scooper when a brown paw touched it at the same time.
"Oh, 'scuse me!" he exclaimed, looking to his left to see a mouse in a pale yellow sweater and shiny gold skirt. "I was-"
"No, no, it's alright," the mouse said. "You go first. I'll…"
She stopped right in her tracks when she looked past the gorilla.
"Are we playin' the stoppin' sentences game?" Dook asked. "I'm good at pickin' mine back up. I think pepperoni is…"
Beach Bear smirked. "And I think sidewalk surfboards are…"
The mouse's wide blue-green eyes lit up. She ran past Fatz and exclaimed, "Mitzi!" she exclaimed.
"Mini!" Mitzi exclaimed back.
The mice bounded towards each other, crashing into a tight embrace.
"Do you guys know each other?" Billy Bob asked.
"Of course we do! Mini's my sister," Mitzi replied. "I wouldn't hug just anyone."
"And not as tight!" Mini added, adjusting her wrinkled sweater.
"She goes to college here."
"That explains why your parents let ya travel a million hundred miles to meet same famous lady." Dook said, making Mitzi giggle.
"A thousand hundred n' sixty!" Looney Bird calculated.
Fatz scooped some tomatoes with an exhausted sigh. "Sure feels like it."
Mini giggled. "Hi, Rolfe," she said, twirling the end of her golden blonde ponytail. "He had a little crush on me back in the day."
"I did not!" Rolfe insisted.
"Yes, you did. That giggle is forever on tape! You were shy around me."
"Geez, I thought you were gay for young Frank Sinatra," Earl said. "Now you're tellin' me you're gay for some squeaker!"
Rolfe's face went bright red!
"Let's continue the reunion in the showroom, everyone," Billy Bob suggested. "My legs are still awful tired."
"We had to push the van here." Mitzi explained while everyone crossed into the showroom.
"We did! While y'all scouted for us!"
Mitzi giggled. "Yeah, that!"
Mini gave her little sister a puzzled look.
"It's a long story." Mitzi said with a shrug.
Mini took her arm. "Feel free to tell every second of it. I miss having you around! Talking to a robot just isn't the same."
She grandly pulled back the curtain concealing center stage. It looked exactly like the one back home… except for the animatronic Rock-afire!
"Woah," Dook breathed, rushing up to the stage. "He looks just like me!"
Rolfe huffed as he jerked his curtain back. "This could never be as handsome as me, the real Rolfe DeWolfe!"
All Looney Bird could see past stage left's curtain was the leaf he wore on his head.
"His leaf's better than mine!" Looney said with a scoff. "Must've gotten it from the more expensive craft store."
The Rock-afire enjoyed watching their robotic selves sing the medley from The Beatles' Abbey Road.
"Man, remember when you used to sound like that?" Fatz asked Beach during Polythene Pam.
"Before I really got the hang of my meds." Beach mumbled sheepishly.
Mitzi was equally embarrassed at She Came In Through The Bathroom Window. She covered the side of her face, concentrating on the long string of cheese on her pizza slice.
"That was right after my voice finished changin'," Mitzi remembered a time not too long ago. "Gosh, I sound rough!"
"I think you did an amazin' job, Mitzi." Billy Bob said, giving her a pat on the back.
Mitzi smiled. "Thanks, Billy Bob. I just wonder if I'll ever think that way when I'm your age. You're so professional and here I am, just a kid!"
"Aw shucks, Mitzi, you're just as professional as the rest of us!"
"And more so than me," Mini added, giving her a nudge. "All I did was a year and two songs! You've got dozens under your belt, probably."
"She's never worn a belt before, has she?" Dook whispered to Beach Bear.
"Uh, speakin' of singin', we was wonderin' about the Wolf Pack 5." Fatz said.
Dook's tail could be heard thumping on the bottom of the seat's back and the top of the cushion. "Yeah, where's Dingo? And the others, I mean. But also Dingo."
Mini giggled. "Well…"
GOOOOLDEN slumbers fill your eyes…
SMIIIILES awake you when you rise…
Sleep pretty darlin', do not cry...
And I will sing a lullabyyyy…
"You sound exactly like that moon up there." an astonished Mini told Beach Bear.
"I learned it from the best." he replied with a shrug.
Once the show was over and the curtains were closed again, Earl asked, "What's up with all this Wolf Pack 5 business? Looks like they ain't here."
Mini fiddled with her skirt. "They're not. They… They haven't been for a couple years now."
"What?" everyone exclaimed.
"…absolutely horrible." Beach said.
Dook paused for a long moment. "Wait, I don't remember what mine was."
"They're still in Kansas City, right?" Rolfe asked.
Mini shook her head. "No, they left in '81. I stayed here to start college."
"Do you know where they went?"
"I think to somewhere called Italpark. Or was it Japan? Wolfman didn't really say."
Billy Bob took a sip of his soda. "What's-"
Numerous little beeps could be heard from Looney Bird's barrel.
"Italpark is a park in-"
"Italy?" Beach Bear interrupted the bird.
"-Buenos Aries, Argentina. It's been around since July first, 1960 and has over thirty electromechanical rides. One of these is called Los Wolf Pack 5."
"What if it's not them?" Dook worried.
"Uh, 'los' is Spanish for 'the'," Beach reminded him. "It's definitely them."
"How are we gonna get to Argentina, anyways?" Earl asked.
"Oh, I'd love to go to Spain," Rolfe said, his paw on his heart. "It's the city of love!"
"That's Paris, Rolfe. An' Spain's an entirely different thing. We'd have to go all the way down to Mexico and Brazil and all those other South American places."
Fatz set his fork down to cross his arms. "I ain't drivin'."
Everyone looked at each other, knowing it was an impossible feat. And even if it was possible, no one had over a thousand dollars to spare for a plane!
Mini finally said, "I heard Madame Oink, the pig over at Pizza Time Theater, has a machine that can take you anywhere in the world."
"That annoying pig?" Rolfe asked.
"You're one to talk." Earl muttered.
"That's not very nice, Rolfe!" Billy Bob scolded him.
"Why not? She's an actual pig." Rolfe said.
"…Oh," Billy Bob moved his straw up, making it squeak. "Only half apologize, then."
"Where's the closest Pizza Time Theater?" Dook asked.
"Down in Springfield," Mini replied. "But you won't find her there, just an animatronic. The real deal is only at the main location."
"San Jose, right?" Mitzi guessed.
Looney Bird looked it up. "On Winchester Boulevard! According to my calculations, it'll take twenty-seven hours to get there."
"What?" Fatz asked, his eyes wide. "I can't drive for a whole day and then some!"
"If you take breaks-"
"Two days, then. We have time to worry about."
Beach Bear leaned back to take the first bite of a taco pizza slice. Then he sat up to mumble, "Guess we'll just stay here an' play a buncha games."
"I bet I can beat you at Pac Man." Mitzi said.
Beach slammed the pizza on the table. "I'll bet you can't!"
"You totally can." Mini whispered to her sister, who giggled.
Mitzi and Beach ran off to the games. (And Beach ran right into the showroom wall."
"Guess I'll help out." Dook said with a shrug before eating Beach's slice.
"You know… there's always air travel." Mini suggested.
"Yeah, I'll fly there and back!" Looney Bird squawked.
Mini cracked a smile. "That's not quite what I meant…"