Chapter Text
Reagan came back from her sulking session at the park after she picked up a six-pack of beer. When she checked her wristwatch, it said it was past eleven. For a second, she wondered if Brett and RB01 were asleep or probably the baby was still up and crying. That’s what babies do all the time, right? Sleep, eat, cry, shit, repeat. Brett could handle it, she guessed.
On her third can, Reagan opened the door to the cabin to find Brett scrolling through his phone while the baby was… surprisingly asleep wrapped in a sort of cocoon made of blanket harnessed around Brett’s torso to keep RB01 close.
“Oh, you’re back,” Brett said to her, whispering. If she didn’t know better, Brett was pretending that their argument didn’t happen or he has a switch in his brain that turns him to his cheery mood in a matter of minutes. “Look at what I found on Reddit! The subreddit r/newparents. My post got upvoted fast and the thread is flooded with congratulations. They’re replying with their first-time stories as parents and one said that their kid could sleep through a concert but the moment they put the baby in the crib, the baby wakes up! That’s why I invented this baby sling to make our baby feel like she’s just being held close to her daddy. It’s ergonomic, I can use my hands too.”
Oh, God. When Reagan thought that she had at least calmed down from her pep-talk by talking to herself, she realized that she wasn’t until she noticed that the can of beer in her hand was crumpled.
“Brett, you did not invent the idea of the baby sling. Also, Reddit is filled with a bunch of circlejerks who loses their minds over Gamestop. That’s why we just sold our conspiracy theories to Q Anon in 4chan.” Reagan replied. “What did you tell the people of Reddit exactly? That better not be scooped by Fox News.”
Brett pursed his lips before saying, “Just a selfie of me and the baby.”
“You what?!”
Brett suddenly coiled and chuckled anxiously, “So, I’m not supposed to participate in Single Parents’ Awareness Day?”
Reagan rubbed her temples, “No, you’re not supposed to expose the baby anywhere! Cognito Inc. can still trace you, you dipshit. If they find out about RB01, my dad will probably make my life hell once he knows that I’ve been making my projects behind his back. Also, fuck red tapes and bureaucracy, we never had those before.”
“Woah, okay, okay, I’m gonna delete it—oh hey! Redditor Shrek2Fan said we should name our daughter—”
“Get some rest, Brett. Tomorrow, we’re going to put the baby in my restricted lab with ROBOTUS,” Reagan said tersely as she took her shoes off and hung her lab coat. “And fucking delete that post. I’m sleeping on the couch.”
Brett grinned at her, “Aw, you don’t have to be so chivalrous, Reagan. This bed can fit us all three.”
Reagan scoffed, waving his offer off, and opened another can of beer, “I have suffered all my life with insomnia. The last thing I need is a baby waking me up at midnight.”
Well, jokes on her because RB01 just did what newborn babies are supposed to do.
Being an insomniac meant that Reagan was susceptible to every sound she hears. The moment she heard a faint whine from the bedroom, she was ready to fight anyone. Now wide awake, Reagan groaned as she walked to the bedroom, wake Brett, and tell him to put the baby back to sleep. The bedroom door was slightly ajar and Reagan could see through the opening what the baby was up to.
Brett was already up on his feet with the baby in his arms as she sobbed. He was trying to talk to RB01 in hushed tones but Reagan managed to hear what he said.
“Come on, little one. You need to go to sleep because if you wake Reagan up, she’s gonna kill me,” Brett whispered. “Oh boy, I haven’t renewed my subscription to Kindle Audio, I would have let you listen for some bedtime stories.” Still, any sort of comforting words from Brett didn’t work as RB01 continued to whine, on the brink of letting out the loudest cry and letting the world know she’s got a strong pair of lungs.
Brett suddenly held the baby up and began to sniff the air around. His face scrunched as he smelled the stench of the soiled diaper.
“Oh no, I’m on diaper duty.” Reagan saw Brett rummaging the bedside table and grabbed a diaper. Brett laid the baby down on the bed and scratched his head while RB01 sniveled, her chubby hands flailing at her sides. “Uh… okay, so fun fact, I did a little volunteer babysitting during my frat years. My bros were making this roleplay pretending to be manbabies and I was dressed in a pink maid uniform while I changed their diapers. Changing yours should be a piece of cake.”
Everything she knew about Brett was against her will.
Reagan wasn’t sure if she was going to facepalm herself or slap Brett because who the fuck shares their frat’s weird fetish experience with a newborn baby?
(Maybe Rand did… she will never know and she has no plans to)
Luckily, she didn’t barf on the spot after Brett’s gross misadventures in Yale fraternities. Slumping back against the wall, Reagan wondered why the baby stopped declaring World War with her incessant crying. Perhaps, Brett was successful in changing RB01’s diaper.
And successful he was. Brett beamed at the baby with a newfound pride, “Well, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Carrying RB01 into his arms, Brett went back to bed and reclined himself against the headboard. The baby had quieted down; the diaper was surely the reason for her discomfort. Reagan silently peeked through the small opening again and observed what Brett was going to do to make the baby go back to sleep.
Since you asked for this, we’ll see if you’re going to last another day taking care of that baby, you’ll come bleating at me and send the baby away, Reagan thought haughtily.
Brett was rocking RB01 gently and spoke in a soft tone, “You know little one, I’m not so good at telling stories. My dad never tucked me to bed. Usually, my parents skip my room when it’s time for us to go to bed so I don’t know any bedtime stories.” He paused. “Oh! I should just tell you about my experience at Cognito Inc.! Working there has been the best experience in my whole life and I met the best people, The Gang.”
RB01 fussed and suckled on her tiny fist.
“I wish you’ll get to meet everyone, you’re gonna love them,” Brett whispered excitedly. “There’s Gigi, she’s good at handling media and manipulating people that what they’re watching is harmless. Myc is a magical mushroom, I’m not sure where he came from but he’s colorful and reads your mind. There’s Andre, he does drugs and makes them, but you’re not getting an iota of cocaine until you’re fifteen. There’s Glenn, he’s a half dolphin, half-human, half Republican. He’s adorable… on the inside and an aggressive uncle.”
“As if the kid is going to meet everyone,” Reagan said to herself while rolling her eyes.
“… And then there’s Reagan….” Brett’s voice softened at the mention of her and Reagan wondered what he was going to say about her. Well, why would she care about other people’s opinions about herself? Except if it’s from Human Resources and evaluation time.
“I’ve never met such…” Obnoxious? Anti-social? A person with a superiority complex? Emotionally abused? A woman with so much baggage and trust issues? “…Brilliant and determined person in my life until Reagan.”
Wait, what? Did Brett just… praise her?
“Reagan sometimes just doesn’t know what she’s capable of,” Brett continued. “Yeah, she’s a genius but she lets herself hold back to the emotions she’s warranted to feel.”
Well, that’s some insightful character study on her. Why didn’t Brett ever write that down on evaluations? Having a pessimist mindset, Reagan had just settled to see herself as someone difficult because it was easier to be someone that other people perceive her to be. She heard Brett sigh and continued on his musing, “Little one, Reagan can be tough but I wish you wouldn’t hate her by the time you grow up. She’s… you know, always a hard shell on the outside but if you get to know her, she can be a softie. She didn’t have the perfect childhood role models so she freaked out when we had you instead.”
Yeah, no shit Reagan freaked out. The baby was going to be a liability.
“…Just don’t hate her, okay? Your mom will come to love you.” Brett’s words became slurred and soft snoring filled the otherwise silent bedroom. Reagan stood there for a few minutes and waited for the baby to cry once more but she never did. Opening the door slowly, Reagan saw that Brett and RB01 had both fallen asleep. Brett had laid the baby down beside him while he slumped on the pillow, his mouth slightly agape.
If she was going, to be honest, Brett had done nothing but to be supportive of her. Yes, he did a mistake, classic Brett, but him taking care of the baby was a character development; Brett was holding himself accountable while Reagan was being a bitch. His heart was always in the right place. Blaming someone else wouldn’t help her solve the problem now, besides, she needs to research and observe RB01 and see the effects of the DNA reprogramming in her body. This accidental baby can be her next lifetime project! Rand once said that he edited Reagan’s DNA when she was conceived but this baby could be an improved version and even better than what her dad did. It sounds ethically impractical but editing the baby’s DNA whenever and however she wanted throughout the years with adjustments and tweaks could finally bring humanity their answer of what perfection means.
She just needed to make this covert experiment look natural to her family and colleagues.
And there was one solution that Reagan despised but knew would work.
A week later since the baby was conceived in a literal scientific way, Reagan and Brett managed to sneak the baby into Cognito Inc. by putting RB01 in a metal casing. Employees didn’t have the clearance to inspect what was inside it since Reagan was still a respectable figure in the company so, there was a small chance that they got busted. Brett built a crib out of the spare parts that Reagan had around the restricted lab and even went beyond by ordering a cushion for the baby to sleep on. When it was time to go home, Reagan would put the baby in the chamber where she can program a virtual home to take care of the baby overnight.
Reagan’s observation so far was that RB01 acted like a normal baby, there hadn’t been a strange happenstance nor did the baby do something extraordinary. Brett ordered baby toys on Amazon and when they had their free time from work (though Brett always had free time because he worked on someone’s orders) he played 80s toys and watched 80s children's show with RB01 and ROBOTUS.
(Only Brett was enjoying it)
“When I get access to the Wi-Fi Reagan, your baby is the first thing I’ll eliminate!” ROBOTUS threatened her behind the glass. “This was such a downgrade from my office upstairs, you put me back here in the lab.”
“Oh, hush you, you’re on babysitting duty and if you get to be good then I’ll have you binge-watch another season of Friends, deal?” Reagan proposed. “If you don’t, I’m trading Friends for Barney, the historically inaccurate purple dinosaur. Besides, I need you to observe RB01 if she does anything.”
“Right now, she’s a whiny bitch.”
“Also, can you scan her vitals and see if she’s alright?”
ROBOTUS left eye scanned the baby for a few seconds, “Your kid is fine but when I get out of this, I will not apologize for the AI I will become.”
Reagan sighed, “She’s not my kid. She’s an experiment.”
“Research says that twenty percent of new mothers experience post-partum depression. I get you, Reagan, you’re going through it.”
“No, I am not!” Reagan groaned as she slumped back on her swivel chair. RB01 had just bathed thanks to Brett and was dressed in a Mickey Mouse onesie. The baby was curiously trying to reach the hanging mobile in her crib. “There’s just a lot to take in, okay? I need to fix the machine while I observe the aftereffects on RB01. I’ve got a lot on my plate.”
“And you’ve never told any of your co-workers besides me,” ROBOTUS said. “If there’s one thing that I learned while you kept me here before is that no secret remains a secret forever.”
Reagan knew that the son-of-a-bitch AI was right. Rand changed Cognito Inc’s structure on conducting experiments and creating inventions, all of it had to be approved before any project commenced. It also turned out that the Shadow Board ordered Rand to hold an iron fist among them to ensure that no disasters could ever happen again, making him the tyrant. One time, a regular employee snuck out a drug and was immediately sent to the Shadow Prison. Reagan wasn’t sure what her father would do to her if he finds out about RB01.
The doors slid open and Brett happily skipped into the lab with a box of stuffed toys, “I’m back! I had my mom send me my childhood toys because she wanted to jettison them and, well, my other stuff at the house too, said she doesn’t want me back home. Also, I bought a Lion King DVD. It’s gonna be another movie night!” Brett placed the box down. “So, is the baby hungry yet?”
“She’s preoccupied at the moment,” Reagan replied flatly.
Brett went near the crib and gathered the baby in his arms, “How is my honeybunch, sugar plum, pumpy-umpy-umpkin?”
Reagan covered her ears and groaned.
RB01 hiccupped.
“Reagan, if you can erase that song in my system that has been drilled into my memory because this motherfucker sings whenever he has the chance, I will not try to kill you,” ROBOTUS said.
Angry footsteps were suddenly heard and Reagan turned to see that everyone from The Gang had infiltrated the lab.
“Reagan Ridley! Girl, you have a lot of explaining to do!” Gigi exclaimed.
Reagan’s eyes widened and she shook her head, “I-I don’t know what you guys are talking about!”
“Oh, don’t go denying, Reagan,” Myc said, “A package was sent to the meeting room and when we opened it, it wasn’t the kind of toys Andre and I ordered!”
Reagan could have sworn her neck would break when she whiplashed her head to Brett, “Brett! Did you order another set of baby toys?! I told you don’t set the address in this workplace!”
“So, you admit you’ve been experimenting on babies,” Andre accused. “Sheesh, Reagan, even a retard thinks that’s fucked up.”
“Do you happen to experiment on children who can go to combat?” Glenn interjected, “’Cause if you do, we’re gonna train those snotty brats military-style.”
“No!” Reagan groaned and restrained herself from pulling the hair out of her scalp, “Can’t you fuckers keep it down? Fine, I’m going to explain.” She took a deep breath and said, “Guys, this is my unexpected product from an experiment I’m not so sure if it went wrong or not, RB01.”
There was a collective silence until the sound from the stereo played The Circle of Life. Reagan turned around and saw Brett was lifting the baby just as the monkey was lifting Simba on the screen. Reagan grabbed the remote and turned the TV off while Brett’s shoulders sagged in disappointment.
“You were pregnant?” Andre asked.
“Ha! Bold of you to assume Reagan wants a family,” Myc laughed. “But… hmmm… yeah, why do you suddenly want to be a mother?”
“My goodness, Reagan honey, I bet my Beverly Hills apartment that you edited this kid’s genes to perfection because that baby is gorgeous!” Gigi gushed.
“Wait a minute,” Glenn had his eyes narrowed at Brett and Reagan, “You two had sex?”
“Well, I’d be damned,” ROBOTUS said.
Reagan sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “First of all, no. RB01 was made completely by a machine with the help of Brett and I’s DNA samples. Second, the baby wasn’t supposed to be the desired outcome of my experiment, the machine went haywire. Third, please don’t tell my dad I made this without him knowing.”
The Gang all gasped.
“That seems counterproductive and defeats the purpose of keeping your dirty little secret,” Andre commented. “Why is the baby here?”
“My lab somewhere blew up thanks to Brett.”
“What’s your plan then?” Myc asked.
“Reagan and I would take care of the baby,” for the first time, Brett spoke. He had put the baby back in her crib. “As a way of making amends, I’m helping her with this. I don’t have any experience in fatherhood so that’s why I signed up for some seminars. I’ll be out this weekend, Reag, it’s my first class on ‘How Not to Be an Asshole Father 101’.”
“Uh, we’re not playing house, Brett,” Reagan said. “Fine, whatever, do what you wish. Take the baby with you, I’m gonna have to work on RB01’s neurology assessment while you’re gone.”
Gigi waggled her finger in the air, “Nuh-uh, girl, you ain’t going to work this weekend. Tell me, what’s your goal in this experiment?”
“Observing a baby who’s a product of genetic engineering and see what are its possible side-effects,” Reagan said without skipping a beat.
“If I may offer my input, I have a plan for you, Reagan,” ROBOTUS spoke. “Genetic engineering is not uncharted waters; however, it would appear that only Rand’s and yours had a decent success rate. Now, if you want a viable success, you must do it holistically; physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually.”
They all fell in thoughtful silence.
“Huh, for once I agree with a robot,” Myc said. “The thing is, if that brat of yours is exposed to an environment that completely fucks her up, it’s expected the results would be the child is fucked up too but it gives you a result anyway. The child’s reaction to a certain environment depends. We all know here that you and Brett had a problematic childhood upbringing and the only key is to give the baby a complete opposite of what you both had; a un-fucked up childhood. You have two options on how to do this.”
“What Myc said,” Glenn added. “Hey Brett, if you want training in fatherhood, you can refer to me! The first step is, don’t ever tell your kid you’re going to buy milk at the store because that’s the alibi for fathers who never came back.”
“And here I am thinking that they’ll give the baby to an orphanage,” Andre said.
“I know you, Reagan, you have commitment issues unless it’s one of your inventions,” Gigi supposed. “Coz girl, childcare ain’t nothing like bolts and nuts you put together. No Terminator Bear-o’s to take care of the baby either.”
“Gee, thanks for the heads-up,” Reagan rolled her eyes.
“The point is,” ROBOTUS interrupted, “in my calculations, the baby must be treated like a normal human baby. That also entails that the baby must grow up in a normal and healthy environment. Therefore, it is imperative to let the child think that she has a real family. That means no more putting the baby into the virtual world and letting a virtual family look over the baby.”
Reagan froze, “You mean…”
“Tl;dr Reagan, play house with Brett,” Myc deadpanned. “Mother and father. Husband and wife. White picket fence and a golden retriever. Fuck each other’s brains out loudly twice a week so that the neighbors are convinced that you’re together. Be the poster family of the American Dream.”
The word ‘family’ echoed endlessly in Reagan’s mind.
Okay, skipping fourth grade because the American education system wasn’t ready for you? Totally normal. Graduating from MIT at the age of 13? Nothing crazy about it. But having a fake family for the experiment and playing as a career wife with a husband and a child while trying to live a normal life at the age of 30? Pfft, get out of here!
“Well, what’s it going to be? You up for the challenge, Dr. Ridley?” ROBOTUS said sinisterly.
To be fair, they did have a point but roleplaying wasn’t one of her strengths, either in a theatre play or in bed. She attended a conference on child psychology once and one research already supported what her colleagues were trying to prove. There were a lot of variables to consider. However, when a child is removed from these neglectful environments, just like she and Brett experienced, and receive healthy stimulation and affection, they generally improve to some degree.
Furthermore, the question of whether a genetically engineered child presumed to be perfect would either be easier to deal with or crucial methods on parenthood must be enforced. Her findings would create possibilities to intervene, prevent, and lessen the effects of maltreatment. The future success of this experiment is dependent on further diffusion and refining. Reagan weighed on her options (as if she had plenty). Hypothesis aside, was it practical to even live on the same roof with Brett? Maybe. He knew more about childcare more than Reagan or at least, he was learning how-to on the way and wasn’t even afraid to try! He was convenient. It felt like gender roles were reversed in this scenario (still, fuck patriarchy and macho-feudalism). She could at least provide for their daily needs if they were going to—
“Let’s do it, Reagan!” Brett slung an arm around her shoulders, shaking her out of her stupor. “Don’t worry, just like Nicki Minaj’s rap ‘yes, I do the cooking! Yes, I do the cleaning!’ I already found a house that has a white picket fence and a bonus American flag. It’s a few blocks away from a pre-school too, though I doubt our child’s going to daycare.” Brett beamed, “Oh! Which religion should we baptize our baby, Catholic, Christian, Orthodox, Church of Satan? Also, should our daughter have both of our family names? Should we have new identities instead?”
Myc chuckled, rubbing two of his tentacles together, “Oh boy, you’re gonna let us install cameras around your house, Reagan. Watching you have a life with Brett is gonna be a TV reality show-worthy.”
“Hundred bucks, Reagan falls in love with him first.”
“Ha! As if, that girl is as stiff as a flagpole and has an emotional capacity of a goldfish.”
“Ain’t nobody getting fooled, the tension between them is palpable.”
“If Reagan falls in love first, I’m declaring a nuclear weapon showdown with China. If it’s Brett, a showdown with North Korea.”
The plan was to get a decent house, move in together, take care of the baby, look like a normal couple in front of the neighbors, and act as the poster family of the American fucking Dream. Everything that her colleagues suggested, should be easy.
Until they made it complicated.
To make their plan work, Gigi insisted that they have a fake wedding but skipped the whole ceremony itself; Reagan and Brett only took pictures wearing a suit and a wedding gown. Glenn forged them two gold rings while Andre volunteered to be the fake priest. Everything they’re doing was at a face value.
“You may now kiss the bride,” Andre commenced.
Yep, Brett kissed… Reagan’s fist.
“I’m sorry!” Reagan said, genuinely apologetic. “Just a reflex. I really didn’t mean it.”
“M'kay!” Brett held a thumbs up and massaged his jaw, “Man, what a punch. I would appreciate it if I won’t be a battered husband this early.”
“I will make no such promises.”
Reagan’s brownstone was leased and a week later, both she and Brett had moved in with their daughter. Brett was an ace in this “fatherhood” role while Reagan couldn’t stand a minute cradling the baby in her arms without her legs visibly shaking.
“We need to set some rules and boundaries, Brett,” Reagan said while scooping some baked mac and cheese on her plate. It was going to be their first night together and RB01 was long asleep in her cot. “My bedroom is on the left side while yours, you get to sleep together with the baby. Second, we only pretend we’re married outside.” She paused and looked at him, “You can have relationships outside of our marriage, it’s not like what we have is real anyway.”
Reagan tried not to overthink the hurt expression that flashed in Brett’s face for a moment.
“Reagan, I’ve been thinking,” Brett began. “Maybe I should stay at home with the baby. I mean, between the two of us, I know you’d rather be at your lab than be beside her. Also, one parent should be with the child rather than both parents being at work. I’m not sure if a nanny could handle a science baby like her.”
Reagan pondered. “Now that I think about it, you’re right. I don’t trust anyone outside of the Gang. We should have this contained.”
Brett nodded and suddenly, they were tears in his eyes, “I’ll hand in my resignation on Monday.” He sniffled, “I’m gonna miss everyone!”
Reagan smiled sadly and continued to eat her dinner silently. When they were done, Reagan insisted to wash the dishes and Brett stayed with the baby upstairs. In reality, she wanted to be alone. As soon as she turned the tap water off, the silence in the house felt different. Her eyes caught the empty baby bottles being sterilized and a sudden overwhelming emotion hit her. Was this going to be her life for the next couple of years? She wasn’t sure if she was prepared to commit to this experiment on a long-term scale. Sighing heavily, Reagan leaned against the sink with a hand on her forehead; the weeks’ worth of stress and fatigue finally getting her. She was supposed to input her first entry on RB01’s observation after dinner but Reagan’s body and mind didn’t have the strength to do the task.
Patting her hands dry, Reagan decided that she’ll turn in for the night.
She trudged up the stairs and turned to the corner where she first found the baby’s room. Three days ago, before they officially moved in, Brett had the walls painted pink and decorated the room with some cartoon characters and action figures she knew were from both the 80s and 90s. On one corner was a queen-sized bed, a bookshelf, and RB01’s crib was situated near the wall where some anime girls dressed in schoolgirl uniforms, wearing headbands, while they posed in front of a moon. God, Brett was overdoing this.
“Hey, Reag. Going to sleep?” Brett asked.
“Yeah, I should probably rest. It’s been a long week for us,” Reagan answered.
Brett smiled boyishly, “Well, okay then. Good night.”
Reagan nodded but didn’t reply. She stood there and gazed at Brett who also stared back at her. Seconds past, she felt the awkwardness seep into the atmosphere. Thankfully, Brett turned around and busied himself in fixing the hanging mobile.
Reagan sighed quietly and muttered, “Brett?”
He turned to her, “Yeah?”
Without preamble, Reagan blurted the words, “Thank you. For everything that you’ve done.”
And those words were enough to bring a genuine smile on Brett’s face, “Of course. Business Friends Forever.” He held his fist in the air, “Come on, bro fist?”
Gingerly, she bumped her fist against Brett’s. Reagan’s eyes softened as she stared at him, and for the first time since the baby came into their lives, she felt relaxed.