Chapter Text
Colonello has seen a lot in his time and has been through even more, but he can safely say that he wasn't prepared for Sawada Nana and her sharp smiles. It took a lot of time to convince Viper into crafting him an illusion that would allow him to look like himself again (and it wasn't until he gave them a hefty amount of blackmail material on Fon that they finally agreed) and he knows from experience that Viper's illusions are the best. They aren't called the Strongest Illusionist for nothing. But not even five minutes into meeting Sawada Nana, who was meant to be nothing but a civilian -bull fucking shit-, the woman saw straight through his illusion but made no effort into calling him out on it and just smiled at him.
And if Sawada Nana was terrifying then Colonello was not prepared for the woman's friends.
Helena Matsumoto was covered in ink and looked at him as though she could see right into his soul (he wouldn't be surprised if she could) and her fiancee was just as terrifying, although Mana was far better at concealing it. Then there was Miura Asa. Colonello really did not trust her smiles, luckily she leaves as soon she appears. Dropping off her daughter, who Colonello knew was gonna be a menace when she's older.
(He is right. But at least Miura Haru isn't his problem and it gives him vicious satisfaction to know that she is now Vongola's problem.)
"Colonello-kun, would you prefer tea or coffee?"
If Colonello were anyone else he would have jumped at Nana's voice but instead he just squeaks out a quick, "Coffee please", and shrivels a little inside when Helena snorts. He really does not want Lal to meet anyone of these women because he just knows they would all get along like a house on damn fire.
(They do meet years later and Colonello isn't afraid to admit that he cries)
Helena leans forward in her chair, eyes narrowed as she looks him up and down.
"I heard that the Arcobaleno curse was bad but I did not expect it to reek of magic."
This time Colonello does jump in his seat and turns his head sharply to her and then to a humming Nana in her kitchen.
"Sawada is clearly a stupid man and you are obviously not a civilian."
Helena snorts again and Nana just smiles but it is Mana that answers.
"He is stupid but you aren't." She cocks her head at him. "You didn't react to Helena saying magic."
This time Colonello snorts as he rubs his temples, already feeling a headache brewing.
"I've seen some every now and again." Then he groans and lets Viper's illusion drop from his form. The feet that were touching the carpet disappear and his tiny legs come to rest on the edge of the now massive chair. He grins at them wryly. "I've fought in a lot of wars and in more than one there has been someone with something I can't explain."
Nana brings him his coffee and he smiles at her gratefully. She sits down next to him and stares at him for an unnerving amount of time before saying to Helena.
"What do you think? Do you think you can break it?"
Colonello almost forgets how to breathe as Helena stares at the pacifier intensely.
"Don't think so. Not now at least."
Nana sighs but then fixes him with a hard look and Colonello swears he just saw his life flash before his eyes.
"Now why is the Rain Arcobaleno in my house? And please do not lie. I have had enough of liars."
Colonello groans again and swears under his breathe.
"A colleague asked me to check up on Sawada's family. She found out about you and your son, and wasn't very happy." He laughs dryly. "Your husband might come knocking soon."
And if Colonello was terrified of her before then now he knows that he will have nightmares about this day in the near future.
"Is he now?" Nana sips from her tea with her eyes narrowed and her cat leaps onto her lap, gaze fixed onto Falco.
Mana sighs and stares at Helena, who has her lips pressed into a firm line.
"Did you know Colonello-kun that Tsu-kun used to have what I believe are called Sky flames?"
Colonello's gaze fixes upon hers sharply and feels a familiar dread creeping in his chest.
"And that his magic was fire based?"
Colonello smartly does not say a single word and takes a careful sip of his coffee, gaze firmly upon Nana.
"And did you know that my husband," Nana sneers that word with an expression that looks so very odd on her face, "and his boss sealed his flames and by extension his magic?"
Colonello exhales sharply, recalling all too well Reborn's anger all those years ago after meeting Dino.
("They sealed his flames. He was barely functional before I broke it. He struggled speaking and reading. And don't even get me started on his co-ordination. They were lucky I managed to break it before the seal fully took root. But I don't think the clumsiness will truly ever go.")
"Is he fine?"
Nana's expression softens a little but her eyes are still full of a soft fury that fills Colonello with dread.
"Yes. He won't be able to use sky flames again nor will he be able to use fire the same way. But his magic is still there."
Colonello gulps down his coffee in one swift movement.
"I'll tell Lal that Iemitsu doesn't need to come."
Nana turns to him with an arched eyebrow and he shrugs at her.
"I haven't been able to secure a job since this happened. I'm sure you can protect yourself but for the purpose of Sawada's stupidity and more importantly to ease Lal, I'll stay and play bodyguard."
Nana smiles at him and it finally reaches her eyes.
"Thank you Colonello-kun."
Helena and Mana share another look and then Helena sighs, fingers tangling in her hair.
"Do you reckon I can take a closer look at that thing? It's honestly bugging me alot."
Colonello grins in return.
"Fucking please."
Tsuna still has his bad days and when Colonello witnesses his first one he vows to murder Iemitsu or just tell Lal and let her deal with it.
"Tsu-kun, its alright. Mama is right here."
Colonello stares at the kid with his hands clenched as Tsuna cries, clouds of dense ash dripping from his eyes and bright embers burning at his feet. He swears he sees something bright flicker in his eyes before it is snuffed out and Colonello vows again that he is going to murder Iemitsu, consequences be fucking damned. An eyebrow arches in interest as Tsuna's form flickers and then he disappears into a cloud of dark smoke, ash circling around him in a violent dance.
"Oh dear. That's new." Nana frowns as he disappears from her fingers and she matches Colonello's look of confusion. "Colonello-kun could you please ring Asa-chan for me? I am not sure what happened."
He is surprised that she isn't panicking more at the moment but Colonello supposes they can still hear Tsuna after all. He is sobbing incoherently and sometimes Colonello can hear a wailing 'mama' in the room so everything is probably ok. Colonello's definition of 'ok' is very different to most people, being around people who kill others for a living will warp a lot of things. (Reborn was a disaster. Colonello can never quite forget the -no matter how much he wants to- time when he came back to the house after a particularly long mission for COMSUBIN and Reborn was at the sink trying to get blood of his white shirt. Colonello never wants to know what Reborn did to make his entire shirt drenched in blood)
"Tsu-kun, mama is gonna help you but you need to breath."
The phone rings once, twice and on the third a distinctly familiar voice answers.
"Miura Asa speaking."
"Hello Miura-san, its Colonello."
"Oh. Colonello-kun - wait Haru, stop. Don't touch that it's cursed."
Colonello just stares blankly into space, he forgets sometimes that he's now in a world where he knows people with actual magic and apparently people just have cursed objects lying about in their homes. He really shouldn't judge, after all his pacifier is a disaster and Helena is driving herself to near hysteria trying to break his bloody curse.
"Sorry about that. My husband brought something back from his travels that was cursed and we haven't had the time to ask Helena about it yet. How can I help?"
'Mama' wails from behind him and Colonello looks back just in time to see the cloud that is Tsuna crackle with what sounds suspiciously like a volcano and sparks of glowing embers drift around him and Nana just gesturing at Colonello to pass her the phone.
"Uhh. Tsuna turned into smoke and looks like he might erupt, I guess?"
He hears Asa snort in disbelief before he throws the phone to Nana and just sits on the armchair, hands covering his face. Reborn would love this chaos and Colonello is slightly terrified but very intrigued into seeing what would happen if he ever came to Namimori.
Tsuna does end up erupting and Colonello does not know where he went wrong in life.