Chapter Text
*Four Years Ago*
"What the fuck are you doing mackerel?" Chuuya asked, flicking the lights on in his garage to find a familiar bandage covered asshole messing around underneath his car.
The man in question stilled, stopping whatever he was doing to seemingly consider Chuuya's words.
Wait no, Chuuya realized. I caught him by surprise, he didn't expect me to be here, he's recalculating.
It had taken a long time for Chuuya to be able to read Dazai so well, and he prided himself on being able to figure out what Dazai was thinking at any given moment. But when Dazai pushed himself up out from under Chuuya's car, his expression was utterly unreadable.
Maybe because it was the first time Chuuya had seen his whole face unobstructed by bandages, despite the fact that his arms and neck still remained covered.
"I was rigging your car to blow up the next time you tried to unlock it," Dazai said simply, only offering Chuuya a blank stare as if waiting to gauge Chuuya's reaction before saying anything else.
"Hah?!" Chuuya exclaimed. "Why would you do that?!"
Sure he and Dazai occasionally took things beyond what the average person would consider "too far" when it came to pranks, but there was no trace of the annoying sense of humor that would normally accompany such a statement. It was clear Dazai didn't want Chuuya dead. No, there were far easier ways he could have gone about pulling that off without rigging Chuuya's car that he rarely used to blow up, but something had to be up for Dazai to be acting in such a way.
"So you wouldn't be able to follow me," came the response, still in that same eerily calm tone that did nothing to ease Chuuya's nerves.
Chuuya hesitated, choosing his next words carefully. Whatever had gotten into Dazai was clearly more serious than one of his normal mood swings and if he misspoke here he could risk Dazai following through with whatever half baked plan he currently had in mind.
"Where are you planning on going that you don't want me following?" Chuuya asked.
This one took Dazai longer to answer, but eventually he met Chuuya's eyes with his own, truly looking at him for the first time in their partnership. "I'm leaving the Port Mafia."
Chuuya was stunned. Of all the things Dazai could have said, a confession that he was leaving the Port Mafia was the last thing Chuuya had been expecting. Sure if anyone had the ability to pull off such a feat it'd be Dazai, but-
"Why?"
"Mori killed my friend."
That would do it. Apart from Chuuya, there were very few people that Dazai allowed to get close to him, always on edge that something would happen to the people he allowed into his heart. If Mori had killed one of the few people Dazai managed to actually care about...
"And you're leaving to get revenge?"
"No," Dazai told him. "Odasaku... His dying request was that I do some good in the world instead of working for evil. If the side I'm working for doesn't matter then I should try and do good. Save some orphans."
"So you were going to leave without me and didn't want me following you."
Dazai nodded. "Lay low for a couple of years before joining another organization where I could make a difference."
It stung, Chuuya wasn't going to pretend it didn't, but he could understand why Dazai would come up with such an idea. They had... Something between them, even if both of them refused to acknowledge it, and if Dazai had disappeared, Chuuya would have been the first to go looking for him. Stopping him from following would be the easiest way to make sure Chuuya avoided suspicion and make sure he cut off any feelings that lingered between the two of them for good.
Steeling himself, Chuuya straightened, folding his arms over his chest and staring Dazai down. "If you're leaving, I'm out too."
Dazai let out a tired sigh, none of his usual wit or humor accompanying his words. "Chuuya you're a liability."
"A liability? How? We're Double Black, they'd never be able to take us alive. If you took me with you we'd be unstoppable, you wouldn't have to worry about laying low for a couple of years, we could go out in a blaze, rule the streets and do some good for Yokohama our own way."
A spark of the old Dazai flashed through the mask of what Chuuya now recognized as grief. "Can't take us alive huh? You mean if they catch us you'll commit a lover's suicide with me Chuuya?"
"Shut up about a lover's suicide you waste of bandages!" Chuuya exclaimed as his cheeks flushed red. If Dazai was able to tease him like normal, that had to be a good sign. "We're partners, whether we're in the Port Mafia or not. So take me with you and let's make Mori wish he'd never recruited us in the first place." Chuuya offered him his hand, as if to shake on their deal.
Dazai took his hand, but used it to pull Chuuya close to his chest instead of accepting the gesture for its intended purpose, their height difference magnified with the lack of distance between the two of them as he smirked down at his partner. "Partners on the run together? How romantic."
Chuuya stomped on his foot.
And while they knew things would be different for them from here on out, there was no doubt that wherever they went, Double Black had a truly unbreakable bond.
*Present Day *
Atsushi Nakajima had thought he was going to die when he'd been kicked out of his orphanage and left to fend for himself on the streets. After all, he'd spent his whole life sheltered in the relative safety of the orphanage. Even with all the abuse and torment he'd had to endure during his time there, the orphanage had still put a roof over his head and food in his stomach. Without those basic necessities, he'd found himself practically collapsed by the riverbank on the outskirts of Yokohama, all hope of being able to make a living for himself in any traditional sort of way completely lost. Instead, he'd resorted to trying to steal the wallets of the people passing by for the sake of buying himself a meal.
"You're never going to successfully steal anything if you're being so obvious about it," a voice chimed from behind him, making him jump in surprise.
Atsushi whipped around to identify the source of the person speaking to him, eyes wide as he shoved his hands in his pockets, doing his best to look as innocent as he could. "Me? Steal something? Sir I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about, I wasn't trying to steal anything from anyone."
The man, dressed in a tan overcoat, bangs hanging down in front of his face, merely smirked at Atsushi's antics. "You've been sitting here, not enjoying the scenery, or reading a book, or solving a puzzle like any normal park go-er would, but instead watching people as they walk past, trying to find a good mark. Your stomach has been growling on and off the entire time you've been here, and you look like you haven't had a proper night's sleep in weeks. If that isn't the appearance of a man desperate for a meal then I don't know what is."
Hanging his head in shame, Atsushi stared down at the ground. "Look, I haven't actually been able to steal anything, so you can't arrest me for that, right? I mean thinking about committing a crime isn't actually committing a crime, s-so you can't turn me in or anything..."
The man laughed. "Depends on the seriousness of the crime. I suppose conspiracy to commit terrorism or murder is something you could be arrested for, but thinking about stealing someone's wallet isn't a true crime."
Atsushi risked a glance up at the man before him, who seemed entirely too relaxed for someone that had just ruined Atsushi's last remaining plan to get food. As if on queue, Atsushi's stomach growled once more, and he wrapped his arms around his torso in embarrassment, as if that could prevent his stomach from growling again.
"You know, I'll tell you what," the man said. "I'll take you out for lunch instead, whatever you want to eat, in exchange for you telling me just how you ended up here in Yokohama trying to rob people."
After hesitating for a moment, Atsushi nodded. It wasn't like he was going to get a better offer for food any time soon, so it was best to take the opportunity he had in front of him. "My name's Atsushi Nakajima," he offered.
The man smiled. "I'm Dazai, Osamu Dazai."
Having a meal with Dazai wasn't the worst thing Atsushi had ever experienced, even if the man was a bit odder than Atsushi was used to. Dazai led him away from the riverbank and deeper into town, where the two sat down at a small restaurant that supplied all the chazuke Atsushi could eat. Over the course of the meal Dazai asked him about how Atsushi had ended up so desperate as to rob any person that walked by.
"I was kicked out of my orphanage," Atsushi confessed. "Something about downsizing because they didn't have enough room to support everyone, and since I was one of the oldest I was the first to go. I've been wandering the streets for a while now, looking for work or some way to support myself, only to end up penniless and jobless on the streets, with robbing people my only way to support myself."
Dazai nodded thoughtfully, mulling this information over as the waitress that had been serving them came over.
"Are you ready for the bill today?" she asked, holding the small black book in her hands.
"Oh, I'm not paying," Dazai said, causing a spike of fear to shoot through Atsushi. "I'm afraid I left my wallet at home today, but not to fear! My darling partner should be here any minute to take care of it, so you can leave the check here, we should be set to go in a few minutes."
The waitress nodded, leaving the bill with them before walking off to tend to the other few customers that lingered in the store.
"Partner?" Atsushi asked aloud. "Like a business partner or a partner of romantic nature instead?" It wasn't that Atsushi couldn't picture the man before him in a romantic relationship, but he did seem a little more.... Eclectic than most people Atsushi had met and though he hadn't known the other for very long, it was hard to see him in a long term relationship with someone else.
Dazai grinned. "A bit of both I suppose."
"DAZAI!" An angry voice yelled as the door burst open, causing Atsushi to whip around to face the door, ready to assess whatever threat had come for the man that had offered him lunch.
Dazai, on the other hand, didn't seem to flinch in the slightest, in fact his smug smile spreading a little wider as the angry ginger stalked towards the two of them.
"You can't just leave and get yourself into financial troubles and expect me to come and bail you out every single time!" the angry man said, grabbing Dazai by the collar and half pulling him up out of his seat, looking like he wanted to strangle the other man.
"Why not Chuuya?" Dazai pouted, looking entirely unconcerned at the fact that the other man - Chuuya apparently - looked like he wanted to commit a murder. "It's not like you have anything better to be doing with your time."
Chuuya's eye twitched and Atsushi was convinced he was going to be witness to a homicide right then and there, but luckily for him, Chuuya seemed to notice that Dazai was not in fact sitting there alone. "... Who is this?" he asked, loosening his grip on Dazai's collar.
"This is Atsushi Nakajima," Dazai said by way of explanation. "He's an orphan that I found near the riverbank trying to rob people to get enough to eat, so I thought I'd treat him to lunch instead."
Chuuya rolled his eyes as if this was something Dazai normally did, glancing at the bill that had been left on the table before pulling out his own wallet and throwing enough yen on the table to cover the meal as well as leave a sizeable tip. "I wondered why you asked me to meet you here of all places, especially when-" Chuuya stopped himself, letting out a sigh and shaking his head in disappointment. "Let's just get home, I'm sure you've already traumatized the poor kid enough."
"Actually, since Atsushi is currently looking for a place to stay, I was thinking I'd invite him to come and stay with us for a while until he's able to find a way to support himself," Dazai said.
A wordless conversation passed between the two partners, spoken entirely in glances and subtle changes in their expressions and Atsushi felt like he was intruding on a delicate moment somehow.
"Oh really, I couldn't be a burden on your hospitality like that," Atsushi piped up after more than a few beats of uncomfortable silence had passed. "I'll find a job somewhere in the city I'm sure of it, so really there's no need to worry about m-"
"No, don't worry about it," Chuuya said, only breaking eye contact with Dazai after he'd already finished his sentence. "It'd be no trouble to have you stay with us, and maybe you'll actually be able to talk some sense into the stupid mackerel."
And so, that was how Atsushi came to find a place to stay in Yokohama.
For a pair that obviously held enough wealth to have the ability to treat any random person they found out on the street out to lunch, Atsushi would have expected Dazai and Chuuya's place to be a lot more... Extravagant to say the least. Instead, upon arriving at the door to the place he'd be staying for the foreseeable future, Atsushi was met with the sight of a very large room that looked more akin to a warehouse than anything else. The size was only emphasized by the place's emptiness.
Where others would have filled the space with character and charm, covering the walls in art or various items to reflect the tastes of the people who lived inside it, the house - if it could even be called that - was completely barren and empty, as if it had been abandoned long ago. There were a few beds pushed to the far corner of the wall, a spotless kitchenette in the other corner, and a couch facing a wall that looked as though it was supposed to be holding a TV but instead faced nothing. Apart from a few rooms off to the right of the place, it was as though the designer had asked for the most open floor plan possible and had ended up with no walls whatsoever.
"So... How did you two come to stay in Yokohama?" Atsushi asked as he looked around, trying and failing to come up with a unique compliment for their home that wasn't a lie and wouldn't sound sarcastic to the others' ears.
Dazai fell back dramatically on the couch in the house, holding the back of one hand to his forehead as if he were a dramatic damsel who had just had a bit of a fainting spell. "It's a dramatic tale my dear Atsushi-kun, of reckless love, and living a life on the run, but risking it all to do what's right."
Chuuya rolled his eyes, perching on the arm of the couch closest to Dazai's head. "You say that as if it's some mellow dramatic stage play, what it is is a damn tragedy filled with nothing but betrayal and pain."
"And you tell the story as though you're an edgy emo thirteen year old that has just gone through the biggest identity crisis in the world."
"I wouldn't know because you never actually let me finish telling the story you suicidal maniac!"
Just as Chuuya looked as though he was going to beat Dazai to a bloody pulp, the door opened behind him again, and Dazai's eyes lit up. "Ah! Speaking of edgy emo thirteen year olds going through identity crises! Akutagawa! So nice of you to stop by!"
"You say that as if I don't stop by every day at the exact same time," a raspy voice said from the doorway, and Atsushi turned to see... The most sickliest man he had ever seen. "Chuuya-san, please don't murder Dazai-san, it's only been twenty four hours since I was here last, I cannot handle cleaning up another one of your messes."
His face was paler than Atsushi had even known a face could be, he was thin to the point where Atsushi wondered if he was getting enough to eat, and his lack of eyebrows made his forehead look even bigger than it already did. Fighting the urge to ask if the other man was okay, Atsushi cleared his throat, accidentally interrupting - Akutagawa was it? - in his lecture for the two to stop their bickering and various murder attempts.
"I'm Atsushi Nakajima," Atsushi said, sticking his hand out by way of introduction. "It's... Nice to meet you."
Akutagawa blinked. Looked at him. Then his hand. Back to him, before finally his gaze landed on Dazai behind him. "Are you picking up more strays? I'm already only here because I owed Chuuya-san a favor when you asked, I refuse to accept responsibility for yet another idiot."
"Akutagawa! How rude, that's no way to talk about your hosts," Dazai said, folding his arms over his chest in a way reminiscent of a child that hadn't gotten his way.
"After the stunt you two pulled to wind up here, I don't exactly think you can call yourself a host. I have to do everything here myself, I'm just here to stop you two from killing each other," Akutagawa replied, standing firm in his point of view that Dazai and Chuuya were more trouble than they were worth.
"You used to be so respectful all the time, what changed Ryuu?" Dazai asked.
"You know exactly what changed asshole!" Chuuya chimed in, "And I would be able to tell you exactly why if you let me tell the story already!"
Dazai's eyes lit up and though Atsushi hadn't known him for long he could tell that this wasn't a good precursor for anything that was about to come.
"That's right! Akutagawa, you've heard this story before, you can be the judge of who tells it better!"
Akutagawa shot Dazai a look as if to ask him if he was really being serious right now.
When Dazai's expression did not change and Chuuya looked as though he was actually considering Dazai's suggestion, Akutagawa let out a sigh, setting down the bags of things he'd brought in with him before taking a seat in one of the few chairs the warehouse actually contained. "Alright, fine then, let's hear it."
"Seven years ago, when I first met Chuuya and recruited-"
"Blackmailed," Chuuya corrected.
"-coerced Chuuya into joining the Port Mafia," Dazai amended. "We were assigned to be partners and they called us Double Black.
"The city feared our names, because wherever we went, destruction followed in our wake, and we never ever left a job unfinished. That is at least until the head of the Port Mafia, Mori, ordered for the death of one of my only friends. My original plan was to run where a chibi like Chuuya couldn't follow-"
"-But I found him planting bombs underneath my car and suggested we choose a different path instead," Chuuya finished for him.
"And thus begins our tale of two partners in crime."
*Four Years Ago*
"So," Chuuya said, hands tucked into his pockets, hat pulled down low over his brow as they made their way down the streets of Yokohama. Sure it had been risky for them to stay in the city while the Port Mafia was still on their tails, but they were Double Black for god's sake. They'd taken down dozens of organizations in the three short years they'd been working together, and those had been outside organizations that they didn't know the attack plans and protocols of. Between his and Dazai's combined strength and their inner knowledge of how the Port Mafia functioned, they really didn't have much to worry about as long as they didn't try and pull anything too drastic. "What exactly does 'doing some good in the world' look like?"
Dazai hummed quietly beside him, a sign that he was thinking about how to respond to Chuuya's question. It was a habit Dazai had picked up even before they'd left the Port Mafia, but Chuuya noticed that it had increased in frequency in the two short weeks since they'd decided to run away together.
"To be completely honest with you, I'm not entirely sure," Dazai told him. "Odasaku wanted me to help orphans like he did, but somehow I can't exactly picture you wanting to stroll up to the nearest orphanage and take in some children."
Chuuya made a face at that, which caused Dazai to burst into laughter.
That was another thing Chuuya had noticed, the increased lightheartedness of his partner. To anyone else it would have seemed as though Dazai had had a burden lifted off his shoulders. As though now that he was free of the Port Mafia he was able to be a more careless, amusing person. But Chuuya could tell that Dazai wasn't quite enjoying himself the way he wanted Chuuya to believe he was. Even if Chuuya hadn't already been convinced that his partner was still processing through Odasaku's death, it was clear from the haunted look in his eyes that he was only putting on this show because he felt like he had to. Because if he didn't do something with his life, if he wasn't moved by Odasaku's death enough, if no good came from such a tragedy, and all that happened was that that bastard Mori walked away with a special division permit like he'd been hoping for the entire time, well then, it meant Oda had died for nothing.
It wasn't anything Dazai had ever said out loud, in fact, Chuuya doubted he even realized the deeper meaning behind why he was doing what he was doing, but Chuuya knew. And if letting Dazai fake it til he made it was what it took to get him through this point in his life, who was Chuuya to pop that bubble of illusion? The best thing he could do for Dazai now was to let him process through all this in whatever way he could, and be ready for when Dazai could no longer keep living a lie that everything was fine and eventually came crashing back down to reality again.
"And since helping the poor and unfortunate children without parents isn't really Soukoku's style, I thought we could do things our own way," Dazai was saying, making Chuuya tune back in to the conversation.
They'd stopped walking now, and Chuuya finally looked around them to see where they'd ended up. He'd largely ignored their surroundings as they'd walked, trusting Dazai to get them to wherever it was they were headed, and he now realized they'd stopped directly in front of a bank.
Chuuya raised an eyebrow, looking to Dazai as if to ask if whatever Dazai had planned was the same thing Chuuya was now thinking.
Giving a smirk in reply, Dazai grinned. "It's supposed to be one of the most secure vaults in the country, the world even, and as such, there are a number of corrupt politicians and other wealthy people in power that have decided to house their wealth here."
With a sigh, Chuuya pinched the bridge of his nose. "And you want us to rob it?"
"For the children of course!" Dazai insisted, "After all, if we kept it all to ourselves we'd be better off than spoiled royalty, and who needs all that? No, we're taking the money and giving it to the orphans, just like Odasaku would have wanted, even if he maybe would have disapproved of the crime bit."
Chuuya gave him a look, as if to ask if he was genuinely serious about this, but upon seeing the first trace of genuine excitement from Dazai he'd seen in months, it was hard to say no to him. "Alright, when are we doing this?"
Tilting his head to one side, Dazai pretended to consider the question. Chuuya could tell he was only pretending to consider it, because otherwise he would have done the same little hum-y thing he'd done before. This expression was far more common on Dazai, which was reserved for when Dazai wanted to act like he was considering something Chuuya had said, but had already thought through it a million times before.
... And the fact that he'd noticed these subtle differences in how Dazai expressed himself made him sick to his stomach.
"Well, they say there's no time like the present," Dazai said cheerfully, pushing open the doors to the bank before Chuuya had a moment to even try and come up with a counter argument.
"Hello everyone!" Dazai announced to the tellers and various patrons milling about inside the building. "I'm sure you're all very nice people who didn't really deserve to have their day ruined like this, but unfortunately you either work for, or frequent a corrupt company and for that reason, I regret to inform you you're being robbed."
And then he turned to Chuuya, as though he expected his partner to do all the heavy lifting, which of course he did, and really, Dazai should count himself lucky to have a partner as loyal as Chuuya, because even as Chuuya was cursing Dazai's horrible take on 'put your hand up, this is a robbery', the tell tale red glow of Upon the Tainted Sorrow lit up around his hands, and screams descended within the building.
Surprisingly enough, it was a painless heist for one pulled off with seemingly zero planning from either end, and they managed to walk away without a single casualty or injury that couldn't be repaired by a basic first aid kit. Not to mention the fact that they'd literally taken several million out of the pockets of corrupt officials and now all they had to do was find a way to siphon large chunks of the money off to charities to have truly pulled off a successful job.
Weeks turned into months and before long the two had amassed quite a large sum of money from various corrupted organizations throughout the city and those that housed or routed their finances within Yokohama. On top of that, they still had a decent amount left over for themselves after all was said and done, despite the way they were rapidly siphoning it off to various charities that needed their funds.
"Oi, shitty Dazai," Chuuya piped up one night. The two of them were laid out beneath the stars on the outskirts of the city in a makeshift shelter that they'd hastily put together a few nights before. "I know we're supposed to be on the run and all that, but I think we could afford to spend at least a little money on some basic fucking necessities, like, I dunno, a roof?!"
While Dazai had never been one to purchase extravagant things with his Port Mafia salary even before they'd left, Chuuya hadn't quite realized that Dazai was so insistent on living this new selfless lifestyle that it meant that he'd give up basic necessities for himself, and inadvertently, Chuuya.
Part of him, deep down, wondered if Dazai was doing it on purpose. On a subconscious level if nothing else, to make up for all that he'd done in the past. As though leaving the Port Mafia and slowly draining it of its funds wasn't enough for him. As though he still had something to prove to show the world that he was a better person. As though somehow, suffering for his sins in addition to what he was doing to atone for them would make up for all the things he'd done in the past.
But of course, if Chuuya accused him of this, he'd only get shut down and send Dazai into a deeper spiral of denial, and so Chuuya had determined it was best to broach the subject as though it was a major inconvenience to him.
It wasn't, of course. Chuuya was more than accustomed to spending his nights in the outdoors, and while the wilderness environment certainly wasn't the most comfortable one he'd ever been in, it wasn't a big deal for him to handle such conditions night after night.
Dazai on the other hand, had always been overall worse at taking care of himself than Chuuya had. It was harder for the bandage wasting bastard to get a full night of sleep, or remember to do things like eat three full meals a day, or exercise in a way that actually helped to condition his body and not his mind. While Chuuya was confident in his own abilities to handle the adverse weather conditions, he wasn't confident in Dazai's.
But he also knew that making himself appear as the weaker one was the only way to get Dazai to concede to do something as simple as take care of himself.
"Awww, is Chibi afraid of the bed bugs?" Dazai teased, laying beside him, not bothering to turn his head to look at the source of the question. "I promise there are no species with deadly bites out here, I checked before we made camp."
Chuuya rolled his eyes. "It's not about the nonexistent bed bugs mackerel, it's about the fact that neither of us have a BED to even have bugs on!" He flung an arm out to smack Dazai in the face, hoping it would drive his point home.
"I know we're doing this to save the orphans and do some good in the world, but if I don't get consistent access to indoor plumbing soon, I am going to torture you until you wish you were dead more than you usually do. And then I'm going to take all the orphans' money for myself, and you'll have to wait til you're out of the hospital to start trying to help them again."
Dazai let out a small laugh, but it was more genuine than most of the expressions he'd been faking his way through over the course of the last few months, and so Chuuya couldn't complain.
"I suppose, that if Chuuya really hates it moving from place to place and camping out doors and squatting in abandoned buildings, then perhaps we can look into a more permanent place of residence, for Chuu-Chuu's sake."
"Oi! That's not my name asshat!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry Chibi, my mistake."
"That's not my name either you shitty mackerel!"
"Right, right, my apologizes Slug."
"Don't make me get out of this sleeping bag and throttle you til you pass out,"
"My dearest most loyal dog would never dream of it," Dazai insisted. "After all it's too cold for him to come out of hibernation."
"Wh-!? That doesn't even make sense!!"
The two bickered back and forth for a while until eventually, one after the other, both of them drifted off into a restless sleep.
The next morning, they'd wake up and start scouting the city for an inconspicuous place to lay down a foundation for the time being, and plot their next move for how to piss off the Port Mafia and give back to the city of Yokohama.
*Present Day*
"No, no, no, no, no! You've got the story all wrong already, Chibi only thinks he was manipulating me into getting a new place to stay because he's been lying to himself for all these years. I of course immediately saw through your attempts to get me to take better care of myself and decided to simply sit back and let you embarrass yourself before doing something I was already going to do anyways!" Dazai protested, interrupting Chuuya as he began to tell the next part of their story.
"I have never heard more untrue words in my entire life, you absolute ass, there is no way in hell you were ever planning on actually getting a place for us to stay had it not been for me recognizing that your new quest to become a selfless person was hurting you in the long run!" Chuuya countered.
"I would too!"
"Would not!"
"Would too!"
"... Are they always like this?" Atsushi asked, turning to Akutagawa, hoping that if he could manage to be less annoying than the two fully grown men who were bickering back and forth like five year olds, Akutagawa might actually begin to harbor a better opinion of him.
Sighing, Akutagawa gave his reply, "Unfortunately, yes, yes they are. But somehow, despite all their arguing they manage to be an unstoppable team when they finally decide to work together."
"And... How often does that happen? Them working together I mean," Atsushi amended.
Akutagawa shuddered slightly. "Not all that often, but when it does, pray that they never combine their forces to go against you."
As Atsushi was left to ponder whatever the hell that meant, Dazai and Chuuya's bickering had finally begun to die down.
With a grin that said that Atsushi was about to regret whatever happened next, Dazai clapped his hands together, looking between Atsushi and Akutagawa with mischievous anticipation.
"Well, since the hat rack is so terrible at telling the story the way it actually happened, I think you two should get to hear the real events of what happened next."
Chuuya rolled his eyes, although the longer Atsushi spent around the two of them, the more he was able to pick up on the masked affection hidden within the gesture. "As if you're even capable of telling a unbiased story that doesn't paint you in the highest light imaginable."
"It's not my fault that unbiased stories just so happen to show me in the best light, the truth just likes me better."
"The truth doesn't take sides dipshit!" Chuuya exclaimed, smacking the back of Dazai's head to drive the point home. "That's what makes it the truth, it's supposed to be impartial!"
Atsushi let out a sigh. No matter what came next in the story, there was one thing for certain: he was in for a hell of a ride.