Chapter Text
Jason wakes up with a throbbing headache, a shattered helmet, and the terrifying, cold voice of his fath- of Batman in his ear.
“Hood? Hood. Do you copy.”
He bites down a groan and lifts an aching arm to tap what's left of his comms, surprised they still work. “Go for Hood.”
He can hear a breath of ‘fucking finally’ from someone, but can't pinpoint the voice before Batman speaks up again. “What's your status?”
Jason blinks, trying to take stock of his surroundings as fast as he can. He knows what he was doing just before this, and tries to piece together the story quickly before he can annoy the Big Bat anymore than he already has. It didn't matter how hard Jason was working to earn their trust back, Bruce would never care for him again. He didn't have the luxury of taking his time, of crying out that he didn't know because his head was hurting and his vision was spotting. He wasn't able to do that, not anymore.
“I'm stuck,” he manages, looking down at his body pinned under rubble. That explained the soreness.
“Are you injured?”
“Uh…” Jason tries to see, he really does, but beyond a concussion and maybe some sprained limbs he can't feel anything broken or torn, can't see any blood pooling from beneath the concrete and rebar. He certainly can't feel any injury. Not yet at least.
“Hood!” Batman barks, Jason jumps and wow okay, he takes it back, he's injured somewhere because the pain that shoots through him is almost enough to make him scream. Almost. “Are. You. Injured.”
Not in any way that matters. He wants to say, but he bites his tongue. “Just some sprains and bruises,” he manages. “I'll need an extraction, though, I'm properly stuck.”
There's a sudden scuffle on the other end of the comms. “It'll have to wait.” Is all he hears before the resounding click! of a comm shutting off echoes in Jason's head.
He tries not to let it get to him, he really tries, but it's so hard. He's been doing everything he can to earn forgiveness, to earn camaraderie, and alliance. He'll never get their trust back, he doubts he ever had their love, but it hurts when the Bats dismiss everything he's even trying to do. He hasn't killed anyone for over a year, he's been clean, and good, and nice. He's taken the vitriol and the scoldings, taken the fall for Red and Robin, hadn't argued back to the lectures about ‘safety’ and ‘teamwork’ even when his actions resulted in a better outcome. He had done so much, had tried so fucking hard, but he knew from experience he would never mean anything to the Bats again. Yes, all of them, because the rest of them followed Bruce's orders like lost little ducklings, even Nightwing, for however much he had separated his identity from Batman, still held too much of the same conditions and far too much care for the others to ever side with Jason.
He sighed. Enough wallowing in his own pity, he needed to try and get himself out of here. Batman and his little cauldron would probably forget he was even fighting with them after this battle, would probably be happy to just get rid of Jason once and for all. A part of him just wanted to lay there, see how long it would take for them to notice, for them to care.
He wasn't sure if he would survive the truth, though, because at the end of the day, no matter how hard he tried to stop, Jason still loved them. Still loved Bruce like his own father, still loved Dick, Cass, Tim, and Damian like his own siblings, still loved Alfred, Steph, and Babs like his own family. If they decided to just leave him here, pinned underneath a building with adrenaline fading from his veins and making it very clear he had more than a sprained wrist or two to worry about-
“Um, H-Hood to Bats,” how long has it been? The air was stiff and dusty, reminding him far too much of a haunted place six feet below solid dirt.
“Come in, Hood.” Nightwing, Dick, his big brother. Jason felt relief sag his shoulders.
“How long ‘till extraction?” He tries for casual. “Gettin’ kinda bored here.”
The line clicks with a new voice. “Perhaps, if you had not rushed into a collapsing building without back-up like the simpleton you are, Hood, you would-”
Damian's words are cut off with a hollow thud, followed by a pained yelp.
“Robin!” Nightwing shouts. “Hood, sit tight, we'll get to you when we can.”
And just like that, Jason is alone again.
It made sense. Batman had been paired with Red Robin, while Nightwing was with Robin. Both the upgrade and the demon brat were far more valuable than Jason ever was. Were far more worthy of the love they possessed than he ever could be.
Right. He was on his own. He kept fucking forgetting that for some reason. Maybe it was the dots swimming in his vision, he wasn't sure. Either way, he needed to…
…what was he doing again?
He took stock of his surroundings. Had he done that yet? It was dark, light only coming in from gaps in the rubble, illuminating dust particles floating in the air. He was firmly pinned beneath immovable concrete, and now that adrenaline had faded he could feel cold metal digging painfully against his hip. It was sharp, pointy, and Jason would definitely need a tetanus shot after this.
A slab of concrete was slowly crushing his chest, pinning one arm to his side- sort of. His right shoulder was dislocated and pinned, glass slicing into his back. Jason shifted slightly and again, bit back a scream at the white hot pain that ripped through his abdomen.
Inhale, exhale, hold for four, out for six. He thought, but breathing was hard with the throbbing reminder of the concrete on his chest. He gave himself a few more moments before lowering his free hand to try and feel what was hurting him.
He gently brushed gloved fingers over the left side of his stomach, and searing agony rolled through his veins like molten lava.
“ Fuck,” he whimpered, too quiet for the comms to pick up on. His hand left the rebar spearing through his abdomen, leather coming back shiny with blood as he tapped off his side of the comms. He tested out his legs, tensing the muscles in his left-
“ Shit!” Jason hissed, the action of his gasp sending pain rocketing through him again. He took slow breaths, not deep ones, and he's not sure how long he lay there, alone, in the dark, whimpers cutting into his wheezes. He was so fucking pathetic.
He couldn't move to check, but his left leg was definitely pinned. His shin was throbbing and his calf was wet, what was presumably blood was pooling underneath it. Gently, he tested out his right leg, surely he could use that leverage-
Jason blinked his eyes open again, unaware that he had closed them. His throat was raw like he had been screaming, and he felt tears drying on the sides of his face. Had he, had he passed out?
There was a checkerboard of injuries on him now. His right shoulder was dislocated, the left side of his torso had rebar stabbed through it, he was pretty sure the snapped femur is what knocked him out for a moment, and his left shin was torn up.
Oh, the throbbing from his head originated from the left side, too, so that was cool.
“Checkmate,” he murmured, and a quick click! on the comms told him he had activated them again at some point.
“Hood!” Red Robin's voice was stern. “You scared us, where'd you go?”
Scared them? Why? What did he do? Did he break another rule again? He didn't mean to-
Calm. He had to be calm. If Batman heard him try to apologize again he may get rid of him for good.
“J… Just vibin'” he said, eyes trying to focus on the gaps of light streaming down. “M’ bored.”
And Tim, ever the smart one, clocked his tone immediately. “Hood? Are you oka-”
And just like last time, a cry of pain shot through the static as Red Robin was hit.
“Red Robin!” Batman snapped, and Jason was so relieved he hadn't complained over the comms, hadn't made himself more of a nuisance than he already was. “This is why I say no chatter over comms.” Bruce's voice was gentle in his scolding, like it would never be to Jason again. Selfishly he filed that tone away in his head. It would make it easier if he could pretend that voice was for him again, that he was still loved and cared for while he stitched himself up in his safe house.
“J- Hood-”
“Shouldn't have engaged.” Oh, that… that hurt. He hadn't realized he broke another rule. “He's taking a break, he should know better.”
Right, shit, he completely forgot. God he was so pathetic. Was he so starved for any kind of positive interaction he had willingly put his little brothers in danger? Dear lord, no wonder dad hated him. He'd hate himself too if he had the energy. Right now, though, the world is getting a little fuzzy. It was weird and floaty, he should… be scared, right? But dad had said he was on a break, did that mean he was supposed to feel like this?
He's not sure how much time passed, but chatter continues over the comms, and Jason lets the voices wash over him. He likes this, being able to listen to them. He won't join in. His tongue feels heavy and tears choke his throat for one, but he also knows they won't like it. They always get quiet when he's around. It's easier on comms, when they forget he's there and can enjoy each other's presence.
They've always been happier without him.
“Alright, Hood,” it takes Jason a moment to pinpoint who is talking, but affection blooms both before and after he locates the voice. “Can you tell us where you are while we start heading back?” He hears the demon brat scoff, something along the lines of ‘Todd being lazy while they do all the work.’ but there's something wrong in Dick's question. Jason tries to pinpoint it through the growing waves of pain.
“O didn't say?”
There's a pause- or maybe he blacks out again -before Babs’ voice crackles over the comms.
“I… like I said, I can't get a pin on your current location.”
Oh, that was easy. “What does it say?”
“It says you're still in the building that collapsed, Hood. If you just look around and tell me what you see I'll be able to-”
“No, it's right.”
Another pause, and Jason tries not to let the pain deafen him to the next response.
“...What?”
Shit, was he not clear enough? Dick was being really patient with him, he needed to try again.
“I'm still-” he coughed, iron sprinkling his tongue and agony ripping through his chest. “I'm still-” he gasped. “-under the building.”
“Hood,” Dick's voice is tight with… fear? Why? What happened to Damian? To Tim? Is Bruce hurt? Did someone get to Babs?
“Hood, that was a three story building.”
Right, answers first, questions later.
“Hm.”
“You've been under there for two hours!?”
Oh, that was… that was a long time, right?
“I think so.”
There was cursing, a scramble, some shouting, and Oracle's voice came back clear. “Hood, what are your injuries.”
Oh, could he say them now? He wasn't sure if he had already. He knew he was injured, knew that he knew what those injuries were, but…
What were they again?
“Um… m'head hurts,” he said. “I think m'shoulder hurts too, can't feel it.” Well, he could, but ‘it's tingly and numb but not really’ took too many words and his tongue was growing thicker by the second.
“Okay, anything else?”
Jason blinked, stars swimming in his vision as he looked at the yellow light peaking through the gaps of the pocket he was in.
“Yer voice s'nice.”
“Thank you,” Babs soothed. “Is it hurting anywhere else but your head and shoulder?”
Jason hummed in conformation, nodding to no one. “Can you tell me where?”
“Yeah,” a pause. Oh, right.
“S'ry,” he murmured. “Fergot t'talk.”
“That's okay,” something tight was leaking into Babs’ voice. Fear? It sounded like fear, what was she so scared of? “Can you talk to me about where it hurts?”
Jason blinked. Was… was he allowed to? He didn't want to bother anyone…
A strange noise came from Dick's side of the comms, almost like a sob shaking as he ran. “Yes, yes little wing, you can tell us, please tell us,”
Dick was sad. He was sad… because of Jason? That wasn't good. He didn't like making his siblings sad. It made him feel sad, and it made Bruce mad at him.
He was tired of Bruce getting mad at him.
“D'wr'y,” he slurred. “Jus’ got a pipe thr'm'side,” there was another one… two more. “Uh… think m'leg 's br'k'n, th’ oth'r ‘s hurt too.”
A sharp gasp from someone new, and Jason tilts his head so he can cough without blood coating the back of his throat.
“Okay, okay that-” Babs stutters. “That really helps, thank you, Hood.”
Thank you? That was good, right? That meant he did good?
“Yes, yes little wing. You did good, so, so good.”
Well, if Dick said it, it must be true. He hadn't told Jason that… ever. It was nice, being good.
Someone sobbed, someone hissed, and Jason was tired.
“M'gonna go to t'sleep now,” he said.
“Hood! No! Don't- stay awake!” Batman. Bruce. Dad was talking, yelling at him. He was doing something wrong again. Like he always did.
His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes again. He didn't mean to keep disappointing him, he really didn't, but Jason could never do anything right, could he?
“M'sr'y, dad,” he croaked. “M'sr'y.”
“It's ok,” Red Robin? “You did nothing wrong Hood, just, just keep your eyes open for us, ok?” Why was Tim here? He was hurt, should he be back at the manor? Was Jason hurting him again too? He had done that earlier, right? When he tried asking for help-
“Hood!” he forced his eyes open (when had he closed them?) at the anger in his dad's voice. “Hoo- Jason, stay awake!”
Tears spilled from his eyes. He barely registered the sound of footsteps coming into earshot. He didn't hear his name being called, didn't hear the rubble around him being moved. His heart hurt, hurt so bad at how much of an inconvenience he was being. He'd really done it now. The Bats would never want to work with him again. He'd hurt Tim, distracted Damian, disobeyed Bruce, scared Babs, and made Dick sad. He was so bad. So disappointing no matter how hard he tried.
He was tired of trying.
He was so tired.
Light spilled into his fading vision, and gentle hands grasped his shoulder and removed what was left of his helmet. White eyes stared at him, and he barely managed an apology before he finally, finally, let himself sleep.