Chapter Text
Thor laughed loudly from where he stood looking out the window at the Asgardian sunset. Behind him, his friends Sif and the other warriors were reading aloud to each other from an old journal recording the adventures of ancient Aesir explorers to the land of Jotunheim.
“Do you find something comical, my lord?” Sif asked, confused by Thor's reaction.
“Comical? Yes. That foolishness you read. It is fairy tales for children. Pshh. Purring Jotuns....”
Sif and the warriors exchanged baffled glances before she went on, “But it is true, Thor. You of all people should know-”
“Yes! Me of all people should know. As you are all aware, my brother is of Jotnar heritage and has never once in his life been heard to be purring like some kind of tender kitten. What a jest!” Thor scoffed.
“But, my lord,” Fandral stuttered slightly, searching for polite words, “I myself have often heard your brother purr, here in this chamber, when he is particularly content and peaceful, usually enjoying his books and scrolls, warming his feet by the fire.”
Thor's smile melted away as he walked to where his friends were seated and pointed his finger at Fandral threateningly. “Stop this! I have told you before, Aesir or not, my brother is a prince and I will not listen to you mocking him with such-”
“But Thor-” Sif broke in, coming to Fandral's defense as she watched Thor's anger rising with every word he spoke, “Fandral is only speaking the truth. I as well have witnessed your brother purring on this very couch.” She said.
Thor's features softened as he turned to Hogun. “Is this true?” He asked.
“It is, my Lord. The fire, his books, and sweets. It's loudest when he is eating sweets.” Hogun answered apologetically, turning his eyes to the floor.
“I too have witnessed it, but never with sweets... Why have I not seen Loki with these sweets?” Volstagg asked, as if he had been cheated.
“I find it hard to believe that I, who have lived all my days with him, should be the only one of us to never had heard my brother purring. How can this be?” Thor said, disbelief and hurt mixing in with the anger of his tone.
Volstagg, who just happened to be the one Thor was looking at when he spoke, replied without thinking, “Well, if Jotuns purr when they're pleased, then maybe it is because Loki is never pleased in you presence?”
After shooting Volstagg a lethal glance accompanied by a low growl, Thor turned and left the room.
********************
Loki spent the evening in his usual manner studying in the library. Although being joined by his brother was truly singular, it was not his presence that was distracting as much as his odd behavior. After an hour of Thor sitting in a chair beside him and eying him with expectation and suspicion, he finally spoke.
“Loki?”
“Yes, Thor?” Loki asked without looking up from the book in his lap. He was somewhat relieved Thor was finally getting around to discussing whatever it was that had brought him to the library, since reading was not exactly a typical pastime for Thor.
“Are you... pleased?” He asked.
“Am I what? Pleased?” Loki repeated, doing his best not seem too disgusted. He couldn't help wondering what kind of abysmal stupidity needed an hour to come up with such a simple question.
“Yes. Right now? Are you pleased? Here? In my company?” Thor clarified.
Ah, Loki thought, now he understood. Thor had either suffered rejection from some maiden or he had been beaten on the training grounds that morning. Probably by Sif. Either way, Thor was looking for some kind of assurance of his personal worth, and Loki lamented the bad luck that had brought his brother to him for it.
“Yes Thor. Of course. I am always happy to have you in my company.” Loki lied, giving Thor a terse smile before returning to his book, hoping his unwanted companion would wander away in a few moments and leave him in peace.
Thor remained in his armchair a while longer, his noisome sighs grating on Loki's ears as his eyes drifted around the room, always coming to rest back on Loki. He seemed to be waiting for something, but Loki could not guess what. Finally he rose from his chair, and Loki waited with breathless impatience to hear the sound of the library door that would signal Thor's departure.
But it seemed Loki's luck would not improve.
Instead of leaving, Thor's body collapsed beside him on his small couch. He then laced his fingers and draped his arms over the back of the couch so that he could face Loki while he went on with the atrocious sighing.
Loki had been wrong, he thought, this was all some kind of childish game aimed at making him lose his temper, and though he did feel himself getting close to an outburst, he resolved to just ignore Thor until he gave up and went away. Loki knew that if he started an argument that turned into a fight, Thor would easily be able to hold him down and do some awful thing to him, and later say that it was Loki that had started the whole thing.
Then Loki realized this was impossible: such a malicious game required an amount of forethought Thor was not capable of.
Taking a chance, Loki stole a glance at Thor's face when he was looking away, wanting to see what he could read in it. He was facing the cold hearth across the room, and he was clearly deep in contemplation. Loki lowered his eyes again as he saw Thor was about to turn back to him.
“Perhaps a fire, maybe?” Thor asked cheerfully, as if he was answering a question no one had asked him. “That is what you need, brother. A fire to warm you and soothe your nerves and aid your study. Would you have one? I shall gladly build it for you.” Thor offered.
“No. Thank you Thor but I find the environment perfectly temperate.” Loki answered with another terse smile, this one more strained than the first.
“You don't want a fire? It is no problem brother, I promise. I would be happy to do it.”
Loki had no need of a fire but realized that this was an opportunity to give Thor something to do besides staring at him, so he conceded.
“All right.” Loki said. “Go ahead, let's have a fire.”
And it was lovely indeed, Loki had to admit to himself. Within minutes a great blazing fire filled the room with the most exquisite dancing shadows and the gentle crackling was as soothing as one of their mother's lullabies. Loki credited himself for putting one of his brother's few talents to good use.
Thor sat proudly with his back to the fire once it was lit, again gazing at his brother, studying him as intently as Loki studied the book in his lap. Finally he got up and rejoined his brother on the couch. There, the staring resumed, but now Thor watched with a more eager expectation.
“Now you are pleased, yes?” Thor asked.
“Yes, Thor. It is delightful, thank you.” Loki answered with genuine appreciation.
Minutes passed, and the confidence drained from Thor's face. He eyes began darting around the room again, and Loki could practically hear the cogs in Thor's head turning, though he still wasn't sure what aim his brother was applying them to.
Then Thor spoke, “Perhaps you would like me to fetch you a cup of mead?”
“No, thank you.” Loki spoke, keeping his eyes on his book.
“Maybe you're hungry? Some fruit, or some other refreshment? Sweeties?”
“No, Thor. I want nothing.” Loki answered, his irritation becoming difficult to mask. Why couldn't Thor ask all of his idiotic questions at once, instead of spacing them out every five or ten minutes, right when his concentration had been painstakingly re-established from the last interruption? “Do you even know where the kitchen is? How do you expect to fetch me sweeties when you don't even know where such things are kept?”
“I could seek it out.” Thor said before realizing that Loki was right; it might take hours for him to locate the food storage. But then another idea came to him. “I could ring for the page-boy. He knows where to find refreshment!” Thor, proud his quick problem-solving, began rising from the couch before he even received a response from Loki.
“No!” Loki shouted with shrill desperation. “This library is already crowded enough so that I can barely think. Don't call your wretched boy in here to fill the room with more disturbance!”
Thor was frozen, looking down at Loki with a face full of bewilderment and pain. Loki sighed. Since childhood he had felt that he was afflicted with an invisible string that connected his heart to Thor's, so that his brother's emotional pain, no matter how pathetic or trite it seemed to his mind, was felt by Loki with equal force. In his selfishness, Loki had never guessed that Thor experienced the same thing.
“Thor, I'm sorry.” Loki said softly, “But can't you see I'm working? I want nothing but peace and quiet. Please.”
“You wish me to leave? Will that bring you contentment?” Thor asked accusingly.
“No remain, if you wish,” Loki gestured to empty space on the couch , “it is your library as much as it is mine.”
Thor sat down again and gazed into the fire, obviously pouting. Now Loki's own guilt over hurting his brother's feelings was more distracting than anything he had experienced so far that night. He tried to make amends.
“The fire really is very delightful, Thor.” Loki said, knowing a compliment would probably do the trick
“Truly?” Thor asked, instantly perking up.
“Truly. It was a wonderful idea, and it is a much better fire than I could build even if I spent hours working at it.”
Pride lit up Thor's face as he said, “Then you are content with it?”
“Yes, very.” Loki smiled and returned to his book, seeing that his brother was back in normal spirits.
Thor watched Loki for a moment and then asked, “But not too content?”
“Well, I guess I'm not leaping for joy, but such wouldn't be the appropriate mental state for study, now would it?” Loki answered, trying to tone down the sarcasm in his voice that he sometimes found impossible to control.
Thor accepted his brother's response with disappointment, sinking down into the couch and creasing his eyebrows, again deep in thought. Loki turned another page of his book, hoping the silence would last at least a few minutes.
Suddenly Thor rose and began digging around in a closet in the corner of the library. He brought out an old footstool and placed it by the fire after dusting it off. As Thor moved around the library rearranging a few other pieces of furniture, clearly with a plan in his mind, Loki tried to ignore him and remain focused on the page in front of him. That became impossible when he felt his side of the couch being lifted off the ground.
“Thor! What do you think you're doing!” Loki shouted at him.
“I am moving you towards this footstool so that you can raise your feet and warm them by the fire.” Thor said innocently, still holding one side of the couch and his brother in the air as if they weighed nothing.
“Do you not think it appropriate to ask a person before you pick them up and drag them wherever you please like some kind of doll?”
“I thought you had had enough of hearing me speak,” Thor answered, “and I wanted to make you more comfortable without further disturbing you.”
After Loki was pulled forward and plunked down in front of the footstool, Thor kneeled down and gingerly placed Loki's feet upon it. Then, to Loki's further shock, Thor proceeded to remove his boots, all the time grinning happily as if this task was a special privilege. Loki could not find the words or even the will to stop him, so baffled was he by Thor's strange behavior. When Thor had finished and set Loki's boots neatly next to the couch he remained seated cross-legged on the floor by the footstool, his face again full of that confounded expectation. Loki could not help but worry that if anyone should come into the library, it would be assumed that Loki had used some cruel enchantment to humiliate his brother.
“Tell me,” Loki said sharply, “have I fallen to sleep in the library, and all this is some kind of wild fever dream, or is there something you wish to gain from me? If the former, please slap me back to my senses. If the latter, then please come out with your request and save us both from this embarrassing charade!”
Thor only frowned in response so Loki continued. “What is it? A love spell? Is there some maiden not falling fast enough for your advances? Do you need an invincibility enchantment for an upcoming contest? Or maybe you just wish to take another holiday in Midgard without Heimdall knowing and telling father...”
“I want nothing but to please you, brother.” Thor replied simply.
Loki resigned himself to the madness of the situation, wondering if it was perhaps Sif who had began practicing enchantments and had caused this all for her own amusement. Maybe something had gone awry during her incantations and Thor was supposed to be building fires and fetching sweeties for her. Loki looked at his brother, pondering what his problem could be. His brother looked exactly like a scolded puppy, sitting cross-legged on the floor beside the footstool and wearing a wounded look on his face. The sight was so pitiful he had to look away, and turned his eyes back to his book even though he doubted any significant work would be accomplished tonight.
A few moments of silence passed, and both brothers were returned to their normal spirits again by the tranquil crackling of the flames. Then Thor took a great breath, and with much chagrin Loki braced himself for what he knew would be yet another interruption.
“You know, Loki,” Thor began as he wiggled his fingers in front of him, “I have been told by many maidens that I have very talented hands, and I could-”
“Thor, please,” Loki cut in, lifting his hand in front of his face as if to shield himself from Thor's words, “I don't want to hear where this is going...”
“Ha! Loki, you are a jokester!” Thor said, laughing and lightly shaking Loki's leg,“I am speaking of the art of massage! I have never massaged the feet of another man, but your feet,” and here Thor began to lift one of Loki's bare feet off the footstool and inspect it, turning it this way and that, “ they are quite delicate. Even attractive. It would not offend my sensibilities to bestow this favor on you. Please? I promise you will like it.”
At first the prospect of having his feet manhandled by Thor seemed nothing less than nightmarish. But then, he had never had a foot rub before and Thor didn't usually boast about abilities he was not confident he possessed. And finally, Loki considered how delicious the spectacle of watching Asgard's heir apparent rubbing his feet like a servant would be and decided it was something he really oughtn't pass up. And anyway, saying no would probably cause Thor to mope.
“Oh, all right Thor,” Loki answered with the tone of a generous master, “if you really must. Go ahead.”
Thor was beaming as he came to a kneeling position and took his brother's feet in his hands, hopeful that this would be the pleasure that would finally help him attain the goal of hearing his brother purr. He hadn't counted on tonight's conquest being so difficult, and he had almost come to the end of his rope, Volstagg's words echoing in his mind as he worried that they might be true: that it was he, Thor, his physical presence, that kept Loki from being truly happy. He had thought of everything his friends had mentioned that made Loki happy-books, he was surrounded by already, and then Thor had provided a fire, a footstool, even offered Loki his favorite refreshments, and Loki had only seemed more perturbed after every failed attempt. Maybe if he gave Loki a new pleasure it would finally win him over. This was Thor's last chance, and he engaged himself with more care than he would apply to the feet of even the prettiest court maidens.
Loki found the first few moments as awkward as he had feared they would be. The intensity of Thor's expression alone would be enough to make anyone laugh, so Loki had to hide his face behind his book. Beyond that, Thor's rough hands squeezed his feet in ways that were somewhat painful and his more tender ministrations were disturbingly sensual. Eventually, though, Loki managed to relax into it and found that it was quite enjoyable. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before; pleasant and almost mesmerizing at the same time. A few times he felt his leg twitching involuntarily, and peeked over the edge to see if Thor had noticed-he hadn't. As it went on, the experience was so blissful, in fact, that he soon found it impossible to read the words in front of his face. He soon was completely bewitched: every movement of his brother's hands, everywhere he pressed, pulled, and squeezed was felt by Loki through every part of his body, up his spine and tingling the back of his scalp. His eyelids felt heavy, his breathing started to become heavy and rhythmic, his muscles relaxed and he fell into a deep, soothing, emptiness. Then, as usually happened to him in times of overwhelming contentment, he felt a familiar vibrating warmth building up in his chest as he began to-
No! Not now, not here, not in front of him, Loki thought, as he opened his eyes and sat up in an instant. That had been close.
“What? Did I hurt you!” Thor asked in a high, concerned voice.
“What? No.” Loki answered, flustered as he slammed the book closed in his lap and dropped on the ground, “I'm just-I'm done with all this.” Loki pulled his feet away from Thor and pushed the stool away from him so that he could put his boots on.
Thor, not moving, even still holding his empty hands in the air where Loki's feet had been, shouted plaintively, “What did I do?”
“Nothing, it's just,” Loki sighed, and bent over to whisper to him, “It's shameful! You on the floor like some kind of slave. It's a disgrace to your position. What if someone should see you-”
“I will decide what is a disgrace to my position!” Thor said heatedly, but realized it was no use. He had failed again, and again also what had meant to please Loki had only made him more upset.
Loki rose from the couch and replaced his book on the shelf.
“Where are you going?” Thor demanded.
“To bed. It is late. Good night Thor. Thank you for the fire, and the pleasant company, and... everything else...” Loki said, and saw that his brother looked more miserable than ever. He hated leaving him like this, but really did not even want to imagine what he would be subjected to next if he stayed. Thor said nothing and Loki left to retire to his rooms, almost three hours earlier than he usually did.
Left alone to stare into the flames, Thor's thoughts fell into misery and self-deprecation. It was clear to him now that Loki hated him, pure and simple. And what was worse, it seemed he felt obliged to tolerate Thor as best he could, without any appreciation for his efforts. And that was why Thor hadn't understood until now. Loki could never be happy around Thor, like he could around everyone else, purring away without a care in the world. And why? Was it because he was so stupid and cruel, so simple and dull? Of course. Thor thought of all the fights and disagreements him and Loki had ever had since childhood, and now it seemed to him that every one of them had been his fault entirely.
His head filled itself with vivid memories of holding Loki down and punching him, breaking his things, and calling him vicious names in front of Thor's friends while Loki played or read by himself. As he became overwhelmed with grief for his brother's lost love, he lay his head down onto the footstool and gave himself over to weeping.