Chapter Text
(as the title of the episode is shown, imagine a few bars of the song "inkwell Hell" playing in the background )
(Exposition: This slight AU is set immediately after "The Devil and Ms Chalice" but this time Cuphead loses the Rock-Paper-Scissors game. this one is pretty dark, the rest are more light hearted. )
(this is a remastered version of the chapter, the origonal can be found on the last chapter of the separate book called "Gambler's ruin")
"Rock! Paper! Scissors, Shoot!"
Both the devil and Cuphead stick out their hands.
Cuphead chose paper, and the devil, cose scissors.
"Scissors... beats... Rock," Cuphead said weakly.
They both gauped at theri outstretched hands.
"Ha ha," the devil began to chuckle, "hahaHAHAHAHAHAH! YES!"
The devil stood up tall and hefted his pitchfork looking down on Cuphead with his menacing yellow eyes, now glowing with the flaming joy of revenge.
"No no no no," cuphead muttered to himself, stumbling backwards to his friends.
"Cuphead you idiot!" Mugman screamed ,"why would you bet on luck of all things! You could have done a piano contest, a checkers contest, a contest for who looks the most like Cuphead but NO you had to bet our lives on Rock, Paper Scissors."
"Well i didn't hear you offering any advice," Chalice shouted back.
"Well i didn't see you just get back up after falling over on marbles or anyone giving me even the SLIGHTEST CHANCE FOR ME TO GIVE MY INPUT"
As the cups bickered the devil approached twiddling his pitchfork and feeling on top of the world.
"Oh turmoil turmoil," he said smiling a huge grin ,"too bad it won't ever be resolved."
The cups all turned to face the devil's menacing silhouette as he approached, confident as ever.
"Boys scram!" chalice yelled desperately waving for them to go.
"I don't think so Ms chalice," the devil said, reaching out his hand.
His palm began to glow a ghostly blue and a tiny vortex materialised, creeping towards the cups.
"Run, Scram, What are you doing!" Chalice cried
But the brothers never heard her. Their eyes were empty, their faces ashen and gormless. Their soul began to protrude from their chests, being pulled in by the devil's magic. Soon they popped out of the cups' torso and slowly spiralled into the devil's hand.
Left where they stood were two empty shells, husks of the souls that once inhabited them. Chalice watched as the zombies that were once her friends stumbled off in different directions
"Your little friends won't be going anywhere my valiant chalice," he , menacingly leaning in ,"it seems your debts have finally caught up with you, debitor."
He spat out the last word as if it was some disgusting morsel of food.
"N-no please!" Chalice stammered ,"I have one last deal to make!"
"You have nothing left to lose Ms Chalice," the devil growled ,"therefore, I have nothing left to gain from you."
The devil stepped back and pointed it right at ms chalice.
"Goodbye my tricksy cup," the devil's pitchfork lit tiny fires on each of it's tips," you fought hard, but the house always wins!"
A blast of fire shot from the tip of the pitchfork, flying through the air, hitting Chalice square in between the eyes and exploding in a fiery ball of light and smoke. As the light died down, the devil reached his hand into the dense smoke and from the air he plucked chalice's soul.
"HAHA!" the devil yelled with jubilation, "i've never felt so alive."
"Way to go boss, good show ," Henchman congratulated, opening the Hellivator door ,"let's go boss, we can throw a big party with all the demons in hell."
The devil walked over to the elevator and stepped in.
"Yes I think I will."
And with that the hellevator door closed and it disappeared in a cloud of smoke and flame.
(for those wondering "hellevator" is a nickname for the magical elevator that goes to and from hell)
"Wait a second," an audience member, "were we clapping for the devil to steal the souls of kids?"
A murmur of confusion spread around the audience.
"Well it's not our problem any more." said another audience member.
A murmur of agreement went around the audience and they began to file out of the viewing seats.
***
The hellevator appeared in hell and the door opened letting an ecstatic devil dance out of it.
"Ooooh!" he squealed ,"I've been preparing for this day for months."
The devil grabbed three jars from a coffee table by the hellevator and put one soul in each.
"I've got it all planned out."
The devil strutted across the hall and placed the three jars on three different conveyor belts that snaked off into the depths of the industrial district of hell.
"I'll deal with them later," the devil dismissed ,"let's organise the festivities."
***
Eldar kettle was relaxing on his armchair listening to the radio and reading a book. He wasn't really listening or reading, just sort of existing with something to look at and hear.
*knock* *knock*
Kettle looked up sceptically from his book.
"Who could be knocking here at this time of afternoon?" he pondered.
He tiptoed over to the window and peaked through the curtains. He looked over at the door and saw a small blue child with tiny cream coloured horns standing on his doorstep.
"Oh it's just a kid,"
"Hellow widdle one!" kettle said opening the door and bending down to the eye level with the child."
"I am nyot a child-uh," said the so-called not child in a nasally voice, "I am Shtickler Auditor of hell. Ash as matter of fact i am ash old as death it's shelf-uh."
"Umm, ok then?"
"Are you zuh Legal guardian and grandfather of one Cuphead and one Mugman."
"Umm yes..?"
"I am here to inform you sjat the shouls of one Cuphead and one Mugman have been legally harveshted by the devil . I will alsho inform you sjat the soul of Ms Chalish has also been Harveshted in a similar manner as i am obligated to inform at least one mortal."
Kettle stood in the doorway with a quizzical look on his face trying to figure out what the small blue child just said.
"Wait a minute... YOU STOLE THE SOULS OF MY BOYS! WHERE ARE THEY?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LEGALLY HARVESTED THEM! Oh and Chalice too i wonder what she's got to do with this?"
"Well, originally Cuphead played a game of shoul ball and upon losing, the automatic system attempted to harvest is shoul. However he...
"Did the game explicitly say that your soul was to be taken?" Kettle asked inquisitively
"Well, no, but..."
"Well would that be F R A U D"
Sticker stood there in dead silence. His eyes widened and pupils shrunk. Kettle smiled down at Stickler, knowing that he's got him.
"I admit it!" stickler cried falling to Eldar kettle's feet ,"I am a criminal. Pleash don't tell anyone, my reputation ish at shtake!"
"Well," Eldar Kettle said, "I'll only do you that favour if you give me something in return.
***
The devil appeared with a puff of smoke in the middle of the demons' workroom.
"Big news everyone!" he announced ,"I've finally got the souls from those cups!"
he closed his eyes and held up his hands, waiting for his applause. There was none.
"I SAID!" the devil announced, louder and more aggressively this time, "I'VE FINALLY GOT THE SOULS FROM THOSE CUPS!"
"yea , yea good job boss," said one demon manning the war sector ," we're really busy right now. You see there's this ex art student in..."
"I DON'T CARE" The devil screamed"APPLAUD MY ACHIEVEMENTS!"
All the demons turned around uncertainty and began to clap, some of them still tapping away at their typewriters behind their backs.
"Oh thank you, thank you, oh yes I know I'm the best," the devil said, his anger forgotten. "You guys set up the festivities, i've got a little work to wrap up."
With that the devil disappeared in another puff of sparks and smoke
"Natural disasters, it's your job to set up the party," said a demon from the poverty sector,
"What?!" yelled the entire natural disaster ,"what about the alcohol division, it's the prohibition what are they doing?"
"Working under cover!" yelled a muffled voice from beneath them
"But..." began a demon from the Natural Disasters section. She looked around and saw every demon staring at them, "ok fine."
***
Mugman woke up and groaned. He tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes but his hand passed right through his skull.
"What the."
Then he remembered what happened. The sheer feeling of helplessness as his mind was ripped from his body. He looked at his hands. They were transparent blue.
"Aaaagh!" he screamed and frantically looked around. He was in some glass jar in the middle of a wooden table in a pitch black room, the only light coming from himself. He reached out and touched the greasy walls of the jar, running his ghostly hands along them feeling no sensation from it.
"CUPHEAD!" he yelled "CHALICE, ANYONE!"
At that moment a puff of sparks and smoke sprouted from the dark floor of the room and from that appeared the devil, smiling devilishly. He seemed to be much taller than usual, with Mugman only being the size of his hand.
The sparks from his dramatic entrance lit torches on each wall of the room lighting it up
"Did you call me," the devil said, picking his nails
"Of all the people in the world you were the last person that i'd want to see." Mugman replied ,"I see you've made yourself taller, I didn't know you needed to feel superior that badly."
"I'm not the one taller. You're just small pathetic and stuck in a jar ," the devil explained, rapping loudly on the walls of the jar ,"enjoying your stay here in the after life."
"I won't be for long," Mugman said snarkily ,"me and my friends will find a way to get out of here."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Mugman," the devil said, ,"in these ancient rooms i have complete control over your soul."
Mugman looked around the room and, with the new light from the torches, he could make out inscriptions and carving of ghosts and unspeakable beings coating the wall.
To demonstrate, the devil stuck out his hand and moved his finger side to side. This slammed Mugman against the walls of the container repeatedly.
"I can put a hole through you."
The devil pointed a finger gun at Mugman and mouthed the word "pew". A hole materialised in mugman's chest.
"And I can make you eternally itchy."
The devil waved his finger at Mugman once more and his entire body was immediately alight with awful itch.
Mugman immediately reached to scratch the itch but his hands passed right through his body. Mugman tried to rub himself against the glass but still got no sensation from it.
The devil snapped his finger and the torture stopped.
"We'll stop you," Mugmans shouted ,still vaillant ,"someone will, they have to."
"Well if you want out your gonna have to do it yourself," the devil said ,"because, let's all be honest, no one likes a stickler."
Mugman looked up at the devil quizzically.
"You go about warning and warning your poor brother and that chalice, "don't do that it's dangerous' ', "don't do that you'll hurt yourself". Tiresome don't you think? sound a little uppity to you? And maybe just a little USELESS!"
"I was keeping them safe!" Mugman yelled back shakily, "i..."
"And look where you got them!" the devil yelled back picking up the jar and bringing it close to his face, "you and your complaining changed NOTHING. If these cups ever escaped you think they'd ever come back just to save the pollutant of their lives. The useless scum that does nothing but taint the joy of life and does nothing to prolong it."
Mugman opened his mouth to say something. A retort, a comeback, one final word to show his defiance but nothing arose, his mind's ideas washed out by the flood of emotion.
"I bid you farewell my mug," the devil said, back to his jolly old self . and with that he disappeared in another puff of smoke.
***
"And that'sh everything," Stickler snivelled.
Kettle took in a deep breath and hardened his determination. He held his head high and marched up the stairs and stood in front of the cabinet covered in all his war memorabilia
He picked up his helmet and machete, placing his helmet on his head and slotting his knife into a sheath in his belt. He then put on his green military jacket and looked up at the mirror mounted to the wall and standing to attention.
"Ok kettle, up until now you've been fighting for your country. Now you will be fighting for your family."
He marched downstairs and saw Stickler standing at the bottom of the stairs.
"I have one final shing to do for you," he sniffled holding up his empty hands ,"this ere is the invisible sweater that protects the wearer from the devil through the power of brotherly love."
"Aw that's sweet," kettle said ,taking the sweater ,"i swear by the calix animi that i will tell no one about your fraud."
With that, kettele marched out of the door, fixed on saving his cups.
***
Chalice's eyes snapped open.
She sat up fast and looked around her.
"Not again." she groaned.
He looked down and sure enough, she was a ghost. She tried to turn into a physical form but it just didn't seem to work. It was infuriating not being able to, like trying to raise one eyebrow but just can't because you don't know which muscles to flex.
She tried to float out the jar but the walls were impermeable.
Suddenly, in a puff of smoke the devil appeared in the room.
"It's a soul proof jar." the devil said smugly, "infused with some fancy magic. Impenetrable to spirits. Impressive, don't you think"
"Pfft, nah?" chalice dismissed ,"listen here you inflated cat. We've been through this before. So if you'd just let us go and spare yourself the pain, that would be advised."
"Oh Ms Chalice," the devil replied ,"I don't think you fully grasp how helpless you are ."
The devil stepped close and only then did Chalice realise how small she was compared to him.the devil grabbed the jar and began to shake it violently.
"Lets just cut through all this "i won't let you win" nonsense shall we," the devil requested ,"it's ever so tiresome, i've dealt with thousands of souls just as valiant as you. Needless to say they couldn't keep up with what their mouth promised."
The devil placed the jar back down and the bruised and dizzy chalice floated back up into a standing position.
"We've bested you before devil," she yelled back, clearly rattled by the shaking ," i only lost that dance competition because of some stupid marbles and my friends have evaded your soul snatching hobby many times."
"Those marbles were just as fair as the rest of the dance," the devil said ,"you lost, i'm number one and you, well your history. And I don't think you should be leaning on the achievements of your ✌ friends✌ in your arguments."
"✌ friends✌?" chalice questioned.
"I used my artful movements to show that they are in fact not your friends."
"Yea yea yadda yadda," chalice replied, "i know where this is going."
"But think about it" the devil said, "why did the cups first come to find you in the first place? Because they wanted to figure out how to get free stuff. Why did they spend the day out with you after you sent them to jail? Because you won them the prize money"
"How do you know this?" chalice asked.
"My eyes are everywhere," the devil replied " and those aren't the only examples. The next time you three mingled was when you used your ghost powers to get money for ice cream to give to them. Don't you see it! You're just a gift machine to them. The only reason they have ever interacted with you, is for stuff."
Chalice opened her mouth to refute this claim. She knew loads of times she had hung out with the cups without the incentive of gifts, but she blanked. The memories were just out of reach. As if something , someone, was holding them back from her conscious mind.
"See what i mean," the devil replied ,"there is no other reason those clay based idiots would stick by you because, let's be honest, you're a pretty terrible person. You got them sent to jail, you just disappear for months, you try to sell their souls away. Doesn't seem like friend behaviour does it?"
Chalice floated in her jar gulping air, trying to come up with a retort through her clouded mind.
"I-if that's so!" she yelled back, perking up a bit ,"then why did Cuphead risk him and his brother's life to save me?"
"Simple," the devil replied ,"Cuphead is an idiot. I've seen him try to sell his soul for five bucks, do you really think he wouldn't do the same for unlimited cookies on legs?"
"Bu-
"Without your charm you would be nothing," the devil hissed, "you'd be a worthless street rat, starving in the endless alleyways of inkwell. No food, no home, no friends. And look at you now, a worthless ghost, you can't dance without legs. HA! You wouldn't be any use to anyone. no one would come back for you now, pathetic cup."
Chalice floated aimlessly in the jar looking into dead space as if trying to extract meaning from it.
"I'm glad you could finally see sense," the devil said, "I bid thee a fond adieu."
And with those final words, the devil slammed his pitchfork onto the floor and disappeared in another puff of smoke.
***
Cuphead blinked open his eyes and twisted about on the floor. He felt an inexplicable coldness through his entire body. He floated to where his feet were meant to be and looked around the room.
"Wha- what's going on?" he asked tentatively.
He brushed his hand along the edge of the jar trying to see if he could float through it like chalice had done in the past but to no avail. He shook his head and tried to reorientate himself onto his usual Happy go lucky outlook.
"Everything's fine," he said to his mind ,"I'll get out, it's just a jar! Something will happen."
But he was spouting nonsense and he knew it. He floated forlornly to the other end of the jar and looked into the black void that surrounded the jar, so empty it's vacuum seemed to be sucking the energy out of him.
Suddenly, right in the middle of his gaze there was a brilliant flash of light. Cuphead shielded his eyes, which was entirely ineffective as he was a ghost .
"How are we doing there cuphead," said the devil's voice ,"still not too worried about it?"
"Umm, y-ea I'm- i ain't too worried bec- about it." Cuphead stuttered, trying to sound confident, "where's Mugman and Chalice,"
"Oh their right where you left them," the devil answered ," Eternal torment."
Cuphead noticed that the devil's face seemed deeply strained
"What do you mean i doomed my friends," cuphead replied indignantly ,"it's all your fault, not mine."
The devil's eye began to twitch, his mask faltering
"Just remind me for a second who lost in soul ball, and who bet their and their friends; lives on the game of chance." the devil replied calmly.
Cuphead paused for a few seconds, trying to think of a response.
"But your the evil one!" he shouted back his eyes glossing over, "i didn't mean to hurt my friends."
The devil finally broke. His eyes lit up with a fiery light and he raised his pitchfork, teeth beared.
"YOU IMBECILE!" he screamed using his pitchfork to swipe the jar off the table, causing it to shatter against the wall, "JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO DOESN'T MEAN IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!"
The devil reached his hands out and telekinetically suspended cuphead's soul in the air.
"YOU WALK DIRECTLY INTO ALL MY TRAPS TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND YET YOU LIVED EVERY TIME!" the devil screamed, using his hands to malform and mutilate cuphead's soul mid air, tearing it in two and melding it back together as a muffled scream emanated from the orb, "but your luck's run out now little cup, your greed and impulsiveness has killed everyone!"
"TIME AND TIME AGAIN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS HAVE EVADED MY GRASP, SOILED MY REPUTATION, DESECRATED MY HOME!" the devil hefted his pitchfork and zapped Cuphead with a spell.
Mid air, the unrecognisable remains of Cuphead's soul swirled into a dense spiral and out of that vortex materialised a physical cuphead.
He panted loudly and scrambled to the corner of the room as the devil loomed over him.
"Do you know how much pain you have caused my cup?" he asked , levitating cuphead with his pitchfork, "the embarrassment, the paperwork! It makes me want to tear you apart, SHERD!"
The devil twisted his pitchfork sharply sending a large crack running down the middle of Cuphead.
"BY SHERD!"
The devil twisted his pitchfork again, sending a web of cracks through the cup
"BY SHERD!"
The devil jerked his pitchfork one last time, exploding Cuphead into thousands of tiny pieces which all loudly clattered to the floor.
The devil angrily snatched cuphead's soul out of the air and stuffed it in another jar which he had just pulled from his pocket.
The devil summoned a chair and took a few deep breaths.
"What I'm trying to say is," the devil explained back to his calm controlled tone ,"is that you are a liability. If someone pointed at a pool of laver and said "jUmp In tHErE'sFivE bUcks DOWN THeRe!!" you'd just go and do it and drag everyone around you in too.''
Cuphead sambled about at the bottom of the jar. His features were distorted and misplaced, astral injuries caused by the devil's wrath. His soul was slowly reassembling but not yet.
"You didn't heed your brother's warnings in soul ball, you took off the magical sweater, you bet you and your brother's souls is an idiotic game of chance. If it wasn't for you, Mugman and Chalice would all be living their own happy lives but instead they will rot in hell, in indescribable agony and suffering. And soon. You will do the same."
The devil got up calmly and brushed himself off.
"Well Cuphead, I'm glad we had this little chat." the devil said ,"i'll see you at Armageddon which is due for the turn of the millennium or maybe later, who knows. Bon Voyage!"
And with that the devil slammed his pitchfork onto the floor and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
(if you have any questions, just ask, i try to spellcheck everything but sometimes it changes it to the wrong word and stuff gets messed up.)