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File: Patient 13 (Ex-PC Gwen Cooper)

Name: Cooper, Gwen E.

Date of Birth: 16 August 1978         Location of Birth: Swansea, Wales, United Kingdom, Earth

Mother: Cooper, Mary L.         Father: Cooper, Geraint A.

Death Date: N/A

Occupation: Police Liaison/Personnel Manager, Torchwood Three

Notes: 

Ex-PC G. Cooper trained at Hendon Police College. Graduated and moved to Cardiff to join the police force. Promoted to PC by March of 2005, partnered with Andy Davidson (see: Andrew Davidson). Quit force in September of 2007 to transfer to Torchwood Three, Cardiff. Briefly in charge of operations of Torchwood Three, Cardiff from January of 2008 to March of 2008. To marry fiancé (see: Rhys Williams) in August of 2008, followed by a two-week leave.

Item 7b:

Therapist notes, collected by Dr Felicity Grant on 21 June 2008.

Notes as follows:

Ex-PC G. Cooper, Sess. 6, 21/06/2008

• Already in a clearer headspace than last sess.
• Already a better sess. than Owens
  • He didn't even show up
• Still struggling to find deeper meaning in what she does
  • Or any meaning
  • Might be another existential crisis ahead
    • Existential crisis coming soon.
    • Maybe sooner than we think.
• Way to fast to jump topics
  • Still not ready to deal with deeper issues
  • Avoidance--trying to cope or not?
    • Not.
    • Definitely not.
    • Work on coping mechanisms
• Finding it easier to talk as if friend
  • Might need more friends
  • Definitely needs more friends
    • Friends outside TW
•  Needs to talk to her fiancé
  • TW coming between her relationship
  • Coming before her relationship?
    • Yes.
  • Is reluctant to possibility of telling Rhys more abt TW
    • Because of Jack or just her own?
      • Jack's rules.
      • Speak to Jack outside.
        • He has Ianto and Ianto has him.
        • Gwen needs Rhys.
  • Needs to find a work-around
    • Worked to create possibility of "talking without talking"
      • Abstract ideas of TW to Rhys when talking
      • To be tested
• Jumping topics again
  • More comfortable with idea of friendly chat than therapy?
    • Yes.
• Wedding anxiety
  • Getting worse with each sess.
  • Still no coping mechanism to deal with that
    
    • Needs to work on all coping mechanisms
  • Suggested a few days break, didn't go over well
• Work on issues with soon-to-be mother-in-law
• Gets awkward when Owen and Rhys mentioned in same sentence
  • ???
• Back to wedding anxiety
  • Manifests in sudden wish to properly learn Welsh?
    • What the hell?
• Still working on refocusing
• Coping mechanisms--work on next sess.!

Item 8a:

Session Seven, conducted by Dr Felicity Grant on 25 June 2008. Recorded medium (see: Grant, F. Record File 248).

Transcript of recording as follows:

(Tape begins.)

Dr Felicity Grant: Dr Grant, Felicity, with Patient 13, Ex-PC Cooper, Gwen. This is our seventh session. How are you today, Gwen?

Ex-PC Gwen Cooper: I'm fine. Do you have to start like that? 

Dr F. Grant: Like what?

G. Cooper:  With... that "Patient 13" bit. It's just so... impersonal, isn't it?

Dr F. Grant: In all fairness, I do follow it with your name.

G. Cooper: Yes, well, that's partly the problem, right? You're presenting me as a patient. Not a person. Not who I am.

Dr F. Grant: It's for the records. Nothing against you or who you are. Just easier to find records.

G. Cooper: Ianto doesn't call us "Cooper, Gwen."

Dr F. Grant: No, I suspect he wouldn't. Otherwise we'd have a much harder--never mind. Let's just focus on you, shall we? How's your day been?

G. Cooper: Good. So far. Managed to somehow get a load of laundry done this morning. Don't know how. But I figured it'd make the day nicer for Rhys, yeah? One less thing for him to worry about.

Dr F. Grant: I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

G. Cooper: He's driving today. Going to London. Doesn't do that much anymore. Usually he sits and... manages. He complains about it loads. Lots of sitting, he says. Course, so is driving, but I think he likes that. Keeps him calm. 

(A short pause, followed by a laugh from G. Cooper.)

G. Cooper: You should see him when we're on a road trip. Either he's ranting away at other drivers or he's singing away to some... oh, I dunno, stupid little ditty. Sometimes he even makes some up for me. My favourite was... um... oh, how did it go? 

(Another short pause, punctuated by the tapping of a heel against the floor.)

G. Cooper: Oh! It was "Cooper the Copper." Can't remember how it sounds, but he sang about me wrangling down a... I think it was a bunch of drunk lions? I dunno. They're always silly. Just for fun.

Dr F. Grant: It sounds nice.

G. Cooper: It is. A bit silly, but they are. Nice. Really.

Dr F. Grant: Do you ever sing for Rhys?

G. Cooper: Oh, god, no. He knows I can't carry a tune. But sometimes I... okay, it's not like I'm good at poetry, or anything. It's just silly, like his songs, you know? Just something for him to laugh at.

Dr F. Grant: You write him poems?

G. Cooper: Sort of. I guess. Yeah.

Dr F. Grant: Care to give an example? 

(A small stretch of silence.)

G. Cooper: I'm not sure... that should go on a recording.

Dr F. Grant: Oh.

G. Cooper: Yeah.

Dr F. Grant: That's alright. I'm sure Rhys enjoys them.

(A longer pause.)

Dr F. Grant: So. The wedding.

G. Cooper: Oh, god.

Dr F. Grant: That doesn't sound very encouraging.

G. Cooper: No, no, it's... fine. I'm just a little stuck on the kind of flowers. And they were needed by, oh, yesterday...

Dr F. Grant: What are your options?

G. Cooper: I don't even know. It's a stupid decision. Silly. So small. Could make it in seconds.

Dr F. Grant: But you haven't.

G. Cooper: Exactly.

Dr F. Grant: Maybe you should call your friends? Your bridesmaids? See what they think?

G. Cooper: I... um. Maybe, yeah. Maybe.

Dr F. Grant: When was the last time you talked to them?

G. Cooper: When... I got their dresses.

Dr F. Grant: Why don't you ask them about it? They might have good tastes.

(A sudden burst of laughter from G. Cooper, quickly followed by a throat-clearing noise from G. Cooper.)

G. Cooper: Um. Right. Maybe.

Dr F. Grant: It'd be good to talk to someone outside of Torchwood.

G. Cooper: Someone normal, you mean.

Dr F. Grant: No, just someone who doesn't live or work with you. It can be a bit isolating, to only talk to the same five people.

G. Cooper: Six. I'm talking to you, too.

Dr F. Grant: Yes. That's true.

(Silence, broken only by faint sounds of fast writing.)

G. Cooper: What are you putting down?

Dr F. Grant: Nothing to worry about. These are just notes for me.

G. Cooper: But they go in my file.

Dr F. Grant: Yes, for me to review. Don't worry. It's all to help you. 

G. Cooper: Alright. I guess.

(A pause.)

Dr F. Grant: So, Gwen. How's it been, at home? You sound pretty happy with Rhys.

G. Cooper: It's good. Yeah. Good.

Dr F. Grant: And... has it been easier to talk to Rhys? 

G. Cooper: About Torchwood?

Dr F. Grant: Torchwood, or anything else.

G. Cooper: We... still don't talk about that. It's not easy, you know. He's convinced I'm going to die any day. And I could. Just look at Owen.

Dr F. Grant: Mmm.

G. Cooper: But... I think he's also convinced that I'm going to go nuts, or something. Lose it.

Dr F. Grant: Why do you think that?

G. Cooper: Well. It was just something he said, the other night.

Dr F. Grant: What was that?

G. Cooper: He just asked me, "What's the end of this? How am I even sure half the stuff you say is real?" or something like that. And... he knows I'm not making it up. He knows I wouldn't do that to him. I mean... I've lied by... omission... But never a full out lie, no. Never. Not to Rhys.

Dr F. Grant: So, you're saying he thinks that someday, you won't be able to tell the difference between reality and fiction?

G. Cooper: Yeah.

(A pause, filled with a long, shaky inhale, and a slow exhale.)

G. Cooper: And what if he's right?

Dr F. Grant: You think you're losing your grip on reality?

G. Cooper: No. Yes. No. I dunno. Maybe.

(Pregnant pause.)

Dr F. Grant: Care to elaborate?

G. Cooper: Well, it's... It's like that dumb U2 song. Rhys likes those--listens to them all the time. Don't know why. But he likes them.

Dr F. Grant: Sorry, which song?

G. Cooper: Oh... the, um... I dunno. But it goes something like: "The more you see, the less you know." Don't ask me how I remember that; I just do. 

(Creaking of a shifting chair.)

G. Cooper: But it's been on my mind, since he said that. I mean, how am I really sure all of this is real? 'Cause it just feels like... the more I learn about everything that's out there, the less sure I am about everything. Like, I knew everything before I had this job. I knew what was up and what was down, I knew my lefts and my rights, and "adipose" was literally body tissue for fat. But now... it's like, every time I swear that this is my left hand, someone comes up and tells me that it's wrong. That my left is actually my right. Nothing is certain anymore. How do I know what's real, out of everything in the universe?

(Yet another pause.)

Dr F. Grant: So, it's not so much feeling as if things aren't real, it's just... comprehending the enormity of the universe? You're afraid of not being able to understand the things that aren't there, and how it conflicts with your ideas of what is there.

G. Cooper: I suppose.

Dr F. Grant: What do you do when those feelings are too overwhelming?

G. Cooper: I... don't know. It's only really been on my mind since Rhys said that. 

Dr F. Grant: And has it gotten overwhelming since then?

G. Cooper: Maybe. A little.

Dr F. Grant: What do you do when that happens?

G. Cooper: I just... well, the last time it happened, I had to go take down a Weevil...

Dr F. Grant: Did it help?

G. Cooper: Well, I was mostly focused on not dying, so, yeah. I'd say so.

Dr F. Grant: Would you say it was the exercise or being in the present that helped?

G. Cooper: What?

Dr F. Grant: Exercise is a great way to relieve anxieties. So is being focused on being in the present. Like practising mindfulness.

G. Cooper: Oh.

Dr F. Grant: You could try that next time. It might help.

G. Cooper: So, you're saying I should go fight a Weevil every time I freak out over the enormity of the things that I don't know?

Dr F. Grant: No, I'm saying you could exercise. Go for a run. Do some push-ups. Pull-ups. Chin-ups. Sit-ups... there are a lot more "ups" in workouts than there needs to be.

G. Cooper: Yeah, what's with that?

Dr F. Grant: Not a clue.

(A short pause.)

Dr F. Grant: Anyway. You could get some exercise, or you could work on mindfulness.

G. Cooper: What's that?

Dr F. Grant: The bare bones of it is being in the present. Having no judgement on your thoughts. Accepting what's happening as what's happening.

G. Cooper: That sounds ridiculous.

Dr F. Grant: Maybe a little. But it works for some people. It could work for you.

G. Cooper: How do I do it, then?

Dr F. Grant: Alright, well. Picture a river.

(Sounds coming from a person shifting in their chair.)

G. Cooper: Wait, now?

Dr F. Grant: Well, yes. I'm trying to teach you so you can do it later.

G. Cooper: Oh. Right. Of course. I knew that.

Dr F. Grant: Okay, so picture a river. It starts as one big stream, then splits off into two branches.

G. Cooper: Does it matter that it looks like the Ta--

Dr F. Grant: No. Looks aren't important. It's a river and it splits into two. That's it.

G. Cooper: Oh. Okay.

Dr F. Grant: Each thought you have is a leaf, or stick, or what-have-you. They're floating down the river. See them? 

G. Cooper: I... guess.

Dr F. Grant: Now. For now, each thought will be going down one branch of the stream. That's the stream that cycles back through your head. You're watching your thoughts go through your mind, and maybe they'll cycle. Some might disappear into the riverbank for now, but that's not what matters. You're watching the thoughts you can still see.

G. Cooper: Okay...

Dr F. Grant: Someday, you might be able to switch your thoughts to the other branch of the stream. That's the stream that leads out of your head. You'll be able to pick and choose which thoughts you can send down that branch, and which ones you have cycle back. But, for now, just keep watching them cycle through.

G. Cooper: Oh.

Dr F. Grant: That's one exercise in mindfulness. 

G. Cooper: Any less weird ones?

Dr F. Grant: Why don't you try that one for now and see if it works before we introduce anything else, alright?

G. Cooper: Fine. But I like the exercise idea better. I could spar with Janet.

Dr F. Grant: I'm not sure that's entirely wise.

G. Cooper: No, I don't suppose it is.

(Sounds of a writing pencil against paper.)

Dr F. Grant: If I might, I'd like to bring the topic back to Rhys and the wedding.

G. Cooper: Oh, god. Really?

Dr F. Grant: It's causing you stress. We should probably talk about it.

G. Cooper: Oh... fine. The wedding.

Dr F. Grant: You already said the flowers were causing you grief. Hopefully your friends might help with that, if you decide to ask for their help.

G. Cooper: And you encourage that.

Dr F. Grant: I do. But you also seem to have this general sort of... unease about the wedding. You're very tense about it every time I bring it up, and I don't think it's just the planning that's getting to you. Is there anything else that is bothering you about it?

G. Cooper: Are you asking me if I have cold feet?

Dr F. Grant: No, not necessarily. You seem perfectly happy to be with Rhys for the rest of your life. I don't doubt that. What I do doubt, however, is your keenness on being married to him. What about the actual wedding makes you so worried?

G. Cooper: It just...

(A short sigh.) 

G. Cooper: It makes me feel... dishonest.

Dr F. Grant: Why's that?

G. Cooper: Because it's all about love and commitment.

Dr F. Grant: But you are in love and you are committed.

G. Cooper: Well, yes. But.

Dr F. Grant: You slept with someone.

G. Cooper: Owen.

(The sounds of more writing.) 

G. Cooper: You don't seem surprised.

Dr F. Grant: Honestly, with your mess of a workplace, I'm actually more surprised this doesn't happen more often with you lot.

(A short burst of laughter from G. Cooper, quickly cut short. Another sigh follows.)

G. Cooper: Sorry. 

Dr F. Grant: It's fine.

G. Cooper: But now you know why I feel so badly about it.

Dr F. Grant: Yes, I can see why that would make you uneasy.

G. Cooper: It's a shit thing. I wish I could go back and change it.

Dr F. Grant: But you can't. The nature of linear time.

G. Cooper: Yeah. You'd think we'd find a way to change that, here at Torchwood. But we haven't. I have to live with this. Live with what I did to Rhys. There's no forgiving this. So, can we just move on?

Dr F. Grant: I don't know if--

G. Cooper: I know. Avoidance is bad, or whatever. But I really just don't want to talk about it. I'd rather it went forgotten.

Dr F. Grant: Alright.

G. Cooper: Thanks.

(A long silence.)

Dr F. Grant: So. How's work been going for you?

G. Cooper: Oh, rubbish. I've got loads of paperwork that I've been putting aside. Ianto keeps complaining about it, but I haven't got much of a choice. The Rift isn't being very forgiving recently. We're in and out almost constantly now, with little time to do much else. I get four hours of sleep most nights. I function on seven, minimum. It's going crazy.

Dr F. Grant: Do you know when it'll let up?

G. Cooper: Knowing my luck, probably the night before the wedding. And then something terrible will probably happen the day of, and either I'll have to cancel the wedding, or it'll get stopped, or something else equally as disastrous.

Dr F. Grant: Fine bit of pessimism you've got there.

G. Cooper: Oh, no, love, that's realism. Pessimism is saying that it'll downpour and make the photo shoot more than a bit shit. This is just... knowing the Rift. Knowing Torchwood. Something always happens right when you least need it.

Dr F. Grant: You sound tired. 

G. Cooper: I bloody am. I'm so tired. Like I said, four hours a night. And tonight Rhys might still be gone.

Dr F. Grant: Will that make things worse?

G. Cooper: Probably. It's a lot nicer to sleep with him than without. He's a lump, my Rhys, but he's a good, comfortable lump.

Dr F. Grant: And that's good?

G. Cooper: Oh, yes. Very good. He's my lump.

Dr F. Grant: I see.

G. Cooper: Are you seeing anyone?

Dr F. Grant: This isn't about me.

G. Cooper: No, I know. But we always talk about me. We never talk about you.

Dr F. Grant: That's how it's supposed to go. It's therapy, Gwen. It's about you.

G. Cooper: Yeah, well. It just feels too. I dunno. Stilted. Not like a real conversation. It's a lot harder to do therapy than to do a conversation.

Dr F. Grant: I suppose it is.

G. Cooper: A lot harder topics, too. I wouldn't talk about half of this stuff with the girls.

Dr F. Grant: That's the point. So you don't have to dump on your friends. Though I'm still recommending that you talk to them. Friends do make life a lot easier. 

G. Cooper: I guess. But if I really wanted to talk, I'd just talk to Ianto or Tosh. They understand. It's harder to talk to people outside of Torchwood. Most of my life is spent here. The other bit is with Rhys. I don't have much that my other friends can relate to. Not unless you mean shoes, or clothes, or handbags. And that stuff gets boring after the first fifteen minutes, you know? How much can someone talk about the same pair of heels? It exhausts itself after a few minutes. And then I have nothing to say.

Dr F. Grant: I suppose it can be a little hard to connect to people when you've got a lot of secrets on your hand.

G. Cooper: Is that what life's like for you? You hear all these shit things and then you can't do anything about it?

Dr F. Grant: No, not necessarily. Though there are some similarities. There's some things I hear that I wish I could mention to someone else, because just hearing about it makes me feel cold and lonely. But I've got an confidentiality to mind, and that other people just can't hear about the stuff UNIT--and now Torchwood--gets into.

G. Cooper: So, you get it.

Dr F. Grant: Somewhat, yes.

G. Cooper: It's shit.

Dr F. Grant: ...somewhat, yes.

G. Cooper: Yeah.

(A pause intermittently broken by fast writing noises.)

Dr F. Grant: Also, I'd like to talk about your future moth--

G. Cooper: Jesus Christ. Do we have to?

(A slight chuckle from Dr F. Grant.)

Dr F. Grant: No, but I think it would be best if you did sort out your issues with Brenda Williams before you marry her son.

G. Cooper: Oh, don't say it like that. It makes it sound like I'm stealing him from her. Which is exactly what she thinks, by the way, and it's not the case. Rhys is his own person. He can make his own choices.

Dr F. Grant: Yes, he can. 

G. Cooper: And if she doesn't agree with those choices, that's her problem.

Dr F. Grant: I'd agree wholeheartedly. 

G. Cooper: Thank you. Wait, are you saying that because you're the therapist, or because you actually agree with me?

Dr F. Grant: Does it matter?

G. Cooper: Well, yes. I'm going to be a bit pissed off if you actually think Rhys is, by default, a better person than I am, and therefore deserves better than me. What sort of bullshit is that, anyway? No person is automatically better than another. I didn't settle for Rhys. Rhys didn't settle for me. It's bullshit, that's all!

Dr F. Grant: ...I take it there's no reconciling with Brenda Williams in your future, then.

G. Cooper: Not a chance. I mean, good for you for trying, but there's no way. Noooo way. Not with Brenda. Not today.

Dr F. Grant: Alright, then, I won't bother. 

(More writing noises. More shifting of chairs.)

Dr F. Grant: Is there anything else you'd like to address today?

G. Cooper: No, not really.

Dr F. Grant: Okay, then. I think that's as good a place as any to end this session.

G. Cooper: Oh, alright. Bye, then.

Dr F. Grant: Bye, Gwen. See you next time.

(Creaking of chair once more, followed by decrescendoing clicks of boot heels.)

Dr F. Grant: End of session seven with Patient 13, Ex-PC Gwen Cooper.

(Tape ends.)