Chapter Text
Kate had not had sex since it happened. She smiled inwardly at that thought, the only way she could smile now.
Her lack of a sex life was hardly surprising and not appreciably high on her list of concerns.
There were many different forms and degrees of cyberisation. She knew this from reading UNIT files but now she knew it in far more detail from the truncated version of the cyber database held within her own servers.
She had her own servers now. The thought amused her in a distant detached way.
Her expertise had been in xenobiology not IT. Her children had despaired at her inability to master office 365 and yet now she had more built in processing power than most networks.
Thinking of her family was a reminder that they believed her dead. Such thoughts were definitely not the mood she was trying for tonight.
It was shockingly easy to stop thinking about her family. To compartmentalise her thoughts. Too easy. Much too easy to just put those thoughts to one side.
She should be grateful for that capability given her situation but it was a worrying reminder of what she was so close to becoming.
Another reason for tonight's erotic preoccupation. Her sex life had certainly paused when the Cybermen had wreaked havoc on her body.
Physically Kate was now, to all intents and purposes, a Cyberman. Her humanity had been cut away with her flesh but she was determined that the Cybermen wouldn't take everything from her.
She was determined that her sex life was paused. Not ended. That was one piece of her humanity she could cling to.
In her mind this was a big 'fuck you' to the Cybermen who had thought of her as nothing more than raw materials. Actually more of a 'fuck me' Kate corrected her own thought. It seemed very unlikely anyone else was going to want to be involved in tonight's activities.
The absence of a partner had never hindered her sex life before and it wasn't going to now. Of course in the past she had had more choice in the matter.
She had been rather more desirable before the Cybermen got to her.
UNIT had rescued her before full conversion but just there hadn't been enough of her original body left to reverse the process.
The cyberisation method employed on her had been brutally extreme. The delicacy of her higher functions and thought processes meant they were the last to be overwritten but had UNIT arrived moments later Kate Lethbridge Stewart really would have been gone.
Kate looked at the blank grey mask in the mirror. The odd teardrop eyes and the handle like antennae.
She still felt like herself except there were gaps. Moments when she was sure she should feel something. Anger, sadness, fear, love but those feelings just weren't there or at least the volume had been turned all the way down.
She still recalled what she should feel, still felt to some degree but the extremes were gone.
The UNIT medics said this might be shock, it might be temporary or it might be the cyberisation. Kate thought the latter. She rather hoped it was the latter.
In her opinion taking the edge off her emotions was probably a good thing or she'd be catatonic or looking to snort gold dust.
As it was she was still functional. She could still contribute, she still had a role in UNIT although different to her old command position.
She was part of Osgoods field team now, able to be both a technical asset and security. Kate's rank, pay and legal status were vague. She had a sneaking suspicion she was now listed as equipment rather than personnel on the UNIT asset register.
Aside from that the new role was quite enjoyable. She no longer had to attend endless planning meetings. The burden of command was no longer hers. The lack of responsibility was refreshing but the loss of authority was a little humiliating.
She didn't give orders anymore but most people were respectful. Terrified was probably a more accurate description.
She often overheard people discussing whether she might 'turn' and go full Cyberman.
Kate honestly didn't know if that was a risk. It seemed the cyber conversion process required external input and that it had stopped when they had pulled her from the conversion chamber. But had it? Her new body self repaired so was it also slowly continuing the conversion of her mind?
Would she feel less and less each day? Grow colder?
She didn't know. Worse, she wasn't sure if she cared.
Life was understandably different now. When she didn't talk or move people tended to treat her like furniture, they would have conversations around or over her and seemed shocked when she joined in.
Colleagues she had worked with for years no longer seemed to know her. It was disconcerting as Kate still remembered herself as the 'old' Kate and struggled to reconcile it with people's reactions to how she now appeared.
Kate continually had to fight the sensation that she had food on her face or she'd mis-buttoned her top.
One meeting with a government official who she had met in tedious meetings many times before had been especially embarrassing The man had talked really loudly as if Kate was deaf. He had left abruptly and Kate noticed her wrist gun had extended involuntarily.
Osgood had accompanied to her meeting and had been pleased when it ended early.
"I wish I could do that." She had commented indicating the extended weapon.
Kate's cyberisation was extensive. She wasn't one of those poor ruined things UNIT sometimes rescued from cyber factories Her forearm mounted cyberweapon worked lethally well. Her senses were pin sharp, her recall perfect and she was strong. She was never going to need help with a pickle jar again. Not that she ate pickles anymore.
She remembered Osgood approaching her in the breakroom a few weeks after she had been cleared fit for duty.
It had been an awkward time. UNIT top brass had decided that internally her identity would be released. They had thought, and Kate had agreed, that people might find it easier working with someone they had known rather than an anonymous 'definitely not going to go nuts and kill you, honestly' cyberman.
Of course people hadn't known what to say to her. A few gave their condolences as if she had died. Most were just awkward, scared and uncomfortable around her. Some were fascinated and asked endless questions.
"No you may not touch my handles." Had become a commonly used phrase in Kate's vocabulary.
Osgood had been one of the very few, okay the only one, who had treated her almost normally. Kate remembered that day in the breakroom. Osgood straining to open the marmalade jar then wordlessly holding it out to Kate.
Kate had opened it one handed with a flick of her thumb.
"I loosened it for you." Said Osgood peevishly.
Kate had laughed, though it wasn't audible, but a few others in the breakroom had heard Osgood and smiled or chuckled.
So yes there were definitely advantages to her new condition. Her old knee injury was gone along with her old knees. The arthritis that had begun troubling her was entirely absent in her alloy and plastic body.
But she didn't want to lose her humanity entirely.
Clothing had been a challenge. Externally she was a cyberman but it had been hard to shed the sensation she was walking around naked.
Osgood had suggested clothing as a means of differentiating Kate from other Cybermen and making her seem less threatening.
UNIT had seized most of Kate's belongings after her 'death' citing security issues but in reality it had been to allow Kate access to her things. This had been another measure to help her reconnect with humanity. It had been a horrible failure.
Kate didn't know what would have been worse, staring at old family photos knowing she was lost to her family or staring at those images and feeling almost nothing.
Neither option appealed and Kate had left everything in storage until Osgood suggested clothing.
Osgood came with her. Under the bright lights of the storage unit Kate had attempted to try on some of her old clothes. She had known it would be farcical but she had liked Osgoods idea or perhaps just the thought of spending time with Osgood.
Kate held up a pair of tailored charcoal wool slacks.
"I don't see these fitting over my hips." She said indicating her broad silver armoured thighs.
"Mine either." Sighed Osgood. "You've got some hats there, try a hat."
Kate balanced a navy blue cloche hat on top of her antennae.
"Well if you ever have to go to a formal wedding." Said Osgood admirably keeping a straight face. "Maybe add a scarf, I always thought you'd look good in just a hat and scarf."
"Have you had that thought long?" Asked Kate innocently. She knew that Osgood used to have a crush on her. The scientist had been adorable in her attempts to hide her attraction. Kate had enjoyed the attention and, although back then she wouldn't have contemplated a relationship with a subordinate she wasn't above a little teasing.
"Why don't you pick a scarf?" Suggested Kate.
Blushing Osgood quickly chose a scarf, one that Kate had frequently worn at work, royal blue silk with a discrete darker blue rose pattern.
Kate judged from Osgoods expression that that scarf had featured in Osgoods fantasies in some capacity.
Kate tied it around her throat. She had a weird moment as her olfactory sensors picked up the faded scent of Chanel no 5 and Kate herself or how she had been.
She felt dizzy for a moment.
It was no great suprise that Kate's old clothing didn't fit. Aside from the fact she was more than a foot taller and much broader now she had favoured close fitting tailored outfits that were fairly unforgiving on even minor weight fluctuations.
She still spent time trying increasingly silly combinations of clothing. It was fun. Kate liked that she could still experience fun.
"I feel like I'm in a science fiction remake of Pretty Woman." She commented.
"I would definitely watch that." Said Osgood "Wait, is that the one where Meg Ryan fakes an orgasm."
"No that's 'When Harry met Sally' and I'm not faking an orgasm. I look silly enough as it is."
"You wouldn't have to fake it, you're still perfectly capable. We checked." Said Osgood offhandedly.
"Pardon? You checked?!" Kate's voice was more expressive than usual although of course her expression was blank.
"Before we revived you we ran a full sensory check. It was all under lab conditions, nothing weird. We just used electro-stimulation to generate an orgasm response."
Kate was speechless. Given Kate's lack of body language in her new form this was a little unnerving for Osgood. Kate looked very much like a cyberman when she was silent and still. It was easy to imagine Kate might have gone away and let the cyber controller take charge.
"Why did you do that?" Asked Kate eventually.
It had just occurred to Osgood that this was actually an intimate topic.
"Well we were trying to ascertain how much of you was still in there and what quality of life you might have."
Kate considered this. She had no recollection of the tests, her consciousness not having been on line at the time.
"You've not tried yourself then?" Asked Osgood with more curiousity than tact.
"No." Said Kate shortly.
"Isn't that ... something you did?"
"I'm really not comfortable discussing this." Said Kate glad she couldn't blush.
"Oh, sorry, I just wanted you know you have that .... function, if you need it." Said Osgood.
"Well that's delightful to know. Thank you." Replied Kate rather tartly as she collected up a bag of scarfs to take with her.
All this had led to today with Kate standing in her new quarters at unit HQ and trying to work out how to masturbate.
According to her schematics her external genitals were still there albeit now rather redundant. Internally it was a different matter, she was mostly power plant and armoured endoskeleton installed with little thought of aesthetics.
She didn't have a bed as she didn't sleep anymore and hadn't really considered she might need it for anything else. So feeling foolish Kate stood in front of the mirror. Nervously Kate willed the armour between her thighs to retract.
She was glad of her new emotional limitations because she did not look good down there.
Her cyberman body looked nothing like her old self and that had made it easier to accept. The clean smooth silver and grey body was almost attractive in an architectural way. Seeing her actual flesh pallid and scarred merged with the cybernetics, well that was far more unsettling. Kate quickly shut her armour.
"Come on Kate you used to be really good at this." She spoke out loud.
The words amused her. She wondered if she was hysterical.
"Okay, it would be a shame to waste all those years of practice, eye of the tiger and all that. Get to work girl." She urged herself.
She experienced the weird disconnect of laughing without sound or expression.
Steeling herself she retracted her armour once more and this time probed the atrophied flesh with a silver grey finger.
She had never bothered with toys before, her fingers had been perfectly sufficient but now she wondered if some mechanical assistance might help.
Perhaps she should call around Osgoods flat and see if she could borrow a cup of vibrators.
"Yes definitely getting hysterical." Muttered Kate to herself.
She explored her once familiar flesh. She wasn't as sensitive as she had been that was certain and she wasn't exactly in the mood.
Why was she even doing this? In her old life she masturbated with military efficiency if she was horny, frustrated, stressed or had trouble sleeping.
None of those really applied here. Masturbating in a desperate bid to reconnect with her humanity just wasn't sexy. But that was what she wanted to do. Kate still had the memories of her humanity, of intimate physical pleasure. Those shuddering moments when she was grateful for her body's capacity for ecstasy in the arms of another or alone.
Alone seemed a more practical proposal right now.
Osgood had said she was capable of it so any issues were psychological.
In fact thinking about Osgood helped.
All she had to do was apply appropriate physical stimulation.
She began to do just that.
She picked up one of the scarves she had brought back. The square of royal blue silk that had entranced Osgood.
She wondered what Osgood had imagined for the scarf. Kate could still smell her old self on it. Her sensors could break down and analyse the scent particles but Kate recognised herself.
She imagined how Osgood might add to that scent. Two warm bodies straining together.
The fantasy quickly lost coherency in favour of sensation and need.
Kate felt herself approaching the point of release. Her cold plastic and alloy fingers worked against equally cold flesh but the sensation was delicious and hot.
Kate saw the blank silver mask of her face in the mirror as she came and she truly didn't care.
The climax surprised her with its intensity. How often as a human had sex of any kind been simply a release of pressure, scratching an itch?
But this? This had been wonderful.
The scientist in her wondered at the physiological responses. There was so little flesh left to respond. How much of her pleasure had been artificial, existing only in software? Did she care?
It certainly warranted more tests.
Would Osgood be willing to assist? Kate didn't want to think about that. It was too complicated. Too strange.
Should she talk to Osgood about this? The woman had raised the topic after all but only in her usual awkward adorably tactless way.
Kate was, scared? Would she call it scared? She sighed inwardly. She would.
She was scared Osgood would see her as a lab rat, an interesting specimen nothing more. Kate knew that would hurt even with her blunted emotions.
She slid the cold shield of her armour back into place between her legs, her agitated organs were cooled and cleaned.
The thought of Osgood touching her like that. Kate smiled her secret smile. Well that was a good thought. Perhaps she would just be a lab rat, perhaps she would be more.
It was worth the risk.
She contemplated this for a while before deciding to return to the lab. Not needing sleep meant needing to find something else to do. There was only so much online bridge you could play.
She was mildly surprised to find a package had been left outside her quarters. A set of dark blue coveralls XXL sized along with a note from Osgood.
"Try these, they should fit."
The coveralls were made from a tough poly cotton blend and had pockets on the chest, hips and thighs. They fit Kate perfectly. It occurred to Kate that Osgood probably had her exact measurements on file and that she was likely the same size as all the other Cybermen of her design.
Kate also realised the coveralls were non military. UNIT quartermasters had similar items but not in this style or colour. Osgood had obviously taken the time to go out choose these herself. She had picked a shade of blue close to what Kate had favoured in her suits.
Kate was touched and it gave her a wicked idea.
She found Osgood in the lab next day.
"Thank you for these, they fit perfectly and I do like the colour."
"It matches your eyes, well, I mean, matched." Osgood flushed.
"It was very good of you Osgood. I have a gift for you as well."
Kate took the neatly folded blue silk scarf from the pocket in her new coverall and handed it to Osgood.
"And Osgood I don't mind what you use it for."
Kate's new voice wasn't really designed for the subtle innuendo that she had intended and it wasn't as if she could wink but she liked the soft blush that spread across Osgoods face as she took the folded silk.