Chapter Text
"You live, you learn
You love, you learn
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn"
ALANIS MORRISETTE (From the album "Jagged Little Pill" (1995))
"Is this really happening?" Pacey had to keep asking himself, while he was also trying to keep his concentration on kissing the gorgeous girl, who was lying on top of him on the front seat of his dad's old truck, with her body pressed down firmly on his own and giving him what by far was the experience of his life, at least so far in the close to sixteen years that had passed in it.
The day leading up to this moment in time hadn't gone as he thought it would have at all, when he was told that himself and Joey Potter would have to do a biology project together. Truth be told, at that moment it felt like it would be more fun to have root canals done without pain killers on all of his teeth, back-to-back and if he could have come up with a valid excuse not to have to do it, no matter how lame it might have been, he would have used it in a second. One thing was that it seemed like a boring project to him, it also involved himself having to work closely with what he until that day, had seen as the most annoying and infuriating girl, he'd ever met in his life. Sure, she'd developed into quite the cutie over these past couple of years, which had also meant that she naturally had joined the ranks of his long list of fantasy girlfriends, and besides secretly admiring her for how hard she worked in school and the great grades she got as a result (when he himself rarely got anything above a C in any of his classes), he also had to admit that as far as the women in his life went, she was close to the top, as far as whom of them meant the most to him. At the same time, he'd always thought that they would most likely be terrible as a couple and although he was starting to become a bit desperate, when it came to finding his first "real" girlfriend, Joey had right up to that day felt like just about the least likely girl in his small hometown to take up that role. However, after spending the day together with her and him having to admit to himself that she wasn't all that bad after all, he'd kissed her on a spur of the moment impulse and couldn't deny that it had felt all kinds of right to do so.
To be perfectly honest, he hadn't in a million years expected her to kiss him back, but once she quickly got past the initial shock of what was going on, she'd been at least as much into it, as he had. After this, one kiss had turned into a handful more and now her goodnight kiss for that evening had turned into what can best have been described as fifteen minutes of permanent lip-lock (in his own estimation, seeing as he'd completely lost track of time).
"I really should get inside, before Bessie or Bodie comes out to see if your dad's truck has broken down and catches us in the act" she partly moaned, when they finally broke their extremely elongated kissing session.
"Would that be so bad? I mean, aren't we ... no, just forget I said anything" he said, chickening out of asking her what this was, but her smile made him ease up in a second.
"Pacey, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" she asked him and as much as he wanted to ask her, the fear of rejection kept him from saying it in so many words. He'd had enough of that with girls already, since he hit puberty and how he looked at them began to change, at around the same pace as his own body doing so.
"If you want to be my girlfriend ... I guess, that would be okay?" was how it came out and immediately, he felt like such a geek for not having found a way to say it better. In any case, it made Joey giggle, so it couldn't have been the absolute worst answer, he could have come up with.
"You're so bad at this, you know that? It's no wonder that you're still single!" she grinned at him, and he saw the chance to get back on what felt like a more familiar playing field with her.
"Like you're some kind of pro at this stuff yourself, Potter? How would you have said it?"
"Any other way! That has to have been the worst way, that question has ever been asked, by anyone!" she laughed, and he couldn't help himself from laughing along with her.
"Okay, you try it, then!" he dared her, but only got another small kiss as his immediate answer, before she opened the door to get out.
"First you ask Dawson and get his express okay, that this won't freak him out or lead to all of us not talking and hating each other and then come and see me again" she told him, before getting out and shutting the door behind herself. "I'm working the dinner shift at The Icehouse tomorrow. Hope to see you there!" she said, before blowing him a kiss and heading up the patio towards the small house, she called home.
"Look, Dawson. There's something I need to tell you and I'm not sure, you'll like what I have to say" Pacey started nervously.
After himself and Joey had said their goodnights, he'd driven home (in the old pile of rust they affectionately called the Witter Wagoneer (although, it probably belonged more on a junkheap, than on the roads those days) with a huge smile on his face that hadn't even gone away when his dad had loudly told him off for taking the car, when he didn't have a valid driver's license yet or had asked for permission to borrow it. He had someone to be there for him now and nothing anyone could say, would take away from the joy of that fact.
That it was Joey made perfect sense too now and as he'd laid in bed and tried to fall asleep, his head became filled with thoughts of all of the things, he wanted to do with her and all of the firsts in life, that he could get to do with her. it began to dawn on him as well, what all of the name-calling between them over the past years and the small barbs they loved to send each other's way had really been about. They'd both just been either too inexperienced or too naive, when it came to the ways of love, to see that what they'd been doing all that time was building up to what he hoped desperately would be coming next: The two of them, as boyfriend and girlfriend, making one another's lives better on a daily basis and helping each other through both the good and bad times, that were sure to be lying ahead.
All things considered, this should have been great and given that both he and Joey were single, it shouldn't have been anything that brought the slightest of problems with it either. Of course, there was the slight issue of her dad being a criminal and his being the chief of their local police force (a bridge that it might not be as easy to cross, as most other bridges were) and whether his parents would be accepting of her as a new extended part of their family was yet to be seen, still he knew from a lifetime of practice how to spin things the right way with them, so that it as a minimum wouldn't end up being a deal breaker. What could be the proverbial deal breaker though, was how his best friend since childhood reacted to what he was about to say next, as they sat on the bed up in Dawson's room and his heart raced faster, than it perhaps ever had before.
"It's about myself and Joey ..."
Dawson almost knew what Pacey was going to say, even before the first words came out of his friend's mouth. He was well aware that most of those he knew, thought of him as a dreamer, who didn't know shit from Shinola when it came to reality and the all too real feelings that come from living in it, yet he wasn't anywhere as near as blind to it as they all thought he was. He'd noticed the little stolen glances between his two friends that evening at the fun faire, where Pacey had done the honorable thing and asked first, before he tried anything with her. He did doubt a little whether they actually had waited for him to give them the green light and truth be told; he'd been expecting this day to come for some time now.
"See, the thing is ..." Pacey shyly started off.
"You like her, don't you?" Dawson told him with a reassuring smile on his face.
"Kind of, yeah. I'm pretty sure that she likes me back too, so now the only question is whether it's okay with you that we ... try becoming more than friends. That sounded lame, even as I was saying it!" Pacey said, as his face began to redden. Dawson couldn't help himself from chuckling either at Pacey's response, if nothing else because it was such an "Un-Pacey" thing to say.
"It's just that I know you and her have all of this history together. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to step on anyone's toes here. Least of all yours" Pacey explained and it wasn't like Dawson couldn't see where he was coming from. His own history with the adorable little miss Potter was complicated to say the least and it wasn't much of a secret to either of them that she'd probably had more than just friendly feelings for him for a while, feelings that part of him wished she didn't have.
"You've already asked me once, Pace and if I said I was okay with it then, I still am now. If you want to ask her out or whatever, I give you my fullest possible blessing. Just promise me that you won't do anything to hurt her and we're good" he told his old buddy and for the most part, he wasn't lying either. As great as the girl was and as much as he cared about her, there was also the lingering question of how it would adversely affect their friendship, once their relationship eventually turned sour, like nearly all teenage relationships do sooner or later.
"I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that" Pacey said and smiled to himself. Something either in his voice or the way he said it though, made Dawson think to himself that there may be more to the story, than what Pacey or Joey had told him thus far.
"Am I totally out of my mind here, Jen?" Joey asked her relatively new blonde-haired friend from the big city, while they were walking towards the Icehouse, where Joey's waitressing shift was soon to start.
"Well, you liked it when Pacey kissed you, didn't you?" Jen asked her back and Joey nervously both biting her lip and twice tucking her hair behind her ears, told Jen all she needed to know.
"Kinda. I mean, it came as a huge surprise and I wasn't really ready for it, when it happened. Then again, I guess, I couldn't help myself from kissing him back a little" Joey tried to explain, which only made her much more experienced friend smile to herself.
"You either kissed him back or you didn't, Joey. There's not a halfway there, so which was it?" Jen inquired.
"In that case, I ... guess, I sort of did. Which is crazy, because it's Pacey! I mean, could you ever see us working as couple?" Joey asked, like the idea of them being an item was the craziest suggestion in the world.
"I actually thought you two were already having a secret thing going on, when I first came here. Before I got to know you, of course" Jen quickly added.
"What would make you think that?" Joey asked with a puzzled look on her face.
"Come on, Joey! I mean, just when it comes to the oh, so obvious "Buffy and Angel Levels" of unfulfilled sexual tension between you two, it's like we're watching the beginning of a porn movie play out every day, only it always ends before we get to when the best part begins. Believe me, a guy doesn't act like he does around you, unless there's something going on in his undies, that's too plain as day for him to deny!" Jen explained and it made Joey giggle a little. "Trust me on this. All boys his age are slaves to that thing dangling down between their legs and whatever it wants, they want! You're just lucky that his has decided, that it wants you" Jen further elaborated, just as they came up to the place, where Joey would be serving tables for the next six hours.
"They badly need to get that clock on the wall fixed. I'm pretty sure, it's started running backwards" Pacey shared with Dawson, while they were waiting for what had been an extremely boring shift at the video store to end. Dawson checked his wristwatch to see if he was right.
"Sorry. It's on time" he told a disappointed Pacey, who sulked at the thought that he still had almost an hour of boring work to go and that the likelihood anything remotely interesting happening, were around the same as someone to come running in through the door to tell him, that he'd won a million dollars on pure luck alone.
"We both know that Joey doesn't get off work until nine. So, why not stay here until the end of your shift and earn another princely five bucks?" Dawson asked with a sly smile on his face.
"She isn't my girlfriend. Not yet anyway. For one thing, I have to find out if she's still into the idea of us dating" Pacey reminded himself, so as not to get his hopes too high up.
"I'm pretty sure, she is. It's all basic movie logic, Pace. She's a slightly bitter outsider, new to love and yearning for someone to shower romantic affection on her for the first time. You're in many ways her mirror opposite, yet you're still kind of the same in all of the right ways, for you to naturally start to form an attraction. You're basically like Christian Slater and Wynona Ryder in "Heathers", only without the murdering people part."
"Since this is Joey, we're talking about here, let's be a little cautious with ruling anything out for the future! Either way, life isn't like the movies, Dawson! You can't constantly compare what happens in them to real life, because real life isn't scripted for you!"
"Then, you wouldn't call what you and Joey have the beginnings of what could be a storybook romance? I would. Basically, the way I've always seen it, you two are like a pair of magnets" Dawson explained.
"Magnets?"
"Yeah, magnets. One of you is the negative pole and one of you is the positive. Place a magnet of each type close enough to each other and what happens?"
"They move towards each other until they link up. I know that I only got a D in physics last year, but I'm not that dumb!"
"Honestly, I'm more surprised than anything, that it took the two of you this long to find out. And let's be real here, Pace. You seriously need someone like her in your life right now to figuratively pull your ears, when they need a good pulling and we both know that she'll do it, where I won't!" Dawson said and they chuckled together in agreement.
Maybe the idea of them dating wasn't so crazy after all, Pacey thought to himself, moments before a family of seven came through the doors, who combined between them soon had both of the boys wishing for a bit of boredom again.
"You're really okay with him dating Joey?" Dawson's dad Mitch asked him, as they waved goodbye to Pacey, who was heading the other way, in the direction of the Ice House.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know. I guess, all of us always thought that ..."
"Me and her would end up together?"
"You can't tell me, that it hasn't crossed your mind a time or two."
"Of course, it has, but it's Joey we're talking about here. I know that you probably don't know for sure, but how many relationships that start out when both of those involved are fifteen, would you guess make it to the end of high school?
"Very few, is my only and best estimate."
"My point exactly. If we tried dating now, it would be doomed from the get-go. All I would be doing the entire time would be waiting for the end to come and I just know that I wouldn't enjoy it at all. With Jen it's different, because there isn't as much on the line with her."
"As there would be with Joey?"
"Do you get why I don't want to date her now?"
"I guess so. You really like this Jen girl, huh?"
"Yeah, I do, dad. I just hope that I haven't messed things up too badly with her already" Dawson confessed to his father.
"There's only one way to find out. I could drop you off at her house."
"Dad, it's literally right across the street from our own!"
"I know! Just don't say that I don't ever offer to do nice things for you, because I just did!" Mitch joked, as they soon began to make their way home.
"Earth to Joey! Do you read me?" Bessie interrupted Joey from her daydream with and it quickly made her snap to. They were having a surprisingly busy evening at the restaurant and even in her own opinion, her job performance that evening had been nothing short of lousy.
"You completely screwed up on this order! The guy wanted a bacon cheeseburger, not a regular cheeseburger and onion rings, not fries. It isn't the first time tonight, so will you tell me what's up, or do I have to give you the third degree?" Bessie said, as she stared a hole through Joey's soul.
"Bessie, how do you know when you're in love?" Joey asked cautiously and it made her sister smile widely.
"Let me venture a wild guess. This has to do with Pacey and you swapping spit outside of our house last night? I happened to catch part of the show, while I was in the kitchen" Bessie said, as Joey's face turned beet red in a matter of seconds.
"Oh, my God!" Joey exclaimed, looking all kinds of embarrassed.
"I'm happy for you! Plus, it's nice for me that you've chosen a boy, I can trust not to lead you too much astray, so thanks for that part as well!" Bessie told her smilingly and it made Joey feel much less self-conscious over the whole thing.
"I mean, I don't even know if he wants to date yet" Joey tentatively said, not wanting to think that their kisses had been more important to herself, than they'd been to him.
"How much do you want to bet that he does?" Bessie asked with a knowing look on her face, that made Joey turn her head, just as Pacey came through the door, looking more than a little nervous.
All the way on his bike ride over to Joey's family's restaurant, where she worked, Pacey had been practicing in his head exactly what to say to her. He would play it cool, while still not hiding that he liked her and the way he'd played out in his head over and over since his own shift at "Screen Time" began earlier that day, all of it had worked like a charm. It was just too bad that he forgot every word of it, the moment he saw how gorgeous she looked, even in her slightly stained work t-shirt, while she was talking to her sister. He did his best to look as confident as he could, as she walked over to him, even if part of him knew that it most likely wasn't working and that him never having been this nervous before, was bound to be shining through in one way or the other.
"Hi, Joey. Ehm ... can we talk?" was how unpoetically it came out of his mouth, and it immediately made him feel like such a loser, for not having had a better opening line planned.
"I think, we should. Bessie just gave me the rest of the evening off, anyway. So ..." she started her sentence without knowing how to finish it. In a strange way though, her being clearly just as nervous as himself made him ease up a bit. When he offered her his hand to lead her out and she took it without a moment's thought, he could swear that his heart skipped a beat and for once in his life, he felt like the luckiest guy in the entire world.
It was still pretty warm for a fall evening, so they decided to take a walk down on the beach. None of them knew what to say for the longest time however, until she finally broke the silence.
"So, about those kisses the other night. I guess, you're wondering, why I didn't stop you and sort of ... kissed you back, like I did" she said nervously.
"It seemed like you really liked it!" he blurted out and as per usual, he felt like a doofus for saying such a dumb thing to her.
"I did! A lot! A whole lot, if you want the truth! Those were ... some really nice kisses! I know that it isn't like I have a whole lot of experience, but they were by far the best kisses I've experienced so far!" she told him shyly, and her saying so filled him with a confidence, he'd only very rarely felt before this.
"Well ... did you like it so much, that you want to try it again? Because if you did, then ... I guess, I want to try it again. Why are we sounding like we're practically speech impaired right now?" he asked to lighten the mood, and it seemed like it worked, since it got a smile out of her.
"I have a theory that it's because we're in totally uncharted territory for both of us here" she told him very sweetly, while the moonlight revealed her entire beauty to him.
"I know. It's both a little scary and kind of exciting at the same time, don't you think?"
"Yeah, it is. Can't we just skip this whole nervous rambling part and go straight back to the kissing? I liked that part a lot better!" Joey asked of him, and she didn't have to ask twice, in order to get what she wanted.
END OF CHAPTER ONE