Chapter Text
Bakugou Katsuki hated his life. That’s why he strived to make it better. That’s why he needs to be a hero. That’s why he’d endure anything to get out of it. Anything.
And so he did. He must be strong to be a hero. He must be a hero to get out. That means relying on nobody.
So to say he was surprised when Midoriya had told everyone would be a lie. He couldn’t rely on him to close his mouth, he knew that already and he’d proved it before. It could be as simple as telling on him for chewing gum to destroying his life, there’s a chance Midoriya will slip up or be guilted into telling. He knew constantly that there was a possibility his entire childhood would be exposed, what he did and what was done to him while Midoriya’s watchful eye and pencil observed , and that was just another reason Bakugou Katsuki hated his life.
It spread like bunnies. Uncontainable in UA halls, his blunders and what he did. Because Bakugou did in fact do it. Bakugou was so aware of what he did, he apologised for it in the half term. And Deku accepted. It was nice knowing the guy you lived most of your life with was on your side again the guy who took the pink crayon knowing you wanted it but where to scared to get it, that after all you did he forgave you. But oh well. Bakugou can’t afford to be hurt, so he won’t be. Midoriya was always stronger than him in that aspect. He would look danger straight on naturally while he’ll act like nothing is wrong as he walks to his dorm after class, feeling Kirishima’s and Mina’s glare on him the entire way and he won’t ask Deku why. Practically his entire friend group left him once it got out.
“What do you mean it’s true! Katsuki- fuck, look at me!” Kirishima was pissed. The others stood behind him with anger simmering.
Bakugou knew how this would end, with nothing but hatred for him, so he might aswell speed it up so it hurt less.
“Fuck off man, you heard why I said!” And Bakugou slammed the door. A final resounding thud ending their friendship.
Kirishima banged on the door for a a minute before leaving. A simple “it’s not worth it dude.” And he was convinced to leave.
Bakugou hated himself. In that moment and afterwards. As a child and a teenager. He can’t really remember when he didn’t, if he was honest. There was always a feeling of dread looking at himself in the mirror and when he heard his voice. When he heard his name and when he was hugged. It all just felt so wrong. He remembered age 5 trying to hide himself from the mirror and draping himself in his dad’s big coat and his mothers dressing gown. He missed his dad so much he missed his uncomfortable hugs and when he asked him to do small tasks for his mother. The seven years without him felt so long. But he was gone now. He felt so ugly.For so many reasons, some unattainable. Why does he feel like if he was someone else he’d still feel this way. Why does he feel like if he was raised the same way but was innately different he wouldn’t feel this way. It hurt his head so he didn’t think about it.
Deku knows he’s been scared to go home since he was 10. Deku knows where he lives. Deku knows about his past. Deku knows his dad killed himself. Deku knows he thinks it’s his fault. Deku knows his Mother hates him. Deku knows too much about him.
Midoriya knows how lonely he is.
His dorm is safety. He’s all alone, and he gets to sleep for a short while. Before a terror will wake him and he’ll start breathing heavily and acting like a baby. But he’ll endure it, grit his teeth and keep going. He’ll see the judgement and glared from his classmates and he’ll keep going.
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