Chapter Text
It would have been a rather enjoyable sight for Tony to leave Steve in a loss for words, really, it was in every other situation. But right now he felt more like burying himself in some really, really dark cave when he met the accusing, betrayed glare he shot him instead of speaking. When Steve finally raised his voice, it was low and full of disdain.
“So you are basically telling me you have not only saved a criminal from death but also planned on treating him without your own teammates knowing?”, he asked.
“Loki is...”, Thor began, but the Captain cut him off, almost throwing the chair he had been sitting on over as he stood up.
“...a murderer”, he almost shouted. “Somebody who should be dead by now, by American justice!”
“And there speaks the righteous American”, Tony muttered.
“You, Stark...”
“Oh, back to last names?”
“...can put your useless comments to a place I'm not going to mention right now”, Rogers hissed.
“Whoa, that's quite heavy coming from you, Capsicle”, Tony grinned only to be grabbed by the collar and be lifted off his chair.
“I put it a way even you have to understand it, Stark”, Steve growled. “Shut the fuck up!” That was when patience and a bad conscience finally stepped aside for the lack of sleep and the aggression that came with it.
“I would request to let go off me right now because this is my tower and I will not be ordered around in here”, Stark stated determined. “If I decide to keep Loki here, then I keep Loki here. It is none of your concern, get it? I allow you”, he pushed the Captain away with a hand on his chest, “and the others to stay here, not the other way round. I decide who is here and who is not because this is my fucking place and I am sick of defending myself for everything, whether if I decide to have a party, a casual fuck or, in this case, a guest you don't approve to. If it doesn't suit you, fine, leave!” In the end his voice had raised to a shout.
He straightened his shirt with a casual gesture. It wasn't particularly Loki he was defending right now, it was just his frustration that had grown over months when he had felt more and more as a guest in the place he used to call home and all the tension built up met now the stern glare of the taller man with an anger he hadn't expected to be there.
“See?”, Steve asked. He turned away and began walking up and down in the kitchen, tangling his hair with a hand. “He's not even here and causes us to fight anyway. Wherever this guy goes, chaos follows.”
“This is enough!”, Thor yelled. “Loki has done wrong, I am aware of that. But the way you are speaking of him is inappropriate in every way!”
“You're just proving his point, Thor”, Tony interrupted. “How? How the hell is this my life? Since when do I have to tell my babysitter when I want to have guests, huh?”
“Since you take in murderers as your guests! This is not funny!”
“You know what, Captain Rogers? Do what you want. You can summon SHIELD's forces here if it makes you feel better, but Loki stays and I'm not going to argue about that. You'd yell at me anyway. Fuck it, everything I do is wrong. What should I have done, huh?! Let him bleed out on the floor of my fucking tower? Seriously? If I had done that, you'd have complained too, probably about me being heartless. I can do what I want, I end up doing the wrong thing because Mr-Perfect-Ken-Doll will always find a mistake, always. So just deal with it, I don't care if you're content or not. My decision, remember? Me, grown up? Don't need a babysitter cause I'm older than all of you – and I'm counting the years you actually lived here – and I certainly don't need you to judge if I'm doing fine, thank you very much.”
With that, he turned around and left the kitchen and therefore a rather agitated Steve to Banner and Thor and although it was probably cowardly, he would only have made things worse if he had stayed. It was done better for all if he began to work on a plan that kept director Fury from strangling him in his sleep.
After half an hour he had spent sitting on his bar in the penthouse, barely touching his drink, he heard footsteps approach. He sighed silently and straightened himself. By the steady, determined steps he could easily tell it was the Captain coming for him.
“What's the matter?”, he asked without turning around. “I think I expressed myself pretty clear.”
“Yeah, you did”, came the answer. “And I think you got that I don't approve.”
“Yup. Didn't really hold back telling me that. Actually, I expected to go out of this with a broken nose. To say the least.”
“Whatever. I just wanted to say I'm not going to tell Fury for now and, to be honest, that's more for Thor's sake than for yours. But you don't have to worry about that now. You're an adult, and even if you can be a childish asshole sometimes, I hope you know what's best for you.”
“Well, thanks.” Tony got up from his bar stool, abandoning his drink untouched. “If you have anything else to say, childish asshole is in the workshop. Bye.”
~*~
He spent the rest of the day successfully avoiding any company. It was not like someone would search for him.
When he was sure everyone else was asleep or at least not to run into him any time soon, Tony returned to the penthouse, grabbing the scotch that still stood on the counter and would most likely taste horrible by now. He really couldn't care less.
Slowly he made his way outside to stand at the edge of the platform, looking down at New York. For a brief moment he considered a flight with the suit, but he found he wasn't in the mood at all. Instead, he climbed onto the A left of the STARK-lettering (now standing for Avengers Tower, he would never get used to that), balancing the glass in one hand, until he could let his legs dangle into the air. The height made him slightly dizzy, but he refused to look up.
How easy it would be to end this right now, he thought. At least Fury and the Cap wouldn't have to deal with their problem child any more. Yeah, it would be a lot easier for everyone. Nobody to screw up their missions because he can't follow orders. Sorry for having a free will.
Tony Stark had never been a suicidal person. Sure, he was taking risks when it was necessary, big risks – like flying into a wormhole, for example – but he had never been one to think about killing himself by purpose. Even when things went terribly wrong, even after the breakup with Pepper he had rather buried himself in work or drowned any thought in alcohol, before his fellow Avengers had decided to stop his 'destructive way of living'.
Actually, the engineer had never bothered much when others criticized him. He didn't nowadays, either. But somehow, it stung in a whole other way when your childhood idol told you you were incapable of making own decisions and a childish asshole.
Well, wasn't this just great.