Chapter Text
Kyunghoon was new. No one pays attention to the new kid usually, especially when they don't have anything to say to anyone. This time, however, everyone had their eyes on him. But why? He sat in the back, farthest from anyone, right by the window so he could do nothing but doze off and daydream as he pleases without any disturbances. It's the guy that sits in front of him that is the problem.
Jesus Christ, the guy that sits in front of him. Heechul. Kim Heechul. It's all his fault that people stare at him.
He has absolutely no care for him at all, Kyunghoon thinks. Zero consideration. The way he rests his elbow on his desk during class. The way he has the nerve to sit on the edge of his desk to talk to his friends before the bell rings. The way his seat has moved closer and closer to his from the very day he chose his seat that first day he entered the room. Kyunghoon doesn't say anything, of course. He never does. There's no point if he's going to get yelled at for it anyway, putting even more attention on him as it is. Heechul draws his friends to his seat, so they all cluster around his desk. Sometimes, a lot of the times, they all point at Kyunghoon. They talk about him in hushed voices and snickers. Heechul waves them off dismissively. Kyunghoon can hear every word they say.
What's that kid's problem? He doesn't talk to anyone here. Is he mute or something? Got his dick stuck in his ass? He must be one of those anti-social types. He's kind of pretty now that I look at him. Don't say he's pretty dude, you're so gay for that. I'm not gay, but he probably is. Shut the fuck up, he can probably hear your loud ass mouth.
Kyunghoon stays quiet.
One day, Heechul raises his voice and startles Kyunghoon.
"Shut the hell up. He's new, have some fucking sympathy for once instead of talking shit about some kid you don't know. Fucking idiots. Go sit somewhere else!"
The room falls silent. At this, they all leave scoffing, saying 'damn, what's up with him lately?' under their breaths as they do. Once they're gone out the room, everyone eases back into their conversations.
Kyunghoon keeps his gaze down at his hands on his desk, his fingers still. A moment passes and suddenly he feels someone is staring at him, very closely, as if waiting for him to look up. He does. It's Heechul turned around in his seat, feet in the aisle, elbows on Kyunghoon's desk. He doesn't move when their gazes meet.
"Hey," Heechul starts. His posture is deliberate, but Kyunghoon can see in his eyes that he's deciding what to say on the spot without any real plan to it. "This is awkward, I know, but I'm really sorry for my asshole friends."
Kyunghoon blinks. Heechul nods when he realizes he's not getting a response any time soon, so he continues.
"They're not very subtle, or nice, when they talk. It's my fault for not stopping them. I know you can hear them. I feel really bad."
Heechul can't seem to stop himself from talking and seems embarrassed hearing himself. Kyunghoon breaks the stream of apologies.
"It's okay. Don't be sorry." he says in a low voice that only Heechul can hear. His eyes grow wide; this is the first time Heechul has heard him speak, ever.
"No, it's really not cool," he says. He can't help but stutter his words for some reason. "I'll make sure they stop saying stuff like that. If they ever directly bother you, let me know. I'll take care of it."
Heechul takes out his phone from his pocket. It's covered in a pink phone case with stickers of girl group's logos all over it. Kyunghoon studies it before Heechul puts it down again.
"Are you free later? We can go to a cafe or something."
Kyunghoon can't believe his ears. "What?"
"I mean, not to sound like a meanie, but do you have any friends around here? Not even just in this class, but anywhere? I know you're new to the neighborhood."
Kyunghoon has no reason to lie, it's not his thing to lie anyway, so he shakes his head no. Heechul nods, protruding his bottom lip out.
"'Kay, well, all the more reason. I don't want you to be alone here anymore. It must stink, right? Having no one to talk to?"
Kyunghoon can't tell if Heechul is messing with him or not. He's not sure if he wants one over the other, either. He doesn't want to burden Heechul into becoming friends with him out of pity, so he shrugs and shakes his head.
"I'm not a lonely person."
"Sounds like something a lonely person would say." Heechul says without missing a beat.
Kyunghoon can feel his ears start to get hot, a habit he can't control when someone pays attention to him for any measure of time. Heechul seems to notice but doesn't say anything about it. He's determined to get Kyunghoon to say yes to him.
"After school, today. Meet me at the end of the block, the gym entrance. I'll take you to my favorite cafe," he says, as if Kyunghoon has already agreed. Maybe he has no choice but to. "Promise you those assholes won't be following. They know better than to stalk me."
Kyunghoon stares at him. Heechul tries to read his face, but fails. He's like a closed book without a cover or a title. He has no idea what to make of him. Kyunghoon clears his throat when the gaze lingers for longer than he's comfortable with and looks down first.
Heechul doesn't move, waiting for an answer. It takes several seconds for Kyunghoon to nod. He doesn't have to say a verbal 'okay' for Heechul to smile and sigh satisfyingly. He pats Kyunghoon's shoulder lightly, making him jump at the sudden contact. Heechul retracts his hand quickly when he does, not realizing who he's dealing with. Three weeks into the year without a single human interaction and some weird dude with ridiculously wavy black hair pats him on the shoulder after inviting him for a coffee date. He doesn't blame him at all.
"Sorry, my bad," Heechul apologizes, again. "I'll...uh...I won't do that again. Without your permission. Sorry."
The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. Heechul didn't want his final words to be a sorry. "I'll see you later then, okay?"
Kyunghoon doesn't look up to see him softly smile. Why is this guy suddenly trying to take care of him? Does he just feel bad for him? Sad. He's starting to hate the idea, but not Heechul. He can't hate him for anything. Not yet, at least.
The teacher enters the room and Heechul turns around to his desk immediately, followed by the rest of the class scrambling to their original seats. Kyunghoon just rests his chin on his palm and looks out the window. Who knows what Heechul's intentions are. It doesn't matter since it won't last and he'll leave him like everyone else, so he won't pay much mind to it. Just let the day happen. Let it pass. Let it pass.
--
The bell rings and the day is over.
Kyunghoon would usually stay after to finish his homework and study, but now he has other plans. Heechul left as soon as the bell went off and ran out the door with his friends like everyone else. Kyunghoon took his time packing up his belongings in his bag and zipping up his coat. He was the last one out of the room.
Kyunghoon steps out into the cold and sees his breath dissolve before him. The air takes no time to cling to his skin, and he instinctively scrunches his shoulders at the gust of wind that blows right into him. He shoves his numb hands into his pocket as he walks down to the end of the block where Heechul told him to wait. He checks his watch every now and then. Three minutes pass by. Then ten minutes. Then seventeen minutes. Kyunghoon is almost disappointed at the lack of punctuality in Heechul. A tap on his shoulder disturbs him. Speak of the devil.
"Hi, I know I'm late," Heechul says as if he ran all the way down to Kyunghoon, because he did. "My friends were being real dickheads about me skipping out on our after-school gaming session. This is more important, though." At this, Kyunghoon smiles a small smile. Heechul observes the dimples that shyly peek through. He can't help but smile as well.
"You should play with your friends," Kyunghoon says. The thin, golden rims of his glasses shine in the setting sun. Heechul still can't read him, though. This may take a while, but for some reason he's up for the challenge.
"Oh boo-hoo," Heechul jokes. "One less player on their team, please. There's 12 other people on that server anyway. They'll survive without me." Kyunghoon doesn't say anything after that. He gets it, but probably in a different light than Heechul's. He turns his gaze down to his shoes.
"So, shall we go?" Heechul perks. Kyunghoon looks up again with that quiet 'okay,' and they start walking.
They're side by side, but a distance stands between them. About three feet. It'll close once they're on the main street, but Heechul still feels weird about it. Kyunghoon doesn't care for it at all, as if this is how it should be, this distance. Heechul pulls his maroon beanie further onto his head as they make their way to the cafe.
They enter the cafe together. It's toasty and homely, unlike those super modern-chic, luminescent ones in the main part of town. It's styled in wood and warm light coats the room. Kyunghoon did not expect Heechul to prefer such a place. Heechul greets the waiter at the door and swiftly takes a booth by the window that sits in the corner of the cafe. Kyunghoon follows close behind him. Heechul sheds his coat and bright red scarf, which was admittedly sore for the eyes. Kyunghoon takes off his single coat, leaving it tucked between him and the wall. He removes his glasses as well and neatly puts them on the table. His gaze gravitates towards the window and he can't help but look out. Heechul watches him carefully.
"Do you like it?" he asks.
"Hm?" Kyunghoon rips his attention from the glass.
"This place. You think it's alright?"
"Um. Yeah. It's nice."
"Not too nice, right? I feel like that's not your style."
"Why do you care for what is or isn't my style all of a sudden?"
Heechul is taken aback by Kyunghoon's forwardness.
"What do you mean?"
"When did start to you care about me? Why?"
"I told you, I don't want you to be alone."
Kyunghoon doesn't say anything. Heechul leans forward. "I'm doing you a favor."
"I didn't ask."
"You could've said no."
"I was being nice."
"Well I'm being nice too. Is this not being nice?"
"I don't need you pitying me."
"It's not like that. I don't want you to get hurt."
"I definitely don't need protection, either. I've been completely fine before you started leaning all over my desk. That's when your dick friends started paying attention to me. That's when they started talking about me for no reason. I don't even know their names but they know mine. Before that I was perfectly invisible. Why did you ruin that? Why? What have I ever done to you?"
He looked hurt. Kyunghoon regretted being so harsh. Heechul inhaled deeply before he spoke.
"I was just trying to help you adjust. That's it. It's hard being the new kid. It's hard not having friends, I would know. But if you're offended, I understand."
Kyunghoon watched as Heechul began to gather his coat and scarf. He threw his bag over one shoulder and stood up. He bowed. "I'm sorry." He lifted his head. "If you don't want to talk to me after this, fine. Just don't be a jerk about it. I didn't take you for one."
"You don't know anything about me." Kyunghoon said in a low voice, not looking up. "So quick to judge on appearances, you."
Heechul scoffed. "See you in class, jackass."
Then he was gone.
Kyunghoon realized Heechul didn't even know his name. He closed his eyes tightly and lowered his head. There was so much wrong with himself that he doesn't even know where to begin. Being unreasonably defensive against people who are nice to him is one of them. It's why he's been alone. It's why he's alone now, in this nice cafe that a nice person chose to bring him to. His hands ball into fists under the table, gripping at the fabric of his pants. He's alone again. He will always end up alone. It's no one else's fault but his own. Alone alone alone alone alone alone alone al--
Kyunghoon's eyes pop open when a finger taps him on the shoulder. He looks up. It's Heechul. His face is twisted in concern.
"Are you okay? You're crying."
Kyunghoon touches his own cheek. It's wet. Heechul takes a napkin from the table and lightly wipes his face. Kyunghoon doesn't move.
"I saw you through the window when I walked out. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so...mean."
Heechul stops his hand and takes a good look at Kyunghoon, again trying to read him. He realizes why he can't; his eyes are empty. Not a single light in them. They're red-rimmed now and have tears at the edges, but above it all they're hollow, beyond such bright and innocent features. Heechul feels his chest contort. His eyes shift trying to think of something more to do, to say.
"Do you want coffee? Or water? Some bread? I can get us some if you want. I don't know."
Kyunghoon doesn't say anything. He has said enough. Heechul sees he won't speak for a while now. He notices Kyunghoon's balled up fists and carefully opens one of them, putting the crumpled napkin in it. He doesn't jump at his touch this time.
"Don't dig your nails into your palms. It hurts when they bleed." Kyunghoon remains still, silent. Heechul sighs. "I'll order something yummy. Wait for a bit, okay?"
Heechul puts his hand down and walks away. Kyunghoon opens his hand a little and peeks at the napkin. It's paper, white, and thin. And Heechul wiped his tears with it. This nice person Kyunghoon turned away came back for him.
He's right, Kyunghoon didn't ask to be cared for, but perhaps that was the point. He's too afraid to reach out for others in fear that they'll run from him, but Heechul reached out first. It was a simple gesture, but Kyunghoon didn't realize it meant the world to him. He thinks about what he said about being new and having no friends, how 'he would know.' At least one other person around him has felt possibly a fraction of what he's feeling now, and maybe one person is enough for a lifetime.
The universe was giving him another chance at life, so maybe it's best that he should take it.
Kyunghoon encloses his hand around the napkin and lets his shoulders relax for the first time in what feels like a hundred years. Shutting his eyes, no tears fall out. He just needs them closed for a second.
Give yourself another chance. Give him another chance. Just this once, don't push. You're not alone this time. You're not alone.