Chapter Text
The Tower mod shop was a concrete building just outside the hanger. It had heavy tables, several furnaces, boxes and boxes of tools, torches for cutting and welding, and lockers filled with parts and materials. One corner was occupied by a bookcase loaded with books and magazines put out by SUROS, OMOLON, and the other weapon manufacturers, filled with blueprints and modding ideas for their various weapon types.
A few other Guardians were there, bent over their projects, their ghosts watching closely. It smelled of hot metal and oil. Jayesh found it pleasant and exciting. He hadn't had much opportunity to mod weapons, although he avidly consumed each new magazine when it arrived.
He secured a work table and laid Rose on it, then went to the supply lockers. He hunted a spool of Lightweave and carried it to the table.
Phoenix appeared at his shoulder, his red and yellow shell a flash of color. "Need help?"
"All the advice you can give," Jayesh said. "I've seen Lightweave applied to a rifle, but not a hand cannon."
A nearby Guardian looked up - a burly Titan with red hair and a mechanical leg. "Hey, Jayesh. You looking to do a Light Reactor mod?"
"Hey, Claney," Jayesh replied. He'd worked with Claney Beamard before, and found the Titan's sheer size slightly intimidating. "Not exactly Light Reactor - I don't want this weapon to charge other weapons. I want to channel my Light through this one."
Claney walked over and picked up Rose, turning it over. "I see why it needs mods. This thing's dead."
Jayesh nodded. It was an odd thing to describe, the sense of a dead weapon. But some guns had been handled so much by their Guardians, had been so modified and had so much Light poured into them, that they fairly leaped to life in one's hands. Sometimes they almost seemed to develop different personalities that varied with the type of ammunition used. Guardians called this phenomenon 'perks', and weapons with good perks were highly sought after.
Rose had nothing. No perks. No Light. Banshee had been correct in his assessment that Rose needed mods. It was the only way to start building its personality back into something useful to a Guardian.
Claney went to his table and returned with the auto rifle he'd been working on. "Adding a hip-fire grip to this guy. Good ol' Fabian Strategy, had it for years. Good perks. Here."
He handed it to Jayesh, who immediately felt the difference. The rifle hummed with invisible energy. Maybe that had been what made Thorn so terrifying - its perks had been powerful and bent toward evil. He was glad he hadn't taken the time to find out what they had been.
Jayesh examined the Fabian Strategy rifle. Faint threads of Lightweave and other metals had been worked into the grip, around the magazine, and all the way down the barrel. "How would you do this for a hand cannon?"
Claney began turning Rose over, pointing here and there, explaining the way Light would flow through the weapon, enhancing the firing mechanism, adding extra punch to each bullet. Jayesh listened carefully, retrieved some paper, and began sketching ideas of where the Lightweave ought to go. Their ghosts looked on, sometimes offering suggestions.
By the end of the day, Jayesh had welded the Lightweave wire around the grip, under the cylinder, and down the barrel in a root-like design. It wasn't pretty, but now Rose felt a little more receptive to his hand. When he took it to the Tower's firing range, it seemed to respond a little faster after a few rounds. Definitely a start.
"Meet back here tomorrow?" Claney said. "We could try a few more things."
"I'm off on a mission tomorrow," Jayesh said.
"Right," Claney said. "And I've got a strike the day after. See you when I see you, then."
The Guardians parted ways. Jayesh had Phoenix store Rose away, and walked home in the chilly autumn dusk. Every window was loaded with candles for the upcoming Festival of the Lost, the holiday to honor dead family members and teammates.
Kari always lit candles for Rem, as well as other friends she had lost. But only Rem got the giant five-pound candle that burned for days and days. Jayesh lit candles for the brother he barely remembered, who had been the cause of his first death. He also lit them for the woman he couldn't save from being Taken, and from the people doomed to die in the Dreaming City time loop over and over. He also lit one for their teammate Madrid, who was serving time and might never be freed from his sentence.
But none of them haunted him the way Rem haunted Kari.
It gave Jayesh a sad, lost feeling. He couldn't be jealous of a dead man, and Kari was careful never to compare him unfavorably with her first husband. It was more like being left out, of never having the chance to meet this man Kari thought was so wonderful. She would go months without mentioning Rem - and then along came a holiday like Festival of the Lost, bringing back the memories.
Jayesh never mentioned who his candles were for. As he walked, he ran each person through his head and mentally looked at Rose. The weapon's mods seemed so inadequate compared to the immensity of grief and loss its previous version had brought about. During the Festival, there was an entire shrine dedicated to victims of Thorn. It had two hundred and sixteen candles.
Rose had to be the antithesis of that, somehow. A symbol of protection and hope. Tomorrow, he'd use it in service of his fireteam, to support and protect them. Maybe some of his intent would work its way into the gun's makeup through his Light.
As he pondered this, he noticed two familiar figures at the Tower railing, gazing across the City as all its lights came on. He grinned and walked up to join them at the rail. "Hey guys."
"Hey, Jayesh," said Nell. She was a hunter, shorter than him, with fair skin and jet black hair. She'd been part of Jayesh's fireteam since their first foray into the Reef - spunky, daring, and deadly with knives.
Beside her stood Grant-4, Exo Titan, who stood well over six feet tall, even out of armor. He wore casual clothes, jeans and a jacket. The only thing that gave him away as an Exo were his glowing orange eyes and black metal head. He was a more recent addition to their team, mostly so Nell could stop being so terrified of him. It must have worked, because they'd been an item for the past two years.
"Ready for tomorrow?" Jayesh asked.
"Yep," Nell said, folding her arms tightly. "Man, this wind is cold. Ganymede better be warm, because I'm sick of the cold already."
"Allow me," Grant said. He slipped off his jacket and draped it around Nell's shoulders. She smiled up at him gratefully and put her arms through the jacket arms. Her hands didn't come within shouting distance of the ends of the sleeves, but it looked warm.
"Won't you be cold?" Nell asked Grant, who now stood there in a faded t-shirt with a Crucible logo on it.
"I don't mind cold the way you do, Firefly," he replied. "I think this breeze feels good." He turned his orange eyes on Jayesh. "To answer your question, yes, we are prepared. We've been choosing our weapons with care. I will run an auto rifle and an SMG for mid to long range field coverage. Nell will run her customary knives and a pulse rifle for near to mid range engagement. What will you run?"
Jayesh had his ghost transmat Rose into his hands. "I've been working on this hand cannon, trying to work some decent perks into it." He handed it to Nell, who fished her hands through the huge jacket in order to take it.
"Wow," she said, holding it up and peering down the sights. "This thing is garbage. Why don't you run Sturm? That's a decent hand cannon."
Jayesh glanced around to make sure no other Guardians were within earshot. "Can you keep this on the down-low?"
Nell and Grant nodded, focusing on him with sudden interest.
Jayesh told them about Shin Malphur gifting him the original Thorn in all its dubious glory. He described how he had burned off the bone mods with his Light, omitting how it had seized control of Kari. "So now, I'm trying to rebuild it into a weapon that fights for the Light. I just have to use it in the field for it to pick that up."
Nell studied Rose with new respect, then passed it to Grant, who examined it closely.
"What a fearsomely difficult project," Grant remarked. "Wresting an instrument of Darkness away from the Darkness, itself. I'll be interested to see how you move forward with such a goal. I have been studying weapon modding, myself, but it is a vast topic."
They fell to discussing various famous weapons, with their mods and perks. The twilight faded around them and the Tower lights came on. The wind beat into their faces. Jayesh's ears began to ache with cold. Nell began to shiver, even inside Grant's jacket.
In his head, Phoenix said, "Message from Kari. Dinner's ready."
"Tell her I'll be there in a few minutes," Jayesh thought.
Aloud, he said, "Well, I'll see you two later. We'll talk more on the mission tomorrow."
"Right," Nell said through chattering teeth. "I gotta get inside and drink some tea or something."
"I'll take care of you, Firefly," Grant assured her, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Come along, it'll be much warmer indoors."
They parted ways. Jayesh descended the stairs to the apartment level down in the wall and opened his door.
Kari was busy in the kitchen. Connor was climbing from chair to chair around the table, carefully setting each place with a fork, a plate, and a cup. But Neko, Kari's ghost, was following along behind, knocking each item out of place.
"Neko, stop it!" Connor yelled, pushing plates back. "Mom! Make Neko stop!"
"Neko, behave," Kari said without looking up.
Neko gazed defiantly at Connor. "This is how I behave." He spun his shell and flicked a fork off the table.
Connor screamed in rage, lunged across the table, seized Neko in both hands, and bit his shell. Neko shrieked.
Kari whirled around and charged at the table, yanking Neko away from Connor. She smacked them both, sent Neko into phase in disgrace, and hugged Connor.
Jayesh stood beside the door, trying to laugh in silence. But he must have made a sound, because Kari looked up and met his gaze. She began to laugh, too. She beckoned him to the table and kissed him when he arrived.
"What did I walk into?" Jayesh asked.
"Domestic life with small children and bratty ghosts," Kari replied. She turned her head, listening to Neko's protests in her mind, and said aloud, "I'll talk to you about this later."
"Neko hates me," Connor said, retrieving the fork from the floor. "He's always messing up my stuff."
"You two need to find ways to get along," Jayesh said, taking his place at the table. He ruffled Stephanie's hair, where she was sitting in her high chair, eating a carrot without a word. Jayesh added, "You don't fight with Phoenix, do you?"
"Phoenix is nice," Connor said. "He doesn't go around knocking over my toys."
Phoenix appeared beside Jayesh and projected an image of wings and a halo above himself.
"It's going to be very unpleasant around here if you don't get along," Jayesh admonished Connor. "I have to go on a mission tomorrow, so you'll be the man of the house. The man of the house doesn't fight with ghosts."
"Hey!" Neko exclaimed, popping into view. "I'm technically the eldest male in the household!"
Kari glared at him until Neko shrank together and vanished again.
"Point is," Jayesh continued, "you're five now. I need you to look after your mother and sister for me. You're a Guardian, and that's a Guardian's job."
Connor nodded soberly. "I'll be a good Guardian, Dad. I'll just ignore Neko when he's being mean. Are ghosts ever mean to you?"
Jayesh hesitated and glanced at Kari. "Not in the same way. But it happens."
Kari put dinner on the table, then - a steaming chicken casserole with gravy and vegetables topped by crumbled bread and spices. It was the perfect dinner for a cold evening.
That night, after the children were in bed, Kari took Neko aside and gave him a talking to. Jayesh discreetly locked himself in the bathroom until the shouting had died down. When he finally dared peek out, Kari was sitting on the bed with Neko in her hands, gazing into his eye and stroking his shell. She was still speaking in a low, earnest voice.
"And that's why you can't do this. Do you understand?"
"I understand," Neko said, sounding tearful. "I'll be the best ghost you could ask for from now on."
"Good." Kari kissed his eye and let him go. Neko vanished.
She turned to Jayesh with a tired smile. "So. That's dealt with."
Jayesh knew Neko, and he doubted the ghost would ever change, but at least he'd be on his best behavior for now. Jayesh returned her smile, ventured into the bedroom, and stood gazing at her for a long moment.
Kari's purple hair suited her, somehow, brighter at the tips, darker at the roots. It matched the wine-colored pajamas she had on. Her face continually fascinated him - her cheeks were so smooth and curved, yet her eyes had a depth that spoke of her century of life as a Guardian. Her smooth brow could furrow in a frown in combat, and yet her lips were so soft and full. She had fallen for him for some reason he couldn't fathom, married him, birthed his children. As he gazed at her, he found himself gasping a little with a surge of adoration, and a sense of his own unworthiness.
Kari's smile faded. "What's the matter?"
"Oh, uh." Jayesh was suddenly that stammering, uncertain new Guardian he had been on their first mission, trying to appear suave and experienced, then missing his footing and falling headlong into the leaves. "You're beautiful," he blurted.
Her smile returned, playful this time. "Thank you." She patted the bed beside her.
But Jayesh stood there where he could see all of her, the way her pajamas hugged her figure, her bare feet that he knew must be cold.
"Light," he breathed. "Why did you ever marry me?"
She tilted her head to one side in a way he found irresistible. "Because I love you, silly."
"No, I mean ..." He trailed off, the words dying on the way to his mouth. He was an awkward kid and she was the experienced Guardian, so professional and level-headed. He hadn't even seen her face until after their first mission, because they'd had to keep their helmets on. But he wanted to grovel at her feet and worship her.
Kari held out a hand. "You're too far away over there. What's the matter? Freaking out about tomorrow?"
He hadn't given the mission a thought since he'd arrived home. He gulped, took her hand, and let her tug him down beside her. "I was just thinking ... unworthy worm."
Kari laughed. This was their code for when he was overthinking things and running himself down. She smoothed back his spiked hair and ran a hand down his face, which had developed a healthy five o'clock shadow. "You're worthy. You've always been worthy."
"But I ..." he stammered. "But you're amazing, Kari. You keep this place running, and manage the kids, and do meals, and you still put up with me. And I ..." His voice caught. He turned away and put his head in his hands. "And I exposed you to Thorn. All because I was too afraid to go alone."
"Hey." Her arms slipped around him. Her warm cheek pressed against his stubbly one. "No harm done, heartspark. Don't beat yourself up."
He nuzzled her, sliding an arm around her waist. She was so slim compared to him, so graceful and voluptuous. He breathed her in. "Kari ... I love you so much." The words were inadequate for what he was feeling right now.
She gazed into his eyes. Her eyes were brown with a hint of green. She smiled, yet sadness lingered in those eyes, a sadness he couldn't seem to drive away. It wrenched his heart.
"Thinking about Rem?"
Her eyes widened, and she immediately looked down. "How did you know that?"
"I can always tell," Jayesh said, watching her hands in her lap. "The tragedy in your eyes."
Slowly she lifted her eyelashes and gazed at him again. "It's that time of year. The anniversary of his death is coming up. Plus Festival of the Lost. And just ..." She turned her head and stared at nothing, just to break eye contact.
Jayesh looked down, too. They sat side by side, not looking at each other. Along with his awkward, newbie feelings came the sense that Rem had been better than him in every way, that he would never measure up. The fact that Kari still mourned Rem - and all Jayesh ever heard was what a wonderful person he had been - was a strong boost to Jayesh's constant sense of being an imposter.
"Don't," Kari whispered suddenly. "I don't want to sit here like this, not tonight. You're gone in the morning."
He looked up to see the sadness in her eyes again, but this time it was for him - much nearer, more desperate.
"I'm going to miss you so much," she murmured, her arms encircling him again. "Always wondering if you're all right."
"You'll be on dispatch," Jayesh pointed out, taking her in his arms. "You'll be listening in on everything."
"You're taking an untested weapon into combat," she whispered. "And I have to be professional. But tonight ... I'm not professional."
He grinned and kissed her tenderly. "Tonight ... neither am I."