Chapter Text
“No way. No way Keith frickin Kogane is-”
“-Little, yes. Lance, stop, you're scaring him.”
Light poured in from where the door was open in the dimly lit room. Two figures hovered at the doorway as he curled in on himself, from where he was sitting on the floor with his back against his bed, trying to disappear into the floor. He had hoped that his teammates coming in and probably judging the shit out of him would snap him out of headspace. But if that wasn't working…
He was well and truly in headspace, and he was going to have to ride it out. Looks like laying low, hunkering down and praying he woke up big wasn't an option anymore. He just hoped he could have enough control not to embarass himself.
Fuck. He really hadn't intended on his teammates figuring out he was a little. Hell, the Garrison had never caught him, letting him pass as a neutral for the 3 years he had been enrolled.
Of course, Shiro had known after a couple of simulators ran too long and Keith dropped. Hard. It probably wasn’t even the first time Shiro had suspected. He sucked (hah) at keeping his thumb away from his mouth, and it was always a close call for bathroom breaks. He wasn't good at hiding it back then, young but determined not to let his littleness affect ‘adult’ life.
It wasn't that he hated littles. Being a child in the foster care system, there was no shortage of littles. They would come to stay at the group homes before presentation and when they inevitably presented as a little, Keith saw what happened. People who had been their friend, suddenly didn't want to hang out anymore, and the people that hated you anyways would call you a bed-wetter, a booger eater, or some other equally uncreative name. The name they called you didn't have to be creative to destroy your reputation.
So when Keith began presenting, he did what he had to. He hid his wet sheets, pretended to not care when the other kids bullied other littles, and shoved down any thoughts of love and care when they bubbled up. He wasn't going to be little. After all, they were a lot of work and responsibility, not to mention the meager monthly stipend the government put out wasn’t nearly enough to cover half of the costs of a neutral. Over time, he adjusted to hide his status. It was just too inconvenient to give into his nature, and he enjoyed the freedom that came with becoming an adult.
So up until he met Shiro, he had never particularly had any interest in having a caregiver. He knew they helped you get what you needed but he didn't need any of the stuff that littles did, despite being a tiny bit jealous at seeing other littles coddled, he was fine. That all came to a head half a year into being Shiro’s mentee. Once he was given a taste, it was hard not to crave more.
Shiro had proven to be an adult he could trust. A caregiver. Keith's caregiver. He was consistent, kind, and kept their routines predictable, even when he was big. When he was little… well. It felt like an itch he had all his life had finally been scratched. He was a mangled ball of wires and Shiro had taken the time to gently untangle each one. He was safe and loved and cared for. He didn’t feel like his insides were too big. When he was big, he felt good. He could focus.
Now, he felt sick, emotional, and unfocused. Small. Darkly, in some corner of his mind he wished he hadn’t given in to his headspace, even to Shiro. It was like some awful switch had been flicked. Every time he was within the vicinity of the man, Keith became a big clingy mess. How could he have missed what he never had in the first place?
But he did have it. And god, he missed it. He missed their private cuddle sessions, or when after a long day Shiro would scoop him up into a big hug. He had tried his best to cope without his caregiver's presence, resorting to long training sessions to work off stress instead of regressing. When he felt like he was a cup spilling over, making a mess all over the floor, he would retreat to his lion. Black would take him out to search while he pulled himself together.
He hadn’t even looked at his pacifier in awhile, despite the bite marks on his fingers that suffered in its place. But he was doing his damn best to be an adult, because for all he knew, Shiro was dead and if he wasn't, the longer that he was missing, the more likely he would be. The thought made his heart ache.
But here he was anyways, with wet pants, and a tear-stained face, curled in the corner of his room and holding his fucking blankie. Thats what had landed him here, he needed his blankie. There was nothing damning about a blanket, was there? The problem was, his blankie smelled like Bubba and that thought alone had been the one that shoved him over the edge.
He squeezed his eyes shut, as his heart pounded. He was sure that he very much looked like a lost little boy and hated that he felt even more like one. He doesn't want to think about the conclusions they were drawing. These were people he was supposed to lead not disappoint.
He knows how unexpected this must be, knows that they probably had a million questions to ask. His head was too fuzzy, lips too uncoordinated to come up with an excuse. He doesn't have the capability to explain that he was only supposed to slip a little, he needed to slip a little. He was riding the edge of headspace for so long that he knew when he was tipping into the baby zone.
He really dropped the ball tonight, snapping and storming off in the middle of an argument was not in fact a discreet way of dismissing himself for the night. He was too wrapped up in himself to consider that Hunk and Lance would actually care enough to check on him. They were probably worried about him, in some capacity. Or at the very least, worried Voltron wouldn't be able to be formed if their newly chosen leader didn't get his shit together eventually.
God he was such a mess. He was here now, and they knew.
Great.
He didn't risk a glance up as the two talked in hushed whispers. Confusion and concern swirled in the tones above him. Rocking himself in lieu of comfort, he buried his snotty face between his knee, shoving blankie on his cheek.
He tried to ignore them as they hovered. They would leave soon. He had tucked himself into a tight little ball as he was going to ride this out as he wrestled for control from his little counterpart who really wanted to let someone else take care of everything and to be hugged. Oh my god he wanted a - no, no, no. He wasn't big but he wasn't going to be that little.
But it was safe, and big things were scary, and he felt so, so little anyways. He dug his nails into his forearms, hoping the pain would ground him, when the blood beaded from the scratches that it would give him something else to focus on.
“Oh, no no no- stop! You're going to hurt yourself.” Someone said, sounding panicked. An arm grabbed his hand and he jolted. He couldn’t suppress the whimper that came at the unexpected touch, trying to back up, but he soon butted up against a wall. He was trapped. They were going to make fun of him and leave him here after they told everyone anyway. He wished they would just go and get it over with.
He looked up. Lance was squatting in front of him, gently releasing the hand and slowly putting his hands up in an “I surrender” gesture. “Hey buddy, its ok. Its ok. Its just me and Hunk. We're not- we're not going to hurt you. We just want to help. Is it OK if we help you?” He asked, voice an octave short of a straight out coo.
Keith peeked from his spot beneath his knees. He immediately regretted it. A whine left his mouth and he shoved his thumb in his mouth to stop himself from crying. It wasn't until Lance let out an airy, pained sounding “oh” and his frown deepened that Keith realized that doing that was probably much worse. He had enough threads of his adult self left that he had the strength to rip his finger out of his mouth as he buried his head again. He didn't mean to be little, well- maybe he had a little bit, but not like this. This was an out of control spiral.
His breath was wet and hot. His lungs seared as he breathed in and then choked out a sob.
“Holy shit, Keith. You poor thing. Oh, you poor, dummy. No wonder you've been so out of sorts lately huh?”
A hand touched his back, hesitated and then began rubbing his shoulder. He bawled. He was crying hard enough that he felt like he might throw up.
"Hey, hey, hey, you're okay. Its alright, honey. " Lance hushed, and the soothing tone washed over Keith, easing some of the pain in his chest. “Shh, it's alright. Take a deep breath with me, okay? In…” Lance exaggeratingly took a deep breathe in, puffing out his chest.”...and out.” He exhaled slowly, blowing out.
Keith took a shaky breath in, copying Lance as best he could.
“There you go, nice, calm breaths. I bet it's been tough being so big all the time, isn't it? You've been big for a loooong time, huh?”
Keith wanted to roll his eyes, but he found himself nodding, jamming his thumb back into his mouth. His little side was fully in control. He wanted a hug.
“Can you tell me how old you are?” Lance asked, giving Keith time to answer.
Keith's brow furrowed and he sucked on his finger thoughtfully, before shrugging. "Oh, you're little little aren't you? Of course you would be… " Lance sighed. "We really, really need to talk about this, Keith. Not now, but later we are definitely having a discussion when you're a lot bigger.”
When he was bigger. Whenever that would be. It had been a long time and he was an untethered raft, drifting out to sea. He nuzzled his nose into blankie and inhaled. Smelled like Bubba.
*
“Hey how's he doing?” Hunk said in a low voice.
Lance didn't know how long he had been sitting there, rubbing Keith's shoulder, but things were better than they had been.
“We are definitely doing. Not great, but we aren't in betweening anymore. I think he's finally dropped.” God, what a concept. Keith Kogane. Dropped.
“Okay. Bath is all set, I found some of his stuff and I'm gonna find something comfy for him to wear.” Hunk called from the closet, hefting up a lavender diaper bag printed with pale yellow stars. This is why Hunk was the best friend/bro/ number one dude ever.
“I literally don't know what I would do without you. Are there any comfort items you've found? Maybe some toys or something to make him feel better?” Lance questioned, attempting to untangle the Keith-ball, with little hugs and gentle touches.
“Yeah I found some stuff but it's not a lot. He really needs more stuff, he's got the basics, like blocks and soft shorts but he doesn't really have like….” Hunk made a noise of dissent in the back of his throat. “Anyways, here. Try this.” He said, eyes full of sympathy as he clicked his tongue sadly at Keith, whose snotty face was now visible. He handed Lance a pacifier.
Lance made a strangled sound, because Keith was a baby. And while it was way younger than he felt prepared to deal with, it was awful that Keith had been compromising his health by pushing back such a vulnerable headspace. Especially one so young.
“Awww Keith, c'mere.” Lance's heart ached as he pulled the little in for a gentle hug, successfully unraveling the tight Keith-ball the boy had become and gathered him into his arms. He switched Keith's thumb with the pacifier and began to sway comfortingly.
“If you don't have little time, that's really not good for you. Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Lance half heartedly chastised, not expecting a response as Hunk began unpacking the diaper bag. He tried coaxing him up off the ground by grabbing under Keith's armpits, avoiding the puddle of pee on the floor. It was probably cold by now. Gross.
“Let's get him to the bathroom so we can clean him off. We can take care of this.” Hunk said, gesturing to the mess. “Later.”
Lance agreed with a nod, and after much coaxing and whining, he was hefting Keith up on his hip. The little continued to sniffle into his chest as he maneuvered him towards the bathroom, tightly winding his arms around Lance's neck. The blue paladin tried not to wince as snot soaked through his shirt and his hip was getting wet from Keiths still-damp pants. Babies were kind of messy.
He set the black haired boy down on a closed toilet seat, he turned to look for a rag under Keith's bathroom sink, finding some bubble bath and a little green, four limbed rubber duck. He squeaked it playfully. It seemed to get Keith's attention because he stopped squirming as Hunk gently removed his soiled clothing.
“Your turn with the baby. While you give him a rinse, I’m gonna clean up a bit.” Lance said, watching as Hunk lowered Keith into the lukewarm water.
Hunk snorted. “Yourself or the room?”
“Can't a man do both things?”
“If you leave the room… we should figure out what we're going to tell the team, but I don't think we should do it tonight. Hunk said, pausing in dumping a cup over Keith's hair as he cupped a hand on Keith's forehead, making sure that the water wouldn't get in his eyes.
Lance ran a hand through his hair. This was going to be such a mess. “Yeah. Nothing tonight. I'm just going to change and grab cleaning supplies from that closet by the medbay but if I run into anyone, I'll tell them I spilled something.”
“Sounds like a plan, Lance.”
He dumped a cup over the wrung-out looking little’s dark tangled locks. Anticipating at least some resistance despite Keith's eerie silence, Hunk squeaked the alien duck as he gently soothed. “You're being so good, Keith. You're doing so well. We're almost done and then we can go to sleep, ok?”
Keith just gave a nod. He had bags under his eyes that looked wrong on his open and too-vulnerable face. His eyes were glazed with exhaustion and his cheeks were still a ruddy red from crying. The pacifier didn't leave his mouth the whole bath, and Hunk had a feeling it would be disastrous if it was removed. He needed to be finished soon.
Finally, Hunk deemed the boy to be clean enough after a long scrub. Keith had really needed a shower. The warm water, paired with the emotional toll of crying, was assuring that Keith would be drifting off sooner rather than later. He pulled the plug as the dirty water swirled down the drain.
He wrapped a towel around Keith and pulled him into his lap after towel drying the long , wet hair that stuck to the baby's forehead. Keith meanwhile, was soft and sleepy, compliantly leaning into Hunks warmth as he began to doze. Hunk was getting eager for bed too. It had been an eventful evening.
Standing, he carried Keith bridal style as he reentered the paladin's bedroom, where he had lain out some of the clothes he had found in Keith's diaper bag and Lance sitting by the bed in his own pajamas. There was a large black, long-sleeved shirt, however, that he did not remember putting there. It seemed familiar and it didn't take him long to place it.
“Is that Shiro's shirt? Where did you get that?” Hunk questioned, looking at the black, oversized T-shirt.
Lance shrugged. “I think it is, yeah. It was actually in his bag already, I feel like he's been missing Shiro so I'm not really all that surprised. Hey I mean the sleeper you picked out was cute, but if it is Shiro's, I think it'll calm him down.” Hunk nodded in agreement as he went to lay Keith down onto the bed.
“Hey. Before we get him changed into jammies, I think maybe that he might need protection for like- nighttime.”
“Oh, you think so? You would know better than me since I'm not really a caregiver but… That would mean he's like. Really small. Man, Keiths going to be so mad at us when hes big again.” Hunk said, face pinched as he looked at the little in his arms.
Lance shrugged. “It's not really uncommon for really little guys even in the daytime and it's not like I've seen Keith have accidents, but he's got a pacifier and a blankie.He just had an accident before we got here and it's almost bedtime. I'd rather not risk it.”
“Alright, I get it. Better safe than sorry, I guess. Let's go with the diaper for tonight.” Hunk agreed, setting Keith down as Lance unfolded the aforementioned garment.
“Hey, it was in his bag, and I doubt it’s for decoration.” Lance moved with practiced ease, gently lifting Keith’s legs and sliding the diaper underneath. Keith remained surprisingly compliant, his pacifier bobbing slightly as he continued to suckle on it. Lance was careful and methodical, trying to ensure that the diaper was snug but not uncomfortable. Keith didn’t make a fuss, clearly too exhausted to care
Lance pulled some sweatpants up around Keith's hips. They were loose enough to fit around the extra padding, which was a relief. They definitely weren't getting him in jeans, that was for sure.
Hunk retrieved the oversized shirt from the bed, and Lance carefully dressed Keith in it. The shirt, though large and almost comically oversized on the smaller frame, had a comforting quality. The black shirt was soft and warm, and Keith seemed to relax just a bit more as it was pulled over his head. Lance smiled as Keith whined to get his arms in the holes. He and Hunk each took an arm and gently pulled his hands through the long sleeves.
Lance couldn't help but notice how little Keith looked in the giant shirt, like a little boy wrapped up in his big brother’s clothes.
“There we go! Look at you, Keith! Baby is all ready for bed. Nice and cozy-wozy.” Hunk said, gushing with his hands clasped in a pleased way.
Keith all but drooped as the Yellow and Red paladins scurried to finish packing the diaper bag back up, watching them bustle around the room with tired eyes. Lance smiled as the little sleepily fisted the collar of his shirt in his hands after getting a slight whiff of it. Nuzzling into the collar of the shirt, Keith slipped into dreamland.
Hunk and Lance let out sighs of relief as Keith slumbered on his bunk, his hair still damp. The room was quiet and only the liquid sound of a pacifier being nursed could be heard. What a night.
“OK. Keith's asleep. “So, what’s the plan moving forward? We can't pretend this didn't happen and something tells me he won't be bigger by the morning.” Hunk, ever the realist, murmured quietly, eyes flickering to his best friend.
Lance sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, we’ll need to figure out how to address this with the team. Keith’s been struggling with leader stuff and Shiro being gone, but this… this is something we need to handle carefully. So I think we address it now with the team and we’ll need to talk to Keith when he’s bigger.
“Dibs on not telling Pidge" Hunk said in a whisper, pulling the sheets over the slumbering baby and tucking them around him
“I was gonna tell Pidge anyway…well in the morning that is.” Lance huffed dejectedly, pouting. He gently plopped down on the bed next to Hunk, careful to lower himself down so as to not wake Keith. Not that he thought Keith could really be woken- he seemed to be out like a light.
Hunk sat at the end of the bed, tenderly brushing Keith's unruly bangs out of his face. “We've gotcha, buddy.”