Chapter Text
Mikey’s eyes opened, his limbs aching with exhaustion as if he hadn’t just gotten a full night’s rest. He sat up in his hammock, stretching out his arms until they make a popping sound.
Today marked three weeks since the Kraang invaded New York.
Pain pulsed through his head, but he ignored it. It felt like he’d woken up with a headache every day since the invasion.
He didn’t give himself much time to wake up or relax in his hammock-bed, instead, he immediately pushed himself out of the bed and to his feet. He stretched again, his hand brushing across the bandages wrapped tightly around both of his arms. His arms hadn’t bled since the first few days after the invasion, but he had decided to keep them wrapped anyway.
As usual, no one was awake as he pushed open the door to his subway car. He walked through an eerily silent lair, ignoring the melancholy air of the place. It was just like any other day, it’d been like this ever since that day.
Mikey scratched at his wrist absentmindedly, fiddling with the bandages he had not-so professionally wrapped around his arms as he stepped into the kitchen.
He quite enjoyed making breakfast for his family each morning. Breakfast in general just might be his favorite thing to make. It was so diverse, yet so simple. It was easy to slip into a trance each morning when he stood over the stove, expertly making everything just the way his family liked it, muscle memory taking over him from years of experience.
He went with a classic that tended to be his default when he wasn’t quite sure what to do: pancakes.
He didn’t even need to think. He could do it blindfolded, and he has.
Leo’s was the easiest. As with everything, Leo liked it absolutely drenched in chocolate. There was almost always a full bottle of chocolate sauce in the fridge, even though the stock was always burned through within a week. Mikey liked to add chocolate shavings on to top it off.
Raph liked his pancakes slightly overcooked so they had a crunch to them. Mikey didn’t put anything on top of them, as the snapping turtle changed what he wanted with them depending on what he was feeling every time he was served pancakes. It usually jumped between different combinations of assorted fruits, syrup, powdered sugar, and other classics. Mikey knew that his oldest brother tended to lean towards strawberries, so he made sure to leave a bowl of them out on the table near Raph’s seat.
Donnie always got the same thing. It was the only dish that Mikey tended to carefully monitor to be sure that it was cooked to the exact amount that Donnie liked it. Mikey would bake bananas into the pancakes (bancakes, as Leo tended to call them, much to Donnie’s dismay), always for just the right amount of time as to not burn the fruits while still having the pancake cooked all the way through. Mikey also put banana slices on top, of course, with syrup on the side.
Although Splinter never really joined them for breakfast, Mikey liked to make him a few pancakes to set in the fridge. The box turtle didn’t even need to tell the rat man they were there waiting for him, as by the time Mikey returned to the kitchen the next morning, they were already gone.
Once Mikey had finished setting up breakfast, the lair was still quiet. His brothers were awake by then, but the lair held onto that eerie, empty feeling.
Mikey ignored it. He sighed, put on a smile, and headed off to get his brothers.
Before the invasion, they’d gradually trickle into the kitchen one by one as they woke up, and Mikey made their breakfasts in order so they would be ready as soon as each turtle arrived. They’d stopped doing that after the invasion, though, and Mikey had grown used to fetching them himself.
He missed when he could talk to Raph each morning, who was always up first, as he made breakfast for the others. He missed when Leo would stumble in, making some stupid pun about whatever Mikey had made before absolutely inhaling it without hesitation. He missed when Donnie would walk in last, borderline running to the counter to drink the mug of coffee that Mikey always had ready for him.
The mornings were so much quieter now.
Mikey stepped into the Medbay — ignoring the icky, discomforting feeling he always got when entering the dull and colorless room.
On the bed, as he had been for the weeks since the invasion, was his blue-themed brother. Leo was already wide awake, sitting up and smiling. Mikey didn’t fail to notice the bags under his eyes. “Morning, hermano!”
Leo had suffered the most injuries from the invasion. He was in a coma for a few days after the fact, and had been confined to the Medbay since he awoke. Thanks to his mutation, his body naturally healed faster than a human would from his injuries, but Donnie insisted they keep him there for a while longer to make sure he was absolutely, positively fine.
Today, as had been decided around a week ago, was the day Leo would be allowed to go back to sleeping in his own room and start physical therapy with Donnie.
Among the many injuries that he had received from his (thankfully short) time in the prison dimension, the ones most persistent were the injuries he sustained to his left knee. Although Leo could walk on his own, he struggled, and had been using a crutch to help him get around. He had a limp that — according to Donnie — would likely persist for quite a while.
Mikey smiled at his older brother, retrieving his brother’s crutch from where it rested next to the doorway. “Good morning, Leo.”
The slider was technically able to get up on his own, but the thought of something happening to him with no one there to help him was not a pleasant one. Leo didn't walk anywhere without someone with him to catch him if he fell. It was Raph who had insisted on putting this system in place, and although Leo disliked it, Mikey could tell that he didn’t really mind as long as it put his older brother at ease.
Leo lifted the blankets, turning to let his feet dangle off the bed. Mikey handed him his crutch and helped steady him as the slider pushed off the bed and onto the floor. Leo leaned onto the crutch, still grabbing onto Mikey’s bandaged arm for support. His arm stung slightly, but Mikey didn’t say anything.
Mikey led his older brother out of the Medbay. Eventually, Leo let go of Mikey’s arm, and Mikey slowed his pace to walk next to the slider.
Despite everything, Leo was smiling. “Are ya’ glad to see me get off of house arrest today?” The slider grinned at his little brother.
“House arrest??”
“Medbay arrest, technically.”
Mikey smiled at his older brother, laughing quietly, but it wasn't genuine. He was too distracted by the way that Leo wasn’t really smiling. Leo always had a habit of making jokes out of the worst situations, and he could tell just by looking at his brother if he was really happy or not. He wasn’t.
Mikey didn’t get to dwell on it too long as they reached the kitchen, taking Leo’s crutch once the slider sat down. “I’m gonna go get Donnie, alright?” He told Leo, as if this wasn’t the routine as it had been for the past three weeks.
The slider nodded, “Tell him to be quick, before I steal his breakfast.”
Mikey didn't respond to his brother's attempt at banter, and swiftly left to wake his immediate older brother.
Except, Donnie wasn’t sleeping.
Mikey hoped for a moment that he’d find Donnie in his room, but he didn't. Mikey sighed, heading to the softshell’s lab instead. The door was shut, but that wasn’t unusual. Donnie likely wouldn't let Leo or Raph in if they were to knock, but he was generally more lenient towards Mikey.
Before the invasion, Mikey was the only one allowed in Donnie’s lab while he worked. The box turtle would sit in his own little corner of the room and work on art projects while Donnie worked on his inventions.
Mikey knocked on the door in a pattern unique to him, but there was no response. It wasn't even locked, to his surprise, and after waiting a moment Mikey opened the door himself.
Stepping into the lab, Mikey saw that Donnie was at his desk. He didn’t even seem to notice Mikey enter his 'sacred' space. He looked half asleep. His computer had turned off from inactivity. A notepad was in front of the softshell, with handwriting so messy that Mikey couldn’t even attempt to understand it. Donnie was staring at it, eyelids drooping, without acknowledging Mikey's presence.
Mikey hesitated, not walking much further than the doorway. “...Donnie?”
The purple turtle jumped slightly, looking over his shoulder at Mikey. Bags even deeper than Leo’s were incredibly visible under his eyes. “Mikey? When did you walk in?”
Mikey frowned for a moment, before shaking his head and forcing a smile. “I just wanted to tell you that there’s breakfast in the kitchen. I made pancakes, they’re your favorite!”
Donnie shook his head. “I’m sorry, Mikey, but I’m busy. Put it in the fridge, I’ll get to it later.”
You’re always busy.
“Come on, you said that yesterday.”
“Yes, but I’m going to be spending most of the day working with Leo on his knee. I need to get extra work done here while I can since I’ll be losing time later.”
Mikey lowered his head. “Please, Donnie? You know Raph will come bother you anyway if he doesn’t see you in the kitchen.”
Donnie shook his head again. “I-”
“Please. Take a break.”
The softshell spun his chair to face the younger. Mikey met his gaze.
Donnie glanced at the blank screen of his computer. “Okay.” He stood up. He was wearing his BattleShell. When was the last time he took that off?
Mikey turned and left, Donnie following behind. Mikey turned and smiled at his immediate older brother, fidgeting absentmindedly with his bandages. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” He waved, walking briskly off toward the dojo. He’d passed Raph’s room on the way to Donnie’s lab, so he already knew that the snapping turtle wasn’t in there. Mikey knew very well where Raph was without having to look for him.
He peeked into the dojo through the thin canvas that covered the windows into the space, knocking gently on the wooden sliding door. He was lucky enough to catch Raph at a point where he had stopped to get a water break, otherwise he might have been too focused to hear.
Raph had been lucky enough to not entirely lose vision in his right eye, but his eyesight was significantly worse than it was before. It was hidden by his mask, but the red-banded turtle had a scar running over the eye that stopped just above the end of his beak. His right eye looked slightly more foggy than the other.
Raph had been overworking himself trying to get over his blind spot. Even though he’s not gone fully half blind — and Donnie will get him an entirely functioning replacement eye eventually, knowing him — Mikey could tell Raph didn't like the thought of not being enough on his own. Either way, that replacement eye might be a long time coming. There was a lot not needed to be done in the way of repairs. The Turtle Tank was still completely non-functional, after all.
The snapping turtle lifted his head to the door. “Come in!”
Mikey pushed the door open, choosing to remain in the doorway rather than enter. Raph smiled, his snaggletooth poking out. “Morning, Mikes!”
“Breakfast is ready.” The box turtle stated.
Mikey could see the hesitation in Raph’s eyes as he glanced towards the training dummies he had set up. However, Mikey knew that unlike Donnie he didn’t have to convince his brother to rest. Raph wouldn't say no to him.
Still, the fact that he wanted to keep training anyway worried Mikey.
Mikey could almost hear the ‘in a minute’ that his oldest brother wanted to say, but instead the spikey turtle set his water bottle down. “Alright.”
Mikey let Raph lead the way to the kitchen, where both Donnie and Leo were already settled. Leo had eaten the majority of his pancakes, likely before Donnie had even sat down.
Raph blinked as he sat at the table, looking between the three plates that were set out. “...Are you not eating with us?”
Mikey shook his head, finally diverging from the lifeless routine they'd been slogging through. “I already ate!”
Mikey smiled nervously as he watched Donnie look towards the sink. It was nearly empty of dishes, save for the bowl that had held the pancake batter and the pan he’d made them in. There were no plates, forks, knives, or anything of the sort. Nothing that would imply that Mikey had eaten at all.
Mikey spoke before Donnie had the chance to point it out. “I actually wanted to ask if I could go topside today?” Mikey watched Raph freeze up at the question. Donnie’s gaze snapped to look at him, distracted from his previous concern, as Leo looked up from his food.
It wasn’t the first time Mikey had asked since the invasion, and every time he’d been shot down.
This time, Raph didn’t respond with an immediate ‘no’ as he usually did. Maybe it was the break of their usual repeated morning that threw the snapper off. “Why do you want to go topside?”
I’m tired of staying here. It’s quiet. It’s lonely. I miss the way things were before.
“I just want a little fresh air. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen the sun, it’ll be good for me!" He smiled, showing off the gap in his teeth. "I'll be safe — promise!"
Raph tapped his fingers together, considering something. “I don’t know if you should be going topside alone. Maybe-”
“Everyone else is busy." Mikey interrupted. He hated the thought of his simple walk being disrupted by someone babysitting him like he was made of porcelain. "I’ll be fine, Raph. I just want to go on a little walk.”
Leo shrugged. “I mean, he has to get out sometime.”
Raph’s shoulders hunched. “Yeah, but-”
Donnie looking at his wrist pad, placing his other hand on Raph's shoulder, preventing the larger turtle from voicing his concerns. “If it makes you feel better, Raph, I can check the trackers that I haven’t placed on any of you if he’s been out too long.”
The snapping turtle peered at the screen on Donnie’s wrist pad. Mikey could see the screen, but he was likely being shown Donnie's interactable map of where every member of their family was. Raph lift his gaze to meet Mikey's, who was trying to resist begging.
After a minute of thinking, Raph sighed. “You can go out for an hour, maybe two at most, but if you’re not at least on your way home by then we’re sending a Donnie-Pod after you.”
Mikey smiled, saying a quick ‘goodbye’ and ‘thank you’ before leaving his brothers to eat their breakfast. He didn’t grab anything from the lair as he usually would on his way out, not even his headphones. He left the lair in a run, heading to the nearest sewer grate and eagerly leaping out of pit he'd been stuck in for what felt like eternity.
They hadn’t left the lair all of twice since the invasion, each time very shortly in order to retrieve their gear or other necessities. Mikey hated it, but he understood why his brothers (especially Raph) were so worried about it.
Mikey was careful, just as he promised he would be. He stuck to the shadows, walking on both roofs and through alleys at different points, wandering through the city with no real destination in mind.
The city wasn't fully repaired yet, but was much better than the wreck it had been immediately after everything went down. There were still some missing buildings here or there, a lot more construction than usual, but there was enough rebuilt in order for life to go on in the city.
He let his mind wander as his body did the same.
It was the same streets as they were before, but they were different. Some roads still had cracks running through them. He could recognize the empty spaces where certain buildings used to sit.
He pushed away memories of the invasion that try to taunt him as he walked through the city.
He was hoping the usual chaos of New York would make him feel better over the fact that the lair had been so quiet lately; but it was all the same. A lot of people had moved away for the time being because their homes were destroyed, so the city felt dead in comparison to what it once was.
He didn’t like how empty everything felt. The city, the lair, even his life felt emptier.
He had his family, but they were more distant.
Splinter, who had always been at least a little despondent, had stayed about the same. Though, Mikey had noticed that Splinter had begun stopping by each of their rooms in the night. Sometimes, likely when he believed that Mikey was sleeping, he would walk in and tuck him into bed. Mikey would expect that kind of thing from Raph, but oddly, he found it even more comforting when he was shown such care from his father.
April was still going to school. She couldn't visit the turtles as often because of it, but Mikey appreciated the occasional visit they got from their human sister. He could tell she worried for them a lot. He wished he could see her more.
Casey Junior was just trying his best to adjust to life in the past. Mikey wasn’t as close to the future boy as Leo was, but he knew that Junior was living with Cassandra at the moment. As much as Cass was trying to be accommodating, it must hurt for Casey to live with someone who was supposed to be his mother, but wasn’t and never truly would be. Donnie had pulled some strings to make it so that he actually existed legally, Mikey was pretty sure the kid was looking for a job to be able to support himself instead of living off of Cass.
Speaking of Cassandra, Mikey appreciated the normalcy that Cass offered. After everything with the invasion, Cass hadn’t changed a bit. She was chaotic, posted about it often, and was a reminder of when things were simpler. Mikey wished he could hang out with Cass more, like he did before the invasion, but he had too much to think about.
His brothers, though. They were the most distant. It felt like he was alone in the lair sometimes, even though they were all just a few doors down from him.
Mikey hadn’t really been paying attention to where he was walking, but he found himself on a high rooftop overlooking the city. The building was surprisingly undamaged compared to its surroundings.
Mikey sat down on the edge of the roof, letting his eyes drift across the New York City skyline, as destroyed as it was. He looked up, his eyes widening as he realized he had a clear view of the Metro Tower. His eyes traveled to the peak of the tall building. He stared at it for a while.
He started to think about how his brothers had been since then. How he saw them today.
Leo was clearly trying to hide the trauma of what he had experienced in the prison dimension with jokes and laughs. Mikey could tell he was also very upset about his leg, although he wouldn’t show it. Leo always preferred to hide his insecurities behind a layer of grandeur, but over the years Mikey had learned to read his brother like an open book.
He was hurting and he didn’t want to admit it. Mikey couldn’t tell exactly what was bothering him the most, and now Leo was just trying to make it seem like everything is completely normal.
Donnie was trying to distract himself from everything by throwing himself into his work. It wasn’t the first time he’s done something similar, but it had never been so bad before. Sure, he avoided sleep like the plague sometimes, but Mikey had never seen bags like that under his brother’s eyes.
Mikey had witnessed Donnie’s fusion with the Technodrome firsthand; he also understood and could relate to Donnie’s sensory issues. Just imagining what that must have felt like was enough to make the box turtle shudder. He could tell that Donnie didn’t like to think about it either, hence why he was working as hard as he was. Mikey didn’t know what he was working on, but knowing his brother, it was probably a way to fix it. He knew if he didn’t do anything about it, Donnie would destroy himself with lack of sleep and eventual burnout.
Raph was overworking himself. Not only that, but everything they experienced in the invasion was making his anxiety ring alarms in his head constantly in a way that can’t be good for his stress levels. The snapping turtle always worried about everything, but he really was worrying about everything now. Even hurting his brothers. He was kind of acting like Donnie, except he’s trying to fix an insecurity of his rather than creating something to distract himself. He needed to accept that it will take time to heal from everything he'd experienced.
Mikey could tell that he wasn’t really training just to work on himself or get stronger; he was training because he's afraid of being a liability. He's afraid that this setback could cause him to make a mistake and possibly get someone hurt. Mikey knew that Raph’s anxiety had already made him think of every possible scenario where something could go terribly wrong because of him. Whether he got them hurt indirectly or accidentally hurt them directly. What Raph really needed was better ways to calm down and deal with his stress.
His family needed help, and they wouldn’t help themselves. Avoiding their feelings as they did nothing to help themselves, they needed to confront and work through their trauma if they were ever going to improve.
And Mikey was all too ready to take up the job of family therapist once again.
Keeping them together was his role, after all.
Mikey felt a chill run up his spine, and he pulled his eyes away from the building, letting his eyes drift across the skyline once again.
They settled on Staten Island in the distance. He couldn’t see it well from where he was, but it was easy to recognize. Phantom pains and burns ran up his arms, making him wince.
He looked down at hands and gently began to unwrap his bandages and Hamato wraps.
His hands were shaking uncontrollably, the scars along his arms glowing a burning hot orange-gold hue. He tried to hide his hands as best he could from his brothers. If they saw it would only cause them more stress and pain than they were already experiencing.
Draxum had visited almost immediately after the invasion to check in on them, and was absolutely horrified when he learned what Mikey had done to save Leo. He explained to Mikey that using too much mystic power with one spell like that will tear the user’s body apart.
Mikey watched as the scars on his arms flared up, thinking about the ways his brothers would react if they saw it. Leo would go into full medic mode, Donnie would overwork himself trying to find a solution, and it could send Raph into a panic attack with just a glance.
Maybe he was a hypocrite, but how was he supposed to help his family if he only made them worry?
It was his job to help them. His role.
If he can’t help his family, what good is he?
He rewrapped his arms. The glow was still slightly visible through the bandages, so he decided to wait until it died down before heading back to the lair.
If they saw his arms, they’d worry. He couldn’t live with himself if he added more stress into their lives.
So he opted not to tell them instead.
As long as his brothers were happy, then he didn’t matter.
That is all Mikey cared about.